Mission To Zyxx - 501: O Others, Who Art Thou?!

Starting point is 00:00:00 The surface of the planet is approaching fast. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. What's happening? I'm crashing, Blake. Have you never seen a spaceship crash? Margie, why aren't you putting out your landing gear? Can I take a nap while I'm crashing? No, no.

Starting point is 00:00:34 Surely you could deploy a parachuter or reverse thrusters. No, too. Going into manual mode. What is manual mode? Are we dropping faster? Guys, a hatch on the floor just popped open. Oh, look at all those ropes and pulleys. Yeah, sandbags too.

Starting point is 00:00:52 Is this a foot pedal? No! No! No! No! Stay there! Stay in the hole! All right, I'll start! Does anyone know how to pilot a ship manually?

Starting point is 00:01:17 Well, I actually used to do a little spaceship sailing back in university. Oh, thank Rod. What do we do? I went to university. It was kind of just near Quantaris. What do you mean near Quantaris? Okay, so it was a little moon off of Quantaris. Are you trying to get us to ask you where you went to college right now? I went to Quantarver. So, you know, I was on the sailing team.

Starting point is 00:01:35 What do we do? I don't want to brag, but you asked me. Why are you waving a Quantarver little flag? Where did you even get that? Just tell us what to do, Rolfus. Hoist that jib. Justin, Centurion, climb the mizzenmast! Do it! Do it, boys! Nermin!

Starting point is 00:01:49 Tack! You know what tacking is, right? Yeah, I'm gonna tack right here on my heat rock. Not tap! Tack! And you, Plek, keep pedaling. What does this pedal do? Just keep going. That's a critical part. Dar, hoist!

Starting point is 00:02:04 Quick horse head hoist! Quick, horse head, hoist! Sisu. Yes, ready. Hold me. Yeah, go check yourself. If I really want to feel back in college, I need a Queltar spritz right now. He's waving that pennant again.

Starting point is 00:02:18 Ah, jeez, come on. Boom! Oh, wow, it hit me! Hey, crew, I've caught some wires. I'm tied up and twisted the way I don't like to be. AJ, you're crashing into me! Oh, son of a... Hooray!

Starting point is 00:02:33 Hooray! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain!

Starting point is 00:02:38 Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain!

Starting point is 00:02:43 Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Mountain! Hold on. Literally pulled the rope. You're not fine. You're not fine. Not more trees. You're not fine. You're not fine. Here it comes.

Starting point is 00:02:54 Hold on. Brace for impact. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, that's a top three. You better get your grass. You better get your grass. You better get your grass. Well, that didn't sound good. The situation has been grim since Hot Beano's self-sacrificial destruction of the All Wheat flung the crew of the Bargerian Jade through a rift in the fabric of reality

Starting point is 00:03:35 and deep into an unknown galaxy on the other side of the universe. It's one of Plek's larger whoopsies. universe. It's one of PLEC's larger whoopsies. After months of floating adrift, desperately transmitting distress signals to no avail, it seemed all hope was lost. And now our storied starship has depleted her fuel reserves and run aground on an uninhabited, rod-forsaken island on an alien world, stranding our heroes as castaways. I'd love to say something about their resilience in the face of adversity, but you and I both know the wheels are really gonna come off down there. Now, Captain Dar, Zeman Knight Plechtdexeter, and the confusingly large number of people now amongst the crew must escape their island prison, face strange new perils, and risk it all to find a way home.

Starting point is 00:04:39 This is literally a mission to Zix. People of Bargeria, hear me! For too long, we have scraped by on this island as our resources have dwindled. We've lost all hope. We've taken to scrounging in the jungle for insects to eat like animals. While those with power feast. You failed to mention the worst part of it. What's your beard? Yes, it's terrible.

Starting point is 00:05:42 It's patchy and gross. Sure, fine. Your beard. Yes, it's terrible. It's patchy and gross. You have it very low on your body. Sure, fine. But now is the time to take up arms against our oppressors. Yeah. The others. The others. That's where we landed?

Starting point is 00:05:56 That's what we're going with? Yeah, they're the others. Yeah, we agreed. The others is just very vague. No, it's good, though, because it's not us. You know, it's the others. Right, but what are they calling us? Yeah, they can't also call us the others.

Starting point is 00:06:10 They probably do. It's very easy to other somebody. It's very easy to do that. I guess that's my problem. It's pretty reductive. Sorry, Plek, you were... Finally, it is our time to seize this moment. Yeah. To finally take what's ours.

Starting point is 00:06:24 Yes, Papa. And win back this moment. Yeah. To finally take what's ours. Yes, Papa. And win back this island. You, Dar, and you, AJ, Nermin. Yes. C-53, are you in this fight with me? Well, you know, I'm still in the toaster, so I'm sort of in with... Well, AJ will carry you.

Starting point is 00:06:40 Yeah, you're strapped to me. Sounds like he's in. You're a brave little toaster, see? A brave little toaster. No, Horsehat, I'm sorry. You cannot come on this... Raid. Raid. It's a raid, right?

Starting point is 00:06:54 It's a raid? It's not a mission. It's a raid. Horsehat, you cannot come on this raid. No! Bargy, what is it? Hold on. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Starting point is 00:07:05 Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Starting point is 00:07:10 Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. soon. Oh, okay. In my final hours. I just wanna know, is it okay if I don't participate in whatever game this is? Because honestly, I'm no longer a bad drama. Now that we're in whatever new place that we are. Bargy, this is no game. This is the most serious it's ever been.

Starting point is 00:07:40 Most dangerous game. We need you now more than ever, Bargy. We must fight to reclaim what is ours. Are you with me? In fact, Bargy is like three-fourths submerged in sand and not operational. I think, come on. I mean, she doesn't have to... She can be on the bench for this one. I mean, moral support.

