Mission To Zyxx - 506: The Art Supplies of War [ft. Kimia Behpoornia]

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53 and KorjulaxxAlden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Rash’LunkWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as BargieWith special guest Kimia Behpoornia as Terry SherryEdited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraFeaturing the songs “Blink” and “Glow” by Evan SchaefferOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

Space. Some is chill. Some is tooped up. All is part of the great, infinite, cosmic ballet. The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace. Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their mission to Satan. Hey, C-53. What is it, Plek?

What are all these papers doing? What are you doing? Uh, Plek, I... These organic brains are so bad at math, they're... Oh man, don't I know it. Embarrassing. Yeah, mine especially, but you can't do that in your cube anymore? I tried, but it just falls apart so fast. I'm trying to figure out how to get us back to the Zik Squadron.

Oh, wow. I mean, the Them have offered no updates. We have to take matters into our own clumsy, weirdly textured hands. You know, Z53, some of us have actually kind of started to appreciate some of the things about this galaxy. Even when we fail missions, they're super chill about it. And we've actually accomplished a few missions, which I never thought I would say at all. So, I mean, maybe there's some good to being in this body of yours, and, you know, maybe we can carve out a place here for ourselves.

No, this body sucks. This galaxy blows. Thank you again, Garbo. I did not deserve those 39 orgasms. Oh, yes, you did, Dar. You must have been working so hard. Wait, Dar, what just... Did you just hook up with Garbo? Yeah, and they were a

wonderful and reciprocative lover. Wow, cool. And Sam, I promise the full 40. It's just that I have an appointment. Wow, Garbo. Yes? You dog. You? I'm a them. Okay. In fact. Yeah? You dog. You. I'm a femme.

Okay. In fact. I've not met these dogs. Don't worry about it. Okay. Don't worry about it. Goodbye. Wait, I thought the femme didn't want to hook up without an emotional connection.

Well, there was a rare moment of vulnerability, and you're not allowed to know anything more than that. Okay. All right. Yeah. These organic needs are so base. C53. Maybe this fleshy

clammy body you're in, maybe you can learn to love it. I did with my doughy clammy body. What would be the lovable part of this body, I guess, is my question. I'm so glad you asked. I like your jaunty little

hair flip that you've got. That's fun. So my hair is the part that you think is worth being in this prison of a body. I like when you walk, you sort of lead with your nose. You sort of galumpf around, which is very charming. So I have hair and a

funny walk. Did I tell you I pulled a hamstring? Why would you make a synthetic body that was capable of doing that? That's insane. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry about that. There is no one to service my cube when I inevitably break down. I mean, what the jerk, man? Come on!

Hey, C-53, calm down. You're so emotional. Wow, you are really in your feelings. My appointment! Hey, C-53, calm down. You're so emotional. Wow, you are really in your feelings. My appointment is over, C-53. Is this a moment of emotional vulnerability? Do you need 40 orgasms? No, I don't need any orgasms. I need a real chucking droid frame, you goddamn asshole!

Oh, so vulnerable. Yes, yes. Kiss my ridges. Hey, can we keep it quiet here? I'm in the middle of a casting session. Oh, sorry, Bargy. You're casting a project right now? Well, it turns out there are not many directors here

wherever we are in space, so I've become one of the premier theater directors. It's been like two days since you became a director. I know. I've been sent so many scripts. Honestly, most of them are terrible. I got a couple of deals that are going on. I work

on a couple projects. That's great. And now I'm part of the other side. I'm the one deciding which actors should be in my projects. Wow. Oh, Barney. Like mine. Okay? I don't want this weak, this weak, tilting voice. Okay? You gotta be strong when you act, or else they're gonna get ya, and they're gonna destroy ya,

and they're gonna throw you away from this industry, even though we know that you're talented. Maybe. So do the scene again in the voice that we rehearsed. Okay. You're playing the part of dirty old trash bag. Your silence says everything. That's pretty good. That's not a bad barge.

Thank you so much. We'll be in touch. See? See, 53? Barge is really flourishing here, you know? Her career, I guess. Oh, yeah. Forcing out-of-work actors to do impressions of her? Live the dream.

I mean, sure. Wait, AJ, are you coming around on this place? You like it now? Eh. Same shit, different galaxy, am I right? Not really. It's actually quite different, I think. Is it? He's just reading his mug. He's reading his novelty mug. Oh, yeah. Where did you get that? Oh, it was in the Synergy. It as a gift shop. I just went and got it. It's pretty good.

