Mission To Zyxx - 414: Good to the Last Drip [ft. Naomi Ekperigin & Andy Beckerman]

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

The crew is deployed to save a planet that has been overrun by zombies. Nermut reiterates that yes, they are zombies. AJ blasts zombies. Pleck hides from zombies.Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as BargieWith special guests Naomi Ekperigin as Dr. Merrillyn Wirehouzer and Andy Beckerman as Dr. Grandpa WirehouzerEdited by Jeremy BentSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric GeuszAudio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. The MaxFunDrive starts next week!

Hey folks, it's Jesse, the founder of MaxFun. Since we postponed our annual MaxFun drive in mid-March, we have gotten a lot of questions about if and when we'd be rescheduling it. And honestly, we've been asking ourselves the same thing. Well, now we have an answer for you. The 2020 MaxFun drive will start on July 13th. That's coming up soon. We decided to have the drive now because it's always brought a lot of joy and excitement to our community and certainly to us. And to be totally honest, it's also the main source of income for some of our hosts. Like pretty much everything right now, this year's drive is going to be a little different. We'll still be bringing you very

special episodes, fun community activities, premium thank you gifts. But we also know it's a weird time and for some folks a really difficult one. Some people are in a position to become new or upgrading members, others can't right now, and that is okay. We'll have ways for you to support MaxFun at every level, including some ways that won't cost you anything. We're also going to run the drive for four weeks instead of two. We didn't think it was a good time to be rushing anybody, and having a longer drive lets us be a little more low-key in our drive pitch. It also gives us more time to do fun stuff,

like the weekly live streams we'll be putting on for charity throughout the drive. Most importantly, we want the 2020 MaxFunDrive to highlight all the ways we support each other and our communities. MaxFunDrive to highlight all the ways we support each other and our communities. We also want to show how grateful we are to you for making all the work that we do possible. Stay safe. We'll see you July 13th for the MaxFunDrive. It is a time of chaos. Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal Olt. Which looks like a star, except instead of radiating light, it radiates a hangover. Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures

and stuff. This is Mission 2-6. Hey, uh, Papa? Uh, yeah, what is it, AJ? So do you still, like, believe in the space, or what? Do I believe? Yeah, of course I believe in the space. What are you talking about? Well, like, you know, like, are you still practicing or what? Yeah, I convene with the space every day.

And you know what? Actually, I'm glad you mentioned that because now I've been trying to think more about the stuff. Yeah, I haven't really, you know, I haven't really been kind of doing it, talking about the space and doing stuff. Remember how I used to open portals with my hands? Yeah, what happened to that? Yeah, I'm, uh... You used to hang out with all those guys from Zima Prime? Yeah, well, you know, those guys have not really been contacting me lately,

and I logged in. The forums are sort of dead, so, you know, I kind of thought, you know, maybe this is kind of my journey, you know? What about the journey to complete the job I gave you? Yeah, I'm about to get on it. I'm just almost done through finishing that job for you. What job did you get? It was a job.

I... You guys don't remember your jobs that Bargey gave you? Wait, me? What's yours? Oh, I'm swabbing. Swabbing? Yeah, swab the floor. I swab the deck.

All right, Bargy, I'm all done. Great. Dar, what was your job? Isn't it obvious? Look around. Papa, lift your foot up. Okay. You gotta swab.

All right. Swabbing. Was your job also swabbing, Dar? Yeah. What do you mean, also? Who else was swabbing? Was your job also swabbing, Dar? Yeah. What do you mean also? Who else was swabbing? I think AJ was swabbing, and I think maybe C-53 and I were both also supposed to be swabbing. Wait, did we double swab this?

I'm sorry. What is swabbing exactly? Plek, swabbing is obviously when you put those little dust catcher sheets underneath your feet, and then you shuffle around on barge. Is that what you guys are doing? I'm swabbing it. You know, like really going after it. Yeah. your feet and then you shuffle around on Bargey. Is that what you guys are doing? You know, like really going after it. Yeah.

I have an incoming call for my free advice. Adjourned. Oh, Nermin. Hold on, C-53. Whenever they're giving me free advice, I get to announce it. Oh. Hey, Nermy. What do you think I should do, huh?

Should I take the job? Should I stick it to him? Sorry, Bargy. I know I owe you a couple free advice calls, but this is a regular mission call. Shouldn't have picked up. Wasted minutes of my life doing someone else's job. What? Oh, saying that I called.

Seems like not that much work. You can get the next one, see? I'm sorry. Okay, whatever. Guys, listen, huge mission today. Very exciting. You're going to a zombie planet. Yes! Let's do it!

