Mission To Zyxx - 420: The Unbearable Tightness of Bean [Season 4 Finale]

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Nermut gets a promotion. Starring:Alden FordJeremy BentAllie KokeshSeth LindWinston NoelMoujan ZolfaghariPlus special guests Edited by Seth LindRecording, sound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellMusic composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME’s Macedonian Symphony OrchestraAudio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

This is the Season 4 finale of Mission to Zex. Thank you for listening, for supporting the show, and for weathering this whack year with us. So, it all comes down to this. Probably. I mean, Rod, who knows anything anymore? God, who knows anything anymore? Hm? Zima Knight Plek Dexeter has piloted a makeshift rocket straight into the writhing, all-consuming inferno of the All-Wheat, destroying Tedronka's massive plastic containment device en route. But unbeknownst to Plek, the All Wheat's horrible power can only manifest

once the Chosen One has entered. It's almost as though Beano knew. Meanwhile, the race for Galactic Leader nears its conclusion, and Commander Sisu Gundu prepares to debate with a trillionaire, a space pimp and an enigmatic newcomer who seems... totally normal. Now, Captain Dar and the crew of the Bargerian Jade must set aside fear, focus their might and ready their butt guns for the ultimate showdown. Never has danger been this imminent or this confusing on their mission to Zix. CJ! oh boy Oh boy. Well, when AJ's trying to say through his grief as Fleck launched himself into the all wheat

and now he's gone. He's gone, which doesn't necessarily mean he's dead who's to say whether tellurian can survive crossing the horizon of the old week and the associated spaghettification that happens upon entering he's dead we all know it you you don't know until you know there have been many people in my past who've told me that they're dead they call me up and they're like, Baji, I'm dead. Never call me again. Turns out, years later, they're alive. Is that true? Wait, did he tell anyone that he was dead before he went in there?

Did he do that? Did he not do that? No. Just roll the footage one more time. Roll the footage. Hey, Jim. Stop being a pervert. Just die.

Roll it. Roll it. See, he pulled his butt gun on you. Just do it. Roll the footage, brother. All right, Eric. All right, hey, Jim. his butt gun on you. Just do it. I'm going to run and put his butt down. All right, there. All right, AJ. I'm just going to push the gun this way here. And now we're all in the case.

You have to play it. Count ours. Wouldn't we? Rocket. Uh-huh. The arm comes out. Oh, D. And back of the EJ.

Count pal here. Let's start the action. Wait, are you... More broken more broken up about the action figure? It's all in grief, man. Okay, go ahead. And then there's sort of a blaze. He enters the Olympics. And who knows what happens next.

No hesitation. He just... Straight in there? Straight. And yeah, well, you'll find yourself asking why moments like this. That's very normal. I feel awful. Captain Dar, I bet you feel really bad.

Because you remember how Papa's last words to you was like a heartfelt apology? And you were all like, not now, Plek. You remember that? That was probably the last thing you said to him. Okay, my lord. I'm good about you. Will you be crying? I would have cried too.

Okay, I have a protocol. So, allow me to just activate my empathy protocol. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love It's not that weird. Did you see this pile of trash that he slumped out? I should have given him one of the mattresses. There were so many mattresses. He has that big arm I was going to give him as a birthday gift. But I don't even know it was birthday. I never asked. I've never seen that room. You had a love affair?

Eject his stuff into space. We just put it out there. Open the hatch. Do just put it out there. Don't make us play it! Do we get all out? Hey, you're the best! It's all these shorts! It's so shiny! I don't know why you didn't do any of his laundry.

The tracking file I programmed for him. That's still beeping. I didn't do any of his laundry. The tracking file I programmed for him. That's still beeping. What? What? Did you say tracking file? Yeah. I programmed a tracking file to locate him at all times.

I do it for all of you. What are you talking about? You know, like a tracking file. Like, I'm like, oh, better set the fob. Wait. I have a tracking fob of, like, everyone. What do you mean? Of, like, everyone? I don't know.

I get, like, a fob, and I activate the fob, and it tracks me. Sweet, precious AJ. No, it's a complicated technology. My dear AJ. The light of my life, AJ. All right, now we know who Bargy's favorite is, even though I was pretty certain it was me up till now. Baby AJ, what is that tracking device saying?

Oh, it's just beeping. That means, you know, he's... Oh, okay. It means that he's... Alive? They only go out when you die. Are you kidding? Plek's still alive! Yeah! Oh, he's still alive!

We knew it! I knew it the whole time! I knew it the whole time! Ilex still alive! We knew it! I knew it the whole time! I saved you! I totally knew it. Why wouldn't you just check the fog first? We've got a whole room of them, see? He's the person. That is a lot of beeping.

Yeah, I can't sleep. I think you got rid of somebody's fog! Wait, I always just thought that beeping was like an ambient bargy noise. No, I don't beep. I don't believe in beeping. I'm not a beeper. I don't beep. Second, welcome back to the first and final debate for Galactic Leader. I am, of course, Mr. Dwayne Winkle. Former number one cyborg announcer, former celebrity judge. Oh, yeah.

Living in the reels. Ready to pop up the politics. Pop up! Let's head to our next question. What will you do as Galactic Leader to resuscitate the flagging, crushed economy of the galaxy? Tenronka at the stage. Now, of course, Ronka Cybernetics Corporation has been doing a lot since the beginning to create jobs, buy factories, and plastic mines rate highest in the galaxy's job satisfaction surveys.

Sisu Gundu. Under the Sisu Gundu policy, borders will be open for trading. Because I ultimately believe, as different as we may be in how we look, how we act, how we smell, inside of us, we're all the same. Keep it tight. And IQQ nasty. I have noticed as of late that people are going hungry. And that is terrible.

You should be like us on the Zank system. Well, then, sex work is the work of the day. And I'll be spreading this experiment galaxy wide. And I believe in rock. And of course, don't forget our fourth candidate, Alan Chestthumper. When you elect me, Alan Chestthumper,

as leader of the galaxy, everyone will have a job. Uh, you gonna elaborate on that? The people are ready for an infestation of new values. Can I just bring up the fact that he only has appeared during this debate? He's not been part of the race this entire time.

I just feel it's a little unfair. Kill me! Oh, no! He exploded! Oh, bow before the undying will of the grower mind. Yes, this is television, people. I will finish my answer unburdened by a perfect facade. I will now promise you, you will never fear death. You will never go hungry. And you will not be without purpose

in the swarm. And this audience is like 30% Keck. Can I just point out that he didn't fill out the proper paperwork? The word Keck and grower mind are not in any of the forms. Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm literally in the middle of a debate right now. I just said this was more important than anything.

Here's a little note. Good luck. You're doing great, I think. I'm sorry, everyone. I've gotten some upsetting news. I'm sorry, everyone. I've gotten some upsetting news. It appears the All Wheat has taken my son. And it is my duty as a mother and hopefully future galactic leader, please vote to save my son. Wowie, wow. As father of trillions of children, I can empathize. But don't worry. I will still be

present in this debate. Please direct all my questions to my hologram. Well, folks, this has been crazy, and that is not up for debate. Okay, E.G., the tracking farm, where is he? Okay. He is...

