Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 3-22-21

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

Bill rambles about vaccines, curfews, and chocolate malts.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, fuckin' March 22nd, 2021. You know, I think it was about a year ago that I was telling everybody to relax. It was going to be 14 to 18 days. Everybody just fuckin' stay inside all memories like the freckles on my dick. Oh, Billy got vaccinated. Like, on Sephysa!

Did you jump the line, you pasty fuckin' cocksucker? Yes and no. Yes and no. I guess I wasn't. I think they now open it up to entertainers, although they weren't entertaining that in Northridge. Like I said, when I went up there, we were like, yeah, we're entertainers. They're like, yeah, we don't give a shit.

But they said on the website, the website and us are two different things, even though they're connected to us. All right, thank you. Always wanted to see this parking garage. Goodbye. No, it was the end of the day at a drug store. My buddy had just got vaccinated down there and he said they got two left and they throw him out at the end of the day.

Can you get down there? I was like, I can't get down there until fucking, there's no fucking way I can get all the way down there from my house at this hour. Oh, yeah, that's crazy talk. And then he talked to the lady, God bless her. She said, I'll hang around. I don't want to throw him out. It's a waste.

So I said, fuck it. And I called up another comic buddy of mine who will remain nameless. And we, you know, I said, hey, you know, we got to get down there in like an hour. Oh, that's a rough one. No, it wasn't Rodney Dangerfield. He's passed away. We, so we drove down there and it was like fucking two seconds. We walked in, ladies like, hello, and we're like, hello.

She was cool as shit, gave it to us and I, I felt fine. My arm was a little sore, but only for like, you know, about 16 hours. That was it. It was like getting any other fucking shot. It's like getting any other shot. And now I feel great and I get my next one in a couple of weeks. And, you know, there's, there's, you know, there's like no nothing to worry about. You know, I feel I feel the exact, I feel exactly the same way you guys do.

If I slowly lost my mind, I feel exactly the same way I did before. So if you're fucking nervous, I can tell you. That pharmaceutical companies shot something into me about 48 hours ago. And I feel, I feel fine. So there you go. Isn't that all you need? 48 hours. But, you know, us Gengers, you know, they say that, you know, don't they say

that we can take more pain? Something like that. Something that's some of those internet fucking things. I remember reading that. I'm like, that isn't true. I get cold before anybody else. I always need to put a jacket on. I mean, it doesn't help that there's no roof left on the house over here.

So anyway, yeah, I did it. I feel good about it. And everybody I know is basically wanting to do it. Now, I don't know what's going on in fucking flat earth world and I don't care. And I don't, I don't know why they have to, it's just, why does the news insist on showing the dumbest versions of everything? They just, they just cannot fucking, they just rubber, it's just rubber necking. Okay.

I, you know, it was a group of people that were all protesting this sick of staying inside, you know, which is fucking hilarious. It's like, you know, we don't want to stay inside. So we're basically going to do the behavior that's making everybody stay inside. Right. Okay. So they're more, there's always morons, you know, I'm a moron. But why fucking show that?

Let's try to spin it positive, man. I think, I think we're going to be all, we're all going to be good. Enough people are going to get it. And then it's just going to burn itself out. And, but then again, I was wrong this time last year. So take all this with the grain of salt and this whole fucking boogie man of like, it's mutating and blah, blah, blah. I think they'll, they'll get that under wraps pretty quick.

You know what I mean? It's like we just took out its brother. We, we, we know what, we know what this fucking thing is now. And, uh, having never really done any scientific background, I feel I'm confident. I am confident with my lack of scientific. I just want it to be better. That's it. All right.

Things are coming back. MotoGP is back. That's wrong. So, um, I haven't watched the race yet. Let me see if they posted it. The fucking races come on it like, you know, I don't know, like three, four o'clock in the morning and I got to get my beauty sleep there. Let's see here.

MotoGP. Let's see if it's up. They were in Qatar. Qatar, Qatar. You never thought they could take it that far. Uh, Moto Sports. That's not what I wanted. I think F1 is coming back to MotoGP.com.

All right. Let's see. Okay. No, no, that's not what I want. That's not what I want. I'm trying to avoid. I go to calendar. It's still view results.

Fuck. Oh, wait, this is the official test one. Shake down a first real test official test. Oh, the official grand. Oh, okay. Okay. I guess it doesn't start till next week. March 28th.

Cannot wait. Mark Marquez is back. The King, the reigning King is back. And, um, I want to see all last year because last year he broke his humorous. And, um, he came back the next race and then had to shut it down. I mean, he's fucking amazing. He got back that quick, but he made the really smart move in the long run. I obviously did take the fucking year off.

So then there was all these other people, Maverick Vinyales and all of that shit, um, that were able to, uh, fa- I'm seeing if I can remember the name. Fabio Quattararo, all of these people. Mark Marquez's brother. What the hell his name is. Alex Van Halen Marquez. And, uh, they all stepped up and won races and or came close and all of that type of stuff.

So I don't know. I think being the leader of the pack and all of that stuff gives you a little bit of, uh, swagger. And it's going to be interesting to see when he comes back, if everybody falls back in line, like when, when Mickey Rourke came back to town and rumble fish, or they all kind of like, Hey, oh man, things have changed around here.

You know, it's going to be fun to see. I think, I like to think. So anyway, um, I got, I got two spots tonight. I did, uh, two shows Friday. I'm getting ready because next weekend I'm out at the Rose Bowl, the granddaddy of them all, Harmony! I'm doing some stand up out there for the comedy store. And they're hoping that this is their last outdoor show that they're going to be doing.

And, um, I'm looking forward to doing that. It's going to be like 500 cars. Um, I'm really excited about that. And then the next day I do my New Zealand, Australia Zoom show, hopefully my last one of those. And I'm going to fucking go off on that one. Like I have been lately.

