Mission To Zyxx - 218: The Prattle of Sistoo [ft. Brandon Scott Jones]

Episode Date: September 26, 2018

The crew is sent to retrieve someone essential to the rebellion’s upcoming battle. Nermut and Dar reconnect. Pleck inspires the crew. Bargie gets an upgrade. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as Beano and Rolphus Tiddle Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Seesu Gundu and Mel With special guest Brandon Scott Jones as u.everybody Edited by Alden Ford Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

This is SeaRed IT5 with a special announcement. Mission to Zix will be performing live in New York to celebrate the end of Season 2. Join us at Caveat NYC on October 26th at 9.30pm to laugh, cry, and wildly speculate about another season gone by, featuring live effects and sound design, and a very special guest. Tickets at caveat.nyc. Don't live in New York? Don't worry. All our live shows will be released on Patreon. Visit patreon.com slash missiontozix to get in on the action.

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, rebel emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Hey, C-53? Yes? I'm a little nervous about, uh, what we found out last week. What have you heard?

Discomfited by the fact that the council is coming to this expansion? I mean, yeah, a little. It seems a little foreboding. Do they even know where the Rebel headquarters is? I mean, I don't know where it is. No, I don't know where it is. Yeah, but when I asked them, they were very hush-hush about the location. You do? Where is it? they were very hush-hush about the location.

You do? Where is it? What? I mean, we're basically best friends. Yeah. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah, you know, just leave it lying out on a data pad or something. Yeah, no, that makes sense. You're what we call in the info world a soft point in a security network. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but... No, soft point, that makes, that's...

What's your mother's name? My mother's name? No. Karen. Yeah, see, now I can access a lot of your information that I couldn't before. Well, but I didn't tell you that her maiden name is Planters. Okay, but you just didn't tell me that. Okay.

All right, B-Dog, so you said I should change my brand, right? You said I need to change my image to be more attractive in this new holo industry. What are some of the names that you came up with that I could know? I'm not Bajie. Baj bargy's dead who am i now uh you know love the rg okay jade jade just jade bina jade okay um again we talked about this i'm not gonna put the name bino into my name but bargy you know just spitballing bargy can i just say i don't think you should change your name i think you're perfect just the way you are yeah bargy you don't need to change your name you're iconic really okay so let me tell you this if i say the name bajarian jade what are the first three things that come to mind okay i'll go first um sexy Buxom Okay, and

Desired By me, desirable To me I'm sorry, is that too much? I just feel like I don't know what it is, Bargy But lately I've just been like, walking through your halls And like, feeling your consoles

And I'm like, there's something that's just really attractive about you, Bargy. Okay, anyone else worried? Anyone else? I'm a little concerned. Okay. I think that is problematic. I'm extremely creeped out. Okay, I'm sorry.

I'll keep it to myself. Bargy, if you ask me what words I would think of when I hear the name Bargy Ray Jade, huh? I suppose my first word would be ship. Yes. My second would be ship. Yes. My second would be notable. Okay. Fleck, stop winking at her. Yep.

What? And you're winking at the big guy. I just, you're blowing up my spot right now, and I don't know why you're doing that. Okay, but let me just clarify something real fast. Fleck, I want you to look directly down my hallway. That's like looking straight at me. Gladly. This is horrible.

Keep her. Keep her at her. Plek, this will never, ever happen in a bajillion gillion years. So move on. Meet people. Get out of me. Yeah, no, you're right. I'm sorry, but I don't know what came over me.

You're right. I need to just focus on the... I'm going to make my air conditioning very cold right now, because that's probably too warm. Wow, okay, yeah. Anyway, I'm going to go with Gus Gert. Gus Gert? Who's Gus Gert? That's you now? Thinking about it.

I love it. Gus Gert? Emissary deck center, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations. I'm your Nermit Pundle. Great. Hey, Nermit. Greetings, team. Whoa.

Nermit. Nermit, where'd you get that hat? Well, this has been an issue to everyone, given the situation, the high alert. Let me just turn my camera on. Can you see here? Can you see everyone marching? Whoa. Did they read your report?

Absolutely. Wow. The information has been received, it's been processed, and everyone is mobilizing. Yeah. We have to fortify the bases. We need to line everybody up in lines. We need to get everyone just, like, ready. Nermin?