He's in that direction. Okay, well, that's the only... He's in there! We already got him! AJ, even if the pumpkin is inside the old wind, RJ can't withstand the massive amount of stress it would put on her home. What? We gotta go in there.

Go. AJ's right. Wait, what? I'm right? Yeah, we gotta get him. Can we put our hands in the middle and, like, say that we're all gonna do it? I think this is, like, an imminent death kind of thing.

I don't know that this is, like, a team celebration thing. It feels like a suicide mission. Listen, guys. I love you all. I think you're all great, but my career is starting to boom as a writer. Okay? I'm a writer now. It's a hard life, a lonely life, but my words are getting said.

So long story short, I'm not it. Y'all have fun. I'll drop you off. You'll drop us off? So are we doing the hands thing or not? Because my hands are still up. No, I'm not. Y'all have fun. I'll drop you off. You'll drop us off? So are we doing the hands thing or not? Because my hands are still out. No, no, no. Can you guys quiet down?

I've got to take this call. Wait, what did Donkey do on set? Wow. Really? That's, yeah, that's illegal. Oh, he said I was responsible? Uh-huh. And what now?

I thought I heard you said fired. Okay, well, nice chatting with you. Whatever is happening, I'm in. Hollywood twist. So wait, we're going to kill ourselves if that's what's happening? All right, rest your mission into a terrible hallway. Let's do wait, we're going to kill ourselves if that's what's happening? All right. Rescue mission into a terrible hallway. Let's do this.

This is going to be great. All right, AJ. Hands in, everyone. Yeah. All right. Let's do this. Let's hands in. Well, I don't have hands, but I mean.

You don't have hands. Just sign on the bottom. It's a little heavier. Right. Oh, good. I'm in too. Let's do this. Of course, we can discuss this later Should we feel bad that we threw away most of Plex's stuff?

No, it was all pretty bad stuff Well, we were supposed to agree, where's, yeah Yeah, and don't tell him about the room, I was just Yeah, we would never win, but Yeah, I didn't want to Oh, um Captain Dara, incoming transmission from temporary emergency commissarial negotiations, missions operations manager, Nermit Pondaloy.

Hey, Nermit. I'm so sorry. What's going on? Your mission is to take Sisu Kadu into the All We. It's a suicide mission. Actually, that's... We're fine with that, actually. You are?

We kind of... That's fine. Yeah, so give me... What? Hello? Hello? Will it be Chick Cush and Timpy? Timpy? How are you calling from the other side of Planet Glove? Oh, easy, with Mint Mobile,

the first company to sell premium wireless service online only. What? Praise Little Rod. Not since our civilization was in the helmet in the time of Timmis the Great, who died in prison, did we have such advanced technology. And that's not all, Willem. Mitmobile is introducing their unlimited data plan for just 30 tiny croons a month. What? Wow, that's a small number of croon.

Even for me, a single-celled organism in a fedora. That's worth giving up my phone and contacts, Timpy. Oh, but you don't have to. You keep your phone, your number, and all your contacts. And you get unlimited talk and text. Wow. And high-speed data delivered on the refrigerator's largest 5G network. Oh, my goodness.

I'll arm wrestle to that if I had arms. Yeah, if you had arms. Yeah. You know, to get your new unlimited wireless plan for just 30 croons a month. Yeah, how? And get the plan shipped to your team seat door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash six. Let me get that straight. Mintmobile.com slash six, you said?

Yes, correct. Okay. Get your unlimited wireless bill for 30 croons a month at mitmobile.com slash six. Wow. Now, if we could just defeat this rotting bread roll that's menacing us from the shelf above. Oh, the horrific small weed. I'm sorry. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It's switching sockets! Oh, my shorts are on the inside of my body! I can hear the stuff and taste the space! Whoa.

Too loud, man. He looks really out of it. What? Sammo? Wink? Oh, man. He looks really out of it. What? Sam-O? Wink? Oh, man. Did you just get here? Are you real? You must be flying high.

Are you real? Am I real? Great question. We're the realest we've ever been, man. Are you in the hallway, too? Oh, yeah. We came a few months ago, I think. I mean, who knows?

Yeah, did you not get your letter? We sent you a letter. We sent you a letter. We sent you a letter. No, I didn't. We sent a bunch of letters to friends being like, hey, we're in search of the ultimate high. I'm sorry, physical letters on paper you sent? Yeah. Yeah.

Print is the future, man. Yeah. Okay. Wink was like, hey, don't you think that always... Yeah. Wait, say what you said. Hey. Yeah.

And I was like, what? Then Wink was like, don't you think that always like the don't you think the All Weed's like the ultimate high? Don't you think the All Weed's like the ultimate high? Yeah, yeah, that's what he said. And then, yeah, I was like, yeah. We, like, hijacked a Floyd launcher, bit a penis his face off, and shot ourselves into the All Weed, man, some time ago. It's kind of squishy here, man.

Don't worry about it. Yeah. You guys flew. You're really loving it here. You're really loving it so much. You guys came to the All Weed to get high? Yeah. It's a natural high, brah.

I don't... This seems very unnatural to me. What? You mean that time and space and reality itself is folding on itself? You think that's unnatural? No, that was all a DM. Did you? You know, just time's a little squishy.

No, Sam, you have to help me. Reality's kind of like foggy right now. What? I need to find the Emperor. I need to find Beano. Oh, the Emperor's real cool, man. Absolutely. But hey, we're doing a rave.

We're going to a rave in the ruins of Jekyll and Hyde later on if you want to come. There are other people here, like alive here? I mean, are we alive? That's a good question, Sammo. Great question. Sammo, you always ask so many good questions. Wing. What?

What? What? What? What? Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this in the middle of, like, a psychedelic transdimensional plane, but I gotta go. I'll see you guys later.

Okay, bye. Bye. But seriously, what? What? No, but what? No, but like, what? What? What?

No, but what I'm saying is like, what? What? All right, we got Susan onousa Gundu on board. Set a perimeter. Let's do this. Setting a perimeter. We'll be right back. Perimeter. Set a perimeter.

Miss Gundu, I don't know if I need to come necessarily on this mission with you. You are an important member of not only the crew, but I'm going to say it in my life now. Oh, jeez, that's amazing. So the temp to perm process is that? Well, that is temp to fam. And you're currently still on temp, but you're going to get to fam very fast. I'm telling you. Sure, great.

Ex-smarts at the Gundu house. Oh, wow. Want to talk about the promotion? What's that? Is that a promotion? Perimeter secured. Perimeter secured. Perimeter secured. You better get to work.

I'm thinking if this is a tour. But aren't you supposed to be in a debate right now? Actually, I'm holding the teleprompter. I am. I'm still in. Hold on. It's my turn. Here we go.

Okay. It's hard to hold the boom and the teleprompter. Okay. Stirring. I do too. That is disrespectful for at least half of the population. Am I right, ladies? Very good. Very good.