I just been saying all this crazy shit and been having fun, going up in front of really young crowds. I'm telling you, I'm loving this new generation of kids. Um, the generation right behind the poor put upon millennials, who they just made them have to care about everything. It's going to be funny to watch millennials in their midlife crisis, you know, and rather than getting like a two pay. And if, you know, they're probably cure baldness by them,

but whatever, uh, and getting a fucking Corvette convertible, I think it's just going to be them, just like not giving a fuck and just being like edgy. Like the new thing will be like in their 40s, like edgy fucking comics or some shit. I don't know if it's going to have to, that energy, the fun that they didn't let them have. I feel like at some point, you know, you could only keep the lid on that for so long. So I think the next version of girls gone wild will be just cougars in their 40s. That are millennials.

That's my prediction. Um, and a woman will direct it. Okay. So then it won't feel sexual assaulty and then all the women could say that they're brave and that they're taking ownership of their own breastesses. I think that that's what's going to happen. Okay. But like I said, a year ago, this time I was really wrong.

Um, so I've been, uh, studying my ass off for this, uh, you know, I've been, uh, studying my ass off for this, uh, instrument rating, my pilot's license. And, uh, I got the X plane 11 set up with the fucking. I got the, uh, I got the pedals. I got everything. And, um, I've been flying holding patterns and that type of shit. And I kind of have that down. I understand, you know, how to break up direct parallel and teardrop.

Um, the thing I was working on today and I was, I just, my whole scan just went out the fucking window was, um, ascending and descending in the pattern while not having my airspeed go up just gave me like, you know, fits today. Jesus Christ. You know, you just want to make little, little corrections, little corrections. And I was like, I would get so focused on shit cause you're supposed to just, with your scan, right? I think I've talked about this enough.

Just imagine you got your speedometer. Imagine if you had six binometers, except they were all telling you something different and you got your one main one and you're always looking at that one. And then occasionally you look, you know, you glance the one to the right, then go back to the main one and then lower right back to the main one, uh, directly below back to the main one, lower left back to the main one, uh, just to the left back to the main one. So you always look at the main one and that main, um, attitude indicator, once you kind of lock stuff in with, with, uh, speed and everything,

you know how to maintain level flight. That's what the gauge is showing you, but then also when you do standard rate turns, you know where to put that needle. So you don't really have to look at your turn coordinator. And as long as you know where to keep that ball, you really don't have to look at your altimeter or your VSI. And you can almost start to see it in your peripheral vision. And then the lonely one, the middle child for me is the, uh, airspeed indicator.

And now that I'm trying to ascend to descend or whatever, or even just maintain my fucking altitude, because I still haven't quite figured out how to trim out this thing. That's been a, uh, that's been a bear for me to figure out, but, uh, I just do it every single fucking day for like a half hour. And, um, I've been having a really good time and I recently on a simulator did my first ILS approach, um, where it had the thing where I had to keep the fucking dots right on this, on, on the center of the HSI and I'm at the, sorry, the attitude indicator and all of that

shit. And it's just like, I felt like my fucking head was going to explode. But every time you do it, you know, it's cause you're behind the aircraft when you, when you're sort of learning. So then you got to play catch up and then you do quick movements, which causes more fucking problems. But I've been watching all of these videos. If you want to just fucking get this shit scared, uh, out of you, watch these video and also as just a passenger,

it'll get you to stop bitching about fucking commercial airline flights. You know, when you're landing, you know, and they're going through the clouds, when you realize everything that these guys are fucking men and women are doing, men and ladies, gee, the brave women that are up there, right? Just not getting trouble here, Bill. Um, you cannot fucking believe like everything that is going on, the fact that they get you on the ground in the meantime,

they have all of your lives in their hands is fucking incredible. Let me see this thing. Glider instrument. Uh, was it New Zealand? See if I can find this. Oh my God, I have one that you have to fucking watch. Look up, this is, this is the fucking, this is the YouTube video of the week that I want you guys to watch.

I watched this fucking thing and had my hand over my mouth, like I was watching the fucking, I don't know, the Blair Witch, whatever movie you found the scariest. Um, these guys are in a glider and I don't know what the fuck they're doing, but there's, there's, there's a hole in the clouds where they can punch through and they decide not to, and they go further into the clouds. And I hear the instructor's voice start to get panicked. Dude, my fucking balls were pulling up into me.

Okay. You got to see this called glider. IMC, which means instrument meteorological conditions, which means you're basically flying in the fucking clouds. Uh, Manawatu, New Zealand, M-A-N-A-W-A-T-U, New Zealand, you have to fucking watch this. Okay. And you know what, this actually got me watching all these glider videos

and those fucking things are amazing. And what I kind of like about them is you don't have to worry about engine failure. There is no fucking engine. Um, and I was reading these posts that says, if before you learn how to fly a plane, if you had, if you learn how to fly a glider, like what that does for you as far as understanding the physics and all of that, just of flying, it sounds like an incredible, uh, education.

But anyways, check this thing out because, um, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's not the video you want to watch. That's just the clip. That's the clip. And then if you want to watch the guy break it down,

the name of the video is spin, spin, spin. Exclamation point. Um, and this guy, uh, on this thing, what's his name here? I don't know how to read it. Blan, coral, coral, I don't know what he breaks down. First of all, he explained something that I didn't even know that basically how you maintain your, your, your balance and your sense of where you are is not only your inner, it's your inner ear with your vision.

And when you take your vision away, that thing in your ear no longer works. So if you, once you get into a plane or an, or an aircraft and you go into like a spin, like the way the physics of that works, you still feel stuck to your seat. It's like the carnival ride. Remember those little chairs that would spin around and you're totally like, you know, at a 45 degree angle, if you weren't moving, you'd fall out of the chair if you weren't strapped in.

