Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-16-20

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

Bill rambles about the Middle East, vaccination laws, and authentic Mexican food.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. For Monday, November 16th, 2020, what's going on? How are you? How's it going? I'm watching the end of the Pats game as I recorded this, recording this Sunday night to, what does that say, my old eyes here, 225 to go in a range soaked game. What have we got? I can't even see 23 to 17 Pats trying to hang on for a hard earned victory. All of these guys who rode off the Pats, all the injuries and all the people who said they weren't playing because of COVID and all of this shit. Look at the Ravens talking shit. I love it. Look at them yelling at Cam Newton. It's a fucking great game. Anyway, I missed all the football, baby.

I missed all the football. I worked my fucking red balls off this weekend. I did. I had a fucking 11 hour day on Saturday and I've been writing the final episode, unfortunately, of Efforts for Family, but you know what? I'd rather leave before people are sick of us. So I've been writing that all friggin' day today. Started a little bit Friday, a little bit Saturday. I was busy Saturday, so I only did a couple of pages, but today I knocked out like a good 15, so I'm hoping to polish it off tomorrow. Meanwhile, I missed all of the football, but I did look at some of the highlights of what was going on out there. I taped this game. Thank God, the Bills versus the Cardinals. Two great teams to watch. I've

been watching the Bills almost every single week. I do it. I'm taping so many fucking games because of this COVID. I'm home. I watch like a game possibly two for the whole week. I didn't tape too many today. I kind of fucked up, but I was busy, but I usually, you know, I'll tape three or four. If you listen to this podcast, this is getting old, but a couple two, three, one o'clock, a couple two, three, four o'clock games. I'll watch a game and then I watch the Sunday night game. Then I got Monday night football and then Tuesday, Wednesday, I watch a couple of games. I got Thursday night football, Friday, Saturday, I watch a couple of games. Speaking of games, I'll tell you what will turn 2020 around. For me,

is if the University of Indiana somehow figures out a way to beat Ohio State on Saturday. All right. They already beat, who'd they beat this year? They beat Penn State. Who's having a, oh, they're having a rough one. Okay. That's, I heard they were like fucking 0 and 3. I know it's beyond that, but did they beat Michigan State? They beat some big goddamn people. I think they beat Michigan too. Is that what they beat? Well, fuck Bill, you got the internet right here. You got the old internet. Interweb, why don't you look it up and find out who won and figure out whether we landed on the moon or not. Indiana, who's your football? Versity football schedule. All right. Let's see what we got here. All right. See more.

What have they done all year? Okay. Yes. They beat Michigan. They beat Penn State. They beat Rutgers. They beat Eastern Illinois the way they should have 52 to nothing. And now they got Ohio State. Indiana is somehow, Indiana football is ranked ninth. When was the last time Indiana football was ranked that high? Ohio State number three, which I was actually kind of low for them. There always seem to be number two and number one or three or whatever. That's about right. So, I mean, it's a daunting task to try to go in there and beat Ohio State. Well, there's really no home field advantage. Even if it's in Indiana, it doesn't even matter, because it's like fucking nobody there. But fuck, the past got a punted away. How much

time left? Minute 10, minute nine, minute eight, minute seven. Don't touch it. Six, five. Oh, that's plenty of time. Plenty of time in today's NFL. The guy like Lamar Jackson. You guys might hear me watch my Pat Sluves live. Hey, it's a question I have for you. It's 2317. If Baltimore ties it up, do you go for one or do you go for two? I'm of course being facetious, but I swear to God, that's how I saw so many goddamn games in the past fucking couple of weeks where these guys, they're going for a fucking, they're going for two-point conversions in like the second quarter now. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Lamar, run, run, first down, getting out of bounds. Jesus Christ, 56 seconds to go. You know what's going

to happen? This is all these fucking games. It goes right down to the 20-yard line. Then you got to fucking sit here and die a thousand deaths as they get four shots at the end. So please hold it. Hold it. Oh, fuck you. Oh, the dreaded holding call. The only time they show an offensive lineman's face, he probably did a great job all night. Poor bastard. Look at him squeezing that fat head and that fucking helmet. He looks like me riding a bicycle. My face gets all fucking red. Let's see what he did here. Oh, you guys see hooked him. I don't know, look pretty standard. You know, he could call holding on every play. Anyway, I was watching this game and I actually texted somebody about this, about this. Did I already talk about this

when I was watching the Kansas City Chiefs last week? Who the fuck were they playing? I already forget who the fuck they were playing. Let me see here. I'll find it here. I'll find it here for you. But anyway, the team beating them had no business beating them, right? They had no fucking bid. Oh, those are Panthers. So here's the text I sent them. I sent this guy who knows all about football. I said, so the Panthers scored a TD and kicked an extra point. It makes it 26-24 Chiefs, so down by two. There's nine minutes left in the game and the Panthers decide to try an onside kick which has a 6% success rate. The Chiefs, they didn't recover, but the ball didn't go 10 yards. So now there's a penalty and the Chiefs got the ball that on the Panthers own 39 yard line,

like five, six plays later. KC scores a touchdown. They gave it right back to him. So then the Panthers, with Teddy Bridgewater, who I love, go down the whole length of the field, score another touchdown. That makes it 33-31. Did they just kick the extra point? Which if they did on the first one, they'd only be down one and now it'd be a tie game. Instead, they onside again. They double down again. KC fucking recovers at the Panthers 42. They get the fucking ball back again. Unfortunately, defense gets some foreign out, but by the time the fucking Panthers got the ball back, there wasn't enough time to drive down the length of the field. And that first onside kick was with like nine minutes left in the fucking game.

