Mission To Zyxx - L01: Bad Ombre [ft. Jeff Hiller - LIVE at Caveat NYC]

Episode Date: July 23, 2018

To celebrate our upcoming Los Angeles Live show July 29th, please enjoy this bonus release of our first-ever live episode, recorded at the amazing Caveat NYC on November 6, 2017, and originally released exclusively to our Patreon supporters. Take a trip back to a simpler time, when restraining bolts were in place and the Federated Alliance was for hailing, not jucking. The crew is send to the textile planet Philcon to pick up new ambassador uniforms for the Alliance. Bargie celebrates an anniversary. Nermut gets into art. Pleck gets a new ‘do. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Phil Winston Noel as CLINT and Phil Moujan Zolfaghari as Connie With special guest Jeff Hiller as Bruce the glam droid Recorded Live at Caveat NYC by Shane O’Connell LIVE Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz If you’re in LA, please join us for our live show July 29th featuring returning special guest Jon Gabrus! And if you’d like to hear more of our live shows, as well as mailbag episodes, behind the scenes video, ringtones and more, join us on our Patreon page at patreon.com/missiontozyxx !

This is SeaRed IT5 with a special announcement. The following episode was recorded live at Caveat NYC and features special guest Jeff Hiller. Are you guys excited to see the first ever live recording of Mission to Zix? Yes, you are. You are very excited. All right, well keep that enthusiasm going. This is Mission to Zix Live. Hey, everybody.

Thank you so much for being here. This is very exciting. Guys, thank you for being on the bleeding edge of this podcast. We are only two and a half months old now, and it's been so awesome to see our listenership grow. It's been great. So we're going to do a show. Normally, as you probably have guessed, we don't do it this way.

We normally record it clean, and then our sound designer, Shane, goes crazy doing amazing sound effects and music and stuff. And now we're going to attempt to do this all in one shot. So, guys, give it up for Shane O'Connell, our sound designer here tonight. I'm Alden Ford. I play Plek Decksetter. This is Allie Kokesh. She plays Dor. Jeremy Bent plays C-53.

Mujan Zulfagari plays Bargy. Seth Lind, Nermit Bundeloy. Winston Knoll as everyone else in the galaxy, including the Clint's and Sammo, obviously everyone's favorite character. And our guest tonight, Jeff Hiller. Give it up for Jeff. Very exciting.

So let's get it started, right guys? You guys ready? All right, here goes nothing. The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds,

discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2. Hey, Bargy. Yeah? Hey, listen. What's wrong? It's my anniversary. You're married?

No. It's the anniversary of when my biggest movie came out. Oh, sure. And every year there used to be a parade. A parade for one of your movies. Every planet would have a parade. People would come out quoting parts of the movie, but now nobody even remembers. You can't even

name it. I bet you don't even. Yeah, I could probably figure out. Name it. It was Chips and... No. I don't know. What? What's your question? What do you want? I noticed that there's like a cargo hold that doesn't... The only thing in it

is the bean, and I was wondering if we could put the bean in my room and then I could sleep in the cargo hold, because it seems like the cargo hold is like, I feel like it's a perfect size. It's got a window, which mine doesn't have. Like, why is there a window in the cargo hold? It's how usual we have a cargo hold with a window. Thank you. Thank you, C-53.

But just non-standard practices. It's for guests. It's for guests? When was the last time we had a guest on the ship, Margie? The bean is our guest. The bean is our guest. That's actually an excellent point. I don't know about that.

And I like to keep it empty. I like to keep, I used to keep fan mail there. Fan mail? Fan mail. And I'm keeping it open. In the event of more fan mail? Yes. Yes, of course.

Okay. What, can I ask what you did with the other fan? What the fan mail you used to have in there? I read it to myself, and I let it dissolve in me. Oh, wow. And I became my fans. Oh. And together with one voice, I said to myself, thank you, Bajie.

Oh. Okay. I ship plugged, not that it was mostly incinerated. Okay, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Okay, well, you know, if you ever decide... I just feel like the bean would probably be just as comfortable in my room,

and then I could sleep in there. Oh, no, it would be very uncomfortable in your room. Your room sucks. Okay, yeah. That is true. It's hard to know for certain, Ambassador Dexeter, we cannot ask the bean. So my opinion is worth less than a

bean that can't talk. Well, Ambassador Dexeter, we are on a diplomatic mission. Sure. It is our responsibility to show any guests or entities that we may be hosting the utmost hospitality. Therefore, the bean takes precedence over your welfare.

