Mission To Zyxx - 511: The Pest of Both Worlds, Pt. 2 [ft. John Robert Wilson]

Episode Date: October 2, 2021

Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53, Zalcatron 5000 and Captain SyrockAlden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as Dar and JeremiahSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and KorzakWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Seesu Gundu, Grustine, Gerkk and Justin BallwheatWith special returning guest John Robert Wilson.Edited by Alden Ford and Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Theme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraAdditional music by Shane O’ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

Previously, on Mission to Zix. You know, Nermin, I gotta hand it to you. When that engineer said they had figured out a way to get us back home, I thought it was gonna be really complicated, but they made it very simple. Yeah, if you ask me, it seems like nothing bad is ever gonna happen again. AJ, why would you say that? Why? Yellow alert.

Yellow alert. All bow before the untimely of the grower, I. Oh no! Impossible. I myself strangled the last kek in the known galaxy on the surface of Tarzax IV. And yet, here we are,

Captain. Guys, listen. We've gotten the kek to stand down once before. We just need to get Bargy here. Bargy can talk him down. That's all we need to do. Uh, guys? Bargy's in a full dress cutie right now. You have guaranteed that your assimilation will be incredibly painful.

Captain, permission to be assimilated? Permission not granted, Lieutenant Ennard. Resist. Resist those cats. Well, hello, well, am I? You must meet

our son. What? What? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on! We have a sign. The Britsling of the Swarm, and you must meet him. The dawn of a new caste. Wow. It is not a weaver.

It is not a royal drone. It is not an auroch. It is not a soldier. Yeah, we remember that. It is not a queen. Uh-huh. I'm releasing a pheromone to instruct all of my children to stop their onslaught. Oh. Oh, fuck. I'm releasing a pheromone to instruct all of my children to stop their onslaught. This is also mostly fecal matter, I assume?

This is fecal matter? Correct. Yeah. Correct. It certainly smells like it. It smells like it, too. It's on my lungs. So they're standing down, and it looks like all the bugs have gone away. Bargerian Chained, I promise you if you come to the planet

you will be compelled to become Queen of the Swarm. Whoa. Bargy Queen of the Swarm? Jeffrey Growamind, how many times did I tell you? What happened in the past is over and no many...

Your first name is Jeffrey? I haven't been called that name in years. Grow a mind. I have no interest in you. Okay. But there's one thing I promised myself after I disappointed tree boy, whatever, whatever the name is at this moment,

your son. Yeah. Well, what did they have? You gotta, you gotta remember that name. Yeah. That's important.

Lagoon kid. Guys, guys, the device is nearly complete complete and it seems like the attack has paused. Now's the time. Uh. Nermin. Yeah. The plot has thickened a little bit, Nermin. We have to get on Bargy and go down to the Grower Mine's home planet.

Oh, come on. Right now? We're gonna go back to six. Come on. If the Bargery and Jane does not comply, I will be compelled to continue my attack on this ship. I will assimilate all energy sources and assimilate all living creatures. I will also release more fecal pheromone.

Okay, okay. We're coming, we're coming. We're on our way. That's gonna do it. Put it that way. Jeez. Captain, we must open mouth kiss. No.

I'll never. Lock her up. Kick strength is too hard to overcome. Wait. Where is it going? What a stroke of luck. Captain's log, supplemental. The GEC have mysteriously ceased their attack on the RSS Synergy.

They've become consumed with molting their exterior shells. I don't know how much time this has bought me, but I'm making my way to the bridge of the Synergy with hopes of setting a distress beacon to Ku headquarters to see if we can save the remaining survivors

of the Synergy and perhaps even dispatch of our Keck nemesis before they're allowed to grow any stronger. I regret when we made first contact with them, but we've been fighting them

for generations. We may yet win this day. Justine! Yeah, Ma? Get in the car, Justine! All right. I gotta go around the block again. It's another one of those conferences or something.

Oh, yeah. But this car is on its last legs, I tell you, Justine. This rusty bucket of trashy bolts is just like our relationship. Mom, Mom, Mom. Just listen, will you, Justine? Every couple years, I gotta get this Regatta lunch tuned up to prevent bigger issues down the road, right? Yeah. And you went to that boxing gym down the avenue

to maintain your physical wellness, right? Uh, yeah. And you also gotta get your highlights redone at the salon, even though they fired you. I did the best highlights in the whole salon. But you stole the janitorial supplies, Justine. You brought it on yourself! Mom.

I know, I'm just saying. Going to therapy is just like all of that. It's routine maintenance for your mental and emotional wellness to prevent you from going out of control or punching an old man at the yoga studio in the face again. Are you speaking fun of me? I don't know. You're very sensitive and also very aggressive, Justine.

Just like me. Um, thank you. Better help is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. Okay. It can be more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in under

48 hours. Oh, wow. You invest all your time in men who don't love you because everyone's trash. Mom. So why not invest in this? Why did AJ leave you, Justin? I like dating. Mom, it's fine. It's fine.

