Mission To Zyxx - 515: Gary’s Home Companion [ft. Leslie Collins]

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

The crew seeks out intel from an old friend. Dar makes a drop-off. AJ sees his near future. Pleck gets yoked.  Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Justin BallwehatWith special guest Leslie Collins as Ms. Janelle FitzmeyerEdited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellTheme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraAdditional Music by Shane O’ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

It is a time of great unease. The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant. But something is different. Wrong. Whack! Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three- sided coin of freshness and face down foes

like they've never imagined on their final mission to Zix Hey, hey, Dar. Yep. Why are we going to Dad's? So, I'm visiting with Dad, but you're actually going to stay with Dad. Why?

Well, because right now, the ship isn't the best place for you. Why? It's just, you know, you're growing. You're rapidly growing. In fact, you're just a hair shy of being able to, I don't know, tell secrets. You know, get into all sorts of trouble. And I want you to stay out of trouble. But I want to stay on the ship. I would love for you to stay on the ship.

And I honestly would love to get to know you. Shoot, what was your name again? Oh, Horse Hat. Horse Hat, right. Horse Hat. I mean, I should know that again? Oh, Horse Hat. Horse Hat, right. Horse Hat. I mean, I should know that. I named you Horse Hat. Can't believe I named you Horse Hat.

Sorry. You know, honestly, there's just... There's some stuff that's going to happen that I just don't want you to see. Why? Well, because... Because I just... It's going to be dangerous. I don't know what the outcome is going to be,

and I don't want you in that line of fire, okay? That's important to me. That is maybe more important than my own personal vendetta. What a vendetta. You know, it's for me to figure out and for you to enjoy some time with Dad. Be sure to ask him to toss you up in the air. There we go, little one. Where's that horse at? Dad! Oh, Dad. Be sure to ask him to toss you up in the air. Here we go, little one. Where's

that horse at? Dad! Aw, Dad! Let me at him. Hey, Dad. Oh, see? Aw, horse head, come on. Come on in. I've got a fresh pot of horglark. Okay, no time to

catch up. Would love to stay, but I cannot. Okay, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye. Aw, that's a shame. Next time, next time. Let's. Would love to stay, but I cannot. Okay, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye. Ah, that's a shame. Next time, next time. Let's go play. Well, have fun out there. Knock them dead, whatever it is you're doing. Thanks, Dad.

Bye, Dad. All right. Bye, Horsetown. Bye-bye. Bye, bye-bye. Bye, Horsetown. That was hard, but one last thing to worry about. Glad you're here, Captain.

I wanted to talk to you about Galactic Leader Nermit Bundeloy. Yes. I noticed. No, not you. No, come on, man. Not you. Nermit, come on. We've been talking this whole time about how we're going to destroy that one.

I was elected and that's an imposter. Yeah, we're all on the same page, I think. Barjit, can you pull up the speech of the leader, Nermin Bundeloy? I was watching that speech and something kind of didn't sit right with me. Dwayne Beck Clinton. Greetings, citizens. watching that speech and something uh you kind of didn't sit right with me playing that clinton greetings citizens sorry i double scheduled and i'm having some medals attached to my lapel here i hope you don't mind argy enhance just a couple i don't do that enhance you just enhance the image you have to go in closer yeah i think just step closer to you no i think on a tactical screen you can actually you can say enhance in the screen no you just gotta think just step closer to it. No, but on a tactical screen, you can say enhance in the screen.

No, AJ, you just got to walk. Just get closer to the screen. I just walk over there? It's a standard holoprojector. Okay, well, when I say enhance, everybody walk towards the screen, all right? Okay. Computer, enhance. Everybody.

Okay. And enhance. Walk towards it again. Can we walk further? No. Can we go more than a couple of steps? Just stall to get right up next to it. No, you should do enhance a few times or it's not as cool.

Enhance. Okay. Look at this moment right here. He's like kind of chewing on his pinky. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. Do I do that?

No. At the protein pinky. What? AJ, what are you talking about? Oh, wait. There is, you can see a little seam. Yeah, look. See the stitches? The pinky's perforated.

So you can just crack it off like this. Oh! What? Why? Why would he do that? I do it all the time. Yeah, D'Arc, you've seen him eat his own pinky a bunch of times. So wait, what are you saying, AJ? That Nermit is a clone.

I don't think so. That's really far-fetched. I don't know. No, no, no, no, sorry. No. Listen, I'm telling you, I know clones, and that is a clone. Well, if somebody had somehow gotten a piece of Nermit's genetic material, they could actually grow their own Nermit. Wow. He's got these feathers. Ah.

Oh, yeah, these scales kind of rub off, don't they? Yeah, they flake. He's mold-filled for like three months. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's rub off, don't they? Yeah, they flake. Yeah, he's flaky. He's like three months. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got a full skin laying over there. Did you guys tell me that his tail got cut off once? It sort of stomped off. I'm just telling you, this guy's a clone.

