Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 2-14-11

Episode Date: February 14, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about the Grammys, getting a flat tire, and sings a few songs.

If you haven't noticed this video don't forget to subscribe! Hey, what's going on? It is Bill Burr and it is the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 14th, 2011. Happy Valentine's Day! You bunch of fags! The fuck is wrong with you, huh? All you douchebags out there buying flowers and fucking candy at CVS. That is in love, huh? You bunch of fucking sheep. What are you doing?

The fuck is wrong with you? Somebody out of nowhere tells you this is the day you gotta go tell that fucking pain in the ass that you love her. What's she doing for you? Huh? Is she paying for dinner tonight? Did she have to go make reservations? What the fuck is she gonna do other than get ready? I got news for you, she's not doing a fucking thing. Alright, so why don't you save yourself some money, pick a fight with her today.

Alright? Anything she says to you, just be like, that's what this is what I'm talking about! And then just storm out. You know, and just let her leave 40 messages. You're not picking up and it's scaring me, okay? Just let's work it out. And just wait till tomorrow. There's plenty of reservations at fucking candy, 75% off.

Come on, people. Come on. Fellas, you're better than this. You're better than this. Don't get sucked into this stupid ass fucking holiday. I know what you're thinking, well, what are you gonna do? What the fuck? I'll tell you what the fuck I'm doing. I sat down, I had a nice mature conversation with my woman and I said, listen, this is fucking stupid. Alright, every restaurant's gonna be packed. You know, would you care for the heavily shagged off or $900?

Can I just grab your fucking waiter face and just shove it in something right? Whatever. You know what I'm saying. I actually worked it out with my girl this year, said listen, I'll take you out on the 15th. Alright, I'll take you to a nice fine restaurant where there'll be plenty of goddamn tables. You know, there won't be some sad fucking immigrant with flowers coming by with an accordion every five seconds. You know, she's taking the night off. We can sit there and actually enjoy the goddamn meal for, you know, only 30% markup as opposed to 200%.

What I'm trying to say, people, is if you want to find out if you're with someone who's cool, just see if they'll celebrate Valentine's Day on like the 16th or the 15th, you know? It's like Vegas. Go there right after the New Year when everybody's fucking broke. That's when you go. You get a hotel room for like seven bucks. Oh yeah, I'm telling you, go on fucking orbits. You think I'm lying to you?

Whatever. Wait, I hate this holiday, alright? I'm not a fan of love, so this holiday annoys to shit out of me. And you know, fans of my podcast should realize, do I flip out like this on Flag Day? I don't. I don't care if you have a flag. I don't have a problem with it. You know why?

Because there's no fucking social pressure for me to go out and get one. What kind of flag did he get you? Oh, he only got you that one? You know what that one means? Why don't you fucking shove it up your twat and dry it out? Why don't you do that? Oh, Jesus, Bill. Jesus.

You're going to get that dirty this early? Yes, I am. Listen, people, I have some new information for you that pertains to the podcast. I have a new email address from here on out. If you want your shit answered or read on my podcast. This is the email that you have to send it to. Bill at themmpodcast.com. All right.

Once again, Bill, B isn't Bill. I isn't ill. LL, Bill at themmpodcast.com. That's where you send it. And if you could help me out in the subject line, just write, you know, you know, like, is it racist, advice, overrated, underrated, just help me out a little bit. Could you guys, could you do that for me? For the love of God, could you lift your fucking fingers?

Put it on the goddamn keyboard and help me out just a little bit. You know, look at you. Look at you with your large iced coffee just sitting there waiting for the world to fucking help you out. Isn't it time you fucking helped me out? Please send all emails to bill at themmpodcast.com. Put the goddamn subject in the title, in the subject line, put the title. That's what the fuck I'm trying to say here. And by the way, I keep saying the official website of the Monday Morning Podcast.

And I think I always forget to say the. It's www.themmpodcast.com. If you'd like to follow along in your cubicle at work on a plane, whatever the fuck you want to do. So I'm actually doing this Sunday night. Once again, I'm going to put it up nice and early. So all my, my 17 fans in Great Britain and my two fans in the Scandinavian area will actually get it on Monday morning. So I don't have to listen to people fucking bitching at me. I just went to a, I went to a Grammys party.

Can you believe that? Happy me went to a Grammys party. I lasted an hour and 20 minutes and I watched the first little number there where they had the five whaling whores. You know, just screeching like a bunch of goddamn alley cats. Like how did, how did that become singing? It's like they are amazing singers. All right. The black chick who used to be the fat chick is now the skinny chick.

She's out there whaling, shaking her fucking weave around. Christina Aguilera with their fucking booze face, right? And her little fucking special, Hori Mike Stan. She's whaling away. Then they add it was at that Kathy Griffin looking chick, all of them. The old Whitney Houston looking broad. They dragged out all just hitting every note that they could possibly hit every 12 fucking seconds. They sounded like a bunch of fucking alley cats.

Whoa. Hey. Yeah. Oh, shut up. All of you. The fuck is wrong with you? Sing the goddamn song. You know, you fucking hold on to it and then you surprise people, then you unleash it.

Just get up there fucking screaming like someone's standing on your foot. That's not fucking singing. All five of them. Somebody just needed to sit them down. Oh, and then that that fucking emaciated one comes out. Lady Gaga, right? You know what? I can't stand.

I hate paint by numbers shock. I can't fucking stand it. And but it's a it's a it's a very smart career choice. She was she was on the red carpet and she fucking was in a what the fuck was she in? What is a proper medical ovary? What the fuck was she was in a womb? Her womb is so polluted. She was in a fucking womb.

Right. I mean, that is like fucking page one of stupid ass, like a stupid college student film from like 1963. That was like shocking when Jim Morrison first started shaving. All right. Jesus Christ, you show up and the fucking thing more used to be in that's supposed to be artistic and everybody's supposed to be, you know, and I'm going to tell you fucking right now. She's going to be around for 40 fucking years because people who do that shit. It's I don't know. What's what's she going to do next?

Is she going to show up next year like an old shoe and then come out dressed in like a sock mini skirt? You know, commenting on the shoeless people in the fucking world and then she goes out and she sings basically a Madonna song. I was at the party and everyone was singing Madonna song over it and it and it and it meshed perfectly with it. Express yourself sounded like what she was singing and then she had all these fucking people dancing around her, right? And then they have like that expressionless like post apocalyptic makeup on, you know, that they just was fucking horrific. And at that point, you know, at this point, I'm in the kitchen and I'm eating a fucking slice of cheesecake. Just for what? What am I eating it for? You know, why am I eating? I'm just doing that so I can avoid that other shit.

