Mission To Zyxx - 418: Plastic? Oh No, Banned [ft. Nathan Min]

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53 and Ted RonkaAlden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Seesu GunduWith special guest Nathan Min as KaliparEdited by Seth Lind & Alden FordSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of chaos. Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal Orwht. Which looks like if all the bullies exploded. Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2-6. The Master Deck Center, give me one good reason why my honor guard should not obliterate you in this moment. Oh, you know what? I got this.

Dar, please present him with our Federated Alliance gift. You think this is our one good reason? I mean, it's pretty. I'm going to see you next Saturday. Straight away, right? You're going to make those head of this car so you can show them. This, my friend, is an official Federated Alliance koozie. What is this? It keeps a hot beverage hot

It keeps a cold beverage cold When would I use this for a hot beverage? This is a hot, humid planet When would I ever use this? I guess Well, it's great for cold beverages Guard, open fire Okay, let's go, let's go

No one Okay, running Uh, okay. Running. Ah! Ah! Getting back up? Oh, well, we're a mission. We're a mission. We're a mission. We're a mission. We're a mission. We're a mission. Oh! Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Bad dream. Another bad dream, horse hat.

Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. No, no, no, don't worry about it. You know what? I'm just going to step out and get a little fresh air, okay? Hey, Dar? No, I... Okay, yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, you're not ready. Yeah, but we were grappling with some pretty big metaphysical issues right now, so...

It's just, you know, when I thought that I shot them and it was fine, I felt bad, but now that I know that I shot them and they died? I mean, that's... And when I think about it, like, if that Dar died, then who is this Dar? How is that possible? Yeah, buddy, you're gonna make your nose bleed here.

I don't think Dar's ready for that conversation. Okay, alright. Hey, Dar, you want some advice? I know you're not ready, but I have some advice. Sure. Okay. Never be ready. Let it just be inside of you. Let it get bigger and bigger.

Let it define who you are. Let it be you for the rest of your life. I'm not sure that's a good advice. Let it make you turn away from those who loved you in order to focus on one singular past experience that affected you for the rest of your life. No, yeah, certainly there's a middle ground. Turn towards darkness.

Oh, Bargy. Bargy. What? Hey, everybody. Hey. It's AJ. Hey, what's going on? Hi, AJ.

Uh, nothing. We're just, uh... Bar what's going on? Hi, AJ. Uh, nothing. We're just, uh... Bargy's going super slow right now, and everybody's kind of standing in different parts of the... Yeah. You know, sometimes it's important for us to each look out our own window and just consider... I thought I heard Bargy said,

turn to darkness at one point? Nope. I don't think that's right. Go towards the light. There you go. Oh, okay. That sounds good. We're all think that's right. Go towards the light. Oh, okay. That sounds good. We're all doing that thing right now, AJ, where we're the lead in our own hollow. So, you know, just

staring out the port windows. But also we are on a hollow wood set right now, am I right? Right? We are? We're on a set right now? Yeah, it's the first day of filming for Shirk 5. I thought we discussed this.

They come to me for punch-ups. Usually I just say no. Oh, this planet we're orbiting is where they're filming? Yeah. Oh, well, hey. I thought it was animated. They're making a live action sequel to the four previous animated Shirk films.

The first four Shirk films were computer animation. I refuse to write it if it was animation. So it's a real donkey? It's a real donkey. Oh, that's awesome. Have you hung out with... What's Donkey like? He's such a sweetheart.

I'll set you guys up later. Oh, great. Anyway, I have to get back to my job. This is such an awesome day. What a great set you guys up later. Oh, great. Awesome. Anyway, I have to get back to my job. This is such an awesome day. What a great day, guys. Okay. AJ, out of curiosity,

you can only mind wipe yourself. You can't mind wipe your loved ones, correct? I mean, I could, like... No, I don't think I could. But AJ, get us through for a second. Do you mind what?

What do you do in your mind? Well, I stand straight and tall. Straight and tall? Good posture is always important when it comes to mind wipes. I stare straight ahead, and then I... And then you what? Yeah, what are you doing? To what? Never mind. are your steps? To what?

