Mission To Zyxx - Crewdunnit?

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

StarringAllie Kokesh as the CountessMoujan Zolfaghari as the Counteur and The LifeguardWinston Noel as The Professor and the EntrepreneurJeremy Bent as the Mayor and the DirectorAlden Ford as the Fash...ionistaSeth Lind as the ‘Stroid Miner Edited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Audio hosting by SimplecastThis special bonusode brought to you by Dipsea and StoryblocksMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I am the light of the world. Did anyone else's eyes go dark or was it just me? No. Just me? I heard that there was a failsafe that... No, itsafe that they wanted to make all the clips go blind that could. No, the lights just went out. Weren't you listening? Bargy just said that she had to turn off the lights. We've been floating adrift in this strange galaxy for so long.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Her power is very low. Oh. So it's dark? Is that what we're saying? Yeah, it's dark. It's just dark? Is that what we're saying? Yeah, it's dark. It's just dark? I'm not blind? No.
Starting point is 00:01:09 AJ, do Clint helmets not have, like, infrared? You don't have night vision in that helmet? Oh, I do. It's fine now. You're right. Yeah. Oh, whoa. You're in the toaster now.
Starting point is 00:01:22 AJ, we've been over this a couple of times now. AJ, C-53's cube has been in the toaster for weeks. Yeah, but so do I call you Mr. Toaster Man now? No. Or Robot Toaster Man? I would prefer C-53. It's not a C-frame. Not to side with AJ, but...
Starting point is 00:01:39 Wow. I guess I would appreciate everyone being a little kind with me about this. This isn't easy for me. Justin, look at the dumb toaster. That is so lame. I love you. I'm feeling a little vulnerable without appendages or a face. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:59 Oh, Bargy. Man, you said you were so weird. Okay. I want to be as active as I used to be. I'm not powerful as I used to be. Bargy, it's okay. We are going to get through this, okay? Save your energy.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Take out the toaster. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Leave that on. Just keep the toaster on. Leave that on. Keeping the toaster on. Well, Bargy, don't worry about us.
Starting point is 00:02:27 As long as you keep just a little bit of oxygen going, you know, we're going to get through this together. And any day now, any day now, I'm sure someone will find us and pick us up. Hey, Dad. Who's that? Is he okay? Mm-hmm. I ain't having a problem because I don't have any oil in me, so I'm just using the one over dirt that's found in your body oh
Starting point is 00:02:57 alright everyone crack your glow sticks we don't we actually don't all have glow sticks we don't all have them crack the glow sticks. We actually don't all have glow sticks. We don't all have them. Crack the glow sticks. Oh, Rolfus. Yeah, you've got to turn down. Shock, man. You've got to turn off your infrared.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Yeah. No one else has glow sticks? No. We haven't been to Mononoru for ages. I think these are tactical glow sticks. Yeah, they're very bright. Very big. Yeah, they're both.
Starting point is 00:03:23 Yeah, they're far larger than a standard glow stick. It's a glow log. Crew, I don't want you to worry. Rolfus and I are in the middle of our seven-day staring tantric experience. Okay. That's what the glow sticks form. Commander Gundude, do you think we were worried you weren't doing that? Rolfus, look me in the eye.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Yes. Yes. Yes. Hey, AJ. Yeah? I just want to say, I'm really proud of you for how you've handled the Rolfus, Sisu, getting back together thing. I really feel like you've grown and moved past it. I'm mind wiping myself so much.
Starting point is 00:04:06 What? AJ, how often are you doing that? I mean, every time I see them together. No, you can't do that. That's AJ. Is that how you're getting through it? Yeah. That's perpetual.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Yeah. What memories do you have of the last few weeks? So I guess I remember there was the bean, the giant bean's glutes. Sure. Yeah. Okay. It's hard to get them sculpted that way. That's about it.
Starting point is 00:04:35 I probably need to mind wipe after just seeing that display. I'm going to do that. It's not a healthy way to deal with your feelings. Well, it's not a healthy way to do my feelings. Okay. Yeah. That's sort of what I'm going to do that. It's not a healthy way to deal with your feelings. Well, it's not a healthy way to do my feelings. Okay. Yeah, that's, I guess, sort of what I'm getting at here. You've got to stop doing that.