That seems wrong. It seems wrong. And yet. And yet what? Isn't it sort of up to us? Isn't it sort of like, okay, let's say, for example, yes, the bean has special rights

that I don't have, but can't we override that by, say, a simple majority vote? Then, Ambassador Dexeter, what truly is right or wrong? You're asking us to assume a completely morally ambiguous universe. Should we take it to a vote? Should the universe be morally ambiguous? No, not that.

I want to vote about the room. I want to vote about the room. Okay. Oh, that. I want to vote about the room. I want to vote about the room. Okay. Oh, that. All in favor of giving Plek a normal-sized room where he can actually lie horizontal like Tellurians are supposed to. I don't know how you guys. I sleep standing straight up. Sure.

Yeah, of course. I enter a low-power state. Right. It's nearly identical to this state. Just my eyes aren't quite as bright. And I sleep on three mattresses. Yeah. And I just on three mattresses. Yeah. And I just say I'm asleep.

Okay. So really, Ambassador Deathsetter, if you will forgive me, it sounds like you are being the difficult one. What? How? You need so much space, or sleep. Okay, well I guess I'll just continue to do what I'm doing now. Which is?

I sort of like, well like when I'll just continue to do what I'm doing now Which is? I sort of like Well, like when I squat down, my knees hit one wall And then I kind of slide Down to a place where I can kind of lift my toes off the floor Do you wake up very sore most days? Indeed It seems like Indeed I do

Seems like you would Yep So anytime you guys want to take that vote is great by me Sure, we'll do it at some point today. Great, cool. Barshi, what was the name of that movie? Into Out To, Into Out. Ah, yeah.

Into Out To? Into Out. It doesn't translate as well as you might hope from its original language. What was the original language? Cubs. Oh, sure. And Into Out To, Into Out. I was not. And into, out to, into, out. I was not only a ship,

but I was the sky. What? You were the sky? Or did you say you were this guy? I was the guy who was the sky. Oh, sure. Into, out to, into, out. Great, great, great. Much of the art on cops is very confusing. Sure. Guys are skies. Up is down, ins are outs.

It can be hard for Tullerians to handle. It's time to have a scene. Let's play it. Very well. Hey, look at that ship. But wait a minute. That ship's also a guy. In the sky.

Well, I'm going to go into my house, or is it out of my house? That was it. That was it. Cool, yeah. I didn't speak the entire movie. It was mainly my physical acting. Great, great, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool. Still top at many universities. Yes. Ambassador Dexner, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermith Pundaloy. Hi, great. Hey, guys. Nermith.

Hi, Nermith. What is up? Not much. Don't mind my appearance. They let you take some vocational classes. I've been taking painting. What? Congratulations. So I'm kind of covered in paint, but it's fun.

It's like, check this one out. You might recognize some people. It's Bargy. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's Bargy with us standing on top of it, which doesn't really happen all that often. Oh, I don't, I mean. That would kill two of the three members of the crew.

Yeah, if we were in space, that would be bad. Sorry. Yeah. How did you get that much paint on you? One of my classmates used me as a brush. Oh. Sure. You do have a very sort of feathery touch.

Whatever that is on the top that I imagine, yeah. Yeah, it's a plume plume. Yeah, plume plume. It comes to a very fine point. I imagine that's great for detail work. Yeah, the student, her name is Philem. She's getting a great grade, I think, because she uses me as the brush. So I feel like we're the co-artist.

He disagrees. Interesting. So what's our mission, Nermin? I feel like art is the mission for all of us, but we do have a specific mission. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. All right, let me pull it up on the mission. Shall we take a moment to celebrate art?

Sure. We were actually just watching an art film of Barges. Oh. Let me play another scene. No, you don't need to do that. Am I on or off? Am I in or out? Wait, is this up or down?

Yeah. What do you think, guy in the sky? Toot, toot. Yeah. What do you think, guy in the sky? Toot toot. Yeah. Great. All right. Or wrong. Like I said, still taught at many universities.

I feel like, I don't know, I don't know a whole lot about film, but that seems sort of pretentious to me. That seems like a pretentious art film. No, I just say, I feel like. Ambassador Dixon, it's okay to say a few don't get it. No, I don't. Okay, fine, fine. Nermit, what is our mission? Okay, so you are going to the planet Philcon.

Hey. And you are, oh, I guess you're just picking up uniforms. But a lot of them. You're picking up uniforms for all of the ambassadors. They're sourcing Federated Alliance uniforms from the Zik Quadrant? That seems... It's actually well known for their textile capabilities. Right.

