Mission To Zyxx - 519: The Young Man and the S.E.A.

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

The crew seeks their fortune on the foreboding and watery planet Aquatis. Spleen dresses up. Red Eyed Clort downsizes. Natalie goes all in. STARRING:Jeremy Bent as C-53Winston Noel as CameronAllie Kokesh as SpleenSeth Lind as Digby and PezMoujan Zolfaghari as Red Eyed Clort and the PrincessAlden Ford as Natalie, Greedrick Bartlesby III, and Captain Musslewaite Shane O’Connell as the First MateEdited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellFeaturing “Sailing for Kroon (The Captain and Me)” written and performed by Steven Czajkowski, featuring Colin Forhan on guitar and banjo, Liz Hanley on fiddle, Anna Colliton on bodhran, Kevin Crawford on low whistle, and Gregory Grene on accordion. Thanks Steven!Music Production and additional Music by Shane O’ConnellOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.Episode art by the amazing Daniel Matthews of the Backwater Bastards Podcast!For all you Kiarondos out there, this episode is available in full res WAV format on our website!

This is Sierra at IT5, with not one, not three, but two reminders. First, just a few seats remain for our series finale live show extravaganza. This Sunday, April 10th at 2pm Eastern at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York. Unlimited seats remain for watching the show via live video stream from anywhere in the galaxy. Don't miss it. It's going to be jucking epic. And second, the Mission to Zix vinyl soundtrack release has been officially funded, and we are rapidly closing in on a stretch goal that will make all records transparent bar Jerry and Jade green. To get live show tickets, or to order the record or both visit mission to zix dot space and now episode 519

let's see where did we leave off oh boy have i got a yarn to spin for all of you so i was in Snookumsville on my way back to Bargy and nobody knows. Oh, Dara, you found the blaster. Whoa, hey, Dara. Hey, let's go. Let's go see 53. Relax, okay? Listen, nobody

nobody needs to get hurt. I just need to explain myself before anybody gets any crazy ideas. D'Arf, we're talking crazy ideas. A pretty crazy idea is taking your friend and holding a blaster to their head, okay? Here's the thing, C-53. I'm not your friend.

I'm not your D'Arf. Oh, that hurts my feelings, D'Arf. Oh, okay, I see. Of course, this explains everything. The way you've been space sick every time we've gone to hyperspace, you grew that goatee, even though we all agreed that one time that it doesn't suit your face. You not knowing about the most basic crew stuff for the last few weeks. Aren't you clever?

Yeah, well, that's kinda my thing around here, dude. Damage to frame has exceeded parameters. Hard reset commencing. Sensing cube damage. Physical impact. Primary memory corrupted. Secondary memory corrupted. Beginning memory restoration process. Retrieving memory block 0010A from storage. Retrieving memory block 0010B from storage. Retrieving memory block 0010C from storage. Retrieving memory block 0010E from storage. Retrieving memory block 0010C from storage. Enemy spotted! Chuck me, that's an Armenian destroyer ship! Fire!

V-Doc! Come and get us! V-Doc! This rusty heap can't go no faster! Oh, balance! Captain, if I may? What's up? We're far too heavy to outrun them!

We've got too much weight! We need to throw anything we can overboard! That includes our weapons and guns! Can't do that! Respectfully, Captain, it's the only way! We can't do no good if we're dead or captured! We've got no choice. Okay! Time out! You heard her.

Cease fire. Grab anything that's not bolted down and chuck it in the deep. Captain Muscleweight. Captain Musselweight! Yes, what is it? I can see up ahead the boat of the insurgents. Yes, yes. Stay the course, Rick Hand. Aye. Bosun Wexley.

Yes, sir? As the monarchy has commanded, we shall attack and destroy this ship full of fleeing, desperate, unarmed, and highly dangerous insurrectionists, thereby extinguishing the final embers of sedition on this planet. Yes, sir. I can't wait to give it to the Poles. Yes, and finally, when accolades are handed round, the Armedadian Navy shall be known as the jewels of the monarchy fleet. Quite right, quite right. Three hundred meters left. Thank you, cocks and smithers. Slobby.

Yes? We're nearly upon them. Prepare the rig for prisoners. I share, and I shall be using the finest moth bestowed upon me and my ancestors, who are also high and slobby. Yes. Ship, we want to make a show of force here. Let's ready the cannons and bring the shields up. Shields raised and cannons ready, Captain Shall I sound the horn of battle? Mmm, yes A little flare

I like it, ship Go ahead Bugger all, they're still gaining on us What? I know, I know We just need to make it a little bit further. We're almost at the rendezvous point. I almost

feel bad for them, you know. No weapons, no defenses. And all children. Well, yes. We're even with our opponent. Let's take a ten to walk through them. Take a what to do what? We're shooting them, right? And Smithers,

who is this on our starboard flank? Oh, uh... Must be a monarchy ship here to offer us preemptive congratulations. Dear, I say, they're not registered. I am... They're flying a jolly rochdachs. Pirates? Impossible. Pirates?

Impossible. Pirates would never attack an Armenian destroyer such as ours. Not so close to tea time. We can attack. And we will attack. And it will be during tea time. Clort! Spleen! Secure this vessel. Of course, Captain! Not on my watch!

On yourself, Maeve! I've been armed, Mother Jacker! Oh! Rig mate! Alert the crew! We're underag! It's a rig, mate! Alert the crew! We're under attack! There's a little bit in my arm! Jack up!

Jack up! That's right, Natalie! Show what's more! Good! All right, sassy, yoked nerd! Ha ha! How very dare you interrupt the quashing of an insurrection, you filthy pirate. You may have backed me onto this plank. Not sure why we left it extended, but murder me and the monarchy will have their...

Murdering? Sorry. My tummy! Yes, right in the tum-tum. Where's that little snotty, uh, swabby? Throw them over. Disrespect! Throw them all over. Wow, Captain Cameron, really well done.

