Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-25-24

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Bill rambles about the Grapevine highway, the Coen Brothers, and the great Chuck Woolery.

And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine. And since we had like three or four down days, we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there. The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was going to

look like. So yeah, I'm excited to do that, just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and some nature and a nice place, you know, that has all the amenities I want. But while I'm gone, you know, I was also like, well, I have my place just there. And it's always nice to have someone stay at your place. And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know, it's a nice, comfortable place.

I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And you know, obviously that way I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place sits empty so putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do. So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

Hey what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, November 25th, 2024. What's going on? Hawaii! How's going on? Hawaii! How's it going, man? Sitting out in the driveway in my car

because my freaking house is noisy today. Got kids over, kids are playing, that's my toy. No, he heard me, he heard me. All this shit, right? Can't do a podcast with all of that going on. You don't wanna listen to me trying to talk to you guys in every five seconds having to be, knock it off. Anyway, I just realized,

cause this podcast is for November 25th, but I'm recording it November 24th, and believe it or not, believe it or not, I haven't fucking drank in six years six miserable fucking years oh just fucking not drink um you know what's cool is I don't even don't even fucking think about it I didn't even know that this was six years until I was trying to figure out what's the date of this podcast and I was like November 24. Oh shit! Well what do you know? November 24th 2018, old Billy Red Nose was throwing

him back watching Michigan vs. Ohio State. Oh, nearly! Michigan lost again if I believe if I remember correctly. I was drinking Kentucky Owl. Fucking delicious, and I gotta tell you, man, if that's gonna be your last drink, that's the way to do it. Well, let's be honest. I cut out drinking, and then my cigar smoking

went off the fucking rails. Then I tried to cut back on that and then during the pandemic, my big move was I wanted, I don't know, I had a craving for a chocolate malt and I grew up on the East Coast and they had fraps and everything. But when I visited relatives in the Midwest, I went to Bob's big boy and they had malt, malted milk. And my older brother told me about it. He goes, dude, you got to have this shit. This tastes better than the shit we're drinking back East. I guess the frappe was from New Jersey. I did this whole fucking research on it. I mean, I was bored. What was I going to do? Face my daemons during the pandemic? No. So I went to fucking making

these malted shakes, you know, eating fucking weed gummies and eating ice cream sandwiches and old Billy went up to fucking a buck 95, you know, looking like a retired fullback. So, but I wasn't smoking as many cigars. I always, it's always something, right? So now I've laid off the cigars. I got my weight under control, although I put a few pounds on on this last fucking, oh Billy Road weight. It's gonna happen.

What am I supposed to do? I'm out there on the road. I miss my wife and kids. What am I gonna do? You know, I used to just go out and drink until I fucking passed out. That's not good. That doesn't look good on a FaceTime the next morning with your kids, you know,

waking up looking like fucking Nick Nolte and down and out in Beverly Hills. I didn't wanna do that. So anyway, here I sit. I've had one fucking cigar. I had one fucking cigar. I had one last week, my first one since the end of July. And I was like, God, why did I do that? I'm gonna start back up again.

And I haven't, I haven't. I was definitely for three days going like, oh, let's have another. Oh, Billy wants another. And I just didn't do it. I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna have another one until I know I'm not craving one and I can make a fucking rational decision So I

Don't just I think I might have one on Thanksgiving But we're gonna have a bunch of people over and a cigar is just fucking obnoxious It's kind of what I like about it. I'm anti-social. It just really just makes people's nose wrinkle up and they walk away. Unless it's a woman and their dad didn't stick around and he always smoked cigars when he was driving away from one of her events that he should have been to. Then it produces a different response.

So anyway, I've always loved those people who just go, you know, they just blow past addiction and they just go, everything in moderation. My mom always said that. Everything in moderation. And that's just because, you know, she had the ability to do it. I don't know. I do but I just don't do it. I just gotta like yeah I don't know what the fuck my deal is. So anyway I'm talking in circles. Judas Priest turn in circles Anyway, the fuck am I talking about here? So yes, it's November 25th. I am done with my amazing tour through the Central Valley of California. Started in Ohio, that's not the Central Valley. Well, that's where we fucking started. And I went to Bakersfield. Next gig was Fresno, then Modesto, then Stockton, then Visalia, right? Visalia. And it's one of my favorite tours I ever did. And I just played all

of these amazing old theaters. The Fox Theaters, the Warner Theaters, and the Bob Hope. And I don't know, I just, and I went to all of these mom-and-pop like coffee places, breakfast places, getting something to eat. I walked around all the towns. I finally got to go to Stockton, home of Nick and Nate Diaz and Chris Isaac. I mean how's that for the running the whole gamut? And guess what? I thought it was a fucking great town. A lot of nice neighborhoods, a lot of cool houses, a lot of fucking cool people. Got a great cup of coffee. Went to this place. Where the fuck did I go? The well or something like that. Get breakfast, a great cup of coffee. Went to this place, where the fuck did I go? The Well or something like that.

Get breakfast, a great hang. Modesto's, what was that one? That was Good Day Lucille's is where I went and got a great breakfast. I got the fucking, so I put on weight. I got the biscuit with the egg and the the forget what was on on top of it like sausage or something was fucking amazing and their coffee that might have been the best coffee I had was Lucille's and Modesto it was fucking amazing and then the last night I went to Visalia we got there early and

there's a famous hot dog stand I put it it in my stories. I forget the name of it I mean, I was fucking barnstorm in there. So we went there and I Got a a chili dog. No melancham suck it on chili dough. I Love how long that lyric was out there before anybody Went like what what is he talking about? Is he talking about what I think I'm talking about? I don't know. And I've never gotten chili on a hot dog before because the only time I've ever added chili to anything,

I usually add shit to chili, but putting chili, the only time I had chili cheese fries once in my life at Carney's, that little train car, this guy Todd Parker, who not only did I work with in Boston and in LA and Atlanta and Canada, we've done a bunch of gigs together, he actually judged, you know, the first time I did stand-up it was a contest and he was one of the judges, right? And so I've known him forever, known him for fucking 33 years, right? So he goes, you've ever had chili cheese fries? I said, no.

