Mission To Zyxx - The Greeflax Hour

Episode Date: January 29, 2021

A radio host gets a call from a pair of lost souls. Starring:Jeremy Bent as GreeflaxMoujan Zolfaghari as Seesu GunduWinston Noel as Rolphus TiddleAlden Ford as DeevSeth Lind as Whinga Allie Kokesh as Luzanneand Shane O'Connell as Shawn Edited by Seth LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Featuring the songs Downtown Serenade by Jahzzar  and Gorgon by Jesse Spillane, courtesy of the Free Music Archive.Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network!

and that was going out to cargon as an apology for wrecking his wife's hyperdrive cargon i hope she takes you back you're up late with Grieflax. We're doing dedications all night long. So please call in and let's see if Grieflax can help you out. Hello caller, you're on the air with Grieflax. What's your name? My name is Wingo. Wingo, why don't you tell us what's going on? My name is Wingo. Wingo, why don't you tell us what's going on? You know how you sometimes your best friend marries somebody, and then you make out with them at the wedding? Now, just to be clear, you make out with the best friend, or the person your best friend was marrying?

Yeah. Both. Which? Both. Well, that surely is a quandary so I'm trying to think what kind of song can apologize to two people at the same time now Wenga

this is not the first time I've heard this particular tale of woe so I think I might just have the perfect song for you the ceremony's still going on. Going out to the bride and groom, who I hope are tuned into this show at their reception. It's three times three equals you and me.

And we're clear. Good stuff, Great Blacks. Thank you, Deve. You know, a guy makes out with a bride and groom and assumes that's the first time I've ever had that color. I mean, how long have we been doing this, Deve? Oh, man, decades, my friend. Yeah, so... This isn't our first asteroid shower, you know. Yeah, you're not kidding, Deve.

I sit here in the booth, I tear my nose out when I hear people call in talking about their infidelities and their mistakes and their love triangles and their regrets. Deve, it really seems to get to you. And their inner anger. And their long-distance relationships. Their daddy issues.

Their forgotten anniversaries. And their romantic feelings towards their dad. But we've got another caller coming in here, huh? Grieflex. Okay. Five seconds. Count me in, Dave. All right.

Five, four, three, two. Welcome back to the Grieflex Hour. That was three times three equals you and me. Winka, I hope that smoothed things over. Caller, you're on the line with Grieflax. It's Grieflax. What's going on? I feel so...

Okay, having a little translation issue. Just gonna see if Deve could dial that in. I don't... I'm not familiar with this language, Grieflax. I've never heard this before in my life. That's all right, Deeve. No need to panic. Let's just give it a few seconds, see if we can. Hello?

All right. Hello? Hello? Yes. Yes, we can. Hello, you're talking to Greflax. This is Sisu Gundu. And this is Rolfus Tittle.

And this is a distress call. A distress call from the Bargerian Jade. Code 5945. Hello? All right, listeners, we've got Sisu and Rolfus on the line who say they're having some distress. Well, Sisu and Rolfus, you're on the line with Creflex. Well, the biggest distress at the moment is we're not exactly sure where we are. Last we were in the All Wheat.

We were thrown from the All Wheat. You know, it's natural to be distressed when you and your partner aren't sure where you are in your relationship. It might have been a dimensional rip or hole. We're not exactly sure what happened. Right. Sure, sure. Grief laxes.

Heard it all. Now, Rolfus, let me ask you. Where do you think you are? Well, I mean, that's why we're... I mean, I'm on the Bargerian Jade. I'm doing a distress call shift with Sisu here. Everyone else is asleep. If I knew where I was, we wouldn't be doing any of that.

Uh-huh. And what does Sisu mean to you? What? What? I said, what does Sisu mean to you, Rolfus? What? What? What?

I... The connection... I just gotta break in here, Greenflex. The connection is perfect. There's no... They're The connection... I'm just going to break in here. The connection is perfect. There's no... They're hearing you. I'm positive. They're hearing you.

All right. Well, sometimes they might need a moment to collect their feelings. I'll go back to you, Sisu. What does Rolfus mean to you? I mean, well, at this point in time, Rolfus is helping me make a distress call. We used to be married. Okay. We used to be married.

We were co-workers, and it became something deeper, and we had a lasting relationship I thought would be forever, but apparently not. We've been through a lot. I mean, this one time, we were at a wedding, and I ended up making out with her and her best friend. And it was, I mean, that was really hard to get through. Well, no doubt. Yeah. But why Martha Rolfes? I don't know.