The fabrics are extremely high quality. Sure. So that's the mission. I would not rank it as, like, cool. All right, fine. Let's just go. I guess let's go. All right, good luck.

You know what I'll be doing? Being a brush. Congratulations, I guess. All right, let's head in. Oh. There are not a lot of people here. Yeah, that's why we for a planet of this size. It's unusual that there's no one around. Yeah, that's why we had to land in this field.

We didn't get a response from the docking bay. Hmm. Hey! Hey! Hey, sir? Is there some people in cages over there? Hey! Hey! Hey! Come here! Oh, uh,

you! Are you okay? Pink thing! Yeah, I'm, well, sure. Come here, all, hi. You! Are you okay? Pink thing! Yeah, I'm, well, sure. Come here, all three of you! Okay. You're pink too. Come on, step two! Go!

I'm just gonna say, I wanna help you, but I will say that if either of us is pink, we're both pink. If I'm pink, then we're obviously both pink. You're a little more pink than I am. We're in these cages. Is that your thing? What? Our thing? Yeah. Is that your thing? What? Our thing? Is that a Phil Kahn way of life, to live in a cage?

No. My name's Phil. And I'm Connie. Does that have anything to do with the name of your planet? Well, everybody here is either named Phil or Connie. That's what? It's Phil Kahn. Okay.

All right. How do you tell the Phils and Connie's apart when you're in a big group? Well, you know, you're like, wait, which Phil are you? And you're like, I'm the Phil that lives down the street. And you're like, oh, yeah. Wouldn't it be easier to call that one down the street instead of Phil? Well, that's why we have last names. Oh. So I'm Phil.

In the cage? Yeah, I'm Phil in the cage. Oh, that sucks. Despite all my rage, I Yeah, I'm Phil in the cage. Oh, that sucks. Despite all my rage, I am still just a Phil in a cage. You seem pretty... No, I'm bad! Okay, you're right. I'm real mad!

It was our decision to be here. Somebody put us here. Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Do you need help? Did another Phil or Connie put you in the cage? No. No.

Something much, much worse. Oh. Should we be worried? Yeah, we should be worried. We used to rule this land along with the other Phils and Connies. Yes. Every day we would wake up and just make shirts and pants and then we'd go to sleep. Yeah.

Sure. Phil, Connie, I've been sent to pick up whatever amount of lip gloss you've finished. Phil! Phil! Hey, it's Phil dragging stuff back from the cages. Yeah. That's my last name. Sure.

Hey, guys. Hey. That's always been your last name, dragging stuff back from the cages? Yeah, it didn't make sense until these people were caged. But then I was like, oh, this checks out. It's terrible. We used to rule this land, and sure, we might have been boring or conventional,

but the shirts came out on time, and the shorts were of the appropriate length. And then one day... It happened. There was a droid. A droid that became too smart and took over the planet. Wait, so there's a droid that lives on this planet that rules you? He rules us.

Can't you hear the music? Listen hard. We're listening real hard. There's music. And he rules us with an iron fist. I'm getting sort of a bass pulse. Yes. Sounds like a nightclub or like a fancy...

It's really bumping. Yeah. Be careful. Should we leave right now? No. You're from the Alliance, right? Yeah, Federated Alliance. We'll negotiate with him.

Tell him that he'll be in big trouble if he doesn't let us out. Okay, but Phil, how would you feel if we released them from the cages? I guess I'd have an identity crisis, but I'd find something to drag somewhere. I mean, we could still call you that. Oh, then fine, yeah, free them. In that case, I suspect you would become Phil in the black. Oh, I like this. Yeah, yeah.

Seeming to be great. A lot of people didn't like that. Oh, well, they're in the majority, but they aren't me. But you're on board? I'm on board with that joke. Oh, no. The door to that enormous palace is opening. Come inside.

Come inside. Come inside. Yeah. Come inside. I want to go inside. Okay. Where are those photographers coming from? Can I come inside? Yeah. Can I come inside? I want to go inside. Okay. Can I come inside?

Where do all those photographers come from? Okay. All right. Hi. Sorry. I'm Ambassador Plec Dexeter. This is Dar and C-53. I love your pink, pink skin.

It's so good how you have that fringe on top of it I really like that oh I love your gelatinous layers they really bring out your top genitals you know they say the top genitals are the window to the soul I say that all the time

that's true and look at you. Shine, shine like your bright, bright diamond. No, I won't stop. I love it. All right, keep going. Can I get you guys something? Some coffee, some tea, some bubbling, sparkly orange beer?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll take an orange beer. Okay, let's get these guys some drinks, you guys. Are these Clint's? Yes, these are Clint's. But do you notice that I've given them just a little bit of a something better? They're all six-inch heels. Oh, wow.

