Modern Wisdom - #860 - Sam Morril - Travis Kelce, OnlyFans & New York Chaos

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Sam Morril is a stand-up comedian, writer, and podcaster. America is a strange place, full of quirky customs and bizarre rituals, from tipping practices to unconventional dating trends. So I figured I'd ask one of my favourite comedians how to navigate this odd land. Expect to learn how long it really takes to adjust to NYC, why Sam felt like a medieval country bumpkin for a while, the surprising stats behind American passports, why Spanish supermarket pineapples are a dating hotspot, what Sam thinks about Lizzo’s weight loss journey. whether the Kelce brothers’ podcast fame will continue and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get a Free Gift, 5 Free Travel Packs, Free Liquid Vitamin D and more from AG1 at https://drinkag1.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Get expert bloodwork analysis and bypass Function’s 300,000-person waitlist at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello friends, welcome back to the show. My guest today is Sam Morrill. He's a stand-up comedian, writer and a podcaster. America is a strange place full of quirky customs and bizarre rituals, from tipping practices to unconventional dating trends. So I figured I'd ask one of my favourite comedians how to navigate this odd land. Expect to learn how long it really takes to adjust to living in New York City, why Sam felt like a medieval country bumpkin for a while, the surprising stats behind American passports, why Spanish supermarket pineapples are a dating hotspot, what Sam thinks about Lizzo's weight loss journey, whether the Kelsey Brothers podcast fame will continue, and much more. And much more. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam Merrill.

This is delicious. You haven't decided whether to... I know, I don't like it, I don't think. This is delicious. You haven't decided whether you- I know, I don't like it, I don't think. But you keep drinking it. I keep drinking it. God damn it.

I keep drinking it, and I'm like, I don't think I like it, but I've had like 10 sips, and I'm like, maybe I do. How long did it take to get accustomed to New York City? I mean, I don't know, because I've lived here my whole life, but you picked like the worst strip. This is a really bad block. I mean, it's like all, because I've lived here my whole life, but you picked like the worst strip. This is a really bad block. I mean, it's like all the people just selling fake bags. Who the fuck thinks these are real bags?

I mean, if you're a tourist, are you not? And you're like, oh yeah, the guy who hasn't showered in three days and smells like B.O., that's a real Louis Vuitton. Reputable stocker retailer of luxury items. Yeah, just buy a fucking bag that's cheap, that's actually not gonna break the second you buy it. I don't know, this place feels really hard to adjust to as someone who's not from here. I feel like a medieval country bumpkin

going to the big city or something to have to speak to the Baron or whatever. And I come in, I'm like just overloaded. It's so loud, noisy, everything smell. And then it's also energizing, but yeah, it's just, it's odd to adjust to. And people that live here are just like, oh, it's just what life is.

That's exactly my point. I can't drive, but I can tell you which subway gets you to like Brooklyn. I'm you, I can't really can't, I can drive, but I'm bad. So you have your license, but- It was a bull, here's what happened. I took three tests. I failed the first two driver's tests. I passed the third one because I got in the car

and I was like, please don't fail me, I'm terrible. And the instructor laughed and then I hit a cone and she was like, all right, you got it. Took sympathy on you. Yeah, but then it was like, because of that, I don't drive out of like respect because I know it's a bullshit license. Oh, okay. So I like, because of that, I don't drive out of like respect. Cause I know it's a bullshit license. Oh, okay.

So I like never drive. Probably for the best. Yeah. I did it the other day, but it was like six blocks. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I, well, another thing, do people raise children here? Yeah. Because I've never seen, well, I don't know.

I just never, they don't look like they're going to school. Why do they go to school? Is there an underground, like subterranean, children kindergarten area? I don't know. You see the little kids with the rolly bags and the, yeah, they look like businessmen. It's great.

They're already jaded. They're already like, fuck, I gotta go to school today. This is terrible. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Got a spelling test. Yeah. They're miserable. My teacher's being. Yeah. Yeah. They're miserable.

But Teach is being a dick. Yeah, do you know, they're, they're kids. I was a kid here. I mean, we grew up here. But it's definitely an energy. Like I, when people are like, this city's terrible. I'm like, I can't argue with you.

There's a lot of problems. Like the amount of, I feel like every building's always falling apart. There's always like people drilling. You just walk around, there's people just drilling on the side of buildings to make like every building is always falling apart. There's always like people drilling. You just walk around. There's people just drilling on the side of buildings to make sure loose bricks don't fall out and land on someone. You're kidding.

Yeah. It's called section 11 law. So they will have to drill on the side of your bill. So if you're like, it could be like, we could be doing this podcast and there could be a guy just like right outside the window, just like drilling. And what's he doing? He's making sure the bricks don't fall out. By weakening the bricks, by checking. I don't know enough about it, but I know, I know that's what's he doing? He's making sure the bricks don't fall out. By weakening the bricks? By checking?

I don't know enough about it, but I know, I know that's what they're doing. Yeah. I think I've heard you describe New York city as you're in a constant state of irritation, but you're always grateful. Yeah, it's well, that's life. It's like every day for me is like, I'll bump a stranger and I'll be like, I fucking, I hope this guy dies for bumping me. But then like, I go to bed every night and I'm like, good day. That's like my energy is like, I'm angry, and I hope this guy dies for bumping me. But then like, I go to bed every night and I'm like, good day.

That's like my energy. It's like, I'm angry, but I am grateful. Yeah. I, yeah, this city is a constant state of irritation, but then like, sometimes I think, sometimes I think life is that way, but then maybe it's just cause I'm a New Yorker, but I travel so much for work that like, you know,

I'm in airport after airport. So travel is a constant state of irritation. I'm always frustrated. What about when you go to Montana or whatever, and you just this down regulation and you hear these birds. I've heard stories about people that live in cities not being used to silence. Is that a real thing?

I have to put on like a noisemaker. I put on like white noise. I can't sleep with just, well also though, if you're in a hotel, like I need the eh. Like just like- Well you have the sounds of the couple next door arguing or whatever. The housekeeper, they're just having a conversation

from one room to the other. And you're like, do you think this is a good idea at 8.30 in the morning? But on top of that, you also need this sort of ambient volume because of- I need something. But is that, so you don't need that? That's a New York thing?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. Not at all. Not at all needed. I need it. something. But is that, so you don't need that? That's a New York thing? Okay. Yeah. Not at all. I need noise. Not at all needed. Which is pretty wild to think, but I guess it's just whatever you get used to. But yeah, man, coming here, the energy is fantastic, but living here must be a trip.

It must be an absolute trip. Yeah. I guess I'm away enough to be grateful. I'm away enough to like, you know, but then you always, no matter where you live, you're excited to go home, I think. Correct. You know, I think that movie up in the air all the time, that Clooney movie,

where he's just always just staring at the flights and you're like, well, that's the life of a comedian. So whenever I land, I'm just like, fuck yes. And then you get home and it's miserable, but you're like, but this is my misery. This is the misery I'm comfortable with. Whitney taught me something where she said that, uh, in order for art to imitate life, you have to live a life.

And it kind of brought on why, uh, comedians and other artists, if they start to get more successful, they start to spend more time on the road. And then the only things that they have to talk about are airports and dinners, yeah, backstages and stuff, because that's, their life is just infused with that. So, yeah, you don't want to be that comedian where after every show, a guy walks out, a guy came up to me after a show and he said, and like, that's your whole act and you're like, no, you gotta have like real stories. Yeah.

I, speaking of Montana, I went to my first PBR, professional bull riding. I thought that was Pabst blue ribbon or whatever. The beer. I went to a, I went to a professional bull riding thing. Have you ever been to one of those? I hear it's fun. Dude. It's wild.

