Mission To Zyxx - 512: A Noob Hope [ft. Justin Tyler and Rachel Wenitsky]

Episode Date: October 31, 2021

At long last, the crew has reached the Zyxx Quadrant! Certainly everything is fine there. Pleck gets news about his prophecy. Nermut gets recognized. Dar and AJ get glopped.Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53 and ScramAlden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy, Peck and the Blazing RochesterWinston Noel as AJ and Allergy EyedropsMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, the Showerhead droid, the Tiny Criminal and Justin BallwheatFeaturing special guests Justin Tyler as Old Derf, Rachel Wenitsky as Marf, and Brennan Lee Mulligan as Kor BalevoreLive sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Edited by Seth LindTheme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.Additional original music by Shane O'ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

After nearly a cycle trapped in a distant galaxy, the intrepid crew of the Bargerian Jade has narrowly escaped certain death and returned home through an intergalactic portal designed by a hologram, assembled by a toddler in one galaxy, and by a swarm of disgusting, mindless insects in another. In retrospect, pretty risky. Now, our heroes must reconnect with their lost allies, assess what evils have arisen in their absence,

and share a ship with a droid who's a weird bug creature and loving it on their final mission to Sith. Bad news, everybody. What? We just got back. Terrible bad news. What is it, Prodigy? I don't think the bad news is going to affect it. Like, we got back to Zix. You know how that other galaxy didn't have gas?

Yeah, now we just test those loconuts, Lysis. Yeah, the thing about that is, uh, right before we left, I traded loconuts for a cool t-shirt. Well, how many loconuts? All of them.

Oh, Barty. No. But is the t-shirt real cool? It better be so cool, Bart. So is that the thing behind the door that you told me not to go and look at? Yeah, AJ, don't open that door. What if I did? No, AJ. Wow.

We all knew that AJ was going to do that. So much fabric. Good luck folding that back up now. Is this like three wolves howling at a moon? That's right. And if you look very closely, there's a tiny ship. Oh.

Oh, okay. Flying in front of the moon. It was specially made for me. Anyway, long story short. That's actually kind of cool. I do not have gas or any more loconuts, so as a result... Oh.

I love you, Barge. Why would we try to... Barge, you should have given us a little bit more of a heads up. We're not even coasting? Also, Bargy, we're in space. It takes power to come to a stop. Why did you do that? Did you use up the last of your fuel to reverse so that we would stop?

I was an award-nominated director, okay? All right. I'm happy we're in six. I'll reconnect with my son. Blah, blah, blah. I feel nothing. Oh. We can use the t-shirt as a sail. No. AJ, we can't. It doesn't work.

It's big. It's too big. The size is immaterial. Yeah. I've been trying to get the ship a sail for quite a while. The answer's always gonna be the same. Yeah. Alright, the same. Yeah. All right, Bargy. Fine. What?

We need to go get gas? What's happening? Actually, okay. Some good news. If you look at this porthole here, if you squint a little bit, you can see there's a

ship stop. Oh. Not that far away. Cosmically speaking. Okay. Great. All right. So we'll lean on this

side of Bargy, and let's just hope that we... If Bargy hadn't actively stopped the ship, we would have kind of floated right into it. Bargy, can we... I mean, I hate to ask, should we go manual mode for just a hot second to get back to the ship stop?

What do you mean by manual mode? Manual mode. Bargy, you did it when you crashed was that were you blacked out at that point did you not know you know you have a manual mode right all right all right i got you hold on giving up mode giving up mode wait wait that's not the same thing how are the engines starting i? I give up mode. It's interesting that Bargy has a reserve battery just for this mode. Who fucking cares mode? To sort of roll around and complain.

We're all just stardust mode. Also, I gotta say, if there's a giving up mode, I'm very surprised we have not heard it yet. Frankly, impressive. What's Flex Chucking Deal mode? That can't be right. Seems. What's Black's Chucky deal mode? That can't be right. Seems like that's not the name of the mod. That was something I programmed. Giving up mode. Giving up mode.

I give up mode. What my legs a little bit. I mean, we are back in the Zix quadrant, so... Yeah, let's breathe it. Zixian air. Oh, do you breathe, C-53? Oh, yeah. Yeah, spiracles. Oh. There are holes In my exoskeleton Cool

Hey guys I'm gonna stay on this ship Just like I used to In the old days Yeah okay That's fine Justin Oh Justin is still here

Yeah right Have fun Justin Justin Borgia and I have a lot To catch up on We've known each other Since day one Yeah Justin

You're not gonna come with us Since you remember the crew And you join us on missions and stuff? I'm good. Okay. All right. Okay, buddy. See you later. Have fun.

I might get some car nuts. It's terrible. You like those? Yeah. Well, you don't like them. They're so hard. Oh, but they're great. They're so salty, you can't stop.

Yeah, I guess if you're just... Do you have a gizzard, or what's the deal? Do you chew them, or...? Both. Okay. I chew them, and then I roll them around in the gizzard for a bit. Seven fingers. Oh, no.

I don't think so. What size? We got small. We got big. We got tiny. This is all very interesting, but I just realized that I have absolutely no croon on me. We've been in a post-money society for six months. We don't have any money.

How are we going to pay for this fuel? Well, and Bargy spent the croon that was on the ship on the acting workshop. On the acting workshop paying a person who didn't know what money was. It was, first of all, evil. Secondly, shouldn't have accepted croon that was on the ship on the acting workshop. On the acting workshop paying a person who didn't know what money was. It was, first of all, evil. Secondly, shouldn't have accepted croon. It was a post-money society. Well, there's one currency that's always accepted. Violence.

Okay. That's not probably going to... I don't think that'll fly here. Not a great start for our return. AJ, come with me because I really need a shower. And if violence is the only currency that's gonna work, then let's go. You got it. Let's shower. Ugh, why would you ever

shower at a ship stop? Alright, Plek, get off your high oars. What? AJ and I have been exploding bugs all morning. I'm covered in what I'm starting to think is not space. I'm wearing these bugs. Why don't you use the shower on Bargy?

Bargy has no power right now. Yeah. I guarantee you the power for giving up mud does not extend to the shower. Okay, yeah, that's true. I'm going to go sing for some car nuts. See ya. Yeah, listen, I'm going to try to talk to the manager. Surely they'll understand.

