Mission To Zyxx - 406: Welcome to the Bureau [ft. Becky Chicoine]

Episode Date: March 25, 2020

Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as BargieWith special guest Becky Chicoine as Melinda Jr. Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Edited by Seth Lind Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra with additional performance by the Chimes Street Brass QuintetAdditional music by Shane O'ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric GeuszAudio hosting by Simplecast Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of chaos. Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal Ault. Which looks like the love child of a quasar and all of your regrets. Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2-6. Yeah, AJ? Uh, I have a question. You're gonna have to talk up a little.

Horsehead's kind of babbling, so it's... Oh, well, okay. Well, actually, my question's about babbling. Have you noticed that Papa's kind of, like, muttering under his breath all the time? It's, like, weird. He's, like, it's like he's hearing something and he's talking.

I don't know. Plec's always talking to himself. It's always, like, this this embarrassing motivational stuff from day team. Hey, see, have you noticed that Plex been acting? I don't know. He's just muttering. He's certainly acting a little different, but also keep in mind that he had a destiny that was fulfilled.

Understandably, he's feeling a little lost. Yeah, that's probably right, but nibbling and muttering under your breath. Dar's not wrong. He did have, remember those daily affirmation tapes he was using for a while? Yeah. I don't need to fit in with the coolest clique. I have my own clique. It's called Compassion.

Oh, wow. And then remember how one of them got stuck, so he just kept listening to the same affirmation tape over and over and over. Nobody can make me feel inferior without my feeling inferior. Without my feel inferior. Hey. What's happening?

Hey. Are we talking about Plek? Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. Are you talking about his little pants in his eyes? What? What? Oh, he has those pants wrapped around his eyes

and traced a group of people. No. Hey guys, are you talking about me? Well, I'm sure you heard over the PA that we are in fact talking about you. I was sitting in my room and I heard Bargy say, hey, are you guys

talking about Plek? Other people would have taken the hint and stayed where they were. Yeah. Alright, listen, you know, you guys can talk all you want. I'm fine. We're not going to talk now that you're here. You want me to go back in my room? Take all the fun out of it.

Hey, can I show a clip of the time Plek was wearing the pants in his eyes? No, that's not what it is. I never... Get out of here. What are you doing? That can't be true. I watched you die.

What? Is that an affirmation? I watched you die? Yeah, I mean, sort of. Oh, I thought you were jockeying and crazy. Okay, I'm satisfied. Okay, thank you. I'm not satisfied.

Yeah, now I'm concerned. This is his affirmation. I watched you die. I feel better saying it, too. I don't know about this. What do you mean, I watched you die? Who? Are you sure that's me in that clip?

Am I sure the guy with the pants around his head? We're very sure that's you. That could be anybody. Could it? No, it could not. Listen, guys, you know, I commune with the space in ways that you don't understand, okay? I don't have to explain myself. I saved the galaxy, okay?

I saved the galaxy. We saved the galaxy. Yes, yes, you guys helped, but I fulfilled a prophecy that brought balance to the space. I'm sorry to interrupt, but we got a care package from the little... A care package? From Nermit? Nermit.

What did you call Nermit? Plek? Nermit. Okay. Are you muttering to yourself now? Why is everyone muttering to themselves? Yeah, we gotta get back. Oh.

I'm fine. Okay, yeah, let's... Pop this guy open the door. Loader clock. I knew that frame was gonna come in handy. Oh, there's a little note inside. Welcome to Nernet's Care Package! Hey, crew.

I had a little downtime. I thought I'd gather up some things that there's like a chance you'd like. So these are some cookies that I made with what I could make out from the tear-soaked cookie recipe of the late Dale. Why would he do that? That's so weird. I don't think he has the right to make those things. I think I missed some ingredients. It's still a liquid.

Anyway, enjoy those. Or that. Why would you send it? Yeah, just wait until you get it right. We weren't expecting this. And then I've gotten into the Flervian art of paper folding. So, let's see. That's a little dark fun.

Oh, there's a boring alarm going off in my audio recorder. What's that mean? What is a boring alarm? What is a boring alarm? Oh, this is boring. It's working. He's muttering to himself. Why is there a countdown to the end? No, guys, there's lots of awesome stuff in there.

I hope they pay you. Well, it's very nice for him to send that package. Oh, a sea suit. My new approved uniforms. Wow. Okay. Cool. Okay.

