Mission To Zyxx - 503: Good Spot Hunting [ft. Christine Nangle]

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

On their very first mission for the COUP, the crew must transport an important dignitary to settle a dispute on planet Talcus. Dar becomes obsessed with the space. C-53 has some words for C-53. Don’t assume anything about Bargie.   Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Thar JuckoWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Grustine With special guest Christine Nangle as Justine Edited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraFeatures the song Freezing but Warm by Meydän, courtesy of the Free Music Archive via Creative Commons licenseOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. MaxFun supporters: hit up the pin sale!

This is SeaRid IT5. Thank you to everyone who signed up to support the show during the MaxFun Drive. The MaxFun member-exclusive enamel pin sale is on for just a few more days until May 28th. Proceeds benefit everyone on an organization that connects families in need with low-cost internet services and devices. Go to MaximumFun.org slash pin sale for more info. Go to MaximumFun.org slash Pinsale for more info. Space. Some is chill. Some is tooped up.

All is part of the great, infinite, cosmic ballet. The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace. Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their mission to

save the world. So, uh, quick question. Yeah, what is it? We're gonna be on Barchi. That's me. Yeah, we're on Barchi now. We're gonna do missions. Yeah, what is it? We're gonna be on Bargy. That's me. Yeah, we're on Bargy now. We're gonna do missions. Yeah. That seems to be what they've laid out for us, yeah. Yeah, so how is this, I mean, this

is just what we were doing in Zix, right? Well, for one, I'm no longer a very popular hollow star. No one here seems to know me. That's a big difference. I feel out of all of you, I am losing the most here. Uh, well, Bargy, although I am lead envoy, I don't seem to have any access to an actual droid frame and I'm still trapped inside a toaster.

So I sort of feel like that might be more of a net negative than what you're talking about. I mean, I have no complaints. I'm free from captain duties and I get free childcare during the day. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah, they have like a whole daycare center set up. have no complaints i'm free from captain duties and i get free child care during the day oh wow yeah they have like a whole daycare center set up wait die you were supposed to if i say a bad thing then c says the bad thing and you were supposed to also say the bad thing how i i just it's really hard because i feel like this society really prioritizes, a really healthy work-life balance.

I don't understand what that means. Like, all of our medical expenses are covered. Okay. We've lost some things, but we've also gained some things. And now we're just kind of doing our thing. I guess so. It's almost as though the more things change, the more they stay the same, right? What does that mean?

How's that possible? Never mind. It doesn't matter. Hey, Plek? Nermit told us to all go hang out in the hangar. He was really proud of that one. But did he say what we were doing today?

Yeah, I feel like we asked him to give us the mission and he was very coy about it. He just told us to wait here. Lead Envoy C-53, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nerva Gondeloy. Did you just... What?

Did you just announce that to yourself? Well, as Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Officer, obviously I need to announce incoming transmissions so that we're prepared to make contact. But as Lead Envoy, they're also for me. Smooth operator. I just feel like it's not necessary. You could just be like, hey, guys, guess what?

Phone call. No? I like that it's formal. You know, I like that things stay the same. You like it, Bargey? I like that things stay the same. You know? Hold on.

Are you trying to say the more things change, the, just stay the same, you know? Hold on. Are you trying to say the more things change, the more they stay the same? And the more things change, the more C stays the same. Actually, I feel like C has maybe changed the most out of any of us. Since day one, we've been that sassy toaster. I don't know. I don't think that's right. So it's not two.

Okay. Yeah, we should pick up the call probably, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Hey, Nermit. Hey, crew. Hello, envoys. New title, huh?

Yes. What's that title again? Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate. Wow. You're right. You loaded your plate over on two. Yeah, I think it sounds good. Mama mia, that's a mouthful. No, it's not.

It never needs to be an acronym. Yeah, well, if they spell something, we're saying it out loud. Wait, hold on, though, Nermit. You could have just given us the mission when we saw you earlier today. Why did you have to call in? Why? Look. Yeah, you're in an office now? Mm-hmm. But look at this. Look.

Yeah, you're in an office now? Mm-hmm. But look at this. Oh, it's a different office. Whoa! Wait, Nermin, is your office in one of the Reflectoriums? Mm-hmm. I can literally go anywhere in this thing. So watch, I can change, you think this office is cool? Check this out.

Yeah, that's just a larger office. Yeah. Nermin. Yeah, it is. Your office is in a reflectorium. Why don't you just change it to like the Cliffs of Philem or a sunny beach? Excuse me, do you see this? It's a stand.

Yeah, you got a standing desk. Yeah. You conjured a standing desk. Exactly. Yeah. Living the dream. You conjured a standing desk. Exactly. Yeah. Living the dream. No, but Nermin, turn around. Look, you've made an office where out the window is another office building.

