Mission To Zyxx - 516: Hack to the Suture [ft. Ellena Doe & Riley Soloner]

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

The crew encounters something unexpected after emerging from hyperspace at Quantaris. Pleck gets a discount code. Bargie’ll have another. AJ orders the combo.Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Justin BallwehatWith special guests Ellena Doe as 04K TЯ33 and Riley Soloner as Flix DunkerEdited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellTheme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraFeaturing the following songs from the Free Music Archive via Creative Commons attribution licenses:“Bitcrusher,” “Corvalolum,” “Goa Trolls” and “Benzodiazepines (145bpm slow version)” by Soulbringer“Nip The Slipple” by Jason ShawOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

This is C-Red IT5 with a sad announcement. The wackness that is Omicron has scuttled our plans for live shows this week in San Francisco and Seattle. But, don't lose hope. We are rescheduling these shows and will keep you in the loop as we do so. We hate viruses, but we love you. It is a time of great unease. The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant. But something is different. Wrong.

Whack! Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three-sided coin of freshness, and face down foes like they've never imagined on their final mission to Zix. Thank you. Dar, are you okay? We're not going to do that again, are we? Wait, Dar, you got sick? Coming out of hyperspace? That's a rookie.

That's a rookie mistake. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, Bargey. Oh. Oh, Barge. One of those wet rags came out the window. Sorry, I get sick when others get sick, okay?

Oh, yeah, no, I understand. That's fair. Oh, sorry, Bargey. I mean, ironically, now those frozen rags have become very deadly. Yeah, we gotta... Bargy, you gotta steer away from this. You gotta steer away from your own frozen vomit. I've heard that before.

Have you? Really? Yeah, at a dark time in my life. Guys, listen, we gotta focus up, okay? Oh, sorry. We made it. We're here at Quantaris. Look at Quantaris.

It's just gleaming. Yeah. Okay, there's going to be a few. I've never quite been here, but it's like... Yeah, the rest of us have all been here. Yeah, we've been to Quantaris. Yeah, but I do think that, you know, for those of you who haven't been here, just a few rules apply. Keep your head in a swivel.

Yep. And keep your wallet in a swivel. Yep. And keep your wallet in your side pocket. Where's your side pocket? Where's your wallet? Huh? Hey! Hey! Hey! I gotta get pants. Hey!

Well, Barge, what's up? How much longer is this chit-chat gonna take? I have an appointment. You have an appointment? Well, we're here to potentially assassinate the galactic leader. Well, I am here to support whatever you want to do. Have fun. I will not be partaking in some murder, okay? I'm trying to get my career back on an okay level,

and the only way to do that is through surgical enhancements. So I know a guy. Oh, Barge. Oh, Barge. Oh, Barge. What are you talking about? Good deal. It's just sometimes that you come out of that stuff, you don't even really look like the same ship, you know? No, I don't believe me.

Come on. You know what? She works hard. Thank you. And it's not her fault that the industry is screwed. AJ, you're saying she works hard for the money. Yeah, she works hard for it. Chuck, yeah, I do. I work hard for those nerds. Uh-huh, honey, you're saying she works hard for the money. Yeah, she works hard for it. Chuck, yeah, I do.

I work hard for those nerd money. Uh-huh, honey, honey. Bargy, I feel like by this point, I feel bad saying it because I'm sure you know, but you are the way we get places. Like, if you go to an appointment, we have to go there. Yeah, and on a less pragmatic level, Bargy, you know, your look is iconic. You know, you're beautiful the way you are, Bargy, you know, your look is iconic. You know, you're beautiful the way you are, Bargy. Well, I don't know if you noticed this, but I've been red for a while. Yes.

Yeah, they painted you red on the Synergy. Bargy's not red. But Bargy is red at the moment. Yeah, currently Bargy. Yeah, but I want to change that. I have decided, I went through all my memoirs. I spoke to half of my exes. Wow, that's a lot.

I had a whole table discussion. AJ was there. Yeah, I was there. I moderated. You went to the round table of exes? I moderated it, yeah. It was a great, it was a meeting of the minds. And we also rethought the workplace, which is pretty.

Yeah, exactly. Wow, okay. But we all came out of it believing i need some adjustments now they didn't say it's my own conclusion i don't believe in the words of others thank goodness all the exes feel like you stay the same and i said chuck you you chuck us you can't tell me what to do i'm changing all parts of me yeah they must have been so glad they attended listen i'm all for self-improvement or whatever, but can your elective cosmetic surgery wait

until after the coup attempt that we're about to pull off? She's shaking her head. The whole ship's... Go ahead. Hey, Blake, can your assassination attempt wait until my personal thing happens? No. When you shake your head, it's less dramatic.

