Mission To Zyxx - 412: Same Sh*t, Derfrent Day [ft. Justin Tyler]

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as BargieWith special guest Justin Tyler as Old DerfRecording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Edited by Alden FordTheme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric GeuszAudio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of chaos. Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal Ault. Which looks like a wormhole's arsehole. Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2-6. Hey, Marty. Yeah? Guess what day it is.

Uh, it's just a normal day on the ship. Wrong. So wrong. Why? It's my birthday, Bargy. It's my birthday. It's your birthday today. It's your birthday. It's my sixth birthday. That's right. Well, lucky for you, nothing is happening today.

Absolutely nothing. Just a normal day on the ship. Everyone's gonna relax, sit down. I've got five degrees of space. We already told him that we're taking day on the ship. Everyone's going to relax, sit down. I'm advised to give answers of space. We've already told him that we're taking him to the zoo. But we've already seen that we're not. What's going on?

I thought we were going to the zoo today. Did AJ come down? No. 253? Where is everybody? I'm waiting for you guys to get AJ into the cargo hold. Oh, we kind of told him about the surprise. All righty.

I mean, he wrote a bunch of banners and balloons like an idiot. Well. Wait, is it happening or not? Barge is saying it's not happening. It is happening. What is happening? We told you because you were upset that you thought we forgot your birthday, but we were just trying to build up to a really big surprise.

I was supposed to announce it with a song and dance, but I guess that's not happening anymore. No, Bargy, it's not too late. Nope, nope, birthday's canceled. What? Opening up my hatch. Get rid of all the birthday stuff. Oh, wow.

So that's what a hundred balloons in space looks like. They just popped. Immediately. Yep. Whoa. AJ, so it's not my birthday. We all knew it was your birthday. I think we just were kind of not on the same page about how to, you know, celebrate it with you.

So we're not going to the zoo? We are going to the zoo. Come on, come on. We all need to get on the same page. Okay? This is getting out of control. Why don't we all at the same time say what the new goal of today is? Okay?

Okay, sure. One, two, three. I'm going to go get the balloons from outside and re-inflate them, and we'll do another surprise party for each. No, that's not going to work. Yeah, no. What? Development party?

Did you get balloons? Pop balloons? I thought I might go try to grab them real quick. No, no. I guess now the new goal is to teach Plek about balloons. The vacuum. But it's my birthday. Is that what we're doing on my birthday?

Teaching Papa about balloons? AJ, I have a very important exercise for you. Okay. Go into your room and come right back out. It's a space thing. Try it. All right. Surprise! Happy birthday!

Wait, why would you do that and not tell us to yell surprise? Like you need to verbalize your inner thoughts? I thought it was obvious what we were all doing. No, you sent him into his room. What were we supposed to think? The whole point was to surprise him at the same time. Captain Dory? Incoming transmission from temporary emergency.

Emissarial negotiations. Missions operations. Manager. Permit bundle. Hey, crew, just a regular day. Nothing special on this day. No, we don't need that. But what's on this poster?

A picture of what? AJ! It's the zoo! It's a mission now? It's work? Well, yeah, I mean, it's a... I mean, now it's logged in the missionator, so I guess technically it's a well yeah it's i mean it's it's a i mean now it's logged in the missionator so i guess technically it's a mish we're not good at this okay guys i'm gonna call right back we don't do a lot of i'm gonna call right back i think we're just not prepared wait when i call back what

should i say don't call back how do i fix it stay? Stay on. It's... Just call. Yeah. Okay, I actually have an idea. AJ, could you do a mind wipe since this morning? Oh, good idea. Happy to. Okay, hold on. We can do it on command. Hey, guys, what's up? Surprise!

You guys remembered! Yeah, of course we did. Happy birthday! It's my birthday. Six years, buddy, that's big! What are we going to do today? We're going to the zoo! Whoa!

Yeah, alright! Let's walk along! Zoo time, fellas! We're fishing the zoo! We should really do that more often. Yeah, I can't wait to take advantage of this game. Back pocket! Hey everybody, this is Centurion Tittle with another ep of the Centurion Collection. My super sweet vlog about all the cool stuff I collect and discover.