Surely, at least put something interesting out the window. What do you mean? Do you know what goes on in that office? No, nothing. It doesn't exist. It's a fake place. It's a software as a service company. What is that? Enterprise software. Enterprise software.

Yeah. That's the least interesting business it could possibly be. Well, if you have a startup with ever growing server needs, Black, you're gonna eat those words. No, it's B2B. It rules. AJ's with me. So why are you here? What's happening? We're gonna sign a mission.

Alright! Just like what we always do. Yes. Yes, AJ. What's the mission? Okay, so the Tarbassians and the Perganos are this close to signing a peace accord on planet Talchus. But they're at an impasse. So don't worry. You do not need're at an impasse. So don't worry. You do not need to negotiate this impasse.

Okay. That's great because we've never heard of the Taurosians or the Paganos. Their dispute is one of the central interplanetary conflicts of the sector. What sector, Nerman? This sector. What? We don't know what sector this is. What are you talking about? Fear not.

Your ignorance is actually immaterial because you will not be negotiating this piece yourselves. You will be escorting Ambassador Thar Jukko to do so. Wait, what? No, that can't be his name. You will be escorting

Thar Jukko. No! His last name is Jukko? It's not Tupo. Oh, right. Here, Tupo would be very rude, but Jukko is innocuous. Guys, come on. Thar Jukko is a galactic elder statesman of diplomacy.

He's the father of Fanknash Jukko. What? Who? That name is also his last name. Who is that? Who knows that? The cousin of Brutonk Jucko. That name is also in the list. How did we know that? The cousin of Bertonk Jucko. You can't just keep listing Jucko like it matters to us.

We just got here. We haven't even been here for a full 24 hours. Give us some context. Grand nephew of Willa Pench, who of course negotiated the peace between northern and southern Tegnia on the battlefield. What does that mean?

Have you slept? Who can sleep when you're... Different office. Different office. Literally, the only thing that's changing... I can see one computer screen in the background changing. That's the only thing that's changing this the entire time. I've been reading about the Juckos and switching offices, baby.

Okay, all right. Anyway, you will be escorting Thar Jucko to mend the age-long war between the Tarbassians and the Perganos. You just gotta get him there. It's a big first mission. I was gonna say, that sounds like a lot of responsibility for us. We've never done anything before. I've been talking you guys up. Really handing us the keys to the kingdom our first time out.

What have you been saying that would earn us this distinguished mission? Good luck, guys. He left. All right, well, he did send coordinates, so as soon as we get Far Draco on board, we can... Oh, man. AJ, you gotta...

You gotta every time. I know, but you gotta bottle it up now. All right, okay. And oh my. Here you have the grand double staircase ascending from the foyer, flanking what I assure you was an ornate floor-to-ceiling crystal chandelier, the crown jewel of Wiggles Manor. I can picture it. Must have been nice.

Now watch your step over the shattered sconces and mouth-dropping. Okay. That's right, this way. This pile of moldy lumber was a championship-grade billiard table. I like this place. What was the price again? Eighty million croon, though it will surely go over asking. Well, now hold it right there.

I want a place for romantic weekend getaways as much as you do, honey, but that's beyond our budget. Well, sir! You know, I really shouldn't do this, but how about I let you in on a little secret? Little or the better! Well, closer. Yes? Everyone needs an escape, but those can be hard to come by right now. Enter Dipsy!

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Well, then loosen those suspenders. They are fixed length, I'm afraid. No, but you've got the little metal tabs. You lift them. What? Well, Dipsy is offering... I didn't make the suspenders. All right. Dipsy is offering extended...

Just to be perfectly transparent, I do make suspenders, but I didn't make these. These are the work of a colleague. All right. didn't make these. These are the work of a colleague. Alright. Anyway, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com

slash zix. Let me write that down. That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to dipsstories.com slash z-y-x-x. My notebook has cute little shrimp on the cover. dipsystories.com slash z-y-x-x My notebook has cute little shrimp on the cover. Dipsystories.com

slash zix. Or, you know, by the manner. A fountain filled to the brim with larvae. Ah, as I see we have entered the atmosphere, may I retire to some private chambers to prepare for what is to come? Of course. Feel free to use that closet without the mattress as your chambers. That's actually my room. Thank you, Ambassador Jekko.

Yes, Ambassador Jekko, it's been a pleasure transporting you. We'll let you know when we've touched down. Yes, Ambassador Jekko, what a pleasure it's been. Why are you smiling? Hey, why don't you go look out the window or something? We're about to land. Okay, okay, Papa. Oh, look at that.

Oh, snap, it's a snow planet. I don't know if this is a snow planet. I think it may be just a planet where it snows sometimes. Well, no, it's snowing, so it's a snow planet. Hold on, putting on my snow hat. Oh, wow. Bargy, cool. Bargy gets it.