He was good for you. Just chill. Anyway, I heard you can get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Z-Y-X-X. Wow. All right. But, um. Don't give me that look. I. All right. But, um... Don't give me that look.

I'm recommending this to you, okay? Everything is trash, and people keep judging my cheese. Okay. Maybe I should also consider therapy. Really? I'm so proud of you. I love you. I love you too, Mom.

BetterHelp.com slash Z-Y-X-X. I love you so I love you too, Mom. Betterhelp.com slash ZYXX. I love you so much. Ah! So this is wild that the actual Keck brain is in the Femme Galaxy. What are the chances, right? Yeah, but we like met the grower mind, right? What's this brain that you're talking about? AJ, the grower mind is sort of like a central nervous system that's connected to every Keck in the universe. Whoa.

And we're going to meet the brain, the head bug. Okay. Follow-up question. Is there going to be honey on this planet? Honey. What are you talking about? Like space honey. Like cat honey?

Space honey. What are you? What is space honey? What? I don't know. Yes, wait. Let him describe it. Yeah, yeah.

Good call. Yeah, I mean, when we were, you know, it was kind of a myth. You know, all the Clint's, we'd be sitting around the kind of power generator at night talking about the Keck. And somebody told me once that there was space honey. If you kind of crack them right, you know, you can get some of the space honey. AJ, was this maybe an older Clint who was? Yeah, I mean, it was a Clint that was, he was a real, this guy was an asshole. Like, this guy was like a real, you know, no one liked him.

And he suggested that you crack open the keg and suck out the honey? Yeah, I tried it a bunch of times, and it tasted awful, and I puked a bunch of times, but. Did it taste like the pheromone smell? Yeah, it tastes like farts, yeah. If the space honey's going to be anywhere, it's going to be on this planet, right? If you see any, let me know. You got it. Honey, we're activated.

Oh, man. Wow. Honey, I've never seen that beacon on the top of your helmet before. Yep. A little honey pie. Wow, look at all these craggy mountains and canyons down there. It's sort of creepy. Yeah, I kind of have the sense it would be a little nicer.

I mean, this is where the boss lives. Yeah, that's true. I don't get the impression that Keck really needs a lot of infrastructure. They kind of make their own fun, you know? You know what I think the planet looks like? A lot of broken premises. It actually does look a little bit... Yeah, I can see that, actually, Bargy.

Oh, yeah, okay. Sure. Can I be honest with you? I'm pretty sure it's not my son. Whoa. Whoa, heavy. Bargy. Boy, Bargy. Insignificant beings. Oh, I forgot. Oh, I was just saying how excited I am to meet a sun.

Yes. That is exactly what Bargy was saying, yeah. So excited for this to happen to me. We have been anticipating this date, and you are bestowed with the greatest honor of being the first non-kept creatures on our planet. Uh-huh, yeah. You are being escorted to our central nervous brain. Really? So you probably pulled out the good space, honey.

Hey, Jay. Hi, Jay. I don't think it's happening, buddy. We can offer you a ceremonial liquid upon entrance of the sacred cave. I'm not going to want to take that. Does it involve... How many pheromones are in it? Be honest. It is but one pheromone.

A mixture of... How many T's in the butt? Oh, that cat just pulled out a little pointer. Hundreds of millions of years ago, during the first awakening of the genetic material of... Yes, yes!

Where'd you get that little hat? I like that. It's so official. It's made of mucus, and I've formed it, yes. Yeah, a little mucus tour guide hat. Very nice. It's also weird that they made us

bring a weaver on board just to stand here and narrate what was happening. They could have just given us coordinates. Yeah, we know how to get places. Do we? Where was I? Ah, yes.

Hundreds of millions of years ago, a meteor hit this planet, carrying the amino acids that started the perfect genetic line that was to be the Keck. Given eons of evolution and genetic manipulation, we have developed ova cannons that have spread our seeds into the inhospitable environment of space. Our eggs are able to hibernate

indefinitely until they eventually run into something. Through this process, we've been able to assimilate dozens and dozens of galaxies in this cluster. Any superior genetic material we assimilate to continue to create the perfect caste system that starts with the queens, the royal drones, the Aurochs, the weavers, and the soldiers. This is fascinating, but this part I think we sort of already have heard.

And the soldiers. This is fascinating, but this part I think we sort of already have heard. Well, if you look out the left-hand side of the vessel, you can see a vast ocean of brain fluid that has been feeding our brain for thousands and thousands of years. Cool. And how does that stay, you know, plentiful? We harvest the cerebral material from other creatures across the galaxies. Oh so this is more like a reservoir.

It wasn't naturally on this planet. It's just a big bowl of brains. Like a potluck. Hey look. Hey look. They're all watching my movie. Wow. Big fans. The Bargerian Jade films

are incredibly popular here. You're not just playing it because Bargy is coming to the planet. This actually happens on a regular basis. Be honest. It can be both. That's true. You know what? Got me there. He's a fun tour guide. What, what, can I ask?

What movie is the one everyone likes the most? Oh, uh, the one that everyone likes the most? Ship It, Shack It, Shuck It. Oh, interesting choice. Oh, wow. That was the surfer rock musical, right? Yeah. Yes.