Starting point is 00:04:50 I'm fine. I'm sure there's no residual I'm a vet. Oh, that's not good. Ooh. Order up. Did somebody toast something? Yeah, I did. Okay. D did. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Dumb toaster. Justin, your pizza bagel's ready. That's awesome, but I'm so bored. What's something that we could do to pass the time? Want to make out, or what? No, I'm kind of over that part of our relationship right now. Okay. Ouch, but yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:05:21 I don't know what to do. None of the data works? There's no data. What do we, like, do? None of the, like yeah, okay. I don't know what to do. None of the data works? There's no data. What do we, like, do? None of the, like, apps work. Do you guys want to hear how, like, missions operations management works? No! No!
Starting point is 00:05:32 Because it's pretty hard. I know what we can do. I could invite you all to my home for the evening. Captain Dora, what's wrong with your voice? What's going on? Everyone gather around. I have a plan. Captain Dar's got a plan, everybody.
Starting point is 00:05:52 No, no, no. I'm not Captain Dar. For I am in costume. I had noticed your captain's jacket had been replaced by something almost infinitely more. Nermit, you may recognize this from the classic trunk of costumes I keep in my room, but...
Starting point is 00:06:09 Indeed. Tonight, you will all be invited to my house for a party! Wait, you've had a house the entire time? There's a house inside of a ship? That's sick! No, I think Dara's inviting us to sort of, you know, join them on a flight of fancy. Yeah, I believe Dar might be inviting us to a role-playing scenario. Dar,
Starting point is 00:06:29 I don't know if I'm ready for this to be such a group thing. No, no, no. No, Nermit, it's not. Sorry for the confusion. The cape tonight is because I will be playing the Countess, and you are all welcome to my mansion!
Starting point is 00:06:47 For we will be celebrating the birthday of my partner, the Counteur! I'm the Counteur! Oh. I'm sorry, I'm gonna punish you. Oh, it's okay. Bargy, it's okay. Low-power Bargy is the main character? Yeah, Bargy, of course, is playing my partner tonight.
Starting point is 00:07:08 The counter, everybody, you are all here to celebrate the birthday of the counter. But let's hope there's not a murder. Papa, Robot Man, Lizard Man, a moment please. Sure. So the captain's gone space crazy. We're going to have to take over. I think Captain Dar is trying to help us pass the time with a little bit of fun and games while we wait out this adrift in the cosmos scenario.
Starting point is 00:07:42 Well, in times of crisis or stress, some find role-playing games to be a welcome escape. I don't like playing anybody else but myself. Give it a shot. Give it a shot. Only weirdos disappear into character. Is your side over yet? Yeah, totally. Let's play.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Hey, just among us, if we ever need a mutiny, just give me the word. Mutiny. It's mutiny, just give me the word. Mutiny. It's that easy, AJ. Put the gun away. And I will blast my way. It is. The worst way to announce a mutiny.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Just somebody say mutiny and I'm there. Say it to me, AJ. Or just spell it. Why don't you spell it? Huh? M-O-U. Already pretty far off. All right.
Starting point is 00:08:30 If you're done with your aside, I can hand out the rolls. Ooh, rolls. Oh, Dar, I don't know if I'm going to be able to be part of this in the way that you're hoping. I'm sort of pretty stationary currently. That's all right. See, you will of pretty stationary currently. That's all right. See, you will be playing the mayor. Oh, all right. I'll happily assume such a role.
Starting point is 00:08:51 And here is your objective. Okay, very good. Nermit, you will be playing the stroid miner. Great, yeah, wanted that. And here is your objective. Okay. It's funny because they're usually tall and big and stuff. AJ.
Starting point is 00:09:13 Yeah. I think you would be best as the professor. Here is your objective. Okay. And Plek. Yes. Well, I have the fashionista left. Well, you know, I have won a fashion award.
Starting point is 00:09:29 All right, well, here's your objective. Hey, should I put my pants eyepatch back on? I wouldn't, no. Okay. I would like Justin to play the lifeguard. Oh, man. And Centurion, oh, the young entrepreneur. Oh, I hate money. Oh, I hate And Centurion. Oh, the young entrepreneur.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Oh, I hate money. Oh, I hate saving lives from water. Okay, great. Now, everyone has their objective. Try and internalize that. Oh, Hark. Yes. My card says I'm the director.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Right. I'm new in town, but I have a dark secret. No, no, no, no, no. Hark, Hark, Hark. Please, please, please. That is only for you. Are we allowed to guess the murderer yet? No. Hark, you're just going to internalize it and let it come out naturally in conversation.