So wait, AJ, if this is true, are you telling me that we could potentially clone an entire band? No. No, no, no, no. Like, no. No. I mean, you can, but.

Yes. You can clone the band, but it doesn't mean it's going to be any good. Ha, challenge accepted. You can't clone chemistry, so. We don't need to clone or not. We should get to Quantaris ASAP and just see what the deal is, you know? No need to overthink it. All right, off we go.

Ship, take us away. Why did you call me? Sweating a lot. Darn. Stroking that goat. Do you always stroke your goatee like that? I don't feel like I've ever seen... Well, you know, with this guy.

Just gotta help it. Be kidding around. Right? Right? Right? Oh, man. Dar, you know, if it hadn't been for the several times that we've saved each other's lives, told each other we loved each other, shared, you know, friendly moments, and formed years of camaraderie, I would think you hated me right now.

I couldn't hate you. Yeah, boy. I mean, you are right right now. I couldn't hate you. Yeah, boy. I mean, you are right, though, Captain Dara. You know, the other Nermid could be a hologram or a robot or just a, you know, plain old imposter. We don't really know what we're up against here. Listen, Fleck, I would know if this new Nermid Bundaloy is a bot or not, okay? But if we really want to know if it's a clone, we should just go to the galaxy's foremost cloning expert.

You know, her friend, Miss Janelle Fitzmyer. Yes. What a great idea. Let's do that. Miss Janelle rules. I love how she's great. She sends me a note every other month. Guys, I don't know.

I mean, Miss Janelle's been nice to us over Ex-Mars letters she sends to each of us individually. Totally. Out of the blue, Apollo calls and, you know, the occasional care package. But we sabotaged her entire Clint production operation with my DNA. But Plek, all you need to look at is the needle point that she sent you last Ex-Mars. Yeah. What does it say? Y'all are always welcome at Miss Janelle's house.

I mean, how much clearer could she have been? Yeah. Let's do it. Dar got to see Dad. Why can't I go see Miss Janelle? Yeah. No, you're right. We do have to go confront Nermin Bundeloy, but the more information we can get, probably the better.

Exactly. If he's a clone, we have a tactical advantage because every clone, except for me, have weaknesses. Like some are dumb, not me. Some are un-self-aware. We can like use that because they're all like, what? Yeah, AJ, you're talking to a holograph of us. What? Turn around.

What? Oh, sorry. Sometimes when you guys walk out i don't remember we should take that down we should it's very confusing yeah this happens a lot no this was a nice moment we shared look at this holograph every time i do it makes me laugh yeah um so what i was saying to the holograph but really to you guys is that clones might have some weaknesses that we can exploit. Sure. Right? Sure, and it'd just be fun to see Miss Janelle. Oh man, if she makes her special lemon bars,

I can finally eat them! Oh, look at his little mouth things. What are those called? Petapops. Oh yeah, look at him go. Yes! All the memories we have of C-53's Petapops. His most defining feature since all of this started.

Barge, is there a gas leak on the ship? I wish. Well, Counselor Joey Joey, I, Bordoff, hope you are quite pleased with this new archive facility. Heavily guarded data backups of every Federated Alliance droid, all here beneath the sparkling, bustling streets of Palace City, the crown jewel of Quantaris. What's that you're going on about? No, this is a nice

building. Is it a building? Quite, yes. Oh, actually, Bordoff, can you run lines and film for me, little old Joey Joey? I need to self-tape for this commercial audition. For me, most honored counselor, I'm actually a great lover

of the theatrical arts. Great, you're playing Jykle camera up here? Yes. This is Joey Joey, reading for the part of Slonk, seeking representation. Hey, Jykle, how was your workout? Oh, honestly, Slonk, very pleasurable. Well, pal, it's time to seek out pleasure in every area in your life. From how you start your mornings to how you wind down at night, and everything in between.

You deserve to enjoy it all. Dipsy Stories wants you to find joy and confidence in and out of the bedroom. Throws towel over shoulder. Oh, okay, that's a stage direction. Tell me more. Dipsy Stories is an app full of sexy audio stories, and now they even have brand new written stories. No matter who you're into or what turns you on,

Jackal, Dipsy helps bring the stories to life. Anytime, anywhere. There are hundreds of stories to choose from and they release new content every week. So there's always more to explore. I need to run to get a healthy smoothie before clocking in. But quick, Slunk, how do I get on board with Dipsy?

You're in luck, Jekyll, because Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsyst stories.com slash zix. Dipsystories.com slash zix. Got it. And cut. Thank you. Nailed it. Oh, certainly. Oh, and here, of course, you see a platoon of enforcer droids who patrol the facility. No, no, no. I have actually another self-tape for you to help me with. Oh, well, of course. Do you think I have a shot? You're better behind the camera.