It's a snow planet. That's usually how planets are. It's just like one thing. Judged by how disgruntled the people are here, I'd say this is not a snow planet. Look at those commuters. They look... That guy with the briefcase, he looks so angry that it's snowing. Describe the driving on this planet as

aggressive. They can't be... They're happy they're on a snow planet. I bet it's X-Mars all the time here. Oh, wait. Hey. Hey. What is it, Barney? There's a problem. What's the problem? Have you landed yet? Yeah. I'm just letting you? There's a problem. What's the problem? Have you landed yet? Yeah, I'm just letting you know there's a problem.

What is the problem? I don't know, you tell me. Oh, Barge. Barge, are you having trouble navigating on the snow? I love snow. I love rolling in snow. I love flying in snow. I used to date a sentient being made of snow once.

It didn't work out that well. It was very sad. Gotta be clear on those engines. Well, I've landed, and I'm still sensing a problem, which I still won't describe to you. I'm mysterious. Okay. Bargy, we'll go outside and take care of this problem that you're having.

Wow. The snow is really piling up. Except for right here. Look where we landed. It's all dug out. Yeah, Bargy. Sweet parking spot. No. No. No, I don't think so. Turn around. Back where you came from. This is sweet parking spot. No. No. No, I don't think so. Turn around.

Back where you came from. This is my parking spot. Oh. Oh. Yeah, we're actually just dropping off an ambassador, so... Yeah, and I'm actually just about to rearrange your face, so... Whoa! Okay.

All right. Hey, listen. Told you. Problem. Sorry, are we not allowed to park here? Well, you're not allowed to park here. We had, like, snow squalls this morning. I dug out my spot, and lo and behold, I look out my window, and your dinky old boat is

parking at my spot. That's a ship, first of all. Why don't you call me? Hold me back. Hold me back. Barge. Hold me back. Barge, we're going to work this out.

It's okay. Listen, I'm sorry We're sort of new to this Culture a little bit Are you making fun of me Saying culture Are you trying to say that I don't have culture Is that what this is about

No, no, no, we meant no offense Sorry, is that a toaster Is that a toaster Normally I'm in a frame He's actually our lead envoy And a toaster Is that a toughie? Is he looking at me? Yeah, sorry. Normally I'm in a frame. He's actually our lead envoy and a toaster. Sort of a two for one. Yeah.

I don't care if you're a toaster or not, but you're looking at me like you've got a problem with me. Okay, the ocular sensor on this toaster is a little lacking. It's sort of angry looking, yeah. It's true. Listen, if there's anywhere else to park, we're happy to just get out of your way. I mean, you're free to look. This whole neighborhood has become crazy. It's anywhere else to park, we're happy to just get out of your way. I mean, you're free to look. This whole neighborhood has become crazy. It's really hard to park. Yeah, but you didn't like, this isn't like your space.

You know what I mean? Like, how is it your space? I'm sorry, just one quick aside. Yeah, sorry, just one second. Just super quick. Listen, crew, we will not be bullied. This is our first assignment We parked fair and square

And this is where we're gonna stay I mean if you look at the sign posted here It says no parking only on sports day And it's blogs day So So we're gonna stay Because you know it's no takesies You know what I mean

You didn't mark the place Uh yeah I did I had uh three armchairs there, and you just landed right on top of them. Well, now we don't see. Come on. I don't see any armchairs. How does an armchair even mark it? Do you know what I'm saying? Am I supposed to be intimidated by, like, a super tall, beautiful, model-esque being?

And there's, like, an ethereal light about you. No. Whatever. Feel free to drive around the neighborhood and try to find a spot. Ever since all those envoys showed up here trying to like drop off their delegates and whatnot, it's been totally impossible to find a spot. I think it's odd boy, but you know, whatever. AJ.

Are you making fun of me? No, I'm just saying. AJ. Not a good time. I'm just saying, like, I think it's odd boy, but, you know, whatever. AJ. Are you making fun of me? No, I'm just saying. AJ. Not a good time. I'm just saying, like, I think it's odd boy, right? Because when I say stuff that's not right, everyone corrects me. Well, AJ, that's different. We're on sort of part of the same crew.

We don't know anything about this person. Yeah, what's your name? Not that it's any of your business, but my name is Justine. Okay. All right. Justine. Listen, we were just here to drop off an ambassador. We'll be on our way.