Like this rad scale model of the All We. Man, I love the All We. Oh, it's hot. Anyway, as you know, it's super boring here on this stupid ice planet where my mom, Sisu Gundu, built her base. Which is why I'm so pumped to share this dope thing I discovered. It's called Roll, and it's a new online role-playing platform and community. Roll is the place where diverse voices gather to discover new worlds,

meet lifelong friends, and adventure together. Until I heard about what Roll is building, I honestly didn't think role-playing was for me, okay? And certainly didn't know where to meet people who also... Oh, hey, cool. My beef relief, Justin, is joining me in the episode. Sup, Justin? Not much, son.

Long-time viewers know my pal, Justin Ballweed, whose dad is half of the freaking Allweed. What you might not know is that Centurion and I are secret star-crossed lovers. That's right. Where once our fathers were locked in mortal battle, or whatever, out from the ashes of their hate,

rose our love. No one will ever understand us unless they too had a high school fling of which their parents disapproved. Anyway, I rang you up because I got your message about Rome. I know, right? I just joined the next wave of online narrative play

by backing their Kickstarter. Now I'll get exclusive first access to both their online tools and six original role-playing games. That's so rad, Justin. And so are you! I love you! No, you are! No, you are! I love you!

Visit playroll.com slash zix to be among the first to join this community when it launches later this year that's playroll r-o-l-e dot com slash zix justin kiss me through the accursed waves of this hollow oh i love love Ooh, horse hat. Look who's here. Hey. Okay.

Okay. Horse hat. Okay. Oh. Hey, Nervous. That's a far drop. Glad you got that. Take it off, too.

Come on. Yeah, guys. I get, um, Temps get one vacation day annually, and this is it. Wait, you're still a Temp? Nermit. Well, they had a meeting where they brought everyone in to talk about the Temp to Perm process, and I'm not eligible yet. Welcome to Daniel Day Zoo. This is the greatest zoo in the sixth quadrant.

At this moment in time, we're working on it. A lot of qualifications on this zoo. Please enter your cars. Hey, listen, AJ, you know, it's your birthday. How would you like a snack, you know, a snack to get your birthday, get anything you want? Fleck, are you afraid of cars? No, no, I'm just gonna get...

It's just that you immediately offered to abandon us here as we were getting into the cars. I'm trying to make this a special day for AJ. I don't love cars. I prefer anything that levitates or uses thrusters. You're afraid of them? Wow! Wheels feel archaic to me. I don't know why. I prefer anything that levitates or uses thrusters. You're afraid of them.

Wow. Wheels feel archaic to me. I don't know why we're using wheels. Wheels feel archaic? These open-top Jeeps are on a track. They're very safe. Yeah. I'm just going to grab a snack for AJ, and I'll be right back.

AJ, you want a Funko? How are you walking backwards away from the Jeep? I mean, sure, if there's like a paste flavor. You could make it a paste flavor by shoving it into your helmet. Got it. Great. Yeah, Funkle Cake, please. The wheel is one of the classic simple machines.

I know, but it just feels like we've moved on from it. I don't feel like I like to go backwards. We haven't improved on the lever, C-53. When we do, when we do, I'll be sure to leave it behind. And then he just ran off. Wow. How did he give the finger to that pulley? Bizarre.

Welcome to the experience of a lifetime. This is awesome. Ooh, what kind of horsepower do you think we're dealing with? This is an automated tram. Nice. Hi there. Yeah, could I get three Funkle Cakes? Yes, you can.

We have three flavors. We have paper mache, paste, glue. Which one can I get? You have a paste flavor? That is correct. Wait a second. Turf? What?

Oh, hey! Hey, it's my old guy! What are you... What is this? You come visit your old... What are you doing here? You work at a zoo now? I work at the zoo.

I do... But I don't think I'm just doing fungal cake stuff. I do all the jobs at the zoo. I do, uh, but I don't think I'm just doing fungal cake stuff. I do all the jobs at the zoo. I, uh, make sure the, uh, the dongle teeth are clean. Stick my head right in there. Scrub the backs. I, uh, make sure the Libras are, uh, inseminated. Make sure they're making more. Uh, make sure the space monkeys are pleasuring themselves to an adequate amount. Where have you been? I thought you died at that wedding.

