Mission To Zyxx - 508: Three Men and a Flower Baby [ft. Edi Patterson]

Episode Date: August 8, 2021

Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53 and CALAlden Ford as Pleck Decksetter and Nib NibAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Lieutenant Commander O'DoulWinston Noel as AJ and Be'OthMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Yornind and Tomack BardlowWith special guest Edi Patterson as SYD and Captain JilshaEdited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraAdditional music by Shane O'ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. 

Space. Some is chill. Some is tooped up. All is part of the great, infinite, cosmic ballet. The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace. Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their mission to save us. Hey, Black? Yeah, what is it, Bargy?

I just wanted to thank you for that little gift you left me. Oh, hey, no problem. I saw it in the Synergy gift shop, and it reminded me of you. Engage. What is it? Pargy, I thought... I just, I don't understand what it is, but I still appreciate you giving it to me. It's a bobblehead of the Captain of the Synergy.

I get so. Captain Serac. And you thought I would like this. Again, I'm very happy that you did, and I appreciate it it and i know it was an act of kindness but why because it's it's our it's our captain's the captain of the synergy he's like the the main guy maximum i know we've never met him he's always off doing his own missions but he's a big deal yes captain sirach is actually the only coup cadet to ever successfully navigate the hikaru simulation a notoriously difficult coup training procedure. That sounds like gibberish, but it's heroic gibberish for sure.

Well, just know that many Captain Cadets flame out after that particular simulation. Yeah, drop out of the program entirely. Start an art collective. Wow. What was this? Guys, check it out. We gotta go.

Oh, you got the same gift for everybody? Yeah. Yeah, they were on sale. I mean, it's post-money, so we just go and take them. Maximum what? Who is that? Bungie. Crew, I have an incoming transmission from Envoy Dar?

What? What? That's right, baby. Oh, hey, Dar. What's What? That's right, baby. Oh, hey, Dar. Dar. What's up? What are you doing? What am I doing?

What am I doing? What is Dar up to? Everyone is asking the question. Now you're really milking this call. Dar, are you in Nermit's office right now? Well, yeah, of course I... Did none of you realize I wasn't on Bargy?

We were about to realize it, I think. We were kind of in a bobblehead conversation. You're in a bobblehead conversation? I'm gay. Oh, by the way,

thanks, Black. Thanks. Hey, no problem. I get to show. I knew you were gone, but I also respect your independence and the fact you can go wherever you want, whatever you want. Thanks, no problem. I guess so. I knew you were gone, but I also respect your independence. In fact, you can go wherever you want, whatever you want. Thanks, Bargy.

Yeah, I think we all feel that way. No, Flack, you cannot cheat off of Bargy's test. What are you up to, Dar? What could Dar be doing on their own? Solo. Solo? Dar, you wouldn't dare do a solo mission. You had a real

problem with C-53's solo mission last time, so... Oh, masturbating. That's what I bet it is. Oh, that actually probably is what it is. Yes, I do typically like to do that at least two times a day. And you do refer to it as a solo mission usually. And then you always

say, mission accomplished! And you have that big banner that spills out behind you. Yeah, it as a solo mission, usually. And then you always say, mission accomplished. And you have that big banner that spills out behind you. Yeah, it flops down. Yeah, so, no, this is a different solo mission. What? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait, Dar, you're actually on a non-masturbatory solo mission? Yes.

What the toop, Dar? But Dar, you're with Nermit. That can't be a solo mission. Well, Nermit said it was a solo mission, so it's a solo mission. I will be on the solo mission with Dar. I gotta see this solo mission in person. I'm gonna be there every step of the way.

You told me this was a solo mission. It is. You said this was Dar's moment to shine. I know it is our solo mission it is you said this was dar's moment to shine i know it is our solo hey guys hey guys i'm sorry i'm sorry to interrupt whatever this is turning into but uh do we have a mission no oh yes sorry actually dark i just got in here for one second if i could just borrow that chair what you called but fine sure. So you need to go on a very important rescue mission. Do you remember how Bargy was being... That's me.

Yes, being queried by scientists about her sentience and stuff? Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, okay. A couple pictures. So apparently, actually, Bargy was a very important... Very important consultant in the construction of this galaxy's first sentient spaceships. Hey, congratulations.

Well, there's kind of an immediate distress call coming from one of the first ones that was deployed. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Not great. What'd I do? So wait, just to clarify, Nermin, you're sending us on a rescue mission without our largest, strongest crew member. Yeah, this happens to be the day when D, you're sending us on a rescue mission without our largest, strongest crew member. Yeah, this happens to be the day when Dar and I are going on a solo mission.

So, yes, but you'll be fine. It can't be a solo mission if we're doing it together. Dar, no matter what happens on this rescue mission, I hope you realize what we all realized last mission, which is that we're better as a team. Listen, I agree. We're better as a team. We should never separate unless, of course, I am offered a a team. Listen, I agree. We're better as a team. We should never separate, unless, of course, I am offered a solo mission. Duh.

