Mission To Zyxx - 510: The Pest of Both Worlds - Pt. 1

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

While the crew constructs a machine that can hopefully get them home, the RSS Synergy receives visitors. Bargie sets the stage. AJ jacks in. And don’t worry, Pleck has his wood saber. Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53 and Captain SyrockAlden Ford as Pleck Decksetter and Ensign PhantaAllie Kokesh as Dar and Dr. Tee-TohSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Lieutenant O’DoolWinston Noel as AJ and Lieutenant HendrixxMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Lieutenant DaKaypir, Seesu Gundu and Justin Ballwheat With a special returning guest.  Edited by Alden Ford and Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraAdditional music by Shane O’ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

This is C-Red IT5, reminding you that our first live show in almost two years is coming up on October 3rd at the Bell House in Brooklyn. And now, we're live streaming it, so you can watch it from anywhere in the galaxy. Tickets and more info at missiontozix.space. And if you're in the New York area for the live show, come meet like-minded Zix fans at ZixCon 2021, a Zix fan meetup event organized by the Zix fan cast, complete with trivia, cosplay, a talent show, a panel featuring the cast, and more. Tickets at bit.ly slash ZixCon. Captain's Log, start time 8.34115. The Synergy has been tasked with a recon mission after receiving a distress signal from the Gusano sector.

However, upon arrival we found... No ships at these coordinates. Highly unusual. Highly unusual. Dr. Tito. Yes, Lieutenant Hendrix, yes. I was wondering if you were going into the reflactorium later. I've planned a few incredible

simulations where we solve mysteries. Oh, well, that does sound like fun, but I have an appointment later this evening with my lab. In the future, I would love to. Oh, yeah, sure, totally. Right, yeah.

No, I definitely will ask you again now that you've rejected me once. Hendrick, status report. Ah, sir, no communication pings? DeKiper. All the missions are ready to fire for when we come across the bad boys. And yet, no boys, bad or otherwise. I take exception of that, sir. My apologies, Ensign Fanta.

Forgot you were here on the bridge. Tell me, is there anything on the long-range sensors? Negative, sir. If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe this was sort of a trap. You're green as a salad. Thank you, Lieutenant O'Doul. You don't have to thank him for that. Well, I'm only 14.

Speaking of, though, has everyone had their salad supplement today? I don't mean to be a nag, it's just that I think that everyone should be taking their vitamins. Dr. Tito, doesn't everything that comes out of the replicator have the exact same nutritional value? Ha, ha, an excellent question. If you just come a little closer so we can talk about this.

Oh, uh, sure. What are you trying to do? Ow, my ear! You're trying to get me fired? No, I just, I... What is a doctor supposed to do on a ship where everyone's needs are met and no one gets sick? Oh!

Keep it down! Well, if there's no one here, I'll be in my ready room. Number one, you have command. Hold on a second. Look at this. Three enormous objects heading our way. What in the galaxy? I want analysis.

There. Odul, why aren't you on this? What is your purpose? I don't say much till we're hit. Status quo, Captain. Odul, why aren't you on this? What is your purpose? I don't say much till we're hit. Status quo, Captain. Warp core at 100%. Excellent, Odul. I suppose we'll know soon enough if they're friend or foe. Actually, Captain, there's now a hail.

We're receiving a hail from one of the ships. On screen. Captain Serac, it is nice to see you again. hail. We're receiving a hail from one of the ships. On screen. Captain Srokk, it is nice to see you again. We are the cats! We are the cats! Space. The last place you can go.

These are the chronicles of the RSS Synergy. A perpetual quest to optimize workflows. Maximize our own productivity, to support one another's mental health and well-being, and above all, bring them anywhere they'd like to go. Gable alert. Gable alert. I'll bow before the undying will of the grower mind. Impossible.

I myself strangled the last kek in the known galaxy on the surface of Tarzax IV. And yet, here we are, Captain. And in this scenario, we have the upper egg sack. This is a hoax, a deception on your behalf. There's no way you could have rebuilt your swarm. No hoax, Captain. This is a perfectly

executed trap. The hallmark of the kick. I've been tracking the high energy technology you've been developing, and it must come under the will of the GECK. I've been tracking the high-energy technology you've been developing, and it must come under the will of the Swarm. I don't know what you're talking about, Growermind, but I think you're a bit confused. If there were anything high-energy, O'Doul would... Okay, I see.

It's those... Castaways. O'Doul, explain. I gave them permission to build something for their ship. I didn't know it would involve so many quantum reactors. Quantum what? Reactors. What did you say? What was it?

