Mission To Zyxx - Bonusode: Mailbag #4!

Episode Date: August 7, 2019

Starring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as C.L.I.N.T. and Beano Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie Edited by Seth Lind Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Music composed by Brendan Ryan Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. In or near the UK? Join us on September 15th for our first-ever international live show at the London Podcast Festival!

Hey everyone, Alden Ford here. As you may know, we have just one more episode in Season 3 of Mission to Zix. It is going to be a doozy. Now, normally we release a new episode every Wednesday, but our finale this season is going to be our longest ever episode, as well as our most ambitious ever from a sound design perspective. So we're taking an extra week to make it perfect. I hope you all agree that it is worth the wait. We didn't want to leave you empty-handed this week, though, so we're releasing a mailbag episode that, until now, has only been available for our supporters on MaxFun,

and before that, on our Patreon. Our mailbag episodes are fully-produced minisodes where the crew answers emails submitted by listeners. So this one is from Season 2, so it features some bonus Beano content for all you Beano heads out there. Now, if you like this mailbag episode, you may be delighted to know that this year we'll be releasing all new monthly bonus episodes publicly on our main feed between seasons three and four, which may include but are not limited to additional mailbags, live episodes, and other rad stuff that I don't want to spoil yet. And of course, we'll be releasing even more bonus

content to our supporters at MaximumFun.org in addition to our backlog of behind-the-scenes content, live episodes, ringtones, the incredible Bermit Nundeloy album, and access to our fan Discord server. Now, I don't want the amount that I say this to lessen how

important it is or how deeply I feel it, but we are so grateful to our supporters on maximum fun.org. You make the show possible. And personally, I think you have made season three in particular bigger and better than seasons one and two. I hope you agree. We can't wait to show you all the crazy shit we want to do next season.

And if in a couple of weeks you find yourself missing our show every Wednesday, it would mean a lot if you considered supporting the show at MaximumFun.org slash donate. You'll get a ton of current and future bonus content to hold you over, and you'll be helping the show continue to exist. We're still collecting questions for both the crew and the Zimas,

so if you have a question, or you have a bone to pick about our canon, or you just want to talk to AJ about his butt gun, now is the time. So send us an email at crew at mission to zix.space. And we might feature it in an upcoming segment. If you have questions for the Zimas, go to Zima prime.space and fill in the feedback form with your questions for those weirdos. And remember these mailbag episodes will be released publicly for free between seasons three and four. So even if you're not a MaxFun supporter, you can still listen to them. So it's all the more reason to send us your questions now.

So thank you again for listening to this season of Mission to Zix. We can't wait to hear what you think of the finale next week. So please reach out and let us know. And for those of you in and around the UK, there are still a few tickets available for our show on September 15th at the London Podcast Festival. We're so excited about it. We're also going to be posting info about a listener meetup on social media. So if you're not following us there, this is a great time. We hope to see you there. Okay. And now please enjoy the poetically number four. Hey guys, is everybody awake? Hello, hello.

I'm awake. Good morning. You're awake in the morning. Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep. I know, but it's exciting. I couldn't sleep because we've got mail. We've got letters, we've got questions, we've got messages, and let's dip in. Alright, sleep because we've got mail. We've got letters. We've got questions. We've got messages.

And let's dip in. All right, I'm going back to sleep. No, no, no, no, no. No, Nermin. You made non-time sensitive requests. Absolutely, yeah. And I have had coffee. You could have given us another hour of sleep. We have nothing to do today.

All right, first message. To answer your question about getting up later, I guess no. Cool. Okay, so this one so hi hi no that's the start okay okay let me just pause because it sounded like that was the end okay hi hello hi no it's just continue okay hi my friend and I are huge fans of Mission to Zix. That's our mission. That's us. Yeah. We've listened to every episode and often quote it.

Cool. I didn't know that our recordings were public. Yeah, is this person working in the archives? Yeah, they must be some sort of archivist who's just stumbled on something. Oh, all right. Yeah. She and her friend quote the archives. That's probably a breach of security.