She laughed at my jokes. You never did. And I'm funny. I'm a funny guy. Okay. Okay. Why don't I step in here for a second now i can hear that the two of you are very passionate about the other person is that fair

to say that's right i could feel the old heat back when we were in this again it's a strange dimensional warp we're not exactly sure where we were spit out of. It exploded, so I mean we're just glad that we're not dead because that was kind of a prevailing theory for a while. I will admit our sexual tension is hot, hot, hot.

Okay, alright. And I've not been able to find someone whose heat can can, um... Oh sorry sorry go ahead could rival that of rolfus but it does not mean that we're a good match i'm one of a kind baby and again just any supplies again if we could pinpoint our coordinates, triangulate them somehow. Well, Rolfus, let me tell you what I hear as Grayflack's, you know, romantic advice host for, well, who knows how many years. What?

You two say you have some problems, but let's be honest. You're together right now. And you called in together. Right, we're switching off on the distress call. Right, I mean, did we choose to be paired with each other? Yes, it's because we're... Why did we choose

to be paired with each other, Rolfus? Interesting question, Rolfus. What's your answer? It's our shift. We tagged out C-53 and DAR. I mean, I wasn't going to be with AJ. And I wasn't going to be with Nermin. There's a weird energy between us right now. He's too needy. He's too needy.

So just to set the scene, it's the two of you in the dark of a starship all alone together. Yeah. I think I might... Can we also say that we're adrift in space and we don't know where we are? I think that was implied by Starship. Was it? So my advice is to grab a bottle of denubriant wine.

Just let the soft glow of the console eliminate the room and drift off with The Sky's the Limit. Will that help you find us? What is that? Is that code? What is The Sky's the Limit by the Cosmosians. No, no, no, no. And we're clear. Wow. Man. Real goofballs. Yeah, a couple of crazy kids.

Can't they tell they're in love? Can't they just admit it to each other and to themselves and to the world? The galaxy? I think it's pretty clear those two kids are, well, they've got that. Hey, so, Deve, tell me how to work out with that young thing you were talking about last week. Oh, did you make? Yeah. She said we needed to take a break.

She said I spent too much time in the booth. This booth. Ah, Deve. The booth I'm in now. I'm so sorry. Yeah. You want me to dedicate one to her when we get back? Wish I could call you and tell you all about it.

And then you could play it. And then she would hear it. Well, Deve, I don't want to tell you what to do, but if you need to call into the show, call into the show. You know, Reflex, I talk a lot about how I resent all of these callers and it turns out, yeah, I made some mistakes. We got to call. We're back in five, four, three, two. That was The Sky's the Limit by the Cosmosians.

We've got a new caller on the line. Caller, you're on with Grieflax and the Grieflax Hour. What's going on? Why did you hang up on us? We're lost in space. Tell us where to go. Help us, please. This is a distress call. Okay, so it sounds like The Sky's the limit wasn't the right one.

Once again, you're listening to the Grieflax Hour. It's Grieflax. We're talking love. Unfortunately, love don't pay the bills, but you know who does? What? One of our fine sponsors. No. Now more than ever, storytellers and content creators are challenged with producing more content at a higher quality than ever before.

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And you're back with a Grieflax Hour. It's late at night. It's Grieflax. Please help us. We are adrift in space. We don't know where we are. So you're feeling lost. Is that it? Yes, we're very lost. Yes. You're saying you've got

no one to turn to. Is that right? Well, no. There's ten other people here with us. Zizou's always somebody I can depend on. I've always... Sure, if you were there. If you didn't disappear for a whole year.

Well, I'm here now. Okay. And I went into a flaming black hole for you. Oh, here we go. No, I didn't. Okay, okay. I didn't have to. All right, all right.

It's getting a little heated in here. But Rolfus, can I ask you a question? Sure. Again, I can beam you a signal and maybe you can... It's related. Okay, great. Good. Rolfus, where'd you go? Sisu says you weren't there for her and I just want to know, where'd you go?

What was more important? where'd you go? What was more important? Where did you go? I guess I was captured by a group of clans after the Battle of the Planet of Crusher Crushers and I infiltrated them, snapped a few necks, managed to infiltrate their society until I found the perfect opportunity to perform a rescue. You know, but now as I say it, I think you meant emotionally,

so I will say work. And that is what I thought was best at the time. And Sisu, let me ask you, was that the best thing? No, it wasn't. I've never seen you cry before. Well, that's because I never had pores before. But the past couple months have been a little stressful. Yes, I have developed one pore that now sometimes cries tears.