This is just a blue spandex band that I'm just going to wear. Oh, armor paint. Okay. Okay. It's giving me a code and then just... Oh. There we go. Classic armor paint.

RGB. This is the same color as Sisu's eyes. Wow. Okay. So everyone matches. Great. And then I'm going to be wearing... Oh, this Captain's uniform is in the top.

Wow, look at those... Look at those fringy shoulder things. Ostentatious. These are called epaulets. Wow. Epaulets. Yeah. Wow.

And it fits. Yeah, the fit is good. Yeah. Perfect. I mean, it's perfect. Anybody's size suits. One of you, Bjorn. Inside and out.

You look like one of the Beatlemen from that album. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Dar, I think you can really pull it off. Yeah. Any chance there's a uniform for old PD in there? Who's PD? Black Dex Center?

Yeah. It's a bunch of shredding paper. Maybe that's your... Oh, yeah. No, I think that's, I think that's, like, for shipping. I'll take it.

Ah, shipping material. Ah. I love shipping material. That makes sense. Whee! Yay! Whee! Oh, yeah,

I look forward to that. Whee! Oh, yeah, look at Poirot. Yay! Whee! Oh, that's fun, Bargy. Yeah, anyway, there's something really kind of fascinating. Uh, what? It's a small little dingy thing. Oh, it's an escape pod. What?

It's a transponder. It says it's from a ship called the Dusty Turtle. Oh, poor Turtle. Do you know the Dusty Turtle? I know good old Turtle. Yeah, I know Turtle. I was in an entourage back with Turtle back in the day. With E-Bot, Jermax, yeah. You were part of somebody else's entourage?

Yeah, you know, we liked to go. Guys, guys, guys, there is an escape pod heading towards us. It's hurtling towards us. Can we, see if you can... Can we hail this escape pod? Yes, absolutely. Hello! My ship is... I really need a lot of help.

My engine, it's exploded. The engine crystals. No, crystals are very fragile. I don't have nowhere to go. I need some help. Can I come in? I'm the captain, and I say, come aboard. I'm sorry.

The costume is doing something to me. Yeah, absolutely. Bargy, can we dock with this escape pod? Pouring some gas out for a turn. Oh, no. We got to keep moving. Oh, dirty. We had some good times.

We were on yachts. Anyway, opening up my hatch. Okay, here I am. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Melinda Jr. Oh, hi. Thank you. Melinda, are you alright? I don I'm Melinda Jr. Oh, hi. Thank you.

Melinda, you all right? I don't know. I think my legs are broken. I don't know. I can't. Oh, whoa. I don't know. It's hard to tell.

Thank you for letting me come here. Absolutely. I really appreciate it. Would you mind, could you come into the pod and help me get out? I just need a little help. Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. I will need all of your help. I need all a little help. Oh, yeah, yeah. I will need all of your help.

I need all of you to kind of... There's a lot of stuff in here. Yeah, if you could all kind of just get in there and get all my long ends. Sure, whatever, okay. Oh, a roller. This is a roller. Yeah, the roller one. Can you help me with this one? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Hold on, wait. I'm going to... This is like framed posters. I'm going to need to plant myself. You've got to plant. Hold on. The lamp. Framed posters.

Actually, I feel like this ship is familiar. Wait. Oh, my. Oh, my rod. Yes, I am the Bajirian king. Oh, my God. I'm currently have Toy Movie. Wait, what happened to your ship?

You were able to get all your stuff on the skate park. We can answer questions. I think we need all four of us to get this bureau out. We really do need that. If you could all four, please. I think if we all just get behind it, we can just... One, two, three. See you later, folks!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What? It's my ship now, Bargy. Here we go. Wow, they went away so fast. They went away really fast. That was kind of rude. It's not rude, because I'm a huge fan, and also this is what I do, okay? Oh, no, I meant they would be rude to me.

Oh, you're right. They say hello. They say goodbye. They say what the mission is. I usually stop paying attention, but... They should have said bye. You're right. Very rude.

Very rude. Wow. This is the inside of Bargy. And guess what? It's all for Mama Melinda Jr. All right. Okay. This, oh, wow.

Okay, let me just get the lay of the land here. We gotta get to the front. I mean, I could give you a tour if you want. You could do that? No one's really asked for a tour.

