Mission To Zyxx - 410: Innerpaste [ft. Branson Reese]

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

The crew encounters a small problem while retrieving a load of political pamphlets. AJ follows orders. Bargie takes five. Dar throws down.Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and TruckWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and JimpyWith special guest Branson Reese as TimmisRecording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Edited by Alden FordTheme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric GeuszAudio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of chaos. Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal OLLWIT. Which looks like if a gas giant were made of burning barf. now captain dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats reunite a fractured galaxy and meet weird bug creatures and stuff this is mission two six Hey, Captain. Captain Dark. Yeah, what's up, AJ? I just cleaned out the helmet. So, I know that was something everybody was...

I cleaned out the helmet, everyone. You took an order from me? Yeah, I took it. Come in here, buddy. Let's hug the show. Yeah, let's hug it out. AJ, that's really good. That's a great use of your time.

I'm just proud of you. AJ, sensitive question. Did it stop spitting butts everywhere you went? Yeah, it's totally weird. You know, I cleaned out the filter, took out a lot of the paste that was around there, and now it doesn't smell like butts. Good to go. What a coincidence.

Yeah, that's what I thought. The paste was in there? It was hard to breathe. Yeah, it was like starting to get up my nose and stuff. Yeah. You know, when you guys were suggesting it, I was like, no. But then when you gave me direct order, I'm a soldier. Oh, I didn't notice that.

That's a lot of wheezing from you. Yeah, I almost, when we were lifting those boxes, I almost passed out. And then I was like, maybe I should have. You could have just left it to me. Yeah, but, I mean, you know, I'm probably stronger. I think that's physically possible. Debatable. I was genetically made to be strong.

I mean, both of us could be better than... I mean, I could pick both of you up, no problem. Should we all arm wrestle? Should we all arm wrestle right now? We should all. Three wins, three wins. Yeah, let's arm wrestle. Hey, guys, I'm almost done loading all these boxes. Did you guys want to help at all with any of these?

Oh. Yeah. I mean, AJ picked up a couple, and then he said he was going to pass out. Oh, yeah. I think each of those is about, I don't know, 80. Maybe 90 pounds? I feel like it would go a little faster if we were all helping. I'm also clearly the weakest of the four of us.

You are absolutely the weakest. You should not arm wrestle us. No way. Hey. You are absolutely the weakest. You should not arm wrestle us. Hey, my hall has just been open for a while. When you're loading these boxes, it's taking forever. I can't just have my hall open for too long. It gets rusty.

So a lot of draft comes in. It's uncomfortable. So if you do not mind, hurry the jack up. Okay, yeah, sorry. Okay, sure, absolutely. Sorry, sorry. You know, C-53, these are unpalatable, so you could probably help a little bit. I'm going to have to deal with this.

Listen, I can only leave the truck here so long. It is perfect. Boss, break, break. Okay, all right, I'm sorry, sir. No, no, of course, sorry. We're having Fleck unload these as quickly as possible. We're sorry. What even are these?

These are used in the gameplay. I have a wish for the unification of the... You just stopped reading. There's one more word on the front of the... I won't read it. Galaxy. The word's galaxy. My hour ended right before I was reading that word. You can't turn the hour over the truck.

Keep on OT. Keep on OT, guys. All right. C-53, could you just get this last pallet? Okay. There you go. That would have taken us so much less time. Yeah, that took seconds. All right, great. Closing up my hatch. No, Bargy.

Ow! Ow! Ow, my head. Bargy. Ow. Ow. Woof. Ow, my hat. Bargy. What? Can you open it back up? We didn't get back on the ship.

I need a five-second reset, okay? Does it exert energy to have your hatch open, Bargy? Of course it does. Oh, no, Bargy. It exerts energy to do anything. Doesn't it exert energy for you to go poop in your pants? I mean, yes, obviously some. I don't know. What kind of question is that? you to go poop in your pants? I mean, yes, obviously some.

I don't know. What kind of question is that? When do you poop in your pants? Never, never. I've never done that. Bargy, listen, you know, the mission's done.

Can we just get back on the ship, get back to space? Hold on. One, two... She's taking off. Bargy! Bargy! Huh.

Wild. I mean, not unexpected. We can all agree. Bargy? Yeah? Where did you go? I have to do a flying reset as well. What is happening with your systems, Barjot?

Classic flying reset. Nothing. It's just usually my hull isn't just open for an hour, you know? That's truly really bad of Barjot. I guess. Is it a systems problem? Is it a what? I don't understand what needs to...