Thank you. The crowd went wild over that one. Wow. Thanks for the work, darling. I mean... What? Commander Gundu. AJ2884. That's me. It's incredibly good to see you. Well, it's always good to see a hard-working crew.

Everyone give your hand for yourself. And thank you so much for taking me to the All Wheat. My son Centurion is currently inside of the All Wheat. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry? It is very hard. There's not many things that could crack me. And it is my job to go in.

We gotta save that kid. Right? Who's with me? We're saving the kid. That's part of the mission now. Luckily, we have a tracking fob on him so we know he is still alive. And we're gonna go get him. And I've got a debate question about healthcare

in three, two, one, go. Definitely. Everyone will receive it. Thank you very much. And cut. Are people getting a lot of information out of this debate? If I can get a navigation update as to how far we are to the All Wheat. C-2, this is Captain Hark. Yes, yeah, hi.

We're approaching the Tritigo sphere of the All Wheat. Whoa, Hark. D'Ar, remember when he chucked up his hyperdrive? Don't bring that up. What's wrong with you? Oh, jeez. This is awesome. Hark, we're so glad to have you back.

Can you give me even more detail? Sheetu, we're mere moments away from entering this boiling engine of death. What you're about to see and hear may not make any rational sense. Your noses may start to bleed uncontrollably, but my time slicing through different dimensions and realities has prepared me for this moment like no other in my life. Seems like I guess that means we're nearby. I think that means we're nearby.

We are close, yes. Okay. Bargeria Jade, I'm sending you a flight path that I need you to follow to the letter. Should you deviate for even a single moment, you could risk spiraling off into the edge of the Tritico Sphere and being atomized instantly. Great. What? My nose is bleeding.

Excuse me, AJ, you don't mind doing a step back? No, sorry. Just a little step back. No, I'm so sorry. I just... God damn it, Jesus! I can't hide it anymore. It's me, Jenny. Let's go get our son.

Come on. Rolfus? That's right. It's me. And by the way, I'm still in love with you. Okay, and we're... And it's three two one taxes i'm gonna just shake her head no here okay great got it you just knew that it was taxes you should always say no new taxes just even if you know you're going to have to raise them. But, eh. Alright, alright. That's enough screaming.

Emperor Ballwheat. That was very scary. And disorienting. Yeah, that's the whole kind of you know, that's kind of what we're going for here. What is this place? The All Wheat, baby. I know that part. Yeah, I get it. It's like bigger we're going for here. What is this place? It's the All Wheat Baby. Yeah, I know that part. It's a ball wheat bus.

Yeah, I get it. It's like bigger than a ball wheat. What? You don't like the name? I don't love the name. Okay, pitch me a better one. Yeah, how about the Beanhole? Really?

That's better. Yeah. How are you my nemesis? How? You know what? I launched myself into Yeah. How are you my nemesis? How? You know what? I launched myself into this place to confront you. Oh, that's right. You did.

You walked right into my trap. Your trap? Uh, yeah. Because you have to have a purpose. You're the chosen one. That's right. So you came into the Alwi and right into my plan. It's right. So you came into the Alwi and right into my plan. It's perfect!

Where are we? This is Rangus 6. Well, I am all powerful now, thanks to you. So I thought I'd take you someplace you're comfortable. You can make it look like we're on Rangus 6? What about all powerful then you get? We are on Ranga 6. It's not an illusion?

No, I'm not like a magician or something. I have power. I just wanted you to be comfortable in your home when you destroy the galaxy. I destroy... You're going to destroy the galaxy. I'm here to defeat you, finally. Once and for all.

Right, right. You will destroy the galaxy. What'm here to defeat you, finally. Once and for all. Right, right. You will destroy the galaxy. What are you talking about? I'll tell you. We need an avatar of the WAC. A little rude, but that's me. We need an agent of chaos and cosmic power. That's Beano.

And then the third ingredient is the avatar of the fresh, which for some jockeying reason is you, buddy. So, end game. Well, this avatar was chosen to fresh your jockeying ass off, you dick. You're going to fresh me? What? Get ready to taste my dinglehopper. No!

No! Why did you do that? No weapons, right? We're just talking. We're just jawing. So, you know, what's going on out in the greater galaxy, buddy? Is the election going on? I don't really like to follow politics or read anything about it. Yeah, you know what the election is going on, Ball Wheat. Oh, yeah? And, you know, once I defeat and destroy you, Sisu's gonna to win, and she's going to rebuild this galaxy and fix everything that you destroyed.

Yeah, okay. She could win, or this could happen. What? Nothing happened that time. What was the... Oh, I just changed the outcome of the election. From here? Yeah.

The election's not for three more days. Right. Well, time is kind of squishy here. Let's change it again. Okay. That was less impressive because I just have to trust that you did that. Well, I mean, yeah, but. Okay.

Well, I changed it back. No, you didn't. I could have. No. You'd never know. You didn't. What are you talking about? Oh, I did it again.

No, you're just snapping. You're just snapping. No, I'm changing reality. reality look here's a little what watch me draw a circle with my finger and now you can look inside and in a stunning upset allergy eye drops has carried the majority of the galactic vote allergy eye drops yes it's old allergy eye drops day to day i have no plans wait you you use that power to open a portal to a news broadcast? You're essentially opening a portal to a television for us to watch. Because, you know, it's the simplest way to show you.

What do you want me to do? Do you want me to completely rip you in half with my mind? Do you want me to do that? Because I can do it. If you do. I just did it. Yeah, I put you back together. Now do we to is it is it weird that i'm doing a news broadcast now buddy okay okay and against all odds a tiny criminal has won the galactic vote

a tiny criminal is his name responsibility everybody gets a tiny knife and then he just ran away from his press conference, stealing the microphone. It's mine. Okay. In a stunning reversal, a long dead ship, the blazing Rochester has come back to life and become leader of the galaxy. Okay, all right, okay. Oh, oh, you are going to love this one. I mean, what is sure to go down is one of the most unusual legends of all time. Okay, I get it, I get it, okay? All right, all right. Listen, listen, the point is, baby, you are the final ingredient and you're here.

I couldn't do any of this before you arrived. But listen, what we're going to do is fantastic. We're going to remake the galaxy. What do you mean remake the galaxy? Listen, it's not going to be some evil thing. We're not going to be enslaving anybody. I'm not the kind of guy who needs a bunch of ships like an armada. I just want one planet.

Just one planet. You know what? Fine. I'm going to destroy everything else. I'm going to get rid of one planet. You know what? Fine. I'm going to destroy everything else. I'm going to get rid of all the other planets. What? With all their aliens and their kind of strange languages and the weird bug creatures and stuff.

Like, ugh, right? Like, get rid of them. No, that's what makes the galaxy the galaxy. You have the power to remake the galaxy and you're going to erase everything but one planet? Yeah, because it'll be people like you and me, just Tellurians. And it's all suburbs. Suburbs as far as... It's all Tellurian suburbs as far as the eye can see. Because the cities can be dangerous.

You mean cities can be dangerous? It can be. Right? You live in a black hole. All right, I'm up. What did I miss? Nermit, fill me in. It's going great.