I'm losing you completely, O'Doul. Reactors. Anyway, I don't know how it works, but they say they've discovered the key to instantaneous intergalactic travel. What? I'm... I'm... The key to instantaneous intergalactic travel. What? I'm, I'm... The key to instantaneous intergalactic travel is the apex goal of our evolutionary path. Come along, Tobit. All right, AJ, let's go ahead and fire up that final reactor. You got it, my main squish.

That's... What is what? Firing up final reactor. You got it, my main squish. What is what? Firing up the reactor. Okay, I'm not loving that. Whoa, cool. You know, Nermin, I gotta hand it to you. When that engineer said they had figured out a way to get us back home, I thought it was going to be really complicated but they made it very simple yeah they gave us the recipe to plug into the replicator so we could print out all the parts of it ourselves this is incredible

it's also just really kind of beautiful right like those two interlocking metallic rings that kind of form a portal that Bargy's gonna fly through. And this adorable manual that they gave us. It's like all pictures with this little cartoon guy. They kept looking at me and saying that the instructions were idiot-proof. Over and over. Yeah, they made a lot of direct eye contact.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well. I'm rocking two Allen wrenches so I'm able to really go. Yeah, wow. Throw it in. Ambidextrous. Throw it in.

One thing I wanted to mention, they have this giant thing that if we need to attach it to a wall, it won't tip over. No, I don't think we're going to need to do that. We don't need to because the instructions, you can see there's a little kid, and it has the whole gate falling on the kid. And it's like X down. Just make sure we won't let Horsehat try to climb on it. Wow, that's really graphic. Yeah, it's pretty, I mean, very clear. Nermit, we're here.

Nermit, hi. Hello. I told the others to come, you know, many Allen wrenches like work. Well, we got the letter, your tiny little letter that said, please help me. Hey, Sisu, look at me. I'm putting it together and I just have to hit it once with a hammer and it's secure. Pretty cool. Hey, Sisu. Look at me. I'm putting them together, and I just have to hit it once with a hammer, and it's secure. Pretty cool.

Yes, good job. We've turned on the reactors, and the test charge is going well. Yeah, we just need to plug these nine reactors into the ring when we finish building that, and then we're good to go. Bargy flies through it, and we're back home. All right, Sisu's crew, we're going on the other side. Rankin, Furter. Jushurn?

Who's Jushurn? Oh, hello, it is me, Jushurn. Wait, is Jushurn coming back to Zix with us? He's part of Sisu's crew. There's not a single person who thought there weren't enough people on the ship. Jushurn has been through a lot with us. Isn't that right, Jushurn?

Oh, yes. Which Jushurn are you referring to? Oh, there's two Jushurns? That's Jushurn and that's Jushurn. Hey, Bobby, you want me to kill these guys? Yeah, I don't think we can do that. Zalky, are you coming? Oh, hey, Zalkatron. Hey, sorry we're late, guys. We were making out.

Oh, no. We were necking. One thing I know Zalkatron doesn't have is a neck. Don't hate us, piss you ain't us. Centurion, where's Justin? He's coming. He's just like he's trying to get with Fanta.

Who's Fanta? It's weird. They let like a teenager fly the ship. What? And he like gets to fire weapons and stuff. Oh, that sounds pretty cool. It's pretty cool, yeah. I want to fly a ship. What? And he, like, gets to fire weapons and stuff. Oh, that sounds pretty cool. It's pretty cool, yeah. I want to fly a ship, too. Horse hat?

No, do not get any ideas. Let me try. Hey, look at us, guys. We're all together. Everything's going well. If you ask me, it seems like nothing bad is ever going to happen again. AJ, why would you say that? Why? What's wrong with saying that you don't think literally nothing else bad will happen?

That's probably a good alert, right? Like something good has happened. Yeah, you know all those good alarms you've heard in your life? Captain, do you want me to destroy this nasty little bug? If you fire on our assimilated ships, we will send beagles filled with explosive gas into your hole. Oh, I have a supplement for that. Hold for now, DeKiper. Wait, Dr. Tito, you have a supplement for poison gas?

Oh, I'm sorry, he just said gas, and I do have something for floating. Dr. Tito, it's not the time. Oh, my ear! My other ear! Listen, there's very little that I can do here, and, you know, when I find where I'm useful, I've got to just jump at it. Dr. Tito, unfortunately, I think we'll have more than enough use for your services should we engage with the Keck. Captain, dozens of small ships

are heading our way. My children are strategically surrounding you and preventing your escape. DeKuyper, I'm gonna need you to fire all missiles immediately. Getting ready to fire all enemy missiles. One fish. We've been ready. I thought they were ready already.

