Mission To Zyxx - 317: Retreat Yourself [ft. Jackie Jennings]

Episode Date: July 17, 2019

Starring: Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Jeremy Bent as C-53 Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Sunforest Winston Noel as AJ Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Cheryl, Birdie Bee and Pyeerkin With special guest Jackie Jennings as Angelina Edited by Jeremy Bent Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME’s Macedonian Symphony Orchestra Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by Simplecast This episode is sponsored by Wix and VAST Horizon Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

Do you have questions about the Midnight Shadow? Would you like AJ to share their paste recipes? Then contact the crew at crew at mission to zix dot space for a chance to be featured on our upcoming mailbag episodes. Or maybe you have questions for the mystical Zima Masters. Submit a request at zimaprime.space for a chance to be featured on their upcoming mailbag episodes. It is a time of fear and unrest.

Emperor Nermut Bundeloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher. Crusher. Now, Zemanite, Plek Dexeter, and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the space,

and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Six. Hello? Hello? Hey! Wait, hold on, Papa. Are we in a different part of Bargy? I must have taken a wrong turn. Ow! Dar, you alright? Ow! What's happening?

Why are you both stepping on me? Sorry, I didn't... I feel like the corridor used to go the other direction. I just woke up and came out and it's like, what? What's going on? Sorry, I didn't, I feel like the corridor used to go the other direction. I just woke up and came out and it's like, what? What's going on? Yeah, Dar, why are you underneath us? This isn't my room. I'm usually sleeping so soundly on three mattresses. I'm glad that the mattresses are still enough, you know, big enough for you. Because you're gigantic.

Yeah. I'm very large right now. I'm in my last mester. Dar, if you could... If you could just... I'll squeeze you out. I will. Let me just... Okay. C53, were you in Dar's room?

I powered on and was getting very little sensory information. Mr. Robot Man, I think you're going to need to scan this place. Yeah, what is going on? Where are the lights? Everything is... Hi, everybody. Hi there. Welcome to my ship.

Hi. We are on a different ship. I know. I know. Have you kidnapped us? Did you kidnap Bargy? No. My name is Cheryl.

I'm Bargy's best friend. Okay, Bargy. Had to go deal with a couple things. Wait, I'm Bargy's best friend. Okay, Bargy. Had to go deal with a couple things. Wait, you're Bargy's best friend? This is a red flag. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I thought I was Bargy's best friend. No, DJ.

Okay, so she didn't give me guys your names or any information, really. Where is Bargy? Bargy has had to go deal with a couple things. But until then, welcome to my homey little place. Thank you so much, Cheryl. Can you turn the lights on in here, please? Oh, I don't believe in lights. I believe in experiencing life in the dark.

I may have a sunny exterior, but I see dark shit. Okay. Okay, I can see why you're friends with Bargy. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. We're just two gal ships who just love to brunch, you know? Cheryl, can I just ask, how is it possible that we ended up on you and we didn't know? We hatched a hatch, platonically, and I believe you were asleep. I don't know.

I didn't ask questions, but if Bargy ever wants anything from me,'s saved me enough times that I would do anything for her. I would murder. I would destroy. I would take a life form and make it deceased. Okay. Hey, can I have a quick aside with you guys? Uh-huh. Where are we having this aside? Oh, wait. Sorry.

Are you not involved? Okay, I'm gonna go into red here, so... Okay, Agent, come towards the center. Alright, nice. Okay. Okay, please turn around. Right now we should be pretty good. Okay. My insight is this. This ship is sort of like, kind of has mood swings, am I right?

There's maybe some things we don't know about. Not sure. Follow up, do you want me just like blow a hole in it and just like we can just go out into space? Be blasted out into space? That's your solution? Anyone got a better idea? Hi, I'm Cheryl the ship.

You know I can hear you. Everything that you're saying is going into me. Well, that was an aside, Cheryl, so... I don't know how we got here or why exactly Bargie felt like she needed to transfer us, but... Well, she left a message. Oh. Can we listen to that? Feels like that should have been the first thing we got to do. Yeah, I should have thought of that.

All right, this is Amy Press for Court. Hello, crew of me. I just want to say I'm going to be gone for a little bit, okay? That's nothing to do with you or anything we've done in the past. But if anybody asks, you don't know where I am and you don't know what I'm doing, but it's still the best.

We don't know where she is. Okay, just don't ask any questions. Okay, how do I turn it off? I'm satisfied with this. How do I turn it off? Cheryl, I think you can. I know. Cheryl, don't cut this.

How do I turn it off? Hey, Blake, how do I turn this off? I mean, I usually press the button. Blake, did you listen to her record this message? I remember her asking that question. The rest of it, I don't remember any of that. All due respect, but you're coming off as a jucking idiot right now. AJ, you've had quite a turn, if I can be this candid about your arc.