Starting point is 00:10:17 Right. Of course. Thank you. All right. This is perfect. And now we will take it again from the top. Welcome. I am the Countess.
Starting point is 00:10:31 And you are all here for my partner, the Countess' birthday. Power of the beast, Mr. Jax. Just say the word and we'll mutiny. Just say the word. You got it. One sardine. So, uh, what brings you to the dumps? Oh, my husband left me.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Sorry to hear it. Well, first he got this big important job, so he was barely ever around. Then I noticed he was changing. And not good changes. Next thing I knew, the whole thing imploded. And now I'm here, so I guess it's final. What's your name, friend? Linda. Linda Ballweet.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Now, Linda, people come here to turn their lives around. And now I don't want to be too forward, but I do have a recommendation. So many resolutions are about doing less of something. Why not give yourself more, Linda? More pleasure, more rest, and more time to connect with yourself and your body. You can get in the habit with Dipsy. Oh, I don't mix space grains and space grapes. Oh, no, sorry.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Dipsy is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on. They release new stories every week, so there's always more to explore. No matter who you're into or what turns you on. Oh, I like milquetoast men who don't transform into colossal flaming assholes. Oh, that's a pretty specific kink, but I'm sure they have you covered. Plus, Dipsy has wellness sessions to help you learn more about yourself and bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. Well, I'll have what she's having. Well, if you mean a free 30-day trial,
Starting point is 00:12:33 you're in luck. Just head to dipsystories.com slash zix. That's a 30-day free trial when you go to dipsest stories.com slash zix. Oh, wow. With deals like that, they could call this place the flumps, not the dumps. Huh? Because I put fun in there.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Uh, dipsystories.com slash zix. Or wait, the bumps? Uh, like, uh, I'll fist bump the dips. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. It is such a pleasure to have you all here. Please all take the time to meet each other. You are our dearest and most respected friends. I can't believe I got an invitation to this soiree.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Is this good? Is it good? It's really good. Did some other lard come aboard the ship? I don't even know who I'm talking to right now. Sorry to keep on my mask. I gotta keep the mind dust out. This is fun. Pleasure to meet you, fine folks.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Gasp! There's been a murder! Alright, let's not up a perimeter, everybody. Close it all down. Close it all down. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:17 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:18 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:18 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:18 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:19 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:19 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:19 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J.
Starting point is 00:14:23 A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. A.J. perimeter and everyone down on the ground. Did they die in the water? No. Did I not do my job right? No, babe, you didn't. No, um, the murder
Starting point is 00:14:33 was not in the pool outside in the mansion garden. No, the murder happened here. It was my dear sweet partner, the counter. They've been murdered. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:14:49 The counter was going to fund my new film. Was I too overt about that? You're nailing it. Yes, absolutely. And of course, now, none of you can leave until we solve this mystery.
Starting point is 00:15:07 We gotta shoot our way out. As a professor of literature, we have to shoot our way out. That's not what a professor of literature would ever say. Characters are stupid. I don't know why people do them. It's just like, do your own thing. Hey, Jake. Some characters are stupid.
Starting point is 00:15:20 AJ. Some characters are stupid. Now, no one can leave until I find out who murdered my counter. A sob, sob cry. Atari's a great game master. AJ, can I just talk to you over here for a second? Yeah, you got it. Sort of along the edge of what's happening here?
Starting point is 00:15:49 Yeah, sure. We call that an aside. Okay. You know that's on me. I don't know the lingo. No, you don't. You don't, Ark. All right, AJ.
Starting point is 00:16:02 I know this is perhaps not one of your standard missions, but think about this. Imagine an infiltration mission. Am I listening? All right. Where you're forced to pretend to play Professor... Professor Wilford Brimley is my name. Okay. You've been assigned the role of Professor Wilford Brimley to seamlessly merge with this party and get all the intel.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Whoa, okay. That seems different from what we're doing, but also the same. Let's do this. Let's get in character. That's it. Now you got it. Well, Professor Brimley, it was great to meet you. I'm Big Shot Director Ari Flex Obar. Also, my secret is I'm embezzling from the university, so... Good, AJ, good. Well, if it ain't the fashionista. Yes, that's right. That's a fancy shirt there. Thank you, I designed it myself.