Yes, I was dead for a moment, but then I got right out of there, jucked around a bit, ended up at the zoo. A lot of times, if you juck enough, you end up at a zoo. I found it. It's sort of like the drain of society. And this is a great zoo. Daniel Day-Zuess. This zoo is always in character. As a zoo. Listen, Durf

I gotta talk to you Things are going crazy I need you to weigh in On some of the stuff Happening in the galaxy right now I would love to weigh in Would you mind I also clean

The worst diarrhea accidents Out of the bathroom Would you mind coming with me? I don't A lot of children come here And I don't know if they There's something about animals That literally scares

The shit out of them. So come on. We're going to go over here. You clean up shit, and you also work at the concession stand? I hate to tell you, but at a zoo, a zoo is like a carnival, but with fewer rides. So everyone sort of does everything, and everyone has homemade tattoos, and they're jucking around when they're not working. So, yeah, I'm going to go.

What does that have to do with anything? What does that have to do? That's just a little back story here. I'm your teacher, your mentor. Everything is a teachable moment. Leave the fungal cake alone for a second. We have things to discuss. So are we not going to be able to get any fungal cake?

One second. You ordered three paper mache's, right? That's right. And I still have yet to see a single cake. Hey, here's some news. Funkle cakes, it's just dough and sugar. So, go to town. You can make your charge. You're asking me to make my own

fungal cake at the stand? You're already holding one that you brought from some other place. Is that a home cake? I got it in transit to the zoo. That's none of your business. Hey, Plek Dick Splitter there, could you just hit him with your wood saber or something? Surely you know my last name. No, I'm one of those people that only reads enough to get the context.

And with the prophecy, I was like, Plek D. And I was like, that's it. You've said my last name so many times. Is that? Well, so? I say a lot of words and I forget their meanings. Really? Yeah.

You should talk to somebody about that. That's not good. You're getting old, man. I started old. My old is in my name. What do you think? I'm not going to be at peak form. You used to be Youngder.

That's another thing you said that you've apparently forgot. Yes, but that's like a different chapter. Chapter one was when you were the chosen one and you saved the universe. Buckle up, baby. You got a whole other chapter coming. Is there going to be another chapter until I get these funkel cakes?

Now on your left is the majestic dongle, known for being compatible to other animals. Yes, dongles are the only species that actually thrives in captivity. Oh, no. It says here they seek out traps. Do they really prefer it? Donkles.

Right? Are you sure? Donkles. Right? Moving along. We're moving along. And now we have entered the Libra exhibit, known for its vibrant red fur and saucy attitude.

Ooh, fun fact about these. Libras are great listeners. So if you get really close up to the glass, you can just whisper all your secrets. Oh, yeah, they're also distinguished gossips. So whatever you tell them, they will repeat to each other. Do you want my demo tape? Oh, no, no, they don't.

That's not a secret, Nermit. You asked a pathetic question. I've got one for Duncan. Okay, AJ, also not a secret. But something you should keep to yourself. Let's go. We're going now. Time to go. We're moving along.

This is a risk zoo. I like it because I don't have to think too hard about it, and I just keep moving. I like it. We're going fast. We're going fast now. Ooh, a lot of horses under that hood, baby. It's nice and fast. We're going fast.

Huh? It's fast when you're little. Your point. Durf, I gotta tell you, things have gone crazy since I saw you last... What do you mean? Like in a good way? Like a jucking around way? Durf, haven't you been paying attention? The Emperor's Planet Crusher Crusher imploded and now it's the All Weed. Nobody knows what it is.

You don't know what the All Weed is? Did you see it up there? Yeah. It's a super dense collection of the stuff. The... what stuff? You don't know what the stuff is? The stuff is the other side of the coin when it comes to the space. I thought the whack was the other side of the...

I thought the space was the coin. No, the space is sort of... The coins exist in three dimensions. Just like stuff. I'm... okay. Fresh is the opposite of the whack, so of course the space has an opposite, which of course is the stuff.

Think about it. The space is all the space in between the stuff. What are you talking about? If the space is the space inside the pee hole, the stuff is the pee hole. The edge. The rim. The part where you put the sounding rod

if you want to feel the pleasure. What? What is that? What are you talking about? That's sort of a future lesson once you've really lived. Durf, you never mentioned the stuff until just now. Think of what? It's everything that's not the space is the stuff.

What's so hard about that? I thought the space was sort of like a mystical energy that kind of flowed through everything. It is. And the stuff is the other stuff that it's flowing through. I thought everything was the space. Everything is the space. And then everything else and the stuff is the other stuff that it's flowing through. I thought everything was the space. Everything is the space, and then everything else is the stuff. What? Do I have to write this down?

Aren't you... Are you listening? I know it smells like rank AJ in here, but please, just pay... Listen. Yeah, don't you have a break room or anything? Breathe through your mouth so you can remember what I'm telling you about the stuff. Durf, you have to listen to me. The all-wheat is contacting me psychically.