Oh, you're a shit mechanic all of a sudden. It's just like Barjot. Wow. What are you, 719 Tony? Rest is solved. But, okay. All right, I guess we'll just wait. Murderer!

What? Wait. What? AJ, why are you yelling murderer? I didn't say anything. AJ? AJ, why are you yelling? We know when you're talking.

Why are you yelling? I'm not yelling. I'm just, I'm talking. I didn't say anything. Okay. Murderer! AJ, relax. You did it again. I didn't say anything. Okay. AJ, relax. You did it again.

I didn't. Wait, AJ, are you being contacted by the all-weeds? That wasn't me. Wow, are you making fun of Plex Outburst? You think that's not very kind? AJ, what's going on, buddy? Something's talking instead of me. All right, take off your helmet.

Very cute, AJ. Yeah, I'm taking off my helmet. See, my helmet's off. You killed them all. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, AJ. Your helmet is talking without you. It's talking without you.

I'm not crazy. Only Papa's the crazy one, right? We all agree on that. I'm not crazy. We all agree on that. Listen, AJ, there must be some radio interference in your helmet. Can you just, maybe, I don't know,

switch it off and switch it on again? I don't want to get near it. You can get near it. I believe in you. Don't touch it. Don't touch the helmet. You've done enough damage. It's a g-g-g-g-ghost. Sorry, wait a minute. How would the helmet have become haunted

in the last five minutes? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. This planet's kind of spooky. And also think of how many people AJ has killed? I mean, one of them, one of their, you know, spirits has definitely invaded his body and now his helmet. That's a safe bet. You killed 7 billion people is how many people you killed. Oh, AJ.

Hey, wait, I didn't do that. Okay, well, like, two years ago on Fork Knock 7, I was part of a strike team, but, you know. 7 billion people? I mean. Yeah. Okay, well, like, two years ago, on Fork Knock 7, I was part of a strike team, but, you know... Seven billion people? I mean... Yeah. Okay, all right. You seem to have a lot of information. All right, listen.

Sorry. Listen, Spectre, we mean you no harm. He's not a ghost. I'm not a ghost. You're not Z? Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I'm a guy.

It's a g-g-g-g-guy? Come on, finish it. It's a g-g-g-g-guy? Oh, God. What is that voice? I'm just using context clues here. I think I'm, like, a smaller guy than you. My name's Timmis. Are you under the helmet? No, I'm not under the helmet.

I don't see anything. Stop moving the helmet around. Every time you move the helmet around, it's a catastrophe for me. Timmis, we apologize. We're not trying to hurt you. What is going on? Oh, you apologize. Oh, no, water under the bridge.

My entire, my planet was destroyed. Your planet? Yeah. Whoa, how? They didn't need to shoot all of them? I don't know what he did. There were, there was floods. There was like a, like a soap scourge that came from the skies. Oh yeah, there you are. My sweet nephew. Did you murder all the people who were responsible yet? Soon, soon, I will. Don't worry.

Your nephew doesn't sound very good. No, my nephew's not good. My nephew's the only other survivor. I'm sorry, Timmis. I realize this is a sensitive situation. It is! When you look around, where are you? It's ruin. It's clean chaos.

All of the buildings have been wiped away. The vegetation, the wildlife. Wow. AJ, the inside of your helmet... Was a ghost place. No, AJ, you're not even... It was a civilization. Of ghosts. Okay, got it.

C-53D, does your frame have any sort of magnification on your ocular sensors? I just have this reading packing stuff. Do you think that's going to be strong enough? Whoa, really? Packages are very small.

Oh, that's true. Listen, Timmis, we're... Yeah, I'm listening. We want to help you. What can we do? What can you do? I'm not at the negotiating stage. I'm at the I'm-gonna-kill-you-guys stage. Oh. I gotta get revenge? You heard my nephew?

All right. No, AJ, AJ, put the gun down. I love this helmet, but I'll take it out. AJ, do not kill Timmis. Timmis, I apologize for this but I am going to lift up the helmet. I'm going to try to find you. Yeah, take a look.

I'll take off my little top hat and wave at you. Okay, I'm going to make truly I don't know. Can you see the hat? AJ's been two seconds. I don't know, he's waving the hat.

Pretty big hat. Yeah. Yeah, I'm at a thousand. It takes a little while. It takes a little while. A stovepipe. Oh. Oh, a stove waving the hat. Pretty big hat. Yeah. Yeah, I'm at a thousand X-Men. It takes a little while. It takes a little while. Stovepipe. Oh, stovepipe. As big as a hat can be. Yep. Reasonably. You got your novelty

hats, obviously, but I don't wear those. You know what? Take a look. Oh, wow, Timmis. Oh, wow. What a tiny ghost. That hat is too big. Okay, well, I'm not looking for fashion notes. I'm just saying I feel like something else might be better suited.