But moving, you wouldn't even need to be strapped in the chair. It's like when they fucking, uh, that won't remember the carnival ride when you stood against the wall and they'd spin you around fast enough and take the floor out and you're like, what the fuck? And then somebody across from you puked and it was a fucking nightmare. It's the same thing. So you're in the clouds and you're spinning and you feel like you're flying straight and level because your vision has been taken away.

And now that you're only, your ears are listening to your ass instead of your eyes. And, um, I cannot tell you guys, if you're really into, if you're just a nerd for aviation, if you just get into like instrument flying and just sort of dabble in it, just look at it. It is the most fascinating fucking thing ever. And you can really see how in an instant where somebody, regardless of how many hours they have, you know, five, 10, 15,000 fucking hours, if they are not current,

because it's, it's a skill that will, you know, it's just like doing cardio, you know, you're running up hills, you can walk up a hill, no problem. You don't do it for a couple of months. You go halfway up the hill, you're fucking winded and need to sit down. The same thing happens with this skill set where I kind of felt like once you were instrument rated that you, okay, I know how to do this. And it's just like, I think, you know, after I get this rating, and I will get it, I'm thinking positive, I am going to always have my simulator hooked up

and I will always be doing these, at the very least flying these patterns and approaches. So I keep my, my scan doesn't break down, God forbid, but I would never fly shit like that anyways. And then I would just, you know, do an instrument approach a couple of times a month with an instructor. And then on that same flight, all right, let's do auto rotations. And I really think that that's the way to do it. And I feel like guys that I have met in aviation that have been flying,

you know, for 50 years without incident are all people that are, you know, sort of by the book. And all it takes is, you know, a little lapse in judgment and just being like, I know what the fuck I'm doing. You know, that's one of those things when the most trouble I've ever gotten, or the biggest failures I've ever gotten into in my life is when I just, I got this. I know what I'm doing. That's not necessarily true, but I have gotten in trouble a lot thinking that way.

Although sometimes when I just go, I'm going to fucking kill, I do. Well, why do you guys listen to me? Don't you love how I make points and then just take them away immediately? Anyway, all right. So all sober fucking straight edge March continues. And I got to tell you, it's, it's, it's getting hard 21 fucking days. And I'm almost there 10 more fucking days. And Jesus Christ fucking bullshit.

What's the 21st today? It's 22nd when you're listening to this. This was my big, my big thing for this month. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I ordered chocolate malt because I really was just craving some sort of excitement because I'm not eating any sugar. There's nothing really salty in my diet. It's sort of this bland stuff, which I've, you know, I'm going to continue with the veggie

shit, but I just don't think I get really bored. Roy, I get bored with it, which means I think it means I don't have enough recipes. So I need some more recipes that I can kind of add to my thing, but I'm really getting tired of my go-to ones. But then again, when I was a kid, I really got sick of chicken out of the king, chip, beef on toast, cube steaks, tuna casserole. Oh my God, that was the worst. What do they call those noodles that she put in?

My mother used to put these, were they Chinese noodles? Asian noodles? What do you call them? Chinese? I'm afraid to do this now. Noodles. Is that what they are? Yeah, those little, no, the little hard things.

That's what she said. I don't know what they were. They looked like they were toasted and she would put those in there and my older brother told me that they were worms. And it was like heated up tuna, which I already fucking can't stand. And then he told me there was worms in them. And oh my God, I can't remember how long I sat there. Do you guys have a mom like mine or whatever she made?

You had to sit, you're going to sit there until you finish that. She had a sandwich spread, which were really big back in the day. Sandwich spreads. And when I tell you this, this sandwich spread looked like vomit. I mean, it was just like, let me see. Sandwich spread that's fucking showing me mayonnaise here. Let me see if I can find this thing. Vintage sandwich spread recipe.

See, oh my God, part of the internet am I on now? Oh, there it is. Yeah. Oh God, I must fucking gag looking at it. Oh my God. Oh, it didn't taste bad. It just looked. It was like, I guess this has ground up bologna in mayonnaise.

And then you could just, you know, juge it up however you wanted to. So my mother would make this shit. And we, it was funny. She knew we didn't like it, but we had so many kids that it was just like, I don't have fucking time. The menu is what it is. When you move out someday, you can eat whatever you want to eat. Well, as long as you're in this house.

That shit, right? So she would be making it. She had like a meat grinder and she'd be fucking grinding up the fucking hand fucking thing, just grinding this shit up. And we would just see it like, wow, are you making sandwich? You making that sandwich? Mom, it looks like throb. It does not.

She just would make it. And then she put it on white bread and we would just sit there. And then she'd be eating. Oh, there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it. And we would just be sitting there. Mom, I don't want to eat it. You're straight now.

Sit up straight in your seat. You're going to eat that. And we would just sit there and sit there and sit there. And in a way, I think she did it on purpose because then she had all of her kids just, she knew where we were and we were just sitting there. And then she could go off, clean the house or pay some bills, whatever the fuck she had to do. And we would just be sitting there in the lockdown staring at these fucking sandwiches that looked like somebody took some cold puke and put it between two slices of wonder bread.

Just fucking sitting there. So I remember, I remember sitting there so long at one point the bread was starting to get stale. And I'm not exaggerating. That's like a couple of hours. My ass was falling asleep in the fucking wooden chair. And then one of my younger brothers got up and he had half a fucking sandwich left. And I had just finished mine. And then he took his and he dropped it behind the stereo.