Starting point is 00:17:06 Wow. Well, let me dust off my hand. Nice to meet you. I'm Gart Tobago. Wow, very cool. I am Trebus Philistere, fashion designer to the stars. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Were you close friends
Starting point is 00:17:26 of my partner, the counter? Uh, if by friends you mean former lovers, then... then maybe. What? Yikes! We all heard that. This seems like a big deal,
Starting point is 00:17:42 right? Treeb is still a stare. Was pork in the counter. Ah! Behind my back after over a hundred and sixty years of blissful partnership?
Starting point is 00:17:58 You. A long marriage. Congratulations. You would dare to come between me and the counter? Listen, Countess. No one loved the counter more than me. Whoa. Babe, are you hearing this?
Starting point is 00:18:15 I would never have laid a finger upon him. So, you know I'm innocent. As a lifeguard named Focusrite Fullbottle, I think that's suspicious. As an entrepreneur named Giegogon's Forklift, I also think this is a big reveal of information. You're great names. Oh, thank you. Captain Dar, I mean Countess, I need to talk to you. Captain Dar, I mean, Countess, I need to talk to you.
Starting point is 00:18:47 But Professor, we need a quorum. If we get three guests to confirm suspicion, then we must learn the secrets from... No, I just need to talk. Can you just talk to me for a second? Okay, fine. What do you need? Captain Dar, I really want to succeed in this mission of being in character. Therefore, I need a little bit of intel from you. Namely, what is a professor of literature? Take it word by word. A professor is a teacher.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Oh. A fancy teacher, yeah. And literature. Literature, yeah. I guess, to put it plainly to you Books? So I'm a teacher of books? Yeah
Starting point is 00:19:31 I've been playing this character wrong You've been playing the character? Well, I didn't know what it was Also, are you okay? What do you mean? If you're not, just like If something's going on If you got mind control Or something weird's going on, just yell mutiny and I'll take you out. You'll take me out, AJ, if I yell mutiny?
Starting point is 00:19:54 Yeah, just yell mutiny and I'll do it. Um, thank you, AJ, for that offer. Thank you, Countess. Yeah, no, give me more. Give me more, yeah. I embezzled from the university and the counter found out. Okay, too much, too much, too much. And he confronted me about it.
Starting point is 00:20:14 And we had stern words. Well, gotta just roll this now. I thought that was really suspicious. I like to nominate the professor as being a possible murderer. I'm gonna have to second that accusation. But professor, when did you have this altercation with
Starting point is 00:20:34 my lover? A dozen yon years ago. That was a while ago. They're not super relevant, right? Well, it would seem that we have no quorum. We must continue to circulate. Well, put her there, stranger.
Starting point is 00:20:53 I'm Director Ariflex Obar. And boy, this has certainly thrown a wrench into my evening. I'm Lifeguard Focusrite Fullbottle, and I'm drowning in confusion. Gosh, I wish I knew more about the counter. But I've only just moved to town, so I'm afraid I don't know much. Can I ask you a question? Like a question? Sure, yeah. Okay, so like, on my card, it says is murderer.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Okay, so like on my card, this is murderer. Yeah, okay, well that's... I think that means you committed the murder. What? Okay, I'm going to forget that I saw that. But the idea is that you committed the murder of the counter, and so you've got to act like you're trying to hide it. Does that make sense? But like, I never did it.
Starting point is 00:21:46 No, no, obviously nobody actually did the murder. But one of us has to, you know, for the story, be the murderer. My mom always told me, like, growing up, like, literally, seriously, like, no lie. Like, ass dead. She was like, you can't lie. No, yeah. And you're telling me, like, it can't lie. No, yeah. And you're telling me like it's okay to lie? Well, it's not.
Starting point is 00:22:09 In like certain situations in your life? Oh, boy. You know, within the construct of a game, I think it's fine. Satyrian! What's up, babe? This bro says we can lie, and it's, like, totally fine. No, we can't lie to each other. We talked about this.
Starting point is 00:22:29 We cannot lie to one another. Yeah, don't lie to each other. You don't want to do that. I mean... What are you doing, Uncle Hark? Like, what is up? Yeah, I know. Jeez, I'm not really good at talking to teenagers.
Starting point is 00:22:42 You're my rod father. Like, what is the deal? I would never want your partner to lie to you. I'm going to go get a drink. I'm not really good at talking to teenagers. You're my rod father. Like, what is the deal? I would never want your partner to lie to you. I'm going to go get a drink. I'm so sorry. Hey, babe. Yeah? Are you the murderer?
