Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 11-27-23

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Bill rambles about car shows, ripping coffee, shampoo. SODA: https://youtu.be/wfSj2MnfTZo?si=m6AoukgIaqFig6I8 Stamps.com:  Sign up with promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts.  Just go to Stamps dot com  

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday. November 27th, 2022. What's 23? Sorry, 23. I've been fucking that up all year. I mean, Jesus Christ, by the time I realize it's 23, it's gonna be 24. That's gonna be a great Boston year. Oh my God, can you believe it's 2020, Fowa? Do you know those people in Massachusetts say, say, Fowa. F-O-U-W-A-H, Fowa. How old's your niece? Oh my God, she's already Fowa. How old is your niece?

Oh my God, she's already Fowa. You want to get a pizza? Oh, why do I always do that? You know, because I miss it back there, but I will tell you, I absolutely love Los Angeles, especially this time of year, when it gets cold out and the Santa Ana wins. Come blowing in from across the desert blowing out all the homeless vets that you cheered at a football game and then they lived under a bridge too close to your fucking house, but who buddy, but I

would do. And you called your local politician and said, get him the fuck outta here, but he didn't do do do do. They never talk about the back end of the military career, you know. After the NFL charges them for a commercial, we all are Thank you very much, I'm sorry, but that's shit when they're homeless. Where are we? Huh? Driving by with your fucking Yeti hanging out the window because you Your your personal trainer told you to drink more water

To flush the fucking Botox out of your ass that your head bleached Is that what we're doing out here? to flush the fucking Botox out of your ass that your head bleached. Is that what we're doing out here? Yes, we are, but it's also, it's a great time here. It's a great time of year to be out here. My tour is done and I went to the cash show today. You know, it's funny. The NFL, the amount of games the NFL had spread out this weekend. Really fucking pissed me off.

It just really fucking pissed me off, okay? Football's for Sunday. You got Monday night. No, that we got fucking Thursday. And you're trying to take Friday. So I got the hiccups. I just had some leftover Thanksgiving for the, let's see, Friday, Saturday, Sunday,

third day in a row, and then I throw it out Monday. My wife's fucking hovering over me going, I don't know, that was made on like Thursday. I'm like, it's Thursday, it's fine, it's fine. All right, stop hovering over this masterpiece. All right, I got the mashed potatoes right next to the stuffing mashed potatoes go on top of the stuffing gravy goes over the top because they both take it well next to it is I have the cranberries the cranberries are in between the turkey and the side dishes, okay? Mac and cheese is on the other side of the stuffing in the gravy

Then you got your greens coming around to meet the fucking turkey and then you got your piece of bread or whatever the fuck you want in the middle. Okay, I have a system, this isn't my first fucking rodeo. Okay. Anyway, yeah, the fucking NFL. It's like, what are you doing to me? You're gonna have three fucking games on Thursday. You can have one on Friday. You're gonna have the rest of the games on Sunday and then one more on Thursday. You can have one on Friday. You can have the rest of the games on Sunday and then one more on Monday.

It's like I'd like to see my kids grow up. Can you put the crack pipe down for a fucking day? And in between that, in between that, we had college football, the biggest games of the regular season. football the biggest games of the regular season. This weekend, I mean Jesus Christ, I'm lucky I still know my fucking name. Now they old me, the old Billy old Billy whiskers, right, the younger me. Billy whiskers, I like that. The young, I'm on one. I'm fucking on one. Four days of Thanksgiving, feeling good.

They old me, I would have fucking sat there and barely paid attention to relatives and I would have fucking sat through three fucking games. Fuck you NFL. I'm not fucking watching three football games on Thanksgiving. Jesus, fucking Christ, give me one good fucking game. I don't need to watch. I'm not, you're taking my whole fucking day, you cunts. Try to take my whole fucking week.

You know what they are? The NFL and the fucking NBA, they like that fucking woman that wants all your time. It can't accept the fact that you got friends that you wanna hang out with one night on the weekend. You hangin' on your friends more on night, but we scheduled a double-hatter on Friday. Yeah, fuck you bitch, I'm not watching it. I'm not missing my kids growing up because you're gonna fucking, you got 32 fucking teams and you're gonna spread them all out.

Right? Like one of those mentally ill geniuses, you know, they can't fucking hold down a job but they can do the math, you know, that figures out how to do something. I don't know, too stupid to do the right thing. Beautiful mind. At least that's what Hollywood taught me.

There's people out there that are special and they have beautiful minds. And Hollywood loves to make movies about them. You know, beautiful minds that play pianos, that figure out physics, that fucking count matches and fucking Las Vegas. They've been doing it forever. It's a well worn, it's literally a genre.

You know, to make you stop and think, the Hollywood wants you to stop and think about how you treat people with special needs. While they're out here and they're infinity pools with barely legal women with fucking blow and whatever AI technology. Who the fuck are you to make a movie that I'm supposed to learn something from? Why don't you watch your own fucking movies?

How do you ever think of doing that? I'm not my favorite things in the world. The Hollywood lecture. Oh, by all means, Hollywood sports integrated 70 fucking years ago. Hollywood still looks like baseball in like 1962. Um. Oh.