So my favorite part of the whole thing, the bulls themselves have walkout zones. They don't pick them. Uh, I don't know. I mean, it was, it's all associated with, and they've got highlight reels of like their best rides ever. And there's the, you know, this bowl trampling on a Brazilian man. And this it's like, he hasn't been written in four years. And this thing comes out and it's just super, but it's got it. When it first comes out, it's fully dolled up and it's got like flowers around it, then the next time it comes out and it's just super, but he's got it. When it first comes out, it's fully dolled up and it's got like flowers

around it. Then the next time it comes out, it's got this, they tie this stuff under its stomach that irritates it. That's why it keeps doing the booking thing. It's got this stuff tied underneath it. And, uh, yeah, there's always like a little Brazilian dude on the top of them. And, uh, they fuck them up and then they go off. Are the guys, are the guys little in that or they a little bigger?

Cause the horse racing, there's the jockeys are tiny. Mixed bag. and they'd fuck them up and then they go off. Are the guys little in that or are they a little bigger? Cause the horse racing, the jockeys are tiny. Mixed bag, a lot of the guys seemed like muscular, but pretty short. I'm gonna guess being tall would be a disadvantage in that cause you're just gonna get ragged around. I've done them in the bars, the bulls, and I don't last as long. Same thing.

Yeah, you would struggle. So yeah, I mean, you're a pivot. If the comedy thing doesn't work out, pivoting into PBR might not be a good idea. But yeah, one thing that I really loved is a guy, like a, a compare that's also a clown had full sort of face makeup on, but a lot of your experience is mediated through this one dude, cause he's explaining what's going on. They only need to stay on the balls for eight seconds and most of them don't.

So it's a 48 second periods punctuated with minute and a half long breaks while this bowl is just trotting around and there's a dude with a lasso trying to get it and fuck it off into the pen so that the next guy can come out. That's a, that's, that's the worst job. I think the guy has to bring the bowl back in with the lasso. Yeah. Yeah. They seem to chill out for it. It depends on how well disciplined the bowls are, but's, that's the worst job. I think the guy who has to bring the bowl back in with the lasso. Yeah. Yeah. They seem to chill out for it depends on how well disciplined the bowls are. But yeah, I, uh, the one that I did at big sky guy, ex Navy seal. That's Montana.

Yeah. It was sweet. Yeah. Guy jumps out of a helicopter flying in America flag behind him while angelic 12 year old sings the national anthem and fireworks went off. It's like, this is some America. This is some real America. Then Kevin Spacey tried to ride the 12 year old. Yes. Yes.

He only lasted eight seconds. He didn't go that young. That's not fair. It wasn't in Hollywood. No, everyone was of age. I have a Kevin Spacey joke in my act right now. So I have a joke about like, I was watching a Hitler doc with my girlfriend and she goes, you know who'd be a good Hitler is Kevin Spacey. And I'm like, oh yeah, I could see that.

And she goes, but he can't because he's canceled. And I'm like, he can't play Hitler? That doesn't seem fair. Well, imagine the pipeline of canceled actors to unspeakable roles. Yeah, but he can't, but what he did isn't Hitler. He's not shittier than Hitler. Right, that's true.

Did you see the one of the actors from Friends retrospectively sort of canceled the show about a lack of diversity? He was, that was, that was Adam Goldberg. That was the guy who was on like one episode. Right. Yeah. He's not one of the actors from Friends really though. Somebody that was once in Friends said that it wasn't sufficient.

Look, you can have revisionist history, right? You could be like, it was a white fucking show. It was a very white show. I was never into Friends, but like a lot of those shows of the era were very white. Like Seinfeld was very white, you know? He, didn't he say something about how Italians can play Jews, but Jews can't play Italians?

I think he said that in the same, so there's this weird one. I think we could, I think Jews can play, my friend, my buddy's a Jewish actor. He's played an Italian. I think Jews can play Italians for sure. I think, I think it works both ways. That was one of his complaints. That he can't play, maybe he's not a cool enough Jew. Maybe he's not tanned enough.

Maybe. Jew with a tan equals Italian. Is that the way that it works? I think, no, they work because they both have, they both have overbearing mothers, Jews and Italians. We can both tap into the same shit. Overbearing mother, but then like Jew with the overbearing mothers, like, like Gloria Soprano is a very different mom than my mom. But my mom was, my mom was, it was more like anxiety than- Aggression?

Than aggression, yeah. Right, okay. Like Gloria Soprano fucking hated her son. She was, it was all anger and resentment. My mom is more just like, ah, like don't do this. Like my dad sent me a fucking email. My dad sent me an email about an apple juice recall the other day and I was like, I'm 38.

You think I'm pounding apple juice? Like those days, those days are over. But that's how much they worry. That's my boy. Like that's the Jewish. My mom, true story. We were walking on the street once and I saw a dead pigeon and I go, Oh, dead bird.

And my mom goes, don't touch it. And I was like, what do you think happens when I'm not around mom? I'm not going to touch the fucking bird. How old were you at this point? It's like five years ago, six years ago. She's like, she worries so much. Dude, she's always on the road. She's like, don't drink.

And I'm like, I'm going to. I'm an adult. I've made my own decisions. What age do you think your mother sees you as? I think they always see you as a kid. You know, I think they can't shake that. You get to- I don't have kids, so I don't know. Maybe someday I will.

12 or 13, and they just sort of tap out at that. And you've got this man in front of you with beards, who's on stage, but it just happens to be your 12-year-old son. My mom's so bummed by some of my bits. Like, here's the thing. They insist on coming to shows, and then I see her, like, horrified look in the crowd.

For some reason, they're always sat within eyesight. Like I had a joke, I had this long bit about going to my, it's like an old bit of mine, but I went to this girl's house because she was like, come over and I'm gonna give you a blow job basically. And I was like, I'm there. And what happened was I go and while she's blowing me,

the door swings open and a guy was there and he like, they set me up basically. And it's a long bit, but I remember looking at, I just turned to the crowd, I see my mom's face and she's doing this. And I'm like, you want it to come, this is a tape. What did you expect? Yeah, but she's like, I'm your mother.

And then she asked me like, is that a real story? And I was like, I could lie to you, but yes, it's all real, it's all real. And she was not happy, but you know, I try to tell her like, look, who's considered the greatest comic ever is Richard Pryor. And I'm sure his mom wanted to love some of his shit. And my mom said, well, his mom was a prostitute. I was like, I still don't think she wants to hear

about her son lighting himself on fire free-basing. I think you're still a mom. Like some of the shit you talk about on stage is regret. And you kind of, that's funny. It is kind of like hearing a public therapy session, solo therapy session. Yeah. Regularly like just pulling out all of the stuff

that you wish that your son wouldn't talk about anymore. But therapy very much hone. Cause some comics make the mistake of being like, I'm just, you know, I'm figuring some shit out up here. And I'm like, yeah, the crowd doesn't give a shit. You pay a therapist for that, you know? But, you know, if I just tell a story, I went to a girl's house and she blew me. That's not funny. That's bragging. What do I tell a story about going to a girl's house and I'm scared for my life because I was like, what the fuck

is a guy coming in here for? Why, you know, that's funny because it's weird and uncomfortable. And obviously that's not just that is funny. The whole story is what made it funny, but you know, we're not supposed to be winners in the end. Comics aren't supposed to win in the end of the story. One of my friends, Michael Mallis said he wouldn't be able to get away with half of the stuff that he can if he was taller than five, six, five, six.

And I kind of get the sense that it's not too dissimilar with that as well. That if you come off as too sort of perfect or braggadocious, it's just not that likable. Who's the most famous insult comic ever? Don Rickles. Look at him. He looks like a hippopotamus, you know?

I mean, if he's just like gorgeous guy on stage ripping on people, he'd be like, this guy's an asshole. Jimmy Carr's an interesting one when it comes to that. Yeah. Cause Jimmy's- But Jimmy's not an insult comic. Jimmy's a one-liner comic who's just really good with off the cuff heckler moments. Yeah, that's true.