But how would they... I don't really get it. Never mind. I don't really get it. I don't know. Lead Envoy C-53, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations,

Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nermit Bundeloy. I had to look at the wall to see the notification for that. Oh, right, because it's not happening inside of your head or whatever? Not happening inside my head. Only pain inside my head.

Only pain. Hey, crew! Big mission time! Hey, Nermit! What's up, man? What do you mean, what's up? We have a mission. Okay. It's just casual conversation, Nermit. You yell at me when I talk about other stuff.

I've been telling myself all day, I'm just going to go straight to the mission. We're all feeling good. I got a new wood saber. Gar had a great interaction with Garbo, apparently. Bargy's casting her new play. AJ got a fun mug. And C-53 pulled a hamstring.

So everything's great. Wow. Yeah, point of order, we are not all feeling good. Yeah, I totally hear you. The only thing that's bad is Bargy is having trouble finding the right person for a trash bag lady. Huh. See, Nermit, this is

the type of casual catch-up with the crew before you hop into business, you know? Nermit, you gotta warm up the room. You know? Okay, fine. You'll be happy to know that Optusoft is I'm not gonna say doing great

as a business, but like, we're back. We did a Series C fundraise and we've got some Just get to the mission, Nermit. You asked. You literally asked me. Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit. Yeah, just get to the mission. You asked. You literally asked me. Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit. Yeah, Nermit, get to the mission.

Oh, that's rich. Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit. Okay, fine. Not you, good friend. It's a line that I want you to say. Okay? Right. In my project.

Miss Jade, I'm just trying right now. Wait, hold on. Is that an Optisoft employee auditioning for me? Okay. All right. In my project. Miss Jade, I'm just trying right now. Wait, hold on. Is that an Optisoft employee auditioning? You know, I did go to CarCon 5 Conservatory. I don't know what that is. Okay. Just get to the mission, darn it. That was a good flex.

That was a bargy voice. He was doing you. No. Next. He was doing you. No. Next! Okay, the mission. The Ignari and the Nognilk are, of course, at war. Of course? Of course.

Well, I mean, this war has been going on for ages, but there is... We've lived here for like two weeks. Listen, I read. Okay. Is that a brag? Okay, Nermit. Quit bragging and just get to the mission. Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Before you start listing people named Jukko again. Wow. The Ignari and the Nognilk are in charge of, between them, like 70% of the planets in this galaxy. This is a huge ongoing war. The coup is- I feel like- One of our main missions is to try to end this battle. Nermin, until we decide we're here for good, I'm not committing any of this to memory.

Yeah, it's hard to keep this all straight. Ignore the Nognilk. What do you mean? You gotta at least memorize their names for this mission. Listen, I'm having too much trouble memorizing these sides for Bargy's play. You're auditioning for Bargy? I'm gonna give it a shot. Throw my helmet in the ring. I'm having trouble memorizing anything, okay?

How do you keep information in an organic brain? It just slides out. Where's the file structure? I mean, am I crazy? How do you categorize? Okay, relax. Relax, C-53. Oh, no. C-53. Wow.

Huh. Anyone know who C-53's agent is? Uh, no, I don't. Are you casting him? Are you scouting him? I'm just leaving a little mystery out there. Oh. Okay, so the Ignari and the Nognilk, is that right?

Yes. And here's the thing. There's a moon in the neutral zone between the two armadas, and we need to evacuate it. The way you describe it, the neutral zone doesn't sound neutral. It sort of sounds like the place where the dangerous shit happens. It's very close to the front, but it's technically neutral. So there's a front with a neutral zone in the middle?

That doesn't seem... No, there's a lot of fighting around it. Occasionally there's sort of infantry on the moon, but it's technically the neutral zone. And we've got to get the innocents out. Okay. They don't think it's that many people, so they should all fit in Bargy.

All right. What? Tell her. Hey, Nermin, we really need to get to the mission. Can you tell us what it is? Wow. Helmsman's Log, Space State. Who knows?

