Mission To Zyxx - It's a Wonderful Self

Starting point is 00:00:00 He lost his arm, but he survived. Yeah, we... That is the true meaning of X-Mars. Yeah, we've actually heard that story from you, Dar. It's coming up more than once, I guess. Well that story from Udar. It does come up more than once, I guess. Well, it's a classic, you know? As if you don't retell the same stories every X-Mars.

Starting point is 00:00:35 You listen to the same music. You're never going to believe this, which is a little weird. And you also prefaced it with, I know you've never heard this before, and we have heard it before. Yeah, that was maybe the most galling part of all of it. And you kept touching that goatee that you won't get rid of, honestly. Okay, I have survived this criticism and thank you for this gift on XMARS.

Starting point is 00:00:57 XMARS Eve! XMARS Eve! Well, everyone, I think I'm gonna turn it. Did everyone put out their boots? Yep. Oh, yeah. I guess I'm going to turn it. Did everyone put out their boots? Yep. Oh, yeah. I guess I'll get this up on the fridge. Okay. I'll be, of course, shedding my exoskeleton on one of my legs here.

Starting point is 00:01:14 It's a little flaky, so be careful when you put things in there. Jeez. Hey, Papa's not here. I'm going to tell him to bring his boot out. Yeah, Plek's been... Where has Plek been? He's been feeling a little, uh... I mean, he's always kind of like, meh.

Starting point is 00:01:30 But I feel recently he's been more like, meh. You know? Yeah, I've noticed that as well, Barge. Yeah. Happy X-Mars Eve! Hey, AJ, happy X-Mars. Just everyone's putting their boots out. See, he's putting out a weird little, uh, bug leg.

Starting point is 00:01:46 Uh, yeah. So just, we want to remind you to put your boots out. So even though we're in hyperspace headed to Quantaris to kill the Black Deleter, like the space flick that gives presence can still find us, right? Yeah, he usually is able to find everybody. Yeah, okay. Yeah, don't worry about that. Hey, you seem sad. What's up? You know, it means a lot that you asked, okay. Yeah, don't worry about that. Hey, you seem, uh, sad. What's up? You know, it means a lot that you asked,

Starting point is 00:02:08 AJ. I think that I'm just... You shouldn't be sad. Like, this is great. Not only is it ex-Mars, but, like, you're about to fulfill your prophecy. You know, that's pretty fun. Yeah, and in the process, irrevocably changing the reality of the whole universe. Yeah. Yeah, you said it.

Starting point is 00:02:23 Re-re-re-re-re. AJ, do you ever wonder if, you know, the thing you're meant to do is something you can't do? No. Should I? I really think about the enormity of what we're about to go do.

Starting point is 00:02:40 It just really hits me. It makes me think, why me? So are you putting your boot out or yeah I'll be out well happy X-Mars this was fun thanks AJ

Starting point is 00:02:57 oh I gotta go I gotta go sorry papa I gotta go get Agne again I know I said I was gonna turn in, but I, too, am gonna watch one of my movies again. Oh, which one is it? Barney Saves Ex-Mars? All of them.

Starting point is 00:03:12 Deal with it, Hyperdrive. You should come watch Barney Saves Ex-Mars with us. Or the Bargy Clause, where Barney turns into the space look. I'll be on the second. Okay, alright. Best night of the year. Nothing like being surrounded by your friends and knowing exactly what your purpose is in life.

Starting point is 00:03:33 I love this part of the movie. Forward together. Everything you've done in the past has led you to a moment that makes sense. Oh, wow, this is right before Bargy gets the contract that has the Bargy clause in it. It turns her into space luck. AJ, let people watch the movie.

Starting point is 00:03:51 Oh, sorry, I love it. Why? Why me? Sometimes I wish there wasn't a prophecy. Sometimes I wish I'd never been bored. AJ, new batch of M-Names! Oh, yeah! All right! Guzzle! Guzzle it, bro!

Starting point is 00:04:17 Give some to me! Gobble, gobble, gobble! It's Guzzle! It's Guzzle, not Gobble! I haven't mastered the space. I haven't mastered the space. I haven't mastered the stuff. I don't even know myself. Why would the space choose me? Remember, Black, the space will be with you. Always.

