Mission To Zyxx - Mailbag #5!

Episode Date: January 22, 2020

In our last monthly release before SEASON 4, the crew gather to answer your emails. Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellEdited by Seth LindMusic composed by Brendan RyanAudio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. Thanks to our MaxFun supporters for making these monthly off-season episodes possible!

This is SeaRed IT5, with our final off-season release before our Season 4 premiere on February 19th. These monthly episodes were made possible by our supremely generous supporters on Maximum Fun. And because one good mailbag deserves another, the mighty Zimas have recorded their own mailbag featuring Masters Quirando, Littleboy, and company untangling the mysteries of... the space. Listen to it now at ZimaPrime.space and on the MaxFun supporters bonus feed. We'll see you on January 25th at our kickoff show in Brooklyn, and on February 19th with Season 4. And now, enjoy the best crew that's aboard Bargy answering your emails. Hey guys, did you get the invite I slipped under your doors?

Beautiful calligraphy, Nermin. Very tasteful. I didn't get an invite. Well, I didn't know what your door, every door is your door. I didn't know what to... Oh, okay. Then yeah, I got a lot of invites. Okay, yeah, I put him in a lot of places.

You didn't see what this was for. Well... This is exciting, Nermin. What's going on? So, I... You just had big news. Yeah. Oh, I understand.

It's the big news celebration. We all go around and we guess what your big news is. I mean, sure. Go for it. Okay. Your tail is finally grown back. Good guess. I don't want to take a look.

It's pretty close, but no. I know what it is. What do you think, Bargy? It's very obvious. You're about to tell us what your name is, because you keep changing it, and I can never pronounce it. I have never changed my name. It's like the emperor's name.

It's like the emperor's name. It is not like the emperor's name. Warfin Crankerdirt.phan Crankerdirt. Wow. Crankerdirt. Crankerdirt. My name has always been Nermit Bundle, A. Bargy. Yeah, that's what I said.

Man, this is exciting, guys. I mean, these invites, we're all here. What could it be? Yeah. Spill it. Oh, AJ, put him down. AJ, put him down. Spill it.

Spill it, little friend. Spill it. It's not, little friend. AJ, ow. What is it? Okay, we have emails to answer. I'm going back to bed. No! No, the people want to know.

Deal. Come on. No, I learned calligraphy for this. All you have to do is very simple. You answer every single email with a maybe and then a winky face. And that's it. That's how I answer all my family emails.

That's fun and cool. Well, we can try that forever, you know. No, guys, we should answer them forever. All right, what do you have? All right, okay. Dear Mission to Zix crew, how's Dodeca Helen doing? Has she noticed that the Federation has become the Empire? Maybe.

That works. Yeah, that works. That doesn't work. No, actually, you know, who's that email from? This is from Hyper Epsilon. It's funny. We actually haven't heard from Dodeca Helen, but we got a voicemail from QB the other day. Oh, yeah.

Wait. QB? Yeah, I'm playing. Do I get... Hi, I'm QB the other day. Oh, yeah. Wait. Yeah, wait. Do I get... Hi, I'm QB. I'm currently lost in space. Help me! Oh, okay.

Wait, how is QB talking? Wait, QB was an alter ego of Dodeca Helen through ventriloquism, so basically we know now that Dodeca Helen is lost in space. Can you send Dodeca Helen some star maps and maybe get her back to a known part of space?

I don't know where she is. Like a hug emoji, maybe. This is not from Dodekah Helen. Who? She is a... Who is this? It's a 12-sided entity. Yeah, like a depressed Dodekahedron-shaped planet.

Sounds like a fun mission. She got us to do a talent show. It was great. All right, well, I'm back, Story. depressed... Entity. Yeah, sort of... Dodecahedron-shaped planet. Sounds like a fun mission. She got us to do a talent show. It was great. All right, we'll go to backstory. Let's go on. Let's go on. Okay, next. Dear C-53, did you or the other crew members recover the cubes of 789 and her fellow assassin droids?

Maybe. Wait, did you? No, I didn't. Oh. Oh, man. But that was a great response. You got me. I got it, yeah. It really? No, I didn't. Oh, man. But that was a great response. I thought it, yeah. It really does work, Barchi.

It does, yeah. Maybe we should go back and get those cubes. Those cubes are pretty messed up. Yeah. Honestly, the last time I tried to fix a cube, it didn't go so well. Well, and that one, no offense, but she was really into Plex, so that cube had to be pretty... Yeah, there might have been something wrong with it.