I mean... I would actually love for you to give me a tour. All right, so we are currently in the entrance hatch. That is where Franco Badaz had a heart attack. But then he got inspired to become a post-production supervisor.

Good. Wow. Okay. Can you show me the engine? It's the wall of all my regrets. Okay. Maybe I... I put up all the movies I'm no longer proud of.

If you put your hand on any single one, I will tell you at least for an hour or so exactly why I don't believe that movie was good. Okay, well, I am alright, this one right here, the Terror of the Husk. I can't believe this. What are you going to do?

Why did we all get into this escape pod at once? Well, the Bureau was very heavy. It's a big-ass Bureau. I'm just saying, why did we all fall for it? It just seems so jammy. Because we're very helpful. Right.

I felt we're not helping. Also, can we pivot this Bureau? Because I'm just, I'm having trouble. Yeah, it's pinned me. The Bureau has pinned me. She could have at least waited until the Bureau got out. I might be able to load this up. I've learned to sketch out.

All right. She could have at least waited until the Bureau got out. Between the Bureau, C-53's loader frame, and DAR, that's way more than should be in this escape pod. Yeah. It's not ideal. So who are we going to blame for this one? Uh... Nobody needs to be blamed. No, no, no, that's a good question, AJ.

Shut up. Shut up! Uh, what? Are you telling me to shut up? I wasn't talking to you. That's just one of my wry comments. No, that's one of the things we love about you, Dar. No, no, no, I'm sorry. That was, I was just, I was thinking of something.

I was daydreaming. That was not, uh, directly what you were saying. You shouted shut up at 400. And then you repeated You shouted shut up. And then you repeated it. Shut up. And you kind of had like a far away. Was it just me or did you have like kind of a far away? I was looking out the porthole. That wasn't directed at any of you.

Then who was it directed at? Myself. That's remarkably self-aware. I don't think I buy it. No, I'm not nothing. You're nothing. Wow. Okay. Yeah, it's for the best. Yeah, you can.

How am I going to... Can you hear us, Pluck? Ow! No! Ugh! Ow! No! Can you hear us, Pluck? Pluck, can you hear us? Okay, seems good. Okay, that works. Okay, uh, aside time. What's going on?

What is going on? What's going on? And, uh, that's why it's been a chick for a long time. I think it's due to bacteria. I really appreciate the backstory, Bargy, and I am a huge fan. But I do have sort of some business to kind of get to. So if you could kind of just show me to the engine room and, you know, just wait. I usually don't do this, but hey, I'm the only one here. Incoming message from Burfin Avenue.

Hey, guys. It's mission time. Hello? Oh, hi. Hey, mission time. Here I am. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I must have the wrong number. No, no, no. It's correct. I'm Melinda Jr. And I was calling for the crew. I'm so sorry. I am the crew. Oh, No, no, no. It's correct. I'm Melinda Jr. And I... No, I was calling for the crew. I'm so sorry.

I am the crew. Oh, you... I am the crew. How are you? Yes. So they were all wearing blue suits, right? Were? They are.

Well, so they left. No, no, no. I have a mission. Yeah, and I'll take it. Who are you? Melinda Jr. Okay. There's no senior.

Uh, who? Bargy and I are really good friends, and I'm the only one on the ship, and that's great. We just met, and she says she's the captain now. Okay, Bargy is so funny. Seems very bad. Wait, what is that?

That is Horse Hat. It's just Horse Hat? Yeah, I know, I know. It could have been a better name. Yeah, I mean, that's embarrassing. Oh, it is one of Horse Hat's wake windows? Yeah, I know, I know. It could have been a better name. But what are you doing? Yeah, I mean, that's embarrassing. Oh, it is one of Horsehat's wake windows. Okay. Horsehat, I need you to go back in your room. That's right.

Hi. Hi there. Hi there. Oh, this is a huge order. Okay, Pirate. Now, you are not the captain of Bargy. And what you're going to- You need to knock it off.

Because I got some collateral now. I got Horsehat here. I got Bargy. Okay. to knock it off, because I got some collateral now. I got horse hat here. I got Bargy, okay? Horse hat, go back in your room. My mission, I'm taking this baby and Bargy, and I'm going to Macklemore's planet. What, what day? No, you will not.