Fargie, are you going to be able to catch this wave or what? Ship's up, dude. Ship's up. Bye. Wow. My close-up died. What, are we flying into a cave right now? Okay.

Look at this place. It's all drippy. Cool. All of these are secretions that we've hardened over time, made by the swarm. Secretions? So is this like a honey cave? We are approaching the very outside of the brain. We must land here.

It is unsafe to fly any further. Uh, okay. Grower Mind, do you want us to come out out Or is this sort of just between you and Bargy What's Your lives and actions at the moment are inconsequential Okay, alright Do whatever you like Okay, fine, thank you

I guess we should probably go Let's see if there's honey I want to poke that brain AJ, I just don't want you to be disappointed if there isn't any honey I promise I won't be disappointed. I don't think you can promise that, buddy. But I really hope there is honey. Behold, the first non-chex creatures to lay eyes upon the brain of the grower mind.

Am I the only one who's sort of expecting it to be bigger? Yeah. This is what? Plek, this is a pretty big brain. I mean, as brains go, it's big, but it's the size of, like, Jan's minivan. Yeah. Argerian Jane,

now that you are able to see my true form, what are your true thoughts? Oh, look at it wiggling while it's speaking. It's so weird. The brain's, like, wiggling. I still must speak to you through this royal drone. The brain does not have a mouth or vocal cords. But it's definitely exciting. Yes. Oh, yes.

All those illuminated tendrils connected to the mucus stalactites. Listen, I'll say this, okay? Your personality is what I am. Someone help me out here. Am I attractive? I don't know what you're going for.

I think she's trying not to say that. You say, like, you know, that's kind of weird a little bit, but you don't want to offend them because they're going to probably destroy and kill all of you if I say that. Right. Like, in a kind way, be more like, here's your a personality even though it really honestly wasn't it's just i was

in a low part of my life and then i got good again then i got low again and then i got good again then i got low again and generally they coincide whenever i'm going through like a low period of my life because i kind of i'm like shameless and I don't really care about personality or physical features. Yeah, I think I feel pretty sure. I don't know that she knows what they are. But I kind of want to say that, but in a really nice way so they don't kill you. Maybe tell them they're brave. Wait, I know what to say. I know what to say. Yes.

Excellent. That is the answer I expected. Oh, good answer, Brunchy. Good job. Excellent. That is the answer I expected. Oh, good answer, Bungie. Good job. Yeah. For the first time in thousands of years, the first member of the new princeling cast of the Kek will be revealed. The offspring of the Grower Mind and the Bargarian Jade. I just want to remind you that nothing ever happened physically between Jeffrey and I. So, like, scientifically, this never would have come to be. I mean, yeah, I don't really get how any of this works, Bargy.

Wow, like, really? Here? You're going to bring that up? No, I don't mean like a ship whole thing. Wow. Where is my son? Behold. like a ship whole thing wow where is my son oh no is he all right does that bug have one wing yeah like bargy but in a misguided way bargy doesn't really like like, vomit eggs. No. It's not really so much a vomit as it is a hoil, you know? That's a good point. Fair. Yeah. The sound is so...

Hello, new friends, and apparently this is my mom lady here to say hello. Oh, wow. I don't see any resemblance, honestly. I'm your son, Grobo. Grobo. Grobo Grobo I'm the newest level of perfection of the swans Archie

I took parts from all of your movies and created oh no created Grobo in your image your perfect image Oh, no. Created Grobo in your image. Oh, no. Your perfect image. So, Grober, the princeling is an amalgamation of Bargy movies? That is correct.

Oh, boy. You see, he has your perfect acting chops. Yeah, I can act real good, but I can just trip over this auto, man. Oh, no. That's pretty honestly a good pratfall. Grobo, sure, but at what cost? Luckily, his fall was cushioned by all the eggs he had vomited. Toodles is what I doodles.

Oh, wait, I know that line. Wait, are my movies bad? No. No, wait, I know that line. Wait, are my movies bad? Is this one for me? No. No, no, no. I'm almost a ship, but I'm not. Is it weird that I see the resemblance? Grobo, you're an actor?

That's what I am. I was bred to be an actor and make these perfect eggs to sink out across the universe. Oh, boy. Listen, Tarji, isn't that what you wanted? These perfect eggs to sink out across the universe, laymen! Oh, boy. Listen, Targy, isn't that what you wanted? I know you and Blimpy have always had a lot of tension because you didn't want to follow in your footsteps, and now here's Grobo, who really seems keen on...

Oh, my... Now that you have seen our son, you must take your rightful place by our side. Become queen of the swarm. All worlds and the creatures will be yours to control. Can I have a moment with Grobo to connect? Yes. Hello, Grobo. I am the. Hello, Grobo. I am the Vajarian Jint.

Yes, that's probably a lot about you. Oh, that voice. I thought, um... This voice is genetically manipulated to be perfect. Oops, I'm gonna fall down again. Oh, Grobo.