My dad had this big like back, you know, hi-fi system. So there was like, you know, all the records were on the bottom and then the stereo was on top. And then there was a thing that came up behind it. It had a back on it and up there was the speakers. He dropped it behind there. And oh my God, I was one of the best laughs of that year in my childhood. I don't know what about it struck me is so funny. There was something about the fact that I ate mine and he didn't

and that he had the balls to do it, but was also like young and dumb enough to not realize that he was going to get caught. The whole fucking thing was just so goddamn funny that we were all just sitting there crying, laughing. And then my mother comes in and all the sandwiches were gone. And we had these shitty grins. He's just we were all laughing. She's like, you ate them all up.

He was like, yeah, yeah, we ate them. And she knew we were full of shit, but she was fucking busy. So I don't know how long it took for that fucking thing to start smelling or what or what the fuck happened. The funny thing is, is we all forgot about it. So when she was saying, what is that smell? Do you guys smell that? There's a smell in here.

We were just like, yeah, I don't know what that is, you know? You know, was there an Easter egg? Somebody didn't find we had no fucking idea what it was. And then she finally fucking found the thing. Oh my God, it was so funny. It was fucking hilarious. And then he got busted and got paddled. You know, my dad was in a fraternity and he kept the paddle.

So my mother used to fucking hit us with that back when you could do shit like that. Back when you could do shit like that. I remember one time she was driving home. She said to two of my younger brothers, she said, if you two don't knock it off, I'm pulling over the side of Rome. We're going to spank your bare asses right on the side of the street. And she was so mellow. You know, she wasn't the volatile one.

She was mellow. So we just kept testing her and my younger brothers did. And she fucking pulled over and she did it. And the funny thing is she did it on the driver's side too. It was, what the fuck was it? I forget what that thing was. I remember it was she was doing it. And I was like, oh my God.

And I was laughing my ass off. My brothers were crying and people were driving by laughing like beeping horns. They thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever. Now somebody would videotape that and they would have taken her kids away, you know? And my mother was a fucking great mother and we deserve, you know, when I look back, I fucking deserve every goddamn time, every fucking time she was right. And it's funny, I have absolutely no anger. Absolutely no anger or issues about getting fucking hit with that fucking paddle, zero.

And what all I do is just laugh about the shit that I did. Spray to garden hose through the fucking screen window with my brother one time. But fucking soak the kitchen. He pissed me off. I remember he threw dish water at me because we had to do the dishes every other night. We had a night, right? Um, that was our chore or whatever. And I was giving him shit because it was his night to do dishes, right?

So I was running my yap. So he took a handful of hot soapy water and just slapped me off the back of my head and neck as hard as he fucking could to the point, you know, I saw like stars. And I turn around so mad and he's looking at me like, what? I'm your older brother. What the fuck are you going to do? So I showed him and went outside right out the side door. And what was hilarious is right as he figured out what I was going to do.

I had turned the water on and I just missed him. I just missed him. And then I was so mad. I wasn't thinking about the ramifications of my act. And it all went through the fucking window and I immediately brought it down and I shut off the water and ran around to the other side of the house. And all I was thinking was like, wow, that was a lot of water. My mother's probably going in there right now trying to figure out what's going to happen.

And then, you know, the inevitable happened. inevitable happened. Get in here. Get in here. The best thing was, was you got the beating first and then you had to clean up. So then you were doing that, that, that fucking cry. Is you're sitting there with the paper towels? Is they giving you shit for using too many paper towels?

You're going to clean all of that up. Look at that wall. Yeah, it was a fucking hilarious time. A fucking hilarious time. So anyway, getting back to this. So I don't, I've just been like sober the whole fucking month. I've been sleeping like a goddamn baby. Just been sleeping great.

And which is really, you know, the secret to a long life eaten well. And so, oh, you know, you know what the secret to a long life is? Having no fun whatsoever. So I'm looking forward to this chocolate malt last night. So I bought this malt. So there's a difference between a frappe or a shake and a malt. And all it is, is that you put, you season it with the chocolate malt. And the malt, I can't tell, it gives this taste, this flavor, this aftertaste.

It's fucking incredible. So last night I took out the blender, you know. I had a pint of fucking vanilla ice cream, Haagen-Dazs, I believe. Right. I found this great YouTube video, this guy going, you run some hot water on the outside for a minute of the pint of ice cream, that'll melt the edges. So then you can just squeeze it right out, work like a charm,

and pour some milk in. I'm not going to lie to you, I overblend it. I pulverized it. I overmixed it, but it's my first one. So I can forgive myself. So I mixed that, and then I put in some chocolate quick. Mix that, because the vanilla shake at that point, then the chocolate quick, I went back to the 70s.

Remember that? Rich and thick and chocolate, but you can't drink it slow if it's quick. I forget how it went. Had that rabbit, right? It's strawberry and chocolate, right? So I fucking made that, right? Everything was good. And then you put in the malt in the end,

heaping tablespoon, and then a heaping half tablespoon. You mix that fucker up, you put fucking whipped cream on top and a little fucking cherry. You bring it out to your wife and your daughter and one for you. And I'm going to tell you something. Everybody's happy. Everybody's fucking happy. Oh, it was delicious. It was fucking delicious.

So now, you know, how I'm wired is it's like, well, I'm going to learn how to make the strawberry one and the vanilla one and all of this shit. And it's like, what am I going to do? Go buy, have a pint of ice cream every fucking night, and become a tub of shit. So I had to be like, look, you get one of those a month. Maybe two a month. Maybe I'll do that two a month.

But if, you know, I learned about chocolate malts from Bob's big boy out in Ohio in the great state of Michigan, not saying Ohio is not great either, but Ohio in Michigan, two of my favorite states, right? And, you know, I had relatives family out there back when I was young. And back on the East Coast, they had fraps. They didn't have malted milk, at least around where I was. So we would go out there and we couldn't figure out why they tasted so much better because they just taste fucking better.