Well, the fact that you think a tear duct is a pore might give us some insight into your inability to connect. I'll give you that. You look incredibly smooth to connect. I'll give you that. You look incredibly smooth to me. Really? Why wasn't I smooth at that wedding? Again, she laughed at my jokes. I don't know what else you want me to say about the A&E. Tell me a joke.

Okay. Tell me a joke right now and I will laugh at it. Hey, Griflax. Yes, Rolf? Why did the Flizzbot stop at the meteor? I don't know, Rolfus. Why did the Flizzbot

stop at the meteor? Well, it was because it's in its programming. It was programmed to do that. You know, Rolfus... You know what a Flizzbot is? It's kind of funny when you know what a flizbot is.

I can't say I've heard of a flizbot, but I think I know what you're going for and it's not working. No, but I'm not telling you right. Hold on, hold on. Let me try again.

Rolfus, why don't you let Greenflax talk for just a second? Okay, all right. Understand it's important to you to feel validated. Yeah. Yeah, I'm still funny. But look around you right now.

Is Martha from the wedding still here? No. No, she's dead. She's dead. And who is right next to you? My wife. Your wife. Sisu Gundu.

Sisu Gundu. Well, ex-wife. Ex-wife, maybe wife. Sisu Gundu. And Sisu, who's standing next to you? A bargy's refrigerator? No. I'm honored to be thought of that way.

You always do great work, Zalkatron5000. Thank you. Okay, that wasn't who I was asking about. Other side. Oh. My former partner in business and in pleasure. Rolfus. That's right. Two of you have found your way back to each other. Because we are headed back.

Back in time to this classic love song called Turn Back the Clock. And we're clear. Oh, man, talk about the airwave hogs, right? Oh, boy. Deve, not to get on your case about this, but I think you should be screening these calls. Oh, you know, listen, I apologize. I got another one coming in right now. I promise it is not those two.

Okay. I can't. Well, I'd love to hear it. Thanks, Steve. Count me in. Back in five, four, three, two... You know, sometimes the shorter songs are the best songs. And that was

the case with Turn Back the Clock. But we've got a new caller on the line. Caller, you're on with Grieflex. It's Grieflex. What's going on? Can you play You Broke My Heart and You Broke My Other Heart? Absolutely, we can, caller. But who's it for, and who are you?

Oh, I don't want to give my name. And I do not want to give her name. Well, all right. But I done mucked up, I tell you. I done mucked up real bad this time. Hello? Can you hear us? Are we back? Can you hear us? Are we back?

Can you hear us? We changed frequencies. I think we're back on. Again, we are in an undisclosed part of space. Yes. I've sent out distress groups. I do not know how this happened. I do not know.

I was on the line with that weird guy, and now it's these two again. Deve, it's all right. It's all right. I can tell that Rolfus and Zizou, well, we haven't done this in a while, but we're gonna have to go deep with Griflax. And that means it's time

for Griflax's deep questions. Now, Rolfus and Zizou, I'm gonna ask you five questions about your relationship. And if you're willing to go deep, I think that's where you'll find the love. Are you willing to go deep?

In the coordinates for our location. In any sort of... It's more of a metaphorical location. Are you willing to go deep with me, Rolfus? I mean, at this point, any sort of location would be welcome. Fantastic. First question goes to Rolfus.

Rolfus, if Sisu were to disappear What would you do? Well I think I'd probably assemble A crackerjack team To scour We go quadrant by quadrant Check every perimeter Searching for her

So it's Rolfus safe to say that you can't give Sisu up? Oh, that's the question. Yes. Right. Yes. Excellent. And Sisu, the second question goes to you. What is Rolfus's worst quality and then his best? Wow. Oh. Well, I've written this already. I have a letter I've always wanted to send him, but I never did.

I just might as well read from it. Rolf is your worst quality. Is your narcissism? Your belief that you're the only one that matters when things get not so tight. You're avoided when the going gets rough. You think of things in the worst way. Then you like to pretend it happened when it already didn't without giving it a chance. We're on five bad things.

We haven't supposed to just, sorry to interrupt, but that's five. That's okay. And you're not funny, honestly. Like, you know jokes. I understand you're telling them, but they don't come off as funny. Sisu, I think we've got the worst characteristics covered. So why don't you tell me his best characteristics? Okay.

Let me just find that one. Okay. Rolfus, I... I love you. Wow. Oh, wait, that's not a positive thing about him, right? Oh, yeah. It's not really a quality.

