Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-2-20

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

Bill rambles about the election, voting third party, and dumb questions on the job.

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Number 2 November 2220, what is going on? Oh my god, it is 24 hours away from Super Tuesday. Can you fucking believe it? Um-uh, oh Jesus. Oh, fucking Jesus, what's going to happen? Are we going to stick with the orange cut? Are we going with Fire Marshal Bill?

I don't know, man. I don't know. Do what you think is right. Good luck to you. Good luck figuring out those fucking propositions. I actually had to call a buddy of mine and like cheat my way through it and just be like, dude, what the fuck does this mean? Does yes mean no and maybe means yes and no means what the fuck?

Well this thing, I don't understand why it has to be so goddamn confusing. But it is what it is and, you know, I don't know, the great thing is it's going to be over tomorrow. That's it. You know, everybody can just fucking relax, I think. It's going to be, this is going to be no middle ground. Most of this country is going to be ecstatic and the other half is going to be like flipping out and if the left loses again, I mean, nobody cries like the left.

I'm wondering if people on CNN are going to start crying again, I don't know. And then if they fucking, if he loses, Donald Trump loses, sorry, Donald Trump loses, then I think, like I said, when he becomes a lame duck, hell hath no fury like the dawn scorned. I figure there's going to be a lawsuit and like I said, if you live in a blue state, if it went blue, head for the hills of a red state because he's going to fucking bring the orange hammer down. I hate making fun of a fellow ginger, but he's not a real one. He sort of became one at some point.

I don't know what it is. I thought back in the day he had like brown hair. I have no idea. But anyways, this is the Monday Morning Podcast, the day before the election, Super Tuesday, and which is weird to me, I thought when I was a kid, it was always on November 4th. I always thought the election day was November 4th. At some point, it became November 3rd. I don't know.

I don't know why. This is the ramblings of an old man here. All right, so I'm sort of babbling because I'm trying to avoid this topic, but I got to talk about something here. I have to take a second here to talk about Travis Roy, who unfortunately passed away this past week. For those of you unfamiliar, he played hockey for Boston University, and unfortunately in a game was paralyzed from the neck down.

He's literally his first shift. I believe ESPN did a whole thing on it. I was living in Boston at the time when it happened, and I'll never forget the photo that they had in the paper, the look on his face, and then just trying to put yourself in his position at his age, the hand that that kid was dealt. It was just heartbreaking, but the life that he ended up living was unbelievable, and I only got to know him in the last couple of years. I reached out to him in somewhere in the late 2000s.

I said that I was a comic and that I'm from the Boston area, and if you have a foundation or something, I would love, if you ever do in a comedy night just throwing my hat in the ring, I would love to come back and do a show. So he got back to me and said thank you, but just said that his whatever, what the hell's the word, the thing that he set up, the charity organization, whatever the hell are you supposed to say, his organization basically wasn't set up yet. So I was like, all right, and I don't know, I was like, okay. So I didn't hear from him for like 10 years, and then out of nowhere I just got an email from him

and said, hey, he's like, hey, I don't know if you remember me, you reached out to me in like 2008, and I'm like, yeah, dude, of course I remember you. So he said, what were you thinking? He goes, I got the foundation up and going and stuff. I said, all right, so we ended up doing a show at, what was it, the Wilbur? The Wilbur, they're in Boston and had a great turnout, place sold out, raised a bunch of money, and I just remember, I was feeling like anxious, like what am I gonna, like what do I say to this guy? Like I said, just the randomness of life, the hand that everybody has dealt, you know, why did he get his hand? Why did I get mine?

Why did you get yours? I just was like, what am I gonna say to this guy? And like, dude, when I tell you, I met this guy and like, he just like lit up the room. One of the most positive people I've ever met in my life, and he was funny as hell, and was just a great guy. And I went up and I did my set and thank God I had a good set, nothing like bombing at a charity event, right? And I got off stage and he asked me like a thousand questions about stand-up. I was generally interested. He goes, that was amazing, what a great set. And he was like, how much of that was improvised? And I can't remember, I was riffing, I was having a good time. He goes, so you just making that up when you're up there? I was like, yeah, yeah, I guess so,

yeah, I guess so. And he's just like, that's amazing. And he really just was, he's like, do you realize how amazing that is that you know how to do that? Like, and it was so crazy, he ended up like lifting my spirits. That's crazy. And I don't know, I just, I don't know how to put it into words, because I knew him for such a brief time. This was literally, let's see, it was last year when I was doing the movie. So that was 2019. We had talked via email, but that was the first and only time I met him face to face, but he had such a profound effect. You know, and how like I looked at life sort of since then. I mean, I'm like a light faded a little bit because I'm a selfish cunt, but I definitely, you know, when I get like,

