Mission To Zyxx - 518: Mr. Sand Van [ft. Zach Cherry]

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

The crew receives troubling news and is forced to reroute to the planet Trevlakk. AJ fields some questions. Nermut and C-53 get their skitter on. Dar comes clean and gets messy.Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Justin BallweheatWith special guest Zach Cherry as 3PeteAnd featuring Frank Garcia Hejl as DadEdited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellTheme Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic OrchestraAdditional music by Shane O'ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.

Where's that horse at? Dad! Aw, Dad! Let me at him! Hey, Dad! Oh, see? Oh, horse head, come on. Come on in.

I've got a fresh pot of warglar. Okay, no time to catch up. Would love to stay, but I cannot. Okay, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye, everybody. Oh, that's a shame. Next time, next time. Let's go play. Well, have fun out there.

Knock them dead, whatever it is you're doing. Thanks, Dad. Come on, Dad. All right. Bye, horse head. Bye-bye. doing. Thanks, Dad. Come on, Dad. Alright. Bye, Horshat. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Come on, Horshat. Horshat, wave goodbye. Wave goodbye, Horshat. Bye.

Alright, buddy. Dad, we can have the cookies. Oh, you want cookies already? Well, let's start with the sandwich and then maybe we'll have cookies. Sorry to interrupt. Oh, uh, hi there. Let's start with a slice, and then maybe we'll have cookies. Sorry to interrupt. Oh, hi there. Let's start with a slice.

Oh, good ride. Why did I do that? You're coming with me. I don't want to go with you. Go away. Well, sleep tight. Hey, now, just wait a minute, mister. Wait, actually, sorry.

I do need you to fill this out before I go. Oh, well, all right. Well, I do have a pen, but it's in my pants. In my lower half. You know, the one you cut off of me. Okay, one sec. Okay, thank you. There you go. Okay, name sec. Okay, thank you. There you go. Okay, name is Dad.

Age, 173 years. Young. Uh, sex. Yes, please. It was just a... Yeah. Okay, sorry. What is this about?

You know what? Ah, whoa, geez. Oh, wow. Two slices? All right, justez, oh wow. Two slices? Alright, just sorry, can you initial this part? Oh, come on. It is a time of great unease. The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant.

But something is different. Wrong. Whack! Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three-sided coin of freshness, and face down foes like they've never imagined. On their final mission to Zix. So, Bargy.

Yeah? Any other surprises? Stowaways? Trap doors? Nope. You know me. I'm an open book. Honest as the day is dark. Bargy, I think what Dar is getting at is we sort of keep finding reasons not to go to Mufalata Secundus, you know? We just need to get there. How's the flight path looking, Bargy? Good? It's fine.

Except, of course, today is my book club. Oh, your book club, Bargy, no. Oh, it's book club time? Can you do it remotely? It's book club? No, I'm currently in the middle of it. Little Putt-Putt had something very interesting to say about the stars of... I didn't read it.

Borgie, you didn't read the book. You made us come all the way out here. You know, we're halfway across the galaxy. Oh, come on. You know what book club is all about. It's like five minutes of book chat, but then we really get down to gossip for five hours. Uh, well, actually, I take the literature very seriously, so you know, when I read a book, I...

I'm just curious. You know, obviously I've been really good about not stalking my ex, but who knows what he's been up to? Anyone? Seriously, if you could just all, uh, start looking around right now. Hey, crew, should we help out? Should we find out what's going on?

No, agent. Jaco, you need to look in a mirror, okay? Because this is not a good look on you. Okay. Is there a way to turn off the speakers? Can we just... I'm fine with Bargy doing the book club. I just want...

I wonder if we can have a moment of love. The book club chatter gets pretty loud. I don't know why she has to pipe the external sound in here. Part of it's on us. We should have known it was book club. That's on us, crew. It's in my calendar. AJ reads it.

AJ knows. Yeah, we share cows. Okay. All right. Captain Dar, we have an incoming transmission from Dad. Whoa, really? Put them through right away. Yep, absolutely.

Hey there, Dar. Good to see you. Dad, why are you... are you in a hospital? Well spotted, my dear. Uh, yeah, I've been clinically dead for two weeks. What? Dad, are you alright? Well, I'm doing a heck of a lot better now. But boy, someone really got my number and almost gave me a dirt nap, as they say.

Tell them that they buried you in three places. Oh, Dad's visiting you in the hospital. Yeah. That's nice. Feeling a lot better now. Dad, I'm so, I'm so relieved to hear that. Okay, well, it's not all roses and sunshine over here, because Horsehead is missing. Uh, some sort of bounty hunter or something took horse hat and chopped me to pieces.

Wait, took horse hat? Oh my God, what? Honey, I am so sorry. Took horse hat where? Another good question. Well, he made me sign some forms before he left to sort of confirm that he had sliced me and that he was taking horse hat, so... sliced me and that he was taking horse hats, so... What kind of psychopath

makes you sign paperwork after they've cut you in half? Actually, I think we have a pretty good guess. It's gotta be Peter 1. The most fearsome bounty hunter in the galaxy. So is his name Peter 3 or Peter 1?

Well, his name used to be Peter 3 and now it's Peter 1. See, he had a son, and then because of the naming conventions of his bounty hunter guild, his son became Peter 3, and he became Peter 1. Right. Classic. Well, if you're all so informed, where's Horsehat, then? Well, I don't know.