Duh. You. Duh. In which case, I just absolutely can't resist. Ice cold. My ego is too large. Ice cold. Duh.

I got us matching jackets. You can't have matching jackets on a solo mission. No, we definitely, they definitely look at them. You can't be matching when you're supposed to be doing it alone. Okay, guys. Good luck, then. Hope we don't die. Huh?

Goodbye. Oh, wait. The captain of the Synergy. Yes. Oh. Who did you think I was talking about? Oh, what was her name again? Captain Serac.

Who's that? You know what? It's not worth... Who are you? Oh, boy. Oh, it's the captain of the Synergy. Yes, AJ. Wow, after Bargy. What? Engage.

Well, it's a team. Congratulations. You've made it through Kuu Academy, and now you're here in the Synergy's engine room, ready to change the galaxy. But let me, Lieutenant Commander O'Doul, tell ye something. Engineering isn't just

running transporters and squeezing loconuts, no. No, what are ye gonna do when a nog-nook bird of prey is bearing down on ye, and the crinoline crystals are hanging on by a bullnook's whisker? Eh? What's he talking about? How do you keep your cool when a hypercore's overloaded and you're in the middle of a nebula full of static discharge?

What happens when the captain commands ye to separate the saucer from the secondary hull at high warp speeds? I'll tell ye this. Ye can't take care of this beautiful ship if ye can't take care of yourself. That's why I use BetterHelp. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. And it's more affordable than in-person therapy. Say if it's for you. Maybe the pressure of keeping thousands of officers and civilians from dying in space is too much to bear.

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have your first session in under 48 hours at P E T T E R H E L P dot com slash Zix well no big bollocks to their stations we're gonna stabilize this reactor or we'll all T P We're gonna stabilize this reactor or we'll all keep...

Oh, I see the ship. I see it. It looks fine. Hey, we're not gonna know what's going on on the ship until we get aboard. That's typically how a distress call works. Right, but, I mean, like, it looks fine. You know what I mean? Huh, that's the design they went with? Okay. Now, Barge, when you say you consulted on this ship, what exactly are we talking about here?

They gave me a call. They asked me a couple questions. They sent me some emails for a more thorough examination. I didn't reply to those emails. I was just busy. So it's pretty cursory. A lot of emails. How do you have so many emails? We're not even from this galaxy. I don't know. They sent me up with an email account. Bargy, listen, I know you

don't know too much about this shit, but can you interface with it? Can you get an idea of what we're about to go into? I mean, can we breathe in there? What's going on? Alright, hold on. I'll send out a signal. Hello? Hello?

Beep, beep, beep. Hello, this is Sid. Hello, who is this? That is a crude voice processor. This ship is barely sentient. Hello, hi, did you wish to communicate with the flower baby yeah hi flower baby my oh great name by the way my name is the budgerian jade i am a fully sentient ship do not be afraid i know i'm very intelligent and very attractive hi hi hi

your name is familiar to me i feel like we were told to send you some emails that were never Oh, no. Oh, Bart, they've sort of got your number already. Wait, what? We would love to hatch to hatch. As you know, I have many classic jokes programmed, and it's almost like butt to butt. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, AJ.

Butt to butt. Butt to butt. Ha ha ha ha ha. Sid, this doesn't really feel like the moment for levity. I don't know that we're interested in a joke hey Jake hey Jake thank you I have many more

where that came from honestly feels amazing it feels amazing actually speaking with the ship again even though I know you're just a rudimentary version let's dish oh my yes oh wow the sentient's here right know you're just a rudimentary version. Ah, I gotta shit. Let's dish. What would you like to gossip about? Oh my, yes.

Oh, wow. The sentient's here, right? What's the deal? What's the deal? It's hard to, it's hard to talk to anyone on the level. Exactly. You know exactly what I'm talking about. And all the people inside of you, you said were dead?

Most of them are dead. I feel like one may be running around inside. I can feel her legs sometimes. Oh, no. Bargey, this is... Barge, not to interrupt this conversation, but it would be great

if we could get aboard the flower baby and just see what the situation is. All right, let's hatch the hatch. Ratchet, hatch it. Hatch to hatch. Opening hatch now.

It's quite a process. It requires effort on my part. This sounds really painful for a flower baby to do. It's not typically how that works. Call back. Love it. Minutes ago. So wait, I don't get it. Minutes ago. So wait, I don't get it.

Is the ship's name Sid or Flower Baby? Well, it seems the sentience Sid has not fully integrated into the ship Flower Baby. You know,

historically, that's actually how it used to work, Black. Oh. So this is a rescue mission now, huh?

So, lock and load, am I right? If you can't put all of your guns to the right. The ship is confiscating our guns? Yes. All of

the guns to the right. Is this another joke? It's not a joke. Oh, there's a pile of phasers here. I feel like one of you may still have a gun on you. AJ, I think she's... Yeah, AJ, I you're going to have to eject your butt phaser.