That is true. Jimmy's like posh on stage and he's, you know- Distinguished. He's distinguished, but that's who he is off stage too, you know? I've never not seen him in a suit. Went for breakfast at Austin, Texas, 95 degree morning walk suit. Yeah, it's weird.

Yeah. Speaking of relationships, Spanish supermarket shoppers use pineapples to search for love in a surprising new craze. Have you seen this? No. Let me tell you, a social media trend in Spain where people are encouraged to seek out

prospective partners in supermarkets with the help of pineapples has led to some chaotic scenes. Because it makes your cum taste better? Is that why? I mean, I don't get it. I haven't even got into the- Oh, so I jumped the gun there. In the city of Bilbao, northern Spain, police were reportedly called by workers after a flash mob of hopeful singles packed a Mercadona store and overwhelmed it. Singletons have been drawn to the branches of the supermarket chain where it is claimed that they can find romance if they visit between 7 and 8pm and put a pineapple upside down

in their trolley. People are encouraged to go to the wine aisle to find others with the same fruit in the same position. If they like someone, they bump their trolley against theirs, indicating they are interested in chatting to them. If the feeling is mutual, they can bump back or just start talking according to the Spanish-based English language news website, Olive Press.

The Spanish are overcomplicating this. How about just going up to someone and saying, hey, I like you. No, you have this beautiful dance of upside down fruit and, and little carriages that it got. Is that not? So how did you and mum meet? Oh, in the wine aisle of-

I don't think the pineapple story's great either. You think the pineapple, I flipped the pineapple. I think your kid's going to be like, you're an upside down fruit, dad. What the hell? I don't, I think this stuff is so complicated, especially when you have all these apps to get laid on, just go on one of the apps. I mean, I know it's not a great story, but like have some fun. It's quicker. Yeah. What do you make of the sort of, you're in a relationship.

Yeah. From the outside, perceiving it, what do you make of sort of the modern state of, of dating? Well, I sure as fuck miss those dating app days. Those were fun. I mean, it's relentless. I mean, here's the thing. The grass is always greener.

So I'm happy in my relationship, but I also like, I'm like, oh man, that was awesome. That was, you could just get laid like that. You could be a loser and still just be putting up numbers because it's just, you know, you see people just like on the street, like, you know, and you're like, holy shit, this is like just like on the street, like, you know, and you're like, holy shit, this is like, like social media is addictive. This is like, the only downside is really, you are, pictures aren't everything, right?

Like you meet someone in person, there's an energy you pick up on. And it's like, pictures don't matter. You can't, you don't really count for voice. And then they have that voice feature, but that always feels weird, you know? To send a voice note to somebody that you've never met. It's creepy.

Worse than a dick pic. But exclusively for the reason of trying to get someone to think that you're cool or sexy. And then how many times you re-recorded or changed the tone of your voice in order to be more sultry than you actually are. I don't know. I've never used the voice note message.

Are you single? I am. And are you cleaning up Raya right now? I'd spend a little bit of time on Raya, but even that, it just feels like Pokemon trading card game, but virtual. And it's like, well, you've got it. The admin of being single is so fucking arduous, dude.

Like if you've spent all day working and sending emails backwards and forwards, then going into your private life and go, Oh, you better deal with the dating admin. That doesn't exactly feel like a, I don't know, a fulfilling way to spend an evening. Yeah. And you get caught up in the texts and you have multiple, and then you have the dates and they get repetitive and boring. And I think those apps are shallow because you're leading with the pictures. So you're going with who you find most attractive, more than most interesting a lot of the time, and then you're on the date and you're like, this fucker,

this chick sucks. You're pretty, but I don't care at all. You're coming from like, you know, podcast therapy, then you go on a date. You're like, I got to carry this shit too. I got to bring the heat on the date. The hell? I'm tired. Well, that's a, I think that's definitely a by-product of growing up that getting a little bit older as a guy that girls that are pretty, but not that interesting.

You're like, I can't do this. I can't, I can't do this. I can't do, it doesn't really matter how pretty you are because it's mind numbing. If there's nothing else. That's why I mean, everyone wants to meet in person, but the apps are just so addictive. But yeah, meeting in person is better always

because you get to know somebody. A couple of relations I've been in, we kind of got to know each other over FaceTime because it was just someone I kind of knew a little bit before and they lived in another state. to know each other over FaceTime because it was just someone I kind of knew a little bit before And they lived in another state so we talked on FaceTime So I really got to know them before we even had sex which I was like, holy shit This is so different than what I'm accustomed to but that maybe that's why I like my grandfather

Yeah, but I mean, I mean I jacked off on FaceTime to him a few times, but you know, I didn't I didn't I didn't it was wholesome, but it's, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. It was wholesome. It's strange to think about the, like, I think that there's a market for a dating app that's just video messages. So you don't have a profile, you don't have anything else and you just get to see a video message back and forward because within the space of 60 seconds, you can work out whether or not this person is someone that you're bothered about. It's not just the voice note thing.

Right, within two minutes of being on your date, you go, ah, I should have bailed out. Well, that's why the dinner first date is a terrible move. Because if you're not vibing with the person, locked in for the next 90 minutes. I'll have this appetizer, this main course, we're sticking around for dessert And you're like, fuck. Yep.

I already don't like you. Yeah, but no, you gotta do drinks or coffee or whatever you do, but. Walking date is highly recommended, apparently. Is it? Yeah, cause you eat side by side. And that means that there's less sort of intensity like this. And also you can get away with a 15 minute, you know,

30 minute, we'll just test the water. But then I wonder whether. You do seem cheap though, if you're like, we should take a, you know, 30 minute, we'll just test the water. But then I wonder whether- You do seem cheap though, if you're like, we should take a walk. And she's like, are you homeless? Why the fuck are we walking? You know? I don't know. Yeah, that is true.

I do wonder whether the subtext of going for a walking date is I'm really unsure about whether or not I can deal with spending more than 20 minutes around you. So let's do something that I can, Oh, I must, I have to get a grapefruit or two from the supermarket. I'll see you later. You know what I mean? I get a pineapple and flip it upside down to find someone better. Go to fucking Spain with it.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll get back to talking to Sam in one minute, but first I need to tell you about AG1. Over the span of about a year, I tried pretty much every green string that I could find trying to work out which one was best and I came across AG1 and have stuck with it for over three years because it is the most comprehensive, highly tested and rigorously formulated on the market. AG1's formulation is built to improve your health not just when you take it for a week but when you take this every single day for years and that is why I've stuck with it. Since 2010, they've improved their formula 52 times

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But 4% in 1990. 4% in 1990. That's crazy. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know whether it's the fact that it's such a big country that you basically have 50 countries inside of one continent. So people don't feel the need to travel, but, uh, it's kind of not surprising

that America sees itself as the center of the world, given that most people. For most people who live here, it is the center of the world. I don't know how many people have ever traveled, even the ones with a passport. You would assume that at least 50% has never left this country. Yeah. Which is pretty wild. Well, that is pretty, look, I love America. It's always going to, I'm always going to live in New York, but that is, that's 4% is kind of a sad number. I mean, don't you want to get out of here? I guess, you know, some people have stuff keeping them back. It's expensive to travel, but shit man. That's a- There's an awful lot of world outside of 50 states.

Yeah, dude. I mean, I guess it also depends what state you're in. Right. Cause if you're in Texas, Mexico is pretty easy. If you're up North, Canada is pretty easy, but yeah, shit. What do you, what is your favorite place to travel? Uh, I love Italy. It's never been.

I tried to, I'm doing a Euro tour and I tried to add it, but it couldn't, I couldn't add Germany and Italy to this one and the two that I've never been to. And I really wanted to go. So good. I went to Venice for the first time a couple of weeks ago, but my thing is history and culture and tours. I want some dusty 55 55 year old, ex academic woman to, who knows all of the history of a place.