Well, today old Hark T is riding high because we successfully navigated the Pyrosion Field, a belt of molten asteroids that threatened to critically breach the RSS synergy. And I gotta say, it feels great to finally be part of a robust tactical team instead of solo piloting my rickety fighter through hazard after harrowing hazard. These last few months have given Old Hark a chance to reflect on my many, many brushes with the suite hereafter, and to be honest, with a bit of perspective, I've begun to realize that maybe the thing that was putting me in the most danger was... myself. Golly, I don't know. Maybe it's the

rush of blasting into warp speed away from certain death. Maybe it's the accolades when I returned triumphant. Maybe... maybe I'm in love with the danger itself. But one thing's for sure, I was caught in a cycle of self-sabotage more dangerous than any carmarian hexworm hive. Heck, I used to call up rebel headquarters during a crash landing to talk about protein bars for crying out loud. What was I trying to prove? What was I running from? Well, I guess I don't know, but I do know that I couldn't have begun this soul-searching without BetterHelp Online Therapy. BetterHelp offers video, phone, even live chat sessions, and they'll match you with a therapist in under 48 hours. I mean,

I was once suspended by a shredded parachute above a qualnack nest for thrice that long. Take it from me, even the babies can swallow you whole. Actually, I'm gonna jot that down real quick for my next session. But remember, you don't need to be nearly digested by a Gartosian spider to benefit from therapy. If your stress is high, you could probably use the chance to unload. Talk to someone who's completely unbiased about your life, someone who isn't going to judge you or take sides on anything. You'll be surprised how much it could help. Plus, BetterHelp is more affordable than in-person therapy. Not to mention, I got 10% off my first month at BetterHelp.com slash Zyx. Have your first session in under 48 hours at B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash Z-Y-X-X. Helmsman's log entry complete. Okay, off to the commissary. Wow, that sparks right on the baby toe.

I'll just pull myself up and... God! This filing cabbage just fell right on me. Help! Help! Hark, old chum. Guess you've still got a long road ahead. Okay, there are a lot of ships arriving around here right now. We got to evacuate this moon pronto. Are there any life forms anywhere?

Yeah, Mr. Robot Man, what do you think? AJ, do you think Jeremy could sense lifeforms? Hey, wait. Well, he could. I think that's what this thing they gave us does. Yes, this is what this bicorder is for. You know, it gathers information and it saves information. It's a bicorder.

Yeah, look at this. It actually says there is a lifeform nearby. See? Right there on the screen. It's just so inefficient. You could just build it in to a robot. Wow, it's almost like we don't even need you, Mr. Robot. Man-Robot.

Squishy-Man. C-53. Lead Envoy C-53 is how you should address me. You got it. Oh, it says they're up here off to the right behind this toppled building. Let's do it. Yes. I don't believe in neutral zones. Keep your head in a swivel.

Let's kick these doors in. Okay, it's an automatic. All right. Yep, most dangerous kind of door. Sliding door, yeah. Yeah, unexpected. You really went in on that kick, Adrian. I put most of my body behind you.

Wow, this is an adorable shop. It was like rubble out there, and this place seems completely untouched. Oh, hi. How's it going? Oh, hi there. Welcome to Galaxsequins. Galaxsequins? Mm-hmm. That is some going? Oh, hi there. Welcome to Galaxsequins. Galaxsequins? Mm-hmm. That is some terrific wordplay.

Very nice. Oh, you know, I didn't name the store. I just work here. Oh. Oh, okay. I'm Terry Sherry. Let me know if I can help you with anything that you might need. Perfect.

We're trying to just get a hold of everyone in the area, you know, who's not part of the conflict outside. Are you familiar with the people around here? Yes, the Ignari and the Nognel. Oh, yeah. I'm talking about, you know, civilians that live around here. You're looking at her.

Oh. You're the only person who lives here? That stayed here, yes. Wow. Hey, remember how we only saw one person on the bicorder? Yeah. I think this might be her. Uh-huh. Yeah, yes. Wow. Hey, remember how we only saw one person on the bicorder? Yeah. I think this might be it. Uh-huh. Yeah, AJ. AJ, that's not a mystery at all. Oh, okay. Okay.

Apologies, Terry Sherry. We should introduce ourselves. These are envoys Darplek and AJ, and I am lead envoy C-53. Squishy, awkward, and apparently relatable. He just looks like a person. It'sy, awkward, and apparently relatable. He just looks like a person.