Okay, Nermit, Nermit, what does that mean? Does that mean that the, you know, the molten core has stopped moving, or... No, this rules. It's wave after wave of enemy that you can mow down without feeling any remorse. I love it.

AJ, that's probably not what... AJ's got it. Yeah, it's zombies. It's literal zombies. This is obviously a great opportunity. He sees who hasn't done the most important thing that a candidate has to do,

which is obviously... Announce what their platform is. Okay, that too, but also... Pick a running mate. Sure, that... Well, we did, and then we had a problem, but... Make sure the infrastructure exists for safe and fair elections. Yeah, those are kind of details, but the big thing...

Figure out what sort of government exactly will be in place afterwards, because honestly, I have no idea what sort of... Oh, that's a really good one. Text me back. All great ideas, but obviously not as important as just straight up saving a planet. And what better kind of planet to save than one that's overrun by zombies? All right, Nermin. Yeah.

Just so we're clear, when you say zombies, you mean corpses that have been reanimated. This isn't just like some slang term that you're using for deadbeats. Zombies, yes. Zombies isn't the name of a species we're not familiar with. Oh, yeah. Good question. Very good question. Why are we asking so many questions? It's a planet of zombies. We take our

guns out and we just go to it. Let's walk and look. Only one of us has guns. What are we doing? I will say this and I'm going to say it, okay? Zombies love me. It's not going to be a problem. Zombies love you? Well, that zombie hollow that I did honestly portrayed them in a way that most hollows have them as stereotypes,

but it showed them as very three-dimensional, complicated characters. Right, the climactic scene of Starship of the Dead was mostly just zombies talking about being really dehydrated. Exactly. It would finally be nice to go somewhere where I'm appreciated for a change. Hmm. So just all the people who are not zombies, save them.

Sisu gets the credit. I'm so excited. Look who's been just off camera here, everyone. Hi, crew. It's me, Sisu Gundu. Hey. Hey. Is everyone excited to go to a zombie planet?

Yeah. If you are, let me hear you say, Hiya. Hiya. Let's do this. I think they all said it. Nermin, we clearly, clearly know. Okay, well, I have to go.

I got a couple of hands I gotta shake, if you know what I mean. I'm literally gonna be shaking hands with many sentients, so, okay, I have to go. I got a couple of hands I gotta shake, if you know what I mean. I'm literally going to be shaking hands with many sentients. So, okay, goodbye! Text me back! Thanks, Sisu. Before you all die, I want you to know I love you. Wait, no!

What? Obviously, you're going to die on this zombie planet, and I don't... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just played it cool in front of Sisu. Just checking back in. Oh, yep.

Have a fun, guys. Bye. I think the pressure might be hitting. Yeah, he's got to learn to stand up to Sisu. Did he tell us to have a fun, guys? I think he did. On three. One. One.

Two. Look at him. It's just a huge horde of them. Yeah, don't you see a horde that big that's pretty great well we're gonna search for survivors we'll need to move you're eliminating the the surprise of us arriving. But you know what? Zombies love a comeback. That's kind of their whole thing. That's true. That's a good truth. That is true.

Hello, zombie. Hello. No, Bargy. You've got to close your hatch. These zombies are running right up to me. Let's do this. I'm going to go be Bill. They're swarming. I'm going to go meet Bill. They're swarming. Let's go, Steve. I'm just going to follow him. He's having some.

Steve, are you on that? Yeah. Okay. Plek, come on. You and I, we're doing this. Come on. You got to save me. You got to protect me.

I've got your back, buddy. Now, we've just just gotta link hands here Those are literal zombies, they are Yeah, yeah, and we're just gonna get right out We're gonna walk right off of Bargy And we'll be fine Can I hang your autograph? Ah, of course

Well, they really do love Bargy Please write it out To Gossling Claire A wonderful gift, Bargy's back I do love Bungie. Please write it out. To. Ghost. Slinger. Woke. Bungie. Oh, wonderful. Yes.

Bungie's back. My fucking favorite ship after. Tiny Toots. What? Tiny Toots. Tiny Toots. Tiny Toots. All right, Tiny Toots did a big mega blockbuster of a zombie movie that definitely did really well.

All right, Corker, done here. All right, pal. Loading up my hatch. No, don't call me. John is on the job. Barney, there's someone else here. Hey, don't worry. I made it on.