Yeah. Nermin, I'm sorry to interrupt. Yeah. When you say we, that's like the royal we, like, you are not actually doing any of these things, right? Missions Operation Manager Bundle-Oi, can you turn the camera around so that you're not showing our troop

formations? Oh, sorry, sorry, yeah. Now, obviously, like, the troops are getting physically oriented and ready for battle, but that's only half the battle at most. Is that really half the battle? Yeah, that seems like way less.

I think formations are maybe the first 10%. Oh, first 10%. Oh, sorry. I really thought he was gone. But we can all agree that it's not 50%. Guys, I had a point that was leading up to the other half of a sentence.

Okay, so the physical preparations are half the battle, maybe at most, or 10%, whatever we got. But the other half is emotional. It's spiritual. Certain part of it's fighting skill, aim. I thought we kind of agreed no more percentages should be involved. We have piloting, obviously. Oh, no. Give them the giant mission.

I am trying. They're arguing with me about percentages. Guys, I didn't. I'm sorry if this is reading weird. This is not coming from me. This is coming from the mouth, the pen, the keyboard of you.everybody. What? You.everybody, really?

That's a good name. Can I... Wait, Nermit, who is you dot everybody? You dot everybody? Open up your textbook. Look at your rep talk queue. You dot everybody has given the most viewed rep talk of all time. Absolutely.

About positivity, about engaging with your life on a day-to-day basis. So, oh wow, guys. You're going to the Sistu Quadrant. What? Wait, we're going to the Sistu Quadrant? Yeah. Nermin, nobody can go to the Sistu Quadrant. It's a massive

wasteland of former bits of planet. It's restricted. No one's allowed there. They don't even have a hollow industry. There's nothing to watch. Well, that's, I mean, that's also true, Bargy, but the Sistu Quadrant was where the Battle of Sistu was. That's where the monarchy was defeated by the Federated Alliance. Ah, yeah.

Emissary Dexiger famously, the tide was turned at the Battle of Sistu by U-Dot Everybody's rousing inspirational speech. U-Dot Everybody is in the Sistu Quadrant. U-Dot Everybody could summon the inner strength of every rebel and make them... Bundalore! Yes?

Just tell them that they're picking up a junky motivational droid. Okay. Um, so you're picking up a junky motivational droid. Okay. Um, so you're picking up a motivational droid. I believe he said picking up a junky motivational droid. Hey there, pal. How are you doing? You know, I'm actually not just a bartender.

Nope, this is actually my side hustle, if you can believe it. My real passion? Graphic design. Yeah, posters, rebrands, signage, you name it. Actually, why don't you take one of my brand new business cards? Yeah, snazzy, right? I got them at Vistaprint.com. And I look at them, I bet you think they were expensive.

Nope, you're wrong. Dead wrong. I got 500 of these sweet suckers for just $9.99. Yeah, you heard that right. You can't even get two orange beers in here for that. And they don't skimp at Vistaprint. No, no, no. Look at that responsibly sourced paper, huh?

See the glint off that carefully selected ink? You see it? Yeah, yeah, you see it. But wait, you're like a galaxy-famous expert tentacle surgeon, right? Don't you want to be something more? Vistaprint wants you to do something great, which is why they're offering that same amazing deal, 500 high quality custom business cards starting at $9.99

to anyone who uses the code MTZ at Vistaprint.com. MTZ at Vistaprint.com mtz at vistaprint.com I'll write it on my business card on the back mtz at vistaprint.com and they'll be delivered to you in as little as three days satisfaction guarantee I'll tell you, if we don't have that guarantee here at the bar

we couldn't, we'd be out of business actually, and if you want to just stay a famous surgeon I could draw you a pentacle with a scalpel in it as your logo. And then you upload that to visitorprint.com, code MTZ, and you got yourself a custom business card, mister. Now we're talking, huh? Now we're having fun. We're having a good time.

I'm having a Disney fun time now. I'm not a superstitious droid, but there's something about this quadrant. It's spooky here. There'd be no love atmosphere. How are we supposed to find you dot everybody out here? I don't know. They sent me coordinates, but I assumed it would be in some, you know... Place? Yeah, you know... Place? Yeah, like a...

Like a location. I'll turn my headlights on. They just gave me a specific point in space where I don't think there's anything here. It doesn't make any sense. Oh! What the... Something just hit me. Ahoy!

