Mission To Zyxx - 312: Are You There, Rodd? It’s Me, Goerlich [ft. Monique Moses]

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

The crew heads to the park planet RV:28-26 at the urging of the Zimas. Dar is peckish. C-53 becomes a believer. Pleck protects his pockets. Starring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as AJ Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Tiffany and The Zealous Assassin With special guest Monique Moses as Goerlich Edited by Seth Lind Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME’s Macedonian Symphony Orchestra Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by Simplecast This episode is sponsored by Tor Books and Wix. Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of fear and unrest. Emperor Nermut Bundeloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist, and also a planet crusher. Crusher. Now, Zemanite Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zinx. Hey, Plagg?

Yeah? Yeah, what is it, Dara? Um, you wouldn't happen to have, um, any secret snacks around, would you? Secret snacks? You know, snacks that you're keeping a secret. Because you hide food. What does that mean? When have I ever hidden food? Okay, uh, one incident comes to mind.

You hid that sheet cake from all of us. That was so much cake, and you had it all stashed away in your room. When was that? On my birthday. Of all days to hide a cake from someone. D'ar, the cake was in my room because it was your birthday. And then I brought it out when I lit the candle. Do you guys not do that on your planet?

No. Okay. And we don't do that on your planet? No. Okay. And we don't set them on fire. Okay. Yeah, noted. I won't do it again. I don't have any more cakes. Okay, I'm just going to do a quick pocket check here.

Get out of there. It's a big bathrobe. Feeling awfully protective of all those pockets. These are my, this is my Zima robe. There's Zima stuff in here. Here, what about these shorts? That is. These are big shorts. Very roomy.

The shorts are, yes, still Federated Alliance issue shorts, but these side pockets can carry any number of things. Such as snow. Knot. Cake. Do you have cake in those pockets? First of all, even if I did have food in my pockets, it wouldn't be just loose pieces of cake.

This is pretty rich coming from someone who's hidden an entire sheet cake before. That was for Dar's birthday. Don't high five. Papa, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I hide food. Do you know that I can eat my pinky if I need to? What? What?

Yeah, they bread all the clits in case we're in a place where there's no food. We can always eat our pinky. It's high in protein. What do you mean you can eat your... I mean, do you want me to show you? No. Oh, yeah? No, no, no.

No, AJ. You know, crack open my shell. AJ! Does anybody want some pinky? No. Papa, come on. Papa, you... I mean, you hide food. You probably want a little bit of this. Guys, I don't hide food. Does anybody want some pinky? No. Papa, come on. Papa, you, I mean, you hide food.

You probably want a little bit of this. Guys, I don't hide food. Does anybody want my pinky? I mean, I'm just holding it like an idiot right now. AJ, is it made of food or is it your finger? Well, it's both. Don't worry, guys. It'll grow back.

That's the thing. It'll grow back? It grows back. Listen, Dar, why were you asking if I had secret snacks? Isn't it obvious? I've eaten all the food aboard Bargy. You're still hungry? You just ate 42 trays of lasagna like a couple hours ago on Zima Prime.

Yeah, and then I got aboard Bargy and ate everything that we had in storage. Honestly, if you put hot sauce on something, it's delicious. You can put hot sauce on anything. Tell you what, when you have a being growing inside of you, then I can judge you for how much you're eating. All right, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sure you're probably burning a lot of extra calories. You've got to make a lot of calories.

I get it. I've been hungry for a long time. What? I've been very hungry for a long time. Who is that? Bargy? I fooled you. It's me.

It's me. It's Bargy. Bargy, what are you doing with your voice? What's going on? Bargy. I want to make a very important announcement. Oh. Okay.

I've had some time to talk to one of my little criminal friends. They were like, Barchi, you need to download this app. Wait. Little criminal friends? Criminal friends? Yeah, he knows you get a bunch of new friends. Barchi, you shouldn't have any criminal friends. Very deep, dark things that they've done.

