Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-10-23

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Bill rambles about ice baths, garage messes, and gun stuff. Digital Experience Tickets for the Monday Morning Podcast Live 4/23 Füm:  Head to www.TryFum.com and use code BURR to save 10% off when you get the Journey pack today.  Liquid Death:   Listeners get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel purchase available exclusively at www.LiquidDeath.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 10th, 2023. What's going on, Hawaii? Ah, geez, April 10th, two more months before ol' Freckles turns 55 double nickel. Coming around the clubhouse term, I'm down the fucking back stretch here. I'm turning to the corner. What are you going to do?

What am I going to do? I don't know. Cry silently at night. Where did all the time go? I learned a long time ago not to do that. You can spend your life wishing you were 10 years younger, or you could just enjoy the age you're at. Knowing that in 10 years, you'd be happy to be where you're at, right?

Like someday I'll be 65, and I'll be looking, oh my God, 55? That sounds so much younger, right? Like 45? I'd love to be 45. You're 35, you want to be 25, but when you're 45, you want to be 35, so shut the fuck up. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Oh, I've been enjoying myself a little bit too much lately. As you know, slash, I preach every month.

I take the first 10 days off every month from everything. No cigars, no coffee, no candy, none of that shit. Well, I was on the road in New York, and I met some buddies of mine. One person in particular who I've been like, dude, we got to hook up. We got to hang. And he's always working, so he finally was not working, and he goes, I know the place guy has the best coffee in New York, all right? I'm four days in to the 10 days off from coffee.

What am I going to say? No. I'm in New York City, right? Arguably the Paris of North America. What am I going to say? I'm going to say no, so I said fuck it. I went over there, and you know, if I try a new coffee place, I have to get a double espresso and the cappuccino to see how they make both.

I did that. They were delicious. And then I said to myself, and that's it, I'm just going to shut it off again. But I was in New York. That was all these great coffee shops, and I'm like, I never get back here. I miss being back here. You know, I could just go buy a newspaper. You know, my old man's shit that I love doing, just buying a newspaper, minding my own fucking

business, sitting down, you know, looking like Clint Howard's cousin, right? I just fucking, I love doing that. Although I find less and less of the paper I can read, you know, to try to blow through all of the politics. Like when I got there, old Donnie Boy, the DA, the DA is calling for you, that whole partisan politics thing that they did to him, which is going to just blow up in liberals' faces. One of the stupidest fucking things. You let a sleeping orange dog lie, and he didn't.

They did not. They went after this guy, so eventually, I imagine there's going to be a Republican DA guy, and he's going to go after fucking Joe Biden and all of his fucking lies, so whatever. So that shit. So I skipped through all of that. I can't read that noise, you know, it's so stupid. Like the post is like, oh my God, what the fuck?

And then the daily news is like, yes, yes. And then the New York Times is like, oh. It's basically their takes on politics, unless it's something happening to a liberal. And then the post will be like, yes, yes. So I skip all of that. And then you're basically into page six and local crime, you know? So I keep the local crime light. If it's something fucking awful with a woman or a kid or some shit, you know, I try to

keep it light. You know, I don't mind a little smash and grab, you know, somebody, you know, steal somebody's cat, because they, the relationship broke up like, I mean, I don't mind that. You know, little bank robbery here or there, little fucking car chase, you know, somebody jumps on a scooter like Tom Cruise and that, that mission impossible going around Paris on a motorcycle. How fucking great is that guy's life? You know, does his own stunts.