And I remember my brother coming back and going to Friendly's and Brigham's, all those ice cream places back on the East Coast. And ordering a frappe and he goes, is there malt in it? And they were like, what? Is it like a malted milkshake? And yeah, it's a, you know, dude, it's a fucking frappe. We don't take special orders here. And seeing my brother be so disappointed.

And we love those things so much. Do you know my entire time when I was on the road, I had an unwritten rule that if I went by a Bob's big boy, back when they had those things, I would go in there and I would get a burger and fries. And I would get a chocolate malt and it took me back to when I was a kid and I used to visit my grandparents out in the Midwest. And we would drive out there in a Caprice classic station wagon, the fake wooden sides, and we would drive all the way out there.

And just what was amazing back then, this is like the 70s and 80s, is when you traveled that far back then, shit looked way different. Even the corporation stores were different. They just had different chains before like the Walmarts just kind of bought everything up in the Starbucks and all of that shit. And you could go to some really unique places and just see stuff and like, we had never heard of Bob's big boy or, you know, chocolate malts and all of that type of shit. Man, that was so much fucking fun.

God damn it, that was fun. I got to make sure I do road trips with my kids because I hated the fucking drive. It was exciting in the beginning, but then the air conditioning could never get past the front seat, you know, and you'd be in the back seat just dying, wanting to put the window down. They'd be like, don't put the window down. And then my dad had a theory that if you kept the back window of the station wagon down, it sucked the AC all the way through the back, which I don't think is true. So anyway, it's just, we were all impatient.

I think that's what it was. And we used to drive out there and we would listen to the Mills Brothers on on fucking eight track or cassette. I think it was cassette, if it was the early 80s, you know, what the fuck was some of those goddamn songs? Jesus Christ, I'm going way back into the vault on this one. Up a lazy river by the old mill run driving in a fucking station wagon. Oh, fuck.

Anyway, it's funny. That was the world I was living in. While movies like Over the Edge, Eat It, You Stink It, Pig, those things are being made. And there was kids like that. And I was sort of an amalgam of both. I was like this fucking Norman Rockwell painting looking fucking, Howdy Doody looking kid who get excited about a cheeseburger and a fucking malt. And then also I was vandalizing fucking houses that were stealing from them.

Like when they were first being built, we used to go down and steal lumber so we could build our own tree fort. You know, shit like that. Dumbass stuff. All right, let me let's do the advertising here for the week. Oh, this is the perfect advertiser for this week. During March Madness. And I am rooting for the University of Michigan.

That's what I'm going for. But it's weird this tonight they're playing or this afternoon. I'm not sure of the schedule. They're playing the LSU Tigers. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. Hail to the victors. Two great school songs. And I think I got a route for Michigan.

I got a route for Michigan because Ohio State's been talking so much shit with like the football and Ohio State got bounced out the first or second round. I don't know. They were 15 lost to a second seed. So I believe that's the first round. But anyways, if you want to gamble on this stuff and have a great fucking time with one of the great sporting events out of the year, March Madness. March is here and the madness has officially begun here at my bookie.

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I watched a criminally low amount of college basketball this year. My college hoop teams are University of Michigan, the Kansas J Hawks and UCLA. Those are the three. So I got an East Coast, the Midwest, even though Michigan's considered Midwest, the Detroit Wedwings to me, I don't know, they're still in East Coast time. They're all fucking East Coast, Eastern time zone. So I got one in East, each time zone and I don't, I don't, I don't fuck with the mountain shit. So I put my money on Michigan.

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Let's look, we got some reads here. We got some people writing in. HOAs, homeowner associations. I learned what that is. Our absolute horseshit. Hey there, billy bag of vegetables. My wife and I have lived in an HOA subdivision for nearly 12 years and will avoid buying into another one at all costs once we move out of here.

Yes, they prevent someone from parking a clapped out El Camino next to their house for a decade. However, other than that, it's a joke. It gives people who can't, am I the only person who gets annoyed when somebody parks in front of that house, like you feel like those are your spots when they're not, you know, it doesn't really bug me. It's just when there's a car there for a while and it's just like, do you think I'm going to come out here and look at the same car every fucking day? I want variety, buddy.

Get this thing the fuck out of here, right? Anyway, however, other than, other than the El Camino thing, other than that, it's a joke. It gives people who can't afford real exclusivity the notion that that is what they are buying into. We live in a subdivision with cookie cutter houses that all have vinyl siding. That's hilarious. And there's an HOA. The HOA fees pay for the pool. That's cool that we have in the subdivision, but we live in Chicago.

So that gets used maybe four months out of the year. There are numerous homes in the subdivision that are rentals and the owners live, the owner lives out of state. Those properties look like shit. My wife and I had the pleasure of living across the street from a known child molester for five years. He's now in jail awaiting trial on numerous charges. There is a strict set of guidelines regarding what you can and can't do to your house. All right, here's some of the can't do's.

No above ground pools, no sheds, no chain link fences, et cetera. I agree with most of them, but you have knuckleheads who bought homes here, knew what the restrictions were, and still want to constantly bitch that they can't have a shed in their backyard. See, that's the line I don't get. So are you bitching about them or not? You say that they suck, but I guess you're saying it definitely sucks. So I'm not going to do it again, but don't buy in because they tell you what the rules are.

Anyway, you need to get the HOA to approve any trees or bushes that you want to plant. They would have to approve any significant changes to your home or property, and the good news is the contacts at the HOA never return anyone's calls. It's yet another way for someone to make money off of your property. Yeah, and be in charge. I mean, the upside of an HOA is I have a buddy of mine that lives out here in this neighborhood, and you know that whole adage? Is that it saying where a man's home is his castle?