So I hope I haven't violated your trust, Dar, by losing your child. Never, Dad. You just get better, and we'll losing your child. Never, Dad. You just get better and we'll get horsehat. Oh, yeah. I'm getting myself back right now. And boy, is this guy going to get it fearful once I do. Over and out. To the fob room.

Sorry, what? Oh. To the fob room. No, AJ, I don't think... We've got to find Baby Ho-Ha. And there's only one way to find Baby Ho-Ha. Am I the only one who forgot about the fob room? As you certainly must remember, I created a fob room full of tracking fobs for everyone important to me and the rest of the crew.

AJ, why didn't we use this with Kor Baelvor weeks ago? Or why didn't we use it when we were stuck in the other galaxy to get back to Zix? I command AJ, let us find Baby Ho-Ha. That's a good point. Yeah, you're right. Two things. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'll address these questions.

Cor Bailvor is not somebody close to us. Why are you setting up like it's a press conference? Before, I would not assign Cor Bailvor a fob. Where do you get a podium and a microphone on this short of notice? I think he's had those. Your second question, the other galaxy. Is that a stowaway whispering an answer into his ear? Well, the other galaxy was kind of

tricky because I think we were in scientific terms very far away, and so I don't think things would have worked there. So, I rest my case, Your Honor. AJ, just find out where Baby Ho-Ha is. Okay.

Mr. J will not be taking any more questions. Okay. Who are you? Excuse me? I'm a stowaway. This is one of the surprises I was asking about. I made a stowaway in my publicist. What's the big deal? Okay. Just weird. Hey, can I just say the book club is listening in on this and we are loving it oh this is drama

welcome to the fob room let's see there's i mean the fobs usually work there's the only thing that's a little bit weird is um dar your Zark, your fob is saying that you're thousands of light years away from here, but that's impossible because you're right here. So, um... Yeah, and I'm not under investigation right now. What we are trying to find is the child. Yes, our child. So,

uh, where is Horsecat's fob? Here is the fob of the child. Zark, do you bring up the star map? The one where I have all of my exes live? That's that one. No, it's probably not. Uh, here you go.

AJ, are you using the star map with the fob? Watch as I... I just kind of shake the fob. How does the fob know how to read a star map? I don't have to answer this. Get out of here. No, I'll take it. I'll take this question.

It's just a hollow projection of the galaxy. How would the fob know where you're pointing it? The fob knows, Papa. I mean, listen. I do not understand the technology. Get away from the podium. Where is Force at?

Baby Ho-Ha is on that planet. Ah, yes, sand. The planet's name is Sand. Well, it's actually called Trevlock, but Sand is sort of a colloquialism for it because it's all desert. All right, that's enough. Bargy, book club's over. We got to go. Yeah, Bargy, we got real close to Mofalata Secundus,

but Horset's missing. We got to figure out where they are. Yeah, this is more important than saving the galaxy or book club. I agree, which is why book club is coming with us. Oh, no. Yay, yay. I, no. Yay. Yay. I am living for this. Oh, jeez. It's hot.

I'll drink some water. Oh, an insecticopter. Hey! Hey, down here! Oh, a sand. Hey! Hello? What the... What the chuck is this dummy doing out here?

This is flight pilot Riley Dunker reaching out on the emergency frequency. Hello, Niker. Can you hear me down there? Over. Yes. Yeah, I hear you. I got turned around and I'm... Running low on water. Over. That's a copy. You know, you shouldn't be out in this area. This is worm territory. I got turned around and I'm running low on water. Over. That's a copy. You know, you shouldn't be out in this area. This is worm territory.

You're going to want to head back to town ASAP. Over. Oh, John. Yeah, copy that. Hey, is there any way I could get a ride with you back to town? Over. Oof, what a dingus. Copy that. I'm afraid that's going to have to be a negative. I'm in the middle of a

delivery right now and it's getting cold. I make most of my money from tips. So, I gotta get moving. But listen, if you follow my heading, it shouldn't take more than a couple hours. Just make sure you don't walk too loud. Unless, of course, you do see the worm and then you're going to want to run.

What? Yeah. Good luck. Run out. No, no, hold on. Please, don't. Crap. Crap. This is a freaking nightmare.

There. What's that? What was that? Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, Chuck.

Oh, shit. Oh, Chuck. Oh, no. Okay. I'll just be super quiet. Oh, crap jump. Oh no. Okay. I'll just be super quiet. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Oh jump. Oh crap.

I bet it'll just go away. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Oh crap, oh crap. Oh crap. Oh shit. Oh, John. Okay. Okay.

Okay, I'll just run. Oh, this sucks. This sucks. This sucks. What the? Okay. Okay. Okay.

Those rocks. Just got to make it to those rocks. All right. Okay. Almost at the rocks. Almost at the rocks. All right. All right.

Here we go. Almost there. Almost there. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks.

Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the rocks. Almost to the there. Almost to the rocks. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I made it! Sorry worm, not today. Woo! Alright, let's just wait for him to go. Oh, that's good. What? Ugh. No, no, no, no.

It's not even normal for worms to get that big. Well maybe he just maybe he just wanted to scare me. Oh crap! I'm sorry. Wow. This planet, aptly named, really is just sand. Sandloch. Oh, sand. No, the nickname sand is pretty apropos. Look at this place. I am loving this sand. This is great for this frame. Oh, look at that skidder.