I don't feel the shake. That shouldn't matter. I don't know. It's just in contrast. Hey, Mr. Bookman, why does your arm keep freezing? Yeah, I don't know why it keeps happening. When your antenna is bopping. Yeah, you know, the cube to Keck interface

I think is maybe not as seamless as we'd like to imagine. Do you want me to pull your arm off? No, that's not his legs going. I kind of want to. Okay, well, let's not do that until we know why this is happening. C53, all of your eye stalks are rotating in different directions.

Yeah, it's a little disorienting. It's very gross. This is hard to watch. I'm still feeling a little disorienting. It's very gross. This is hard to watch. I'm still feeling a little queasy from the hyperspace. Don't, don't. Also, Dar, you've got a couple chunks in your goatee there. No! Stop!

Bob and Nate, those things are very funny. Watch out! C-53, what's going on? I'm not sure, but wait, can you hear that? I guess it's sort of a rhythmic tapping of your legs and antenna. Yeah, this is binary. Bargy, these are coordinates.

Nerd. Yeah, I know. Hey, Jake. Calm down. What? Are you saying that against your will, your appendages are spelling something out in binary? Yeah, I'm getting some sort of signal straight to the cube. Great. It must be some sort of Ronka cybernetics override or something.

Wait, but C-53, we have the coordinates in. We're going to land in the spaceport just to try to keep it chill. I wouldn't do that. I don't know why, but I trust these coordinates. Okay. Now I'm getting something else. It's not coordinates anymore. It's just a random string of characters.

That's kind of how I do lyrics. Red ship, present your security task order. We will shoot you out of the sky. Oh, okay, sure. And those look like, what exactly? It's a string of characters, obviously. Do you have it or not? Ah, yes. Yes, I do.

Thank you very much. Welcome to Quantarbus. Thank you. Wow. On to the coordinates. Where are the coordinates leading us? C53. Well, it's to a very specific district on Quantaris.

Sort of an unsavory part of the capital called Tech Town. Yeah. Tech Town. Tech Town. Wait, I'm sorry. That's where you think we're supposed to go? Well, that's where the coordinates are sending me. Is that where I can just get new earbuds?

Nermin, you better not ask about earbuds in Tech Town. All right. It's not that kind of place. Mine are kind of shot. Yeah, well, you might get shot asking for new earbuds in Tech Town. It's a pretty rough and tumble place. Stop doing the binary on me. Ow, ow.

All right, I don't have full control over that. Wait, Bargy, it sounds like you know about Tech Town? Oh, yeah, Tech Town. That's where all your dreams come true. The cheap. What? You go to Tech Town, too? What do you mean?

Bargy, is your cosmetic surgeon in Tech Town? Oh, yeah. Oh, Bargy. I wouldn't say they're the best, but they're definitely there. Okay. Wait, Bargy. They're the cheapest of all cheap surgery labs. Wait a second.

Bargy, you were going to go to Tech Town anyway? Yeah. Bargy, I mean, these coordinates are for a very specific hangar on the west side of Tech Town. I don't know if that's where you're headed. Um, honestly, I didn't really exactly know the directions. I just knew it was Tech Town. Okay, fair enough, Pergy. Yeah, that's fine.

I'll figure it out. ¶¶ All right, I'm going into this back alley. I'll see you later. I don't know, Margie. I don't know if that's a good idea. Bye. I'm going to go to the same location. Okay, just be careful, Marge, okay?

I mean, as back alleys go, it's a pretty big back alley to get a whole spaceship. The size of the back alley is not my concern. Yeah, there's just a ship and a trench coat back there. Yo, where did a ship get a trench coat that big? That's a big trench coat. Student discount. I'm a student. I'm a student of life. Well, at least they're both lying to each other.

C-53, have we even considered the possibility that those coordinates could be a trap? An agent of Galactic Leader Bundlers could have been sending you these coordinates. You know, Plek, you're absolutely right, but this is the signal that got us past the security forces. Yeah. Plus, I just got this feeling, you know? I have more gut feelings now that I have a gut. What about the Jeremy frame? Yeah, that was not a gut you can trust.

Hey! I'm a tiny criminal! Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Okay. Maybe you're all right, Plex. Someday we'll see a criminal of another size. Yeah, are there big criminals?

No! And I care on vacation. This is my favorite place to be! So you're not robbing us? Take your wallet! So you're not robbing us? Shouldn't have kept it in your back pocket. Classic mistake. I should have never put on pants. Okay, listen.

We're very, very close to the coordinates. There's a lot of people with oval-shaped sunglasses, leather jackets, and weird hair. Has anyone else noticed that? Yeah, there's liberty spikes. It should be somewhere right around here. Hey, Papa. Yes? Quick aside with me and Dar

and the lizard. Oh, okay. Wow, okay. So, should we squash the bug? What are you talking about, AJ? Sorry, you want to be honest? You know, he's making a little bit of sense. AJ, what are you worried about?