If it's in the pro and con list, that could honestly be a pro or a con, depending on how... Okay, dude, all right. Okay, here is a pro. You know where we are at all times. Okay. You know, sometimes are at all times. Okay. You know, sometimes when we go deep, it's tough, right? It can get a little heavy. So sometimes it's nice for a commercial break, isn't it?

Let's go to one now, and I'll see you on the other side. The Grieflax Hour is brought to you by Libby. Wow, Luzanne. Can you get off your phone? We met up at this coffee shop to recommend products to each other. You, an enthusiast, and me, a jaded skeptic. Actually, Proy, I'm reading a book on Libby, a completely free reading app that lets you borrow e-books and audio books from your library. On your phone, tablet, Kindle,

or computer. You should try it. I don't have a library card. Oh, no problem. You can still read samples of any book you see and then, you know, get a library card. Nah. In addition to being argumentative and condescending, I'm also irresponsible, which means I have paid a lot of late fees at the library. Don't worry. When you borrow books from Libby, they return themselves automatically when your loan expires. So find a book you'll love

among the thousands of e-books and audio books hand-selected by your library. You can explore the collection through catalog guides, subjects, featured titles, and curated lists. So start reading with Libby now. Go to meet.libbyapp.com

to sign up. You know what? I will. I'll do that at meet.libbyapp.com. And you know what else? I'm going to start being a nice person. I'm only sassy because I'm insecure inside my heart. And actually, Luzanne, I respect you.

Because you came through and you recommended a product. That's meet.libbyapp.com. I know. The Grieflex Hour is not responsible for helping you remain humble after learning a crazy amount of stuff through books borrowed on Libby. Nor will the producers of The Grieflex Hour help you decide what to purchase with all the money you save by no longer buying expensive e-books or audiobooks? And you're back. Now, normally on the Grieflax Hour, we talk to dozens of callers from all over the galaxy.

But tonight, we found an extra thorny one. So we're digging in here with Rolfus and Sisu. It's late at night. It's Grieflax.. Now Rolfus, I want you to make one statement about your relationship with Sisu. A we statement that you are going to make come true in the future. Okay. We will never again get shot out of the butthole of an imploding evil black hole via the power of this incredibly swole being. I promise you that. See, he said that and he meant it. Okay, the next question is for you. Imagine the star you're closest to has gone supernova.

Imagine the star you're closest to has gone supernova. You have 10 seconds to tell Rolfus how you feel before you're both atomized forever. Your 10 seconds start now. I actually did a rep talk about this subject. I didn't use the name Rolfus, but it was for you. I don't know if you watched it. That's 10 seconds. That's all the time we have. I'm so sorry.

No, please. Yeah. I want you to remember that. Now, the final question, the final question goes to both of you. Oh. Okay. And the question is, do you want to be together? What? I mean, that is a question.

That's definitely a question that you have asked. Will you choose each other tonight? Yes. Yes, I will. Rolf, you go first. I just said yes. You, I will. Rolfus, you go first. I just said yes. You weren't listening. That's the thing. You don't listen. She never listens. Rolfus, I hear you. But, Sisu, what's your choice? Do you want to be with Rolfus? Will you choose him right now? Rolfus, it's difficult for me to just say yes. What holds you back, Sisu?

I don't need a Rolfus to be a Sisu. But at the same time, I need a Rolfus. It sounds to me like you don't need a Rolfus to be a Sisu. But you do need a Ralfus to be you. Wow. It's like you took the words out of my mouth. Do you just kind of say whatever... What's your deal?

Yeah, you know what? What's Greenflax's deal? Can we ask you a question? Go right ahead. I know we've been focusing on many things here, but your energy with your producer is off the charts. There's some heat there.

Oh. Deve, are you getting that vibe? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Hey, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Dave, is there something you're not telling me? You? No, I don't know. I don't know. Hey, Dave, I want you to look into my eyes. Tell me something you do know. Uh. Uh. Uh. Tell me something you do know. Griflex, I may just be a sentient oscillator whose only purpose is to interact with audio equipment.

But I do know that working on the Griflex Hour with Grieflex has been the honor of my life. And maybe it took these two weirdos to show me that. Again, we are lost. We would really appreciate any sort of help. Again, supplies are dwindling. Rafa, Sisu, I'm going to ask you to just hold tight for one second. I've got to say something to my producer, Deve. Deve?

Well, maybe it's crazy, but I think we ought to give it a shot. I've been watching you for, well, I guess I don't even remember how long and if you weren't there I guess I don't know what I do so I'm dedicating this next one to you D.V. and this song is a reference tone used to determine your position in the galaxy. Yes, oh wow, yes, this is exactly what we wanted.