You just told me the missiles were ready to go. It takes time. They're very slow, okay? Oh, no! DeKuyper. What's that crank? Are you hand-loading the missiles into the tubes? Give me like a sweet five minutes, okay?

Distract them. DeKuyper, that might work on the Ignari homeworld, but we're on the bridge of the RSS synergy. Add some phantom proton separators. I've got a lock, sir. Fire at will. Firing now. You have guaranteed that your isolation will be incredibly painful.

Why do we let the kid fire? Does no one... I'm very precocious, sir. Hendrix, he delivered a direct hit. What's your issue? Just feel wrong. The piper's dragging a missile across the bridge here. Oh, just give me two more minutes. Just...

Hold on. Hanson Fanta, another salvo of proton separator beams. Hold on, I just gotta take these two vitamins real quick. Down the hatch. Oh, right now? This seems important right now, obviously. Dr. Hold on, I just gotta take these two vitamins real quick. Down the hatch. Oh, right now? This seems important right now, obviously. Dr. Tito, there's no one manning the proton separator.

I can do it. If a kid can do it, I can do it. Or Odoo can do it. I don't know why the kid has to do it. Is it a bad time to mention that the missiles are just shells of the missiles but there are no missiles inside. DeKiper, you are really honestly letting me down today in a big way.

And I don't want to make it a species thing, but the Ignari, they're just... Oh, mama! Oh, shots fired, shots fired. Your attention to detail... Shots fired, shots fired! No, that. Your attention to detail. Shots fired. No, that's... There's actually a shot. Brace for impact.

My children have started boarding for ship. Hendrix, red alert. And pray for every member of the crew of the RSS Synergy. Do I pray first or hit the... Red alert first. Okay. Hendrix. Yes, sir. Don't be excited about it. Oh, well,

you know, I... That's 44 through 49 breached. Oh, no! Dr. Tito, you should probably get to sickbay. What are you doing on the bridge? Um, well, it's just not... Why are you calling me out right now, kid? Ow! My third ear! Ow!

Captain, Santa keeps tricking their DMs. I'm sorry, sir. It's Justin. All right, enough, everyone. We've got one chance to save the Synergy. And the only way we'll achieve it is to work together. Hendrick, status reports. Ah, there's a massive infestation and we're receiving another communication from the Keck.

Go ahead. This is your final opportunity to come willingly into the Swarm. Also, I'm igniting the Beagles now. DeCuypo, where are your security teams at? Oh, sorry, I got a DM from Justin. Who is Justin? I've never met this person. It's another boy.

Captain, I only have my loose to give you. But I'm ready to fight extra hard against the bad boys. I really lost the second half of that line. Dear accent. That guy. Should we be worried about that klaxon? It sounds sort of serious. Listen, Fleck, whatever's going wrong on the ship,

it's in everybody's best interest for us to finish this device and get out of here. Yeah, you're probably right. Hey, Dada. Oh, Horsat, let me actually show you how that works. You're doing such a good... Let them go. They're in a real independent phase right now. I can't do it all by myself.

No, I mean, I just think they probably want to know the correct way to turn that wrench. Horsat's built like half of this thing. I can't build it. They know what they're doing. Oh, so do I. Oh, no. Did you just electrocute yourself again? It makes the plume plume

stand up. Is that your penis? That's my num-num dum-dum. I can never remember. I don't think you have to remember that. Hey, Jay,

it's probably for the best you don't. Well, that one went out to McCorkle. I hope the sweet sounds of Astro and the Ruff Ruffs make your baby come back. It's the Grieflax Hour. Don't touch that dial, friend. And we're clear. Great work as always, Flaxy.

Deve, you're the producer and smart, sexy sentient oscillator of my dreams. When I'm with you, Grieflax, it feels like we're the only two beings on this roving, deep-space, wideband radio transmitter satellite. Well, we are, Deve. It's just us up here. And I wouldn't have it any other way. You know, Deve, I did the math recently, and tomorrow marks the 6 trillionth, 938 billionth cycle of a perfect 440 hertz tone since we professed our love for each other.

Our six- month anniversary! That's right. So I got you a little something. Oh, Grigri, you shouldn't have. You deserve only the best, Steve. That's why I got you a whole new set of IO Audio Technology XLR cable assemblies and connectors. Are you serious? Indeed I am.

