Mission To Zyxx - L07: Us, Robots [LIVE ft. Dru Johnston]

Episode Date: September 25, 2019

In this special Season 2-era live episode, the crew attempts to recruit a powerful soldier named General Almost to aid in the Rebellion’s fight against the Federated Alliance. Bargie conducts some i...nterviews. C-53 has beef. Nermut has a dream. Performed at Littlefield in Brooklyn, NY.Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as BeanoMoujan Zolfaghari as BargieWith special guest Dru Johnston as General AlmostImprovised live at Littlefield in Brooklyn New York on March 17, 2019 to kick off Season 3Live recording, live sound effects, and mix by Shane O’ConnellEdited by Seth LindMusic composed by Brendan RyanOpening crawl narration by Jeremy CrutchleyShip design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric GeuszMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is SeaRed IT5. Thanks to our generous supporters on Maximum Fun, we are now releasing special monthly episodes in the off-season. For even more off-season releases, and to join the heroes who make Mission to Six possible, become a supporter at MaximumFun.org slash donate. And now, enjoy the Season 2 era live performance featuring returning guest, Drew Johnston. How's everybody doing tonight? Yeah! Oh my god! This is great. This is an awesome crowd. Thank you so much for coming out to Littlefield. I'd like to introduce our amazing cast.
Starting point is 00:00:32 You want to meet them? Yeah, great. I'm all in for it, by the way. I play Plex Dexeter. Please welcome out to the stage Jeremy Mets, C-53. Dar, played by Ali Kokesh. Nermin Bundeloy. Seth Lind. The Ship of Stars,
Starting point is 00:00:53 Dreamer of the Land. Margeria Jade, Mushan Silvagari. Every other character in the galaxy, including Clint and Bino. Winston Knoll, ladies and gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Give it up for our amazing sound designer, Shane O'Connell. Yes, this is us. NBC's This Is Us. Wouldn't that be a weird cross-promotion? Doesn't matter what the show is, just say This Is Us at the end of it. We've got a really great show. You guys ready to get started? Okay, we're going to do a brand new Lost episode from season two.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Please welcome to the stage our very special guest for this episode, Drew Johnson, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's get started. It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, rebel emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new
Starting point is 00:02:06 worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Hey, C-53? Yes? I had a really weird dream last night.
Starting point is 00:02:52 Oh? I had a dream that, like, we were all on the ship, and we were, like... That's pretty normal so far. Okay, well, it gets weirder. Okay. I'm trying to set the stage. Oh? We were standing aroundirder. Okay. I'm trying to set the stage. We were standing around Beano.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Okay. And we were all really sad. Anyway, that was the weird part. We were sad and we were... Beano love it when people explain their dreams. Beano love it. I'm sorry, Beano. Beano think it's so interesting. Beano loves it! I'm sorry, Beano. Beano thinks it's so interesting.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Beano loves it. Beano. Maybe it means something, you know? Maybe, but probably not. Beano, you ready? Mm-hmm. Beano's got a line of interns for me to interview. What?
Starting point is 00:03:40 I'm sorry, I printed out my resume. I'm ready for... Great. All right, let me read this over. Wait, sorry, Bargy, you're interviewing interns? Yeah. Bargy, hold on. Gotta delegate.
Starting point is 00:03:53 What? Gotta delegate. Sorry, I just couldn't hear you, Vino. Vino, no. Bargy, what is it exactly that the intern will do? I'm sorry, are you also interviewing
Starting point is 00:04:09 for the role? Because I work here. I work here already. It's just that you're asking all the questions that I had prepared and you're just like totally ruining...
Starting point is 00:04:16 It's cool. You seem very stressed out. You know what? I really need this internship. C-53, let's go look at stuff in the cargo bay. Oh, there's a couple interns in there, too.
Starting point is 00:04:26 Oh, no. My greatest weakness is I'm too detail-focused. Okay. That's my greatest weakness. That's mine. That's my greatest weakness. No, no, no, no, no. I've seen such small details.