People took your stoic silence as very leader-worthy when you just ignored these questions. Great, wonderful. Rolfus? It's been a while. Oh, no, that's... Again. Good to see you. You've...

What? Kept it tight. Indeed I did. Wait a you. You've kept it tight. Indeed I did. Wait a minute. You've also kept it tight. What is happening? What is going on here? But I will say that your own tightness,

and I will say you've never been as tight as this moment, will not distract me, Rolfus. We are over. Done. And my job now is to bring unity to this galaxy. Zizou, my darling, I have traversed nebula and galaxies. I have fended off countless foes to be with you here today. The live polling is going insane.

The voters love this. The sexual tension between these two right now. To save our son, who we brought forth from our very loins. Oh, this is not... Definitely not. AJ does not know the word loins, nor does he have them. He's loinless. Wait, if you're Rolfus, where is AJ?

What? I... Who, the Clint? Yeah, the Clint. I waylaid him and replaced him back on Corolfus. Where is AJ? What? I... Who, the Clint? Yeah, the Clint. I waylaid him and replaced him back on Corvus. Wait, wait. When you say waylaid, what does that mean? You know, I...

Did you shoot him? No, my AJ! No, I didn't shoot him. I stunned him and then... Oh, the perimeter check. Right. The perimeter check was like eight seconds. What are you talking about?

I moved fast. So I'm sorry, your friend is back on Corvus. He won't be accompanying you on this mission. My sweet AJ. Hey. What? Hello there. Oh, is that...

It's AJ. It's AJ. Is he in a bubble of goo? I put some goo. I put some all-purpose goo. I'm stuck to Bargy. is he in a bubble of goo incredibly resourceful ah aj i am so proud of you wow i just got some good news i've been rehired apparently I'm just gonna assume that's here. Come on, folks. Wow. I just got some good news. I've been rehired.

Apparently, Donkey's five-hour death scene is the best thing that's happened in modern cinema. Wow. Bargy, that is great news. Bargy's back, baby. It's great. All right, guys, I'm gonna drop you off here. And that's it. We're about to hit the event horizon of the all week,

so if there's any personnel hanging on to the side of your ship, you better get them back inside right now is that a standard announcement oh no that was just my attempt at levity is there actually someone hanging out to the outside no no we have two crew members out there can we hold off on the whole

event horizon thing for a sec and we're in yeah yeah And we're in! Yeah! Well, hello there, Captain Dar and the crew of the Bargerian Jade, and especially my cherished client, AJ2884. This is Miss Janelle Fitzmire with the privilege of calling you today. You all must be out on a mission which I trust will be both enjoyable and safe.

I, for one, will be delighted when this election is over and done with. You know, Ted Ronca really had my loyalty, but did you see that a renegade managed to explode Mr. Ronka's special machine? Well, now I'm back to undecided. Perhaps that handsome IQQ will earn my checkmark. He certainly has some fascinating ideas about romance. On that note, what I'm most excited about these days is Dipsy, an audio app full of short erotic stories and wellness sessions designed to ignite your various fires and help you get in touch with yourself. I'm blushing. Well, anyway, I trust you don't mind me discussing the subject.

You see, at the cloning facility, we've always talked a lot about physical health and mental health, but what about sexual health? Because whether you're at the gym, out for a walk, or practicing tactical footwork, if you want to take care of your whole self, you need to prioritize your pleasure. Well, Dipsy's stories are relatable and immersive, so you feel like you're right there. And wellness sessions can always help you unlock new confidence or heighten intimacy with your special one.

That has certainly been the case with me and Gary, my gentleman friend. I hope that isn't TMJ. That means too much, Janelle. It's just a little joke for you. I like to keep things light. Best of all, Dipsy is offering a 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com. Can you believe it? A 30-day free trial when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash Zix. Dipsystories.com

slash Zix. Well, I guess that's it. Kiss, kiss. Hug, hug. Platonically, of course, because Carrie is the singular light in my sensual journey Miss Janelle fits my heart

hello hello oh no yeah I'm definitely dead I died I'm sorry I was just kind of in shock of what I'm Oh no. Yeah, definitely dead. I died. I'm sorry. I knew it.

I was just kind of in shock of what I'm seeing. I hope all of my exes are feeling really terrible right now. Hey, Bargy? I married the voices of all the people who used to be inside of me. Barge, I think we're on a river. Oh no, I miss you. No, we're really here. So wait, I'm not, just to clarify, I'm not dead?

No, I don't think so. Chuck, I just sent off a bunch of terrible emails again. Oh, boy. Sorry, I don't read these. Arch, Arch, can you hear us? I'm all right. This little fighter was barely hanging on by a thread as it was. This river of protoplasm is hardly the repair job it needs.

That's good, Hark. We need you up here, because quite frankly, this crew all has been talking about how they thought they were dead. Excuse me, that is my crew that you're talking about. Do you not remember these guys? This crew has done an amazing job. These guys are chuckleheads. They're just idiots. We used to make fun of them behind their back. Well, they've been here for me, Rolfus, unlike some other people who've decided to disappear

and play dress-up with their new clone friends. How dare you? How dare you? But you're right. You're right. I know I failed you, failed Centurion, but that's over. And truly, this crew is, they're like pretty bargain bin dummies. These are heroic, upstanding citizens of the galaxy who are going to help me bring it together and also get my son.

Sorry, I just wanted to punctuate Sisu tooting our horn by actually tooting my horn. Hey, Bargy, could we let C and AJ in now? Yeah, I'm kind of getting hit by this, like, second-down with stuff, you guys. Like, it kind of hits me

and it's getting super bad. Okay, these are... Now, Rolfus, what is it that you're doing here? What do you want from me? Listen, I want us to be a happy family again. When have you ever said those words before? Yeah, you're right. Never.

Never. But I'm here now. Listen, I'm not saying I'm a good man. I'm a bad man. You're a bad man. I'm really bad. You're so bad. I'm just good man. I'm a bad man. You're a bad man. I'm really bad. You're so bad. I'm just no good.

You're so bad. They're way past nose to nose. I mean, they're basically just shouting into each other's open mouths. Steamy. Let's move past this and save our son. I can't wait till we... talk. Ooh, she just flicked him with her tongue.

Real nerd move. Hey guys, what do I miss? Oh, AJ! I wouldn't worry about it. Nothing big. Right. Hey, why am I in here? Chuck.

Did I get hit by one of those psychedelic things a little too hard? Why am I looking at myself? Oh, I'm dead. Cool, I'm here? Chuck. Did I get hit by one of those psychedelic things a little too hard? Why am I looking at myself? Oh, I'm dead. Cool, I'm looking at myself. No. Talking to Sisu. Why would there be two of you if you're dead? I'm a g-g-g-g-ghost?

No, no, no. Wait a second, where is C-53? Uh, he's gone. Disintegrated. Disintegrated. What? Yeah. What?