Now you can really move on this sand. Oh, watch this. Okay, no time for this kind of shit. First things first, we're going to set up a perimeter. Oh, okay. See that pile of sand? I guess so. One of them.

Okay. That's one point of the perimeter. Jeez. AJ, AJ, now we use the fob. Why would we need a perimeter? What's on the fob? Of course, we can use the fob, but it feels good to make a perimeter. I don't know what you want me to say. What's the point of doing a perimeter?

He could be on the other side of the planet. We have no idea. Hey, you're grilling him, okay? Then get back on the ship, man. And I'm here to just make sure there's a little buffer between the press and my client. We know the fob site. Remember, pivot to message, pivot to message. Okay, my family and I will not be taking

further questions at this time. Family? Whatever. Let's just fan out and start searching, okay? You know, if AJ decides to use the fob, finally, he can let us know where to go. Great idea. Let's all move. Hey, gang.

Oh! Oh! Peter three. Peter one. You! I've been looking for you. You've been looking for us What

Whoa nice fob man Yeah I found you guys with a fob You found us with a fob Every time Yeah I have my own fob line Oh

Wow There's a lot of fobs out there Hey man Can I take a peek At that fob You want to check out under the hood Yeah a little bit Crack the hood of the fob

See how the sausage is made Yeah Oh Peter 1 What is going on Did you You want to check out under the hood? Yeah, a little bit. Crack the hood of the fob, see how the sausage is made? Yeah. Oh. Peter 1, what is going on? Did you abduct Horsehat? Look, I did, but we're in a totally different situation right now. I was hired by Cor Balvor to abduct Horsehat. It's pronounced Balvor, but I mean, it makes sense.

If you're reading it, you probably... Yeah, I've never said it out loud before. Okay, yeah, no, it's Balvor. Yeah, but I mean, it makes sense. If you're reading it, you probably... Yeah, I've never said it out loud before. Okay, yeah, no, it's Bailvor. Yeah, the way we do it is... Cool, Bailvor! Only AJ does that. Did he say why? I just, I can't imagine.

I've never heard of any reason why Kor would do this with the child. It's just... Dark Kor is evil. who knows why he's doing any of this right but you know there's some evil that's predictable a part of a plan even but this feels kind of out of left field i never asked my clients why peter one tell us everything core bale for uh he hired me to abduct horse hat i was supposed to return this little guy to him. Give me hugs. I don't want to.

And I just couldn't do it. So for the last couple weeks, we've been gallivanting around. I thought it was going to be cool, like bounty hunter stuff, but it sort of ended up kind of being the handyman for Planet Sand. Oh. I see your van. Yeah, I got my van parked out over there the ladders on top

and so i'd love if you guys could take horse hat back you know then i could kind of get back on my way but first i i do need your help with a few of my remaining tasks on my to-do list oh oh definitely take horse hat the first part of that is great. How many tasks? Seven tasks. Two of them are in the same neighborhood. Okay. I have a quick question. She has a blue light on this, Bob. It's a blue blinking light.

It's a red blinking light. Yours have the red. What's that? Blue's more dynamic. I guess so. I mean, red. I guess the blue does look a little better. How is it that this planet that seemingly is just never-ending sand could have seven tasks for you to complete?

Well, seven tasks. I've already been working on the list. So it started with 19. What? Wow. What did you have to do here? Peter, why do you feel the need to accomplish all these tasks? You're the galaxy's most

fearsome bounty hunter on the lam. Sorry, I should clarify. I know there's been some confusion about what I go by. My current name is, of course, 3P. Okay. 3P? When I failed to deliver on the bounty on Horsehat,

I had to leave the Fab 3. And thus, I'm no longer eligible for a Fab 3 name. Oh. Wow. So sorry. Did you leave your own family? I did. Wow.

And as we all know, the Fab 3 was actually just you and your son, Peter 3. Right. Well, formerly, it was you, your father, and your grandpa. Correct. Right. But now it's just your son, Peter III. Right. Well, formerly it was you, your father, and your grandpa. Correct. But now it's just my son, Peter II. Okay, of course. Well, as soon as you left the guild, he then became the patriarch. Peter II.

Peter II, right. I'm three Pete. Or three Peter. Wait, you're three Pete or three Peter? To my friends. Okay, all're a three Pete or a three Peter? To my friends. Okay. All right.

Which one is more casual? Three Peters. Whoa, that bot came right out of the ground. It is me, Saverbot. Oh, wow. Three Peter, thank you for bringing me the globe of Sandworm. That is a task you have completed for me. Just a ball of sand. You're taking orders for a robot?

Yeah, this is Sandrobot. Yes. Wait, to be clear, you're on a friendly level with this bot. Absolutely. She just called you 3 Peter. Yeah, okay. Well, during the course of my weeks here, we've gotten quite close. Very close.

Actually, we're thinking about moving in together. Wow. How did you do it? That honestly feels like it may be moving a little fast. We are very compatible on many levels. We like the same things. Ah, okay. Let's do a mind meld exercise.

Okay, so what you're saying, 3Peter, is that sort of over the course of some of the first, I guess, 12 tasks, you realize that you sort of had feelings for a sand robot. Yeah. Yeah, wait, can they do their mind melt? I would like to see this. Not to put your relationship to the test or anything.

