Mission To Zyxx - 220: Crush Into Me [Season 2 Finale]

Episode Date: October 10, 2018

Nermut gets a promotion. Featuring: Jeremy Bent Alden Ford Allie Kokesh Seth Lind Winston Noel Moujan Zolfaghari John Robert Wilson Edited by Seth Lind Recorded at Braund Studios by Shane O’Connell Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Thank you to everyone for listening to Season 2! You’re the best! .

This is SeaRed IT5 with a special announcement. The following episode is the Season 2 finale of Mission to Zix. Thank you to everyone for listening to Season 2. The period of galactic civil war has reached its dramatic climax, and the Federated Alliance has left the Rebellion with no way out. Six fearsome planet-crushers have surrounded the hidden Rebel base, where a motley army gathers for the fight of their lives. Inside a Rebel hangar bay, Emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew prepare to board the Bargerian Jade, awaiting deployment

into the crosshairs of Alliance fighters. Now they must trust in each other, the space, and Beano to face a threat unlike any they have ever encountered on their mission to Zix. Red alert. Rebel base under attack.

All fighters to your ships. Message translation to follow. Jatawa. Jatawa. All right, guys. Let's, uh, Barji? Open the hatch. Let's get in and go, I guess.

I guess this is the thing we're doing. Hey, listen, guys. Whatever happens, you know, I love you guys, and we're going to be okay, all right? Really no guarantee there's six planet crushers out there. Okay, well, there's only one planet. Instead of it being a planet crusher crusher, it was just planet crusher crusher crusher crusher crusher crusher. Maybe they combined into a big planet crusher.

Well, whatever it is, we've got to go fight it, I guess, right? Let's go. All right. Bino, what's the tension? Bino, there's a very real chance we could all die in the next few minutes. Bino, make sure you're recording this. This is good for my reveal. Mm-hmm.

Bino, no. Bino, no. All right, up in the air. There we go. That's what I do. All right. Guys, I know we're kind of like already on the mission, but for old time's sake, I've got a mission for us.

All right. We're headed in to fight directly against the Federated Alliance in a military... I have an incoming transmission. It's coming across the All Rebellion channel. Okay. Greetings, fellow rebels. Long live the Rebellion. Please live.

And Sisu. Hi. My life partner. We have great news for you guys. Good stuff they got back together. We've gotten back together, but the most important thing here... Called it. ...is...

Do you want to take it, hun? I will. Wow. Tiny Toots and Turd Mannequin have stolen plans for all of these planet crushers and are on their way back into rebellion space. So brave. So brave. Now, why this is vital is that, unlike previous planet crushers, these planet crushers have no visible signs of weakness.

Somebody must have pointed out to Zwog Tambui what we all knew, what was obvious. Rod damn whoever did that. Rod damn that. But we've got hope now. Tiny Toots and Turk Manikin, they're bringing a way to turn the tide in this war. The day is saved. Oh, sorry.

I was about to... You go. No, you go. You go. Well, we may be small, but we're grabby. Wait, hold on. I'm getting a broadcast from Tiny Toots and Turk. Oh, wow.

Okay. We're ready to get your names in the history books because here we go! Hello? Hello? Oh. Oh, my God. That's not... Oh, my God, they're dead! They're junkie dead, all of them!

Good God. That was the only thing we really had going for us! We are so junked! None of these, like, people are... You're all weak! Good luck! What? Wow, look at your face.

Oh, boy. Don't you say what you're going to say. I feel like I see your face everywhere. Don't use the C word. Do we have to keep streaming this breakup? We're done. We're done. Oh, boy.

That kind of went bad. That is too bad. This battle is 40 seconds old, and there's a lot of highs and lows so far. Wow. For those of you wondering, as I assure you all are, am I taking this well? No. You know, you get tiny toots. Barjah hated tiny toots.

Barjah, are you upset that tiny toots is dead, or are you relieved? What would you have preferred than buying your hand? The thing is, be no more ambivalent. Signing men a lot to me. Who am I going to be angry at and put all my anger at the world towards one ship if that ship is not there? Am I firing a lot of guns right now to show my emotions? Bargy, those are rebel ships directly in front of us. I think you want to...

No, no, no, Bargy. No, no, no, no. Listen, Bargy, I'm so sorry about what happened to Tiny Toots. Maybe, you know, if you're looking for someone else to talk to, you can always talk to me. Maybe we can go out for dinner sometime. Okay, anyway, I'm just gonna bury it deep inside like I do usually.

It appears the first wave of fighters is making their advance. We should all prep for combat. Squeaky voice squadron checking in! Squeaky leader here! Squeaky three, ready to go!

Squeaky four, squeaky them! Little criminals are here! Little criminals checking in. Little criminals. Little criminals three, four. I killed number two. Oh, no. That's it.

Botanical squadron checking in. This is S-not-botanical number two. Ready for combat. Shrimp lovers, check it out. And the shrimp. I love shrimp, number one. Margie, I'm reluctant to ask this, but do you have any sort of evasive maneuvers or combat vocabulary installed?

Yes, from my former movies, I have a couple of lines still safe. Lines? I don't know if saying a line is a... Here's one. Open up your hatch, because my gun's coming straight through. Oh, I remember that from one of your holos.