over, well, I got to do this, I got to do that, I got the kids, what am I doing? I'm just like, dude, Travis Roy, look what he went through. And somehow that guy was one of the most positive people you ever met. And it just, I don't know, it stuck with me. And I just love the guy. And I was like, dude, we're going to do this every year. And he was like, really, you'd come back? I was like, fuck yeah, absolutely. Let's do this every year. So he was like, great. So we were supposed to do it this year. Of course, the stupid COVID thing happened. So I did make a video for you, like he has a whiff of ball game every year. I did make a video to promote that, but you know, it's just one of those things like, you know, how many times can you learn the lessons?

I thought that this was the beginning of this guy being in my life and this great thing that we would do every year, raise money for this great foundation to help find a cure, to build ramps of people, help people get wheelchairs, help people get care, all of that great stuff. And I thought that this was going to be something that I would do with him for the rest of my in his life. And unfortunately, his life ended this past week. So I'm going to keep doing it. So now it's just going to be in his memory. All right, got through that. I had to do that. All right, so now let's just talk bread and circus, shall we? Jesus, I'm really going to get emotional. I start talking about how the

fucking Patriots are doing here. We actually played all right. We played all right. And you know what, for half a second, first of all, I thought the bills were we're going to kick this shit out of us. I really did because, you know, Josh Allen is for real. I know they've had a couple of, you know, a little bit of a bumpy month, but like that kid is amazing. And you know, they got a lot of talent on that team and they've been waiting forever. And you know, it's life, right? Now it's their turn. So I'm thinking like, all right, here they come. They're going to kick the shit out of us. And I know it was windy or whatever, but I thought we played a really, really good game that Damien, what's it was Harrison, whoever that was at number 37,

out of nowhere, all of a sudden we had like a running game. That was great. We in it right to the end. Obviously the tragic fumble on my side, but the great defensive play, punching the ball out in the end. And you know, the only thing that was bugging me in that game was the way they were talking about how the bills had not beaten the Patriots at home in eight years, and that they were finally going to do it. And at no point were they addressing like the fact that like, I don't know, I mean, Tom Brady had to leave for you to do it. Okay. I mean, what the fuck? However, I had no idea it had been that long. I thought the bills who liked the dolphins, where they kind of split with us every year, I had no idea it was like that. So

congratulations to the bills fan, the bills fans. It was, it was a great game. And you guys have a commanding lead in the AFCE. Obviously I know you guys are thrilled about that. Go easy with breaking the tables, you fucking lunatics. I don't know when that started, but that shit was not going down when I went to a game. Back during like, when I saw the Bill's Jets game, I didn't see anybody doing that shit. Now it's like fucking tough. It's off the chats. Who else did I watch? I watched, I watched a little bit of the San Diego game. And I was taping that and like an asshole, the end of the fucking game, I switched and go, let me see what I want to watch Seattle, one of my favorite teams to watch now. It's like, let me watch the little,

the ending of Seattle, the 49ers, even though the game's out of reach or whatever. And then I fucking flip back and Denver had somehow come back and won. But I got to tell you, I think the San Diego charges are the future of Los Angeles football with the Rams. Good Lord. What's going on over there? Is it time to hit the panic button in Los Angeles? What's the name of their coach? The guy was like the whiz kid and everything, but he also lost a bunch of players. You know, Todd Gurley got hurt and now he's with the Falcons. So I don't know. I think they're like rebuilding. I don't think them getting to the Super Bowl under that head coach was a fluke. They're just having a tough year. It's a weird thing. Pittsburgh Steelers still undefeated.

How about that Pittsburgh? You got to be excited about that seven and oh, Don Shula up in heaven right now, still with the cork on the champagne bottle. Pittsburgh says not this week. They're done. Hey. Yeah, I watched, I watched some football, did a Bill Burt podcast. I didn't do one last week because I fucked up my voice, but I missed talking to Burt as always. One of the great people I've met in this business. My voice feels better. My ears are a little better. They're not ringing as bad. I just sort of just wore earplugs for like a week, give them a break. They kind of settled, which is cool. I had a nice Halloween.