What is that supposed to mean? Well, just like... There's a problem in the cube structure itself. You're just never going to fix that. Are you saying that a droid being attracted to me must be a physical defect with the cube? I think in this case it was, just because she couldn't explain why. That's love, man. The only cube... i hope you don't mind me interjecting that is interesting it's cubed to cube am i right z you know it's cubed cube we're having 70 more episodes come out next week you

guys are making more episodes of the show pretty good development deal when you say development deal, you mean you got a lead on more hyper proton fuel? Maybe. Winky face. Okay. All right. All right. All right. A question for Dar.

I'm going to list three people and you pick one to each Mary Juck kill. Oh. Classic party game. All right. A Clint, a Plint, and Nermit Bundle the Emperor one. Wow, that's a great Mary Jo kill. Mary Jo kill. Okay.

Wait, but like a Clint is just like a generic. A Plint is a generic. I mean, also, Clint's and Plint's don't have genitals, so. Yeah. That's for sure. It's really about the specific creature, you know? Yeah, sure. Sure.

So I guess that means I would juke Nermit Bundeloy, the emperor. Wow. Okay, all right, this is getting good. I mean, he's a powerful man. Sometimes that's very interesting. Right, we vibe. He was. Plus, he knows what a wax sorcerer's going to do in the background.

I mean, I like to think it's just because of his name, right? No. I would... I don't... No. I don't think so, no. Okay. His name is Nermit Bundleway.

That's not... Why can you say that perfectly? What's the name of the answer? Yeah, everyone knows that. It's the most famous name in the galaxy. God damn it. I would marry the Clint. And I'd have to launch the Clint into space.

Wow. The preferred method of killing? Yeah. Well, you know, if you marry a Clint, he's really going to do whatever you say. He's going to be very good at doing what you want to do. Right. I'll never have to ask, which hollow would you like to watch? Yeah, what do you want to watch?

What? No, we're just asking a hypothetical question. I know. I'm just like, I want to watch a hollow. I've actually been curious about Atmosphere 5. Oh, yeah. That sounds good. Let's watch that.

It just came out on streaming. Great. If you slow it down, though, you actually get to hear the line that I had because I was cut. Oh, yeah, that sounds good. Let's watch that. It just came out on streaming. Great. If you slow it down, though, you actually get to hear the line that I had because I was cut. Oh, wow. You were on the posters. I know, but they cut all my scenes. Wow. I guess that was right before sort of your PR disaster.

It's a very fast movie. It's about five minutes long. It's just a lot of establishing shots. very fast movie. It's about five minutes long. It's just a lot of establishing shots. Sure. Between the gas station and the hotel, if you, like, slow that transition, you can see the edge of my wing

and hear the end of my line. What's your line? It was a monologue. A huge monologue. But I think the only thing you hear at the end is, um, now. Now? That's if you slow it down. Yeah, but if at a regular speed, it just sounds like a car just went by. So, whatever.

No, like, meow. Meow. Meow. Wow. Cool. But, AJ, you're down to watch that one? Oh, yeah, you got it. Let's do it.

All right, subject. This question is of the utmost importance. I will be the judge of that. Hello, crew. Hello. Hi. This is from Gilfie Sigur Rassen. I have a question that needs full attention.

Everybody locked in? What does Gilfie think is happening in these other emails that we're all just doing? I'm not. As it is of the utmost importance for the fate of the entire galaxy rests within the answer. Whoa, it's black and blue. Let's do this. Okay. Oh, wow. Get this. Keep your head's black and blue. Let's do this. Okay.

Oh, wow, get this. Keep your head on a swivel. It's not, I don't know. The email probably doesn't need that kind of... I don't know. This question goes out to you, AJ. All right, let's do this. So I will need you to answer truthfully.

Thinking. No pressure or anything. You don't know what you're thinking about, Jess. Every... Oh, AJ. His butt gun came out. I don't think that was on purpose. Hold on, just give me a second.

How often does that happen, that the butt gun just comes out while you're thinking? It's super hard. Wow. Put it back in. Okay, I won't think it's hard. Okay, just everything is at stake. Thinking medium. What is the recipe for the greatest sandwich?

What? Okay, I can do this. First thing is meat. No, bread. First thing is bread. Come on, you got this. Got some bread. You get some garfaw.

Thinly sliced. Thinly sliced garfaw. Okay, you put that down on top of the bread. You put it on top of the bread. Okay. That's two layers of the sandwich right there. You need to sweat coming out of the bottom of your hand. What is going on?

The paste is running. The paste is running. The paste is running. Oh, boy. And then sometimes you put down, you know, some greenery on it. And then sometimes you take your pinky, you crack it off, and you put it in there. What? Just in case.