No, I'm just bummed. I liked Bargy. I don't like being in the dark. Listen, Cheryl, do you have a transmitter? I sure do. Can we just borrow that for a second? We're just going to call a buddy. Yeah, the thing is, the video doesn't work,

but only the audio works. Okay, that's fine. That's actually all right. Yeah, it's C-53. You can call Nermit. Maybe he can help us out. Here we go. Objectsxator, I have it. I'm calling transmission for Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy.

Hello, this is Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy here on Zima Prime. What up? Oh, AJ! Hey, Nermit. Black! Hey, yeah, we're calling from Cheryl. Oh, gosh, it's so good to hear from you. I've been dialing Bargie all day.

Do you know where she is? No, I keep getting her voicemail. Why didn't you dial one of us? Yeah, you sound like a chucking idiot, Nervet. Okay. AJ. AJ. What is this?

I'm upset. I don't like being in unfamiliar places. Wait, so the screen is totally dark. Oh, yeah. This is good. This is going to be an audio only call. What would I see if it were a video? The same.

It'd be the same. Cheryl doesn't have any lights. What are you, a jucking idiot? It'd be the same. AJ. Who's with me? Listen, Nermin. Let's get mad.

AJ, why are you acting out? You got a real hornet in your helmet, right? I'm afraid of the dark, okay? I'm afraid of the dark. What? I don't of the dark, okay? I'm afraid of the dark. What? I'm kidding. I'm going to do this. Some people find these disorienting,

but this might help. Sorry, guys. I just... Okay, that's good. I know that's not much, but... Oh, wow. No, that's got... Wow, that...

Your eyes really emit quite a bit of light. Yeah, it's... Most people find it distracting because they need to look towards my face when I speak. Yeah, but you're right. I want to make eye contact, but it's just hurting so much.

Nermit, listen, whatever the mission is, you're going to have to help us get there. Because honestly, Cheryl's not the most helpful ship. Okay, I'll do that. I'm Cheryl the ship, and I'm having fun. I'm having a fun time by myself. So guys, here's the mission. I have this pamphlet. You can't see it, but you'd be soothed.

Believe me, if you saw this pamphlet, you'd be into it. Wait, Nermin, our mission is in a pamphlet? Yes. Are you pumped? Let's do this. Let's do this. Let's go inside that pamphlet. No.

No, it's not the pamphlet. You're not going into the pamphlet. I said, are we going to a spa? Close. The worst option would be we're going into the pamphlet. I said, are we going to a spa? Close. The worst option would be we're going into the pamphlet. Alright, we're going to have to blow ourselves out of this pamphlet. We're going to have to bring it to a...

Oh, wow. I'm glad I don't have a visual. I assume that was the butt gun. Oh, I missed the butt gun. Sorry, Darian. I was at the community bulletin board here on Zima Prime, and there's normally all sorts of pamphlets.

I just, I read them for, you know, for fun, or I normally don't give them too much thought, but this one, this is a retreat run by Angelina Torp. Who's Angelina Torp? Angelina. Oh, a dissident. Oh, one of the dissident Angelinas. 12 of the 13 pages of dissidents were Angelina's. This is one of them.

She's running a retreat. So I signed everyone up. Wait, 12 of the 13 pages of dissidents were Angelinas. This is one of them. She's running a retreat. So I signed everyone up. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What is the retreat? This retreat is called Know Yourself, Know the All. That sounds sort of like... A typo? Psychobabble.

Yeah, it sounds like gibberish. Exactly. It's in this pamphlet. So you're all signed up. You're pre-registered. Wait a minute. This sounds like a self-help seminar. What are we doing? We need help.

We don't need self-help. No, guys, we've been looking outside for all of this help. What if the answers are in us? That just seems so unlikely. You've gotten so impressionable since you moved to Zima Prime, and I don't like it. Thank you.

Oh. So how do we get inside this pamphlet? No, AJ. Do you want to tell us how we're going to get inside the pamphlet? I've got a few ideas. Okay. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt. I know Bargie said you guys don't like being interrupted.

Actually, Bargie interrupts us all the time. I've taken a seminar with Angelina, and she, as you can see, changed my life. That's amazing. I am a very stable, happy ship. I no longer get as angry as I used to. I don't go into dark places. Cheryl, you're saying you don't go to dark places anymore? No, and I moisturize my hull every day.

You credit Angelina for that. A hundred percent. Guys, I'd love to keep John and Yak in, but you've got registration at 0902 Sharp, and you're going to pick up your... Ugh, 0902. Nermit. Where's the registration? 0902. Bright and early. I don't know. First idea is this. We find some pamphlets and we steal their disguises. The disguises? The pamphlets are where? We go in and disguise ourselves as pamphlets and we steal their disguises. What kind of disguises? The pamphlets are where?

