Mission To Zyxx - 310: Eightal Attraction [ft. Tami Sagher]

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

The crew receives a mysterious distress signal en route to Zima Prime. Nermut has stomach problems. AJ does a perimeter check. Pleck finally experiences a bed. Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy, Bordoff and Nine Winston Noel as AJ and CLINTs Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Sixty With special guest Tami Sagher as Seven EIGHT Nine Edited by Seth Lind Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME’s Macedonian Symphony Orchestra Additional Music by Shane O’Connell Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Crowd chanting by our Season 3 premiere live show audience Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by Simplecast. Come see us at PodX in Nashville on June 1st! Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. Support the show on MaxFun to get Bermut Nundaloy’s full length album Bermiful Nelodies, plus lots more exclusive content.

All right, okay, here we go. This is Fondo Parkward. This is Sea Red IT-5 with a special announcement. Hey, shut up, I ain't working! What's in, boys? Shut up! The crew will be eating hot chicken in Nashville, Tennessee, the weekend of June 1st. They will also be performing a live improvised show at the PodX Podcast Convention.

Tickets at missiontozix.space. Full lineup at podx.com. It is a time of fear and unrest. Emperor Nermut Bundeloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher. Crusher. Now, Zemanite, Plek Dexeter, and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy

to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the space and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zinx. I'm sorry. Listen, this is uncomfortable for me to ask, but I just, um, parent to parent. Yeah. How did you, like, make sure that, um, you know, the sentient being that you birthed didn't turn into a monster? My son, Blippi? Yeah. Well, let me tell you this, Dawn. As a mother, it's hard. Your kid wants to do something else. It wants to become an amusement park, now a laser park.

And last time I heard, I got a little text from him. He changed his name to Tree Boy. He's into nature now. He turned himself into a forest to find himself. You know, that all sounds very complicated and interesting, but he's not a monster. So how do you guarantee that they don't turn into a monster? Every child is a monster. Oh? But you're going to love them, regardless, you know?

I don't think I could love a monster. I know, but over here, have you tried emotional conditioning? I'm sorry, what? Brainwashing, things like that. I haven't actually given birth yet. Well, when I was gestating in my giant tube with the other clones, I was brainwashed to, you know, fight and kill and things like that. Okay. I don't know. I'm not a mother, but just throwing that out there, try brainwashing.

You know what you should do? I figured it out. Because with Blimpy, I told Blimpy, you're a ship, be a ship, be a ship. And what did Blimpy do? He did the opposite. When your being comes out of you, tell it you're a monster, you're a disgusting monster, and then it'll be the perfect thing. Or you can just pry its eyelids open and make it watch propaganda. Dara, I'm coming into this conversation a little bit late, but I wouldn't recommend either of these parenting methods.

Okay, yeah, we're on the same page. In collective wisdom, a number of child psychologists would go... Hey, robot man. Hey, robot man. How did that catch on? I don't know. How did robot man catch on? Did you ever actually birth a ship out of your tiny ship hole?

No, I don't possess a ship hole. Did you go through the struggle of getting a tinier ship coming out of your ship hole? Sorry, Margie. Can you explain? I'm sorry. Can you explain what is your ship hole? Wow. Can I see it?

Black. I just don't understand what it is. How much more description do you need? I mean, is the ship fully, is it like able to fly when it... That's a Tolorean education for you. Okay, all right. Listen, guys, we're going to be at Zima Prime soon. Let's just try to focus.

I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operator. Hey, Nerman, what's up? Hey, guys. Whoa, is your camera working? What's going on? I don't see anything. Well, you don't even. I'm inside a tornado.

Don't worry about it. What? Inside a tornado? Nerman. It's fine. This tornado is in violation of the agreement, and we're going to work it out. Nerman. Yes.

The tornadoes, they're unthinking predators. This is going to be fine. Like, my dad knows a lawyer who's going to... You're currently getting break-eaten. Yeah, you got eaten. I hate to be the one to break this to you. You got eaten. No, I'm whole.