Actually, Clark, I think we sort of have to chill here until they're done with the negotiations. Justine, we are a crew of envoys here on behalf of the Coalition of... I'm sorry, I'm not going through this again. This happened before with the Fallopians versus the Montclairs and the Sherberts versus the montclair's and the sherberts versus the sherbets i'm like you know i had to walk like eight kilometers to get home after work and i'm not doing that to my mom i woke up early this morning because it's my mom's anniversary of her

being sober and i dug out her car for her in order for her to go shopping because we're running out of tailcane cheese. So maybe it's a special day for you, but guess what? It's also a special day for me. I just happen to live in the neighborhood where yous are having your negotiations. That's not my problem. Okay. Yeah, you live literally right across from the big compound here. Justine, I mean, how long have you lived next to this palace? Yeah. Justine, I mean, how long have you lived next to this palace? Well, I've been here since I was born, and it's rude to ask her age.

I don't know how it is on your planet. No, it's rude. It's rude on our planet, too. Thank you. It's rude. I'm listening. But what I will say is it comes and goes. Sometimes it's like a rec center for the senior citizens. It's not even a palace all the time no it's just sometimes it's just like oh great envoy time like everybody

okay aj please please great time for this is yeah i think it's just a dialect aj i think it's just a regional sort of dialect and i think this this also might be a neither-neither situation where, you know, technically... No, this happened with the neithers versus the neithers, too. Oh, no. All of a sudden, everybody's like, here we go again. Cancel the block party. There she goes. Yeah, Mom.

What's that big old thing in my space? I don't know, Mom, but I'm sorry. There ain't no room for your Regan Elantra for some reason. I don't know. Maybe you should have a conversation with these jokers. I know. You've got to understand, she cannot be put through stress right now, okay? I understand.

I understand. She seems agitated, that's for sure. Alright, I'm just going to circle the block again, Jesse! Oh, wow. Yeah. No, I see there's a resemblance with you and your mom. You're both tall and, um, what was the word, Dar?

Ethereal. Yeah, both those things. Everyone keeps calling me that. Never understood what it meant. I assume it's an insult. In theory, it'll sort of reverse the way that every time you turn your head, your hair sort of like whips out gently in slow motion. As if there were a fan blowing it. Oh, yeah.

Or you yourself and your beauty had the power to slow down time. Oh, yeah, I get that from my dad. Oh, cool. How's he doing? He's in prison. Okay? If you need to know, my dad's in prison. Wow, I'm so sorry. Because he works there as an inmate.

Undercover. He was arrested for impersonating a prisoner. So we're not quite sure where he is right now. That's a lot of twists. That's sordid. I lost the thread at one point. Thank you. I'm sorry, just one more quick

aside and then we will leave you alone. Crew, I know that she's just some random person and we have a big job to do, but surely we can find another spot. Or maybe we could just let the ambassador off the middle of the street. Yeah, maybe one of us should just go get him and then

come down. What did I say earlier? We flattened those three armchairs fair and square. Sorry, I don't know. The thing is, I always get corrected when I say stuff, so I don't understand why I don't

get to correct somebody. Let it go. Also, AJ, let it go. So I don't understand why I don't get to correct somebody. Let it go. Because culturally they might just pronounce it differently. Also, AJ, we have translators in our noses. She's not even speaking a remotely recognizable language to us. It's just what the translator is putting into our brains. Well, my nose worm is broken then. Maybe.

Well, I mean, it did sound like invoid to me, though, too, to be fair. Okay, okay. I didn't take issue with it. I didn't say anything about it. AJ, AJ, hold on, hold on. AJ, AJ. Okay, I didn't take issue with it. I didn't say anything about it. AJ, AJ, hold on, hold on. AJ, AJ. Good for you.

Good for you. It is good for us. It's real good. I like your energy, dude. What's your name? Oh, I'm AJ284. Nice. Hey.

Hey, what's up? Hi. What is happening? I don't know. I thought we were fighting. What is happening right now? Richard, turn to first. Well, I don't know. I thought we were fighting. What is happening right now? I'm ready. Richard, turn fast.

Well, I'm watching this. Oh, man. She's, like, squeezing his biceps. Listen, Justine, the peace between the Taurbasians and the Purgators may depend on Ambassador Thar Jekyll getting in there, so you have the opportunity to really help the peace process. Look, that's not my job, okay? What I do is I throw out the ice at the rectory. That's my job.

My job is not negotiating peace or whatever. I stay out of politics. I don't care. But what I do know is I have my own patch of land on this crazy planet, and yous are parked in it. Wow. Okay. You know, Justine, we totally respect that. So I think our best move is to just find another place.

Stay put and not move. No. Darn. Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop. Choco is ready to emerge.

Oh. Sorry. We're just doing a little. Stop, stop, stop. Junko is ready to emerge. Thar, we're just doing a light negotiation of our own. We'll have you in there in just a minute. Oh, the clock is ticking, sort of. You just have to escort me in and then hang out here for six, seven hours. Right. The thing is, Jocko, we're just figuring it out. Mom, just circle

one more time. Mom, circle one more time. I am handling this, I promise. Okay. Okay, so just if you could just... She seems really stressed out. If you could please to settle this just promptly. Thank you. I will go back into my chamber.