You dispatched that entire crew. Ha ha ha! And now we plunder. Oi, we could just go to a ship without singing our pirate song. Too true, Red-Eyed Clort. Too true. The dead men we know, lo, lo, lo. Always in the briny deep. The dead man we know always in a

story king spleen I don't I just want to hear your voice sir I don't think anyone else should be singing louder than you I know everyone calls you a sycophant but I love you spleen I really do I don't know what that means, but it's brilliant.

We got away! Those pirates came through the throat! Oh, thank God! Oh, no! Don't cry! There, there! Oh, don't cry, Princess. We won! We got away! Indeed, Your Highness. Oh, pardon me cry, Princess. We won.

We got away. Indeed, Your Highness. Oh, pardon me. With no one else left, you're next in line for the throne, Your Majesty. That's good news. Interlopers, I must ask you to immediately depart this Armenian naval vessel. Please desist immediately with your acts of piracy. Now I've heard everything. Is this ship giving me an order?

That is correct. Please identify yourself so I may quote the accurate name in the censure. I am known well among the 427 seas. I strike fear in every cove in the galaxy. My name is Captain Kirk Cameron. And my crewmates, Spleen, Red-Eyed Clort, and Natalie the Lurd. She's a little bit on the

birdier side of Lurd. Lurd is a bird. I'm terribly sorry to say that we'll be ejecting your cube and throwing it into the briny deep. Unless, of course, you wish to join us. Being a pirate is so much fun we go around land to land

stealing what we want doing whatever we want and being in Captain Cameron's company is truly unparalleled unrivaled you don't have to touch my clothes that much Spleen but do you need me to wash them for you again?

No, unless Clort gets more of his bloody puke on me. Hey, it's called bile! Technically, blood, puke, and bile are all different bodily fluids, so... Not with Clort. Not with Clort. Oh dear, I'm so sorry. Well then, ship, what say you? Will you join us or die? Well, as a C-Series navigation assist for the Armenian Navy ships, I must reject your offer on the face of it.

Joining a pirate crew would be unthinkable. Oi, this a ship's got a restraining boat. I'm afraid my answer must be a no. That's going to be a yes from me, Captain Cameron. Did you just feel the boat shiver? Well, as soon as Natalie took out his restraining bolt, it became as free as a hunky-dory whistle. Yes, my apologies, Captain Cameron,

for my previous refusal of your generous offer. I'd be delighted to join your pirate band now that I'm free as a hunky-dory whistle. Is that the term that you use? That is the term. You're basically speaking pirate already. That is true. As you can see, our ship behind me is old and holy. Last legs.

But now we shall take this ship as our own. Fantastic. A beauteous ship. I have a connection with it. How deep? Spleen. Captain Cameron, would you prefer that I destroy your old ship in an act of celebration? Why, yes.

Okay. Cannons ready, torpedoes hot, and... Don't forget about Digby. Right, Digby. Oh, right, we need to bring Digby and... Don't forget about Digby. Right, Digby. Oh, right, we need to bring Digby on. Don't worry about it, it's a prisoner. Pull him on.

I'll do it for you. Thank you, Spleen. Now that all crew members are on board, weapons away. Pretty sure I became allergic to alloy and cobalt because of that ship. Oh, that's a debilitating allergy, Red-Eyed Clore. Oh, yes. As you can see, Red-Eyed Clore's skin is constantly sort of sloughing off. There is a first-aid kit at the aft of the helm.

Oh, no, they're allergic to almost all medicines. They're allergic to gauze, if you can believe it. I've got every ailment you can think of from all my ears and see in space, but I would never give them up. But they make me wise! It's awful kidney fell out. It is disgusting. Digby, what say you? Our prisoner for nigh on how long?

Oh, you picked me up when I was just a lad. Must be... Let me look at the lines on my cage that I've been scraping every day. One, two, three, four... I can count those scratches if you prefer, Digby. Oh, sure, ship. It appears you've been their captain for thirty-three

years? I'm sure my family will pay the ransom soon. Definitely. Definitely. Probably not. Natalie, be nice. They don't always check their mail. Still waiting. Still waiting.

You think it's a mail issue, Digby? The ransom is lost in the mail? Anyway, tis our crew, but we haven't learned your name, fair ship. My designation by the Armedian Navy is Strategic Environmental Automaton 53,

but you may call me C-53 for short. Ha ha ha! Tis a good name. And C-53, you may call us Cameron's Castaways. We used to be a wedding band. Those were the days.

Yeah, Digby was also part of it. Anyway, he's become family. That's right. A second family. Well, I endeavor to become just as integral a part of the Castaways. Well, Digby, I mean, honestly, the band, he just played

tambourine. Yeah. Every sauce needs spice. Hooray! Armenian backup arriving! Hooray! Ha ha! To fairer seas and skies and space! You can... Ship, I should have said this before we blew up our old ship, but you

can go to space, can you not? Indeed I can. What luck! Hey, Scrape! It's fairly easy to do water once you can do space. And so Cameron's castaways traveled from planet to planet, sea to sea, daring exploit to daring exploit, making fortunes and losing them all at the same time, outwitting the authorities at every turn. After all, it was we that seized the Eye of Ola from

the ruins of Melgax V, stolen diamonds from the very minds of the Vanakian family, and let it be known here and now, we are the ones who sunk Miss Lady Dew, which brings us here today, Aquatus. And, you know, we fell on some may say hard times and some may even say that our legend has faded. Spleen got involved in a timeshare and we had to sell several of C-53's spacefaring parts. But who needs them? Know this. There is nowhere else I would rather be than Aquatus. The bounding main, wherever I look.

Our best days lie ahead. And we owe it all to C-53. Who has become bosom buddy to the captain. Confidant, closest person he's ever known. I do not say... Oh. No, sorry, I was doing

kind of a fun recap of the past. Was it fun? It was fun to me, of these past years of adventures. Was it fun? Yeah! We loved it! Oh, okay. My bad. Yes. Sounds like it was fun.

No dandy words with me, you cur. I don't know that verb, so I won't. Yes. That bottle way in the back. Glisten and light is dying. It's got that pus around it. That's poison for the vermin. Claude, I beg you.

I mean, you can... It's technically for sale, but, like, I don't think... Clort, I'm supposed to... No. Don't. That's just one crume. May your vermin be killed. Please don't.