All right. For some more protein. Why would you do that? You have Garfunkel in the sandwich. The blood of innocents. I don't know. All right. Guilty.

We're so sorry. It's okay. AJ, thank you for playing. AJ. Thank you. You did the best. You did the best you could. You truly. No, no. AJ, I you for playing. Thank you. You did the best. You did the best you could. You truly...

No, no, AJ, I don't think... It was on the utmost importance. AJ, AJ, come on. Buddy, I'm just going to rub your back here. Thank you. Calm down. You did a great job with that scene. Thank you.

This was Sincerely Gall from Gall's Sandwich Emporium, the location of all the greatest sandwiches in the galaxy. Gall, our apologies. I'll let you in the galaxy. Gal, our apologies. I'll let you down, Gal. Oh, boy. All right. A question for Bargy. Wow, that's me.

That's so true. Yeah. Maybe. Thank you, Fitz. That's right. Good job, Steve. Some of my friends told me I need to broaden my cultural horizon, so I thought I'd start by watching some hollows from a different quadrant.

Okay. And Bargy, as much as I adore your acting, I can't help but wonder, how long do you spend on average working on a hollow? Why did you say acting that way? Yeah. I think, wait, did they slightly nag me? There was a tone. Huh.

Well, here's the context. As iconic and festive as it is, the 17th Bargerian Jade Exmar special is only about 25 seconds long. Yeah. So how much work really went into that? I actually spent nine years in development for that one. Wow. And we shot it in about eight months, but then they cut all of my scenes.

Oh, man. Huh. But it was your Exmar special. You know, a lot of establishing shots. Wow. That's kind of my seats. Oh, man. But it was your Exmars special. You know, a lot of establishing shots. Wow, that's kind of a pattern. Hey, a pattern makes perfect. I think it's practice. No, Barclay, I think it's practice that makes perfect.

I'm pretty sure that a pattern makes perfect. Maybe. So there you have it. Leah, Galactic Call Sign, AD40101. All right, here's the next one. Dear Nermit Bundeloy. No. The Emperor?

Why are they asking the Emperor a question? AJ. Did we get an email for the Emperor? That's my name. Oh. Right. Oh? No, I know.

I just, sorry. I heard the name and kind of perked up. Yeah, I perked up, too, because I was like, oh, the Emperor. God damn it. Okay. I have a question for the great Nermit Bundeloy. Oh, so it is, the Emperor. God damn it. Okay, I have a question for the great Nermit Bundeloy. Oh, so it is for the Emperor. No.

I know it's not common to message you like this, but at the same time, I must know, how do you do it? You're a father, owner of the most powerful weapon in the galaxy, and you're a master of the whack. Yeah, this is it, Nermit. Even from the beginning, we knew. No, this is supposed to be for the crew. this is... Even from the beginning, we knew. No, this is supposed to be for the crew. This is... I mean, I retroactively feel bad that we were right, but we were all right. We all kind of suck.

Not me. Yeah, that's even worse. Yeah, that's not great. I'm so whack. I don't even use your title or emperor because I don't respect titles. Whoa, you're still doing the question? This person doesn't... You can move on.

Yeah, you can move on. Okay. Yeah, because that wasn't for you. That was for the emperor. Come on. Misdelivered piece of mail. Okay, next up. Shake that one off.

You've booed. I mean, Nermin, if it makes you feel any better, you're the only Nermin Bundloy now. Yeah. That's true. We're back down. We just got one Nermin Bundlo it makes you feel any better, you're the only Nermin Bundle-y now. Yeah. That's true. We're back down to just the one Nermin Bundle-y. Oh, wow. So it's sort of worth it that there's a pulsating, possibly all-powerful... Nah, it's not.

Definitely not worth it. I was like, worth it? But yeah, what happened? All right, let's shake that off. The next one's going to be a good question. Why can't you ever have a mission go entirely right? What? Whoa.

Wow. Wow. How do you go right? Wow. Wow. Wow. I don't care for him. Wait, is that the question I sent in, right? Wait, Parker, you sent this in? Yeah. Where's that email from?

Lizzie. Oh, okay. Oh. All right, so if you find something else that's similar, just toss it. Okay. You wrote the same question in? No. Lizzie, I just like tossing. You wrote the same question in? No. Lizzie, I don't know if you know, we've had many missions that have gone close to successful.

I mean, but to her point. None come to mind at this exact moment. None went entirely right. Remember the one we went to the lava planet? That was a success. No. No, that was a mess. No, we saw lava. Yeah, but we freed it.