Any of you guys, did you go out? I mean, I know you fucking people who aren't wearing masks, you don't give a shit. I wish all Trumpsters went out as liberals and they would have fucking masks on and then maybe this, we could get a hold of this fucking thing. It's under control. It's under control. Did you guys see some of the clips of that fucking HBO interview? I mean, it's fucking unbelievable. It was a reporter like, I'm not going to let him take control of this interview, and I'm going to try to hold him to task. And there's no way to do it. He will not answer your questions. And he'll just say, but the information here, don't, don't look at that. You shouldn't be looking at that. You shouldn't be looking at that. You shouldn't be low. Don't

look at, you shouldn't be looking at that. I don't know if this stats true, but the fucking reporter said South Korea has had 50 people die of COVID, the entire fucking COVID outbreak. All right. And we're, we're having like a thousand people die a day. And he was somehow upset with that stat saying that it was bullshit and you shouldn't look at that. And I don't know. I don't know. It was just as sad as it is. It's fucking hilarious. It's, it's a fucking sketch. It's literally a sketch, but it's, it's the truth. So anyway, we did like a super, super, super small gathering of people in our circle. And it was, you know, it was a great party, but nobody could

like interact because we had like our masks on and shit. It was, but you know, we definitely made the best of it. And everybody sort of had like their little things of candy that they were going to give to the kids and you just sort of set them over there and then the kids would go get them. And I don't know, it is, it is what it is trying to do what you're supposed to be doing out here. And I'm up to three pounds with the shoulder fucking rehab thing, doing three sets of 15. That's 45 and 45 is 90 and 45 is 135 pounds. I'm putting on this shoulder. I did it yesterday. I don't feel any pain or nothing. I'm trying to continue this nice slow pace. I mean, I literally started this rehab at the beginning of this whole pandemic thing. And I was just doing

sets of three with the weight of my arm. No, no dumbbell or anything in there. So I'm up to the purple and the red weight. I got a purple two pounder and a red one pounder gradually getting this thing. And it feels fucking great. And I was on Instagram. I was on the Graham guys. Oh my God. And I somehow, you know, I stay away from the workout videos, because if you click out on one workout video, your entire search thing becomes a bunch of horse. Have you noticed that? If you click on one, if you click on one that's a guy, there's going to be a bunch of horse after that, you go right back to the next screen. And all it is is chicks with like barely any clothes on exercising that always involves like

bending over or the cam being shot up, the camera being shot up, their fucking ass crack. All right. So I don't click on any of that shit because once it gets on your fucking feed, you have to not click on any of it for like, it feels like fucking 10 days before it goes away. So, you know, I'm actually going to look at my phone right now. I'll see what I got here. This is actually an interesting thing. Why don't you guys send me these in? If you click the magnifying glass, this search, what do you end up getting? Do you get workout horse? See what I got. I got a kid playing guitar. I got Eric Clapton and Dwayne Allman. I got Tommy Lee and Bobby Blotzer giving the finger.

This is just all music. Who's this? That's Mick and Keith, classic rock. There's Tommy Lee, Nicky Six. There's a cute little puppy. There's a stand up comic. For some reason, there's something with these three chicks on a talk show. I don't know what that is in a Ferrari video. Some guy driving a Ferrari that looks like a tractor. Looks like a truck. What the fuck is this guy doing? Stevie Ray Vaughn. Yeah, so I don't have any of the workout horse here. Some sort of octopus going into a clam shell to be closed. And Muhammad Ali talking to John Lennon. There you go. That's pretty good. Huh? I got a picture of Travis Roy there.

The Rest in Peace one. Yeah, that's all right. Some Eddie Van Halen shit. So there you go. That's where I'm at. But today I was on there and you click on one of them, right? The Muhammad Ali fucking John Lennon and then you just start scrolling through it. And somehow it got into like before and after pictures working out. And I saw a couple of guys that were like in their fifties and they got fucking shredded. And their before picture is worse than I look now. So if I can just get this fucking shoulder rehab, I'm going to be that creepy old shredded guy, you know, a guy with like like the red chest, that fucking red and brown tinged like leathery skin, you know, because he's from that old generation that went out in the sun with

they put like baby oil on. I was at the very end of that going out into the sun like chicks in my grade would put baby oil on and then have like that fucking that aluminum foil thing, like getting it to the sun to reflect off it and then just fucking literally cook your face to a nice medium well. And then oh my God, I'm wearing my fucking white on white outfit coming back on Monday. Look at his look at his brown as a belt. So anyway, yeah, that's kind of a goal of mine. And I really have to just make sure that I don't plow through this next thing because my shoulders getting like so much stronger than it was. So now I'm really getting excited to like keep adding two reps each time. And I'm sort of