Dara, don't pile on. The entire civilization just got destroyed. I would say don't kill 7 billion of my friends and family, even my enemies. I was happy to see them go. Oh. I'm trying to be optimistic. Yeah, I don't know if that's a silver lining that's really worth kind of... So I still don't know what's happening. Okay.

AJ, I think what happened is your sealed helmet created a particularly rich biosphere for life to bleed. Oh. So this is Timmis. You see here? A little ghost. Got it. And you see the ruined world around him? That, I believe, was home to seven billion other sentients like Timmis. Is it what he's like a germ or something?

I don't think germ is the right classification, but yeah, you do appear to be a single cell. Yeah, we call ourselves germs. You guys have too many cells. Well, yeah. Okay. Timmis, I'm so sorry about what happened. What was your world like? Oh, it was incredible. We had a civilization.

We had a form of government. We had buildings a millimeter high. We had a... That's pretty high. The teardrop sea. We had, uh, the pizza stain mountains. Uh, we had a, uh, We had a really ambitious public housing project that worked correctly.

Oh, cool. Yeah, it was a utopia. We were getting pancakes. We were getting bananas. We had all sorts of food up here. We would just live off of it. Let me guess, sub sandwiches? Sub sandwiches, if that's what you call them.

We called them gifts from Little Rod. Oh, you have Little Rod there. Yeah, no, we call them gifts from Little Rod. Oh. Oh. You have Little Rod there. Yeah, no, we know about your rod. Our rod would be smaller. That checks out. Interesting.

Tim is, you know, this is wholly unexpected, but from an anthropological point of view, fascinating. What role did A.J. play in your society? So A.J. was this sort of like neutral religious figure to us who just sort of existed and we tolerated him. All right. Neutral religious figure. You would have had to search far and wide to find one of us who respected or revered him. Oh, okay.

So, it was more like it was just a face in the sky that was usually yelling or staring off into the distance. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Do you have a request for me? Is there anything you need me to do before you... Well, I would wish that you'd take care of my toys, but they're all gone. Yeah, so... I'll take care of my little kitty cat, but that was slaughtered. All of them were.

Yeah. So I guess what I really want... is for you to just maniacally, terribly, horrifically maim anyone responsible for this terrible situation in a way that no one will understand what they were because their bodies would be so decimated. Wow. If you say so. Also, sing a song. Jimpy, you're really holding on there.

You want me to sing a song? Yeah As you go? Yeah Oh boy, I'll do one of our traditional folk songs We love it when a pancake Comes sliding in the helmet We love to eat the pancake We live for several weeks.

What? You guys are right next to the microphone. You guys, you got that? Oh, yeah, we definitely got too much. Timmis, I'm so sorry. Oh, well, you know. My captain asked me to clean my helmet, so it got that? Yeah. Oh, yeah, we definitely got too much. Timmons, I'm so sorry. Oh, well, you know. My captain asked me to clean my helmet, so it's not my fault. No, just orders, huh?

Yeah, I was just following orders. Oh, where have I heard that before? Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, so this isn't AJ's fault. This is my fault. I'm responsible for murdering billions. No, no. Captain, it's not your fault.

We didn't know. It was an accident. Well, you guys are really eager to let yourselves off the hook for this. If it makes you feel any better, if there's entire worlds this small, we'd probably destroy them all the time on accident, flying through space, going to different planets. Oh, yeah, you're real safe. Does it feel like this is helping?

No, I guess not. I was going to say, you guys seem pretty nice, but actually you're really callous. Yeah, I mean, I was a neutral religious figure, so it's kind of like A.J. giv AJ giveth, AJ taketh away, you know? I don't think that's your relationship with them. I don't know. AJ don't giveth. We don't talk about you givingeth.

AJ, were you the one putting the food up there? That was me. Okay, well, AJ giveth, I guess, but we didn't know, so it's a little late. And if you were walking in the helmet, and there was only one set of... Oh, which there weren't. There were billions of us. Oh, okay, never mind. That doesn't work.

But, no, I was always stuffing up in there, and then everybody would get mad at me. They didn't even want me to feed you. They were like, don't do that. Well, to be fair, AJ, you didn't know you were feeding a civilization. I didn't know. So I'm just telling you, Timmis, that I've been on your side the entire time feeding you guys. Didn't want to clean it, but the crew made me do it. I guess conceptually I appreciate that, but it's pretty cold comfort, as you could imagine.