With big jugs. With big jugs to slap a headset on and walk me around telling me unpronounceable surnames of an architect. That's, I could spend the rest of my life doing that. And Venice was just obscene. These tiny little streets that are not that much wider than you are.

Rickety buildings, all the buildings have held up by bits of wood so they don't fall over because the ground shifting below that. It's crazy. I was, I was in love. So that was awesome. Florence kind of similar, but less water awesome. And then Rome's similar, but bigger. So yeah, my girlfriend was born in Rome.

She's, she grew up in America, but she's born in Rome and her mother's Italian, so she has this incredible. That's the Italian Jewish connection. Yeah. We make it work. We make it work, yeah. I love, I don't know, for some reason Italian, I mean mob movies were such a thing for me growing up

because my brother was obsessed with Goodfellas and Godfather's like this iconic American movie So there was this attack it sucks that I'm producing Italian culture to mob movies for this point But it's the synthesis it's pizza and mob movies. Yeah, but pizza is also very important to me. So we had a problem So this this drink thing that we made we and I love Negroni. So We tried to recreate it in the U S I've heard a rumor that the same problem we encountered, which was the hardness of the water has got something to do with why is it pizza or pastries or something pizza New Yorkers will,

we will tell you your water is not good enough. Is it true? Is that legit? I don't know. I I've heard people say it's not true. I mean, look, they've got, they figured I've had good pizza in LA. It can't be just, you know, because of the water. Yeah.

But New York, yeah, we have good, we have good water here for sure. I mean, you and I should go to Flynn, Michigan and try the pizza. And we got to figure it out. We got to crack it. It's got a lead lined crust on the outside. I'm like, I'd still try it. What do, you're a big sports guy. Yeah. What do football fans think about the Kelsey brothers?

It's the first time in, as long as I've ever sort of paid attention to American sports, where you've had an acting top flight athlete, two or multiple athletes with so much other public facing stuff. Well, podcasts, public relationships. I mean, what's that? Is there a purist out there in the sports world that thinks that? No, because he's still performing. I think if he was an athlete who, who lost a step and then, you know, was like, I'm podcasting. I think when you're playing like shit

and you're podcasting, your teammates are probably like, maybe stop the broadcasting career. But after two Super Bowls back to back, like go fuck yourself. Yeah, he's a phenom. His brother was a great lineman and he retired, but Travis Kelsey is in the conversation for best tight end of all time.

And he's still unguardable and he's got the best quarterback. So I mean, they're, they're unreal. A lot of people are convinced, uh, that Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift were put together by like, you know, Democrats to be like, you know, they're like, it's an, it's not a real relationship. They were, they're both Democrats. They're using them to get votes, which is I'm like,

well then get two fucking Republican celebrities. Get Kanye and Caitlyn Jenner to date. That's getting you some votes. That's more eyeballs. But my thing is like his performance hasn't slipped with this Taylor Swift thing either. That's the other thing. Like we're talking about like your podcast

and his performance is like, it's funny how much shit he's getting because every athlete Kim Kardashian started sleeping with just started to suck and he's still good. You know, sleeping with Taylor Swift is a performance enhancer. No, no, I think, I think someone that famous is probably draining you a little bit, but he's probably got endless stamina. He's a world-class athlete. Yeah, no, I think just being around that level

of celebrity, I'm sure there's parts where he's like, fuck, I should probably be lifting right now or doing some training and I gotta put on a top hat. Pursue evading the paparazzi or whatever it is I gotta do, sacrifice child blood at the full moon for a pentagram on the floor with people in hoods. I have to dress like a sailor at the US Open. I should be lifting weights, but you know.

Can you imagine if that was the truth, if it is a Democrat, or Pfizer or whatever, gave them both an unlimited amount of money or something, but you get the call. It's like Mr. Kelsey, you have been called up to do the duty for not only your political party, but the future of your country. It's like, all right, well, I guess, you know,

I'm kind of always wanting to serve in one form or another. What is it that you need me to do? It's like, we need you to bang Taylor Swift. Yeah, not awful. There's worse jobs. Yeah. I think Katie Holmes got the same call, but from Tom Cruise's people, we need you to do a duty. We need you to protect an American movie star. You need to help him pretend he's not gay.

Will Smith, same call to Jada Pinkett and so on down the line. The Will Smith arc is fascinating. Yeah. Absolutely fascinating. I remember this video of his where he was on a treadmill and there was a dude next to him on a treadmill and they were going to have a competition to see who had quit last and Will say something along the lines of either I'm going to pass out or I'm going to beat you.

You know, when Will was kind of, he had this sort of almost Tony Robbinsy motivational sort of era, or at least this was part of it. I remember a bunch of different videos. I was like, huh? Like, I really liked that. It was before Goggins and Jocko and kind of that world of like, you either win or you die stuff came through. Yeah.

I was like, huh? Will was like a kind of a shredded guy. Masculine hero. I am legend. He's jacked. He's done like a bunch of movies. What was that one? Hancock, where he was the drunk superhero.

Yeah. But really charming, kind of unique, complex, slightly complex characters. That could have been so much better. That one. That movie. A great premise. Yeah. Uh, and then you just look now and I don't know.

So, you know, uh, Danny and Ryan the boys' cast, they're both big Will Smith fans. And they're really worried. Like, unironically, this is not a joke, worried about Will Smith. And it's just such a weird arc to kind of see what's happening. Then there's these weird videos of him behind the scenes. She's got this, I've told you not to record me. Do you see that one?

No. Where this is my life and you're sort of, and it's her, it seems like sort of berating him a little bit or it's really, it's really, really uncomfortable to watch. It's obviously just in the house or something. And this guy just looks broken, dead behind the eyes. Such a weird arc.

Isn't it amazing that you're so envious of some of these people's lives? It's only natural when you see how much someone has going on, you're like, wow. And then they're often miserable. I mean, he really seems like an unhappy guy. It's almost like being that famous for what? Almost 40 years. It's not healthy.

What other outcome could there have been after being famous for that long? I think he's pro my guess is he's probably. Probably gay. I don't know. I mean, could I get sued for this? All right. Allegedly gay. Allegedly.

Well, it's like the marriage is definitely bad. You don't just slap someone in the face after they make a joke about your wife. Cause things are stable at home. That's not, it's just not what you do. Someone makes fun of my girlfriend, I'll be like, hey, don't, you know, just don't do that. I'm not, or if it's an award show, I'd probably be like, ha ha, and then just fake it, you know?

But you don't be like, keep her fucking name out of my mouth and then slap a guy on live. It's crazy, it's crazy behavior. Something's not right at home. I mean, she was publicly talking about having an affair, right? I wouldn't, I would probably wouldn't stay with someone who did that. I don't know what the divorce looks like. I don't know what the pre-nup situation is, but she seems like a

absolutely psychopathic person. Yeah. She seems like a legitimate crazy person. I can't imagine someone I'm sure he fucked around too. Lord knows with who, maybe women, maybe with guy don't fucking know what they're doing. But if someone cheated on me and then went on a book tour talking about cheating on me,

I'd be like, probably time to wrap this up. Did she say something was to do with rappers too? Who was it that she said that she was the muse for? Didn't you? Uh, don't you just hate someone who fucking. Huh? Tupac. Was she?

Apparently that was part of the tour. She might be fucking good then. I mean, dude, she's responsible for, uh, all eyes on me, me against the world and men in black in the nineties. Go Jada. She might be good. against the world and men in black in the nineties. Go Jada, she might be good. One of the things, even with the Kelsey,

Taylor Swift situation that I think about, and I guess Will Smith's one as well, is how difficult it is to have a relationship normally. And then how difficult it is to have a relationship with a few hundred million or a few billion people's eyes on you as well. I didn't think, mercifully, almost no one's ever going to, really no matter, even like someone like Rogan, like his relationship,

his marriage is just not any part of anybody's conversation. No one really gives a fuck. He's done a very good job of mentalizing his private life and keeping it private, which I think is. I think it's crazy he's married to a Filipino boy, but he's done a great job. And good job, Joe. I just navigating a relationship that's that public must be essentially-

No, it's gotta be hard. I mean, but Tom is, you're talking about these people, their spouse is also famous. So when you're dating a famous person, people are fascinated with it, I guess. And I mean, look at Ben Affleck and J.Lo, it's, you know. What's, they're currently about to break up? Or breaking up?