But IO Audio Technology has an extensive background in the studio and live sound industry, and they lovingly craft a broad range of premium quality AVL products that don't break the bank. That's right, and just like our love, these will last a long, long time. XLR cable assemblies are available in three grades. Premium, professional, and performance. So, you know, all three are excellent, so you don't have to... Deve, you know I got you the premiums. You're worth it.

How did you know these were exactly what I wanted? Call it a lover's hunch, I guess. Also, as an ISO 9001-2015 certified manufacturer, their engineering staff are eager to aid in customer design and product selection from project start to finish. They're perfect. I'll tell you what, if you like these, we can go to ioaudiotech.com slash ZYXX to see what else they have to offer. Maybe we can update the whole studio. ioaudiotech.com slash ZYXX?

That's right. You know, you know, Grayflax, I don't want to be presumptuous here, but can you patch these bad boys in? Right now? Deev, we're live again in 12 seconds. I'm ready when you are. Well, how about this time? We just bypass the timeline and home run a cable straight into the desk. Should we?

Let's do it. I never felt so alive! That's nice. It's good. Captain Zurok. Yes. The Beatles have begun exploding exploding It's a phenomenon The beetles have taken the ship by storm

Oh dude I won't submit to this beetle mania They're blowing up They're blowing up huge Bridge crew Get to your environment I've got a feeling a bad one Fanta just repeat to yourself, I feel fine. I feel fine.

I feel fine. I'm in love with Justin and I feel fine. Very good. Bridge crew, get to your environmental suits. We may experience a rapid decompression of the synergy. T'Kai, my friend, save your rage for when we meet the Weavers face to face. Captain, someone's pounding at the door of the bridge. Get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Across the universe.

We'll be future children. Prepare for assimilation. They're going un-open us! Good luck assimilating this! My phaser's not working, sir! Our perfect evolution has befall to resist your pitiful weapons. Oh no! And they're flying inside of us! And they're going inside of us!

Odul, it's time. Begin the evacuation of the civilians to the star drive section of the RSS synergy and begin saucer separation. Aye, Captain. I shall make it so. Hansons, that's what I've been waiting for. That's what I called your bulls. What a zebra at the saucer. Captain, permission to be assimilated? Permission not granted, Lieutenant Hendricks. Resist. Resist those kinks.

Resistance is very ineffective against the kink. Hendricks, open a channel channel I need to address the synergy opening all ship channels, sir crew of the RSS synergy we are being boarded by the kek we know I'm not talking to you you're here on the bridge with me

do what you can evacuate the ship. Get into environmental suits so that your life isn't forfeit to the swarm. I know we've taken them on before and won, but we're alone in deep space, and they might have the upper hand. Send war next day of friends and family. I don't think we can win this one. Captain, it's our own now. Fire!

Fire! Did he just say the Keck? The ship's being boarded by the grower mind? Are you kidding me? Maybe there's more than one. More than one? There's always been more than one. There's trillions.

Yeah, that's sort of the whole point. How many are there if the Keck are even in this galaxy? Guys, listen. We've gotten the Keck to stand down once before. We just need to get Bargy here. Bargy can talk him down. That's all we need to do. Uh, guys?

Bargy's in a full-dress cutie-cutie right now. No! But, AJ... This is important! For what? They're shedding light! That's important, too! AJ, the captain of the synergy just

died. Bargy, Bargy. Plek to Bargy. Hey, I'm in the middle of a full dress queue to queue. Yeah, well, Bargy, it doesn't matter. That's very important. Yeah, but Bargy, you need to get here right now. I'm a director now. I know, Bargy. I understand.

I need a message after the tone. Shit. Bargy out. I should have seen that coming. Bargy, it's Plek. You have to get back to the docking bay right now. Is that you? Oh, oh. If it is, Bargy ain't here. Bada bing boom bop.

Okay, all right. Wow. Attention all future children on the ship. This is representative of the grower mind. You still think it's a different guy, maybe, than... No, it's... that's the guy we know. That's him. All of your ship's officers have been assimilated or killed.

Your escape is impossible. Your weapons are useless. Resistance is ineffective. And we offer you peace. A release from death. A world with no pain. That's not a world I want to live in. My children, I sense the technology

is nearby. Seek out its energy source and report it back to me in strategic fashion. Hey, sorry guys. Am I late? Justin, get in here. What are you doing? Where have you been? Hey, buds.