Never mind. Oh, he mind-wiped himself just then. No, it happened already. Yeah, we missed it. How's everything going? Is this a good day? Yeah, it's pretty good. It's good?

Pretty good. Yeah. Captain Donner, I have an incoming transmission from temporary emergency. Emissary on negotiations, missions operations manager, Nermid Bundeloy. Hello. Hi. Hey, Nermid Bundeloy. Hello.

Today is a day unlike any other. What? Whoa, what? Really? See? Nermid gets it. Always on the same wavelength as Dar. Totally.

What are we talking about? I think it might be something unrelated. Oh. When I call, I tend to call with a... Personal problem? Yeah, obnoxious digression? Absolutely not. I call... Neurosis.

Come on! What an annoyance! Oh, sniveled! You're sniveling usually when you call. Give me a break. Notes on Shark 5 that I will never take. Bargy, some of those are good notes. I don't know. Consider them. No, I call you... What do I operate? Zaggy Boy shirt. Zaggy Boy dance. See how he's nibbling while he does it?

He's nibbling. It's kind of an annoying song. I would do it too, right? No, I call. I normally call with a mission. Oh, sometimes. Who would have guessed that eventually? But today, that's not happening. You know why?

Because you never really knew yourself? Everything you knew to be true was a lie? No. It's because I assign missions when there are problems to solve, and right now, there are none to solve. So you just called the snivel? I... AJ... All right, we'll hear the song, Nermin.

Just play it already. I'm gonna put it on in the background, nice and light. It's a soft-listening, adult-contemporary kind of instrumental. Anyway, I assign missions because there are problems to solve, and there are no problems to solve, because Sisu Gundu is up in the polls. Everyone is keeping it tight. It's so tight, it's kept.

All I'm calling to say is there's no mission today. The election is three days away. No, I mean, you can't think that way. It could all go away in the blink of an eye. I mean, you have to hold on to what you have, and you have to hold on to it. Adar. Adar.

Adar, you're singing my language. My star just leaning against the wall. There is a purpose to this call. It's a celebration. Sisu is up in 90% of planetary poles. Her running mate, Jan, I'm sure you heard the news. It's quite a combo. Good for Jan.

Yeah. Are you sure Jan has time to be Sisu's running mate? She said if she owed it to her children to see that the galaxy was well taken care of and that she could slip it in between nap and snack. Oh, that's nice. So this is just looking rosy. Nervous! Sisu!

Here she is right now. Yes, Sisu, come in. I was just sharing the great news. We have a problem. Oh. Oh, no. I don't want you to freak out because you are... I would never. You tend to freak out a little bit, but Ted Ronca has created a...

What now? Some sort of a machine... He would. To get rid of the O-Weet. What? He's been building it in secret secret and now it's already in place around the jucking all wheat.

Look at this. And once we power this baby up, all of our troubles with the all wheat are finito. Can we rewind it? Can we start from the beginning? That was it. That was all he said. That had to be the end of the video. Wait, so it's some sort of cage that goes around the All Wheat and neutralizes it?

That's incredible. That's actually great news. Nermin, it's terrible news. Just because he has some sort of a fancy gadget doesn't make him qualified to become galactic leader. That's a good point. Oh, good. Yes, that is so true. It doesn't show a certain amount of leadership. Class exists. That's a good point. Oh, good. Yes, that is so true. Show a certain amount of leadership.

Class exists. Target their surprise. Create a lot of goodwill right before the election. Chuck. And you know what happens if you win? You lose.

Exactly. And you know what happens if I lose? What? You're available? Well, I don't even want to think about it. Nermit, here's the plan.

Zip up. Your crew must delay Ranka's activation of this device as soon as possible. Today? No, yes, I am very much aware that the All Weed, which is the prime existential threat of the galaxy, needs to be destroyed. I am pro that. I've written papers on that. But it also means that a fake nice trillionaire in loose pants will then ruin the galaxy if it becomes its leader. Your job is to get him to hit pause.

Yes. I'm sending you those instructions now. Nermin, I put my complete trust in you. That trust is not misplaced. You have taken Dale's cookie recipe and you have brought it to the next level. And not many people can do that. Wait, you perfected the recipe and you didn't share it with us? The last time you sent it to us, it was liquid.