We've been in a different galaxy for six months. We don't have the same currency. That kind of sounds like a classic scam. I don't think anyone's going to be that sympathetic. Well, you know, the space has ways of influencing the weak-minded. Oh, wow, you're still talking about the space? Not even an hour back in Zix and all of a sudden talking about the space again. what i i nothing happened that time. What was the... Oh, I just changed

the outcome of the election. From here? Yeah. The election's not for three more days. Right. Well, time is kind of squishy here. Let's change it again. Okay, that was less impressive because I just have to trust that you did that. Well, I mean, yeah, but... Okay, well,

I changed it back. No, you didn't. I could have to trust that you did that. Well, I mean, yeah. Okay, well, I changed it back. No, you didn't. I could have. No, you didn't. Oh, I did it again. No, you're just snapping. You're just snapping. No, I'm changing reality.

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I'm not a leader anymore? But I thought... Oh well. Easy come, easy go. All right, Mr. Toppat! Uh, hello? Hey, welcome to Shipstop. Just give me a sec. I gotta, just before you ask, these hot dogs are fresh.

I'm just quoting them back. I'm rotating them. Why would you need to stipulate that they were fresh? It's the first question a lot of people have when they enter here, the Shipstop. Oh, my rod. Old dirt. Hey, look. Hey, look.

It's the guys. It's Pluck Dickster. No, come on. And his bug sidekick, his bug friend. Bug guy. He's never once had a bug sidekick. He had a bug. You've always been there.

No, I've never had a bug. No. You're his noob. You're a bunch of tiny little wood sabers. No, that's AJ. My noob is AJ. He's a defected Clint. Yes, of course.

Where have you been? It seems like things have been working out well for you. Prophecy, yada yada. Thank God I ran into you. I have so much to tell you about. We entered the, like you said, it created a rift. We were sent to a galaxy millions of light years away. We just finally found a way to get back.

Spot on! We don't even know how much time has passed. Some. What happened in this galaxy since the All Wheat disappeared? Hey, Dirt. Where do you want me to put all these old hot dogs that we say are fresh hot dogs? What? Right at the front.

That sounded like a scam. You got it. Oh, you don't like the word old? It's my name. It's my first name. So they can't be that bad. Thank you, Marv. Marv? Marv, it's me.

It's Plek Dexel. Plek? That's... And then C-50... A bug? Oh, I... Yeah, it's not a surprise you don't recognize me. It's me, C-53 Marf.

Why does your body look like this? Oh, it's a very long story. Marf, I'm so sorry about the Midnight Shadow. What? Some snuff got into it. Snuff? Yeah, it's like an old-timey aristocrat drug. The Midnight Shadow's gone.

Yeah, yeah. like an old-timey aristocrat drug. The Midnight Jackal's gone. Yeah, yeah. It's gone. Honestly, I'm shedding a tear as well, thinking back on it. Wait, you're the computer guy. You're the robot guy. Yes. And now you're in a bug? Now I'm in a bug.

Why? It's like putting a VCR out of an anthill. Go back. Unfortunately, we were stranded in a part of space where they do not have droid frames. How long do you listen to your bug before you're like, shoo, go around, fly around somewhere else. Turf, turf. Listen, I need answers.

Man, I don't know what's going on in this galaxy anymore. I'm sorry, but our whole thing is like, it's like bumping into an X. Because like Marth and I are doing our like new mentor thing. What? Well, he's training bumping into an ex. Because like Marv and I are doing our new mentor thing and... What? Well, he's training me. That's right. In the space and the stuff. That's... She's very good. That's amazing. Is there a prophecy about you two?

Same prophecy. Yep. Yep, same one. What do you mean, same prophecy? I thought the prophecy was about me. Your prophecy is like, it's sort of... Yeah. It's sort of what? What are you talking about?

Your prophecy was good. It was good. We did our thing. It flew around. My prophecy was that I was going to bring balance to the space. Yes, that's the one. Well, I'll tell you what. You did a pretty deece job.

You know, not every player on the team gets the trophy. Some of them just get a broom handle. Okay, you think I can't tell the difference between your wood saber and that broomstick? Come on. No. That's not a balance bringer. That's for no time to lean, no time to clean talk. The dinglehopper was lost in the interdimensional rift that exploded in the center of the all-weed. That's a pretty good excuse for losing a stick. What it comes down to is I took the prophecy, I did a little find and replace.

Wait, wait. First of all, the prophecy was digital? Well, paper. You crossed out words on my prophecy. Well, yes. I mean, it's paper. It's just paper. It's cost nothing.

But then he wrote new words in the prophecy. Exactly. He added new words. I'm the star of the prophecy now. Okay, well, you don't have to put it like that. She's the star. Turf, you waited your whole life to find me, and then I go to a different galaxy for a few months,

and you replace me? Well, I thought you were dead. Which is ironic coming from me, but I really thought you were dead. This guy's dead, is what I said to no one. The point is you're not supposed to change your prophecy. Then what value does the prophecy have? Oh, you think it just happened? Someone wrote it down the first time and that person is probably an even older derf. That's what I'm saying.

We're all prophesizing all the time. Here's a prophecy. I'm gonna go to shake a shower in a minute. How's the path for a prophecy? Let's see if it comes true. It probably will. He takes a lot of showers. I'm very filthy. As in, I'm very old, and when you're older, your body makes

weird liquids from different parts. Parts you won't even know, but the bug knows what I'm talking about. He's got liquids shooting out of all over the place. Yeah. He's probably making honey and venom and pee all at the same time. Venom and pee, yes. That's a no on the honey, unfortunately. God, that's the one we want!

I gotta say, Dar, like, being covered in guts and about to head into kind of a sketchy situation feels good. Yeah, it couldn't be more Ziggs, right? It just feels right. Yeah, it's Ziggs. That's it. It's Ziggs. Yeah. I mean, the smell in here, I don't know if it's us, because we are covered in bug guts. Freaks. It's like sour. Yeah, I'm definitely getting notes of sour.

And just a little bit of bile. Oh, there's a bile finish on there for sure. And maybe just a little cheese. Yeah. It just feels like home. Feels like home. Oh, sorry, I dropped my fucking bile cheese. Oh, once I take a drink off. Sir.

I'm sorry. There's no need to apologize. You just reminded us of a bit of nostalgia. You had bile cheese in your childhood? No, chuck. We haven't said chuck in a really long time. So it feels good. Feels really good.