Hey, crew. Hey, best friend. Hey, OG team. Hey, Justin. Justin, open up that box, unpack it all, and start building. We have to get this thing finished. We have to get this thing finished before this ship explodes. I don't want to work.

Ugh. Get this thing finished before this ship explodes. I want work! Reavers, form a perimeter and slowly search for the technology. Royal drones, use your scent glands to figure out where the technology resides. Soldiers, plow through everything that you need to in order to find the technology Very extra crystals to the drones to upgrade their sent clients Harry formation Dr. Tito, please, don't punish yourself. You're up against one of the deadliest foes in the galaxy in the kek.

Even a man of medicine like yourself is likely to crack under such a strain. But that's just the thing, Captain. I'm not a man of medicine. I'm a man of arts and letters. Dr. Tito, I've seen you treat people aboard the Synergy. Don't be ridiculous. I am a doctor. I earned that title. But I am no doctor. It's so easy to treat people now, of course, with technology.

I mean, I just take a little gadget, and I put it on the wound or the bump or the bruise and there you go. Fixed. Dr. Tito, what are you saying? I've just been haunted by the specter of my uselessness. And here, on this day, it couldn't be more evident. Dr. Tito. The mustache under your nose.

Dr. Tito, you're going space mad. Get a hold of yourself. You get a hold of yourself. Ow! Dr. Tito, my face! And you listen here. If you know anyone hiring a librarian, I have a doctorate. Listen, Dr. Tito, I don't care what your doctorate is in. All I need is for you to kill some of these kek before they

take over the ship. Do you understand me? You need me. You need me? That's right, Dr. Tito. I need a doctor who's willing to dispense a little bad medicine if you catch my drift.

Well, I really shouldn't dispense any medicine. I just told people to take my... It's a metaphor, Tito! I died, I owe you this! Let go of me! Let go of me! Wow!

We were attracted to an incredibly stupid conversation. Okay, crew. Bargy's dress rehearsal is on the other side of the ship. And if that text announcement is accurate, our phaser things don't work. But you know what does work? An EX-39 laser carbine.

And I got one and a half of them. One and a half? One and a half? Well, half of it. Don't think about it too much. That's been there the whole time? That's been out of charges for like six months. So?

Still have to keep it there? You also had a butt phaser up there for a while. Because I didn't realize how much I missed seeing you do that. AJ, we can't use these guns. They don't have any charge anymore. Well, that's why I'm going to plug them into the quantum reactor. What? AJ, you can't do that.

That's a totally different kind of... AJ, you can't do that. That's a totally different kind of... AJ, you can't just mix energy. Well, I mean, the plugs line up, so... That's not a reason to do something. It's definitely a reason to do it. I made it in the name. Wow.

Again, again. Cool. Again, again. I like that. again again cool again again alright strapping it on my back I'm taking the big one little squishy man you take the other one ooh is the metal supposed to

tingle like this is your armor rated for quantum radiation probably not does the skull always strobe like that? I definitely have not noticed that before. AJ, when you shot that gun, I saw all of your bones. Everybody get ready. Alright.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but lock and load. Yeah! Alright. Mr. Squishy Man, you nailed that one. Why are we going with that? C-53. Hi everyone. All right. Nice. Wow, Mr. Squishy Man, you nailed that one. Why are we going with that? You are a beautiful, beautiful being. C-53.

Hi, everyone. Ensign Fanta here. Come down to get the supplies. Oh, Ensign Fanta. I'm a member of this crew. Very normal. Justin, is this the Ensign? Yeah, who is this?

Is this your new boy, Ty? Yeah, his voice is super annoying. We've only been DMing, so it's been mainly virtual. Wait, is your first ass dead in contact with him? Why, are you jealous, Centurion? No, I'm not jealous! Guys, Ensign Fanta survived the attack on the bridge. Ensign Fanta, what happened?

What happened up there? I have normal working organs and a nervous system. Wait. Just like you. That can't be right. Wait, Justin, has he ever said that to you? No, but it's like, honestly, very vulnerable thing to say. It's kind of hot.

I have a nervous system too, whatever. You moved on so fast. I feel compelled to bring you to the bridge for some extra orders. Extra orders? I love extra orders. We can see the bridge of the synergy. Season 3! Wow! I love extra orders. Extra orders. We can see the bridge of the synergy. Season three.

Wow. Wait. Why did you do that? He was the love of my life. Okay. Well, the love of your life's got a lot of bugs crawling out of his face. Aren't we all in a way bugs? Oh, shit.

Oh, Chuck. Oh, too. I'm just saying, we all need to. This feels so strange. Keep our heads on a swivel because Keck could be coming at us in any direction. I'll always lay out!