Ahoy? Ahoy! Hello! Bargy, is there someone outside of the ship? Yeah, there's a thing outside. Something just hit me. Ahoy. Ahoy? Ahoy. Hello. Bargy, is there someone outside of the ship? Yeah, there's a thing outside. Oh, hi. It's you, not everybody. Are you guys supposed to be picking me up?

So motivational. Yeah. So motivational. Mr. Everybody, what are you? You're just floating in space. Well, I've been here for a while since the battle of Sistiu. First of all, can you let me in? Yeah, yeah.

Can you open the doors? Okay. I've been floating in space and it's freezing in here. The air conditioning must be on. Yeah, Bargy turned it up. Oh my gosh. Wow, I haven't had that in a while. Well, somehow it's colder in here.

You got everybody. Oh boy, how's it going? Did you say you have been here since the Battle of Sistu? That's right. Absolutely, I've been here since the Battle of Sistu. You know you gave a red top. You could have just been floating in space. So that's what it looks like, but here's what really happened.

It was a telecommuted red top. Yeah, thanks for watching, by the way. Honestly, I've been doing a lot of, like, hustling by myself, floating out here in space, and a lot of email. You've just been sending emails while floating in space. Well, you gotta, like, you gotta put your brand out there, all right? And my brand is Positivity. Sure, sure. This is a good-looking crew.

I mean... It must have been really hard to say that positive all by yourself in the ruins of a whole quadrant. You know, but if you knew where I came from, you'd know that floating in space by yourself for almost a year and a half, that's actually better than where I started at. But you know what? We don't have to get into that. Where did you start at? That sounds better.

What do you mean it sounds better? I'll tell you what sounds better. Who I am right now. Can I just say the talk that you gave about turning on your engines and keep flying really, really said a lot to me. Well, I mean it. You look so familiar to me. Oh, yeah.

It's, uh, I'm a Gus Gurt. Oh, no, this is actually the Bargerian Jade. You may have recognized her from... Oh, my God. Yeah, well, that too. Well, guys, let's skedaddle, because I have a bunch of troops to motivate, huh? And thanks for picking me up.

Hope this wasn't out of your way, was it? I'm in a hazmat hole. Well, sometimes when you go someplace no one's supposed to be, that's because you're meant to be there yourself. Oh, wow. That's good. Yeah. That's great. Can I ask? Sure. How did you survive

for 18 months? All right. Well, you guys aren't going to be able to tell this just from looking at me, but I'm not organic. Well, I guess I sort of assumed that. Oh, really? Oh, sometimes it's a fun reveal. Damn it. Okay. You look great.

I mean, for being out here in a high radiation zone for a year and a half by yourself, you look amazing. Thank you very much. What are three things you find attractive about me? Oh. You make very strong eye contact. Thank you.

Bino. Who said that? Bino. Where the hell is that coming from? Oh, this is Bino. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. He's way down there.

Sorry, little guy. I missed you there. Well, you know, we don't really like introducing Bino to new people. And how do you think that makes Beano feel? That's a good question. Beano, how does it make you feel? Beano feels sad. Beano feels sad, everyone.

Beano feels sad. Everyone apologize to the sad little bean. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we don't... You're sorry you don't what? Use the word. I'm sorry we usually don't introduce you, Beano. Beano, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we don't... You're sorry you don't what? Use the word. I'm sorry we usually don't introduce you, Bino. Bino, I'm sorry. You, as a burden, as opposed to a member of the crew.

That's not fair to you. Bino, I'm sorry. I argued saying that you taking 70% as a manager is too much. You're doubting. That seems... That's higher than it was. Yeah, it went up. Okay.

It's the biz. Wow. Bino, accept your apology. Bino, Bino, love, forgiveness. Aw. Well, how about that? And since we're gonna be

riding together, and I'm about to go, you know, rally the troops here for some new battle, which I'll ask you a little more details about. I was emailing back and forth with a very angry Telerian who had problems

with his ex-wife trying to set this up. Yeah, Commander Rolf is too short. Hard to deal with. Yeah, it is, but you know what? I always say that the people who are the hardest to deal with are the ones that are the most rewarding to be around. I don't think that, I'm not sure that's true. Oh, that's a toughie. I mean, think that, I'm not sure that's true.