He gets to ride like a fucking Ducati or something at top speed through the shut down streets of Paris. That was one of his days. Hey, Tom, what are you doing today? Oh, I'm riding a Ducati through shut down streets in Paris while making $20 million to see, to make a movie that's going to make a billion dollars. Oh, by the way, I've been doing this for 40 years. All right, I'm a little envious slash scared to ride a motorcycle unless the city is shut

down. Even then, I don't think I'd get out a second gear. Anyway, so yeah, and then I smoked, you know, once with my buddy Doug and once with my buddy Verzi and as I mentioned, but I haven't smoked anymore cigars and but I've continued to drink coffee. Now, let's examine that. Why is that? Because coffee is way easier to get and I get home to my house and just like I predicted,

I wanted a cigar. I wanted a cigar so fucking bad the last three nights, but I got rid of all the cigars in my house and I knew this would happen. I would want it, but not enough to go out and get it. That's where I am when it comes to addiction. I feel the cravings. I want it. It makes me ornery, but I don't have that fucking thing to just throw a jacket on and just walk

out the house in whatever weather, in score, whatever the fuck it is. I'm like a lazy addict. Like if it's in the house, then I'll do it. But if it isn't, then I don't do it. And as long as I don't do it for a little while, it goes away. I know I'm boring you guys with this shit, but I've been back on the coffee pretty goddamn good. Today all I had was a double espresso, just going to leave it at that, possibly in case

my buddy calls later, and then maybe it goes to the next level. I've been continuing to work out, but I had a little setback with my shoulder as always. So I've been looking up this shit. The ice baths, everybody's talking about the ice baths and all of this type of shit. And you go down the rabbit hole. Next thing you know, you're on line looking at the top of the line ice bath, which is just basically a giant stupid fucking tub. And they're like, well, you know, weighs about 40 pounds when it's empty.

So it's easily maneuverable and put on its stand. Once it's full, it weighs 700 pounds. And I'm just thinking to myself, I'm not, that's a fucking plastic container. There's no fucking way that that should be worth 1300 fucking dollars. And then I'm going to have this thing. And I'm going to be really into it for about maybe, I don't know, a week or two or a month. And then I'm just going to have 700, I'm going to have 700 fucking pounds of water sitting in my goddamn garage, turning all different sorts of colors and all of that shit.

So I was like, fuck this. I'm not doing that. What am I going to buy an ice bath? What are you going to do next? Buy a boat? You fucking moron. You don't do shit like that in life, people. You get to know people that own this shit.

Find a friend. You got to go hot chick, right? Hot chicks get hungry just like everybody else, but they don't want to pay for meals. So what do they do? They act like they like a guy with a nice watch. And next thing you know, they're out there with the girls sort of hanging out of a loose fitting fucking shirt. They're eating like a goddamn pig, right?

The date ends with a little hug, air kiss and a little pat pat on the back. Go fuck yourself. Two pats. One freeze blue ball. Go fuck yourself. I just ate. You got to go hot chick on the ice bath. Do not ask not.

I don't know why I'm in this Kennedy mood here. Do not fucking don't buy one of those fucking things. So then I did the next thing. I was like, all right, it's fucking LA. It's Hollywood. You know, this is the latest fucking craze. You know what I mean? I get my Botox.

I have my enema fucking flush up my asshole. And then I go into an ice bath and then at lunch, I like to have soup. That's one of my favorite things ever is when celebrities break down their day for me. Like I was sitting around all day going, you know, I wonder what Lewis Gus at Junior does. What time does Lewis Gus at Junior, how does he shave his head? You know, how does an Oscar nominated actor shave his head? And what if I shaved? What if I bought the same shaving equipment Lewis Gus at Junior had?

Would I then be happy? Would I then be going up there accepting the thing that everybody wants? Yeah, so I looked at the next best thing, which is a place that has a fucking ice bath, right? And I'm sitting there going like, all right. So I go over there. This is better. Now I don't have to buy the thing. I can just go over and use the thing.

But then you're getting into the fucking gross factor. You know what I mean? Like who here is it? Who here? Like you guys are here. Do you ever take a fucking yoga class? I mean, you want to talk about taking your life in your hands. When you walk into that fucking studio right after another class and they have not mopped

up or anything and it's that hot yoga, it's like you're in the fucking jungles of Vietnam, right? And you can catch malaria through your bare feet in one of those fucking classes, right? You just come walking in. If you're like me with your northern European blood and you walk into this tropical forest where they've removed all foliage and there's just the sweat and the emaciated people. I fucking, I can't deal with it. Like there's no way to get to like, I don't know.

