Mission To Zyxx - 305: Bad Grandma [ft. Rachel Pegram]

Episode Date: April 17, 2019

The crew visits the beautiful planet Amber to enlist the help of a mysterious government official. Dar smells an opportunity. Bargie does an impression. AJ reads the room. Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Theo Winston Noel as AJ and Melissa Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie With special guest Rachel Pegram as Grandma Edited by Seth Lind Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME’s Macedonian Symphony Orchestra Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Crowd chanting by our Season 3 launch live show audience Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by Simplecast Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of fear and unrest. Emperor Nermut Bundeloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist, and also a planet crusher. Crusher. Now, Zemanite Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Six. Hey, what?

Oh, uh, yeah. Bargy, what's up? Like, you have those, uh, those scrolls, right? Those, like, magical little scrolls that... Oh, you know, I'm glad you asked, Bargy. I don't think the scrolls themselves are magical. I think it's more... Is there, like, a formula for you to change the shape of a ship?

Uh, yeah, they're not magic... They're not really spells. No. No? Then why are you hanging around a lot? Uh, I decided to pick up a second wood saber for, like, tight quarters. So this is like a sort of

close combat wood saber. I'm not sure that qualifies as a full-fledged saber, though. Okay, well, it's sort of like a wood dagger. So to clarify, let me just take everything you said back. You can't do anything. You know, Barjee, let me actually read to you a little bit from these ancient scrolls.

Fantastic. Just to kind of give you an idea, because I feel like they're more just like prophecies that I kind of need to unpack. So here's one of the scrolls. Candyman, tempting the thoughts of a sweet tooth, tortured by the weight loss program, cutting

the corners, loosened, loosened, cut, cut, on the fence, could not to offend. Loose end. Cut, cut. On the fence. Could not to offend. Cut, cut. Cut, cut. Yeah, that's the stuff. That's just garble.

Well, I think it's... Those are sacred texts. Yeah, there's a message hidden in there somewhere. Yeah, this is not magic. Okay. Could not to offend doesn't make any sense. Okay, but what if you could not? What if you said it fast?

Like, could not to offend. Like that, I think you could not? What if you said it fast? Like, could not to offend? Like that, I think. So, you can't do anything. No, listen. Finally, I have a magical being inside of me who could change my shape and make me disappear so I could continue with all the horrible things I've done in the

past couple months just under the rug. Oh, boy. Bargy, you know, maybe we can talk about like upgrading some of your equipment maybe we can change your hole a little bit what how about that i'm not exchanging money in public oh okay that's a very specific restriction barge yeah is that no one will see any croon hovering between me and space wait bargy when you pay for something do you do you shoot the croon through space at whoever you're paying? Of course. Wait, who do you think I am, huh?

Okay, I'm just saying that... I have a very limited amount of croon, and Dar is in charge of it right now, okay? Wait, Dar's in charge of your croon? Yeah. Oh. I'm very good with money. Well, you invested a literal pile of croon into BitCroon and lost it all, so...

That's just numbers, okay? Huh. You never divested from BitCroon? No, no, because it's going to spike right back up. It's been sort of a while. You'd think it would have spiked by now. Well, here's the thing with the Emperor. Everything's in flux, you know. But if you wanted to invest, maybe. Wait, is this also in BitCroon? No, actually, you'd be investing in a side venture that I'm working on.

Uh, okay. It's called Itty Bitty Croon. Okay, I don't want that. A demon doesn't need money. Papa Dexeter, if you don't want that. A demon doesn't need money. I'm a deck setter. If you don't have any crude, how did you get your wood dagger? I would say I created

my wood dagger, you know, just sort of by snapping it off one of the trees that was in the parking lot of the library. And you created that branch that you snapped off? No, no, no. I created the wood dagger by snapping the branch. I didn't want to. Ah, AJ, that's way too big.

Look at mine. No, ah, AJ, you cannot swing that around in here. How did you get that? AJ, you are, how are you, how are you lifting that log? You are very strong. I was genetically bred to be stronger, faster. Nubile.

Nubile? Okay. Everyone be quiet. We're passing by a ship I know. Be quiet. Be quiet. Okay, alright. Don't even say anything. They got a bad history of investments. So I got involved. Because I was like, how bad can it be? And it's bad.