It doesn't make any sense. This stupid bullshit with the analytics. What happened? I'm over here talking. There's two seconds left. 12 seconds. That's all the way across the room. Two seconds, I think. Two seconds left. Holy shit. Pat's looking to get their fourth win of the year. Four and five. Starting to figure things out. I love it. I love it. Jacoby Myers becoming our number one. Lamar Jackson walking off the field. Hey, man, I don't care what year it is. You beat the fucking Ravens. That's a big victory. Buffalo lost again today. Lost a hot breaker against the Cardinals. And Kyler Murray. Who was telling you about Kyler Murray two, three weeks ago? I was. Now everybody's caught up with me. The whole world is 21 days behind me.

Now I'm kidding. Everybody know. You know what I love about that fucking full mask that Harbaugh's wearing? You can't watch him whine throughout the whole fucking game. He's another one of those guys who fucking was jumping on the path saying that they were, all these fucking guys played golf too. Just a cheating man's game. I don't know why I go off on golf. Chargers lose again. But you know, they got their quarterback. They do got their quarterback. Who actually, didn't he get hurt or something like that? What was that last week? Entire Rod Taylor came in. Who by the way lost his starting job because he hurt his ribs and he was getting injected with the painkiller and unfortunately they

punctured his lung and he went out there and he's like, I can't fucking breathe. And then they brought in this, what's this nuts? Justin Herbert and he's had the job ever since. Crazy, crazy, crazy. All right. I think that's about all I can talk, considering I didn't watch any of the goddamn games. Although I did watch my Patriots. I fucking love the pets. You know, it's so weird. They feel like my team again. That whole time when they were winning, it felt like I was dreaming it. And now they're struggling, you know, trying to get to four and five, trying to get up to 500. I'm like, this is the fucking team I grew up with.

So anyway, a couple of legends died in the past week. I gotta give a shout out here to them. Tommy Heintzen, the great, great Tommy Heintzen, 10 time NBA championship, eight time winner, eight times as a player, two times as a coach, 74 and 76, I believe, as a coach. He's part of those great Bill Russell, Bob Coosy, you know, Red Arbex that years that put the Celtics and the NBA on the map really put the NBA and the NBA on the map because they used to, and during the off season, they would travel around the country selling the game, the pro game to all these different areas. I read this whole book on Bob Coosy and Bill Russell and how, you know, they go down the south and like Bob Coosy could

walk in the front door and Bill Russell couldn't. It was fucking nuts. But anyway, I knew him as the color commentator when you would watch a Celtic game and, you know, they just don't make them like that anymore. He just was, it was just nothing better. You know, he hated the officiating every single game, but when he really hated it, it was just so fucking entertaining. And he was just such a Celtic and he's such a Homer. It was so much fun. It's one of the things that I really miss about sports broadcasting is it's just become so goddamn corporate. I just miss the Homer who just cannot see any fault in his own team. And, you know, as an announcer, they just were fun as hell. I used to like, you know, when the,

when the whole sports package thing was first blowing up, there was a few homers left. There was that guy who used to call the Buffalo Sabres games. Forgive me, sports fans, because I don't know everybody's name. I love listening to that guy. He was fun to listen to. There was a guy that was doing the Raiders on the radio that was great to listen to. He wasn't necessarily a Homer, but he just sounded like an old school announcer. And I don't know, Tommy Hyneson was in that class. He should be in the Hall of Fame if he isn't as a broadcaster. I absolutely love listening to call games. And it's a rest in peace to the great Tommy Hyneson and Paul Horning. But which for my whole life, I thought it was spelled H-O-R-N-I-N-G, but it's actually spelled

like H-O-R-N-U-N-G or something like that. And I was watching a whole thing on him. I'm sort of fascinated with, I don't know, with great players that end up on these weird teams and you just forget, you know, like Tony Dorsett played a year for the Broncos. He had like 700 yards too. Paul Horning ended up on the Saints, which who the hell remembers that? I think the one everybody remembers would be like Joe Namath on the Rams or like Johnny Unidus on San Diego. But like some of them, I always do this with Joe Bartnick. He always brings up Franco Harris on the Seattle Seahawks. I'm trying to think of the other way. Eric Dickerson is like a Falcon, you know, or like Verzi always talks hoop where he'll talk about like Patrick Ewing

as a Seattle Sonic when they had those really bad uniforms. There was a period in the NFL, and I'm sorry, in the NHL, in the NBA, particularly the NHL, where they just had some of the ugliest fucking uniforms I've ever seen, at least the ones from the 70s are funny. But holy shit, like the Islanders, oh my god, whatever the fuck that mess was, the Buffalo Sabres, they had shitty ones. Canucks had shitty ones. Just horrific. I'm trying to think like the whole is like the whole league decided to just pick the ugliest color combinations, and then they just changed legendary jerseys. And one of the smartest things they did was they went back, the Islanders got back to theirs, the Sabres got back to theirs. Canucks went back to their originals before that fucking