It was horrific. I had a real brutal day. I got a flat tire on my Prius. It was just, you know, it was one of those deals where the front left tire was low. All right. And I see that it's low. So I go to a gas station. I go, I'm like, well, that's odd. So I put air in the tire. This this whole fucking thing was my fault. Right. So I put air in the tire. And then I just kind of keep an eye on it. And it's went down a little bit, but not as much as it had in back of my head.

My brain's going like, dude, what are you fucking idiot? Take it. Take it over to somebody and check. You probably got a slow leak. Maybe they can patch it up, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I fucking blow it off. Start driving 70 miles an hour, just completely ignoring the fucking thing, you know, in the back of my head, the entire time I've owned the car. I'm like, you know, Bill, you know, okay, you know, this thing has one of those piece of shit jacks that you have to assemble. And then it has that little hand crank, like I'm trying to start like a fucking Model T in the early 1900s. Right. I knew that. And I knew it was going to have some half ass fucking that L shaped lug nut thing that you can get like half a pound of torque on.

And there's no way to get the lug nuts off because they fucking put them on with that thing. And they don't, they, they don't stop after it's tight and they go. And they fucking, there's no way to get that thing you need. I knew what I needed. I needed a, you need a big piece of pipe that you fit over that piece of shit. Right angle fucking lug nut thing. And then you can, you can take them off. And I didn't have it. So whatever. So I went to go do, I went to go do the long shot podcast. Right. I was doing that fucking thing. And I'm driving out. And I'm, I just hear this noise and my car wasn't moving smoothly.

And I was like, do I have the emergency brake on? What the fuck's going on? And then I go, Oh God. Oh, Jesus. And I pull over and there I am riding on the fucking rim. So I'm like now, and I drive a Prius. So I'm already on four spare tires to begin with. Okay. God knows what the fucking temporary spare is going to look like. Turns out it looks like, you know, when you used, when you suck on a fucking life saver, a life saver, you know, you know, when you get to that point, right? We even just try to keep sucking on it without breaking it. You get to that point right before it breaks. That's, that's what my temporary spare looks like. And the rim is painted bright yellow. I have a picture of it, which will be up on the mmpodcast.com.

So anyways, anyways, I pull into a gas station, which back in the day, 12 guys would attack my car and would have the fucking thing change before I even stopped. But now you show up, there's no garage at a gas station anymore, because that entire area is to sell fucking Ho Ho's and snowballs and gum. So I walk in, I say, yeah, listen, I got a flat. Can you, can you call a tow truck? He goes, well, I mean, I can basically do what you do. I just call information. So I was like, I get it. I understand. This wasn't your dream in life, was it? Okay, I'll go fuck myself. So I go back out to the hotel. I go out to the fucking, the goddamn parking lot, right? And immediately, you know, homeless people start approaching me like, like I'm in a zombie movie, you know, you can't, you don't notice it. If you just go to get gas at a gas station, you don't realize all the weirdos. But when you're fucking sitting there and you have a flat and there's nowhere to go, they just, they come out of fucking nowhere.

And I'm like, why are there all these fucking homeless people at a goddamn gas station? I don't fucking understand. They don't have cars. They're fucking homeless, right? Why are they, are they at the gas station? And it turns out, I finally figured it out, especially in LA, which is everybody drives. There's no one to panhandle to. You need to get them when they're getting out of their fucking cars. So they hang at the goddamn gas stations. These people keep showing up. You know, hey man, can you give me a dollar? No, I can't. Go fuck yourself. All right? Because you look like a drunk, sir. You don't look like a guy who lost his job and he's down on his luck. You look like a fucking drunk. All right? Fucking loser. Get out of here. Get a job. You're a bum.

You understand me? You're not homeless. You're a fucking bum. That was my attitude anyways. So, so I call up, you know, I call up the tow truck. Yeah, my friend, 10 minutes, my friend. That shit, you know? Then you call him back 20, 20 minutes later. Yeah, my friend, my friend, 20 minutes. Right? Fucking, that goes on. 10 minutes was like an hour and a half. And I was a little, not an hour and 15 minutes. And I was just sitting there going like, what, I called it like three. At like four, 10 past four. I was like, if this fucking douche doesn't get here by 4.15. All right? I'm calling a friend. I'm going over to a hardware store and I'm buying a piece of fucking pipe.

And I'm going to, I'm going to figure out my jacket. I'm going to do this myself. But fortunately, this fucking guy finally shows up with this giant goddamn truck, which he leaves running, which is fantastic. Right? So we can just sit there breathing in the fumes. And, you know, whatever. He fucking changed the goddamn tire. And this temporary spare is so goddamn small. I just drove home with it and I parked the car and I'm like, that's it. I'm done. I'm driving this car home and then I'm driving it over to the dealership tomorrow. That is it. That is how small this fucking tire is. Like the what the fuck light was on, on my dashboard with a temporary spare.

So that's my fucking, that was my goddamn day. That's what happened to me today, people. It really took me 15 minutes to tell you, I got a fucking flat on my car. Are you really still listening to this? Are you upset with me? Somebody sent me this article. Actually, the, the, the person who runs the mmpodcast.com, the official podcast page of the Monday morning podcast sent me this. This article here, it's called the day of the lout. L O U T from the Los Angeles times. And it's written by actually by some guy, believe it or not. And it says, unsophisticated, lazy, misogynistic males may be the primary model for today's young American men.

And I'm sitting there going, where the fuck is this guy seeing this? Cause all I see is a bunch of pussy whipped fags. You know? All right, so this is what he says, if you've seen a beer commercial in the last two years and how can you avoid them? Well, you could read, you could TVO shows. See, right off the bat, this guy's a douche. He's trashing men and now he has problems with beer commercials. How could you avoid them? I mean, really? He says, you know the type. He's, he's a 20 or 30 something sort of a slacker with a beautiful and adoring girlfriend who just can't seem to pry his attention away from his suds. She expresses Arter, he looks ardently at his mug or can of beer.

I don't know what Arter means. I don't even know if I'm pronouncing that correctly. She wants to talk romance. He wants to talk anything but she gets exasperated. He snuggles obviously with his beer and she departs in a huff. Most Martin takes on manhood say that guys will do anything to bet a woman. But this is a new kind of man and he seems to be everywhere these days. Not just on beer commercials, but in movies, on TV, on hundreds of morning radio shows and in bestselling books to the point where he's generating a culture of new masculinity. He may even be the primary model for young manhood in America today. Alright, this guy has clearly decided to just completely ignore how much women are fucking pandered to.

