Mission To Zyxx - 316: Chez Bargez [ft. Don Fanelli]

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

The crew undertakes a mission suspiciously similar to the last one. Bargie checks in on an investment. Dar reunites with a friend. AJ is pretty sure it’s a time loop. Starring: Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Jeremy Bent as C-53 and Becca Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Daniel Buff Winston Noel as AJ Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and the Chez Bargez Automaton With special guest Don Fanelli as Graydon Edited by Alden Ford Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME’s Macedonian Symphony Orchestra Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by Simplecast This episode is sponsored by Wix and VAST Horizon Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of fear and unrest. Emperor Nermut Bundeloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist, and also a planet crusher. Crusher. Now, Zemanite Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2-6! So today's tutorial, we're going to be talking about how to get your wood saber to glow.

So first step, take it off. Hello? Papa Dexter. Yeah. I've been keeping an ongoing list of our assets thus far. Yeah, absolutely. We have disabled the planet Crusher Crusher by robbing it of its only source of fuel, Dictornium.

Of course, there's the fleet of 1,002 K-Fighters currently on Nalka contained within Kevin. Mm-hmm. There's a potentially limitless army of recruits on the planet Kirkland, courtesy of Jan. Jan's army, yeah. There's the smuggling routes through B-Rock. Yeah. There's, of course, the Midnight Shadow. Yeah.

And, of course, there's... Ultimate power. Dinglehopper. Yeah, yeah. And Marth, a powerful Zima. All right. There's, for whatever it's worth, Zima Prime. Yes. Full of something. Yeah. yeah. Uh-huh. All right, there's, for whatever it's worth, Zima Prime. Yes, full of something.

Yeah. Yeah. And failing all else, we do have Rod's phone number. That's true. So, Papa Dexter, what's the plan? No, I was asking you what's the plan. I asked you what's the plan. You're a literal robot.

You haven't been working on that part? I'm not a war machine. I'm a protocol and diplomatic relations droid. There's something in the Midnight Shadow that's like espionage protocols. Espionage is very different than a full-fledged frontal assault. I'm able to cloak. I work in the shadows. Okay.

Midnight Shadows. Okay. You don't have a plan. I thought you were guiding us this whole time with the shadows. Okay, all right. Midnight shadows. Okay. You don't have a plan. I thought you were guiding us this whole time with the space. My plan was to collect all of this stuff, and then we'll figure, and then the space guides us towards, you know. Towards what? The end, the big plan, the one that makes us win. One's right, so what is that plan?

Okay. I am, now that I know that you're not working on it currently, I'll work on it more. Starting now. This is way too late to start. The Emperor's got a massive head start on everything that we're doing. At most, maybe we've got four missions before the Emperor catches up with us. Oh, man. I hadn't even thought about it like that.

I feel like it's going well. AJ! AJ. I would say it's actually not going well. Why? What do you mean? What do you mean? We're nailing it.

Okay, are you all ready for me? Oh, no. Dart, what's going on? I'm just saying I need to know. I need verbal confirmation that you are ready for me. Dart, it's hard to prepare appropriately if we don't know what we're preparing for. Dart, listen, you know, we've seen all of these changes. You've been warned.

I'm just saying we can handle, oh my rod. Whoa. You've been warned. Oh no. Dart. Dart, I promised I would not say anything when you entered the seventh octamester. I know. It is difficult.

We're all thinking it. How are you fitting? Retaining this much fluid? I don't know how I'm retaining this much fluid. Dar, I got to ask, are you going gonna be able to get out of the hatch when we leave the ship on this mission? Papa. Okay. I'm talking just logistically, literally.

I know you're talking logistically, but it also kind of feels like you're just floating out. Keep crying, you're running some of the water. This is like a poet pointing out that I'm so huge. You've got to go somewhere.

I'm so huge. AJ, don't press. I don't like trekkers. No. AJ, don't. Okay. Sorry about that. It's just my emotions kind of come in waves.

Papa Dexator, I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager, Nermin Buntaloy. Great. Hey, Nermin. Hey, guys. Hey, Nermin. Oh, Dar, you're finally the right size for that flaring shirt you got at Marf's. Yeah, I, um, I correctly guessed how large

I was going to be at the seventh block to Buster. You look great. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Nermin. Yeah, you look amazing. You look, you know, like, honestly, like, I love Dar, and the more there is, the better. Nermin, that is...

You don't have to deal with it right now. Who's with me? It's all right, AJ. Nermin, what's up? I just got back from a hike. Oh, great. You went on a hike? Yeah. Spurge and I hiked up the pipe.