eye chart thing, whatever the hell they had back in like the 70s. But anyway, anyway, my daughter said the funniest goddamn thing the other day. You know, I'm measuring her, she's growing like you can't believe like I had to raise the handlebars on her tricycle twice. And it's like official, I got to get her like Santa has to go get her a bike at some point, right? And so I've been measuring her. I got inside the closet, you know, you make the little marks and stuff. So she sees me draw on the wall, which is not a good thing, right? So now she wants to do it. So the next day she scribbles all over the wall, go, no, you can't do that. You can't do that, right? So she's so smart. She knows she can't draw on the wall,

but she wants to because I did. So what does she do? She tells me she wants to measure me. She doesn't want to measure me. She just wants to draw on the wall. And so I go, okay, well, but you can't draw on the wall. But she goes, but dad, I want to, I want to draw on the wall. I go, just use the eraser. You can't draw on the wall. You got to pretend just you can't draw on the wall. And she goes, well, I don't know what to tell you. Like, what the hell did you get that? You know, I've been doing some stand-up spots around town, trying to get ready for this tour of Texas, you know, these fucking people out there would wear masks so this tour doesn't get canceled. And I said to her, you know, I've been telling her like,

she's like, dad, wait, you got to work tonight. And I was like, yeah, she's like, I don't want you ever to work again, which made me feel great, right? It's like, I can't, I got to go out and go tell jokes. So then she says to me, she goes, she goes, what is telling jokes exactly? And that's like her new thing now, everything is exactly. I have to cook this there. What is cooking exactly? So I've been having fun with her. And my son is just the cutest little kid ever, ever. And obviously at my age, this is our last one. So I'm really trying to enjoy having a little baby. And he's getting ready to start crawling. He's strong as hell. And he's just so frigging happy all the time, smiles all the time, the biggest damn smile. It's

the greatest thing. It's the greatest thing as much as this year has sucked and has been hard on so many people. The one thing that is cool is being a stand-up comedian and your kid's almost six months old. And you've seen him every single day of the kid's life is pretty frigging awesome. And quality time too. So thankful for all of that. And how about the Pats, J.C. Jackson, right? Like some unsigned guy comes in, filling in a role, and all of a sudden he's leading the league in interceptions, got like six or seven of them. Oh, Drew Brees got hurt. So, James Winston came in. How about that Alvin Camarra, kid? Amazing. All right, now let's talk, let's talk a little bit of sports here. Oh, that's another game I watched. I watched so many

fucking football games this week. I watched that Thursday night game. Who's that fucking guy in the Colts? That Heinz kid? Jesus Christ. That reminded me because he played for the Colts. There's a famous Monday night football game that only old people like me remember. Joe Washington in the rain went off on the New England Patriots. He had like six touchdowns. It's like he returned like a kickoff or a punt for a touchdown. He ran for touchdowns. He caught touchdowns. He was just like, it was like watching a movie. There was a couple famous Monday night football games when I was a kid. There was Joe Washington's game when he played for the Colts against the Patriots. There was another Patriot. I think it was against the Patriots that run. I don't know if it was

Monday night football. OJ Simpson had where he's running in the rain, fell down, slid on his ass, got back up and kept running. I guess they were, these are all Patriots highlights because I remember Steve Grogan's 50-yard naked bootleg was a great one. I would say these are like 70s. Possibly 1980 with the Earl Campbell when they ran the ball to the right and he just turned the corner and everybody thought they had the angle on this big guy and they didn't and he was just gone. But my favorite Monday night football game of all time has got to be 1985 when Dan Marino beat the undefeated Chicago Bears on Monday night football. It was unbelievable. Like he beat the 46 defense. Something nobody could do that year. He went out and did it and then they

played the Patriots in the Orange Bowl and we hadn't won there in like 20 years in the AFC Championship game and all they had to do was get by the fucking Sad Sack Pats who could never make it happen back then and there would be the rematch and the Bears could avenge their one loss. I mean, the hype for that fucking game would have been so goddamn crazy, but football gods didn't want it to happen and the Patriots ended up winning the game and then we went to the Super Bowl and got absolutely fucking smoked. For the record, we were up three to nothing when Tony Franklin kicked a field goal and then that was just fucking it. And as sad as it was to watch my paths get fucking smoked, the worst thing was the

Bears forgot to give Walter Peyton a touchdown. They gave it to fucking William the refrigerator prairie anyway. I gotta tell you, I read up on that guy and I guess he's in a bad way with his health and people are trying to help him, but he's like, nah, man, this is how I want to go out and he's just hanging out and he's, whatever he's at or something. I remember reading this thing, he was just having some drinks and enjoying his life. There really is something to be said about that. Like, I don't know, if you just decide, I mean, it's got to be hard for the people around you that love you, but if you just decide like, look, man, I ain't, you know, I'm just, look, if I want to eat it, I'm eating it. If I want to drink it,