Oh, I have his cube. But I have the cube, so... Oh. I should have said that. AJ! I should have said that. Should have said that right up front. His body disintegrated

in the all-weeds-like psychedelic waves and junk. But the cube is here, so... We just gotta put him in a frame or something, I guess. I'm not entirely sure that's necessary. Gas!

What? I don't know what the characteristics are of the realm we are currently inside, but I know it seems to be a frame to communicate. Twist! Which is unusual to say that. Stop twisting it. Twist! Listen, the galaxy is a place full of real people.

It's not your play thing, okay? There are trillions of people and species with their own lives, and you're just going to throw it all away? Yeah, well, I control the stuff, and I control the space, and you can't do anything. In fact, you're actually facilitating it. So what part am I playing in this? You have to, you know know be a part of this little

thing i have with bino is that like a that's a triple it's not what it's like it's not a sex thing if that's what you're asking i mean you say it's part of a thing with me and bino i meant it didn't be a part of this thing it's mostly business wait what's if it's mostly business what's the rest of it well there's an emotional element you think there's not an emotional we're partners okay but if there's emotion on do you want there to be a sex element to this no okay no i've seen bino's nipples and i know i mean everyone's seen i know it's hard for some people to ignore he leads with them so the nipples of course are to enter the room before he does absolutely with the three of us together we can have ultimate power to recreate the galaxy in any way we choose

first we have to destroy why do you have more power in this situation than i do i'm the avatar of the fresh logically we would have equal power heading in opposite directions i instituted the whole thing therefore i get a little bit more say everybody's equal but some of them are a little more equal but anyway i say in a thruple ideally we all have equal it's not even a friends with benefits hold on so we're in a kitchen right yeah okay it's a kitchen you are this garf on egg right okay you entered the all wheat which is this pancake batter right right? Uh-huh. The egg is part of the batter. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to run out of here.

Okay, go for it. See you later. Oh, of course, it goes right into the, yeah. Yeah. The same side of the... No, you're here now. You're not escaping. It's over. The egg cannot say,

you can't keep me here, I'm leaving. Okay, well, I'll fight you. Okay, go for it. Yeah, oh. Wow, that punched me in the face when I'm leaving. Okay, well, I'll fight you. Okay, go for it. Ow! That punched me in the face when I punched you. Right. Ow! Like I said, you're done. It's over. So if you can do it and I have no power

to stop you, why haven't you done it already? Because I wanted to explain it. I liked an audience. Is that so wrong? So it is a sex thing. It's not a sex thing you like an audience that's a weird thing to say no plec plec i don't think you understand what i already did all of this the galaxy has been destroyed what what in the in the future i've already done it in the future. Wait, what? What is it? So you haven't done it yet?

No, but I'm doing it in the future. So I have done it. You know what I mean? So you haven't done it yet? I've done it! But it's not... In the future. You didn't let me finish.

You didn't let me finish. I've done it in the future. The future hasn't happened yet. Time and space... So what are you talking about? Are you just describing a plan? No, I'm saying that I have control over time and space. And so I did it in the future.

I haven't done it yet. But is that just a fancy way of saying that you have a plan? Yes, I have a very meticulous, well-laid-out plan. That you've walked right in, by the way. And now my perfectly laid plan can... Dad! Justin? Where are you?

Justin, wait. What are you doing here? What are you doing in Daddy's... All week. I have something really important to tell you. It's so important I have to tell you it right now. Justin, Daddy is trying to seduce his nemesis right now. Oh, you always do that.

So it is a sex thing. It's not a sex thing. Seduction happens in different... You can use any word other than that. I'm erasing your mouth just for a minute. Okay, buddy? Yeah? What?

I want to tell you something really important, okay? Okay. Is it more important than me remaking the galaxy? Yes, dad, yes! Okay, okay. Because dad's got some stuff. You know how, like, recently... it's been, like, really hard. Okay, what's been hard, bud?

Literally everything is hard, Dad. Okay, everything. Everything is hard. All right, everything's hard. Dad, it's been so hard. What are you dealing with, buddy? What? If you don't get it, you don't get it.

Okay. But I found someone who got me. Okay. This is the love of my life. What? This is Centurion. Daddy. Hey, what's up?

I'm Centurion. Centurion Tittle. Uh, hi. Oh my God, why don't you get along with him? I didn't say I didn't. He means so much to me right now. Justin, how did you get in here? Daddy's not corporeal right now.

Dad, we're getting married. And we're getting married right now because we're so in love. Wait, you haven't. Dad, we need your blessing right now. Hey, Centurion is the child of one of the people who's trying to stop Daddy. I know, Dad, but at the end of the day, love is love. And there's nothing to do to stop it. What was the dad, but at the end of the day, love is love. And there's nothing you can do to stop it. What was the last thing that

you said, buddy? And there's nothing you can do to stop it. Plek, what did you just hear from Justin? I think he said there's nothing you can do to stop it. That's what I heard. Is that what it is? Yeah, nothing I can do to stop it. I'm going to assume that you said there's nothing I can do to stop it. Dad, we're getting married.

Yeah, but that's fine. You know what? That's fine. I'm happy for you. Can you just wait two minutes? I just have to assume that you said there's nothing I can do to stop it. Dad, we're getting married. Yeah, but that's fine. You know what? That's fine. I'm happy for you. Can you just wait two minutes? I just have to deal with the work thing real quick. We're getting married here, and we're getting married now. Who's going to marry you, bud? What?

We brought our friend David. Hey, David. David took a class online, and he can marry us. I have my card somewhere. Oh, yeah, you're a clergy. Get it? See? Isn't that cool?

But I need your blessing, and I want you to want me to... What? Buddy, I am this close to ripping David's skin off with my mind. So, everyone, welcome. So, it's such an exciting day here. It's Centurion and Justin and this guy. Yeah. So wait, if you're in too much of a hurry to let your son get married right now,

you don't have power over time and space, right? I'm just going to take your mouth back. And the day they met, I knew that that was gonna be... Wait, I can only do this one at a time? I thought that I had more power than that. I knew that they were... Ah, well, I'll pick up where you left off, David. You know, in times like these, it's always important for two people...

No, both mouths, both mouths! Oh, two hands, got it. Hey, buddy, Justin. Justin. What? Can we do this after Daddy remakes the galaxy? Oh, two hands. Got it. Hey, buddy, Justin. Justin. What? Can we do this after Daddy remakes the galaxy? Mr. Bollwee?

Yes? You know, I know our families have had their, like, differences, but I just want you to know that I love your son, and I will cherish him in this galaxy, in the galaxy that you choose to remake, or whatever the galaxy, I'll cherish Justin. Thank you, Centurion. Thank you. Okay, Mal's back.

I forgot the rings. Can I melt him? Can I melt him? Would anybody be upset if I melted him? I wouldn't be all that upset, honestly. I just, they were on my dresser and i'm sorry who is david i you got me i'm all knowing but i still don't quite understand how david fits into all david was my boss of the blue julius dad yeah i'm kind of i try to have like a mellow with my people who report to me.

Hey, uh, so what's your call number? I don't have a call number. Oh, okay. Just wanted to tell you, like, keep your head on a swivel because there's some guy knocking people out. Throw him out of the... Just be careful. Team, we need to focus. You're right.