That's not a hike. Why were you in the pipe? Nermin. Yeah? You know, honestly, we're sort of starting to feel like we're not really making any progress in our mission to defeat the Emperor. It feels like we're just... What we need is for you to be there on Zima Prime working together with the Zimas to come up with a plan.

Yeah, yeah, I am. Papa, don't worry. I'm sure Nermin isn't, like, jockeying around or anything. Okay. Okay, I've got a brand new mission. But first, let me pull down this, pull this sheet off this diorama, okay? All right, Nermin.

Tracking our progress here with little of these models. So, okay, here's... Nermin, see, Nermit, this is what I'm talking about. You spent so much time on that diorama, and I think what we need is to just get to the Emperor. Just get to the Planet Crusher Crusher or something. Yes. We need practical information to take that thing down. Absolutely. And I need a very good lawyer.

Okay, I don't know if that's going to happen in this mission. Like a really good lawyer. Let, I don't know if that's gonna happen in this mission. Okay, so I think guys, who knows, this mission could deliver us to those ends, you know, exactly. So here is our brand new mission. So you are going to the back room of a

restaurant. And you're gonna... I think we did this one? No. Back room of a restaurant, and you're good. I think we did this one. No. That kind of a restaurant? Yeah. Oh, yes, that part is the same as, I guess, technically the same as last time. And you are going to meet an

informant who has a microchip of information. No. That was, but that was like a ruse the last time. This really is like, That was a ruse The last time This really is like This is a microchip

Wait Wait Guys is this My baby shower No Why would you I don't know I mean

Are you pregnant I No Okay It's not your baby shower Is this just a ruse Of a ruse To get me a ruse So that I won't know that I'm getting another party?

I mean, maybe. Is it a ruse for a ruse? I don't know. The negatives kept negativing each other out. If you mean you don't have a party, then yes, this is not a party. We're going to... Okay, sure. I don't have a party.

Okay, all right. Oh, boy. This day is looking up. Nermit. Not a ruse. What's the mission? So this mission is exactly the same as the one that we did last time. It's coincidental.

It's totally new. You're going to the back room of a restaurant. You're going to have to be blindfolded when you get there. Nermit. Nermit, this is exactly the same. It's not. Time loop. We're in a time loop, guys.

No, we're not. I don't have another present. I don't have another present. I don't have another present. You don't need a present. It's not a present. We're in the past. Time loop, guys. Your hands are swiveling. Time loop.

Who are you? It's just time loop. How about a blast? We're going to blast away. We got to blast away on this time loop. What restaurant We're going to blast Elena. We're going to blast Elena. It's time, Lou. Nervin, what restaurant are we going to? It's called Paula's Banquet Hall.

No. Poor Nervin. Nervin. Call me. Guys, don't. Sorry, I was looking at yesterday's mission this time. Okay. Okay.

So, all right. Sorry. It is Chez Barget. Ah,, sorry. It is Chez Barget. Ah, Chez Barget. Chez Barget? I don't know this, but Chez Barget is a chain of Barget-themed restaurants opened in the

last, um, I don't know, eight months or so. Yeah, on the whole franchise. Uh, Barget, I don't know if this is maybe our best move. This is good. This is a good idea. I don't need a lawyer. I don't need a lawyer, okay? I'm gonna go. Oh, this is great. I don't need a lawyer. I don't need a lawyer, okay? I'm going to go. This is great. I love it.

This is going to be the best second baby shower ever. Oh, Dar, I hate to tell you this. I need this. I want this. Dear Diary, Life's been pretty whatever since Mom and Dad got crushed by the Emperor. Sometimes I'm angry. Sometimes I'm sad.

Sometimes I feel like I got bees inside me like some kind of two-mouth robot. But mostly, I'm fine. I'm fine! Gah! I spend a lot of time by myself these days, with my headphones on and my hair covering my eyes. If anyone asks, I tell them I'm listening to death metal. But honestly, diary, I'm catching up on my favorite audio dramas. My absolute favorite is the new science fiction podcast

Vast Horizon. Oh man, it's so cool and dark and awesome. Okay, so Vast Horizon is about an agronomist named Nalira, who's on this big rad spaceship called the Bifrost, going to populate a new system with 400,000 people on board. But something happens, and Nalira wakes up in one of these ship's emergency rooms, alone. She has to overcome a ton of mission-critical problems just to survive. Her only companion is the ship's malfunctioning AI,

who is constantly putting Nalira in danger. Is it intentional, or is it the only way to help her? Oh, Diary, you're the only one I can tell my true feelings to. Who else would even care that I love action-packed sci-fi in an audio format with an awesome voice cast, an award-winning sound design team, and a sprawling epic story? I guess no one will ever truly understand me. Amazing new episodes of Vast Horizons are released every two weeks,

and I get it for free on whatever podcast app I want. I just jokingly love audio dramas, okay? Get off my back, diary! Love, Centurion Tittle. Welcome to Shape R.J. Welcome to Shape R.J. Welcome to Shape R.J. It's a tiny bargy.