Ambassador, we promise. Ambassador, we will do our best. Absolutely. Yes. What do we got to do, Justine? What do we got to do to make this right? I think we have to just go and give her a parking spot. It just makes me want to flag some frustration.

Get all the muscles out. Well, I mean She's still circling So we could still be talking She's not here right now It kind of seems like Justine is on team Not Mufarji I didn't say that Do you like talk to people a lot Justine or what? you like talk to people a lot

Justine or what Do I talk to people a lot Yeah seems like you're like you don't Or whatever No it's just Can I Is Justine flirting with AJ I'm sorry do you want me to be part of this aside

I want to watch this sexual tension play out Okay alright I just Wanted to make sure I was clear. It's hard because with AJ's helmet on, it's just hard for me to tell what he's thinking. You can tell if you really watch. Oh, yeah. They're upside down pushups. So I'm like doing a hex handstand.

I'm like pushing up Y handstand. Oh, man. And I can do one at it, too. So it's just kind of, yep. You got some strong hands. Hey, me and my mom, we're going to throw potatoes at the delegates later. Do you want to stick around? Oh, that sounds awesome.

Yeah, I totally would do that. Can we do that? Are we allowed to do that? AJ, no, we're sort of part of that thing. You know, what kind of represent? I don't know. I think I'm going to be Team Watch AJ throw potatoes at the delegates. Hey, hey, can I interrupt for a brief moment?

I keep hearing everyone discussing, should we move Bajie, should we not move Bajie, should we move Bajie? No one's asked Bajie if Bajie wants to be moved. Well, I just assumed no, Bajie, but if you want to decide which side you want to be on, you have free will. As you know, one of my greatest pet peeves is when someone assumes something about me. Okay?

I have a full life, everybody. I make decisions myself. My decision is recognizing right now that nobody wants Bajie around. No, no, Bajie. Nobody wants to talk to Bajie. Bajie was never good enough for the roles or for that relationship or for her own son. I recognize that's happening right now.

Bajie, that's too deep. No, you don't have to. I don't think this is about this anymore. No! No, Bajie, come back! Oh! Well, Bargy, come back! Oh! Well, this complicates things. Thank you.

Oh, no, this is embarrassing, because she moved, but my mom's not back yet, so we're just standing in an empty parking spot with three flattened armchairs. Well, also, Thar Jekyll has to get off of Bargy. I've heard that the Tarbassians are brandishing arms,

and the negotiations have broken down, so why are we in the air? Oh, I just need a moment! Wow! Toop! Wow! Toop! Just taking a walk around the block! Well, Toop! Just taking a walk around the block.

Well, toop-choco! Oh, you know, by the manner. A fountain filled to the brim with lies. Squeak, squeak! Tell us again about how you were brought here from the past? It's a funny story, actually. So one minute, I'm trying to eat some guy's leg as a sandwich, and next, I'm here in Wiggles Manor with you lot. You mice tell me I'm in the future. That's good enough for me. You're impressively adaptable, Squeak.

Nothing to it, really. If we can't change with the world around us, we're all in the past isn't it well yeah and plus i've benefited hugely from therapy because here in the future it's finally okay to talk about our mental health that's why i'm excited about the sponsor better help see mouse better help is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions. They'll match you with a therapist in under 48 hours, they will. So squeaking fast! Right? Back when I'm from, before Dame Wiggles time-snatched me, only thing you could hope would be fast is your demise at the executioner's blade.

Freak! Hmm. But remember, my rodent friend, you don't need a traumatic event to benefit from therapy. Maybe you're feeling anxious or depressed, or your stress feels like it's too much to manage. I'm anxious about going to an office again, squeak, after working from Decay Chateau for so long. Makes sense. So why not get some tools to cope and make your life just a little bit easier? And by the way, BetterHelp is way more affordable than in-person therapy, but can be just as effective. Plus, you can get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com slash Zix. I didn't even know what a percent was before, let alone think I'd get 10 of them off.

That's BetterHelp.com slash Zix. Have you considered wearing something under the tunic squeak? No, that's one part of the future I'll never participate in. Okay. Crew, I am lead envoy. The responsibility falls to me. I assure you, I can handle this.

Okay. Justine, please, please, I can handle this. Okay. Justine, please, please, please give us this parking spot. I mean, the ramifications for this sector are enormous. Bargy needs to land again. Heavy are the lips that blow the captain's horn. Well, I'm going to need some insurances. Well, Justine, I'm sure I could deliver you a holographically notarized document On behalf of the Coalition of United Planets

That would ensure that you and your mother, of course, would be guaranteed to Wouldn't we, like, park Bargy for a while And then pile in your mom's car And then you drive us around your depressing neighborhood Sounds fun Yeah, I mean, I wasn't even going to suggest that, but that's smarter. Is it smarter, though? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is.