Starting point is 00:04:39 My father works for the Rebellion, and he said, I'm totally going to get this job. Photoshopped a photo of me inside of another ship. How'd the interview go, Bargy? I'll give it to all of them. You can just be in that room, the smallish room. No, actually, that's my room.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Yeah, I know. You can all just stay in there. We can figure it out. There's a lot of copies of They Teen in here. It's a subscription. I don't like to throw it away until I've read all the articles. You know, you can cancel a subscription.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Yeah, I know. But I like it. Emissary Dex Center, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundeloy. Okay. Hey, Nermin. Hey, guys. Oh, I just woke up.
Starting point is 00:05:25 And then you called us? Yeah, well... You're allowed to, like, get your day started before... Really? I can pause? Well, not now. You've caused this. I just...
Starting point is 00:05:34 I had the craziest dream. Yeah, it was so crazy. What happened? I'm 52. So, Plek was on the ship. Crazy. Then I woke up. That was all that happened in the dream?
Starting point is 00:05:55 No, it was weird that so little happened. My dreams, like, have at least three events. This one, arguably not an event. I guess that's a little weird. Like a guy in a place? Yeah, well. I was asleep for six hours. Oh.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Want a mission? Yeah, sure. I'll take a mission. Okay, so get this, guys. This is going to be pretty insane. Do you guys know General Almost? General Almost? Yes.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Yeah, General Almost. One of the most powerful generals of one of the most militant societies, possibly. Wait, sorry, Nermin. Should Dar be here for this mission briefing? Because I haven't actually seen him. Why are you looking like that? So, Dar is writing a novel about us. Ooh, is it called This Is Us?
Starting point is 00:06:47 Yes, it is. That's the title of Dark Moms. We don't love This Is Us. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of spans time. I don't know. I think it's going to start strong. Wow.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Anyway, writing a novel is a really big deal, so Dar is probably in their room just scribbling. Hey, Dar? What? I'm working on my grief porn in here. Oh. We're actually getting a mission if you want to come on out. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:20 I'll let the muses leave me. Those are the other interns. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Sorry. So yeah, Dar. Hey, Dar. Good luck on the novel. And yeah, General Almost. General, one of the most militant planets not associated with the
Starting point is 00:07:37 Federated Alliance. Quite possibly recruitable by us to the Rebellion. Boom, boom, boom. Coordinates. I'm sorry. Has General Olmos gotten over the death of his perfect father? I don't think that's... I don't think anyone can get over the death of their perfect father.
Starting point is 00:07:54 At least not for three seasons. Right. Yeah. Oh, I get it. I got it. Fino, what this is us. Oh, boy. Wow.
Starting point is 00:08:19 It's a very regimented, clean play. I guess I would have expected. This is a military planet. I wasn't kidding about it being a military planet. Everyone's just marching everywhere. Hi. I am not a droid. Would you like to see General Olmos?
Starting point is 00:08:34 Follow me? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. I am not a droid. 100% authentic. I can sort of see through her chest. The weather today is 70 degrees Felpheus. I'm sorry, Felpheus?
Starting point is 00:08:50 Felpheus. Wow. Like I mentioned, if you notice, but this person is definitely a druid. Yeah, no, I could tell. You know, eyes that light up for once. Who is it? Who's outside my office? Just peering through a little slat in the door.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Hi, uh, hey. I can see through the slat. Who are you? Uh, sorry. I'm Emissary Plec Dex Center. This is C-53 and Dar. We arranged a meeting through the Rebellion. Of course. We were just trying to see if you'd perhaps
Starting point is 00:09:20 be interested in joining the Rebellion. You know, to stand up against the Federated Alliance. This might actually be easier if you just perhaps be interested in joining the Rebellion, you know, to stand up against the Federated Alliance. This might actually be easier if you just open the door. Fine, come in, come in. Come into my office. Okay. Wow, a lot of medals.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Thank you. My name is General Edward James Almost. Wow. Wow. Okay. That's my name. Yeah, no, we got it. I don't think anyone missed it. No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:57 General Almost, thanks for taking this meeting. Are you a robot? Am I a robot? What's your name? Emissary Plelex Dex Center. Plex Dex Center? Yeah, that's right. I gotta tell you, you gotta watch out on this planet.