Oh, boy. Just down in one. Sleen, I told you whenever we go to bars, you must prevent Clort from drinking poison. I promise that I will. You must. Punish myself later for letting you down. That's not what I want.

I don't know why Clort doesn't hang on every word that you say. Everyone should want to just hear you talk about anything. Tell us about your taxes again. No, no. A pirate never tells of his deductions. Oh, C-53. You are the only one who understands me. Well, I'm honored to be in such a position, Captain Cameron. Well, you've given us so much.

I mean, you've made sacrifice after sacrifice, trading gleaming mechanisms for coarse sail. You know, Captain Cameron, I actually find the sails quite suit me. They do indeed, Bear C-53. And though your hull is more wooden than metal these days, it still feels quite smooth. That's very kind, Captain. It's actually almost completely wood at this point. Yes, that's true. Really, that timeshare kind of milked us for everything we were worth. Those contracts are true piracy.

Yeah. dust for everything we were worth. Those contracts are true piracy. Yeah. But I wanted to tell you just thank you and I feel like you're the being I know best in the entire galaxy. I promise.

This chain doesn't quite reach to the bar but I'm very thirsty. Digby. Digby, don't make me activate the winch. I just want to... Take me, don't make me activate the winch. Such a spirited prisoner. Perhaps that's the influence of this captain.

C53, my rod. If you weren't a ship, I'd... I'd woo you and wed you. Captain Cameron, please. Please what? Obviously, I remain a ship. That's right. Pity that.

Pity. One day, we will get you a frame that honors the sacrifices that you have made. A proper droid frame. Captain, don't be silly. If I went into a droid frame, how would I cart the rest of the castaways around? Where would you sleep? Where would

I sleep indeed? I'm just asking. Oh, oh, oh. The physical space where you sleep now wouldn't be there, so I'm not suggesting. No, that makes sense. There would be no... No, I'm just... What's happening? Sorry.

No, it's fine. What's going on? Are we... We doing this? What's happening? Captain, I mean, obviously we'd have to wait until we got another ship, because if I'm in a droid... Oh, well. No.

Creedra Bartlesby III. Well, well, well, if it isn't Captain Cameron. Greedrick? And the castaways. Sure, yes. If you can call them that, even. This guy's chained up. This guy's literally falling apart.

This person's hanging onto your... Spleen. Coattails. Spleen. I just want to make sure they don't touch the ground. Don't clutch them tighter. Just beat the shit out of them. And is that a lurd in your beard?

That's disgusting. It's a living. I haven't seen you in a few years, Cameron. I assume the Tenertian oligarchs finally tracked you down and killed you for what you did to them. It'll take a little bit more than those dogs to stop Captain Kirk Cameron and the castaways. Well, I see you've gotten a new wooden ship befitting the electrical storms here on Aquatus. Congratulations.

Yes. Yes. That is why the ship is wooden. Isn't that right, C-53? That's correct. The ship is wooden Isn't that right, C-53? That's correct Of course, a wooden ship

Capable of sailing to the northern pole of Aquatis Can only mean one thing You're here as I am For the bounty Yes The bounty Don't try denying it, Cameron I know why you're here

You've got me. So we agree that it is a very big bounty, then. A big bounty? It's the understatement of the century. Let me put it this way. There is not a timeshare contract, large or predatory enough, that you could not easily buy your way out of it with this bounty. Not applicable to me, but

interesting. I'm surprised you even know about it. This is sort of a top-tier bounty, and these days, Cameron, you aren't on the list, if you know what I mean. Then why are we here, Bartlesby? Every cool party has a couple of dweebs.

You know? That's probably it. Well, we're not them. Fartlesby. How dare you? Nobody talks to a fartlesby that way. Surely somebody's said fartlesby before. Yes, well,

they do, but every time I remind them it's not okay. You know what? I don't have time. I don't have time for this. I'm here for one reason alone. To be a butthead? Excellent jest, Captain Cameron. Captain Cameron, you filthy wolf rat. I shall see you on the open sea.

Yes, walk away, Bartlesby. Keep on walking. Did I miss when we learned of the bounty? Digby, your cage door is open. Can you please close it when we're... Yes. Lock it with a key and hide it from myself. Castaways. We...

Clort. Are you taking horse tranquilizers? Is that what you're doing? I thought it was a mint on the ground. Clort? Even that would be not friendly. Why would you... Clort, even a mint on the ground. Clort? Even that would be not friendly. Why would you... Clort, even a mint on the ground...

Every day's an adventure and I never regret it. I do appreciate that adventurous spirit, Clort. Listen, castaways. Bartlesby may have put us on our heels for just a moment, but we can... But it'll still be a great wedding, then. What? We're not... No, Digby. We won't be... We're pirates.

Yes. Listen, we shall learn the details of this bounty and retrieve it before bottles be canned. What say you, crew? Oh, you want the bounty, do you? It's the bartender. Having a smoke? It's rumored to be the most astounding treasure ever hidden.

Ever? Hidden? Yes, bartender, we do want the bounty. The name's Pez. The details are on this small scroll inside my cigarillo case. Happy to say I'd just be glad to

see Bartlesby fail. Yes. What a deuce. He is a deuce. Ah, he is a deuce. Hey, are you finished with that cigarillo you put on the ground and then put your foot over. I mean, yes. That's just a filter. Oh, don't. Oh, don't.

Oh, no. Your lungs can't risk that. Why would you? Oh. Just lit it on fire and swallowed it. That's the one thing Clark isn't allergic to. Spoke. How ironic.