That's a good line. I don't know that from one of your holos. Yeah. That's a good line. I don't know if it's going to do us a lot in the theater of... Barchi, are you okay? We're sort of getting hit a lot. I'm doing not good now. Thank you for asking. This is not looking great.

Guys, I know how to lead this campaign. What? What? I, what I mean is, I can just think of this as one of our tabletop role-playing games. This seems like a dangerous strategy. Dart Wars really many enjoyed the past time of tabletop role-playing games. I don't know that the application of them in a galactic space battle is going to be all that useful. We can do this.

We can do this. I just need you guys to have faith in me as your DM. The deep space master. Yeah, you know what, Dar? Let's do this. What will be the first move? Bargy, you'll be assigned the role of space assassin. C53, I want you to be our space quark.

Nermin, I think given your abilities, you should be our space quark. Nermin, I think, given your abilities, you should be our space dwarf. What? Black, you should be the space tech expert. Can you handle that? Sure, yeah. Great. Thank Rod for you, Dar.

And then Beano. Wow, Beano, I think the only player left on the board is actually space rogue. Ooh, Beano't love Chaotic Neutral. Um, yeah, and if I roll my die... You're a plate of cork before. All right, Bargy. Yeah. Let's rotate 62 degrees, yaw 21 degrees, pitch 9 degrees,

and get ready to thrust at 85% in 3, 2, 1. Scarlet Leader taking fire. Scarlet Leader taking fire. Scarlet Leader taking fire. Magenta Leader. Magenta Leader taking fire. Puce Leader. System's down. Puce Leader. Shortchurch Leader, we are under attack. Shortchurch Leader needs a bailout immediately.

My husband is dead. My husband is dead. Are you a leader? Yeah, which leader are you? I just was passing by. You're being just in the area? I made tacos. I did it.

Oh my God, the fighter squadron just roared right by us. We're right behind them. That's a really good position. This is working. Of course it's working. I'm an excellent DM. Dara, this strategy may work for a while with these fighters, but the planet

crushers are a whole different story. They're starting to close in around the rebel home. With the six of them working together, I'm gonna be in trouble. I wouldn't work with any of you if my life depended on it. Well, if I have my way, I'll never work with any of you ever again. I didn't know that

either of you would be here. I'll never work with any of you ever again. I didn't know that either of you would be here. I thought I was doing this myself. Well, I ordered my own planet crushes that I might... My own planet crushes. I received intelligence that you would all be here and I would be damned if I was not going to be here. Queen of the Babes wishes she was

a single baby and not with all you bigger babies. All the single babies? All the single babies. There. All the single babies? All the single babies. There. All the single babies. Put your hands up. I've got you. I've got my guns trained on you.

Not if you push your hands up first. Not a single one of you came to one of my shows. Because you're not good at acting. Very bad at acting. Joey, Joey, there's only so many one-bucket shows we can go watch. Wow. But I'm going to be great at crushing. Absolutely not. Your crusher will crush nothing before

my crusher crushes it. Not if you think your crusher's going to crush anything before my crusher crushes it. I'm a crabbo, damn it. And we all know how to crush. We know. I am a crabbo. We know you're a crabbo, Drake. Look at my clomper. Your claw?

My clop. I call it a clop. Of course you all know I'm a beetleman. Ah, one of the four famous beetlemen. That's right. I, Phoebe Runf, here declare that you should all, five of you, be ashamed of how you've decorated the inside of your planet crushers. You don't put up any curtains.

What does that have to do with anything? The five of your elegances combines the elegance of... Does vomiting for fun? That is a fine way to express your... Listen, it's clear that each of us has put in a separate order for a planet crusher. Yes. And now it's

come to this. We all know one of us is the true betrayer of the council. We know one of us has been planning for months now. Everyone at the same time, name who you think it is. One, two, three. Queen of the Babies.

Fine. Maybe we don't all know who it is, but it's one of us for sure. I know it's not me because I know me. I know it's not me because I'm the Queen of the Babies and we do... I know it is you, the queen of the babies. I know it was you all along. Can you give us another take, Joey Joey?

That wasn't convincing. You're sort of on all the time, you know? A pretty dry line reading for someone who's liquid. Let me try that again. I believe it was the... That's very manly now. I like toast inside of... Just her own hair.

Joko Bono is not a council person. Joko Bono is my personal confidante. She is allowed to spend whatever time in my planet crusher that she wishes. I'm the mentor of the battle. Joko Bono is like a child writing poetry after having a head bonk. How dare you? Listen, Arcuri, I want you to imagine a world without Chocobono. There's a terrible place.

A world without form or shape. No, imagine there's no Choco. No rebellion, too. Yeah, you can do it if you try. No, I refuse. Also, Arcuri, why have you painted your planet crystal yellow? No, I refuse. Well, it's a... Chocobono and I, we all live in a yellow planet crusher. Yes, it's so roomy and spacious inside,

we've decided to make a love nest inside and never leave. Will you please put some clothes on and get out of your bed if you're going to do this? No, never. I'll start a revolution from my bed. Have you made your planet crusher some sort of oasis? Exactly.

The queen of the babies is going to go straight head towards the planet. I will win. No. That's right. Go first. No. No. No.