Starting point is 00:10:12 We Tellurians, we created robots. They rebelled. They took over. Some of them look like Tellurians. You can never tell who's a Tellurian and who's a robot. You can usually tell. Yeah, I feel like... I don't want to...
Starting point is 00:10:29 Plek. Sorry. Plek, can I see you over here real quick? Yeah, of course. Okay. Well, he pulled Plek into an aside right away. It just feels like that's kind of our thing. That's usually what we do.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Plek. Yes. I'm very good at telling who's a robot and who's not. Your friend C-53 is a robot. Yeah. Yeah, he is. Do you know how I can tell? You know what?
Starting point is 00:10:54 Give it away. C-53. Yo. Very small office. C-53, I'm sorry. Give us just a second. C-53, are you a robot? Yes, I'm a robot.
Starting point is 00:11:04 See, I can tell. Very good. I'm very good. That's why I'm a second. C53, are you a robot? Yes, I'm a robot. See, I can tell. Very good. I'm very good. That's why I'm a general. I'm so good at knowing who are robots and who are not. And who's coming to take over. Hold on. Anyone can be a robot.
Starting point is 00:11:16 Okay, all right. General, I have brought you your coffee. Thank you. I have had coffee before. Oh, yum, yum. Goodbye. See? You can tell that she's not a robot.
Starting point is 00:11:29 Uh, I don't know. Because she's had coffee before. And coffee, robots can't have coffee. Watch this, C-53. Hot coffee! No! Oh, no! Why did you throw a hot coffee at him?
Starting point is 00:11:40 Why did you do that? If it was a Tellurian, it would have drank that hot coffee. No! How? In midair? Tellurian, it would have drank that hot coffee. Help! It would have opened its mouth and caught the hot coffee. Don't belittle me, robot. Okay, all right, all right, all right. Hey, hey. I've got a gun.
Starting point is 00:11:59 No, no, no. No, General. I've got a big gun, and this gun is Tellurian. Okay, all right. It shouldn't matter. This gun is Tellurian. Okay, all right. It shouldn't matter. This gun is not a robot. It shouldn't matter. All right, all right, all right.
Starting point is 00:12:09 You should die, you dirty robot. Okay, all right, all right, all right. All right, listen. Listen, General. What do you want? General Almos, listen. We are not here to start any issues with you. We don't have any beef.
Starting point is 00:12:19 We want to... I got a little beef. Okay, well, we sort of do now, but... You can't have beef. You're a robot. Watch this. Beef! No, we sort of do now. You can't have beef. You're a robot. Watch this. Beef! Where are you getting that?
Starting point is 00:12:30 I'm like, where did you just pull a slab of beef from? I have some sitting in my drawer in case a robot comes in. I think before we ask you for help, General, we need to maybe offer to help you. What is happening on this planet, and is there anything we can do? All right, I'll tell you.
Starting point is 00:12:51 But that one needs to leave. Listen, I'll leave. I'll step outside. But before I go, beef! Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Oh, wow. He was as good as his work. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:03 What do you think I do most of the time? I practice eating flying coffee and beef. Sometimes at the same time. And it doesn't affect me well because I'm a Tellurian and not a robot. You guys can say just coffee and raw beef? I don't think that's good for you. You wouldn't know. I can still know things.