And how you can make a guy look like an absolute retard in any commercial. They always make the, for the most part, so many commercials make the guy look like the moron. You know, I'm not saying a hundred percent, but can't they have a couple of ones where the guy is a dick? I'm not saying in every commercial, every TV show, the guy's got to be cool and he should act like he doesn't give a shit about his wife. But I mean, I don't know if I should legally be saying this, but there's three things that recently... How the fuck can I put this? Show ideas, pilots that are being made out here in Hollywood. You want to hear him? Fuck it, who gives a shit?

Okay, one of them was... The idea was for a guy who's... The audition was to play a guy who actually speaks his mind. But the reason why he speaks his mind is because he got hit on the head and had a fucking aneurysm, and he almost died. So then they're thinking, is this some weird side effect that a man is actually speaking his mind? I swear to God, this is a TV show that they're going to put millions of dollars behind. And this is how he speaks his mind in the pilot. He actually...

I might get in trouble if I see what the material is. He makes a comment about how big the girl's ass is. But of course, he likes it. He likes that her ass is big, so it's self-serving to women. You know? Yeah, it's basically saying, yeah, it's great that now that we're married, you've become a dumpy, fat fuck, sweetheart. I'm speaking my mind, totally pandering to the broads. Then there's another show that's in development. I guess I can talk about this. It's in fucking development. It's not a goddamn secret.

This is... I swear to God, this is the premise of the show. Two guys realized that it's a woman's world. So they decide to dress as women to get jobs at a pharmacy. And through dressing like women, they become better men. I swear to God. All right? And this... I got all of these auditions in a week. I said no to all of these. All right? Because I would become an alcoholic.

I don't give a... I don't need... I don't need that, all right? I'm already a fuck up. There's no fucking way. And then the last one was a guy who is in the shadow of his spouse, his famous spouse, and gets upset because he's always teased that he's the wife in the relationship. And the guy's first name is Gail. You know, that could go either way, like Gail Sayers. Yeah. So I don't know what the fuck this guy's bitching about. And there's plenty of those... There's all those beer commercials where the women are going like,

yeah, I'll tell you what's a good beer when you take your skirt off, you half a fucking pussy, right? All those ones and the guy's wearing the tight jeans and looking like douchebags and having sunglasses on. So this guy just chose to look at this very small... This is like a guy, this guy, Neil. I bet he got the shit kicked out of him in high school by guys like this. What kind of a guy really gets annoyed by beer commercials? Really? Are they really dumb? Do they really fucking appeal to the lowest common denominator? Of course they do. You fucking moron. Do you want some art? Go rent a good movie. Is he like reminiscing back in the day when they had good beer commercials?

Quality beer commercials? What, when they had those fucking lizards talking to each other? I don't know. Neil Gabler, go fuck yourself. What are you trying to get laid this week? Is that why you had to write that? Louts. So anyways, did that go anywhere? Has this podcast gone anywhere? It's 22 fucking minutes in. Jesus. Oh, fucking Jesus. Let's actually... Let's read some things here. Yeah, Bill, that'll make it better if you actually start to read.

It was funny as I sat there. I was at that goddamn Grammy party and I was trashing Lady Gaga. Knowing in the back of my head, it was annoying the shit out of my girlfriend. She absolutely hates my behavior when I go to parties. She can't stand it. She thinks I'm anti-social and she thinks when I say things, I just say douchey things. I don't know what it is. She's someone who kind of goes along. I can't say she goes along. I don't know what the fuck it is, but like, she's not happy with me right now. She doesn't like that I made fun of Lady Gaga, who was evidently singing Express Yourself. I don't know.

What the fuck was I supposed to do? I walked in there. I just... I immediately didn't feel comfortable. I just... I don't know. Alright, let's plow ahead here. How about some advice? I haven't done one of these in a while. Oh, here's a guy bitching about two drink minimums at comedy clubs. Says, Bill, Jimmy Norton is my favorite comic. He's getting ready to go on right now at the Melrose Improv. Yeah, Jim Norton played the improv right here in Melrose, right here in Los Angeles, Saturday night.

So his favorite comedian is Jimmy Norton and he says... I guess he's writing this as the show's about to happen. He says he's ready to go on right now at the Melrose Improv Saturday night. Guess who's not there? Not just me, but probably 50 other assholes that love him and would kill to see him. I know it's not Jimmy's fault. It's not any of the performer's fault, but are any of these cocksucking club owners aware that the economy is in the fucking toilet right now?

No, sir. I'm sure they have no idea. Considering when the economy goes into the toilet, one of the first things people cut out is entertainment. Yeah, I'm sure they're completely immune to the economy. Economy. Sorry, my voice is cracking. He said, I've skipped most of the handful of live type events I've wanted to see for the last six months or so because of this exorbitantly priced shit. How can these clubs justify selling the place out with $25 tickets to see the guy then charge their two-drink minimum with their $8 beers, $6 bottled waters, and $10 mixed drinks?

So when all is said and done, you've spent like $40 or more to see a comic. Who can afford that kind of shit? I don't know, sir. Somebody with a paper route? You're really complaining that it costs $40 fucking dollars? Sir, this is how it works. Do you know how you have expenses in life? Club owners also have expenses. They have to pay the comedian, all right? They have to pay taxes. They have to pay to get a liquor license. They have to pay all of that shit, and then they have to pay their mortgages and all of that type of stuff.

And the reason why they have a two-drink minimum is because tight fucks would go there and just order waters. And they wouldn't make any money and they would go out of business, all right? Now, I'm not mocking you because you can't afford $40. I guess I kind of made fun of you, but what the fuck, sir? $40? How much does it cost to go to a football game? It costs $20 to park, all right? To go down and see the great Jimmy Norton for $40, you're going to fucking complain about that because you got to buy a couple of $10 Shirley Temples. You know what your problem is, sir? I don't think you have your priorities straight. You know, look around your apartment, you know?

What do you got? You got a George Foreman grill? How much does that cost? You know, does it really work? You know, cooks chicken in fucking eight minutes? You know, how does that taste? Was that worth it? You ever see fucking George Foreman's house? He's got a geese so fucking rich he named all his kids the same goddamn name. That's how fucking rich he is. Like, he doesn't even give a fuck that he'd do something like that. Sir, you're way out of line complaining about that, okay? You know what you sound like? You sound like all these kids today who go on YouTube and they get upset when a video gets taken down.

These fucking goddamn copyright cunts. It's like they don't seem to understand that things cost money. So you have to charge for them. And when you put up hundreds of thousands of dollars to produce a film or saw a music or an album, that if people just take it and they put it on fucking YouTube, you don't get your money back. You know? So there you go, sir. Believe it or not, a comedy club, it costs money to run a comedy club. And not to mention, sometimes they give comedians guarantees.