Now I'm... All right. Now you've caught the corner of my planet crusher on your planet crusher. I order you to move your planet crushers aside so that my planet crusher may proceed. On what authority? Never! I am the counselor dressed in... Yes?

Fur. Fur. You... In furs. Why? It's a type of garment that... Why would that grant you any authority over the rest of us? Shows that I'm very high class. Listen!

What? As long as all six of us are trying to crush the rebel base, none of us can reach it. But only one of us needs to back off for everyone else to move. So, Corpus Danian, if you're so on your high horse, why don't you move back? I refuse. I'm not doing it at all. I'm a crab, oh damn it. For the last time Trink We know Look at me

Trink if you're such a crabbo Why don't you move to the side And allow all of us to crush The rubble head Specious Who hit me I am ramming you in honor of my missing And perverted son Tillion I I am ramming you in honor of my missing and perverted son, Tillion.

I'm gonna ram you for ramming her. You stop ramming me, Joey, Joey. I'll ram the both of you for ramming anybody. What? Oh. Now I know, but I'll ram you too, you rat dammit. Ram it up, you crab old gnome, Trink. Wow.

I think that the greatest planet... Joko, stop it! Stop it, Joker! Wow, guys, I mean, I know this represents our doom, but the coordinated movement of those planet crushers is almost beautiful in its power. The amount of cooperation is astounding. You know what actually what it looks like? What? It looks like a bunch of different ships making out.

Oh, yeah, I actually can see that. Wait, Bargy. Yeah? You used to date the first Planet Crusher, right? Yeah, Tony, we were, it was more like a friendship with benefits, but yeah, we dated. Bargy, that's why you're the assassin. You have inside knowledge. Maybe you can talk to them or something, I don't know.

I guess Tony wasn't close with this family. They didn't know most of them, they're all new. I mean, sure, fair enough. Fargie. Fargie. This isn't the best use of our time, I don't think. We don't work, small town. I don't think. We're all crushing planets, so yeah, makes sense. Bino works, small town. Bino think rolling take too long.

Bino wish there was an automated system. Okay, Bino, listen, we're not actually playing an RPG right now. Yeah, that was to inspire us, and it's a metaphor for the maneuvers we need to make in order to survive. Bino bored with this. Bino want to hear the story of Bino. Bino go insane. No, Bino, that is not, it's not the right time right now. Bino want to hear the story of Beano. Beano go insane. No, Beano, that is not, it's not the right time right now. Beano want to hear the story of Beano.

Beano go insane. It's the worst time. Beano, as the space rogue, you should be focusing on stealth. There's no time for this. Beano want to hear the story of Beano. Beano go insane. I got this, okay? Yeah, Bargy.

Bino's my friend. I'll say it. Bino and I are friends. We have business in a personal life. Bino, no. Bino, go. No. Bino.

No, Bino. Get out of my way. You get out of my way. Get out of my way. Now, sir of my way! Get out of my way! Now, sir, silence, silence! What? What? I've detected a signal on one of the ships in this battle. A sign of the relic.

The relic? The relic. An energy signature. Look, this one here. Can I see it? Zoom in. Yes. Yes. Okay, now zoom in again.

Yes. We're zoomed. Okay, now third time. Wait, can't you just do a continuous zoom? Well, no, it's in again. Yes. We're zoomed. Okay, now third time. Wait, can't you just do a continuous zoom? Well, no, it's in order of magnitude each time. Why don't you just zoom in the whole way? If it's too far, we'll back it off a little. Well, it zooms out slower than it zooms in, so it's easier.

Oh, it cares. Just put it at 100. Yes. Okay, well, see, now we're way too close. I don't see anything. Zoom out, zoom out. I see it. Oh, there Zoom out. I see it. There it is.

The Barcharian Jade. The Barcharian Jade? I thought the Barcharian Jade and all its crew was lost in the Delegator. Really? It's her? Isn't that it? Oh, wow. Has not aged well. That ship looks like it's had the kek.

Wait. They've woken the relic into its active state. The power they possess. They must have no idea what they have at their disposal. We've underestimated the rebellion for so long. If they've awakened the Beanecron, who knows what they're capable of. We all know the Beanecron's power can be used but once. I will extend my tractor beam immediately and grab it. I will extend mine.

No, no. I'm sending it. I will extend mine. No, no. I'm extending mine. I'm sending mine. If I had the power of the relic, I would crush all of you and rule the galaxy by myself. Well, you'll never have it, you crab. Oh, because my tractor beam is locked under the relic. I'm extending my tractor beam. I will use the power to put babies on top of babies on top of babies,

and those six-foot-two babies will take over the entire galaxy. We're not putting babies in a trench coat on my watch. No, just let mine help you. The tax can't be put take over the entire galaxy! We're not putting babies in a trench coat on my walk! No, just letting mine show, please. The tax can't be putting mine in the middle there! I'm doing it. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You'll notice my beam is more elegant. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Walk to the end, honey. Oh, Vito! Oh, Vito! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Vito!

Vito! kids love me Bino, Bino love it Bino, Bino, calm down, Bino Bino has shit fit Bino has shit fit That's figurative What? What?

What? Those nipples are just distractingly hard The planet crushers? To us? What was that? What was that? No No What was that? What was that? Why are we in a tractor beam? No. No.