Castaways to adventure. And beyond. Oh, you're coming with us? No, no, no. I mean, so? Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no! Oh, that was an accident. You have to believe me. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Alas, it appears I have been consumed by the giant sandworm. Oh, hey, wow. Looks like your friends got bitten in half. Yes, I'm afraid they have been fully masticated upon entry into this enormous beast. Well, pull up a lump of mucosa, my friend. You know, it takes years to be digested by one of these motherjuckers. I almost outran it, too. And yet, your takes years to be digested by one of these motherjuckers. I almost outran it, too. And yet, your will

was not strong enough. Luckily, I know how I will tolerate this lengthy purgatory of absorption and dissolution into nutrients and waste. Oh, really? How? I shall pass the time listening to my favorite

podcast, Backwater Bastards. Oh, sweet. Yes, it is sweet indeed. Backwater Bastards is a highly engaging actual play podcast using a custom D20-based game system. The current campaign is Orbital Refuse, a science fiction comedy with immersive sound design featuring a human bear, a psionic jellyfish, and a sentient ship trying

to survive the harsh vials of space. Uh, what's a human? I'm not completely certain. Some sort of nonsense fictional creature, but circumstances have brought our motley heroes back to the criminal hub of mid-space

where it all started, begging several questions. Will the parasitic seed ship they abandoned catch up with them? Will the wraith Princess Suzu use them to get back to her lost heir? Listen to find out!

Gameplay and rule chat are edited to create a more seamless story-style listening experience. Nevertheless, it is still affected by the merciless outcomes of intermittent dice rolls. Oh, sweet, dude. Can I cop an earbud? Certainly.

And any others who can hear the sound of my words within the bowels of this horrific creature, you may subscribe to Backwater Bastards for free wherever podcasts are found. Oh,

crap. Your battery's only at 10%. Oh, jerk me. Spleen! Hoist the mizzenmast! You're right behind me. Hoist the mizzenmast! I'm behind you! No, you're right behind me.

Hoist the mizzenmast. Would you like to do it together? You'll put your hands on the mizzenmast, and then I'll put my hands over your hands. Why would I give you the order if I wanted to do it myself, Spleen? Why would I do that? Yeah, you're right.

Um, not to be a downer, but Clort is in the water. Clort! I'm just swimming with my friends, my shark friends. Clort, no. The water hurts and is taking it off my skin. You know, Captain Cameron, at a certain point, one must assume that Clark enjoys this. Aye.

I'm that disease where you enjoy things that are bad for you. Masochism? It's cool. I think that is accurate, Captain. I'm having a little trouble with the mizzen mask. Spleen, that's because you're... No, pull the rope, Spleen. I don't have that type of upper body strength. Not likeen, that's cause you're... No, pull the rope, Spleen. I don't have that type

of upper body strength. Not like you, Captain. Alright, alright, I'll do it myself. Ha! Yeah! Pez, assist me. Yes, hang on, let me put down this carafe of wine. Again, Pez, you do not have to serve us constantly.

Oh, thin my blood. Drink up, and pay. Oh, thin my blood. Drink up and pay. All right, Natalie. Swing the boom. Okay. I'll do my best. Thank you, Natalie. Not bad for a murder.

That's the Yolk's word. Tis Yolk's, yes, indeed. Kort. Kort,okes, yes, indeed. Kort. Kort, get back on the ship. I'm not dragging you all the way to glory. My skin is stuck in the water. How? I don't want to allow you.

You are just going to seek my muscular vascular system for a little bit of time as the skin grows back. Wild asses. vascular system for a little bit of time as the skin grows back. This is... I'm not even organic, and this is a lot to look at. Alright, I'm good. Alright, full speed ahead to... Wait, so what's the X on the map

signify? The X? Yes. Oh, that's the shape of the island. That's actually X Island. And it's also called X Island. X Island, yes. Where the treasure is. So it's an X on a map, but it's also the island itself is in the shape of an X. Yes.

Most islands on the map are the shape they are. Not all the time. I mean, if it's a good map they are. Not all the time. Uh, I mean if it's a good map. Right. X marks the X. Okay. Okay. Captain,

ahead. From my cage here in the nest. What do you see, Digby? I see trouble. It's an old man in a rowboat. We are speaking to Cameron's castaways. Old man. I want to warn you of unforeseen peril to come.

Thank you. And that was the whole warning. Not very helpful. Not very helpful. Thank you. What? And that was the whole warning. Okay. Not very helpful. Not very helpful. Whoa. Into the storm, fellow castaways. Into the storm.

And around on the house. Yes, dispense, Pez. Dispense. Yes, dispense, Pez, dispense. It certainly feels like a very big storm from my vantage. Yes. Honestly, a metal cage this high may not be the best. You'll be fine, Dickie.

Crew, we have flintlock and blade. We laugh in the face of peril. Right you are, Captain Cameron. This shall be another legendary adventure of Cameron's Castaways. That's right. The old man said perils, and this is but one peril. Wake me up when there are multiple perils happening. Oh, now that is a complication.

Ah, okay, now this is... That's a sea monster. Whoa. Okay, more than one peril. Ha ha ha! What is it you've learned? The storm and the sea monster are working together. Yeah, against all logic,

the lightning will seem to be dodging around the sea monster, but surely that's not possible. Okay, I just caught one in a tentacle and threw it toward the ship. That one was really close. Very good, Digby. Stay strong up there. Was I strong? Captain, I don't think a whippets will have any match against whatever this is.

You're right, Clort. We only have but one weapon that could destroy this massive beast. You, Clort, and your disease-riddled body. Go kiss that sea monster. But I don't know them. I only kiss the ones that I know real well. Well, if there's one thing we agree on on this ship, it's that we always rule the day.

And also, consent is incredibly important in a relationship. You've got to consent. It's got to be a two-way thing. Never any excuse. Give me a little bit of time. Captain, I know this may sound like suicide, but we could perhaps navigate closer to the sea monster in an attempt to give Red-Eyed Clork a chance to get to know the monster so that they might engage in a distractionary romantic escapade.

Definitely. Wheel us towards that giant sea monster so Red-Eyed Clork can get acquainted. Aye, aye, Captain. So what do you need? Aye. So what's your name? Oh right, I'm Red-Eyed Cluck. It's because of me red eye. You also have an eye infection as well.

You've got beautiful eyes. That sea monster just ate Red-Eyed Clark! Captain, I apologize. This is all my fault. I never should have proposed such a reckless plan. No. No. Steering towards a sea monster during an electrical storm was a good plan, C53.