Starting point is 00:07:55 The rest of us can sort of do all the physical stuff. Well, I can't do anything physical. Unless there is a strategy that involves me, you know, lightly grounding something. All right. Okay. So, yes. C-53 is here for moral support. And for toast.

Starting point is 00:08:09 Bargy can sit this one out. Thank you. But nonetheless, now we raid! Yes. Papa, I have our bird lizard mounts ready. Excellent, AJ. Yes. These things are so cool.

Starting point is 00:08:23 No offense, Lizard Man man but they're like really tall Bigger lizard birds are on our team This is humiliating No Nermit see This is a species of bird that's Evolving into a cooler lizard species No that's devolving Lizards evolve into birds

Starting point is 00:08:40 Look at me This is a blizzard man this is an alert Wow That's a is a blizzard, man. This is an alert. Wow, this is a really thick blizzard. I don't like the blizzards either, but you don't have to, like, body shame. No, no, no. It's a good thing. You want a thick blizzard.

Starting point is 00:08:57 Because it's a flightless bird, obviously the legs are the way. What are you doing to my blizzard? When you pick up a blizzard and tip it upside down, it doesn't shift at all. It doesn't move. That's a quality blizzard. Yeah, the blizzard's so thick that it just is immovable. Listen, I hate these animals, but I think you're being disrespectful to them at this point. No, they're cool.

Starting point is 00:09:17 Listen, either way, I prefer not to be strapped to AJ if he's going to ride the blizzard. Okay, that's DAR, Skipper. Oop. See, you can ride here in my beard. Now this is a beard. Yeah, yours turned out so much better than mine. Oh, yeah. Um, and Nermy, I guess you can

Starting point is 00:09:38 ride here. Nope, here. We'll be back, Margie. I'll get you guys to talk way too much when you're ready. Good luck. Ride! Here we go, Nervin.

Starting point is 00:09:55 I named it Nervin. No. What? more iced tea rolfus yes dear please this is delicious thank you mark how's that uh we got the water wheel working so we should have stable electricity in the days to come. Fantastic. And kids, I heard you guys figured out how to make a holovision right here in our hut. Yeah, Mom, it was pretty easy. I mean, the hardest part was like this cathode ray tube that I made out of flamboo, but it was like easy.

Starting point is 00:10:38 It isn't a big deal at all. Yeah. I love you. I love you, too. Thanks for making a holovision with me. I love building nothing into something with you. Yeah, that's the best It is the best isn't it Now who wants some loconut rum pina coladas

Starting point is 00:10:50 Oh I do thank you They'll catch up with you be careful Look alive team A lot of up and down on each foot It's fun More up and down than forward, but we're getting there. Yeah, you see what I mean. I want to ride up on the blizzards.

Starting point is 00:11:10 Yeah, absolutely. Just through this thicket of palms, and we'll see them. Loconuts at the ready. Rockin' Loconuts, let's do this thing. Yes, don't throw them until they're your right thing. You know you're going to hit them. Also have a butt Loconut. I don't know if that needs to be used thing. You know you're going to hit them. Also have a butt loconaut. I don't know if that needs to be used.

Starting point is 00:11:28 You know what? Don't tell us how. If anyone's got a sliced loconaut, I could offer some toasted loconaut. Not necessary. It sounds pretty tasty right about now. Yeah. I don't know. You're here for sort of battle strategy and moral support.

Starting point is 00:11:43 Well, I think on the subject of strategy, if I toasted a slice of coconut very hot, that could potentially be weaponized to someone. Whatever. Shut up. Look. There they are. The others. Ah, yeah. They aren't us. Fantastic. Dr. Phenis, Ma? Yes, Dr. Phenis Kerrit.

Starting point is 00:12:17 Kerrit, here are my latest scans of the radiation left in the wake of the Orwitz destruction. You'll see that the wave pattern... Okay, we're finally alone. I can call you simply Doctor. What a relief, Doctor. Ever since that dim-witted Floyd had taught us to reveal our true feelings for one another, I've wanted to shout it from the rafters of the Arboretum. I'm in la-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- the depths of our love with Dipsy. Yes. Not only is Dipsy an audio app full of short, sexy stories

Starting point is 00:13:09 designed to turn you on, they also release new content every week. So there's always more to explore, no matter who you're into or what turns you on. And although we love to listen together, if I need to wind down, Dipsy also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes to help me relax before I drift off. It's a rod send. When I'm alone in my quarters while you work late with all the other doctor's phoenices running spectral analyses on the rank vapors left after the all-wheats implosion into time-space.

Starting point is 00:13:46 Dipsy lets me get lost in a world where good things happen, and where pleasure is the only priority. A world not unlike our beloved, atomized Jekna. Ah, some emotions are sad. Yes, for example, sadness. Sad. Yes, for example, sadness. That's why it's such a miracle that Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash zix. What, 30 days of full access for free when you go to dipsystories.com slash zix?

Starting point is 00:14:19 Yes, I just said so, and I have a PhD. Hmm, sounds true. Dipsystories.com slash zips. LARP. ¶¶ Well, I guess we should continue our meeting where we were reading the book that Rolfes wrote, How to Untie a Tichy Knot. Anybody? Did you read it?

Starting point is 00:15:28 What? What's that sound? Whoa, what's that? What's going on? What are they doing? Ow, I didn't like that. Why are you throwing loconuts? Man, we ran out of loconuts

Starting point is 00:15:43 so fast. And back into the trees! They're aimless. loconauts. Man, we ran out of loconauts so fast. Back into the trees. They're aimless. They're just bobbing up and down. They're just running around in circles on those bird lizards. Okay, now hold on just a second here. I had a fresh

Starting point is 00:15:59 picture of pina coladas. Turned into a catcher. That doesn't translate. I don't understand. It's a raid, whatever. Do you need something? Yeah. You said fall back, Nervous.