Like, no matter if five people show up at 500, we still have to pay you this amount of money. And then when five people show up, they lose their goddamn shirts. It's not like they're making tons of fucking money every goddamn weekend. There's a lot of shit that goes into it. And like I said, you know, people are tight fucks. And if you didn't make them buy drinks, they would just sit there. They would booze in the parking lot and then they would just fucking sit there and the club would go out of business. So I think $40 to see one of the top comics in the country.

I think that's pretty goddamn reasonable. And, you know, I don't have to tell you how much it costs to go to a fucking movie. At least half that is John Travolta standing there live, dancing for you. He isn't. I don't know, am I being a dick here? Where did I lose the funny on this podcast? I said, because I already did an hour long podcast for somebody else today. I think I'm all podcasted out.

All right, let's get to is it racist, racist? This is the new, the new fucking thing here that everybody seems to like. Is it racist? Bill, although I thought I also thought I'd share a little game that I used to play. I like this one right here. This is a great game. You know, I play that older Asian game anytime anybody cuts me off in traffic. Somebody says, turn on this is a game I like to play.

I turn on the TV and without looking, I try to guess the race of the person talking. I call it the Tony Gwynne game. And those of you who aren't sports fans, Tony Gwynne is African American and he sounds like a deaf jam comic imitating a white guy. If you close your eyes, you wouldn't even think that you were listening to a white guy. You would think you were listening to a black guy imitating a white guy. He talks like he basically like, yeah, I was talking to Ted Williams the other day and he's really big on heading. I'm not even doing it. I'm not even doing it justice. I asked him how to hit the inside out curveball.

Tony Gwynne game, yeah, because he is the wild card. Do you guys think it's racist? Like, I remember back in the day with the OJ trial when someone said they heard some yelling and it sounded like a black guy. And people tried to say that that was racist. And it's like, that is not fucking racist. You know what I mean? If you heard somebody on the other side of a fence going, oh, that's a very smart, right? Would you be like, oh, I think that that guy could be Italian.

Sorry for my hacky fucking Asian offensive accent there. But you know what I mean? Like, if you were to listen to me, not only would you know I was a guest that I was a white guy, you would guess that I was from the East Coast, wouldn't you? Just because you can guess who the fuck somebody is doesn't mean it's racist. That's like somebody sent me an email said, Bill, he goes, your older Asian game is racist as shit. I'm sorry. That was the person's entire fucking email. It's like, well, can you elaborate a little bit so you can enlighten me?

Your game is racist as shit. Oh, well, you know, thanks for clearing that up. I don't know what you're apologizing for. I hate what people say. I hate that. That's like that fucking, you know, you know, I listened to your act. I didn't like it. You know, I'm sorry, but I didn't.

Like, why are you apologizing? I hate like that whole like you're just assuming that you fucking hurt my feelings. I don't give a fuck if you think my game is racist or not. I know it isn't. I don't have any bad feelings towards old people or Asians. I'm just addressing the fact that most of the time out here when somebody does something fucked up, you know, is it racist to say white people can't dance because we can't. There are examples. John Travolta, I believe I already brought up that man can dance, but it's not racist.

If somebody black told me said, you know what, white people cannot fucking dance. You guys don't have any fucking rhythm. I would I sit there and that's not racist. I'm sorry, but it isn't. You know, that's something I actually that hasn't been brought up in this whole is it is it racist racist topic that I'm doing here is I think that. Before you fly off the fucking handle and get offended. You have to at least, you know, not all the time, but 10% of the time. Don't you feel that you kind of have to own up to the fact that.

How do I put this it's it's like when Arabs got upset after 911 when they were they were getting searched. For no fucking reason other than the fact that they were Arab and that's definitely offensive is definitely fucking annoying. And, and all of that type of shit, but on some level. Don't you feel you have a responsibility to address the 18 Arabs that fucked it up for you. You know, it's like that white people can't fucking dance. All right, or they can't jump or whatever. I mean, what am I supposed to do? You know how offended he is.

But at some point you got you kind of got to like is one for you. Let me let me read this shit here. That was my computer goes out. Bill, I can't really use names, but I have a friend who's a lineman. For a division one football school. He has a friend who plays in the NFL as a wide receiver. He the wide receiver is also white. My friend the lineman told me that the wide receiver told him that he's tried out for four NFL teams.

Two of the four told him his chances of making the team were not good because he was white. I've had a few argument with people. Is it racist? Should the NFL should the NFL teams even mention the fact that he has less of a chance because he's white? Well, no, they shouldn't because eventually someone's going to sue over that. But that comes to that point I was making where you also got to understand where the stereotype came from. All those slow fucking white guys. You know, I mean, one of the reasons why I think Dan Marino never won a Super Bowl was because of fucking the Black Ledge Brothers.

He had two white cornerbacks. You can't win a fucking Super Bowl with two of them, maybe one. But I don't think he could win. I think he could win with two. Right? Am I nuts? I remember the comic strip in New York City. I went down there.

I auditioned in 1990. I went and asked to audition. And the guy running the club told me, I already have enough white guys. And I knew a lot of comedians who got upset like that. That's fucked up. He would never say, I already have enough black guys. And it's like, well, first of all, there's only like eight black guys working here. So he wouldn't say that.

And I understood what he meant. I knew what he meant. He meant you better have a fucking point of view because I have enough fucking suburban white guys that can go on and for 20 minutes be like, you know, and what's up with Bill Quinton, you know, and table. I mean, which end do I put it on? What's, you know, scram is stuff is all in the papers. You know, like he had enough people doing I totally understood what he was saying. He just kind of cut through the fat. I got enough fucking white comics.

Go in there and do something different. I have no use for you. I understood that. And the only people who fucking complained were lame ass white comedians. So what am I saying here? Am I justifying? I didn't want him fucking saying it. I feel like I'm justifying it here.

I'm not. I'm not justifying it. But I also I'm just saying you got to tone down the sensitivity here a little bit, you know, right? Older Asian is not racist as shit. There's an element of fucking truth to it. And there's no hatred in my heart when I do it. I just do it for the left. I don't drive around screaming about Asian and old people saying we need to get them out of the fucking country.

I've had it up to here with their goddamn driving. They're ruining this country. These old people need to go back to what from where they came from is another one. So anyways, Bill, tonight I was watching a TV show and I saw a commercial for the Chris for Chris Rocks Broadway show. They never said the show's name and simply referred to it as the title you can't say. And on the screen, the second word of the title was black was blackened out and it read the blank with the hat. I immediately thought the N word with the hat. I was also interested in seeing the show so I promptly googled it with no results.