No. No. Geez. We're completely motionless. Bargy, can you... Can you get us out of here? Can you move? Not really.

I'm not pretty stuck, but I'm just catching up. So you told me that... Bargy, stop talking to the planet crushers. They're not your friends. There has to be... Someone needs to inspire Bargy so that we can get out of this. Very well. C-53, you're the quark.

You have to sing. You have to inspire Bargy to get us out of this pole. Very well. I have prepared as a quark for this moment. I'm going to attempt to inspire a little party member. Marjorie and Jade, you're the dream of the stars. What is this? Marjorie and Jade, no assignments to hold for the Marjorie and Jade.

That's beautiful music. The cream of the stars. How did I do anything like that? Marjorie and Jade. We're starting to move. No assignments to hold for the Marjorie and Jade. That's beautiful music. I'm not doing anything like that. We're starting to move. That song worked. You really quarked it up. Oh, no.

This is putting a lot of stress on the whole. Do it again. Do it again. No, no. Bargy, stop. Stop. This is going to tear the barge into part in just moments. Bargy, you have to stop. I can't watch you do this to yourself because I love you. The love

each other. Pleck, do you know what in love means? No,

Bargy, I love you and am attracted to you sexually and I want to

be with you in a relationship way. Hey, Plek. I don't think Plek knows what any of those words mean. I wouldn't worry about it. No, listen. No, listen.

I've never seen anything more clearly in my life. What? Out of my left eye, I've never seen anything more clearly. It's just when I look at Bargy, my heart flutters. Like I need to go to the checkup or something. You need to go to the checkup? Yeah, it just feels like I need to go to the checkup or something. You need to go to the checkup? Yeah, I need to, it just feels like I need to go to the checkup, like that's... Okay, yep, everything makes sense.

I just, I want to have a brood with you, Bargy. I want you and me to raise a little brood. All right, well, I'm going to go. My apologies, Emissary Dexator. I think it's time for this to stop. What the... My eye! I think it's time for this to stop.

What? My eye! Everyone bow before the undying will of the Grower and my eye. That's a really small weeder. I've been watching all of you this whole time under the perfect ruse of the catch eye. I mean, the eye was very, very noticeable. It was perfectly hidden through evolutionary genetic interpolation. I've been watching you this entire time, Bargerian Jade. I've been pursuing you through this incredibly stupid vessel this entire time.

Me? He's black, obviously. Bargerian Jade, I will never stop pursuing you. You must become High Queen of the Swarm. The Grower Mine demands it. Grower Mine,

I mean, honestly, your love is kind of beautiful, but this is the worst time. Yeah. What's going on? What's happening? your love is kind of beautiful, but this is the worst time. It's a very bad time. Why? What's going on? What's happening? We're being torn apart by the tractor beams from six different

planet crushers. We're in the middle of an epic battle between the Federated Alliance and the Rebellion. Please. Ah, this pitiful war you've been busying yourselves with. Hold your mind. If you and I were to get back together, what do you see happening, huh? What's your little dream?

I see it inhabiting my home planet as our minions and children enslave all who oppose us. Once we finish, we will sit. That's the climax? They're just gonna sit next to each other? Like in two recliners? I'm a ship, I don't sit. That's the climax? They're just gonna sit next to each other?

Like in two recliners? I'm a ship, I don't sit. Also, I'm still gonna make this about me. I am in a lot of pain currently. Bargy, you're still getting pulled apart. Pulled apart? So,

girl of mine, if you truly want to show your undying love for me, why don't you truly want to show your undying love for me. Why don't you get me out of this tractor field? I will spin crystals around your hull to reinforce it. The crystals will reflect the tractor fields away from the Bargeria, Jane. Okay. I am very small. I will need assistance in weaving the crystals to the hull outside. You, little lizard man, help me.

What? Nermin can't just bring you outside the ship. No, I don't think I'm the one who should have all of us, but... Nermin, you're the space dwarf. You have to do it. Yes, dwarfs are good with crystals. I mean, that's true. All right, but how? I'm going to have to...

I'm going out there and I'm going to die. And... Wait. Wait a second. Grow her mind. I got it. Bargy, please open the door marked can opener. Okay.

Again, I'm still in pain right now. Bargy, this is important. This sounds random. Okay. It's opening. It's my mech. I'm just climbing into my mech, alright! Oh, feels good!

Alright, Grormine, here we go on a spacewalk! For the glory of the Swarm! For the glory of the Rebellion! Those classes really shouldn't come together. Guys, I'm on the hull. I'm in position. Lizard man, hold on to my tail while I use my mucus sac to produce these crystals. That doesn't sound disgusting at all. Holding on. Wow, look at that weaver go.

Think of a lot more crystals, I would have guessed. Honestly, it's super comforting to know that it wasn't Plek developing feelings for Bargy this whole time. Speaking of Plek, is he okay? Oh, hey, Plek? Plek? Plek? Hey, buddy. No, don't panic. Don't panic.

I can't see. You're going to open your eyes. You experience some blindness in one eye. Okay. Permanently. Yeah, because you don't have it anymore. And that's blindness in one eye. Okay. Permanently. Yeah, because you don't have it anymore. And that's okay. It's all right. What happened?