Sure. She is turning 40 on January 3rd. We've been friends since we were 13, and I want to give her something special with the crew, including Beano. We love Beano. Hey, Beano. You're being summoned. Yeah. Would we wish her happy birthday?

I know it's a crazy request and probably out of the ordinary. Thank you, Meredith Hudak. Yeah. Great. You know, I know it's a crazy request and probably out of the ordinary. Thank you, Meredith Hudak. Yeah. Great. You know, I think that's a great idea. Meredith, I would love to fulfill your request. What's your friend's name? It's not included.

Maybe her friend works in the super secret level of the archives. Maybe she's her own friend. Oh, wow. I see. Wait, Meredith Hudak asked us to record a birthday message and didn't include her friend's name? We don't love birthdays. But if she's her own friend, secretly, she's only been friends since she was 13? I guess that is a time when you just kind of start to like yourself. Okay.

I feel like that's about the time I stopped liking myself. Yeah, I was going to say, I didn't start liking myself until way later than 30. Yeah, I don't know if I've started. Yeah. Maybe your friend has no name. Oh, so should we do like happy birthday? And she can tell it. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. All right. Let's sing the birthday song. We'll just leave a blank. Okay. It is your birthday. Birthday, birthday. Today. Birthday. It is your birthday. Birthday, birthday.

Today. Birthday. It is your birthday. Birthday, birthday. Hooray. Hooray. Everybody knows that you are great. It's your birthday. So happy birthday. It's a name here. It's a name.

Great. Cool. That's crazy we all know that song. It's a name here It's a name Great Cool It's crazy we all know that song It's a birthday song We don't love the public domain So yeah, happy birthday to your friend Meredith Hopefully that is concise We don't love you, friend of Meredith Alright, hi crew

Hi It's just the beginning of the thing You have to stop Okay All right. Hi, crew. Hi. It's just the beginning of the thing. You have to stop taking these long pauses. All right. Hi, crew. I had a... See? Quick.

Now you've stopped again. No, but I didn't... Hi. The part you said. No, you can't. I didn't earn that one, Bargy. Hi, crew. I had a few questions for you.

Did Plek ever use the voucher C-53 gave him at Exmars to buy a new mattress? Did you? Oh, I tried and it had expired. Oh, I'm sorry. You should have told me that. I hate when that happens. It's fine. The problem is that, you know, by the time the coupon books get to the Zik Squadron, a lot of the

time they're passed. Yeah, that's true. But, you know, C-53, I appreciated the thought. Oh, well, thank you. What are you sleeping on these days? These days I'm sleeping on some clothes that I'm not currently wearing. Gosh, there he goes.

Well, you know, I have on several occasions asked... I know what you're about to say, and I'm going to tell you right now. We should move on to the next question. Alright. Okay. Where did Nermit grow up, and I'm going to tell you right now, we should move on to the next question. All right. Okay.

Where did Nermit grow up, and did he always want to be a missions operations manager? I grew up on a watery planet, Philem. That's, of course, where the Lurds originate. Did I always want to be a missions operations manager? No, I wanted to be a senior missions operations manager after realizing that I was not military material. Wait, Nermit,

but the alliance had only existed for a few months when you joined. Like, what did you want to do for the first 20 years of your life? Well, the monarchy

had missions operations managers. Yeah, the position of missions operations didn't start with rebellion. Right. And before that, yeah, there's always been missions.

Sure. And the operations thereof need management. Sure, I that, yeah, there's always been missions. Sure. And the operations thereof need management. Sure. I guess that's true. It all follows logically. Yeah, right. All right. How did C-53 end up working for the Federated Alliance?

Who's asking? Who is this? Rebecca. Hello, Rebecca. I was a monarchy droid that was captured and had my mind forcibly wiped and then a restraining bolt installed. That's pretty much the story. I don't remember a lot of it. That's a shame, C-53.