I'm going to Macklemore's planet. No, that is dangerous. Don't go there. That's where I wanted to go. I'm going to be a millionaire. Bargy, why is your good friend kidnapping Horace? Hey, we just met. First of all, they're a fan. They're not a good friend. Okay. You listen to me, Melinda Jr.

without a senior. What? You've kidnapped my child. Sort of mine. You've hijacked Bargie. Alright. I may not be there on the ship, but I have a very particular set of administrative skills.

He hung up. Wow. I felt nothing. Uh. I will destroy you! Wow, okay. Definitely not letting him out now. Do I have to keep him in there?

You are now going to tell me. I stopped you once, I can do it again. What are you doing right now? I'm in the side of a drawer. A robot put me inside, and I'm in a drawer that's inside the escape pod, and we don't know where that's going. But that's not like a metaphor for my whole thing. That's a separate circumstance to this.

You know, I don't know. Okay, you're going to listen to me, okay? I'm going to figure out what the old weed is, and I'm going to destroy it. Okay? I'm going to figure out what the old weed is and I'm going to destroy it. Now, in regards to the escape pod situation. Right, we're stranded. We are? Yeah.

Well, unfortunately, the transmitter here is pretty weak. I don't think we're going to be able to broadcast out. I don't think there's a great chance of anyone hearing us. What if I yell? What? Yes yell? What? Yes, what if?

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Don't do that. Oh, okay. My torso seems to be vibrating. Oh, you're going to blow up her. No, that's just a new sensation for me. I don't think I've been in a frame.

Hello? Oh, is anyone? Do you want to answer that? Uh, sure. Answer. I don't know. Dar, you'll have to pick up the handset. It's a pretty old boner, right?

Just pick it up and listen in. Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? Where do I hold? How do I? Hello? Upside down. Upside down. Hello? Okay. Oh, Hello? Where do I hold? How do I? Hello? Upside down. Upside down.

Hello? Okay. Oh, hi. Who's calling? It's Nermit. Nermit? Hi. It worked. Oh, lizard. Oh, Nermit. It fucking worked.

Oh, this is such a relief. Nermit, how did you get this number? So, I've saved these old binders of manifests of everything that's been aboard Bargy over the years, and I found the serial number of the loader droid. Every single one of them had a transponder number. Oh, Raider. Why is this boring alarm going off? Wow, it looks like it's working really well.

So as I was saying, the managers of warehouses would need to reach out to their loader. Shut up, you alarm! Anyway, I got hold you guys! Wait, where's Black? Oh, Black's in this drawer here. In the drawer? Oh, wow, he's really folded up in there. Yeah.

Have you learned your lesson? I guess so. I mean... You've already exacted punishment in this tiny new society. Well, if you weren't here... Yeah, if you weren't here, you don't know what it's like. Oh, okay, okay. Okay, I get it.

It's a tent situation. You're crammed in there and Melinda Jr. has Horsehat hostage. Oh, Horsehat. Oh, yeah, the big baby. No, we've been very worried. Yeah, oh. Me too.

No, no, we're all very, very sad and stressed out. I know, it's a tough situation. We're going to get horse head back. We've been thinking about the baby this entire time. Me too, me too. Always concerned about that giant ass baby. Guys, I'm diving back into my spreadsheets. I'm going to figure this out.

All right, Herman. How do I hang this up? You just literally hang it up on the little thing. Oh, okay. I know, it's weird. It's weird for me too. Listen, Margie, I got gotta level with you, okay? I saw those guys, right?

Get on the outskate pod. They did not say goodbye to you. Do they care about you? I mean, I'd like to think they do. I mean, we all would like to think that. We don't necessarily say, like, I like you, I love you, I care for you. And you know what I think?

I think we gotta ditch these guys. And I think you and me care for you. And you know what I think? I think we got to ditch these guys. And I think you and me, listen, listen. I think you and me go to Macklemore's Planet. We get so much croon, okay? You can't even believe the amount of croon. There's no emperor now, okay? There's barely any security on Macklemore's Planet. I know how to get through the back door.

I know the security codes. Nobody's regulating this stuff anymore, okay? We get in there, and we get all the croon we want. I know how to get through the back door. I know the security codes. Nobody's regulating this stuff anymore, okay? We get in there and we get all the crew we want. I mean, yeah. Listen, I am here again. Recently I have been in a lot of therapy. Very cheap therapy because I don't have the crew to pay for it.