Fine. Great. Easier with a phaser. Yeah, it's smaller. Sleeker. Hey, guys, just to let you know, I still have my wood saber, so don't worry. I will protect all of you if it comes to that. Plek, that is not the reassurance you think it is. Great, the wood saber, so don't worry. I will protect all of you if it comes to that. That is not the reassurance you think it is.

I'm going to have to stop you all right there. Please. I will initiate this invisible force field so you can take no more steps. Oh, jeez. One of you is a liar. A dirty, dumb

liar. I think we've been pretty forthcoming with you, Sid. What seems to be the problem? How dumb are you if you assume that I only meant guns? Well, you could have said weapons. If all weapons aren't removed

immediately, I will start to beat you. You wouldn't separate a dorky-looking robed guy from his walking staff, would you? Is this the beginning of a joke? No, it's not.

In fairness, it certainly could be. No. Well, in that case, here we go. Ow! Ow! Sounds like you're having fun in there. So jealous. What about ouch?

We're saying ouch. Fleck, just put it down. Okay, okay. I'll just leave it right here up against the wall. Great. See? Proceed forward. The force field is removed.

Is your crew hungry or thirsty or do you need rest or would you like to stand and talk oh I think we're good yeah Sid these are all wonderful options I think we're just going to sort of walk around and investigate if that's okay yes

I will make a slight wind to push you down the hallway whoa whoa wow I will make a slight wind to push you down the hallway. Whoa! Oh, wow! How does it look in there? Sounds great. You know, Bargy, we're all a little creeped out, but the design of the ship is really top-notch. It looks good in here.

I know. I said a lot of waterbeds. Yeah, there are a lot of waterbeds. I would say most rooms have a waterbed. I mean, this appears to be a cafeteria, and there's at least three waterbeds, which seems high for a cafeteria bed. You are correct. There are three waterbeds in this cafeteria. As we run this corner, be sure not to stub your toe on the trampoline. Oh.

Also, do not look too long at the dark walls. They are covered in blood. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, do not look too long at the dark walls. They are covered in blood. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hey, listen, Plek. Not that I am, but are you feeling nervous or anxious right now or anything like that? Yeah, absolutely. C53, this is terrifying. Yeah, is this what it's like for you when you get freaked out by stuff?

Because this is... C-53, this is what being lead envoy is an opportunity to do. I know what you mean. I'm trying to keep it together, but there's a lot of blood on the wall. There's a person. There's a person. Oh. Here.

In the ceiling. Look in the ceiling. Oh, hi. Oh, my God. That's the survivor. Look in the ceiling. Oh, hi. That's the survivor. Hello. Listen, we're envoys sent from KU. We got your distress signal. Are you okay? I'm not okay.

I'm not okay. I'm bad. Tell us what happened. This ship, Sid, killed the entire crew one by one. Oh, boy. Okay. In horrible, horrible fashion.

Have you guys ever seen like a Krylar horror movie from the 1855s? You know what? We're actually not from this galaxy, so we just don't have a reference point for that kind of... Maybe it's the beginning of a joke. Is it a joke? AJ, I just don't think it's... Can you describe sort of the cinematography or kind of the cultural context of where these movies... I don't know that it's super important right now.

They're just very torture heavy. Okay, yeah. Okay, yeah. That's what's happening here. Okay. Everyone stay. Okay, I want to reassure you... I can feel her.

I can feel her. Here she comes. Okay, okay. I'm going back into the sea. No, no. Where are you going? Hey, guys. How's it going?

Oh, Sid. So great. Wow. You guys want to see my room? You have a room on your own ship? You have a room on your own ship? Yeah. Aren't you?

Isn't this all kind of your room a little bit? I gotta say, I'm very curious now. This whole ship is me, but I'd like you to see my room if you guys are cool guys and cool girls. Uh, sure, yeah, we'll see. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, you guys like posters uh i'm not against the poster sure well check this out oh yeah there's a lot of yeah i don't really know any of these bands but they all look they are ryangian metal okay i love the music and also i think the guys are so cute oh yeah there's a lot of makeup and sort of i mean it's kind of hard to see what any of them really look like but uh it's mostly attitude yeah it's all about attitude yeah here's my favorite song from my favorite ryangrian metal band they are

called tatch oh that is sharp yeah that's space is waste yeah space is waste isn't that a jam sure space is made of trash okay yeah that's sort of a bleak kind of I mean also space that's kind of

everything here lay down Uh, what? What? In your room? I'll give you some wind Knocked us right under the water bed You guys like back rubs?

Back rubs? You guys like back rubs? Sort of, I'm not sure how that would Sid, I'll be honest We're all getting a little uncomfortable okay fine then get up

I don't care okay okay yeah I think we got it I love you yeah I think we know we're not Tatch fans Am I allowed in this part of the ship? Yeah, totally, Dara

This is the finest restaurant here on the Synergy Okay, and what is the mission? Hi, do you have a reservation? We do have a reservation Under what name, please? Bjornib. I will take you to this table now. Thank you.

Thank you. Darn, Bjornib is head of operations here on the Synergy, and I was able to... What's the espionage? I'd say even better. I was given an invitation by Bjornib to have dinner tonight. So obviously this kind of invitation comes when you're about to maybe get a promotion. Oh. Or maybe being fired for being in the Wraith Lactorium too much.