53, it's amazing seeing you as a floating cube now. To be honest, this is a level of freedom I've never experienced before. The sound is coming from the ethers everywhere. Yeah, you're in stereo, bud. Ooh, horse hat. No, don't grab that. Ooh. Don't put that in your mouth.

No. Oh. Whoa. Oh, no. Hmm. The baby swallowed it. Yeah, we saw, AJ. I'm still okay. But, Horset, are you okay?

Yeah. I'm a good parent. Actually, again, not 100% sure of the rules here, but I'm pretty sure... Yeah, I sort of got... I can do this arm. You can do the arm? I seem to be able to control it in some respect. Horsehead, is this okay with you? Is your plan all along, buddy?

Horsehead, I will treat this body with respect. Okay, the robot's in control of the baby. Let's move on. Let's do this. Crew, now we are all here for one reason, and one reason only. To save Plek, my son. Oh, you think of Plek as your son? No, our son Centurion. I can't.

Okay, all I want is for us to find my son and, sure, your friend and get out of here. Is that all you want? Is that really all you want? That's what I want right now. They're basically fused at this point. You guys think I could probably take that guy? He doesn't have the call number, right? You're a clone from this guy.

It would be a really fair fight, honestly. Everything you're going to do before you do it, I would assume. Hey, bro, why don't you leave the lady alone? Why are you getting so close to her mouth? What? Yeah, you heard me. I'm the security officer on this ship and I'm also maybe

Sisu's love interest. We've got a real will-they-won't-they going on, so get your junky mouth away from her mouth man Ironically their mouths are very close now What's your name again? Rolfus Tittle That sounds like white noise to me bro So why don't you get out of my face

You know what, my face is your face Okay so just I just hear white noise man, white noise and clicks when you talk So I don't know, I don't know I just know that you need to be taught a lesson. So let's do this. I got some meditation moves to show you, brah. You know what?

Fine. Fine. Ah, boy, they took the wrong brah. Why would he agree to this? They are nude. There's no... They're just wrestling each other. Wait.

I... You know, they're just wrestling each other. Wait. You know, I may be... He knows my moves. I may be a sentient cube floating around inside a giant child, but even I know this is a terrible idea. Hey. That Clint's got something weird where his plank should be. I'm going to kick it. Oh, well.

Not a bad strategy, actually. Didn't predict that move, did you, Rollfist? All right. Okay, enough, enough. Listen, let's focus on the task at hand. We have to find my son. He's got to find my papa. I've got my son's fob.

My son's fob is pointing in that direction. Lucky that it's the same direction. It's actually the same direction. It seems like we might all be working on the same project here. I guess we go in that direction. Because even in a weird

reality warped protoplasm, the fob don't lie. Where did you get all these fobs anyway? I don't understand why everyone's got all these fobs on. Is that a fob guy? I don't actually think we get to control the direction we're headed right now anyway. Yeah, things are getting dark and the lightning's getting red. That can't be good, right?

It's like storms are brewing from every point in the distance. It's a wonderful sign. It means we're getting closer. You've been here before? Yes, Sisu. How do you even know that? I can tell Centurion's footsteps from anywhere. Seems like the ultimate tracking fob is a mother's love.

No, no, I've got the ultimate fob. It's Shia. You guys want to see? Come on. AJ, this is like a surfboard ultimate fob. It's giant. You guys want to see? Come on. AJ, this is like a surfboard. This is totally impractical. What are you tracking? It doesn't track anything.

It's just fun. It's like the novelty fob from the store. What? Yeah, they had it outside the fob store, but they let me. It's just a display? A giant display fob? Dad, you melted David! Okay, buddy.

Listen. We're going to do the wedding. I just need to be able to clear the distractions away. That's all I need, bud. Once I get all the distractions away, we'll be fine. We'll be fine. What? What? Uh.

Bargy! Bargy! What? Well, as they say, any crash you can walk away from right from... Hey, wow, hard Tardigast. Oh, looks like your pancake batter just got a couple more ingredients, huh? Whoa, Papa's still alive. I totally thought he was dead. Hey, guys.

Whoa, but you are in so much trouble, Plek. I can't even begin. Uh... Oh, good knows Plek's alive. trouble, Plek. I can't even begin. Oh, good knows Plek's alive. Can we see? Hey, everybody. I mean, truthfully, it's against the odds, but I'm happy to hear it. Why does Horsehat have C-53's voice? Please.

You don't get to ask the questions, Plek. I get to ask the questions. Okay, all right. Who are you going to ask them? How are you? Are you okay? Are you safe? I am. I am. I'm great. I get to ask the questions. Okay, all right. Who are you going to ask them? How are you? Are you okay? Are you safe? I am.

I am. I'm great. I'm great. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing what? We're here together fighting the Emperor, the ultimate evil. We're really sticking it to him.

You're jumping, Pauly? What? No, he's not. I don't know. Why is everyone automatically... This is a sex thing. It sounded like a sex thing. It sounded like a sex thing. It's not a sex thing.

I mean, we merged. Sure. He's very defensive about it. Okay, okay. Hey, gang. Oh! Let's knock him out! Yeah, no, AJ, I don't think that's going to work.

He bended the lasers. Yeah, he's like all powerful. He's sort of impervious. Yeah, impervious. Yeah, it's almost like we shouldn't have come in here at all we're centurion centurion mom yeah i'm right here honey you're here come into my bosom did they all what did they do to you what did he do to you huh are you okay is your head okay let me look at your ears let me look at your mouth turn your tush around let me look at

your tush i was so worried about you i was like what's gonna happen i left the campaign behind Don't touch my head, Mom. Stop touching my head. Mom, stop touching my head. My head's fine. What? Mom, I'm getting married today. I'm getting married to Justin. Hello, Justin. Hi, Mrs. Gundu. It's so good to see you in a different location. Listen, I approve of the wedding. But why are we doing it today?

And why are we doing it in the all-weed? Gang? Hey, gang? Everyone, who's here? Let's get a quick head count. Who's here? Everyone just sound off real quick. See Sue. Dar. AJ! Justin! Uh, Plec Dexeter. Centurion. Rogerian Jane.

Ship of the stars. Queen of the sky. Developer of content. Right. Writer of Shirk 5, possibly Shirk 6. So what I'm saying is the only... We'll see if you bring protocol in diplomatic relations, baby. I mean...

Rolfus Tittle? Oh, hey, Rolfus. Yeah, yeah, the point... Captain Park Colophon Tartagast. Reporting in. Right. The only... The real one?

The original? Oh, boy. So, yeah, here's my point. The only one who should be in here is Plexaniel over there. That's... And me and Beano, the cosmic agent of chaos. That's all that should be in the always right now. Where is Beano?

Beano? Where's Beano? I miss Beano. Beano's, you know, around. Where is Beano? All miss Bino. Bino's, you know, around. Where is Bino? All of it is Bino. All this is Bino. Makes sense. The point is, now that I have you...