He goes, dude, because this was not a thing back in Boston. So we went to Carney's and I ate it. And that was the last time I had a six pack flat stomach. The next day, my stomach was just sticking out a little bit. Never went back down. So I always blamed the chili cheese fries, other than the fact that I didn't know anything about nutrition and I was getting older and my metabolism was slowing down.

So that's the first time I've ever had chili on a hot dog and it was fucking amazing. And, uh, then I, we stayed at the, uh, the darling Hotel, which was this killer art deco hotel that looked like it was out of a Coen brother movie. It had an amazing outdoor area up top on the roof. Didn't get a chance to go up there, but I just kind of walked around the downtown area, went to the record shop, got a great burger at a sports bar and then we came and we did we loaded up We did the gig

Which was fucking incredible? The crowd I can't even tell you like these places Anybody out there that plays in a band that does whatever like you know It's it's weird like when you're coming up you're playing all of these shitholes in These fucking one-horse towns, right? So you have these bad experiences. So you start thinking negatively about these places and it's just like well They didn't know who you were and you also weren't good at what you did yet. So You know you can come back

Have a good experience right because I talked to a bunch of comed, I was like all excited, I'm going up to 99, I've never gone past fucking Bakersfield. You're familiar with it in all these West Coast comics where they get this look on this face like, oh yeah, yeah, I've been up there unfortunately and all of this shit. I kind of knew what they were saying because we drove back from Visalia. I don't know what the fuck chemicals we were driving through, what the fuck they were burning at night, but it was the worst smell I've ever smelled since I was up in Greeley Colorado where they have this fucking gigantic slaughterhouse and they

literally had like bad smell days and you could call up the slaughterhouse and tell them hey you know fucking take it easy down there all right tell Wendy's they can only sell doubles, not triples today. So anyway, I had nothing but great experiences in all of those towns. I did at one point get chased by a sweaty guy that was a little meth-y. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not gonna tell the town because all these towns get like negative shit. So I'm not gonna say what town I was in. All right, but we were walking back from getting coffee. And this guy came out of the house and he just looked like he was going through it.

We'll put it that way. So he looked at me and he goes, hey, I think he recognized me, I guess. And I said, hey, what's up, brother? How you doing? And he's like, I'm all right. And then I was like, oh, boy. So then we walked for like 10 more minutes because it was like this place was like a mile away from the hotel, you know, get our steps in.

We walked for like 10 minutes and we're shooting the shit and we're talking and all of that, me and Dean. He's got his French Bulldog Gertie with us, right? And we're just having a good time. The leaves are changing colors and shit. It's looking cool. And then all of a sudden after 10 minutes, 10 minutes later saying hello to this meth-y looking dude, I just hear from way down the block, I hear this, ah! Hey, Bill! Right? I Bow Turn around he's doing that He's like fucking way way the hell down there like he's in the Michael Jackson thriller video So I just go fuck so I just turn around my gay buddy And then I turn back and we walk I go Dean do me a favor turn around act like you're talking to me before

I even did that he turned over the wrong shoulder and looked back at the guy. I was like, ah, he's supposed to be more subtle than that. I go, he's running, isn't he? And he goes, yeah. And I go, ah, fuck. I go, we gonna make it? Cause we were close to the hotel. And he goes, just wait till we turn the corner, right?

So my fucking heart's racing cause I can hear the guy coming. Ah, bow, bow. He's going. And we turned the corner and Dean was just like, all right, go, go, go, go. We fucking ran into the hotel, into the lobby. The lady like checking is looking at us like, what the fuck? And the elevator doors just happened to be open and we went in and they closed the door.

And I was laughing and I was going, dude, I'm'm not gonna feel safe until I'm in my fucking hotel room because those fucking junkies they got like this fucking sixth sense about him he'll pick the right floor or something or he'll come in and freak out what floor I got on should be scared and just tell him so that went on and then in another town I was looking out my hotel window and I thought it was a man-made lake. And I'm looking at him half asleep in the morning. I wake up and I look out and I see like this fucking thing surface like the Loch Ness monster.

I was like, what the fuck was that? And it went underneath. It came back up again and I was on the phone, FaceTime and with Ned, I'm'm going what the fuck is that? I'm going yeah, I think there's, is that a fucking seal? This is like a little manmade lake here, like what the fuck is there a seal? And how come there's people walking along the lake and they're not looking at it like it's weird.

This is fresh water, how is there a seal in there? Then I was like, is that a dog? And then at one point it started looking like a person. You know, the sun was in my eyes. I didn't have on my glasses. And I finally went out there and it was a seal. And I was like freaking the fuck out. Like, you know, we're like way inland. How the fuck is there a seal here? I still don't understand it. But then I looked down, finally looked down the other way and I realized it wasn't closed off,

it was more like a channel. And I saw this splash and I saw more seals down there. I was like, this is, this is, this is really fucking weird. It was weird to me anyway. I still don't understand how they got that far up river. And then I'm thinking like, well, who eats seals, killer whales, and sharks? So like what else is in this water?

And that's like my biggest fear. Any sort of water with shit in there that has predators in it, it's bad. It's the whole not being able to see them, not being in your environment. You know, it's like if a fucking lion was running at you or a bear, you know it's going to get you, but at least you can run. At least you can move on that surface. What the fuck are you going to do in water? Like there's nothing in the ocean that is slower than a person.

You are getting caught by everything. And then just not knowing. At least you know where the lion is. You're like, alright, this is it. You know, fuck, you got something. You're in the water, you're like, did it go away? Is it coming back? Was it a dolphin? And there's no answers.