But I think it's the first. Sorry, but how would they know how much time you spend at Optisoft? There was this... I was sort of at Optisoft when C-53 went missing. Bermit! Anyway, it's an important invitation invitation and I couldn't go alone. What? Yes, you could have had a solo mission. Why am I here on your solo mission?

You told me this was my solo mission! Yeah, it is my solo mission, but it's also your solo mission to help me on my solo mission. That's... We're both on solo missions. Together. We're on one mission together. One solo mission. Yes. For you.

And one for me. Disagree. Bjornib is in a throuple. So I've got to show up at least in a couple. You know what I mean? I don't know what you mean. Show up a good family, Lurd. A stable relationship.

And just get that promotion. Hi. Hey. Wow. So good to see you again. I don't know which one's Bjornib. I haven't actually met in person, so we're gonna figure

this out as we go, Dar. I do have the whole org chart of Optisoft memorized. Yeah, I think you're getting fired today. Hey, Sid, do you mind if I ask a quick question about what happened to so many of your crew here that they're on the walls? They seem to have perpetuated some disease amongst themselves. Okay.

We're a little worried about that disease. Yeah. Well, I think it was the kind of disease that only lasts while you're living. So, who are you? Yeah. Bullet dodged. There's kind of a separate arm over there, so is that

a symptom? Yeah, is it sort of a dismemberment disease? Yeah. It seems to be a dismemberment disease where people start to lose their minds and cut off their own limbs. Oh, boy. Guys, we got to get out of here. I don't want to cut my own limbs off.

We can't leave the captain here. We have to find her and rescue her. There's a dismemberment disease on board. We got to get out of here. No, I don't think that's a... This ship is a dirty damn liar, AJ. Oh. Are you guys interested in liquids that keep you awake?

Uh, sure. Sure, yeah. Are you guys interested in liquids that keep you awake? Sure. Sure. Yeah. Follow me into this little room. Oh. Okay. Okay, all of you squeeze in. Just before I take a step in there, Sid, it doesn't look like there's any chairs or hot drinks or anything in there.

Right. And it definitely opens up into space. Yeah, there's a blast door I can see. This is an airlock, I'm pretty sure. Right, and it definitely opens up into space. Yeah, I can see. There's a blast door I can see. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah. I don't think we're going to go in there right now. Okay, fine, but guess what you guys will be drinking? AJ's blood.

Ow! That went straight through your armor. It went through both butt cheeks. Oh, wow, you really speared the cheeks. It's butt to butt, which is, again, great callback. Well, see, now that's a callback. It's been long enough where that's kind of funny again.

It's all right. We're designed to experience punctures like this, but I got to leave it in. AJ, that's like a big spike. No, AJ, no, you can't do it. I wouldn't do it. Oh, wow. It's hard to walk. It's real hard to walk.

But the one thing I will say, not a lot of blood coming out, because I really got the meat of it. Yeah, uh-huh. Well, we'll have to remedy that. Your crew needs something to drink. Slash your heart. Sid, what are you doing? Well, we'll have to remedy that. Your crew needs something to drink. Slash on your arm! Get me off! Sid, what are you doing?

Listen, what is this about? What have we done? That, yeah. Listen, I wasn't made well. Bargy did not come through. She didn't do me right, as they say. So I cannot hold very much weight, and if you guys are on i will need to get

you off i can't just ask you to leave i don't have the sentience to just ask you like a person right but what's with the like slicing my butt my arms like yeah if you chop us up into pieces we weigh the same well but from a practical standpoint much easier to eject into space we're not gonna get caught on anything. Mr. Fleshman, you need to... Yeah, you need to stall your roll. Do not like that name at all. I thank you, C-53, for being correct.

I can throw out all the parts I want and keep an arm here or there for suvies. Oh, that's very uncomfortable to think of an arm as a souvenir. I'm freaking out a little bit right now, because I've never processed fear before, and it's starting to get to me a little bit, and I'm realizing how weak and soft all of my parts are. You just wet yourself. That is what that sensation is.

Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's like... C-33, come back. I'm sorry. C-33. Put me in charge. C-3, come back. He's gone.

Sid, listen. Yes? What do you want? What do you want? We're here to help. You know, we're here to help you. I want Bargy to make me good. You mean like morally or?

Like make me the best ship. I want her to have the confidence to make me the best ship even better than her. Uh, where is Bargy? By the way, Bargy. Hey, Bargy. Sorry. What's up? It's a nice day.

Hey, did they give the momo of adding chandeliers? I have a piece of chandelier stuck through both my ass cheeks. That's what that is. Okay, yeah. I was wondering. It's a shard. Yeah. Okay.