They get eaten before I can send them. Also, we found the person who we accused of being dale's murderer was not actually guilty so we're zoning in on the real killer great great dale news we still love him very much good nervous send your team sure great remember to everyone at the same time keep it tight Crew We got a mission Great And we have another song I don't know if it's time for a song right now All right, Clint, you're the boss.

Secure the perimeter. Let's go. You got it. Let's do this. Open the swivel. the perimeter. Let's go. You got it. Let's do this! Whoa! Hello, you've reached Sisu Gundu, future galactic leader. I'm incredibly important and very busy, but I'm listening. Please leave a message after the beep. If this is Diana, my dermatologist, you know the direct line. Okay, bye-bye. Sisu! Sisu, it's me! It's Rolfus! Sisu, please pick up. I only have a few minutes before they secure the perimeter and come back.

Pick up! Come on, please! Oh, I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I know you probably think I'm dead, but I survived, Sisu. During the battle of the planet crushers, right after we got separated, dozens of clints infiltrated and swarmed the rebel

outpost. I followed them through the building, picking them off one by one, crawling through air ducts, throwing them through the building, picking them off one by one, crawling through air ducts, throwing them down staircases, walking barefoot over broken glass, you know. But I knew it was hopeless. I was woefully outnumbered. Until finally it hit me. Maybe, just maybe, despite looking, acting, and thinking nothing like them, maybe I could convince them I was one of them. I stole the armor off of one I dispatched in an elevator and joined the others seamlessly.

The fools and their punchable faces didn't suspect a thing. I've been living among them, getting in their heads, slowly sabotaging their operations, making sure that no matter what, they steered clear of the Zik Squadron. To protect you, Sisu. To protect you and Centurion. Now, I know you're asking yourself, how is it possible that I'm calling you now, after all this time? The answer, Sisu, is Mint Mobile, which gives me the premium service of a big wireless provider at a fraction of the cost. In fact, I cut my wireless bill down to just 15 krune a month by switching to Mint Mobile. You know I hate paying a wireless bill to a big wireless provider.

I'm not some sort of bootlicker like GK3199. I'm a rebel, goddammit. And I want a provider that gives me unlimited nationwide talk and text plus crazy fast 4G LTE and lets me keep my same phone number at all my contacts. And if I'm not satisfied, Mint Mobile has me covered

with their seven-day money-back guarantee. Listen, I know I was stupid and selfish. I know I was a bad father and a worse husband. I let you down and I left the rebellion down. But I promise you this, you can get your own new wireless plan for 15 krune a month and shipped to your door for free at mintmobile.com slash zix uh listen to me it's like you always used to say rollfish you sound like a jucking commercial but it feels good sisu it feels so good to talk to you again. Cut your wireless bill to 15 crude a month at mintmobile.com slash zix. Laughing and crying. On my rod.

Look at that thing. It's a lattice that wraps all the way around the altweed. Look, have you heard anything from the altweed lately? No, I actually haven't. It's been silent. It's somewhat disconcerting. Whoa, Papa. This thing could destroy the altweed.

I mean, it could. I don't think... What do you think you'll mope about after it's gone? Whoa! Stop cartwheeling. You sell a burner? You burn? You burn?

Okay, see if you can reflect the plan. Well, the plan is this. See, so you set this along. It's pretty much all you're printing up. It's very comprehensive. That's a pretty thick binder. Yeah, it is this. So you set this along. It's pretty much a hundred. You're printing up. It's very comprehensive. That's a pretty thick binder. Yeah, it's very, very thick. I'm still just getting through that.

Beat him to death with the binder. Got it. Let's do this. What? Yeah, you just, like, come up behind him and be like, Why come up behind Ted Rocker and kill him? Yeah. I mean, it's perfect.