I, like, feel angry looking at it. What about listening to it? Grobo, it was nice to meet you, but I now have to go. Thank you very much. Good luck with everything. I'm sorry. Bargy, I think we have to...

Oh, no. Oh, it's crying. Grobo, Grobo. Grobo, I am not your mother, okay? Yes, you are currently using the essence of my films, compiled together to create whatever it is that you are. Well, even Daddy was right about you. This is quite unfortunate. My trillions of hearts

are cracking open because of your lack of empathy and love for our family. This is riveting. Really wish I had some honey to eat while we were watching it. AJ, what does that have to do with anything? I don't know. I just thought to my wife.

Honey is not something you eat while you watch. Royal drones, secrete the ceremonial battle fluid. Yeah, battle fluid. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't know. What exactly is a battle fluid? It is a mixture of bile and urine

and secrete through our foreaxes. Technically, it's a honeydew. I did not watch this tape. There's it's nice, honey, though. Coming out of Bonson's fate now. There's no way that's good for you. Oh, bother. Oh, bother. My children, seize these horrible, heartbreaking beings.

You will be assimilated into the swarm. Your callousness and unfielding brains will help us deal with our emotional problems in the future. Bargy, Bargy, take it back. Say you love Growbo. We're all going to die if you don't.

But I feel nothing for Growbo. My children, assimilate the intruders and seize the Bargy area. No, no. Don't freak out. Beavers to the left. Weavers to the left. Horrocks to the right. Both sides. Oh, no.

No, let go of me. Get to the ship. Get to Bajie. I'm here to kick ass and eat space honey, and I'm all out of space honey. There was never any's face on the A.J. I can't believe we escaped. That was terrifying.

Okay, for the record, darn, I could have taken all of them. Yeah, I... No, no, I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we could have done it. We just waited and did it. You know, the Kek as a species are a lot more harrowing in a body like this. I mean, I liked Grobo, but the grower mind is... Wait, you liked Grobo?

You liked Grobo? Wait, what do you mean? Yeah, he was like, come on! No, I know. No, we all met Grobo. Hey, Bajie. Hey, Bajie, how was it like meeting your son? Oh, you know, thank you for asking.

Really appreciate it. I like that you really care about me. Bajie, no, I'm sorry. Think about all the emotional upheavals and downfalls and uphills that I go through. Sorry, Barge. Near death experiences make us callous. Barge, as soon as we were done saying how much we all didn't like Grobo, we were going to ask you what you thought. Yeah.

So what do you think of your son that we all don't like? They were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. What? Oh, coming around on Grobo. OK, so it's four to two, didn't care for, thought was a beautiful thing. Does it mean that I'm

its mother? Yeah, I mean. Right. It's kind of a tribute to you, if anything. Yeah. You know, Bargy, you just gotta take some time to process it. I mean, I think what I learned today is that the grower mind really cares about you. You know, maybe he showed that in an off-putting and disgusting way, but I think, you know, it's hard to deny. He means Grobo, off-putting and disgusting.

Grobo's affable. Affable. Nermin, were you on the planet with us? That day you got my fake son affable. No, no, it's not. It doesn't mean what you think it's not Bargy, Bargy, Bargy Bargy, I just want to say we're all here for you That was an emotional rollercoaster

Bargy, the Grover Minds love for you helped save the synergy It called off the attack because of you Huzzah Now we can go home Because, I mean, like, you know, I'd love to keep Talking about Grobo But I mean like you know I'd love to keep Talking about Grobo But uh you know Yeah well we gotta fly back

We gotta fly through the device I bet the others have finished it Yeah Bargy let's get back to the synergy Grobo didn't record a final message for me though Oh no really I feel like we could all just skip over this Let's see the clip Hi mommy Bargy.

It's your favorite son, Grobo. That's so loud. I just wanted to say you left without saying goodbye. So, Mommy, I miss you, and I hope to see you. And I'm going to fall down again. Wow, that's certainly something. Classic Grobo. Well, that's certainly something.

Classic Grobo. I gotta say, this feels like a perfect capper to this crazy few months in this galaxy. Yeah? I think I'm ready to go home. Yeah. Does anyone else... Is it just really dry on that planet, or... C-53, are you alright? Yeah, it's just too much.

Yeah, my eye is just really bugging me. If you keep rubbing it like that, it's not going to fix it. Yeah, but it's just like... Oh my rod, C-53, your eye is... Is it red? Yeah, you keep scratching at it. It's red, but it's also green and purple. Oh no.

Guys, guys, I'd recognize that enormous, disgusting eye anywhere. C-53, did you get ovipositive down there? You know, I got poked in the eye by a kick, but I'm not organic. They can't assimilate. Oh, no. But C-53, you have an organic body. What's going to happen? Squish and squish.

Ow. Oh, no. Oh, that's a rookie mistake. We would always laugh about the idiots who got ovipositive. It's always just like, come on. This is not the time. You know what? Maybe it'll just stop growing, and then C-53 will have great vision for the next few months.