Oh, thank you. Man, this place has a lot different vibe when it's not clintillion. It's a lot more vibe when it's not Clintillion. It's a lot more sort of cold and severe. Pretty industrial. This is different. You know, Miss Chanel had, like, doilies and stuff. Get down on the ground. Whoa!

Get down on the ground right now. Get down on the ground. Hey, I am down on the ground. Nobody tells me to get down on the ground. Ow! Whoa! That's right. That's right. That's right. I tells me to get down on the ground. Ow! Whoa! That's right, that's right, that's right. I will shoot you, and I just did. Give me your identification right now.

AJ2884. Are you an original Clint? Yeah, I'm an OC, man. Ugh. Welcome to the OC. Wow, that trooper's not even flinching. He's getting in both barrels right now. Oh, shit.

Nothing. Keck landing on the planet. Everybody. No, no, no, no, no. It's just one Keck. Yeah, it's just the one Keck, and I'm not really. I'm a plint 2.0, okay? I'm not like one of those idiots came before me, all right?

You're a plint 2.0. There's never just one Keck. Okay. Can we slow down for one second? You's never just one kick. Okay. Can we slow down for one second? You're a plin 2.0. What is that? Well, you know how 1.0 juckin' sucks?

And 2.0 is juckin' better? Hey Papa, these guys are like you, only like yoked. I mean, maybe. No, they're like huge. Yeah, I'm trying to hit the finish. I don't think they're anything like me. They're sort of, I don't know.

His bicep is the size of your waist. All right, hold on a second. You guys are going to have to explain your situation here. We got a kek, red alert. We got an original clint, blue alert. Welcome to the... And we got an original plint, 1.0 here. Out of uniform, pink alert. Actually, I'm not a plint. I'm. Welcome to the OC. And we got an original Clint. 1.0 here. Out of uniform.

Pink alert. Actually, I'm not a Clint. I'm just actually... Shut up. No. Ow. Listen, I'm going to have to call in the boss here. Yeah, great.

That's great, actually. That's actually who we're here to see. Yeah, we're here to see Miss Janelle, so that's great. Wait, what? Miss Janelle Fitzmyer. Miss Janelle's not the boss. What? Wait, actually, can we get up off the ground?

No, what? Did I say you could get up off the ground? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, my rod. Oh, my rod. It's the leader of the galaxy. I am so sorry. You should be, okay?

I am. How dare you? We've been hard at work for you. We just sent all of the elite strike teams to Quantaris to guard the palace. Great. Just like you asked. Excellent. That seems not bad at all, right? We are vigilantly on the lookout for the imposters.

We will find them, my liege. I'm so sorry, I didn't recognize you. You can redeem yourself. Anything. I'll do anything. Where is Miss Janelle Fitzmyer? She doesn't work here. She retired. She lives in the Vista Palms

Resort. Oh, boy. Where's that? Where are we going to have to fly to? What planet? It's just down the street. Oh, you can see it. There's something else on this planet other than the... Vista Palms Resort. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. As you were.

Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you, your leash. My leash. Thank you. Sounds like they're still settling on that title. No, I liked it. I liked it, how it was long. Your Grace. Ow! Oh, Dart still took a swing at him. Oh!

It's got one of those automated gates. Welcome to this gate. automated gates Welcome to this gate Yes Welcome to this gate Wow We're really back in Zix, folks Yeah, it's a real matter of fact Hi, we're here to see

Miss Janelle Fitzmyer, please What code is Janelle Fitzmyer? That's a great question We've entered four numbers or else you will be locked out. We're already locked out. You mean we'll continue to be locked out. Welcome to this gate. Oh, boy.

Pretty limited loop here. What code is Janelle Fatsme? Do you have a favorite Clint? Certainly not, right? Well, let me try 2884. Yes. Oh, wow. AJ.

AJ, wow. I guess you really were her favorite. I always knew it. I always knew it. Yes. All of the numbers are her favorite. Oh, I see. So if I just hit 1, 1, 1, 1

Yes The gate is now open Thank you Wow, this place is nice Look at all these golf carts Yeah, a lot of carts Wow, this is such a serene place All these water features

It looks like there's sort of, you know, like a real community here. There's a couple shops up there. Oh, hey, look. It's Tactical Footwork Tuesday at the Bingo Hall. Hey, there's a store that just sells bad mystery novels. Or weird military focused thrillers. VLPW is having a

social. Oh. Veterans of off-planet wars. I never knew what that stood for. Wow, this is super weird. Look at all these out-of-uniform old Clint's. They all look like old Rolf's tittles. Yeah, well. In like polo shirts and cargo shirts.

Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. Are you a Clint? I used to be. But now, I'm captain of the shuffleboard team. Oh, congratulations. I'm kind of the best here at shuffleboard. I'm sorry, I guess I don't really understand.