It's fine, but he's a robot. Yeah, I look like a person. We're here to save you. Hmm? We're here to save you, if you could just follow us. What? Listen, Terry, Sherry, this is a very dangerous place for you to be. Yeah. Is it just, Terry, that you couldn't find a way

out of here? Oh, no, they were actually pretty efficient when they came by to evacuate us the first time. I just decided that I don't need to leave. This is the place that I've been happiest and outside is full of turmoil. Why should I just listen to somebody telling me that it would be better on the outside when I know for a fact that it is absolutely

delightful inside? It is very peaceful in here. It is really nice. If you guys don't need any arts and crafts, then I'm going to go back to doing my sweep of the aisles, making sure everything is in its right place. Oh. I've got one more question for you. It's pretty important.

Mm-hmm. Where are the pipe cleaners? Oh, pipe cleaners. Love those. Aisle 7. Guys, I'm going to check the pipe cleaner aisle. If I don't come back in a while, I'm probably making a couple of figures and having them fight each other. So, just, I'll be back. Okay. Terry, I got to tell you, that klaxon outside, that means that ships are landing here.

We got to clear the area. Yeah, so if you could just grab like your knitting needles or whatever and follow us. I will never leave a muddy putty or a puff paint alone. Oh, wow. Maddy, you're very, very

mad. You're very, very there has been a sale of pipe bleeders on Isle 7. Would you like me to clean them up? Oh, you know what? I can get that myself. It seems like whoever has just entered our store does not have any business here. So I'll just do that.

Oh, just a... Demanding scan of aisle nine. This seems... I don't know if she's going to go. I think she's made it very clear she's not going to go. Hey, buddy. Hey, little buddy. she's gonna go. I think she's made it very clear she's not going to go. Hey, buddy. Hey, little buddy. Were you some kind of robot?

What am I... Look at this guy. He doesn't even know. He doesn't know what he could be. Okay? Oh, this is a big spill. This is such a big spill. Sorry about that. Sorry about that.

I got, you know, I tried to get one of the big ones, and then all the rest of them came down. You know what? Sure. I'm just going to clean this up if you don't mind. I can help. I can help. Okay, great. Clean up on aisle seven, but not in a cool way.

Normally, I'd say something like that, and I'd start shooting, but this is not, you know, that. Yeah. These pipe cleaners are so cool. Thanks. Oh, your hand brushed my hand. Okay, sorry about that. No, that's okay. It's okay.

I'm sorry. All right. Yeah, pipe cleaners are pretty cool because you can, like, bend them like this. Yeah. And you can bend them back. Have you ever put a couple of them together and bent them all different ways? Wait, hold on. You're blowing my mind right now. Yeah. You can put them together? Yes. You can make a little curly Q mustache if you want with two of them combined. Looks like you have a mustache. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, I think that's a great plan. If we buy the

entire stock in the store, she'll have to leave. There's no reason to stay behind in Galaxyquins. Sure, I mean, certainly the synergy would reimburse us for that. They're post-money now, but can they return to sort of mid-money just for the sake of, you know, a diplomatic mission? Mid-money? Do you hear yourself right now? I mean, what's pre-post-money? Typically this is where you would weigh in, C-53. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is.

Welcome to relax. Just let me get in there. I'm going to borrow a couple of microchips. I think it's really going to make a big difference. Just back off. Help your guard, help him. Ow, the hard metal hurt my hand.

C-53, come here. Why don't you just stroke this crushed velvet? Doesn't that feel nice? It does feel nice. Sold by the yard. Welcome to Black Sequence. You are still in Black Sequence.

Commencing scan of aisle 7. So the bot, like, is it more of a point of sale? What's the deal with the bot? Um, I've just been here so long that I decided to build that bot myself. It's actually made of arts and crafts. Whoa! Yeah. Cool.

When I spin around, I get out glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Glitter. Wow. The glitter thing was my first idea

and then it was making a mess so I had to program it to also know how to clean. I will now clean up my glitter. Thank you. Glitter. Glitter in the balloon. Glitter in the balloon. Wow.

Glitter. Glitter. Whoa. Oh my rod. Wow. Whoa! Oh my rod! They are fighting right outside the door! Those soldiers are just streaming out of those carriers! The sign says the two-for-one

sale on acrylic paint ends today! I mean, yes. Yeah, that too, but this seems bad. Yeah, acrylics are not my medium. But if the sale is ending today, I think I gotta do it. It's a bogo.