Like, think of the most horrific thing and then multiply it. Anyway, look what I can do. Hey, it's me. You know, the extra one. I mean, I don't really know who this is. Whoa. Bargy, that is a... Lock him up.

Take this guy out. Okay, AJ, no, it's just Bargy. It's a vocal modulation act. Little criminals are like, hey, it's really fun. It records everybody around you at all times. Wait. That sounds very legally questionable. What?

That's a pretty good one. I've never once said that. I've never once said that. I've never once said that. You've always been pooping in the bathroom. Papa, you're pooping in the bathroom a lot. Oh, you see, 53, I got this one, too. I've been practicing. I've been noticing you and all the things that you say.

Here we go. Oh, it's me, C-53. I'm always pooping in the bathroom. Now, that's actually, I don't think I've ever seen that show. I don't think that's right, no. I respect you too much. Thank you. Yeah.

Papa Dexator, we have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy. Okay. Hey, Nermit, what's up, man? Hey, guys. I think I, oh, I just must have bumped the button. You bumped the call button? Yeah, I mean... Nermin, what are you rolling?

What are you rolling in that piece of paper? Oh, a little... Just a cigarelio. Did you say a cigarelio? Yeah, that's like a cool name. Nermin, you smoke? I'm starting. Why?

What are you doing? I realized, like, I was so locked into my thinking on phlegm and nesting, and I was so focused on being a dad, being a dad, but then the question is, what kind of dad? And I found the answer. I want to be a cool dad. Nermin, listen, with all due respect, you're not going to be that. Not possible.

No, that's what I mean. With all due respect, you're not going to be that. Not possible. What? No, that's what I mean. So many kids are like, my dad's a nerd, or my dad is, like, I don't relate to him. And I think if I do things like how I'm leaning in this hammock kind of, see how I'm very chill? I don't, man. You look very uncomfortable. It's not comfortable, but it looks chill. And then things like smoking, or like, I would say a curse word that I don't normally... Let's do a

jumping mission. You should teach a child to smoke and curse. That's not a cool thing to do. But hear me out. I want to be the kind of dad where a kid is like, do you want to go steal skateboards with me?

Nermit. Nermit. What happened to organizing the scrolls? Nermin. Nermin. Put that out. What happened to organizing the scrolls? Nermin. And data management? Nermin, you're supposed to be organizing the Zima Society. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're like, get on top of stuff. Oh, absolutely. We were not planning for you to absorb their culture. Nermin, just call us when you have a mission, okay? No, no, no, let's hang out. Let's hang. Let's hang out. Let's be chill. Nermin. Well, I mean, I have a mission, okay? No, no, no, let's hang out. Let's hang. Let's hang out? Nermit.

Well, I mean, I have a mission. Let's do it. I have one. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. What is it? Yes.

Here it is. RV-2826. Oh. You know it? I don't know. Oh. What is RV-2826? All of those emails are talking about it, how it's just like this amazing, like, gathering ground with such sweet energy.

It's mind-changing. Big Turtle talks about it. Chiarado talks about it. And everybody, little boy. The Zimas say that when you get to the top and you see the view, you're basically looking through Rod's eyes. What? And they're like, you gotta go! Well, more to the

point, RV2826 is on the GEPs list, which is, of course, very significant. What is that? What is the Galactic Ecology Preservation Society? Are you not familiar? Wait, Nermit, our mission is to go to a park? Yeah. What? Bada-boom. And you're

sending us there because your new stoner friends think it's an excellent place to hang out exactly dar gets it we are being hunted by assassins sent by the emperor and you want us to go to a galactic park why do we have to go here i'm confused how the juck is this helping our mission to defeat the emperor? Sometimes you just, I think the voyage is the destination. Am I right? Wait, what? What?

Wait. What did you just say? The voyage is the destination. Wait, the, wait, hold on. The voyage? Guys, by the end of this trip, all of your minds are going to be that blown. Okay. Hold on, hold on.