I then went to Chris Rocks website only to find the title to the show was the motherfucker with the hat. I proceeded to laugh and then thought of you and your bit is it racist? So was that racist, Bill? I was on the edge but generally thought it was funny. Would love to hear your thoughts and your girlfriends too. Well, Nia's not here right now. She's mad because of my behavior at the Grammys, at the Grammy party. Do I think it's racist? No, that's what I would have guessed. You know, such a big deal is made out of that word.

The title you can't say. Chris always does edgy stuff. That's what I would have gone with. You know, I'm surprised you can't say the motherfucker with the hat at this point. I watched 60 minutes tonight and Andy Rooney said, God damn, and they didn't bleep it out. So do I think it's racist? No, I think I don't. A lot of people would think it was just because you thought the N word fit in there. But I maintain this. Maybe I'm fucking wrong. You guys can email me. But I really think it comes what's in your heart when you're thinking that.

I mean, you were just thinking, oh, the word, you can't say the title you can't say. It's always saying, you know, the N word. White people can't say it. You can't say that. You know? So I, no, I don't think that that's racist. And I would have laughed too when I read that it was actually the motherfucker with the hats. No. No, I don't. All right, here we go. Hey, here's another one. Hey, Bill, huge fan. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Anyways, I have, I have is, is it racist question at my job? I work with the guy who's not really Mexican, but his father is.

What it was. So what does that mean because he's not 100% Mexican because he's had that would make him half Mexican. You know, what are you saying? He's like a light beer in the Mexican version of that. So anyways, he's not really Mexican, but his father is. He's from Arizona, but he looks the type. I don't get any of that. So he's half Mexican, but he looks full on Mexican. Is that what you're saying? I don't think this one's going to end good. I'm going to go on a limb here. We're okay friends, but he can be a huge dick sometimes. And occasionally I say something that could be considered racist, like shut up beater. But this one time he was working really hard. And I just walked by and said, you, you people always, you people always working hard for little wage.

And he was being a huge dick that day before I said that. And he just laughed and we moved on. My question is, is it racist to say those type of things? If the guys, if the guys being a complete jackoff and deep down you feel, you feel like it shows them they're being a dick. Yes, I do think that's racist. I think if you just said shit like that as the joke and you guys were friends and you were fucking around, it isn't. But because of the way you're using it, like when he's being a dick, you feel like it, it shows them that they're being a dick by saying something racist to him. Yeah, you're kind of taking it out of the, the joke and arena. And I'm going to teach this guy a lesson and put him in his place. So, and plus also you're, you're fucking kind of naive statements of he's not really Mexican, but his father is, but he looks the part. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say I'd be in a, you know, in a bar with you and probably, I don't know, about 20 minutes in you'd say something that I would be like, you know.

Yeah, what did you say? Could you say that? Could you repeat that, you know, trying with the jukebox noise in the background? You ever had that in a fucking bar? You just hanging out? It happens to me all the time on the fucking road back when I was boozing. I'd be out there and I would just be, I'll tell you one of the weirdest ones I ever had. I did this bit on Jamie Foxx Laughapalooza thing. Jamie Foxx, by the way, who plays my shit all the time on his channel on, on Sirius XM, The Foxhole. I've had more goddamn people come up to me saying, I heard you on The Foxhole. I thought you were funny. That's why I came up to my, out to your show. So thank you to everyone over there. But anyways, so I did this bit. And it was a story that happened to me when I was, when I was in Nashville, Tennessee, I was, I was drinking in the bar by myself. God, that sounds like such a great fucking idea. 120 days in people. Oh, does that sound like a good idea drinking by myself?

God damn bar. I'm in Nashville, Tennessee. And Terrell Owens, this is like, I don't know how many fucking years ago, but he was doing what he always does. Starts off good with the team, then becomes a total fucking cunt. So I said, I said something to the effect of, can you believe this fucking guy? How much goddamn money do you need to make before you're not a dick? Like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? And God, it's been so long since I remember this as the guy, I'll tell you what the fucking problem is. Because the guy's a fucking, and he just dropped the N word. And I had a fucking no, and I immediately was just like, I immediately, how was it? I immediately looked around. I was like, Oh, fuck, I'm going to get fucking some black dude is going to punch this guy in the face through my head, because I'm standing next to him. Like, I'm going to get fucking, they're going to think I'm with this guy. So that was, that's right. That's been a long time since I told the joke. That was the joke. So the joke was basically, he dropped a fucking N word. That's right. He didn't say it with the A. He said it with the R.

And he didn't pull up on the R. He fucking stuck the landing. That's how the joke went. And I felt like I just wish there was some way I could just act like, I wish there was something that I could have done in that moment to immediately say like, I didn't know this fucking guy. You know, I had no idea everything was normal. We were talking football and I don't know where he starts with this clan rally bullshit. So, and I remember too, like, I didn't roll with what he said. And I forget what I said, but he clearly knew that I was annoyed by him. And then he tried to fix it real quick and try to say like, I'm not saying they're all like that. There are some good ones. And then it was fucking, it was like a fucking sitcom. And then five seconds later, some black dude comes walking in, right? And then he's like, Oh, hey, how are you doing? He's trying to be over friendly to the guy in some way to make up for the fact that he dropped the N word to me. And the whole fucking thing was phony. And then I felt like he was dragging me into it. And I wanted to say to the guy at that point like, Hey, why don't you tell that guy some of the shit you were just saying to me five seconds ago?

You know, all that classic shit where you think of all the funny stuff you should have said in the moment, you know, 20 minutes fucking later. So anyway, so I basically I turned that into a bit and I did it on the laugh of Palooza thing. So like three years later, I'm in North Carolina, working this club. And afterwards I'm standing there and I'm talking to this dude who is like the most stereotypical redneck guy ever. You know, he's talking like this, but they burp or be like, if, if, like, if someone from the North did that accent on TV would be considered like offensive. That's like how fucking hardcore this guy was, you know, you know, I was on my tractor the other day and I was listening to, you know what I mean? And one of my pigs got out and I was laughing so hard and stuff. I could barely catch him. I mean, like telling me stories like that, right? But then he starts talking about my comedy and he was really breaking it down and just talking about like in a really intelligent way. It was breaking the thing down. I was taking my head like this is why I love doing the road because you meet all these fucking people.