And all your brain is doing is giving you the worst possible fucking scenarios. Unless you're that chick on Instagram who just fucking relax and swim right at them. It's unbelievable. I've maintained this for the longest time. My people, whiteys, we talk to wild animals like they're dogs. We'll talk to a reptile.

Come on now, knock that off. Some alligator like hissing. Oh, he's grumpy today. He's grumpy today. Like what, he just found out he's working a double? It's a fucking reptile, you dumb fuck. Walking. Did you see that fucking old guy who tried to throw his shirt over the thing's eyes? And this thing was like a middleweight alligator. So it outweighed this old fuck,

right? And he gets on it and the thing flips him off and at one point grabbed his arm and started doing the shake. Didn't pull his arm off because it let go. I don't know. Fucking idiots. It really is amazing that human beings survived considering, you know, I guess because we're smarter than all the animals I guess that's how it works. I don't think we're smarter than dolphins or killer whales but like, you know, location, location, location, you know they're in the fucking water, so That's it for that, but I guess that shows you why nerds run the world you know All of those years are getting stuffed in the lockers and everything man. We're fucking paying for it now I gotta get some air in this fucking car

I guess we're paying for it now, huh? It's funny in the 80s. They made those movies Revenge of the Nerds. I think it's happening now with all these fucking nerds they're creating monopolies and they just call it consolidation and Then it's like they get investigated or tried to be shut down by the government and now it's legal to bribe politicians I mean, it's always been something they did but now you don't even have to fucking hide it. So that's what I'm waiting for. I'm sick of listening to politicians blaming minorities and immigrants, illegal immigrants. It's like what about nerds? How about that? The number one threat to

the middle class is nerds and their insatiable fucking greed. Oh, and speaking of which. I actually had time today because we drove home last night. Club Soda Kenny, Dean, Gertie and myself right after the gig. It was great to other than the fucking bad smell south of Visalia before we got to fucking Bakersfield. We fucking, close the door, there's people yelling up the street. Yeah, we drove home and there was like no traffic. We just fucking cruised. Before I knew it, we were

going through the grapevine, which is, I don't know if those are the San Gabriel Mountains, whatever. It's part of that mountain chain and the five runs through it and it's one of the scariest sections of highway. It's 50 miles and there's just something crazy about it where there's all of these 18-wheelers. There's all of these places for them to pull off if they lose their brakes And there's people in RVs There's people on motorcycles and then there's people in like those fucking fast and furious cars, and it's just like You ever see those races like like the 24-hour Le Mans with us like five different classes of cars all out there It's like there's like f1 cars and like fucking dots and station wagons. You ever see those races?

They're all on the fucking track. It's really weird That's what it feels like and we got right through that and everything. So anyway, I was able to wake up this morning and Watch a little bit of the football and everything and I Gotta be honest. I really just found something today. Like, you know, you know how they always say, you know, the game can pass by a coach, it can pass by an athlete. Like, it can also pass by you as a fan.

I'm not saying all fans, but like me, I just really feel like I'm, it's passed me by and I'm kind of all right with it. I still love to watch sports. I like college more because college reminds me of what I grew up with. You know, which is the college sports is almost like my classic rock station. Like if I just want comfort food and I could listen to the music that I heard when I was growing up working in warehouses and shit. I was watching, you know, just looking at the scores, I had the Chiefs game on and I'm looking at the fucking Vikings

Bears. I'm like that game's over. I'm looking at the fucking Chiefs Panthers game like this fucking game's over. And they weren't. Neither game was over. Both teams came back. And it just fucking happens every week. Every week, somebody comes back from down like 17 fucking points. Like the changes that they've made to the game. That it just happens all the fucking time. Happens all the fucking time. And I'm sitting there going like you know so now they're going to overtime. The Panthers tied up against the Chiefs. And they go Patrick Mahomes has had 26, 26 fourth quarter comebacks in his career.

That guy's like 28, 29 years old. So I look it up, Joe Montana, the greatest I ever saw. All right, greatest I ever saw, no disrespect to Tom Brady. Just the way you could beat the fuck out of a quarterback back then. just the way you could beat the fuck out of a quarterback back then. I would say like, you know, that guy and I looked it up that guy has 32 come from behind victories. 32 in his fucking career and he played to like his late 30s. This kid is like, and he did it again. He got like number 27. He's like five behind Joe Montana. He's not even 30 yet. Like this kid could have like 50, 55 come from behinds. And I was just thinking about it, right? And I'm

watching the game and at one point, packed my home starts running the ball. And he was gonna get 10 or 12 yards, but the DBs thought he was gonna slide or go out of bounds and then he just keeps running They should make a rule that if the corner is there and he could stick you and he doesn't you should have the decency to Slide or go out of bounds, but he didn't he kept running and he got like 33 yards like he was fucking Emmett Smith or something and of course, they're like, Patrick, my wife, I'm fucking like my parents like my homes, right? They've been screaming his name since he first came in the league talking about how special he was going to be. It's like, dude, the guy played a fucking Texas Tech. And I'm telling you, I'm just looking at it going like, just watching all of this shit, I just feel like the amount of changes they made in the game,

where you'll say like analytics, like rather than coaching from your gut now, there's these situations that the numbers people figured out. This is what you want to do. This is the best odds for success. mods for success, right? And they did that with coaching. OK, Vegas has been doing it forever with using these mathematicians and whatever the fuck they do to come up with the betting lines. So they did it with that. And then I, so why wouldn't the marketing team in the NFL

be able to have a computer and figure out different scenarios, play them through and be like, okay, what sells this game? Offense, how do we get more offense in this fucking game? What kills us when games are blowouts at halftime and people switch it off and watch another game? What is, what rules can we make to ensure that the most amount of games, you know, come down to the final fucking player going to overtime, so everybody watches the games, the ratings