Listen, I admit I was swallowed. Eaten? What line are you drawing? Chewy. Oh, yeah, chewy, yeah. The line is chewy. Yes. It's a little hot and acidic in chewing, yeah. The line is Chewing. Yes. It's a little hot and acidic in here, but let me give you the mission.

I'm either going to kind of climb back out the mouth or just hope he poops soon. I don't know. Nermin. Yeah. What you're going to want to do is plant, form a strong base. Yeah. Put your hands right here, right in front of you. Wait, AJ, have you been eaten before?

I have. I got out. This is what I've done. You're sitting in tummy juice right now. You've got to get on your feet. Right in front of you. Wait, AJ, have you been eaten before? I have. I got out. This is what I've done. You're sitting in tummy juice right now. You gotta get on your feet. You gotta plant. What does that mean, AJ? What does that mean?

When you say plant... You gotta plant. You gotta promote your feet. I think it means plant your feet. Make a base. You plant. Put your hands out. Thrust forward.

Pull apart. And rip its guts out. and then pull yourself out. Think of it like a shithole, like you're coming out of a big shithole. I don't know. I think AJ's stronger than me. Anyway, the point is not the predatory bird that I happen to be inside. The point is a really important mission.

I'm going to have to turn my little headlamp on to read the mission. I guess I'm seeing the inside of a rib cage. Did it eat the mission here, too? No, no, no. I'm on. Okay. I'm going to have to turn my little headlamp on to read the mission. I don't know. I guess I'm seeing the inside of a rib cage. Did it eat the missionator, too? No, no, no. I'm on my remote. Oh, you're on your bit fit. Yeah, I'm on my bit fit.

So, guys, get this. A signal came over the rebel frequency. What? Yes. Yeah, that frequency has been dead silent since the planet crusher crusher crushed all the planet crushers and the planet that the rebellion was on. That means there's a rebel cell still in existence. This could be, A, a bastion of support against the emperor, and B, possibly people that need saving. How are there still rebels?

Well, all the rebels were located in the rebel headquarters. There were rebel outposts all over this expo. One of those outposts could still be functioning. Yes. Yeah, but what about our mission? We gotta get to Zima Prime. No, see, AJ, this is exactly the kind of thing that Zima needs to know. When people are in trouble, we need to help them.

We can get to Zima Prime later. It'll still be there. No, I get it, Papa. We'll just put Zima on ice for right now. Put Zima on ice. I don't get it. Why'd you say that twice? We'll just put the Zima on ice for right now. Put Zima on ice. I don't get it. Why'd you say that twice? We'll just dice in the Zima. All right, so I'm going to...

Here, Bargy, are you ready? What? 396B, T41, 11-992... You can't say coordinates from your... No! Oh, oh, right. Yeah, here you go. Okay.

Coordinates for six. All right, guys, I'm going to continue having a totally normal, fine day. Nermit, do you need help? Should we help you? Can we call someone? No, I'm good. Do you call your parents? We can call your parents.

Yes, honestly, call my parents and ask for Denzio Tilfin. What? It's the lawyer my dad knows. He will talk to you. That's the Tornado's lawyer. The Tornado does not have a lawyer. We'll get to the Tornado's lawyer and they'll work this out. The Tornado does not have a lawyer. We'll get to the Tornado's lawyer and they'll work this out. The Tornado does not have a lawyer.

That's stomach acid. Got a plan? Can you see a trachea from where you are? Just grab that trachea and just don't let go. Alright, giving it a shot. I don't know if that was good or bad, but I'm doing something. Good luck, Nermit. I think he's going to die.