Yeah, no, absolutely. So talking about this mic, did you guys hear the dying wish of my small nephew? Yeah, we did. Small even by my standards. Oh, Jimpy was kind of little. You think I'm cute? No, we can see you on the display. Oh, you can see me right now?

Yeah. Hey, watch this. Oh, you're making a rude joke. Yeah, flip us off, I guess. It's kind of hard to tell, though. You don't have fingers. Yeah, exactly. You get the drift.

Yeah, I think it's... I mean, yeah, it's body language. It's body language. Yeah, we did watch Jimpy kind of, like, fart and explode. And now we die. The walls just broke down. Cheers. Spilled out.

Listen, Timmis, I know you may not believe me, but we're good guys. We want to help you. Maybe we can get back on Bargy. We can figure out a way to transfer you and you could build a new colony somewhere. Put you in a sugar solution or something. That sounds nice, but I got to get revenge. You heard Jimpy. Yeah, you guys heard Jimpy.

I got to kill some people. I mean, isn't living well the best revenge? That'd be a pretty good revenge. I'm happy to get that, but he was actually pretty good. Yeah, he was quite explicit. He was psychotically specific with his instructions that I needed to break you guys down so bad that you wouldn't recognize yourselves.

Now, look, that's a tall order for a little guy like me, but I'll figure it out. Maybe you could break us down emotionally, and then we won't even recognize the new persons that we've become. Yeah, because we're better people, you know? Yes. I could start, yeah, bullying you guys, but then maybe when you set me down to relocate,

maybe could you put me on the handle of a gun that's aimed at you? I don't think so. That's probably, that might be a little too. Yeah, I'm down for it. I will lock and load you, man. All right. Dennis, I think even the smallest gun we'd be capable of providing you with would be too large for you to fire.

Well, I mean, you know, give me about, like, a month, and then we sort of, like, develop a society who would be heavier than the past society, and we would month. And then we sort of, like, develop a society who would be heavier than the past society. We would sort of weigh down the handle of the gun, like the trigger. Yeah, that's actually a good question, Tim. How long is, like, a life cycle for your species? Oh, we play it fast and loose.

It's, you know, I'm about a month old myself. Oh, okay. Is that considered... Record-breakingly old. Wow. And you survived your planet's apocalypse. It's as if I'm cursed. Congratulations. Oh, never. Wow. And you survived your planet's apocalypse. Oh, never mind then. Well, I mean, I said there's two different schools of thoughts on that.

Yeah, I guess I might as well be optimistic. So let's bully you guys. I don't know. You can start with me. I'm pretty tough. Okay, we got a tough guy. What are you compensating for, tough guy? That's a good question, Dar. Really?

I have to think about it, I guess. Oh, I can help. They're a little anxious about the fact that they've been put into a leadership position aboard the ship. Oh, okay. And so there's been a lot of... Heavy as a head. Sure, exactly. Also, they had a baby about seven months ago.

Oh, congratulations. Yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of anxiety about that. That's so interesting. Am I working too much? Am I being a parent too much? And, I mean, don't get me started on them and Nermit breaking up. That's been a real roller coaster for everybody.

Oh, boy, yeah. So really, I mean, if you really wanted to take Dar down, I'm not saying you should. I think you should start thinking about... Crush. Dar, don't do this. You're giving him exactly what he wants! Now resetting Bunchy, Eerie, and Jade. Okay.

Wow. Alright. Wow, I feel the same Oh, uh Robot man isn't here Um Uh, oh Incoming message from the The Toodle

Okay, hi, hi, hi Hey everybody They're not here Toodle-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a-little-a reset. You know, something that happened over a very long time. So in a way, it's actually good. Because it was a couple of cobwebs, a couple of strains inside of my heart that was just causing me a lot of problems. So, let's have a party. You, me, and Mohat. We're celebrating, because I also have

some good news. Really? What happened? I am not doing development anymore. It's a failure. Oh, great! So you were, just to be clear, I'm not necessarily a showbiz guy, so you were getting projects pitched to you, you were trying to get those funded, get actors attached, get directors attached, and that was a total failure. See, you know way more than I do.

Oh! Because I just thought if you just yell out, I'm in development, things start developing. Oh. If they did not... Anyway, we're celebrating. Me, you, whole gang. Okay. Alright, nice. I'm gonna do

Let's Dance. I'm dancing. I'm dancing. I'm dancing. Oh, that's really rich, Plek. Uh, you think I'm easy to bully? Look at you.

I didn't mean to say all those things. I just got carried away. Yeah, you did. You had them at the ready. Come on. I'm way easier to make fun of than you are. I'm a total mess. Let's see.