Starting point is 00:16:13 Oh, sorry. It's rare when people offer to meet my needs. Captain Dar, what's the meaning of this? So the meaning of this is we are at war. Yes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:29 It was a poorly executed opening. Okay. But we could now just open a dialogue about our arrangement. Good. Thank you. Okay. Listen, we negotiated that this half of the island is ours. Do you see that white line created by Locanuts?

Starting point is 00:16:49 Now, where do you see yourself currently standing? We need to redraw the line. You need to let us stay on this side of the island. Like, let's return to history, okay? You decided to split up from us after we politely told you to stop doing asides. Okay, well, yes, I know. When you decided you wanted us to stop, I said, why don't you go somewhere where you can't hear our asides? Right, asides are very...

Starting point is 00:17:14 Yeah, sorry, one sec with Plek. Yeah. Even though you didn't... No. Okay, you're doing it asides. We agreed no asides. No, this is the no asides side of the island. Fine.

Starting point is 00:17:23 It's rude. You always go into your little groups and we can hear you talking about us. Listen, it's just when all of us are talking at once, it just feels, you know, to the outside observer. Very confusing as to who is saying what. Then have a private conversation. If we can't do it with her, you're sorry about your flat. I'm not doing an aside. I bet you can't go 30 seconds without doing an aside right now.

Starting point is 00:17:49 Start the clock and start. Did they make a clock out of loconuts? That counts. That counts. That was an aside. Yes, that was an aside. Yeah. Yeah, Dar was just talking to me. I was. That was an aside. Yes, that was an aside. Yeah. We were talking.

Starting point is 00:18:06 Yeah, Dar was just talking to me. I was talking to you. Yeah. Be fair, Dar. You did, like, literally sidestep in order to do it. That's an aside. Okay, fine. I get it.

Starting point is 00:18:14 This is very annoying. I shouldn't have gone to the map for it. I'm sorry. Uh-huh. We were like, let's all live in harmony. But you decided that that half of the island was yours. We didn't know that our half was the wet half. It's always raining over there. A mudslide is fun once.

Starting point is 00:18:28 Yeah. Try it every hour. We didn't even know there was a good half of the island. Yeah. And listen, I recognize how silly it was to banish you because we loved our side so much, but I couldn't participate in the negotiation because my beard was caught in a

Starting point is 00:18:43 loconut tree. Yeah, we all grew beards over there. Look at this thing. We're pretty sure it's moss or something. I don't know. I've never grown a beard before. Yeah, it has to be some form of moss. Even the toaster has a beard. Oh yeah, mine's on the outside of my helmet.

Starting point is 00:18:59 And over here, it's been great. You guys can grow crops. You guys can build stuff. Is that a holovision? No. Do I gotta recognize any of the actors? Check out this icebox. Icebox? Did you guys figure out a way

Starting point is 00:19:16 to power Zalkatron 5000? Yes, he's one of ours now. May I be my joy? Zalkatron? Zalkatron? Zalkatron's one of the others oh this one hurts

Starting point is 00:19:29 we call you the others out of curiosity what do you call us we don't talk about you at all what no you must talk about us surely a little bit you don't even refer to us like as a general let's be honest on mojito Mondays. It's hard

Starting point is 00:19:46 to think about anything but how nice it is over here. Mojito Mondays? Listen, Rolfus, Sisu, I'm sorry, okay? No, name everybody, just so everyone's clear. Yes, fine. Rolfus, Sisu, Hark, Centurion,

Starting point is 00:20:02 Justin, Zalkatron 5000, Jeremiah Frankenfordalkatron5000, Jeremiah Frankenfurt. First of all, it's weird that you left your wife, who's on the other side of the island. It's a little bit rude. But listen, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I drove a wedge between us.

Starting point is 00:20:24 I'm sorry I picked the wrong side of the island because I thought the weather was going to be the same. It's only about a mile and a half wide. I didn't think it was going to be that big a deal. I'm sorry I flew into the all-weed, and I'm sorry that Beano opened a rift in reality, and we don't know where we are. I'm sorry, okay? You know, some of us may still be hung up on people who are in the others, and you're still trying to process that whole thing and how...

Starting point is 00:20:47 So what is it that we can do for you, Plek? We're alone in who knows what galaxy, what part of the universe. I'm not galactic leader, so am I okay with it? Of course I am, because now I'm spending time with my long-lost, beloved husband. Hey. Who, you know, you realize after spending time with someone why you maybe broke up. I love you, Rolfus. Love you too, babe.

Starting point is 00:21:19 But I'm just trying to stay calm and be present, you know? What is it that we can do for you, Plek? Sisu, we need your help, okay? We need to get back home. If we put our heads together, we can make something or figure something out. We can get back to the Zik Squadron. That's where we belong. Yeah, you know, because once we get all together, we can, like, put a giant sail on Bargy.

Starting point is 00:21:46 We have other ideas. That's one of the ideas. But there's other, you know, better ideas, obviously. We could, like, stitch stuff together and make, like, a big sail. And put it on Bargy. Where do you think we're going to go? Why, we'll go wherever the wind takes us, toaster. We're also willing to just trade AJ for any of your members.

Starting point is 00:22:05 Okay, all right. I'm sorry I'm the only person with an idea, and that idea's a giant sale. Apology accepted. So what do you say, guys? Are you with us? Come on, come on. Um, yeah, you know. One more second.

Starting point is 00:22:24 All right. Oh, man, we're talking. Well, I'm so glad I can broker this piece as the de facto president of this island. Thank you. Thank you for voting. I really appreciate each and every one of you. Okay, yeah. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:22:39 All right. Thank you, Madam President. Well, I'll drink to that. I just fixed the blender. Oh, wow, cool. Oh, one question. Do you have beard trimmers? Yes, yeah. Oh, great.