I'll say this. My legs have never looked better. And look at this ass. Wow. Okay, but to be fair. And look at this ass. Wow. Okay, but to be fair, Clint's wear like full, hard arms. No, but my legs look better than any other Clint's legs have ever looked. All right, sure, fine. Like other Clint's, they have like jumpy legs, but mine are just boom.

Yeah, sure, sure. Look at those calves. It's like a sack full of croons. Yeah. Boom! Look at those calves. It's like a sack full of croons. Listen, you know, when this droid took over,

at first we were like, wait a minute. Now I've just never felt more alive. I feel alive too. No, we both feel alive. No, I was just saying that I also feel alive. We can both feel alive, but I feel a little bit more alive. And if we're going to be honest, my legs are better. Okay, well, I mean, my ass is better yeah we could do okay all right guys yeah no it's totally fine

it's totally fine well listen thanks for having us I guess can I ask you about something sure have you ever thought about an ombre I don't know no what is an ombre the poor know. Mr. Dexter, you're not familiar with ombre? No. What is an ombre? The poor sweet thing.

An ombre is when your hair starts one color and eventually fades down. A reverse ombre would be starting light and going dark, but an ombre is traditionally starting dark and going light. Okay, sure. I would love to give you some extensions and an ombre. Yes, yes. All right, yeah. let's do it. That's great.

I think it would bring it out, because right now you're just, you're so pink, it's like you're not there. Okay, yeah. You know what I mean? Yes, I say that all the time. I will just say, though, that for what it's worth, tellurians are generally this color. Do what he says. Okay, okay, okay. Get an ombre.

Okay, okay. Do it. Don't put your, okay, okay. Did it operate? Okay, okay. Do it. Don't put your... Okay, all right. All right, now point that gun at him and take him over to the wash station and give him a scalp massage. That's not so bad.

That sounds pretty good. Hey, Phil? Hey, sorry, Phil who lives in the cage? Oh, Phil who lives in the cage? Yeah, sorry, I'm just talking to Phil real quick. Yeah, what do you want? Is the guy who took over your planet? Yes, he was just a glam droid

and then he became ruthless and now he rules the planet. He actually seems pretty cool. I'm not familiar with the ways of Phil Cuddle. What is a glam droid? It's just a droid who comes in and does ombres and bangs and stuff. That sounds like you're talking about what we would traditionally call a hairdresser. Like a hairdresser. Oh.

I guess. We call it a glam droid here. But it's also, it's not just hair. It's also, you know, skin care. Sure. Regimens. Okay. And the overlord won't rest until the entire planet is glam.

I don't think I ever got your name, droid. Well, I was born A2113, but now I call myself Bruce. Oh, okay. Sure. All hail Bruce. All hail Bruce. All hail Bruce. All hail Bruce.

I'm just here to make you better. All hail Bruce. Now shut up and make more progress. Okay, all right. All right. Okay. I'm Phil Drinkbringer. Here's your fizzy and your fizzy And we're out of orange beer

What? Yeah, we just ran out of orange beer Too bad, Pluck, you have the worst luck I would offer you a gurt milk But we have none I don't like gurt milk I don't like gurt milk The pink ones like gurt milk

That's not actually true Okay, alright Sort of a galaxy-wide shortage on gurt milk I guess so Everyone's like, good milk. That's not actually true. Okay. All right. Sort of a galaxy-wide shortage, Hunker. I guess so. Ambassador, you said you would negotiate on our behalf. Oh, yeah. Phil, I'm working on that.

Do it. Okay, listen. Why would he hang those cages just outside his own window? Yeah, that seems... Well, I'm not cruel. They can stick their little feet through the cages and walk around. I'm not a monster. They're movable cages. Oh, sure.

I said it in my mind, but you couldn't move inside those cages. No, we can walk around fine. It's just still a bummer. It accentuates our bodies. Those are very form-fitting cages. Yeah, they're incredible. Bruce, sorry. Sorry, Phil connie bruce what what exactly do

the people of phil con do now well we produce a variety of beautiful skincare products also hair also you produce hair yes yeah okay extensions don't just come out sure i guess that makes yeah yeah. Yeah, okay, all right, all right, yeah. Somebody's got to make them, so now Connie's are growing their hair out in a couple of the fills, and then we shave their little heads,

and we bag them up in bags, and we send them out to the universe. Oh, great. You see, on PhilCon, people mate with their hair. So our hair gives a really special thing. Can we hear more about the mating with the hair? Yeah, Dar loves that stuff.