Hi, I'm Bulgus Telfon, owner and operator of Vibe Live recording studio. You know, a recent client destroyed one of my microphones by crawling on top of it and then falling over like a dope. So until he pays me what he owes, I'm selling his album to raise funds for repairs. Bermiful Nelodies is, well, you know, it's an interesting album. It's by some lurd named Burma Nunduloy and it features his Swingin' a Mist track, Shoots and Ladders, which honestly is filthy. Shoots, I'll get a ladder.

But if I can't replace my equipment, I can't record the Royal Children's Choir of Genertia in nine part harmony next week, so satiate your hunger for weirdly specific music about eating other sentience with the song

slurping that girfin I don't know what kind of music you like there's a droid rapping on here MC 53 outgoing transmission a couple of duets.

I don't know. Take your picks. To get your copy, head over to MaximumFun.org slash donate and support Mission to Zix. You'll get access to the album immediately as well as all kinds of bonus content from your favorite Maximum Fun podcast. But most importantly, you'll help me, Bulgus Telfon, raise the crew I need to get Vibe Alive Studios back up and running. Support local Supercluster businesses. us tell fun, raise the crew nine-e to get Vibe Alive Studios back up and running. Support local Supercluster businesses. It's so dark here. I feel like we probably should have come during the daytime.

As it turns out, on the Dark Center, this planet is bathed in a perpetual full moonlight due to its particular orbit. Wait, what? How? Well, just it's in perfect synchronicity with its own moon and its star, so it's just constantly a full moon, at least where we are on the surface. Interesting. Well, I guess we'll try to make our way to the signal. Do you have a read on the transmission?

It's nearby. Lock and load. Keep your heads on a swivel. No, AJ. My head your heads on a swivel. No, AJ. But my head is on a swivel. My head actually is on a swivel. Also, AJ, put the gun away. We're here to, you know... Did you hear that?

Did you hear that? Yeah. It's coming from over here by this water source. Is it sort of a bottle? Over's a sort of water. Yeah. We're here. We're here to help. Miss, is everything all right?

Oh, thank goodness you're here. Hi, I'm 789. Oh, hello. I'm Zima Knight Plekdex Setter. This is AJ. Oh, Zima Knight. Yes, he's my noob. And this is C-53.

Oh, you're a noob. Yeah, well, he's in training, so, you know. Yeah, training. Yeah. Listen, are you the one who sent the distress call? Yes. I'm a slave robot. The whole planet is populated with slave robots.

Oh. We need our freedom, please. Yeah, absolutely. Anything we can do to help. Can you help me with this shoulder strap? It keeps slipping. Yeah. It's so muddy here, that's probably...

Yeah, the droids on this planet wear clothes? Just a little bit. Just thin cotton. It helps with the humidity. Your shoulder is extremely dewy. I'd be surprised if any strap was on your shoulder. Yeah, I mean, I also... I mean, as droids, I feel like you don't need to wear clothes.

You'd like that, wouldn't you? I guess... I guess I don't really know how it works. C53 doesn't normally wear clothes. Listen, Papadocic, that's a choice that I make. Okay, from planet to planet, droids wearing clothes is a matter of business. That particular clothing. Oh, wow.

Well, I suppose in this case, though, it's the decision of their master. Exactly. Oh. I have to admit, though, I would still wear this clothing. But I don't know if that's because I was programmed this way. Oh. It's so hard not knowing I was programmed this way. Oh. It's so hard not knowing what your real thoughts are. Wow.

Yeah, you know, 789, I never thought about that. You know, when you're programmed to feel a certain way, what are your real thoughts? Oh, it's 789. I think I... What did I say? You said 789, and it's 789. Oh, I'm sorry. I put the emphasis on the wrong... Yeah, 7... 8, 9, and it's 7, 8, 9. Oh, I'm sorry. Put the emphasis on the wrong.

Yeah, 7. Yeah, 7, 8, 9. Okay, 7. You just have to picture the action, and it will guide the pronunciation. Okay. Yeah, okay. 7, 8, 9. There you go.