It's bad. Okay, all right. Bargy, did you see that? I love that story. We didn't get it. Bargy, can they hear us in here? Can they get it? Oh, what?

So the vacuum of space. The sound wouldn't travel. Shh. Okay. Shh. Okay. Oh, no. Oh, there's eye contact.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, there's eye contact. Oh, okay. And I'm on my way to school, Jenny. What? I'm just passing by. Just passing by. That's not her name. Her name's Barshi. Yeah, they did.

We all know that. Goodbye. Okay, they left. Bargy, don't you have like vocal simulators you can play? That sort of just sounded like your voice doing a voice. I'm a real actor, you know? I don't use fake enhances. There's nothing fake about me.

You get what you get. If I'm going to do another voice, it's me doing an impression. I can do anybody. Tell me and I'll do it. Oh, do Nermin. Oh, my name is Nermin. No, that's the same voice.

I'm a little thing. Bang on. I love it. Do me next. Who's that? Oh, hi. Papa Dick Center, I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager.

Hey, Nermin. Yeah. Okay, so you guys, we have come to an agreement. You have five minutes left in the nest, and then it will be fully Nermin's nest for the day. Nermin, what are you doing with those tornadoes? Oh, we came to a sort of truce where they will not eat me if they are allowed to kind of, I guess, sublet. Are you tornadoes living in your nest?

So you're sharing your home with natural predators. I mean, guys, this is working. The sharing economy is strong. So what are you getting back from that? So the exchange is they're not tearing me tail from plume. Nermin, do you need money?

Because I have a little side hustle with the bitty, bitty bitly croon. Is this a blue t-shirt, Dara? Yeah, this one's just for Nermin. Okay. Is this a Christian shirt, Debra? Yay, this one's just for Nerman. Okay. You know, Dar, I'm committed

to being a breadwinner, and I may have no income, but I still, out of pride, will say no. That's pretty regressive, man. Hmm. Hmm. Let's see. Nerman, do we have a mission? Yes. Turn on us.

Great. Alright. Alright, guys. I a mission? Yes. Turn on us. Great. All right. All right, guys. I've been looking through the database, and I found a planet. Amber. I don't know if you know it. No. Okay.

It makes sense that you wouldn't, because the inhabitants of this planet have never sided with any of the dominant galactic groups. They never aligned with the monarchy. They never aligned with the Federated Alliance. They never aligned with the monarchy. They never aligned with the Federated Alliance. They never aligned with the rebellion. They have not aligned with the emperor. So this is a prime place for us to go in and establish contact with the local leader

on behalf of the burgeoning battle against Wackness. Nermit, why would we have any confidence that the people of Amber would follow us? I mean, they've never declared any sort of allegiance before. You sort of assume there are people who just don't get behind big causes. That's the thing. Our cause is pretty little. I mean, that's true.

People want to get in on the ground floor. They want to get in on the ground floor of something? I think we should definitely go to this place. I don't think this is the kind of... We need to get to Amber right away. Okay. Listen, Bargy, Dart, I don't know what kind of scheme you're running right now,

but we sort of have, like, a bigger... Scheme? Scheme. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Nermin, just tell us where to go.

All right, guys. I'm going to give one of my collaborators the tornado the honor of pushing this button, which will send the coordinates. The tornado. It's just sweeping it. No. I'm going to put the nationator in his place.

Hey, you did it. Oh, he did send the coordinates. Ah. I'm a little worried about Nermin I'm worried about Dar I'm worried about Borgie Oh no Oh, wow. Amber is beautiful. C53, do you know anything about this place?

Well, historically, it's been sort of a cultural hub for various free thinkers, artists, dissidents, who all wish to exist outside the modern-day Federated Alliance. This place is perfect. I just need to set up my projector and my slides, and I think I'm going to help. Dara, do you have like a whole system here? Yeah, but I promise I won't fall behind it.

I only need to carry these three suitcases and, you know, set up the equipment. I hope someone has a microphone I can borrow. Oh, my God, oh, my God. You're here. Oh, good. Okay, good. Have a nice day. Have a nice day.

Bye. Okay. Where are they going? They came up to us and left us so quickly. Oh, all right. I should have brought my wood smith. You don't really need that. You know what?

Let's just go into this situation assuming... Hey, guys. Oh, thank God you're here. Oh don't really need that. You know what? Let's just go into this situation assuming... Hey, guys. I think Odos are here. Oh, hey. Catch you later. Hi there. What, uh... Hello?