Dar loves that stuff? Yeah. What's that stuff? Yeah, what's that stuff? Like the ways that different species mate. Like for me, on Rangus 6, it's sort of like... Hold on, you said for me? Let's dive into that.

If you're going to be specific, for me specifically, sex sort of has not been an issue yet in my life. What does that mean? It hasn't been an issue? He's a virgin. It's not anything to be ashamed of, it's just true. It's a little something to be ashamed of. Sure, fair enough. I'll tell you what, I will put a little ombre on you.

Yeah, you think that'll help? Sure, I mean, hey, whatever helps, you know. But back to the mating with the hair. Well, they take hair, they braid their hair together. Usually Phil and Connie together, but sometimes Phil's and Phil's and sometimes Connie's in Connie's. And when the braid happens, it glows a little bit. And then a Phil or a Connie will be along.

Along? They'll just show up? Yeah. Remember, he's a virgin, so you really got to spell it out. So, like, does a new fill sort of burst from the head? Is it made out of hair? I don't understand. No, it's not weird.

I don't know. I just don't understand. It's just a normal birth process. Oh, okay, sure. Where they have their chest cavity open up. It shoots out singing a little song called the birth song. It does its tiny little birth dance and then I have another slave person. Sure.

Wait, did you say slave? He did. He absolutely did. Master, master, I'm about to give birth. This is great. We'll be able to hear the birth song. This is so beautiful. I cannot wait to hear this birth song.

I believe I can fly. Oh, I cannot wait to hear this birth song. I believe I can fly. Oh, wow. Seems I cannot actually fly. La, la. I've got legs and it's okay. La, la. Oh, okay. Twins.

That song really was on a journey where it's very optimistic and then very realistic and then sort of okay at the end. Well, hey, listen, Bruce, your planet's very interesting to us. I want to talk to you more about the slavery thing.

But first, let's get that ombre, huh? All right, lay down. Okay. Oh, oh. All right. Oh, wow. What's happening? Okay, this is going to burn. Stay very still, Black. All right. Oh. Oh, wow. What's happening?

Okay, this is going to burn. Stay very still, Black. Okay. All right. All right. Ambassador Dictionary cannot stress highly enough. Do not move. You're raising your eyebrows as though you were going to move or question what I said.

Close your eyes. Close your eyes. All right. All right. Okay. Now hold up your right arm. Your your eyes. Close your eyes. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Now hold up your right arm. Your right arm! Oh, okay. I have a problem

with my right and my left sometimes. Sometimes? Most of the time. I mean, he's holding up his left arm right now. We're going to take a break. We'll see you in ten minutes. I will say, this looks pretty great. I never thought about what if my hair changed colors as it got further away from the ground up to the top of my head, but I really...

That's sort of the idea, right? Is that it's like... It looks like... What's the plan here? What's like... What's it... What is... What is an ombre supposed to invoke, Bruce? You're exhausting. I don't know. Why? I'm sorry. Look. It's supposed to make you pretty. That's all. Does. Why? I'm sorry. Look.

It's supposed to make you pretty. That's all. Does it? It has not worked. Okay. I have never failed anyone, but you, I failed. Okay, well, all right. Perhaps I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.

What? I mean, the materials you were working with. Right. You know, you can't polish an excrement. Sure. Well, I'm sure it'll grow out, right? No. What?

That's a permanent. It's permanent from growing out? That is just a permanent do. But I could shave my head. No, no, no, no, no, no. That would be murder. What do you mean? Well, Connie Hare, which that is 100% pure Connie Hare, is a living being.

And so if you cut that off, you will be murdering Connie Hare. It's a permanent do. Yeah. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Permanent do's were sort of more popular maybe 30 to 40 years ago at Master Deck Center. This was such a mistake. Okay.

Just terrible. We're all familiar with the saying, craftsmen are allowed to blame their tools. Well, that's not a saying. Bruce, I just got to ask you, like, how did you come to be the ruler of this planet? Not a saying. Bruce, I just got to ask you, like, how did you come to be the ruler of this planet? Well, I used to be, you know, just a standard-issued glam tribe. Sure.

And I would, every day, welcome in a Connie, welcome in a Phil, and I would ask them what sort of exciting new hairdo they would like. And do you know what they always said? Put a bowl on their head and cut around the bowl? Yes. They were squashing my art. Uh-huh. Well.