Nermin, is there some sort of resource for the person who's trying to acquire an RV? Yeah, I think we're going to have an endless supply of vibes. I think this Nermin Bundle is the whack one now. Yeah, I think you're right. Nermin, I have to ask you. I don't think I've ever asked this. Do we have to? I don't want to do this.

Oh, boy. I mean, I might be real chill, but I'm still your boss, so yes. Is the destination? Yeah. You're our boss? you can say troubles oh don't be startled i'm just a urchin bot, far from my home on Chimnaysia. I went too far to the edge and ran out of goodies. Anyway, where have you? Did you know that on Chimnaysia, the thing we love most, well, almost as much as X-Miles, is stories.

That's right. And on my humble journey back home, I've been reading the right good one. It's called The Android's Dream by New York Times bestseller and Eagle Award winner John Scalzi. See, The Android's Dream, it's a wild and woolly caper novel of interstellar diplomacy. So a diplomat

creates a galactic incident when he kills an alien diplomat in like a super unusual way. And then to avoid war, the government of this made up planet Earth must find an equally unusual object a type of sheep used

in the alien races coronation ceremony let me say what a relief to take a break from scraping the chinoids in the old six quadrant to escape into the fantastical galaxy of this wonderful book. And you can read it, too.

Just visit TorBooks.com slash Zix2 to see many ordering options. And that's not all. There you'll also find links to two other amazing John Scousy titles from TorBooks. First, there's Fuzzy Nation, which is this extraordinary retelling of the sci-fi classic Little Fuzzy. Have you heard of it? It's good.

And then there's Agent to the Stars, a gleeful mashup of science fiction and Hollywood satire. All three books are in new paperback editions with new covers and new introductions. Order them quick at torbooks.com slash zix2. and new paperback editions with new covers and new introductions. Order them quick at torbooks.com slash zyxx2.

That's T-O-R books dot com slash Z-Y-X-X. Number two, safe travels, my new friends. And happy... Wow, look at all these vehicles parked here. Yes, it's a good amount of mobile homes. Oh, excuse us. Excuse us. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. We're just standing in the way.

We reserved this spot for the night, but nice to meet you. We're just walking through. Yeah, we're... Sorry. A lot of tourists here. I've never seen so many child sentients on leashes. What are you doing on my campfire? I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm standing in the campfire. AJ, get out of the fire. I'm standing in the campfire. Sorry about that. Yeah, what's happening? Excuse me, are you using that stick? I'm just collecting firewood. No, no.

This is a very, this is an ancient weapon. It's a dinglehopper. Okay, but does it burn? Is it dry? Yeah, it certainly would burn, but you should definitely not. Okay. Ow! AJ!

Ah! AJ! Ah! Yeah, sir, sorry. Plek doesn't like to share. Everything that's his stays his. Okay, that's not... He's a food hunter.

All right. AJ, let's move on. Let's find someplace to get you some food. I keep hearing that rumbling, and it's kind of freaking me out. Yes, luckily, RV 2826 is a fully stocked restaurant. I mean, if you could just reach into one of your pockets and hand me something to tie me over. I don't have any food. You wouldn't have to endure my rumbling tummy.

What's in this bucket? Let's just go in and we'll all buy something and then we can all have secret snacks. Alright. Hey, y'all. Can I help y'all? Uh, yeah, actually. Thank you. We're just looking to pick up a couple snacks. Okay, good.

Because I have every flavor of Sunchip. Oh, wow. Harvest cheddar, original harvest cheese. Wait, harvest... Harvest cheddar and harvest cheese? Yeah.

Why wouldn't those... It doesn't matter. I'm going to take both. But that's close. I'm sorry. Listen, we're just swinging through uh you know we've never been to this park before um it's really nice oh a lot of travelers here welcome oh yeah yeah you know it's nice to be on a galactic park because all kinds of people from all walks of life are here to see the mountain view sure you know the one and only mountain view. Yeah. A lot of motorhomes here.