Wow. It's a tiny bargy. Sit wherever you want. I don't care. Sit wherever you want. I don't care. Sit wherever you want. I don't care. So accurate. We're going out of business. We're going out of business.

It's so interesting that this is such a nice place, but that the maitre d' is like an automaton of Barchi. Hi, everybody. Sit wherever you want. Hello. Yeah, sure. Hi. Sit wherever you want. You can spread out wherever you want. You can sit Hi Sit wherever you want You can spread out

Wherever you want You can sit at different tables You can sit at the same table You can sit on the floor On the bar Wherever you want Uh Are you the actual maitre d'

Not the No No I'm the head chef here I'm Graydon Yeah Oh hello Graydon You don't know me? Um

You don't know me? No I thought everybody knew me. Normally you don't get greeted by the chef when you walk into a restaurant. Of course, this isn't a normal restaurant, is it? I'm telling the sense that it's not. I thought you knew me. I thought you came here because you knew me.

Greta, I don't think we've ever met since. Oh, I thought everybody knew who I was because of my food. That's okay. I'm here. What do you want? Let me give because of my food. That's okay. How's he? What do you want? Let me give you some fizzy. Some fizzy. Oh, wow.

Very nice. Yeah. It's made of sediment and liquid, just like in all those Bajie movies. Oh, yeah. I guess I can sort of see that. Yeah. Classic Bajie. Yeah.

Yeah. Sediment and liquid. The Bajie drink of Chef Bajie. Drink it up. What was that? It would seem the restaurant is equipped with a limited form of AI that's able to recreate Bajie-style reactions. Huh. Wow, that was really good.

Right? It's what's in the sediment. That's right. That's right. Graydon, this is a really beautiful restaurant. How long have you been the chef here? Oh, 14 years. Wow, okay.

14 years. In the past five months, it turned into a Bardi restaurant, and I stayed on. Oh, great. It's not my fault. Anyway, please enjoy. Can I, are you here, do you have any reservations or anything? Actually, yeah, we're meeting someone here. Oh, that fizzy put me over the top.

I need to go to the little Dar's room. Take your time, Dar, because, you know, there's a ton of fluid in you. Congratulations, by the way. Daddy, daddy, that person's fat. Okay. That's, son, that's rude but accurate, okay? Hey, you shut your chucking mouth, kid. Excuse me? Excuse me? Shut your chucking mouth, kid. Excuse me? Excuse me?

Shut your chucking mouth. Okay. Get out of here. Hey, Jake. I urinated my trouser. Graydon, look, maybe we should order some food, huh? Yeah, well, it's a chef's tasting menu, so I just kind of bring stuff out and you try it. Oh, great. Okay, great.

If you don't like it, if you don't like it, I don't know, but I'll burn the place down. Oh, that's not necessary. No, I'll do it. I'll do it. I swear, you'll like it. Trust me. Okay. This looks amazing.

Great art. What is this? This used to be called Sweet Saffufa, and now it's called Bargy Chunks. Enjoy. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my. What's that name? Oh, my.

These chunks. Let me put these chunks up on my helmet. It tastes good, right? It is really good, yeah. I'm blind. Great, I have to ask. You have uncommon skills when it comes to cooking. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome. What? I mean, how'd you learn? Oh, well, you were born with this. I'm a chef-tini. This is what we do. Of course. What is a chef-tini?

We are bred from the soil. So the nutrients of the soil make us, and then we cook the nutrients. What does that mean? I grow from the ground. I gestate underground. And then once they're born, they toil the land and make food of that which comes to it. It's a perfect circle.

That's right. What kind of cuisine are you guys known for here at Chez Barger? We get everything here. Everyone loves us. Huh. Wow. And they like me. I'm so...

You don't know me? Is this a joke? I feel very guilty about not knowing you, but honestly, I do know you. Look at the wall. Look at all the stuff that's written about me. Well, there's a lot of barging merch kind of covering you right now. Look at all your T-shirts. I know.

We had to do that. Look under this. I'm going to lift up this tag of this little T-shirt here. Oops. And what does that say? Great on. Great on. Great.