Like, if you hit him with a binder, it's going to look like something else happened. Like, you know, fell down on top of a binder and he pulled it over. Are these just all of Sisu's policies? Yes, well, her plan involves a delicate series of conversations we'll need to have with Ted Bronco and his staff to lay out her platform

and come to some sort of political truce. It may take some time for me to parse and then fully implement this plan. After all, I am a diplomacy droid. You might say this is what I was built for. You might say I was built for hitting him on the head with the binder until he died. Hey, Jay, we're not doing that. Um, so here's where Margie, I think, signed the draft

for you all. This looks like the base operations here. Can you sign the clipboard? I have to be able to report back to the second assistant director. Thanks for the ride, by the way. I know it was really out of your way. I mean, it's an honor as a PA to get to be able to drive

such heavy hitting... We're not involved in the production at all. We were just in Bargy when she reported the set. Cool. Hey, what's your name again? Milfus Tem. Milfus. Yeah.

Hey, what's Donkey like? Oh, Donkey? Yeah. He's like an ass. Is he cool? He's an ass. cool? He's not cool What kind of ass are you talking about? He's like four legs

AJ we gotta go Thank you Mulfus Good luck with your career Look at all these sentients packed outside of the factory. Are these all Ronka supporters? Do any of them realize how precarious it all is? Dara, if you hadn't met Adelaide Wiggles, you'd still be dead on Flurp. Your bones would be decomposing on the planet's surface right now.

I'm just saying it's all part of a bigger story. Dara, you're alive because of the adventures we've all gone on together. Okay. It's true. If I had never, in fact, joined up. Hey there! Y'all want Ted Rocket too? Oh, wow.

Look at those eyeball caps. Wow. Mine says Ted or Dan. Get it? I guess so. If he becomes the leader of the universe, he's going to make shrimp for free for everybody. Is that one of his platform positions? No, but we're hoping you'll add it.

I'd like to ask you a question. Do you really think if Ted Runca doesn't win, you'd rather be dead? No, he rhymes. When you say Ted or dead, do you mean you would die from disappointment, or you'd kill yourself, or you think that the leader would lead the galaxy to ruin? Oh, jeez, we're asking a lot of questions we didn't ask ourselves when we made the hat. Here's a hat for your son. I'm not going to wear this.

Thank you. Yeah, I'll put it on my helmet. I can't believe that even fits. Yeah, it's just like one of those straps in the back. Huh. Are these people here for Ronka too? Because they seem way angrier than the other guys. Yeah, I think these guys

are protesters, not supporters. Perhaps, you know, like we do. They prefer a different kid. If Ted Ronka deactivates the all-wheat how will it eat me? Huh? Okay, so what we have here are the... Death calls?

Huh? Crave death? Death! Specifically from the old one. Burn me. Death! That actually says Ted for dead. See?

Yeah. They seem to want everyone to die. Freedom. Uh, all right. Well, who am I to argue? I've been marching in my own death for years now. Jealous? Yikes.

We're not going to be doing any kind of action with crowds this thick. Plus, how are we supposed to delete Ted Rocco without access to his factory? Give me the binder. We're going to clear the path. Put the binder down. Clear the path with the binder, AJ? Yeah, just swing it around.

Great PR for the campaign. Down with plastic. Great PR for the campaign. Down with plastic. Sir, please take your hands off my armor, sir. I need to throw it away. Sir, what? It needs to be destroyed. No, it's mine. It needs to be destroyed.

See, now you see this guy here. I don't think he has anything to do with the death cults. Don't worry, is that right? This thing just says get rid of plastic. My armor's not totally plastic. You can like lay off of me. Do you ever hear

of the mines of Nardar? Oh sure. Yeah. Plastic mines. The plastic mines of Nardar. I've toiled there

for hundreds of years. Whoa. Only last week did I see Starlight for the first time when I managed to escape. So why do you not like plastic?

You know? AJ, that's kind of obvious. He was around it all the time. You'd think he'd like it. It's all I smelled. It's all I ate. It's all I bathed in. It's all we had in the mines. So I had to adapt my gut organisms to digest plastics.

Otherwise I would die. Sounds like you liked it because it was your food. Do you know what I mean? Okay, AJ, why would that be true? I don't know. If I'm eating something, I'm like, I like it. That's not what preferences are. Oh, okay.