You were a Clint. How old are you now? Must be, I guess, heat. Wow. Oh, AJ. That's an accelerated timeline. The future is bleak. I'm not going to end up like that guy.

AJ, you're seven. Remember? We had your party at the Synergy's roller rink. Come on. That's not going to be me. I'm not going to get old. Excuse me,

shuffleboard captain. Yeah. You're eight years old. How is that possible? You look so much older than our friend here. Well, seven and a half. It really takes a turn.

It's kind of like a half-life when you just oh no yikes yeah i do have to get to shuffleboard because i yeah sorry we apologize i'd love to talk about how old i am and how much time i have left but i'd like to get to shuffleboard okay all right hey just for the record i would destroy that guy in shuffleboard. Okay. That's not really... Destroy.

That's not really... Dominate. This is a captain. That's not really the mission. I don't know. Mike, how would that help? Oh, wait, wait, wait. Did you hear that?

Let's follow this little zippy robot on a single wheel. Sounds good. Hail, Billy Burry, delivery of this channel. Is it going to beep the whole way? It seems like it. All right. This is it. Stopped here at this house.

Wow, what a nice little bungalow. Yeah. Oh, look at this welcome mat. Okay, how do I look? Do I look good? I look fine, right? My armor is in good shape. Okay.

Well, you just have the scorch mark from where you got shot earlier. Well, that wasn't my fault. Well, I know, but I'm just saying. That guy was a douche. I respected it. Hey, dog. Are you okay? You've been kind of quiet, just kind of like tapping your fingers together.

Oh, uh, yeah, no, I just, it feels like we've been here so long. Maybe we should just, like, you know, get back on the ship and get going. Here she comes, here she comes, here she comes. Now, what do I have in front of me? Oh, hey, Miss Janelle, hey. AJ-2884, what a sight for my eyes. Oh, how wonderful to see you. What a lovely surprise. Hi, Miss Janelle.

Oh, hello, Plek. Oh, come here, give a lovely surprise. Hi, Miss Janelle. Oh, hello, Plek. Oh, come here, give me a hug. Every single one of you, I hope, has a hug for me. Mailbox, come on, Mailbox. Come on, Mailbox. Love me, I want to hug now. I will hug you, Mailbox. Next.

Miss Janelle, I'm so happy to see you're so welcoming. You know, a lot of people are sort of thrown off by my new exterior. Yes, because you look like a bug. Yeah, yeah. Well, he is a bug, actually. I look into your eyes, and I see the real you, C-53. And that's a wonderful person. Miss Janelle, I will gladly accept this hug.

I do love extra arms. I remember you, dar. I will have to say, there is something slightly different about you. Let's get in that hug. Okay. Well, let me whisper in your ear. If you've gone through heartbreak, you'll get

through it. Thank you. You know what? Why don't y'all come over here? I just finished making some lemon bars. No way. We were just talking about that.

We didn't want to ask. Nermit, wow, this is such a treat. Oh, that's so nice. Can we get one of those famous hugs? Of course. Sorry, my bosoms are big. I do want to say congratulations on your promotion. That's really, really wonderful.

Oh, Leader of the Galaxy, yeah. Thanks. Thank you. That's not easy to achieve. No, no, thanks. So you should be proud of yourself. I am. To win by write-in is really an accomplishment. I know, right?

I mean, I wasn't even running. Well, that says a lot about you and your person. You know, I heard so many wonderful things from Dar. Just went on and on about your character. Dar? Yeah, and I meant every word that I said. There is something different about your eyes. Something a little...

Well, have a lemon bar, everyone. Yay! Oh, I am so excited to try one of these with a real mouth. We'll come all through the atrium. Yes, this is so nice. Thank you. Over here is my studio in which I do a lot of my arts and crafts. But sit down.

Can I show you my scrapbook? I went on a river cruise. A river cruise? Cool. Yes, I did. Gary and I went, and I have a scrapbook, if you will, and I would love to go through it and tell you all the sights and everything. Oh, my goodness.

You should have seen the flora and the fauna. River Cruise is sort of a one-way thing, right? Or do you go back up the river at the end? Well, then you blatatt we do go both ways oh okay wow which is more fun down river up river good question well i would have to say down river yes everything is a little bit more fun when you're getting down Oh, I am so sorry. It is so loud right now. Gary is out in his wood shop.

He makes my embroidery hoops. That's so nice. He is a real maker. He is a real maker and a doer. He's always busy. Cheap to just buy. That's so nice of him. I give him his privacy. I have no idea

what else he's doing out there. Gary's good. You know, we have been learning a new language as well. Oh, that's great. We have been learning Jontawa. Oh, wow. Notoriously difficult.