Guys, I think we need to call Nermit and let him know what's going on. C-53, can you... Like, I can't do that anymore. I don't... I can't call anybody. No, I mean with your badge on your uniform. You just tap it. I don't have the hardware, Plek. And I'm not going to apologize.

Okay, you know what? I'll do it. It's fine. Plek to Nermit. Optisoft, Nermit Bundeloy speaking. Oh my, Nermit, are you working at Optisoft now? Well, just temporarily. I'm kind of like sitting in for the CTO there out on... Optisoft, Nermit Bundeloy speaking. Oh, my... Nermit, are you working at Optisoft now? Well, just temporarily.

I'm kind of, like, sitting in for the CTO. They're out on... Nermit, you're supposed to be working for us. With us. I mean, you're on the mission. I'm what I do during... No, listen, we need you. We need your help, Nermit. Okay, okay.

Plek, I need to put you on a brief hold. What? Optisoft, we will be your servants today. I'll be soft. So much server capacity. Is that Nermin doing the music? Yeah, I think that's... I'll be soft.

Okay. Yeah, Plek. Nermin, did you just... I'm in a war zone. Did you just put me on hold to talk to a hologram? What? What do you need? Nermit, we need you to

reinvent money and send it. We think that buying out the inventory is the only way we can get her to leave. Oh, you're right. In the Reflectorium, I can just make money. Yes. I can reflect a hedge fund. Yes. What? And then I

can invest into Optisoft. No! No, Nermit. The morality is maybe gray, you're right. But like... Never mind. Never mind, Nermit. Never mind. Thank you. Go! Disconnect! Disconnect! Hey, everybody. Listen, Terry, Sherry,

things are heating up out there. I don't know if I feel comfortable staying inside the craft store. Um, what would you mean by that? Terry Sherry, aren't you worried that the violence could come in here at any time? No. Oh, good. It's time.

You ten cordulax of the Ignari. Please, Terry Sherry. Do you have a... Oh, you know it's like a glue, and you're gluing bits to like a picture frame. Okay. Um, I'm trying to think. There's a lot of different types of glue.

Are you looking for a tacky glue? Is it tacky glue, Lieutenant? Um, yeah. Convicts! It is I, Grand Ensign Rush Link of the Nognuk. You shall die at my hand. Not now. I am purchasing craft goods.

Oh, Grand Sequins, right. Our conflict must wait until I... Of course, of course. Right. Ah, it's like, um, you know, if I want to, like, tear pieces of magazine and glue it to, like, a frame. Is there what the... Perhaps a glue stick if you're just... It sounds like you're collaging. I want to tear pieces of magazine and glue it to a frame, is there what? Perhaps a glue stick, if you're just, it sounds like you're collaging.

Are you looking for a glue stick? Oh, yes. Yeah, a glue stick, I think, would actually do the job. Yes, and some Mod Podge. Mod Podge. That is what my wife wanted. I wasn't describing it right, I think. Terry Sherry, you are a savior.

I will return to destroy you, Brandon. It's rushing. Never shall it happen. Save some Mod Podge for me, please. Do you need Mod Podge? Just a little, if there's any extra. You are ahead of me, so

if you have any more Mod Podge for me... That's not fair. For I believe my wife might like it as well. It's a very versatile product. Alright, you guys, I'm going to wrap up two tubs of Mod Podge for you, and you can come back and pay after the turmoil is over.

I know how you guys like to do. Thank you, Terry Sherry. Wow, you really handled those guys. It's crazy. You didn't even do anything. You didn't, like, use a knife or anything. Terry Sherry, does that happen a lot? That people come in in the middle of a battle to buy arts and crafts?

I'm starting to get a little offended that you're surprised that we get a lot of business here at Galaxy Twins. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying that at all. I think it's great. I'm really happy. I just, it's crazy. Those guys were literally covered in blood. Just casually shopping for Modge Podge together. Yeah.

They don't like each other, but you know what they both like? What? Colored pencils. Yeah? Yeah. Wait, hold on. You've got colored pencils here? Absolutely. They're in aisle 10. Would you want to go over to aisle 10? I'm sorry to interrupt,

but I got off the head of my enemy and am holding it currently in my hand. I was wondering where is the party paper? Okay, um, party paper is aisle eight. Many thanks and goodbye to you. This is grim. Listen, Terry Sherry We know you don't want to leave

But we have a proposal for you So we were wondering, Terry Would you take an I.O.U.? What would you mean by that? What if we just helped you out And, you know, bought a bunch of your stock And that lets you kind of take the day off You come with us back to the Synergy

Chill out for a couple days And then we'll just drop you back by when this is all over. I don't know. I chose to stay here. Yeah. You guys are peeing. Really big idiots right now. AJ, what are you talking about? You can't buy a Terry off, you know? She's doing a service. She's making people happy. I mean, that guy who just cut that other guy's head off, he's wrapping it in paper. That's, like, fun.