I wear a bathrobe and carry a stick because a cater waiter told me to. I thought I saved the galaxy, and actually, I think I made it worse. That's a slam dunk that's a spicy ball wheat I can't lift boxes the way anybody else can okay yeah I doubt that yeah yeah you're not strong you're weak

if anybody wants to bully me it'd be so easy it's like AJ you're like too smart AJ you're like super strong AJ you're like so much fun no you're not just yelling characteristics at people. It has to be. That seems like what we're doing right now. Okay. Wow, you guys are

unbelievably low status. Just impossibly. I always thought revenge would be satisfying. Everyone always talks about how you get revenge and it feels really good and fulfilling. No, Timmis, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we're already right at the bottom. I'm sorry to say to us that weak organic minds are prone to these, you know, sad...

Okay. Mr. I don't want to talk about the sea captain. I will not bring up the sea captain. All right, what could that story possibly be, C-53? You had fun on the water and now you miss it? I'm too cool, I get it. AJ, shut up! Well, I did it.

All right, get it together. Listen, listen. This is exactly what Timmis wants. We have to stick together and be a team. Surely there's a way for us as diplomats to help everyone, right? Timmis, you don't want to make us feel worse, right? Well, I do, but it's a lateral move, really. Exactly, exactly.

What if we figured out a way to help you? What do you mean? What could you do for a little fella like me? I mean, we could brainstorm something, I'm sure. We could make you, like, a really small gun. Oh, now we're talking. Another one of AJ's two smart ideas. Yes.

Hey, stop bullying me. Oh, that actually works. I know. Now you're getting it. No, I know. Well, I got an idea. Why don't you guys all get real close to the helmet? Okay.

Just, like, get close to the helmet. I got it. I'm a little guy. A teardrop is an ocean to me. Oh, look got it. I'm a little guy. A teardrop is an ocean to me. Oh, look at you. I'm looking at you right now. Get as close as possible. Okay.

Well, I can put the helmet on. Yeah, put the helmet on. All right. Oh, no. He's in the helmet. We're both in the helmet. Yeah, now we're both in here. I'm not in here with you.

You're in here with me. Oh, what? Or the other way. I don't know. Which is the more intimidating way to say that? I mean, we're both in here, so I'm confused. What do you want? AJ, take the helmet back off.

I can't. That's right. Timmis, what did you do? That's right. I've been rewiring the helmet. It's self-destruct. What? What? Yeah, I'm going to take out each and every one of you with me. Wait, AJ. Wait. Are there explosives in your helmet? Well, yeah. Every Clint helmet has a bunch of explosives. What? Why, AJ. AJ, are there explosives in your helmet?

Well, yeah, every Clint helmet has a bunch of explosives. What? Why, AJ? KG, why would you put the helmet on if you knew there were explosives inside? Timmis told me to. Timmis, how is that possible? It was difficult. It was a painstaking process. I did it all in the last five minutes, which for me was two years.

Oh, boy, it was a long time. I had to get in there. I had to use my weird little body to rewrap wires. I was mostly guessing, but I think I got it. Man, and you just distracted us while we tore each other apart. We made it so easy. Ow! You didn't take that.

AJ. I didn't do anything. I did. He's a suit control in the suit servo. I'm possessed by a goon. No's assumed control of the suit's servo. I'm possessed by a g-g-ghost! No, AJ, you know it's a germ. You've never been listening to me. You literally saw the germ.

Oh, no, I'm also the strongest, like we've talked about. Oh, yeah, I don't know about that, buddy. I don't know. Yeah, well, let's see. Who wants to arm wrestle me? Oh, it's really hard to turn down an arm wrestle. Dard, don't fall for it. I have to do it. You know me.

When someone offers to arm wrestle, I gotta go. I actually did not know that. Hey, drop me off a table and do a stool. You didn't order these. Oh, I... I wouldn't mind if you could set those right here. Oh, you thought the freedom. Sure, why not?

Listen, Timmis. Yeah? If you can beat Dar in an arm wrestling competition, will you... If AJ and you can beat Dar in an arm wrestling competition, will you let us live? I'll consider it. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow, that was easy.

I gotta win the arm wrestling contest. Oh. And if I lose, we're all gonna get blown up. Oh, wow, that was easy. I got to win the arm wrestling contest. Oh, you're unanimous of them. And if I lose, we're all going to get blown up. Oh. Did somebody say arm wrestling, Judd? No. Oh, are you sure?