Every award season, someone's gonna go up there and give the, all the other states a lecture. Anyway, yeah, so I just decided today, like I watched a football game on Thanksgiving. I watched the second half of the Lions and the Bears, and then I watched the dolphins, was it Jets game, whatever the fuck they they but I can't even keep track of it It's too much for me. All right

And then on say I watched a Hail to the victors valiant hail to the copper Rose hail hail to miss you get you. Oh, hi, yo state. I watched the Michigan Wolverines win the game. I would not say that they they kicked their ass. They did not. I would say I was very impressed with the quarterback of Ohio State. And I was underwhelmed with the corners on Michigan.

And I know they had a couple of picks, you know, one was the end when he had a force to make a play. So, you know, that's a mulligan. They had one fucking pick, but I, you know, dropped another one. And Jesus Christ, how many fucking times did they get burned deep in that game? That was a little a little unsettling. So, I'm happy, but I am happy they'd be at three years in a row. All right, nothing to fucking brag about. Oh, how state beat us seven times in a fucking row. So, you know, and I've been so busy this year, I didn't even realize LSU was having a great fucking year in their quarterbacks, like a high-spin trophy winner. You know why that is? You know why that is, guys? I guess maybe I'm working too much. Maybe I'm trying to be too involved as a father.

You know what people do that? Oh, you know, you're excited about, oh, did you check out fuck over? No, I was at a soup kitchen ladling up broth for homeless people. No, Jesus, sorry. Okay, you know, even Jesus got a hooker on one day, right? Can I fucking, can I go see fast and the furious?

Part 12? Aren't I allowed to do that? What about my Thanksgiving? So anyway, I watched that game and I watched the fucking Alabama Auburn game and I'm telling you right now there is an unwritten fucking rule like back in the day if the Canadians were down back in the day when they were just, oh my god, it's the fucking Canadians, right? They just had to go on the power play. The officiating crew on a home game in the forum was required to put the Canadians on the power play to give them a chance to tie it up.

That's the kind of poll they had. Now, I'm not saying Alabama did any sort of fuckery. We all know that that happens in the springtime, right? When they run around the South with bags of cocaine, whores and fucking tea top corvettes, trying to get their fucking recruits. We all know that. Okay, there's no reason for Sabin to still have a fanny pack.

We know what's in it. No, there's like this unwritten fucking rule that Alabama cannot have two losses Like watching teams try to give Alabama their second loss of the year You know what that's like that was like me trying to beat up my older brother. The amount of times I had him beat, but psychologically he just had it over me and I would still fucking lose. And then I would think afterwards like, why did I keep fucking going? I should have brought the house instead I rushed to. Jesus fucking Christ.

They fucking stop him with three and a half minutes to go. They're fucking, what are they? Up by 10, are they up by seven or whatever? They kicked the ball back to him. The fucking kid gives a fair catch, falls on his ass and drops the ball. It gives Alabama the ball back. Now I'm not saying that if he didn't do that they would have won the fucking game Who knows they could have gone three and out only burned off, you know fucking 40 seconds off the clock

Alabama could have got it back about but So anyways, they drive down the fucking field they get a touchdown All right now operands only up by three they get the fucking ball back You know they get a couple of fur. I't know what the fuck happened. It's just all going together with Michigan's final drive, keep getting to those first downs and running the ball down their throats like fucking the big 10 football is. They fucking get, they ended up giving the ball back to Alabama. It's a third and goal. They take like a 20 yard fucking sack.

They're all the way back to like the 35 yard line or something. Final play of the game. What do they do? They rush to. The guys just stand it back there for like a half a minute long enough for the cops to trace a fucking phone call and then he finds this kid in the back of the fucking Enzo and I just burst it out laughing going like you just can't do it It's illegal although I will tell you who's gonna give them damn check it wrong. Should we give them goddamn George the Moldos? That's gonna be a fucking game Dan is gonna be a fucking game. I oh wait a minute. Are they not in that game? Are they in that game? I don't know how it works.

They sort of split the thing up. Like who goes to the fucking championship game? Is Alabama out in, are they the SEC West? I can't, I can't keep fucking track of it anymore. So anyway, so I did that on Saturday, so on Sunday. What am I gonna do now? Am I gonna fucking, oh, and by the way, I'm been watching a bunch of episodes

of Kojak, which my son loves, and my daughter doesn't like it. She doesn't like shows where people go to sleep and then they go to heaven. That's her way of saying dying, so I'm like, all right, I get that. When my son, he loves it, you know, this car is this fucking, good-looking women, you know. This gun's in shit, and shit, he loves it.

I'll tell you this, I gotta get the name of the actress on season five, episode one. Absolute stunner. She plays an undercover cop or whatever. I told you this shit, dude, she's a scene. She fucking, she's She fucking she's like She's a dancer and a model. So she's got this gorgeous body sick ass dress that she's wearing She comes out of the elevator. She walks by too porous and then gets into a silver

Ferrari Denali You know there's some gunplay too in the middle of that and there's a fucking AMC Pacer. And then next to that is like a fucking yellow station wagon. I sent the clip to Dean Del Rey goes, dude, did you see the chopper in the background and missed that? Like, Kojak, the fucking cars are just second to none.

So I've been watching all that. So today I decided, you know, I'd go to the car show and bring my daughter. I miss it every year and it was something. The last time I went to the car show, if you can believe it was like fucking 1982 or 83. I'm used to go to some sort of convention center, you know. I remember we just try to talk my dad into buying like a van. This is how long ago, like when custom vans were out, this things were fucking sick, right? They had like, you know, it's a typical van, but then the vans were always just like, just shit on the inside, it was for like working people.