I thought they broke up, I don't know. Right, okay. There was a, I saw. I mean, it must be addictive. Like, Ben Affleck's got the addiction thing. So it must be addictive. Ben Affleck's got the addiction thing, so it must be addictive to make what you know is a bad choice, and fucking her is a bad choice

for him, clearly. It keeps ending, right? But he's gotta be like, it must be like a drink. Do they keep breaking up and getting back together? Well, they were dating like 20 years ago, remember? Yeah, like 20 years ago they dated. And now back, and now broken up again. Yeah.

It's clearly not working, but it's like, it is like a, it's a beautiful thing if that works. Like, I guess it was you all along. And then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a nice story. But not. The one relationship, Jay-Z and Beyonce just seem like, I don't know, that that's the one that appears to just be moving smoothly.

Everyone's got problems. I don't buy that like- Not Rhiannon Chris Brown problems. That was, oh yeah, I was gonna say that wasn't a problem. That seemed to be very smooth. Cut and dry. And yeah, he, man, he really bounced back from that, huh? Some people have really stayed canceled

who have done way less bad shit. Have you ever checked out the Chris Brown Reddit? No. It is cult-like. People love him. So much. It is, it's a real force of nature to see. And if you see any- Would you say that they have a toxic relationship with him?

I don't know. I think they probably do. I don't know. It's very obsessive. I don't know what it is. I need to do a deep dive on it. I've seen a couple of videos that kind of break it down, but if there's ever any criticism,

it's kind of this swarm, presumably it maybe appears on the subreddit or some other channel of some kind. But yeah, Chris Brown's a uniquely sort of positioned. Did he, is it Chris Brown that did the Superbowl this year? Is it him? No. No, this year is Kendrick Lamar did the Super Bowl this year? Is it him? No. No, this year is Kendrick Lamar.

Kendrick Lamar, that was it. Yeah. But yeah, just wow. Very, very obsessive fan base. So don't get on the wrong side of them, I think. Don't do a Chris Brown joke, that'll be a bad idea for you. I've done so many. Have you?

Of course, how could you not? It's like, he was like the insert domestic violence joke guy for a while. Role model for domestic violence. Yeah, I mean, you had to like like, he was like the insert domestic violence joke guy for a while. Role model for domestic violence. Yeah, I mean, you had to like- The poster child for domestic violence. You had to throw him in. I don't know.

Every comedian's made a Chris Brown joke. It's like talking sprinting without talking Usain Bolt. You can't, exactly. Don't fucking, don't beat up Rihanna. And if you're not gonna expect comics to make jokes about you, you know? In other news, this episode is brought to you by Shopify. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, which is why they're the global force behind Gymshark and Skims and Allo and

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Staying in New York, one of the guys came onto breakfast the other day and said that he'd just seen Ryan Reynolds walking his dog. Oh, nice. I'm like, Ryan Reynolds seems to be pretty much like the perfect dude. That he's just funny and his relationship's great and he buys a football club and he does stuff for charity and he builds billion dollar businesses. Yeah, the aviation gin. That's what Mark and I are trying to do with our whiskey.

Tell me about that. We have our own Bodega Cat whiskey and we're getting, in the States, you need to get distribution state by state. It's a tedious process. So Mark and I, Mark know, Mark Norman and I started on whiskey, Bodega Cat, and it's, you can get on bodegacatwhiskey.com,

but you know, we're going through 15 cases a week at the Comedy Cellar right now, it's great. We're at the Strip House, the Steak House on 12th Street, which is my favorite steak house. We're at the Stan, the other comedy club, New York Comedy Club. We're, comedy clubs are out of the country right now, just I think started up at the Comedy Club, we're, Comedy Clubs are out of the country right now. Just, I think started up at the Comedy Store,

the Improv, we gotta get the mothership in Austin too. But we're on it, we're moving and it's a long process, man. Liquors, some mob run shit. Really? Oh dude, it's crazy. Just the rings you have to kiss. It's been a process, but. Well, we did taste testing and stuff for a productivity drink, but I imagine that the taste testing

for getting a whiskey right is a little bit more. We didn't know we were supposed to spit it out. We got fucking hammered. You're kidding. Usually when you're sampling whiskey, you're supposed to be like... But we were just like, guh, guh, you know, we're idiots.

And it progressively got better. It's like, it's weird. The last ones that we try are always the best ones. This is smooth. Yeah, we were pretty fucked up. But we went with one that was like, everyone has a bourbon. We're like, let's do rye.

It's a little... What's the difference? Not whiskey, kind of, so. Oh, it's more rye. It's, you know, I mean, bourbon is a little, it's a little. What's the difference? Rye is. Whiskey connoisseur. It's more rye. It's, you know, I mean, bourbon is a little naturally more sweet, like Makers is more sweet than like say like a rye is typically a bit more spicy. Our rye is not that spicy.

It's got like, it's kind of got like a caramel vanilla type flavor. It's got a little spice, perfect for a Manhattan. It's my favorite drink. I like a Manhattan, a Negroni, a Martini. Anything. Anything. I like the classics.

They try to, paper plane's a good cocktail if you've never had it. What's that? It's whiskey, Aperol, Amaro Nonino, and lemon juice in equal parts. It's whiskey, Aperol, Amaro Nonino and lemon juice in equal parts. It's fucking great. Is it, Manhattan's the one that's got nothing in it

that isn't alcohol, right? There's no mixer. I think it's a good drink. A martini is the same way. That's true. But you do, yeah, it's, a Manhattan is whiskey, sweet vermouth, a touch of bitters and a maraschino cherry.

There, that doesn't have alcohol in it, the cherry. Fruit, it's a fruit salad. Yeah. Orified fruit salad. It's easy. Yeah. Although by the time you have it, it has some alcohol in it, because you dunk it in.

It's funny that people end up creating products that are built around the thing that they do. So for me, I wanted something that I could have before a podcast that would be good, so I'd do this. A lot of comedians drink. I got into alcohol because it was open bars. I was like 18. I was like, I get to drink for free here.

I'll be a comedian. That was literally what I mean. And then you were like, oh shit, I have to work hard. But at the time I was like, thought process was free drinks. Oh, my parents were terrified. Remember they came to a show and I was like blackout drunk on stage. I just was like, I get to drink for free. I was young. I couldn't control myself.

You know? Secret Service accidentally included the 9-11 hijackers in a tribute post to the victims this year. In a post on X marking the anniversary of the attacks, the Secret Service included the terrorists in the death toll. So the flag hanging in our headquarters is a solemn reminder of 9-11 and its missions purpose. Testament to freedom and sacrifice. John has all 2,996 lives lost, but the actual correct number

of victims is 2,977. They had to amend it and get rid of the 19 hijackers. A lot of people lost their lives that day. So let's not, let's not just, you know, you got to throw the terrorists in there too. I didn't know, it kind of does make sense. You don't want to honor exactly the hijackers, but if you're going to cite how many people died that day,

like are we talking demographically accurate here? Or are we talking in terms of tribute? I've always said that terrorists and comedians have a lot in common, cause we both get bummed when not enough people make it to a gig. Because I feel like terrorists would be like, three people on a bus, this is fucking bullshit. I guess I'll do it.

I'll go tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's insane, man. That's, geez. You must have been here during that. I was, yeah. Can you recall the day? Of course, yeah.