Jontawa, Jontawa, Jontawa. Did you hear what I just said to you? I said Tata love love, kiss kiss, hug hug. Wow, that's so nice. Even in Gentawa. So sweet. Well, that was the first thing I wanted

to learn. That and I love you and I love you is Gentawa. Oh, great. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Miss Janelle, I just want to say congratulations on your retirement. Last time we saw you, you were still the manager of the cloning facility. Oh, yes.

Those were good days. I have to say, I enjoy my retirement, but it wasn't exactly on my terms. What? What? Well, you know, these things get complicated. What? Well, you know, these things get complicated, but I indeed, may I tell you something private about myself? Of course. Come in closer.

Sure. It has. AJ, no, that's not AJ. That's for Halos. That doesn't apply here. Is this too close? No, nothing is too close for me. Well, we can't get that close just because of, you know, the bosoms.

Yes. You know, as I worked there towards the end, I felt like I was really doing some wonderful things and really turning out top-notch clones. And before I knew it, something was happening behind my back and I didn't do anyone wrong as far as I could tell. You couldn't because you're perfect

Miss Janelle. Oh well that is so sweet of you to say. Well it's the truth and if anyone says different I'll rip their throat out. AJ maybe just let her talk. Who's saying anything about her? Nobody's saying anything AJ. Dehance. De her talk. I'm just saying, who's saying anything about her? Nobody's saying anything, A.J. D. Hance. D. Hance.

All I'm saying is when I got my notice, my pink slip, there was just a bad taste in my mouth. I had no idea that they were downsizing, and my job was just on the cutting block is what they told me. job was just on the cutting block is what they told me and i had to pack my bags and my boxes and take my codes and and i took a little bit of light software with me and a little bit of hardware and i packed up my desk palm that had really grown quite a bit over the years i was there they did let me take that and i. Did you get a party or something? Not one being said goodbye to me. What? Yeah, well, you know, Miss Janelle, if it helps any,

we're pretty convinced that some pretty evil shit is going down in the galaxy right now. Don't say that in front of her. I'm sorry. Don't say the S word in front of her. Evil stuff. What's wrong with you? I'm sorry. Well, you Evil stuff. I'm sorry. Well, you know, I don't mind cursing all that much,

but I will have to say that the other day I was walking by the facility and there was a plant and he said the word jucking a few times too many. And I just thought, those are not quality plants. Something is going on over there. Did that plant happen to be like, really yoked?

As the young people say, swole or yoked. I think we met one of those guys. Or jacked. I have heard that. Sort of an older generation, but yeah, sure. Would you all like to play Bunko? What?

Sure. Yeah, sure. Well, I love it because it was originally a confidence game. Oh. And I like confidence. A confidence game, you say? That's why I like it. Or we can all just do Embroidery.

Whatever would be fun for all of us to do together as friends would make me the happiest. Oh, that's so nice. I mean, we were kind of hoping to figure out something about how the other Nermit was cloned and took my place. What did you say? Basically, Miss Janelle,

the reason we're here is that we have reason to believe that Nermit Bundaloy, the leader of the galaxy, is actually a clone of this guy. We should have mentioned that earlier. This is not the Nermit Bundeloy you've been seeing on hollows and in the hearing of speeches. Because I actually looked at the hollow, Ms. Janelle. So I looked at the hollow. And I did this thing where I was like, I figured it out because I was all like, the pinky, the pinky was perforated.

It was a perforated pinky. Oh my goodness gracious. You are right, AJ, there is no doubt about it. That Nermit is a clone, made with my technology. Wait, does that mean that someone basically hijacked the cloning facility in order to place that imposter in my rightful throne? There was a new gentleman who came to work at the facility about two weeks prior to me being retired. And he was a very surly fella.

He never smiled. And I tried to hug him and he recoiled. What? Now, that is honestly very unusual. What did he look like? Maybe, do you have any more of these lemon bars? Tara, you've eaten all but two of these lemon bars. He looked very mean. I would not trust him in a knife fight.

That's a classic thing Mr. Nell already says. When you're in a knife fight, the key is trust. Okay. That is the number one rule of knife fighting. Trust the process. Oh, well, I don't know what happened to that gentleman. Do you know his name? What was his name?

Park, Park, Parkour Valor? Parkour Valor? Oh, yeah. I mean, that sounds like a name. Someone named Parkour Valor cloned me? Sounds pretty evil. Sounds highly possible. I don't know.

That truly sounds like somebody that Bargy would star in a movie with. Well, Bargy was in Big Bop at the Ship Stop with Parkour Satine. Oh, really? Yeah. All right. Well, really? Yeah. All right. Well, I apologize. It just is not coming to the mind right now, y'all. Grandma!

Oh, well, hello, Centurion. Grandma! Would you like to meet my friend? Sure. Wait a second. Centurion, you're here? What? You were in the other galaxy.