Yeah. And it'll turn out to be some sort of... Oh, no. It's even bigger now. I see. Why don't you go into the closet where I keep all my moist cloths? Yeah, Barney, I gotta say, I don't think you're looking at C-53 right now. I think he may be a little past a moist cloth.

But I have a whole closet dedicated to moist cloths. Okay, guys, we need to do something. C-53, where's your cube? We'll take it out. We'll shoot the Jeremy body into space, and we're all good. Plek, I have no idea what Dr. Traumaticor did. My cube is suspended in wet meat, all right? If you tried to pull out the cube, I mean, you risk shorting out my entire data matrix.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Let's do it. Got a knife in my boot. No, AJ, stop, stop, stop. No, uh, okay. Bargy, fly faster. We have to get back to this synergy.

Maybe we can talk to the... Yeah, Bargy, but you don't want the moist cross. No, I mean, we can try it, I guess. Yeah, his head's sort of, like, pulsing. Oh, his plaid pants are undulating. Oh, wow. Is that part of it? Don't know. It's all very new to me. Stay with us that part of it? Don't know. It's all very new to me.

Stay with us, C-53. Stay with us. We're almost back to the synergy. Okay? We're here with you. And no matter what happens, you're going to be okay. Okay? Not probably.

I'm trying to hang on. Fuck, it's just getting old. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, Nerva, you've done it now. I've got to do it.

I smell it. Wait, if you all do it, I'm going to do it too. What does that mean? It's moist cloths are just flying out of my throat. My head is growing apart! No, no, no! Jeremy broken half today. Oh my rod.

It's a weaver. All right. We're going to take him out. This is a mercy killing. This turned into a mercy killing situation. I killed him once. I'll do it again. Make it quick, Dar.

Dar. He was my friend. Oh, no. I don't want to watch. Come here, my sweet friend. They seem to be relishing it a little bit. I don't want to watch. Oh, come here, my sweet friend. They seem to be relishing it a little bit. Why is Adel into Dar's bosom? No, no, wait. No, wait, it's still me.

It's still C-53. What? What? Wait, wait, stop. C-53? Yes, yes, it's me. The assimilation stopped when it hit the cube. I don't know.

Maybe they assumed this was an organic body and my cube was some sort of prosthesis. Oh, my God. You're okay? I mean, I think so. How do I look? Awful. I feel like I should still pop your head like a champagne bottle.

AJ, no, stop. No, no, no, no. What? Look. Awful. I feel like I should still pop your head like a champagne bottle. Don't do it. Don't do it. AJ, no. Stop. Stop. No, no, no. What? It's not a... This isn't a vote.

C53, what a tragic fate it must be to have your cube entombed in a disgusting bug creature. To be perfectly honest, this is a lot more my speed. Wow, look at him. All right, well, I guess I speed. Wow, look at him. Wow, look at him skitter. Skitter. You like this body better than Jeremy? I mean, it's not worse.

What? At least the two big knees work, you know? Look how dexterous these pincers are. Look at this. Yeah. Look how fast I can type. Wow. I didn't think they were close to this kind of speed with Jeremy. Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe there's just like less

meat for all those synapses to go through. It seems really great. It seems really great. Hey, should we still kill him? What are we, what's the... No, we can't. We can't kill him. No. Of course, no, no. We're not going to.

We have to ask him one important question. Kill him. No. Okay. Okay. Of course. No, no. That's not what we were. No. No. No. We have to ask him one important question. Do you have space, honey, or do you make it, or what? And then we shall scream a primal scream. The listeners shall hear the blood in our throats as we wail our angst to every corner of the galaxy. Kirk, you are a musical genius. Thank you. Ruthless and uncompromising. True, true. But everyone knows that

I, Corsac, am the sensitive lyrical one. Yes. Juxtaposed dynamic is what makes Tatch's sound so enduring and listenable. Thus, I think we should end this song with Flowers Are Nice. Corsac, you fool! It is a song of suffering! But, Girk, what if at the end we

were like, flowers are nice? It... Fine. Another touch classic. Crozac, listen to me. We are recording our second album. After the unmitigated success and universal acclaim of Eyeball Rupture, the critics will undoubtedly be waiting to pounce on any sign of a sophomore slob.

How will we meet the high expectations of angry teens throughout the galaxy if we do not step it up a notch? I am so glad you asked, Kirk, for I have the key to excellent sound. A flawless conduit for our infernal shrieking to ensure that our bloodlust and love of flowers is captured with pristine clarity. Give it to me or die! Tough choice, but I shall give it to you. Here, I present premium

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We must buy more. Fear not, Kirk. We may visit ioaudiotech.com slash ZYXX to purchase many more. Also to find out more about the products. And this way we will ensure our musical domination. ioaudiotech.com slash ZYXX. I love you. Hey, look. They finished the device.

Wow. I can't believe it. It's done. Here we go. Good job, everybody. That's an Optisoft shine. Hey, Brock. Horset, you really took us over the finish line on this one. I built it, I built it.