You, Chuck, are chucking welcome. Aw, chucking thank you. We'll really tip down that bile cheese. A jucking welcome. Aw, jucking thank you. Whoa, really? Tip down that file, cheese. Have a little criminal mind. We're going to take your money. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I'm so happy to see you. We didn't have money. What were people going to steal back in the other galaxy? What? No stealing? Doesn't make any sense yeah no stealing doesn't make any sense to me doesn't make sense to us either goodbye you little stabby freak you stabbed my bile cheese oh rod love it when they kind of get in it with each other and you just sort of watch them kind of looking up scrabbling with each other well

and come on uh plek and Bug. Let's walk and talk. I'm headed to my shower, which is a separate shower, because I won't shower at the ship's top showers. Those, we've wired all the pipes together, so if one drain goes into another top of a shower, it's like a tellurian centipede. Are you familiar with that?

What? That's where their mouths are on the butt. And they're attached, so they're diarying in the mouth. No, we know. And it goes through, and then the next person goes. Let her finish. Plek, you let her finish. This is part of the training.

I just need to finish because it's part of the training. It's part of the training. Plek, how do you not know? You should be knowing. You should be reciting this. This is like the pledge. Okay, the sacred words. Sacred words?

Ready? One, two. Their mouths are connected to their buttholes. And they poop into each other's mouths and down the line. And then the first person has to circle around and eat it. Everyone thinks it's good to be first. It's actually much worse. This is the philosophy.

It's really no better than any other position. It's actually beautiful when you think about it, and that's why I've been studying it, as I have, because it's actually a beautiful circle. It's a circle of life. It's a circle. I don't know if we can qualify it as a beautiful circle. Or a circle of life, honestly.

It's a beautiful circle. Life? I tattooed the sacred words on my back. Those words? The words you just said? Yeah, the whole thing. Oh, no. I tattooed my whole back. Yeah back. Those words? The words you just said? Yeah, the whole thing. They cut my whole back. Yeah, it's a lot of words.

It was a long day. Dirk did it. I did it. He ran out of room. I ran out of room. I ran out of ink. And I ran out of patience, honestly, because there's so many words. So where's the rest of it?

Well, we ran it down. Ran it down a leg? It goes down a leg. It goes... Just one? That's appropriate. It sort of starts to peter out around, and then the last one circles back. Yep.

You know they say measure twice and cut once, and I didn't measure the length of the words in the body, so it was a tough... You didn't even measure once. The expression is measure twice, cut once. You didn't even measure once. The expression is measure twice, cut once, whatever. You didn't measure one time. I didn't measure once. And I tell you what, I started with a too big of a font, and I ended up having to shrink

it down real tiny by the way. It looks like an eye chart. It's so big. Well, let's be honest. The first verse is the most important one, and then it sort of repeats until the end, which is why that goes back around and comes up the front, and it ends right at the neckline. It's beautiful.

It tucks out of my shirt just a little. It's a little bit of a flirt. How is that a pledge, though? This is all to say I will be going to my own private shower. Okay. Well, that's all the teachings I have for today. I'm going to pop into the shower. I also have to run through and make sure all the truckers are peeing clear.

So I'll be back in like 10. Why do you have to do that? Why is that your responsibility? Because they drink a lot of coffee, and I've got to check for kidney stones, because once kidney stones get big enough, those tellurian pee holes can't handle it. And as you know, pee hole is a teaching moment for me, so I just gotta walk through. It's part of the job. Part of the job.

Shh. Behind here, AJ, is one of the Zix classics, a ship's stop shower. Great. Hi, dear. So you're here for the showers? How many holes would you like in your shower? We have a six hole open. Actually, I, Peck, booked the six hole.

Oh. Peck, the pervert here. Well, whoopsie doodle, but a twofer just opened up. Wow. When was the last time we saw a pervert, huh? Oh, I know. The other galaxy had no use for them. I wouldn't even have an identity if things weren't shamed.

What would I be? Huh? I wouldn't be the guy who just added a seventh hole. I guess you'd just be Peck. That's what I love about sex, you know? I know this guy's first name and his sexual proclivity, you know? The pervert is also my last name. Oh, wow.

Well, thank you for that clarification. So, where's that twofer? Oh, it just got filled up. Oh. I bet it did. I bet it did get filled up. Uh-huh. Yeah, no one was in there, so I guess everything's just free?

Marv. Yeah? You wanna see my tattoo? No. No. Marv, no. Marv. Yeah? You want to see my tattoo? No. No, Marv, no. Marv, how did you get involved with DERF? What happened? Well, I have to be honest. I woke up one morning and here I was.

What? You guys left. I was feeling kind of down. You know, started like drinking a little. Oh, no. And had a three three week bender. Whoa. Oh, OK.

I sort of browned out and then I blacked out and then I woke up and I was here and I was training to become, I guess, the savior. I don't know. I mean, it's pretty cool, right? I mean, I guess so. Just to clarify, your prophecy also says you're going to bring balance to the galaxy. Yeah. I know that a big part of the prophecy is cleaning the showers.

Oh, no. See, that, I feel like, is not really a prophecy. You know, that's something he put in there. No, no, no. I think that was already in the prophecy, was cleaning the showers. It's just, I think it said your name and not my name, but cleaning the showers. It was clean the showers. You know, that thing about the guys being clear.

The thing about memorizing the Tellurian centipede. Sure. Sacred words. Marv, I can almost guarantee all of this ship stop specific stuff is not part of the prophecy. Mark, last time I saw Derp, he worked at a zoo. And the time before that he was a cater waiter. And the time before that, he worked at a Blue Julius.

And the time before that, he was alone on an asteroid with his wife and children. So I kind of don't buy at all that part of the prophecy involves this particular job. The last time I saw him, he tried to recruit me to be a clown, a zoo clown. That's not even a type of clown.

Yeah, a junior clown, which is also not a type of clown. A junior clown is a clown in training. No, I get that. And I would know because I did that last week. And guess what? I'm a full clown now. March. Okay. First of all, it takes a lot more than a week to become a full clown.

Do your clown is one week training, and then you become a full clown. You didn't do the program. You don't know that. No, I've seen a lot of clowns. They're all pretty old. Yeah, but they could have become full-fledged clowns years before. Are you telling me I've never seen a new full clown? I'm sort of implying it, yeah. I think you might have seen a new full clown and didn't know it was a new full clown. You probably thought it had been a clown

a while. I guess so. Listen, Marv, I know what it's like to feel like you want to be part of something. I know what it's like to feel like a prophecy gives you a sense of purpose that you didn't have before. But I'm just starting to realize, you know, maybe it took me a little longer than it should have. As much as I want to be part of a bigger story, I feel like Durf is maybe full of shit.

Durf, you're so clean. All clean. Sorry, I didn't have a towel, so I'm just going to air dry real quick. Marv, did you tell them how you went full clown? I did in just a week. Just a week? Way better than you, Clegg. I sort of abstained from the training. You wore the wig, Fred.