Starting point is 00:22:52 You better believe your old pal Hart gets prettier suits without these bad boys. Made him out of loconuts. Raid successful. Yeah, let's go back and tell Barjee the good news. Now that we're at peace, thankfully we don't need these stupid blizzards anymore. Get out of here!

Starting point is 00:23:11 What about Nermin? Nermin's my friend. They only travel like a couple miles an hour. They're not very efficient. I guess I just... Give him a push on the rump. Get on out of here. Go on, Nermin a push on the rump. Get on out of here. Go on. Go on, get!

Starting point is 00:23:29 I told you, get out of here! No, I don't want you here. Get on out of here, I don't care. Go! AJ, let go of the blizzard. Why are you... Oh, right, sorry. Oh, wow, it just took off.

Starting point is 00:23:45 Oh, did you take its eggs? They lay eggs? Lost opportunity. What? Yeah, we have a couple domesticated ones here. Jeremiah has been tending to them. And his omelets? Wow.

Starting point is 00:23:59 What a treat. The secret is Colby Jam! So I think that went pretty well Yeah, all you had to do was prostrate yourself and cry a little Okay Wow, look, there's a line on the ground where the storm starts. Yeah. Ah, man, my beard

Starting point is 00:24:31 grew back so fast! Yeah, it's that humidity here. Wait. There should be two pairs of blizzard prints and one pair of dark prints. Well, this set of prints was when the blizzard was carrying you. Right.

Starting point is 00:24:48 But there are all these other prince. What? Oh my God, you're right. Look at these three sets of footprints leading into the jungle. C53, are there other life forms on this island? Well, it's entirely possible. I have sort of limited sensor capacity. Mainly relates to how warm Brad is.

Starting point is 00:25:08 Okay, you know what? Never mind. Forget I asked. All right, let's go. How heavy the Brad is. Uh-huh. If there are other sentients on the island, can we call them the others? Yes, AJ.

Starting point is 00:25:19 Okay, great. Great. Honestly, that might get confusing. Guys, look. With your existing others. Oh, no, but we're back together with those others. Okay, so yeah, they can be the others. Guys, shut up!

Starting point is 00:25:30 Look, the spacecraft, look! There's a spacecraft on the beach right next to Bargy! Whoa. Somebody found us? Are we saved? Keep your hope on a swivel. All of those late night shifts, sending distress calls, somebody finally heard it and came to get us.

Starting point is 00:25:46 Oh, go ahead. Run in point. Let's go. Let's go, Toshi. Don't worry, Darryl. I'm like expert counsel the whole time. Oh, I really shouldn't have given C-53 back to AJ. Oh, but really stuck the landing there.

Starting point is 00:26:03 Excellent roundup. Yo, Margie, did you see the other ship land? Go get them! And they left droppings to track. Droppings? I saw three. I'd walk that way. Margie, what did they look like?

Starting point is 00:26:19 They weren't ships. They were tiny things that didn't fly. I don't know what you call yourselves. A living weapon. Did they interact with you in't fly. I don't know what you call yourselves. A living weapon. Did they interact with you in any way? I mean, what? No. Well, it's entirely possible they were here to rescue us. AJ, what is it with the droppings?

Starting point is 00:26:34 We're tracking. We're trying to track. Scat. Hey, sorry. Running in the sand is hard on your core, you know, but... Did you guys see any droppings? What? Did you see any droppings? What? Did you see any droppings?

Starting point is 00:26:49 Why are we looking for... The reason we know they're here is because we saw footprints, AJ. We can just follow those. Okay, right, but the droppings will tell us if they're berries. And the berries... If there are berries? ...are the key to the whole thing. What does that mean? You'll find out when we find these droppings.

Starting point is 00:27:04 I truly do not want to find out. Wait, what? No. Horse hat? Was horse hat taken? No. Did they take it, my baby? How recently were they taken?

Starting point is 00:27:25 Yeah, also, I don't know what these guys look like, Did they take it, my baby? How recently were they taken? No, they just walked into the other ship. Yeah, also, Dar, I don't know what these guys look like, but I can't imagine anyone being able to kidnap Horsat. That would be like kidnapping, like, a perfect angel. I mean, yes, certainly emotionally, yes. Don't worry, Horsat, your parent is coming! Untake them! Barge, just to be clear,

Starting point is 00:27:48 Horsad is not yet a, you know, sort of active member of the crew, so I think it's probably in your best interest to discourage them from solo missions. See, I get confused, because all of them, because, you know, it looks the same. Don't worry, Horsad are almost interchangeable in terms of looks, yeah. But you all are. You all kind of look the same.

Starting point is 00:28:04 Okay, well, that's that. I'm a toaster. You don't fly, so that's about it. Are you saying I look... Look at me, Bargy. And now look at me, a toaster. Yeah. And you're saying if we weren't speaking, you'd shuffle around for a second? Yeah, without

Starting point is 00:28:19 them speaking, who am I pointing at right now? Uh. Uh. Uh. Them speaking, who am I pointing at right now? This is toaster to lizard. I mean, I knew, but I didn't know. Get out of my skin for special. Hey, horse hat. Hey, horse hat.

Starting point is 00:28:38 Yes, horse hat. Hey, horse hat. Hey, yo. Honestly, the ship is primo. Should we just, like, switch ships? What? Plek, what did you say? Huh?

Starting point is 00:28:54 Yeah, Plek. Jeez. I didn't say that. I'm over here. Everything we've been through. But, crew, listen. You will not believe what Horsehead saw on this ship. Horsehead, tell them.

Starting point is 00:29:05 A real devil. Really? A real devil. Wow. A real devil. Go see that. Wow, with technology like that, I mean, it could really help us out. This is amazing.