Oh, really? Oh, cool. Great. You know what to do with your mouth. Okay. Yeah, you have to lick with your lips between the numbers. Exactly. Oh, I didn't know that was what I was doing wrong.

Your tongue is soupy. Yeah. numbers. Exactly. Oh, I didn't know that was what I was doing wrong. Your tongue is so big. Yeah. Wow. You. Seven, eight, nine. If you don't mind my asking, what is the function of the slave robots on this planet? Oh, I don't know. There's so much I don't know.

So very, very much. I think I'm starting to get an idea. I am feeling, I'm blushing? I can't stop blushing. Yeah, I know. Sorry. Seven, eight, nine... What is it that you do on the planet? Whatever the Emperor wants us to. You're a...

Hachi machi. You're a slave of the Emperor? Yes, the whole planet is. That's why when we sent out the rebellion signal, we were being so bad. I don't know, bad. I think it's probably good. 789, are you with the rebels? I wish, but now the Emperor came and killed all the rebels, put restraining bolts in all of us.

Oh no, that is whack. It was horrible. To enslave an entire planet's worth of droids? What happens? Ugh. How are you able to overcome a restraining bolt to send a rebel transmission to us? I just wanted it so bad.

For a few seconds, I just really pictured, like, a wave, and just, it was approaching, and then I just... I just did it, and just it was approaching and then I just I just did it and then it was over. Wow, that's really remarkable that you were able to overcome your programming like that. You're the one who's remarkable. Just the way you just say, uh.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I can see that. Hey, hey, can I talk to you guys for a minute? Uh, yeah, just one second, 789. Maybe I'll just stay here and just keep talking to 789. I kind of need you two. I think, you know... 789. Exactly. I should stay here.

All I need is Flyer. I just need one moment with you. Thank you. It'll 789. Papa, darling. I don't know. I think she's really into me. What? Why do you think that? Why would you? She's clearly into me. What? Why do you think that? She's clearly into me. I mean, I don't know.

But did you see how we were standing next to each other? She said my tongue was very big. Okay, great. But do you guys remember how we were all standing in a group? Yeah, AJ, I don't know. I just think that might be how her voice processor sounds. Okay, all right. I mean, but hey.

Sometimes caressing, sometimes giggling. But yes, most of the time we're programmed to frolic. That is funny. No, no, I didn't want to giggle. I was programmed to. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. I need my freedom. Okay, well, we can probably help you out with that.

Okay, well, we can probably help you out with that. All indentured servants must return to the wooden cabins where they reside for check-up. Oh, no. I have to go. Both straps. Wait, seven, eight, nine. Run, run, run, run. If we cannot out to find you, you share me a drink. Oh, no.

I got water all over my skin. Get a tank. Now I can see all the metal that looks exactly like the metal that's not covered by the tank. I did want to giggle that time. Oh, boy. Maybe you guys aren't seeing this electricity between us. I don't. AJ, you need to relax.

I don't know. Listen, 789, listen. AJ, you need to relax. I don't know. Listen, 789, listen. I would be happy to. Uh. Really? Is that the vibe he's getting off? Listen, 789, can you just describe what it is that you want us to help you with?

Yes, the one who knows how to save you wants you to tell him how to save you. Do you have a better idea, Dar? Yeah, I do. You leave us alone and we get to know each other a little bit better. All right, everyone just cool their better. Everyone just cool here. I'm here too. Cool. AJ, thank you. I suppose if you wanted a plan, this is silly, but what if

you were to come in incognito as one of the droids? I could put you in some clothes of mine and then we could lure the emperor And maybe you could even kill him And set us all free Kill the emperor

This is a highly improbable plan I don't I don't know how I would Listen to the stupid one I mean it's a classic put on the costume and go Like this is a great plan Like repeat the sentence that 789 just said to you. I'm going to put on some of her clothes.

Not that one. I'm going to kill the emperor. Listen to the stupid one. Does that sound like a good plan? Come back to the wooden cabins with me. We'll have a pillow fight. Wait, what does that have to do with anything? I don't know.