Who are you? Hmm. Interesting. Are you interested in an investment? Dart. Can we... Let's wait until... I promise.

I promise, Bargy. I promise, Bargy. Okay. All right. Fine. Goodbye. I'm searching my cultural database to see if this is any part of life here on Amber. Extremely short conversations.

But I can't find anything for that. I think we need to try to find whoever's in charge here. That looks like the biggest building Julie had there. Yeah, honestly, that's probably a good idea. Oh, wow. That's very nice in here. Very opulent. It's the biggest building.

Ornate. Hello? Oh, wow. Listen to how your voice echoes in here, bud. Seems like I'm being misled. Oh. Hello? Hi.

Oh, hi. Listen to how that responds. Hi! Wow! You guys, you're not from here. No, actually, we just landed. You know, we're, I'm Zima Night Plex Dex Setter. Oh, okay. This is C-53 and Dar and AJ.

Wow, hello, hello, hello. I am Grandma the Third. Grandma the Third. Yes. Wow. Pleasure. Hi. Are you the leader of this world?

Oh, my rod. No, I am not the leader. I am the city councilwoman. Oh, great. That's actually also very obvious to me. Madam Councilwoman. Yes, hi. I brought the papers you requested. of you, sir. Madam, Madam Councilwoman. Yes, hi. I brought the papers you requested.

Thank you so much. These are late. I know. Okay. I'm still here. I'm still here! Uh. Oh, wow. You know, City Councilwoman, should I call you City Councilwoman?

Is that the right title? Yeah, you can call me City Councilwoman, should I call you City Councilwoman? Is that the right title? Yeah, you can call me City Councilwoman. You can call me Ma. You can call me Grandy. You can call me Lady Who Lunches. You know, whatever you like. You got a lot. I really like Grandy.

How about Gam Gam? That's what I used to call my grandma. Well, I'm not a grandmother. Oh. To be clear. Okay. I think Grandma is her name. to call my grandma. Well, I'm not a grandmother. Oh. To be clear. Okay. I think grandma is her name. It's my name.

Right, her title is Councilwoman. That I was given. Her name is Grandma. Do I look like a grandmother to you? No, I was going to say you look like a young grandma. I guess. Papa, you're being kind of problematic right now. Okay, never mind.

Listen, City Councilwoman, Grandma. Yes. We're actually trying to just get to know some of the planets here in the Ziggs Quadrant. We're recruiting for a war. Okay, that's not actually... Oh, war? You need to cool it. Okay.

What? This is AJ. You'll have to excuse AJ. He's very stupid. Look, I don't know what kind of war you're selling. We don't want any of it here. Okay. Amber's people are for Amber.

Yeah, that's really good. When you refer to Amber's people, it's hard to overlook the fact that this government building is empty. Well, it seems some folks are out sick. Huh. Councilwoman, sorry, I forgot. Yes? There's one paper I forgot to include. Wow, you forgot the paper.

I did forget. What are the papers? Well, I'd walk slowly on your way home tonight. No, please, no. I'm just telling you what you should do. No, no. Walk slowly on your way home. No, I'd rather hurry. Oh, enjoy it.

That sounds good. She is. Oh, enjoy it. That sounds good. She is one of my best friends. We are so close. That's Melissa. Me and Melissa joke. That's how we joke. You know, girls night, drinking wine, etc.

This is really good at acting scary. Yeah. How many other people work in the government building here? Oh, you know, upwards of two, three. Two, three. Is that including you and Melissa? Me, Melissa. That's two.

Oh, yes. And that worm. Does the worm work here or is the worm just here? The worm is on the payroll. Okay. Interesting. Oh. Okay.

Well. Hey there. Just kind of mops that one part of it. Yeah, it's pretty important. Yeah. It looks great. Now, do you find that just as a city councilman, there's just not a need for a bigger staff or? Well, people have just been going away.

Trips, you know. How would you guys like to go to war? AJ, you can't jump on that. Okay, how would I even? Oh, right. AJ doesn't know how to read. No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Hey, can I borrow one of your daggers real quick?

Uh, well, sure. Yeah, be careful. AJ, look at this stick! Look at this stick! Hold on, that's an ancient weapon. Okay, I'll follow it. Yay, alright! I'll be right back. Oh, AJ.