stay high, and we can charge more for advertising, right? I feel like they did that. And the game is just completely changed. Like, I don't know, like the Dolphins Patriots, it's just like they were fucking kicking the shit out of us. They take two out in the fourth quarter, I know he's got a bunch of concussions and all of that. And then they just all of a sudden, we're like back in the game. And it's like, well, how come they can't play fucking defense anymore? Like none? I

don't know, the whole thing is fucking weird. And it's just not the game that I recognize. I put on the NBA, everybody's shooting threes, nobody's in the paint, people are dunking on nobody. They took away the red line in hockey. The game is just up and down and up and down and up and down. I don't recognize, you hit a home run right now,

they do everything but take their dick out and jerk off as they watch it go over the wall Gambling is legal You can gamble it Fucking the goddamn stadium weed is legal. You can bribe a politician now. It's a gratuity You don't have to pedal a fucking bike like I there's nothing in this world that I read porn is free. I don't recognize Anything anymore. I'm not saying any of this is good or bad. It's just not the world I fucking grew up in and I don't recognize anything anymore. I'm not saying any of this is good or bad. It's just not the world I fucking grew up in and I don't relate to it anymore.

So it's like you're telling me like, you know, like this is a donut. It looks like a donut, but it doesn't taste like the donut. Does that make sense? Probably doesn't, that's a bad analogy. I don't know what it is, but like, I am, I think I've, after all of these years of being a rabid fan, I think I'm just a casual fan at this point.

I just feel like it's all that same corporate disease that's in entertainment. It's also in sports. We have to grow. We got to keep growing. We got to make more money. We got to make more money. we got to get in every major city in America, we got to go national, we got to go international, we got to be

like soccer in the UFC, we got to go more and more and more, what the f- and it's just like insatiable and at some point the product gets her- I see it in stand-up comedy now, you know, like you see it in stand-up comedy now. Like you see it, when I was coming up, it was like, there was always, look, there was always people trying to like write an act to get a sitcom or to get on the Tonight Show, like they had an angle. But like most people were trying to get good at being comedians.

And I feel like my generation would be doing what this generation was doing if what they have available to them, you know, they would do. But now, like, analytics has even gotten into, like, stand-up comedy. And it's just like, okay, crowd work, okay, get some more numbers, I got to sell tickets, get a special, chop up the special, post the clips, do this, do that, or whatever. And it stops being about, like, about like, becoming a good comedian. I'm not shitting on younger comics either.

I'm just saying because my work now is affected by that. People are telling me, you gotta do this on Instagram. You gotta post, that's why I'm posting those fucking stories on the thing people, you gotta do this. I guess I gotta fucking do this. I don't know so I think I don't know what I'm saying here I just think I'm I'm kind of gonna fucking tap out because you only only as an old person can you relate to this where you see shit that is like that's the shit I was watching but it's different you know like uh what was that movie everybody you know

you the horror movie you come back and everybody's replaced with like there's something wrong it looks like your mom but it's not your mom Jordan Peele us was that what it was I feel like this everything in my life right now is like that. So I think it's just like, all right, well, it's time for me to step back. I actually had this idea for an app. This is for people in my situation. And it would be basically, I feel like this is gonna happen

in the future. What year do you wanna live in? Right? And you don't have to like totally commit to it for a year. It could just be a day, like you get to the side, right? And it would just be like, you just say what year you want to live in. And then, you know, those things that advertise on podcasts, they used to always make fun of them

where they would just send a box of clothes. Like, okay, 1978. So they send you 1978 and then everything becomes 1978. The TV shows, the commercials, the music, your car, everything just becomes, well, how would you do that with an app? I don't know, some fucking nerd would figure it out. You know, through consolidation

to whatever the fuck they do. And you could just like live there. Like I feel like if I could live in any time, well that's a good thing, okay? If you could live in any time, like what? Oh, my neighbors thinks I'm fucking crazy. He's fixing his fence. And I'm fucking sitting here talking to myself, my bare feet, my pajama bottoms sitting in my car.

That's good. That'll make him feel better about himself. You know, people, anything I can do, anything I can do to help out. That's a question. If you could pick pick I think just picking one year is a little difficult Like I would pick 86 I'd pick 86 to 91 those five years and it would be before I became a stand-up comedian and It would be like I'm ending stand-up comedian and it would be like I'm ending high school I'm going into college just the music I don't know then

it wouldn't be a parent that's a fucking hard one all right this was a dumb idea. Let me do, let me do the, let me do the, that right there was the Al Capone's vault of fucking sales pitches. I really apologize for that. Oh, here's something, but I didn't bring up, that was my last date. I don't have any more standup dates. Anywhere in the near future, I'm getting ready to go back to New York.

Rehearsal start in February for Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. So I'm pretty much, you know, just gonna be reading the play, reading the play, reading the play, reading the play as you do and then get myself into that situation. But yeah, but now of course I got all this great shit get myself into that situation but um... Yeah. But now of course I got all this great shit that I'm coming up with. So I'll still be hitting probably the local clubs and stuff like that but um... Anyway.

I guess what I'm trying to say is thank to everybody in the Central Valley of California that came out to my shows. Thank you to everybody that fed me, poured me great cups of coffee and all that. Me and Dean could not have had a better time. That was one of my favorite tours I have ever done. It was fantastic. So, and with that, let's plow ahead. Let's do the reads. Why don't I do this?

Why don't I turn the fucking car on and put the windows down a little bit, you dumb fuck? There we go, so you don't have to keep opening and closing the goddamn... All right. To name or not to name. Bill, I've been listening to the podcast since 2011. I really enjoy hearing about your travels to different towns and cities I'd otherwise never hear of. Well there you go. You got your fill on this one. I'm wondering how you decide to name or not name an establishment you like on the podcast. You often would say I don't want to name or not name an establishment you like on the podcast.