It was like, people had cell phones, but no one had service. So I remember New York's an amazing city because everyone, by the way, in school, the morning, the morning we found the planes had, I had a Spanish teacher we all did not like. And she decided to give us a pop quiz. And we're like, we're under attack. We've given us a pop quiz and we're like, we're under attack. You've given us a fucking pop quiz. And she was like, you should have studied. Not only from the Middle East, but also from you.

That's so true. I mean, I was like, I was like, she's like, you should have studied. And I'm just like, I'm going to fucking fail a test because you know, I should should have studied, but, uh, and then I got out, I think on the test, I wrote you suck. Cause I didn't study. And I was like, I'm just going to take the L here. And then, uh, and then we got taken out of school. My dad was like, let's line up to donate blood because they might need blood at the

hospital. So we went to a hospital. How far away were you? Were you able to see plumes of- I was in the- no, my dad saw it from his office. My dad worked in Times Square, so he saw the second plane hit from his office and was like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Yeah, and then he went to pick me up at school. We lined up to donate blood every hospital we went to. They were like, we're good, unless you have this blood type, we're good. Because so many people had done it too. So many people, yeah, that's how New Yorkers are. We'll say fuck you to you in the street, but when shit gets serious, we will,

we will donate blood. We'll help out. But. How old were you? Geez, I was 15. You used to be a 15, can a 15 year old give blood? Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a nice youthful. I had AIDS, but I didn't tell them that, you know, they didn't know that. But yeah, no, I, uh, yeah, I, I, we all lined up my whole family, but, uh, crazy day, crazy fucking day. And I was in New Orleans for Katrina. So that shit's following me around. It might be, God might be trying to send me a message.

Yeah. Uh, yeah, no, it's, it's wild. What was the subsequent few, I don't know, month, couple of months in New York like after that? It was, it was, there was a bit of tension. I think there was definitely some, looking back, there was definitely some Islamophobia,

which is really unfortunate. And I think there was definitely some Islamophobia, which is really unfortunate. And I think there was, everyone in the city knew someone who lost someone, you know, and- Now 3000 people, that's- Great, well- Enough to touch a- Don't forget the terrorists.

Yeah. But it was crazy. It was terrible. It was a terrible thing, but you know, it's a resilient city. It's a wild thing. I watched, was it recently the 25th anniversary documentary started coming out and to look at just-

Doesn't feel right to call it a 25th anniversary. That's what they called it. 9-11 to 25. Buckle up, guys. Come back to her. I went on a, one of the planes, it was like two years ago, I think it was the 20 year anniversary they did. It was, you're going through security

and it said 9-11, never forget. I'm like, I'm going through airport security. I can't forget while I'm going through fucking security. I can't forget what I'm going through. Fucking maybe don't remind me of a plane crash when I'm at the airport. Yeah. It was fucking weird going into Boeing. Yeah. Oh my God.

Fucking that's a, that's another one. Alaska air talk about you look online and they're like, we're having a discount. The flights you want to Expedia all the Alaska Airs are like 500 bucks cheaper. There's a man that spends a lot of time on planes. I imagine that's something that you might pay a bit of attention to. Yeah. If a girl, if it was a girl, I'm not that serious about it.

I'm like, I'll fly you in on Alaska Air. You might make it, you might not, who knows. Yeah. I mean, how many times does Boeing want to face plant? They've got the astronauts that are stuck in space as well. It's like not only. Although given how things are going in our country right now, they might be better off. But yeah, whether it's intercontinental or transatlantic or fucking interplanetary, they're able to sort of fail at each different step of the way.

Have you ever been on a plane where you were like, this is going down. The worst turbulence I've ever had was on a flight, a 17 hour flight from Johannesburg to Atlanta. And, um, that I was laid flat trying to get some sleep and I was lifted off a complete, like absolute freefall air. That's how much like exorcist level fucking levitating. Yeah. Uh, and then Christmas this year, flying back to the UK, tons of delays

taking off out of Austin and the, uh, pilot came over and said, I know that we've been nearly two hours in, uh, being delayed for takeoff, but don't worry because the jet stream, Gulfstream is really strong at the moment. So we'll make the time up in the air. By the way, that's not a thing. We'll make the time up. It's the same distance.

But he's able to go faster. I don't buy it. He managed to get us into like going down one of those water park slide shoot things with a pressure hose behind it. But the entire journey, I would have happily arrived two hours later and not being dishwashed for the entire journey. But those, those were the two that come to mind.

And when you're in a really big plane, when you're in a little plane, you're like, oh, okay, this is probably, there's a bit of me in the back of my mind that thinks, yeah, but it's like a ping pong ball, you know, it gets blown around a lot by the wind. But if you're in a absolute monstrosity with 500 people in it, in order for this to actually get shaken around a lot, I don't get that nervous,

but those are two times where I sort of. I've been in the little one where I was, my friend Gary and I, it's so funny. I saw this, I saw a comedian, Jim Norton at the Comedy Cellar and he goes, oh, where are you this week? And I said, I'm in Rochester, and he goes, oh, I hope you're driving, I hate that flight, that little plane, I was like, no, I'm flying,

it's a long drive. From New York? Yeah, it's like a six hour drive from New York. But he's like, I hate it. We're on the plane, Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to ourselves, we're on the flight, Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to each other, and on the flight, Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to each other

and some woman is like, I'm sitting here. And I'm like, oh no, we booked it. But then I just looked at him and I'm like, it's a 40 minute flight. Like, fuck it, just give her the seat, who cares? And then we're in the worst turbulence ever. It's like shaking, we're going down and the instructor, like he doesn't even speak.

He just, I'm like, oh, we're about to German wings this shit. This guy's about to kill us. We're freaking the fuck out. We look at him, the woman who was supposed to be sitting in the back row starts going, ah! And there was a moment we were like looking at her like, fuck you bitch, you fucking, if you die, we won't be that upset.

But then he just like top gunned it. So we just, we're going down and just flew, and we were like, what is he, it's like, is he fucking with us? Is this like some cruel joke? And then it turned out like 10 minutes later, it comes on the speaker like, sorry guys, it was too windy to land. I had to, I didn't want to get on the thing.

I had to focus. So I want to get us around. But then the guy picking us up at the airport was like, man, one of those planes top gunned it. We're like, that was us, dude. I partnered with Function Health because I wanted a better way to track what's happening inside of my body.

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this Argentinian movie called Wild Tales. It's great. It's a bunch of really dark short, like shorts basically. And one of the shorts is everyone's on a flight and they start, two people start chatting and it turns out they have a connection to each other and they're like, that's weird. And then a person behind them is like,

did you say you know this person? And they all kind of, turns out everyone in the flight knows each other. And then it's a guy who got them all on a flight and kills them all. Oh, it's some sort of vengeance thing? Yeah. Oh, that's cool.

It's a good one. The whole movie is great. I spoiled one for you, I'm sorry, but it's worth the last one at the wedding is the best one. It's incredible. So highly recommend people watch that. I'm sure you can just stream it. Like we rent movies called wild tales.

It's from, it's from like probably 10, 15 years ago. It's, it's awesome. That's sweet. Every, every one of them is good. Yeah. I wonder, you know, when you think about, um, the media that gets loaded onto planes, so many movies have got plane crashes in, but there's no way. when you think about the media that gets loaded onto planes, so many movies have got plane crashes in,

but there's no way, there has to be some sort of limitation of what you can put on that you can't put movies that have got really extreme plane crashes in because it's. Because if you're sitting next to one, you're like, I don't wanna see that shit, right? Yeah, for sure, Yeah, for sure. There's a- You ever watch like a weird,

I remember they had the movie Secretary on my flight once and I'm just watching this and it's like a lot of BDSM. It's James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. There's a secretary that he's really sexually inappropriate to, I mean, it was pre-Me Too. It's very dicey where he's just making her do crazy, kinky shit as a secretary. And I'm just watching this and there's just like people next to me like, what

the fuck are you, you could tell they're like, this is not okay, but fun movie. There's a, uh, a cool insight around. Airplanes where people that sit in economy have to walk through business to get there. There's a nine times increase in passenger agitation. So the number of incidents where somebody gets logged as being disruptive or whatever, it's increased by nine times if the people in economy have to walk through business class.