I'm just curious. Sure, it's fine. We don't mind. Yeah. Yeah. One, two, three, sand. Okay. Checks out. Okay, checks out. They're in sync.

There's no denying that. Guys, listen, this is great, but Three Peter, can you take us to Horse Hat? We're really worried about them. Are they okay? I will take you to Horse Hat. Horse Hat is fine. You swear? I swear.

Okay. Oh, thank God. Wait a second. Plek just called you three peter are we on that level yeah i you know there's a lot coming at me so i didn't have time to correct him plec i prefer if you go and call me three pete fair enough three pete we were once described as your best friends right well a lot has changed i i have a kid now, essentially, for the last three weeks. Yeah, well, no. I'm my other kid.

Right. You got kicked out of the guild. I get it. It's been a busy couple weeks for all of us. Well, I'm going to go. I'll see you later at the apartment showing. Okay. You guys are looking at an apartment?

Oh, wow. Yeah. Here? On this planet? Yeah. Are there structures above ground on sand? I mean, this is a pretty... Pretty sandy.

Barren planet. It's a nice neighborhood, the one we're looking at. Good schools. Oh, good. I don't want to nitpick here, but you're looking at schools, but horse hat again is just a... You've only really had horse hat for a little... I mean, they're not really your child. That's actually a good point.

So, you know, when you talk to the realtor, Sandra Bot, just make sure to mention that we're going to kind of deprioritize schools on the list. Right back down into the sand. Is it Sand Robot or is it Sandra Bot? Oh, she's back. Oh, hello. I'm sorry. This is Sandra Robot. Sandra Robot. Sandra Robot. sorry. This is Sandra Robot. Sandra Robot.

Sandra Robot. Okay. And this is on their butt. It wasn't either of the options you said. Did you see the way she winked at Peter when she said that? Wow. And just, like, turned and then looked over her shoulder. Which is weird because her butt is just sort of a corkscrew shape that allows her to burrow back into the...

What? Why are you talking about her butt? No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. It's not. Yeah, I don't... No, that was her to burrow back into the... Why are you talking about her butt? No, sorry. Don't talk about her butt. You just met her. Yeah, you're right. Nothing allows me to go on the love lives of the crew.

I mean, any of us, really. We definitely know some book club members who are single. Um, yes, you do. Okay. Oh, yeah, there's still a pair. Hey, guys. Hey guys This is Bargy's book club That sounds cool Not sure who that was directed at

Look we gotta get some of these tasks done We don't have much time What are these tasks First one It's gonna be tough. We've got to kill a worm. Whoa. A sandworm? On the planet sand, you don't have to

say sandworm. Well, I know, but I'm saying for my crew, it's maybe used to non-sandworms. It just saves time because, you know, you don't have to add sand before every word because technically sandworm. It's all sandworm. Sand house. 3 Sure, yeah, it's all sandworm. Sand, house. 3P, listen,

we sort of are on our way to fulfill a pretty big task of our own and we... I am a worm! Oh no, that was quick. It comes to us? Me and the worm have kind of been dancing around each other for a few days. Wow. Alright, let's take this worm out.

How do we do that? Three feet. Well, see, obviously the problem with killing a sandworm is the size. Yeah, it's way too small to find. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Come over here. Come over there.

Come over here. Yeah, so it's like, where is this guy, you know? Where is it? And also, the worm is really taunting you. So you could just stay quiet and it would be much harder to find, but it keeps popping up and telling you where it is. Yeah. What is? This worm is really...

It's flexing its little muscles when it pops out, too. Good idea, AJ. Shooting wobbly? Thank you. Watch it, man. Good idea, AJ. Shooting wildly? Thank you. Yeah, watch it, AJ. Come on, now. Definitely not up. Just got to keep all my bases covered. 3P, how are you going to kill a worm?

The worm's like three inches long. I don't know, some kind of trap or... Maybe we could tell it it won a a contest see if that gets it to come out does that work it's worked before for me yeah uh you won a you won a contest yeah you just gotta you gotta come stand over here. What? Just under my foot. I'm gonna stand up.

Oh, wow. Wow. Oh. That was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. You've been working on this for a couple days? Yeah, I was working on that one for two days. Who's been with Horse Hat for two days? Sandra Robot.

Sandra Robot was here. Sandro Robot is extremely fast. Well, you've got to remember, Horsehat is, except for their speech, more or less fully grown, fully capable. Yeah, that's kind of my parenting style. Yeah, that's kind of my parenting style. But Dar and Nermid, I don't mean to tell you how to parent, but in my weeks with Horsehat as my kid, I found that kind of not doing the helicopter parenting thing has been really fertile in our relationship.

I mean, we did drop them on another planet, so... Yeah, I mean... Okay, that's a good start. Pretty hands-off, you know? Yeah, we almost never see Horsehat. Yeah. Okay, that's a good start. Pretty hands-off, you know? Yeah, we almost never see horse heads. Yeah. Okay, cool. Sam.

We see them once, like, every six or seven missions. And just by the way, we made some dietary changes, so when you're doing feedings going forward, I'll leave you a note, but we made a few dietary changes. You and Sandra Robot? Yeah, me and Sandra Robot. Hey, Papa. Yeah?