You often would say, I don't want to name it because I don't want it to blow up and ruin it. I always thought that was weird because you're a champion of small businesses. Oh, this is what I do. It's like if the business is struggling or if it's in like a super small town, you know, like Mega Texas Barbecue in Fresno,

it's like, Fresno is a place in general people have this negative idea of and that they're gonna skip it. I'll do it that way. But I selfishly, places I know in LA, you know, I don't wanna stand in fucking line. So I don't. Anyway, he says, I know't want to stand in fucking line. So I don't anyway.

He says, I know you have a good reach, but you're not at Oprah level of running a small business integrity. All right. Take it easy. I know where I am in this business. Jesus Christ. It's a fucking holiday week. You got to put me in my place like that. Or creating a huge line in East bumfuck? You'd be surprised.

I brought up Mega Texas BBQ and they said they had all kinds of people fucking come in there. All right? So, you know, I'm not saying I'm Oprah. You know, I got a little something going on over here. Lately, you've named more of these stops, but as recent as last year, you said you didn't want to name a place you loved. How do you decide or are you just an erratic redhead? Yeah, I'm an erratic redhead. Yeah, I, you know, I say things that I'm gonna do and then I don't do them. And then I say things I'm not gonna do and then I don't do them and then I say things I'm not gonna do and then I do it.

You know where I'm from that's called being human clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap commercial hit show right there. I saw recently somebody famous said that they were leaving this country because a certain host of a certain reality show with a certain comb over became president. And then they said they were moving to this country that as far as I know has like 90% income tax or something fucking insane. In my whole life, I saw like the rock stars like moving away from there. George Harrison, England, right? Are they still doing that? I just don't understand why, why, okay.

You want to move to another country? Go ahead. But like, why don't you just go to Montreal? They speak English and French. Fucking people are cool, you know? I don't know. You're north. Maybe global warming won't get as hot as quick.

Maybe some polar bears will come down and fucking eat your friend, but who knows? I don't know. I don't know where to move. But I don't think I would move someplace where it's it's like you know fish in newspapers and 90% income tax I just I just don't know about that move all right female listener here hello oh one of the ladies wrote in this is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy

because of what she ate. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. So this was, this guy wrote in and he was talking about how he would go on dates, you know, he loves his girlfriend and all that, he would go on dates and then she would, I don't know where, just accuse him of eye fucking every girl in the room. So then this woman wrote back said, listen, you know, it could be that you are doing that, but if you aren't doing that, just pay attention to what she ate. Because she found out she was whatever lactose intolerant was affecting her mood, her period cycle and all of this shit. because she found out she was whatever, lactose intolerant, it was affecting her mood, her period cycle and all of this shit. So in other words, she put some of it on the woman.

So this is the person responding to that. This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate. First, let me say, I was initially happy that a woman wrote in because it was about time. Well, what the fuck was stopping you? I just don't understand. Women just fucking play the victim.

It's like there's nothing stopping you from doing this. There's nothing stopping you from going to a WNBA game and supporting them and selling the fucking place out so they can make what guys make to play basketball. There's nothing stopping you, except your own fucking, whatever the fuck is going on in your ear, between your ears. Anyway, it quickly turned into disappointment. This lady really wrote in to excuse her crazy behavior,

exclamation point. Oh boy. These ladies, I mean, they just, all they do is fucking argue with each other. Here we go. The lady wrote in, she said some things and then like this lady doesn't even know this lady. Now she's gonna say, now she knows. Exclamation points that she's yelling this stuff. You know it just breaks my heart as a man and as a male feminist to see you women just going back and forth like this on

the podcast. I'm kidding. All right. She really, she's really trying to convince people that she's crazy because she eats food. LOL. Then go on to blame it on hormones. So which one is it? Your hormones or your stomach? Hey, I yelled at my boyfriend because I ate bread.

Crazy behavior for sure. All right. So she's not buying it. I thought she was saying that it could be this, it could be that, it could be all of that. But I like, I actually like what you're saying. You're like, no, you're just fucking crazy. It has nothing to do with the bread. She goes, anyway, love your podcast and you're hilarious.

I saw you at the Magic Castle during COVID and we all needed that laugh. Oh yeah, out in the parking lot. I love those gigs. I was in my car cracking up. Okay, bye. All right, well stop fucking playing the victim ladies. Write in whenever you want.

I love hearing from you dumb horse. I don't feel, you know. Listen, you wouldn't know this, but I actually love women individually. You know, I like shooting the shit with them or whatever talking about life here in their perspective. It's just when they all get together and start talking and the voices get louder and it, you know, I got tinnitus. So I just, you know, it has nothing to do with you.

It has to do with my bad ears. They just start fucking ringing. Underrated California town. Oh, I love this one. Dear Bill Boletnikov, one of my favorite wide receivers of all time, Fred Boletnikov, number 25 with the ripped jerseys, ripped jersey and the fucking quarterback face mask. Said, I figured it was a good time to bring this up

as you are currently on your small town California tour in places people who aren't from here probably haven't heard of. Well, having said that, you know, all of them had a couple hundred thousand people as a population. So it wasn't like, you know, a little 20,000 person town.

A town you should definitely check out and maybe stop by to do a show like, you know, a little 20,000 person town. A town you should definitely check out and maybe stop by to do a show is Chico, California. I have some bias being from here, but having traveled a decent amount and lived in four different states, I have discovered how great a town it is. Well, where is it? Some quick Chico bullet points for you. My god, do you remember when What's Jesse the Body Ventura used to call Tito Santana? He goes, I don't know about this Chico Santana.

Just fucking... Anyway, Sierra Nevada. Brewery. Started here. Nice. In 1980...ah, you gotta do that on my fucking sober birthday! I'm not sober. I just quit drinking. I am not sober. You gotta do that on my fucking sober birthday. I'm not sober, I just quit drinking, I am not sober. In 1987, Playboy Magazine rated Chico State as the number one party school, as well as recent best college bar in the country winner,

rated by Barstool Sports. All right, Aaron Rodgers went to high school here. Look at this shit. Upper and lower Bidwell Park are gorgeous. Very walkable, bikeable town with great food and a great downtown. This sounds like something I could bring my wife to, man. This is amazing. I can give you recommendations on if you ever visit Mexican food that competes with and top some of Southern California spots.