Great. Great on. Great. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. That's sort of a punchy review Headline I'd say Yeah

It's 5g o'clock It's 5g o'clock Everybody get up and dance Everybody get up and dance It's slap your friend You just get up and slap your friend Okay ow Why does everybody hit me

Why don't I get to hit him Okay Ow who are you I'm Daniel Buff Why does everybody hit me when we do? Why don't I get to hit him? Oh, you're everyone's friend. Okay. Ow! Who are you? I'm Daniel Buff. Get the truck out of here! You guys, don't pull that gun.

Okay. AJ, guys, can we just focus, please? Yes, Greyhound, we should actually let you know we're here to meet someone in the back room. Oh, at the chef's table. You're the group. Okay. Yes, yes. We are the group. That's right. Oh, at the chef's table. You're the group. Okay. Yes, we are the group. Okay, well, sorry about that. There's an even more special menu

for you in the back. Follow me. You know, C-33, it feels like this is a really nice restaurant that there's sort of a layer of bargy over it that kind of takes away from the experience. Welcome to the back. Welcome to the back. Welcome to the back.

Even the chef's table is... Everybody slap your friend. Ow! Ow! You're not even... Welcome to the back. There's a table over there. I think whoever was supposed to meet you is either running late or they just came and they're not here anymore. I mean, I guess that's impossible.

Well, I guess we'll just have a seat. Yeah, we'll just wait for them. Sure, I'll be right out. Look at all the pots. Yeah, a lot of pots. Look at what a pot pie has. See, I think it's really impressive that Graydon can cook so much food in such a short amount of time

he's so small he doesn't have any fingers just sort of like wavy so deftly maneuvered watch him spread that sun so much care he's crying now it's weird

pretty sad. What? Wash your hands. Wash your hands, my bud. Wash your hands, my bud. I don't think Barchi actually washes their hands, though. I don't think. What?

I'm sorry. I'm just so large. Where are you talking? You sound so close to my face. Oh, I'm just down here. It's you! Yeah, I guess so. Wait, you probably don't remember,

but you were in a zip ride and I was there, but I didn't look like this. I looked very different, but you look the same. You're still bleeding. Yeah, I am still bleeding. You know, it's a funny story. When I got on Bargy, I was just about to...

Hey, someone's at the War Bargy! Someone's at the War Bargy! Time to dance! Everybody do the Bargy dance! Hands out! Hands in! Hands in! Hands out! Everybody do the Bargy! Everybody do the Bargy! Oh, I love doing the Bargy! Oh, man. It's Hanson and Zell. Everybody do the bargy. Everybody do the bargy. Oh, I love doing the bargy. Oh, man.

It's so fun. I just feel like... Ready for your bargy booshes? Yeah, sure. Little bargy boosh? They're little bargy's. Do you know how to learn to garfun? Yeah, we do have garfun often.

That's what this is. Oh, I tasted it. I tasted it. Oh, okay. often. That's what this is. Oh, I tasted it. I tasted it. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's what this is. What do you mean, that's what this is? You mean this is Garfon? Uh-huh.

That's what this is. Why did you preface it by saying you know how Tellurians have Garfon? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what this is. All right. Try it. No, it sort of tastes like Garfon. Yeah, right?

But we do something a little different. Great, great. Is it Garfon or is it not Garfon? It's Garfon. Yeah, it tastes like it. I'm kind of the Clint with the best palate, so. Guys, guys, it's not Garfon. Wait, what?

It's not. What is it? Oh, I can't tell you. Okay. Wait, what? What? It's not. What is it? Oh, I can't tell you. Okay. Is it? Wait, write on it. It might hurt your stomach. Oh, wait. It might.

It might hurt your stomach. But it shouldn't. But it might, okay? Some people have an allergy to this. Okay, well, then you should tell us what it is. Sure. Do you know that tellurians have, like, soy? Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Do you know that beanurians have, like, soy? Yes. Uh, yes. Yeah. Do you know that bean? A soy bean? Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's what this is. Okay, so this is soy garfun.

I thought it was. Yeah! Oh, Dart, you gotta try one of these bargy-bouges. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'll be pregnant, I'll be pregnant. Oh, yeah, I'll try that. No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no. Oh, oops. Oh, gosh. Oh, oops? Oh. Oh, yeah, I'll try that. No, no, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, oops. Oh, gosh. Oh, oops. Oh. Oh, oops what? You're not supposed to eat that if you're pregnant. It could kind of speed things up.

I'm sorry. It could kind of speed things up? And if I ate many more of these, how much could we speed things up? Sorry, like, oh, well, if you had a lot of them... Oh, no! Oh, no! I mean... I mean, they're

bargy bushes, so they're very tiny, but I mean, you took all of them, so it could speed things up. I would love to speed things up. Give me an estimate here. A guesstimate, if you will. What is happening? It's nuts.