Hey, my name's AJ. What's yours? My name is Calipar. Okay. Oh, okay. Hey, my name's AJ. What's yours? My name is Calipar. Okay. Calipar, hey, listen, I'm so sorry. You were in a mine

for how long, did you say? Hundreds and hundreds of years. There's no way of knowing. So why didn't you just leave? You know what I mean?

AJ. What? What? Are you familiar with forest labor? I mean, I was? AJ. What? What? Are you familiar with forced labor? I mean, you're... I was in chains. Oh.

Plastic chains. Plastic chains. I had to eat my way out, then run away. How long did you know how to eat plastic? Wouldn't you just, like, eat the chains pretty early on? AJ, I think you need to leave this guy alone. He's been through a lot. Listen, Calipar, I'm sorry.

What problem do you have with Ted Ronca that you're here? Ted Ronca? Ted Ronca, the owner of Joyful Toys Incorporated? Oh. That is one of Ronca's many subsidiary companies, yeah. They make action figures of the geriatric gal pals. You ever hear of that? I love the geriatric.

I mean, I've seen ads for them in the 18, I guess, but... We're old, but we're also kicking butt. What? Did you guys not watch it? Yeah. I mean, I guess, AJ, you're six. You're sort of in the demographic. Yeah, I love them. Gotta catch them all.

I heard that song every time I pressed on their bellies. Those toys would go off and sing that song, and it drove me mad. Wait, you mined the plastic and you also made the action figures? They were pre-made. You mined the fully formed action figures? That's right. I guess I don't understand what plastic mining is like. Can you explain how the process works?

Nardar is a former garbage dump. They went extinct, these Nardarians, because they created a consumer culture where all they made was action figures to be collected. And, you know, with erosion, the dirt covered the plastic piles. And it's our job to dig them out. Okay. Yeah, the irony is that geriatric gale valves are very old.

On Nardar, to us, it's quite new. Right, and I guess Joyful Toy Company is more of a repurposing corporation. They use existing... Sort of an upcycling of old action figures. You get to dig in the dirt and find action figures? That sounds amazing. Don't you think, Captain Dar? Just digging around, picking out action figures and finding them?

Wait, where is Dar? Have you wandered off? They save a lot on their mind. So, like, is it like a shovel and a pail situation? Or are you just using your hands? Sounds like you were having some fun for hundreds of years, in my opinion. I don't think you get who I am as a person. Huh. Maybe.

Calipar, I think that's an absolutely fair assessment. So, like, you were dead and now you're not dead? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. That's awesome. Awesome? Hey, everybody. They were dead and they're not dead anymore. We found one.

We found one. We found one. We are one of the anointed ones. What was it like? Explain the moment of your death to us. Was it as pure and perfect and flavorful as we think? We're really into it. Isn't it weird that you and all your friends look exactly alike? No.

No, it's very normal. We go to the same spa. And when we sacrifice ourselves to the all-weed, we shall look identical in death as well. Will you pay us the honor of holding our sign which says Ronco for Death?

Not to be confused with Ted for Death. That is a competing death cult. Also not to be confused with Dead for Dead. That is a competing death cult. Also, not to be confused with Ted or Dead, the pro-ronka slogan. And not to be confused with Shirk for Dead, which is about the movie Shirk 4 and how it's connected to death in different ways.

Yes. If you watch it in black and white and in reverse and you play the unreleased Beatleman record, there are certain moments in Shirk 4 that you will see that are definitely referenced. We need to let them speak. Share your words of wisdom. Even the non-nodders are listening. With our ears covered.

Um, well... Wonderful. I... Yes. I'm still processing how I feel about it. Processing? Marvelous. Surely you have a recollection of the moment when your life left your body. In fact, I feel like I watched it all from underneath the willows.

Oh, yes! Yes! Anointed One, the willows you watched from, was that some sort of other dimension that he might attain through worship of you? A liminal space between life and death. We were in the

Zix Quadrant. That's where we are now. It's all part of it. It all makes sense. It's all happening. Calabar, with these mines, did you put in an application or did you know somebody there

or had to get the job? I was born into it. Well, it must be nice. In the depths of the mines. Must be nice. It's all I ever knew. So you're good into it. Well, must be nice. In the depths of the mines. Must be nice. I'm so sorry. It's all I ever knew. So you're good at it.