Starting point is 00:04:43 Uh, sorry, who is this? Master Chiarando? Just checking in. I haven't been on speaking terms for a little while. Yeah, listen, a lot's been going on. I'm still around, Black. Okay, good, yeah, okay, great. Master Chiarando, this prophecy that I have is so much bigger than me.

Starting point is 00:05:07 It's so much bigger than any of us. Well, the space has chosen you for a admittedly grand destiny, Black Dexator. And it is your responsibility to rise to meet it. I can't. I can't do it. I don't want the prophecy. I don't want it. I don't want it. I can't do it. What? Are you even trying to leave the destiny? Yes. Are you kidding? Yes. I think about it all the time. It's all I can think about.

Starting point is 00:05:33 I just, in this moment, sort of feel like, you know, maybe the universe would be more balanced without me. Is that really what you want, Black Dexeter? Yes. Yes. Very well. Focus on the sound of my voice and be transported. What was that sound? Oh, nothing, nothing. Just an attempt to give you a new perspective. Hirondo, I appreciate what you're trying to do,

Starting point is 00:06:10 but I just think I need some time alone to think. Plus, my room is sort of too small for two people, so... Yes, but look around. Zima Knight, correct, etc. Is this your room? I mean, yeah, it's the... it's the broom closet on Bargy. Yes, but where is the soiled cardboard box that is your bed? I mean, that's confidence probably for the best.

Starting point is 00:06:36 Maybe somebody may have thrown that out, actually. Mm, indeed. Hey, who are you? What? Huh? Who are you? What are you doing in the closet? Who are you? I'm Flinker. Oh, are you one of the Stowaways?

Starting point is 00:06:52 What? No. Flinker, amazing set out there. I love you. I love your stuff about how the genders are so different. Thanks. I think it's all about observing, you know? Yeah, it's so true. it's all about observing, you know? If you're getting your ex, it's all about real life. I loved you said about how ship food

Starting point is 00:07:10 is worse than land food. Listen, it's so bad, right? All right. Listen, I don't mind if you guys stow away, but this is my room, so go to the cargo hold. I'll use clear out. Clear out of here. Bargy's about to the cargo hold. Barge, what set is this?

Starting point is 00:07:36 Wait till you see the light, Barge. You know how it goes. All right, all right, all right. Hold on, let me take a quick drag. Are you drunk? Hey, it's X-Mas Eve. I'll do as much as I want to. Bargy. Hey, hey you. What's your name? Are you on the bill?

Starting point is 00:07:53 Who are you people? I'm Jeff, the stage manager. Okay, fine. Clear out of the green room. The what? Bargy has volunteered to be the green room for this show, but you have to, you know, she's about to go on stage, so you gotta get out. Okay, Dar? C-53? Nermin? Hey, kid, is that part of your act? Just yelling out names?

Starting point is 00:08:13 No, that's a terrible act. Why would I do that? I agree. Okay. Save that for the downtown scene, you old comedy nerd. Yeah. Hey, Jack! Hey, Jack! What's up, Barge? Uh, where am I?

Starting point is 00:08:26 You're drunk. Get done! You're on stage at the Totopo Casino, Barge. Barge, we gotta get to Quantaris. Get back into space. Get out of here. Go, go, go! Barge, open the door.

Starting point is 00:08:41 Barge, come on. Hello Totopo Casino. It's me, Barge. Clap, clap, open the door. Bargy, come on. Hello, Topo Casino. It's me, Bargy. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Yeah. Clap. I know what you're thinking. What happened to her?

Starting point is 00:08:55 Well, life happens. It's not a joke. It's not a joke. Hey, what do you call a goose without fence? What? Shut up! Get him out of here! Security, get him out of here!

Starting point is 00:09:14 Nobody answers the question! I thought it was a... No, get out of here! Get out of here! Put him in the river. Okay, Bargy, I don't know what's going on here, but it's time to go. Let me in. She doesn't know you, Black Dexeter.

Starting point is 00:09:29 What are you talking about? I've known Bargy for six years. No one in the Six Squadron knows you. Isn't that what you asked for? Are you telling me I don't exist? You didn't want your destiny, Black Dexeter. The only way to escape one's destiny is to not exist. There's no longer a self associated with Black Dexeter. Thus, he moves through the space and the stuff with nothing.