You have all these preconceived notions. I'm a fucking looking at this guy like this guy's a goddamn hillbilly. And here he is breaking down comedy and my act in particular like borderline on the level that a comedian could. So I was like, oh, and this is why I love doing the road. This is why this is what makes you worldly. This is how, you know, it makes you stop thinking ignorant shit, you know, which is hilarious. All the ignorant shit I say in my pocket, whatever makes you less ignorant. So right as I'm having that feel good moment thinking about this dude, I forget what the fucking what the fuck happened. But then out of nowhere, he said he was telling a story. Oh, and he actually alluded to the he actually brought up the joke that I the story that I told about being in Nashville and the guy dropping the N word.

And he knew why it was funny. And he broke that whole joke down. He had this really redneck accent. And I was like, look at that. See, they're not all fucking racist, right? Then out of nowhere, he starts telling some fucking story trying to make me laugh. And he go and then his punchline, he'd gotten himself into some sort of predicament. And then his punchline was I was more nervous than an N word than Mike Tyson. No, I was more nervous than an N word in a in a in a spelling bee or something. He dropped a fucking N word. And I remember going and I just said out loud to myself with the fucking music was so loud.

I was just I was just like, and then that happened. So I said to the guy, I got dude, you just broke down that fucking joke. Where I talked about somebody doing that and then five minutes later, you do it. And he says, yeah, I love that joke. He's like, he still didn't get it. And I three times I fucking went in trying to explain to him what the fuck just happened. Why would you do that? And just never fucking dawned on him.

And then I just he was talking to me and I just walked away like mid sentence. And I just fucking walked away. And what else then I went to the other side of the bar. And I remember there was these four chicks were dancing on the bar doing the coyote ugly thing. And one of them was a fat chick who was not sexy but was dancing in a very sexy way. And I remember being annoyed at her. I was really fucking annoyed that she had the confidence to do that. I was like, why you're here if you should be off the bar doing setups, you should feel shame.

And you don't. And I don't know, normally that would have made me laugh, I guess, but maybe because what the fuck happened over. I just remember being really annoyed. I don't fucking know. Do you know I went on I had such a fucked up week. I don't even know that fat chick just reminded me of something. I went to I went on a couple's date to a cheesecake factory. And in defense, they said, look, we don't have to go there, but you know, they got kids and shit.

They just picked something quick and you people know how I feel about the cheesecake factory. And I was like, you know, I don't give a fuck. It's better than Applebee's. I'll go over there. It's, you know, they're talking about going in an hour. So I go over there. I just want to tell you guys something just in case just in case you don't know the cheesecake factory fucking sucks. All right.

It's that is horrible food. Horrific horrible fucking food. And the reason why I'm saying this is because every time I fucking walk by one of them, it is jam packed with people lying out the fucking door. Everybody holding those little vibrating things waiting to get called to go into to a fucking table, which is exactly what happened to us. And I went in there. I ordered the Kobe beef burger. I went as high up on the menu as I could and I still felt like I fucking ate a part of my goddamn dresser. Just sitting in my fucking stomach like a goddamn old boot.

Horrible fucking food. Can you people please stop going to that restaurant? Somebody was telling me tonight they don't even advertise on TV. They don't have to. People just line up. They just think it's fucking good. Like Lady Gaga coming in in that fucking egg from the morgue show. You know what's going to kill me is when people are just going to talk about like how outrageous that was.

You know who thinks like that type of shit is outrageous? People who fan themselves with their hands when they begin to cry. Have you ever seen people like that? When they start getting emotional, they fan their face. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about anymore. Let's get to YouTube videos at this point. I'm really in a fucking grumpy ass mood. I had a bad burger this weekend.

I had a fucking flat tire. Got a goddamn yellow spare, goddamn breath mint for a fucking temporary spare. This is just a miserable fucking podcast and I wasn't in a good mood too. All right, YouTube videos of the week. NFL trick shot white quarterback. Check this. These are all on themmpodcast.com by the way. This fucking kid's amazing.

You know, I know a lot of them, you know, okay, how many attempts did he make to make the fucking throw? But there's a couple where he does like two, three tricks all in one take. Very impressive. But at the end of the video. Fucking hiccups at the end of the video. Can he read a defense? Here's another one. This kid, just a foot.

If you want to see just a great fucking storyteller, I don't even know what this is the name of the video, but this is Baltimore storyteller. The fuck this guy tells a story about. Oh, his dad sent him to the corner store for some bread and he has to get by some gang bangers. And this fucking guy, I watched like three of his videos. It's just phenomenally, just a phenomenal fucking storyteller. I love telling stories and nothing more I like than listen to a great storyteller. This kid's great.

So check that out and check out all his other videos. Midget wrestler goes flying. All right. If you ever wanted to see a midget in a dressed up like a baby gorilla, get kicked by a fat bald guy, I believe the guy's bald, and then go flying ass over tea kettle and land on another wrestler. This is the video for you and funny drum video. I love this video because the guy's fucking hilarious.

English seems to be his third language. Put it on the high head. The high head, the one, the one, two, three, okay? And the one, two, three, okay? That's literally, that's just how this guy fucking gives the drum lesson. But then he proceeds to play this fucking sick drum groove, which I still can't fucking play. So the guy's like, awesome.

It's just like his second or third language. Oh, and if you want to see another great wrestling, just a horrific, the WCW Dungeon of Doom full segment. I don't know who wrote this shit, but it is horrific in a phenomenal fucking way. What else do I got in here? Oh, here's some advice somebody wants. Bill, my girlfriend looks like a centerfold.

Good for you. She's blonde. She has a beautiful face, a tiny waist, and giant cans. I have outdone myself. Well, what the fuck, man? Don't sell yourself short. Maybe you're a stud. So he says, however, having a girlfriend of such caliber,

as you might imagine, comes with its share of problems. Oh, Jesus. Here we go. Like your good self, I battle keeping my temper under control at times and particularly struggle when my girlfriend and I go out and public together. In short, the amount of male attention she gets is ridiculous. And at times, it's infuriating. Have you ever found yourself out with a girl

and noticed that every man within a three mile radius, from the sweaty 22 year old walking boner to the porky sexually frustrated father of three, is blatantly staring at her tits in her ass? I've always been of the opinion that if a girl is obviously with a guy, whether you know him or not, it's a gentleman's code not to have a staring contest with her ring piece. I don't know what that means.

What's that, looking at her pussy? I have no idea. This guy's from Australia. If a girl is alone or with girlfriend's share, objectify the shit out of her. But I think if a girl's holding hands with their boyfriend and you make it obvious that your helmet is pressing against the inside of your front zipper, then you're a cunt.

Nothing serious has happened yet, but the weather is getting warmer. The outfits are getting smaller and I'm concerned I'm going to wind up with some perverts' blood and quite possibly come on my hands all for now. All right. All right, this is a tricky situation, sir. It's a very tricky situation. There's a price you pay for everything.