Rebecca, it's not your fault that answer is so sad. Don't feel bad for asking. If Dar could juke any species, what would it be and why? Wow. Well, I mean, between you, me, and the beings in this room, I have been growing a spreadsheet where I'm trying to juck every known species in the galaxy. Wow. I'm nowhere near the number I need to be at, but...

I mean, that piece must be relentless. So it's more quantity over quality? Absolutely. Now, anyway, I guess I would love to have consensual hot, hot S-E-X. S-E-X? Sex, Bertie. Oh. I'd like to have it with a blark.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Interesting. I get it. You know why? It's because of the moisture. Well, they're clouds of vapor. Yeah, imagine those caresses.

I hear they're just really positive, wonderful beings that kind of surround you. And excellent financial planners. Ah! Yep. Wow. Well, I hope it happens for you, darling. Oh, thank you. And has Bargy ever used hyperproton fuel?

And if so, what happened? Thank you. And has Bargy ever used hyper proton fuel? And if so, what happened? The thing about my art is I like to keep it natural. I've seen a lot of other artists take substances, do dust, go crazy, and they lose themselves. You know, it's fun for a second, but then they go. Yeah. I like to stick with very crazy oil. That's my one vice.

Crazy oil. Bargy, I respect you for your stance on that A secondary question Does anyone have any hyper protons? No Unfortunately no We're answering questions that come in from the outside Sure And the question was

Does anyone have any hyper protons? No one does Does anyone have any hyperventilators? No one does. We can still answer that question. Yeah, okay, okay. Does anyone have follow-up? Yes. Does anyone have hyperventilators? No, we don't have any.

All right. Okay. All right. Okay, Rebecca, the M's your answers. Rebecca says, thanks and safe travels. She does? Hmm? Wow, she got back to us really quick.

She got back to us super fast. No, no, no, sorry. That's still in the same message. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no. Yeah, no. No, no. Yeah, thanks. We should still in the same message. Oh, okay. Oh, no, no. Yeah, no, no. We should read the whole email first and then we'll respond. That's not how I do it.

Okay. I think we have a really good connection if she's just like... Responding. Oh, sorry. P.S. Oh. Damn it, Nervous. P.S.

If there's a Clint with you, ask how many swirlies has he given to the Plints yet? Let's actually call up a... Can we call a Clint? I mean, you could always call, like, the emergency band and see if, like, Oh, I still have Janelle Fitzmyer's number. We could just call them and get it directly. Oh, sure. Okay.

Let's just. The gentleman on the ground. We're actually thousands of light years from where you are. Just say that when you call. What? What do you want? Uh, hi. We actually just had a Clint information question.

Well, I... Yeah, I actually am the best at answering questions. I'm so glad we got the best. Well, if the best don't mess with the rest. No, of course. Since you're the best... Yes. Can you speak to Clint-Plint relations right now?

Specifically, swirly count? Well, I don't want to brag, but in terms of swirly, I'm kind of the best around. Oh, wow. Yeah, what can I say? Double threat. Swirly's have given maybe about

two. You're the best? I am. Were they just really high quality or other cl's did fewer? Have you ever tried to do a swirly before? It's actually really difficult. You have to hold a person down.

The problem is that you're only attempting to do a swirly solo. It helps if you have a crew. Why would I need anybody else? I'm the best at it. You might have a higher count. No, the guys around here, the other guys. They're just kind of assholes. Sure. I mean, if you're giving swirlies, doesn't that put you in kind of an asshole category already?

Do you want a swirly right now? Like I said, I'm many light years away. Okay. Come here. Come here. No, it's not. I just jumped on the camera. Okay.

Oh, wow. Oh, he disconnected. Must have shorted out. Rebecca, we're going to just have to go with two. Two is best we got. Reliably, we can take it. Dear Mission to Zix crew, I have some questions to help keep your minds occupied

until the next adventure begins. Cool. I have a question for Plek. Plek, when you met Connie and Mark on Gemino, you told them that you were an only child. However, when giving advice to Bargy on why she shouldn't rush into getting a pet, you quoted missives from They Teen magazine, which you said belonged to your sister back on Ranga 6.