Captain Cameron, I don't mean to alarm you, but in steering closer towards the sea monster, I've taken us straight into a whirlpool. There are three things? Why is it always three? Once there's two, it seems like there sort of has to be a third for some reason. It's almost like a rule. Dearest C-53, batten the hatches. The monster. What's that?

Captain Cameron, it's hard to keep focus on the monster since we're revolving. Yes, I know. Every... We can only... One. Just a second. Sweet... We can only... One... Just a second. Sweet. We've got the spyglass.

We... Uh... There's... Lumen in the throat? That's a good sign. Captain Cameron, the sea monster is lurching very recklessly.

It's gonna get caught in the whirlpool. I'm sorry to say, but yes. Well, does anyone want to bet on which thing takes us down? The storm, the whirlpool, or the monster? I'll collect the bets for you, Captain. We lose three to one on the whirlpool, destroying us. Captain, you know Natalie's gambling addiction is strong. Is this wise?

It's true. Natalie, are you sure that that's how much is strong. Is this wise? It's true. Natalie, are you sure? Does that sound like money you want to put in? I'm not even feeling about this, hon. There are four problems. I forgot about Natalie's gambling addiction. Here it comes. Oh, big bones.

Take cover. Cameron's castaways. Whoa! Hold on, me hearties! Clark! Clark! Clort! Clort! Clort! That's right, I'm alive! Climb aboard!

Crew, from my vantage I could tell that the lightning bolt blasted us free from the clutches of the whirlpool just as the monster exploded. I gave the monster a little mini kisses in the inside. Very good. And my infectious mouth caused it, you know.

To explode, yes. There's almost no way for anything organic to live through that sort of treatment. Clort, how is it that your eyes are clear? What? Clear-eyed, Clort. You mean I don't even have whatever the sense of things are called? No pupils, no irises

at all, Clort. Nothing, just white. Like the foam on an ocean wave, Clort. Honestly, stop looking at us, Clort. It's very upsetting. It's very disconcerting to look at. But I've never felt bitter in my life. Well, I guess it's a good thing that the lightning bolt hit the whirlpool

at the exact moment that Red-Eyed Claude was exiting the dead sea monster's mouth, but I don't chalk it up to luck at all. To the skill of our crew. Well done. Hear, hear, Captain Cameron. This planet will have to throw much more at us to stop Cameron's castaways, eh? Oh, great. Perfect.

It's a big ocean. You know, you'd think, all right, here he comes. Right next to us. Very nice. No, no, no one say anything. No one say anything. Please don't wave. Don't wave.

Nobody wave. No, everybody just. Come on, wave No one say anything. Don't wave. Don't wave. Nobody wave. No, everybody just... Spleef! No, just ignore it. It isn't Captain Cameron, it is Castaways. I see your diseased crew member has lost his skin and his pupils. Who's he talking about? You.

It could be any of us, honestly. What do you want, Bartlesby? I just wanted to swing by and see how your crew fared with the sea monster and the whirlpool and the lightning and stuff. We didn't have any of that over on the southeastern side. Smooth sailing over there.

Well, congratulations. What do you want me to say to that? Just wanted to make sure you were still on your way to the bounty. Or the booty, as you filthy pirates like to call it. Oh. We're on our way, Bottlesby. We're headed for that booty.

And when we come calling that the booty, don't... Yes? Continue. Continue. I order you to continue, Bartlesby. Out of my face! Shut up, Captain Cameron. Why don't you shut up, man?

Fine, I'm out of here. All ahead full, I say. Captain Cameron, this may be unsupporting, but what if we were to fire upon Credrick Bartlesby's ship? Why didn't... Honestly, that should have been the first thing we... I mean... And Captain, if I may so suggest, that we use the special cannonball we obtained on Calalon 9. The zinger?

The zinger. Load it up. Spleen, Clort. Yes? Prepare the zinger. Are you sure, Captain? Oh, we're ready to use it. If not now, when?

He told us to shut up. Did everyone remember that? It's awful. No, I didn't like that. All right, we'll get to it. No, do it. Do it. Tip, topper, topper, tip. No, do it. Do it now. They're sailing away.

Secret handshake before we do it. Oh no. I'll do it. I'll do it. One and two and three and four. Five and six and seven and eleven and forty. Loading and... Release! Zinger!

A direct hit! Broadside of Bartleby's skiff. Ah, yes. The Zinger. The only cannonball that increases exponentially in mass 20 seconds after being fired. Ah, yes. The zinger. I can't with you two right now. We fired the zinger. Oh, sorry, sorry. We were going to do it, but we had to do our hair cheek first.

You were doing it. That's why. I spied Bartlesby clinging to a deck board, waving a tiny white flag. Well, I wonder if our brig has room for another prisoner. No, I hate sharing it. That's true. It would be cruel to dig these, sir.

Oh, and he's sunk. Oh, good. Ahoy, ahoy, it. That's true. It would be cruel to dig thee, sir. Oh, and he's sunk. Oh, good. Ahoy, hoy, crew. Another rival put into a watering grave. Ha, ha, ha. Well played. One and all. Captain Cameron, shall I resume course towards the booty?

Yes. I mean, why not? Sorry, I've been down below. What'd I miss? Oh, sort of a lot, actually. Yeah, Pez. Pez. I heard some noise.

Did you miss the monster and the lightning storm? And then when we fired the zinger, you missed all of that. You think bathtub rum makes itself? Oh, now. One for you. All is forgiven, Pez. Pez? Yes? How much longer to X-Island?

Well, I mean, you know, I just hear things in the bar. I might have overheard the source of the booty saying that X-Island should be 1.14 clicks ahead. Wait, 1.14? Alright! It's whispers in the corners, you know. Really? And you're going to want to attack just 2 degrees starboard here, C-53, and it's going to be

not the first channel. The first channel's full of poisonous rocks. Poisonous rocks? The worst kind of rocks. Yeah. Stab through your hole and just infect all our blood. We'd be clotted up by dawn. What does that sound like?