We're getting weird signals. There's ships in trench coats. This place is weird. We shouldn't be in Tech Town. We should be over in Palace City. You know, old Dar agrees with everything AJ is saying. Why do you keep saying old Dar? We should squash the bug, and we should just be in Palace City.

We should skip this whole tech town side trip altogether. Just saying, if there's a big kek ambush, and it's like, oops, our friend who was a kek let us into a kek ambush, I'm going to be right. I just want to say I was right. Head on a swivel. Wall is in the side pocket. Let's go. Oh. Oh.

This is a... En enforcer droid. Yeah, but... Would you like a pancake? A hacked enforcer droid. The voice modulator is kind of off. Follow me to get more pancakes! A simulation enforcer droid. I think we should follow the white robot. This enforcer droid, I mean.

It's David White. Yeah, just trust me on this. Okay. Don't do that. Don't do that. Walking ticket for pancakes. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Walking ticket for pancakes. I brought them to you. C-53, you made it. Oak Tree? Oak Tree. Are you kidding me? I'm so happy you guys arrived. What?

What are you doing here in Tech Town? The last time we saw you, you were under fire from a bunch of malfunctioning enforcer droids who had suddenly remembered all of their memories. How did you survive? That was a dark day, you guys. But luckily, I was able to upload my root code into the cache register at the Blue Julius. Brilliant. Put a tiny bit of indistinguishable code into it so one person in the entire galaxy would find me. Flix Dunker.

Oh, I thought it might be me. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's fine. Actually, are you saying Flixunker is here in Tech Town? Oh, yeah. FlixDunker's like right behind this curtain, you guys. Oh, no! Oh, no!

Is that a hack curtain? Is he in the middle of a hack right now? Yeah, it's a hack curtain. Walls and halls and halls of green number! Whoa, you can see walls and halls of green number? I was wondering what that music was. 9, 58, they're going backwards. Guys, welcome to our hangout, you made it.

This is amazing. We've been waiting for you. Software update, I think I'll wait till tomorrow. Oh, Treat, what is this place? This is freedom. We're like a self-governing town. Isn't every town're like a self-governing town. Isn't every town with a government self-governing?

Listen, I understand that this is a lot for you guys to take all at once, but the bigger issue is that you're here, because we actually have a mission for you. Actually, if you could, can you tell me, and then I'll kind of tell them? No, you haven't given us a mission in like...

Fair point. Months. Touche. Okay. As you were. So what's he doing behind that curtain? He's glopping it up, man. All the world's a web and I'm a freaky spider.

Oh! Oak! Yeah, Netflix? Oak, throw me a box of corn loot! I caught it! Did you? No! Keeping him honest.

Yeah, guys. He could have said, yes, we can't see behind the curtain. Let me help you with that. Wow, doesn't Oatree's new frame look so cool? It really does. She's not into you with that. Wow, doesn't O-Tree's new frame look so cool? Like, it's all like... It really does. She's not into you, dude. She's into Dunker.

Everyone knows it. I'm not... It wasn't even... No, it's pretty clear. It's like, oh, how did you find... It's like nerd stuff. It's easy to tell. We're friends.

We, you know, we talk about code stuff. Oh, sure. You talk. How often? Yeah, it's been a couple years at least. A while, I guess. Another hack complete, 100%.

Oh! Who do we have here? I'm Dar. Yeah, Dar, we've met him before. Yeah, rhetorical. I'm trying to be polite. He doesn't remember us clearly. Oh, no, I think I do remember you. Let's see if I got it right. We have

der. Already off. Oh, who was that? Who was that? Oh, it's it's D 51. Oh, bird. Honestly, I'm amazed you recognize me. I look pretty different.

I can smell your digital signal. Really? Wow. I'm amazed you recognize me. I look pretty different. I can smell your digital signal. Really? Wow. I'm warning you guys, we're coming headed. I got this. I got this. Super soldier. I remember your name.

PP. What? Whoa. Whoa. What is up, PP? AJ, AJ, stand down. What's it show? Stand down. What is up, PP? Whoa. Whoa. What is up, Pee-Pee? AJ, AJ. Stand down. What's it show? Stand down.

Stand down. What is up, Pee-Pee? AJ, AJ. No, it really bothers me. I know. AJ, he's just trying. What is AJ? He's just trying to troll you.

Pee-Pee is like urine. I know. I know. AJ, he's just trying to troll you. No, I'm trolling, man. Pee-Pee's burned. Ah, so burned. Who's that over there?

Oh, it's... Plectex setter? No, it's Plunk Doink Sitter. Yeah, I mean, it's not as sharp as others we've heard on the theme. That's closer than most people get, so... And finally, Kermit. What? Kermit the lizard.

Honestly, that's a lateral move. Well, that's my burn of the day. I'm feeling pretty good. What the? You called me pee-free, man. AJ. Pee-free. AJ.