You're the one who has a centerfold fucking girlfriend with a great ass and nice set of fucking tits and you just have to... This is how I look at this shit. As long as your woman isn't going around trying to get attention. If she's just fucking standing there and she's so goddamn stunning that men are looking at her, but she's not, ooh, I dropped my lipstick

and then slowly bending over at the waist while looking over her shoulder. If she's doing that, I can tell you right now, bang her another couple of times and then fucking dump her because she's going to be an absolute fucking nightmare and you don't need that in your life, okay? But if she's just a stunningly gorgeous woman, that kind of comes with it. And if you lose your fucking temper

and you start acting like a maniac, that's a great way to eventually annoy this shit out of her because she can't help it. She's not trying to get attention. She can't help it that she's gorgeous and if you... Then it's in this weird way you're giving her shit for being herself

which is not fun for anybody and then you're going to have a problem, so... I don't know how to... You know what it's like? It's like when I whore myself out at the end of my shows and I sell DVDs, all right? I don't have to do that, but I choose to do it because there's a choice I fucking made

and then I stand there and what's going to happen and I answer this... Yeah, this is one of these podcast questions. All right? Eventually somebody's going to come up and they're going to fucking insult me. Tell me they didn't like my act. Tell me they didn't think I was as funny

as when they saw me on TV and I can't get mad because it's my fucking fault for standing there like an asshole. Just, you know, I put myself on the dunking stool and I got to admit, sir, if your girl is the way that you describe her, you just have to accept that it's par for the course and just give yourself a little half-time speech

before you go out. You know, I'm not going to lose my shit. But if it is overt, there has to be a way that you can fucking address it without pissing her off. You also don't want to get into a fucking fight. I don't know. Just say, buddy, can you limit it to like, you know,

five-second shifts of staring at her? I can't say tits. I don't know what you do. Dude, that's a rough one. That's a rough one. Man, that takes me back to being... Jesus Christ, I was like 21 years old. I went on a date with this girl

who was well out of my fucking league just because I didn't have the confidence to fucking be with her, you know what I mean? Beautiful girl, and I went out with her, and I noticed she just kept looking around the restaurant to see who was looking at her. And I remembered it annoyed the shit out of me, but I didn't have any experience with beautiful women,

so I just sort of accepted it. But I never went out with her again. I tapped out somewhere through the fucking dinner. Even back then, I was an angry son of a bitch. I was like, let me get this straight. I'm buying you fucking dinner, and you're looking around to see who's else is staring at your tits.

Yeah, you're a cunt. Good-looking cunt, but cunt nonetheless. Someday, those looks are gonna be gone, and I'm just gonna be left with a cunt, you know? Who's gonna be a psycho cunt because you're an attention whore, and when the attention goes away, you're gonna be like some celebrity

who fell off the fucking... Fuck this, bitch. Fuck this, you know? And that was the end of that shit. That is podcast. It's fucking horrific. Geez, I didn't even get going, man. You know what it is? I had a flat tire today,

and I think that that's been... That's a good symbol. This whole podcast, I've just been riding on the rim. Ah, fuck. I gotta start my day tomorrow down at the goddamn dealership. Those fucking douchebags. They've got everything that's all wrapped up.

You know, if you do anything to your goddamn car, if I go down to the goddamn auto zone and I get new wiper blades, I think that cancels out my warranty. These fucking cunts. So anyways, this was the lame podcast for this week. I know it had its moments. Who's getting who? It started off well

when I was talking about those wailing whores. I actually had a nice little showbiz moment. A friend of mine got me tickets to... The Roots do this pre-grammy jam where they're just the house band and like fucking... I don't know, 20 or 30 of the most legendary insane acts ever just come on stage

and start singing songs with them and doing fucking whatever. And somebody got me a ticket. You know, hanging out. You know, somehow I got in there and it was fucking unbelievable. I think I came home that night and I downloaded like probably about $70 with the music.

Just the level of talent that was out there. And I'm an old guy now so I don't know who the fuck... I don't know who the fucking... Neo was telling me who everybody was. She was freaking the fuck out. Oh my god, that's fucking... MC...

I have no... I don't know who the fuck they are. You know what? I tapped... When they stopped showing videos on MTV, I kind of liked that last wave. Jay-Z, Eminem... Was there any rock? Like by then it was all that emo shit

so I couldn't relate to any of that. You know, what is that fucking goddamn whining song about not giving up? We will be victorious! They actually play that at sporting events. It sounds like a man crying. I know he's saying we will be victorious but like just...

It could have been a better line read. You know? All that shit. That's when I tapped out. All that my chemical romance. Could I have another Kleenex, please? Whatever the fucking names of the bands were. I just...

I don't know. Everybody just sounded like they were crying. I couldn't handle it. Your sex is on fire. That guy fucking crying through all these songs. How does that fucking song go? That was the better. That was the better.

That was the better. Remind me of the cure. That's how the guy in the cure used to sing. I would always love you. I'm not into that shit. Was that annoying? That music is fucking annoying. I didn't know who anybody was.

You know what was amazing? Booker T came out. From Booker T and the MGs. I didn't know the fucking dude was still alive. It was such like a Paris Hilton air. My god. That's hot. Kind of a fucking crowd.

That they had no fucking idea who the guy was. My favorite performer of the night was Chuck Brown. Came out and sang Bustin' Loose. And he was the shit. He came out on a leather fucking outfit with the fucking pimp hat. He sang the shit out of the song with the roots in the background. And the roots are fucking unbelievable. And for guitarist out there, everybody knows Quest is the shit.

But I was underrated. Kirk Douglas. They're fucking guitarist. That dude is fucking insane. I'm talking John the ground level play. Everybody in that band is just, they're insane. And fortunately we were sitting close enough that I was just awesome. Like you know me, I'm like a fucking geek for that shit.

If I didn't do this, I wish I could be a musician. So I think like anybody can do that stuff as I've trashed half the people on the Grammys. You know what I'm saying. Like musicians, people who play instruments. I'm absolutely fucking blown away by them. And just being close enough to watching somebody take a solo and just, you can just see just going off the top of it. They're just feeling it.

And just doing it. And coming out of it. And then just fucking looking back at the drummer. Like alright, let's go back into this next part of it. And everybody seamlessly goes into it. You know, anybody who's ever played in like a fucking garage band. You know, and just had the courage to make a tape and you hear how fucking awful you are. They actually hear live music.

And they played for like three fucking hours. I ended up leaving. I was so goddamn old. Like I'm at the age now where if I stand up too long, my back hurts. Like my lower fucking back. My feet hurt. It's fucking terrible. I gotta come home and sit in a goddamn tub of Epsom salt.