I'm drinking it. I'm just going to fucking have a good time, you know? You know, in a weird way, that's actually better for the earth. You know, if people just in general, on average, kind of knocked off late fifties, early sixties, like it seemed like they did when I was growing up, like people just dropped in their sixties. If you got to your seventies, it seemed anyway, like it was fucking amazing. It just seemed like everybody, like it's 67, 64. You know, when they couldn't look, you know, machines looking your heart to be like, dude, you got to lay off this shit or whatever the hell it is you're doing, people just fucking dropped in my dumb ass. I'm always watching

like old fucking movies and stuff. And I, I always go on IMDB and I try to see who's still alive, you know, who's dead or whatever. And I fucking, um, yeah, that's what I find. The amount of, the amount of people that just fucking dropped, dropped. What movie did I see the other night? And I was looking up the cast and they were just fucking gone, like 47, 53, 61. Really, you know, for nowadays, like young numbers, but, um, I don't know. In the overall grand scheme of things, you know, the kids who got it inherit the world, it's a good thing. You know, so I don't know, what am I, what am I talking? I guess it's all right to fucking, uh, go out there and go party, have a good time and get the fuck out of the way. You know, maybe we, maybe we go back to that. Maybe

we go back to like having the fucking bottle of scotch in the bottom of your desk. Somebody's having a rough day at sales and you bring them in, you give them a brow beating and then you give them a shot of fucking, you know, whiskey, or I get back out there, try to sell some shit. Um, I didn't get to watch the MotoGP race today, but obviously I saw that, uh, uh, how do you say Joanne, Joanne Mir when his first MotoGP championship, Suzuki's first, MotoGP championship, I think they said in 23 years. Um, it was just, uh, an amazing, amazing sport. Uh, Lewis Hamilton, uh, wrapped up the championship, his seventh F1 championship. That has to be a record. You can't tell me somebody's won it more

than that. I feel bad. I kind of gave up on F1. I haven't watched it in a while. I just got bored. Lewis Hamilton is just so much better than everybody else. Mercedes is so much better than everybody else. And I was kind of hoping like for a little Ferrari. It was good there for a minute where Ferrari, Red Bull were sort of challenging him. And that was just sort of, all right, is Botos going to win? Hamilton going to let Botos win this one? I don't fucking know. Um, but anyways, why did I write Adam and Eve? That has to be a typo. Oh, shit. I think that that's the advertising and that could, oh yeah, that's what happened. It's like, what the fuck am I writing? I'm writing religious shit here. Adam and Eve, we need to move this down the list

here. Ah, geez, Bill. What are you doing? Anybody see Bill Mars going off on fucking what's wrong with the Democratic party? Jesus Christ. That guy was fucking hitting nothing but dingers. I can't tell you the amount of people that I've talked to that basically said that have not said it as eloquently. That whole fucking psycho fucking left has hurt the Democratic party so much with their canceling of people and policing people on words and fucking trying to just end people, just trying to end people. I never in a million fucking years ever thought that the fucking left would be involved in that. It's funny to watch the right criticize it where it's just like now, now, now, now. Easy now. You guys fucking canceling the Dixie chicks and anybody in

fucking country music who doesn't say exactly what the fuck you want. Come on, all the way back to the fucking Red Scare. You fucking lunatics have been doing that forever. Okay. You always went too hard but then I always thought the liberals went a little too light like, oh, hey man, like, you know, if that guy was like in a better neighborhood, maybe he'd be like a doctor, man. Well, maybe he'd still be a piece of shit. Like they go too far the other way. So I mean, this, you got to have like some sort of, I don't know if I'm probably not making any sense. I'm not the person to do this shit, but whatever. Watch that Bill Maher rant, man. It was, it's fucking amazing. I don't know. It just makes sense to me and I just don't understand this whole thing that,

you know, you are defined like by one tweet eight years ago or one event. That is who the fuck you are. If you really buy into that shit, like you're not being honest with yourself, I think because human beings are extremely complex and they are capable of anything at any moment. You know, some people swing a little fucking wider. You know, I'm obviously not talking about illegal shit. I'm just saying about saying stupid shit, fucking up, making mistakes. This whole fucking world where you're just going to be like basically unforgiving, especially if it's a guy, because it's also, there's an incredible level of sexism involved in it,

where it all just sort of got tied into this whole like woman's movement and blah, blah, blah, blah. So then it was kind of like all of a sudden, as a man, you were like, you know, there was already nine guilty votes casted against you before you even accused of something. Well, it's just, it's ignorant. All right, to just sit there and try and suggest that only one race of people, one sex of people, one sexual orientation of people are inherently evil and everybody else is a fucking saint. It's a little bizarre, but you know, who the fuck am I to tell you not to do it? It's weird. Anyway, plowing ahead here, plowing ahead, plowing ahead. All right, well let's get to some of the

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new members get six free grass fed, grass finished steaks when they go to butcherbox.com slash burr. That's two New York strips and four top sir lines added to your first box for free. Act quickly. This offer is only good through Cyber Monday, whatever the fuck that is. That's six grass free grass fed grass finished steaks for free in your first box. Just go to butcherbox.com slash burr. That's butcherbox.com slash burr. All right, so here we are. So over the last couple of weeks, over the last couple of weeks, Oh, fuck, is my thing going to die here? My recorder might die. It's acting weird. I just charged it. Anyways, what do I got here? Oh, I've been talking to believe it or not. I don't know how I've been talking to architect students

in Egypt, and I opened a whole new world for myself here. Look at this shit. I'm getting people writing in. This guy loved from Iran. Hey, Bill, I'm a post graduate student from Iran. Congratulations. What'd you graduate in? Been listening to your podcast for the past few months, and I've been a huge fan of yours since you played that role in Breaking Bad. You are hilarious. Keep it up with the good work and please convince your government not to invade us. We're miserable enough as it is with our shitty economy. Much love from Tehran and go fuck yourself. I hope we don't because there's people like you there who's just a post graduate trying to get a fucking job. It's absolutely ridiculous with how much we know and how much