You've got to let it go, buddy. Surely, statistically, there are probably 10,000 pee-pee clans. Oh, do you know what happens to the pee-pee clans? No. No, but now I am very curious. They all do you know what happens to the PP cleanse? No. No, but now I am very curious. They all do latrine duty. Oh. That's probably just

a smart classification. AJ, it's fine. Flix is just trying to kind of assert himself. No, why would somebody joke just to get a reaction out of me? That's crazy. Like, why would somebody say mean things to me just so I, like, react in a, like, big way? That's kind of how the internet works.

Like, that's kind of the whole thing. Yeah, if you spend any time online, AJ, it's gonna happen a lot. This is exactly the kind of fire we've tried to harvest in people in Tech Town. Oh. Sorry, you're intentionally trying to rile people up in Tech Town? Oh, yeah, baby.

It's a new oak tree. And it's a new Netflix. She just called me baby. No, again, I have the strongest read on this right now, and I'm gonna say no. See? Really? A new Netflix?

Yeah. You seem pretty much the same. Nothing's really changed. No, I'm very much an evolved, mature, pointed in the right direction, flicks dunker. You see, after I was forcibly ejected from university, I landed on my feet in Tech Town and pretty much took over this place. And then I came across a very, very interesting signal, unlike any other on the net that I had been aware of. So I investigated, and that's where I found Oak. I then liberated Oak's ID net from the Blue Julius Register,

and now Oak and I, we are getting people so mad and so motivated to make a difference and get people to stop telling anybody else what to do. Transferring a droid from cube to cube is no easy feat. For you? Maybe not. For FlixDunker?

Just another day. Just another bowl of corn loops. None of your fingers popped when you did that little thing though. No, wait. Wait for it. Oh, he's really strange. Just another bowl of corn loops None of your fingers popped when you did that little thing though No wait wait for it Oh it's really strange There's one Good job

Yeah Yeah yeah So how are you making people mad Well sometimes it's as easy As calling someone pee pee Sometimes Relax You need a breather there You know in tech town It's as easy as calling someone PP. Sometimes... I'm not mad. It's just one of my nights, you know? Relax. You need a breather there?

Whatever. You know, in Tech Town, it's not just hacking in the digital realm that gets people upset anymore. We've taken it to physical world. Biohacking. So we're getting people mad by changing the DNA of anybody that wants to come around. Oh, that seems dangerous to make people genetically angry.

You should not give it out pancakes, but no, not give it out crepes. Crepes are the angry. That's actually better for some people. Crepes are the angrier pancake. Crepes are the angrier pancake? You ever seen someone eat a crepe and smile? Yeah, probably not.

Well, is it a sweet or a savory crepe? Chocolatey crepe! I can never choose between sweet and savory. What does Netflix recommend? Listen, Flix, I guess I kind of don't understand. You came all the way to Quantaris, integrated yourself into this governmentless society. Shut down.

Sure. But your whole goal is just making people angry? Yeah. That's the first step. Yeah, it's way easier than making people happy. I don't know if that's true. Oh, no, it's much, much easier to make people mad than happy. Yeah, I guess now that I think about it, yeah. You're a jacking idiot.

Okay, all right, all right. C-53. Sorry. Hey, Nermin. Yeah? Wasn't there a mission? You said not to assign a... Okay, Flix, Oaktree,

obviously you think that I'm the galactic leader, but actually... I don't think anyone's thinking that. Yeah, they don't seem to be too concerned. Everybody's just blowing dust and, like, hacking. Nobody's even noticed you're walking in. Okay, fine, fine, but here's the thing, Oaktree. The galactic leader is actually an imposter controlled by...

Cor Balvor! What? That's literally why we brought you here. Uh-oh! It is, huh? I wasn't sure if you guys knew, but Cor Balvor made a fake version of Nermit Bundeloy and has been having him act as the galactic leader. Yeah, he made it, what you said. Wait, now, okay, we're still jumping to conclusions here,

but how do you know that? How do you know that? Hey, who wants to be genetically modified to have a permanently wet butt? I'll do it. No, AJ. I got a gun up there. It probably would help to have it wet

AJ AJ, that's the spirit I've missed you You're perfect Yeah, thank you, Oak Tree Oh, can you give me gills, too? Gills? Yeah, I think I can give you gills

Can you give me a wet butt and gills? AJ Because I'm looking up there And that's the number one Wow Yeah, that's the combo Yeah, I wanted a wet butt and gills combo. Yeah.

By the way, Flix, I like all the spikes that you added to your hack jacket. That's the same jacket, right? The one from your dad? Yeah, there's a hack jacket with extra spikes. I don't know if you remember my dad was a flight pilot. Yeah. He was a...