But anyways. I downloaded a bunch of Chuck Brown shit. A couple other rappers I downloaded. I don't have my iTunes open right now. I don't know who the fuck they were. But it's kind of funny rappers now. They have that odd thing where they, they're wearing skinny, tight jeans, which I never thought would come back into style again.

Yet they're still hanging off their fucking ass, which drives me up the goddamn wall. Fuck, pull them up. Anyways, that's the podcast for this week. Oh, I am going to be in, I have two magnificent theater dates this, this fucking week because I'm a goddamn big shot. Let me see if I can open my website here and let you know what the hell these things are. This really isn't even technically the podcast anymore.

This is just the outtakes. I am going to be at the Terry Town Music Hall in Terry Town, New York. And it's February 17th, which is a Thursday. Friday, I'm going to be at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. So come one, come all. I have a brand new hour of shit and I got a new killer fucking 15 minutes that I'm absolutely loving. And every time I do it, it becomes a couple more minutes.

You know, when those bits started with like four minutes, I just keep fucking elaborating and I'm planning on having a great time. So I hope all you guys can come out to that for people who live in Florida. People always talking about that. Oh, yeah, I got some fucking gigs here, man. Places I don't usually play. I have, I'm playing the New World Symphony and Symphony Theater on the 4th of March, Miami Beach, Florida. The Tower Theater in Philadelphia on April 9th.

And the day, either the day before that or the day after that, I just added a date in Maryland. I'm going to put the date up tomorrow. When it gets all solidified and, oh, actually outside. Yeah, outside of Baltimore. I have a gig and the Pap's Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on April 22nd, April 23rd. I'm at the Royal Oak Music Theater in Detroit, Michigan. And also I added, I just put another date up, Jimmy Norton's anti-social tour. The Miami Heat of Comedy Shows. It's stars Jimmy Norton, Jim Brewer, David Tell, and myself.

And we're going to be at the Fox Woods Casino in Mashatakat, Connecticut on April 30th. Anybody in the New England area, Tri-State area, you got to come up for that one. I'm going to tell you right now, I worked with those guys. All of them are at the top of their fucking game. And I'm telling you, we did three shows when I was in Atlantic City. And, you know, you know, there's comedians, we don't watch stand up. We just don't after a while. But I stood on the side wall, watched all of them.

They're fucking phenomenal. So please come out to those shows. That's it. That's the podcast for this week. You guys all have a good week. I don't know what else to tell you. Ah, fuck, I forgot to talk about the Bruins-Canadians game. Did you see that with all the old school fighting and the goal scoring? It was like fucking 27 to 26, I think was the final score with all the fighting.

And I want to know Montreal-Canadian, what the fuck happened to your team? I'm not giving you shit about losing a game. It was only one fucking game. But I mean, you guys always had a tough guy all the way back to fucking John Cortex, Chris Nyland, George LaRocque you had. That guy was the toughest guy in the league. Why did you guys, all you had was, you know, I know the Bruins kicked the shit out of you guys, but I'm not an idiot.

We beat up a bunch of goal scorers. I felt bad for that last guy. Jesus Christ, he took like 20 uppercuts to the face and somehow ended up with two giant paper cuts. Google it, man. Maybe I'll have that YouTube video also on themmpodcast.com. But I'm telling you right now, if you're a fan of fighting and hockey, watch the game on March 8th when the Bruins and the Canadians play again and I'm going to tell you right now, the Canadians are not going to sit back

and take that fucking physical ass kicking that they took. And I can't wait to see the absolute fucking animals that they're going to bring up for that game. You know, whatever has a lower beyond Thunder Bay is what I'm guessing, what they're going to bring up, just like some old school fucking guy, one of those white guys who has like an afro and a porno mustache. They're going to bring up a couple of those guys and it's going to be fucking insane. I hope it is. I hope it doesn't fucking not live up to the hype. Alright, that's it. I'm done.

Okay, I've had a long fucking day. Alright, and I apologize to anybody out there who aspires to be a whaling whore at the Grammys. You know, I'm just, you know, I'm not saying that those whaling whores, they're not whores, but you know, I don't understand, I fucking don't understand that kind of singing. You're not singing, you're whaling. Alright, just sing the fucking song. You know, and then fucking what's her face? Oh booze, booze face there.

She always gets that sound in her voice now. Ugh, she's got that pasty bloated booze face and then just in case you miss it, she puts that red lipstick in the middle. Don't you just want to grab Christina by both her big jowls? You know, she got a man's haircut. She could do like the Winston Churchill story. I've been, I've actually, this is just, this is totally like extra time I'm doing on the podcast to try to get something funny in this fucking thing this week.

I noticed the other day. You know, two people who really look alike is Richard Simmons and the lead singer of the Scorpions. You notice that? They have the exact same awful fucking hair. They're going bald in the exact same fucking way. You know, did I just do an awful fucking 80s joke? Were they separated at birth? Have you ever seen them together? Oh, Bill, quit while you're fucking behind.

All right, this is it. How long can you guys still listen to this shit? How long are you going to sit there and torture yourself? This is like a comedian who does not get off the fucking stage as people are slowly walking out of the goddamn club. I'm still here. How empty are your lives? Shut it off. Um, oh fuck. You know what I forgot to play? I asked somebody from England to, to, I wanted to hear cozy smug cunts in the English accent. Here it goes. You want to hear it? Here it is. Here it is.

This is all the way from my fucking people over in England. Hang on. What the fuck just happened there? I'm going to play it again. Here it comes. Cousy smug cunts. Cousy smug cunts. There you go. Cousy smug cunts. I fucking love that. Um, all right, there you go. That's the podcast for this week. I apologize for the meandering. I apologize for my excuses.

I went real Peyton Manning this week, didn't I? We had protection issues. I had a flat tire, you know. That was a real bitch this week. Um, whatever. I'll make it up next week. Okay. They can't all be gems. All right. Everybody has a bad fucking day. So don't take it out on me. I apologize to all the wailing whores out there. I said that. All right. I don't know how to get off stage this week. All right. That's it. Have a great fucking week. Go fuck yourselves. Don't take any shit. I'll talk to you next Monday. See you.

Traditions and customs. And there's more of me. So long that you don't bother me with who you are. Paz, Prince of Ifte. Chocolade, edges. Dalos in the promo. So here I am on my list. From everything I take two.

No man, no way. With the Eric. From us here Zalig Pase. Ramadan Mubarak. Enjoy Pase and Ramadan with the surprising and diverse assortment of Albert Heijn. And definitely also look at the second episode on TheWerldInHetKlein.be. That's it for Albert Heijn.