technology we have that we still solve problems by going to war. How is it legal? You can't just go down the street and kill somebody, but if you go to war, then it's fine. None of it makes sense. I don't know. The only way I can make a rational like get my head around it is I really just think that psychos like want to run a country. As they always say, there are little fucking nuts. There's something fucking wrong with them. Or maybe I'm just a bitch and I can't see the world for what it is and there's, I don't know. I don't know. Who knows, but whatever. Yeah, I really hope we don't do that. We're already fucking bankrupt. I just think we should just, you know, I think we have

plenty of natural resources here. Okay, we should just fucking embrace the sun and use it and just fucking stop fucking with everybody and then no one, no one wants to hurt us anymore. Am I oversimplifying this? Of course I am. I'm a standup comedian. All right, big fan from Bahrain. Hey there, Billy Blueballs. This is a follow up on the two fans who reached out to you from Egypt. I am crushing the Middle East right now. Whoo. I am a 24 year old guy from Bahrain and I've been a fan of yours for over seven years. How the fuck do you know who I am? That's unbelievable. I'm about to graduate from college with a degree in English Literature and your podcast has made my journey a lot easier. Oh God, I'm sure you know every English curse word. Listen to this thing.

The two architects from Egypt said that they listened to you while studying. I couldn't do that because reading the incoherent ramblings of Shakespeare and Fitzgerald wouldn't let me focus on your poetic language. I hate that shit. I hate Shakespeare. I respect Shakespeare, but I fucking hate it because I don't know what they're talking about and it makes me feel dumb. So it has nothing to do with my fellow William here. I just, it's just, you know, I can't even read the fucking Constitution. All the best to you. Forget about the Bible. This isn't the way people talk now. That's how dumb I am. All the best to you and your beautiful family. Maybe you can visit Bahrain once to watch an F1 race. I would love to do that.

Listen, guys, this is what I need you guys to do over there. I need you to give me the over under of me going over there and not getting kidnapped because of some shit that some oil companies from my country did. I'm going over there, a fucking white dude, right? Blue chip, fucking hostage. All right. I know we didn't do something. You got to, you got to like, you know what I mean? You know, you guys all look at America and you just think it's a bunch of people going, yeah, I'll shoot in a fucking gun in the air, eating a fucking pie, riding on a four wheeler. You know, there's a whole bunch of different shit going on over here. So please, people from the Middle East, please keep writing in and telling me about, talk to me about everyday

life over there because we don't know anything about it. I don't fucking tell us anything over here. All right. Love from Morocco. All right. Hey, Billy Crimson Balls Burr. Look at this shit. Look at that. You know what I'm doing right now? You know, I'm going to pat myself on the back. I am humanizing all of the world because look at them all breaking my balls just like you guys do here. In fact, some of the best ball breaking I ever got was when I went to India and of course, Ireland and Scotland, but I knew that was coming. But all right. Anyway, hey, Billy Crimson Balls Burr, I heard how excited you got when the two architects from Egypt wrote in. So I thought I'd chime in, but this time from a different Arab country, Morocco. I'm a 22 year old computer side,

like smart people from the Middle East like me. Although Morocco, that's, that's Northern Africa, right? Is that what that is? Ah, geez, I used to know this shit. I was really into geography at one point in my life. And then I started drinking Morocco map. Is that near like Algeria or some shit? All right, here we go. Algeria. What the fuck? You know, can you just show me an image? Just show me a picture of it. Oh, there it is right next to Algeria. Crushed it. Oh, wait a minute. Now does Morocco have, uh, you played it for her, not play it for me. Isn't that where that is? Whatever, wherever Humphrey Bogart was, Casablanca. I don't know. Anyway, well, at least I know where you are. I know where you are. And I stopped myself before I said something really dumb there,

like, Hey, it's in the Middle East. No, it isn't Bill. All right. All right. I heard of Morocco. I'm a 22 year old computer science student from Morocco and listening to your podcast helped me get through the day a lot easier. I'm often laughing my ass off listening to you rant about stupid shit while I'm nerding out in front of my computer. I just wanted to ask you, since you've been traveling a lot in recent years, have you ever been to Morocco? I haven't. If so, what did you think of it? And if by a long shot you'd ever do a show in Morocco, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Thanks for all the laughs and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that we've been fucking with you guys, have we? I mean, that's, that's how I travel. You know, I gotta, you gotta look up

like what in God's name did we do to you guys? All right. Would I do that? I mean, I can't do it during COVID, but yeah, fuck yeah, I've never been to Africa, never been to that continent. So that's something I'd like to do. I really have no desire to go on a safari in South Africa, because I feel like we've already taken over all of their land. They have this little patch left, and now we're going to be driving around watching them fucking eat in each other on jeeps. It's like, why don't you just fucking leave them alone? But having said that, you got to give it up to Africans that the level of fucking animals that they have in that, on that continent, and they survived is fucking unbelievable. You know what I mean? Like I said,