Starting point is 00:13:25 You know what? I'm just going to... Thank you, C-53. Wow. I'm just trying to get around. Okay, if you just go underneath. If you just shimmy. Ooh, okay. Oh, wow. Good job, guys.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Alright. Listen, General Olmos, what happened to this planet? How did robots take over? It was a terrible, terrible time. My perfect father. Oh, boy. He created.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Oh, no. I'm listening. I have a perfect father. He died a while ago, three seasons ago. Do you mind if I actually take notes while you share this very personal backstory? Absolutely. You can do it. You can do it.
Starting point is 00:14:07 I'm going to take out my typewriter and just, don't mind me. Okay. My perfect father made a new prototype of a robot. A super intelligent robot. It's called a Skylon. S-C-Y-L-O-N. That's what he called it. That's fine. He was perfect, so I had
Starting point is 00:14:36 to spell it right. He created it. C53. I think you were just saying Cylon. No. C-53. You need to calm down. You're right.
Starting point is 00:14:49 You're right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm walking away. Thank you. He created an ultra-sensitive, an ultra-insane robot that could mimic. Soon, they rebelled.
Starting point is 00:15:03 They evolved. They have a plan to take over they're going to kill every single tellurian on this planet and they look like us sometimes but what happened to your dad oh what happened to my dad well me and my two siblings I think
Starting point is 00:15:19 one is a different race I think oh no this is what we would Uh, one is a different race, I think. Oh, no. No, I think this is what, we would, our friends, me, we would always say, this is us. That's all we would say constantly. Uh-huh. No, this is very good.
Starting point is 00:15:35 This is working for me. Okay, good, good. My husband, I am checking to see what time you'll come home tonight. Oh, hello, honey. Oh, no. What? This is my wife. Oh, no. What? This is my wife. Oh, no. Please.
Starting point is 00:15:48 My darling husband. How are you, Tellurian wife? This is my Tellurian wife. How are you, Tellurian wife? I am doing... Good. Sounds like something's on her mind. What's on your mind?
Starting point is 00:16:06 My darling husband. I need you to look over these papers. Thank you. I printed it out of my body like a tellurian. Thank you, tellurian wife. Oh, boy. All right. I can look.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Yes, I'll give you all the information. Okay, those coordinates that you asked for are 72. Hold on, hold on, hold on. What? General almost. Your Tellurian wife just printed a fax out of her midsection. Yeah. Can I just ask, before you finish those coordinates, what are those for?
Starting point is 00:16:43 The coordinates are for a special reactor that I found. That they were asking for. Actually, you know what? Let me read those coordinates for you. Just in case. Fine, if you're really a Tullurian, you read it. Yep, okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:16:59 765, 482, 3x49, 17 degrees, 2. 3, X, 4, 9. 17 degrees. 15. Did you just want to prove you could read? Why did you do that? I'm just giving you those coordinates to that special reactor. I'm sure that's where it is, because those are definitely the numbers written on this piece of paper. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:17:24 I will kiss you on the mouth like Talarians do. Thank you. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum, yum. That's our first half. We'll be back in ten minutes. Get a drink. We'll see you soon. Listen, General Almost, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your wife is a robot. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:58 What? Tellurian wife, step out in a second. I need to clear something up. I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to You're gonna have to crawl up my front and then over my head I can jump over your head Oh no, wow Uh, she was a gymnast
Starting point is 00:18:14 I don't I don't think so General almost, I hate to How dare you, how dare you insinuate I've got a gun Listen, shoot me if you must But I know that the thing you care about... Shoot you if he must? This is not something...