I just can't believe it because, well, honestly, good stuff doesn't really ever happen to us, so... Yeah, it feels suspiciously out of character. Yeah. The synergy is, I would say, maybe 70% destroyed, so... Oh, sure. I wouldn't say this is a net gain. Well, they got the civilians off on the warp% destroyed, so... Oh, sure. I wouldn't say this is a net gain. Well, they got the civilians off on the warp drive

section, so... That's true. Yeah. Hi, Dave. Oh, hey, hey, Sisu. Hey. Sisu, hi. Hey, what's up? How's everybody doing? Sisu, don't be alarmed. I know my appearance is perhaps somewhat unsettling.

Don't worry, everybody. This is C-53. Hello. A friendly kek? Now I've seen everything. Well, I don't want any of you to be alarmed, because yes, as you can see, Rolfus is pregnant. I'm pregnant, everyone. Wait, wait, how is that possible?

I was impregnated by an alien ball of energy. What? It's good. I feel good about it. I'm going to keep it. Rolfus. I always wanted anated by an alien ball of energy. What? It's good. I feel good about it. I keep it. Rolf is... I always wanted to shower. What could go wrong? Alien ball of energy. Oh, that's cool. I could totally have a baby if I wanted

to, too. It's totally cool. I definitely have genitals and can definitely use them. There's almost no way that's possible for you. I'm sorry. It's totally fine. I'm not bothered by it. Congratulations, Rolfus. Wow. What a's possible for you. I'm sorry. It's totally fine. I'm not bothered by it. Congratulations, Rolfus. Wow.

What a special time for you. Yeah, that's why we... I mean, Sisu, do you want to say it or should I? I think we can say it together. We're... We're... Not... Not... Going...

Going... Going back. We're just in sync. We're just in sync. You're not going back where? To? Zix. We're not going back to Zix with you.

With you. Say what? Sorry. You're not coming back with us? The time here has really given me and Rolfes and everyone who's currently standing behind me time to reflect and realize that this is a far better galaxy. People are kinder, but in a meaner way. Also, yes, I am running for local office. There wasn't one before, but I created one.

And guess what, everybody? I'm projected to win. I'm also the only one running. But what can I say? I'm having to win. I'm also the only one running. But what can I say? I'm having a great time. And ultimately, at the end of the day, no matter what universe we're in, Rolfus and I and the new baby, our family. Wow.

Also our son. I'm here, too. The baby's going to get so much attention. Well, Shirley, Hark, you're coming with us. To be perfectly honest, I feel like I've crashed a fighter on nearly every Rosh darn planet in the Zik Squadron, so it's time for old Hark to seek out some new planets to touch down on. Plus, like two-thirds of the crew of the Synergy went down in the Kek attack,

so they just need flyboys out here, maybe a little more than they do in the Zix squad. I guess so. Okay. Sounds like it's just Zalkatron. Think again. What? I'm living that low life. Oh, that's actually a good point.

Yeah, I wouldn't want Zalkatron to give that up. Oh, yeah. Wow a good point. Yeah, I wouldn't want Zalkatron to give that up. Oh, yeah. Wow. Fare thee well. C-53, is everything okay? I'm just taking one last look at my co-workers. I can't look at you. You're disgusting.

Jeremiah, please. Jeremiah, I have feelings. Look away, you weird bug. Jeremiah please Jeremiah look away look away you weird bug you're a motorized sausage words hurt Jeremiah I'm gonna point those peepers

elsewhere well see Sue I um I guess this is goodbye um I just want you to know that there Sue, I guess this is goodbye. I just want you to know that there... Yes? That...

Oh! Oh, the baby's kicking! It's already kicking? How long has Rolfus been pregnant? Oh, everyone put your hand on Rolfus's tummy right now. Every single one of you. Agent, you first. At the same time? Let's get the truck out of here.

Let's go. Let's do it. Wheels up's get the truck out of here. Let's go. Let's do it. Wheels up. Let's get out of here. Let's go. Let's get out. Okay, all right, all right. In that case, Sisu, would you mind firing up the reactors?

Give you a kiss on the lips? Sure. What? Oh. Wow. Wowee. Unexpected. Ooh.

Well, get out of here fast enough. Let's go, Marty. Look around. Okay, crew. Bargy, I'm going to fire up the device. Thank you, Jushin. Good luck. Wow, what a guy.

Oh. Hachi-ma. This is it, guys. That ring is fired up. It's like a vertical pool of water. Oh, cool. Well, Bargy, take us through. What am I doing? We're going through the device. We're going back home to the Zik Squadron.

Into the vertical water. Here we go. Hold on! Wow! We did it, guys! We're here! Awesome! I feel intact.

My body feels okay. Yeah. Yeah, it should feel okay. We're in the exact same spot we were before we left. What? Well, if we're in the exact same spot, how can you explain this? We're still in the hangar bay. No, we are.

No, look. We're in the hangar bay of the Synergy and Zix. Do you know what I mean? No, there's no Synergy in Zix, AJ. AJ, think about what you just said. Okay, Bargy, can we go back through? Back it out. Back it out. Guys, I'm going to pop out with the instruction manual and just double check the connections and stuff.