We go in and disguise ourselves as pamphlets. AJ, do you know what a pamphlet is? It's like a... about yay. AJ, I can see how hard you're holding your hand in the infrared. And you're incorrect. Cheryl, you know where Angelina's corpse... You know where it is, right?

Yeah. All right, take these guys there. I don't even need to send you cords. Of course. No worries. All right, take these guys there. I don't even need to send you cords. Of course. No worries. All right. Hey, Nerm. Yeah?

But if you don't hear from us... I think Cheryl has done something to our bodies. That's a safe assumption, Nerm. Just keep track of us, okay? Okay. Guys, you know what? I look forward to hearing what you find inside yourselves. I know what's inside of me.

And I know what I'm going to do about it. Okay. Yeah, let's get to that. Let's get to that retreat. Um, listen everyone! I, Melissa, have an announcement to make! For too long the people of Amber have been at the mercy of the tyrants of the God Disappear Party and here we are, once again, every inhabitant of the planet in this underground waiting room biding our time until we are forgiven and returned to the surface it is time to take

matters into our own hands i'm talking of course about using this time to catch up on some incredible audio dramas now hear me out allow me to recommend my favorite new science fiction podcast, Vast Horizon. It's an epic tale of survival against all odds. Vast Horizon is about an agronomist named Nalera, who's on an enormous spaceship called the Bifrost, which is on its way to populate a new system with 400,000 people aboard. Something happens, and Nalira wakes up in one of the ship's emergency rooms alone. It's a story about one woman's quest to solve the mystery of a mass disappearance. It's like this show is made for me. Anyway, the show's beautifully sound-designed audio logs follow Nolira as she overcomes a series

of mission-critical problems just to survive. And her only companion is the ship's malfunctioning AI, who is constantly putting Nolira in danger. Fast Horizon is available for free wherever you get your podcasts.

And epic new episodes are released every two weeks oh and the primary vote for this year's light rail party will be held tomorrow morning right here by the back of the line we have 35 candidates this year so hopefully that won't backfire horribly! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Ugh, is that incense? Yes, I'm sensing a high number of particulates in here. Oh, boy. Look at all these eager-to-self-actualizer treaters. Huh, so it reminds me of the Zimas, right, Papa?

Okay, it's definitely different than the Zimas. Oh, everybody's already in this room. Okay, maybe we can just sneak in quietly and pretend like we're there. And everyone turn and face the door. Oh! Yeah, hi there.

I thought that it started at 0902? No, the class starts at 0845. Registration is at 0902. Registration is during the class2. Registration is during the class? It is during the class. We'll take a pause. Register and continue. Okay.

Sorry. Our bad. The all is all. Right. Okay. Yeah, Plek. The all is the all right. Plek. Papa, she knew your name. We just said it. But that's not how I knew it. Okay. Plek. Papa, she knew your name. We just said it. But that's not how I knew it.

Okay. Plek. Robot. Paul. They're getting close. Close, though. That's neither of our names. So close, though.

So are you just handing out nicknames to people? Nicknames. I'm stripping you of your nickname and handing you your real name, which I retain the right to strip away and give you back your nickname. I've gone between Paul and Sun Forest countless times. Wait, you were Paul? I started as Paul. Everyone starts as a Paul player.

My name was Bert, and then she called me Bertie B. That's true. So that was sort of more of a nickname then. Birdie B. That's true. Birdie B. So that was sort of more of a nickname then. Everyone go to a cubby, grab a mat, a cushion, a ball, a cube, and another mat. And I'll warn you, you won't need the cube.

Okay, so we should just grab the two mats and the ball. No, take the cube. You just won't need it. So, excuse me, but are you the cult leader? Oh, I don't like the word leader. What? Suspicious. Cultist?

I don't like the ist on the end of words. You must be Angelina. Angelina Torp? Angelina Torp. T-O-R-P. Wait, Papa, how did you know her name? I must have been mind-winding. Your Papa is in touch with

the all. Okay, yeah, sure. I mean, you might say. I like to think of it as the space, but yeah. Space, Rod, Catarsinism. What is all of space-time religion? It's the all. You're in touch with the all, Plek.

Okay. Let the all touch you back. Okay, yeah, all right. Yeah, I like that. That's a good way of thinking about it, you know? No, it's not. Okay. I disagree.

I love it. You have many moons inside of you. Oh, are you pointing at me? Yes, you, Dennis. I can't tell if you're trying to guess my name or you've just given me Dennis. Everyone grab all of the props. Please make your way to your meditation mats. Oh, I see a good spot up in the front.