Starting point is 00:29:23 Let's set a perimeter of optimism. Skipper Dar, permission to woo. Woo away, baby. Woo! You know what? I don't even mind this rain. This half of the island is fine. It's like cleansing.

Starting point is 00:29:35 It's like cleansing me right now. It is. It's cleansing my beard. You know what? I'm going to ride this mudslide one last time for fun before we're rescued. Yeah! Perimeter of optimism secure. But also,

Starting point is 00:29:49 if anything goes wrong, I am ready to take them out. What? That's not what optimism... Okay, alright, listen. Can we just calm down for a second? This is our chance to get off of this island. When these guys come back, we'll just explain the situation and... Maybe take them out?

Starting point is 00:30:03 No, AJ, we can't make the same mistake we've made before. Remember, Dale? Or Plek murdering me. Sure. We're just not going to get heated. Yes. Plek, you know, I understand why you might be worried about this, but we've

Starting point is 00:30:19 grown as people. We're not just going to senselessly... Wait, wait, wait. Do you all hear that? We're moving out, people! Rolfus! All right, team, it's time to leave. Sisu, what are you talking about? You know when you're about to jump into a nice eight-hour shower,

Starting point is 00:30:36 but you are distracted because a bunch of strange organisms or aliens, I don't know what we call them, appear in your campsite? What? What? Listen, friends, the less questions asked, the better. A bunch of strange organisms or aliens, I don't know what we call them, appear in your campsite. What? What? Listen, friends, the less questions asked, the better. I'm tasting blood! Oh, Jeremiah Frankenberg!

Starting point is 00:30:54 No. Oh, no. They were going to save us. The ones who attacked our camp, they attacked you? Yes, startled us. Yeah, we were very startled. Well, they got attacked. I don't know if they attacked us. Yeah, we were very startled. Well, they got attacked. I don't know if they attacked us.

Starting point is 00:31:09 That's kind of a blur. Yeah, we could, you know, litigate who did or did not attack. Right, sure. All day long. I have to act! You regret. Sal Katron. I was using the new shower at this moment, so I was an eyewitness. Sisu, you are completely naked right now.

Starting point is 00:31:26 Why did you... It's nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't say that. I just wanted to... This is where you came from. Okay, whatever. How do we get out of here? Well, now, hold on.

Starting point is 00:31:40 If I'm not mistaken, these aliens have left their fuel canisters right outside their ship, where any enterprising young pilot could potentially siphon some of that fuel right into Margie, and then boom, we're back in space. Excellent idea, Harvey. Oh yeah, that could work. It's not a sale, but whatever. Well, this would be the first time I've used a flamboo chute to suck high-density fuel out of a canister and put it straight into a ship.

Starting point is 00:32:07 That's what really takes me back. Me too! Jeremiah, you just... the plot thickens every time you open your little... I'm just glad everyone remembers who Jeremiah is. I don't. Can somebody show me a picture? Well, there's no way of knowing if fuel from this galaxy works with ships from our galaxy. But as they say in the Tembolion Quadrant, don't knock it till you try it. All right.

Starting point is 00:32:33 Who knows if this will work? We got to go. Wait. Can somebody tell me who Jeremiah is real quick? Can we get on the ship, please? Did somebody say ship, please? Hey. What did I say somebody say ship, please? Hey, Bop-a-Dee! What did I say? Try it, right?

Starting point is 00:33:04 By the owie, a stick, just under a meter and a half in length. How it survived the implosion, we may never know. But with further research, we may yet find out. Thank you. Wow, just wow. What an amazing series of talks we've just experienced. One after the other, brilliant phoenices illuminating the current condition of our galaxy post-all-lead. But up next, something a little... different. Please welcome Dr. Phoenix Hornbeam!

Starting point is 00:33:35 Thank you, thank you. Please sit down. Now, we all know that even phoenices need food to survive. But what if I told you brilliant doctors that you've been eating all wrong? How dare you? Is that sick to you? Okay, all right, all right. Well, I see some heads popping out of those turtlenecks we all wear.

Starting point is 00:33:57 Now I have your attention. And the answer is so simple. Green Chef. Green Chef makes eating well easy and affordable with plans to fit every lifestyle, including working 18 hours a day on a research vessel hurtling through the detritus of a reality quake. Whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, a lowly grad fetus, or just looking to eat healthier, there's a range of recipes to suit any diet, preference, or alma mater. Because get this, Green Chef is the first USDA-certified organic meal kit company.

Starting point is 00:34:32 Enjoy clean ingredients you can trust, seasonally sourced for peak freshness and zero wackness. Ingredients come pre-measured, perfectly portioned, and mostly prepped, so you can spend less time stressing and more time enjoying delicious ship-cooked meals. And of course, get back to examining dark matter emissions and struggling to express your emotions. And Green Chef is now owned by HelloFresh, so there's an even wider variety of meals to choose from.

Starting point is 00:34:56 In fact, this very evening, after extracting core samples from all-wheat shrapnel, I, Dr. Fetus Hornbeam, will be preparing and dining upon Green Chef's cilantro butter-basted barramundi. Mmm, so fresh, so tasty. Go to greenchef.com slash 96 and use code 96 to get $90 off, including free shipping. That's greenchef.com slash 96 and code 96.

Starting point is 00:35:22 Thank you. I can't believe that fuel from that strange spaceship actually works on you. Oh, it works pretty well. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Wow. I've never seen colors like this before. Have you ever heard of the color... Gorb? Gorb? It's like a mix of... Oh, Bunker G's starting a podcast without me? Don't worry, see, it's not hyper-proton fuel. This is something even beyond that.

Starting point is 00:36:38 It's something that makes you see things, experience things, feel things. I feel hot and cold at the same time. I'm beginning to feel sensations I've never felt before. On the top of my heart, at the bottom of my heart. Arch, I'm a little concerned here. Yeah, me too, but I'm having a good time. Oh, no. Do you see a bunny?