I mean, you taught everybody you're a stronger droid than I. So you're a droid too? No, no, no. I'm not. I'm a Telerian. Yes, no, I didn't want to say anything. I'm not offended by it. Oh, I know, but I wasn't sure

if you liked a surprise reveal it every now and then it's pretty obvious self evident but I'm not organic oh right I forgot I told you it's just if an organic was out in space for 18 months they would die

I mean most organics will die. In a minute. Yeah, 30 seconds. Honestly, a lot of droids, if you left them out in space for that long, would all sit there just not built to do that. Well, you know what? I wasn't built to do what I'm doing right now. Really? What were you

doing before this? It's not a big deal. But you find your ways, I'll tell you. Alright? Okay. I'll tell you. Quick turnaround. Fine, if you ask your ways, I'll tell you. Alright? Okay. I'll tell you. Quick turnaround. Fine. You ask me again, I'll tell you. Be no love reveals. Okay. When you look at me, though, you probably see a strong,

confident droid. Yeah. Yeah, I would say yes. Alright? That's who I am. Alright? I was on a planet in this quadrant. Were you working at the Palace of the Modern? Um, I was. Okay. I was. Well, I this quadrant. Were you working at the palace of the modern people? I was. Okay.

I was. Well, I didn't really have a choice, okay? And I used to be. And we landed. Okay. That was smooth. We could probably finish that story. No, it's not that big of a deal.

Don't worry about it. It was very, it sounds like very interesting backstory. No, it sounds like it, but it's really not. All that you need to know is that here I am right now. I'm going to... You guys, all right? Just guess what you all just did now that we landed. You completed a mission.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. And how does that make you guys feel? Plek? Well, honestly, you doubt everybody. It's pretty rare that we will successfully complete. Oh, what, you don't believe in yourselves? We don't believe in ourselves.

I sort of believe in myself. Bino believe in Bino. Well, you might say 40% of us believe in ourselves. Well, you know who else used to not believe in themselves? Is it you? Oh, yeah. Damn it, I thought that was going to be a fun reveal. It was still fun.

Yeah, it was pretty fun. You just sort of set it up in a way where... Hey, you and everybody, you used to not believe in yourself? Yeah, and now I'm a motivational speaker who gives web talks. But I wasn't built to be motivational. That's a program that I had to override in myself. I was built to be a sex bot. Okay. And a drug bot.

Oh. That's a whole other bot. I was also a bookie bot. Okay. They really just... Can I just get a quick percentage breakdown of how much work you did

as each one of them? Sure. No, absolutely. 49%. I was a drug bot. Okay, well. Technically not. 50% sex bot.

And 1% bookie bot. Also, if you guys press my ass, I can sing a song. Oh. We're in a similar film show. press my ass, I can sing a song. Oh. Get paid! Get paid! Get paid! Get paid!

Oh, you guys are actually pretty similar droids. You were sad at the time. I'm excited for you. So I'm a... I'm a droid. I know. This is very obvious. I should mention this, you not everybody.

I know you haven't had access to a mirror, but the year and a half you spent floating in space has not been kind. Oh, really? Yeah. I would say most of it. Yeah, most of it. Well, that was. Most of your skin has, I mean, I would say sort of sloughed off.

Oh, yeah. I will say like about three months in, I got hit by a steroid. Oh, sure. Sure. And it was difficult. That'll happen. But the positive sign pushed me closer to the edge, so you guys didn't have to travel as far. That's the edge of the quadrant?

Edge of the quadrant, yeah. Knock, knock. Hello? Oh, my rod. Everyone hide. Oh, uh. Hide! It could be a surprise party, and we don't know about it.

Wait, it could be that we're throwing a surprise party? I don't think that's a surprise party. All right, hide, everyone. Ooh, where should I hide? Uh, yeah. Okay, you know what? It's fine. I'll answer the door. I'll answer the door. You'll answer? Okay.

Gosh, what a ride. Hello? Oh, hi. I'm Sisu Gundu. Oh, my rod. Yes. Hello Oh hi I'm Sisu Gundu Oh my rod yes You're what Tiddles told me about What did Tiddles say Oh just that I was

What exactly did he say What words did he use That you were supposed to be I was supposed to what You were I am what You were expecting me I am

Oh okay yeah Okay great Fantastic Absolutely And also Surprise I don't understand what the surprise is. We're not fully done for you.

Surprise! Listen, here's the biggest thing I've learned. Are you ready? Is that if you hide when someone knocks, it becomes a surprise party even if you didn't know it. And that's the biggest surprise of all. Something about the way he says things that really feel like pearls of wisdom. But honestly, I'm trying to, I'm racking my brain.