So it's called the poverty parade, that basically everyone that's really nice has already sat on, they've got their champagne or their orange juice or whatever. And then everyone else has got to sort of traipse past with their eyes down. There's the proletariat have to go into their blood and feces and straw in the back. What I did, I think for years, I think flying coach for so many fucking years, every weekend, like cheapest flight possible, I think it fucked my neck up. Because I would just, I'm six, three. I would just fall asleep like,

and I was like, I think I have neck problems. But you know, yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense. You see a lot of incidents. I mean, people, that woman had a whole career made. That woman who had like a meltdown on the plane. This is what we do with celebrity now. Oh, that mother fucker there is not real.

Yeah, and she's like got a following now of people. It's so funny how people, instead of us being like, that person's clearly mentally ill, we're like, oh, we should continue to lift this person up. America. Yeah, she was the supernatural Hawk Tour, wasn't she? She was. Hawk Tour is a big one.

Well, I mean, the meme, I've been, something I've been totally obsessed by over the last three months, all of the summer, the speed of memes and news, you know, we went from Hawk tour to Biden's senile to Trump's shot in the ear to Kamala Harris, coconut season to Brat girl summer to, you know, it could, and every single one erased all of the ones that came previously. No one's talking about Trump being shot. No one is being, he got shot in the, or it was a piece of glass or whatever.

Two months ago. Yeah. And everyone's already way over it. That's it's old news. Yeah, it was two months ago, the assassination attempt. 13th of July, what's it say 14th of September or something? Like exact, almost exactly two months ago. You know, uh, it's interesting, Andy Warhol used to say,

everyone will be famous for 15 minutes, but he didn't have this type of social media when he was around. Like you can parlay this into maybe a lifetime of success. Hock too missed it without monetizing and only funds. That was the pivot. But then, but that she's so young that I respect her for not doing that.

Cause she could have done that. She could have been like, I'm just gonna get naked and be a, but that she's so young that I respect her for not doing that. Cause she could have done that. She could have been like, I'm just gonna get naked and be a, but clearly she's like, I wanna do some other shit. The cash me outside chick did pivot into it. I think she's one of the top creators on OnlyFans now. Oh my God. I think there was a-

Cash her finger in herself. Yeah. Outside. There was a breakdown of businesses, their revenues and the number of employees that they have. I think OnlyFans has less than 60 employees and its revenues are in the billions. Yeah. Per employee.

More than pro sports, they say. Yeah, yeah. All of, every NBA player put together I saw that, yeah. is less than the revenue of OnlyFans. Yeah. Which is weird because I imagine the revenue of OnlyFans. Yeah. Which is weird because I've actually- Who's OnlyFans LeBron?

Who's like the biggest pay person? I don't know. I don't know. Let me see if I can find out. Top, this is gonna, I'm gonna be pixeled for the rest of my time by searching Top. I've never done it. I've never like subscribed to someone on OnlyFans.

Top OnlyFans creators. I mean, this has gotta be- By the way, it's so funny to call them creators. Just some chick getting drilled on her couch and we're like, she's a creator. Creative. Erica Mena, monthly earnings, 4.5 million. Not bad.

Bad Baby, but there's a lot of H's in that. 4.33 million. Tana Mong-U. Who are you jacking off to? Honey, it, 4.33 million. Tanner mung you. Who are you jacking off you honey? It's not what you think. It's, it's a bad baby. Was jacking off to a bad. Well, they have a Pornhub a really great, their data science team.

This sounds like a re this sounds like the dog ate my homework. Excuse for watching Pornhub, but the data science data science team at porn hub is actually really, really great. And they'll tell you what the top trends are and the top searches and, and what's changed year on year and you know, this particular one state has got a foot fetish. Is that like Napster though, for porn stars now, cause they're not paying them. Oh yeah, that's a good point. But so I'm friends with a adult actress in the UK. And she said that the whole job of PornHub now for most,

at least women, maybe guys too, is it's the front end of the funnel that drives the traffic into. So it's like YouTube for comedians is PornHub for. More like Instagram, where you've got your little short clips and that's what'll go up on Pornhub. You get to watch, you know, five minutes.

Just her sucking a cock. Subscribe to my actual channel. Honestly, yeah, to watch the full video, see below. Yeah, you get to see it in 360p, but the full 4K surround sound experience is available on my website. Yeah, I didn't know my, it's, I mean, it's, it's absolutely fascinating.

I used to have a joke about, I would look at so much porn that it would like funnel into my, cause on the Daydnaps you can choose like what kind of ethnicity you would want on some of them. So I'd be, you know, I'd watch so much porn that it would funnel into it. I'd be like Asian, uh, MILF neighbor hand job. Yeah.

I do wonder what, uh, what the future is going to end up being. Whether we look back on this period is like an odd. Every period is odd. Like, but yeah, that's, that is true. I suppose you look back at the Victorian era. It's like you showed too much ankle there, Melinda, how could you, you know what I mean? Like that's a little bit odd.

Now, well, dude, everyone is in their own world right now. Everyone, like it's like that thing, like, you know, the meme, the bitch thinks that he's the main character, you know, something like that. But you'll see a guy on a bike riding by, I almost got hit by a guy on a bicycle a few days ago cause he's filming himself like talking for some vlog. And I'm like, some idiot, he could,

he could have gotten like badly hurt. I could have gotten maybe hurt, but he's like, it's all for content, man. And he probably got me at the end being like, fuck you. I'm angry, but like that's all part of the video. In the background of that guy's cycling vlog. That's what I love about this city. I saw a woman screaming, a guy going the wrong way in a bike, zooming by and she goes, asshole.

And I'm like, ah, I love an angry old lady in the city. They're fun. Well, those, uh, e-bikes, angry old lady in the city. They're fun. Well, those are e-bikes, because I haven't been in- They're fast. And people are wearing helmets, dude. Absolutely right. It must be at least 20 miles an hour, maybe more,

that those they're able to go. More I think. And this dedicated cycle lane. Same with the scooters. Yeah. It's hard. Dude, I learned to drive in New York. I'm a bad driver, but like I can drive in Manhattan, which I think is like one of

the hardest places to drive because so many things are happening. Like it's. Yeah. You need to be one of those Waymo cars, but you need that for your head. You've got eyes wrapped all the way around your back. I don't know. There's I'm still very much in, even I've spent a total of a month in this city across my life, there is a confidence that New Yorkers walk with,

it's like a rhythm, self-assured vibration that they move through the city with, that if you're not, if you haven't been indoctrinated, you just do not have, I haven't got it in time. The people have the right of way over the car, so it's like, we're more confident, like Colin Quinn is like the quintessential New Yorker to me. He's a great comedian, Colin Quinn.

He's got a Netflix special called New York Story. It's one of the greatest standup specials ever, I think. And I love Colin. And he has a joke about how like people will be driving like, oh my God, I almost got hit by that person. You know, cause we walk with so much confidence, but it's the truth. We feel like we run the city.

You. And as it, when you are driving, you're kind of like, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? Like I could have heard him, you know? So if you're a New Yorker, if you're a, you know, domestic born and raised New Yorker, do you walk everywhere? Do you take the tube or is it sort of a, a choice based on your preference for whether you cycle?

I don't bicycle. I don't like, my dad never taught me how to ride a bike. I'm worthless, dude. I'm more, I'm talking to my, holy shit, I have no abilities, no motor skills. I can just say rude thing. That's all I got. Yeah.