I didn't unhappin' him out, bro. Since somebody brought up T.T.'s name, I'm going into dark mode. No. Barney, keep the lights on, please. Tiny Toons is darker. No. Oh. Okay, well, now they're just baiting her.

Okay, okay, it doesn't matter. Plek, I can't believe I'm saying this, but we need to split up. What? No. You need to protect me. This is a terrible idea. Plek, listen to me. It's too dangerous for you to be with me.

I'm too sexy to these zombies. What? Plek, come on. You've seen a zombie hollow. The sexy one is the first to go, and how could the zombies resist all of this? Zombies aren't going to come anywhere near you.

And they're going to be all over me. Yeah, I know. No, that's definitely fair. I mean, and plus, Zombies aren't going to come anywhere near you And they're going to be all over me Yeah, I know, that's definitely fair I mean, and plus, it couldn't hurt if, you know, we tried to find weapons Of course, of course The dinglehopper's in my room, I'll go get that Yeah, sure, okay, you go find the stick in your room Yeah, uh, the dinglehopper, yes

And I'll go find a blaster Sure Gonna lead a parade of zombies through Bargy Yeah, the dinglehopper, yes. And I'll go find a blaster. Sure. Gonna lead a parade of zombies through Bargy. Oh, boy. Follow me, boys! Hey, Jimmy, don't go too far ahead, buddy. Okay.

I want you to wait at the corner for me. Pull your eyeballs out. Let's go. Let's go. Did you do, like, a specific anti-zombie class that you took? Uh, yeah. Because you seem very prepared for this. I mean, I audited it, but, yeah. Let's go.

Let's go. Yeah. I got survivors. I got survivors in a two. How did it? I got survivors in a tube. I'm making my way to them. There are two atollerans right over there. Fear not. We are here to save you.

Hey, what are you drips doing to our zombies? I'm sorry. Did you say your zombies? Yeah. These are our friends. This is our community. Hi. Who exactly are you? zombies? Yeah, yeah. These are our friends. This is our community. Hi. Who exactly are you?

Oh. Yes, sir. I'm C.P.D. This is A.J. 24. We were sent here to help you. This is a zombie planet. It needs soldiers.

Okay, okay. Well, you know what? Half right. It is a zombie planet. I'm taking this guy's head off. Should I put it back on? Yes, please. Thank you. I'm so sorry. No head off. Should I put it back on? Yes, please! Thank you.

I'm so sorry. Look at us, this body is in a step down. It's okay, he'll be fine. He'll be fine. What do you mean when you say they're yours? Who are you? I'm Dr. Marilyn Warehauser, and this is my husband, the grandpa. Dr. Grandpa Warehauser, known to me as the grandpa. Dr. Grandpa Weyerhaeuser.

Known to me as the Grandpa. You know, we're deep in love. What? It's a little pet name. Because I'm wrinkly. Oh, okay. I sort of see it. That's great.

Okay. Susan leaving bees. Susan leaving bees. Susan. Okay, fine. Oh, they have names? Yeah. Everyone has a name. Everyone has a name.

A certain thing with zombies is they're like a faceless man. Right. You're going to be bad when you cut through them. They don't have identities. Yeah. Wow. Stereotyping. Truly, truly stereotyping.

Just because, you know, a zombie doesn't have dreams and hopes and opinions doesn't mean they're still not a person. All right? I guess that's technically true. I mean, it means they're not a person. It means they're a zombie. Right, but they still, there is an identity, a unique zombie identity to each one of them.

Yeah, there's something called zombie culture, people. Okay. That's on us for not doing the research before we got here. Must eat bread. And also, if tea time is ready. Oh! Tea time. It is tea time if you'd like a cuppa. We will be just

sitting with some of our friends. Sorry, I'm late with some biscuits. Honestly, it's alright, Reginald. Here you go. You know we'd love to come to Tear and... Yeah, I figured it out. We'd take those feelings.

Come to Tear. Gee, with all these zombies. Become a zombie. It'll be great. Uh, what? Sorry, what was the other one? Did you say become a zombie? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I assume that's why you're here. Right? No. No, no. Why else would you come to a planet of only zombies? You know, you make a fair point there with that question. Are you familiar with Sisu Dundee?

She's running for leader of the galaxy. I think I saw an ad somewhere. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Good. That's great. Actually, if you could tell us where you saw the ad. I don't know.

This is... Well, I just... This seems like a good work. You know what? We'll get to it later. We were sent here to sort of eliminate zombies and save this planet. Wow, that is bold. That is bold.