I currently live in San Diego. Thanks and let's go Raiders. All right, well let's fucking see where this place is. Can I open my Google Maps? All right, turn off the fucking airplane thing, which means somebody's going to immediately fucking call me and I'm going to have to edit this fucking thing together. Hang on a second.

What do we got here? Chico, California, C-H-I-C-O. Chico, California is... Holy shit, that's way the fuck up there. That is north of Sacramento. And then you got Reading and then Eureka. Then I could come down and do Santa Rosa. Well, you know what's funny you say that I was gonna tell my my agent there that

I wanted to do Northern California. I mean, I got to do the rest of the 99 now. I went all the way up there. See some of these way up there. See some of these towns up here. Lodi, get a Lodi this place, sorry. Cortland, Lincoln, Plumas Lake, Yuba City. There's Chico, and then you go to the west and there's Eureka, you know?

Which I wanted to go to until I got Netflix and they told me it was Murder Mountain. You know what's weird? I get, it was that all over weed? Can you imagine getting fucking killed in a bad drug deal over weed? I always felt it had to be more serious drugs. Like Coke or heroin. Something like that. Just weed kind of like, hey man, like, what you doing over there is not groovy, man.

What do I know about that world? Evidently, nothing. Alright. Where am I? 42 minutes in. 42. Oh, let's take a little side note here um what do i do here rest in peace chuck woolery um chuck woolery they don't make him like that anymore that was a fucking man's man he was just what you wanted to look like that That full head of hair, that strong jaw, he had the Rolex presidential. And he would just sit there, I used to talk to him with a buddy of mine, he just didn't have a care in the world. He was fucking good looking, he knew it.

The original host of the Wheel of Fortune, then he did Love Connection. And all the ladies loved him. All the ladies loved him. All the ladies loved him. He fucking dressed good. They knew he smelled good. He was just fucking crushing it. Chuck Willery. That was it.

I'll tell you something. Chuck Willery, Chris Christopherson. Who else passed this year? These guys were like just bigger than life when I was a kid. Oh, you know what? And then like, I've been watching some Cohen brother movies and I watched, what was it? In Cold Blood. I gotta get these names right.

I should have done this before I got it. I'm so fucking disorganized. Well, whatever. You know what I mean? I just sort of wing this thing. What do you want from me? I don't know. Bill, little fucking preparation. In cold blood cast. You gotta see it. It's on the Criterion Channel, or as I call it, Smart Netflix. Hey, no disrespect. There we go. Let's see what we got here. In cold blood cast. Oh no, not in cold blood. What am I talking about? Blood simple. Jesus Christ,

I'm getting them confused here. Blood, some cinephile was screaming at his device here blood simple Cast you got to see that one M Emmett Walsh Recently passed away was amazing and everyone was amazing in that movie passed away was amazing and everyone was amazing in that movie and the suspense that they created was fantastic and then I saw a movie for whatever reason I never wanted to watch it it just didn't appeal to me and I actually sat down and watched it I watched Barton Fink John Goodman John Titoro are amazing and Michael Lerner who got nominated for best supporting, was so fucking incredible in that movie.

And he also recently passed away. Shout out to them. But if you go on the Criterion channel, AKA Smart Netflix, they got all of these Coen brother movies up there. And I don't know, you know, when I was talking about earlier about having an app about what year you'd want to live in or what era you'd want to live in, I actually

that's kind of the way that I sort of stay you know back where I feel like I belonged more is I just go back and I watch those old movies and I gotta be honest with you man I don't think the Coen brothers get brought up enough and I'm not gonna fucking start an argument here But there's certain directors when they talk about the greatest American directors get brought up and I don't you know

if the Coen brothers are brought up, they usually brought up fourth or fifth and now that I'm watching a brought up, they usually brought up fourth or fifth. And now that I'm watching a lot of these movies that I hadn't seen before, like The Man Who Wasn't There, Barton Fink and all of that, and it's just like their range. To be able to do go from Blood Simple, their next movie, then being Raising Arizona. If you're a young person, you've never seen any either one of those movies, you're not gonna regret it. Unless you've just been death scrolling your whole life and watching free porn and you have the attention span of a fucking squirrel, then you're probably gonna think

that the Blood Simple starts slow. I'm telling you, it's fucking incredible movie. And then Raising Arizona to this day is still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. And the actors that they work with have the versatility of the material that the Coen brothers are writing like John Goodman like what do you want him to do do you want him to be fucking fall on the floor fucking hilarious or do you want him to play a serial killer he can

do that too like that just the level of acting in it is is in those movies is incredible. So I got a slow week as everybody does, hopefully, unless you're working for one of these fucking heartless box stores. You got a slow week this week. Check out the Criterion channel and watch one of those movies. I'm going to watch a couple more this week. I think I'm going to watch Hutsud sucker proxy, which I never saw and Then I think they had one called a simple man or something

I never saw that one and just sort of fill in the gaps of a few true grit. I never saw and No country for old men is the reason why I ended up getting my old 68 f100 because I was trying to figure out the classic car I wanted to get and I just felt like baby boomers had sort of worn out all of those Muscle cars they all had them, you know So and I was always a truck guy and then I saw that that open and seen where all those guys were dead in the And there was all these late 70s to like 1980 Ford trucks And I was like, you know an old fucking Ford truck the short bed all these late 70s to like 1980 Ford trucks.

And I was like, you know, an old fucking Ford truck, the short bed, that could be all right. And that's how I ended up with my truck because of the Cohen brothers. All right, what do we got here? Let me go back. Let me go back. Let me go back to the questions here.