I get freaked out. Like when I, if I go on like a hike, you know, there's places in LA where you can actually run into bears. So I'm not going. You know, there's like fucking mountain lions and shit. Like, yeah, I'm not, I'm going to stay on a fucking elliptical. I'm going to walk around a block. But I saw this thing one time about a tribe in Africa, and they are so good at killing lions that the lions see them coming and they run away. And all they're coming out with is they got a fucking, you know, it was a spear and a shield. And they walk right up to the fucking, the dude lion. And it's, it's just over. They got like this thing. It's, it's weird. They look like riot police to come up and got the shields in front of them. And then some dude just fucking fires a spear,

goes right into the lion, the lion's like, Oh shit, what the fuck. And by, and then they all just, it's over. It's a quick fucking death. And, and they go, and they're on foot, walking out of foot, like, Oh, you guys want to eat lion tonight? And they just go out and do it. It's pretty bad ass. But anyways, haven't said that. Like, I really like, you know, as much as I fucking eat cows and chickens and pigs, but trying to lay off the fish. Unless it's some man made shit, I'll eat a man made salmon at this point. I'll roll the dice. I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? And actually, in a lot of ways, it's probably more healthier than the the other shit. The wild salmon, because you know, what the fuck, how much we polluted the

fucking oceans, I don't know. I can be honest with you guys, I don't even know what I'm talking about right now. But like, you know, the big game shit, just just, I just wish that like, there was a way to kind of give him some of it back, you know, lessen the populations around the world, let the fish have the ocean again. I'm getting really fucking hippy here, but we really are just like, you know, what did Bill Hicks say a long time ago, we're a virus with shoes, we really are. Um, I remember Joe Rogan had this great blog that he wrote when he was flying over the country, was looking at the cities and just saying we were like a fungus. I don't think we're all bad, but like, we should definitely, you know,

try to reel it in a little bit. I would absolutely do a show in Morocco. I hope we get to a point at some point where, you know, we get a cure for this shit and stuff opens up again. Why the hell not? It seems like a beautiful place. All right. Egyptian architect in Japan. All right. All right. Dear Billy, no liquor. I know I'm coming up on two years, everybody, November 24th, two years. Um, I don't even think about it anymore. Although the other night I watched somebody, oh, I watched this fucking unbelievable movie that my wife loved and I had never seen before. It was Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon. We're in this movie and it was about a teacher that gets fixated on this student and he's trying to stop her from achieving its,

I absolutely loved it. But anyways, one of the, one of the actors in there playing a dad was sitting there and he had a scotch or a bourbon and he had it in a high ball glass and oh, it was that time of night when I used to drink them. And I was literally, uh, I was laying on the couch with my wife and my head like popped up. It's like, oh, oh, I'd love one of those. But other than that, I don't really think about it. But every once in a while, you know, I started thinking about that dad, that character being like, I wonder if he can just have one, just has that one, he sips on it, you know? I don't know. Thank God I got kids. That's what I always think of. Anytime I get tempted, I go, do I really want to do this? No,

I don't. All right. Egyptian architect. Dear Billy, no liquor. I'm a 30 year old Egyptian architect working and living in the great city of Tokyo. Another place I'd love to go. I heard on your previous episodes that there is at least two other architects listening to your podcast. And I got to say, your podcast helps us push through hard tasks and tight deadlines. That is unbelievable. Why my podcast? Is it because it's so fucking stupid? It gives your brain a break. Also, all of my coworkers at my company are Japanese parentheses. Well, no shit. Yeah. Cause you're in Japan, except for two Polish guys who started working about a year ago. I introduced your podcast to them after they complained about how stressful it

is working in an environment where everything isn't in your native language and that they feel drained at the end of the day. Needless to say, after I recommended your podcast, we would laugh our asses off at the jokes you make on the podcast and it seems like it's helping them throughout the day. Look at these guys. Polish, they speak Polish, right? They go to Japan, they learn Japanese and then they can speak English. Incredible people out there. It seems like it's helping them throughout the day. I myself had moments where I would cover my face so no one could see me laughing. And the first time you did the club, the club W Bush ad read, I had to go under my desk as I'm an act like I was fixing something with my PC just so I could laugh my ass off. Wow,

that was a long time ago. Thank you for the great podcast and God bless you and your family. All right. Thank you. Thank you guys for listening. All right. Here's another one. 9 11 surfer. Hey William, you mentioned on your Thursday, November 5th podcast that while in New York after September 11th, you heard of someone who rode the building down. Someone did do that. His name was Pasquale Bazelli, also known as the 9 11 surfer. And they do constantly interview him, make national geographic documentaries and books. Lots of stuff that defies logic happened that day. Read where did the tower goes with a skeptical mind. Anyways, best of luck with your future endeavors and go fuck yourself. So I'm supposed to get into conspiracy theory about who knocked that down,

but I'm supposed to believe that someone fucking surfed a goddamn skyscraper that fucking was in an unplanned implosion. I'm not reading it. I'm not reading it. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. The problem with the fucking internet is everything is presented as fact. I'm not wasting my time reading that. I was in New York. I was watching the news the whole fucking time. You cannot ride a fucking building down. How did he ride it down? What do you do? You grab a piece of carpet? Do you want to fucking? Maybe if you want a ranch, a one room ranch and the whole fucking thing pancaked, do you want to have the roof of a house fall on you? Why am I getting upset by this?

Okay, buddy, you know what? It happened. You're right. It happened. It happened. We never went to the moon, but this guy fucking, okay. All right, from Denmark. Dear Billy Blue, thank you so much for all the great content you put up for free. I don't think you get enough credit. I get plenty of credit. Thank you though. I was wondering if you heard about the protests we have here in Denmark. You know what? I did hear that there was some protesting going on there. I didn't read about it. Somebody who I hang out with who's smart mentioned that there was. For nine days, the streets outside parliament were flooded with people protesting a proposed law that would be able to define groups as being vaccinated or not vaccinated. Oh wow. This is a gray area.