It was nuts, Zoe. I'm sorry. What is it? I thought it was a toy. I thought I could see it. I'm so sorry. You just have to give me a heads up if there's a pregnant person in the party. Oh, boy, yeah.

This is going to happen for another couple of seconds. Okay. Wow. Are you all right? I think I've been taken right through the danger zone. So what else you got, Graydon? Oh, sure. Let me go in the back.

You see those pots? Yeah, what's in them? What's in them? Oh, so many things for you. The whole meal is all in those me go in the back. You see those pots? Yeah. What's in them? What's in them? Oh, so many things for you. The whole meal is all in those pots. Be right back. I like him. I think he's great.

I can't really figure out what his deal is. Yeah. I was initially a nerve that when he winks, the lids appear and then disappear completely. When he wakes, the lids appear and disappear completely. And his mouth just seems to be like a pink circle that just sort of changes shape as he talks. Sorry, before I shapeshift it into eternity, I wanted to reintroduce you to a former acquaintance of all of ours. Hi.

Oh, wow. Wait, who's this guy? We met this guy on Bargy when Bargy was driving for Zip. I wouldn't tell you their name, but I couldn't hear anything over the music that Bargy sings. Did somebody say the word Bargy?

Time for the chef to sing the Bargy song. Sing, chef. Sing, chef. It's yours to check. Go for it now. Bargy, Bargy, you're my best. Bargy, Bargy, Ike the Wow. Yeah, that's pretty intense. Yeah, it's... Wow, that's a really beautiful song. So this guy's just going to sit with us? What's going on? I don't know.

Dar, is this a friend of yours? Is there someone you're adding to the party? Yes, we are adding someone to my party, Fleck. Your party? This is my new friend. Hi, I'm Becca. Hi. I'm Becca.

It's great to meet you. We have a seat, I guess. Wait, so what are you putting? What's this stuff that you're putting down here? Oh, it's a sampler platter. Yeah, it's all about textures. It's all about comfort. It's all about sensations. It's all about textures. Yeah, you said that earlier, but I agree with you. Yeah, but there's different textures. Oh, I bookend it with textures. Yeah, you said that earlier, but I agree with you. Yeah, but there's different textures. He's right to say textures twice.

Oh, I bookend it with textures. Time to add bhaji sauce. Time to add bhaji sauce. It's everywhere. Bhaji sauce. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Oh. I'm sorry.

I really like working here. I just want to let everybody know that. It doesn't feel like you do. I'm very proud to work here. I'm able to cook what I want to cook, and it's going well, and I just want to let everybody know that. You're smiling, but tears are coming out of your eyes. Yeah, there was a lot of budget cuts. I used to import the finest ingredients, and once this bargy took over, it's worse ingredients.

It's just not good. I'm so sorry. I have to say, it's not anything you think. It's all made of zip shits. Zip shits? Zip shits, yeah. What is zip shits. Zip shits? It's zip shits. Yeah, it's... What is zip shits? It's basically like the sewers that we have here.

Oh, no. Like underground. It's basically kind of where all waste goes, and it's all filtered out through these rocks, and then they crush the rocks down, and the rocks make these powder, and that's zip shits. Oh, no. Great on.

I'm so sorry. I tried my best to dial it all up for you guys, but there's massive budget cuts, and I apologize. This is not the restaurant I opened. What were you serving then? Oh, all sorts of great stuff. You know, Nino's, Petro-Links's, Chet-Cheese's, Kroop's, and lots and lots. I mean, just every meal came with a snark. And now it's just Zip Shits? It's all made out of Zip Shits here, and I'm so sorry about that.

There's air, there's water, but it's mostly Zip Shits. Ah, that's a secret ingredient. Did somebody say secret? It's time for Bajie Secrets. Bajie Secrets. Everybody go around and reveal yourselves. All right, everybody's got to go around and reveal themselves. Okay, well.

Any secret about yourself, you just have to go. It turns off everything in here if we don't all go around, so everyone's got to kind of dish out a secret. I snuck a couple more bargy booshes and no one was looking. Oh, um... I'm double-choining.

Alright. That is such a good reveal. The only thing I've ever won is Best Sportsmanship and Fourth Grade's Eyeball. The Midnight Channel? Also has this song. Stealth Party! Stealth Party! Stealth Stealth Stealth Stealth Party!

What? Why would it... Stealth Party! Stealth Stealth Stealth Party! That's the least stealthy song. I don't know. I just don't know. Uh, I guess... Um... I don't dream. I understand. Uh, I guess. Um, I don't dream.