Because I think I heard it. I'll get back in the truck. Okay. I'm sorry, we could use your services, but... All right, I'll be back at four. Okay. I'm sorry back at school. Okay. I'm sorry. How does for big people, how does arm wrestling work that you would require a judge for it,

that there isn't just an obvious winner and loser? I might have different roles. I mean, it's pretty, yeah. Well, clearly we're trying to find work for the elderly on this planet. It's actually, it's a pretty great system. It's a very strong social network. If I don't do this, I'll just sit in a chair and think about all my memories.

Yeah, way too sad. You should judge this instead. They're pretty shitty. Hey, guys, I think we're gonna be okay because I will definitely win this arm wrestling match against Dart. I think if you kind of sell it a little bit before you lose,

then it might make Tim a fan of you. Oh, wait. So I, I mean, I have to lose? Yeah, you have to take it back, Dart. I don't think I could do that. I just. Okay, space bitches, use your kids. Wow.

Nermin party, bargy party, Nermin party, bargy party. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Hold on, sorry, I have to take this call. I'm sorry. I know this is, like, for us to like catch up Then really okay, that's not I'm gonna keep dancing Hello hi barge yeah, who's this? Barge, this is Quantum Productions. You contacted us about potentially working on a project with us. Yeah, yeah, I know. So what, you're going to reject me? Is that what you're going to call it to?

You don't need to do that. Barge, I'm... Okay, it's okay. I'm just going to hang up, okay? We know how this works. I know you're just calling to just tell me, Oh, we love you, but you're not really what we're looking for at the moment. You know what?

Why did you even try? You know, it's people like you who make me sick. Okay, you bring people into rooms, you give them hope, and then you shit in their faces. That's what's happening right now. I'm gonna block this number. I don't want you to ever call me again. Okay, that's

all of you. I'm giving you the green light. I'm blocking all of your numbers. In fact, I'm gonna take everything you ever send me, create fake sentences, and blackmail you. That's what I'm doing. Bo, why would you do that? All right, goodbye. This is forever.

Bo, all you got to do is give us your signature, and it's a go. Goodbye, you son of a... Oh, jeez. That's it. Blocked. Unmute. Did you hear that? Yeah, this...

You really brought the party down. So that scene, you've seen it? That's what I have to deal with all the time. Bargy, they clearly greenlit your movie. Wait. Oh, no. Oh, no. Wow.

This is really what they call making your own luck. Oh, no. Why? Why? Ten points for the left, eight points for the right. What? It's not a binary system. No, that's why I can never let up.

I might get a TKO on this. Dart, you have to lose. You have to just let AJ win. Why can't you believe in me? I heard all those horrible things you said about me earlier. No, Dart. I heard them with my ears because you said them in the face. Dart, listen.

Those things are what make you strong. You have deep inner turmoil that you're constantly struggling with. It's about conquering your fears and your anxieties. That's what makes you a better person. I will conquer my fears and anxieties. No, not through arm wrestling, Dart.

That's the only way. It really is not. Who's winning? I have no frame of reference. Am I ahead or behind? Honestly. Yeah, I don't know. Honestly.

Well, the left side just did a double-double, and the right side did a triple-chuck-chuck, so it's a tie. I've never heard of any of these moves. Incredible technique, Dar. I'll give you that. That triple-chuck-chuck. Oh, yeah, I chuck-chuck any of these moves. You've got an incredible technique, Dar. I'll give you that. That triple chuck chuck. Oh, yeah. I chuck chuck like the Chuckiest.

I'm between the two wires, which are the size of counties to me. And I will, uh, I can just connect them to make an explosion. No, do not do that. Tim is looking. I just need the okay for that. Just let me know when I've lost. Dar, listen. You have to lose this fight.

And now we've entered the double points round. Yes. Dar. Hang on. Drop it on this fight. And now we've entered the double points round. Dar. Hang on, I'm dropping off this scoreboard. You need to save us. Save us all and lose this fight. This is wild. Sorry, Mom. Back at four.

Oh, my God. Fleck, are you trying to tell me that by losing I can win? That just doesn't make any sense. It does, Dar. Listen, we're losers, okay? We're losers, and that's what makes us great. We're underdogs. Hey, everybody, is it cool if these two cheerleading teams practice right here?

I don't know why they would do that. Let's go. Do it now. You can do it anytime. Do it now. Do it now. Anytime is the best. Oh, wow.

This is just what I needed, a second wind. No, Dart, stop. You have to throw this. Go left here. It's left here. Go left here. Double chakcha. Dart.

Go left here. Double chakcha. Dart, listen to me. You have to have the strength to lose. Oh, that actually makes sense. Number one. No. We have a winner!