It was right when they started to make, was the beginning, I would say the van was sort of the first luxury SUV is when people started hooking up vans. So the regular hot rod people started doing it themselves and then he's fucking creeps, right? They had like two bucket seats and like a water bed in the back and then they would have like fucking carpet

going from the floor up the walls and the ceiling and all that lava lamp and all of that shit back there, you know? Or so the legend goes. So then after a while, you know, these things become cool. And then the big three decide to start making them. And I remember they had like this fucking like a Chevy, a Chevy one before they had that space age look in front end in the late 80s. It was sort of the square body front end. And it had like, I think, the two chairs up front, four captains chairs,

which was just the ultimate in luxury. I think the interior was velour, which were like, oh my God, it's so plush and fancy. And then in the back, away in the back was like a bench seat, and we begged my dad to buy that Why can't you just do this this would be fucking awesome Why do we always got to get a sensible car this doesn't make any sense that's why it's fucking awesome sensible car. This doesn't make any sense. That's why it's fucking awesome.

You know what one of the best things to buy is is when you're looking at buying something and then the person next to you is going, I mean, what are you going to do with that? I mean, that right there, you know you're buying some fucking cool shit. You got room for that? Don't you already have one of those, all of those questions? You know what that means in the United States of America? Buy it! Oh, just once. Just once. Can you buy the custom van so we can go to church With fucking smiles on a face while everyone looks at you like a deal and coke

um I get why my dad didn't buy that fucking thing I get it Oh man that thing was fucking sick and then Toyota had one folks wagon had one, you know We were pushing hard for the vans that year and I remember the last year I went to a car show. This how long ago it was the Pontiac Fierro came out and we were all like oh my god. It's so sporty, right? Then when these to call cars sporty, do you know when that came out right and around the catalytic converter, when all of a sudden an olds will be a cutless 442 had fucking 190 horsepower. Couldn't get out of its own fucking way, right?

But it still had the 442, I guess, 4 grand. The first four stood for 4 grand. Four tires. And two jerk offs is all you could put in it or a can't go up a hill. I think that's what 442 started to mean. four tires and two jerk offs is all you could put in it or a kick or up a hill. I think that's what four, four, two started to meet. As opposed to, I think it used to meet four barrel, four speed, posi rare rent.

There's sort of a debate about that. And as much as I'm a Ford guy, and as much as I like the Lincoln Continentals in the late 40s and that one from Ontarosh, I mean, Ontarosh kind of made it a little bit of a hacky car because it was such a hit show and then every like started looking at like It was the entourage car. It's like no, this is the car JFK get his fucking whacked in Okay, that's what this is Okay

This was a pimp car Back in the day pimp strove fucking things, gangsters drove these fucking things. Haven't said that. I love that car. And I thought it was the perfect car for fucking onto Russian. And I got to be honest with you, one of the last shows with the cool car. When I was growing up, every show, the guy, the lead had to have a cool fucking car and he had to have his own fucking car.

He couldn't have a car that was already on another series. He had to have your own unique car that said something like you knew who the fucking character was by the car that he pulled up in. Those days are gone because every car is gray, white, black. I don't know, occasionally there's a fucking red. I feel like colors are starting to come back. So anyway, I go to the, we go to the car show. And it was funny, man, like, Porsche wasn't there, BMW, Audi, all the fucking high end German shit wasn't there, Jaguar wasn't there.

It's just the fucking internet's just killing this shit. Like they used Mercedes, none of that shit was there, but they had all the Ford's and you know I'm a Ford guy, I fucking love the Ford's, you know, they had at least this fucking Ford merch, it's like why can't you just have the Ford logo? I don't need Ford built for top. I don't need Ford lightning. Just that blue and white fucking logo with the oval thing around it. Can't you just do that? Is that asking too much? Anyway, so we go in there and a couple of things they had that were fucking wild. They're going to have a baby raptor. So you know you got the raptor, right? Now they have the Ford Ranger.

They said a fuck the Ford Ranger, they got the Ford Ranger raptor. And then they had the Ford Bronco Raptor. And I was there with my daughter and Dean Del Rey, and there was this one that was just this sick fucking color It was sort of a gold and a brown, but they put all these weird stickers on it and shit and Dean was going I'd buy this and just Put heat to those stickers and take them off and no one know this a raptor until they looked at the fucking hood scoop and I was like That's a fucking cool idea. So they had that, they had a Mustang

that was a six-speed standard transmission. Then they had this sick one that was a Mustang GTD, I wanna say, 300 grand. And I'm sitting there going like, you're gonna find some fucking jerk off to pay 300 grand for a Mustang. You can buy a fucking Ford GT for that. You can buy a Ferrari for that.