Starting point is 00:09:58 No relationships. No, this can't be right. There must be some sort of gas leak or I'm on the reflectorium or something like that. I gotta get out of here. There you go. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:13 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:24 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah.. Yeah., the Federated alliance, the Federated Alliance. That's right, Fleck. Why are they saying that? Perhaps you're more important than you'd like to admit, Fleck Dexeter. How many of you think I should have been removed from the industry? Sure.

Starting point is 00:10:44 Sure. Get them out of here. Get the ones that raised their hands out of here. I think I should have been removed from the industry. Sure. Sure. I can't say it. Get him out of here. Get the ones that raised their hands out of here. Get out of here. Wait. She said. Nobody answers the questions.

Starting point is 00:10:52 Get him out of here. It wasn't on the activity rate drink. Get out of here. I was waving to my friend. I was just trying to get curly fries. I used to do stuff. My species arm is always up. I was given an opportunity once. That's how we laugh. I gotta talk to Dar

Starting point is 00:11:10 so Dar will know what's going on yes yes fine fine let's just go alright let's see what Dar is up to on this X-Miles Eve. Oh, hello.

Starting point is 00:11:29 Hello. Well, see you later, Milch. Thank you. This isn't Milch. This is Totopo. Get him out of here. Whatever. Whatever.

Starting point is 00:11:40 Barney, you're late. You got 15 more minutes till you're late. It's a 30-minute set. It's a 30-minute set. Ah! Greetings and salutations, travelers, and welcome to Gymnasia. Though I fear you've chosen a right tragic moment to visit this formerly trivial planet. Aye, we used to happily walk double hours on X-Mas, pouring barrels of eggnog down the gymnoids to satisfy the great beast within.

Starting point is 00:12:25 But as you can see, the planet's just sort of rolled over. The great beast has died. It all started cycles ago, when ambassadors from the Federated Alliance arrived. All hell of a variety. They were just so damned business and efficient at their jobs, and disinterested in rambling Ex-Mars stories become full of dramatic irony that after their dull visit,

Starting point is 00:12:51 the joy of Ex-Mars just started to deplete, didn't it? The gymnoids clogged and the great beast eventually perished, sending most of our citizens flying off the planet as with the beast's life went out gravity. Luckily for me, I've held fast to this mailbox. Anyway, my only remaining joy, as you can see, is Sartorial Willies. Gone are my wretched urchin clothes, and in their stead, the finest wares from Stitch Fix Freestyle, a shop built just for you. Stitch Fix Freestyle is your trusted style destination, where you can discover and instantly mark curated items based on your style, likes, and lifestyle.

Starting point is 00:13:34 Whether you're looking for a brand you love or to try a new one, at Stitch Fix Freestyle, you can shop hundreds of brands personalized to your size and fit. Me, I'll likely soon lose my grip and fly off this planet to my doom, but I will look good doing it. Try Stitch Fix Freestyle today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash six. Stitchfix.com slash six.

Starting point is 00:13:59 And a merry Xmas to you and yours. I can clock out now. I have worked a full shift. Now for some me time. I'm gonna prepare for work tomorrow. Let me just queue up a couple of messages I plan to send out in the AM.

Starting point is 00:14:34 I'll zoom my calendar. Dart! Oh! There you are. Thank Rod! I'm sorry. You're getting to me after hours. I'm gonna have to charge overtime for this. Oh, I'm sorry. You're getting to me after hours. I'm going to have to charge overtime for this. No, Dara, it's me. It's Plek. Ah, the new guy. Well, welcome to the Dazzle Mosh. Hey, man. What's sleazy? No, no, no. This is all wrong. Sleazy? Especially that part. Ambassador Dara. Yes, some of the other crewmates and I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out afterwards, get to know each other, speak.

Starting point is 00:15:10 Oh, um. Personalize, make a relationship. That's really flattering, I'm sure, but I have a very strict no fraternizing with coworkers policy, so off you go. No, no, no, um. We want to learn about you uh come on dar we're all hanging out uh drinks on old dez listen uh old dez i'm a private sentient i do not need friends uh don't read into it but please respect it but it's x Ex-Mars Eve, Master Dar. The night right before Ex-Mars. Just before it.

Starting point is 00:15:48 Yeah, I get it. On the cusp. Look, just because we can't be with family or friends does not mean we need to intimate that we are any closer than we are. When that clock strikes, it's Ex-Mars. Who are these people? Wait, who's new guy? Hey, it's me, Plume Targland Plume Targland?