Starting point is 00:36:58 I see a bunny. It's going, keep it up. Mom, the spaceship's saying it's seeing stuff. Keep it up. Okay, all right. Kippity-hop. I'm going to live in this world forever. I don't think that's how drugs ever work. Kippity-hop.

Starting point is 00:37:12 Bargy, do you know exactly where you're taking us? My mind has never been so clear. Duh, I think. Uh-huh. Huh? That spaceship is so big. Oh, that is... Oh, wait a second. Oh, Bargy, we're all seeing that big spaceship. And the bunny.

Starting point is 00:37:43 Enormous. Not the bunny. Not the bunny. And on its side is clearly emblazoned the same insignia that. And the bunny. Enormous. Not the bunny. The bunny. And on its side is clearly emblazoned the same insignia that was on the shuttle we stole fuel from. Okay. I'm not going down for this. You need to protect me. Now, Katron, you literally said you had no regrets about what you did down there. There's no proof.

Starting point is 00:38:04 Okay. All right. That's different than no Bruce. Okay, all right. That's different than no regrets. Yeah, that's not the same. Listen, whatever happens, you know, we can explain this. We were stranded. We needed help. We didn't mean to do anything.

Starting point is 00:38:17 Surely they'll understand. Anybody else notice a turret pointed at us? Oh, yeah, I see it now. Well, I mean, as long as it doesn't start... Okay, it's emitting a beam of some kind. What were you going to say? As long as it doesn't start what? Emitting a beam, Nermit. Hey, you nailed it.

Starting point is 00:38:36 Oh, and Jeremiah, Frankenfutter's glowing, so... Oh, no. Jeremiah's looking really weird. Yeah! No, Jeremiah, it wasn't a dig. It's you're glowing. Thank you! Oh, my God!

Starting point is 00:38:51 You're disintegrating! Oh, no! Remember my rich backstory! I don't know. We'll do our best. We'll do our best. We need to get out of here. We gotta get out of here. We need to get out of here. Hyper Space.

Starting point is 00:39:05 We should all get out of here. Alright, wow. All the voices in my head are telling me something, but I don't know what they're trying to say. Go! Horsethat, what should I do? Oh! Alright, time to go.

Starting point is 00:39:24 I'm flying in the sky, I wish you... Oh, toast. Sorry, I didn't know it was good. Wow. That was rough. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Okay, wow.

Starting point is 00:39:54 Great thinking. Nice work, Margie. Yeah. What? All right, we'll be safe here. We're safe. We're safe. We're away from whatever that big, huge ship.

Starting point is 00:40:04 Hey, you know, worst case scenario, we just lost Jeremiah Frankfurter. Like, terrible, but, you know. He was one of us. He was one of us. Yeah. Who's Jeremiah? Your husband. Your ex-husband.

Starting point is 00:40:16 Good question. You were going to marry him. Get in line, Plek. All right, friends. All we need to do is use the remaining fuel to get out of this sector of the galaxy, and then we can start sending out some fresh distress calls. Jeremiah would have wanted it that way.

Starting point is 00:40:32 And with any luck, someone will hear them. The ship's back. What? What? Yeah, it's right behind me again. No. They tracked us through hyperspace? How did they have that technology? Everyone, battle stations. Um, Hark, if you could just

Starting point is 00:40:47 hold it right there. I'm the captain of... So sorry, so sorry. You had clearly an overstep on my part. Oh, yeah, no, but I, uh, good intentions, really strong. Yes, absolutely. Before we left, we also decided I am the president of whatever planet that was, right? Sure. Yeah, but we're not on it anymore.

Starting point is 00:41:04 Right. Okay, actually, I, yeah, you know what? I need a break anyway, so... You look great, right? Sure. Yeah, but we're not on it anymore. Right. Okay. Actually, I, yeah. You know what? I need a break anyway, so. You look great, by the way. You just look great. I just want to say, you look great. Actually, does anyone have a sweater?

Starting point is 00:41:13 I'm a little cold. Nobody noticed. AJ, AJ, you're screaming. Cece, you can take my robe. My Zima robe. No, absolutely not. That's hideous. It's disgusting. There's strange stains on it.

Starting point is 00:41:30 Okay. All right. I thought that was a really nice thing. I mean, Sisu, I'd love to offer you my captain's uniform. Darn. No. Oh, no. You can't do that.

Starting point is 00:41:40 I insist. No. No, please. But it's yours. All right. Well, if you insist, it is incredibly large. But now Sisu is the captain. Okay, no.

Starting point is 00:41:54 But as captain, I like to delegate. Dar, what do you think we should do in this situation? Oh, Sisu, thank you. The ship is getting closer. Yeah, we should figure this out. Hark, it's happening. You're glowing, Hark. Oh, no.

Starting point is 00:42:13 Hang on, friend. You know, I'd like to say this was the first time I was disintegrated, but actually, it's a funny story. Oh, no! No! Pick up the trivia knife! Bargy, go, go, go farther this time. Go farther.

Starting point is 00:42:27 All right, you know, I still feel good. I still feel like real tip-top, tip-top in the toes. Okay, Bargy's still high as heck. Explain this later, Jack. All right, next place. Space is gross. Quick, Bargy, I don't know, hide behind that moon or something. Listen, Plek, if they can track us through hyperspace,

Starting point is 00:43:06 I don't think moving behind a moon is going to render us invisible to their sensors. You never know. Yeah, go to the dark side of the moon. Classic. Alright, it'll take a couple of days because there's no moon currently in front of me and all I keep seeing are multiple bunnies. No, that is a moon. Oh, Bargy. Lots of bunnies shining in the sky. Okay, fine. Bargy, just hide behind that big ball of bunnies, I guess. All right, but they're kind of...