Okay, we are two scientists. We are two, honestly, I'll say it, geniuses. Grandpa, you're a genius. So are you, Marilyn Warehauser. We are peace merchants, if you'll say it, geniuses. Grandpa, you're a genius. Thank you. So are you, Marilyn Warehauser. We are peace merchants, if you will. Yes, we are. Okay. Look at us, healthy, thriving.

Our love has never been stronger. We have a universal mission, maybe given to us by Rod himself. Wow. And just to be 100% transparent about this, your mission is to turn everyone in the galaxy into a zombie? I would say universe. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Correct. Okay. Whoa. Yeah, galaxy. That's small beans, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess I just thought since everything was sort of like abandoned and sort of spooky looking and you guys are sort of like here with all these zombies

that maybe wanted to be rescued. Is that just me with my preconceived notions? Very creepy. Yes. A little bit. You think it's creepy. You know what I like?

I like a muted palette. I find it relaxing. I find it very soothing. You know, honestly, I don't want this tea to get cold. Let's go. Let's go inside. Let's go.

You guys like rooibos? Rooibos? Is that how you pronounce it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Red rooibos. I don't want to put a dip around anything. It's all this lovely butter. I am a druid. I won't be able to drink any of this. Huh. Huh. Okay. What if we could, uh,

make you, uh, organic something? That would be pretty impressive. And then turn you into a zombie. Okay. I think we'll have to decline that offer. Okay, well, you know what? You haven't heard the full pitch, okay? You seem a little uptight.

Yeah, like you got a metal rod up your old bum. Well, technically, up your old bum. I'm a loaded man, what can I do? It's there for security. You guys got him pegged. It's great. Well, you have a lot of intensity too that I think could be dialed down. Yes, sir. Listen, I was bred with a bunch of faceless

clones, like, I'm not a zombie, alright? So I'm part of the mindless horde that fights the zombies. You know what I mean? I mean, this just takes me back. Nostalgia. What a drug. Speaking of drugs, can we

put a zombie drug in your tea? I mean, you could. I'm just not gonna drink tea. I feel weird because I feel like I'd have to be polite. But then I realized... You don't have to be polite. But then I realized... You don't have to say yes to this. Okay, cool. Thank you.

Thank you for giving me the out. I was worried. Dr. Barrow, can I ask, how recently was this planet not a zombie planet? You know, we really came into our comfort about seven months ago. Don't you think? Seven months? Oh, wow. That is recent.

Isn't that what I'm going to say? It took a while. It took- 211 days, to be exact. I have a sobriety counter I use. Well, Grandpa's been clean. Wow. Congratulations.

That's really helped us get to where we wanted to be, you know, with our mission. Let go and let Rod. I don't know that Rod would be cool with this. Huh, huh. Well, that's where you're wrong. Rod wanted... What did Rod want?

Yeah. Peace. Before you two drips showed up, did you see any fighting outside? Well, I guess... No, I guess... No. They all sort of moved as one. As one.

As one. As one. It is beautiful to watch a common goal. Should I take this tea and become a hobbit? Yes. I'm just going to tip this tea. Drink up. Okay, okay. Can we get another cuppa over here?

Reginald. I mean, I'm normally on biscuit duty, but okay. I mean, you're the tuxedo, so. Yeah, I mean, all right. It's duty, but okay. I mean, he's in a tuxedo, so. Yeah, I mean, right. It's stained horribly by his rotting flesh. They put down a musket tray and it's never right. Did the people that you turned into zombies have a say? Were you being gracious with them?

Wait, you're offering us the chance to become zombies? Kindly, but firmly saying no. But also keeping her on the table. How many people have a say in their destinies? You know, this wasn't a question as much as an opportunity. It wasn't a question, it was an exclamation mark. Why? Grandpapa, you are a poet.

I will tell you this. Yes, of course, some people are resistant, just like you. However, as they watched... I would say all people were resistant granted granted however as they watched everyone around them as they watched everyone around them succumb to freedom succumb to peace i mean you know it just became a no it just became a no no brainer i'm Sorry for the joke. Sorry. I just, it's been a little bit fun. There's some people out there who can see some corpses. Ultimately, is death not the greatest? Rest in peace.

Is that not what it says? Maybe I should drink this. I'm tired of, stop kicking up the tea. I need to get back to my room. I need to get back to my dinglehopper. Hello? Hello?per. Hello? Me? What? Brain?

Oh, is that a question? Me no do this. Then, no, I don't think so. Plek, I've made it to the sub-basement. How are you doing? Have you made it to your bedroom yet? No, actually, I ran into a zombie and we're just kind of discussing something. I feel like there has to be an ultimate nostalgic blaster, even if it was just a prop from a movie.