And there were those crows on fire. Do you guys remember that? Yeah, we freed a whack wizard. We did? Yeah. I just really remember the lava. Yeah, gosh, man. I almost made you cry.

I don't remember that. I just remember being like, whoa, lava's molten rock. All right, now let's put our heads together. We can think of a successful mission. Okay. All right. Not slurp. We don't have to start that far back.

Should we list the ones that didn't work to narrow it down? No, no. Too many to name. Listen, Lizzie, you're not wrong. You're just not nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Fair enough. And thank you for your question. Go, Baleful! We got that song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. And thank you for your question. Cobail Volp. Yeah. We got that song. That feels like a success. You just said the name of the villain. That seems like a success.

That's what the song is about. I'm chalking that one up as a success. Lava and Cobail Volp. All right. Okay. Oh, this one references me. Let's see what it is. All right.

You're really making that mistake again? Yeah. You're going to that mistake again? Yeah. You're going to risk it? I'm going all in. Early on, the crew learns about Nermit being well-endowed. Oh, we did learn that. Yeah, yeah. No, that's me.

Yeah, that sounds like the Emperor. Later, Nermit and Bargy are stuck online and get so friendly. That's me. Yeah, that's true. And get so friendly that he shows her his legs, which the crew points out they've seen a number of times. So does Nermit wear pants over his Garfon legs or did the crew manage to miss his business, even though it's basically a tenth of his body?

Wait, is this who wrote this email? Julie. Well, Julie, speaking from experience. Oh, yeah, Dara, take it away. Yes, Nermit is well-endowed. Cha-cha-cha. Did you say cha-cha-cha, Nermit? Yeah.

But what's honestly very common for Nermit species is that, uh, while I guess for Tellurians, their endowments hang down, Nermit runs up towards his neck. for Tellurians, their endowments hang down. Nermits runs up towards his neck. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yeah, so Nermit wears just usually like a short-sleeved button-up with a tie. Right. For anyone who hasn't seen Nermit. Yeah. And no pants. Sort of like that cartoon character Gary Garfon. Yeah. Is that why whenever Nermit gets a hug, he's always like...

I keep a little distance. Yeah. I thought it was just polite. No, that's because my junk's running right up my center. And obviously to answer your next question, when he's fully erect, it stands straight out from his body. Yep. You can make a corner of a table based on that.

It's 90 degrees, baby. 90 degrees. Oh, I see. And built like a tuning fork. Tuning fork? There's two of them? It's one. Right. How do you think i get that sweet sound that's what that sound is i just mean the general the burman nundula so much so fast wait what is it what frequency is it tuned to the frequency of love it's sort of well do you want to

if you close your eyes i I'll give you the sound. Hold on. All right. Everyone's eyes are closed? Yeah. That sounded painful. I gotta tune it. So, same time tomorrow for more emails?

I don't know, Nermit. Maybe. Winky face. Nearly two decades ago, Commander Data sacrificed his life. The Greatest Discovery is also about Star Trek Picard. Jesse Thorne won't let us stay on the network unless we do all the Star Trek series. And so here we are, doing a show about maybe our favorite Star Trek character of all time. If you're excited to watch the new Star Trek Picard series, and you'd like some veteran Star Trek podcasters to watch it along with,

we're your guys. Sorry you're stuck with us. What the hell are you doing out here, Picard? Saving the galaxy. So subscribe to The Greatest Discovery. You can find it anywhere you find podcasts. Or at MaximumFun.org. Not with Picard!

Hi, I'm Renee Colbert. I'm Alexis Preston. And we're the hosts of the smash hit podcast, Can I Pet Your Dog? Now, Alexis. Yes. We got big news. Uh-oh. Since last we did a promo, our dogs have become famous.

World famous. World, like, stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Second big news. Mm-hmm. The reviews are in. Mm-hmm. Take yourself to Apple Podcasts. You know what you're going to hear?

We're happy. It's true. We're a delight. A great distraction from the world. I like that part a lot. So if that's what you guys are looking for? We're happy. It's true. We're a delight. A great distraction from the world. I like that part a lot. So if that's what you guys are looking for, you've got to check out our show. But what else can they expect?

We've got dog tech, dog news, celebrities with their dogs, all dog things. All the dog things. So if that interests you, well, get yourself on over to Maximum Fun every Tuesday. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Waitorg. Comedy and culture.

Artist owned. Audience supported. Wait, everybody ready? Yeah. Ooh, that sounded painful. I gotta tune it. It's a D. It's a D.

Give him the D. Yeah, that's a D. It sure is. It sure is.