Yes, please come to the front front Excuse me, out of the way Ow, ow, oh, ow You guys coming or what? What's going on? No, we can't find this place We should just stay in the back No, everyone's facing the door Yeah, you're right, okay And everyone please face away from the door

Ah, that was bound to happen Now everybody lie prone on your... Angelina, Angelina, I've had some back problems recently. Is there a modification? Modification to the exercise or to your back? To me. Oh, no.

Whoa. It's all right. Cry it out. Lay on your back. Feel the pain no matter how excruciating. Her solution was to just do it anyway? Yes. It should hurt.

It should. Pain is just the mind telling your body that something is bad for you. Usually you're supposed to listen to that. Okay, can I have the four of you up front, please? I am up front. I saved us all a spot up front. Yes, I want all four of you up front. None of them have their lanyards. Did they skip registration?

It's very unclear to me, but that is a good point. Let me check my files. It might be under the name Nermit Bundeloy. Yes, okay, four under Nermit Bundeloy. You missed registration. You're disrupting the vibe in here, okay? Okay. Sorry.

Yeah, I apologize. You know, we just, we're here for the retreat. Mm-hmm. I'm having a vision. Uh, okay. I'm having a very intense vision right now. Okay, we can leave you alone. No, I'd like all four of you to stay, and I'd like you up front, actually. Okay. Okay, even further up front

than you already are. This close? Yeah. I'd like us in a huddle, actually. Oh, an aside? Yes, an aside. Yay! I'd like to have an aside with all four of you. Okay. Okay.

Listen, I have a pretty good thing going here, alright? And the four of you walk in here with your attitudes, disrupting what's going on, disrupting my room. So you admit this is a scam? It's not a scam, all right? It's a cult. It's not. I don't like the word it's a, okay? Now, just lay on your mats and let it happen.

I've dealt with skeptics before. You're not the first. Okay? Okay. Okay. What did she say? What did she say when you were in a huddle? What did she reveal to you?

Paul, go back to your mat. My name is Sunforest. Sunforest, put your feet up on your cube. Go back to your mat. You can't trick me into using this cube. Sunforest, we learned some stuff. And I'll trade it for you if you tell me how to get inside this baby. Yeah, wait, hold on.

I'm in on this too. Pretty beaten. No one's ever gotten into the pamphlet. Many have tried. Many have tried to get into a pamphlet. And breathe in. Not that. That's fair. That's fair I'm going to have to ask you to leave

I'm sorry what? I'm going to have to ask you The robot Fleck Everyone but Paul Even Birdie B? Birdie B I've asked to leave many times And Birdie B continues to stay.

You know what? You know what, C-53? Darn. I think that's fine. Let's go take a break. We'll catch up with Angelina after this, whatever this is. Maybe in a pool or something. Yeah, okay.

Go Booga! Oh, man. C-53. This is perfect. You've got to get in here, C53. Huh? Just so we don't go through 775. It's the midnight shadow, C53.

No, I'm just kidding. This is great. If I don't act right, then no, it's... Here we go. Now we're talking. Oh, wow. The midnight shadow has floaties. Yeah!

Yes. Yes. The wire. This is restorative in a way I had not envisioned. Man, forget how great a pool is. All right, kiddos. Free for all. I'm going to see the pool again.

Yay! Wait. What's this guy? What's this guy? Hey, this big thing is displacing a lot of the water. This big thing? I got a cold. And when I have a cold, I like to rub my nose into the water to get it clean.

Okay, this big thing is trying to get out of the cold, out of the cold. Children, stop using me as a flotation device. Oh, my Band-Aid fell off. Okay, we out. Yeah, yeah. Wow, Angelina, really super psyched to be the one who made it. Very impressed.

That's the best. I will say I'm kind of the alpha of the group. But anyway, let's do this. I'm the party band. Sort of the sun forest. You. It's a little sun forest. You each serve a distinct, important purpose. And now, for 50 croons each, I could tell you what that purpose is, not just in this room, but for the universe. A personalized vision for each of you.

Wow. 50 croons. Me first, me first, me first. Yes, birdie. I am having first, me first, me first. Yes, Birdie B. I am having a vision unrelated to the croons. It's happening naturally. Oh, wow. Yes.

Whoa, incredible timing. Yes. You have a great, great destiny ahead of you, Birdie B. I do? Yes. What is your favorite thing in the universe to do? Eating and singing and painting. I see it.

I see singing, walking, painting. I see the path, the rainbow path and the all pushing you forward towards singing, walking, and painting. And for 50 croons, and all that you need to propel you down that path to singing, walking, and painting, and for 50 croons. Here you go, here you go, here you go. And all that you need to propel you down that path to singing, walking, and painting greatness is faith in yourself, Birdie B. Wow. Faith in yourself. Amazing.