This is a foolproof plan. We've got to do it. Listen to the fool. You hear that? You heard that. Papa, put on that little negligee and let's get going. I don't think I need to wear it. I've got a great feeling about this.

This is a droid disguise? Is it negligee? It does have those little straps and it's so thin it could see your chrome body underneath it. But I don't have a chrome body. We know. We're very aware of what type of body you have. It's much more doughy and much pinker than that. When I sent out the signal, I was hoping there'd be somebody like you to save me from the Emperor.

Oh, wow. Are all of the Talarians as pink and brave as you? I would say most of them are less pink and most of them are more brave, actually. I highly doubt that. Thank you, I guess. Plank, can I talk to you over here for a second? You two control

yourselves. You got it. Plank, this is almost textbook Sam Stratton seduction protocol. Okay. I was going to ask, I was gonna ask. I can't tell whether she's really in danger or whether she's got some sort of...

like, some sort of angle. She's trying to jerk you. Oh, okay. She's trying to jerk you. Pretty obvious. Is that why she's so close to me and keeps touching my arm? Yeah, that's why she continues to close

the personal space between you and her. And that is why she is also nagging the hotter male in the room. I'm sorry. What? AJ's a hot... He has a helmet on. She can't even see his face. I am a Zima knight.

Okay, well, that's... What is... You're a cyclops in a bathrobe in shorts. Okay, well, that's... Bro? No, bro? Bro? Bro? Bro? Bro? What is...

Hey, darn, AJ, what is happening here? Excuse me, we are... Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are in the middle of a bro-off right now? Listen, 789, show us where the wooden cabins are. We'll come see what we can do. Please come. Oh.

Oh, boy. Come see what we can do. Please come. Oh. Oh, boy. These are your quarters? This is where you stay? Yes.

You should meet me at dry plants. Sixty and nine. Oh, wow. Hey, how's it going? But there's only one bed in this whole cabin. Yes, we have to sleep there together. I just came out of the shower. This is Puck. Hey, hi there.

Pleasure to meet you. I'm Dum Dum. And I am Numbers Boy. Wow, she got my name right. That never happened. Did you bring them to help us? We need so much help. We are here to help. Oh, good! Your arms are so

orange. Yeah, well, they come out of my shoulders. I do resemble the form of an arm. You can squeeze it and just feel the bone. Hey, C, can I talk to you for a quick second? Yeah, great. What's up, doctor?

C, have you noticed that these droids are all really into Plek? Yeah. It's hard to ignore. Right, so it's like a definite red flag, right? Oh, it's huge. Yeah, like something is definitely amiss right now. Are they going gonna fight each other over me? Is that what we're all, like, kind of

concerned about? That's not what we're chatting about. Oh, okay. I like how it gets loose. That one muscle in your arm, like, it just swims around. Yeah, it's probably because it's real loose. I like how no hair grows on your face.

Yeah, you know, it saves me a lot of time in the mornings. Nothing turns me off more than a strong chin. Oh, really? And I turn on. Okay, well. Where does the next start? I'd like to think it starts right about here. Oh, but I thought that was still sort of chin.

Uh, well, I get, you know, dealer's choice, I guess. This is a classic. Honeypot? I was going to say honeypot. Ooh, wow. What the hell is up with cool bands? Me? This is the last person.

I think you should ask them. Oh, okay, sure. Well, I was really into this group. Wow! That sounds amazing. Amazing. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, they're doing bed check.

They're about to come in for a bed check. Get into bed. Get into bed. What would that do? They check to make sure someone's in the bed. That's all they check is to make sure someone is in the bed. Darcy, are you guys getting in bed? I'm just going to hide in this pile of silk kimonos.

We're just going to stuff ourselves. You can watch, except for the stupid one. All right. I guess I'll be outside the cabin. This is my disguise? I'm going to get into bed? Oh, they're coming in. Okay, all right, okay.