You know, I know we've talked to him a couple times, but this bounty hunter thing, I always think it's going to be a lot cooler than it is, you know? Like, I mean, is this what he's been doing, just, like, odd jobs? Yeah, and he's not even in the guild, so it's not like he's bogged down by paperwork. He can do whatever he wants, and he's still... But also, I wanted to ask,

is worm squashing a handyman task on this planet? I guess so. We're also... It looks like sort of miles from the nearest settlement. I'm not sure how killing the worm way out here helps anyone. Yeah, do you not remember how annoying the worm was? Yeah, but it was way out here. Yeah, you gotta go five miles out of the woods to kill like one squirrel?

That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, you would if that squirrel was annoying enough. I just wouldn't come out to that part of the woods. Now you're living your life on the squirrel's terms. So are you guys ready to go to town? This van only has two seats up front. Should the rest of us just kind of like rattle around in the back? Yeah, you guys can make it work.

Sit in this little bin of washers. Oh, yeah, don't mind that stuff. Don't mind that stuff back there. That's part of the tasks. Why is there a garf on? I kind of do food deliveries as part of that. A lot of the tasks are food deliveries. What percentage of the tasks are food delivery? I guess all of them except for the worm one.

Wow, really? Oh, boy. So you're kind of just moonlighting as a food delivery person. Yeah, kind of like a handyman. Yeah, that's not a handyman. Well, when you don't have food, it's pretty handy when I swing by with it. Okay, you got me there. That's a good point.

So, 3P, when you left the guild, that must have been really hard. What was the fallout from that? Yeah, it's really hard. You have to take an exit exam, do an exit interview, which, of course, I had to do with the new senior guild member, my son. Right. I know, that's uncomfortable. What happens if you fail the exit exam?

If you fail the exit exam, you become sort of president of the guild for another term. Oh, wow. So then you're more in the guild if you fail. Yeah. Wow. Was this an in guild if you fail. Yeah. Yeah. Was this an in-person exit interview? Yeah. Wow.

And you probably had to turn in your weapons, too, so the second the interview was over, you were unarmed. That's right. So you had the bounty. You refused to turn in the bounty, but then you brought the bounty to the other remaining guild member for your exit interview. Yep. brought the bounty to the other remaining guild member for your exit interview yep but there's now there's protocols in the guild so he's not able to take the bounty off you during the exit interview as soon as the exit interview is done different story wow so that must have made a very tense end of the interview then extremely tense as soon as the interview is over smoke bomb

cool so if you had to turn in your weapons you basically had to time the throwing of that smoke bomb so that it left your hand this, literally the exact moment that the interview was over. Right, yeah. So that then when it hit the ground, it was no longer in your possession. I did. I considered it when I threw it to be the end of my term with the guild. Sure. Sure. 3P, you know, I gotta say, I really respect your decision to leave the guild for ethical reasons, but what are you doing here doing tasks? You could be doing anything.

Well, you know, I'm sorry that the life I've made with Sandra Robot is not good enough for you. I guess I should do something more, or I don't know. What are you trying to say? So your decision to start doing tasks was purely motivated by your relationship with Sandra Robot? Well, at first it was because Horsehat was such a goddamn stinker. Yeah, I mean, that's true. That's true. Pretty good enough for the kid. Oh, wow. And then when we landed on this planet, I was supposed to make the delivery,

and Sandra Robot popped up, and, you know, I never looked back. But you kept Horse Hat. Well, yeah, because we thought it would be a nice trial run for if we ever want to have a kid. Wow. How was that? She's a robot, right? Hey, Jay, I don't think we need to get into that really necessarily. I don't understand your question.

I just want to put it on the record that I think if I had shot wildly enough, I would have hit that worm. I just want to say that. It was that you weren't shooting wildly enough? It was not wild enough? I probably would have hit it. I just wanted to say that. But, you know, no big deal. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, this is a real town.

Well, it's sort of one street with buildings on either side of it. Kind of carved into this canyon here. Mm-hmm, yeah. So let's go find Horsehat. Right. Go find Horsehat? Or Go to What did I say?

You said find You absolutely said find as if You needed to locate Okay look can I be honest The last task on my list is find Horsehead Who gave you that task? Sandra Robot We took him to the park and, you know, we were kind of doing the let horse hat be horse hat parenting thing.

We turned around and they were gone. Huh. Okay. Wow. I was too ashamed to admit it. I just want to recap. You were the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter. You met a cute child and decided to renounce your guild,

and then you immediately lost the child. Yeah, it's been a tough month. And to further recap, the child who was so important to you that you left your entire career and family behind, ranked below killing a worm on your list of tasks. Well, the task list is in chronological order of when they were assigned, so. Okay, all right. Yeah, they're doing it chronologically.

AJ, where's the fob? Both fobs say horse head is that way, but I have to admit 3P's fob is blue. Yeah, I think that's the only difference, AJ. Wait, the point is 3P, you had a fob tracking horse hat?

Okay, look. My PR person can handle this. Okay, so here's the thing. 3P didn't get, so here's the thing. The same guy? Get out of here. So just to recap, I had a fob, but I still wasn't able to find horse hat. How the mighty have fallen. The Peter 3 turned Peter 1 that we used to know would have never sunk to this level of inefficiency.

Yeah. Three Pete, what happened to your obsession with order, your love of paperwork, your devotion to everything in triplicate? I've got a new love. Sandra Robot? Sandra Robot. What can I say? She's all I think about all day, every day.