You might not want to know about this for a little while. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. Could somebody go to my room and grab Gavin Boo Boo's eye patch? You'd catch his eye patch? Yeah. Why wouldn't I? It was very cool.

I mean, I'll grab the eye patch emissary dex in your butt. I may have to scare you straight later. Fair enough. Crystal drop, crystal drop, crystal drop, crystal, crystal, crystal. Oh, sorry. Crystal drop, crystal drop,

crystal drop, crystal drop. It's still open. We can all still hear you singing. Okay, sorry. Crystal, Met, Crystal Drop, and Met, get on the ship. Crystal Drop. German, it's still open. We can all still hear you singing to yourself. Okay, sorry. All right, sign it off. Met, Met, Crystal Drop, Crystal, Crystal, Met. Oh, okay. Oh, Met, Crystal, Crystal, Met.

Hey, that's great. Wow. This is, I'm no longer in the field. Thank you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. My perfect plan has come to completion. Ah, Grower Mind, thank you so much. That was an amazingly executed maneuver. I will now be forever combined with the Bargerian Jade. She is mine! She is mine!

I mean, honestly, I hate to do this, but we're in the middle of some big stuff, so unfortunately I'm just going to throw you into space. The will of the core will overtake you no matter what. Good rock! What's happening to the barterian jade? Mother, our tractor beams have stopped working. This is why I told you we should have commissioned technology to be done by the babies.

We are very good. I say it's time you know that babies are dumb. Babies are dumb. Babies are dumb. Imagine me saying something as foolish as, baby, you can drive my car. Surely my car would be dashed into a million pieces. We'll never let a baby drive a car. This is why babies aren't friends with non-babies.

Is that why? Are you sure? Yes. It's because they're sticky. Well, it would seem that our planet crushers getting stuck on one another has worked to our benefit. The Barterian Jade can hardly escape while we're blocking every possible exit. They could be the last ship we destroy and we'll still capture that relic. I will become the sole counselor on the Council of Seven.

No, I should be the head counselor. That's right. I want to be the sole counselor on the Council of Seven. No, I should be the head counselor. That's what I'm... I want to be the head counselor. I want to tell you that I've secretly had friends in my normal everyday life outside of you. Wait, no. Yes, yes. Real friends. Best... A shadow blocks out the sun.

Please. What is this giant dark shadow? Stop trying to distract us, Arcuri. No, I just... What in the world is this ship? I've never seen anything so massive in my life. Dear Rod. No.

It's a ship large enough to crush a planet crusher. Those are just rumors. Ah, well, they're not really. I bought one. Police! Hi, guys. Ah, yes. Glad you're here.

Yeah, this is my planet crusher crusher. It's named Linda after my wife. Oh, I didn't know you had a wife. Yeah, you guys never asked. Oh, so do you have a wife? How is she? Eh, it's kind of too late for that, don't you guys think? Okay. Well, well, surely you're here to help us crush the Rebellion headquarters.

You're here right on time, honestly, and it's a good thing you are. Definitely. We did not plan this ahead. We just have it all. Right. You were on a... Oh, gang. Come on, gang.

I got your phone number and... Right. Here's why. Everyone, surprise! Surprise! Yes, surprise. Happy all the birthdays. All the birthdays.

Ah, yes, they say it's your birthday. They're learning about your wife's name. Yes, they know. I know about the Council of Six. I mean, to be honest, when the door would close and I would leave, you would all start cackling and I could literally hear it through the door. Plus the cloaks, the dark cloaks in the cloak room. We all shared that. That was a shared space. Anyway,

I'll be honest with you guys. When I first found out, I was really hurt. It really feels bad to not be included. I just thought, man, I feel left out. And then so I started

thinking about it and I said, well, I think the only thing to do is probably murder the rest of the council and become emperor of the galaxy. Ballweed, are you suggesting that you formed an even more secret council?

A council of one? I guess you can call, I never called it a council of one because that sounds pretty dumb, doesn't it? Yeah, that's not pretty dumb. I mean, sure. That sounds honestly despicable and none of us would think of that, but honestly, we're glad you're here. You can help us crush the rebellion.

Whatever you just said was a joke, and we find it all very funny because you're the funny one. I'll tell you what, Bowie. We'll all back up, and you can crush the rebellion on your own. Have fun. I will crush the rebellion, that is true, but not before I... Gosh, it sounds strange saying it, but I'm going to murder you all.

It sounds worse because you say it so nicely. It does sound worse that way. Bowie, shut up! No, you shut up. Wow. He's crushed. Drink. Crushed drink.

Anybody want some crab paste? That's pretty funny. Is that a dad joke? Well, you can't. You can't crush the queen of the babies because I'm so cute and innocent. Oh, he crushed her. Ballweed, you're out of control. Ballweed, I would love to join you on the planet Crusher Crusher, and together we will take out these... No, no thanks.

No! Crusher, Crusher, and together we will take out these... No, thanks. Paul Wheat, you know I'm probably going to die in the next five or ten minutes. Nope, five or ten seconds. Paul Wheat, listen to me. You've gone mad with power. You're acting crazy. All hell to skelter. There has to be a system of checks and balances for a government to work. You should have told me that yesterday.