Yeah, well, I mean, you know the planet's called RV 2826. Yeah, I just thought that was sort of an astronomical designation. No, it's very literal. RVs 28 feet to 26 inches are allowed here.

Wow. Yeah. That covers a pretty wide range of motorhomes. Very tall RVs with very, very short, small RVs. But yeah, you guys just here for snacks because I also do blessings. This is also a church and a convenience store. Wait, what? Yeah. Lots of tourists come in and they want to make sure they are blessed up for their trip. Wow. What is your name? sure they are blessed up for their trip. Wow.

What is your name? Gurlic. Gurlic. Yeah. It is a pleasure to meet you. I'm a priestess. Sure. Yeah. I really just live to serve, to bless, to restock Bebops and Zuzus. Where are the Bebops and Zuzus?

Oh, they're just down that aisle there. Gotta get me a couple hundred of those. Okay. Gerlach, how did you become a priestess? Oh, well, I met Rod at a concert. You met Rod? Yeah, he is a very chill dude. And also a deity.

Right. But more chill than deity. Right, for sure, for sure. Mm-hmm. And he was always looking for followers, you know, and I was like, I'll follow you. And I did. And then he was like, you want to be a priestess? And I'm like, heck yeah.

That is pretty chill. Yeah, it is very chill. It's really great. It is pretty chill. It is very chill. It's really great. Dara, you're really making your way through some of the ice cream. Why do you feel the need to announce that to everybody?

I just think this aisle is sort of slick with ice cream. This isn't your aisle. Stay in your aisle. Sorry. Girl, like, are we allowed to start eating the food in your store, or do we have to wait until we've paid for it? Oh, you have to wait until you've paid for it, honey. Understood.

I'm just going to have to... Oh. No, Tart. No, Tart, I'll just... Okay, no, Tart. I think she just realized I paid for it. My good woman. My good woman here to be blessed. Oh, welcome, welcome.

So you're going to do seven hail rods and a lighter. A newspaper, just a couple of greeting cards. Hail, hail rod. Oh, hail rod, oh, hail rod. Hail rod and hail rod and hail rod. Okay, that's for it, Kroon. You're blessed. Now get out there and go see that geyser at the top of the mountain.

Okay, thank you so much. And I'm must be on leashes sure yeah uh gorlick just a quick cue for you quick question um papa no offense uh but if i wanted to leave the zimas and join whatever you're into how would i do that oh really okay yeah that's great we're always looking for new followers oh that sounds interesting yeah you're just gonna leave this i'm just keeping my options open i'm just like spiritual you know i'm like the best at being spiritual i just like when it comes to spirituality i'm like yeah oh wow yeah no wow. Yeah, no, you can definitely join. Just have to put on this apron here and

work here three days a week. Oh. Yeah. Wait, but being a priestess involved working at this convenience store? Mm-hmm. Uh... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either. Um, what? Yeah, what is it?

I just, um, I gotta ask you something. What is it, Tart? Can you please move aside? I'm standing up against this aisle. Yeah, but there's just a whole array of powdered donuts behind you. Tart, you need to slow down a little bit. Action! Okay, wow, wow.

Okay, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was blocking the donuts. Why are we moving? Why are we moving? I mean, how else are you going to get around the park?

Whoa. It's a very big park. Is this store on wheels? It certainly is, son. Because this is the only store on RV 2826. So your store just travels around the planet to where all the tourists are? Sure enough, it does. You guys here to see the mountain?

Technically. Are you sure? Because when you get to the top of that mountain, there is a view there that is... Oh my goodness. Is the sky blue? I mean, on some planets. Is water wet? Water's wet everywhere.

Water's wet, yes. And that mountain view is a view to behold. Also, there's a geyser on top of the mountain. Wow. It must be really nice to be around such natural beauty all the time. I thank Rod every day for the opportunity. Do you need ice?