I cannot figure out a time where that would be true. Sorry to interrupt. We have all the troops. Oh, gosh. Ready? Well, here it is. For you to. And no, you don't have all the troops.

Look, you have a few more right here. Fleck. It's Fleck, actually. Okay. Sorry about that. You have a few more right here. Fleck. It's Fleck, actually. Okay. Sorry about that. You have Fleck. It's Fleck, actually. Oh, okay.

And you have C3. C53. C53. And you have Mr. Bean. That's not right. Also, you have Dar. Okay, I think that one's pretty hard to screw up. Nailed it.

Nailed that one. Yeah, I did it. There was nothing wrong there. Okay, we're ready for you. So when you're ready... Give me two seconds. I just want to say thank you to my wonderful crew here. Okay, great.

I will see you on stage. Oh, my gosh. I know. Bye. Guys, gather round. Yeah, sure. All right. Okay.

Fleck, why are you touching the ship so hard? I just am really, I just, the way, I never noticed how beautiful this console is. This is not anything I want. It's okay. All right. Guys, first of all, thank you so much for the ride. Hey, no problem. And you know what I always say?

Is that even when you get to your destination, the end result is only as good as the journey that got you there. That was very good. That's very nice. That's very nice. Listen, you and everybody, it was an absolute pleasure. We are going to head back to the... Oh, no, no, no, no. What are you doing? Don't you want to come see my

speech? I mean, I sort of, yeah. I'm a little nervous. It would mean a lot to have you guys there. You're my best friends. Wait, what? Yeah, everyone else I know is obliterated. Okay, sure.

You know what? We'll come check it out. It also, I got to say, it would be cool to see all the rebels gathered in one place, you know? Right? And you know what? It's going to be cool for the rebels to see all you guys there. Oh, no. I don't think so.

I think so. I think literally that's not true. I really do. Okay. Holy crap, guys. Look at all of these rebels. I guess I didn't really realize how many rebels there are. Of us there were.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like there were so many people I could have been hooking up with if only there had been a mixer we'd been invited to. Yeah, we were not invited to anything. Karaoke, the ice cream social, Tuesday trivia nights. Yeah, that doesn't seem right. Hey, guys! What?

Hey, Nermit, hey! What's up, man Hey, guys! What? Hey, Nermit, hey! What's up, man? How's it going? Hi, Nermit. Hey, Dar. Hi. Nermit. Dar.

Nermit? Yeah. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is on the hard side. This is, yeah. This is seriously tense. You cost her an anti-replore. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is our number.

This is usually a text. You call certain anti-report. So actually, guys, I've been meaning to... Bam! Yeah, so this is Mel. Nermy, is your resident Nellie mother so cute? Hi, I'm Mel. Hey, Mel. This is my crew that I've been telling you about, Mel.

I've been making you guys nads for such a long time. I'm like, who are these guys? There you are. Bino hate Mel. Whoa. What? Bino. Bino.

Bino hate Mel. Okay. All right. Bino. Bino, just a quick aside. I love you, and I am sorry that I have not shown you the respect that you clearly deserve. Bino love dark. I am so grateful for you right now.

Bino love dark. Bino hate math. Okay. Bino love dark. Okay, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's starting. Hello? Everybody in the rebellion. They all know they're in the rebellion. It's starting. Tittle, Commander Tittle. You don't need to put Commander in there. Everybody knows you're going to be Commander. Okay, but we should be more personal.

We're about to announce. I'm just saying, we're fine. How is everyone doing? Great. Okay, so we have a little get-together surprise for each and every one of you. When I say motivational, you say... Speaker. Speaker.

Speaker. No, speaker. Who's saying speech and who's saying speacher? Speacher's not a word. Speacher's not a word. Okay, Rolfus? Rolfus, we should...

I don't... We don't need to get angry. It makes me nervous that people are saying speacher like it's a thing. What do the therapists tell us we need to breathe and count to ten? Okay?

One, two, three. This is inappropriate. It's part of it. It's part of the therapy. Have to do it at work. Publicly? Yes. Sounds bad.

Wow. I sound like this too. You all sound bad. Hey, Squeaky Voice Squadron, keep it down. It's your fault for putting us together. Oh, fuck. Okay, well, everybody, it's... Like, the best motivator we can get for the money we have,

it's you. Dot. Everybody. Everybody. Thank you, Sisu. Thank you, Rolfus. I don't want to blow anyone's minds, but I'm going to put this microphone down. But you've noticed that my voice is still amplified. That's because I'm not organic.