All right, Paul. Actually, my real name is AJ. AJ. Well, actually, my real name is AJ. AJ. Well, actually, my real name is AJ2884, but... That's the name that was given to you by your creator. How did you know that? I'm wise, Paul. Is it because it's written on my arm?

Yes. Whoa! What is it that you like to do most in the universe, Paul? Wow, that's a good question. Oh, shooting blasters. Yes, I see. I'm having a vision unrelated to the croons you gave me earlier. What?

Yes, Paul, shooting, blasting things. Yeah. Yes. Chuck you. Yes, there's a rainbow path stretching ahead of you, propelled by the all. All? Yes, and for 50 croons, I could tell you how to propel yourself down the path. Can I give you Papa's 50 croons?

Really, it makes almost no difference at all to me. Wonderful. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. All you need is faith. Faith in... What? Yourself, Paul. Yes, yes, yes.

Faith in yourself. I wasn't going to say yourself. I wasn't going to say yogurt. Yes. I wasn't going to say yogurt. I wasn't going to say yourself. A little bit of time. Yeah, that was pretty refreshing.

You know, all things considered. Consider that it's filled with urine. I'm going to have to sterilize later. Fair enough. Well, a drink to to sterilize later. Fair enough. Well, a drink to cool down. Perfect. Hello there. Hi there.

That much you can really expect out of a bartender. What can I serve you? We serve a lot of soothing drinks here. You know what? I will take an orange beer, please. We don't have that. What else do you want? Okay, yeah, just any beer is great. We don't have those. What else do you want? Okay, yeah, just any beer is great.

We don't have those. What else do you want? Anything you want. We have it here. Okay, what do you recommend? I recommend a jungle bird. Oh, yeah, okay. A little cocktail, yeah. We'll take a jungle bird. What is it? What's in it?

Oh, it's filled with two pints of hope and a sparkle of innocence. Okay. Is that like a brand name or like what is the actual substance? Oh, you know what you want. How about a little volcano breeze breeze? Oh, yeah. So we're not doing the jungle bird or?

I don't feel it's what you want. Okay, great. Eight parts nothingness, one part sadness, and a sprinkle of dysentery. Okay, dysentery? It's refreshing. Honestly, what I'm looking for right now is like when you hear from someone you haven't heard from in a long time. That's it, yeah. But it's not because you had like a falling out or anything.

It's just because, you know you you grow apart a little bit oh separation okay right but whenever you do get to talk to them it always just feels like home fantastic you feel connected again but it's oh it's temporary it's a temporary nice cherry on top warm cherry on top of friendship that's actually called the spatial pooch. Wow. Yeah, well, I'll have one of those. Okay, here you go. Wow, you really knew your way around this menu.

Well, you know, I've really had to get creative with mocktails since I got pregnant. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. Now, this is probably a stupid robot question, but can you actually taste that stuff when you drink all of this? I mean, I'm tasting it right now. Yeah, you don't drink it with your mouth. Oh, so how would I ingest this? I would just pour it over my frame? Mm-hmm. Okay.

What am I supposed to do? You don't drink it with your mouth. Do I look at it? You don't drink it with your mouth. Darn. You obviously know what's happening. What am I supposed to do? You don't drink it with your mouth. Do I look at it? You don't drink it with your mouth. Darn. You obviously know what's happening. What am I supposed to do? You don't drink it with your mouth. Come on. Here's a straw.

Figure it out. Well, I'm just going to, I guess I'll just put it up your nose. You said not with my mouth. I think it's implied that don't do it with your nose either. I'm very confused. Here's the thing, Angelina.

You're talking about the space and the all and the... How can they all be the all, you know? How can they what be the what? Wait, are you introducing something new? The what? Is the what something I should be thinking about? Now, Paul, you've answered your own question, don't you agree? How can the all be the all? How can the what be the what?

I want everyone to give it up for Paul, who's answered his own question. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. Well, it's pretty easy to answer your own question when you're one with the all. When you're what with the all? Wow, Paul. Ask yourself another question, Paul. Am I hungry? Yes. Everyone. Wow.

Paul. Yeah, well, it's all right. Paul. I'm hungry. Paul, ask yourself another question, Paul. Am I overly suggestible? No. Oh! Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the two of you have ascended to the highest plane. Possible for both of you. There are higher planes possible. Wait, so we're at the highest plane, but there are higher planes possible? No, there's always a higher plane possible.

How does it feel? How are there's always a higher plane possible. It's like a mountain on top of a mountain. How does it feel? How are we feeling? We're feeling powerful. Powerful? Yes, we're feeling like... Open. Open. Three.

And if we were to subtract the number of croons we had coming in from the number of croons we have now in terms of weight, how much is still on your body? Trick question. Well... Is it a trick question? It's not a trick question. Oh, I don't... So how much money do I have?