You put on the makeup. You were a junior clown. Don't you run away from this. It was in the prophecy, as a matter of fact. You know what? I want to see this prophecy, Turf. I have it. It's right behind the counter, as a matter of fact. You know what? I want to see this prophecy, Dirk. I have it. It's right behind the counter, right next to liquor license, place to call if you get shot. Prophecy.

Hang it on the wall. And the place to call if you get shot is not what you might think. It's not a hospital. What is it? Where would you go? There's a bunch of names on it, and you call a guy, and he'll be like, too bad. What would that help you after you've been shot to hear too bad? Well, then you call the next guy.

Then you call the next guy on the list, and then if he says too bad, you call the next guy. So why doesn't the list start with the guy? I feel like you had the same questions about the Tellurian Cetapede shower thing, and I think now maybe you should take the pledge, Bug. No, absolutely not. There's no chance of that happening. Bug, get in i'll write you in i'll write you in stop i don't want to be part of the prophecy okay i'm writing you in you don't get it when you left and the all we'd imploded things just changed okay things are really different now I don't know how to explain it Except to say the vibes are just

Off What do you mean the vibes are off? Like what's happening in the galaxy? What did we miss? There was a big loss of freshness Right around when the all wheat imploded And whackness grew immensely No, the whackness should have gone down

We blew up the all wheat Hey, I'm not a mathematician. You told us that's what I needed to do to bring balance to the galaxy. It did work. Now it's out of balance. But as long as you have... Which way does that mean? As long as you have a handle on the bean, the bean-a-cron, we're going to be fine as long as you bring it together and find balance.

No, we don't have the the Beano-cron anymore. The Beano-cron was the one who saved us from the All-Weed. We don't know where Beano is. How come you can't keep track of all these other people? You can't keep track of the Beano-cron? He's essentially a deity. Well, keep your eyes on the deity. You've got your bug guys never by your side.

Where's Beano Crab? Yeah, we do keep Z-Move to three around. But that's good, sort of. Because he's helping. This is taking a turn I don't appreciate. Every time I see you guys, he's in a different shape. But he's always right there. Hey, buddy, you're getting pretty fresh right now here.

I'm very fresh. I'm a former Avatar. I walked right now here. I'm very fresh. I'm a former Avatar of the Fashions. I walked right into that. Alright, we're stalls number seven and eight. Let's get clean so we can get weird. Alright.

Is there a trick to that hold on there's not a lot of um pressure you know what this is great because remember on the synergy everything worked and it was like good water pressure and it always felt like good and optimized. That was that, you know, but now we're in Zix and like nothing works and it's annoying, you know. My clone!

Yes, absolutely! This is so Zix to finally... Huh? Oh, hey there. Are you here to fix the shower? No, I thought I heard a little glop coming out of yours. Nothing's coming out of mine. Can I share the glop? Is there glop coming out of yours?

Yeah, there's like this weird oozy goo coming out the hat. Yeah, that's as good as they get here. Whoa, okay. Oh, did you find the glop? I'm also here for the glop. Yes, come and get the glop. This big guy has extra glop. Oh did you find the glop? I'm also here for the glop. Come and get the glop. This big guy has extra glop. Oh, you got extra glop? I see some clone legs under here.

You got glop? I mean, I guess I have a little bit of glop. It's not that much. Can you cut the glop in half so both of us get half a glop? I mean, that's very annoying, but it's very Zix, so absolutely. This is great. Hey, family, come here. Children, children, there's glop. Children, so absolutely. This is great. Hey, family! Come here!

Children, children! Let's clap! Children, come here! Come on in! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Now it's really inconvenient to us. So good to be home. Hi. Hi.

Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Okay, fine. So, I've been written out of my own prophecy. But I'm back now. I'm alive. I want to help. What can I do? Well, you can continue your exploration of the third part.

What? There's the space. We talked about it. It's the space between. And there's, of course, the stuff, which is everything that's not space is stuff. Makes perfect sense. No questions at this time. But there's more. There's more to this. No, don't.

The third side of the coin. The even colder side of the pillow. There's a third side to the coin? Yes! Do you remember my last words last time I saw you? At the zoo? Yes, I was being mauled by a bunch of lords who were mad at me because I was lying to them. But zookeepers always lie to the animals in their care. They have to be tricked.

Zookeepers, half of their job is tricking animals. Half their job? No comment. Yes. And the other half is cleaning up the bathrooms. Okay. I feel like there's more to it than that. Hey, you're headed to the other side of a zoo bug.

A bug zoo. I'm not going to a bug zoo. Well, watch out. You never know. I mean, you are sort of an oddity. See, 53, you're a captain as a sentience. Oh, so you endorse putting me in a zoo? No, I'm just saying. I'm not saying you should go to a zoo.

I'm saying someone's going to put you in a zoo. All right. I got to say, I would endorse that. It's a prophecy. It's a prophecy. I got to say, I would endorse. If you were in a zoo, I would understand why you were in a zoo is what I'm saying. Oh, wow.

Wow. Okay. I'm out of here. Do whatever you're going to do. You find me on the ship when you're done, okay? No. Yikes. No.

C-53. Get your hands off me. Whoa, look at all those little legs. Hey, Black, do you remember the last words? Uh, come on. Last words? I even said... It was your fourth time dying. You think I'm gonna

commit every single last word to memory? I remember your first last words. Oh, yeah? What? Yeah. Cool. Well, do you remember? Don't spit it back at my face.

I'm your boss, mentor, friend. You're not in any of those things anymore, really, at this point. Okay, well, my last words were, the space monkeys are pleasuring themselves like you wouldn't believe. Okay, yeah. monkeys are pleasuring themselves like you wouldn't believe okay yeah because the third part it's a space stuff yourself you need to take care of yourself what learning a lot from old

Holder. Shh. I don't know, dude. I think something was up with that hot dog. Give me a sec. Hey, Dar. No big deal, but it looks like you're getting kind of a little bit of a rash. Well, I think the glob kind of activated with the keck guts, and now I just... I have to get this off.

That's a bad rash. AJ, could you just get at that one point right here? Isn't this good, right? Like, how bad it's getting, it's good. Honestly, no, this is just really awful. Got it, so now it's just bad. It's not like fun bad. Yeah, it's on top of my skin and it's under it.

It's under the skin as well. It's so itchy. Right. I mean, Zyx has always been Zyx, but... This feels worse than it did, right? Yeah. And it also just feels like the vibes are off big time. Yeah.