Dad, Dad, don't you understand? Centurion's parents are here. Now we have to do the wedding. Dad, no! Okay, okay, that's right. Yes, we're doing the wedding now. Let's just get everyone married so I can destroy the galaxy and remake a planet and melt all of you. Who wants to get married? What? No. We're here to stop you.

Sisu, if you want to get married, I'd marry you again. Right now. With our son. Oh, no! We're always going to ruin it! A double marriage. This is not the time nor the place.

When is the time? When is it? You'll know when the time is. The time will be... Oh, when nor the place. When is the time? When is it? You'll know when the time is. The time will be... Oh, when's the time? When is the time? Does she want to marry me or does she want to marry her in this situation? Hey, bud, maybe you're still, like, a little too young to get married.

Yeah, probably. Got a lot of oats to sow. When's the time? Take a talk. Take a talk. Can you hear their teeth clattering together? Their uvulas are touching. Talk. Talk. Can you hear their teeth clattering together? Their uvulas are touching. Talk.

I've seen a lot of dirty things in my life, and even this is making me a little uncomfortable. Mom, Dad, you better not get married on the day I get married! So we got two. We got Justin Centurion and Sisu and Rolfus. Who else wants to get married? Seriously, just, can we get it over with? Yeah, I don't think that's... I do. What?

Captain Dar? That's fine. I mean... Dar, I'm honored. I'm seriously honored, but I just told you I'm not ready for a commitment like that. No, James, no. Nermit. Huh? It's always been us, hasn't it? Yes! Yes!

This is amazing. A million times yes! And I know I've tried to fight it because I kind of always just wanted us to have that relationship where when we saw each other, we could jerk. But now I realize I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I don't care if we ever jerk again. Oh, right.

Of course, in Dara's culture, marriage means a commitment to a lifetime of sexless companionship. I guess one last time before the ceremony. It's not the best room for it. It's really not a great time for this. This is sort of an infinite void.

There's no place you could go where we could not see you. It's not a great place for a sex thing. Okay, great. So we have three marriages. Yeah, hey, Emperor, sorry. Are you able to sort of, if you snap your fingers, can you make like a big rock of some kind, anything like that? Yeah, sure. Just something big enough for, okay.

Oh, yeah, what, are we eating ass? What are we doing? No, no, not necessarily. I mean, it's none of my business. Well, I guess it's time for me you know to commit to someone for the rest of my shit life wow Bargy you're getting married too?

I'm getting married Bargy I don't know if we can get married it's not you getting down on one knee Jeremiah Frankenstein will you marry me? Who is this? Jeremiah! We did a roll call! We did a roll call.

Yeah, we listed everyone who was here. Okay, you know what? Here's what we're gonna do. Who is this? Yeah, we listed everyone who was here. Okay, you know what? Here's what we're going to do. Did we miss the roll call? Who is this? Inside card. I'm here. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I believe that the All Wheat could serve as a portal back to my own dimension. Get a new story, fella. Great, great. So it looks like we're having one, two, three, four weddings and then a funeral for the entire galaxy. Oh, OK. No, the entire galaxy. Hey, what about David? It's a little rude. I mean, if you're going to have a funeral, but not for the guy you melted, jock David.

OK, I would say Nermit and I are ready now. Where did you guys get those ropes? Oh, man. The rock came with them. Yeah, when the captain's away, the Nermit can play. And play he did. Play he did. Dad, what is happening?

So there are these rocks, right? Okay. If there's one thing I love, it's a sketch. And right now, we are off it. You want to do weddings? Great. Let's do weddings. Here's a setting. How's that? Nice. It just feels

too much like a wedding venue. I'm looking for something a little more unique, special. There's a lot of white. There's not like a signature color. Okay. It's domestic beers. Dad is really lame. All right, let's try this.

I liked it. Is this fine? It's a waterfall. Who doesn't love a waterfall? I don't. This is a little garish. Centurion's allergic to water so that wouldn't work for him.

Okay, how's a functional warehouse space that you can kind of mix and match? How's that? We were supposed to bring our own decorations? Yeah, then you're paying for plates, tablecloths, tables, chairs. Dad, our budget is so low! What? Why?

No, I'm literally omnipotent right now. It's just... Okay. We're in a field. We're in a field. How's the field? Could be kind of fun if you got some food trucks in here. All right, fine.

Fine. Food trucks are over there. Great. Oh, now is one of those trucks fungal cakes? Well, now you're talking heartland. Okay. Everyone good with this? Let's get started.

You have a DJ, not even a live band? Karn, shut the jack up, for real. Sorry, language. It makes a big difference, especially later in the night. How does anything get done with you people? Anything? What's the seating chart? Because there are a couple of people I don't want to be next to.

What is the wedding's hashtag again? Emperor Balwit, I don't want to be next to. What is the wedding's hashtag again? Emperor ball wheat. I don't mean to waylay you. But in my current somewhat unconventional frame, I think an excellent ring bearer. Great. She's a droid, but also a toddler. Fine.

Great. Are we going with hashtag just in time for Centurion, or hashtag all's wheat that ends wheat? Hashtag Nermy says I dar? Hashtag ass-eating rock. That's the one. I had their shrimp at the wedding! What are you doing there?!

Why did you get in here?! Yum yum! This is a pocket-locked dimension! How is any of this happening?! I love shrimp and dance! Oh, that's a death cultist. Oh, sure. Man, we are really knocking

you off your game right now, Emperor. Is everything okay? It's just a focus issue right now more than anything. If Nermit and I are going to get married, I need someone to stand in for Dad and fight Nermit with this sacred staff. Okay. No!

No! No! You're really good at it. That's it. That's it. What? We're doing dungeon. We're just doing straight up dungeon. Oh, this is the perfect venue.

Shut up! This is my dream. I love it. This is cool. This is so hardcore, Dad. I love it. Shut up kind of cozy, but it's fun. This is so hardcore, Dad. I love it. Shut up. Everyone gets in chains.

Chains. Okay. Now we're in dungeons. I'm sorry. Are these iron chains? Yes. You're basic. What?

You put chains around a ship? Yeah. I can just do this. Listen. I'm dislocating my shoulder and my knee. Shut up. No. Get back in the chair. The chain came off.

Should I just put it back on myself? Yes, please. Please do. This ankle bracelet is bigger than my whole body. Shut up. Just everyone. You did one size of chain? I just.

All right. Just use a standard manacle? That doesn't make any sense. I'm omnipotent. I'm omnipotent. What? What's so funny? This is great. Don't you understand what's happening?

What? We're winning. I'm beating you. You're not beating me. You're just being obnoxious. What's the difference? As long as we keep you from destroying the galaxy, being obnoxious is sort of our whole thing. So, tuck in, baby. Okay.

All right. Justin, stand behind Daddy while he blasts these idiots into oblivion, okay? I'm calling down evil lightning. Evil red lightning on all of you. Red lightning. Wow, badass. I'm so proud of you, man. You're dead.