Dark, do you have AJ's tube? Yeah, it lights up. The sub-basement has no lighting. I'm literally feeling around in the dark here. But you have to keep turning it to, you know, keep the light going. Okay, listen, I'm almost back to my room. If I can get back to my room, I can get my dinglehopper, and then I think... Oh, no!

Dark! It's got my leg! It looks like it's going to just grab your dinglehopper and then walk out. He's not going to bother you. No, it pinned me to the ground! Wait, what? It's licking. It's just decomposing lips.

Okay, you've got to get out of there, man. Single lip, one lip. You've got to get out of there. You've got to go barricade yourself in my room because I have grossly underestimated how sexy you are to zombies. Thank you! He's a nine.

Minimum. Out of how many? I don't know, Beth. It's not Beth. It's just counting. I don't know what Beth is. It is a nine. Glenn, stop flirting with the zombies.

I'm not, I swear. Love your room. What's up, Drew? I don't know what math is. It is a... Clyde, stop flirting with the zombies. I'm not, I swear. Love your room. Doctor, can you tell us what's supposed to be in this? Do you see any of the zombies? Uh, look over there. Do you see all the zombies swimming in the flesh pit? No, Kate. Back in the war.

No running outside the pool. You know, it's so meditative, honestly, almost, to just, you know, feel like, you know, there's no destination. There's no pruning. Just be in the flesh pit. Just to be clear about this, the flesh pit is the flesh of other zombies. Right. You know, as they decompose, it becomes a little liquid. And then it just becomes.

Yeah, a little soupy. And so. But then, you know, you see what that is,ose, it becomes a little liquid. And then it just becomes... Yeah, a little soupy. But then, you see what that is, though? That's a silver lining. Taking a soupy mound of flesh and turning it into a pool. That can only be done once you are disconnected from the wants and needs of every day. And look, loose teeth everywhere. This is one of the most horrible things I've ever seen. Only five more minutes of open swim, and then it's lame.

I'll repay anything other than the soupy first bit to support your argument. Do you see that library? Just look up ahead. Gorgeous library. Not a single person reading a violent book also okay we got rid of late fees all right okay what troubles me is the subtext that nobody's reading violent books and there's no need for late fees because nobody can read a book anymore well sure i think you get it i think you're getting it because basically what we we say, you know, don't start nothing, won't be nothing. And that's the whole kind of, you know, that's the point of creating this, I don't know, what do you call it, Grandpa?

Paradise? Yes, Paradise. Hey, I think I should probably drink the zombie tea, right? Like, AJ, you came down to this planet to kill every single zombie on the planet. I don't want to become a zombie? I mean, don't sleep on the best ends. You see that? You see that?

That's what this dream is. Your jaw fell off when he said that, too. Push him against the upper kick. Alright. Listen. Where else are you? You can call me Grandpa. What? Talking to your what? Dr. Marilyn.

We're still concerned by the fact that you forcibly turned these people into zombies, and now you're wanting to do that to the entire universe, even if they don't want to. Okay, but don't you think really what we're giving people is a calmness, you know, a comfort? It's not really taking away as much as giving. Yeah, what are people after? Of all creatures, great and small. Yes. Of all stars and stripes.

Yes. Of this universe. Yes. Brains. Brains. AJ, you are just a follower. And that's what you are. You don't have to be okay with that.

You know, I actually think of it as leading, but just with another person telling you what to do. You know, Grandpa and I, we walk around, we walk around. I love to go into the library, no late food. And at the end of the day, we just look over. We look at everything. We hold hands. We look. I wipe the dew off of your eyebrows.

Oh, there's always morning dew, no matter the time of day. There's a lot more hands. That seems improbable, but all right. And we say, what a wonderful universe we will create. You guys, you did come here on a ship, right? You have the capacity to visit other ones. Yes, we did. Oh, we should let them get on the ship.

Thank you. They're not coming up. Well, I mean, we can carry our weight. You know what? We can swab a deck if need be. I swabbed my way through science school. You guys are swabbers? Yes.

We weren't born with a silver spoon. We were born with a wooden swab in our teeth. Now, listen. This society sounds very good for the both of you. But what if there's a zombie out there that doesn't want to be a zombie? What do you do for that person? Too late, already a zombie. Yeah, I guess that's my point, yeah?