Oh wow, thank you so much. Yes. But first, I'm going to hang up on these scholars, so I can dedicate this to Deve and Deve alone. No, no, please don't. Oh, I can't! What is that? Oh, I can't believe you hung up again. We're never gonna find our way home. But at least, at least we'll be together.

Rolfus. Zizou. Rolfus. Zizou. Rolfus. Wait, you guys, you're holding hands. Yes. Wow.

We, we're back together. We're back together. Also, we accidentally super glued our hands together. Yeah. How do you, why would you even have that out? Yeah, why would we have that out, Rolfus? This is not on me. Rolfus, your other hand is against the wall? Yeah. Yeah, he's stuck

there too. Huh. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to make out with my ex-wife stuck against this wall. Well, I have to do the next shift here with Plex, so I guess we're gonna... Hey, guys. Huh. Why are you stuck to the wall?

There are too many people on this ship. Tell me about it. I'm going first. It's me, Jackie Kaysha. Man, she's always this bossy. Hi. I'm Laurie Kilmartin. We're a bunch of stand-up comics, and we've been doing comedy like 60 years total, both of us, but we look amazing.

We're working out. We drop every Monday on MaxFun, and it's called The Jackie and Lori Show, and you can listen to it and learn about comedy and learn about anger management and all the things. And Jackie is married but childless, and I'm unmarried but child full. So together we make one complete woman. Is that just what's going to happen?

Yeah. And we try to make Kyle laugh just like that and say, oh my God, every episode. It's a good job. Jackie and Lori show Mondays only on Maximum Fun. Hi, I'm James, host of Minority Corner, which is a podcast that's all about intersectionality. It's hosted by James with a guest host every week. Discussing all sorts of wonderful issues, nerdy and political. Pop culture.

Black, queer, feminism. Race, sexuality. News. You're going to learn your history, their self-empowerment, and it's told by what feels like your best friend. Why should someone listen to Minority Corner? Why not? Oh my God, free stuff.

There's not free stuff. The listeners of Minority Corner will enjoy some necessary LOLs, but mainly a look at what's happening in our world through a colorful lens. People will get the perspective of marginalized communities. I feel heard. I feel heard. I feel seen. Like you said, you need to understand

how to be more proactive in your community and this is a great way to get started. Join us every Friday on MaxFun or wherever you get your podcasts. Minority Corner.

Because together, we're the majority. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Well, it's about time we heard from another caller. Deve, who have we got on the line?

We've got Sean on line one. Fantastic. Sean, you're on with Grieflax on the Grieflax Hour. What's going on? Oh, hey, Grieflax. Long time listener, first time caller. Thank you very much. And Dees, I just got to say I'm such a huge fan,

and I'm actually an aspiring... It's Deev. It's Deev. And Deev, I got to say I'm such a huge fan, and I'm an aspiring audio wizard myself. But I was actually looking to tell some people that they really hurt my feelings, and if there's a song you can play.

What? Yeah, I have theseworkers who i really love and um we actually run our own internet radio show sort of uh okay again big fan aspiring to be just like you yeah you guys are like it's like crazy i get to talk to you right now but anyway uh you know we were doing an ad and um i asked about whether or not um we got any samples of uh of you know the stuff we we do as for because there's like this like uh you know one of those food delivery companies and sure you know sometimes they give us stuff and well to all you listeners out there and listener land well sometimes the products we advertise on the show we we do get a complimentary copy.

That's true. I wanted to try these Memphis-style meatballs that the company does. And they said that they took the product for themselves, which is fine. But then they wouldn't even give me the offer code. And then they made a whole joke about it. And none of my friends will tell me what the discount code is. So, yeah, if there's just like a song you could play to let them know that,

you know, they really hurt my feelings, but it's okay. And you know, well, I think I've got a song in mind, Sean, but first let me ask you,

it hurts. Doesn't it? When someone you thought was a friend, maybe doesn't treat you like a friend should. It, it does. You know know i try to put on a strong face and let these things roll off my back but i also you know i've been trying to stand up for myself a little more and that's good sean yeah and before i play my song what would you

say to those friends of yours if they were here right now? Well, I would say Adam, Steph. I know it was just in good fun, but you really did hurt my feelings when you made a joke about me not getting Memphis-style meatballs. Well, I hope they hear that, Sean, and I hope they listen to you. But in the meantime, here's a dedication to Steph and Adam.

You did me wrong, I kid you not, by the one and only Jordan Bukorkin. Green Chef was pretty good. Right, Alden? That was delicious.