blowing through the three pound reps. And I'm like, I got to be careful with that shit. So but it hasn't been talking to me at all. So we sell she shall she shall see. All right, let me do let me do a little fucking some reads here. All right, let me do a little couple of reads here. Oh, look who it is, everybody. Look who it is. But I do me on these me on these I ain't wearing a fucking mask to do to do me on these behind these liberals take me to a task going trick or treating breathing on the candy. I gave COVID to my redneck friend named Andy. I don't give a fuck about any of this shit. And my balls feel nice and soft with me on these. Hi friends, me on these believes that comfort is all about this never been a redneck named Andy Andy Griffith.

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There's no way to be shamed. There's no way to be shamed. There's no way to be shamed. People who you're voting for, there's no way to be shamed. All right, I want to start a movement where somebody asks you who you're voting for. You should say, you should just tell them that that's rude. I don't answer rude questions like that. How dare you? Why don't you just go, how dare you? How dare you?

What are you taking a fucking survey? All right, as a matter of fact, I am. Billy is my vote in your little circle of the fucking world going to make you have a good prediction of who's going to win or lose. All right, being vote shamed. Dear Billy, the wise wise ass. This is the first delay. I like that. If I was a wrestler, that's what I would, if I was a manager. Billy the wise wise ass.

This is the first election I'm able to vote in. Congratulations. I'm 20 years old and I've been listening to you since I was 13. Oh, Jesus. I would load your podcast onto an iPod and listen on the bus to school. I really appreciate you not regurgitating everything I heard elsewhere in my life. You're a Renaissance man, whether you like it or not. I got these young kids fooled. You know, I appreciate that.

You live a little more life and be like, nah, this gives you sort of the loud guy at a bar. I read a lot and listen to non mainstream media. That's great. I read. I think he meant to say I recently. I read. I don't know. It says I've R. E. A. And I don't know what it says after that. I'm just going to continue.

I've made my own judgment about how debilitating the establishment is toward our country. The news does not tell us what is really going on with our country's finances and foreign affairs. This cycle has been going on for decades and I don't want to be a part of it. I'm voting for a third party candidate whose principles I agree with. My friends are telling me that I'm wasting my vote and I can afford to do it because I'm privileged, which is why I have the audacity to do something like that. Oh, because they're not white and they need you to vote the way they want you to vote. All right. Aside from that stuff there, I don't think voting for a third party person that you believe in that is actually an honest person

and will hopefully stand up to the banks and the oil companies without getting whacked. I don't think that is ever a waste and I always believe that you're encouraging more people like that to run for office. As far as what your friends are saying, it sounds like they're not white. If they're saying that stuff, I got to be honest, it's the guy who's in office right now is making them feel that way, which is what blows my mind about some friends that I have that are voting for Trump. And they're like, I just don't show me an example of how he's racist is like how they look at it. And it's just like, well, do you have any black friends? I don't know what to tell. What speeches are you watching?

I can just tell you this. My biggest advice that I would give you is just don't tell people who you're voting for. And, you know, if your heart's in the right place and you're voting for what you want to vote for, then there's nothing wrong with whoever you're voting for. Okay. Straight across the board, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, third party, whatever the fuck you call it. I don't just somewhere along the line, people just started saying who the fuck they were voting for liberals, celebrities. You know, I don't know. Let me just continue reading this. My mother lost her business was I was in middle school and we had to live with my uncle when the economy crashed and she lost everything. It wasn't her fault. Her landlord went bankrupt and the bank sold the building to an investment group that used a loophole to condemn the building. Put her out of business to end her lease and then rented it out at twice the price the following year. Those fucking people are brutal.

This has informed a lot of my views and I don't apologize for it, despite being told I should. It's really unfair to be talked to like this, especially when the people telling me this have no understanding of things beyond what they read in the headlines on Twitter. I know you voted third party in the past. Has anyone in your family or colleagues ever tried to make you feel guilty for your beliefs? Absolutely. I've always been told that I've been, you know, throwing away my vote and stuff like that. But, you know, you are privileged if you're white. It's just a fact. You just are. And I'm just going to tell you my point of view on this. People misconstrue what that means. It's like, oh, you know, we lost a house. We were broke. We went through this. You went through that. My dad died. That's, like, not what that's about. It means you can drive down the street and not have to worry that you're going to get pulled over because of the color of your skin and maybe lose your life.