It's sort of too late. If you'll excuse me and my associate here, we would like to just talk for a brief moment. All right, take your time. All right, AJ, there's no pressure here. Thank you so much dr maryland warehouser all right aj i think we should let them on the ship no what are you talking about well they were talking about how they know how to swap aj they're just trying to

get aboard the ship so they can turn us into zombies go to some other point and turn them into zombies right but no late fees jay you've never paid a late fee in your life no i've never used the library i've never been to the library. We've been to the library. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when I dropped kick that. You dropped kick the librarian. Anyway, do you know what I mean? They seem cool, and they're

so in love, and it's like, we're so in love, which means the fact that they want to turn the entire galaxy into something much more disturbing. Do you know what they were talking about, Like wiping dew off each other's eyebrows? That's pretty great. And then they just get to swab it, and we just sit back and let them turn everybody into zombies.

EJ, we're not going to do that. All right, and I think they're really romanticizing the zombie experience. Listen, if we don't take them, it was your idea, because I don't want to have to explain it to the crew that we didn't take the people who want to make the universe into zombies. Doctors Warehouse and my associate and I here have spoken. And this is not my decision at all. If it were up to me, I would become a zombie.

Yes. Bring you on the ship. Yes. Great. Let's do it. Make more zombies. Absolutely. But unfortunately, it's not up to Yes. Great. Make more zombies. Absolutely. But unfortunately, it's not up to me.

Why not? Why are you the one taking orders? Are you saying you're not in control? You mean not in control the way this other creature says we return them into zombies? It should be my decision to be a mindless zombie. Exactly. That's what we're here to do. It's my right. It's my autonomy to become a...

I'm liberating myself because I am tired of being one of, like, a faceless horde of mindless clones. I want to become a zombie. Yes. Absolutely. Give me that tea, please. Reginald?

Oh my god. It's beautiful. Oh, it doesn't taste good Yeah, no, it doesn't, dummy Oh, it's been sitting around for a couple hours That's not a comment on the presentation of the tea It is lukewarm It is lukewarm

I don't think it's the temperature It is Part of it is the temperature. It is. Part of it is the temperature of our bodies. Dar, you have to get up here fast. I think they're in the vents. In the ducts in Bargy. Dar! I'm in the vents. Zomb zombies aren't smart enough to get into the vents clearly it was me

that was incredible wait a second thank you hold on how did you fit into an air duct oh rg's air ducts must be enormous if you can fit. I mean, I think of air ducts as being, you know, you sort of army crawl a little bit like a Tellurian. I don't have time to be offended by this right now, but I promise you, Plek Dexeter, I'm going to be very upset about this later. OK, I'm sorry. I guess I just it must just be a cavernous series. OK, let's back to the zombie problem. Listen, the zombie that cornered me, I managed to get out of my room with the dinglehopper,

but I don't know where the zombie is. Well, you closed the door, right? No, I just ran out. Plek, zombies don't know how to open doors. You always close the door behind you But you know, every time you see a zombie They're like punching through To like grab you as you stand up Punching through metal?

Are they punching through metal to grab you? No, it's usually like a dilapidated wooden shack Okay, well, we have a problem now Plek, now we have to be Fully prepared for a jump scare What do you mean? Well, it's still out there, we have a problem now. Plek, now we have to be fully prepared for a jump scare. What do you mean? Well, it's still out there. We don't know where. So at any point now, they're going to just jump out and get us.

I mean, not if we get them first, right? No, no, no. We don't do the jump scare. The zombies do the jump scare. What if we jump scared them? That's just, that's a turn that I've never heard of. Well then, okay, how do we avoid a jump scare? Okay, we jump scared them? That's just, that's a turn that I've never heard of. Well then, okay, how do we avoid a jump scare? Okay, back to back. Okay.

And then we're just gonna rotate. Here, actually, if you put these, um, these dust cling sheets under your feet, that way we can just... Are you trying to get me to just flop right now? Are we flopping right now? It doesn't hurt to kill two Garfon with one stone, right? I mean, sure, I guess.

Okay, all right. Okay, just rotate. Okay, I'll head on a swivel. Head on a swivel. If we're really, really quiet, we can probably avoid this jump scare. Jump scare! Oh, Fesettly thank you again my friend isn't interested well this is just great you convinced this poor young man to become a song yes you're right it is great thank you for acknowledging it finally after this whole time

was sarcasm. I was being facetious. You know what? We're not used to that because we've been around zombies for so long. Hasn't been a lot of sarcasm around these parts. Get it? Parts. Body parts.

You seem to engage in work. Yes. Well, puns. Puns are natural. That's a part of the brain that will never die. So, you know what? This is pretty great. This is pretty great. You know what? I know why this drip here isn't letting us on the ship.