Because we have bags of ice at the back of the store. Yeah, we could use a couple bags of ice. Yeah, great. Cool. Think it's time for my ice cold tea. Yum, yum, yum. Opening up the fridge. Dar, what are you doing?

Are you okay? I mean, I'm fine. Dar, what are you doing interrupting my feeding? I don't know. Dar, why are you in that refrigerator? Oh, you know, just keeping it cool while I down a couple of gallons. Would you mind? I think my iced tea is on your...

I don't mean to be rude, but there's nothing here for you. It is iced tea o'clock! Okay, I didn't know that was a thing. I've never heard of that. If I do not have my iced tea every o'clock, do you know what happens? You get thirsty. We're about to find out. Every o'clock? Do you know what happens?

You get thirsty. Is this the room I have to find out? Yeah. Oh, wow. She just deflated like a balloon. Garlic, garlic, is it time for the noonday sermon about the view? Oh, it is. Come on in. Oh, thank you. You give a sermon from inside the convenience store? Yes, we have several devotees who come in every day at around noon.

It's time for The View! I'm just going to crouch near the first aid section. I heard this was worth going to see. I like that she gives her opinion about The View. Yeah, I don't like being hassle-backed, but I think her sermons bring me a lot of joy, Bayhart. She's the sherry shepherd of the flock. During the sermon of the view, she gets rid of all the evil inside of you. There's evil inside of me today.

I can't help myself. I'm going to go crazy. All right there. Calm down. Is this guy always here before? Has this guy come here before? Oh, every day he's here. He's here every day.

Every day he says he's going to go crazy, and he's fine. Is he all right? He sounds like maybe he is crazy. No, he just needs a little more Rod in his spirit. Disciples, it is so lovely to see you. The word of Rod is... Hi, do you sell film? Oh, yeah, just a quick little moment.

Do you need, like, some 800 holo film? Oh, we do just a quick little moment. Oh, we do. Here we go. That is 16 croon. Yeah, no problem. All right. Disciples, there are things in our life that we find. So you're out of Zuzu's? Oh, Zuzu's.

You can find them in the back hall. I already checked. Somebody ate them all. I had just fully stocked them. How could someone have eaten all the Zuzu's? I don't know. Maybe we should check Plex pockets.

I don't have any Zuzu's. You've got a lot of Zuzu on the left side of your mouth I don't have a mouth what so far this sermon is experimental disciples there are things in our life that we find

to be an obstacle am I right disciples the evil side of you that wakes you up every morning and is like join the whack side. Yes, that. But if you have the Lord Rod in your heart, there's no mountain that you can't climb and get to the top of and see the view. So you said, with the help of Rod, there ain't no mountain high enough?

Yeah, it's true. But is there a river wide enough? Oh, Dart, you all right? Dart, you don't have to throw up the candy. We'll just pay for it. Oh, golly. She looks like she is choking. Oh, Dart.

I can help. I can help. Everyone stand back. She doesn't need medical attention. She needs Rod. Okay. Do you see this medallion around my neck? I need you, the robot one. I need you to take this medallion. All right. I want you to turn it clockwise twice. Turn it counterclockwise once. Okay. Great. Also, contacting emergency services, I feel like we should be done.

You. Uh-huh. Go to the back there. Uh-huh. Grab me several different flavors of sun chips. You got it. Cool. What does that have to do?

Harvest cheese. You. Pink one. Yeah, yeah. I am going to connect to source energy. I'm going to connect to Rod himself. I'm going to connect to Rod himself. What? The Rod?

The Rod? Just hold a second. I'm going to give him a little call on this cell phone here. I think Dara's in real trouble. I'm completely in trouble. We have a time frame. Listen. Hello.

Rod. Hey. Get over there. Yeah. I need your help. Hey, good. Yeah, I need your help. Oh, no problem. I have a person choking in the middle of my store. I think so. Did you do it, robot? Yeah.