To name or not name, female listener here, I did that one. Billy Bullitt-Niclop. All right, the last one here. Jimmy Chamberlain drums. Dear Billy, snare roll. I'm curious what you think about Jimmy Chamberlain, the drummer from Smashing Pumpkins. He's one of my favorite drummers from the 90s. Everybody I know who knows anything about music says this guy's one of the great drummers

of his generation. I unfortunately, when the Smashing Pumpkins came out, I'm really behind on all the grunge shit. All I can say is that I feel like as much as I resented that music, because it knocked all my hair metal bands off the fucking top 10, man, on MTV, I had started comedy and stuff and I didn't listen to it. But when I go back and listen to it, it like holds up. You know, I got into Alice in Chains and Soundgarden.

I loved the two of those bands, but like, there were so many new bands coming out. And then Green Day, I got into Alice in Chains and Soundgarden. I loved the two of those bands, but like, I, there was so many new bands coming out and then Green Day, I got into them. And, you know, I was just, I was lost in my career. So I've watched clips of him on the internet and stuff like that and looked at some of his drum parts and stuff. I think, you know, from what I've seen, I agree with everybody that he's fucking amazing, but I'm not going to sit here and act like I am familiar with the Smashing Pumpkins catalog. You know, I don't know, I was like 26, 27 when that shit came out and I was sliding into 30 and I was a fucking loser man, so I had to like I

Had to get shit going. I didn't have time to go to concerts. Anyway, he's one of my favorite drummers and he plays in a rock band He has a lot of jazz influence. For example, he often keeps time with the hi-hat. It's a unique feature for a rock drummer John Bonham Thanks and go double floor Tom, like Bonham yourself. All right, I don't wanna start some shit here, but, all right, how do I talk around this? Sorry, had a little drink of water there. Now, there's a certain drummer when I was growing up that everybody told me was

a fucking great drummer. And I would listen to him. He was a great drummer, but the level of the where they put this guy. I was just like, I just don't fucking hear it, man. I'm not fucking hearing this. Fuck it, I'll'll fucking say Ginger Baker. And everybody's like, oh man, this guy, you know, fucking Bonham was nowhere near, like Bonham was nowhere near this guy? What the fuck? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't think Ginger

Baker is anywhere near John Bonham. And at one time, late in his life, I watched him play a solo and I was like, oh, wow, all right, I get that all that poly rhythm stuff and all that. Okay, maybe it's maybe it's my fucking ears. You know, I'm just a fucking comedian, right? What do I know about drumming? These musicians are saying, you know, this guy's that great. So and I stumbled upon this thing where Ginger Baker had a drum battle with Elvin Jones. Okay? And that was Ginger Baker's thing. I think he was like, I'm really a jazz drummer, right? And he was talking all of this stuff about how fucking great he was and all of this shit, right? That's what I didn't like about him. He's always fucking running his yap about that shit. You know, it's like, dude, if you're fucking great, people are gonna say it. Like, why, why, what are you, what are you doing, right? So anyways, he

has this drum battle with Elvin Jones. And Elvin Jones, from what I can tell and what I've read, eventually, basically agreed to have this drum battle with him. Not because Ginger Baker was anywhere near the level of drummer that Elvin was. It was because rock stars had the fame that jazz musicians used to have. So he agrees to have this thing so he can get some of Ginger Baker's cream blind faith fame. That spotlight shined on him and then Ginger Baker wants to have that battle with him so he can get the fucking credibility that I had a drum battle with Elvin Jones.

You know? And also from what I've read, I feel like he felt like he was in Elvin's league. So anyway, I came across this quote where Elvin Jones was talking about Ginger Baker. The first thing he did was he talked about Keith Moon and his quote about Keith Moon, he said, that man is a drummer and after having a drum battle with Ginger Baker he just laughed and said something like he needs to get in touch with NASA and they need to ship his ass to outer space because he was fucking delusional. Whatever I can have a strong opinion about a fucking dead ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha keeps their mouth shut because hey you don't want to weigh in on that and blah blah blah blah and then the press just picks it up and then they think it's

fucking true. It's a strange thing but I saw when I saw that quote I was so fucking happy because for my whole life I was just going dude is it me like in the white room and he just goes down the toms I'm like this is this is a guy? Dun dun dun dun dun. Dude, he plays the beat backwards. Yeah, and it doesn't sound good. He's playing like this tribal thing. I get it, I get it. All right.

Yeah. I mean, that's one way to do it. I'm not going like, whoa, what the fuck? All of those James Brown drummers were fucking better than he was. I don't know what the fuck? All of those James Brown drummers were fucking better than he was. I don't know what the fuck be I don't know I don't know what it was. I don't know. That's just my fuck. All right, started a debate. Somebody. Somebody convinced me because I got Elvin Jones agreeing with me. Look, I usually I never do that shit. And now I don't know, I'm getting older. I don't look at I'm fucking shitting on the NFL. I'm fucking I'm old Billy hot takes this

week. All right, I'm not saying he's a bad fucking drummer. I'm just talking like if he was half as good as he said he was, I wouldn't be scratching my head. Because I would rather mean, John Bonham is just infinitely a better drummer than Ginger Baker. And I'll tell you why you can fucking take away all the fucking music just play what John Bonham played. And someone who doesn't even play an instrument knows what song it is by the fucking drums. I don't think you can do that with like gingerbread. I just don't.

My own opinion. Oh, there's gonna be some baby boomers coming after me. Dude, I saw cream in fucking 1960s, fucking ate at the tea party in Boston. Girlfriend is a nymphomaniac. Hey Billy, greetings from your motherland, Ireland. I got a lot of mothers over there. I am a fucking mutt. I have a strange problem.