All right, I cooled off. I'm ready to come down. Okay. All right, March, you are clear to land. Oh, and here comes Justine's mom. Mom, it's fine. It's fine, I said they could I said they could Just chill

Your daughter has been kind enough To loan us your parking spot And as collateral, we will all be getting Into your station wagon while the negotiations pursue Just get in the club And nobody smell my cheese Okay, guys Guys That's my mom Just get in the club and nobody smell my cheese Okay guys Guys

That's my mom Don't Please don't smell her cheese I don't know what even that would I want to now that I can't Well maybe I mean You can smell whatever you want you know But like just nobody bring it

Nobody bring it all Come on in. Everyone cram in. I'm spacious in the back here. Yeah, I can't believe you fit in here, Dar. Wow, Plek. I understood the Regan Elantra had room for the entire family, and I thought we were family.

I'm sorry, you're right. I'm sorry. Actually, one of us will need to leave the vehicle, and someone has to accompany Tharnjako inside to the actual... Excellent. So this must be the shuttle to the negotiations? Not quite. No, no, sorry.

Here we go! And we're going. I promise we'll get you there eventually, Ambassador. Thank you. Mr. Soldier, you can sit on my lap if you don't have a place to stay. Yeah, there's not much room, so I'm happy to sit on your lap Okay, this is, wow Does that metal?

It's just like armor Justine, are you sure that's comfortable? He's very heavy No, it's, I'm very strong Yeah, well, clearly In fact, actually, you can see right up there Up on the left is my boxing gym Oh, wow Where I used to box Right up there, up on the left, is my boxing gym. Oh, wow.

Where I used to box, but I'm not allowed in there anymore. Mostly because I was stealing janitorial supplies. But when I was boxing, I was very strong. Janitorial supplies? What kind of supplies did you get? Just napkins and two mops. Pretty cool. Their faces are so close to each other.

We seem to be driving straight away from the palace, and I've gotten used to the... Yeah, Jekko, don't worry about it. We're absolutely going to go back. It's just that right now I'm really watching this play out with AJ. Okay. Yeah. Okay. The Perganos have taken half of the Tarbassian delegation captive. Oh, boy.

Sounds like a situation you don't want to be a part of. That sounds dangerous. So we should just, you know. Pretty soon. Anytime. Yeah, so the armor is just a simple polycarbon weave. You know, nothing. It's pretty standard.

Okay. And sometimes I get this, like, paste in my helmet. If I eat the food and it, like, kind of disintegrates in the helmet, and it, like, sticks to my head, and sometimes it sort of saves some stuff for later. Yeah, that's how, like, I get jelly beans in my bra. Oh, yeah? All the time. Yeah.

And so, okay, never mind. This is a soulmate situation. How is the paste working for him? This is crazy. Yeah, well, I mean, where's that cheese? I thought we were going to smell the cheese. Where's that? No, we weren't. We were supposed to not smell it. Oh, yeah, right. That is's that cheese? I thought we were gonna smell the cheese. Where's that? Oh, yeah, right.

That's forbidden. Sorry, Mom. It's like I told you to do something and you didn't listen. Hey, hey, what's your name, lady? Grustine. Grustine? You need to be nicer to your daughter. Like, I don't know what being sober is or whatever, but, like, you need to be nicer to your daughter. Like, I don't know what being sober is or whatever,

but, like, you need to, like... AJ. It doesn't mean that you can be mean to your daughter. She seems cool and nice. She gets good back rubs. What? She just threw AJ out of the car. Out of the car.

Wow. Family pass at the boxing gym. Oh, how much? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not a captain thing. That is a me thing. Okay, I immediately apologize. Mom, this is not the first boyfriend you've done this to. Every time you tell me I like you.

Boyfriend? I just want someone who's good for you, because even though I give you tough love it's love oh speaking of I would love to get back to the summit yeah we do need to go back oh thank you

for AJ oh no AJ's actually oh my goodness he's so fast look at him he's a clone but he's a clone of a super soldier, so, you know. But do you know what that means? You know what I think that means? That means he can run

that fast away from us, too. Oh, no. I mean, technically that is true. Yeah, but no, I'll tell you this, Jesse, and AJ's one of the most loyal people I've ever known. Really? I mean, he defected from his troop to follow

us around space. Yeah, I mean, okay, sure. When you look at it that way, but... Hey, hey, AJ. He's making the roll the window down signal. No, we can't. She's got it. It's child lock. She controls all the windows. We can't. Mom, mom, can you just put the window down, Mom can't. She's got her child locked. She controls all the windows. We can't. Mom, can you just put the window down, Mom?