I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to say it, you know? I didn't want to... Hey, it's me, Peck. No, the pervert. Right, yes. Right. Can I show you something?

Okay, now we're back on track. Very Zyx. Very Zyx. Come on. You want to listen to my Dubcore album? Not even a little bit, no. That is worse. I think it's much worse.

This is worse. What is Dubcore? I hope you knew. I don't know. Get out of here. He doesn't even know what it is. We gotta get clean. This is like solid Dubcore No. Get out of here. Shoo. He doesn't even know what it is. He doesn't know what it is. Shoo. We got to get clean. Yeah.

This is like solid dub core on us and we need to get it off of us. Oh, yes. Oh, that is the name for it. Can someone help us, please? Is there a sentient here who can help us? Can somebody help us? Oh. I'm a lonely showerhead droid. I don't want to wash. You see outside of the shower, there's a shower droid.

Oh. You know, one of those droids with the showerhead on its head. Oh, wow, yeah. A droid that's self-aware but built for a very specific, singular task. Yeah, classic six. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, showerhead droid. We just heard you kind of singing a longing ballad.

Do you want to wash us? Would you like me to? I mean, yeah, we asked. That would be jucking on. Yeah. Well, I guess I could. Yeah, yeah, I mean... It costs 5,000!

What? What? Hold on a second. What do you mean, the self? It's right there. I'm looking at it. I'm looking at your self. I'm the self?

You are the self. To you. I'm the self to me. Marv's got her own self. That's true. But do I have to master other people's selves or just mine? No. Other people's selves are stuff to you.

And in between your self and other selves is space. Their stuff, except for to them, their self and their looking at you and your stuff. And what they're looking through space to see you, which is stuff, but to you yourself. And that's it. That's easy. I have what I just said tattooed all up and down my back and body. I did it. Wow.

Bob did it. And we were doing each other's tattoos at the same time. Oh, no. Why? I'm sorry. I had to come back over. You did it at the same time? We should have done one and then the other.

Let me be honest. Good, Rod. You live and you learn. We were both lying on our stomachs, reaching over. What? Crossed arms. Why were you lying down? It was like a tattoo centipede in a lot of ways.

Hey, guys, guys. Oh, hey, Nermit. Wow, you found some car nuts. Yeah, and these boppy loops and wingers and so many bebops and zoos. And all for free. They're just like, whoa, we can't believe you're here. I guess they're fans of my music. I don't know.

That's very suspicious. What do you mean? Marv. Marv. Yes. Put the newer hot dogs in the front. Of course, yes, sir. See what I'm saying?

It is an honor to have you here. I will go get our freshest hot dogs. I'm so sorry that I'm fully nude here in a place of business, but I won't close myself because I got an air drying. You understand. But please, anything you'd like, please. Durf,

what is going on? Oh, Durf and Marth. You know our names? Wow. To what do we owe the honor? Oh, no. I know you names? Wow. To what do we owe the honor? Oh, no. Like, I know you're probably, like, humming speeder ride in your head or whatever. Is that what you're doing? Are you both thinking of the song speeder ride? Sorry, I did not know what you were talking about.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought was the situation. Nermit, they don't know your music. Oh, oh, oh, maybe it's defecate. Like, a pimple-faced boy said Nermit Bondaloy, I have aple-faced boy said, Nermin, it's definitely not defecate. Defecate. Yeah, you can stop singing. Defecate. Poopay.

No? No. Marv, quick, tattoo that on my arm, Marv. I think it's something important, whatever he just said. I'll go get the gun. No, no, no. I'll go get the gun. Do not do that.

Explain. I'm powering it up right now. It's just under the counter? We use it a lot. Oh, boy. Durf, why are you treating Nermit like this? Hold out your arm. I'm about to tattoo those sacred words because we've just met

Galactic Leader Nermit Bundaloy. I'm sorry. Galactic Leader Nermit Bundeloy. What? I'm sorry. Excuse me? Galactic Leader Nermit Bundeloy? Yes. Nermit Bundeloy.

Miss Nermit Bundeloy? That's right. That little guy right there. Not, okay, you're confusing him with a different guy who used to be Galactic Leader. Yeah, the Emperor was called Nermit Bundeloy. He was sort of an alias. And he's gone, so Nermit's not Galactic Leader anymore. I'm pretty sure he is.

I guess you guys missed it because of the whole all-weep thing that you were just telling me about, half-listening. But it was a write-in vote for Nermit. Out of the blue, Nermit was elected in a landslide. How did that happen? Well, there's some rumors that there was some sort of whack magic involved here. Like, doubt it. Thumb on the old scales from Whackthumb. You know what I mean?

But he's doing a pretty good job. Did I have a great campaign song? Yes. N-n-n-n-n-nermit. Ooh-ooh. Wow. Yeah, that sounds right. That's Nermit. His picture's. Yeah, that sounds right. That's Nermit.

His picture's up on stuff. You see him talking on the hallows. He's on money. I got a cash register full of this little guy. Wait, this... I'm on the money. Why is Nermit on a croon? We don't call them croons anymore.

We call them... What? We call them Nermos. What? That can't be right. Nermos? Yes.os. What? That can't be right. Nermos? Yes. Yes.

What? Yes. Yeah. I mean, I was helping Sisu, and I didn't dare to hope that I would. Wow. Guys, I won the election. I think there's something up with those hot dogs. Excuse us.

AJ and I need 5,000 crude. They're not crude anymore. I don't care what they're called. We need 5,000 of them. I think you're going to care what they're called. I don't want this play money with Nermit's face on it. I want real money. With a shower head for a head?

That's the money. Is a Nermo. Why is it called a Nermo? Why is all derf Nermo? Why is it called... And why is all derf here? I mean, all good questions. Oh, hey, Grandpa Bob. Hey.

Hey, Marv. What's up? Hey, Marv. Hey, Marv. Hey, so why is it called a Nermo? I won the galactic election. I mean, one is a word we're going to have to get to the bottom of, but it

appears that people here in this galaxy think that Nermid Bundeloy is the leader. Whoa! Mark, did you get a tattoo? I did. Do you want me to tell you what it says? No, don't. It actually says that

their mouths are attached to their buttholes. One of them eats a thing and the diarrhea comes out. It's an animal. He just ran away from his press conference, stealing the microphone. It's mine! Again. Okay. In a stunning reversal, a long dead ship, the blazing Rochester, has come back to life and become leader of the galaxy.