What is this thing doing? He's like, it's a thousand horsepower. It's all carbon fiber and all of a bunch. It was basically a track car. I don't know how many of the things it could make, but out of all of those, you know, I'm not the biggest Mustang guy. I was when I was younger, but I like the,

what is it? Is it the, I always get confused. Is it the Ford Falcon or is it the Ford Fairline? It's the same Mustang chassis. It's the one the guy from Fast and Loud had, that he raced the mechanic, put the black hood on it, and they forgot to fucking bolt it down and it would fly in over that car. I like that one, but I will tell you, I'm a sucker for anything that's still standard transmission. I hate the fucking paddles, but anyways,

we checked those out, those were cool, and then there's this new kind of car that my wife had actually ridden in when she had a gig in Miami, I think, and it was what's it called, Lucid. They're high-end one. Things are fucking sick. And they're all electric, so they're fast as shit and it has like the range is like 518 miles and they have a super fast charger all of that shit like there's a lot of like you know what's amazing is the amount of fucking misinformation about electric cars there's a video on fucking Instagram with a guy's like going this is a

solution gas can but look at that every charge is full and look at this line of electric cars these people can't go home is like 20 fucking cars it's like when a fuck is that when the fuck does that ever happen the fuck out of here it's the real deal you fucking buy a Tesla they give you a home charger and you just plug it in like your phone at night that That's it. And then you're good for the day, good, you're good for the day unless you're fucking driving, I don't know, to Albuquerque. Then yeah, you got a fucking pullover. Who gives a fuck? You still not paying for gas, the whole fucking way. It's, it's free. Yeah, it takes a little bit longer. It's not going to be

like that. It's just going to get. It's just gonna go faster and faster. And there's fucking bullshit about electric cars because I love a gas combustion engine. I can't get myself to buy an electric car. I like it, I ride my wife's car. It's just not, it's, I don't, I like hearing the engine. I just like hearing it, like hearing the sound of, you know, the fucking, the thing doing the job. I just, I like that the engine. I just like hearing it. I like hearing the sound of, you know,

the fucking, the thing doing the job. I just, I like that, right? The electric one of the speed is fucking amazing. You know, they don't leave any stains in the driveway. There's no grease, no nothing, nothing, no dripping, no nothing, right? I don't mind, I, you know, it's just not for me. But I wouldn't sit there and be like, you fucking stupid, fucking electric cars.

Like, and then also acting like there were no electric cars until now. It's like when they first started making cars, there were electric cars. They got to stop fucking saying that. These fucking idiots don't know what to talk about. The thing about them, and they're sitting there and nitpicking, they're making these videos

where they're pushing down on the dashboard of the Tesla and it's making all of these haunted house sounds and it's like they're just throwing those sound effects in there because what else are they gonna say about it? It can, no matter how fast your thousand horsepower thing is, you're not gonna be faster than a fucking electric car. So now they're just nitpicking. Like your ex-girlfriend,

when you're showing up with another hottie, you know? She doesn't look good in that dress. That's what the fuck gas company, and then what kills me is no one saying you can't have a gas combustion car. Nobody's saying that shit. That's it, all right. You'll be fine.

And I think whatever car you have will be grand. Even if they all of a sudden just said like, you have to, because of the fucking global warming, you gotta do this shit. I think if you have a gas combustion car, especially a classic, they're not gonna fuck with you. You'll be grand-fathered in.

Like, you know, they didn't just tell everybody they'd HL to wear a helmet. It was like after this year You have to fucking wear a helmet. That's how it went, you know, I don't know I think there'll still be a certain percentage of gas combustion cars on the on the road Like I that's never gonna go away It's too much a part and a really cool part of what makes this country awesome. It's people fucking working on their cars

and trying to figure out a way to make it a little faster, a little fucking cooler, a little lower, a little higher, all of that shit. So I don't think it's going anywhere. But if you're sitting there like, and you don't know shit about electric cars, do not believe any of this crap that they're saying about the,

they just turn on it and then they blow up and they burn down a house. It's all fucking, it's, that's coming from oil companies and people that don't sell fucking electric cars. But they're here, they're gonna be here. They're fast as shit. Sort of boring to look at. The Porsche one's cool. that don't sell fucking electric cars. But they're here, they're gonna be here, they're fastest shit, sort of boring to look at, the Porsche one's cool. I'll tell you that, that fucking check out that,

that lucid one, like the high end, Coup Man, looked fucking badass. It definitely looked like a man's car, it had a nice front end. That's my big thing with a lot of electric cars. I don't like the front ends, but like this one was cool. It had wrap around light. That look fucking cool. Like you wouldn't blade runner or some shit.

And I don't know why you'd have a problem with something that could have four fucking people in it in a trunk full of fucking groceries front and back and still be to Corvette off the line. I mean, that's fucking wild. It's kind of the best of both worlds. You get to buy the dad car and you still get to go fast. Maybe kill your whole family. I'm kind of concerned about that new Tesla. It goes 150 miles an hour.

It's a fucking missile. And like the amount of people that just suck at driving. I mean, that could be, I don't know. Why does it go 150 miles an hour? Hahaha. Anyway, so I saw the Ford Lightning. I finally got to sit in that truck. That thing was cool.

The front where the engine was, the whole other area where you can just put shit, which is fucking unreal. And then in there, listen to this shit, they had four three pronged outlets, and then these, and like two or three of those little ones for like iPads and your phone and shit. It's fucking unbelievable. They're saying that the truck, if you lose, you can actually use it as a generator to fucking put the lights on in your house for a couple two, three days. That's a pretty good truck, right?

I mean, I know, it doesn't make the noise and everything. Listen, I'm not, all I'm saying here is, stop hating on electric cars, all right? Stop buying this bullshit, that these pieces of shit that fucking burn down your house. They don't, all right? That's just people who don't like change or they're gonna to lose money if these things stick. They're here to stay. And if you like a gas combustion engine, just fucking buy that. You know, like, what is the fucking

problem? I kind of like them both, but like, I got to be honest with you. I definitely like the old school shit. So when we went downstairs, there was this whole custom area and that's where it had all like the low riders and that whole all of that shit and the fucking bikes and all of that whole latino culture and the fucking sick ass detail in the paint motorcycles. I saw this Harley that was detailed so ridiculously. And as I was like videoing it, it was sort of across the room. I was looking at this helmet and I was like, is that like a motorcycle helmet that looks like a Dodgers baseball hat? And I went up and that's what it was.