Okay. Slightly ajar. Okay, that's fine. Listen, you can be a lot nicer to Justine. She does everything for you. Maybe, you know, maybe the more things change, Christine, the more things stay the same. That doesn't apply in this situation.

It doesn't apply in this situation. No, he's right. They do stay the same. Another man trying to speak for me, not letting me have my own opinion. Justine, I think I think I've had just as much as I can take of this. Oh, no. Justine, what have I think I've had just as much as I can take of this.

Oh, no. Justine, what have I always told you about relationships? Men are trash. Relationships are trash. You're trash. I'm trash. Everything is trash. This car is trash.

Cheese is trash. These sentients in front of us are all trash. And I love you. I love you. I love you too, Mom. I love you so much. Justine, you don't have to stay here, you know, with your weird smelly mom digging out her parking spot every time it snows. You know, you could do so much more.

Don't you want more? Is that what people say? You know, guys, every day I go to my own house, and I knock on my own door, and I hope that I'm not going to answer my own door, and I got out of here. And then I always answer my door,

and I'm like, how did I do this again? And I'm like, I don't know. What are you knocking for? What do you want? And I'm like, I was hoping. And I just want to tell you, don't get stuck here. Don't get stuck here in this neighborhood. Oh, we're leaving. Wait, so you knock on your own door every day?

Most days, yeah. What if you weren't there to answer it? Yeah, then? Are you just making fun of me? No. Honestly, you've posed a really strong hypothetical. That's what my mom was addicted to, by the way. Hypotheticals.

Hypotheticals. Wow. Wow. In theory, they're very dangerous. Yeah, that's true. Thank you, C53. You know, Justine, AJ's right. Your society is interplanetary.

You could leave here whenever you wanted to. We could give you a ride to the RSS Synergy if you wanted. Nah, they don't want to meet me. No, they do. We're not even from this galaxy, and they gave us a job almost immediately. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

They're not going to make fun of me Or think that I'm not fancy enough? I don't think so Our lead envoy If you'll remember is a toaster So I'm just saying If you're feeling stuck here Come up to space with us Maybe you can find a

Reflectorium to hang out in Be a part of the coup, you know? Oh, wow. Or the other thing we could do is break into the boxing gym and really, like, really take this... Stick it to him? Yeah, like... Steal a couple more mops. Yeah, mess

it up. And then steal all the janitor stuff, you know? Yeah. That's a thought. It's one of the two. Either, you know, join the idyllic society or mess up a boxing gym. Let's get that gym. Let's get that gym. Really? Wow. I mean,

they barely let you posit that to them before AJ and Justine started running towards the boxing gym. You go get him, honey! Well, the good news is we're back at the palace. Ambassador Jekko, we're so sorry it took so long.

Several Porganos have defected to the Tarbassian side. It turned out that the Tarbassian leader was secretly harming their own position in favor of the Porganos, so... This sort of seems like helpful info to have before you go in to negotiate peace. was secretly harming their own position in favor of the Parganos. So, um... This sort of seems like helpful info to have before you go in to negotiate peace. I could have stopped all of it. Are you listening to this like on a play-by-play sports radio? How do you know this? You have one ear, buddy. No.

Okay. Okay. No. Okay. Okay, so everyone, if you could just get into your happy baby. That's it. You have just completed your prep. Wait, what? Oh, yeah.

We're good. Oh, is this what boxing looks like on your planet? I'm sorry. This is restorative yoga for the elderly. The boxing gym closed down months ago. If you're more than 15 minutes late, you're supposed to just not come. Oh, shut up! Ow! I don't feel like a happy baby.

Nobody try to be a hero. Nobody try to be a hero. Nobody try to be a hero. Just give us all the janitorial supplies. That's all we want. You guys have plumbing stuff? Or, like, we need all of it. My brother, I got all kinds of plumbing problems. Oh, hey, Uncle Dave.

Hey, Justine. How you doing? I'm good. Sorry about this. I thought it was still a boxing gym. I'm working on my hip. I got a lot of flexibility issues. All right. Well, yeah, we're strange. Don't talk to me. Okay. Well, your boyfriend threw a trash can at me, so I thought we maybe were back.

Oh, I'm not her boyfriend. He said you were my boyfriend. Oh, am I your boyfriend? Well, I guess I should probably tell you this. I'm six years old and I have no genitals. Uh-uh. Not again. I'm out of here. I'm out of here.

Okay. Well, that could have gone over better, buddy. I'm single. Okay, I found parking. Everybody get out. Oh, okay. Thank you, Christine. You know, it was a pleasure. Glad you found parking.