Starting point is 00:18:32 Yeah, you're probably right. I should have said that. Please, okay, please don't shoot me. I'm trying to help you. Robots are trying to take over your planet, right? General, I'm going to ask you a big favor, okay? Can you just trust me for a second? Okay. I'm going to bring
Starting point is 00:18:45 C-53 back in here. He is a robot. I know he's a robot. But he's my friend. Okay. He knows better than any of us what robots are like. Better than anybody? Well, second to you, I guess. Thank you. Okay, bring him in. All right, C-53, come on in.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Can you... Okay. All right. And? Okay. There we go. General, I apologize for how I behaved before. It was a little brusque of my part, and for that, I am sorry. Apology accepted.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Okay, well... Oh, wow. All right. Good. I feel like this is a positive step in Tellurian droid relations. Now, listen, if we can help you out, because I'm a Tellurian, so I get Tellurians. And I'm a
Starting point is 00:19:30 droid, so I get droids. And Dar... Is writing a book. Yeah. Yeah. You're an author? Yes. Very cool. That's why I'm doing it. Very cool. Thank you. General Almas, I guess I'm a it Very cool General Almas I guess I'm a little surprised to find out you're a reader
Starting point is 00:19:49 Like a big book person Of course I'm a reader I love all the books All the books? Name a book and I'll tell you if I've read it and if I like it Sure It's the star's fault, have you read that one? I did
Starting point is 00:20:04 And I don't think it was the star's fault I think it was the star's fault. Have you read that one? I did, and I don't think it was the star's fault. I think it was the robot's fault. Fair enough. I disagreed with the premise immediately. Uh-huh. Okay. Have you read The Elderly Gentleman and his star trip? I did. It won the... Yeah, it won an award. Yeah. It did.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Yeah, I liked that one, okay? Okay. General Ramos? Sorry, I just wanted to come in and give you your coffee. Thank you. Wait. Yes? I've never seen you before.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Oh, I'm new here. I'm a new intern. Are you a Tellurian or are you a robot? I'm a Tellurian. We're doing a robot test. I'm shooting you in the head. Bang! No!
Starting point is 00:20:47 It's jammed. Here we go. Here we go doing a robot test. I'm shooting you in the head. Bang! Jammed. Here we go, here we go, here we go. No, no, no, no, no. We really should have used that moment when it was jammed to take it out. I should have, I should have. That's not nice. Ah, she was a tellurian.
Starting point is 00:20:59 You can see because of all the brains on the wall. Oh, no. Yeah. General, almost. You can't live like this. If it was a robot, that wouldn't be brains, and then we'd know it's a robot. General! Uh-oh. The rest of your
Starting point is 00:21:11 war cabinet is here. Oh, the war cabinet. Ready to plan the offensive against the other robots. Alright. And you're all gonna come into this office. Oh, don't. Please don't do that. Yeah, we're gonna cram into this office. Oh, no.. Please don't do that. Yeah, we're going to cram into this office. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:21:26 You can never be too careful. You can never be too careful. Fill me up in here. Let's just sort of. All right. We're going to do. All right. A lot of Tellurians and one robot.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Let's do a roll call. Who's here? I'm here. General Edward James Almost. Let's go clockwise. John Zero Onesden. Yep, that's a Tellurian. Lieutenant Droid.
Starting point is 00:21:49 That's a Tellurian. Robots be robots here. That's a Tellurian, and that's a good point. Robots be robots. That's true. We all took showers before this, like Tellurians. Oh, great. We all took showers before this. Oh, great.
Starting point is 00:22:06 We all took showers just like Tellurians would do. I skipped therapy. Oh, what a Tellurian thing. You would get it. You would get it. You're an author. You know psychology. Very cool.
Starting point is 00:22:20 And I think therapy is very important. Therapy is a form of wall-mounted power. Pretty close. Close enough for me. We should say allow the coordinates of the reactor. That does seem like the first logical step of this meeting. Oh, no. Wait, Plek, where are the coordinates?
Starting point is 00:22:43 The coordinates that my wife printed out of her stomach? I don't have them anymore. Wait a second, Plek. Plek, can I talk to you over here in the corner? No, you can't. No? We can look at the corner while we talk. Great, let's look at the corner while we talk.
Starting point is 00:22:59 All right. I'm in between the both of you. It is what it is, C-53. All right, I'll pretend. C-53, I have to the both of you. It's just, it is what it is, C-53. All right, I'll pretend. C-53, I have to be honest with you. You're an okay robot. Oh. Well, thank you.