It's talking to me. I can hear it in my head. Oh, that is bad news, buddy. That means you have to go. You have to gather up. You have to finally understand the stuff. And then go to the all-wheat and face it. Face it.

As long as the all-wheat doesn't have a bean bean in the All Wheat with it, it's fine. So you have a little bit of time. Just get a grasp of the stuff. Wait, what? What did you just say? I don't know if you've encountered this thing called a bean. And if the Emperor... We've encountered Beano.

The Bean-O-Cron. Yes. Good, good. As long as you have that and the Emperor doesn't combine with it... No, we don't have that. The Emperor took Beano and fell into the planet crusher. That's what made the All Weed. What?

Well, surely Bino told you what he know. Did Bino tell you what he know? It was more of him affirming that he did know about the thing we were already talking about. What are you talking about? Stop being so confusing. Do you know or do you not know? That is the simple thing. Do I know or I don't know anything. I feel

like I left you and I was like, that guy's got it. I can just die in this crowded ballroom and go back to my job cleaning up zoo diarrhea. But now I feel like you haven't learned a single thing. I'm sorry to interrupt, but my son really painted the walls in there.

Oh, in that stall right next to this diarrhea stall? Yep. Black, I'm going to need you to get a mastery of at least this stuff right now. Coming up next is Philemland. What? You guys, we're going into Philemland. Oh. We created a society full of words.

Oh. It's a little full of worms. Oh! Little cubicles and everything. Just bring papers and scampers. Oh, hello. Hi there. Wow, so this is really the brains behind the operation. This is awesome. So these are the zoo

administrators. It's sort of weird that we're kind of on the other side of a pane of glass from them. Yeah. Yeah, very weird. I think a lot of officers are switching to that open architecture kind of thing, and it's cool to see behind the scenes and how it works. Good work, team. I'm deep in a spreadsheet, and I'm happy about it.

That's just like you. Yeah, I know. That's crazy like you. Yeah, I know. That's crazy. That sounds like a great spreadsheet. Is AJ done? AJ! What? They're working.

It's weird how this thing sped us through all the other exhibits, but this one we really have to live in. We will not be changing any questions and answers at this time. That's crazy. Look at all their little ties and their little... That one's got a bow tie. Every office has one. You know what I'm saying?

I don't like the idea that I can put a crew in and get some to throw at them. Oh, I do. It is his birthday. That's a really great system. So they lunch delivery as part of the deal here. That's a really great system. So they lunch delivery as part of the deal here. That's great. Yeah, they never have to leave. I think you may be misunderstanding.

This is a exhibit. They're trapped here. We just visited two exhibits. This is clearly the central's kind of brain HQ of the administrative section. Sweet, sweet Nermy, no. Oh, look, that one's computer's not even plugged in.

You know, one lerd's cage is another lerd's cubicle. Hey, friends, keep up the good work. Alert. An escaped animal has been spotted in the Philem section. Oh, I hope it's an Apex Predator. Look alive, there's an escaped animal. Oh no, oh no, oh no!

Oh, the giant claw things! You've escaped from Philem land! No, no, no! Okay. Don't worry about me, guys. I'm just gonna parachute in here and show these lures how it's done. What are you talking about? I've already come up with ways to make this more efficient.

Plank, the thing is, your job's not done yet. Yeah, fine, but what does that mean? No, I'm talking specifically about you haven't cleaned a diary out of the stall. That's not my job. I don't work here. I know, but you're working, you're like under me. And you're always sort of my... Like when an intern is going to another office, they still do the boss's stuff. That's not true. That's not true at all.

I have another, what? I have another message for you. Your job is also not done. Which, which, is it poop related? No. Well, technically, because poop is part of the stuff. Your job's not done because you've brought balance to the space, but you haven't even touched the stuff.

And you need to bring balance to the stuff. And once those two are balanced, that's a lot of balance, which is what we need. I'm so confused. It's not confusing at all. Again, I feel like I've said this to you many, many times. Do you need another analogy? I used the pee hole, which has

been very indicative. You don't need to do the pee hole thing again. Okay, well, good. That one is so useful for all the noobs I've had. They're like, is it the pee hole thing?. Okay, well, good. That one is so useful for all the noobs I've had. They're like, is it the peehole thing? And I'm like, that is correct, noob. That is correct. We said this wasn't going to be about our work today, but now we're just watching Nermit do work? No, of course. It isn't

about Nermit doing work. See, try backing up into the glass again. I've been looking at these spreadsheets and a lot of these numbers just look like filler. I'm not being able to track back where this goes to the actual budget input from the zoo. What do you mean? So I'm a little worried. Oh, every number goes somewhere, right? It all goes somewhere. I'm pressing a button, it goes into the spreadsheet.