This is all well and good, love hearing about your undying love for Sandra Robot, but can we please go get Horse Hat? Seconded. Yes, yeah, thank you, Captain Dark. AJ, fob of the way. You got it, boss. He's your boss now?

Yeah. Oh. I don't want to step on your toes. Looks like this fob is pointing at that abandoned warehouse that is carved into the canyon Normit let's go here we go

he still makes a running noise even when Dara is carrying him I run back and forth over the shoulders this shoulder that shoulder, that shoulder. Horse hat? Horse hat? Horse hat? I'm afraid you're too late to be part of this transaction. Could you turn on a light?

It's really dark in here. I'm not standing by one. You just came in, so maybe there's fun. Let's see a switch here. Right. This isn't my abandoned warehouse that I've taken. It's not my abandoned warehouse either, so, you know, don't start throwing dark in here. Dark?

Yeah. Could we all find a light? We're trying to confront the sentient who has horse hat. It appears they have come for the baby. Who is that person? Are you near a light switch? Also, you have come to complete the transaction. What transaction? What are you

talking about? No, I have informed them I'm afraid they are too late to participate in this transaction. This other character is repeatedly afraid that we're too late. I'm not afraid. I believe what he is trying to say is if he is afraid, you are too late

to participate in the transaction. That was clear. What is as clear as what was a transaction? Where is my child and why is it so dark in here? Well, bear in mind, this is an abandoned warehouse, so the electric company isn't going to, like, provide electricity for free. Ah, okay. Hey.

Three-Pete! Finally, Threepeat. Where have you been? Are you going to help? These monsters have taken your adoptive child. Yeah, I wish I could help. I just feel like we might be too late

to participate in the transaction. Yes. Transacting is a complicated profession. Don't you agree? That's a fourth one! That's a fourth one! Also, all of our voices are exactly the same, so you

will never know who is who. Yes, there is just a hair of deviation between each of our voices, so good luck. You'll never be able to determine without... Oh, no! Oh! Oi! Thank you,

Nermit. This is embarrassing. 3P, do you know these people? Yeah, these are some of the citizens of Sandtown. I'm actually still waiting on a delivery of some cinestics.

Okay, hold on. Let me just run out to the van. I got that. One sec. Thank you. Where is Horsehead? Um, uh, cinestics. Okay, hold on. Let me just run out to the van. I got that. One sec. Thank you. Where is Horsehat? Don't say you're afraid about missing a transaction. That doesn't mean anything. Still. I'm afraid you don't understand.

The transaction is complete. We both tendered the payment that we agreed upon and then received the goods that we agreed. So you did get your cinesticks? So whose are these? No, I did not get my cinesticks. But you just said you did get the goods. This is a separate transaction. So these are your cinesticks? Yes, thank you. Yes, these are mine. Sorry. Sorry, everyone.

I'm going to cut through here and take these. Check that one off the list. Oh, but they're quite cold. I was kind of hoping we were going to get some free synesthetics. All right, I'm sick of this. I just want you to take us to Horse Hat right now. As you can see, Horse Hat is quite safe. They are here in this laboratory recovering from a minor procedure. All right, everybody.

Lock and load. Wait, hold on. Where's my blaster? I'm afraid we lifted it off you in the dark. Oh, man, lift it. Everyone's had enough, right? Let's charge them. I love this plan.

Charge them. Let's charge them. I love this plan. Charge them. Let's do it. I'm afraid you'll find that technique highly ineffective. You see, this is a sand planet. Yeah. Covered in sand, made of sand. We knew that already. Yes, but you are unaware of the many varieties.

I can't see my... Yeah, I'm that already. Yes, but you are unaware of the many varieties. I can't see. Thank you, guys. Yeah, I'm still sinking. Don't worry. I eat sand, so I'll just keep eating. I'll just keep eating. Ow. No.

No. You're still sinking. Yeah, it's endless. I'll just keep eating the sand around me, and it'll be fine, and I'll eat the sand around you. Oh. Dart, tellurians drink water, but we can still drown in water. I would advise you not to struggle

as the more you do, the deeper you sink into the sand. Okay, everyone stop. Don't move. I stopped moving and I'm not sinking. Okay, guys, I fought and I got my waist. AJ, stop moving. I'm fighting the sand.

No. It looks like a crossroads. A what? Yeah. You must decide between moving and staying alive. Oh, we're incapacitated, guys. It's official. Stakes established. Thanks,

AJ. Welcome, man. Bargy. Bargy. It's Plek. We're stuck in this quicksand and we're surrounded by enemies. Horse hat's unconscious. You gotta get down here. Oh, blood club has become a disaster. The drama is up the tree, if you know what I mean.

I don't. And worst of all, I'm really into the book now. I just read it. No. I don't know, just to prove to them that I mean. I don't. And worst of all, I'm really into the book now. I just read it. What? No. I don't know. Just to prove to them that I could. Barjit, please get down here. I just gotta take the ending of the book. Wow. I gotta think about this.

Hello? Wow. Oh no. Alright, everybody, just calm down. Surely there's a way for us to work this out and we'll take Horsehat and be on our way. Impossible. You see, Da, your child Horsehat is extremely valuable to our client,

for they gestated in the same bloodstream as the Beano-cron. Oh, wow. The what now? You know it as Beano. It's Beron. Oh, wow. The what now? You know it as Beano. It's Beano. Oh, sure. An ancient relic with unlimited power. And so?