Very well, Paul. We'd kill me if you wish. But please, let Joko go. She's an innocent in all this. Let her make her weird outsider art for years. Sounds good to me. Shine on, you crazy diamond. I am not a robot.

Into the escape pod, Joko. I'll remember you forever. One day I'll write the palette of Rachel and Joko. I am a you forever. One day I'll write the palette of Rachel and Joko. I am a paper cookie. I feel fine. Hey, Gunther. Hi, Joey Joey. How you doing?

You know, I've been better. Yeah. So I guess... Getting a lot done today. Yeah. So I guess... Getting a lot done today. Yeah. I guess you're not going to make it to my one bucket show, are you? No. But could I just ask for one last dramatic monologue?

Sure. To be... Nope. The reviews are in and you're dead. The reviews are in, and you're dead. Guys, what just happened? If I had to take a guess, there was a faction of six within the Council of Seven who each made their own planet crusher, who then descended upon the Rebellion to destroy it,

not knowing that each one of them was hoping to be the one who destroyed the Rebellion, who then fell into infighting, in which case the one person left out of the Council of Six, Wow. That's a guess, of course. The planet crusher crusher crushed all six planet crushers, and now the planet crusher crusher's tractor beam is pulling us inside the planet crusher crusher. That was a nice recap, Nermin. Thanks, but look, guys, this is... Oh, yeah, go.

Oh, that's pretty bad. The Planet Crusher Crusher's tractor beam is so big, these crystals did nothing. It's pulling us straight into the hangar. Oh, gosh. Margie, I mean, I know it might not do much, but maybe you should, I don't know, fire a couple shots off of this Planet Crusher Crusher? Sure. Here we go.

Yeah, I don't have any more. What, you're out of ammunition? Yeah, I mean, I guess I guess they end. Did you realize that? I thought. Marty, you used it all shooting inside the hangar and at our own fighters? Well, and also technically a couple of them I sold. So.

You sold your ammunition? I was the ship next to him. He's like, hey, you got an ammo like a bug off you. And I'm like, here you go. What? I was making a friend. Bargy. You all want Bargy to die alone.

I get it. I get it. You're under attack. It's fine. You know, I got the greatest weapon of all. Watch and learn. Open up your hatch. Because my gun's coming straight through.

Well, that line had the effect we predicted. Oh, boy. Well, guys, I suspect this mind-wiped and restraining bolt process will be all the more painful. It's been really great, guys. I feel like I love to close out a season with an emotional revelation from myself. It is the last day of Zastarkatarn, isn't it?

Yeah. You know, I'm just happy that we got to play a tabletop role-playing game for once. That was fun. That was fun for just a little while. I didn't understand any of the rules I was evolving. Oh boy, this is... Wow, I've never seen a hangar this big. Whatever happens, guys. I think the space is going to watch out for us,

so I think we'll be okay. Worst thing you've said since you said you found me boxes. We know what the tension is. Greetings, strange crew. It is I, Bordoff, Head Toadie to the Supreme Leader. Wait, Head Toadie is your title? Yes, I'm the head of all Toadies. Psychophants.

Psychophants too? Yes, I'm in charge of all psychophants. You know both of those words are insults. Head Toadie. He also knows we're not psychophants. No. You should be so lucky as to be the first pathetic individuals to meet the Emperor. Oh, boy.

All right. Here we go. Toadie out. Hi. Hi. I am Emperor Nermit Bundaloy. Say what? Sorry.

Wait, what? What? I'm the Emperor of the Galaxy. You're not Nermit Bundaloy. What in the? Dr. Balwit is dead. I am now Emperor Nermit Bundeloy. Gunther Balwied is dead. I am now Emperor Nermit Bundeloy. Why?

Nermit, Nermit, calm down. Wait, is your name Nermit Bundeloy? Yes, my name is Nermit Bundeloy. What a coincidence. You know, as one of the seven counselors that rule the galaxy, it's hard to keep a low profile. So if I want to, you know, go out to a hotel or heck, even order a Blue Julius, I need to use an alias.

So one day, as I was thumbing through all the casualties of the Delegator, rest in peace, I saw one name that really jumped out. Nermit Bundeloy. Great. I decided to use that as my alias. And since I am no longer Counselor Gunther Ballweed, I thought I might take on a

whole new persona. Long live Emperor Nermit Bundeloy. Nermit Bundeloy. That's it. Very easy to say. What? Wait, now you can say it, Bargy? I was said with such distinction and confidence. That is...

Everyone across the galaxy will hear the name Nermit Bundeloy and tremble. I don't know about that. Wait a second. It's you. You're the avatar of the WAC. Well, my kids think I'm pretty WAC, but don't tell them. I think they deep down like me. Emperor Bundeloy, I don't know if you know me, but you're about to.

Why would I know you? I... Nermit, you can't have thought he was talking to you. I am Zima Warrior Plek Dex Setter. Huh. The chosen one of the space. Okay. And I will tell you this.

I'm ready. Right now, you and me, let's throw down. I'm ready. Did you read all the scrolls? Did you get through all the scrolls? No, I didn't. I mean, I didn't finish all of them, but I felt like I got a pretty good... So you're a Zima, huh?

Yeah, that's right. Wow. Oh, hey, look at that. You got a stick. It's a wood saber. Oh, I got one of those too. My kids gave it to me. Look at this thing.