Wow. Yikes. At all? No. Never once? Nope, never. I don't know what it is. I'm worried it's the whole do I have a soul thing.

I can't dream. Yeah, oh boy. Anyway, I don't dream. And I don't have a stomach. Great job, everybody. Wait, wait, you don't have a stomach. Great job, everybody. Wait, you don't have a stomach? No. How do you eat? How do you taste the food that you make?

I have a mouth. I have a tongue. I have everything. I just don't have a stomach. That's why I can eat and eat and eat. And now it's time for a clip. Introducing the star of the stage, screen, hollow, radio, audio, video film, Bajaj. Hello, my name is Bajaj.

Welcome to my restaurant, Chez Bajaj. Here, we believe in the finest of produce and giving you meals that will change your life. I'm very proud of all the work we've done. We've hired all of the best chefs and taking them away from their already promising careers and making them be part of my future. Thank you from all of us here at Chez Bajet. Remember, believe in your stars and you are okay. Okay, great.

That was a great take. Just one more. Wow, they left that in the clip. I don't want to do this anymore. This is stupid. Bargy, stop thrashing about. This seems like a bad investment. This seems like a bad investment.

I'm just saying. I don't want to do this. It seems like they should have just edited it at all. This is exactly what I come to shave RJ for. You've been here before? This is my favorite restaurant. Man, there is so many layers to you. I think I like my first shower a little bit more.

Let me do dark. Listen, Grey Dawn, we're just trying to meet somebody here in the back room. Oh, you're here to meet me, I think. What? Wait, you're here to meet me, I think. What? Wait, you? Yeah, I guess I thought the guy said bathroom and not back room. Oh, yeah. That makes sense.

So, yeah, were you looking for this? Oh, the microchip. Yeah. Do the bodgy shake, do the bodgy shake. I'm going to do the shake. Everybody do the bodgy shake, do the bodgy shake. Oh, I'm going to do the shake. Everybody do the bodgy shake, the bodgy shake, the bodgy shake. Whatever in your hand, throw it on the floor. No, don't do, oh, Becca.

I just, I had to do what the song said. You didn't. Uh-oh, yeah. That's not going to work now. I'm sorry about that. Well, I shouldn't have blindly obeyed his song. Do you have a second copy of what's on that microchip? I do, yeah.

All right, yeah. Rod. But I lost it a long time ago. Okay. Why would you even just say no? Well, you asked a question. No, but why would you? You obviously set us up and then completely dashed our hopes.

Well, the fact remains there is a second copy. I just lost it. For all intents and purposes, you don't have a second copy. This is hell. I'm in a living hell, and I'm so sorry. Is there a way to just go back to being a regular restaurant and not a shape or shape? It seems like it really depresses you to work this way.

Honestly, I'm going to burn the place down. Okay, that seems like there's got to be a third option. No, that's it. Thank you. No. We're covered in oil. I don't know. I'm going to light this place

on fire. No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to light the floor. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to light the floor. No, no, no. A new day. Okay. A new Grey Dawn. Grey Dawn's been corrected. This is definitely better than my last shower.

Okay, listen, Grey Dawn, you don't have to work here. You can quit. You can start over. Start your own restaurant. I could do that. I don't have to burn this floor. Oh, you said it. I was like, yeah, that is the perfect idea.

But then you said I can do something else. And that makes a lot more sense. Oh, Bargy, I'm going to work someplace else. Thank you for the opportunity. But great on out. Chef is clocking out. Chef is clocking out. Chef is clocking out.

That little Bargey. We're in a time loop, guys. We're in a time loop. Let's get out of here. Welcome to Shade Blast. Wherever you are, I don't care. This hasn't happened before. Time loop.

There's a lot of sparks coming out. We're in a time loop. Don't shoot a blaster in here. Everything's flammable in here. Think about me. I'm going farting. What's up? Don't shoot a blaster in here. Everything's flammable in here. Think about me. I'm going to live forever. I'm going to live forever. Oh, no.

Don't look under the bathroom floor. Don't look under the bathroom floor. Help, help, help, help. I've been here a long time. Farty malfunction. Welcome to Shabaji. Sit wherever you want. Farty malfunction.

There. Pirates, I'm starting to see interest. We should... Run! Everybody run! Everybody get out of here! This is bad. Oh no, this is bad. Everybody move to Shibaiji, Dad! Oh no. You know what? Everybody leave. I'm going to take care of this. Put your hand on the ground!