Who are you? Grandma, we're out of fluffer butter. Oh, well, you're here? What? You were in the other galaxy. Who are you? Grandma, we're out of fluffer butter. Oh, well, you know what, sweetheart? I had just come back from the market, and there is a bag in the back seat of the speeder, and it has some new fluffer butter in it. Okay, thanks, Grandma. Don't fret.

You're welcome. Go ahead and put that on a cracker. I will. I love you, Grandma. I love you. Is Gary back there? Is Gary near the speeder? Uh, Gary is out in his wood shop. He better not, like, be asking me about stuff, Grandma. Oh, well, maybe he's just trying to get to know you better.

Ugh, I'm gonna get the buffer butter. Uh, Miss Janelle, is that a clone of Centurion? Why, yes, it is. Grandma. That's my grandma. Yes? Where's the fluffer butter? Oh, no.

Yuck. It is in the back seat of my speeder, Centurion 4. I just went to the market, sweetheart. Is Gary in the garage? Last time I checked, he was out in the wood shop. I want to deal with Gary, sweetheart. Is Gary in the garage? Last time I checked, he was out in the wood shop. I want to deal with Gary, Grandma. Well, maybe he's just trying to get to know you better

and you could spend some time with him. I love you, Grandma. I love you, too. Y'all, I'll have to excuse me. It's just teen angst and, you know, you know teens. So, the late software you stole and hardware. Well, I do have to admit, for my own selfish reasons, I dabble in at-home cloning.

Oh, wow. You have a tube of blue liquid just right next to the fridge here. Well, yes. It can be messy, so I like to keep it all in one room where it's easy to clean up. But... Grandma. Uh-huh.

Centurion. Fluffer butter? I can't find any. Well, I just went to the market, and there is some in the back of my speeder. Okay, great. Wait, is Gary in the garage? Honey, he is out in the woodshop last time I checked, okay?

Oh, awesome. Will he let me use the lathe? I imagine he will if you ask nicely. Okay, cool, cool. Oh, wow, that's interior. That's interior. He likes Gary. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So the clones are... They all have a little bit of personality. That was the tweak I took with me. That makes sense, because, I mean, most of the clones I know and me had to march to the beat of our own drums a little bit. We can't all be individuals, AJ.

Well, there are a lot of drums that we're marching to. Yeah, that sounds like a cacophony. Well, maybe it is. Maybe that's what freedom is, brother. Well, clones, instruments, I'm on board. Okay. I can whip up a clone. Oh, no, that's not where it's at.

Yeah, especially just one that can beatbox. Oh, sure. I don't always have a keyboard, and then you can just get that click track. We're not going to do that. You want someone to lay down a beat? Because I can. Oh, you can? Uh-huh, yes, yes.

I dabble in beatboxing, if you will. I mean, we definitely need to hear you do that now. You ready? Uh-huh. Yes. Yes. I dabble in beatboxing, if you will. I mean, we definitely need to hear you do that now. You ready? Uh-huh. Okay. Couldn't be more. Exactly what I expected. Oh, that was awesome, Miss Janelle.

Isn't that fun? Could thank you i enjoy doing that all in the evenings for fun i just stay up late and i beat box wow sometimes i do that with gary and that's something fun that we do together. Anyway, I hate to be a party pooper, but I unfortunately have an appointment because I have some corns on my

feet. Oh, okay. You've got to get those checked out. I do have to have those looked at by the doctor. I have loved catching up on good times. You know, Ms. Janelle, I really feel like you've made the best of your retirement here. And I'm sorry it happened under, you know, less than ideal circumstances.

But what a great place. You've got your significant other. You've got your grandchildren visiting you all the time. And thank you for the help with our mission. We're going to find this parkour velour and we're going to set things right. Oh, that is too much

and too kind. Come here. Give me a hug. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I am blessed to know each and every one of you. Please come back and visit me sometime soon, okay? You got it.

We absolutely will. Totally. Miss Janelle, that's a guarantee. Dara's already outside. And it's just through here, okay. Oh, my gosh. Did you see that? That guy that just passed us was Lieutenant Tony Bordoff. And he was carrying Counselor Joey.

Are you serious? What an honor. When I took this internship at the compound, I dreamed about maybe seeing a counselor in person. But I never thought it would happen. Totally, and Joey Joey is the coolest one, too. He's almost a working actor. I know. He had an under five in Days of Our Nights. I know, and he's so well-dressed, especially considering he's like a puddle

of liquid. I could never pull off looks like his. Why not shop at a store that's personalized for your size and style? I mean, how? At Stitch Fix Freestyle. A shop built just for you. Just for me?

Yeah. What a terrible business model. Well, it's built for you and also everyone else. Individually. Stitch Fix Freestyle intelligently curates items for you based on your style, likes, and lifestyle. diligently curates items for you based on your style, likes, and lifestyle? Well, what if my lifestyle is intern who never leaves the compound because my hours are an affront to my fundamental rights as a person? No problem.