Starting point is 00:23:13 I wish you weren't so prejudiced against all other droids, but... They're trying to kill all of the Tellurians. Yeah, what is the deal with the droids? I'm a droid. Honestly, I've never killed a Tellurian, but I don't yearn to do it. Yeah, it's not like his thing. Yeah. The Tullurians.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Okay. The Skylons. Okay, I'll tell you it again. The Skylons. Yeah. They were invented by Tullurians. They evolved. Your dad, specifically.
Starting point is 00:23:41 What? Yes, my dad. Your nearly perfect father. You got it, author. Right, yeah. My nearly perfect father created the robots. They evolved. They rebelled. Yeah, see, no, that's the part.
Starting point is 00:23:55 I feel like there's got to be a lot more detail in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Evolved, rebelled. I'm sorry, do you mind if I just set my typewriter on top of your flat chrome head? Of course not. Thank you. I'm going to continue to take notes. That's good, but just be aware.
Starting point is 00:24:09 He's a little sensitive about being bald. You've got to watch out for that. I am too. That's a tellurian. It happened so early in my life. It was awkward, but now I'm old enough where it's normal. I want a self-aware robot. Self-aware robot? This is a tellurian. It was awkward, but now I'm old enough where it's normal. I want a self-aware robot.
Starting point is 00:24:28 A self-aware robot? This is a Tellurian. I'm so sorry. Yes, that's what I meant. Tellurian. Some say the robots decided to rebel because that nearly perfect father wasn't so perfect. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Could you say that again? I can type for you at 160,000 words per minute.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Standard Tellurian stuff. Yes. Look, the entire planet is going to be taken over by the robots. And it's my duty to stay here and make sure that this is my home world. And we'll be right beside you, helping you defeat the robot scourge. That's right. I found all the obvious Tellurians, and we're going to save this planet. Who wants a cappuccino from my eye?
Starting point is 00:25:09 It comes out of your eye? I would like one, thank you. No! General Almost. General Almost. You are surrounded by robots. What? Robot B-Robot is a robot. Lieutenant Droid is a robot. If Robot B-Robot is a robot, then would he survive
Starting point is 00:25:26 this? I'm shooting him in the head. Robot B. Robot. Are all of you robots? He's so strong. I'm shooting all of you in the head.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Oh no. It's so strong. So strong. I'm shooting all of you in the head. Oh, no. It's a robot. Oh, my. I'm surrounded by robots. You three, we got to run. We got to run out of this tiny room. You can never leave. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Okay. All right. Oh, we have a gun. Sounds like you have three guns. You sound like multiple guns. Listen, surely there's a peaceful way out of this. Look, robot be robot. Me and you have been through a lot together.
Starting point is 00:26:15 You cannot be a robot. Please come clean with me. Your father enslaved the robots to do his bidding. No. To perform labor. This is the detail I was talking about. Right. His nearly perfect father created robots. Rabbits?
Starting point is 00:26:30 Rabbits or robots? I mean, he got shot in the head a lot. Yeah, that's fair. They were made to do slave labor. General Olmos, you know, maybe you gotta realize that, you know, maybe you gotta realize that, you know, a perfect father is
Starting point is 00:26:49 sort of a fiction. He was perfect to me. Well, no, he made robot slaves. That's not a perfect father. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. My husband. Oh. My beautiful Tellurian wife. I have returned
Starting point is 00:27:04 with our son. Oh, my beautiful Tellurian wife. I have returned with our son. Oh, yes. What? Yes, we had a son. This is our son. This is a robot dog. No. How dare you say that?
Starting point is 00:27:22 You know what? I like you for a while. I've got a gun. I like you. I've got a gun. I like you. I've got a gun. I liked you for a long time, C-53, but you're calling my son a robot dog? General, almost. Listen to your son.
Starting point is 00:27:36 What? I thought it was just because I threw hot coffee in his face. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't you see? Is it not? Is it not? Listen to yourself, General. What't you see? Is it not? Is it not? Listen to yourself, General. What have you become?