It's double-sided. All wood sabers are double-sided if you hold them in the middle. Oh, I guess so. Well, I guess I'm holding mine in the middle then. I won't let you get away with this. Oh, yours broke. You, she's broke. I got a splinter. I like the cut of your jib because you're a pink

straight Tellurian. And this is our story, isn't it? This is all about us. I don't know about that. I mean, I tried to get rid of every woman and alien in the council. It's just about us. It's pink straight Tellurians. We run the galaxy. We should at least, don't you think? I don't know. There's 20 things wrong with that immediately.

I mean, I don't disagree that that's how it is, but I don't think that's how it should be. That's how it's going to be under the Bundaloy reign, I'll tell you that much. Oh, boy. Join me, Plop. Join me. It's Plek, actually. Yeah, it's Plek. Great.

Listen, Emperor, you may have a planet crusher crusher. You may have the rule of the whole galaxy. But I've got something you don't have. What? Freshness. And a bean. You may have a planet crusher crusher. You may have the rule of the whole galaxy. But I've got something you don't have. What? Freshness. And a bean. Oh, yeah.

I'll be taking the bean. What? Why? Because that bean is the most powerful object in the galaxy. Is that a bean? Are you guys idiots? You guys are a bunch of idiots, aren't you? Pardon my language, but I think you guys are a bunch of numbskulls.

I don't think numbskulls is a swear word. I'm pretty sure it is. I'm going to run aside. Sure. Emperor Bundeloy, could we just give us just one quick second? Yeah, no problem. Not you, Nermits. Sorry, I'm Bundeloy. I'm present in the moment.

Okay, right, this guy. Okie dokie. Yeah, just take a sec if you need it. Then I'll kill you all. Not you. Sorry, I'm bundle- Being present in the moment. Okay, right, this guy. Okie dokie. Yeah, just take a sec if you need it. But then I'll kill you all, just- Fair enough. Yep. Looking forward to it. You know what to help Emperor?

Uh, good, great. You don't want to be a problem solver. You don't want active problem solutions. You know, what are you talking about? All Beano need is for you to tell Bino what you really want. What do I really want? Bino can grant you one wish. That is Bino's power.

Wait. Bino! A planet crusher, crusher, crusher. No, we're inside the planet crusher, crusher. Just anything. A gun, a rock. Not a rock, a rock. Maybe that I have super strength.

No, you have super strength, Darth. More than I already have. Hey, gang. Hey, gang. I'm on a time schedule. So I'm going to need the aside to be over right now. All right. Okay. Well, I felt we were pretty close to deciding on that one. Okay, so just to recap, I'm going to kill everybody and keep you. Okay, me. Great.

You know, but before you do, I just want to say that I want... Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it. Make Bajie a star. What? No, Bajie. Bina, make Bajie a star. Bina? No, no, no.

No, no, no. Mayday, this is Rebel Pilot Hark Tarnas. It is certain my hyperdrive was fixed, but now I'm rocketing through hyperspace for what feels just like a really long time. Like years? I have no idea. Too long. So long that I've seen other Hark Tardigas

exist alongside me in digital space? Dark mirrors of myself that seek to take my place in the universe. Freaky. But with my faint signal, I've uploaded my meta locations so Rebel HQ can find me. But I'll need your help to escape. If you're a master of choosable path games, enlist immediately with Rolf's Tittle

at our website, therebellion.space, made with Squarespace. Squarespace's generous sponsorship has helped our noble rebellion enormously. And for that, we will be forever grateful. So head over to our beautiful site now, therebellion.space, and click Make a Site, so you can build your own glistening web presence with a free trial at squarespace.com slash six.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code 6ZYXX for a discount. How cool is that? Oh, was that the Barterian Jade here? Anyway, again, that's therebellion.space to experience the text adventure game Lost in Digital Space to save me, Hark Tardigast. And squarespace.com slash six. Offer code six to launch your own glorious website. Don't mind the rod. I'm hearing colors.

I'm seeing pure thought. Rebels, do be proud in battle. Long live the rebellion. Hark Tardigas, signing off! That's the fastest hyperspace I've ever experienced. What happened? Do we see Hark, Tardigas down there? Where are we?

Emissary Dexator, it's only been a second, but we're 16 sectors away from where we were a minute ago. That's practically half the galaxy. Well, guys, look at that sign. Oh, it's the Hollywood sign. I've only seen this in hollows. Ironically enough. What is this? I'm Sari Dexner.

I have an incoming transmission from Leximar Pwench. Pwench? Leximar Pwench. Hey, Barge, it's Lexi Pwench here. Wow, Lexi Pwench? Pwench? Leximar Pwench. Hey, Barge, it's Lexi Pwench here. Wow, Lexi Pwench, the most in-demand agent in all of the industry. Yeah, I'm from UTA, Universal Talent Agency. I honestly thought you guys forgot about me. Nobody forgets about the Bargerian Jade.

I love you. We all love you. Toots is dead. You're in. We love it. Wow. Seems rude. Wow, I feel better about that. R.I love you. Toots is dead. You're in. We love it. Wow. Seems rude. All right, me too, but you are the best.