And I did take a picture of it, but the way they had the bikes and everything lit up, it really fucked with your phone, so it doesn't look good. It was like that thing alone, just the helmet, and the amount of time and effort that was taken on that was a work of art and like the level that Mexicans go when they paint a fucking car.

I mean, they detail the firewall under the hood, under the trunk. They don't fuck around. It's unbelievable. And some of them, it's like they got so many layers of paint. You feel like you could put your hand, like it looks like water. So my daughter was loving all of that stuff and the bicycles and all of that. And then some classic ones that you always see low riders like Impalas. And then interestingly enough, like those town cars from the early 90s, that was cool. And they had the trunks open and they had the whole system in the back that makes it go

up and down Which I don't even understand that was all fucking cool and then we went up and I went to the dark side I went to the Chevy area and I was like I don't want to go in here as a forward guy What if I like the fucking Silverado or whatever, but I checked out their trucks. They look cool I like the colors of some of them, but I'm just I don't know there's some's some about the interiors and the front grills, I just not into them, but I will say I love the square body Chevy's. And I like the early 60s ones where that generation, that sixth generation of the Ford F100, I'm not into.

I like the seventh generation, I like the 55 Ford, I like a 1944 Ford. Is this just going to be a fucking car podcast? I think it is. Anyway, so we did that. Let me do some reads here. Oh, Jesus, have a fucking hour on that shit. I haven't even got no wait. I haven't even gotten into what the fuck I wanted to talk about. So what did I just do here? Go back to that recording, it's still recording, all right. So I have been smoking cigars and drinking coffee like a fucking fiend, like I'm running a newspaper.

I feel like that's what they used to do. Like, come on, you gotta make the deadline! Another cup of coffee, and they just smoking since the end of July. And I was doing this great thing where I was like taking the first 10 days off of everything. So none of my vices would get out of control. But then what happened was in June, you know, me and my wife's birthdays are in the first two weeks.

So I was like, well, you know, let's just take, I'll do the 10 days at the end of the month, which of course I didn't do. And then July came, I started to do it, and then it was July fourth weekend, and then I didn't do that. Then August, we were on vacation, the first couple weeks of August, September, I was in Europe, and then October, I'm on a bus trip,

and I just fucking, somewhere in the end of July I just took the hand my hands off the wheel of my life as far as my vices which is basically cigars and coffee and I've been trying to stop but like I feel like my touring schedule and getting ready to promote all dads and all of that, I just had a lot on my mind and I just couldn't kind of stop the merry go round. So, thanks given night, my daughter came

and she went to sit next to me right after I smoked a cigar and she made a face and usually she goes, oh my god, that stopped smoking cigars. And she didn't. She just made the face and then didn't say anything. And I was like, I don't like that. She's used to me smelling like a fucking ash tray. So it was like, fuck this. I'm not smoking cigars. I've got to take a break, right? So then the next morning I woke up and we had a friend over, family friend, one of Nia's friends and I made her a cappuccino and then I was gonna make myself one.

I was like, you know what? Why don't I just not have coffee today? I know I'm gonna get a little bit of a headache. Let me just fucking shut that down too and just for today. All right, I'm not saying I'm not drinking coffee, just not gonna do it today. I know the head H's coming.

Let's just see how bad the headache is. Let's just see how addicted to caffeine I am. Oh my God, dude. Around one o'clock it started coming on and it was fine. But then by three o'clock it was like, what the, what is this, right? And from three to about I don't know five thirty six o'clock I had a pounding fucking headache and I was just

sitting there like just laying on the couch like wow how much fucking coffee have I been drinking that like 24 hours without it, this is what's happening. So, I made up my mind, I'm a stubborn fuck, so I just plowed through it. Neas hilarious. She's going like, what's the matter? What's the matter? And I'm like, I'm not drinking coffee today. I got a splitting headache.

She's like, well, go have a cup of coffee. Why would you do that to yourself? And I'm like, no, I just gotta do this. I need to like, I need to like, you know, I gotta get off the fucking merry go round here for a second. Gotta see where I'm at. So then she goes, well, at least drink a bunch of water. So I started doing that and I started feeling better and

It was amazing right you know it sucked that day but the next day I woke up, you know I felt good and I had no desire to drink coffee so I said fucking I'm gonna drink coffee. I'm certainly not smoking a cigar and then I woke up today Sunday I said yeah, you know I'm not fucking doing shit. You know, all of a sudden now I'm like, you know what, I wanna get back into reading. I wanna get back into studying French. You know, I haven't stretched in a minute. I need to go to the gym, like, I need to take care of myself, like, what the fuck was I doing? I was on that, like, for those of you in the music business

or whatever you do, where you tour, you know, when you just sorta get into that, you know, it's like that fetal position where you're just, you're out there surviving, you know, and you got your little vices that kind of get you through, like, let me just, yeah, okay, what do I gotta do? All right, do they got caught? Let me just get a cup of coffee.

If I just get a cup of coffee, okay, they got an area where you can smoke with cigar and it's like fine. So, I let the whole thing just really get out of control, but fortunately, I'm not like a full-on fucking addict. I am a habit, guys. So I am able, in moments of, you know, seeing my daughter making a face and not pulling away, that registers with me. I go, I don't like that.