This guy literally built a castle, and it looks like a two-story white castle restaurant, and it's next to all of these beautiful homes. It is a fucking isor, and there was no HOA until this fucking asshole did that, and then they were just like, Jesus Christ, we need to do something to prevent this from happening again, which I understand. I understand it for that reason. Now, I don't understand no chain link fence, not even around your backyard. What if you have a dog? The shrubs and all of that are kind of weird.

It's Chicago. What are you going to plant a cactus? Yeah, it just seems like you're paying somebody to just fucking be control freaks, and then is there, every year, can you vote for new leaders of the HOA? Can you run for that, or is it sort of locked in when you get in there? If anybody can let me know what that deal is, because there's a way to do that, then you just run for office. Then it's funny that it's this little mini-election,

and then the people that are in power, they start branding you a communist, or a libtard, or whatever the fuck these political idiots say. All right, royal London. Dear Billy Wankertitz, cheers from just outside of London. He says, I love your take on the royals. I once spoke up in school and said that I thought we should just sell off the royal palace and give back all the riches that were stolen. I'm not a dumb cunt, so I suggest that we keep some money for the poor plebs here,

and get most of it. What's a pleb? Oh, God, did I just say something that is offensive over there? Okay, British slang, pleb. Oh, God, look at that sandwich spread. So disgusting. British slang, plebs. If someone refers to people as plebs,

they mean they are of low social class, or do not appreciate culture. I knew it. It just didn't sound complimentary. I'm not as dumb as I look, so I suggest, okay, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'll never forget what the teacher told me. He said, stop being a wanker and get back to reality. We're stuck and doomed. Yeah, you know something, when you get old, that's kind of where you end up.

You're kind of like, yeah, there's no way that the shit is what it is, and there's no way to stop it. Now, that doesn't mean you can't stop it. It just means you don't have, you know, you don't have the Gandhi gene, and you're not going to turn it around, meaning me and your teacher. So, yeah, that is fucking, that whole thing's wild. I like how the Royals came back. I was like, Roy, she totally misrepresented us.

Oh, God, want to be hilarious if she was, if she just totally lied, that would be fucking hilarious. Then you just, you wouldn't know what to think. You wouldn't know what to think. Who knows? I have no idea, but I'm fucking tired of that story. All right, booty's genocide. Good day, Bill.

Oh, look at this. Everybody's writing it. Look at that noise. So it appears Buddhists are no better than any other religion. And, oh, because I asked, you know, when I was talking about Buddha bowls, I was like, how soon before that becomes offensive to somebody. And I was like, wait, did the Buddhists ever, you know, do psychoshit? Like every religion seems to have done, killed a bunch of innocent people.

So this person's writing in. Good day, Bill. So it appears Buddhists are no better than the other religions. In the Myanmar, Burma, there is currently a genocide. Oh, shit. Still going on against the minority. Rohingya Muslims. All right.

Wait a second. In Australia. Wait, I'm confused here. I didn't know. Oh, so are the Buddhists killing the Muslims? Well, they're the minority. So I imagine they're the one getting the bad end of the stick. Oh, I gotta look this up.

Oh, he gave me a link. Open the link. Oh, Jesus. Here comes some depressing shit. The Rohingya Genocide is a series of ongoing persecutions by the Myanmar, formerly Burmese government, of the Muslim Rohingya people. The genocide has consisted of two phases. Well, this is government.

This isn't religion, right? I'm not saying what they're doing is right here. The genocide has consisted of two phases to date. The first was a military crackdown that occurred from October 2016 to January 2017. And the second has been occurring since August 2017. The crisis forced over a million, I'm saying this right, Rohingya to flee to other countries. Most led to Bangladesh resulting in the creation of the world's largest refugee camp.

While others escaped to India, Thailand, Malaysia, and other parts of South and Southeast Asia. The persecution of the Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar dates back to the 1970s. Since then, the Rohingya people have been persecuted on a regular basis by government, oh, and nationalist Buddhists. There it is. Wow. Yeah, well, there's just something about religion.

Something about it. In Australia, a lot of the very few refugees we actually let in are Rohingyas fleeing the violence. I've never understood how people can be so dedicated to religion once they discovered dinosaurs, but I suppose to each their own. Cheers and go fuck yourself. I thought you would say, how can you be so dedicated to your religion when you find out what your religion has done to other people? Not practicing what they preach and that there's a heaven in hell,

yet they're behaving like this. And you're kind of like, well, then that really makes me feel like you're making all of this up. If you're not afraid of going to hell, because you clearly aren't if you're behaving this way, right? All right, world gone mad. Hey, Billy, rusty bullocks. Bullocks. Bullocks. I'm Matt from the UK.

All right. Hi. Well, hello, Matt from the UK. But a massive fan of your comedy for years. Love the podcast and your thoughts on woke culture across the pond. No matter how crazy it's got in the States, the lunatics have taken over the asylum in Blighty. Oh God, here we go more English slang. English slang, Blighty.

Does that mean in spades? English slang, Blighty. Blighty is a British slang or often specifically England. Oh, for Great Britain. Okay. Taking over the asylum in Blighty, which is England. Who knew? I didn't know. I don't know if you have heard, but there is.

I love that you guys write in your slang. I find that very, you know, you learn something and then it's also like it's very, you're talking to me like you talk to somebody where you're from, which I think is really cool. So thank you. I don't know if you've heard, but there has been a horrific murder carried out in our country, allegedly by a serving police officer.

Oh God. Do I want to know about this? The response from some of our politicians, most notably Baroness Jones. A Baroness. It's got to be a fun life to be a Baroness. Just picture a driving like Cruella Deville, all shit-faced trying to steal puppies.