Like, everyone's having a good time. Everyone's making crafts. And you know what? I think the guys who are buying it for their wives are really buying it for themselves. Yeah, I thought that, too. I had that same thought, yeah. AJ, did you mean all those things that you said about me and the store? That you want to stay here and that it's a good place and people like it?

Why would... That'd be weird if I lied about that, right? Right. I don't know. I thought we'd been having a sort of a thing. Ew. What? Oh, Rod.

Not again. Listen, we made some pipe cleaner people, which was like... I mean, the mustache thing was amazing. No one's going to deny that. AJ, this isn't the first time you've gotten sort of romantically entangled with some person on a planet we're visiting. What's the deal? Are you trying to make this happen? Yeah, what's your secret? Because I've been trying to get my groove back, but it is not happening. It sort of seems like a lot of our missions, like, we go down, there's something

we're supposed to do, and you end up, you know, teaching some alien how to love or something. You do this all the time? You do this everywhere? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sad. No. Well, it's not the first time, Plek. Come on. Let's be honest. You sent the cute dumb one

down into the aisle with the mess, right? and then i fell in love instantly okay i'll admit it i did okay this was all just a ruse you were trying to get me to fall in love so i would leave this store thinking that what i when i left i would just have a life with you out there why would you do that to someone oh yeah that's pretty messed up terry sherry the last time this happened to me, I said this and the person didn't feel as bad as they felt before. I'm six.

I'm six years old. I was a clone six years ago. So when I say that, usually if there's like, oh, you're six, they're not like into it anymore. Okay, well, age is a number and it hasn't really been a thing, you know? Wait, hold on. 2884 is a number, which is my call sign, but AJ is letters.

What's a page? I can't keep falling in love with you. You all need to leave. But to interrupt here, Terry, you would leave if, in fact, your love was reciprocated by AJ? I was really preparing myself to do that. I thought there was something bigger for me

than just galaxyquence. There's really not. Well, speaking as AJ's closest friend and confidant... That's true. Sorry, Papa. I can tell that AJ does reciprocate those feelings. But AJ just

gave a whole speech saying a lot of things that ended up being like a no. He's so dumb, right? He's so dumb, but he's so cute. He's so cute. Isn't he so cute? No, listen up. Listen to me, Terry Sherry. Okay.

You know, I'm no good for you. I'm a clone. You can never work out between the two of us. I'm no good for you. But just remember this. I'll always care about you, dirty, trash, garbage lady. What did you call me? What?

I'm sorry, this is from the sides I was reading for this play that Bargy is doing. And I thought, actually, you know, it might be applicable. Okay. Okay. I'm gunshot. The Ignari infantry advanced soon. The battle will be right here. And I must, before I die, make collage.

Oh, yeah. Yep, the collage. Oh, yeah. Yep, the collage. You know what? It looks like you can't move. I can shop for you. So what colors do you like? And do you like stickers? What sort of a collage were you looking to make?

Red. Red and yes. Red and yes. Okay, so I'll just grab everything. You can just die at the door. Okay. Clean up at the door. Clean up at the door.

That's the right use of clean up on Isle. That is so disgusting. Terry, Sherry, we beg of you. Please, come with us. No, listen up. Look around. Just look around. The crass door is the true neutral zone. You know, I thought that there can be no such thing as peace,

as I am a soldier that's been bred for war. Terry Sherry has shown me a different path. One of crafts and arts. Thank you. That means a lot. Wow, AJ, did you just fold that little bird? A little bird for you. That's amazing bird for you. What?

That's amazing. Thank you. What's important about me, this place, what I do here, this is amazing. I'm never leaving here. Listen, Terry, I think, you know, you've proven that this is where you belong. You're helping people when they

come in and need something. Maybe we should stop worrying so much about interfering with... We're all gonna die. What? No! Before the torpedoes hit, I need glue guns.