And I'm able to say, fuck this. But then I don't have to get a sponsor and go to I don't like that. And I'm able to say, fuck this. And but then I don't have to get a sponsor and go to meetings or anything like that. I'm somewhere, you know, let's say it's a spedometer, you know, when the car can go 120 miles an hour, as far as my addictive shit, I'm about an 80, I'm going about an 80, 85. I'm definitely getting a speed and ticket.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, you know, I had a splitting headache on Friday, on Saturday, I woke up and I was like, you know, I feel like I need the foam roller and I need to stretch all those airplane and bus miles off of me here. Let's turn this around. Flexibility was for shit.

But I definitely felt better, played a little bit of drums. And then I went, and then this morning I woke up and I felt good. You know, I stretched right when I woke up and made the kids breakfasts as I always do. And I knew I was going to the car show. I said, fuck this, I'm going to the gym. So I just said like a half hour in ell litigal, just get the blood flowing. And now I'm back. And I'm fucking reading again. I've been reading Reggie Watts,

wrote an autobiography about growing up in great falls and his whole journey to become one of the most, I don't know, just one of the most interesting people I've ever seen on stage. So I've been reading that and I'm still watching Kojak and shit, but like, you know, I gotta have something, right? But I sort of redefined my back porch. That was a place where I just had a fucking espresso and a cigar.

And I kept saying to myself, like, what do you want to do, Bill? You want to get better at smoking cigars and drinking coffee? You want to get better at French. You can be playing drums right now. And all of this shit. So anyway, that's where the fuck I'm at. So I'm going to try to, I don't know like, how long I'm going to go this time but um I mean I'd gotten it down to like two cups of coffee a day and have a capuchito in the morning and then in the afternoon Sorry to Italian people listening. I know I'm not supposed to have dairy after 11 in your world But I couldn't believe it so I was kind of like I need to like

That that fuck that needs to fucking simmer down there. It was not a healthy relationship, I have that level of a fucking headache. So, um, and then cigars have always been, I just need to go about five days. Five days, I don't give a fuck. Like, as far as like not doing it right now, like Friday and Saturday were easy. Today's the first day, like not doing it right now, like Friday and Saturday were easy. Today's the first day, I was kind of like, well, what am I going to do now? I came back from the car show, I usually at this point go out on the back porch, and I loved it. I'd smoke as a gardener, I always call my friends back east, get caught up and shit.

And I was just like, well, you know what you can do instead of wasting all that time fucking, you know, hurting yourself with your vices. Why don't you go record your podcasts and knock it out there? Well your son takes a nap, so that's what I'm doing. So anyway, oh Bill, you know, I'm just going to try to like take care of myself a little bit more. In this next year, that is what I would like to do. And speaking of taking care of you, oh, would you look who it is?

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just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone, and stop the homepage and enter Burr B-U-R-R. I got a buddy of mine for back in my junior high and high school days. He gives me the heads up. His call every week gambling is the Iowa Hawkeyes under. I was hanging with him in Vegas. The over under was 27 and a half and it came in. So he texts me before Saturday, he goes, look at the, look at the under for the Iowa over under. It was 25 and a half. It was the lowest under in college football history, I believe. And it came in. I think the final score was 13 to 10. Iowa over in the Nebraska Corn Huskers.

I mean, that's just fucking unbelievable. So there you go. Do with, do with that information what you will. All right. Now here we go. Oh look at this email. This is about the movie Leo Which has been killing my kids love it when when Leo gets all started goes Whatever that thing Sandler does is just fucking hilarious Turtle Whatever that thing Sandler does is just fucking hilarious. Turtle. Yeah, I play Squirtle with Turtle.

Hey Billy Shell Shock. Great job as the Turtle. Would love for them to leak your sound booth outtakes. Keep truck and go fuck yourself. They actually, I think Netflix put out a quick one on the day that I actually got in the booth with Adam, which was awesome and difficult trying not to laugh because he's fucking hilarious. He is effortlessly, effortlessly funny.

And had a good time with him, Robert Smigel, and everybody over there. So I've gotten so much positive feedback over that. I mean, I've had a nice little run here. Old dads did great. Leo's doing great, the club soda, Kenny. You guys keep watching that club soda, Kenny, and you keep sharing it. It gets enough views.

Someone's gonna put some money behind it. And you can see a movie starring club soda, Kenny. I mean, tell me the world doesn't need that. I think they do. And when we had the best fucking time shooting that thing, we had such a good time. I have a good time on everything that I do because I always, I work with, I work, you know,

don't believe all this shit that you hear about electric cars and don't believe all this shit you hear about Hollywood people. There's a lot of fucking cool ass people out here that are fun to work with. And I've been lucky enough to pretty much, you know? I've only worked with a couple of cunts. Other than that, everybody else has been aces. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

All right, shampoo's. Oh no, you're gonna ask me about shampoo's. Jesus Christ, what do I know about those? Huh? Maybe for my undercarriage. Yeah, geez. Shampoos. Bill, I've been reading about chemicals and products that do the opposite of what they're supposed to do. There are books on this that stem less from a

conspiratorial angle and more from the stem less from a conspiratorial angle and more from the designed obsolescence phenomenon of the last 50 to 60 years. Well look no further than fucking Apple. Apple sabotages their own products. In the history of like design obsolescence, I don't think the technology ever existed where the company you bought a product from could then, from a distance, fuck that product over so you'd have to come back and buy another one.