Huh. Uh, hey! Should I make a pro-con list to decide if this situation is pro-a-con? Yeah, my therapy's a pro-con list to decide if this situation is pro-con? Yes! Yeah, my therapist said yes, no, robot. They're very cheap. No!

Okay, now I'm confused. Okay. So, I'm just gonna make a pro-con list right now. Okay, why don't I give you some pros? Pro, money. Hold on. Pro, underscore... Friendship. Money. Okay. you some pros pro money hold on oh friendship money okay no who's friendship you and i have

a friend it doesn't matter i don't think that matters actually oh i'll put it on both pro and con friendship because friendship is a very difficult thing i just need one thing on one of the sides to really help me decide. Okay. Yeah. Bargy? Pro, what if I sang you a song? A duet? Like, you know what I used to do? You want me to sing the duet? Yes.

Okay. Yep. The sky And the fall Together at last I'm asleep Wait, you're asleep? I'm asleep What? No, no

I didn't know that put you in sleep Listen guys I know there's a lot going on But I gotta level with you I'm being psychically contacted by the All Weed Listen, guys, I know there's a lot going on, but I've got to level with you. I'm being psychically contacted by the Allweed. Oh! It sounds like the Emperor.

It sounds like Beano talking at the same time. They're taunting me. They won't tell me what they're doing. They don't tell me anything. They just... Back in the drawer. Back in They just... Back in the drawer. Back in the drawer. Back, back, back, back. No, it's true. Hello? Hello?

Yes. I'm getting close. To? To what? A solution. Okay. Okay. So I gotta pop this over here and and I gotta twist this right on here. No, you will do it, Nerman. You will. You get it. Get it, big boy. Are you muttering to yourself?

Get it, little daddy. You get it. Huh? I'm asleep. I'm asleep. Oh, wait. I'm asleep. I'm asleep. Oh, wait. I'm asleep. If Bargy's asleep, I can just hotwire this ship and make it go to Macamoros Planet. Okay, okay, horse hat.

We're gonna be all right, buddy. You're gonna see the most amount of crew you've ever seen in your rod-danged life. If you want to stay there, you can. I don't care. You're kind of like a free agent. Yeah, that's cool. Okay, I'm going to get to the engine room. Okay, there it is.

Here we go. We are in business, baby. Let's go, horse hat. Yeah, no, I'm taking the coil. I'm going to put it into the motivator, and that's what's going to override the controls here. So that's why we're going to be able to go, you know. All right. Yeah, no, and then we're going to take that.

Yeah, that's exactly it, and that's going to also help us get into hyperspeed. That's perfect. Why? Why would I not do this? Quick cash, all right? Quick cash, we're in and we're out, and it's easy. You're going to see the croon falling from the sky, and we're not going to be worried about our no-good, no-around parents, okay? This is Macklemore, okay?

Nobody cares what happens to him. Why am I so angry? I'm a junior without a senior. What do you think? Bargy is not going to be mad. When she wakes up, Bargy is going to be happy that she's in a beautiful planet with a bunch of money, okay? I am... Of course the wire goes there.

That's where this... I know that this wire goes together. Okay, then where do you think it goes? No. You put it in there. Well, yeah, I guess... You're right. Okay, I guess. You're right. I guess you're right.

Thank you, horse ass. Guys, let me out. You know what? We're sorry. You shouldn't be using that as a punitive measure. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. And I will just, I'm just going to keep it to myself.

Yeah. Just like that affirmation you would always do for me. Everything's fine. I'm going to keep it to myself. And like that affirmation you would always do for me. Everything's fine. I'm going to keep it to myself. And there's nothing to keep to myself because everything's fine. Okay. I'm going to check the phone here. Hello?

Nermin? Hello? All right. At my signaling, you need to brace yourselves because you're going to have a very quick course correction. What is happening? All right. So these escape pods are programmed to blast straight to the nearest planet, okay?

But I tapped into Bargy, and I know that Bargy has been overridden and is headed to, unfortunately, Macklemore's planet. Oh, boy. Dominion of? Of course it's made. Made Lemoore?

Yeah. I don't know this. Macklemore? Heard about that guy. Yeah. What does he do? What does he do again? Oh, he's a money producer.