All right. I'm going to turn mine. All right. How you been, by the way? You know, I'm good. I miss you. What? Oh, Tiffany.

Tell her that I am excited for her bridal shower. I cannot wait. Click. What? Oh, I'm excited for her to be there. She's excited for you to be there. Oh, fantastic. All right, I've got to go save this person's life now.

Thanks, Rod. Okay, so we are connected via medallions, and you are saved. Do you see that? It's spirit right there. That is a mixture of spirit and technology that saved your life. Are you okay? Oh, yeah.

I'm fine. Wow. There's nothing you cannot overcome when you have Rod in your heart. He's there to help you. He's also dating a wonderful woman named Tiffany and they are they are the sweetest couple. I cannot wait

to go to the bridal party. And that is what life is about. I'm really happy to hear that. That's wonderful. I got the chips. Oh, I'll have some of those. Okay. life is about. I'm really happy to hear that. It sounds wonderful. I got the chips. Oh, I'll have some of those. Okay.

You know, they fold light and I can only make those chips. Yeah, they're chips made of suns, right? Every bag's got at least five suns. Yeah, it says it on the bag. So, are you guys going to pay for all these snacks? Yes. I'm sorry. Listen.

That's a different from all of this, Cheddar. Whoa. Girlik. Mm-hmm. Look at this. There you go. Papa, we're on the top of the mountain. What?

Look out the windows of the convenience store. We've been moving this whole time. Black, take a look. Whoa. Papa, you thought that we weren't moving the whole time. Look out the windows of the convenience store Whoa Papa you thought that we weren't moving the whole time And we were moving And you know what that means Uh The journey is that

You're a dumbass is what I'm saying What? You didn't know that we were moving You're a dumbass We've been moving this entire time And you didn't think we were I didn't think we were I didn't But do you just see the lesson? You're a dumbass. We've been moving this entire time, but you didn't think we were. I didn't think we were. I didn't.

But do you just see the lesson? You're a dumbass. I don't think. I think the lesson is that the journey is the destination. Okay. It's kind of a 50-50. Everyone, just look at this for you. Tell me what you feel in your heart of hearts.

I feel it. Like there's something inside of me. Like Rod is speaking to me. Rod is telling me to do things. Rod is saying, get rid of the pink one who craps in the bathroom. Get rid of the...

I have to do it. I need to do it for Rod. Rod told me he'd do it and then we'd hang out. We'd hang out. Okay, everyone. Everybody calm down. I've got this. I'm a Zima warrior.

Hey, listen, buddy. I don't know who you think you are, but me and my noob are going to take you out. I'm AJ. Get ready to meet my dinglehopper. What? It's what it's called. It's a stick. I am a god.

My child is going a moral story. Not in the name of wrong. No! Oh, no! Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm hit.

I'm taking a bow! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! Gerlach, you saved all of us. Gerlach did exactly the same thing that 789 did. She jumped horizontally in front of all of us and absorbed all of those shots. She really 789'd this one, right?

Don't verb that, AJ. I could not have your blood be on my hands and in this convenience store. We barely found you. You're so kind to sacrifice yourself. I just... Everything's going black.

Is that bad? Do you guys think that's bad that it's going black? Very bad, Adrian. Just know that I did it for you, but I also did it for me. All I've ever wanted to do was be of service, whether it was selling people taquitos that have been grilling all afternoon

or giving them, you you know hope for a spiritual connection two equally important things you did it you did it you brought so much hope and inspiration to people and taquitos these taquitos are delicious just stop eating stop eating because there'll be no one there to restock. I'm sorry. Are you all shaming me for being hungry? No. Dara.

Gerlach is dying right now. Gerlach. I've given the ultimate sacrifice my life. Truly, Gerlach. Rod shines through you. Oh, thank you. Please. Rod bless you.