Okay, all right. What's happening? What's happening? What? Galactic leader? No one's had that title since those filthy, tenacious oligarchs assassinated and robbed the city in nine. Now, that was a leader. Brought the coal industry back single-pinched.

Well, if I'm a leader, I've got some people to thank, I suppose. First, my lovely wife, Barjah, who probably thinks I'm dead, which I was. And secondly, my upstanding crew, Captain Burgess, Traxelor, and N1X2 shoveling coal into my furnace day and night to keep me chugging. And if they could speak, they'd probably like to thank one company above all others. Green Chef, an organic food company, providing delicious and easy-to-follow meal kits

right to your airlock. And to clarify, when I say organic, I mean the food is for organics, tellurians and the like, not chips. But stick this in your stovepipe and combust it. Green Chef is also the first USDA-certified organic meal kit, so your crew can enjoy hand-picked organic veggies and premium proteins

without having to worry about where they came from. You see, all tellurians are obligate foodivores. They need actual non-combustible foodstuffs to survive. I lost a lot of crews before I learned that one, you better believe. But green chefs, expert chefs curate every

recipe, and with over 30 meal choices every week, and the flexibility to switch plans, those little critters running around inside your cast iron hull will never have to sacrifice taste for nutrition. They can enjoy restaurant quality dishes in the comfort of their own bridge. And with all the time they'll save not having to plan or shop for dinner, they'll gain valuable cold shuffling time.

And as leader, this is my first edict. Go to greenchef.com slash 6125 and use code 6125. Why is it code called that? You'll get $125 off, including free shipping. That's greenchef.com slash 6125 for $125 off. And this is my second edict. All coal will be tested for poison on a daily basis. I'm not gonna go down like

a clombocinian. I don't know, sir. Mr. Rochester! Mr. Rochester! Oh, yes, what is it? Apparently, I'm not here to lie. I mean, what? No longer it? Uh, apparently... All right. What? No longer later? No, no. We'll chuck him, beast of...

We'll go full chucking! Ah, the pistons! Oh, this is it! All right, this is it! I'm the big one! Dream shop! That's all! My pistons!

25! Wait, so Blizzard Man is the emperor? No. My name is Nermit Bundeloy, and I am the Galactic Leader. And I want you all to know, I'm sure I'm going to be very busy, but I'm not going to forget about you guys. Nermit, look at this newspaper. This is you giving a speech yesterday. Yeah, Nermit, whoever the galactic leader is...

That must be from later than yesterday, because I haven't given that speech. Nermit, whoever this is on this newspaper is not you. It's somebody else that is using your identity. Are you the galactic leader? Yes. No, I am not. Help you! Help you!

Yes. No. I am not. Yeah! Yeah! Well, I guess I'm not doing perfectly. Also, can I get your autograph? Thank you so much. Oh, sure. Just make it out to my daughter

and me. What's your daughter's name? Denise. Okay, to Denise. And what's your name? Denise. To Denise and Denise. Okay. Also, to Denise. And what's your name? Denise. To Denise and Denise. Okay. Also, joke you. Regards to your daughter. Excuse me, are you

Galactic Leader? Oh, wow. Because I gotta get used to this. Yes, I am. He's not technically, but sure. I'm just a lonely showerhead. Oh, I see that. And I also just wanted to say what i can't get assassinated when i just learned i'm leader i've got ammo speed

ammo speed yeah that's when the water moves so fast it becomes ammunition. Don't shoot! Whoa, that showerhead lost control. There's water bullets spraying everywhere. Don't worry, it's just water. What could water do? Dirt, you have to take cover like the rest of us. This is weaponized water. I was just in water a minute ago.

Same showerhead. Oh, shit. I got shot. Derp. Derp, no. Anyone else get hit? Just derp? No, we were all hiding. Just me?

We were taking it seriously. Crew, crew, that showerhead's still giving me the evil spigot. He's going to blast us. Everybody stand back. I've got this. I've been cleaning showers for weeks. Come at me. Ow! Ow!

Wow. Marv is amazing with those hot dogs. Wow, she attached two hot dogs with a chain, and she's whipping it around. Backflip! My poor child! Lost pressure completely.

Now we'll never get to shower. Wow. Darf, stay with me, buddy. How ironic. Killed by the shower. The thing I hate to clean. Anyway, uh... Why is he naked? And you were still air drying and everything.

Marv, come close. I have some last words for you. Oh, Plek. Well, I want you to take over the ship, stop. I want you to... Yes? I couldn't possibly. I can never fill your shoes. Well, you... I can never fill your shoes. Well, you can.

And honestly, I mostly wear like a loose slipper. Please, take the slippers, wear them as your own. It's weird that he was naked with the slippers. You mean I don't need to wear the clown shoes anymore? I would keep the clown shoes by day, slippers at night. You said that's what made me a full clown. It's 100%. Once you fill the shoes, they at night. You said that's what made me a full clown. It's 100%. Once you fill the shoes,

they're yours. Your feet don't have to be as big as the clown shoes. Full clown doesn't mean your feet get big and bulbous. I just mean like you fill them emotionally. Oh, no. Then I think I did it wrong. Oh, your feet fill the whole... Wow.

I think you have a swollen... Marv, those are very red. That's a mastery of the space right there. Plek, was swollen. Those are very red. That's a mastery of the space right there. Plek, listen up. Marf saw space. Filled it with stuff. By mastering herself. The stuff was my foot meat. Do you want us to call that list?

Should we call the hotline? Quick. Call the number. I've been shot. Call the number. The first one.. I'm dialing the first number. Call the number. The first one. Oh, I feel hurt, but I mean, as long as somebody picks up here, I think I'll be fine.

Hello? Yes, hello. Someone's been shot. There's been a terrible accident. Nothing I can do about it. Sorry, I got a nothing I can do about it. Ah, shit. Call the next guy. Call the next guy.

That's why it's a long list. Yeah, sure. Okay, it's ringing. Hello? Who is it? Hi, yeah, someone's been shot at the ship's dock. Who's calling you, Steve? I think it's someone from the list.

Yes, yeah, it's from the list. Someone's been shot. I don't know what you're... Please remove me from your list. Oh, okay, yeah. Please remove me from your list. Oh, okay. Yeah. Please remove me from the list. Okay, sure.

Sorry about that. He has to be removed from the list. If they have to be removed from the list, we legally do have to remove them from the list. Oh, okay. All right. Okay, next person. You call the next person. I'm already doing it.

Hey there, who's this? Oh, hi. Yeah, listen. Somebody has been shot. I'm at the ship stop at the edge of... Political? Actually, honestly, in this case, it was actually very politically motivated.