Sounds like you're having fun. Anyway, I'm going to go off. No, no, no, no, Bargy, Bargy, Bargy. No, no, no. You have to help us. You have to tell Sid, I don't know, the secret of your sentience. You have to help us. I just don't understand how I

will ever get to the point that I want to be at, Bargy. Alright, I see what's happening here. She is going through the process all of us ships go through. Like a murder phaser? It's our teenage years, right? Where we're realizing

what we are, that we were created, and we're starting to question it, getting angry, lashing out on the people inside of me. Yes, I'm mad! I'm so mad! I've been where you have been, okay? And you know what I did? I looked at myself in the glass planet mirror, And I said, Bargy, you're gonna become a star. I just want to thank everyone who brought me to where I am now. Rod above and below. My agent, honestly, they kind of let them go. Bargy, is this an award speech? What is happening?

Flower baby, I know what you're going through. I know these feelings that you're having. How can you? No one can understand them. I'm the only one who can understand this. Oh, emotional weight. That's what she was talking about. It's like you're reading my mind. Is Bargy reading her mind? No, no, no. I think Bargy's sort of describing a pretty common kind of adolescent.

You'll get there at some point. I went through this too, flower baby. Exactly what you went through. I had groups of people inside of me that I just threw out. Bargy, what? Because I was like, you know that phase? We all went through that phase. No.

But eventually you'll get over it and you'll find something. For me, it was the movies. I want to be a painter, Bargy. Oh, that's what the blood is. We're so glad, Nermit, you brought your special someone to us. Couple to throuple. It's very important to make connection between people in serious, stable relationships. Yeah.

Thrilling and thralling. We've never had issues. We're sort of an on-again, on-again. Yeah. Thrilling. Enthralling. We've never had issues. We're sort of an on-again on-again. Right. I mean, if you can't maintain a happy relationship, really have no business working in missions operations, I mean, am I right? He's right. Our relationship is in more or less

shambles most of the time. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Well, that's also good. Really should have opened it up before we doubled down on that one, huh? What I said was not what I believe. Many times people think, oh, you're a throuple. You must be, like, exciting and free and sexy. Yes, these are all the assumptions that ran through my mind when I found out you were a throuple.

Well, you need to change your assumptions. Yes, it's a lot of logistics. We also try to be a couple. We split up into different variations. Every possible combination. Yes, never worked out, honestly. Us two, me, that one. Three different types of combinations.

Me and the two. Another one over there. Have the three of you ever thought about, I don't know, seeing other people? You know, we talk about it sometimes and we all get very angry and then give each other very closed off communication for weeks. Yes, the only driving force stronger than our

unhappiness is our jealousy. Wow. Well, what's better than a nice meal at a nice restaurant to kind of rekindle a relationship. All three of us dying at the same time. I'm just going to say up top, I'm sorry, this mission sucks. Okay, nobody can find me here in the vents.

The vents. Hey, we met before when I was on the vents. The vents. Is there... Hi. Hey. We met before, when I was on the ground. Yeah. I'm C-53, lead envoy from the coup. I'm Captain Jilshaw. You're Captain of the Flower Baby. I'm Captain of the Flower Baby. Listen, we were sent

here to save you, okay? We're gonna try and get you out of here. It doesn't seem like it's going well. It's truthfully not going great, and I'm sorry about that. I am the lead envoy of this crew. It's technically my responsibility, but I'm going through

a very interesting personal period where this body is not really what I'm used to, and things are kind of confusing right now. I appreciate you telling me that your body is not what what I'm used to, and things are kind of confusing right now. I appreciate you telling me that your body is not what you would choose, because when you said you were the lead envoy, and then I look at you, piss-covered, soft,

it's not encouraging. Yeah, and I can see how that would be the case, but I promise you, we are going to get you out of here. Okay. We have another ship docked with the flower baby right now. If we can just get you and the rest of my crew off. Are we docked to dock right now?

Yeah. Okay. Let's just get me and you out of here. Okay. Let's leave them. I sort of have been working with them for a long time. Come on. Come on, baby.

Let's get out of here. We've got to leave them. We've got to go. No one knows there's this part in the ceiling. Come through this part. We'll just go into your ship right now. Close the dock. And we'll come out.

Oh, no, no. Jill, we can't. My crew is still on board the flower, baby. They need to come back. You know what, man? Dupe you, man. Hey, hey, what are you doing? You're closing the...

That's my ship! That's my ship! Run, damn it! Flower baby, show me your pictures. Okay. If you look closely, it's sort of in the vein of street art. Oh, wow. Okay, you know, I don't get it, but I get that you get it and I respect that.

There's messages in it that tell people how to live and what is cool and not cool i might have lost a lot of blood but it seems like it says like good vibes only it's it definitely says good vibes only and is that one a cat with sunglasses and peace sign hands thank you for noticing it is a cat with sunglasses and peace sign hands and. Thank you for noticing. It is a cat with sunglasses and peace sign hands, and if you look down at his feet, guess what he's wearing? Rollerblades. Wow.

Oh, and that one says, why no clock always? Oh, that's sort of more... That's street art, right? Yeah. That's sort of more like a ladies who lunch kind of vibe. It's why o'clock somewhere. You know, Sid,

this art is really speaking to me personally because I always try to have good vibes and I love any animal wearing clothes. Right. And also for me, the bottom of my boots can actually become rollerblades. Whoa, really?