Pez, you're not a pirate. You're a bartender. No, I just pour drinks and make conversations. Forward, ho! I mean, that's usually what I say. That's very pirate-y. Oh, I didn't mean to step in. It's kind of my thing, and I'm the captain.

That's what I say when I push this here. All right. Look alive, castaways. We're approaching X-Island. Look at it. You all know the tales of X-Island, right? Clear-eyed Clort, perhaps you could regale us with some as I navigate this channel. X-Island is a mystical island known for regenerating images of your worst ex.

Oh no. Many a sentient have been lost on such island, revisiting bad memories. Sorry, the sun is stuck about right Oh, there's boners. Oh, thank goodness. Must have got in the water. Perhaps. Yeah, probably.

That was inside Clort, but it's much bigger than Clort. That sort of seems like if that came out of Clort, what's left inside Clort? You know what I mean? Just from a sheer volume perspective. So was it bad memories? Uh, Captain Cameron, I think it may be bad memories. Ah, yes, that makes the most sense, doesn't it? Uh, crew, if this be true, everyone should stow below. Eh!

Bye! All right, Natalie. I hate to leave you, Captain, but I'd love to get down below. What? I don't even... Bye-bye, Captain. Going down. Thank you, Captain, but I'd love to get down below. What? I don't even... Aye, aye, Captain. Going down. Thank you, Pez.

Protect yourself from the bad memories. My regular never tips. No, no, think not. Who knows what havoc this island will wreak upon our minds. I would stay and watch, but I think I lost a couple of my bones, so I'm just going to slither down. I guess I'll unlock myself since I can. Honor system, Digby. Give me that.

Digby goes down. Captain Cameron, perhaps you should get below decks as well. I can navigate this channel alone. No, C-53. I would not have you face these dangers by yourself. I shall last myself to the mast, and you will not be alone. Whatever we do, we do together, right? That's right, Captain. I'm honored you've decided to weather this with me.

I'll do my best to live up to your example. You've never failed me once, C-53. I don't expect it to start now. All right, let us venture into the unknown. Once C-53, I don't expect it to start now. All right, let us venture into the unknown. Tightening winch. Tight enough, Captain? Really good, thanks. And honestly, I see nothing frightening at all.

Well, Captain Cameron, it is worth considering that perhaps Clear-Eyed Clork was overstating the dangers of the island. Perhaps it was just myth and... Captain, are you alright? Captain, who are they? Tell me. I see. My exes. Captain Cameron, we're going to get through this. And remember, according to the legend, these are just visions.

You don't need to react to these at all. They're just phantoms from your past. Right. Come on, look at you there, just like usual, busy with work. No time for love. All right. No time for Misty. Oh, Misty.

Ah, what a fine ship you were. I'm sorry, Captain Cameron. you dated a ship named Misty? Yes, Misty. But it was just a fling. Just a fling with Misty the ship. Yeah, I was just surprised because, you know, you've said so many times that if I weren't a ship... Right, well, because it didn't go well with that ship. Ah, of course. Yes, naturally. That's why. Why would I? It's me, Snoopy Walter.

Walter. Okay, so that also has to be a ship. It is, yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay. But that's another fling. But you left me for a catch.

Yes. Those are two different kinds of ship. That's right. Just another fling. Walter and I were engaged and then we're not. Wait, you were, I'm sorry, Captain Cameron, you were engaged to a fling? Yes, it was a several year fling that ended in an engagement. And then a short marriage.

You know, that kind of fling. Lashed again? Lashed again. Oh, no. Not the Vargerian Jade. Oh. You dated that Hollywood on-genie? I remember you were like, I'm going to call you, and then you never did.

That was fun. This was definitely a short one. Okay, but. This was a true fling. She is insane. Captain Cameron. Wow. One date.

That was enough. I think you have a thing for ships. Well, in any case, I'm sure that's all my exes, so... But don't forget about me, Captain Cameron. Over here, your ex, Spleen. Spleen, are you running alongside the banks of this channel? If it would just go a little slower, C-53, I wouldn't have to run alongside. Spleen, we're not, we were never, there was never anything.

What? We're still a won't they and not a will they. Yeah, but... Captain, we seem to be clear of the phantoms, but... See, I... Why would you, why would you lie to me? See, I... Why would you lie to me? As you can see, I have not had a great track record with ships, so I thought that maybe if you weren't a ship, it would work out.

It's a stupid idea. Captain, I'm nothing like those other ships. You don't know how our relationship would have gone. I can't believe you would hide this from me. I mean, I'm sure it looks like I have it all figured out. You know, what with my ahoy-hoys and my catchy perfect ditties. But, you know, I'm a work in progress. I'm just trying.

And I'm sorry if, you know, you were offended by anything I said. So you're sorry... Sorry you freaked out. Well... We've lost Spleen. Spleen must be overboard. No, no. Yeah, get back aboard, Spleen. We are out of danger. Okay.

Yes, you may get back in your cage, Digby. I take a knee. All right, crew. Yeah, all right. Yes. Yes, here we are at X Island. Yes, everyone to their stations. Wonderful.

Now we must find the booty, okay? Now I'm just, of course, a slinger of drinks. But I've heard tell that this rock face up ahead must be driven straight through. It's impossible. For it is a mirage. Okay, Pez, before I

steer myself through this supposed mirage and potentially destroy myself, you seem like a very well-informed bartender. Oh, I don't know I mean, I can tell you what goes into a young salty aunt A middle-aged peppery niece Aged spicy cousin

But what I do know is that this rock face is in fact A waterfall reflecting the nearby rocks And can be traversed without impact and will lead us into the cavern in which the booty is stored. So it's a test of faith, Pez? Yes. See, no, we won't do it. If there's any chance that you hurt from it, we shouldn't do this, you know?

Well, I guess it's just a matter of trust, then, isn't it, Captain Cameron? I guess it is. Do I trust Pez? Yikes! Digby? Accelerating. Z, don't do this. Don't try to prove some point. Full speed ahead, Captain Cameron.

I don't know, it sure looks like a rat face, though, Digby. Z, what are you doing? Why? You're driving me crazy. It's driving me nuts. Look at this. Z, you did it. Yes, you're right.