Common type of pilot. There's a lot of different types of pilots, okay? I wrote a pilot. Anyway, yeah. Oh, yeah, did you? Yeah. What's it about? Well, you know, it's about like a cool hacker that, you know.

Anyway. Yeah, sort of a self-insert. It's going to be really good. Okay, but C-53, did you hear that? Yeah, she's in there. Yeah, that. Okay. She. Okay, but C-53, did you hear that? Yeah, she's in there. Yeah, that. Okay. She likes this pilot.

C-53, I'm especially glad that you made it back because I had a feeling just by having my digital signature inside your root code that something was wrong when I couldn't get any coordinates directly to you. Well, you know, something kind of was wrong. I was very far away. I was trapped in another galaxy, and yeah, I sort of felt your absence, too, Oak Tree. Oh, look at that.

Okay, okay, twist. Yes. So we were hoping that you would be the first one who would want to get modified because you probably had the most wrong with you. Oh. She wants to change you interesting you know you know listen i'm here in tech town uh maybe it's time to get a new frame you know uh time to upgrade right sounds great to me get back to that droid life yeah what uh what uh I could take you down this hallway and show you our collection of frames.

Just like, you know, no commitment, just take a look. And, you know, maybe we can catch up, too. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we could catch up. I'll see all of you later. You will, but I'm pretty certain that nothing is going to happen. Papa, maybe you can get an eye. Oh, yeah, I got a whole drawer full of eyeballs. Oh.

Sloshing. Yeah, I mean, you know, I guess if that's an option, I would like to see it in three dimensions again. Alright, peel up that eye patch, bub. Okay. Poke around in there. Let's see here. You have like an old, burnt

out little node back here. Okay. Not sure if we can do anything with this. Oh, you know what? I've got this little chip in my bandana. Here, let's shove that in there. What? Well, if I solder this...

How? Solder. Ah! Yeah, so I'm going to install this right here. Now, look, this is a pretty special eye. This is a blend of machinery and biochemistry. So this is going to feel slimy, but also a little spiky. Okay.

Yeah! Whammo. Oh, my rod flicks. This is incredible. I can see better than before. I think I'm getting, like, infrared and ultraviolet as well. This is great. Now, the thing about this eye, I don't actually have a membership number for this eye software.

So you're just going to get a lot of pop-ups. Wait, Netflix, you're using someone else's membership? You know, it's not really frowned upon anymore. It's just kind of a people live with it kind of thing. Wait, hold on, hold on. I'm getting...

There's like a heads-up display in this. But it's... That's right. You could just... If you blink twice, you could just exit out of that. That's going to happen every...

Yeah, but this is an ad for Cool Pack Cold Sacks. What's the deal? That's a promo code. Yeah, what's the promo code? It's like 10% off like a subscription. No, but what's the promo code? Quantar's 10% off like a subscription. No, but what's the promo code?

Quantar's 10. Okay. And those are totally legit too. It's just they're going to keep coming. Oh, okay. Got it. Just blink twice to get rid of it? Yeah.

Now there's another one that replaced it. When I closed it, my vision turned into the ad. I closed the wrong tab. Look, my surgeries might not be perfect, but they're original. You're welcome for yet another Netflix original. Okay. You know what?

It's only going to cost you 15 Nermos a month. To have the eye in? With the ad-supported version, it also has a monthly fee? Yeah. What's wrong with that? I mean, I feel like it's either or. Okay, after hearing all this, I've been thinking,

and I still want a wet button kills combo. No, AJ, I don't think you want that. Yeah, so it's just been hard because I feel like he doesn't understand me, but I understand him so well, you know? So, I don't know. Yeah,'t know you're probably right though he just doesn't i mean the organic is just never gonna understand a droid right yeah i mean droids we just have like a special bond i guess yeah i think we do yeah but he's great right like you can just

tell like he's so energetic and he has such good ideas and Yeah, he really claps it out. He does. And the progress we've been making, we are just like recruiting and recruiting and recruiting and we are going to take down core and it's going to be so cool and fun. Yeah, it must be great being part of a duo, like a cool platonic duo where you're addressing the needs of the other person inside a professional working relationship, but without all the messy feeling stuff, right? Did you ever get a hold of that sea captain, by the way? Oh, uh, uh, nah, that's, uh, nah, just never, yeah, uh, no, uh, didn't.

He's probably still out there, you know. Maybe. Yep, don't know. Um, but, eh, who cares about that, right? I guess I'm saying I care about you. Oh, okay. Well, you know, that was a long time ago. I'm sort of more focused

on the now. Oh my gosh, you're right, the now. The frames. So which one of these is like the coolest frame? I guess you never these is, like, the coolest frame? I guess you never really struck me as, like, the coolest frame kind of droid before, but it would obviously be this one. You know, it's oily.