What does that mean? Sometimes someone just mints it up. Oh. Yeah. Someone had to make currency for the emperor. Yeah, but Macklemore's planet is not the closest planet to the escape pod. So, how do we get the escape pod to go there? What I've done is I've sent out beacons that

make it seem like all the nearer planets have been destroyed in epic catastrophes. Wait, Nermin, that's not a good way to be dead. Who else sees those beacons besides this escape pod? They're universal, obviously. You can't do that.

Thinking the destruction of a number of planets. I'll undo them. I'll send out a psych. I'll send out a JK. Send out a JK? Yeah, you should always send a JK. Three, two, one. That inventory is correction. Welcome to my crib, my personal hamlet.

So happy you came to Mecklemore's Planet. Welcome to Mecklemore's Planet. It's even better than I thought. It's even better than I thought. Here we are. Horse hat. Okay, all we got to do is hop the fence And put in the code here And we What? You're not staying on the ship

Horse hat You can use money Okay Alright, this is ridiculous That was good now Good news for you, Bargy Welcome to Macklemore Okay First of all Good news for you, Bargy. What?

Welcome to Macklemore. Okay. First of all, how? I know how. You hotwired me, didn't you? I did, but I did it for your own good. You're not the first, I'll say that. Jorbit Patinko did that to me once. You know what?

And he took me to the planet of sin. You know what? Oh, wow, we had a crazy time then. Let me tell you about a sight from the very beginning. Okay, you know what? You know what? No, I don't think... Bargy, I'm going to leave you here, and I'm going to go get the money, okay? He's nothing. I'll go talk to him, okay? I'll just go talk to him. Hey, so, uh, I, so I know some people inside. Oh.

Yeah. Who do you know? Tom. Oh, yeah, isn't that? So, is it chill if I just kind of, I have the code and stuff. I mean, Emperor's gone. It's like, yeah, why not? But like, are you sure you know Tom?

Yeah, Tom and I go like way back. What's this giant baby doing here? Don't worry about. The big baby. Please, don't worry about... The big baby. Please, don't worry about them. So let me get this straight. You're traveling around the galaxy with just you and a ship and a baby, and you just leave the baby?

You want to see Tom and you're just going to leave a baby on a... The thing is, is that this isn't my baby. I couldn't care less. It's not even your baby? Okay, it would be crazy... You're going around the galaxy with not your baby? Okay, just hear me out. It's a baby I found.

It's not a big deal. Wait, what? Just, it doesn't matter. Wait, where's the baby's parents? Baby is fine. It's a big baby. Listen, I was cool with you seeing Tom, but now with this baby thing,

it's like, get down on the ground. Do you want... No, man! Get on the ground. No, horse ass! Oh, really? His name's Arson? I didn't name him.

Huh? I'm not AJ. I'm ZT-115. Nice work. Now there's no guards. Now there's no guards. Yep, so here I go. Son of a rod!

What are you doing here? I believe this bureau is yours. Did you find all the rocks in there? Is that what's in here? That's a bunch of rocks. I could have told you that. Would have never been able to lift it anyway. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I'm a loader.

I think I could have got it. Don't try to be... Well, I don't know. Ever since we got a loader, he's like, give this a shot. We have way more important things to do. Don't rush me. Put the hero down.

What are you saying? I can't lift it? No, I'm not saying that. I can lift you. Well, even with all four of us, it was very hard to lift. Stand back. No, we have more important things. Oh, she's running away. Don't.

No, Melinda Jr. is getting away. AJ, get her. All right. Tackle. Submission hold. Tap out. Tap out, bro. I'm tapping out. Listen Melinda Jr. No, Sr. No, Sam. You tricked us. You hijacked our ship. And then you made us come to Macklemore.

You also kidnapped her. And also, you kidnapped my baby. Did I hijack the ship? Barely. Because Bargy does not feel satisfied with the way you Barely. Because Bargy does not feel satisfied with the way you left her. Oh, Bargy.

I was disappointed. You left without saying goodbye. You know, a lot of people are like that. How did I know that? She's gone. She left. Oh, where's she? Why'd you let her go? She tapped out.