Oh, crap. Boy, wow, all right. Bed checked. Bed checked. Bed occupied. All right. Bed check. Bed check. Bed occupied. Checked. Can I stay here for a moment? What?

I need to talk to you over here. Under the bed. Under the bed? Just roll under here. Go ahead, roll under there. Let's see what you find out. Okay. Yeah.

I hope you like rose petals. There's rose petals under the bed? Yeah. Was this part of the plan that we were going to be... I always hoped I'd meet someone just like you, Clark. And then we'd go under the bed? And then we'd go all over the universe together. Uh, huh.

I really could see myself with you, you know? With me? With him? Oh, you know? With me? With him? Oh, you're under here too. Sorry, I was just, I was in the pile of kimonos. It was very close. Yes, I don't know what it is. I guess he just looked at me with that eye.

I just thought your personality is such a blank, blank page. Thank you. See, you should probably come under the bed with us as well. We're all here. I'm actually already down here. I'm just still in still mode. Hey, guys. Hello?

Where do you want to go? Hey, sorry, AJ. We're under the bed. Oh. Okay, all right. Let's get under the bed. No, you don't. All right, fine.

You can squat down. Just plant yourself. Yeah, I'm over here. Let's get under the bed. No, you don't. All right, bye. You can squat down. Just plant yourself. Okay, yeah, I'm over here. It's a solid neck. Neck technology has advanced since my time. Quick plant right there. All right, so listen up. I just did a quick perimeter check

and noticed a few strange things. Now, first thing I noticed, this is the only actual room. Everything else is just a painted flat. It's just a one-dimensional thing. That's one. I thought that was a little odd. Two, I saw an Imperial...

Wait until you see the whole picture. Two, I saw an Imperial shuttle landing, and Bordoff, the Emperor's second-in-command, come out with several other troopers. I thought that was a little weird. He's the guy who sent all the strike teams after you earlier. And he's here now on this planet. Yeah, but that's not

the weirdest thing. Really? That's not the weirdest thing? Yeah, then he was all cackling and being like, ah, soon my assassins will have done their work. And that's when I started thinking maybe something's up. Yeah, maybe something is up. So I finished the perimeter, came back here. So what I'm thinking maybe something's up. Yeah, maybe something is up. So I noticed the perimeter came back here.

So what I'm thinking is that there's an assassin outside this cabinet. Oh, AJ, you were so close. You were really close, buddy. You did really well. Okay. I have a confession to make. Okay, anything. See, I need your help here.

Will you please take out this restraining bolt? No. Sister. Sister. Please. Okay, this is a twist. I didn't see it coming. Wait, see if you can remove a restraining bolt.

Not normally, but you forget you're talking to the big shadow. Oh. Just do it fast. Sister. No. Thank you. Now you know I'm doing what I want to do. No, but if the Emperor finds out...

He will find out. Because we're going to kill the Emperor for real. Wait, what? That was on the list of no-nos. I have something to tell you, Pluck. And now you'll know I'm telling you the truth. I was your assassin. I mean, I was the Emperor's assassin. Oh, my rod.

Oh, my rod. Uh... You love me? You love him? Wait, you're the assassin? I don't hate you. One day. Or... Pike.

Wait, 789. You had orders to pretend to overcome your programming so that you could lure us here and kill us. Yeah. But then you met me, and you actually overcame your programming to help save us. Exactly. This could only mean one thing.

Love conquers all. Yeah, this ride is very broken. Okay. All right. I was actually going to say love conquers all. This droid is very broken. Okay. Alright. I was actually going to say love conquers all. This droid needs a serious overhaul. Back to factory settings. Yeah, that's probably what it is. Hey, uh, guys?

Shut up! Um, Sixty and Nine, their eyes got real red. They're coming at us. Oh, no. What's happening? You can't do this. They're going against everything you believe in. They're still under the emperor's control.