Okay, sure. So, all right. This looks good. Okay, everything's connected here. Okay, we did this, that, boom. Yeah, we're probably fine. You know, it's probably that we didn't put the thing that mounts against the wall up. You know what I mean?

No, I think that's just for safety, AJ. I don't think that's... Oh, yeah. You don't want it falling. Should we try turning it off and then back on again? A great point. I'm just throwing that out there. Guys, I don't know. It looks like it's perfectly built. I got all the way to the back page here where there's this... Why is there a second little cartoon guy with a hammer?

Yeah, he has his thumb up, though. Yeah, but look, there's another guy with his thumb up and a hammer. And a second gate. Why is there two of the same picture on this last page? Because you need to travel from one to the other. We can't do it with just one of these. We have to... There has to be another one at the place we're going?

Yes, Plek. This is what this friendly pictograph is telling us. But... Rod! What a waste. But how would we ever do that? The whole point is for us to build this so we can... So what you're saying is we need to fly through it twice. No.

No, AJ. No, AJ. There needs to be one in the Zix Quadrant for us to fly to. Well, then all we have to do, I guess, is go to the Zix Quadrant and build the other one. Yes, exactly. You're absolutely right, AJ. We just gotta get to the Zix

Quadrant and then there'll be no problem. Well, why don't we... Bargy, to the Zik Squadron. Which way is that? Bargy, no. Hold on. We don't know. We were so close. I thought we had it. I think we weren't close.

So let me get this straight. We took resources from the ship to build this giant thing that brings the Keck out of hiding after decades of hibernation they invade the ship and killed a lot of people on board and all of that was now just let me know if I'm getting this right for nothing just for nothing I mean that's right

I don't know you have to say it okay just wanted to make sure this is all for nothing everyone this one hurts also I just learned that my my show was cancelled Okay, just wanted to make sure. This is all for nothing, everyone. This one hurts. Also, I just learned that my show was canceled. What? The theater. The play, guys.

The play. Is it because the theater was assimilated by the Keck? Yes. Also, critics called it unwatchable. So. Oh, man. Sometimes I wish that I had, like, a telepathic link to the clone, so I'd just be like, do this, you know? Yeah, you could just say, build another gate.

And they'd do it. It's like, what if I was, like, psychically connected to them? Yeah, what if you had an intergalactic communications network? Yeah, something like that. And access to a group of workers that you could tell to build something. Yeah, why are you saying it's so slow? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Just give me a couple minutes here.

Wow. Oh, the beams. Steve-53, what are you doing? I really gotta glop it out here. Oh, okay, wow. Ooh, ah, that's big. Mr. Bookman, what is happening? Okay, the Keck have a network to communicate with their... But C-53, they only listen to the grower mind.

That's because there's not another intelligence present in the network of the Keck. Now I'm in there, baby. Oh, boy. Darge, we kill C-53, right? Stop, AJ, no, stop. We're almost... What is he saying? What's going on?

Explain that again, C-53. So we met the brain, right? We met the actual grower mind. There's no other minds in the Keck network except for me. Now I'm tapped in. Do you understand? You could relay the instructions to make the device in the Zix Quadrant. That's right.

I'm reaching out. I can see through these other keks' eyes. They're in the Zix Quadrant. Oh, my God. Oh, and they are very excited to receive instructions to build something. They don't know the difference between an instruction from me and an instruction from the grower mind. Here. know the difference between an instruction from me and an instruction from the grower mind.

Here. Listen, my children. The grower mind commands you to build this structure for the glory of the swarm. That's pretty good. That's pretty solid. You got real scary when you said that.

Wait, did we date once? No, I don't think so. This is C-53, Bargy. Yeah, Barge. Oh, yeah, you just sounded like someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounded like someone you used to date. We literally just came from the planet with the brain. We know that person, Bargy.

Yeah, Bargy. I don't know who. Bargy, are you depressed? What's going on? I don't know. I had a thriving career, and then I meet my son, and now I'm having both things taken away from me. Some great ambition that I don't even really understand, to be perfectly honest. Yeah.

Hey, Darn. Darn. Darn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we kill Bargy? What? Would you guys knock it off? What?

What? Stop. All right. C53, this is amazing. You're commanding legions of bugs to do whatever you want. You know, as soon as they figured out the instructions and everything, we'll... I mean, they're telling me it's done. What?

Perfectly executed maneuver. Actually, yeah, let me tell it. Another perfectly executed maneuver by the Swarm. I like when you do that, but it also is terrifying. Tell anyone about this.

Don't and don't build another one. Good call. That's a good call. Goodbye. I don't know what his sign-off is. Yeah, I got out of it a little bit. Yeah, sorry.

So I got to say, I think it's pretty... It was good that that cool bro Grobo over-posited you. You guys have given Grobo so much credit. I don't know if that makes me like Grobo. But, like, you know, he's kind of getting us home. It's all working now. It's like we can go home for real now. I mean, I guess so.