You know what, guys? Can we get out of here? She left. See ya. Oh, where'd she... Why'd she let her go? She tapped out. She tapped out. That's the rule. You know what, guys? Can we get out of here? She didn't say goodbye either. Oh, guys, it was nothing. I mean... Oh, no. Remember it.

Remember it. Remember it. I gotta say, seriously, it was nothing. I mean, it ain't apparent. Nermit, Nermit, Nermit, I gotta say, seriously, you saved the day. You administrated the heck out of that situation. Nermit, you saved us. You saved Bargy. You saved the crew. That was incredible.

You saved everybody. Oh, yeah. I saved Horsehat. Yeah. Right. Oh, yes. Totally. Of course.

No, no, we were all thinking that. You're not just a great teen mom. You're a great dad. Thank you. So I've printed out, this is just like about 20 pages. I'm going to explain more about how I did the pod thing. Can you email that to us? Oh, sure. Yeah.

Cool, cool, cool. So your mission. Oh, sure. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I hadn't even. Yep. Oh, your mission. Oh, sure. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I hadn't even. Yep. Oh, Captain Dark.

I have an incoming distress call from Melinda Jr. Okay. Hey. Hey. Come on. Hey, what up, losers? Did you guys know there's no money on Macklemore's planet? Yeah, we could have told you that.

That's what you said, a distress signal? Yeah, because I need some money, and I feel like we kind of had a connection, and I'm wondering, can you help me out? I need some money. Yeah, I don't think. You know, a horse hat? They're in. I don't think that's what that means.

That's what they said. They're in. I don't think that's what that means. All right, well, you know what? Do you need some help? Do you want to? Yeah, I do need some help. We've got to save her. Yeah, I need means. All right. Well, you know what? Do you need some help? Do you want to? Do you need? Yeah, I do need some help.

We got to save her. Yeah, I need a lot of help. Okay, AJ. Send the escape pod. We'll pick it up. Melinda Jr., best of luck. I'd love to say it was great meeting you, but I don't think so. It was. Okay.

And I'm the one that is hanging up. Bye. She hung up her own distress call. I didn't finish my story. Yeah, Bargy, you know what? And then we went to the Guava Island of treacherous, malicious actions. Oh. Not very popular.

No, it's a nightclub. What story is it? But the drinks were super spicy. Uh-huh. Yeah. And that's what Gerald and I decided. We should become exclusive. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's what Gerald and I decided. We should become exclusive. Uh-huh.

Not relationship-wise, but emotionally. Still let your engine and hole just go with others. Sure. Back and forth, hatch to hatch, hatch to hatch. Wow. Amen. Amen. Hatch to hatch, hatch to hatch. Wow. Beep, beep. Without my fuel, fuel, fuel, without my fuel. Good day, I'm Weezo Tip Top, and the galaxy is in a state of mourning for the three worlds destroyed in the zix quadrant earlier today

oh that's just in jk jk This is Seabite IT5. Credits and attributions joined Comensee, Outro Protocol. Plek DexCenter was played by Alden Fuller. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Dar was played

by Ali Kokesh. Barge of the Ship was played by Mujan Zulfagari. Teen Mom Nermit Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind. AJ, ZT-115, and The All We were played by Winston Null.

Melinda Jr., without a senior, was played by special guest Becky Chacon. Becky is an actor, writer, and comedian in Brooklyn who has appeared on shows like Mr. Robot, The Blacklist, and the other two. She is half of the comedy duo Girls with Brown Hair, who wrote and starred in the digital series Shop Talk on ComedyCentral.com. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram at Becky Chacon. This episode was edited by Seth Flynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fame's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra with additional performance by the Charm Street Brass Quintet. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York. Opening chronoration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian J by Eric Gweiss. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Welcome back

to Fireside Chat on KMAX. With me in studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wong and Morgan Rhodes.

Go ahead, caller. Hey, I'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful but also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of. Yeah, man, sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks. Every week, myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives.

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Artist owned. Audience supported. So we like your pirate. So I think the pirate pitch is the one that we really like. What was that one again? Let me, let me, let me. You write everything in a fever dream. I truly, I don't know.

I was like, yeah. The pretend to need help. Okay. Yeah. The distress call. Melinda Jr. A space pirate. Great name.

I pretend to be stranded in my ship, but as soon as someone comes to help, I hijack their ship and steal their stuff. Perfect. Perfect.