What? Yay, all right. I'll be right back. Oh, AJ. AJ? What? AJ? Oh, my goodness. That's a third of the staff of this city hall. Councilwoman, bring him. Melissa. I'm so sorry.

Melissa. Melissa, I need you to take over Lil' Inch's job. Really? Yeah. Just washing up that one space? Yeah, you have to just wash the one space. Okay. And do your job still.

Okay, and I'll just walk really slow. Yes. And I won't be disappeared. Yes, you better walk slow. I'm sorry. This is just that fun game you play with Melissa. Yes, Melissa! You get it, right?

Real quick, Councilwoman, Grandy, I'm just going to pull my two friends aside here and... Yeah, just one second, just one second, Grandy. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Guys, listen, this place is giving me the creepiest vibes. Yeah, I don't know about this. There's something untoward, isn't there? Going on in this town.

I got the dagger. Oh, yes, you did. Who's a good boy? Yeah, I am. Who's a good boy? I am. I'm the best. But I just wanted to say something weird happened. I was getting the dagger, and I looked.

I saw one of those people that we came in looking at. They were there. And then all of a sudden, they kind of got disappeared. What do you mean, AJ? They got disappeared? I don't know how else to say it. I guess I'm reading the room. No, that's not what I'm saying.

I can't. Not now. AJ, describe what happened. Well, they were there. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And they. AJ, describe what happened. While they were there, and they just disappeared. They got disappeared. They disappeared.

I think that's the proper use of that is got disappeared. They screamed and just vanished. Okay. It was... Grandma, grandie lady who lunches, uh, console woman, I... Yes? I cannot seem to find my parents. Oh, no. Hey, read the room, pal.

AJ, that's not what that means. You can't find your parents? I was with them. Uh-huh. In our home. Mm-hmm. And they have always been there until they were gone. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

And I would so like them back. Oh. How about something else? How about a job? Okay. I would believe there's a minimum age for... And what's the age you are? I am nine.

Oh, that's a good age. Thank you. We have an opening. Is this an extremely tiny mop? Yes. Little Inch used to clean that little area. And you're little with little hands. Listen.

Clean it up. Clean it up. I'm sorry to break in here. Councilwoman Grandy. Yes? Listen, I don't want to get involved with whatever's happening on this planet. And you shouldn't. But what is happening on this planet?

Papa's right. Get down on the ground, Grandy. Get down on the ground. Uh-oh. That's weird. Council. AJ? Come on.

Okay. Oh, no. Your friend. What happened? He was here and then he was gone. Oh no. Where is AJ? Your little annoying friend is gone.

Oh, so sad. Councilwoman Grady, this feels disingenuous. What? What? It just seems like you don't really care what happened to our planet. I do care. I care about everyone who enters my planet. The planet. Wait, your planet? The planet.

You said my planet. First you said my planet. Well, it's because I care about it so much. Well, okay, here's what I'd like to know. What do you plan to do about all the people disappearing? Well, I plan to set up a search party to figure out where they're hiding. Who is going to constitute this search party? I don't think anybody's left.

I want to help. I want to help find your townsfolk. Oh, okay. As a Zemanite, I think I'm up to the task. Oh, well, I guess you could go looking for them. Really? Sure. Go. Have a look. Have a nice mosey. C-53, do you have any sort of scanners you can run to try to figure out what is happening to these people?

Unfortunately, I can't. This Unlocking Ambassador frame doesn't have any long-range life-form scanners. I can run a scan for bargy-style fries, if that's helpful. No, I don't think we need that. No. I guess let's just make a sweep. That's insane optimism. They're clearly gone. Yeah.

Yeah, they got disappeared. Is that grammatically correct? Got disappeared? I was going to say no, but seeing it happen in front of me, I mean, people get disappeared. That is not an answer. It just doesn't sit right with me. I don't love it either, but I think it's the best we've got for now. I can tell you where they are.

Great. First you must cross the Wailing Sands. That sounds... And then travel down the Blister Gorge. And then cross over the dunes of Rylou. Okay, so we've got Wailing Sands, Blister Gorge. They're the signs right over there. Those are just street names. I see Wailing Sands, Lister Court. There are the signs right over there. Those are just street names.

I see Wailing Sands Boulevard, Lister Court. How far away are we talking? Four or five blocks. Okay. As we go there, we'll find the parents. Oh, wow. You are... I did not see you.