Wait, torpedoes? What torpedoes? Well, glue guns, aisle 10. Thank you., glue guns, aisle 10. Thank you. Thank you. Multiple glue guns? The antimatter torpedoes will disintegrate everything on this moon, including your stock of decorative ribbons. Now is the time to purchase. No cost is too high, Terry Shea. Oh, yeah, lots of ribbon.

Um, you have a color preference? Like a glossy ribbon. Glossy ribbon. Oh, we have one with duckies on it. Oh, I love it. Terry, Terry, things are getting sort of serious. Did that guy say antimatter torpedoes? Yes, I said antimatter torpedoes.

Okay, get out of here. Yes, I came back to ask what aisle, the duck ribbon. It sounds wonderful. Oh, yeah, the duck ribbon. That's aisle three. Okay, thank you. Listen, Terry, I'm sorry. We came in. We made a mess of everything. We really toyed with your emotions and your self-worth, but...

Galax Sequence can't be a neutral zone if it's been blown up. I can't... I can't leave. What am I supposed to do? Galax Sequence has been my whole life, and you've all truly made me realize that. I guess the only thing I could do is transfer to the galaxyquence a couple systems away wait there's another galaxy this is a chain but yeah i mean it's a little bit of a chain like this was the most successful one and they made enough money also i'd have to fill out a bunch of paperwork i have to do my own exit interview and i have to do my own severance i I have to do all this stuff, this paperwork. Terry, Terry, you're gonna die. Oh, what?

The ceiling just caved in. Terry, we'll help you with the application. That's the only problem? Sort of, and I really felt important here. I guess I could just be important in another galaxy sequence. Listen, Terry, grab your robot. Let's get back to the ship. Okay.

From where can I find more party paper? Oh, boy. Sorry, but as of just right now, I don't work here anymore. This place blows! Hey, treat her with respect. Hey, Justin. Mind if I sit with you sure you mean like as friends right because we're totally just friends and that's fine and i'm not freaking out about it and i'm not even obsessed with your drip and how it looks effortlessly cool oh this outfit yeah, I got it from Stitch Fix. I completely know what that is, but will you tell me about it as if I didn't? So, when I was harshly beamed off Bargy alone, Wait.

I had some time to think about my priorities. And I realized I wanted an easy solution for looking and feeling my best. Stitch Fix offers clothing hand-selected by expert stylists for your unique size, style, budget, and relationship status, which for me is dating casually with my options open while remaining ambiguously forlorn. Every piece of clothing

is chosen for your fit and your life, which for me is ass-dead carefree. Me too! I mean, just look at these dressed-down but classy, spy-sperry-distressed canvas sneakers, and how they pair with this Harold-textured short. So hot.

Uh, friend hot. Zalkatron actually helped me fill out my style profile. We're, uh, kind of dating, but it's no big deal. Zalky, come sit with me and Justin. You're dating? No way, Jared. Oh, my bra is Justin, you dumb refrigerator.

C5, I was just telling Justin about Stitch Fix. They have free shipping, easy returns, and exchanges. And a prepaid return envelope is included. Jared, I love your shirt. I see it everywhere. That's awesome. Thanks. Plus, there's no subscription required. Try Stitch Fix once or set up automatic deliveries.

You'll pay just a $20 styling fee for each box, which gets credited toward pieces you keep. And there's no hidden fees, ever. Ever. You should totally do it, Justin, because... As a friend, Yeah? your steez is looking a little busted. When?

Get started today at stitchfix.com slash zix, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash z-y-x-x for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. Thanks so much. stitchfix.com slash fix. Oh, um, Justin, will you snap a pic of me and Zalky looking so wicked cute? For sure. I don't hate this at all. Let me see that that you're making.

Well, you know, my room is small, but I think it's got room for a plant. You know, if I could just hang it in this little basket, I think it's going to really, you know, liven up the place. Hey, Cherry Cherry, I just want you to know that no matter what happened between us, which I'm still pretty confused about. Mm-hmm. I just want you to know that whenever I put a pipe cleaner mustache on my helmet, which is probably going to be a lot, I'll think of you. We'll always have that. That's true. We always will.

And I... You're crying a lot. I'm trying not to. Oh, they're just kind of streaming. I can see your tears are just kind of coming down pretty fast. Okay, well... Well, see you later. Okay, thank you so much. AJ, why don't you cut Terry Sherry some slack?