I guess you put your fucking put your mat down, but then your mat is absorbed and it's like rubber. So it's like absorbing how many fucking hours? How many classes of fucking plant-based burgers sweat, you know, that's done God knows what. I don't decide, you know, I stopped going to those things. So I started thinking about that ice bath thing. It's like, all right, this is 700 pounds of fucking water. That's a lot of fucking water.

That's a lot of weight. And we always have a drought out here. How often are they changing that water? You know, I mean, am I going to get in that thing right after Lou Diamond Phillips? I don't think I am. I don't know why I'm just naming celebrities with three names. You know, the other night I had a, I had a cigar with Ephraim Zimbalist, Jr. So then I was like, all right, because my shoulders like really talking to me, man.

It's feeling inflamed. So I finally was like, wait a minute, I have a bathtub. I have ice. I could fill the bathtub. I'm going to have to fuck is wrong. I have the solution. So I filled the bathtub up. I didn't have to make it fucking weigh 700 pounds or whatever.

It was just a bath. And instead of hot water, I just sat in cold water. I didn't do the ice yet. And I got to tell you, man, I fucking loved it. It sucked getting in, but I knew I put my leg in and I went, now I was like, fuck it. Getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, I got the other leg in. All right.

And then I just said, fuck it. I just sat down right up to my gingered nipples. And that's as far as I could go. And I was just going, just doing that, right? And there's not even any ice in it. So I'm working my way up to being comfortable with it. And, but after like, you know, 20 seconds, I was fine. And then I was automatically immediately regretting, why didn't I go all the way up to my neck?

I got to do this again. And then I slid down up to my neck and I was, ah, but then you just sit there and you don't fucking move. And I stayed in there for 10 minutes and I really enjoyed it. And so I was in the bathroom, obviously of our bedroom. So I say to Nia, I go, Nia, I go, come on in here. She comes in. I go, look, this is ice cold water.

I go, feel how cold this water is. I've been in here for eight minutes. She's just looking at me. I go, feel how cold it is. She just goes, I can see how cold it is. She made a fucking dick joke when I was suffering. You know, I actually laughed my frozen balls off for like fucking the final two minutes and she was cracking up.

I love making her laugh. It's my favorite thing. And she was actually, she was laughing because I was laughing. She's the best. And we were actually talking about how we haven't done a staycation in a while. My favorite thing to do, and I think we're going to go out to the, the dessert. I will never call it the desert. I will always call it the dessert in honor of Greg Geraldo.

The balls are sticking to your leg out here in the dessert. Um, yeah, so I'm thinking of going out there, maybe, maybe in May, but I, I wrote a little something that I'm directing in May I'm very excited about. So I have a little pre-production and then I'm in production and then there's post, but it's just going to be a quick, a little quick little four day shoot thing that I'm very excited about. Oh, Billy, oh, Billy director, you know, I'm going to get myself a big stupid hat. One of those, one of those things to yell through.

But anyway, let's talk a little bit of sports here, shall we? Um, by the way, I'm still buzzing off of that, uh, I'll put on my password here, I'm still buzzing off that, uh, Yousef day's experience band. If you get a chance, go see them on tour, um, fucking incredible. Um, all right, let's talk a little bit of sports here. My dumb ass who hasn't watched one second of the Red Sox yet, I, I was able to check in yesterday while my kids were eating, checking out my, uh, basically my previous relationship I had before my kids, all my sports packages.

So I checked out, I do have the baseball package. I taped the Tigers game today. I'm taping this on the ninth. I know we won, we scored 14 runs the night before and evidently Chris Sale is back and he looks great, um, which is very exciting. I mean, if you have an ace, I mean, he just limits, you know, like an eight game slide because he's going to be starting and what do they start every five games or something like that.