Oh, let me just, actually, I've noticed let me trace back this internet cable. It is a just yarn. Yep, that's yarn. Yeah, we've been waiting on IT for a while but, you know, it'd take forever. Oh, that's yarn. Yeah, we've been waiting on IT for a while, but, you know, it'll take forever. Oh, tell me about it. Yeah, right?

I mean, and then when they show up, they're like, user error. Come on. Yeah, turn it off, turn it on again. It's not on in the first place, man. It's not on in the first place? Yeah, well, it hasn't been on for a while. Huh. Well, I mean, a lot of room for improvement in this office, and I'm alert for it.

Well, we were born here in the zoo, so this is all we've ever known. Oh. I'm getting promoted tomorrow. Oh, hey, congratulations! High five! What do you do? Oh, I manage a crew of interstellar ambassadors, emissaries, working on behalf of Sisu Gundu, who's trying to reunite the galaxy. Oh, that's them right there through the glass. Out there?

There are animals in the zoo? I mean, one of them, that's obviously a droid, but they're touring the zoo looking at... Oh, you all turned around. This sounds made up. Yeah, you just told us you manage a crew of animals in a zoo. No, they're outside. We're visiting the zoo.

So AJ's a clone. It's his birthday. So you're saying we're in the zoo? Yeah, that's pretty good. Get real, buddy. Whoa, Dar. Whoa. Whoa.

Guys. Okay. We're going to have to fill out a lot of paperwork. So this is who I was telling you about. This is Dar, the captain of our crew. I scaled C53 so I could come into the enclosure and save you. And now we have to go before we ruin AJ's birthday. No, I mean, I think the thing that's going to ruin AJ's birthday, if anything,

is that, like, the processes in here are jacked up. Look at this spreadsheet. Well, those are custom macros that I've been working on for years. No! Congratulations on the promotion! Do any of the rest of you want me to throw you out over the enclosure? Into the zoo? No, thanks.

I got a promotion coming up next week. Thank you. Tuesdays, am I right? I just got word I gotta go put on a little show for some birthday boy. No, you can't do that. You have to help me destroy the all-wee. Just come with me.

I promise you I will definitely come with you. I will leave the zoo and not perish, and I will come help you do this stuff. These stuff. But right now I have to go entertain. There's a six-year-old who's like, I want to go to the zoo and see all the prison animals for my birthday. And I have to go make it fun. So he has a good memory. Okay, fine.

Would you come with me? And would you mind applying this face makeup? You're going to be my clown noob for the next 45 minutes. I don't work here. I don't work here at the zoo. You work for me. I have a job, a different job. Describe your job.

You describe your job. You haven't even put a new eye in your face. You're not doing anything. Well, first of all, I've kind of gotten used to it. I think the patch looks pretty cool, actually. And secondly, now I'm sort of like

a liaison, I guess you might say, for Sisu Gundu's political campaign to... Oh, you're in politics? That's your big claim? You're going to put on clown makeup

and put on a little show for a child. Come on, let's go do... I don't actually have a position on the ship. It's okay. Dar's the captain. How about your position is junior clown and you can take that with a position on the ship. It's okay. Dar's the captain. How about your position is junior clown, and you can take that with you back to the ship.

Now put on this wig. This is a fun wig. It's made from actual Libra hair. I made this wig. It's something I do on the side when I'm not elbow deep in alien diarrhea. Put this wig on. Here's a little bit of fun makeup. And you know what this makeup is?

It's stuff. That seems like a stretch. Oh, you're telling me? You learned about this ten minutes ago. Don't tell me what it is. You need to move the stuff through the space until it connects with your face. And then you have stuff on your face. And then you're halfway to being a junior clown.

Now let's go entertain this child. You don't have to say the junior every time. Oh, I'm so sorry. There's a hierarchy in the clown world. You want me to tell you about the clown world? I was a clown for 17 years. I went from young derf to old derf as a clown. And then I got into a space religion and then a stuff religion. Now come on with me, junior clown. And eventually someday you'll fill the larger shoes. We're all just clowns. Oh, I, you. Okay, do it. Let me're all just clowns. Oh, I, you. Okay, show me some clown stuff.