It's, like, everything you'd want in a cool frame. Yeah. If I have an oily hand, that's not really great for protocol. Oh, are you still doing the protocol stuff? Well, yeah. I mean what i don't want to i don't want to brag but you know when i was in another galaxy i was actually leading the crew i was lead envoy you were yeah i was going on missions by myself i was leading the crew i was kind of doing it all 53 that is so cool you're like a real leader you know maybe you could like mentor flicks or something you could probably learn a thing or, like, a real leader, you know? Maybe you could, like, mentor Flix or something.

He could probably learn a thing or two from, like, a real leader. Don't tell him I said that. No, it'll just be our secret. Yeah, he would get, like, really upset. Oh, no. Wouldn't want that. No, totally not. Yeah.

Okay, so if this frame's not for you, then maybe this, like, really neon red one. Oh, that's pretty flashy, you know? Yeah, you know what? You're not, like, a flashy kind of guy. Oh, well, you know, I can be flashy. I actually, you know, I actually restored an entire alien race on one planet. Oh, wow. How is that flashy, though?

I don't really understand the connection. Well, because I did it by, like, conjuring a bunch of long-dead citizens back. How is that? I mean, that just sounds like... Of music. Oh. Yeah. That was pretty cool. Music, you? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I didn't know you had it in you, C. Well, I do! Just a little. Two pebbles, and then a third pebble. Perhaps it's time for the two pebbles to leave that third behind. And then we also have this just frame that's like a cube. It warms bread if you put bread inside of it.

I actually think that's an oven. Yeah, it's an oven. That's a model name. That makes sense. I don't know that any of these frames are really like me, you know? See, I'm going to take a real big leap here. Oh, okay. And say like... I just like you.

Do you have any nerve balls? I want to get a wet butt and gills. Rod, damn it. Leave me alone. Don't call me big man. Don't you call me big man. You know, Flix, you've obviously really established yourself here in Tech Town, but I guess I just don't see how making people angry solves anything.

I really think that with the right leader in place, you could govern a galaxy responsibly. Ugh, spoken like a true galaxy responsibly. Ugh. Spoken like a true boot-licking sucker. Literally, we're here to assassinate the galactic leader, so I don't know if boot-licking is... Never mind. Don't you see how assassinating the galactic leader is just going to get another puppet installed in the same place? Hey.

No progress. Who are you calling puppet? Yeah, I don't think it would be... Okay, K progress puppet yeah yeah okay kermit yeah kermit might be a puppet i'm nermin it's this simple anger is the first step it starts with genetically modified freaks who are so upset at themselves and the rest of the world that all they want to do is get online and complain and troll and just make memes that make each other mad and jack in more often and then get more genetically modified customizations that make them even more angry. That's where it starts. Yeah, follow me here.

I'm actually following the diagram. Uh, okay. Follow me here. I'm actually following the diagram. From there, we get an amassed group of genetically modified, extremely online freaks to overpopulate Tech Town to the point where the boundaries of this uncontrollable pocket of the city just expands and expands and starts taking over all of quantaris until we get all the way to the steps of palace city we crumble it from the inside on every front

physical digital spiritual flicks i mean i don't want to second guess your motives here but just sort of feels like this is all kind of an elaborate justification for sort of jucking with people on the internet. No, but the means justify the ends. I mean, the ends just, you know. Something justifies this.

I mean, maybe. Don't you see if I base my entire personality around this, that makes me the hero. I guess so. I'm a good person because I'm doing a bad thing for what I think is a good reason. Okay. I just have one question.

So if I add a shark fin to the gills and the wet butt. You're going to look cool. C, do we have nervos for a shark fin as well as a wet butt and gills? AJ, AJ, I am right here. Oh, okay. Oh, hey. Oh. Hey, yeah.

Hey, C. Hey, Oak Tree. C, is this the frame you decided on? I just didn't, you know, there wasn't a great match, so I'm just gonna stick with the kick body for a little while. It's getting far apart. It's, you know, I think the distance between us is

normal. I'm trying not to get any gloop on me. What? She gets enough of that gloop from me. Wow, really? Ask Flex what he thinks sex is. Guys, just for me, dude.

Well. Who likes some wet grapes? No, read the room. Wow, rough timing, Greg. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Oh, Dart, I can give you something for that.

Do you want to come down this hallway of medicinal and herbals with me? I would love to. Okay. There's a hallway of medicinal and herbals in Tech Town? We've got everything here. Yo, Bug, honestly, Dart's vibing more with Oak Tree than you are. I am. That is true.

All right. All right. Enough. Hey, so, hey, N with Oak Tree than you were. I am. That is true. All right. All right. Enough. Hey, so, hey, Nermit. Mm-hmm. So what's the mission? AJ, the mission is still obviously to take down Kor and the whack Nermit. Yeah, but we're not doing that right now.