I can't hurt anything! Everything! Ow! Ow! You know what? Everybody leave. I'm going to take care of this. You ruined my life. You ruined my life. Why is everyone looking at me? Leave. Craydon, I'm so sorry. I'm going to burn up in this place. Everybody get out of here. No, Craydon, you just this place. Everybody get out of here. No, Graydon, you shouldn't. You don't want to leave with us. Yeah, you gotta get out of here.

Oh, no, that's a good idea. I should leave with you guys. Yeah, come with us, Graydon. Sorry, sorry. Yes, that's a better idea. Okay. Oh, no. That fire is spreading rapidly. Graydon, is there a fire extinguisher? Are there sprinkler

systems anywhere? Budget cuts, so many budget cuts. They removed the sprinkler system from this restaurant? They removed all water from the restaurant. Okay, it must be more expensive to take the sprinkler system out, right? No, it's recycled oil. That's all that's going through the pipes. Oh, no. It's just cooking oil recycled through the pipes.

Drop it, oil. It's just spraying oil everywhere. It's like a safflower oil. The front door's on fire. We're all gonna die together. Why would you say it like that

no budget cuts they sealed off the back room there's no way how can it be cheaper to brick up a door Than to just leave the door Because every time you open the door It lets out air So if you just seal it up there's no AC Well I can't let Becca die this way

How did you shoot all that water out of you What the chuck? Well, I just thought about, you know, Becca meeting an untimely demise, and I guess some kind of instinct took over, and what about us? Wow, Dar, that really means a lot to me. Oh, it was just such a... I was just so happy we got to reconnect. Water detected.

Stealing oil. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we should get out of Water detected. Stealing oil. Stealing oil. Yeah, we should get out of here. This is a mess. Bucket guns. Bucket guns. Bucket guns. What?

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Something's not right here. An obnoxiously loud subwoofer. Bad taste in music. Dubious career choices. You're not fresh at all. This is some sort of trap. I must warn the others. No! Well, you know, not all of our missions go great,

but I think that one went worse than most. What? Did you... We, uh... I'm sorry to say we burned down the entire restaurant, but the bargy chunks were great. I'm sorry, you burned down a shade budget? I guess we didn't burn it down, but we allowed it to burn down. It doesn't exist anymore.

Listen, Bargy, everything was covered in oil. We would never have been able to save the restaurant. You know what? I tried so hard to make all of these businesses work. I gave them ability to use my image, my voice. I don't even know what it's saying in there. I hope it's nice. I hope I'm a sweetheart.

Am I a sweetheart in there? No, Bargy. You should try to make it into one of those restaurants sometimes. It's not my thing. It's kind of like not classy if the star of a restaurant goes to the restaurant. You know what I mean? It's desperate, you know? Yeah, Bargy.

That's true. Bargy, it's not a great representation of you in there. That's disappointing because me and the investors, we came up with a plan. We're like, it's losing money because I'm not that big of a star. It's all a facade. So I was like, why don't you put oil in

the instead of water? I don't know. I'm a shit pump. That's how I deal with things. That was your idea, Bargy, to put oil? Why would you need doors? You just need one door. Like, I have one things. That was your idea, Bargy, to put oil... Get rid of the doors. Why would you need doors? You just need one door. Like, I have one hatch. You don't need multiple doors. The restaurant is not like a shop. What's an AC? I don't have an AC.

And so I was like, get rid of the AC. An AC. What is that? Wait, Bargy, do you not have a sprinkler system? What is food? Just use... Like, I don't know. You guys eat it and it comes out. Just use the thing that it comes out with. Oh, Bargy. I don't know, you guys eat it and it comes out. Just use the thing that it comes out with. Gargi. I don't know, I'm not someone gave me way too much

power. Yes, I agree. It's not my fault. Again, I hope I came off as a beautiful sweetheart because that's the thing. Yeah, no, Gargi. I'm sorry, it wasn't actually a second baby shower.

You know, it's okay. It wasn't actually a second baby shower. You know, it's okay. I guess the one solace here is knowing that I won't have to be pregnant forever. Dangerously accelerated your pregnancy. Yeah, they said that I'm careening towards birth any moment now. I mean, we're imminent at this point. Darn, I have an incoming transmission from Becca. Oh, goody!

Hi. Hi, Becca. How are you doing? Hi, Becca. I'm okay. Where did you go? I thought you were with us. Did you get home safely? Yeah, I'm fine. I just called to say I shouldn't take these zips. I mean, I almost had microchipped the last time I took a zip.

Becca, the last time you took a zip was Bargy. You were on Bargy. Oh, yeah. It's just that little closet I went into. Oh, Papa, that's your room? That's my room. Anyway, Dora, have your baby shower. Thanks so much, Becca. I was really, I'm really glad you were there. I'm glad we could share it.