Sorry, yes, I'm scrubbing the sidewalk here under you. I don't think you have to do that. No? I don't think you have to. Also, why are you using such a tiny mop? That mop is for a worm. You should use a mop for a child. I could not agree more.

I can't believe they make those. No, they're distinct different sizes, and I would love a child-sized mop. What is your name? I'm Theo. Theo? Yeah. Theo, it's going to be okay. We're going to follow these... Oh, thank goodness. How do you know that? What? You Theo, it's going to be okay We're going to follow these

Thank goodness, how do you know that? You're sure it's going to be okay? That's such a relief That's just sort of something you say to a kid You can't make that promise Yeah, it's just something you say to a kid when things look grim It's not going to be okay? I can't make any promises

Theo, the future is an indefinite state We can't know if it's going to be good or bad Nobody knows Nobody knows the future Not an indefinite state. We can't know if it's going to be good or bad. Nobody knows. Nobody knows the future. Not big adults. We don't know. Follow me. You know, Melissa, I just want to thank you

for helping us out. I'm sure you did it a great peril. If you're in trouble here, maybe we can help you take Grandy down. Hey, Grandy, they're right over here. Oh, no. Yeah, they were trying to undermine you.

Melissa, why? This hurts. Hello, hello, hello. Melissa, I'm going to give you a kiss. Thank you. Wow, there's... Oh, no. give you a kiss. Thank you. Wow, there's... Oh no! That was a trick kiss.

A kiss of got disappearing. She took too long. Got disappearing? What are we doing to the language right now? Yes, it's got disappeared. It's grammatically correct. I just feel like there's gotta be a better...

There isn't. And you know what? I'm going to got disappear you right now. No, no, no. Listen. Here you go. You're going. And you're gone. Anyone else got comments? I'm okay, actually. Yeah, we're still all right. Well, you're all getting disappeared anyway. Goodbye.

Even the little boy. Say goodbye. Oh, this is great. Oh, wow. It's crazy we got visitors. Oh, boy. I shouldn't have disappeared all of them. I really, I really want to have sex one of these days. It's been so long. I disappeared my only boyfriend. What were you thinking,

Grandy? Damn. Guess I better go back to work. You know, there's potholes in this dang city I gotta fix. Oh, we need the potholes fixed. Ugh, your houses look like shit. Why should I fix your potholes? You don't take care of your house. Lucia? Papa? Papa? Papa, can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, AJ. Papa Papa Papa can you hear me

Yes I can hear you AJ Where are you Papa can you see me I can't see you I'm waiting by your arm Can you strike a number What sorry Can you strike a number

Oh okay C-53 You got disappeared What? Sorry? You state your number and I'll do it. Be in the line. Oh, okay. Oh, C-53. Quick. You got disappeared. I guess I did. Where are we? Do you guys want cut scenes? Do you guys want to cut live?

In front of Melissa? No, it's fine. Melissa, you don't have to. We don't want to get in more trouble. Okay. You state your number and I'll do it. Be in the, you don't have to. We don't want to get more trouble. Okay. Can you take a number and give me one? Just take this number. Oh, Theo.

I can't reach. Are you all right? Yeah, I'll get you a number. Can you get my number? Thank you. Are you sure you're not going to take a number? Listen, I've got a little thing going on right here. So you're cutting this through into little bitty, bitty, bitty, tiny, tiny teams.

Will it help us buy a house? Oh, it'll help you buy eight houses. thing going on right here. So you're cutting this through into little bitty, bitty, bitty, tiny, tiny, teensy, bitty, Now, will it help us buy a house, or will it... Oh, it'll help you buy eight houses. Eight? Okay, see, we don't know if we're ever going to do that, though, because we can't leave right now. Right. But you have to think about your future.

Darn. Where are you down the line? Literally and metaphorically? I guess here? Darn, you know what? Just catch up with us later, okay? We're investing. I understand that. Papa, this place is crazy.

Yeah, AJ, what is happening here? This line is miles long. Well, I've done a little recon. You know, when I was a Clint, I used to be one of the best at recon, so I asked the people in front of me and they said that this line is for everyone who got disappeared. That was a recon. Little Inch.

Little Inch. I thought you were dead. No. No, Little Inch disappeared right when I stepped on him at the moment of stepping. Wow. Thank God Little Inch is alive. That means I don't even have a job. Theo, that's not important.