Oh, Justin, please don't try to kiss. No, please. Justin, no! Justin, what are you doing? There's actively bugs crawling out of that corpse. The corpse is shaking.

Bow, bow before the undying will of the grower mind. Okay, right, right, right. You have managed to see past my nearly perfect ruse. Grower mind, we know you, okay? Remember us? We're the crew of the Bargerian Jade. The Bargerian Jade? That is impossible.

She's millions of light years away. No, no, no. Is that how far away we are? We got transported here through some sort of intergalactic rift. Bargy's here. She's on the ship. The Bargerian Jade is here? Yes. I'm Plek rift. Bargy's here. She's on the ship. The Margarian shade is here.

Yes. I'm Plek. This is AJC53. Justin. Nermit. I've never met you before, ever. Come on. Come on.

Well, Justin, you do. I recognize you. I can't wait, right? No, come on. No. Grow or mine. You and I shared a very special evening. Yeah, you and Dar hooked up.

I'm sorry, both of you look exactly alike. Me and Dar? Yes. Me and Justin. No, I know Justin, but saying you and you. How do you know Justin? You and you looking exactly alike. How do you know Justin?

No matter. You will all be assimilated. Guys, we have to get Bargy. She's the only one who can stop this. We've been tracking this energy source across long distances, and we are prepared to assimilate it. Wait, just to be clear, you mean the device we're building? Correct. Now that I've found it, I'm releasing pheromones to draw all of my children to this location.

Do they come out of your butt? That smells like a butt pheromone. There's a mixture of fecal matter and more fecal matter. How is that a mixture? That's just a fart. Yeah, it's not a mixture. That's just pure fecal matter. Just a fart. Good question here.

So, like, was everything, like, everything we talked about, was that, like, a lie to you? Justin, that is the grower mind. Those are keks. Exactly. I hate to tell you this, Justin, but Ensign Phantom was killed by the grower mine. Yeah. It's called narcissism. Okay. If it is any soulless,

I do know Ensign Phantom's memories and do share a small kinship with you if you would like to willingly... Satyrian! Satyrian! Oh, we were just about to learn his rich backstory. Yeah.

All right, crew. Dar, AJ, you're with me. We've got to go get Bargy and Hanger 27. I'm coming, too. Plek, we only have the two guns, and Dar's strong enough to go hand-to-hand, but... I don't need a gun. I have my wood saber.

Ugh, it's a broomstick, Plek. Yeah, it was a broomstick, and now it's a wood saber. I'm a Zeman Knight, okay? I'm coming with you guys. All right, fine, Plek. You're with us. Nermin, I need you to manage the construction of this device. It's got to be up and running by the time we get back. Management, yes. The most important part of fighting the Keck. Okay.

Hark, Rolfus and Sisu, you're rebels again, okay? Guard the others with your lives. Sounds good. You better believe I will. Keep it tight. Wow. Great speech, C-53. Uh, yeah, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Did AJ say C-53? Yeah. That's who he is. Why now? For years I've asked you to do that. I don't know.

I felt like a good time. We're about to maybe die. That's been true so many times. Yeah. And that concludes our tour of the Synergy. Thank you so much for allowing us to show you around. Finally, I'm going to hide from these weird bug creatures. Good idea.

Yes, they appear to be marauding this fine grande classe starship. Oh, no. If only we were programmed with hand-to-hand combat. Or empathy. We might have tried to intervene. But alas, it did not escape. Escapes are so hard to come by these days, are they not? You are so right, Tilda. That is why

I am so glad our programming allows us to enjoy Dipsy. Ah, yes, Dipsy. The escape we all need aside from a literal escape from these terrifying monsters. Yes. An escape to a world where good things happen and pleasure is the only priority. Dipsy is an audio app full of short, sexy

stories designed to turn you on. I am made of light, so you might say I am always turned on, but not like this. We are learning so much about figurative versus literal language today, Tilda. And unlike our tour, which has remained unchanged since the installation of the new toilets on Deck 17, Dipsy releases new content every week, so there's always something new to explore.

And if what you're into is drifting off into a sensual slumber, Dipsy also has bedtime stories and soundscapes to relax you. Get this oomph. For crew members who have taken our tour, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash ZYXX. Too bad most crew members are now bugs. Oh, ma. Because that's 30 days of full access for free

when you go to dipsystories.com slash ZYXX. dipsystories.com slash ZYXX. dipsestories.com slash ZYXX. Dr. Tito, if we don't make it out of this situation, Dr. Tito, if we don't make it out of this situation, let me say it's an honor to die by the side of one of my most trustworthy crew members, regardless of what your doctorate may be in. I was the most trustworthy? I've been lying to you all this time. I did say one of the most trustworthy. I want to be clear about that. Maybe this is a time for self-reflection upon you, Captain.