Gestation is a complicated profession. Don't you agree? He's not really with us. He's here, but I wouldn't say he's one of us. He wasn't part of the transaction. He sort of showed up. Okay, all right. The point is, Dar, by virtue of sharing a bloodstream,

Horsehat has been imbued down to their very DNA with powerful properties rich in space magic, and our client will reward us mightily for delivering the child. All right, fine. Well, who is this mysterious client of yours? Out of nowhere again. Oh, wow. Sandra the Robot.

Hello. Oh, hey. I did not expect to see you here. How did you find this place? The fobs. Sandra, Robot, what are you doing here? Is this the apartment we were supposed to look at? What?

This place is terrible. I would never want to live here. It doesn't have much light. Yeah, no. Peter, I absolutely wouldn't live here. It's also a weird flow. I am sorry, but this is not the abhorrencement. This was all a ruse.

The rumors are true. I, Sandra Robot, am in fact the mastermind of the plan to get the horse that's ordered by Cor Bailivore. Wow. It's actually Bailivore. Bailivore.

There's an E there. Yeah, but it's not... Youvor. Bailvor. Bailvor. There's an E there. No, yeah, but it's not. You don't pronounce the E, Bailvor. No, you don't pronounce it. Yes, she is our client, and then he is her client. Ah, okay. Hold on. So we're not moving in together?

Oh. Okay. Sorry. Okay. Sorry about that. Book club's coming through my helmet, comms. Sorry. Yeah, you got to turn that off, AJ. Yeah. Listen, I did not intend to fall in to flog with you.

That was not part of the plan. I was just here to get the horse head because of the power of the Beano Cron. But I fell into the love so hard, so fast. Oh, so that was real. Send a robot. You don't have to say all this if you don't want everyone here grilling my client here. Get out of here, man. Power of attack. I will admit we're a distraction. Get out of here, man.

I will admit we're a distraction. Peter, the worm is not that annoying to you. This is only three inches long. Nobody knows it. Oh. But I did not intend to distract with my feelings to fall in love. Yeah, we get that part, Sandra, a lot. We understand that. You made that clear.

Yeah, you fell in love. Well, it's pretty important to me. I like hearing it, so maybe. Okay, sure. But, I mean, she did betray you. I mean, that still happened. Well, yeah, but she does love me. I like hearing it. She did betray you. That still happened. She does love me. Silver lining.

Hey, everyone. Sorry. I don't know what's going on in here, but I've been waiting for a food delivery. Hey, buddy. I don't know. Take a second to read the room here while being held hostage. Can this wait? My wings are hostage somewhere. But you came down here to get the wings. Why don't you just go to the place the wings are from

and pick them up there? I think you'll find that the exits are sealed. Oh, man. How'd I get in? The exits are sealed. The entrances remain as functional as they ever were. Oh, chuck me. We're not going to shut you out.

I can't ever leave him. I don't get my wings. Yeah, and can you just still give me five stars because that's not my fault? Sure. Unfortunately, those five stars shall never reach their destination. Hey, interfering with user feedback on an app?

That's the last straw, man. You might have disarmed me, but you didn't disbut me. No, AJ. I know I'm going to sink me, but you didn't disbut me. No, AJ. I know I'm going to sink more, but I'm going down shooting wildly. No, stop moving. You have shot me in the shoulder. It is very painful.

You have shot me in the little pinky finger. You shot me in the appendixes. Both? That's appendices. The appendixes. I dropped my butt gun. It was too wet. AJ.

How could this have happened? I wonder. How dare you attack us? I will now summon the ultimate destruction. I will whistle for the big worm. Oh, no. What? Big worm.

Yes, I'm afraid you've only experienced the small worm. Yes. Yeah, okay. And just to recap, this is a big sand worm. They're just not saying sand because they're from here. Yeah, okay. And just to recap, this is a big sand worm. They're just not saying sand because they're from here. Oh, no. Can you feel those minute vibrations coursing through the sand?

Sort of? That's what they call worm alert on this planet. Worm alert? Yeah, it's a portmanteau of worm and alert. It means... I thought it sounded familiar. I think we've got less than five minutes before a giant sandworm shows up.

Oh, great. Worm alert. Major, I know you're angry at me, but my feelings run the day. But I am a confidant. To be honest, I'm not really sure how to respond. Remember our passionate knights on the sands planning their future? Yeah. 30% of that was real.

30%. You know, I left my whole life. I left my code. I left my name behind for you. I do love you. Is there any chance we could still see that apartment? Or what time is that scheduled for? 3P, what are you doing?

Well, it's just really hard to see places. Like, the housing market is swamped here, so... It's swamped right now. Prices go up and down. Going down seems good. They're all caves. They're all just caves carved into the side of a canyon. I know, but if we make the first cash offer, like, then we're in a good position. The only way I will see a partner with you is if you

marry me. Oh my god. She went down in the room and she screwed down his room. Wow, yes, of course. Of course I'll marry you. Yay! Yay! Yay!

A touching moment, to be sure. My dearest three-peat, I will burrow under this sand so I can lift you up and we can live together. Oh. No. My love. What, you guys are leaving? You snooze the old.