Well, what if my style is I own one professional outfit, which I bought the day I graduated, and it's the only thing I've ever won to work? I can help with that. Oh, okay. graduated and it's the only thing I've ever wanted to work. I can help with that. Oh, okay. What if my likes are work, talking about work, and flattering slim fit distressed denim? Perfect. Whether you're on the hunt for a look you already love or to try a new one at stitchfix.com, you can shop hundreds of brands personalized to your size and fit. This is amazing. I have a four minute lunch break. I'll check it out then. That's the spirit.

Try Stitch Fix Freestyle today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash zix. Stitchfix.com slash zix. Yeah. Okay. Now back to manually transcribing every ship's fuel, battery

and technical logs by hand in triplicate. For the Alliance! Justin, you would have loved the mission. What? Yeah, there was like 15 clones of Centurion. Centurion? Yeah, Centurion. clones of Centurion. Centurion? Yeah, Centurion. Weren't you guys in love? Now there's like 15 of them. Wait, what?

Yeah, there's like a bunch of Centurions. Wait, what? Yeah, like Miss Janelle cloned a bunch of them. Wait. What? Oh, there's a bunch of them. Wait. What? Oh, there's a bunch of centurions. This is getting a little... Wait, what?

There's a bunch of centurions. What's happening? Is this a time thing? Hold on. Hold on. This is a lot to process. Hold on. Whoa.

It's like you literally think you know someone and they ask Dead turned out to be A literal clone Did they Did they mention me They don't know you exist They don't know I exist That's ass dead

So mean That's bad vibes right there Justin that doesn't have really anything to do with them You know what I'm going to pretend that they don't exist either. None of that. That actually might be for the best, you know? Is it working? Maybe I'm a clone.

Yeah, Justin, I think these... Maybe I'm a clone! No, Justin, I don't think you are. Maybe I'm a clone! No, I don't think you are a clone. You know who's a clone? My heart's a clone, because I love that because I love are. No, I don't think you are a clone. You are a clone, but heart's a clone. Because I love that. Oh, wow.

It's good. Pretty unintelligible. Imagine how many kisses you could get from 15 centurions. AJ. I'm going back to my room. What? I'm trying to be that good? More kisses.

Hey, everyone. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have some good news. Oh, great. What's up, Bougie? There is indeed a gas leak. Okay. All right. That is it.

This is all talking about me. Honestly, that explains a lot. Yeah, the talk screen on my, yeah, okay. I was kind of ignoring the light on my helmet. Also, good news. I got a package from Miss Janelle. Oh, that was quick. I only just left.

Also, see, I got a package for us, too. Okay. Wait a second. Did you find a way to get more hyper proton fuel? Wow, look at the package from Miss Janelle. To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I can do hyper proton fuel in a kek body.

Don't worry about it. I mean, I'm willing to try, but... Oh, that bug is bouncing up and down. Guys, we agreed we were ending the podcast. Cube to cube. I love this package by Miss Janelle. Open it, please. All right, let's open it up.

Let's open it up. A little game with a little message. Oh, hello, crew. I know it has only been a short time since your wonderful visit, but I just had to send you one more batch of lemon bars since I know

Justin was unable to try them. Oh, that's so nice. Justin, I look forward to meeting you someday and hearing all about the many complex emotions you must be feeling as you grapple with parental loss, unrequited love, journeying through space in the greatest adventure of all, adolescence. I am also enclosing a little gift for y'all's journey. Oh, look at this. It's a device of my own design

which may come in handy. I don't see anything. Look, it's like a remote control. You're just holding your fingers apart. No, look, it's like a remote control. Look. You're just holding your fingers apart. No, no, no. It's right here. I hope never to use a device like this, but one can never be too careful when

dealing with cloning technology that might fall into the wrong hands. You can't see this? Why? See what? It allows you to neutralize any clone that has been sent on a nefarious path by opening a vial of toxins that is implanted in the brain of every clone created at the facility oh wow so that's wow wow aggressive oh weird did the audio out? There's no sound in this part of the letter for me. Some people might call it a kill switch, but I prefer the term kill button.

Now, this device only works at close range, so you'll need to get within a hug's distance before you press it. Wow. Why don't I hold on to that? So where's the kill switch? AJ, I don't think you can see it. I think maybe there's something preventing clowns from seeing this particular device. See what? Yeah, Dar, it's probably best this is, you know, under flap and key. You read my mind there, buddy.

Well, I do hope y'all stay safe and continue to be good to each other while always following your path to happiness. Until we meet again, ta-ta, love, love, kiss, kiss, and hug, hug, Miss Janelle Fitzmire. Oh, wow, so sweet. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I remembered the name of that unsavory gentleman I met at the facility. Cor Balivore. What? What?

What? Did you raise a cross? To be continued... Hello. I am an Enforcer Droid. Ah. You should not be here. Well, Enforcer Droid. That is my name. Let me just say this.