That's what you're worried about? Theo, if we're here, that means your parents are in this line somewhere. Mommy? I mean, she could be... Okay, well, we have a kid again, so... Oh, boy. I forgot how neglectful they were. You didn't have to be so worried.

He gets that from you, Steve. You know what? Somehow, after they disappeared, I idealized my family in a way that seems so untrue. Yeah, it happened fast. Well, based on my reconnaissance, we are in the Got Disappeared Department. It's a government building. Melissa, do you know anything about this place? Well, we, you know, we've voted for Grandy.

And, Amber, when you vote for a council person, you imbue them with an incredibly powerful form of telekinesis. Why do you do that? Well, it's supposed to be for public transport. Oh, that makes some kind of sense. But occasionally the council person will use it to disappear people.

Occasionally? Well, there's the got-disappeared party, so you kind of know what you're going to get there. Sure. Was that Grandy's party? Yeah, it was. And you voted for her? In Secret 3, I just realized that's why everybody was running's party? Yeah, it was. Okay. And you voted for her? Well, it was...

In Secret Theory, I just realized that's why everybody was running. Okay. Yeah, I guess without Public Theory, you would just have to run everywhere. That's the quickest way to get from point A to point B. Yeah. Well, there is the light rail party. There's a light rail party? Well, the candidate wasn't likable.

But don't you want a light rail system? Well, if I can't feel like I can't have an orange beer with them, I don't know if I want to vote for them. Melissa, electability matters. Melissa, I feel like you need to make some changes in your government system. Your entire

civilization is grinding to a halt down here in the got-disappeared department. Well, what do you want me to do? I don't know. Run as a candidate in the light rail party. I never thought of that. Yeah, I think you could do it. You know how the government works.

I can't do much. I can just call a recall election, which will summon Grandy here. Then Grandy and I will have to have a battle of the minds. And if that wins, I will become the light rail leader and restore everybody back. That's all I can do! My hands are tied! Melissa, that sounds exactly

what we need to do. That sounds perfect. Ideal. Oh. Okay. Where did she get that megaphone? I recall the election of Councilwoman Grandma the Third, the lady who lunches! I summon her here now! What?

Hello, Councilwoman. Hello, Melissa. I see you've come to challenge me. I have. For too long the White Rail Party has been ignored. And it's time for us to find out what we shall do

once and for all. I can do this, Melissa I believe in you Melissa, I thought you were my friend But I see you are my enemy And I'm prepared to take you out Melissa, don't worry The advantages of a light round system are obvious This crowd does not want to get disappeared again

The battle of the minds Which means that each candidate will speak, will give a short speech. Oh, so like a debate. We call it a battle of the minds. It's a battle of the minds, actually. The incumbent shall go first, representing the Get Disappeared Party, Councilwoman Grandma, the third lady who launches. Thank you, Melissa. Grandma, the third lady who lunches.

Thank you, Melissa. Bye. Constituents, my people, the people of Amber, why would you want the light rail system when you can have the efficiency of the got-disappeared system? With the got-disappeared system. With the got-disappeared party, you are lifted up and taken exactly to your workplace. I don't leave the people of Amber hanging, okay? I leave them standing where they need to be.

In line? You got-disappeared me. That's true. And you know why? Because I ran on the got disappeared platform and not the light rail platform. The light rail takes you shore from one place to another, but it's not exactly where you want to go. Well, that's true. She's right. It only takes us to City Center. Yeah. I might as well do it myself. You might as well have walked the whole way.

And then what? You're tired and you're sweaty. And then the boss man says, you don't have a job anymore because you look like trash. I got fired for being too sweaty. Yeah, you did. Yeah. I find Melissa to be shrill. And what about Melissa's emails? Melissa's got too many unanswered emails.

We've seen it. If you vote for me, I'll open every email, even if I don't read it. I know all of you care. I know all of you care about getting to where you need to be as fast as you can. Right, Mark? You care about getting where you need to be. I do. I hate the light rail. Yeah, I made sure you got to your daughter's birthday party on time.

Remember that? Yeah, my favorite daughter. Yes. Daddy, are you in line? I haven't seen you in seven months. Wow. Rebella. A reunion. Everyone benefits when we have the Got Disappeared system.