I am a droid. We are aware of this. Half of your skin is gone. Also, there's a big hole in your torso. All right. You had that whole rib talk about being a droid. So you're familiar with my work? Love it. Thank you. I love that attitude. Now, I want everyone out there to close their eyes. What if you don't have eyes? What if your species is the type that doesn't have eyes? Then you're one step ahead of the game.

What if you are just an eye? Close yourself! Good point. Makes sense when you say it. Now I know what you're about to do is very scary. So I want you to think about your deepest fear. Don't move! No!

What? No! No! No! No! Silence! Silence! I'm raising my hands. Look at my hands. That snake was so big!

No, I'm so sorry. No, okay, but I meant to say, think about your greatest fear of going. No, no. Okay. Well, I'm hearing a lot of different things out there, but I want you guys to know that deep down, you're all brave. Sometimes the greatest battles are the ones you didn't know you could even fight. You know, I had to fight a battle once. I was built to be a drug, sex, and gambling robot. I was part of a governmental program where every day they'd feed me with drugs.

Hey guys, can I talk to you for a second? But he's in the middle of his speech. Yeah, no, I know, but can I just say something? I feel like being here with all these rebels, with you guys, with Nermit, just makes me realize I think maybe we're here for a reason. Listen, I can't inspire people. I'm no U.Everybody. I'm just some dumb kid from a farm planet who wanted to do some good in this crazy galaxy.

None of us really know how to fight. I mean, Barchi's guns aren't even real. It's not like we can just hop in and go up into space and join a dogfight. I guess what I'm trying to say is, who cares if this is what we thought we were going to be doing? We're here now, and these rebels need our help. And maybe, just maybe, our little crew can go up there and really make a difference. You know? I say let's give it a shot.

What do you think? Who's with me? Who's ready to fight? Thanks, guys. I mean, man, that reaction really means a lot to me, so I appreciate that. What are you going on about? Were you saying something this whole time? I was talking to you guys.

Boring the speech? Yeah, I pulled you into an aside. We do it all the time. Oh, well, we were... You gotta check in with us when you do that. I don't remember any aside. I mean, I remember watching the speech. You didn't hear any of the things that I was saying?

No, I don't remember anything else. I'm still quivering from this powerful motivation circling through my body. Did you not pay attention to that speech? It was like, out of this world. Listen, I heard the first half and then I just thought it wasn't really going anywhere. Our pleck, we got, you just

The first half sets up the second half. That makes, yeah, no, you're probably right. It led directly into the second half. Okay, no, you're probably right. It led directly into the second half. Okay, all right. It built like a tower of blocks. Yeah. He laid the foundation. I get it.

I get how his speech works. Wow. The crew of the Bargerian Jade. Hey, Commander Tittle. Great to see you. Actually, I'm a little bit surprised and impressed that you're here. I wouldn't think that you... We can pick up someone from deep space. Yeah, we can. Well, I wouldn't think that you... We can pick up someone from deep space and bring them back to us.

Well, I wouldn't think that you were the type that would enlist yourself into a battle. Well, what can I say? It was a very rousing speech by you.everybody. Any kind of emissary work we can do during the battle, we're happy to go liaise with. Yeah, if during the battle we need to meet someone and talk to them and get some intel... We'll negotiate the terms of surrender. Any of that. What? Yeah, if during the battle we need to meet someone and talk to them and get some intel. Or negotiate the terms of surrender. Any of that. What?

No, we've fitted guns onto the Bargerian Jade. You'll be taking... Oh, awesome. We've always wanted guns. Great. Well, now you've got them. They'll be great while we're out there in a... Wherever we need to deliver those guns to.

No, the Bargerian Jade has been retrofitted to be a fighter. The four of you will be on the ship helping support the fight. Support with, like, talking? How much clearer do I have to make this? I guess more. Actually, a little more clearer would be great. The Bargerian Jade's a fighter. You're going to be inside of her, and you will fight the Federated Alliance.