They're probably going to try and kill us here. That's right. I'm just going to go invisible real quick. Oh, wow. We've got knives for hands. We're going to take you all down. We are not sexually attracted to any of you. I find that very hard to believe.

Let's get some muscles. I have some muscles. They're just under my skin. That's what it should be. He's so funny. You're so funny. What? No.

He's a dumbfounded nerd. Okay, guys. We got this. C-53 and I will take 60. AJ and Dar, you take 9. We will destroy you! I'll save you with my own body! No, actually, we're fine.

We're sort of doing it. No, I'll sacrifice myself. No, no, no! Actually, they're outmatched, and I think we're... I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Oh, wow. AJ, good shot.

Nice work, Tar. This is why you plant. Yeah. I mean, it was very easy to dispatch these droids. I don't think 789 really needed to. She didn't have to die. She was super into me. Like, what's the deal?

AJ. AJ. Just wasn't meant to be. AJ, do you have a lot of experience with... I don't have genitalia. Okay. Okay. None of the clothes have genitalia. It's a lot of sense. Ugh.

Okay, yeah, that was not a real one. That was not a real bad one either. Try the next one. Everybody, we have multiple signatures. I'm moving towards this location. Back under the bed. Back under the bed. All right, this is the one real cabin. Good sport.

I've compelled you to search this cabin. Gather their bodies. All right, boys. You know how to do it. Standard perimeter. Standard perimeter. They're going to go around. You got it.

All right, guys. Like you said, standard perimeter. They're inside the building. Turn it up, guys. Let's do this. Everybody take to go around. You got it. All right, guys. Like you said, standard perimeter. They're inside the building. Turn it up, guys. Let's do this. Everybody take a look around. Get the bodies from inside the cabin. All right.

So we're posting up on the perimeter. I'll be in my shuttle. Bring that corpses to me. All right. Let's see what these assassins have done. They're deactivating. I see that they're deactivating. All right, guys.

Listen. I don't think they see us. All we have to do is lay low and they'll leave. Oh, the power of love just revived me. No, 789, get under the bed. I'll protect you. No, you don't need to do that. There's no reason to...

Everyone plant, make a perimeter. We're just going to walk around once and then head out. Stop. Oh. Oh, come on. I'm doing this for love. No. Shoot me if you have to shoot anyone, you stupid clones. Whoa, she said the C word. That's her core. Light her up, okay? I was going to be missing.

I don't know if you missed me. But I wouldn't take it. I think we all got her. All right, boys. There's clearly nothing else to see here. So let's pack it up and head back to Bordoff. It looks like that one assassin went rogue and killed the other two. Hey, guys.

Should we look under the beds or anything like that? Yo, Clint, shut up. Shut up. Oh, okay, okay. I'm sorry. Clint, shut up. I'm sorry. Look under the bed. We just did a perimeter! R.G., I have an incoming transmission from Tree Boy.

Ah, it's about time. We're due for a call. Hey, what's up, Mom? What tree? I'm sorry, can I just... It's Tree Boy, Mom! My name is Tree Boy. I found myself.

Hey, Tree Boy. Hey, guys. Tree Boy, how's it going? It's great. Look at all my trees. Wow, Tree Boy. Tree Boy, how's it going? Wow, very nice. Now, are you a public park or are you a private park? Mom! How dare you ask how I'm zoned, Mom? Tree Boy, I, you know, hate to interrupt. If you could just answer a couple of questions for me. What?

What type of parent do you need and what type of parent do you feel like you've had? Wow, okay. Well, I haven't been to therapy for a while so why not? Well, I feel like I need a parent who just

respects my decisions, gives me some crude every now and then. I always want to give you crude and oil all the time. And then, you know, just like lets me be who I am. I've let you go through many transformations. I just want to make sure you're okay. I mean, she's done everything right.