He wants his palm greased. Okay. Okay. Okay. Do you think the barrier between me letting you on the ship to zombify the entire galaxy is a few crib? Yeah, or, you know, whatever we have lying around. A bag of teeth. What happened? A bag of teeth?

What am I going to do with a bag of teeth? Put them in your own mouth? I don't know. I don't judge what you do with teeth. You know, some people just like the jingle jangle in their pockets. You ever fall asleep to the sound of jingling teeth? Absolutely not. I can confirm that has never once happened to me. A lullaby.

That's what it is. I'll tell you. Now, so you're saying we can't get on the ship, huh? You're saying we can't get on the ship? Okay. Okay. Fair enough because you know what? Our new friend here, a lovely ambassador.

That's an ambassador. Yes. So you're going gonna get on that ship and you are going to spread the good word. Is there a way to unzombie somebody? Oh yeah, sure. I mean, there's plenty of ways. There's a drug, there's

a frequency you can play that just automatically unzombifies them. Sometimes rain does it. Sometimes rain does it? Yeah. Sometimes rain does it? Yeah. Sometimes rain does it? Well, it depends on the pH. Oh, my God.

You know what? We have our lovely ambassador right here. Here, take some tea. Take some tea. Oh, obviously. A koozie, but nothing else. And, you know, go forth. Go forth.

It was so good to meet you, and this is just wonderful. Yeah, Reginald, bring him a biscuit to go. Oh, please, yeah. Reginald, do it. And please, you know, if you have any questions about creating your own zombie community, you know where to find us. You know where to find us. We'll be right here.

I have no questions about it. I don't know what his opinion was based on that sound. He agrees with us. They all agree with us. Listen, if you two love zombies so much, why aren't you zombies? Because I didn't trust anyone to do the zombying for us. But now we've got this drip. Might as well.

You know what? I'm going to call your bluff, robot. Well, no, no, no. The grandpa, I don't think. No, no, no, no, no, no. The grandpa, I don't think... No, no, no, no, no, no. Grandpa, make your own decision. If you want to be a zombie, go ahead and become a zombie. I've always wanted to be a zombie.

Look, um... See, I... It's not hypocritical as much as I believe someone must be focused and present to oversee to make sure that the flesh pit, you know, is cleaned out every other day. Well, it's awfully convenient that it's the both of you. You don't have to be zombies.

Hey, I said I am going to do it. Oh, yeah. Big talk. Big talk. Tough guy. Oh, well. Say. Are you happy?. Oh, well. Save. Save.

Are you happy? I hope you eat. Eat those. I hope you eat those words. Are you happy now? On some level. Get out of here. Get out of here.

I have to deal with this. And similarly, I have to deal with this. Dr. Weighhauser. Grandpa. It's been an experience. Don't worry, honey. It might rain soon. And depending on the rain, we may fix this. Quick, Doug! Down the hall! Into the room!

Wait, this is my bedroom. Horsehead? Horsehead? Hey, buddy. How you doing? Where did you get that spiked zyball bat? Did you hammer those nails into it yourself? No.

And you know you're too young to be chomping on a cigar like that. Get that out of your mouth. Yeah. Where'd all these sandbags come from? Horsehat, you got a real barricade in here, bud. Man, we should have come straight in here, Dar. Well, I mean, I knew Horsehat could take care of themselves, but I didn't want to put the pressure on them to have to also take care of us.

Sure, sure. Oh, they're coming. They're coming. When did you get a gun? Bargy? Bargy, did you give my baby a gun? No, I don't believe in guns. Bargy, where have you been this whole time?

I've been flying the ship. I'm the ship. My name is the Bargy Reignit. Bargy, I know we were being attacked by zombies in here. Oh. Honestly, I just thought you had some friends over, and I was really excited for you to be, you know, getting new people in your lives. Bargy, we were...

Because honestly, you guys just hang out with yourselves all the time. It gets me a little worried. Don't you remember you opened the hatch and hordes of zombies came on board? What's wrong with being friends with zombies? I don't know. They weren't our friends. They were trying to eat our brains. Remember, they were all clamoring for tiny toots?

What'd you say? Yeah. Okay, now that all makes sense. See, I blacked out because as soon as anyone says that name, I go into self-care mode. So I completely shut down. Self-care. I'm going to do it now.