It's like that story I told you when my brother-in-law was driving across country and I was talking to him like he was a white guy going, you got to do Route 66 and check out the fucking, you know, the arch in St. Louis. And my wife ripped the phone out of my hand and had literally fear in her voice. And all my brother-in-law was going to do was drive across the country. And she was like, was saying, only drive on the highways, only drive during the day, drive the speed limit. Because she was worried that he was going to get killed just driving across the country. So that's what they mean. I used to think privilege. I'd be like, what are you talking about? I didn't know. I fucking paid for 90% of my college. I fucking worked my way through college.

I got in this business. I didn't know any, but that's not what they're saying. It's how you move through the world is what it is. It's not how much money you had or if you went to a private school or not. It just means that you don't have to basically worry that you're going to get killed by your fellow countryman just for fucking how you look. That's what it means. All right, there you go. And I believe defund the police doesn't mean don't fucking pay them or get rid of them. As far as I understand it, somebody please give a clear definition. What I understand of it is we kind of stop dumping all the mistakes of society onto cops and have them deal with the shit every day.

Like why are cops dealing with mentally ill people? They should be in institutions getting cared for instead of having the cops have to deal with that on top of all the other shit they have to fucking deal with. So I think that that's what it meant. And for whatever stupid fucking reason they said called it defunding, which sounds to me like, hey, pay them less or don't pay them, which is insane. Almost as insane as me tackling these huge topics here. All right, policy doesn't create opposition. Opposition creates policy. What the fuck?

Got to read this 12 times. Policy doesn't create opposition. Opposition create policies. Okay, I got to take a sip of throat coat tea here before I read this one. I could read that a thousand fucking times and I would never know what it means. Hello, Bill. I am an admirer of yours and I think you put in a positive contribution to US pop culture. All right, that was the most condescending first line ever.

I think you put in a positive contribution to US pop culture. Oh, do you? Is that what you think? I don't. I just think I'm an idiot that a certain segment listens to for whatever reason. I think my subject lines up with your philosophy in quotes, or at least it doesn't contradict it. I don't even know what you're doing. You're beyond me mentally.

I don't know what that means. Policy doesn't create opposition. Opposition creates policy. This is like chicken or the egg. So if you oppose something, they create a policy to make it to outlaw opposing it. Is that what you're saying? I don't know. Can you expand on the idea that people don't really have genuine political opinions,

but rather have an innate propensity to get into arguments and that this is really what 99% of political debate in the US and everywhere else and at every other time has been. Like if my parents are liberals, I'm likely to be a conservative just to piss them off and vice versa. And if I'm not, what kind of a pussy am I? You know what I mean? No, because if you had parents that you liked, I think your parents are assholes.

You just, you do stuff like that. Anyway, people are way less rational and way more emotional and confrontational just for the hell of it, right? I don't know. You're speaking vaguely or above my fucking brain. I don't know what you're saying here. I will say that, you know, most discourse is at the right word. It's just become people screaming at each other,

which I've done in a couple of my relatives about politics. And I said like 12 times during it, we're not going to change each other. This is such a fucking waste of time and you still do it. I don't know. No matter what happens tomorrow, I'm just going to, I don't know, if I can have half the vibe that Travis Roy had when I met him that one time, I think you can really make the world a better place despite if you don't like the person that's currently your leader.

You know what I mean? I actually saw something fucking amazing today. I was watching, I turned on the TV and a preacher was on and he was really good and I was listening to him. And he was saying the sum of your life and the impact that you have comes right down to basically the choices you make. And if you make positive choices, loving choices, that's the impact you're going to have on the world.

And I was like, oh my God, I love this guy. I found a church and then he goes, and when you accept Jesus Christ, I'm like, why do they always have to do that? Why can't they just stop right there before they introduce their guy that separates everybody? If you just accept this, if you just, every religion has a fucking guy or a lady, maybe they don't want a lady, and then just stop right there. Because do I need to know the guy? If I did everything that you just fucking told me to do right before the Jesus Christ shit,

even if I wasn't aware of Jesus, if the guy existed and is really the son of God and I'm going to fucking meet the guy, I mean, if I don't know who the fuck he is, but I lived a great life and I spread love and positivity and I helped people out and had a positive effect, I'm still getting in the club, right? I don't fucking know. I was literally watching the TV going like, holy shit, I finally found my 700 club guy that I can get into this. And when you accept Christ, it's just like, hey, don't need that.