Starting point is 00:22:57 No. Okay. I am no murderer. Oh, thank you for being so ass-dead with me. I appreciate that, babe. Yeah, okay. Alas! There's been a second murder!
Starting point is 00:23:18 Yikes! No. Nermate, you're the one who died. Everyone form a perimeter! See all the angles! Keep your heads on a swivel! It appears that the Stroidminer has been vanquished. Rigor mortis. Okay, but horses don't say rigor mortis, Nermin.
Starting point is 00:23:41 And I believe the last I saw speaking with the Stroidminer was the fashionista. What? Me? Yes, explain yourself. Yeah, friend, explain yourself. We're gonna get to the bottom of this or my name is an Aeroflex Obar.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Listen, yes. I was the Stroidminer's lover once. Wait, what? I loved the destroyed miner's lover once Wait, what? I loved him more than anyone I would never kill him Wait, whose lover were you not in this room? Yes, it's true, I've taken many lovers amongst us
Starting point is 00:24:17 For example, you, Ariflex Obar, famed director Don't you remember that night on Scornlex 3? It's true. Yes. And you, Professor. Professor Wilford Brimley to you, Ray. Yes, I know.
Starting point is 00:24:37 I know. Wilford. Yes, you and I were college roommates and lovers. And you, Countess, do you forget our relationship so quickly? I could never, but I would like to hear it read word for word for this entire room. Like a book. Very well. It all began 30 cycles ago.
Starting point is 00:25:06 I was a young, upstart, undergrad fashionista. I found myself drawn to the irresistible charms of the bookish Wilfred Brimley. Yes, we had a fling. It was brief, but tawdry. What do you mean? We were lovers. We loved here and there in the stacks of the library and in the sewing rooms of the fashion building,
Starting point is 00:25:40 loving up and down all around. What? What? But soon enough I was discovered. Yes, discovered and brought to Hollywood where I worked as a costume designer on the set of one auteur, none other than Ari Flex Obar.
Starting point is 00:25:58 We became lovers shortly after my first day on set, and loved we did. We loved like no one has ever loved before. Well, who could resist such a catch? Once I saw Trevis for the first time, I knew my heart was no longer my own. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:26:17 But my heart was only yours for several short days until one day on location on the beaches of Gadhatu I left you for a handsome, young, buxom, curvaceous lifeguard named Focusrite Fullbottle. That is me. We became lovers almost instantaneously.
Starting point is 00:26:37 We lovered right then and there. Right then and there on the beach. I don't think that's how it works, right? Yes, we were lovers. I was so ashamed of our loversness that I banished myself. I took an artist's fashionista retreat to the furthest asteroid I could find.
Starting point is 00:26:56 And there, I met dear, deceased, sweet, simple, gart toboggan. Oh, destroyed miner. I think of all the lovers I gave my lover to. His loverness was
Starting point is 00:27:11 perhaps the loveliest. Hey, Black. What? Do you know... I feel kind of weird asking you this. What is it that the former lover Do you know what happens?
Starting point is 00:27:26 Yes. Yes, obviously. You should know we lovered together for years at a time. It just feels wrong when he says it. I'm pretty sure I know basically what all of that entails.
Starting point is 00:27:42 I wrote some really juicy specifics on that card. Yeah, but to be honest, I didn't really know what a lot of that stuff was referring to, so I just figured I'd kind of fill in my own blanks on that, which I thought worked pretty well. Just repeating the word love over and over again. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:58 But it wasn't until I came here to the mansion of the counter and countess that I truly knew what lover came here. To the mansion of the counter and countess. That I truly knew what lover the lover I what lovers truly love.
Starting point is 00:28:13 It's all on one card, wow. When I met the counter, the juxt we gave and received to each other were of the finest quality. There you go. Whoa. When we lovered were of the finest quality. And when we lovered upon one another,
Starting point is 00:28:29 it was like birds eating in a field. Eating? Yes, the most accurate depiction of what lovering is. Anyway. I'm so sorry to interrupt that rousing listicle of your lovers.
Starting point is 00:28:52 But unfortunately, there's been another murder! Oh, it's me! Yes, you're dead. You're dead. You're dead. Oh, I'm dead now. You're dead now. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. Oh, I'm dead now. You're dead now. You're dead now. Well, we all had our backs turned. The young cog entrepreneur has fatally met his match.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Somebody must be invisible. Form a perimeter. Keep your heads on swivels. Lock down the exits. Books. Books! Books? Dearest Cynthia, hello again from your erstwhile client, Zima Master Pell. Hello again from your erstwhile client, Zima Master Pell.