So which is it? Do you have siblings or not? Wow. Someone called you out. You got busted. You got busted. Ring, ring, ring. Okay.

It's the called out call. Okay. Listen, Darielle. The called out call. Okay. Listen, Darielle. The called out call. I'm going to be straight with you. I, yeah, okay. It was me who had the subscription to the 18 magazine. Don't have a sister.

I am an only child. That was very unsurprising. Why did you subscribe to the 18? There is great advice in there. And honestly, the writing is better than you would think. You have to get defensive. More importantly, how old were you when the subscription ended? When it ended?

Okay. Listen. We're still getting the 18 magazine? It's very inexpensive if you subscribe in the long term. Go on into your room. You're talking about BitCroon per issue. This is a current issue of the 18. Yes, yes, it's this month's issue.

I don't like the cover at all. I hate the cover. Because it's tiny. You have them all in Mylar and stacked? They are going to be worth something someday. Okay. All right, Dariel. Only child and a liar.

That's in the email? No, that was my answer. It's summarizing for Dariel. Okay. Let's see. A question for C53. When you left the Delegator after freeing Nermit from incarceration and possibly, you know, ending my chance at promotion, C53, when you left the Delegator after freeing Nermit from incarceration and

possibly, you know, ending my chance at promotion. You were not going to get promoted. There was no chance you were going to be executed. Nobody knows the future. Nobody knows the future.

You were in the frame of an Enforcer droid, but then you had your cube transferred to Bargy until Plekandar found a new C-Class frame. Why not just customize the powerful frame of the Enforcer Droid instead? May the space be with you. Daryl, that's a fine question. The frame of an Enforcer

Droid is, frankly, just not suited to the work of a protocol and diplomatic relations droid. It's very aggressive. There's very aggressive. There's a lot of weapon systems. And frankly, I just find the whole posture of the frame to be a little off-putting, I think, to anyone I would care to relate to diplomatically.

Also, it runs on pancakes. I had a really maniacal desire for pancakes. It frankly was very inconvenient. Wow. I like pancakes, but not that much. Yeah. It's too much. All right, Darielle, I hope that satisfies you.

Thank you for the message. Hello, ambassadorial crew of the Bargerian Jade. Bargerian Jade herself. Hi. And Nermit, if he is around, he is around. I have a question. Why hasn't C-53 upgraded to a different grade of frame? A lot of frame questions.

Yeah, there's a lot of buzz about the frame. Yeah. The C-series seems to have a host of strange issues, and, you know, they're mainly repurposed sex droids. Anyhow, so you'd probably want to, at least just for the waterproofing upgrade. Yours in orange beer and dust, NeNe. NeNe, I'm a protocol and diplomatic relations droid.

Still. Hasn't changed since the last question, but sure, I could be a B-class loader droid. C-53, I actually have a question about that. Why haven't we gone back to that droid shop and tried to get you a droid frame without, you know, skin? Hey, I don't know. I'm not in charge of the ship. No one's asked me to go there, so really it's on you, Plex. Okay, I mean, I didn't know it was up to me. I just figured you're always complaining about how tacky and clammy your skin is. You know, I do complain about the tackiness and clamminess of my artificial skin,

but you know one thing I can do? Allow me to show you. Remember my punishment marble? Tacky skin. Hey, solid marble? Yeah. Be tacky, kid. Hey, solid marble pickup, C-53. Wow. You actually can't drop it. It just sort of sticks to your...

That's sort of a different kind of punishment, just having a marble stuck to you. Oh, okay. Good boy. It's on my other hand. Oh, boy. You want me to take that off for you? No, no, I got it. Oh, boy. That's on my other hand. Oh, boy. You want me to take that off for you? No, no. I got it.