See, this portal looks a lot more legit. Like, there's something on the other side of the water. Oh, yeah, this one looks freaky. Okay, all right, guys, I guess give it another shot. Bye-bye. Reflect another shot. Bye-bye. Reflectorium, bye-bye. Galaxy of Grobo. I do feel a little bit guilty that we

essentially destroyed this ship and now we're bailing on the entire galaxy. I think they might be glad to see us go. That's a good point. Bargy. Boop, yo! Boop, yo! Okay, we gotta go.

All right. Bargy, take us through. I'm on the road again. I'm on the road again. Bargy, come on. Come on. Bargy, get up. Bargy, do you know where we are?

Did we make it? Did we make it? Do people know my music? Open the windows. Is it six? Oh! So many bugs out there. That is objectively a lot of capital.

Gnarly. Oh, look at the device they built. It's like dripping. Oh, it looks just like our device, except it's made of, like, goo. And, like, bug bodies. Oh, it looks just like our device, except it's made of, like, goo. And, like, bug bodies. Yeah, we're back in six. Ugh. This is just like our shiny cool device, except shittier and zixier. Yeah.

Oh. Nope, it just collapsed. I guess it's pretty good that we went through when we did, because I think we might have gotten chopped in half before we waited any longer. Excellent work, my children. Now disperse, and don't tell me, the grower of mine, about any of this. We're home. We're home.

Yeah! We did it! We did it! All right! Yeah. Well, I feel like I've got to go call my parents. Hey, it's just us, just hanging out back in Zig's. It feels good. It does feel good. Yeah, guys, I'm so excited that, like, the OGs

are back together again. Ugh. Justin? Hey, Justin. Oh, that's your name, Justin. What? Oh, that's your name, Justin. What? What? Growlithe! Cromant! My children, seize this survivor and assimilate her. I know what you're looking for. It's the technology that I have developed.

The technology we've been searching for is in this room. Oh, yes, yes, yes. It is right inside of this laboratory. You should come and get it. Every cat aboard the ship, set a strategic path following the pheromones to the laboratory. Oh yes, yes everyone come inside please. Are you all in? All the cats on the ship are in the laboratory. Ok great. Computer, run the program named Enormous Steel Top Boat for squishing. Are you sure? This will turn the program off the soft.

Affirmative. No! It was a ruse! Our organs and juices! It was a ruse! Our organs and juices! This is SeaRiteIT5, credits and attributions droid, commencing outro protocol. Plek Deck Setter was played by Alden Ford. Lead Envoy C-53, Captain Serok, Hark Tardigast, and Zalkatron 5000 were played by Jeremy Benn. Dar and Jeremiah Frankenfurter were played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, Sisu Gundu, Justin Balwi,

Christine, and Tatch, co-founder Gurg, were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Nermin Bundeloy and Tatch, co-founder Crozak, were played by Seth Lin. EJ, Centurion Tittle, and the Keck Swarm were played by Winston Knoll. The Grower Mind of the Keck and Grobo were played by special guest John Robert Wilson.

John Robert performs with Thank You Robot at Caveat in NYC and at the Chaos Bloom Theater in Denver. Follow him on Twitter at John Robert Wilson. John Robert performs with Thank You Robot at Caveat in NYC and at the Chaos Bloom Theater in Denver. Follow him on Twitter at JohnRobertWilso or at JR underscore plays games. This episode was edited by Sethlyn and Alden Ford with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music

composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening chronoration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design by Jerry and Jane by Eric Goyce. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Since the dawn of time, screenwriters have taken months to craft their stories. But now, three Hollywood professionals shall attempt the impossible break a story in one hour that's right here on story break i freddie wong matt arnold and will campos the creators behind award-winning shows like video game high school have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie now an awesome movie starts with an awesome title i chose the billionaire's marriage valley mine was christmas pregnant paradise okay next we need a movie starts with an awesome title. I chose The Billionaire's Marriage Valley. Mine was

Christmas Pregnant Paradise. Okay, next we need a protagonist. So I've heard Wario best described as libertarian, Mario. And of course, every great movie needs a stellar pitch. In order to get to heaven, sometimes you got to raise a little hell. Check out Story Break every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jill Firestone. And I'm Manolo Moreno. And we host After Game Show, a podcast where listeners submit games, and we play them regardless of quality with a dozen listeners from around the world.

We've had folks call in from as far as Sweden, South Africa, and the Philippines. Here's an example. This is a game we called Zooey Deschanel, where you turn a celebrity's name into an animal pun. You have an example, Manolo? Brad Gorilla Pit. Oh, that's a pun on Gorilla Pit? Yep.

I don't know. That's Brad Pit. Oh, okay. That's a high-quality game that you can expect. Dr. Game Show has new episodes every other Wednesday on Maximum Fun. Check us out, please. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture.

Artist owned. Audience supported. Oh, the body's like split in half. My head is going apart. Jeremy broken half today. Seth, you're going to go to prison for that one. They're not going to let you out. It's going to be bad.

Oh, no. I love it. I love it. to prison for that one. They're not going to let you out. It's going to be bad. No. I love it. I love it. No, I love it. Oh, boy.