Starting point is 00:29:48 I write to you from my lush garden retreat on Zima Prime. As my literary agent, you have no doubt wondered as to my whereabouts in the aftermath of the Alwit's destruction. Well, worry not, Cynthia, for the hack circle remains unbroken, and I bear important news from Zima Prime, namely that I, Master Pell, have abandoned my novel. Yes, after more than 4,000 experimental pages and as many rejections from publishers, I hereby burn the manuscript with my fist of flame. Novels are for losers,
Starting point is 00:30:22 Burn the manuscript with my fist of flame! Novels are for losers. And now I'm all about high-quality stock media. That's right. I have pivoted to video. And now, more than ever, storytellers and content creators are challenged with producing more video content at a higher quality than ever before. I can keep up with the growing demands without sacrificing my vision
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Starting point is 00:31:05 I mean, check out this video of Master Little Boy hovering. Listen to that wicked sound effect I laid on there. Look at the glow I added. Eat it, terrible novel that I hated writing. Eat the hot dust of this amazing vid. And with Storyblocks Unlimited All Access Plan, you can get unlimited downloads of everything in the library.
Starting point is 00:31:28 And get this, Cynthia. I'm not writing from my retreat. I don't even own a pencil! Those were just more high quality immersive sound effects from Storyblocks! And my fist of flame! Also
Starting point is 00:31:44 a sound effect. See? This is the real thing. Master Pell. Yeah. Master Pell, if you are quite done with my stereo speaker system
Starting point is 00:31:52 for the day, I was hoping to give this new Mananaru bootleg a spin. Yes, yes. One minute, Chiarando. Yes, very well. You and me, Cynthia,
Starting point is 00:32:02 influencers at last. Explore the library and subscribe today at storyblocks.com slash zix. That's storyblocks.com slash z-y-x-x. All right, who's left standing? Who could be the murderer? Well, it's definitely not me. And you can tell by the way I'm speaking in such confidence. Not a waiver.
Starting point is 00:32:32 No suspicion there. So it could be, I guess, Twiff, the Countess. What? Whoa. Me? Under suspicion? My own body? Oh, yeah, it also could be Papa.
Starting point is 00:32:46 No, no, I just was lovering everyone up and down. This is weird. It's on my card. I'm supposed to say it. Thank you, Pike. You're doing a great job. There's been another murder. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:33:01 What? What? Oh, the director. May we always remember their works. I was on the verge of directing my masterpiece. Remaining un-murdered guests. Does anyone have an accusation as to who the murderer could be? I formally accuse the only person in this room who I have not lovered upon.
Starting point is 00:33:36 What? I accuse Guy Goggins Forklift, the entrepreneur. What? I'm dead, you dip. Oh, sorry. I mean... Black Key died before I did. Okay, sorry.
Starting point is 00:33:52 It was a lot of people. I accused the only... Papa, you're embarrassing us. Oh, no, there's been a murder. Oh, no. What? What? How does that happen?
Starting point is 00:34:04 The lifeguard has died. Oh no. Alright. Wait a minute. He has? I didn't... Forget I said anything. Wait. Hold on, dead guy. Why do you say that?
Starting point is 00:34:19 No reason. I just... I was helping Justin review some of his character notes on his card, and it said he was the murderer. So I know Justin's the murderer, but I didn't let it affect my game plan. Wait, you lied to me? Justin, I asked you if you were the murderer. You said you weren't.
Starting point is 00:34:38 No, sorry. Justin, my handwriting is not great. This doesn't say you're a murderer. It says you're a noodler. You're great with pool noodles. Whoa. So that means I... I didn't lie.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Centurion, I didn't lie! Okay. It seems like you did, but I guess you didn't. I love you, babe. So it would appear... only one left would be the fashionista or the professor. I have an accusation. I, Trebus Philister, would like to formally accuse the last person any of us would think to accuse. The counter himself. formerly accused, the last person any of us would think to accuse. The
Starting point is 00:35:25 counter himself. Yes, the first person to die. You dare besmirch our equal lover? Yes. Yes. Yes, he was
Starting point is 00:35:41 always jealous of all my previous loves and all of the ways in which I lovered into them and around them and stuff. We're going to have a talk after this. It only makes sense that his jealousy raged and raged, and he decided to kill every last one of my previous lovers. But wait, if that were true, my beloved counter would have... Gasp! I've been murdered too! Wait, so who's the captain now? The... No, no, the captain's still here.