We're not. None of us are snoozing. And yet all of us are losing. anyway good luck guys i'm sorry i couldn't help out but uh where are you going i just said we have to go see the apartment because another couple was coming in right after us and they're like super rich yeah overseas yes i'm afraid your bounty hunter friend is at the mercy of a truly abusive real estate market. Hey, man. Here's a fob. Thanks.

You can always find us. Don't do that. Oh, wait. No, I did that back. Sorry, man. Oh, okay. Here. Sorry.

Sorry. Can I get my blue one now? This is Oh, okay. Here. Sorry. Sorry. Let me get my blue on now. It's yours. Yeah. Cool. Oh, no. I don't know if it's my carapace, but I'm extremely sensitive to these vibrations. I'd estimate the worm is two minutes away. Oh, no.

Wormlert. Oh. Dave Wormlert. I went to high school with Dave Wormlert Nervous Stop Also you're wiggling when you're saying that You're sinking Oh jeez

Oh Oh cranky Rod It's a repeat Don't leave us like this We're about to be killed I'm sorry Tell Horse had to keep their head up

And uh You guys gotta go now If you're gonna make that apartment. Yeah, it's across town. It's like 10 hours. Oh, and by the way, can you guys make the rest of my deliveries? There's like two orders. There's like two cinistics in there in the van.

You get out of here. Yeah, there's two orders, so. All right. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

I'm not good. Yeah, I'm not good. I don't feel all that. All right. I'm afraid the worm's arrival is imminent. It shall devour all of you and return to the sand from which it came. This is your final worm alert. 30 seconds, Black.

Oh, no. If I were you, my lines would be moist. What? You hurt her. Gross. We shall enjoy watching you perish. I mean, if we're going to go out, I feel like there's a lot unsaid that needs to be said.

Really? Because I sort of feel like we've done this. We've sort of been in this position a few times. Okay, well, I have something I need to confess to all of you. Oh, okay. Okay. Ah!

Whoa! It's enormous. Ah! Choo-choo! Whoa! What? Dar? Dar?

Oh, my God. Dar is riding that worm. Oh, bad-ass. This was not part of the plan. I'm doing this for college credits. I was doing this for college grads! My only consolation is to know that now you must devour this ice cold sinister thing. I will never really depart from this ride!

Oh no! All the worms sucked down all the quicksand. We're free. We're free. All right. Did you miss me? Dar, this is a dark... I mean, I guess not, because you're... Wait.

Yeah, ironically, no. What's happening, Dar? I mean, but how? You are there, but you're also here. How are there two dars? Oh, boy. Have I got a yarn to spin for all of you. So, I was in Snookumsville on my way back to Bargy and you'll never...

All right, nobody move. Oh, dar, you found my blaster. You. Whoa, hey, dar. Hey, let go of C-53. All right. Relax, okay? Listen, nobody needs to get hurt.

I just need to explain myself before anybody gets any crazy ideas. Dar, we're talking crazy ideas. A pretty crazy idea is taking your friend and holding a blaster to their head, okay? Here's the thing, C-53. I'm not your friend. I'm not your dar. Oh, that hurts my feelings, Dirk. Oh, okay, I see.

Of course, this explains everything. The way you've been space sick every time we've gone to hyperspace, you grew that goatee, even though we all agreed that one time that it doesn't suit your face. You not knowing about the most basic crew stuff for the last few weeks. Aren't you clever? Well, that's kind of my thing around here. That was an accident, you have to believe me.

When I said I wasn't your friend and I wasn't your dar, I mean, one of those things is true. I'm not actually your dar, but I kind of started to think of all of you as friends. I just needed to take C hostage because I needed you to listen to me because I just tripped and the finger on the can and I mean, it was an accident.

I mean, you have to believe me, I accidentally shot one of the crewmates. Wait a minute. Wait one minute. Dar, what was your secret? This is SeaRid IT5, credits and attributions droid, commencing after a protocol. Plek Deck Setter, Little Putt-Putt, and the client of average height were played by Alden Ford. C53, the Drama Crazy Book Club member, and the tall client were played by Jeremy Benn. Thank you. who ordered wings were played by Seth Lind. AJ, Old Dag, and the client who's not really with the others were played by Winston Knoll. Insectoflopter pilot Riley Dunker

and the guy eaten by the sandworm were played by Shane O'Connell. 3P was played by special guest Zach Cherry. Zach stars in Severance, premiering February 18th on Apple TV and has appeared in many TV shows and movies including Search Party, Spider-Man Homecoming, Succession, Duncancanville and more follow

him on twitter at sack cherry gmail and featuring frank garcia hale as dad this episode was edited by seth lind sound design and mix and original sand planet music by shane o'connell theme music composed by brendan ryan performed by fames macedonian symphonic orchestra orchestra mixing by danny keith taylor opening crawl narration by jeremy crutchley ship design from marjorie and Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Faves Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Opening choral narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design by Jerry and Jade by Eric Goiz. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

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Audience supported. Could you keep talking so I could just get closer to you? Did someone say horse hat? That's a robot. Did they? She can't.

Wait, Jeremy say something? Yes, I will continue to speak as Werner Herzog. Yes, I am also here to help you. No, I can't do this. And one winner hurts all games. It does sound like Sandra Robot

has betrayed them all. Okay, I'll do like a jerk. Okay, I'll just try. Okay. Oh, it appears

they have come for the baby.