DJ, not everyone is, you know, doing their job. Necessarily likes doing their job. Okay, well, do you like doing your job? Me? Yeah. Sure. I like doing my job. Okay, but my wife question, Calvert.

Did you enjoy mining for oxygen? I did not. Okay, see, this is sort of what I'm talking about. But two to one, do you know what I mean? That's what it's actually about. Well, Calvert, since you got out of the mine, surely you must have had some sort of positive experience out in the wider galaxy. Yeah, wasn't it good to get out of the mines?

I don't know, eat real food again? Food that's not plastic, you know? I tried eating other foods, and they just rocketed back out. Oh, no. Front or back? Both ends. It matters.

This is not important at all. It's okay. This I'm okay talking about. Okay, great. Rocketed out of both ends. Wow. Ironically, you adapted your own digestive system to eat plastic in the first place. That's right.

You know, Calipar, maybe if you just put your mind to it, you can kind of unadapt, you know? I don't think so. I mean, there are things I regret about adapting my body to certain situations. One of them being having less teeth, but bigger teeth. Wait, what? Four teeth? Yes. They're enormous.

They're the size of my hand. They used to be the size of fingertips, and I used to have 40 of them. Hmm? That's 40 of them. Hmm? That's kind of consolidated. Yes, in width. So, Calip, are you adapted to rapidly evolve? There's a difference against powerful surroundings.

That's correct. I cannot smell flowers. Oh. How would that ever have harmed you? I was allergic. To all flowers? All flowers. Anything with pollen.

You can't smell them, but certainly the allergy is still there, right? No, I've purged all the olfactory receptors. Whoa. So you can't smell at all? Yes, but that includes flowers. Oh, no. Everything else. everything else. Well, can't go back now. My DNA only goes in one direction when it adapts.

Well, I mean, if nothing else, it's got to be a relief to be free of the mines, right? Once I left the planet, I found that most equipment was made out of plastic. It's a lot of plastic. It's a common material. Oh, yeah. It's a common material. So I had to make it my mission to rid plastic wherever I went so this can never happen to anyone else.

There's a certain oceanologic and insane nobility to that quest. As soon as all the plastic in the universe is destroyed, I will be able to move on with my life. That's a tall order of personal... In the universe, that's a lot of plastic.

Having a goal is good, though. Yes, AJ, but objectively, all the plastic in the universe is good. Calipari, I feel like you and I, since we vibed a little bit, I have a suggestion for you AJ, you're a faulty premise what if you ate it? every last piece of plastic in the universe

Calipari, are we in place? yeah what was that? did I hear the wind just now? oh what if you ate it? AJ. He looks mad. I don't hear anything right now.

He looks mad at me. Wait, Calipar, have you adapted to tuning out every word that AJ says to you? It appears that I have. My body is highly adaptable. Calipar, is there DNA on this one? It appears that I have. My body is highly adaptable. I'll kill Berserat. I'll put some DNA on this one. Hey, is that... Is that Darn over there standing on top of that bus?

And then, of course, I knew I was dead. Now speak right into this, please. Okay, thank you. And then... We can hear them. Their message extends towards the heavens.

You've united all of our differences. It's loud. Continue. Oh, okay, sure. Sorry. I want to do respectful of all of you chanting and praising me, but you kind of go back and forth on this one. Okay.

Yeah, this feels good. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Wisdom! Annihilate us from your wisdom! We are here! Thousands of us marshaled to your cause! I, Toothpupu, grant you my devotees! Lead us! Lead us! Where would you wish of us, dar? Four minutes now, we have followed you. Like it's a bit un-proof, but I think I could use my motor droid arms and, you know, make us a pathway that would let us get closer to the device.

You mean the enormous structure made almost entirely of plastic? Um... Maybe. Wait, he made it out of plastic? A non-magnetic substance... Of course. ...can be steered instead of being influenced by any electromagnetism. Oh, I have to give it up.

That's actually an ingenious design. How do you know this much about Ranka's device? Perhaps I helped build it. What? Okay. Did you help build it?