Thank you. Thank you for throwing that fight. I didn't throw the fight. You distracted me. You said something so unplec and so profound. You scrambled me completely and I lost. We did it, Tibbets.

We did it, bro. We won? Yeah. Oh, great. I've just been waiting for the answer. I think my arm is very damaged. You guys are pathetic. I am a germ.

I bullied you and I beat you in an arm wrestling contest. This rules for me. Again, I am closer to not existing than to existing. That's pretty pathetic. You can see I'm pretty involved, germ. Well, I'm tipping my hat to you, not existing than to existing. That's pretty pathetic. Well, I'm tipping my hat to you, not that you can see. That is a great question. A smaller germ.

Yeah, look. We got a utopian society. Oh, well, they were smaller than me, so they weren't a big deal, you know? Like, their lives meant nothing to me. Trophies for sale, trophies for sale. For sale? I'm just going to wait until my son comes at four, so... So, what, you're telling me that this entire time I've actually been getting a lot of development deals? It sure

seems that way, Barge. How many calls like this have you done? Like once every other day. Barge, that sounds like you've been, you would have dozens of projects in the pipeline. And sometimes they just send me just cold, hard crew and I send it back because I'm like, that's demeaning. I just thought they were like making fun of me or something. I mean, this is, I know I'm not your manager, but this is some just kind of free advice. It's like, if someone calls again from Hollywood, just like listen to the words they say.

Wow. Huh. Oh, oh. All right, bye, Nervik. Hello, sorry. Alright, bye, Nermit. Hello, hi. Listen, I'm so sorry that I've given up so many opportunities, but whatever you're about to say, I'm gonna say yes. Definitely. I will do it. I'm ready. This is my time. That's great news, Bargy. Could you come pick us up, please?

Uh, okay. I'm gonna disconnect you. Oh! Uh, okay, I'm gonna disconnect it. Oh, no. Timmis. Yeah? You know, I want to just say again, I'm sorry we wiped out your whole civilization, but... It's okay, I've had years of my own time to process it. Oh.

What are you gonna do? I mean... Yeah, what are you gonna do? Can you guys set me down somewhere or put me... Do you guys have, like, a refrigerator? Do you guys have refrigerators? We do, we do have a refrigerator. Okay, we don't have them, so that was a shot in the dark.

Yeah. But if you have one of those, you could like put me in there? Yeah, sure, you know. What sort of is the ideal environment for your species? I guess like this helmet, a place with like food that keeps getting put in there and never cleaned. Do you have like a place like that? Yeah, that would be our refrigerator. Yeah, that sounds about right, honestly.

Yeah. Of course, I'll just be completely alone. Whoa, hey, I'm actually getting my glove, my glove calmness. Are you doing this, Timmis? No, no, I'm not doing anything. All right, let me click my glove calm. Timmis!

Timmis! Over here! Oh, my glove is haunted Timus! Tammis! Over here! Oh, my glove is haunted! Who's saying that? Timmis, we hacked the communicator on his wrist! Oh, my little rod. There's other survivors?

I'm not the only one? Praise little rod. Praise little rod. Praise little rod. Yeah, we're all very different. I'm the little rod side. Wait, how did you get onto the wrist from my helmet? Okay, well, sometimes when I have a runny nose, and there's no tissue around, I'll take my helmet off,

and I'll wipe on my glove. This society is plentiful of salty chips. Wait, so you could just put me on your wrist, and I could go be with my own kind? Yeah, sure. Timmis, this is amazing. Yeah, Timmis, is that okay with you? Oh, yeah, it's great with me. I can finally stand trial for my crimes.

I was a criminal. The judge is still here. What? Oh, yeah, I was a criminal. I'm a bad guy. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, you know, fair's fair. I should stand trial. Okay, yes. Okay, Timmis, I'm about to transfer you from helmet to glove, so hold on. Okay. I don't know what's happening.

I have no frame of reference. I'm going to use my pressurized air cannon. Okay. I usually use it to blow up birthday candles, but I'm going to blow you onto my glove. Don't love what I'm hearing, but I... It's going to... Yeah, you're going to be moving really fast. It's very scary.

Yeah. All right. Is there like a seat belt or anything I can apply? No, no. You're just going to be shooting through the air. Fly safe, little Timmis. I'll try to get you as close as possible but you're probably gonna be going a real crash yeah sort of i mean probably

equivalent for you thousands of miles an hour yeah no let's see how it goes all right ready one two oh i landed right next to the other microphone what are the odds? My hand broke! Wow. That was a real roller coaster down there, guys. So am I just not washing this glove ever, or what are we doing? We're sticking it in the fridge. Yeah? Stick your glove in the fridge? He's going to use his.