I was hoping you could get your insight on. I can already tell you what to do. Don't fall in love with her. You're not going to fix her. This is something she needs to work on or figure out, and this is above my pay grade to work on or figure out and this is above my pay grade. But enjoy yourself. All right there Freckles. All right. I recently met the perfect woman for me smart, beautiful and all that good stuff. I never jumped into

a relationship so big so so never jumped into a relationship. So this is a big step for me. And nearly everything is going well. The only issue she wants to have sex all capitals all the time. Oh I got the hiccups. Oh oh Billy Road gas had too many breakfast burritos out there. Um in all sorts of places etc. I told my guy friends why would you do that? You know one of your guy friends, why would you do that? One of your guy friends is going to be a dirt bag and try to catch her at the post office. Anyway, I told my guy friends, but obviously they just laugh and make jokes. They even shared it with the bartender and regulars down at our local pub so everyone could crack more jokes. Why did you do that? Typical Irish banter, but not the stuff you want the public to hear about your girl.

Well, what the fuck did you open your yap for? Oh my God. What if you marry this woman? She's the mother of your kids and you fucking tell everybody how much she loves jumping on your cock. You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any, no, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. That's what wouldn't. No, I wouldn't.

That's what you think when you're in like your 20s when you want to fuck all the time. But as you get older, you know, it's just like, you know, it's like anything. You like ice cream? You want some more ice cream? Here's some more ice cream. You want some more? I got a fucking headache. You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any man, but it's getting out of control. She wanted to fuck on the pier. Harbor the other night. So we did it, and during the act, a huge freezing cold Atlantic wave smashed over us. Did she have an orgasm?

When we were doing it against the wall, destroyed our phones and almost swept us into the water. I haven't stopped sneezing since. Well, you were in your birthday suit there buddy. I would have killed to hear your fucking Irish accent then. Jeej, you fucking cunt. Then she wanted to bang on her indoor exercise bike because she thought the angle might be good but it looked so looks so stupid I had to turn off the light during it. She even wanted to do it

during a trip to the zoo so we went away off the public footpath to an outdoor shack. So little Larry Limnick and his fucking nice cold fucking cock from the Atlantic Ocean he goes down to the pub. I'm in a family business where I deal with the public in a small rural coastal Catholic village so if we were ever to get caught the consequences could be detrimental to our business but I'm also worried she'll get bored if I don't keep delivering. I don't feel

comfortable introducing toys but my dick is getting too sore so I'm considering it. Even my work and side hustles have regressed so all this sex is affecting my finances. What would be your or Nia's advice or even your listeners in dealing with the problematic hypersexuality? I mean you got to talk to her about it You know Just say look at my dick it looks like it has a cold go fucking red All Jimmy O'Toole's about ready to fall off me fucking ball bag Yeah, you got to sit down and talk to her.

And it's, I don't but I don't know, it's kind of hard because you did it. Just say like, listen, I love you. You're fucking great and everything. And I've been trying to keep up with you sexually, but you wore me out. I'm out of jizz. All right? I go places mentally. I never went during sex. I'm just fucking... You somehow turned fucking into a dead-end cubicle job. Like, I don't know what to tell you. All right, these are all jokes. You just have to sit down. Um, I would ask the advice of a professional Um, try not to tell her her name because even that pro might try to go out and bang her and uh, this is the thing um Where it stands right now is this isn't working for you and it's not going to work for you in the long run And I would think eventually

You know And I would think eventually, you know, she's going to bang someone else or, you know, you're going to have to walk around your house in rubber gloves because you don't know if she fucking used a vibrator on the toaster or whatever. So I would, yeah, I would talk to a professional, find out more about why this would be, and then what's the right way to approach it, and then see what she says. Or I, yeah, I mean, I don't know, I don't, I don't know what to do about. Like, it's always hard when, no pun when like you fucking when the woman has the problem You know

Because they're not like men we can just be like yeah listen you're doing this and it's it's You know what the fuck's going on with you. You can't You can't fucking do that with them. It was like, huh? You think fucking on top of the washroom you see was bad? I thought you were enjoying it! Right, then they do all that shit. I don't know. I'll be honest with you, uh, as a 56-year-old, I don't envy any of this situation. This actually sounds literally like a fucking nightmare. This actually sounds literally like a fucking nightmare. So this is above my pay grade. I would go talk to a professional.

And then secondly, the advice that I would give you is don't be afraid to get out of this. Okay, that goes for everybody listening to this. If you're not happy in a fucking situation, you sit down and you talk to them and they fucking try to turn around on you. That's you guys. All right, I get it I get it Yeah, this isn't gonna work out and then fuck them and then walk away and then walk away All right There's plenty of beautiful super smart women who don't want to fuck in front of a bunch of monkeys at a zoo All right. There you go. Well, that's the podcast everybody

Enjoy your oh, it's the holiday season dooby-dooby-doo It's fucking Thanksgiving Listen, here's one for you. It's Thanksgiving. Don't talk about politics or religion Don't do it because people are you want to about hyper sexualized or whatever. What about hyper politicized? Like the nymphomaniacs of fucking talking about politics, you know Hey, can you pass the gravy? Well, we won't be able to do that after January 20th, you know And then there's a big fucking argument Just don't do that, you know, I

Would just sit there and you know, somebody tries to bring it up to what you do is you do the classic I And you know, somebody tries to bring it up to what you do is you do the classic. I call it the the white person neutral face, you purse your lips and you put your eyebrows up and then you look elsewhere. Oh, you sort of nod like, okay, you said that if that's you know, if that's what you're thinking, you know, just have that be your own goal. You know what I mean? I am not going to get involved in your fucking Joe Biden, Kamala, Donald Trump fucking bullshit. All right?

Unless you're going to sit at the fucking goddamn Thanksgiving table and talk about killing heads of corporation and bankers, I don't want to talk to you. All right. That's the podcast everybody. Enjoy your week, happy Thanksgiving, and I'll talk to you later. Go fuck yourselves. And we're brought to you by Airbnb.

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