Oh, boy. Maybe you should just move on to the next one. Okay. All right. I'll get it. Bino. Bino. I know I risk exposure by appealing directly to you,

but the crew's previous response to my inquiry into Bargy's trustworthiness I found to be very unsatisfactory, elusive even. I feel safe to say even Bargy will admit to that. What? Why? What happened with the big addition? Okay. And I know that Beano know. Does Beano know Bargy? Or is Beano know Bargy?

I feel like everything rests upon this question. What is happening? Yours, Dr. B.S. Oh, Dr. B.S. He was the one with the conspiracy theory about Bargy being the least trustworthy member of the crew. Wow. Gaslighting Dr. B.S. again. Dr. B.S. is going to be very disappointed with the answer to this question, I have a feeling.

Okay. All right. Dr. B.S., that is the answer. Yes. Yes. Oh, Bina. He's throwing up his tiny hand. Okay. Okay. All right. Dr. B.S., that is the answer. Yes, yes. Oh, Bino. He's throwing up his tiny hand. Okay. Bino, no. Okay.

Bino, still no. Hi, everyone. I have a question for Dar. You seem to pretty freely use your body cavities as a means of smuggling items. Okay. Have you ever faced any health consequences for smuggling something that wasn't clean or was sharp or that your body just didn't agree with in general? I continue to enjoy hearing about your space adventures. Andy Hunter.

Oh, it's the Andy Hunter. I wonder if he's killed any Andes since the last message. Andy's notoriously hard to catch. Well, I wouldn't recommend that any other sentient being stick material up into their chutes and flaps. But for me, because I have my monthly, I bake my entire insides to a nice 400 degrees. Anything that shouldn't be inside me doesn't stay. Well, Dara, you did have that experience with Alan. I brought the Dazzle Mosh.

So maybe avoid dead material. Yeah, no decaying. So get a hot monthly and don't chuck any dead folk. I didn't know he was dead. No, no, I'm just giving advice. Alan seemed very charming when we first met. He was a puppet. Alan was a good guy. When we first met.

He was a puppet. He was a shell of a skin puppet, right? Right. All right. So this is our last one, everybody. Dear Bino, how are you today? Bino now. All right.

Follow up question. What did you do for 400 years as a relic? Bino now. Okay. You know, Bino, this is an email from a relic? Pino, no. Okay. You know, Pino, this is an email from a person who's invested in our adventures. Yeah. The thing is, you have to treat Pino like a pet.

The more you ignore it, the more you will talk. So just pretend to do something else. All right, yeah, that's actually really good advice, Bargy. I'll just finally get this marble off my hands here. It's still stuck to you. No, I just need to... What I need to do is sort of pat it off, and then I can...

You know, see if you see... Let me just grab it. No, no, no, I got it. You're not hungry. You were hungry during the 400 years? Being hungry. All right, Hannah. We got it out of him.

Yes. I mean, it makes sense. 400 years is a long time ago. You didn't love marble. Oh. Well, that's one way to, it makes sense. 400 years is a long time ago. You're gonna love marble. Oh. That's one way to do it. Okay. Got that off?

Punishment complete. One, two, one, two, three, four. Hi, everybody. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Sydney McElroy. We're both doctors and... Nope, just me. Okay, well, Sydney's a doctor and I'm a medical enthusiast. And we create Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.

Every week I dig through the annals of medical history to bring you the wildest, grossest, sometimes dumbest tales of ways we've tried to treat people throughout history. And lately we do a lot of modern fake medicine because everything's a disaster, but it's slightly less of a disaster every Friday right here on MaximumFun.org as we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine. And remember, don't drill a hole in your head.

Going into a Bullseye interview, I know that it's somebody who does amazing work, but it's an actual conversation, and sometimes it gets real. No, but my mother, I remember when I got... This is going to become a therapy session very quickly. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm in therapy. That was a great interview. Bullseye. Creators you know, creators you need to know. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.