Oh, yeah, I do have a lot of spare gloves. All right. Well, here you go. Big. I'm just going to stuff some of these. I'm just going to puff. So long, Timmis. Hey, see you guys.

I'm in prison now, but I appreciate everything you did for me. Hey, Little Rod Speed, buddy. Hey, Big Rod Speed to you. It's just Rod here normally. Just normal Rod? No, just Rod. It's presumptuous of you guys to think your Rod is the normal Rod. No, it's just Rod.

We just called. I thought that was pretty nice of us to say Little Rod. We assumed it's just Rod. We just called... Yeah, it's here. Did I close the door or what? Yeah, you just... Hey, guys, listen. I owe you all an apology. Dar, I'm sorry I got you in your head about your anxieties. C53, I'm sorry for bringing up the sea captain again.

AJ, I'm... I can up the sea captain again. AJ, I can't believe you're bringing this all up now. I kind of forgotten about it now. I don't care. And Bargy, I'm sorry I left the hatch open for so long while I loaded boxes by myself. You don't need to apologize to me. You know, I'm working with someone new now. They're not my manager, but they're

my free advice-ager. Oh. Blizzard Man. Oh, Nervin. Yeah, guys, I turned down the new now. They're not my manager, but they're my free advice-ager. Uh. Really? Lizard man. Oh, Nervin. Yeah, guys, I turned down the job of Bargy's manager because it offered no perks, but I am, um, I... What do you get as a free advice-ager? Nothing. It's free.

Uh. What? Neither of us gain from this relationship, so it's very neutral. I think you're describing a friend, Bargy. We just hang out. We just talk. No, it's not a friend. It's free advice. We hang out. It's not friendship so it's very neutral. I think you're describing a friend, Bargy. We just hang out. We just talk. No, it's not a friend. It's free advice. We hang out. We talk. We party. We gossip. Yeah, that's a friend. We give each other nicknames.

Whatever makes you guys both feel good. Okay. Yeah, someone should be feeling good right now, and I'm glad it's you, Bargy. Hey, don't be that upset that I beat you. Wow. You're right. It's not that big a deal because we can go again right now. Oh, no. Come on, guys, not this.

Again. I'll get the scoreboard. Where did the cheerleaders... Why did the cheerleaders get on the ship with us? Did anybody ask for an arm wrestling judge? Nobody said that, but... Yeah, we do need you, yes? Okay, my son still has a big way up.

Oh, no. It's Wilma. Hello? This is SeaRaid IT5. Credits and attributions to join commencing outdoor protocol. Plank Deck Setter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, Jimpy, and the Elderly Arm Wrestling Judge were played by Mujan Zolfagari. Teen Mom, North Bundeloy, and The Truck were played by Seth Lind.

AJ was played by Winston Noll. Timmis the Germ was played by special guest Branson Reese. Branson is a cartoonist, writer, and comedian in Brooklyn. He is DM of the popular actual play podcast, Rude Tales of Magic, author and illustrator of the book Hell Was Fall, and creator of the webcomic Swan Boy. Branson has also written for We Bare Bears on Cartoon Network and acted in Alternatino with Arturo Castro on Comedy Central. Follow him on Twitter at Branson Reese.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford, sound design and mix by Shade O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Thames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Recorded at Robert Dougie Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York. Opening call narration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design for the Rogerian Jade by Eric Goix.

Audio hosting by Simplecast. Vision to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Pod Network. Welcome. Thank you. These are real podcast listeners, not actors. What do you look for in a podcast? Reliability is big for me. Power. I'd say comfort.

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Soon. Jordan, Jesse, go. A real podcast. Strange planets. Curious technology. go a real podcast strange planets curious technology and a fantastic vision of the distant future featuring martin star so we're going on day 14 shuttle still hasn't come a parna nonchalant the security system provides you with emotional security. You do the rest. Can you disconnect me or not? I'm staying. From Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Jeffrey McGivern.

Could you please send me lope as girls just want to have fun? It's The Outer Reach. Stories from beyond. Now available for free at MaximumFun.org or anywhere you listen maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported you know like the bacteria i'm sure it's like what if like this is insane what if every clint has a alternate dimension timus world in their helmet like they're like mirror images and we find one where timus has died but the rest that is maybe too crazy that is truly wait it's like the reverse of the end of men in black where it like zooms out to a marble it It's like it's zooming into every...

Yeah, every Clint helmet. God. That might be too insane even for us. You think? Yeah.