You're dying. You should have done this right at the beginning. You could have done this all by yourself. Yes, yes, I should have thought of this earlier. I'm just going to kill you all now and destroy the galaxy later. Perfect. It feels good to be bad, I'm not going to kill you all now and destroy the galaxy later. Perfect. It feels good to be bad, I'm not gonna lie.

Enough. That's enough. Who is that? Do we only have the venue till now? Do we have to leave? That's enough. I'll wait. You will not hurt my friends

anymore. I can't see in the dark. Who is that? Who is that? It is I. Ah! Wow! Oh my rot. It is I. The Betotron.

Beto? Beto? But you're so large. You're enormous. You're 30 feet tall, floating towards us. This is my final form as the Beano Cron. Chiseled. Incredibly attractive.

Now that is one hot bean. And super naked. Yeah. I've never seen anything as tight as the Beano Cron before so it was a sex thing this whole time it wasn't a sex thing it's gonna be

I mean it should be hey Beano it is I Beano why are you using that voice this is the voice of the Beano-cron. I don't like it. Cosmic power flows from my abs and my traps as well, and also my lats. Beano-cron, it's fine.

You know, everything's fine here. Let's just, like, get to raising the galaxy. No, no. The power of the always is no longer yours to wield. Okay, let's not... You were trying to hurt the crew. The Beano crime will protect the crew it loves so much. Beano and Bajie.

Bajie and Beano. Beano and Bajie love. Ah! The sheer force of a sound. It's like looking into a supernova with my ears. This might be the answer all along. It might save us. But you don't like my voice.

I mean, no. Love everything else. I love the shoulder-length hair, but not the voice. Yeah. Is this better? Beano! Yay, Beano! Certainly more familiar. Oh my god.

The Beano-cron says that your reign of terror is finally over, doesn't it, Barney? Beano-cron! All right, no, no, no, no. Now, now, now. Bino Cron, we were just about to destroy the... Bino no longer wants to hear the story of Bino anymore. Because Bino wants to write the story of Bino. Bino has lived through thousands of millennia. Bino has seen galaxies swirl from dust. Planets formed life.

Bino has seen it all. But Bino has never experienced love until he has met the crew of Barchi. That is why Beano will stop you. No, Beano, don't say anything too hasty because we are one. Can't they both meet?

This thruffle is over. No, Beano, stop. But Daniel, let us vanquish him by joining our powers together. Yes, yes. Grab onto my deltoid! I, what, which one, which

one is that again? It's my shoulder, it's right here. I would never know that you have to, if you're gonna talk about, like, anatomy, okay, hold it. Just shut up and put your hand on my shoulder. I could make the perfect suburban world with you. SpinoCron, no light chain restaurants. Spino Shop Local! Oh, my rod!

You just vaporized the emperor! Wow! It just vaporized the Emperor! Whoa! Dad! Whoa! Wait, why is everything melting? It would seem with the loss of the Emperor, the quantum structure of the All Wheat is beginning to destabilize.

Oh no! Stuff's falling. Whoa! It's like the very fabric of space itself is being torn apart. Where's the ground? Where's the ground? Oh, baby. This is scary and rad.

Crew, everyone get on barges. Everybody get on the ship. Everybody get on barges. There's room for everyone but Karn. Oh, no, I'm starting to melt. Yeah, everybody hurry up. I'm just gonna try to bring this rock with me. No, Nermin, leave the rock.

Why would you bring a rock? I got it. I got the rock. I'm moving forward, though. Yes, drop the rock. It will speed you up. Don't do it. Bring it. Stop making out and get on the ship.

Dad! Stop holding my hand. If we're going to be melted, we'll be melted as a family. Stop talking and start kissing. I don't want to be promoted to this family. Beano! Beano, get on the ship!

Beano, holding time and space together for the crew. Oh, look at him flex. Beano, you're a hero. Beano, really working deltoids and triceps at the same time. Calf muscles. Yippee! Activated leg day. Wow, those.

Want to keep reality together. I'm going to say it. Those are buxom legs. I agree. Finally, someone gets the buxom legs. Good. That sticks his ass right there. Oh, the Beano-cron is sorry, crew.

Beano-cron, no, this is the only way. Beano-cron, crew. Great. Jacking great. Oh, you are going to love this one. And in what is sure to go down as one of the most unusual elections of all time, Nermit Bundeloy, a functionary within the Sisu Gundu campaign, has been named leader of the galaxy. This is C-Red IT-5. Credits and attributions dro joined commencing outro protocol.

Plank Dexeter and Karn were played by Alden Ford. C53, Hark Tardigast, Ted Ronca, and The Election Reporter were played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Dar, Jeremiah, and The Lady on Fire were played by Ellie Krokehi. Bargy the Ship, Sisu Gundu, Justin Bowie, Wink, The Tiny Criminal, The Shrimp Lady, and Tippy the Germ were played by Mujan Zolfagari. Thank you. With special guests Jordan Carlos as IQQ, John Robert Wilson as The Grower Mind of the Keck, and Leslie Collins as Miss Janelle Fitzmyer. This episode was edited by Seth Lynn, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade and finale episode art by Eric Goyce. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member supporters on Maximum Fun who make this show possible, including forthcoming monthly off-season episodes. video games video games video games you like them We'll see you next time. A podcast about video games? But I don't have time for that. Sure you do. Once a week, Kickback as three video game experts give you everything from critical takes on the hottest new releases... To scoops, interviews, and explanations about how video games work. To fascinating and sometimes weird stories about the games we love. TripleClick is hosted by me, Kirk Hamilton. Me, Jason Schreier. And me, Maddie Myers. You can find TripleClick wherever you get your podcasts and listen at MaximumFun.org.

Bye. Hey, you've reached Dr. Game Show. Leave your message after the beep. Hi, this is Sarah, and I'd like to tell you about Dr. Game Show. Dr. Game Show is a band of geniuses or nerds or brilliant artists or kids or some combination of all of those who get together to make a show like no other that's family friendly. It's an interactive call-in game show podcast. When I found Dr. Game Show, I found joy. I told my friends and family that if they weren't listening, they were wasting joy. I sent them the episodes that made me laugh until I cried, played it for them in the car. They laughed too, laughed their butts off, but they

still don't listen on their own. So they're wasting joy. And I keep looking for someone to understand me. Maybe it's you. Give Dr. Gameshow a listen and find joy. Listen to Dr. Gameshow on Maximum Fun. New episodes every other Wednesday. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. I can tell Centurion's footsteps from anywhere. It's like storms are brewing from every point in the distance. Seems like the ultimate tracking fob is a mother's love. And you're like, oh, they're fully making out.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, Rolf has said that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wait. What if AJ's like, no, this is the ultimate tracking fob. No, no, I've got the ultimate fob. It's giant. You guys want to see?

Come on. AJ, this is like a surfboard. This is totally impractical. What are you tracking? It doesn't track anything. It's just fun. It's like the novelty fob from the store. It was outside of the fob store.

Yeah, they had it outside the fob store, but they let me. It's just a display, a giant display fob. Wait, it's beeping. Never mind. No, it's not. You want to throw another ball in the air? It can't be.