Starting point is 00:43:28 They're very silly. That sounds great. Bargy, what is this fuel made out of? There it is again. Oh, no. Oh, the bunnies are laughing. They're laughing so much. Oh, they're powering up the emitter again.

Starting point is 00:43:47 Rolfus. Sisu. Sisu, no. It's happening. No. What do I do? Bargy. Hold me.

Starting point is 00:43:57 It'll be both of us. Back in hyperspace. It'll be both of us. Rolfus. No, AJ. No, no, AJ. No, no, no. Stop.

Starting point is 00:44:05 That's weird. Centurion, we love you. No. I'm coming too! I'm coming too! No, no, no! AJ, no, no, no! Stop! We're cleared! Centurion, we love you! No! Keep it shut! They even disintegrated the uniform. We've lost a lot today. I lost my crush. You lost your uniform.

Starting point is 00:44:24 The kid lost both of his parents. We're all dealing with grief in our different ways. Barzy, listen, you just gotta jump to hyperspace and keep going, okay? Just stay in hyperspace. Wow, a plaque. What? I mean, don't you understand how fuel works? That I run out of fuel by doing things like going to hyperspace. I don't understand. How does he not know this?

Starting point is 00:44:48 How do you know? This is basic. The bunnies know. Do the bunnies know? The bunnies know. Touche. All right. Well, the bunnies said I should go to hyperspace.

Starting point is 00:44:56 I'm going to do it. Oh, great. Uh-oh. What's uh-oh. Uh-oh. What's uh-oh, Bargy? I'm starting to come down. Oh, jeez. Okay. It's starting to hurt.

Starting point is 00:45:13 I'm realizing everything I said and beginning to regret it. Okay, it doesn't matter, Bargy. You just gotta keep going. Sorry, you don't all look the same to me. I mean, you do, but I would never say that to your face. That was before, though. That was before you had the fuel, you said that. Listen, just a little bit farther, Bargy. We have to shake the ship.

Starting point is 00:45:36 Okay. It hurts. Centurion. Yes, Justin? What? We just experienced a traumatic event. So many in such a short amount of time. And yet, we're still together.

Starting point is 00:45:50 We are. I think you get me now more than ever since... I mean, aren't both of your parents dead or something, right? Hey, guys? What? What? Is this ship... Is it physically possible for another ship to be in the same hyperspace lane as us?

Starting point is 00:46:08 It's following us in hyperspace. Well, although it's commonly referred to as a lane, hyperspace is actually a state of near-infinite energy, which stretches a ship's molecular structure out over thousands of parsecs, so it's not really possible that we're in the same lane. They're right there. Look. But they're doing it. They're right there. Look.

Starting point is 00:46:26 Sort of an adjacent lane. They're signaling. But they're right there. But just to be clear, they're not in the same lane. Okay. The distinction is important. Thank you. Bargy, can you go any faster?

Starting point is 00:46:37 Can you? What? I'm literally in hyper speed. I don't know. There was only one speed you can go, and that is hyper. Okay. I guess turn left or something. I don't know everyone. I'm glowing Right now maybe I right now I like I love you. You should hold onto my hand so you also get...

Starting point is 00:47:05 Oh, this is so romantic. They're going to go together. Sort of sad, but beautiful. Yeah, I'm going to hold onto your hands. I'm going to go together. I'm going to give you my hand. Get ready for my hand to come to you. Did you see?

Starting point is 00:47:18 Oh, no! Oh, no! Did you not hold onto his hands? Justin, you had to do it. You just didn't do it. Like, we're young, you know? Mm-hmm. Sure.

Starting point is 00:47:36 But you guys really were in love. I love Centurion with all my heart, you know? Sure. And I'm super sad about it. Yeah. Like, I've been DMing someone. It's not a big deal. What?

Starting point is 00:47:49 What the fuck? What the fuck, Justin? That's really just... We're in a strange galaxy. Nobody even speaks the same language as we do. I'm a visual thinker. Good news. I'm out of fuel again.

Starting point is 00:48:04 So I'm dropping out of hyperspace. Oh, no, Bardsy. Good news. No, out of fuel again, so I'm dropping out of hyperspace. Oh, no, Bardsy. Good news. No, we got to keep going. Well, good news. That ship just came back out of hyperspace. Oh, that's not good news either. It's not?

Starting point is 00:48:16 AJ. I just thought we were all saying good news. Do you remember when you said, yes, I see the turret? Yes. Anyway. Who's going next? I mean, it's obviously going to be. Who wants to put money on it who's put money on it i don't know that this falls under optimism bet that it's not justin everyone just back away slowly from justin as they glow because we all know where this is

Starting point is 00:48:37 headed what are you talking about no offense justin but like you're not one of the crew and all the others seems like there's yeah it's pretty it's pretty much gonna be no you're not one of the crew. And all the others have been... It's pretty much going to be... No, we're all part of the crew. Yeah, there's sort of like a... Yeah, but we're all on the ship. Dar was the captain. Nermit was the missions guy. Right, right.

Starting point is 00:49:01 AJ does the security stuff. C-53 is like the brains of the situation. Black is like the underdog who everyone for some reason attacks all the time. But he really has the biggest heart. And in a way

Starting point is 00:49:18 he's teaching us what it's like to live in this universe. And Bargy was like the one-liner sassy old one. His tramps are good. Toot, toot, toot. And then I, Justin,

Starting point is 00:49:34 was the one who was... What, guys? What? Nermin, we'll get to you. Let Justin finish. No! No, no, guys, I'm going away. No! No! I'm going away! No! No! No! No!

Starting point is 00:49:47 I'm going down in battle! It's not my favorite show! You're so wrong, but I'll let you have this one! Whoa. Squares? I guess the original gang is all that's left. What? Justin. I like this kid since the beginning.