I just need the first part. Now you're having me choose teams. And every religion, people say what that guy says, and then it gets to that fork in the fucking road, and then it's Yahweh, Allah, God, Buddha, and then somehow it divides people. What a surprise, right? What a surprise, people just start arguing and then they fucking kill each other.

Yeah, we're morons. All right, advice, changing people around me. Hi Bill, big fan of you and your show. I've spent much of my COVID time listening and reopening my eyes to the manipulative rhetoric being spewed about men that I unfortunately have contributed, at least during my early adult years. As a result, I noticed a lot of women my boyfriend is surrounded by, whether it's because they are friends or girlfriends of his,

treat men and their men like garbage. Jesus Christ, is this actually a woman writing this? This feels almost like I wrote it. Because of this, I don't feel comfortable being around them because when I try to stick up for their guys, when they do nice things, they laugh at me and then put me down. It sounds to me like you're hanging out with assholes. My question for you is, how do I open the eyes of the women around me to the negativity

they are exhibiting towards their significant others without stepping over the line? You can't. You can't. And you're smart enough to at least ask the question before you try to do it. Just don't do it. Don't do it. And hopefully those guys will be smart enough to try to find a woman like yourself if the way you're presenting yourself is true. She goes on to say, I don't like seeing these women complain and pick on their men when they do everything for their women, including cooking, cleaning, fixing things.

I think in their eyes, I must come across as very traditional, but I think treating your significant other the same way you want to be treated, if not better, is a sign of your upbringing and what kind of person you want to be in this world. I 100% agree. Every man I have had in my life has made me the person I am today, so why would I want to stunt the growth and progress of people around me by exerting my insecurities and taking it out on them?

This is written by a unicorn, male or female, the enlightenment of this. I don't know how to bring this up to my boyfriend either, because I don't want to disrespect him by pointing out that the women he surrounds himself with are not good examples of what a woman should be. Wait, so your boyfriend's hanging out with all these other brats? What, are they nagging him? They're nagging their... Wait a minute, are you just talking about the girlfriends of all of his friends? Are you competing with them? What's going on? Now I don't know what's going on.

My theory as to why they act like they do, they act... Wait, my theory as to why they act like this may have to do with the fact that many of his female friends are really unhappy in their lives, either because they can't bear children or are in unfulfilling relationships and careers. This is starting to come off as... I don't know. How do I show them that inner peace and love for all is how you live a full and happy life? Many thanks, wise fellow ginger sage. Alright, if you're the nice person you're presenting,

rather than someone who's just being petty and competitive with the girlfriends of your boyfriend's friends, you just keep your mouth shut, okay? This is not a problem for you to solve. It's none of your business and just stay out of it. Or you can create a giant shit show by getting in the middle of it. There's no fucking way. There's no way. There's no way to do that. Alright, so... I don't know.

If you're hanging out with them and they're fucking bitching about their boyfriends, I mean, why do you have to hang out with them anyway? Why the fuck do you hang out with them? Go get some people who look at life the way you do and hang out with them rather than hanging out with these fixer-uppers that you can't fix up because they think the way they live in is right. Does that make sense? I don't know. Alright, we have a new category here in the Monday-Monday podcast

of people who work with the general public. We have a top five dumb questions. Top five dumb questions people have asked you whether you work at one of the few blockbuster videos left or if, you know, I don't know, you work at a fucking Starbucks. Alright, so here's this person wrote in, top five dumb questions, school volunteer. Hey Bill, I'm a female... I love when the lady's right in.

I'm a female college student that volunteers at local schools in my free time. And let me tell you, teens are dumb as shit. I was grading tests for a health class. A question asked students to define unsafe sex. And one kid wrote, sex during a hurricane. Now that has to be the class clown. Nobody can be that dumb and that funny and not, you know, and that can't be on purpose.

That has to be on purpose. Alright, we had a tornado drill at the school in which the regular procedure is to have students get into a windowless secure room. One teacher mistook the alarm for a fire drill and brought the students outside. Oh boy. There's one girl with hippie-dippy parents

that always want me to admit the earth is flat. One day she tried to disprove axial rotation, by saying, if time zones were real, California would have warned Hawaii about Pearl Harbor. What the fuck? Wow, dude. It's... that's a... That is so dumb.