Is that what you're asking? Well, it's not what I asked, but it is what I'm asking. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. How much is this many? Ah, the exact amount to ascend. It's the all at work.

Yes. But I have more than that. I have more than that. You have the exact amount to ascend higher. Angelina, just a quick question. As I'm ascending, is it possible to get in one of these pamphlets? Now that I'm powerful, I'm kind of using the all? I'll let you in on a secret that we normally only tell people

who have achieved ascension level or AS 92. But you seem like an eager student, so... I am. I'm very eager. Birdie B's got nothing on me. What? What? I have this one. Birdie B has a lot of room. Birdie B does. Birdie B, I'll let you hear this as well. It's a little treat, a little secret to my two best students.

It is, in fact, possible to become paper. If the mind can conform to paper, the body can as well. I knew it. But you're not ready. It would cause serious psychological... I'm ready to be paper. Paul. I'm ready. Paul, what's your name?

AJ-284. You are not ready, Paul. I should to be paper. Paul. I'm ready. Paul, what's your name? AJ-284. You are not ready, Paul. I should have said paper. You should have said Paul, which is the name that I gave you 45 minutes ago. Right. You've ascended faster than anyone ever has before. Oh, good. Yes.

I feel like I am. Yes. And for... I'm having a vision for 10 crew, and I can tell you what it is. Oh, you got it. Paul, you will, before this day is through, become a pamphlet. Fantastic. And then I'll finally find that dissonant.

What? What? We're looking for a dissonant, my team and I. Angelina? Wait. Oh, see now. This is a spread. Oh, see now. This is a spread. Oh, yeah.

Plucky, you ever have one of these little batteries? These are so good. Wait, what do you do with those? You just put that into your head. Yeah. What happens to it? Oh, it just sort of pops. You get the battery.

That's delicious. But then what happens to the rest of the battery? You just compact it and expel it later? You said that, like, I could do that. But you can't do that. Oh, these batteries are divine. Dara, you can eat them. Okay, C-53, I'm going to hand you a plate so that you can load up for me.

Sure, absolutely. I'm just going to look for, like... Shrimp? Oh. Did someone say they were looking for shrimp? No, I... I think you're looking for shrimp. I'll take a shrimp.

Hello. What sort of shrimp do you want? I feel like we've met before. You might have met my sister. Your sister? Or my cousin. Okay. Or my aunt.

Do you all sort of look alike? Or my best friend, Emily. Yeah. Or my enemy, Michelle. Okay. Are you guys all equally into shrimp? We love shrimp! Okay. Or my best friend, Emily. Or my enemy, Michelle. Okay. Are you guys all equally into shrimp? We love shrimp!

So what shrimp do you recommend? I recommend the shrimp with the large tails. But I do not recommend the shrimp with no tails. They are not shrimp. Those are mock shrimp. Mock shrimp? Oh, sure, yeah. Mock shrimp. Do you want to invest

in a time trade? What is a time trade? Do you ever want to own property in a beautiful island? Oh, boy. You asked her and then she brought out a whole presentation. Now tell me three things you're afraid of.

Three things I'm afraid of? Okay. Bonji fruit. The cold, dark vacuum of space. Leaving nothing behind when I die, like leaving no legacy, friends, family. Okay. At the Shrimp Island, you'll never have that problem because there's... Which problem does that solve? There's no Banji fruit. Oh, great.

Okay, cool. The second one is not a problem. Uh-huh. And your friends will visit you so much. Okay. Hey, this is sounding pretty good, C-53. I'm over here by the batteries. No batteries. What's your sentient serial number? Oh, uh,

why do you need that? I was just doing a nice background check to see if you're qualified. Yeah, okay. It's 866... Ow! Ow! Don't give out your sentient serial number. It's for for background check.

You don't know this woman? She's the shrimp lady. We saw her at the quintillion. No, we did not see her. We saw her aunt or her enemy. We don't know this person. All right, all right, all right. My name is Peerkin. Peerkin?

Peerkin. Listen, Peerkin, this has been a real delight. You know what? I'll think on it, and I'll come back. Okay. I have your number, so I'm going to call you relentlessly. All right. Never not pick up.

Okay. You got it. Guys, I think actually all the shrimp is mock shrimp. Oh, no, don't. I mean, I've made it a third of the way through this chafing dish, and I have to say that it's not settling very well. Oh, no. What do you think it's made of?

I mean, honestly, all I'm getting is battery acid. Well, I'm giving you the drive. These are good. Everything here is just batteries. Okay, I'm going to talk to—somebody's in charge here. I'm going to talk to the chef here. Excuse me. Yeah. Okay. Everything here is just batteries. Okay. I'm going to talk to... Somebody's in charge here. I'm going to talk to the chef here. Excuse me. Yeah.