Oh, wow. She parked right under Bargy. Huh. Look at that. We should have thought of that earlier. Seems like it. Oh, so your argument was for nothing? Okay, let's see you inside, J at that. We should have thought of that earlier. Oh, so your argument was for nothing? Okay, let's see you inside, Jekyll.

Well, luckily, only one Tauracian and one Borgno remain, so it should be relatively direct. Oh, no. What? How many started? Oh, hundreds. What? They're at lunch, so they have to leave one. You made it sound like they had murdered each other.

You knew exactly what that sounded like. You wanted us to feel bad. You know what? No, I said just the truth. Sorry, I have to say for an ambassador, that was a pretty manipulative move. Yeah, you bury a lot of leads. That's a pretty manipulative move.

Yeah, you bury a lot of leads. Well, I cannot change your wrong opinion about me. Because you know what they say, the wronger your opinion about me is, the more it stays the same. So I will not try to change it. Ah, that's... I don't think that's correct. I don't think...

It's what my tattoo says. Did you say there was lunch? Oh, not for an invoice. No? We work here, sort of. I mean, let's be honest. That was a bad job. Of the thing you were to do.

I mean, he's not wrong about that. No, hard to argue with that. We did get to see The boxing gym though Whoa, AJ I didn't have a trash can Oh, you didn't know you were together? Because we all knew you were together It was going really well, I thought.

Alright, peace brokered. Wow. What? You did that? Yes. Well, here's the thing. One of them, this is crazy, one of the Porgynaus, his last name is Toop,

and then I explained that to the Trabassian ambassador and we had a big laugh about it. And then everyone was having such a good time that they just agreed to be friends. Can you imagine your name is Toop? No one say anything. It's funnier this way. And now, lot 136.

Two of the late dame's effects. A small embroidered pouch, which contains some sort of blush or setting powder, and this fine walking staff. We'll start the bidding at 15 croon. 15 croon. 15 croon from the small gentleman with the knife. Do I hear 20? 20 croon.

20 croon. 20. 20 croon from the gentleman in the apron. We're at 20 croon. Look at this woodwork, friends small gentleman with the knife. Do I hear twenty? Twenty croon. Twenty croon. Twenty. Twenty croon from the gentleman in the apron. We're at twenty croon. Look at this woodwork, friends. Look at the stitching. Who's at thirty? Thirty croon is a steal for antiques like this. Fifty croon!

Fifty croon from the lady engulfed in flames. Do I hear sixty? Sixty croon. Sixty croon. No. All right. That's fifty going once. Fifty croon going twice croon. No. All right, that's 50 going once. 50 croon going twice.

Going three times. 20,000 croon. Sir, the bidding is currently at 50 croon. What can I say? I'm an avid stick enthusiast. See this one? There's no bin to add one more to the collection. stupid stick enthusiast. See this one? Has there been that one wall to the correct?

Short for collection. Sure, but 20,000 croon is way more... This is when you say sold. Sold. Sold for 20,000 croon

to the red-eyed cyborg in a cloak. You are the proud owner of the late Dame Wiggles walking staff and powder pouch. Yes, and I think I'll take them traveling. Corp Bailmore! Red IT5. Credits and attributions joined commencing outro protocol. Plank Deck Center and The Auctioneer were played by Alton Ford. Lead Envoy C-53, The Prospective Estate Buyer, and Uncle Dave were played by Jeremy Bent. Dar, The Yoga Instructor, and The Lady on Fire were played by Ellie Kokesh.

Bargy the Ship, Christine, and The Shrimp Lady were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Nerva Bundeloy, Farah Jukko, and The Time Snatched Guy were played by Seth Lind. AJ and The Realtor were played by Winston Knoll. Justine was played by special guest Christine Nangle. Christine is a writer and producer for The Simpsons. Before that, she was a writer for Saturday Night Live,

Crawl Show, and Inside Amy Schumer, and head writer for The President Show. Follow her on Twitter at Nanglish. For Bail War was made by Brennan Lee Mulligan. This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fane's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Audio listing by Simplecast. Our website is mission2z.space, where you can order magnetic Zalkatron 5000 refrigerator emblems, hyper proton fuel stickers, t-shirts, and more.

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And I want you to tell me there's a show where the hosts don't just report on French science and spirituality, but take part themselves. Well, there is, and it's Oh No Ross and Carrie on Maximum Fun. This year, we actually became certified exorcists. So yes, Carrie and I can help your daughter. Or we can just talk about it on the show. Oh No Ross and Carrie on MaximumFun.org. Hi, are you someone who thinks that when one door closes, another one opens?

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All right. Okay. All right. Everybody in. Okay. Let me just. It's huge on the inside. is this the shuttle to the negotiations no no Thar you're just gonna go right across

the street should one of us stay and just kind of walk him across the street or I'll probably be fine no