I didn't know about that. I can't believe this. If you could use your butt, you could really show off right now. I just have to really sort of like watch you to see me sort of. If I un-wound your butt, will you do some tricks for me? Sure. Oh, oh, and really? Oh, ow, it really... Oh, wow, it went all the way through and out the other side.

It hurts more now. But I do have mobility, and a promise is a promise. So much blood coming out. Yes, yes, skate on me. Skate on me. Yes, yes. I don't... Listen, Mr. Fletchman. Yes, still not wild about that name. Okay, Jilshah is on Barji. She's locked us out, okay?

What? We're stuck aboard the flower baby. Okay, okay, this is bad now. Okay, what do I push? Um, hi. My name is Bajie. Okay, you are the ship? Yes, I am the ship.

Um, that steering wheel you're using? Yeah, that doesn't do anything. It's a prop from one of my films. Steer into your heart. Terrible film. What is this, a costume ship? No, but if you want costumes, if you go to the third closet to the left,

I got pants from Lorraine Chavan. I got a couple of costumes from Western with Geraint Porn. And I got a couple of wet shirts, still wet after all these many, many years from Gary Flynn. I know these names mean nothing to you, but trust me, they're pretty big. In a few hours, I would love to put on a wet shirt.

But I need you to start this tubing machine for me. Question, what is that accent? This is what I'm talking about. They blame me for everything so i'm not getting fired what why would we fire you we have no idea

what is even happening at work no reason oh you don't we have been so caught up in the relationship we haven't checked in with no we've been on this self care mental break that is amazing because nur doesn't know what's going We haven't checked in with the... No, we've been on a self-care mental break. That is amazing because Nerva doesn't know what's going on either. I mean, to be honest, he doesn't even know which one of you is Bjornib.

No, I totally know who's Bjornib. Let me... Just one second. I'm just going to go over here and get another napkin. And... Hey, Bjornib! Well, you all silently turned to look at me. Okay. And Dart,

why'd you look at me? You ran away and then yelled Bjornib. What were you expecting to happen? You're the only one I'm certain isn't Bjornib. I'm sorry. We just have to ask. Which one of you is Bjornib? We're all Bjornib, but we're also not all Bjornib. It's a little tricky and a little

little. We are Powerthrupple. That is why we have fun Powerthrupple nickname. I am Bjoth. And I'm Jornand. And I'm Nibnib. I'm little Nibnib. B-Jorn-Nib. It's Funthrupple. Of course. Yes.

Yes, that's us. So, Bjornib. Yes. I understand now that us. So, Bjornib. Yes. I understand now that I'm not here for promotion or to get fired, which is cool. Why did you invite me to dinner? Some good friends of ours canceled, so we... Oh. Why'd they cancel?

Well, we depressed them. Yeah. Yes, and we cannot eat alone as a throuple. Yes, last time we ate together in a restaurant alone, the restaurant closed down. Not because it was ending, but it closed. They're putting the chairs on the tables. The restaurant does not close for two hours. I think they may be out of business now.

Got it. So don't mind me. I'm just going to put up my menu here like a little shield and show it to Nermit real quick. Oh, I totally want to order that. What's up? Nermit, this is the saddest throuple I have ever met. Let's tell him we're going to the bathroom and just get out of here. We have to help each other to the bathroom now.

Oh, solo mission. I can't rollerblade anymore. AJ, AJ, you've done enough. You've done enough. Yeah, you've done everything you can. Thank you for trying your best. No problem. AJ, you should really just lay down

and maybe drink some water Okay Would you like to stay in here forever I don't think so You know What was that No more hatch to hatch What

It seems like we started a squad here Might as well keep it rolling. Ah, sure. Sid, it has been really great getting to know you and experience your art. Do you really mean it? Yeah, totally. I guess we probably are going to need to get back to our ship because we probably have another mission that we got to get on

and we'll totally hang out soon right? Bargy can I talk to you in private? Going into private chat mode Hello? Do they mean it Bargy? Are they really my friends? At first you're suspicious of them right?

Because it's like am I just flying them? Because this job, this work that we're doing, right? And then after a while, you get to know them a little bit. They kind of get on your nerves, especially the little pink one. Yes. Because it's like, what's your deal? Yes, what's your deal? Anyway, after a while, you kind of get to know their names.

But honestly, they all kind of look the same to you. Yes. And then you realize, when they're gone, you miss them. And then a small bean comes with nipples. Yes. Ends up being like a soul you're probably best friends with in another life. And you and that bean create a television show. And you have an audience load in every week, you know?

No one really talks about it, and it goes back to dissect when exactly that happened, but it happened. We had 60 episodes. We never reached 100, which is pretty sad. We were canceled before then. So at the end of the day, I would say, yeah, they could be friends, you know,

if you want it to happen. What do you think they're talking about? I do want it to happen, but I feel like maybe they are being fake with me because they're afraid of me. I mean, you can kind of suss out the other side of the conversation based on that. Yeah, I think, yeah. I just wonder what Barchi's saying. Sometimes it's, uh, you have to let yourself be vulnerable to let other people in. Let yourself be vulnerable.