If this is senior clown stuff, then you'll be senior clown. Okay. Do a little trick. Show me a trick. Show me a trick. A trick? A clown trick. Okay.

Backflip. Oh, okay. Backflip. Pretty good. You really took a feather out of my cap on that one. Okay. Well, you haven't done yours yet. I'll do it. I'll do it when I'm RD ready.

And now we're entering the birthday zone. Everyone, please leave the vehicle. Leave the vehicle. Please leave the vehicle. Please leave the vehicle. Please leave the vehicle. Someone left something in the vehicle. Please remove it from the vehicle.

Oh, it's my time, sir. Thank you. Goodbye. Good to work a little on my day off, you know? Yeah, I'm nervous. Well, Agent, uh, I hope you're excited for this, buddy. Uh, we got you something, you know, a little special here at the end of the day.

Is this the party room that Bargy told me about? Bargy... Eh, alright. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. Oh, awesome! Great! Well, you know, we got cake for everybody. Wow! Oh, and I guess this... And welcome to my zoo

that I founded. Oh, it's Daniel Day-Zuiz, but as an animatronic. I love it. Dude, you love this? Look at him, look at him go. Yeah, this is a little... It's all hand-to-draughts. Just like you! No! The day we started the zoo has continued since that founding day. And the best day of the start of the zoo was perhaps the groundbreaking.

When we dug that first hole, we clipped the ribbon and we said the zoo has begun. Don't you think it's just a little bit like you, Mr. Robotman? It moves me deeper every time you suggest that. That day when it started, henceforth and thereafter, the zoo was here. You're standing in the zoo that I founded on its inception. This

wig is itchy. Yes, it is itchy. It's made from animal hair. And there's some skin in there, too, because it's hard to get just hair. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, what? Here's the thing. You know when you get clown makeup on and you just want to jerk somebody? No.

Durf, listen. How do you feel? Are you aroused right now? What? No. Okay, different strokes for different clowns. Durf, listen. None of this is important.

We have to get back. Maybe we go back to Zima Prime. Maybe we can find some, I don't know. Durf, listen, none of this is important. We have to get back. Maybe we go back to Zima Prime. Maybe we can find some, I don't know. Plek, plek. First off, insulting to say none of my life is important. You work as a combination shit janitor. It's called a zookeeper. It's called a zookeeper is the term.

I don't think you are. I got to say, Durf, I don't think you're the zookeeper. Oh, does this zoo look kept to you're the zookeeper. Oh, do you... Does this zoo look kept to you? This zoo is kept, and I'm the keeper. Durf. Now, this is serious, you're right. Because if the Emperor has merged with the Beanecron,

then the Allweed is gaining in power, and you have only one mission. You need to enter the Allweed. What do you mean, enter the All Wheat? It's like a wormhole's asshole. Yeah, it's like the coolest door in the universe. You ever walk through a cool door?

Durf, I saw the All Wheat destroy a planet. I can't go inside it. Plek, this is all I can tell you. It is your time to face the All Wheat. You must enter it, ensure it'll take some of your skin off and maybe your bones, but you have to confront it. What?

You have to go through the portal of the All Wheat. Face it with the mastery of the stuff. Find balance for the stuff in the same way that you found balance to the space. I don't know how to do that, Turf. I don't know how. Well, one thing you can practice right now is being a junior clown.

Let's go entertain this kid. Quack! Oh, hey, guys. Yeah, I should have put... Hey, look at this. Hey, who's the kid? Who's the birthday boy? Hey, Durf. It's my birthday. Hey, oh, look, it's your crew.

There's the robot one. Wow, he looks like shit. Oh, look, you have two dars now. Hey, congrats look, it's your crew. There's the robot one. Wow, he looks like shit. Oh, look, you have two Dars now. Hey, congrats. Double it up. Oh, and look at this Dar's wearing cool new clothes. I'm here too, Durf. Oh, that reminds me.

I didn't feed the Lurds their quarterly earnings reports. Boy, that's going to jack things up real quick. Oh, that explains it. The quarterly earnings reports, if that had been in there, the spreadsheet would have made so much more sense. So you keep this animal in your ship? This guy? This is Nermit. This is Nermit Bundeloy.