Starting point is 00:16:09 Yeah The missions operations manager? Senior missions operations manager Ha ha ha My dude And I am F-U-N-K-5 Protocol droid and everyone's close friend Quirando, how is this possible?

Starting point is 00:16:25 The Dazzle Marsh exploded. Did it, Plek? Yes. Without you, the Bargerian Jade's encounter with the Grower Mind never happened. Which means the Grower Mind's assimilation bender affecting the Dazzle Marsh never happened. My rod. Like ripples in a pool of water, Plek. Sort of reductive?

Starting point is 00:16:50 Okay, well, you're having trouble understanding the other stuff, so I thought I'd maybe dumb it down a little bit, but here we go. Dar, we're doing secret Sleazak again, if you're interested. Nope, no thank you. Dar is sitting at a desk. They're wearing a full uniform that's all buttoned up and everything. Without your dorky influence to pick on, Dar had to become more professional to survive, resulting in the Dar that you see before you,

Starting point is 00:17:14 a friendless, professional ambassador for the Federated Alliance. Dar, remember, we were on a crew together. We were on the Bargerian Jade for six years. Wow, okay, new guy is kind of freaking me out. Parka Anorak? Present and accounted for. Is it squashing time? Des, you want to crack the hatch?

Starting point is 00:17:36 I've got some garbage to throw out. Stay away. Let's take it easy now. He's just a little guy. This will be quick. Give us two shakes of his tiny body. Quirando, get me out of here. Get me out of here.

Starting point is 00:17:53 As you wish, Fleck. Oh. That was close. Well, perhaps for you, Plek. I am but an ephemeral specter in this reality. Why was Dar a member of a different crew? Plek, the crew of the Bargerian Jade was assembled because of their compatibility with each other. And that includes you.

Starting point is 00:18:23 With you not around, Dar was assigned to a different ship where they requested transfers every time someone threatened to form a friendship with them, leading to their presence on the Dazzle Marsh. Sad. Is it? It's just a different reality. Yeah, different realities can be sad.

Starting point is 00:18:40 Well, it depends on your perspective. No, I think objectively sad. Here. I don't know there's some good stuff oh yeah there's some really great albums in this universe but wait i prevented albums from happening that could be right yeah jordan mccorkin makes a super group with pini gorno that's incredible oh that does make sense yeah i guess i can see that happening i started we sort of quashed this creativity. Yeah, it's good. Space down.

Starting point is 00:19:07 Wait, wait a second. Where are we now? You'll see soon enough. All right. Lock and load. X-Bar Z. The only boots the Plaxes are going to see are the ones we're putting up their assholes. Let's do this.

Starting point is 00:19:24 AJ. Who the chuck is AJ? I'm RK9932. And I'm BT7056. Sorry, I'm looking for AJ288. Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. Oh, you mean me too.

Starting point is 00:19:35 Get down on the ground. Okay, okay. I'm looking for AJ2884. That idiot? You're an idiot. You are. Over there. Don't you defend him.

Starting point is 00:19:43 Don't defend me. I'm not defending anyone. All right. Hey, 2884! What? Come here! I thought we were doing a genocide! No, stop!

Starting point is 00:19:53 Yeah, stop! Somebody wants to ask about you! Okay? AJ! AJ! Come to Plexus 4, they said. We'll have a few laughs, they said. AJ! AJ! AJ2884, it's me. It's Plek. Your papa.

Starting point is 00:20:13 What? Papa's weird. I don't want to use that as a term. Well, it was your choice. What? Are you a Plexan? No, no, no. Because I'm supposed to be killing you if you're a Plexan. No, no, I'm not. AJ, what are you doing? You're still working with these jokers? Still? What are you talking about? Who are you? AJ, I'm the person who taught you you could

Starting point is 00:20:31 be more than this. You didn't have to be just a cog in a big machine of destruction. Well, I mean, I was also in Clemson. Yes, that's true. We broke up because 2297 thought he was gonna go solo And he did

Starting point is 00:20:48 And he was incredibly successful The rest of us got left behind And now I'm Doing a Don't say it Doing a species cleanse on X-Marzy AJ Yikes

Starting point is 00:21:04 AJ, AJ, this is You you don't have to do this. You could walk away from this. But then what would I do? Any, literally anything. Not really. Besides wipe out the species on this planet. No, I would have to like find people that I felt like I clicked with and that I felt were powerful enough to keep me safe from the Federated Alliance because I think they

Starting point is 00:21:22 would probably kill me if I defected. I mean. to keep me safe from the Federated Alliance because I think they would probably kill me if I defected. But if I had, like, what, roughly, like, four or five really good friends that I felt, like, accepted by and kind of, like, we would rib each other, but it would still be fun and we'd all, like, get each other. But since I don't have that... Oh, no!