It's a delayed reaction, but I'm going to do it. Don't do it, Bargy. Bargy, you're worth it. You're beautiful. And I'm back. Oh, wow. Shorter this time. It gets better as you...

time goes on. Okay, Bargy, could you just, um, like... You want me to get rid of the zombies? Hey, zombies! If you wouldn't mind getting into a single line and leaving out of my hatch. There they go.

Opening up my hatch. Goodbye. Goodbye. Wait, uh, Barge, I'm bringing this one on board. You're bringing a zombie on board? Why? No. See, now come on, we both split up to worrying

responsibilities. I know, I know. What I didn't count on was that AJ would really want to become a zombie. Oh. Yeah, you know, we did not factor that in, did we? Yeah, I know. I sort of figured that would be okay. The good news is that the process apparently is reversible.

Oh, really? Yeah, it's a little indistinct. As to specifics, so I'm just going to have to mess around with this tone generator for a little while. Did that work? One hertz. Did that work? It seems to be just a, I don't know a whole lot about hertz. How many hertz do we have to go to get through all of them?

Well, the tellurian here ranges 20 hertz to 20 kilohertz, so we might be here for a while. Oh. Okay. Oh! Oh! Got it! Oh, wow. Locked out.

What was that? How many hertz was that? 3.2 kilohertz. Oh, alright. Whoa! Hey, guys, I. All right. Whoa. Yeah, I feel you. Hey, guys, I was a zombie. Yeah. AJ, I'm so glad you're okay.

Yeah. Why did you do that? I just felt like the right thing to do at the time, Papa. Did you enjoy being a zombie? I didn't hate it. Now, I hate to point this out, but there are zombie guts everywhere. So if we could all get to swabbing. This is C-Red IT-5. Credits and attributions joined.

Commencing outro protocol. Plek Dex Center was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, Sisu Gandu, and the zombie who's new at this were played by Mujan Zulfagari. T-Mom and Rup Bundaloy, Reginald, and the zombie with a crush on Plek were played by Seth Lynn. AJ and Zombie AJ were played by Vince DeNull. Dr. Marilyn Weyerhaeuser and Dr. Grandpa Weyerhaeuser were played by special guests Naomi Ickparigan and Andy Beckerman.

They host the live show and podcast Couples Therapy. Naomi is recurring on the Apple TV show Mythic Quest and has her very own Comedy Central half hour. And Andy is the host of the long-running popular interview podcast Beginnings. Follow them at Naomi and Andy on Twitter and at Couples Therapy Pod on Instagram. This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brennan Ryan performed by famous Macedonian symphonic orchestra. Opening chronoration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goice. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Vision to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Speaking of, Max Fun Drive starts next week. So ready yourself for a special related release.

Readers have a lot of problems. How do you juggle your holds at the library? How do you decide what to read next? What do you do when you find out an author you love is a huge trash baby? I'm Brea Grant. And I'm Mallory O'Meara. And we're the hosts of Reading Glasses. We're here to solve all your reader problems and along the way, help you figure out your reader wheelhouse, which are the things that will absolutely make you pick up a book. Our listener

favorites tend to be magic and a woman on a journey. And also birds for some reason. Your reader doghouse. Yeah, that's the things that'll make you avoid a book. Ugh, love triangles stress me out so much. Reading glasses. Every Thursday on MaximumFun.org. Rocket Ship One, this is Mission Control. Come in. This is Rocket Ship One. Go ahead. Rocket Ship, what's your status on Max Fun Drive? Shouldn't we have seen it by now?

Sorry about that, Mission Control. Turns out I miscalculated. Current projected ETA for Max Fund Drive is... July 13th? But it looks different. It'll be for... four weeks, so it's longer than expected. But all readings point to...

low-key? Oh, that'll be good. But can you verify that there are still special gifts for new and upgrading monthly members? Verified. Sweet gifts for new and upgrading members, plus amazing new episodes and even special weekly livestreams for charity. Copy that. Rocketship, can you confirm ETA for Max Fund Drive? 90% probability of Max Fund Drive from July 13th to August 7th. Did you say 90%? There were a couple of decimal places, and I might have carried a zero wrong.

I'm just going to pencil in July 13 to August 7. Mission Control out. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. No, he's got me cornered in my room. He's shambling towards me.

Plek, you're fine. You can outrun a zombie. No, I have no... I can't get past him. My room's too small. He's winking an eye socket and licking his decomposed lips. No, Plek, I promise you, the zombie is not attracted to you. It wants nothing to do with you.

What? attracted to you at once and nothing to do with you. He's already had his fill of dog. He's fine. You a dog? No. No. This dick is great. Perfect dick. I look forward to you having to dig through that.