Shampoos have sulfates, parabens, chlorides, and a host of other chemicals. Some have a purpose. Okay, let's say you want to lessen the grease in your naturally greasy hair. You would use sulfates. Self-fates are used as engine degreasers. It bay aid in this one area,

is usually say may, it may aid in this one area. Okay, but ultimately, cause is you to lose or thin your hair out As they say in the medical community there is no free lunch Johnson and Johnson and other companies own both the shampoo Condition of products that cause these things and also their hair treatment products as well Suspect yet effective business plan guys. this is this is why I'm telling you blue ties and red ties. They're not watching any of these people. Can you imagine going

out there and deliberately making somebody go fucking bald? Wait a minute. What shampoo did I use? Maybe you shouldn't have spent so many nights all there is washing your head in the kitchen sink. Did you get those fucking nails going? You'd be like covering your eyes because the other soap would go in your eyes. It would hurt back then before they fucking practiced on all those rabbits. Yeah, that's how it was.

That was how it was in the 70s. Hand me down clothes. Wash your hair once a week. You went outside, you fucking ran around. A stick was a gun. It's a simpler fucking time. And you know what? A cleaner planet. Maybe, I don't know.

Probably not with the bad emissions back then. Diet, dear Billy Dixie check. About a week ago, you asked the advice on what diet actually works. I found out in March that I have tight two diabetes. It shocked me. I was five feet 10 and only 305 pounds. Anyway, I was eating like a dick for years plus it runs in the family.

I should have paid more attention to it more than I did. Well, type 2 is reversible, isn't it? I believe that's reversible. My mother has it as well, but was able to manage it by eating more protein. She still uses medication, though, to lower her blood sugars. I started to research what I could do, and I came across Dr. David Unwin, a GP, I guess, general practitioner practitioner in England. He had a few webinars on using a keto diet to control type two diabetes without any medication.

My doctor didn't prescribe me any medication. Initially, either to gauge where I was at when I first was monitoring my diet. Anyway, I went full keto apart from a serving of vegetables every day, for lunch it was basically carnivore. After three months, my HBA1, the measurement of sugar attached to red blood cells,

which was 9.2 was now down to 5.7, which is 0.1 above non-diabetic levels. Blood pressure and cholesterol has dropped to all to within normal levels. Oh, and I lost 50 pounds. Wow, good for you, man. Keep going. I'm still not taking any medication. And in fact, the doctor hasn't asked me back in again in about six months now.

I can eat a little bit of carbs now too because it works because how it works is removing fat around your organs, which puts pressure on them, making them not work properly. Still watching the diet and blood sugars though. Honestly, reading about it and other people's success stories with it, I thought it too good to be true, but it worked for me. Just thought I'd send you this before you get canceled. Good luck and go fuck yourself. Why would I get canceled?

Like I always said, my career is the punishment. Anybody who gets canceled and inevitably tries their hand at doing standup on the fucking road, which was, you know, wasn't offensive. It was just more sad to me. Like, wait a minute. I thought I was, I'm the bottom rung. Oh, I thought I was doing well.

All right, underrated everybody. Reading the instructions and living lean. Hey, Billy, I finally started reading instructions in my 30s. Yeah, I know. It just takes so much fucking patience, but it's never, it always goes better. It always goes better. It always goes better.

You know, when you're assembling something, you should read the whole fucking thing and then go back, because there's always one thing. Make sure that you did this, or that'll fuck this step up. If you just start assembling it, you know, it always goes wrong. All right, underrated, reading instructions and living lean. Hey, Bill, I finally started reading instructions in my 30s.

That's, you're like a prodigy. You only took you to your 30s to do that? Took me to my 50s. It's amazing what knowing how something works can do for your life. I even watched a few videos on the iPhone capabilities. No one knows exists that are useful. I've also taken your advice and stop

taking on more junk. I've thinned the herd of material possessions and I'm on my way to being a three guitar, one skateboard, laptop, phone, 10 of my favorite books and clothes for the seasons. I can move anywhere in one car trip. I feel invincible. Dude, that's amazing, man. Like, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, the amount of shit. That. I'm just looking around my office now. And I'll tell you what's funny is if you start doing well in life,

people ask you if you want stuff and you say no, and they still send it to you. And then you got to like try to, how do I get rid of this? I don't have room for this I had a buddy mine asked me he goes hey man. They got this new brewing zip up Dude, you want it? I said no dude. I have too much brewing shit. I just did comics come home They gave me more brewing stuff. I got to a broom shit He is all right cool. You fucking send it to me anyway And guess is best part.

It's the wrong size. So now I don't feel guilty. Cause I saw it. I was like, all right, he gave it to me. He gave me a nice card. I go, I gotta wear it. I gotta wear it. Plus, I love wearing sports shit

because Nia hates my sports shit. So he goes, you're too old to be wearing that stuff. If you look like a fucking gym coach, it's just like, you know, well, what the fuck do you got on? Cruella Deville, the fuck outta here. You're gonna say they keep, you know, dressing all fancy, I can dress like a fucking,

a fucking, Jim coach, oh my God, I thought the fucking M on my refrigerator came off. That was really gonna annoy me. Anyway, I, yeah, I have so much fucking shit. I got a little travel guitar. I have not used that fucking thing in forever. You know, I got this little fucking flight simulator, X-Playing 11 thing. Anybody going for their instrument rating? You want this fucking thing?