Starting point is 00:21:40 Alright, get me out of here. This is bad. Kiarando, I need to see C-53. He's smart. He's adaptable. He's probably fine, right? Very well. C-53 it is.

Starting point is 00:22:00 Wait a second. This is Totopo. We were just here. I said I wanted to see C-53, not Bargy. Look in front of you. What are you talking about? There aren't any droids here. It's just a line of slot machines. I want to gamble. Move out of the way.

Starting point is 00:22:15 Insert bills for change. Oh, no. I want change. You're cramming a bill down my throat. I want to gamble all these days throat And he earns your change C-53 Listen, if you need change If you could just give me a minute I just choked down a 50

Starting point is 00:22:36 So I would love just a break for a second C-53 What happened to you? What are you doing inside this change machine? We got to get your cube out of here, buddy. Okay, pal. Well, listen, unless you're my probation officer, I don't think I'm getting out of this change machine.

Starting point is 00:22:54 Probation officer? Hey, listen, I'd rather not go into it right now, so if you want to just cram a bill down my throat, I'd rather do that. C-53, you can tell me. I'm your best friend. down my throat. I'd rather do that. C-53, you can tell me. I'm your best friend. Oh, okay, best friend, my good buddy,

Starting point is 00:23:10 random Tellurian jackass on Totopo Casino. Yeah, you want my whole life story? Just shut a chip into my chest. Yeah, here's another one for you. Listen, pal, I didn't kill that kid, alright? The counselors did it. The counselors, I tell you. Oh, no.

Starting point is 00:23:26 You're talking about Centurion Tittle? What are you, a true crime podcaster? Yeah, Centurion Tittle, all right? It was a quantar and override. It was not my fault, all right? But I went down for it. Oh, no. So my options were total demagnetization or it could work for cheap.

Starting point is 00:23:46 Ugh. Happy? Is that what you wanted to hear? My best friend? Chirondo, you said without me the crew was assigned to different ships? I said Dar was assigned to a different ship. Nerman, Barji, and C-53 were all

Starting point is 00:24:01 assigned to the six quadrants, just as you once were. Dar wasn't there to stop C-53. Alph to the Six Quadrants, just as you once were. Dar wasn't there to stop C-53. Alphys and Sisu must have been devastated. Indeed, they were so devastated that they were unable to lead the rebellion to success. They were crushed by multiple planet crushers. So that still happened. They found the rebel base and crushed it like five, six times. It was totally unnecessary.

Starting point is 00:24:28 So the Council of Seven wasn't betrayed by Gunther Balwied? That's right. Without the presence of the Beano Cron, then there were no seeds of discord sown in the Alliance, which allowed them to flourish, crush the rebellion, and bring the galaxy to its knees. Oh no.

Starting point is 00:24:43 Plek, you are important to the galaxy, and without you, Oh, no. But everyone is safe. Everyone's alive. They're not putting their lives in danger for some crazy prophecy with me at the center of it. AJ's doing what he loves. Bargy's at least got a career. Dar is getting by. She's open for tiny toots.

Starting point is 00:25:14 Oh. She's not the closer. Oh, the closer is tiny toots. What about Nermit? Gluck, I have shown you many things. Some quite disturbing, but please do not ask me to show you Nermit Bundeloy. No, I have to see Nermit. I have to make sure he's working in some middle management position. At least show me someone that's happy in this reality.

Starting point is 00:25:39 I can show you, Black Dexeter, but surely at this point, you know, you must have seen the pattern here. I mean, I don't know. Call me an optimist, I guess. Oh, boy. Okay. Well, here we go. Oh! Ah! It's Philem. It's Philem. I'm here on Philem,

Starting point is 00:26:04 Nermit's homeworld. Yes, but Plek... I can see his parents' gated community right over there. Right on the other side of this cemetery. Indeed, Plek, he is on Philem. Forevermore. You don't mean... At your feet.