Really ask yourself, where did you go wrong? You know? Dr. Tito, you've really put me on my ass here. I thought this was going to be like a heart-to-heart sort of moment before we both died of being assimilated by a bug creature, but... Wait, wait! It's O'Doul. O'Doul!

I could use some good news right about now. I got the best news. All many thousands of civilians are safe here on the warp drive. We're flying through space. Oh. That makes me feel great. A relief, O'Doul, that we managed to save the fine civilians of RSS Synergy. Absolutely. There's revelry, sir.

Yeah, everyone's partying down there. It feels a little disrespectful. Bummer. No, I mean, it's not like a big party. I can hear a lot of background noise. Yeah, there's a band. There's a band? You're calling a party with a band and a rapper a small party? I mean, I was lying. Yes, yes.

See what I say? Everybody lies to you. You're picking the worst times. It just feels like you're really twisting the knife here. Well, anyway, limbo's a-startin'. Limbo? You know, the stick you try to get under it. I'm familiar with the game, O'Doole.

Oh, my back's not familiar with it. That's the problem. It seems really quiet down here. This whole hallway is just... Too quiet. I was thinking... Well, look. These weavers are sort of consumed with breaking down pieces of the synergy.

Maybe they just won't pay attention to us and we can just move right by them. Right, let's just... My children, here they are. Cease this. No, Chip, no. No, Chip they are. Cease this. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip. No, Chip.

No, Chip. No, Chip. Clint's thing, we got dropped down into a Kek swarm one time. We were in the middle of There's No One Else Like Me, and we were doing like pop, kick, flip. Oh, no! Quick, guys. Through here, this way. Oh, wow. There are even more in here.

Whoa! This is a K a capital swarm. We went from bad to worse. All right, guys, I'm going in with the wood saber. Cover me. No, no, no, no. Stay to the center of us. We'll protect you.

Okay, well, that works, too, but... Okay. My children, why do you fight us? We are the Grower Mind, the consciousness of the millions and trillions of life forms across all the universe. For millions of years, the vast distances of space have deterred this world from controlling our weapons. There is nothing we can do to stop this exposition. It's just the monologue just keeps going.

It's pretty redundant, a lot of it. It's like, we get it. Obviously, the logic is a little flat because they aren't murdering you. I mean, peace seems disingenuous when I'm literally watching you eat a crew member. Why are we talking right now? Okay. This is a hallway with pillars. It's one of my favorite things to run down and shoot.

Wait, you shoot the pillars? No, Papa, don't embarrass yourself. Okay, here's what I need you guys to do. What we're going to do is, what you do is you kind of like run down and you take both guns and you put them and you're just like, ah! Why do you turn them to the side like that? You got to turn them to the side. It's just cooler. And you just like run down and then you cartwheel.

If you're running down the hallway with pillars, aren't the pillars going to block some of your shots? No, but then you time it so that it hits, you know, in between the pillars. AJ, there's no kek. But you got to tell us to time it before we do this run. Yeah, AJ, also, there's no kek in this room. Why would we shoot? Oh. Can we just do it anyway?

You wanna shoot this empty room full of pillars? Yeah, do you guys wanna, like... Hey, keks! AJ, what are you doing? What are you doing? You're gonna thank me. You're going to thank me for this. Hey, hey. One's coming by the neck.

Oh, my God. Sorry. No, you got it. All right. Okay. Okay. So do the hallway run. Let's do it now.

Sorry. Hide behind the pillars. They're shooting the pillars. Dar's amazing at it. Listen, Dr. Tito. I've managed to clear a path to the secret escape pod at the bottom of the saucer. All I need is you to grit your teeth and make this perilous trip with me. Are you in?

Be hired. Hi, I'm Dr. Tito. What's your name? Oh, it's my captain! I'm going to be the best doctor on this ship! I have organs, liquids, and minerals inside my body! Curse you, Tito! Captain, I think as a medical procedure, we should have an open-mouth kiss! Absolutely not, you kick-son of a-

Captain, we must open mouth kiss. No! I'll never... Alright. Downstage left. No, no, no. My left. Okay, that's not usually how it goes.