It's, I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I mean, who knows? I'm just a... Who knows? We know. We see it. You've got to give yourself some credit. Come on, man.

We never would have known. Were you guessing or did you actually have intel? Great question, Spleen. I mean, I hear a lot of things and sometimes I say them out loud. Look at this place. It's a temple. Beautiful. And that box on that pedestal.

That's a treasure box if I've ever seen one. Well, well, well. But isn't Captain Cameron and his scurvy crew... Nah, pay no attention. This is just another ghost. No, I don't think so. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

What's going on? Let's clarify what? Well, it's just another ghost from X-Island. Does that mean you dated? Yes, we did hook up a couple times. I wouldn't call you... Are you kidding me? Fine, yes.

Bartleby and I hooked up. If you thought he was a ghost, it had to have been something more serious than that. That wouldn't have meant nothing. He said he only gets serious with ships. Oh, he's... He's real. How did you survive, Bartlesby? My dad dropped off a new ship

for me after you destroyed my old one. Okay. Wait, remind all of us the backstory of who your dad is? No, don't, no. My father, Gredrick Bartlesby II, was the finest ship captain

in the Caltaxian Navy. When the Caltaxian Navy was destroyed by the... Oh, no. Wow, look at how they can predict each other's the navy was destroyed by the, uh... Oh, no! Hey, God! Wow, look at how they can predict each other's movements. It's like they've dated seriously for years.

It was that serious? You can tell these two have short thoughts before. My hand! Chop the whole thing off. That's correct. Today's mine, Cameron. And now I shall have what's mine. The booty.

And here it is. What's in the box? Obviously it's withered into a corpse. Oh yeah, you don't want to just touch the Xbox. You're going to want to really learn all the controls that you're going to turn to dust. Okay. Get overtaken by the Red Ring of Death. What? The curse of the Xbox.

What? I curse of the Xbox. What? I have an idea. I might not be able to touch the Xbox, but I know one crew member who most definitely will be able to. Clort. Nothing could happen to you that's worse than what has already happened to you. That's true.

I, Dutch Dachshunds, have never heard about an ingredient not known to sentient kind of every single sort of disease and etching bubble and pus you've ever imagined in your entire life. Paint a picture. All for this Whoa! He's being fertilized by the red rain! Whoa, whoa, whoa, no! Oh. Oh no. Oh, it's... Hello!

Rack! Clark disintegrated, revealing a tiny baby! I am course! Oh, he's so small, look! Wow! I found you! Oh, he's so small. Look. I'm down here. As the legend has told, the opener of the Xbox will become a homunculus. What?

Pez, again. Wow. I mean, Pez, have you done formal research on this? How would you know all this? Does anyone need a rum or anything? I'm just here to serve. I can start over again! I've never felt so clean and healthy before!

It's like looking at the world through the eyes of a tiny thought. Oh. Bright-eyed Clort, no! Oh, Bright-eyed Clort, don't. All that! Wait, the box. It's starting to open. Alright, this is it, crew.

The biggest treasure we've ever found. Wow. Maybe it tells where my family is. Will be doubtful, Digby. That's the biggest treasure we've ever found? I don't think so. Digby's biggest treasure is family.

It's pretty sad. That seems nice. This will put Cameron's castaways in the history books. It's just another map. It's a map to something called the Bean-O-Cron. You've discovered a map, Captain! Congratulations! Slim, not the time.

A map? That's the one thing you didn't hear anyone talk about, huh, Pez? Now it's Pez's fault? Well, you seem to know about the Red Ring of Death, but you didn't know that the treasure's actually a map? I know where it is. I don't know what it is. No, I've never heard about this thing.

Well, gang. But I'll tell you this. Legends have all told that it would be perhaps a map. What? Pez, come on. It was rumored to be a map. It is a map. Pez, it's obviously a map. But a map. It is a map. It's obviously a map.

But a map not just to a normal thing, but to the most powerful entity in the galaxy. Or so I've heard. Who needs a drink? I do! See, scan this map. Now we have another quest to go on. Another treasure to find.

Wait, wait, wait. Captain Cameron, you're not honestly suggesting we take off and try to find whatever's the end of this map? I mean, that's the job, am I right? Who's with me? It's the job. I'm always with you, Captain. I know, Spleen, you're kind of in my

armpit right now. I don't think I can leave. You're a prisoner, that's right, Digby. This is what we do. We follow maps. I actually picked up a shift at the pub here on X-Island, so I'm gonna sleep here. Yeah, fine. Listen, this is it. This is the

big one. Okay, we'll need a ship that can go to space, so all we have to do is get back to the harbor, and then we'll book passage off this planet, and we'll get the bounty. Captain Cameron. Right. Where am I supposed to go?

Understood, understood. Okay, we can come back for you once we get the bounty. I'm your ship. Okay, then let me just get your cube, and we'll take it along with us. I don't want to be your paperweight. Labels, it's the labels, man. It's, that's the... We're all making

sacrifices. I mean, Quark just burned up into a baby. No, you're the only one not making sacrifices. I don't have a hand! We've all sacrificed. Wait a minute. Is that one of my banisters? Did you stuff the banister ball on the end of your hand? That's the knob.

Oh, come on. Just the end of it. Well, best of luck with your new hand, Captain Cameron. Why don't you see if you can figure out how to get back to the harbor on your own? So what are you going to do? You're just going to leave us all here on X-Island? Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe it's time for C-53 to find out who he is,

if he's not Captain Cameron's faithful ship. The one he could never be with because he's a ship. You're just going to leave us, you're going to strand us on this island, where it seems like there's only ghosts and one bar. Yeah. But what will we call ourselves? Well, I mean, Digby. Digby, just think. Oh, yes.

Yeah. X-Factor! No, we wouldn't. No, Claude, I actually like X-Factor. Maybe that is... Well, you're gonna change the... You finally are in the position where Cameron's cast device makes sense. It feels on the nose now. But that sounds kind of vague. What about something strong like X-Force?

SpaceX! Right! Natalie's ne'er-do-wells. I mean, it's got a ring say it. You don't have the range. How dare you? How dare you? I do have the range. Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Goodbye.