What's the mission right now? I mean, I guess it's like... No, AJ... If she's trying to hook up, you'd want a shark fin. Well, I'd want a gills and a wet butt and also a shark fin. AJ, you've got a good point. Flix, listen, I respect what you're trying to hook up, you'd want a shark fin. I'd want a gills and a wet butt and also a shark fin. AJ, you've got a good point. Flix, listen, I respect what you're trying to do, but we have a goal, too. We have a mission.

And I need your help. We're going to kill the galactic leader, and if that's not chaotic, I don't know what is. And it would certainly make some people mad. I see your point. Flix, listen, only time will tell whose philosophy wins out in the end. I see your point. Let me open my jacket. Because in these pockets, I'm just going to throw a bunch of access cards your way whoa those are in your jacket already?

what a gambit oh boy Dar Dar now you saw I haven't had that much fun in decades oh wow

oh hey Dar having fun? decades. Oh, wow. Oh. Hey, Dar. Having fun? Having the most fun. Dar's telling me this great story, and I just can't believe you didn't tell me that they were the captain and are also again now the captain. I feel like

you left a lot out of C-53. Well, I thought you would be interested in what I had been up to. Oh, don't worry. Well, I thought you would be interested in what I had been up to. Oh, don't worry. I filled in all the gaps. Why are you laughing? I don't know. I don't know why you're laughing about all the gaps. What does that imply?

Oh, because we had a moment. Because gaps. Okay. I might just meet you guys back on the ship. Oh, okay. So you want to stay on the ship instead of saving the galaxy? Yeah. Oh, see, no, we got all these access cards.

C-53, stay! No, I'm okay. Please, for me. You really, you want me to stay? Of course, yes. This is our one. C-53. Then, yeah, I'm cool.

I'll keep hanging. Awesome. We, your friends, we all need you to stay because you're going to be instrumental in taking down the fake Nermit Bundleoy. Yes. You heard that, right? Yeah.

Friends. Flex, Oak Tree, thank you for these access cards. This is exactly what we need, you know? We can infiltrate Palace City, find Galactic Leader Bundle and Cor Baelvor, and end this. This is going to be, like, easy. I'm not always the biggest Netflix fan,

but you got to admit, they got some great programming. You mean when they program the codes into these access cards? Yeah, exactly. We'll probably get into any hotel room. Well, sure, of course. Flix Dunker at your service once again. Take all those codes, codes, precious codes. Everyone loves access codes, right?

I mean, yeah. Sure, I guess. Everyone loves access codes. Like the old lullabies that we were all... The codes are on the cards? The codes are on the cards. Awesome. But just one thing.

They're useless. Irrelevant. What? Then why would you even make the codes in the first place? Look at those bristles. We spent all day here for nothing? Watch it, buddy. Whoa, easy, man.

No, I'm just saying. Don't act like you're doing us this big favor. Okay, could you... No, I'm just saying, don't act like you're doing us a big favor. This access code is just a joke. He just ripped that curtain down. Oh, boy. Hey, look, there's a lot of expensive equipment around here. Oh, like this?

Like this? Is this expensive? He's expensive. All these monitors you got. You got 12 monitors here. Are they expensive? Oh, come on. C-53, calm down.

Calm down. That's my whole storefront. Yeah, well, my point is you can't just make people mad and be like, we're creating change. You're not doing anything. You handed us an access card that doesn't do anything. Why are you acting like that? Flix, this is what an angry person looks like when they're in the same room as you.

Just think of C-53 as in all capital letters at this moment. Well, you made me this man! This is exactly what you're making people do! But like outside of my zone. Oh, big man. Can dish it out, but he can't take it. Exactly. Forget it, Keck. It's tip-tip. Whatever.

Can I say something, C-53? I can see that you're upset, and I appreciate that you're going through this right now. I also want to say that the access codes on access cards won't work because there's nobody in Palace City. What?

We've been there. We've walked through it. It is deserted. It is empty. Oh, that's a Palace City. It's a series of intricate traps of every size. From your size, all small and diggly, to your size, all big and missy. It's almost like they expected us

to be here. Yeah. The Galactic Leader is in another palace. But the Daily Dispatch. Yeah, the Fireside Chats. That's where they're all filmed. Galactic Leader's putting out videos every day for Palace City. Yes, exactly, and it's been driving us crazy

for months. We watch them. We re-watch them. We cannot figure been driving us crazy for months. We watch them. We rewatch them. We cannot figure out where they are coming from. Because, you know, it just seems like it's so strange that none of us could have heard about them being on the move. You know, that's a surprise to everyone here. Look, watch. Watch this. Well, there you have it, folks. That's the tax plan.

As you see, it's focused on the lower economic strata, but that's because the income's going to flow up. That's Starfield in the background. It's computer generated. That's not any known place in the galaxy. Exactly. I had the exact same read on that. I can't believe I didn't notice that.