Okay. As a fighter. Why would I get you to talk to be inside of her and you will fight the Federated Alliance as a fighter. Why would I get you to talk to anybody out there? The thing is, we're not a fighting team. I mean, look at us. Not just the parts, the sum. The sum of our parts. Look at all of us together. I see you, but we need

every, I know, we need every available sentient life form to throw at the Federated Alliance. Now, you might be cannon fodder, but you're going to be the best cannon fodder we've ever seen. What does that mean? No, that doesn't... Wait, guys, he said the best.

No, come on. Nermits, what? That's not what he means. It's not often that's leveled at us. Crew of the Bargerian Jade, welcome to the Rebellion. Hope you survive the experience. What does that mean? We were welcome to the Rebellion. Hope you survive the experience. What does that mean? That's terrible.

We were already in the Rebellion. We've been sort of workshopping it. Rolfus, I heard. We weren't going to go with that one. I thought we were doing that one. That's a very negative outlook on life. Well, I like that one. I like that one.

Hope you survive. It has hope in it. Welcome to the Rebellion. You're really in it now. That's worse. We don't like you're really in it now? We want to make it positive. We're really in it now. That's worse. We don't like you're really in it now? We want to make it positive. You're really in it now.

Positive. I feel like these are sort of... You're in it now. All right, guys. Let's just head back to Bargy. Space be with you. Do we do that? Oh, and also with you.

What? It's not... Okay. It's not, not, okay. Well, guys, Rolfus is right. We are, we are in it now. So, uh, just want to say before anything happens that, uh... Hey, everyone, look at this. Huh? Hey, Bargy.

You should not be shooting those out! Yes, Bargy! You can't shoot those in the hangar! Are you giving me real guns? Bang, bang, bang! Stop! Bargy, stop! Stop!

They just put them off me! They're like, I don't know what's happening! They're like... We are under attack! We are under attack! I think that might be Bargy's fault! No, yeah. Sorry!

Sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I think that might be party's fault. No, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Some friendly fire. Six planet crushers have exited hyperspace in range of Rebel headquarters. Six planet crushers in range of Rebel headquarters. Oh, boy, that sounds bad. Guys, I know we're about to go into something crazy, unprecedented, wild. We honestly don't know if we're coming back,

but remember way back in the beginning, they said they don't do this, but I feel like, can we put our hands into the middle and do one of those things where we lift them all up? I know it's not officially sanctioned. I don't know, I feel like we were explicitly told not to do that. I don't know, guys. I don't know if they're going to see.

All right. Okay. Somebody hold me up so my arms can get in the... No, we'll just bend down. Oh, thanks. I feel excluded. Bargy, can you, like, extend, like, a... I don't know, do you have an antenna or something that can come out?

I can shoot. No, no, no. No, no, no. Please don't, Bargy. Please don't shoot us. Do you want to drip some gas into this hand? Fine. I mean, that seems really fitting.

All right. Unloading some gas. Okay. Oh, wow. That's a lot. I'm sorry mean, that seems really fitting. All right. Unloading some gas. Okay. Oh, wow. That's a lot. I'm sorry. On the count of three. Come on.

I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm taking the gas back. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. You could have done that the whole time. You can un-eject gas? Yeah, that's fine. It's a ship kegel exercise. Oh, Bargy, that sounds amazing. Can I see you? Okay.

All right. Fair enough. Fair enough. Let's all get in here. Put him in. Beano here, too. Oh. You know what, Beano?

Why don't you count us off? What do you want to say, Beano, at the end? At three. Beano, no? No, I don't really feel comfortable. Yeah, Beano, no sounds like a good thing Bino loves the story of Bino That's very long

That doesn't really have to do with what we're about to do Use your 15th catchphrase Friendship? There it is There it is That's really nice Bino Okay One, two, three

Friendship Bino, you said Bino no Okay, alright. To be continued... Jeremy Bent. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Gus Gert, Sisu Gendu, and Mel were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind. Bino and Rolfus Tittle were played by Winston Knoll. U.Everybody was played by special guest Brandon Scott Jones. Brandon has appeared on Girls, The Late Show, and Broad City, and performs at UCB in New York with Grandma's Ashes, Gentrify, and Ascat. Follow him on Twitter at BrandonSJ.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. Have you noticed an error in our otherwise airtight canon?

Send us an email at crew at mission to ziggs dot space. Seed 53. Seed 53. And you have Mr. Bean. That's not right. Oh my God. Beano, take it. Beano, it Beano love it

Beano love physical comedy Beano love physical comedy Beano love broad British physical comedy Beano love driving a little car And getting into car accidents