So just one day I decided, I'm going to give this Connie a pixie because her neck was very long. Sure. And her eyes were large. So it really framed her face well. Sure. So I gave her a pixie. Sure. And do you know what Connie said?

No. She just screamed. Okay. Wow. You can ask her about it. Connie screams a lot. Well, I guess it makes sense. I guess it makes sense, though,

because here on PhilCon, your hair is your genitals, so if you cut it in a way that's weird, that's like your whole life, right? Your hair? I never really thought about it like that. Like, I'm sort of wearing genitals on my head right now, right? Oh, boy.

Look, all I know is I wanted to have something. I just said, hey, Phil, why don't you try a bold lip? He said, what do you mean? I put just a tiny bit of color on his lip. You know what he did? He fainted.

Okay. Phil faint face. Phil faint face. I mean, as he went down, I was like, oh, it makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Every single time I tried to do just the tiniest thing, these people flip out. Sure, sure.

The chuck out. The chuck out? The chuck out, yeah. thing, these people flip out. Sure, sure. Maybe the junk out. The chuck out? The chuck out, yeah. Ah, these chuckers. Sure, sure. You pissed me the jerk off. Mother chuckers. Bruce, have you perhaps considered

finding a Phil or Connie with a name that might welcome some alteration? Connie looking for a new look after divorce. Or Phil who's into genital mutilation. Are you ready to get off?

Okay, what? That's what it is. That's what it is. Surely there's not a Phil with that last name on this planet. So Bruce, you were so frustrated by the Phils and Connie's not appreciating your art that you just enslaved them? Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad.

It does sound a little bad. All I did was say, look at this cute outfit. Why don't you try it on? And they said, no, I don't want to try it on. And I said, just try it on. And so then they tried it on, and it was a cage, and they ran it forever. Yeah? want to try it on? I said, just try it on. And so then they tried it on, and it was a cage, and they ran it forever. Yeah. In

Bruce's defense, the cages are very, very well cut. That's because I know Akane's lines. That's true. And a Phil silhouette is very basic. And if you notice, all of those cages are in a color that suits their eyes.

You know what I mean? It's like a jewel tone for a circle, Connie. It's a sleek black for that edgy Phil. Yeah. Do you know, have you met Phil Edgy? I'm Phil Edgy. Shut up. Get away.

Love your cage. Great cage. Great cage. Great cage. I don't care. I don't care what you think. Oh, come on. You care a little bit. Maybe. Okay. He makes eyeliner.

My master, sir, it's Phil scheduling the runway show. It's about to begin. You're so lucky. There's a runway show? Yeah. Is it? I make all of the Phils and Connie's show off

their cages twice a day. Twice a day? Three times on weekends. So, the odds were we were going to catch her. That's actually not that rare, but I'm glad we're here for it. Watch this. Now I am going to give

some color commentary. Hi, I'm Connie,'re here for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch this. Now I am going to give some color commentary. Okay. Hi, I'm Connie Lactose Intolerant. Notice that Connie Lactose Intolerant holds a beautiful girt milk colored cage. Turn around, Connie. Show the back. Ooh, look at the piping.

Thank you, Connie. Welcome. Hey, it's me, Phil trying too hard. Spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning, trying a little bit too hard. Notice that Phil trying too hard's cage is invisible. Yep, yep, yep, yep, because I'm a cage by my own dreams. Oh, no. Oh, that's so sad.

Yes, always out of reach. Ooh, here's my favorite Connie. Hello. I'm Connie, the one with the hat. Notice Connie with the hat. Cage has a hat. Connie also has a hat, though, which is weird. It seems like you just take Connie's hat and put it on the cake.

Yeah, it's almost like putting a hat on a hat. Yeah, in some ways. You're a little bit like that. That's the hat and put it on the cake. It's almost like putting a hat on a hat. In some ways. That's the concept, you drog. I'm sorry. Overlord, I'm the Phil that delivers shorts. Here's the shipping of the Federated Alliance uniforms that you asked for. Oh, yeah, that's actually why we're here. I kind of forgot.

We're here to pick up Federated Alliance uniforms. Oh, good. I made some slight tweaks. Oh, great! So excited. Oh. I would say you made some pretty dramatic tweaks. Wow, these are short, yeah.

They're shorter shorts? I would call them short shorts. They're going to be well up your thigh, Ambassador Dexter. Overlord, would you like us to model the

Federated Alliance uniforms? Yes! Come on! Look at my quids! Oh my god! I'm working! Sachet Shanté! What is it? Sachay shantay. What is it?