You guys do one thing for me. Absolutely. You take this cell phone and will you call Rod? Right now? Yes, please. Of course. Oh, there's actually three rods in your contacts?

Which one is it? Do the one with two Ds. Okay. I bet you didn't know Rod had two Ds. We actually didn't. We didn't know that. We didn't know that. No one's ever asked.

It has two Ds. Okay. Oh, no. It's gone to voicemail. Sorry. That's okay. But, hey, before you leave a message on our beep, because we're using our terms now, we've progressed in our relationship. Listen to a little ditty.

Oh, they're going to sing a song I'm just going to hang up No, no, this is what I wanted to hear The song Alright, Rod, you go first Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod loves Tiff T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T Together we are. Together we are love. Together we are love. Together we are love. Together we are love.

And hot sex. This is their... And then it ends abruptly. This is their outgoing voicemail. This is their outgoing voicemail. The most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Filled with the spirit of love. Now I can die happy

because I know Rod and Tiff are cool. Well, I... Her last words were Rod and Tiff are cool. I didn't think that would have been it. Robot man. Papa, Darth.

Look at the tattoo I see on that crazy guy who I just shot a bunch of. It's an assassin's guild. He was hiding here the whole time. Somehow he knew we were coming here. He just waited around for us to show up. And we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like.

If you, if you just walk a few more yards, you'll see the view. Alright. Thank you for... She was helpful and informative. Her last, it was her recommendation was her last breath. Why was helpful and informative. Her last... It was her recommendation

was her last breath. Why don't we take a look at the view? Wow. You know? Yeah. She's not wrong. It's a good view.

It's pretty nice. Yeah, it's one of the nice... No, the... The journey was the destination, but the destination was pretty good, too. You're stepping on my 26-inch RV! Oh, no. I am so sorry. What are you really...

What is that? It's a tiny RV. Oh, I am... You're stepping right on my RV! I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, you really... Come sit there. It's okay.

It's quite the view. It really is. It's okay. It's quite the view. It really is. It sure is. It really is. I knew it! Hey! Hey, hey, can you hear me? It's me, Clarissa.

I'm inside Kevin the blob, but I have something super important to explain. There are more than 30 gyms in here, but the gym I manage has the most amazing website of them all because I built it using Wix. More than 150 million people use Wix for their website. I don't have to explain it to them at all, but if you're not using Wix, here's the deal. You can start and publish for free. Choose from over 500 stunning templates and change, customize, or add anything you want. MyGems site is so wicked awesome with sick design features and built-in apps, and every Wix website is optimized for any device. I don't know how the other gems make their sites, but they're honestly like meh. I'm not judging. I'm just explaining. Honestly, like, meh.

I'm not judging. I'm just explaining. Anyway, here's what you should do. Build a Wix website of your own today for free. And if you go to Wix.com and use the coupon code ZYX, you'll get 10% off any premium plan, which gives you more storage, a free domain for a yard, and much more. That's W-I-X.com with offer code ZYXX.

Sometimes words that sound the same are spelled differently. WIX.com code 6 for 10% off any premium plan. Creation without limits. Unless you're in a blob, in which case the blob edges the limit. Whoa, I should

spot that. Are you the Bargarian Jane? Are you the Bargarian Jane? Bargy, what is that noise? It's another shipment. Wait, is that a process server? No, but if you say yes, will it serve you papers? Uh, okay.

Nervin Bundeloy, the emperor, but also a ship, because I'm doing that now. Barge in and out. This is not working. Yeah, that's... It is very good. It is very... To make something fresh. Say to your purpose. Say to your purpose. Ship of emperors,

why don't you find your purpose? I've never thought of that before. Thank you. Thank you, emperor and ship. That's it. Yeah, not far, G. I will now return back to the planet Crusher Crusher and let Emperor Nermin Bundeloy know.

That's the ticket. Go now. Goodbye. All right, that was great. Good job, everybody. That was an uncanny impression. That was really, honestly, very great. Oh, my rod.