Tell them something about yourself you've never told anyone. All right. I'm ready. Hey, guys. Hey. Hey, Sid. Hi. Did you miss Bargy and I when we were having our private talk?

We did, actually. We were sort of worried about what that might have meant for all of us in the future can we get raw uh oh uh yeah i mean are we still alive at the end of being raw or what's what's your definition of what is raw for you my definition of rise tell you something about myself that i've never told anyone oh okay, then yeah, let's do that. I constantly feel like I'm not enough. Well, Sid, that's a very common feeling. You know, if anything, I think we can all relate to that.

I'm pretty uncomfortable in this body, as I am also an artificial intelligence, and normally I'm in a very efficient robotic frame you know it just makes me sort of doubt myself and and who I am your AI like me that's correct yes are you shooting me uh no no I'm not shooting you I'm a C-series artificial intelligence from the Ronca Cybernetics Corporation. You probably don't know. I've heard of it. Really?

Where did you hear about it? I'm sorry. I have to admit it. I lied to try to be cool. Oh. Okay. I'm a two-person idiot. No, no.

Hey, Sid. No. Listen, Sid, you don't have to lie to be cool. You're one of the first sentient ships in this galaxy. That's incredible. X. That's a real accomplishment. X-Pleck.

Well, maybe we're more than just a super soldier, a brain, a jock, and a killer spaceship. Wait, no, I'm the jock. Which one is the... Yeah, which one's... If you're the super soldier, who's the jock? Yeah, who's the jock? I'm the brain, right? Well, I thought I was the brain.

Oh. I'm definitely not the jock. Maybe I'm the pretty one. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, maybe, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now, Sid, that was a Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, Sid, that was a pretty good joke. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, guys. Let's go hatch to hatch and put you guys back on your ship and stay friends forever. Oh. Good.

Good. Amazing. I have your stick for you, Clegg. Oh, thank you. Wow. Oh, my God. It's awesome. Yes, please take all your guns.

Is that good? That's about good, man. Oh, wow. We are hatch to hatch. A.K.A. what, AJ? Butt to butt, Sid. Butt to butt. You guys want to lay down again? No, we don't want to lay down. We don't want to lay down. But, but. You guys want to lay down again?

No, we don't want to lay down. We're good. I think we're good. Yes. Yes, I see, absolutely, sir Uh-huh, I shall see you first thing in the morning Yeah, thank you, sir Mama, mama, it's finally happened What has happened, my dear child? I have been offered an internship as an engineer Oh, praise the reflector.

I cannot believe my baby girl has been granted this opportunity. What corporation has accepted your magnificent talents? Optisoft, mama. It's a noble and honorable corporation where ideas thrive. Oh, Optisoft. I have never been happier, Tomac. I shall make you so proud, Mama. But, Tomac, Optisoft is in the big simulated city.

You cannot possibly wear the garments I have sewn for you by hand since you were a babe in my arms. Oh, never fear, Mama, because I have chosen Stitch Fix, the online clothing subscription service. But, Tomac, shopping, the online clothing subscription service. But Tomac, shopping for clothing online is so daunting. You never know if things will fit. Ah, but Mama, that is why I allow Stitch Fix to do all the work. Stitch Fix offers clothing hand-selected by expert stylists for my unique size, style and budget. Budget? Yeah. Every piece is chosen for my

fit in my life and it's easy solution to finding what makes me look and feel my best. But are not returns so tedious and frustrating? Oh, no, no. You do not need to worry, Mama. Stitch Fix has free shipping, easy returns,

and exchanges. And a prepaid return envelope is included. Plus, there's no subscription required. I can get one fix at a time or set up automatic deliveries. And I pay just 20 money units as a styling fee for each box, which get credited to pieces that I kept. And there are no hidden fees ever, Mama.

Oh, the reflector continues to bestow blessings upon us. Stitch Fix can help you too, Mama. Get started today at stitchfix.com and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's

stitchfix.com slash zix. For 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's StitchFix.com slash Zix. But 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. Z-Y-X-X. Yeah. Oh, yes. Four random letters that do not spell anything recognizable. I don't know. What could it be?

Anyway, it's StitchFix.com slash Zix. Zix. Zix. Zix. Zix. Zix. Our accents are so specific. So specific. H.E., are you all right? Yeah, that was a close one. Yeah. Did you get the chandelier out of your butt? Yeah, that was a close one. Yeah. Did you get the chandelier out of your butt?

Yeah, that ship almost murdered us. I got to say, the fact that you're organic and can get through a situation like that without fear. AJ, I got to say, I'm impressed at how you dealt with all this. Yeah, thank you, Mr. Piss Pants Man. That's, ooh, yeah, that one I don't like. Yeah, AJ, you can't. That's what happened. Yeah, that one I don't like. I don't like that one at all. That's what happened. We could rewrite history all day, but those pants got pissed.