Yeah, me too. Okay. See ya. Hey! Guys. I found it. It's in here. It was in there the whole time.

What? It was in there the whole time? Isn't you doing? It was in there the whole time? Isn't your room very messy? How could you have missed this? It's a very small microchip, okay? But you have a very small bedroom. Okay, yes. I don't inventory everything in my room every time I go in and out, okay? Oh, I do. That's how I know if you guys have touched anything while I've been gone. I learned that lesson right away, Darth.

Yeah, I do too. It's just a subroutine I have. Yeah, it's automatic in your case. I'm a Dex Hunter. I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager, Nermit. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey. How's it going? We're just

grilling some mallows with the Zimas. Cool. Cool. That's great. Why are you in the... Now, we're on the other side of the quadrant. Nermit, you should set aside time to call us. Just call us when

you're not in the middle. There's only one time. Time is just a loop. You know what I mean? We're just looping and like... Wait, what? AJ. AJ. Time is just a loop. You know what I mean? Like, we're just looping and like... Wait, what? No. AJ. AJ.

AJ. AJ. AJ. AJ. AJ. Sorry. Long story short is mission accomplished. We got the microchip and that's really all you need to know.

What we got? It was in Plek's bedroom. Yeah, Plek had it the whole time. All right. What's on it? Well, let's check it out. Okay. Just pop it in.

Wait, that's it? The file goes on for another 45 seconds or so, but we can't make any sense of it. It's either encrypted or corrupted. That's not great. We're very unlucky the encryption is corrupted. This is SeaRiteIT5. Credits and attributions to it commencing outro protocol. Papa Plank DexCenter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 and Becca were played by Jeremy Bend.

Dara was played by Ali Kokesh. Margie the Ship and the Chez Barget Automaton were played by Mujon Zolfagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Daniel Buff were played by Seth Lind. AJ was played by Winston Knoll. Chef Graydon was played by special guest Don Finnelli. Don is the host of the popular podcast, The Need to Fail, named one of Vulture's best podcasts of 2018. New episodes drop every Tuesday on the Forever Dog Network

or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Don performing monthly in Los Angeles at UCB Sunset with his group, Old Yorkers. Check out his Twitter at Don Finnelli or his website, don-finnelli.com, for more info. This episode was edited by Alden Ford with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Donkey Jr.'s Poppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York

and Maximum Fun in Los Angeles. Music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening chronoration by Jeremy Crutchley. Shift design for the Rogerian Jade by Eric Boyce. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hey, I'm Ineke.

And I'm James. And together, we are the self-proclaimed wonder twins of podcasting and host Minority Corner. We tackle subjects like LGBTQ topics, pop culture. And untold histories of American POCs, like the true story of escaped slave-turned-pirate-turned-Navy-man-in-the-Civil-War-turned-Congressman Robert Smalls, plus current events from our perspective, deep-dive movie and TV reviews.

You'll also get awesome book recommendations from their neighborhood-friendly librarian. Don't forget my award-winning Jennifer Hudson impressions. And I'm telling you... While never taking ourselves too seriously. Minority Corner. Because together... We're the majority! Jennifer Hudson impressions. And I'm telling you. While never taking ourselves too seriously. Minority Corner. Because together, we're the majority.

Every Friday, here on Maximum Fun. Welcome everyone to the live wrestling spectacular in Los Angeles. So far, the world's most boring wrestling podcast has been destroying the competition. Isn't there anyone who can save us from this travesty?

Wait, could it be? It's Titan Fights, the perfect wrestling podcast. Titan Fights is here to save us from the monotony of boring wrestling podcasts with hilarious conversations. Woke trips through the history of wrestling. And joke about the finer points of people wearing spandex. What a match!

And the Tights and Fights podcast will be back every week. Thursdays on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Please, these hosts have families. Tights and Fights podcast. Have families. Guys and Bites. Podcast. Guys and Bites.

Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Oh, wow. Do you have x-rays back there? Of course we do. How do you think we could?

Yeah, that's like half our cooking process. Are you kidding? I haven't had x-rays in so long. I'm sorry. You Yeah, that's like half our cooking process. Are you kidding? I haven't had x-rays in so long. I'm sorry, you cook food with x-rays? You can. I don't think so. Oh yeah, you can. Yeah, no, I don't think you can.

Oh yeah. Yeah, you can. Oh yeah. I can eat something that's been x-rayed? Oh yeah. Uh-huh. I think you probably have eaten something that's been x-rayed. Oh boy.

Yeah. That doesn't seem safe. Sure.