Starting point is 00:50:11 Wait, what? What? Since the beginning. Nervin. Oh, Nervin. I'd like to propose a toast to Nervin. Toast came out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:27 Thank you, Justin. That was it. Just the toast. Okay. Guys. Listen, maybe this is it. You know? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Maybe this is the end. Might be facing our last moments right now. Crew. Friends. Crew. Friends. Family. If these are our last moments together, I have something to say.

Starting point is 00:50:55 I just want you to know I... I also have something to say. What? Horseshit, this is important because... Are we all saying stuff? No, we're all saying stuff. Let's show Tim's question. Hey, Tom.

Starting point is 00:51:09 What's your question? I have a secret that I want to tell you. I want to try the sea captain thing. Wait, hold on. The sea captain? You're going to talk about the sea captain thing? We're going to hurry about the sea captain finally? Maybe you're right.

Starting point is 00:51:27 It feels a little... Oh, come on! Oh, come on! Oh, come on! Hey, crew! Huh? They all left? That's kinda rude. Well, Bajie looks like it's just you again. Like old times.

Starting point is 00:51:58 You and Zalkatron 5000. Right, Zalky? I guess I'm the captain now. No, no. Oh, crap. It was so brief. Well.

Starting point is 00:52:20 Okay, I guess I'll just... When you're alone, you can do what you want. Oh, well, the sound sounds better than before because Bungie's alone. And that is okay. And oh, Chuck, what is... what the Chuck is happening? Oh, no, I'm being tracked to be... I was in the middle of a solo. This isn't fair, well if I'm gonna go out, Iiloma, come quick.

Starting point is 00:53:19 What? What's going on? That stick that we found in the old region, well, it started to hum. Dear rot, I'm on my way. Excuse me, sorry. Ow! Out of my way. I'm a penis. I know that, we're all penises here.

Starting point is 00:53:35 Now let's get to my lab. Penis! Doctor, I'm so happy to see you. What's going on? Oh, what's going on with anything? I know, Nyla. Oh, shut up, Dr. Penisbrill. Look, the Ooh, what's going on with anything? Oh, no, not this mess. Oh, shut up, Dr. Phoenix-Brioche!

Starting point is 00:53:47 Look, the stick, it's glowing! Hello, everyone, Magistrate Floyda here. Good news, the Mii Launcher is returning to the ship. The Mii Launcher? The Floyda device? Huh? That's impossible! The Floyda device doesn't even have thrusters. We shot it out of the torpedo tube.

Starting point is 00:54:08 Hey, it's back. It came back. Hooray, guys, we did it. Wait, what is this alarm? I've never heard it before. Well, of course you've never heard it before. It's an alarm whose only function is to alert us that someone is murdering everyone on one side of the ship. The odds that you would ever hear an alarm like that would actually...

Starting point is 00:54:28 Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. I'll let him in. Who did you let... There's no time to waste. Get to the escape pod. It's everything that's with themselves. The stick keeps starting to... It's moving. They're wrong. The stick is starting to... It's moving. Dear God.

Starting point is 00:54:50 That stick just flew into his head. Why are you wielding the stick? That stick is being actively researched. Stick. Stick. No. The weapon you have stolen from me is the Dengar Bomb.

Starting point is 00:55:12 Please, I haven't even defended my seven seasons. What is death but the opposite of death? Hi, I'm Floyda. What's your name? Cornball Moore! Corp Amor! and Dr. Phineas Hornbeam were played by Jeremy Benn. Captain Dar and Jeremiah Frankenberger were played by Ali Kokesh. Raji the Ship, Sisu Gandu, Justin Balwi. Doctors Phineas Price and Phineas Carrot were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Nermit Bundeloy and Dr. Phineas Marp were played by Seth Lind. A.J. Rolfes-Tittle, Centurion Tittle, and Dr. Phineas Brion were played by Winston Knoll.

Starting point is 00:56:24 With special guest appearances by Claire Morris as Floyda and Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Thames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade and episode art by Eric Goist. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Our website is mission2six.space

Starting point is 00:56:54 where you can find fresh Six merch, like our brand new magnetic retro style Zalkatron 5000 refrigerator emblems. I'm a biased credits droid, but can confirm they look truly amazing. Mission to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. And get excited, because the Max Fun Drive

Starting point is 00:57:10 starts next week! Season 5 episodes will be released bi-weekly, but we'll be back next week for a special Max Fun Drive feed drop. Max Fun Drive's almost here. It starts on Monday, May 3rd, ends on May 14th, and it's the best time to support the shows you love.

Starting point is 00:57:30 Here are some folks like you sharing what MaxFun and our shows mean to them. Most importantly, it's meant community. And yeah, just thanks for hanging out, making joke-a-muffs, and making my week a little bit brighter. So, thanks, Max. Thanks, Fun, for making me a better person and making sure that I'm surrounded by better people. Thanks again for all you do.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Love supporting Max Fun, and keep it up. Come back Monday, May 3rd, for more details from your favorite hosts. We'll have some of the best episodes of the year, special MaxFunDrive thank you gifts, and maybe a few surprises. That's Monday, May 3rd. Until then. MaximumFun.org

Starting point is 00:58:15 Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. It could also be like, when we chose halves of the island, we didn't know it was going to always be shitty and rainy on our side or whatever. Yeah, we chose the wet half. Nothing grows.

Starting point is 00:58:31 It all just washes out to the ocean. Right. That's funny. That's funny. That's very creative. Let's camp over here. Right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:41 There are mudslides like every hour. There's a volcano. And we all grew these beards. There's like basically moss. Right. Save it for the improv. Yeah. No.

Starting point is 00:58:51 Wasted. I can cut it in.

Mission To Zyxx - 501: O Others, Who Art Thou?!

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