I can't believe that worked like like if you could do a little more conscientious about taking rod's name in game uh yeah you're right i'm sorry we watched a miracle yeah it's true it's true she was dying on the floor of that convenience store, where was her Rod then? Where was her Rod then? Comforting her through song. It was his outgoing voicemail message. On a date night, wasn't he? Yeah, he was on a date with Tiffany.

Rod works in mysterious ways. Black. Okay. It's not for us to know Rod's will. Man, you really came all the way back around in that C-53. Papa Dixit, I have an incoming transmission from Master Mission Operations Manager Nermit Bumploy. Okay. Hey, Nermit.

Oh, hey, guys. Well, Nermit, we can say that we saw the view and, honestly, it was amazing. It was good. It was worth it. You guys chilled? I don't know that I'm relaxed. Darned a bunch of taquitos. How those taquitos sit in there.

You know, I felt better. Yeah. What's all that smoke in the room? I'm just doing like a cleanse where i'm just burning these pine branches and getting getting the steam i don't think smoke inhalation is a great cleanse it doesn't feel good yeah i don't know if i'm doing right i'm it's trying to i gotta say you are too impressionable you just put yourself in these situations and you get carried away and it's...

Nermit, you have a need to please, but it makes you vulnerable. Yeah, okay. I just... I want these Seamus to like me. Yeah, basically. That's what I'm talking about. I just want to... I want to be me and be cool and it feels like those things are not the same thing. Uh, yeah. they're not. Nermit, this constant worrying about how cool you are is extremely uncool. Ah, darn it. Nermit, do yourself a favor.

Have a cigarellio. No, Nermit, you don't have to do that. Oh, you can be like me and smoke a clone. Much worse. To be continued... Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bend. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, Tiffany, and the Zealous Assassin were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Rod were played by Seth Lind. AJ was played by Winston Knoll.

Gerlich was played by special guest Monique Moses. Monique is a Canadian-born, Brooklyn-based actor, writer, and comedian. TV credits include Desus and Mira, Broad City, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, and digital shows for IFC's Comedy Crib and Comedy Central. She performs every Saturday night in NYC with Airwolf at UCB Subculture. And you can follow her on all social medias at Nutella Cartel.

This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Bronze Studios in Brooklyn, New York. Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening choral narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. We are the hosts of My Brother, My Brother and Me,

and now nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed. All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin. Embedded in each episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious gemstones all around this big, beautiful blue world of ours. So start combing through the episodes. Let's say starting at episode 101 on. Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic so there's no clues in those episodes no no not at all the better ones the good ones clues ahoy listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence laugh if you must but mainly get all the great

clues my brother my brother me it's an advice show kind of but a treasure hunt mainly anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps my brother my brother me it's an advice show kind of but a treasure hunt mainly anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps my brother my brother me the hunt is on well alexis we got big news uh-oh season one done it's over season two coming at you hot three years after three and a half season one almost four years all right now listen here at here at Can I Pet Your Dog, the Smash It podcast, our seasons run for three and a half years. And then in season two, we come at you with new hot co-hosts named you. Hi, I'm Alexis.

And I also am. All the field troops. Dog tech. Yeah. Dog news. Dog news. Celebrity guests. Oh, big shots.

Will not let them talk about their resume. Nope. Only the dogs. Only the dogs. I mean, if ever you were going to get in to Can I Pet your dog. Now's the time. Get in here. Every Tuesday at MaximumFun.org. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Wait, hold on. I'm trying to get Berm, Gurmit's voice. Hold on. Let me try it. Okay. Hey, it's me. I'm a tiny little dummy. Oh, am I a lizard?

Am I a stupid bird? I poop, and when I do, it's in the b-b-b-b-bathroom. I'm a dummy. Can I just clarify, I was not saying that. He was saying that himself.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Flawless. Ha ha ha!