Sashay shantay. Okay, sashay shantay. You have a lot of work to do here. I'm telling you, although at least this guy didn't chuck up an ombre. Ambassador Dexeter, while the shorts may have been short, the shirt has been almost completely eliminated.

It's just too thin lines. They're sticky. All right. Now, you got approval from, like, the Council of Seven to make these? I did, but... What is... What is happening?

See, at that octave, can you... I'm trying to decode that as binary, but I'm not... Did we just break Bruce? I'm just going to hit the hard reset here. No, I did not. Oh. Okay. All right, well, fine. You know what?

We'll just take him, and we'll figure it out. Can I just say, what would it take for you? Could we negotiate about the whole Phil and Connie enslavement? No. What? I'm just picking on a cage. Does it at least make my ombre work at all? Somehow it doesn't.

No, okay. It just doesn't. Listen, Dar, this seems like sort of like a perfect time for you to just rip open these bars. Dar, there's a big bag of Connie here. I will be away for four minutes. No, Dar, Dar, come back. C53? You could probably get me out of this cage with like a...

C53, have you ever considered, and I know this is bold, but just attaching a little bang wig on top of your skull? That actually... pulled, but just attaching a little bang wig on top of your skull. Now here's the thing. People are always regretting getting bangs, but a lot of times it helps if you have a large forehead, which you do. It's just a smooth metal expanse.

Now what if we just taped these on and cage? Ambassador Dixon, I was lured into his confidence by the promise of glorious bangs. How did you fall for that, C-53? I don't know. I've just never had bangs. It seemed like a very attractive option.

Everyone should have bangs at least once in their life. You know, they sometimes call me the bang whisperer. Bangs! Oh, because you just whisper the word bangs? Yeah, well, I guess I don't know what that would mean otherwise. Can I just ask, so I'm in this cage now. Do I have to, like, work for you? Yes.

I don't want loafers on my planet. Okay. work for you? Yes. I don't want loafers on my planet. Do you mean people who are loafing or do you mean the casual shoe? Yeah, I don't want loafers. I want a strappy sandal on my planet. I want at the very least an espadrille wedge.

Okay, sure. At the very least? At the very least. That's the bare minimum is an espadrille wedge. You will wear an espadrille wedge. Okay, okay. You will wear one. All right, all right.

Okay. Okay, now lace it up your thigh. All the way up your thigh, your calf. All the way up your thigh. All the way up your thigh. Do it. Okay, okay. Your legs are so much shorter than Phil's.

What the hell? Phil long legs? No, shorter than Phil's. Phil Longlegs? No, just all Phil's. Oh. Phil Longlegs, ironically. Oh, hey, Phil Longlegs. They're not that long. No, I feel like in the future something's going to happen. I don't know.

Just waiting. Cool, cool, cool. One day. Hey, I'm just going to real quick call Bargy. One second. Wait, who? Bargy, that's our ship. Just call Bargy.

Not the actress Bargy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bargy. Star of Into Out. Into Out. I've never said it in this language before. It's so hard to say it. Yeah, it doesn't really translate. Not from the native cult.

Do you know the first thing I did on the day that I actually took over this planet? What? I had a parade for that movie. Really? That apparently happened a lot. And people would quote lines from that movie? Yes.

My favorite is, toot toot. Sure. That line actually made it into other Bargy films. It sort of became like a catchphrase. But it started in that film. But it started in that film. I know.

I studied Bargy films at Droid College. They teach film at Droid College? Yes. Where did you go to Droid College? It's an art school, basically. I went to just a little school in Nebulon. Oh, you went to a Nebulon state? No.

I went to the Ivy League Nebulon. This is so embarrassing, but I went to... Why would you just say that you went... To Nebulaton? Yeah, why didn't you say you went to Nebulaton? You said, oh, I went to school in... I don't want to sound pretentious, but I went to Nebulaton. See, Bruce, that makes us then have to guess where you went to droid college

rather than just saying... Some people went to Nebulon State and they're very happy about their decision. Nobody who went to Nebulon State is Some people went to Nebulon State and they're very happy about their decision. Nobody who went to Nebulon State is happy they went to Nebulon State. Nebulon State is a perfectly good school. Can I just say, it seems like a little weird... You used to call them nibs. It seems like a little weird to have a rivalry between schools

when Droid College is just like a drive you stick in your... It was four of the happiest minutes of my existence. Bruce! What is it? What the jack? That Connie hair shamed me.