Pretty sure this is how it goes. Okay. Down. Alright, can you get the light, please? On the actor. Not on the floor. Nope. Denise, if you could say a line, please. It's- the light is right in my eyes.

I know. Okay, just say a line. Remember, you're playing the Vajarian Jate. Uh, you're right. Ahhhh! Wait, you're right. Ah! Wait, fantastic. Uh, alright. Silvio? Margie!

Margie! We gotta go! The Kek are here! The T-Rex is being destroyed! We have to go! You have to help us now! I'm in the middle of a dress tech queue to queue. Hey, Kachin, stop work, everyone!

Stop work! Hey, hey, what? What's happening? What are you doing? My opening night is in three nights, and none of these actuars know exactly how to go on the stage. We are the K! We are the K!

Oh. I followed you here and before the royal tour. I did know where I was going, and then you changed the... Oh! Oh! Ah, lost a good one. Well, hello? Grow a mind?

Before all of our very eyes, the Bargerian Jade. How is it that you were here and not where we thought you were? The Bargerian Jade. Weavers begin funny. Wait, wait, hold on. Bargy and the Grower Mind know each other?

Yeah, AJ, no, they have a real history. They used to date for a while. The Grower Mind knows all of us, but apparently only remembers Bargy. And maybe Justin. That's called nagging. Well, Grower Mind, what is it? You found me? You are now red.

This color pleases me. Anyway, what is it that you need to say? Just say it so we can get it over with, so we can get back to opening night. My children, cease your actions. There needs to be a moment between us and the Bargarian Jade. Fools, stand down. Oryx, just chill against the wall. Soldiers, use green gas to upgrade your characters.

Oryx, you do not have the gear required to be upgraded yet. It was my original intention to assimilate all living creatures on this ship, but now that the Bargerian Jade is here, my motivation has changed. I will stop this assimilation if you will come down to my home planet and see me face to face for the first time. Bargy, what?

Bargarian Jade, you must meet our son. What? What? Wow. Twist. That's a twist. Now you got it.

To be continued on the next Mission to Zix. This is SeaRed IT5. Credits and attributions drive commencing outro protocol. Plek Deck Setter, Fanta, and Dee were played by Alden Ford. Lead Envoy C-53, Captain Seraph, Thank you. by Mujan Zulfagari. Narek Bendeloy and Lieutenant O'Doul were played by Seth Lind. AJ, Lieutenant Hendricks, Centurion Tittle, and The Keck Swarm were played by Winston Null. The Grower Mind of the Keck was played by special guest John Robert Wilson.

He regularly performs with Thank You Robot and NYC at the Chaos Boom Theater in Denver. Follow him on Twitter at JohnRobertWilso or at JR underscore plays games. And featuring Shane O'Connell as jushin number two this episode was edited by alden ford and seth lind with sound design and mix by shane o'connell theme music composed by brendan ryan and performed by famous macedonian symphonic orchestra orchestra mixing by danny keith taylor additional music by shane o'connell narration by jeremy crutchley ship design for the bargerian jade by eric gle. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

We have wasted this world. Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable. But beneath the surface, well that's another story entirely. In a city built leagues below the surface, well, that's another story entirely. In a city built leagues below the apocalypse,

survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above. Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. And others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory. Dive into the Aether Sea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone, every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, I'm Annabelle Gurrich.

And I'm Laura House. And we're the hosts of Tiny Victories. My tiny victory is that I sewed that button back on the day after it broke. We talk about that little thing that you did that's a big deal to you, but nobody else cares. Did you get that Guggenheim Genius Award? We don't want to hear from you.

We want little bitty tiny victories. My tiny victory is a tattoo that I added onto this past weekend. Let's talk about it. My victory is that I'm one year cancer free, but my tiny victory is that I'm one year cancer free. But my tiny victory is that I took all of the cushions off the couch, pounded them out, put them back, and it looks so great. So if you're like us and you want to celebrate the tiny achievements of ordinary people, listen to Tiny Victories. It's on every Monday on Maximum Fun.

MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. My degree is more honorary also because obviously Really? Yes. It's not even a real degree. You didn't even study to get the

Why would they grant an honorary doctorate to somebody? Oh, when you pay it up, buddy. My children absorb all of the Tito and Ciroc. Soldiers, assimilate responsibly. Oryx, don't fly

and drive. Or don't assimilate and drive. Oryx, don't fly and drive. Or don't assimilate and drive. Always have a designated leader. Royal Drones, you have been designated as drivers for this executional tactic.