My dad once took me to ride a bike in Central Park and just let go of me and I went down a hill and I crashed into a fucking tree and was like, we're done with that. And that was it. It was just like, I give up. Yeah. And so I've, I've written during COVID. I was, when we didn't know what was going on, I rode the bike a couple of times downtown, but I was getting wiped out. I sucked at it. And, uh, no, I don't do the scooter.

I thought the tube was basically just a, a, a homeless fight, permanently happening 24 hours a day that yeah, that's the media like there look there's crazy shit happening on there But they love when it does because it's like New York's falling apart. I read the subway everywhere. Okay I'm a walker. I walked here. I I like the subway, but When I take if I do take a car, I try to always make it a yellow cab because, you know, they fucked over the yellow cabs, the city, they, the medallions worthless.

So I try to support. But did they not just pivot to becoming Uber drivers? Is that not the solution? Well, the problem was if you have a medallion, that was kind of an investment and you would set the medallion so you can get the cab. Expensive? Yeah, they would retire on them.

They would send them, sell them for like over a million dollars, you know? So it was. Because there's a limited number of taxi spots available? Yeah. Right. So it's a scarce result. It's like the original Bitcoin. It's a Bitcoin of the taxi world. But then they just let Uber people- Oh, you have a car. You can be an Uber driver. So that's fucked them over completely. So I try to stay loyal to the cabs. Look, every once in a while you regret it. Cause in a world with no ratings, you don't know what you're walking into sometimes. So like I'll be in there and the guy's like, oh, this guy's an asshole.

He's, you know, but I try to stay loyal to the cabs. What's your advice for people flying into and flying out of, uh, New York, because for the first time ever I flew into Newark coming here. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. Well, you have options. You could take a cab, but you could because for the first time ever, I flew into Newark coming here. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. Well, you have options. You could, you could take cab. You could also take the train.

You could take Amtrak in, which is kind of nice. And then, you know, the subway, you got that, uh, JFK, you got the, you can take the subway if you want to go public transit, but JFK is a tough, that's a bad airport, which is wild because it must be one of the busiest airports in America. Well, look at LAX. That's a terrible fucking airport. And that because it must be one of the busiest airports in America. Well, look at LAX. That's a terrible fucking airport. And that's it. I've never had any bad experience.

I mean, I hate the, get on the bus to get to the cab, to get to the city. That, that is- It's insanity. Very painful. It's like, you look like you're in like a detention camp. It's insane. Yeah, yeah, that is true.

You're one of the Uyghurs just waiting to be shipped off somewhere. It's awful. Yeah, that's funny. Ah. Where else have I been to that was intra- That is true. You're one of the Uyghurs just waiting to be. It's off somewhere. Yeah. That's funny. Ah, where else have I been to that was in Atlanta is a wild airport. That thing's a city that just exists as a three miles to get to where you need to get an Uber it's fucking crazy. Yeah.

And there's that big loop train thing. Now, now we're doing what I said I should do as a commuter. Why are we talking about travel? Holy shit. Airports all the time. Everyone listening right now is like, I'm going to fucking as a comedian. Why are we talking about travel? Airport all the time. Everyone listening right now is like, I'm gonna fucking put a gun in my mouth. What else is coming up for you? Well, I got this special on Prime Video called You've Changed.

I'm proud of that one. It's got some really good jokes in it. Spent a couple, I spent like over a year and a half touring with that. So I feel pretty good about that hour. It's got a really, it's called You've Changed because there was a bit in it where it's a true story. A woman tried to cancel me. I did trans joke in a Netflix special and it was actually a really positive joke.

It was a fun joke. It was very positive about trans people. And it went viral and all these trans people started weighing in like, you know, hell yeah. One of them was like, this is how you do it. I was like, I'm a fucking good guy, I guess the next trans person was like, this is our person now. And I was like, uh-oh, you know, this could back,

I support, but you don't want me to be the voice of the fucking movement. And then the next trans person was like, this is my least favorite comedian, and yes, I know his work. And I was like, who the fuck is this person? So I started clicking on the profile, and it's someone who tried to cancel me in 2013 and

she hated my jokes and he used to be a she, which I don't give a shit about. Like, it's your life, do whatever the hell you want. But every post that he writes about me now is fuck Sam Morel, he made bad jokes in 2013 so I finally responded. But you know that people can change. Very clever. So that's the specials called You've Changed. And it's a fun specialist on Prime Video.

I think it's like hard jokes, top to bottom. I got the rights back for my Netflix special, so that's on my YouTube channel, that's called Same Time Tomorrow. I've got, I Got This, which is a special I self-produced on YouTube in 2020, which I'm proud of that one too. But then I'm on tour, I'm announcing a new theater tour starting, I believe, first week of February, doing. But then I'm on tour. I'm announcing a new theater tour starting, I believe first week of February,

doing the tour bus and the whole thing. And I'm coming literally everywhere. This is probably coming up after my Euro tour. So I got Spokane. I'm doing a weekend at a club in Spokane, Washington, October 24th through 26th. I'm doing a weekend in Cleveland at Hilarities, one of my favorite clubs, November 21st through 23rd,

I believe, and I'll be popping up all over just to work on the material before we go back to theaters. I'm coming to every American city, truly every city. So samurail.com and hit tour, and I'll be coming to your fucking city. And I post my shit on punchup.live slash samurail because they don't sense me. My friend Danny Frankel started an app,

he used to work at Facebook. The issue for me at Facebook and Instagram is, I'm sure you deal with this, they bury any post that has anything problematic in it. And guess what? They decide what's problematic. It's becoming increasingly strict. I put a, I was wearing a very loud pair

of track pants yesterday that looked like, uh, what a karate teacher from the nineties would wear. So I put, can't wait to roundhouse kick someone in the face wearing these bad boys. Within 30 seconds, my account had a warning and I had to go through a bunch of things because it had been auto detected that I was inciting violence. It's insane. Wow. That's really, it's getting dangerous, dude. And it really, for jokes, like, you know, sometimes,

sometimes you say something sarcastically. Sometimes you're... And, but guess what? If you're sarcastic... Shock horror, comedian says things that he doesn't really mean. Exactly. But then you, they read that some robot that can't detect sarcasm sees that as like a threat or like something that's hate speech. But you kind of have to look at a person's track record

and what they actually believe. I'm not gonna actually say what I believe all the time, but if you know who I am, you know what I believe. So what's the Punch Up? PunchUp.live, and he's got an app now for Punch Up, but Danny's become my good friend. He left Facebook because he loves comedy. And he, you know, I think he did really well over there,

but now he wants to, he wants to take down Ticketmaster essentially, because he thinks they're taking so much. I mean, you see what the government- So what is it? It's a place, it's many things. It's a place where you can see uncensored comedy. Like YouTube, like specials?

Sure, you can put anything on there. I put a lot of clips on there that are- Only fans, comedians. Basically, but I just ask for your email instead of your money, because I just ask for your email instead of your money. Cause I just want your email for when I tour. So, yeah, I post clips up there that will get flagged by Instagram.

And I'm not super provocative, but these are just gonna get flagged, you know? So I post clips there and I post all my dates there and I collect emails there so I can, and I don't spam you, I just wanna have your email. So when I'm coming to your city, I'll tell you, it's geo-located, so you give me your zip code and I will be like, hey, come to your city this week

or something, but I love what he's doing. It's nice to have like a free speech platform that's not run by a right-wing lunatic, because then you're just like, it's free speech, and then you log on some of these and it's just like the N-word, and you're like, this isn't really what I wanted. It's just hot-'s and Jew jokes.

Yeah. All the way down, yeah. And guess what? I got a lot of Jew jokes too and they're not hateful. So they're a little hateful, but they're about me. Self-hating Jew, different. Sam Marill, ladies and gentlemen. Dude, I appreciate the heck out of you.

Thank you for coming. Yeah, you too, man. This was fun. Thanks.