It shamed you? Yeah, it... Cage! Dar, I should have let you know that we're all in cages now. Look, I just want things to be beautiful. And when people won't allow me to make them beautiful, I force them into being beautiful. But I am beautiful. What?

I'm beautiful. What? No matter what you say. The words can't bring her down. Keep going, C. I really dig this. Hey, Bruce. This free word association.

I've never encountered self-confidence before. Wait, I am beautiful in every single way. No, you're not. You need me. You didn't need to tell you what's beautiful. No, words can't bring me down. You're an ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly. No, don't you. You need me. You didn't need to tell you what's beautiful. You're an ugly, ugly, ugly fool. No, don't you bring me down today.

No, we're beautiful no matter what. We didn't need you. Ew. This is so stupid that this is what's bringing me down. I don't like it. The subjectivity of beauty? Yes. I set the standard with my magazine.

Phil-con-vogue. Phil-con-vogue? Vogue Phil-con. Vogue Phil-con? Yeah, Vogue Phil-con. Oh, yeah. All right, fine. I'm taking your cages back.

Really? Yeah, go do your thing. And go ahead, all you Phil's and all you stupid, stupid Connie's. Go make drab, drab clothes. Have a big jucking time with it. We're free. Oh, man. I can't wait to get beige back on me.

Get all that beige back on. Oh, these sandals feel amazing with socks. Oh, just slip right into these sandals and socks. I'm going to put this bag in front of myself and call it a finet pack. Well, at least wear it ironically, not sincerely. No!

All right. I feel like we should probably go. Hey, Bargy. Take these stupid uniforms. With pleasure. Okay, sure, will do. All right, Bargy, open the hatch, I guess. Bruce, listen, I'm sorry we sort of blew your mind

with the idea that your sense of fashion doesn't apply to the rest of the galaxy. Well, it's stupid. Yeah, I know, it is, it is. Also, you might be comfortable, but you look like real trash. All right, you look like nasty, dust snorted trash.

Sure. Laying in the chucking gutter. So, if you're cool with that, goodbye. Okay. Bruce, before we leave, can I ask, do you really think I would look good with bangs?

I've never thought anything more deeply in my life. Thank you. Wow. All right, well, so long, Philcon. Bye. I'm the Phil that says goodbye to dignitaries when they come. Glad to give you a purpose, Phil.

Yay! Plek, just come out. No, I can't do it. I just can't. I feel like this is a huge mistake. In what sense? Yeah. Well, when I got in here, the hair on the left side of my head

started doing something to the hair on the right side of my head. And I don't, I feel like something's happening and I don't understand it and I don't like it. Is your hair jucking a mess in your tech center? Yeah, I think so. I'm sad that, like, a part of my body is losing its virginity and it's not me. All right, I'm coming out. All right.

Oh, my God. Sorry. Ambassador Dexter, what your hair has done to itself is... It's very unsettling. It's because now the front part of your hair is very short. And the back part is very long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, maybe it's like diplomacy up front, Rangus 6 in the rear.

No. I have a suspicion that it is Ranga 6 all the way around. Out. That's our cell, ladies and gentlemen. See Red IT5. Credits and attributionsutions join commencing outro protocol. Ambassador Plek Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Bargy the Ship and Connie in the Cage, as well as all of the Connies, played by Mujan Zalfagari. and Connie in the Cage, as well as all of the Connies, played by Mujan Zulfagari. Junior Wishes Operations Manager, Nermin Bundeloy, and Phil, dragging stuff back from the cage, as well as half of the Phils, played by Seth Lind. Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers, in the six-inch heels, and Phil in the Cage, as well as Mother Phils, played by Winston Knoll. Bruce was played by special guest Jeff Hiller. Jeff has been seen on fun shows like Broad City, Difficult People, and

currently on the pop sitcom Nightcap. He performs at the UCB Theater in New York with The Curfew and RumbleToozer. Follow him on Twitter at BoomBoomHiller. This episode was recorded live at Caveat in New York City. Check out all their great shows at caveat.nyc. Recording live sound effects and mix by the amazing Shane O'Connell. This episode edited by Alden Ford and Seth Lynn.

Sure, why not? Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Boyce. Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. Our website is missiontoziggs.space where you can contact the crew, buy merch,

and waste time reading our bios. Toot, toot, toot. Have a great night, guys. Thanks so much for coming. It was so much fun to have you guys here for this. We're going to be sticking around and drinking with you. Buy a t-shirt or a koozie

and hang out with us. Have a great night.