Starting point is 00:36:18 There's been a mutiny! No, no. I didn't know! No one said that word. The only answer is that the counter is not actually dead. He faked his death and has been sneaking around this manor. Oh. So.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Well, well, well, Tredas. Congratulations. Congratulations. Not only are you right, but the Stroidminer all along was the counter. Whoa! My beloved!
Starting point is 00:36:56 Great job, Nermin. Great reveal. Thank you. Thanks so much. Good writing. Thank you. And what I must tell you is the deepest, darkest part of my
Starting point is 00:37:08 backstory is that I never once... No, no! Oh, no! No! Let's not mourn too hard. He murdered almost everyone. That's right. I forgot about that. Yeah, it's okay, I guess.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Yeah. So, wait, I don't get it. If the counter was the murderer and then he died, who killed the counter? Um, isn't it obvious, Papa? No. There's only one possibility. The possibility that everybody
Starting point is 00:37:39 forgot. What's that sound that sounds like two pieces of bread slapping together? Well, well, well. It seems that everyone has forgotten about the mayor. The mayor, of course. What? Yeah, of course it was the mayor.
Starting point is 00:37:59 I killed the counter because I had a plan to murder everyone in town, and he beat me to it sort of. And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for Professor of Literature Wilford Brimley. Hell yeah! Nicely done, AJ.
Starting point is 00:38:17 AJ, you won. You figured it out. You found the murderer. That was amazing. Yeah, I guess I did by process of elimination. Pretty good. Dar, this was fun, and it made sense. Yeah, Dar, thanks for letting me be a part of the story, even though I was sort of over here in the kitchen for most of the time.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Yeah, you know what? Sometimes playing pretend is the only way you can get through a hard time. Mission accomplished. Good time achieved. Thank you, Captain Dar. In this difficult time, you know, adrift in a strange corner of a strange galaxy, you used fun to teach us about community.
Starting point is 00:38:57 You heard him. You heard the word. Mutiny, let's do it, guys. No, I said community, community. Wait a minute, AJ. Plek did not say... Community. Plek didn't say mutiny. I just said community. Community. Pleck did not say... Community. Pleck didn't say mutiny.
Starting point is 00:39:08 I just said it. I just said it. I heard it. Oh, no. Oh, the hijinks ensue. Hey, kid. Hey kid, your dad tell you about the time he broke Stephen Dorff's nose at the Kids' Choice Awards? In Dead Pilots Society, scripts that were developed by studios and networks but were never produced are given the table reads they deserve. When I was a kid, I had to spend my Christmas break filming a PSA about angel dust. So yeah, being a kid sucks sometimes. Presented by Andrew Reich and Ben Blacker.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Dead Pilots Society, twice a month on MaximumFun.org. You know, the show you like, that hobo with the scarf who lives in a magic dumpster. Doctor Who. Yeah. Strange planets. Curious technology. And a fantastic vision of the distant future. Featuring Martin Starr.
Starting point is 00:40:38 So we're going on day 14. Shuttle still hasn't come. Aparna Nancherla. The security system provides you with emotional security. You do the rest. Echo Kellum. Can you disconnect me or not? Hurry Kondabolu. I'm staying.
Starting point is 00:40:50 From Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Jeffrey McGivern. Could you play Cindy Lopez? Girls just want to have fun. It's The Outer Reach. Stories from beyond. Now available for free at MaximumFun.org or anywhere you listen. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Artist owned. Audience supported. This is perfect. Just keep rolling with it. Stay in this. What's your character's name? Your professor? Tiddly Don Bibble.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Tiddly Don...ble. Tiddly Don... Hold on. No. Wilfred Von Tiddly. Tiddly. No, I always do Tiddle. Excellent, excellent. It's Wilford Tiddly.
Starting point is 00:41:35 What was it? Wilford Brimley. Yeah, Wilford Brimley. Great to meet you. I'm Big Shot director, Panaflex Obar. Wait, did we already use that name? you. I'm Big Shot Director Panaflex Obar. Wait, did we already use that name? No.
Starting point is 00:41:49 I don't think so. Panaflex Obar? No, but that's rad.

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