Okay, it's ringing. Oh, hold on a second. Hello? Did you put yourself on your own list? Yeah, well, I didn't. Look, I didn't know I was going to be the one getting shot. Well, sure. Are you one of the people who would say you'd help?

No, I usually say nothing I could do about it. Okay, well. Call the last person on the list. Okay, all right, I'll the last person on the list. Okay, all right. I'll just go right to the end. Hello? Hi, yes.

There's been a terrible accident. Somebody's been shot at the ship stop. Nothing I can do about that. Wait a minute. The last number forwards back to the first guy on the list. This is a tellurian centipede. It's the circle of life. Anyway, those are my last words I guess

wow he's dead I can't believe he's gone ah Marv you'll get used to it it would be a real shock if he actually died I guess this is my ship stop now Marv if what Durf says is true and there's a prophecy about both of us,

or I guess me and also then you or maybe you instead or whatever, you know, we need to work together. We need to figure out how to bring balance to the galaxy. We can get rid of those bad vibes and be heroes. I think that the best way to bring balance might be for each of us to do what makes us happy. And in my case, I think that the best way to bring balance might be for each of us to do what makes us happy. And in my case, I think that's running a ship stop. Maybe in your case, it's fighting the bad vibes.

But I'm happy owning a business, cleaning the showers, collecting a lot of stuff, hiding it away in places where no one can ever find it, hoarding it, and then eventually dying under a pile of it. That's what makes you happy, the prospect of that? Beautiful. That's what I like. And you know what?

As part of my destiny, I think I need to take myself out of the prophecy. You can't just scratch yourself out of the prophecy. You can't just scratch yourself out of the prophecy. You can't do that. No, you actually can. A prophecy is just a piece of paper, and you can just get anything out of it. So let me just erase my name and put Plek back in. And now the prophecy is starring you.

Marf, you're so skilled with this space. But you know what else I'm really good at? Using this blue Julius machine. Wow, she's stirring it with her hand. Look at that. Wow. I didn't do that.

Yes! How'd I do? Perfect swirl, right? It's a perfect swirl. It's true. Yeah. I mean, none of us are going to taste it, but it looks great. You can't taste it.

Don't touch anything here. None of this is for sale anymore. Oh, Marth. Everything here is mine. Even the tubes. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. We got tubes.

Oh. the tubes. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, we got tubes. Man, I'm so glad to be back in Ziggs, because they didn't have tubes in the other galaxy, but they have them in here. And who cares if this place stinks if we got these tubes, man? We're back. We're back.

Are you Galactic Leader Nermit Bundaloid? I am, actually, yes. Just you! Oh, come on. How is it every... Does that still mean the same thing? It's actually gotten worse. What? It means something more. People mean it more now.

Bad vibes. Bad vibes. I don't know what my destiny is anymore. Who the jug cares? We have to figure out where this whackness is coming from and how to fix it. Hey! Hey! Checking in?

Yes, Bargy. You gotta come get us. We have work to do. Fire up the engines. Are you filled up on gas? Nope. Haven't even started. Bargy, why? Bargy, why? Bargy, I... No! What? Galactic leader?

No one's had that. The moment fast approaches. My little Nermit Bondaroy. My, um, Nermit, we're gonna call you just for me to kind of keep it straight in my head. My Nermit Bondaroy gonna call you just for me to kind of keep it straight in my head.

Mymit Mimoloy. For you are not your mit, but mymit. Oh, I am sorry. You might be confused about what sort of is happening. I grew out of your tail. Not your tail. Actually, other Nermit's tail. Master, I have prepared the flow chart to aid the integration Very well done Scram? Oh, I know. People always think I'm telling him to Scram. His name is Scram.

His first name is Scram. No, I would never tell Scram to Scram. If anything, I wish Scram was around all the time. You're my number one. You're my guy. I never had an assistant before Scram, and it's changed my life. He is so on top of my calendar. When you're talking about multiple rifts in reality and timelines and all that stuff,

if you don't have an assistant, you're crazy. Okay, backtrack. You're grown out of different other yous, Dale. And honestly, you're a different you. Other you is the real you. But your, mymit meemaloy, point being, where we're at right now, your entang, we're backstage from one of the best political rallies I've ever been to, and the Emperor is moments away from using the power of the All Wheat to render...

The what thing? An all wheat? Yes. That part seems pretty explanatory to me. That's a very dumb name. Break it down into two words. What's the first word? All. Okay, what does all mean? Total. Okay, what's the second word?

Wheat. And what's the most powerful grain? Wheat. Okay, so you've explained it. Total power. Exactly, you getat. Okay, so you've explained it. Total power. Exactly, you get it. Oh, okay.

Yeah. I didn't think that was going to make sense. Total power. Director one, Nermit Bundeloy, galactic leader. And that's where you come in. Because for all intents and purposes, my little friend. You. You are Nermit Bundle-loy. You're not Nermit Bundle.

You're Mymit Mimoloy. Can I pull this tube? Oh, don't touch that. No, no, no. That absolutely has to stay where that is. Let me be very clear. It would be a generous prognosis to say you are like 50% done. So, that sounds like I'm getting promoted.

Yes, you understand exactly. It's kind of my love language. All right, well, my love language is gifts. Mine is, of course, acts of service. My guy, it's square yes I must finish up the liquid that it's big scrubs gonna double back on me this guy I love watching him shake the table

this is my number one guy right here. He truly does love to scrub, and it's wild. You don't even feel bad asking him to do it. No, I showed you last time. I do have kind of a strange, deep-seated ambition, I feel. So, I mean...

Wonderful. Wonderful, my sweet little Mimikai Malloy. You are, you are Malloy. Oh, that was a... What is sure to go down as one of the most unusual elections of all time. Mermit Bundaloy, a functionary within the Sisu Gundu campaign, has been named leader of the galaxy.

Woo! What's up? That's the Arlweed assholes! Is there Mermit Bundaloy here? Yes, let me dry him for a moment. No, no, no. Sorry. This is Mermit Bundaloy here. Yes, let me dry him for a moment. No, no, no.

Sorry. This is Armand Bundeloy. Everything's correct. He's correct. I have to mic you up so you can go upstage and give your victory speech. It's the new Galact... Sorry, it's my first day. It's all right.