Perhaps most of the exterior of the cages action figures of the geriatric gal pals. That can't be right. Yes. Collectors items or just regular ones? Like, what are we talking about here? They're all special editions.

No! With pinching action. Oh, no, not the pinching action. Get your cheeks. Yes, I set up a chain reaction in such a way that once I start the pinching, they'll pinch down the line. Oh, no. They'll eventually pinch one of the thrusters so that it's very slightly, infinitesimally off-center. And that would spin the entire cage off-balance, and it would immediately implode into the Allweed.

Yes. You're going to sabotage a device that could destroy the Allweed? That might destroy the whole galaxy. It's a risk I'm willing to take if it means the end of plastic. This guy is a committed activist. So we're talking about, like, all the figures. Is Ninja Bonnie, like, the... I think so. I think so, AJ.

Is that one of them? Yeah, gotta be. This is special edition, you guys. I think so. I think so, AJ. Yeah, gotta be. This is special edition, you guys. Like, Bonnie's not usually in a ninja costume. Like, it's good. We'll just table this for five seconds. Fine. Calipar, we're sorry for AJ. Was AJ just speaking?

Yeah. Oh, no, what's happening? I told you we should have taken him out. Well, hey there, everybody. Nice looking crowd out there. Thanks for your patience. I know it's been kind of a long wait, so thank you, everybody.

We are now at go time. We are going to turn this sucker on and the all week is going to be all beat. Yes. Yes. The final phase nears. Last ingredient about to be sent right to us. He doesn't know what to do.

Final phase? Last ingredient? Oh my God. It's the device. C-53, the device is the last ingredient. It's exactly what the All Weed wants. Listen, click. You've got to stop going on and being our new. I don't think that's good stuff for you to read.

No, no, I know I talk about it a lot, but Beano knew that this device was going to be made, and he knew that it was going to activate the All Weed. No, listen, listen, just listen. Calipar is right. We have to destroy the device. Well, he's, you know, he's not wrong that we're perhaps a little cavalier about our use of plastic in the galaxy, but plastic is a useful material. That's not what I'm talking about. Guys, should we be worried that the death cults are kind of getting

riot-y and stuff? What do you mean you're leaving? You can't leave us. You're the one true leader. No, I'm not sure that I want to be a leader. I kind of have this other thing and and and i have horse hat what do i have to do to make you stay we can give you anything without you we'll just turn into chaos don't listen to them i alone will follow you is this

what you want i'll do this oh that's so weird'll hit him. I'll give up shrimp for you. Shrimp means nothing to me anymore. I'll turn over this speeder for you. These others offer weak things. I offer my own life. I'll turn that speeder back over. I'll give mouth to mouth to the guy who killed himself. Saved him.

What was it like? I stood between life and death, able to observe both at the same time. Fascinating. That's two things. Tell us, were there willows? Far

larger willows. Was this shrimp? Shrimp? Oh, far larger willows. What is this? Larger than Don. Was this shrimp? Shrimp as far as the eye can see. All hail this guy. Melissa, you laughed at me. Don Thalawas, you are now this guy, Thalawawas. No, not as I say, Turn the other cheek towards this guy.

Yes, he will follow you. Yes, everywhere. That sounds better. I guess I'm going to just see myself out. Yeah, sure, that's fine. Have a good one. Goodbye. Don't let the door hit you.

Okay. Take a pin. Don't forget to take a pan! I have to stop it! I have to stop it! Come in C-53. Nermid calling for a status report. Captain Dar is not picking up. Not great, Nermid.

Rocker is activating the device. Wait, we were unable to reach him? We were supposed to delay it. It is time. It is time for me to fulfill my destiny. To go up there and press the limited edition diamond gal pal. Why did you put a diamond gal pal up there?

Those are hard to find. As you can see, I have a homemade wagon rocket. Wow. This should not fly. It looks like a coffin with a furnace on the back. It's all wood, including the nails. Honestly, Caliber, that's hard to do. The wagon rocket, it has enough oxygen for one trip to the all wheat.

Just one trip. Down to the molecule. I've measured it. Wow. Incredible engineering. There's only one seed in there. And once it gets up there, pull on that gal pal handbag. Hi, team.