What I've learned is that being organic means you don't always control how you feel. Alright? This isn't flirting, is it? I don't want to mistake anything for flirting ever again. No, I have to be honest with you. I am a sentient robot. It would never work out. Okay, I'll work on myself.

Okay. Terry, Terry, why would you put that in? Why would you make that a feature of that robot? Well, if it's not clear, I get confused a lot. I think everything is flirting, so I had to program it into the bot. Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I've been, as you know, I've been searching for my star of my play, and I think they're in this ship.

Oh, wow. You know what? I haven't even applied for that next Oh, wow. I, you know what? I haven't even applied for that next job yet, so I am actually free. What? No, I don't know who you are. What's that tiny little thing with the glitter? I love it.

Wow. Yes, yes. Removing filter forever. Yes, yes. Wow, what a pivot. Yarn, yarn. Cool. Well, what a pivot. Yarn. Yarn. Cool.

Well, I guess if we could all spit yarn out of our heads, we'd all get the part. Lead Envoy C-53, I have an incoming call. Oh, is that Nermit checking in? Nermit calling? No, it's Garbo. Oh. Terry, Sherry, just to fill you in, Garbo is an alien that we've been working with that just gave DAR-39, what are they called? Orgasms.

Yeah. Oh my goodness. Um, yeah, uh, could we just not answer? You're ghosting Garbo right now? Listen, they were fine orgasms, but frankly this was supposed to be like a almost 40 and done situation. Alright. Terry Sherry,

I'm proud to report that I've completed your paperwork for your transfer to the other galaxyquins, I've completed your exit interview, and I've negotiated your severance. Wow, you did all of that? That's amazing. Thank you so much.

All in a day's work, you know. Is there a thing between the two of you? What's going on? Hey, Jake, come on. C53, this new organic body of yours is really good at filling out forms. Yeah, see, I'm proud of you.

You're finding yourself. You know, maybe I'm finally starting to fall into my role here in this galaxy where I do a lot of paperwork and answer the phone. Oh, my rod, I've become nervous. Get me out of here! Get in here! We're gonna need to redo all

your paperwork, Terry. C-53 just ripped it all up. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Can't catch a break, can you, Terry? This is C-Red IT-5. Credits and attributions joined a commencing outro protocol. Fleck Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. Lead Envoy C-53, Hark Tardigas, Zalkatron 5000, Korglax of the Ignari were played by Jeremy Bent.

Dar was played by Ali Pokesh. Bargy the Ship, Justin Balwi, the Galax Sequin's Bot, and the Soldier Holding the Disembodied Head were played by Mujan Zalfagari. Nere Bundaloy and Rashlonk of the Nognel were played by Seth Lind. AJ and Centurion Tittle were played by Winston Knoll. and I'll see you next time. a mockumentary available on Apple or Amazon Prime. And she can be seen on TV on many other shows. Follow her on Twitter at atchildclown underscore. This episode was edited by Seth Lind, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan

and performed by famous Macedonian symphonic orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening crowd narration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design for the bar Jerry and Jade by Eric Goitz. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Schmanners.

Noun. Definition. Rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy. And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. Every week on Schmanners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners.

We talk about the history of it. We take a look at how it applies to everyday life. And we take some of your questions. And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette. So join us every Friday and listen to Schmanners on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. Manner Schmanners. Get it? Hey, it's Jon Moe. And look, these are challenging times for our mental and emotional health. I get it. That's why I'm so excited for my new podcast, Depresh Mode.

We're tackling depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, the kinds of things that are just super common but don't get talked about nearly enough. Conversations that are illuminating, honest, and sometimes pretty funny with folks like Patton Oswalt, Kelsey Dara, and Open Mike Eagle. I have this public-facing self, and then I have my emotional self that tends to stay hidden. It was about finding a way to communicate to somebody that, like, there's terrible shit going on back here. Plus psychiatrists, psychologists, and all kinds of folks.

On Depressed Mode, we're working together, learning, helping each other out. We're a team. Join our team. Depressed Mode, for maximum fun, wherever you get your podcasts. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. You're ghosting Carbo right now?

Listen, they were 39 fine orgasms, but frankly, this was supposed to be like a... Yeah. Almost 40 and done situation. All right. Can I have their number? Oh, no. Man, you just booked a job. You can't have it all.

My confidence is high.