Am I right? Everyone benefits. Everyone gets where they need to go. Disappeared. Disappe go. Disappear. Disappear. Disappear. Yes. Disappear.

Listen, a vote for me means you're all out of here and you're right back where you were before you got disappeared. No questions asked. I concede. I concede I concede That's a good deal I concede

Okay Melissa Then I will remain your city council woman And you know what You're all out of here. No! No! Dar, Dar, we're saved. We're out.

We're back on the surface. I was so close. I had so many new investors. I could see it in their eyes. They were all hungry. I don't know. It doesn't seem like you need to cut your losses. Maybe the benefit is this planet is functional again and people can live their lives.

Hey, Bargy. Yeah. I think we're... We really could have used my wood saber up here. I thought that was a weird thing. You have to... Can you do that in the cargo hold or something? It's just a little bit tight quarters here. All right.

All right. I'll see you guys later. I'm going to go train with my wood saber. Papa Dexter, I think you need to give him some more active instruction in the space. He's filling in a lot of the blanks himself. And I would say he's doing

it wrong. Well, the whole point of learning the space is filling in the space between the spaces you already know with the spaces you don't. Dodd, did you get it? Are we okay? Am I fine?

Can I go back? Can I pay off all the bad things that I did? All the sins that I created? Well, I'm going to take that as a no. I know. I was trying to think of a clever way to tell you, but, uh, we have less than nothing. Wow. Because obviously everything I invented is imaginary. Okay. Uh-huh.

Okay. Incoming message from Master Visionary Vermin Fork and Heiken Soup. Bargy's right. There's an incoming transmission from Master Vision Separations. Hey, guys.

Nermit. Hey, where did the Tornados go? Right? They're gone. Where did they go? Yeah, what'd you do? I can see them way off in the distance there. Right.

We set up a perimeter agreement. Okay, here's the paper. You can see the scratch marks on the bottom. I'm pretty sure they agreed to this. It looks like they just bit it. Ah think that represents a contractual type deal i feel like i feel like they were waiting for you to lay an egg i understand if you don't understand this legalese that has bound the tornada and i don't think that slash in the paper as legally as I think. I will file this in the stick nest. So guys, what's up? Amber, are they with us?

You know, Nermit, we got down there. There is a lot of politics that, you know, hard for me to even describe, but it almost feels like the failings of their two-party system has created a rift between them and the civilizations around them. Wow.

Zach, no! Zach, look at this! No! No! Zach! Look at this! You signed it! You signed it. I can't believe that worked. Yeah, see? Thank goodness for the legal system. See you next time. This is SeaRed IT5, credits and attributions joy, commencing Outro Protocol. Papa Plec Dexeter was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bend. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Margie the Ship was played by Mujan Zulfagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Theo were played by Seth Lind. AJ and Melissa were played by Winston Knoll. Grandma was played by special guest Rachel Peagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Theo were played by Seth Lind. AJ and Melissa were played by Winston Knoll. Grandma was played by special guest Rachel Pegram. Rachel is an actress and comedian who performs regularly with ASCAT at UCB NYC

and at Lo-Fi and at That Shit Ray at Union Hall in Brooklyn. You can follow her on Twitter at Rachel Pegram and on Instagram at I'm Rachel Pegram. Thank you to the audience at our Season 3 Kickoff Live show for chanting, Disappeared. This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Braun Studios in Brooklyn, New York. Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Ziggs is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott.

And we're the hosts of Everything's Coming Up Simpsons. Every episode we cover a different episode of The Simpsons that is a favorite of our special guests. We've had guests that are showrunners and writers and voice actors like Nancy Cartwright. I got a D-minus, I passed! And we've also had people that are on the MaxFun network already. We've had Weird Al Yankovic on the show. I was just struck by how sharp the writing is. I mean, that's no surprise because it's The Simpsons,

but I mean, like, you can't say that about a lot of TV shows, particularly ones that at that point had been on the air for 14 years. Find us on MaximumFun.org, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. Smell you later. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned.

Audience-supported. Can we just get that? Should I do that? Please stop. Please stop. Rachel, I'm so sorry. This is like listening to the song, and it's not what people should have to do without choosing to.

Cut, cut, cut, cut. Because when all the little ants are marching. No, no, no. Absolutely not. Rachel's going to get up and leave the room. She would be well within her room at this point.