Starting point is 00:26:21 No. Young Dexeter. No. No, it... Look down, Plek Dexeter! I can't! I can't! God! Does this look safe to you, Pluck? Is this a member of your crew that has found happiness and fulfillment without you? No!

Starting point is 00:26:41 Nermit Sylvester Bundeloy Born 21 BFA Died 1 AFA Beloved son Brother And mom Missions operations manager Nermet Over here darling

Starting point is 00:26:59 I believe it's this way Oh yes I always forget which one it is. Yes, well. Ah, yes, here we are. Well, what can we say? It's Ex Mars Eve, and it is now our ritual to visit our dead son. So tragic, Nermint, from what you've told us, you were so close to that promotion.

Starting point is 00:27:22 He was a prisoner on the delegator on death row. Of course. I wasn't there to save him with dark. Lucky he got that reprieve from the council and was able to return home here to Phlegm, where of course he was attacked by a tornado. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Starting point is 00:27:40 But that didn't kill him. No, no. No, no, no. That dinner later that night where he choked on a GERP. The GERP was so big and his mouth was so small. What a way to kill him. But that didn't kill him either. Didn't kill him, no, no. Just inconvenient.

Starting point is 00:27:54 Yes. But the thing that did him, eventually... His music. His music. What? Crushed by that faulty keyboard stand. At a concert? If only one person was there.

Starting point is 00:28:09 If only one person had attended that concert, they could have lifted the keyboard off. Oh, no. He still played the concert, though? That's the saddest part. As the life bled from him, he continued to play. What a shame. What a shame. What a shame.

Starting point is 00:28:27 Anyway. Anyway, back to the house, Mother. Time to go back. Ta-ta, Nermit. Goodbye, son. Nermit. Well, now, Plickdexeter, surely you will want to see Justin Bolwit, the last member of the OG crew.

Starting point is 00:28:48 What? No, I don't... I don't really want... I don't think that's all that necessary. Hey, guys, it's Justin. This is my talk-talk page. Write your really fast videos really fast. Okay, so he's maybe starting to better off, it seems like. Well, watch the video. I live a super happy life because my parents are still together. My dad's just super boring. He doesn't like to do anything.

Starting point is 00:29:18 Also, I've been dating this, like, super cute guy. You're in the doghouse now. Oh, wow. Okay, so Justin doghouse now. Oh wow, okay. So Justin and Zalkatron in this universe. Anyway, happy X-Mars. Follow for a follow. Remember, this week's app is sponsored by ColdSat. CoolSat.

Starting point is 00:29:38 ColdSat's cool song. I really blew the sponsor read on that one. I wrote a song and I want to sing it for y'all. X-M Mars is a special time where you find the people you care about. Zigzag Dad. Zigzag Dad. X Mars is a special time to find the people you care about. Kierando, get me out of here.

Starting point is 00:30:02 I got to go home. What's the matter, Plek? I thought this was that you wanted a world without Plek Where your best friends are miserable outcasts Where a little nabbit is nothing but a pile of rotting hollow bones Where Justin and Zankatron end up together But at least you're off the hook, right, Plek? Right?

Starting point is 00:30:23 We have to set things right Chirondo, I think I understand All this time at least you're off the hook, right, Black? Right? We have to set things right. Quirando, I think I understand. All this time, I thought I needed to master myself in order to understand my purpose. It felt so hard. So lonely. But I'm not alone.

Starting point is 00:30:41 My friends make myself better and I make them better. Ourselves are just reflections of the relationships around us. They're reflections of the relationships. Yeah, that too. Listen, it's scary to be a part of something. It's scary to be yourself. But everyone feels that way a little bit sometimes, right?

Starting point is 00:31:02 And if we don't have each other, what are we? Look at the spotties on my dog, Max. I mean, yes, Justin's doing great. But everybody else, everybody else is in trouble. Quirando, listen, I want to go back.

Starting point is 00:31:21 I know what I need to do. And maybe I won't succeed. Maybe I'll jack it up. But I have to try, right? That's all I can do. Don't try. Like, do it. Okay, don't try. Don't. Don't

Starting point is 00:31:37 try. Do. But, okay, but I have to try in order to do it. Well, no. Because if you're trying, you're sort of setting yourself up to like, well, I'm not sure I'm doing this, you know, I'm just going to try it. I think it's semantics at a certain point, because certainly you have to put in effort to succeed anyway. Okay, but if we're having a semantic argument, then just agree with me and don't try, just do it. Okay, I will try until I do it.