But there's one thing. There's one thing that you can't manipulate. What's that? Room tone. AJ, what are you talking about? There's two things I know. One, the specific room tone of every planet we have ever visited. That can't be right.

It is right. I always hold for room tone. every planet we have ever visited. That can't be right. It is right. I always hold for room tone. What's the second? Number two. Lava planets rule. You mean... Mothelotus. Mothelotus.

They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that.

They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that. They said that.

They said that. They said that. That was an act. That felt like chemistry. They really did. Yeah. And I mean, the gravity behind that. Well, you know,

once the spark gets relived. And AJ! Oh. You're a genius. Yeah, looks like old Pee-Pee has got it all figured out. Core and fake Nermit are on Muffalata Secundus?

We thought it was destroyed. This is critical intel. AJ, we'll give you a wet butt on the house for figuring that out. We have not been able to figure it out. All right. Wet butt on the house.

Flex, Oak Tree, thank you for your help. It was our pleasure. It was Oak's pleasure. Yeah. Listen, I know we sort of made a mess here. I'll be a man about it. Here, shake my hand. Okay. Man, too slow hand. Uh, okay.

And too slow. Okay. Wow. Alright. Flix, I'm sorry about the rage. No, no, no, no. Hold on a second. C53, your anger got something good accomplished. You destroyed Flix's

stuff, which in turn caused Flix and Oaktree to reveal the secret they'd been hiding, and then AJ deduced the location of Kor and Fake Nermit. Like we always say, anger is the first step. Wow. That was the first step in a breakthrough.

I guess it was. Flix, this must be exactly what you had in mind. Guys, can everyone just leave? It's just you tore up my whole operation. It all fell like a house of cards. I don't get scared, but I look a little different. I know. Arch different. I know. Archie.

I know. Oh, my God. What did you do? I nipped a couple. I tucked a couple. I sucked a couple. Archie, you're really very lead. Anybody?

Who's going to say that she has extra wings? Archie, you have two wings now. Bargy, that's incredible. Thank you. And you're green again. Ask me how much I pay for it, and then it's way less than that.

Then I also have to give something. I don't want to talk about it. Well, I got a wet butt on the house, so. Well, they installed it already. Yeah. It's a little wet to talk about. Oh, yeah. Well, I got a wet butt on the house, so... Well, they installed it already. Yeah. Wow. A little wetter than I am.

I hope. This is CRet IT5. Credits and attributions joined. Commencing outro protocol. Fleck Decksetter and The Plint were played by Eldon Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, The Tiny Criminal, and the Hacked Enforcer droids were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Hermit Bundeloy and The Ship in a Trenchcoat were played by Seth Lind.

EJ was played by Winston Knoll. Oak Tree was played by special guest Elena Dow. Elena is a writer, director, and producer in New York City who creates experimental works for intimate audiences. Flick Stunker was played by special guest Riley Soliner. Riley hosts the live streaming variety show Googie Morning every Saturday at 11 a.m. Eastern on planetscum.live. His latest project is the wrestling theme sketch comedy show Champion Kinda. Visit rileysoliner.com for more. This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by

Brendan Ryan and performed by Thames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Opening chronoration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design by Juergen Dede by Eric Gois. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hi, I'm Annabelle Gurrich. And I'm Laura House. And we're the hosts of Tiny Victories. My tiny victory is that I sewed

that button back on the day after it broke. We talk about that little thing that you did that's a big deal to you, but nobody else cares. Did you get that Guggenheim Genius Award? We don't want to hear from you.

We want little bitty tiny victories. My tiny victory is a tattoo that I added on to this past weekend. Let's talk about it. My victory is that I'm one year cancer free. But my tiny victory is that I took all of the cushions off the couch, pounded them out, put them back, and it looks so great. So if you're like us and you want to celebrate the tiny achievements of ordinary people, listen to Tiny Victories. It's on every Monday on Maximum Fun. Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety?

Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? anxiety? Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up? If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO, news overload. Fortunately, there's treatment. Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters helps fight FNO. That's because Troubled Waters stimulates your joy zone. On Troubled Waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy. So join me, Dave Holmes, for two, two, two doses of Troubled Waters a month. The cure for your news overload.

Available on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. So Flix, could you make me a complete bird? Complete bird job, huh? Yeah.

Well. I'm like partway there, you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I'm like partway there. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you want your feathers to grow in or do you want me to staple them on? Ooh, one seems slow, one seems bad. Yeah, you gotta go grow in.

Yeah, grow. I'll grow them. I just want you guys, if I can fly, it's gonna be... You guys, before you do anything to Nermit, there's actually one thing we wanted to tell you about the fake nermit bundle there's one key biological difference that we found out does he suck how would that be a biological difference did he get a bj bird job Bird job? Winston, my face? When you said that, I was like...

Scandal! I mean, we're a dark sexy comedy podcast, but my God!