I manage them. Oh, Nermit Bundeloy, he's Avatar of the Whack, I believe. No, Durf, the other... We covered the Durf. Oh, yes, and that's work our way around to you, the birthday one. Grandpapa Durf, yeah, awesome, you're here for my birthday. Yes, I specially came here for your little birthday.

I'm six today, and I've really had a great time at the zoo. Excellent, well, why don't you pull on the little end of this scarf, because I think there's a surprise. Well, this is just a small scarf, it can't be... Pull on it. Wait, there's more, too? Yes, it's stuff, it's stuff, and the more stuff you pull... I can see's more, too? Yes. It's stuff. It's stuff. And the more stuff you pull...

I can see it as the scarf keeps going. See, this is... Pay attention. How is this possible? This is a good trick. It's longer than you expect the scarf to be. Yeah, and it... Keeps going.

The scarf just keeps coming right out of Plek's mouth. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. Look, it's different colors, too. You should have seen me stuff it into him. It took so long. Yay! What else? What about this? Backflip.

Hey, nice backflip, Durf. Thank you. That is my finale. Here's mine. It's already the finale? Well, it took a long time to put this makeup on. All right, AJ. blow out your candles. Hold on, let me light them all up. Oh, look at that.

All right, here we go. Wow, very efficient. That's air. What's all this? Oh, I hear normal-sized fists at the door. There he is. Hey, hey, it's all the lords. What are you guys?

How'd you get out of your office? When you didn't give us the quarterly earnings reports on time, we realized no one would turn those in late unless they were meaningless. we realized no one would turn those in late unless they were meaningless. And then we slowly started to realize that this whole thing is an exhibit at some sort of sick zoo. You mean when we told you that this was an exhibit at some sick zoo, you didn't... No, we came into it ourselves. Also, our computers are not plugged into anything. Right, yeah, we pointed that out.

We thought that was normal. And it turns out there's not even an IT department at this zoo. It's not even Tuesday. And you are responsible for this. You've been keeping us captive like some sort of dumb animals. I've been zoo keeping you captive because that's my job. So I am. It's promotion.

He's been waiting for years. The promotion wasn't real? Yeah! Yeah! Here. Oh, some tiny scratches. Wow. Whoa, the jungle!

Oh, no. The bald zebra! All of the zoo animals have come home to roost. And this is very... they're scratching me. It's so very inviting me. I feel horrible that I'm probably dying right now. They're really getting into my veins. Real quick, Plek, here.

I said this before, but I meant it. Master this stuff. It's easy. And on my way out, here. Grab one end of my intestine and just pull on it. You're changing colors. Keep pulling at it. It keeps going. It keeps easy. And on my way out, here, grab one end of my intestine and just pull on it. You're changing colors. Keep pulling it. It keeps going.

It keeps going. That one's changing colors. I appreciate your advice, but you've got to forgive me at this point if I don't really buy it. What do you have to buy? You're just yanking on my intestine. Listen, these are my last words, okay? Last words, everyone. Hey, everybody, shush, shush.

Old Duff is about to say his last words By these animals Of being torn apart Before you say them I noticed the space monkeys Aren't here what do you think they're doing Oh if they're doing what I think They're doing they are pleasuring themselves Like you wouldn't believe

Okay your last words That was it How did I guess? Wow, Barchi. Really? Yeah, it looks amazing in here, Barchi. I felt bad for getting rid of all the balloons, so while you were all away doing whatever it is you do, I made Barchi potty ready again for AJ.

Happy birthday, AJ. Welcome to Barchi's party. Wow. Wow, cool. This is like an adult party. We got some cocktails. I have some dances. We got vines of dust. Bargy, today is actually AJ's sixth birthday.

Yeah, we're all week six years old. I don't know why we'd lie about being six years old. Bargy, thank you, but, you know, I had a really great birthday already. You did? I did. Thank you, guys. That's great, AJ. I don't think anything could top it.

AJ. We have an incoming transmission from Sisu Condor. Wait, what? Twist. Hi, crew. Hi. Hi, Sisu. Hi, Sisu.

Hello. What? Twist? Hi, crew. Hi. Hi, Sisu. Hello. I'm here with a special birthday greeting for AJ2884. Sisu. AJ.

I have lovey feelings in my tummy for you. I am so happy to have you as part of my crew. Yummy, yummy, yummy. I've got love in my tummy, Sisu. AJ, I should have met you. Sisu. This is a pre-recorded. Yeah, that explains it. I've got love in my tummy, Sisu. Sisu. Yeah, that explains it. It's pre-recorded. Are you sure?