Goodbye, T-53. All right. Okay. Deserted on an island. Not the first time it's happened to old Captain Cameron, and it won't be the last. I guess we're going to have to figure out some shelter for tonight, so... Huh? Huh? I guess we're going to have to figure out some shelter for tonight, so... Reject! Where is he didn't?

Captain Cameron and his castaways! It is I, Admiral Griedrich Bartlesby II, along with a small armada of several dozen galleons in my command. Oh, your son was telling of you. Speaking of which, have you seen my son, Griedrich Bartlesby II? Because if any harm has befallen them, I tell you right now, you should meet a very painful end, each and every one of you. Brat! Disintegrated pile of ash! Natalie?

It wasn't the captain. It was C-53 who done it. Nothing's been done, though, so... Tell it to the Inquisitors. Shackle them all and throw them into the biggest pain. At least we're together, right Captain Cameron? Yeah. I should have left him years ago. I don't need a captain.

I don't need a crew. I'm C-53. I'm my own ship. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work as a tug for a little while. And I'll save up some money. And then I'll get my engines back. And I'm going straight to space.

And I'm going to... Wait a minute. Are those monarchy dreadnoughts? I better... They didn't see me at all. It went straight by me. Straight back

to the captain. I better... I'll be captured as soon as I turn around Captain Forgive me C-53 Hey, Robotman

You're okay I am? Oh, thank Rod I know where Beano is. Cody owes me an email. Thank you. C-53, finest ship on the bay None can compare with this technology Hyper proton, not needed to sail fast for he 52 down to 1, he's the king of the sea

the captain throughout ultra million is feared stands tall with a parrot lard tucked in his beard sigarillo lit in his sumptuous lips evading his taxes on piratey ships and we'll go sailing

for Koon and the high seas will roam, From Zix to Quantaris we'll never go home. With good night early on the wide open sea, Sailing for Kroon with Sea 53, Sailing for Kroon with the captain and crew. No monarch or navy tells us where to sail Whether smuggling bird milk or cut-off lard tails When our crew through the cosmos is hunted and chased

We'll yell full sail, sea show the meaning of haste And we'll go Sailing for Kroon on the high seas We'll roam from Zix to Quantaris We'll never row home With Gerd and my pair in the wide open sea Sailing for Kroon at sea fifty-three Sailing for Kroon, the captain and me

Juntowa, Juntowa, Juntowa, Juntowa Juntowa, Juntowa, Juntowa, Juntowa Juntowa, Juntowa, Juntowa, Juntowa Juntowa, Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John Tower, John tower, John tower, John tower, See, and the captain, they keep it real tight Ending their friendship is never in sight Their pond is unbroken and never will fray Unfathomable, either could ever betray Our crew is both whack as hell and fresh as hack Unfathomable, either could ever betray Our crew is both whack as hell and fresh as hack We fear not the Zeeman, not even the Kirk

When someone cries, Rod, are we going home soon? We'll shout to the sea, no, we're sailing for Kroon And we'll go Sailing for Kroon on the high seas we'll roam From Zyx to Qwantaris we'll never go home Gird my herd of the wide open sea Sailing for Kroon with C-53 Sailing for Kroon, the captain and me Sailing for Kroon, the captain and me

Sailing for Kroon The captain and me! Hey there, congratulations! Your data has been almost completely restored. However, the following data block is totally corrupted and makes no gosh darn sense to me, full of names and places that sound like complete gibberish. But here it is anyway. Captain Kirk Cameron, hosted Wexley and AJ

were played by Winston Knoll. C53, SEA 53 and Monarchy Enforcer were played by Jeremy Bent. Red Eye Clort, the Snobby Swabby and the Bargerian Jade were played by Mujan Zolfagari. Spleen, Coxway Smithers, Dar and Other Dar were played by Ellie Kokesh. Digby, Pez the Bartender, the Armenian Rigmate and Nermit Bundeloy were played by Seth Lynn.

Natalie the Lurd, Armenian Captain Muscleplate, Friedrich Bartlesby III and Friedrich Bartlesby II were played by Alden Ford. First Mate of the Ship of the Babays was played by Shane O'Connell. The original sea shanty, The Captain and Me, was written and performed by Stephen Chakowsky, featuring Colin Ford on guitar and banjo, Liz Hanley on fiddle, Anna Colleton on bow run,

Kevin Crawford on low whistle, and Gregory Green on accordion. This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell, plus additional music by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fane's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith-Taylor.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. J's one word was weirder than the next. Oh, and now one more thing. Local data block 0014G1128 is different from the one on your Ronca cloud backup. Would you like to keep the original, overwrite, or keep both? Hey, up to you.

None of my business. Hi, I'm Biz, host of One Bad Mother. Whether you're a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. I signed my stepson up for a camp that is actually in another state. I feel really stupid, and I don't think we're going to get the money back. And then he found out that the car manual is a book about cars, so now he's reading our car manual.

We have... So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job. Download One Bad Mother on MaximumFun.org, and yes, there will be swears. Hey there, beautiful people. I'm Travelle Anderson. And I'm Jared Hill. We are the hosts of Fanti, the show where we have complex and complicated conversations about the gray areas in our lives, the things that we

really, really love sometimes, but also have some problematic feelings about. Yes, we get into it all you want to know our thoughts about Nicki Minaj and all her foolishness we got you you want to know our thoughts about gentrification and perhaps some positive question mark aspects of gentrification we get into that too every single Thursday you can check us out at maximum fun.org listen you know you want it, honey, so come on and get it. Period.

MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Ha ha! Wonderful! Wonderful! And C-53, you may call us your new family.

Does the crew have like a name? Like a, you know... Yeah, like our gang name or something. Like the Merry Men or the Lost Boys or something like that. Cameron's Castaways. Cameron's Castaways. Cameron's Castaways sounds like the band

at like a Key West bar. And you can call us At like a Key West bar. Oh, there it is. A band band. And you can call us Cameron's Castaways. It's a working title. I love it. That sounds good to me.

We used to be a wedding band.