Yes, sir. You just passed the test. Everyone give a big round of applause for Enforcer droid. Well done. They're clapping for me. Why is that? I do not do big claps. Well, you won't hear them because you're being recorded

and the people clapping for you are watching remotely. That's right. The owners of Federated Alliance Council Compound Number 5 are themselves viewing you doing your job well. And I get hired to come here and test the security. And you just passed. Uh, no. If we're surgery, we're here to destroy it. To kill.

I didn't destroy it to kill. I destroyed and killed you now. Well, if you did that, then how would I be able to report back that you had successfully destroyed and killed me? You bring up a good point. Let me think. I am thinking. I am thinking. I hate to interrupt you thinking, but you also are on the timed portion of your test, and you actually are losing points right now. If I do not kill you, you do not die.

But I win a prize. Sorry, you win a prize? Is the prize a pancake? Are you going to make me a pancake? Now, is that something? I won't do anything for a pancake. Great, I actually have a pancake from earlier here. It's cold and I sat on it. But, it's actually, I'm right now, it's unreal that you asked for a pancake and that I had a pancake.

That's, I just, as a moment, talk about the coincidence of that. That's crazy to me. It is a very cold pancake. Yes. Allow me to reheat the pancake for you, Master. Scram! Oh, look at this guy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, that's piping hot. Yes, I can't hold it. It's too hot. Alright,

Enforcer Joy, please take this hot, hot pancake and enjoy it. I enjoy hot, hot pancake. It makes me forget. Great. That's great for me. I'm going to duck in here real quick. I'm just going to... I invite you to eat the pancake. I am eating the pancake. Enforcer, I think you are safe to go, Master. I am eating the pancake.

I have a blank cube. I'm going to hoof it on in here. I'm going to get the... I have a blank cube. I'm gonna, I'm gonna hope it all in here. I'm gonna get the... Uh, Tramillion Sector... And Six Quadrant. C53's consciousness soon to be mine. What am I gonna eat for lunch though? I gave away my pancake I was saving for later. Well then perhaps it's time for you to enjoy a quesadilla, master? Oh my goodness, Scram! Un-unreal! Absolutely unreal!

This press makes many flat foods hot, master. Mwahahahaha! They say a quesadilla maker's not a multi-tool. They are fools. You must learn its power. Mwah! Corpamor! This is CRud IT5. Corp Amor! Bargey the Ship, the Mailbot, Justin Ballwee, and the Enforcer Droid were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Nurit Bandoloy and Bordoff were played by Seth Lind.

AJ, the Old Clintz, and the Centurions were played by Winston Knoll. Miss Janelle Fitzmyer was played by special guest Leslie Collins. Leslie has been involved in comedy for over 20 years, performing and teaching improv and musical improv in New York and Los Angeles. Currently, she performs in Dallas, Texas, and teaches musical improv at the Dallas Comedy Club. Leslie also produces and hosts Sumo Kaboom, a podcast all about sumo wrestling. She loves buttercream frosting. For the ultimate deep dive into her career,

visit www.lesliemariecollins.com. With special guest appearances by Frank Garcia-Hale as Dad and Brennan Lee Mulligan as Cor Bailboard. This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by Fames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Opening choral narration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design by Jerry and Jay by Eric Goit. Audio hosting by Jerry and Jay by Eric Goyt. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hey there, beautiful people. I'm Travelle Anderson.

And I'm Jared Hill. We are the hosts of Fanti, the show where we have complex and complicated conversations about the gray areas in our lives. The things that we really, really love sometimes, but also have some problematic feelings about. Yes, we get into it all. You want to know our thoughts about Nicki Minaj and all her foolishness? We got you. You want to know our thoughts about gentrification and perhaps some positive question mark aspects of gentrification. We get into that, too. Every single Thursday, you can check us out at MaximumFun.org. Listen, you know you want it, honey. So come on and get it. Period. We have wasted this world. Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable.

But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely. In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above. Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. And others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory. Dive into the Aether Sea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone,

every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. You smell Nass. Who? Wait, who was that director?

Anyone. You all smell Nass. Thanks, Miss Janelle. Thank you so much thanks you never heard someone just say that into a room and mean everybody well can i tell you a real funny story and this is about when i first moved in with gary you know everyone has their own body scent, and mine is completely unique from Gary's. But the funny thing is, when you put us together, we make the smell of salami. That's my funny story.

That is kind of a funny story. That's great. I love jokes and pranks and all those types of things. That's such a good prank. Thank you for being a good audience. That's a great prank, Miss Janelle. I can't believe it when people are like, what's that salami smell? It's like, oh, it's them.

Yes. Yeah. Have you ever made a strange smell with someone else? Maybe the most personal question I've ever been asked i love it well i'm just a personal kind of person