Has been to propose a 6 p.m curfew for men in order to make women safe. What in the fuck? I'm all for keeping women safe, but this is completely ridiculous as far as I'm concerned. I'm wondering how you and your ginger wisdom would react to this rampant fuck wittery. Keep up the good work, much love to me and the kids, and without further ado, go fuck yourself. I just think that women are just sort of, women like that,

which are the ones that would be in power if women ran the world, are just sort of showing that the flaw of humanity does not stop with males. Women are just as fucking flawed and is just as cruel and crazy and willing to take away freedoms and just look out their own head and don't have empathy. Yeah, that's fucking, that's crazy. Maybe hilarious though if they enforced it, and then guys actually just complied with it, and then we would create this whole new thing,

which would be great, the women would be leaving, and we'd just have our guy friends come over before the curfew, and then they'd just have to stay there and spend the night, and we would still end up having a better time than they did. You know, I'm telling you, I'm fucking telling you, we would still have a good time. We're just smart enough and we're just dumb enough. I really think the male brain, when it comes to fun, I just think women are just too goddamn smart to have a good time, a lot of the times.

Or maybe they can't let their hair down because there's a bunch of guys out there. I don't think I'm coming around to this. If there's like a curfew at 6 p.m. Oh my god. Oh honey, I'd love to take you out, but I mean, I can't go out. So you should go out with your friends. Then you can hang in, you can watch sports, do a Zoom hang, have your buddies come over. Oh my god, that'd be great.

Then you could have a, you could have like a fucking guy speak easy on every block, some guy's fucking basement. And everybody, every fucking cunt, right? Just hops the fence and goes in there and hangs out. And then what are the cops going to enforce it? You bring them in, you hook them up a little pappy Van Winkle, you know? That's it. It's going to take some male feminist Elliot Nesta shut that shit down.

All right, reform liberal douche and kids in cages. All right. Dear Wilford F. Burr, I'll cut right to it. I spent years defending the Democratic Party and the American left for a while now. I had a problem with some of the things Obama did, but I always made excuses for the bank bailout. Uh, yeah, a lot of people did in which he instructed his attorney general that they would not be holding the financial megaliths accountable for what they did to the country.

I know it's unbelievable. They got away with it. I thought, well, maybe he had a bigger plan. During Trump, I would always cringe when someone said they hated Trump, but they liked him better than Hillary, especially when they said they could overlook something horrendous. Uh, all right. After all that, and that was first months of this Biden presidency,

I'm beginning to release real eye. I think you were trying to say that I've been a cheerleading douchebag. I actually thought Biden would be a good president. I finally cave when I read about the expansion of cheap housing slash cages for migrant children separated from their children and for actually banning reporters indefinitely from all border facilities. Wow. Uh, I posted something on my Instagram and someone replied,

Trump made it impossible for him to do otherwise. Yeah, that's that fucking, that's that sports fan way of looking at politics. We never do anything wrong. They do anything, everything wrong. If we do something wrong, it's because of something that they did. And the people on the right do it too. Uh, this is vehemently not true, but it's an argument I made during Obama's presidency when he continued Bush era crimes.

I know. I know he gave, yeah, he drone bombed up the fucking drone bomb weddings and all of this shit and everybody out here in Hollywood just can't get enough of this guy. I spent four or Bill Clinton who fucking bombed the city because he fucking got a fucking blow job from a PA. I spent four act, I spent for something acting as if four years. I don't know what, there's a number four and then it says acting as if there was any difference between parties.

I've heard you say this for a year, but it never sank in. I feel like a phony. Don't feel like a phony. You just realizing something that's really important. And as far as Trump and Obama, there was certain things that Trump will be better at and Biden will be better at. But in general, they're going to steer the ship in the same direction. All right.

Like I think Biden's going to be a little bit better with the pandemic thing. I don't think he's a contrarian and won't listen to doctors and medical people. And he's enforcing mass. I think that that is smart. But he is without a fucking doubt and you knew it going in a fucking warmonger. And he's already pulling that same fucking rhetoric about Iran having weapons of mass destruction. And you know, all of that rhetoric is just serving the oil companies.

Because if anyone's driven a Tesla or been blown off the line by one with two kids in the back and a fucking picnic basket and blowing these Porsches and shit off the line, like we don't need as much of that oil as we're consuming. We just don't. And we could put those fuckers out of business and they wouldn't have money for plutonium or whatever the fuck it is you buy for all that. You could just shut it all down. But where is the money in that?

So I think it's just up to regular people. You have to be. We got to be nice to one another and you have to respect people with different political points of views than yours. And I think it is healthy to to hang out with people on both sides of the aisle. And I don't think it's a healthy thing to just surround yourself with people who only think the way you do. You're essentially living in the entourage bubble.

And if you see these celebrities that have entourages and everybody's just like, oh, yes, yes, oh, my God, brilliant. You watch them, they're not tethered to anything anymore. And they just they just float off into fucking space. So yeah, he's definitely, you know, and Biden also was saying that, you know, that the Taliban's getting going again in Afghanistan. And it's just like, you know, he's just keep just keeps beating the drums of that bullshit. And it's like, OK, well, what about what's what we were just reading about earlier?

Where the fuck was that going on that genocide? We were just reading about what you hear nothing about over here. In Burma, you hear nothing about it. I bet if they were sitting on fucking oil, we would just we have to go over there and save. Then we would be saving Muslims. You know, it's just it is what it is. All right. Friend is dating a homeless guy.

All right, this is interesting. You know, dating a homeless guy now isn't that bad. I don't think, you know, is before they were a little on the crazier side. But now so many people have lost so much in a year that somebody could be, you know, you got how long they've been homeless, freshly homeless. Hey, Bill, I know you love it when the ladies right in is it? Oh, I love to hear from the ladies. How you doing this?