People who refuse vaccination could be coerced through physical detainment by the police. This article is in English and explains in more detail, short enough to read on the podcast. Okay. Let's look at it. Oh my God. What is Denmark's proposed epidemic law? Why is it being criticized? This is not short enough to read on the podcast. All right. The new epidemic law would replace an emergency law passed in the spring, which gave the government extended powers to intervene in society in order to fight the COVID-19 pandemic. As well as enforcing quarantine measures, the existing law empowers the authorities, prohibit access to public institutions, supermarkets and

shop, public and private nursing homes and hospital, and also to impose restrictions on access to public transport. Recent instances in which the emergency law has been used by the government to implement rules include the partial lockdown of North Jutland and enhanced national restrictions, okay. So they're basically part of this thing is they're going to force you to get a vaccination, which God knows what it does to you. Well, here's the thing about that. You kind of, people back them into a corner by not doing the non-vaccinated route of just wearing a fucking mask and staying six feet apart. People didn't do it. So I'm not saying that the government's innocent here and what they're trying to do, but your fellow countrymen around the world

have now put governments in a position to pull this off because you won't fucking do what they're telling you to do. Now evil cunts can come up with some shit. Let's give them, you know, let's give them this vaccination that stops COVID and makes them kind of lethargic. Anyway, he goes, I think it's important for countries to know that they can change with protest and that this is something that could make its way to their government's lawmakers. In Europe, we tend to not like being put on the list because of what happened the last time people were told they were different. Sorry about my bad English. Your English is great. Thanks for afters for family. My whole family loves the show, even my grandfather. That's awesome.

Yeah. Well, how does protest work in your country? In our country, if you protest, you get the living shit kicked out of you. Throughout history, if you protest, you are risking getting killed. It's just how we, this is just a violent place over here. This place was taken violently. It's maintained violently. It's just a violent, we, I just think it's just violent over here. I just, it blows my mind when I go to other countries and the cops don't have guns. You know, and you watch a guy has a knife and he's acting crazy and then they just get those plastic partition things and they just sort of fucking bum rush the guy and they get the knife. Every time I watch, I'm like, that guy would get shot a hundred times over here.

I don't know, just different philosophies. I don't know. I don't know anything. All right, Mexican food rant. Hey, Bill was just listening to the latest Thursday afternoon podcast where you talked about checking out mom and pop Mexican spot for the first time. Yeah, I went there. I, did I talk about that? Oh, the Thursday one. Yeah, I did. I did. Okay. I'm a 25 year old Mexican dude that fucking loves to cook and a family slash community that taught me right. So I figured I chime in with my unsolicited opinion, kind of a long one to bear with me. No, I love listening to this type of shit. Now, where fucked up is trying to judge a place off their burritos? So I'm real gringo shit. All right, that was a wrong thing. All right. All right. So I shouldn't,

because this is a deal. When I go to a pizza place, I just order a margarita or something, you know, with no toppings to judge it. And, you know, I love a chicken burrito. So that's what I base it on. So evidently, that's some real gringo shit. I'm getting the real talk here. I love it. Don't get me wrong. I love a burrito as much as the next guy. But my experience, white people always reduce Mexican food to burritos. No, burritos and taco. He says burritos exclusively, like there isn't an entire goddamn menu at these places. You can't even get a burrito in Mexico. They'll look at you like you're a fucking idiot. Well, you know, it's a whole new fucking cuisine, you know, you dip in your toe and I don't know, I get like, it's intimidating. I don't know what

all that shit is. So I just stay at my safe place. I go Italian restaurants, nine out of 10, I'm getting the chicken parm. Mexico is one of the most amazing food cultures in the world. The amount of crops we all take for granted that originated there is insane. Avocados, cocoa, corn, tomatoes, chili peppers, vanilla, to name a few. I love all of that stuff. Chili peppers, if they're not too hot. Now I can't speak for the, when it gets so fucking hot, it just overpowers the entire thing. I feel like I'm at a party and there's 30 other people I want to talk to, but this one cunt won't shut the fuck up. I feel the same way about, about what is that shit? What was that shit that they were just putting in everything? Oh, I know it. I know

what it's right on the tip of my tongue. What was that truffle oil is the same thing just overpowers anything that it's in. And in Japanese cuisine, those that yellow paste, that egg shit, what have you put that in? Oh my God, it's just, you know, it's there. Ethel showed up, you know, I hate stuff like that. I like stuff that's sort of like, you know, gets in the mix and is a good shit, you know, by the fridge tossing your beer, right? Anyway, now I can't speak for the specific place you went to, but I really recommend you grab some tacos al pastor. I'm going to say everything like a white guy. Next time you check it out, that's a safe bet most places. All right,

good shit. Tacos are a better choice than burritos almost every time actually way more flavor per square inch. I know why people think mayo is spicy, but don't be afraid to throw some extra salsa on there too. It builds character. Like I said, I don't mind if it gets a little bit hot, but if it's going to get like obnoxiously hot, my nose is running in shit, and I have to build a tolerance up for it. I mean, if I got to build a tolerance up, I want to be getting a buzz, you know what I mean? Some of my other favorites to get at taquerias are tortas. It's a type of sandwich and sopes, sopes. All right, this, this, this, all my pronunciation here is for anybody Mexican listening so they can laugh at me, which are fluffy fried discs. Oh, did you fry it? What a surprise.