You're doing great. What did you say your name was? Little Chair? Your full name is Little Chair. This is a weird, even in a big galaxy where I've heard a lot of strange names. It was named after my aunt. Okay, so even that leads to sort of more questions for me. Her name was Sarah. Your name's Little Chair, and you were named after your aunt, whose name is Sarah. You want to run me through those steps one more time? I know that I'm literally moments away from unfolding a huge, important turn in my evil plan,

but this has pissed me off. No, this has pissed me off. Scram, I'm going to tell you right now, if you want to be a big bad rock side lord like me, you don't let the small stuff slide. We're going to get to the bottom of why Little Chair was named after a different woman

whose name is Sarah. Your wisdom is infinite, Master. I cannot wait to learn to crawl out to the stage. You're going to get out. go do what you have to do Alright listen here little kid You square up with me While my guy is going off to do his thing

Alright that's exactly right Now why would you be named after Someone whose name you don't share Because she gave birth to all of her children Using a little chair And so for many years after that, she was known in the community as Little Chair, and that's Cheryl Chair, so it says that I think she's my mother, but no one will admit it. So you think your aunt's your mom, is that correct? Do I have that right? Yeah.

Further to further confirmation from you to me that you said you're named after your aunt because she gave birth to you on a little chair. So would it not be slightly more accurate to say you're named after the chair? That's exactly right. Who crossed the wrong road of chaos today? Sarah quote unquote little chair? The speech went great. I don't care, Nermit. Okay, your priorities are bizarre. Corn Bambles! Are we here? And what is this? core bamboo

you're listening to ship stop radio you pump the gas and we'll shake your did she just say that welcome back well you guys just keep calling in and requesting it, so we're just going to keep on playing it. Here's the new one from Zyx's very own, homegrown Jordan Bukorkin with, ah, who am I kidding? Everyone knows what this song's called by now. Growing up in the sticks

Knew there had to be something else more than this Closed my eyes every single night Pray one day I'd see my name up there in Hollywood lights. Yeah. I grabbed the chance to leave these parts. When my first song, it hit the charts. Couldn't count all the crew night made. Parties every night in the bar Jerry and Jade.

Yeah. But now I'm sending up a brand new prayer. Rod, take me back to those days I remember Slug's down there hanging out with wee bug creatures Mop their storage beer underneath his eyeball bleachers Tops down, hyper driving all night Sigur Rilio's kicking in, you're absolutely right After all the things I've seen and all the stuff I've done Just wanna be where everybody has at least five sons

Can't believe now that I'm looking back I've come to find It don't get much better than six It don't get much better than six, babe Picked up the phone, called my band much better than six feet. Picked up the phone, called my band. Listen up now, Jordan's got a new plan. Pack your stuff, y'all, there's no time to rest.

We're setting up shop in the quadrant that's best, yeah. And they all said that I sounded joking crazy. Hold those horses now, Cause you're gonna thank me When you see Columbia State Park where the rides always made me sick My favorite corner store R.I.P. Mrs. Curley Our politicians always keeping it tight

If you think I'm back for good this time You're absolutely right After all the things I've done and all the stuff I've seen Just wanna kick it on my porch read 18 magazine Can't believe it took me moving back Just to realize it don't get much better than six The place where folks still observe, depend and stay The old fashioned way still

Rhino-biting, click-compliant The cherry gasoline still has me fighting Slug's diner, hanging out with bug creatures That first orange beer underneath the Zival bleachers The top's down, I put driving all night Cigarillos kicking in You're absolutely right After all the things I've seen and all the stuff I've done

I'm finally back where everybody has at least hot suns Can't believe it took me moving back Just to realize it don't get much better than six It don't get much better than six, baby It don't get much better than six Commencing outro protocol. Plank Decksetter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 and Scram were played by Jeremy Bent. Dara was played by Ali Kukesh.

Bargeat the Ship, Showerhead Droid, The Tiny Criminal, and Justin Bolley were played by Lujan Zulfagari. Nermin Bundeloy, Peck the Pervert, The Blazing Rochester, and Galactic Leader Nermin Bundeloy were played by Seth Lind. EJ and Allergy Eyedrops were played by Winston Null. Old Derp was played by special guest Justin Tyler. Justin is a writer and director, most recently for the ABC special A Night at the Academy Museum. He co-hosts the podcast Comic Book Club and the show Characters Welcome on YouTube. Follow him on Twitter at JTCizzle. Marv was played by special guest Rachel Winitsky.

Rachel has written for The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, Danger Force, and more. Follow her on Twitter at Rachel Winitsky. Rachel has written for The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, Danger Force, and more. Follow her on Twitter at Rachel Winitsky. Corbeau of War was played by Brendan Lee Mulligan. This episode was edited by Seth Lind, who sound designed a mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Thames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor, Jordan Bukorkens, It Don't Get Much Better Than Six was written and performed by Shane O'Connell. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design from our Jerry and Jade by Eric Goice. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Well, hello. I'm Renee Colvert.

Hi, I'm Alexis Preston, and we're the hosts of Can I Pet Your Dog? And we got breaking news. We got an expose. All the beans have been spilled via an Apple podcast review that said, this show isn't well-researched. Well, yeah, no duh. Of course it's not. Not since the day we started has it been well-researched. Guessing and anthropomorphizing dogs is what we do the can i pet your dog promise is that we will never do more than 10 seconds of research before telling you excitedly about any dog we see i'm gonna come at you with top 10 enthusiasm

minimal facts we're here for a good time not an educated time so if you love dogs and you don't love research well you know what come on in to can i pet your dog podcast every tuesday on maximum fun network i'm lisa hannah walt and i'm emily heller nine years ago we started a podcast to try and learn something new every episode things have gone a little off the rails since then tune in to hear about low stakes neighborhood drama gardening the sordid nasty underbelly of the horse girl lifestyle hot sauce addiction to tv and sweaty takes on celebrity culture and the weirdest grossest stuff you can find on wikipedia.org we'll read all of it no matter how gross there's something for everyone

on our podcast baby geniuses hosted by us two horny adult idiots hang out with us as we try and fail to retain any knowledge at all. Every other week on Maximum Fun. Crazy geniuses tell us something we don't know. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.

It tucks out of my shirt just a little. Just a touch. It's a little bit of a flirt. The first guy goes around to eat the shit of the last guy again? That's the flirt? That's what I call the flirt. Off the ground.

Bug guy, you got a lot of eyes. You can't seem to read the pledge. You're right. Yeah, I'm so sorry. How is that a pledge, though? Never mind. It doesn't... Listen, this is all to say I will be going to my own private shower.

Okay. All right. Well, that's all the teachings I have for today. I'm sorry. I forgot that that's where the conversation starts. It's been a pleasure, students. But class is dismissed. Oh, my God.

That's disgusting.