What did I miss? Well, to be perfectly honest, kind of a lot. How are you? You know, pretty good, actually. I was just a cult sensation there for a bit. Oh, awesome. Did you do, like, rituals and things like that?

Yeah, you know, they kind of helped me accelerate through all the phases of processing my death. And, well, now I'm just in acceptance. So... Did you do, like, rituals? Or what? There were rituals, yes. Oh, yeah, awesome. Okay, great.

What the? So when you're not in it right now, it's taking off. Yeah. Oh, Calper, I'm so sorry. I must have been last fired or something. Yeah, Papa, you've you gotta admit, this is... Uh... Where's Pluck?

Papa? Wait, what? What? I don't know. Whoa. He just disappeared. No. What?

Oh, okay. No, he didn't. No, I'm almost certain he's on that rocket headed toward the hallway like a big, dumb idiot. You let him near a rocket ship? Was that an idea? I was against it. I was totally against it. What are you talking about?

Why weren't any of you monitoring him? We all know that he's been dying to launch himself into the Allweed. He did mention it. You know, you say it out loud, and it's obviously true, but I just wasn't thinking of it in the moment. He took my dream away. I think I'm going to go back to the mines. Oh, Calper!

Oh. No? Yep, all you can eat. So, not bad. Shut up! All right, I've been sent by the director to calm you down because we have an existing relationship. Why aren't you going on set? Oh, they're jealous of you, donkey. They like you, but they're jealous of you, Donkey.

They like you, but they're jealous of you. That's different. Hey, let me tell you something. The Shirk franchise has nothing to do with Shirk. Donkey, you are the franchise. You are the reason these movies are made. You're the merch. You're the voice people here at restaurants.

That's so beautiful. You're the merch. You're the voice people here at restaurants. Yes, I did kill you in my first draft. That is correct. You're the one who can carry a death scene. You're not going to just close your eyes and fall. You're going to feel it.

You're going to become it. And you're going to make it stretch out for at least five scenes. I was thinking it starts off with you taking your own life, and then it continues on for the rest of the movie. I agree. Go walk out there and tell them you want to do that version of the script. All right, well, good luck. I don't know if that'll make them like you anymore,

if that was the original point of this conversation. This is SeaRed IT5. Credits and attributions destroyed. Commencing outro protocol. Plucked Decksetter was played by Alden Ford. C-53, Ted Ronca, and the resurrected cultist were played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Dar and the Nonata cult leader were played by Ali Kokesh. Thank you. and The All Week were played by Winston Knoll. Calipar was played by special guest Nathan Min. Nathan is a writer, actor, and stand-up based in New York City. He recently wrote for Adult Swim's Joe Perif Talks With You. You can find out more about him at NathanMin.com. This episode was edited by Seth Lynn and Alden Ford,

with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fame's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra, with additional performance by the Chime Street Brass Quintet. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Rogerian Jade by Eric Goist. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hey, J. Keith.

Hey, Helen. Hey, you've got another true-false quiz for me? Yep. Our trivia podcast, Go Fact Yourself, used to be in front of a live audience. True. Turns out that's not so safe anymore. Correct. Next, unfortunately, this means we can no longer record the show. False. The show still comes out every first and third Friday of the month. Correct. Finally, we still have great celebrity guests answering trivia about things they love on every episode of Go Fact Yourself listen, well then you can go fact yourself. That's the name of our podcast. Correct.

Schmanners. Noun. Definition. Rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy. And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. Every week on Schmanners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners. We talk about the history of it. We take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners. We talk about the history of it. We take a look at how it applies to everyday life. And we take some of your questions. And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette. So join us every Friday and listen to Schmanners on

MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. Manners schmanners. Get it? MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. We're almost I'm sorry, I can't control my hands. That's okay. They're going to choke you out.

No. Why won't you geriatric gal pals just die already? Well, hey, if you watch the show, they have superpowers that keep them alive for a preternaturally long amount of time. We're full best friends, but our hips are turnt.

Down with plastic. I have had it. Walking in the mall and solving crime. Taking a nap ride a 309.