Because... I want to kiss you again. That's the thing I want. That will definitely happen. AJ, I'm sorry. I think it's a recording. I don't know. I feel like she's still answering me somehow. Yep.

Especially if your wish is to unify the galaxy. Close. It's not so... Thank you, AJ2884. Thank you, Sisu. And remember, the sky is the limit.

Is it? Nermin Nermin Durf it's Plek You got Plek I was just trying to get a hold of Nermin I wanted to apologize about the whole Nermin bundle It's sort of a mix-up.

All right, do you have a message for me? Oh, yes. Did you fly into the hallway yet? No, I just got back on the ship. Oh, you don't know where the gas pedal is? Bargy is sentient. I can't drive the ship. Oh, okay, cool.

That makes it easy to do stuff. Just try a little bit harder. And just ask Nermin if we're cool. Fine. Before I go, there's an ancient saying carved into the stone of the greatest temple in Zima Prime. It says, uh, a rolling stone gathers no moss, but leaves

a trail of busted stuff. That sounds dumb. Oh, it sounds dumb? We we carved someone carved it into stone so they don't that you know how much maybe that person was an idiot but you criticize everything what have you ever made i've never carved anything in anything i is stone you mean yeah or a butter i don don't know. Start small. I gotta go. Don't hang up on me.

I hang up on you. I'm hanging up this ghost call right now. It's a stuff call, and shut up. I hung up first. Bye. Wow. He's a perfect dead ghost. Now stop.

A dead ghost? Aren't all ghosts never close to the old? This is C-Red IT5. Credits and attributions to a commencing outro protocol. Plex DexCenter and the Lurd who's waiting for IT were played by Alden Ford.

C-53 and the Lurd who makes macros were played by Jeremy Bent. AJ and the Lurd who hates Tuesdays were played by Winston Knoll. Baji the Ship, the zoo tour announcer, and the Lurd who's deep in a spreadsheet were played by Mujan Zofoghari. Animatronic Daniel Dezuus and the Lurd

who manages a crew of zoo animals were played by Seth Lind. Captain Dar and the Lurd who didn't say anything were played by Ali Kokesh. Old Nerf was played by special guest Justin Tyler. Justin is a supervising field producer for Desus and Mero on Showtime. You can check out his long-running podcast,

Comic Book Club, a live geek culture talk show, and follow him on Twitter at JTSizzle. This episode was edited by Alden Ford, sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at eight different secret locations. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Faye and Spacedonian Symphonic Orchestra, with additional performance by the Chime Street Brass Quintet.

Opening crown narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Rogerian Jade by Eric Goy. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. We are the hosts of My Brother, My Brother and Me, and now nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed. All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin. Embedded in each episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious

gemstones all around this big, beautiful blue world of ours. So start combing through the episodes. Let's say starting at episode 101 on. Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic. So there's no clues in those episodes. No, no, not at all. The better ones, the good ones, clues ahoy. Listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence.

Laugh if you must, but mainly get all the great clues. My Brother, My Brother and Me, it's an advice show, kind of, but a treasure hunt mainly. Anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps. My Brother, My Brother and Me, the hunt is on. Welcome back to Fireside Chat on KMAX. With me in studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the west coast oliver wong and morgan rhodes go ahead caller hey uh i'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful but like also helps me discover artists and albums that i've never heard of yeah man sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks. Every week, myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential

guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives. Guests like Moby, Open Mic Eagle, talk about albums by Prince, Joni Mitchell, and so much more. Yo, what's that show called again? Heat Rocks, deep dives into hot records. Every Thursday on Maximum Fun. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. I'm sorry to interrupt,

but my son really painted the walls in there. Oh, and that stall right next to this diarrhea stall? Yep. And I also read your pitch for the animated series and I'm interested. Oh, yes that stall right next to this diarrhea stall? Yep. And I also read your pitch for the animated series, and I'm interested. Oh, yes.

Excellent. And let me ask you, sir, thank you for reading the handwritten pitch next to the poster. No problem. Oh, right next to the birds. Yes. That's sort of a packet. What do you think? Do you work in space television?

No, but if I get into it, this is going to be one of my first projects. Great. Now, get back to the part where you said your son painted the walls and the stone. Oh, look behind this wall. It's... I really did a number in there. Yep. Okay. A number

two.