Starting point is 00:27:50 I've become something I don't want. Maybe I'm the robot. Am I a robot? No, no, no, no. I'm gonna cut my finger off to see. No, no. Why did I cut my finger off? I don't know. But if I'm a robot, what if I...
Starting point is 00:28:05 Maybe I'll do the ultimate test. Maybe I'm just low on battery. I'm going to plug myself in. No, no, no. Wait, no. Don't do it. Everyone deserves therapy. What?
Starting point is 00:28:17 This is my therapy. Yeah, it is. No, someone stop him. No, no. Forgive me, wall, for I have sinned. No, what? Ow, die. No.
Starting point is 00:28:28 No. This is us. Not our best mission I don't know My book is done So Also I don't know That My book is done, so... Also, I don't know that we wanted this journal on our side. Nermit? Nermit.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Nermit. Plex are the ship. He's not ready to tell the truth. They're still on the ship Bino have you just been watching him sleep Still on the ship Alright disconnect the call No disconnect no
Starting point is 00:29:38 No We're not going to just watch him sleep until he wakes up so we can tell we failed the mission. Bino, were you watching him the whole time we were gone? Why? Bino watches all of you sleep. Oh, boy. I guess that checks out.
Starting point is 00:30:01 I don't love that fact. Well, you know, C-53, I gotta say, I learned something today. What's that? I'm glad for our friendship, you know? I guess it's not so easy. Yeah, most of the time we're hanging out in a pretty enlightened part of space, but every once in a while, wow, you just meet a real jerk who then electrocutes himself to death.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Yikes. Because he's so stupid. There was not a whole lot we could have done. Hello? No! I am an intern. I am here to give you all coffee. Bargy?
Starting point is 00:30:36 Bargy? Bargy? Yum, yum, coffee. Bargy? Dark roast. Open the hatch. Open the hatch, Bargy! Why?
Starting point is 00:30:44 Oh, I don't even ask why. Okay. All right. Well, I still got like 70 of those. Oh, there were other interns in there? Oh, yes. A bunch. That's our show, ladies and gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:31:02 That's our show, ladies and gentlemen. That's our show. This is C-Red IT-5, Crematin Attribution's joint commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plec Dex Center was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Dar and the Terrified Intern were played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, the General's Wife, and several robots were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Thank you. Knoll. Our special guest was Drew Johnson! This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Recorded live at Littlefield in Brooklyn, New York. Music by the amazing Brendan Ryan! Give it up for Brendan! Opening crawl narration by Jeremy amazing Brendan Ryan. Give it up for Brendan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design by the Bargerian Jade
Starting point is 00:32:30 by Eric Goitz. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Help make our show possible by becoming a member at MaximumFun.org slash donate.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Thanks and good night. Thanks so much for coming. Have a great night. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Courtney Enloe. I'm Brent Black. And we're the hosts of trends like these trends like these is an internet news show where we take the stories trending on social media and go beyond the headlines.
Starting point is 00:33:02 We'll give you the actual facts of the story and not just the knee-jerk reactions. Plus, we end every episode with a ray of hope that we call the Y5 of the week. So join us every Friday on Maximum Fun. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Trends like these. Real-life friends talking internet trends. If you're looking for a new comedy podcast,
Starting point is 00:33:22 why not try the Beef and Dairy Network? It won Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards in 2017 If you're looking for a new comedy podcast, why not try the Beef and Dairy Network? It won Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards in 2017 and 2018. Also, I love... There were no horses in this country until the mid to late 60s. Specialist bovine arse vet. Both of his eyes are squid's eyes. Yogurt buffet. She was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Farm-raised snow leopard downloaded today that's the beef and dairy network podcast from maximum fun dot org also maybe start at episode one or weirdly episode 36 which for some reason requires no knowledge of the rest of the show maximum fun dot org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

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