You can have it. I'll fucking ship it to you. Free a charge. Reach out to Andrew Thamelis. You, who wants to travel guitar? There we go. Just getting those couple of things out of here. I got all of these books, I'm getting rid of these books

because I'm never gonna fucking read them again. This is just a few that I love that I'm gonna keep. And then I'll have a place to put my records because my records are on the floor. Why did I buy all these fucking records? What am I a DJ? Am I quest love? Do I have a fucking gig I gotta do? No, I don't. And I got my little high five fucking radio killer fucking thing out here. Why do I have this? I never listen to this shit. I'm gonna listen to this when my kids move out and fucking 20 years, but I can't do it now. I can't be out here in the garage.

All of my shit is in the fucking garage. Which makes sense because if it didn't, my house would be weird. Yeah. Just a shit I have on the fucking walls. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha years old? Yes, yes I am. Anyway, so still have a slight fucking headache. I'm not a mighty dude, I was fucking crushing coffee. On bad days I would have like three cappuccinos. On really bad days, three cappuccinos and a double espresso.

I know, you guys are all going, dude, what the fuck? It's just like, you know what it is? I don't have anything else. Like, I don't know what to do when I'm sitting with other people. I need something to do. And I started with other people. I need something to do. And I started thinking, why do I need something to do? I have something to do.

Go to bed. Or just fucking sit there and drink a water. I think I was just like, used to drinking, you know? Fucking bend in the elbow, you know? So that became cigars and it became like fucking coffee. All right, you know what? I'm gonna keep my fucking hands down.

Hands down here for I don't know. I'm gonna go like 10 days. See how this works out and then maybe I'll go a little bit longer. Um, I Don't know. I will tell you I did not appreciate that fucking headache whatsoever. That information really let me know how fucking, because I definitely have people like, dude, you're freaking another one. If I was doing that, I couldn't go to sleep. It's like, dude, I'm a fucking ginger. I'm weird.

I can drink a double espresso and go to bed within an hour and sleep eight hours and not even have weird dreams. Sugar's a different thing. And I don't like fucking weed either. That does a thing right there, dude, fuck weed. Whatever it is now, you know, they talk, you know, I kid was talking about earlier what the fuck is in shampoo. Let me ask you a question, what the fuck

is in weed right now? Those stupid gummies, what are those crystals on it? Sugar? You put in sugar. You know something, sugar is for fucking pussy. Why do they gonna make everything taste good? They want it to be addictive is what it is, but like, you know, do you remember eating like pot brownies when you were younger? I mean, you tasted the fucking weed. You were like, God damn, it's like you're eating a shrub. You fucking tasted it. You're like, I am eating fucking marijuana. I mean marijuana, you know, you need a gummy.

It's like, I don't know what this is. Is this like fucking glue? Then they put that little bit of those crystals on it. Like I have no fucking idea what that stuff is. And then all these different strains like this one makes you creative. This one makes you fucking idea. What that stuff is. And then all these different strains like this one makes you creative. This one makes you fucking chill. This one's like let's get fucked up. Hey, we're gonna build a house on this one. It's just like we used to just be weed. So like are they doing what they are always do? Are they playing God now? Are they fucking with the DNA of the fucking marijuana plant? And at some point, you know, when some Monsanto group is gonna own all the fucking seeds

to weed and if you fucking are growing it, that's what's gonna be. We're in the golden age of being a weed farmer as far as like it's still you can be a private person and do it. I guarantee you pretty soon some corporations gonna come in and own all of it and it's gonna fucking suck.

And then you're gonna have to go to a farmers market to get the organic stuff man. And then half of that shit is gonna be the corporate shit that they weren't working their way in. Do you see that shit about those organic fucking products and those organic supermarkets you go in there? Like most of them are already mainstream brands and all they do is they take a couple

of ingredients out and then they're considered organic. Gee, I wondered how that happened. They paid off politicians, they have people in the FDA that used to work for them and they just pass it through and you think that you're getting away from their cancerous, horrible shit and they're still feeding it to you. You will eat our stuff. It's fucking unbelievable. It's unbelievable how out of control they are. And then they spend more time trying to figure out who's on steroids in baseball than they do what these fucking cons are feeding. Oh, I'm on a fucking stump.

All right, anyway, this is the podcast everybody. There are many like it, but this one is mine. This is the Monday morning podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. And I actually feel really good. Feel really good, man. I feel fucking like I slowed it down. Like I'm going to try to remember this the next time it gets out of control

because that's just who I am. What am I never going to smoke another cigar? Huh? What am I never going to go to Central America and do a hit for the FBI like I've been doing for these years? Now imagine if that I had that whole other side of me. You know, we're going to have you hide and plane sight as a stand-up comedian. I don't think I want to do that. No, just trust us. Just hang on. Well, right, it jokes. You just go out like the man cheering candidate and you just say the fucking jokes, okay?

Then once every five to six years, we're going to call you up and there's going to be another beautiful country in South America that we're going to go down and fuck with and try to take the natural resources. And then when they push back, we'll claim that they're anti-eminent. We'll figure it out, but we need you to go down. There's a guy down there that actually cares about his own people, and we would like you to go down there and eliminate him, because we can't have that. Anyway, all right, that's the podcast, everybody. Go fuck fuck yourselves and I will check in on you in a couple of days