Fucking lunatics. You guys even fry ice cream. Like it's not even fattening enough of corn dough topped with the usual stuff. All right, I'm going back to this place. You know what? You've inspired me. I'm going back there and I'm going to order this stuff. I'm going to copy and paste this, put it on my desktop and I'm going to go back and I'm going to order some of this stuff. Anyways, I recommend just asking them what their signature dish is. If you're a seafood fan, Mexican seafood or mariscos is, is the shit. Highly recommended looking into that whole world. All right. I could go on for days, but I'll leave it there. Well, you know what? Here's the deal. I'll go out and I'll try some of this stuff over the next month and then I'll check back in with

you. I just want to thank you for doing this fucking thing twice a week. It always helps me with rough times. A couple of weeks ago, I lost my cousin a suicide. Oh man, that's brutal. I've lost a couple of friends of that. He was my closest and oldest friend. A week after that, I lost my uncle on the same side of the family. It's been incredibly difficult, but your dumb ass show has been a companion throughout. I know you'd be the first to say you're a fucking idiot, but I appreciate your perspective on life and hard times. You seem to know what's really important. If you ever find yourself up in Northern California, I'd love to buy you a beer and share some recipes. Take it easy and go fuck yourself. All right. What a good man. I appreciate all of that.

I should have been asking more. All right. Japanese people. All right. When I go to your restaurants, I always get a spicy yellowtail hand roll and edamame. I'm basic. I find something I like and I stick with it and I try not to stray. I bet most of the stuff I get are like Americanized Japanese sushi. So that's another reason why I got to go to Tokyo. I'm just going to cheat off other people when I'll have to see what they're ordering and I'll go and get it. What I do every once in a while is I will go and I just, you know, if I'm with my wife because she's more adventurous than I am when it comes to that shit. And if the option is there where you just have the sushi chef make what he or she wants to make, I find that I'll get outside of my comfort

zone. But that's cool, man. That's actually, you know what? That's a good new segment for the podcast. Write in from different countries and tell us how to order. All right. And I'll tell you how to order. You guys ask me your questions. Hey, I'm coming to America. Where should I go? What should I get? And if I can't answer the question, my other listeners can. All right. Dumb questions on the job. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ballpark. Take me out to the ball game. All right. First time, long time, big fan. All right. Just want to say thanks for all you do and for letting me feel like there's at least one person out there who feels who I feel is also riding that razor's edge of always just about to lose their

shit, but at least let the last second calms down enough to just let it go. I try to do that. I don't do it too well. Wanted to share five dumb questions on the job working at the ballpark here in Seattle. Number five, do we have to stay for the whole game? That is insane. Hear this one a lot. Never understood why. This is an Alcatraz. Just leave whenever you want. That's exactly what you should say. Number four, why can't I buy my kid a beer? Happens a dozen time a year. Some dad buys two beers and lets his underage kid have one and then just lets his obvious underage kid hold it and drink it around the ballpark. When confronted, they always play the, but he's my kid card and we got to ask them to leave. Yeah. I mean, Jesus Christ, you got to sneak your kid

a beer at a game, but you got to do it, you know, you got to make the ballpark not get in trouble. Where's the bathroom? Seems like an innocent enough question, but when you hear it 300 times a game, it drives you nuts. You're in a stadium that's pretty much a circle. Just start walking in any direction and you'll hit a bathroom dumbass. Can I keep my fake ID? For some reason, here in the Pacific Northwest, kids get their hands on a ton of fake IDs and they always look pretty legit, but when they get busted, they always ask for their fake ID back because they paid for that. That's hilarious. Hey, I paid for that cocaine. Who's the home team? Pretty much self-explanatory and it happens way too much. Thanks, Bill. Have a good one. All right, mailman. A beautiful bald

Bill. My family and I love your comedy and podcast. I'm a postal carrier and I deliver in the north. I'm not going to say where in case you get in trouble here for eight years. Here are the five dumbest questions I've got. Number five, are you the new guy? It really throws people off that somebody other than their normal guy is delivering mail. It's like they don't understand a day off. Number four, who is the current resident and why do I get their mail? I get this all the time. I have to explain to people. It doesn't matter whose name is on the letter. Barack Obama, Mickey Mouse, current resident's mail is for the address. I've literally had people scream at me that they don't want them. It's like they never heard of a trash bin. Number three, I just ordered

from XYZ website an hour ago. When should I expect my package? I don't know, dude. I don't work for that website. Number two, when does the FedEx office close? I don't know, dude. I don't work for them. Seems like you have to say that a lot. Number one, when did you start delivering on Saturday? As far as I know, since Ben Franklin was appointed the postmaster general and it hasn't changed sense. You got to love, you got to love when you got the great comebacks. Quick bonus story, one time I saw someone put a duct tape wrench, a duct tape wrapped, sorry. I'm just looking at my record. I think it's going to crap out on me here. One time I saw someone put a duct tape wrapped Shaw's bag with a sweater in it. On the bag in pen, it said return to Amazon. Being an asshole, I wrote on

a sticky note, needs postage. Come back the next day. There's a single stamp on the same bag, like a grandmother sending birth, a birthday card. Thanks, Bill. You're the best. All right, awesome. All right. I think this thing's going to crap out. I'm not going to read the last one. I'll save it for Thursday. All right. That is the podcast, everybody. Thank you so much for listening and the people around the world. Writing in has been awesome. Thank you for the food advice and all that shit. Let's go, Pat. You guys have a wonderful couple of days. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.