Okay. Here's the issue. Can you understand what he... Is this the chef? Or did I just randomly address it? Air conditioning. I think you just talked to an air conditioner. Mama.

Hey, AJ, what's up? This is Angelina Thorpe. She was the dissident we were supposed to find. Yeah, we've met. Listen, Angelina, I'm sorry. Your workshop wasn't for us, but we did want to talk to you. You know, we represent a small movement trying to undermine the power of the emperor. Intrigue.

Trying to undermine the power of the emperor. We don't recognize the power of the Emperor. Intrigue. Trying to undermine the power of the Emperor. We don't recognize the power of the Emperor here at the retreat. Excellent. Good. Neither do we. We have it on good authority that you have, you know, you have your issues with the Emperor. So do we. I'm having a vision.

Plek, I'm having a vision. Excellent. Great. I'm having a vision. And for merely 250 croons, I can tell you the contents of the vision. It involves you. It involves the vision. It involves you. It involves the emperor. It involves an explosion.

Okay, so then we have a ton of croons. The price just went down for 175 croons. It's a fire sale. Yeah, we still can't afford this vision. I mean, I only have like 100 croons and AJ has all of them, so. All the vision hurts. I need to get it out of me for 125 cro have like 100 croons and AJ has all of them, so. All the vision hurts. I need to get it out of me for 125 croons.

125 croons. One round. 110 croons. Only 110 croons. 110 croons. Going one. Birdie B will be. Birdie B will be.

Birdie B. Birdie B. Birdie B. For 110 croons, we'll hear the vision about Plek and the Emperor and Explosion. Thank you, Birdie B. Plek and the Emperor and the explosion. Thank you, Birdie B. Plek, the vision that I'm seeing is that Plek is... You are the

chosen one. You're the chosen one. Oh, Papa. Okay. I want to say it, but I can't. My hand is empty. The chosen one? Wait.

No, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. You subscribe to Vatine. What? You subscribe to Vatine. It's a source of shame for you. I never said that to her, Papa.

It would be a source of shame for any adult DeLorean. The articles are surprisingly progressive and well-written. I'm sorry, this hasn't happened in a long time for me. This hasn't happened to you? I thought your whole thing was predicting the future. No, are you dumb? You're a robot. You couldn't tell?

That's all garbage, okay? We knew it was garbage. No, no, we all knew it was garbage. I look emotional. We all knew it was garbage. It's a perfectly sunny beach. There was just a bolt of lightning. Listen to me.

The worst is yet to come. Oh, no. The emperor has many faces and so far you've seen but a few. Look at those clouds rolling in. The clouds. Angelina, what is going on? Listen to me. Plecthaniel

Eugene Dexeter. Oh, my God. Why didn't your parents spell it with an E? It's just Eugene. Is that your real name? What? Full name? Plek is my real name.

It's just shortened from Plekphaniel. Plekphaniel. Plekphaniel. Don't laugh at her in the middle of a vision. Plekphaniel, you'll have to be strong before the end. You'll have to face the emperor. Yes, yes, the emperor. It's my path.

It's my destiny. No! Oh, there's bees in her mouth. Oh, I'm so sorry. Do you need help? Walk away. No, no, I like the floor. I like the ground.

Angelina. Yes? How do you know these things? When you said the emperor hasn't shown us his worst side, like, what are his other sides? What does that mean? What do we need to know? He has many faces, and he's only shown you a handful.

And it's also spelled Eugene without an E? There's no E. AJ. Is it U-J-E-N? Yes. A J. I don't knowJ-E-N? A J. I don't know. I'm asking you. A J in Eugene?

I didn't say so, but you said it was spelled weird. No. Just no E. U-G-E-N-E. A J in Eugene. But then, if Plek knows his future, how does that affect the future? Dar, listen. I don't want to fight my destiny.

If I'm supposed to face the Emperor, that's what I'm going to do. Then if I'm supposed to be paper, that's what I'm supposed to do. I don't think so, AJ. That's anyone's path. Birdie. Birdie, look at Birdie B. She's ascended to paper. Angelina, thank you for all that you've taught me about the all.