I got dumber reading that, going like, no, wait, you're going the wrong way. And I was like, no, they are going the right way because they would be ahead of time. That is so fucked up. So Pearl Harbor would be on the news in California before it happened in Hawaii, so then they could say, hey man, we're three hours in the future,

so we just to give you a heads up, the Japanese are coming. Wow. That one takes the cake so far. A hippie-dippy flat earth girl also once said to me, if we can really go to space, how come astronauts have never been to earth? I don't even know what that means. I was moderating a debate on gender norms

between a dillweed and a stoner. I don't know what a dillweed is. A dillweed asked, how come only men have to take paternity tests? No one asks a mother to prove that a baby is hers. Jesus. Alright, FYI, most of these kids are really sweet and will probably do great things someday except for a hippie-dippy flat earth girl.

I predict she'll drop out within a few years. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Wow. Alright, here we go. Top five dumb questions. We got a pilot. Nice. I'm a 24-year-old pilot for a commercial airline. Look at this person crushing life.

They used to fly corporate. And I wanted to share my top five dumbest questions from the general public slash celebrity community. Are you sure you guys can handle the wind? At the time, I'm 21, still baby-faced and supposedly flying this 40-year-old, typical hard-headed mass-hole from Boston to the vineyard just for dinner.

He had his 85-year-old mother and his wife and his 9-year-old daughter. The winds were gusting to 40 knots in moderate to heavy turbulence forecasted. I warned him that it was going to be unpleasant and maybe they should reschedule. He said to me, you could be my son.

Are you sure you can handle the wind? Okay, so he's saying you're young and it's okay to have concerns about this so far. It seems alright. I responded with, I'm not worried about my abilities. I just don't know if this is the kind of experience your daughter would want to experience. Oh yeah, Jesus Christ.

Why would you do that to your kid? Fast forward 30 minutes later. I've never been more excited to hear the sound of people puking in my life. The other pilot and I looked at each other and all we had to do was smile. Needless to say, they spent the night at the vineyard and we left.

Can't you just fly above the wind? Similar situations to the one above. Aren't they asking for smoother air? Are you sure the weather isn't bad? My brother says it's nice at his house in Danvers. The guy proceeds to show me a picture on his phone of blue sky that he got sent from his brother. RVR was down to about 400 feet.

What does that mean? I don't know RVR. Is that cloud cover? Jesus Christ. Wait a minute, I gotta look this up. Aviation. RVR. Runway visual range was down to 400 feet.

Oh my God. Okay. Where it's baggage claim. I look above my head and there's a big yellow sign that says baggage claim. Do you even fly the airplane? I'm a first officer. Yeah, we take turns each leg.

Really? I just thought you sat there in case the captain dies. Right yikes. Dude, these are great. These are great. From your fellow New Englander and Irishman, I love the podcast and always listen on long sits between flights.

Hope you get on a flight and the little ones can come up and nerd out of the cockpit. Helicopters are way harder to fly than airplanes. As always, go fuck yourself. That's amazing. Jesus Christ. Can't you just fly above the wind?

Top five dumb questions. 911 EMT. I like how the way these are set up, Andrew. How you got these basically, each job gets more and more intense. Hello, Mr. Burb. Hello, Mr. Burb.

Big fan, long time podcast listener. Thank you. I know you're asking for the top five stupid questions, but I am sharing with you my top five stupid reasons why the public has called Nalke. That's okay. You can adjust it. Get improv here.

Top five reasons the public has called 911 is an emergency. I've been an ambulance operator for close to three years and have my stories, but these are the top five. Number five, wife called 911 because her husband was eating dog food.

Gross, I know. He was apparently trying to tell her that her cooking was shit and he would rather eat dog food. This wasn't a handful of kibble, neither. It was straight out of the can wet dog food. Wow.

Number four, man called 911 because he was choking on food. All right, well, if he can talk, that means he's not choking. He can breathe, right? Well, you might think that that is an emergency call, but here is the twist. He was choking the day before

and called 911 to have us explain to him why he was choking. He wanted us to take him to the emergency room so the doctor could explain to him the medical reason why he was choking on food. This was a 40-year-old man.

What the fuck? These are making me feel better about myself. Number three, a woman called 911 because her electricity went out five minutes ago. We advised her to call the electric company. Number two,

a woman called 911 because she wanted us two EMTs to force her two daughters to help her clean the house. These daughters look to be in their late 20s. In her defense, the house was very dirty.

Wow. Number one, a man called 911 because his mom is too fat. When we arrived, he asked us to give his mother medication that was somehow magically melt her fat away forever. That's in quotes.