We all love you. You got meetings out the wazoo. We love you. Well, let me say this. Now that I might be a star again, I'm going to stay humble, and I'm going to stay close with my friends. I'm not going to forget about the people. Yeah, by the way, who are these people? I don't know. Anyway, I'm so excited. Let's talk about it. What are you thinking? A movie franchise? Three movies? Trilogy? Oh, can I be like a superhero? What? Come on! Hey, uh, Emissary Plec Dexator here.

Okay, alright. Guys, that was insane. Wait a second. Guys. Bino. Bino, are you okay? Bino, you saved our lives. And Bargy's career. Bino?

Let me say one thing. Not treated you with the respect that you deserve. We'd all be dead if not for your heroic actions. Bino, love, noble sacrifice. Bino, love it. Bino, Bino, everything's gonna be okay.

Bino. Bino. He's farting inward. Stay with me. He's farting inward. Oh no, Bino. Stay with us, Bino. Bino used all Bino's power. It was very hard to make Bungie a star. Oh no, Beano. Stay with us, Beano. Beano's power. It was very hard to make Bucky a star. Oh, sure. Yeah. I can imagine.

Beano, love you all. We love Beano. We love you, Beano. Beano. Little Beano. Beano, everything's going to be okay. Let's hear the story of Beano one last time. Of course, Beano. When we found you, Beano, you were locked in a little box on a tiny planet. Bino, everything's going to be okay. Let's hear the story of Bino one last time. Of course, Bino.

When we found you, Bino, you were locked in a little box on a tiny planet guarded by a man named Chad. There was only a roof. There were no walls. And the crew answered a series of honestly pretty medium-hard riddles. Easy, most of them. Everything's going to be okay, Bina.

We repeatedly refused to send you to. Then, Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundle. That proved to be a good call on our part. Otherwise, we might have lost you forever. And then you and I performed our first magic show together. And last. And last, sure. At Dodeca Helen's talent show.

We knew we shouldn't have gotten you wet. But we did. We got you wet. And last, sure. At Dodeca Helen's talent show. We knew we shouldn't have gotten you wet. But we did. We got you wet. And you cracked. And you hatched into a real bean. And you've been our constant companion ever since. And you became my manager. When no one out there thought I was anybody.

Now that they do. Well, that's pretty cool. The part that people think I'm something now. You see, Beanino takes 70%. But Bino gives 100%. Still, a decently high percentage. Bino and Baji. Baji and Bito.

Bino and Baji. And you've made me a star again. be no, be no. And you've made me a star again. Hold on, Beano. Beano, say goodbye. His legs and arms are shrinking back into himself. His spiraling eyes are unspiraling. He's turning back into a regular bean.

No. He's heating up. Beano. No, Beano. Beano. Beano. Beano. Whoa. Oh.

Whoa. So small, and yet... Whoa. That is a hot bean. Dar, put it somewhere. Hot,

hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,

hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Dar, this frame is safety ring up to

2,000 degrees, if that's... Oh, no, I just I put it inside of me And I don't have to take any of my haul off. Isn't that amazing? Parchee, I, you know what?

You deserve it. Yeah, I'm so excited. I've already made new friends. I'm friends with Billy LaFlorga. Just shot, just shot. And do you know Kelsey Patu? She knows my name. I just got invited to a brunch.

And, uh, yeah, I have 8.20 billion followers on holomedia now. And this is the only way I'm making friends in the future. We're really excited to meet all those people when you introduce us. Uh, Bargy, why are you opening your hatch? Good day. I, uh, just dropped you off. I think this is, uh... Bar- Bargy, what are you doing? Alright, tipping you over, dumping you over.

No, Ralph! What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I My nub. Bye, Bargy. Bye.

See me in the movies. This is CRED IT5. Credits and attributions joined. Commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plek Dexeter and Counselor Roscoe Pestinian were played by Alden Ford. C-53 and Counselor Rachel Akuri were played by Jeremy Benn. Deep Space Master Dar and Counselor Joey Joey were played by

Allie Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, Sisu Gandu and Counselor Monica Kasu were played by Mujan Zolfagari. Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy, Counselor Phoebe Rump, and Head Toadie Bordoff were played by Seth Lind. Vino, Rolfestiddle, Counselor Chandler Trink, Leximar Bunch, and Emperor Nermit Bundeloy, counselor Phoebe Rump, and head Toadie Bordoff were played by Seth Lind. Vino, Rolfestiddle, counselor Chandler Trink,

Leximar Quench, and Emperor Nermit Bundeloy were played by Winston Knoll. The grower mind of the Keck was played by John Robert Wilson. This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Bronze Studios in Brooklyn, New York. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening choral narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship designed with Bargerian Jade by Eric Goitz. Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.

This concludes Season 2 of Mission to Ziggs. The grower mind is everywhere. You cannot run. You cannot hide. The will of the swarm will overtake you no matter where you are. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey, Germit.

Hey, Foreman Tan. Thank you. Okay. Now that the tractor beams are off, it's harder to hold on. There's no reason that would be true. I thought they're in. She has. Crusters.

Okay, fine. All right. Great. I think we got a wrap. It's awesome to know it's JR. So JR, thank you for that. That's awesome. Thank you, JR.

Yes. So funny. Miss you guys. Aw. Thank you, buddy.