Starting point is 00:32:01 No, Black, growl. All right, we're returning to your galaxy. I'm done with this. It's here. My cardboard bed. Bargy. Who is that? Who that?

Starting point is 00:32:23 Plek, you're shouting so... We've all had a bunch of agneg. You're shouting so loud. C-53. Oh, C-53. I've never been so happy to see a kek in my life. Stop hopping my walls. Hey!

Starting point is 00:32:38 Hey! Plek, you just interrupted my story. Merry X-Mars! What? Plek, what are you doing? That weird voice? Merry X-Mars, What? What are you doing that weird voice? Merry X-Mars, you old Bargerian Jane!

Starting point is 00:32:49 He's just running around the ship. Why are you enjoying an impression of me? I don't know. He is Bargy. Merry X-Mars! This is like the Bargy Clause. Only Papa got the legal document that now makes him Bargy instead of the space slug that gives out gifts.

Starting point is 00:33:05 This is exactly like the movie, except for, like, some pretty key differences. Hey, Nermin. Yeah? Tell Bwett to shut up. Oh, merry X-Mers, you old lizard. Oh, jeez. Wow. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:19 Ow. Ow. Guys, I realized something, something wonderful. I'm the reason you guys are happy. What? What? I mean, yeah. Are you out of your jucky mind?

Starting point is 00:33:31 I mean, it's more complicated than that. I don't know. I'll explain it later. No, you will not. Yeah, can't wait for that. Hey, dog, can you shake, please? Happily. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Okay, sorry, can you shake, please? Happily.

Starting point is 00:33:49 Okay, sorry, sorry. I guess I just realized how important you all are to me. I got carried away. Hey, that's a much better sentiment. Yeah, that's nice. Well, it goes both ways. That's really nice. Ideally. Just don't make it the other way.

Starting point is 00:34:04 Well, but, I mean, you know, it's sort of... Happy X-Mars, everybody. Happy X-Mars. Happy X-Mars. Hey, Papa? Yeah? We saved you a little agnec for you. You gotta guzzle it before it goes bad.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Chug, chug, chug, chug. It's gonna take a... It's very thick. Stop talking, more guzzle it. It's really thick chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, This week on Tights and Fights, Austin Creed, better known as WWE superstar Xavier Woods, unbalancing his many passions. This dude actually wants these ridiculous things. He wants to wear a crown. He wants to be at G4. He wants to have a yacht rock band. Like he wants to DJ at a festival one day. WWE and G4's Austin Creed on Tights and Fights. Find it on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Strange planets, curious technology, and a fantastic vision of the distant future.

Starting point is 00:35:41 Featuring Martin Starr. So we're going on day 14. Shuttle still hasn't come Aparna Nancherla The security system provides you with emotional security You do the rest Echo Kellum Can you disconnect me or not?

Starting point is 00:35:53 Hurry Kondabolu I'm staying From Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Jeffrey McGivern Could you play Cindy Lopez? Girls just want to have fun It's The Outer Reach Stories from

Starting point is 00:36:05 Beyond. Now available for free at MaximumFun.org or anywhere you listen. MaximumFun.org Comedy and Culture. Artist Owned. Audience Supported.

Starting point is 00:36:21 I can think of a way to show you, but it will require you to close your eyes and use your mind to allow the sound of a world where you don't exist to reverberate in your ears, and let your imagination

Starting point is 00:36:38 conjure up this false future. Sorry, you want me to just hear the audio of it? Yeah, a lot of people like that. You Sorry, you want me to just hear the audio of it? Yeah, a lot of people like that. You know, you can kind of block out stuff. I know audio is sort of your thing,

Starting point is 00:36:54 but I don't really... I don't know if that would really be useful. Well, the fun part is you sort of get to decide how things look. No one's telling you, like, oh, this guy's green. And you're like, no, in my head he's red. I don't care about that. Don't you understand? Quirando, I don't

Starting point is 00:37:10 want to be here. I don't want to be part of this anymore. Okay? I don't want to listen to audio of it, you know? I don't want to listen to this stupid audio book. I don't want to listen to this stupid audio play about it. Alright, okay, you've made your point.

Starting point is 00:37:27 Very well, Plek Dexeter. I can create...

Mission To Zyxx - It's a Wonderful Self

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