These kinds of calls makes for good stories, but we're going to get us away from the public that actually needs us when seconds count. Anyway, big fan and congratulations on your beautiful family. Your friend on the boo-boo bus. That's great, the boo-boo bus.

All right. Anyway, so that's the podcast. I caught a little bit of that Cowboys Eagles game. Cowboys game showed up to play. Looks like the Eagles were pulling away towards the end. I didn't catch the end of the game, but a lot of great games this week. So, hey, let's look

at the standings, man. Who do you like here? Is there a favorite for the Super Bowl? Let's see. This is a stat leader, aviation, NFL standings. Your Buffalo bills, 6 and 2 at the top

of the AFC East. Dolphins 4 and 3, Patriots 2 and 5, the Jets 0 and 8. The Chiefs 7 and 1. Still have to be there. You've got to, you know, to be the man,

you've got to beat the man. The Chiefs are the defending Super Bowl champions. So, you've got to figure that they are the odds-on favorite to repeat. Raiders 4 and 3, Broncos 3 and 4, the Chargers been losing some close ones, 2 and 5.

The funnest 2 and 5 team you're ever going to watch, by the way. I love watching the Chargers. The Pittsburgh Steelers 7 and 0. The only undefeated team left. Ravens 5 and 2, Browns 5 and 3, Bengals 2 and 5, who, by the way,

beat the fucking Titans today. Joe Barrow. Mike Vrabel, great coach. Titans 5 and 2, Colts 5 and 2, Texans 1 and 6, Jaguars 1 and 6 with my favorite quarterback, Gardner Minshew.

The old school throwback, Moustache, the fucking mullet. You've got to love the guy. And I think his team's better than their record. Alright, the Eagles 3 and 4. Cowboys 2, sorry, the Washington football team, 2 and 5,

Cowboys 2 and 6, Giants 1 and 6. Unbelievable. As of today, the team in first place in the NFC East had only won 2 games and the Giants were still a game out. I mean, that's just fucking

ridiculous. It's just a weird, what happened to that division where everybody is sort of has a new quarterback or injured new coaches and just all starting over. It's amazing, somebody's going to win that division

and still make the playoffs. The playoffs, Seahawks 6 and 1, Cardinals 5 and 2, Rams 5 and 3, 49ers 4 and 4, Packers 5 and 2, Bears 5 and 3, Lions 3 and 4, Vikings 2 and 5, and the Saints 5 and 2,

Buccaneers 5 and 2, Panthers 3 and 5, Falcons 2 and 6. Alright, my pick for the NFC championship is, I'm going to say the Seattle Seahawks are going to go up against

the the I'm I'm literally looking at points against with the Packers and the Saints although the Buccaneers

have a stingy defense only giving up 142 points, I don't know. I definitely see Seattle I see them I see them in the Super, fuck this, fuck the championship. I see the Seattle

Seahawks in the Super Bowl versus I think, uh, Kansas City goes there again and and did they let me just think who they got, who do they got

they got all the offensive weapons and you got Pete Carroll I think Pete Carroll goes back and gets the ring I think he defends the Chiefs from going back to back I think he gets his second ring and he definitely doesn't retire the guy's got like fucking 0% body fat

he's a fucking animal and he's never going to be satisfied and he's just going to keep going so that's why I'm picking the Seattle Seahawks to win the whole fucking thing alright there, you heard it from me you heard it here first, now who am I rooting for that's a different story, I'm rooting for Tom

Brady and Tampa Bay Buccaneers Rob Gronkowski, I'm rooting for those guys although I got to tell you I also like Kyler Murray and the Arizona Cardinals, they're fun as hell

to watch and just a lot of fun teams this year to watch and like I said the Chargers the most fun 2-in-5 team you're ever going to watch I love watching the Cleveland Browns, I thought the Cleveland Browns and Raiders was going to be a wild game today it looked like it was pretty pedestrian I taped a bunch of games, I'm going to watch them throughout the week

as I do, so I get to watch NFL football every fucking night because I love it, I'm addicted to it I'm a simple guy I don't go that deep, I'm not a big reader what else am I going to do other than sit here watching Bretton Circus, alright that's the podcast, thank you guys for listening

once again, rest in peace to one of the most amazing people I ever met and lived an incredible life, Travis Roy and I'll be reaching out to their foundation hopefully next year do a mask free show post COVID and to continue all the great

work that that incredible foundation that he started has done throughout the years to continue it for as long as I can help out that's it, alright go fuck yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday