Mission To Zyxx - Welcome Aboard the Bargarean Jade

Episode Date: August 29, 2017

Ambassador Pleck Decksetter meets his intrepid crew as they prepare for their journey to the remote and mysterious ZYXX QUADRANT. Who’s ready to go to the ass end of space? Featuring: ALDEN FORD as Pleck Decksetter WINSTON NOEL as C.L.I.N.T. JEREMY BENT as C-53 ALLIE KOKESH as Dar MOUJAN ZOLFAGHARI as Bargie SETH LIND as Nermut Bundaloy Edited by Alden Ford Recorded at Braund Studios by Shane O’Connell Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. It's totally less evil. Now, to restore diplomatic relations between systems, the Federated Alliance has deployed teams of ambassadors throughout the galaxy. The Alliance's newest recruit, a young farm boy named Plek Dexeter, steps aboard the starship Bargerian Jade

to embark on his first diplomatic mission. A mission to... Zix. Wow, the Bargerian Jade. Get down on the ground. Oh, yeah. Get down on the ground, please. Present your identification.

Okay, okay, here you go. You're an ambassador. Yeah, yeah. And this is your ship. Well, I mean, it's not my ship. It's a ship that I'm... I mean, I'm gonna be... Is it your ship or is it not your ship? Yes, it's the ship that I'm gonna be... yeah. Get on the ship, Ambassador Dexeter. I'm trying.

Why did you stop me? Ambassador Dexeter, I'm going to shoot you if you don't get on the ship. Okay, okay, I'm going. All hail the Federated Alliance. Yeah, all hail the Federated Alliance. Hello? Welcome, Ambassador Plek Dexeter. I am C-53, Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Droid.

Very nice. Hello am C-53, Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Droid. Oh, very nice. Hello, C-53, I am Ambassador Plekdexeter. Were you doing my voice back to me? No, no. Were you doing an impression of me? No, no, no, no. No, I was just, I'm just very happy to have a title.

So your job is like to help me prepare for the mission then? That is correct. That's great. What? What's the mission again? Oh, they haven't told you yet? Not in so many words. Well, we are going to the Zik Squadron.

Are you familiar? No. Who's ready to go to the ass end of space? Allow me to introduce you to our security officer, Dar. Oh, wow. You are enormous. Ambassador Texter. Wow. Perhaps do not begin conversations with addressing someone's size immediately. I'm sorry. I just... Listen, Pluck, here's everything you need to understand.

It's Pluck. I'm not going to ask you to deny it. You're going to be wildly attracted to me, and I will never sleep with you. Okay. I'm really glad you cleared that up, because I wouldn't have thought about it that way, but I'm glad you preempted that. Are those fangs, or are they... These are talons. Wow, all over your...

Chest. Yeah. Yes. That's really... In fact, if you push me right here... Oh, wow. I'm going to keep my distance from you, Dar, but I like the cut of your jib. Welcome from a nap, and there this somebody new inside of me.

Who's that? Oh, you're the new guy, right? Yeah, Bargy, meet Pluck. All right. I'm Pluck, actually. Pluck, Pluck, what are you doing? I'm Bargy. My name is not Pluck.

I know you know who I am. It is an honor for you to meet me, I know. It's great to meet you, Bargy. Where should I look when I'm talking to you? Why would you need to look in a specific direction? I just want to connect? Why would you need to look in a specific direction? I just want to make... Wow. I just want to connect with the ship.

Wow. In the ship. You're inside of... Wow. What was training like for you? My training process was brief. They are desperate for applicants. Ambassador Dexeter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit

Bungeloy. Crew, team, guys, people. Hello. Hello. Yep. Mission number one, here we go. I cannot wait. So, you know, I'm excited because we're going to Zix because it is a special quadrant.

It is indeed special. An uncommon number of people have died horrible deaths there in the last three years. Oh, wow. Interesting. I actually had to pull a lot of secret strings to get you guys to be able to go there because Oh, wow. Interesting. Very shitty. Sure. Okay. What?

Okay. Okay. We're just getting ready to... There's like six ships behind you. Okay, okay. Get out of here. I'll hail the Federated Alliance. I'll hail the Federated Alliance.

Mission to Zix, an improvised science fiction podcast. At CYXX, launching September 6th.