Here's a doozy for you. A friend of mine went through a pretty rough breakup last year with her husband. Oh, before I forget, I heard a fucking great song on this playlist. Oh, by the way, that chilled cow. Whoever told me to listen to that lo-fi chilled cow. I fucking love it. And it led me to some like, what the fuck, neo soul fucking lo-fi shit.

I just drive around trying not to get mad in traffic listening to that shit. Oh my God, Peggy Lee, is that all there is? Have a listen to that fucking song. What are my great lines ever in a movie? And I'm sorry, in the songs. Let's break out the booze. I mean, it's just, it's an amazing song about, I think, being chemically, literally like chemically depressed for your entire life.

Amazing song. All right, a friend is dating a homeless guy. All right, all right. A friend of mine went through a pretty rough breakup. Oh, she had a rough one. Okay, last year when her husband, with her husband at 10 years. Yeah, that would be brutal. She's been coping pretty well with the shock and trauma of the breakup.

So it must have come out of nowhere, poor thing. So I was thrilled when she told me she was going on a date one night. Oh God, when I asked her with who, I was less than thrilled when she answered the good looking homeless guy from the tunnel. Well, you know, it's sort of, you know, he's the, what do they call it, the rebound guy. I tried to voice my concern while trying not to sound too mean. Anyway, I was pretty sure one date with this guy would set her straight. Oh my God.

But no, she continues to post photos online of their little rendezvous. Maybe she went camping a lot and she missed getting banged in a tent. I don't know. She says, I don't know whether she's banging him and I don't want to know. I've only seen photos of the guy and I can honestly say he just looks like a hobo. He's got that boxcar willy look. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. Jimmy crack.

I mean that Peewee Herman. Am I being overly judgmental in seeing this situation is only ending with being chopped up into little pieces? Listen, there's being liberal and then there's being stupid. All right. If you, if she wants to help this guy, how about a background? You are not, you know, just meet some guy who lives under a fucking bridge and start hanging out with them.

Does she have kids? I don't hear any kids here. Anyway, I know, but by the way, whoever that homeless guy is, he needs to write a book on how to pick up women. I can tell you that right now. All these fucking assholes driving around the loud exhaust cars and Ferraris trying to make all this noise to try and get some pussy and this guy's fucking living in a goddamn tent in a fucking empty box, getting some action.

Anyway, am I being okay? I know after the first date, he was already professing his love for her in quite an embarrassing public manner. Oh Jesus, I take all the book shit back and I have suspected from the start he's not all there. He spotted some bullshit story about his family being wealthy and how he doesn't want anything from them. And apparently, oh my God, that's like the stripper telling you she's going to college. That's the homeless version of that.

And apparently she's taking his stories as gospel. Ma'am, I don't know what's going on with your friend. Either she is the most gullible person. She's been married for 10 years and she's fallen for this bullshit or or she had some sort of psychotic break during that 10 year, you know, after 10 years of marriage and a breakup. Wow. Anyways, I guess this is a perfect example of how some women will fuck anyone remotely

good looking, regardless of their circumstances. Would love to hear your opinion on this fucked up scenario. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I am 100% in agreement with you. I would be worried that she's going to end up in pieces. Yeah. And that story, I don't buy it for a fucking second. Oh God.

So what do you do? You got to be like the parent here. If you tell her to stay away from the guy, she's just going to run to him. Right. Nobody understands us but us. You know, she's hugging him. Sound of flies. Oh God.

When they bang, do they listen to Allison change? Jarrah flies album? Sorry. All right. I'm not making fun of homeless people, but I am concerned with the fact that I'm concerned for her. Yeah. I share your concerns and I would talk to a professional that can, I don't know what sort of intervention you have.

Do you put up a tent next to their tent and just unzip it when they show up? Just market. You probably wonder why I'm in this tent. No, it's not because my parents are actually wealthy and I don't want to think from them. No, that's not the reason why I'm concerned for your safety, safety, safety. That's your voice echoing underneath the fucking overpass. All right. Vibe music suggestions.

Bonobo, Bonobo, B-O, N-O, B-O, B-O, B-O with an N-O in the middle. Bonobo. All right. Let's see what we got here. Let's see what we got here. Oh, I love it. Hey, man, I'm just hanging out today, man. You know, listening to this music, man, like really makes me think like,

like, why can't you just date a homeless person, man? He's rejecting his parents' wealth. He doesn't need the money. No, no. He just needs a honey. Here we go. Sorry. Sorry, I got lost in it.

I apologize. Okay. I like that. B-O, N-O, B-O. Check that out and chilled cow or whatever the fuck it was called. I like that one too. Hey, Billy, big mouth. I was listening to the podcast and heard you mention you want a list.

You want to listen to the lo-fi chill beats. Check out this Mandalorian theme tune remix. It's called Closes on Sunday Mandalorian. Oh, Mandalorian. Okay. Let's check this one out. Here we go. It's funny.

It's the exact same song. Am I out of my mind? It's the exact same song. And I'm not joking. Oh, wait. Oh, no, no, no. I got them both playing at the same time. I hate them both playing at the same time.

Sorry. Oh, hang on a second. That sounds like somebody practicing a saxophone. Oh, boy. Yeah, I'll pass on that one. You know, I mean, let me give it a chance. I'll fast forward here. All right.

I don't know why that part of the song made me feel like I was in Tokyo and I had one of those fucking tricked out cars. And I was going to start drifting, even though I didn't know how to do it. All right, everybody, that is the podcast. That is the podcast for this Monday. I'm limping along in this straight edge month. You know, I would be a better dad if I just had one chocolate malt a month, right? Twice a month.

I have to do that. Oh, Billy has to grow up at 52. Poor fucking baby. All right, that's it. You guys go fuck yourselves, all right, while being nice to one another. How about that? Something positive, all right?

And I'll check in on you on Thursday. All right, I'll see you.