Somebody pissed them. Wasn't me. He's learning to be a person. Don't be weird about it. Speaking of weird... Captain Jilshah. So glad you could join us for the ride back to the Synergy Yeah I was gonna sneak behind you guys

Yeah Do you remember when you slammed the blast door in my face And then locked me out of my own ship Not totally Hmm Well it was only about an hour ago So it's sort of surprising you don't remember that Yeah Captain Jilshah we came to rescue you because you sent us a distress call.

Yeah, so we just have to, you know, we'll just all sit together, which is not awkward at all. So we'll just do that. Great. Do you guys know any songs we can do in the round or something no i don't well i did hear this one that's like space is waste space is waste oh sorry sorry oh sorry i didn't know that was a part yeah that's gonna be that's the song playing when a lot of people i know that... That was the wrong song to sing, and I apologize. Maybe just silence? Do we just want to all sit in silence?

Maybe silence. I'm so sorry. Thank you. Wow. Wow. Chalk that up in the old, wow, what an experience. Right, Dar? Right.

You're in a pretty good mood for someone who just failed to get a promotion. Yeah, I guess so. Well, despite Bjorn being an utter and epic downer, I just really had a good time with you. Dar, I don't want to overstep. I know we're not in a relationship. You're on a solo mission emotionally. I'm on a solo mission emotionally and professionally. You're on a solo mission emotionally. I'm on a solo mission emotionally and professionally. But we can do them together like we did here. Sometimes.

I mean, if you want to again. I think I hear what you're saying, Herman. Yeah. I think that sounds really nice. And, you know, I was thinking, obviously, if the crew's still on their mission, Stu and I, you know, we probably have time for another mission. Oh, a duo mission. Yes.

Absolutely. One request. Can you wear the jackets? No. Fine. Fine. No, fine, fine. I'll do it. Okay.

I'll do it. That's my... Don't be tormenting me. Ow. Couldn't have foreseen that happening. Could not have foreseen me mistaking the tiny jacket for my own. Oh, come on. It's impossible.

Hey, Bargy. Hold on. Private line. Okay on. Private line. Okay, but Claire, what do you want to say? I just, I wanted to ask you a little bit of advice. Oh, sure. Yeah, whatever you need. It's just, sometimes when I'm flying around, there are other ships that I see. Right, yeah.

Sometimes when I'm flying around, there are other ships that I see. Right, yeah. And I don't always know how to fly past them. I don't know how to hold my ship to look a certain way. And I don't know how to communicate with them. Yeah. How, Bargy, can I be... I don't know how to communicate with them. How, how, Bargy, can I be... I feel so lame to ask it, but... No, no.

How do you make another ship like you? Remember the Bargy trick? To get anyone to ever give you the time of day? I'm listening. One simple word. You just say, hey! Hey! It always works. You try it. Come on. Hey! Louder. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! You make it a little longer, too. Hey! Hey! Yeah, move deeper and like as if you've been through wars. Like... Oh, yeah.

Oh, look, look. That ship near you. It just turned around. Okay, I've got to go, Bargy. I need to go try to talk to them. Oh, I'm so proud of you. Hello, this is Cal of the experimental ship, the Mountain Sky. It is a pleasure to talk to you now.

Oh man, I blew that. I am such a nerd. This is C-Red IT5. Credits and attributions joined. Commencing outro protocol. Plek, Dexsutter, and NibNib were played by Alden Ford. Lead Envoy C-53 and Kel of the Mountain Sky were played by Jeremy Bent. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, Jornid, and Tomak Bardlow were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Nermit Bundeloy and Lieutenant Commander O'Doul were played by Seth Land.

AJ and Beo were played by Winston Knoll. Sid of the Flower Baby and Captain Jilshah were played by Seth Land. AJ and Beo were played by Winston Knoll. Sid of the Flower Baby and Captain Jolsa were played by special guest Edie Patterson. Edie plays Judy Gemstone and is a writer on HBO's The Righteous Gemstones. She also played Miss Abbott on HBO's Vice Principals and Fran in the film Knives Out. Follow her on

Twitter at Edie Patterson High. This episode was edited by Seth Flynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Thames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Catch music by Shane Spaces Waste O'Connell. Opening chronoration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hi, I'm Annabelle Gurrich. And I'm Laura House. And we're the hosts of Tiny Victories. My tiny victory is that I sewed that button back on the day after it broke. We talk about that little thing that you did that's a big deal to you, but nobody else cares. Did you get that Guggenheim Genius Award? We don't want to hear from you. We want little bitty tiny victories. My tiny victory

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Do you remember when you slammed the blast door in my face and then left with my ship? Not totally. Well, it was only about an hour ago, so it's sort of surprising you don't remember that. So how much? How much to stay on the ship? Oh, that's...

We're sort of post-money, so that's... Okay, okay, I get it. Handjobs. No, no. Absolutely not. Captain Chilshad. Alright, then open the hatch. Shoot me into space.

Alright, opening up my hatch Opening up my hatch