Thank you, Paul, for being propelled forward by the all. For only 20 more crew. I can tell you. We haven't let her finish. We haven't let her finish. Yeah, I think we gotta get out of here. all for only 20 more crew hello it is I, Master Little Boy. As a Zima master, it is my destiny to instruct young Zimas to be chill as hell. See, look at me levitate one inch off the ground. Now, I know you may be thinking, how can I learn to be so rad and chill? The answers you seek live within the all-new Zima Prime website at ZimaPrime.Space, provided for us in freshness by Winx.com. ZimaPrime.Space is full of indispensable advice on how to be chill, like inspirational blog posts, a destiny generator, a submission form to ask the Zima Masters any questions, and member-only content that

allows you to decipher an ancient Zima scroll. And also, look at me! I can levitate three inches! Whee! But the chillest vibe of them all comes from Wix.com, who makes it so easy to make a gorgeous website that even a bunch of hacky-sacking, cigarillo-smoking cater-waiters could do it. With Wix, you can start and publish your website for free using one of over 500 stunning customizable templates. All your content is optimized for any device, and every site includes Wix's powerful SEO

tools, making it easier for people to find your chillness on the InfoWeb. Hey, I can For any device. And every site includes Wix's powerful SEO tools. Making it easier for people to find your chillness on the info web. Hey, I can levitate. Whee! And here's the dangest nug in the dime canister. If you go to Wix.com and use the coupon ZIX, you'll get 10% off of any premium plan. Giving you more storage, a free domain for a year, and more. That's Wix.com code CYXX for 10% off of any premium plan. Look at me.

Again, I can levitate. Three inches. That's more than two. Whee. No. I'm sorry. Thank you. It is good to be back. Sight for sore ocular sensors.

Hi, hello, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, you do not have to apologize. We are just so happy to see you. I know she's your friend, but Cheryl is sort of crazy. Wow, that's a mean thing to say. Sometimes people are just emotional. They've gone through things in the past, but that doesn't make them crazy. She wouldn't turn on the lights.

Oh, yeah, she's not meant to have a crew. What? She's only meant to carry old me. It's an old me. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Old me? She's not meant to have a crew. What? She's only meant to carry old meat. It's an old meat ship. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Old meat? Oh, yeah.

Under what circumstances would you need a ship whose only job was to carry old meat? There's certain places with, I don't know. I'm not the one who... What's the preference? Disposing of old meat. So, like, the garbage... Why it was so dark. Why it was so cold.

And why the walls kept moving. Also, why you guys still smell. No, that's because we went in the pool. Yeah, I'm out of the pool. Listen, where I had to go, I couldn't bring other people. Okay? I was keeping you safe. Anyway, while I was gone, I came across something very interesting.

I'm printing it out now. I think I might go there. I think it's a good thing for me. Bargy, this is a pamphlet for the retreat we were just at. It says I will find the all that is in myself. I don't know what that means, but it sounds good. Yeah, it's less good than it sounds, Bargy. I got to say.

Yeah, it's a pretty big cream crab down there. Yeah, yeah. But look at this quote from Paul. The what is the what? That's what's up. I said that. I said that. I got in the pamphlet. Yeah! Fuck yeah!

I did it. You finally did it. I infiltrated the pamphlet. Great mission. We did it, guys. Mission accomplished. Call up the lizard. Let. Mission accomplished. Call up the lizard. Let's do this. Call up the lizard? What? This is SeaRed IT5.

Credits and attributions joined commencing outro protocol. Pop-up flick Samuel Eugene Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Margie the Ship, Cheryl the Ship, Bertie B, the Kid with the Runny Nose, the Bartender, Pierkin, and the Air Conditioner were played by Mujan Zalfagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy, Sun Forest, and the Kid Whose Band-Aids All Fell Off were played by Seth Lind. Paul was played by Winston Knoll.

Angelina Torp was played by special guest Jackie Jennings. Jackie is a writer and performer based in New York. Jackie is the lead host of the Sci-Fi Channel and the podcast Boarding Party. She's written for The Chris Gethard Show, Funny or Die, and Above Average. Follow her on Twitter at OhHiJackie. This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent. Sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

Music composed by Brendan Wright. Performed by Fames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening choral narration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy.

And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. And together we present Schmanners. It's extraordinary etiquette. For ordinary occasions. We explain the historical significance of everyday etiquette topics, then answer your questions relating to modern life. So join us weekly on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. No RSVP required.

Check out Schmanners. Schmanners, Schmanners. Get it? Have you ever watched a movie so bad you just needed to talk to somebody about it? Well, here at the Flophouse, we watch a bad movie

and then talk about it. Yeah, you don't have to do anything. We'll watch it and we'll talk it. We do the hard work. Featuring the beautiful vocal talents of Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, and me, America's Rascal, Elliot Kalin. New episodes every other Saturday

at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts, dude. Bye-bye! MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. I mean, yeah, yeah, okay. What do you want it to be?

He's your guy. Yeah. Cookie. Cookie. Yeah, I think Eugene is really funny. Eugene is great. Cookie was also in the mix. Plek Cookie deck setter.

That sounds like a nickname. I think that's going to sound like a nickname. That's like if you were a baseball player. Plek cookie deck setter.