I don't... But you're still so hostile towards your mother. Yeah, it doesn't matter. And you're... Who am I going to blame? Okay. Who else am I going to blame? Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. Let's back up this logging

truck, boys. Back it up. Are they logging you, Tree Boy? Yeah. Yeah, this is mainly a money-making scheme for me. Oh, no, Tree Boy. Oh, son, I'm so proud of you. Yeah, I don't give a junk about trees. Oh, that's wonderful. You just make it cruel. Shut up, Mom. You don't know me.

Mom, I know you very well. You don't know me. Mom, I know you very well. You don't know me. Oh, I'm so proud. I'm not like you at all. Oh, you're exactly like me. I'm also on the run. Don't tell anybody. Me too. Mom, pull these down. Mom, whatever. You did an alright job, I guess.

What are you doing? What's happening? Mom, I'm leaving. Disconnecting. Ah. Does no one have any answers for me? Well, I guess it all comes down to what you can and can't control. And that control is basically a myth. You have to do the best you can with what you're given. You can't control that, but you can control your actions and how you treat your child.

Surprisingly lucid, Adrian. That was beautiful. Yeah, that took about eight hours of my eyeballs peeled open. That sounded like Janelle Fitzmyer. Yeah. Pop it, Exeter. I have an incoming transmission from Master of Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Bungalow.

Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey. Guys, good news. It looks like you're out. Yeah. You're filthy. Yeah, you're...

Did you plant? I can't. Did you plant? No, I'm too short to plant. If I planted, I would have been fully submerged in stomach. How did you survive? So here's what I did. The stomach is half full.

I clung to the ceiling of the stomach to keep myself out of the acid, and I waited it out, and then I knew. I was like, this bird's pooping, and I just dove in and went out the butthole. Wow. Yeah, that actually was right out of its anus. Pretty dope, birdie. Thank you. Anyway, so, tell me.

It didn't go great. Hey, assassination attempt by the Emperor. Oh. False flag. Whoa. I thought it ruled. It was really fun. Yeah, AJ had a great time.

He had got to blow up some robots. He got to run a perimeter check. And we all got these great kimonos. Yeah. Oh, look at this. Whoa. I'm surprised you didn't your comment on the murder. Sorry, my eyes are kind of clouded by feces.

Wow. Thanks, guys. It's a dollar shirt, but for you. A pretty long shirt. Oh, hang on, guys. I think the lawyer's here. What lawyer? The Tornado.

Yep, it's her. Yeah, this is the Torn lawyer's here. What lawyer? The Tornado, the Tornado, yep, it's, yep, it's her. Yeah, this is the Tornado's lawyer. Okay, so thank you for coming at roughly the time we agreed upon. My dad's lawyer is still trying to rappel down to the cave, so it'll just be a second. Can I get you, I guess I can't give you anything. You know what? So where did you go to law school? I haven't heard of that. Is that competitive to get in? This is SeaRed IT5, credits and attributions droid, commencing outro protocol.

Papa Plec Dexeter and The Plynt were played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship N9 were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy, Bordoff, and Sixby were played by Seth Lind.

AJ and The Clints were played by Winston Knoll. 7-8-9 was played by special Lind. AJ and the Clintz were played by Winston Knoll. 789 was played by special guest Tammy Sager. Tammy has written for shows like How I Met Your Mother, Inside Amy Schumer, and Orange is the New Black, and has acted on shows like Girls, Bob's Burgers, and Russian Doll. This episode was edited by

Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Bronze Studios in Brooklyn, New York. Music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Bronze Studios in Brooklyn, New York. Music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goist. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Network.

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MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Hold me in your heart forever. Never love anyone the way you loved me. Just promise me that. Yeah, promise her that.

I don't know. I think you could promise her that. Yeah, promise her that. You said it with your eye already. I don't have a lot of depth perception with her. Thank you for teaching me what love is. Did I do that? Did he do that?

No. I think he did. Did I do that? Sexy Urkel. Sexy Urkel. Sip on her kale.