They can really just, you know, prevent any, you know, and I guess unless the other three four guys absolutely suck, whatever, I was excited to hear that he's back. Uh, I think Devers had two home runs. This is the Saturday game. I'm taping the one today, uh, the Bruins, I watched the whole devil's game. Uh, they tied the modern record of 62 wins with the win over the devils. And it's funny, people are like trying to give, like put the pressure on the Bruins like, Oh, it doesn't mean anything if, uh, you don't win the cup.

And it's like, you know, the pressure's on to win the cup. It's like, what are you talking about? The fucking red wings had 62 wins and so did the, uh, the lightning. And I don't think either one of them wanted. They want it in, uh, in 18, 19, they, they, they won 62 games, right? Wasn't that the year the Bruins lost to the Blues in the finals as far as I know. So it sort of goes with the territory that if you win 62 or more games, you don't win the cup.

So they should be playing loose. Come the playoffs, uh, playoffs. They played the Flyers today at 3pm, um, which I think just started recording that and they're going to be going for the regular season record, which is pretty fucking cool. The, uh, the masters last I checked, it was pouring down, raining. I've been taping that and every time I cut to it, they're just showing fucking rain coming down the golf course. So hopefully they got a sunny day.

Um, very happy that me and all my friends and the dads, everybody went last year. Even though it was fucking as cold as a football game on the Saturday last year, but the Sunday was absolutely gorgeous. I'm going to be watching that this week, but, uh, I mean, it's just one of the great events every year. You got, you got to watch the masters. You got, you know, as a white guy, it's kind of hacky, but you know, you got to watch the masters.

Kidding. Um, but I do enjoy it. It does draw me in. Um, and then last, but not least, I finally watched that April 1st race of MotoGP in Argentina. Uh, congratulations to Marco Bussechi. I hope I said it right. He won, uh, he won there at MotoGP two, five years ago and he repeated it in the rain. It was actually, uh, a pretty exciting race as far as for second and third, uh, Francisco

Binyaye, I'm probably saying all these names wrong, worked his way up past Alex Marquez. Like that was like the best racing and everything that, uh, Johan Zarco was doing, moving up from the back of the pack was amazing. He came all the way up to second place, but, uh, Francisco Binyaye, unfortunately was going into a turn and I don't know how they don't wipe out every time, how low they go. But he ended up laying the bike down and, uh, I mean, that put him in second place. I think he has, uh, I think he's down nine points to Bussechi, uh, but we'll see. Mark Marquez still watched it from home, still has that broken bone in his, his hand.

I just wish that guy would come back fully healthy because he was already starting to look like himself again, riding like really aggressive and, uh, oh, and also congratulations to Valentino Rossi, his first MotoGP, P first MotoGP win as an owner. And I'm totally back into this sport. Um, I will be pronouncing the names better as the season goes along. I took all the last year off. I was so busy, but, uh, next week, old freckles and, um, and Dean Del Ray will be going to the MotoGP race in Austin, Texas.

Not fucking wait, um, I'm doing some gigs in Texas and then working my way over there on Sunday. It's going to be fucking awesome. Uh, I can't believe it. I really can't believe it. I really wished I went years ago because my favorite rivalry was, uh, David Sioso versus Mark Marquez. And, uh, I also kind of wish like, um, Ducati still had that red, you know, he got that

lighter blue, almost like a Porsche blue, um, which is interesting. So I'm really trying to like learn the names and the numbers and all of that. So when they come to zip it by like, I'm going to be able to see it. I just can't believe I'm going to go to it. Um, very, very, very excited about that. So with that, I think it's time to do a little bit of advertising reads here that I talk about everything I want to talk about. I think so.

Oh, my son knows how to pedal now. He got this little fire engine from his, uh, his grandmother for Christmas and, um, yeah, he knows how to pedal now, which is fucking amazing. Um, it just took him forever. He would just kind of go forward and back, forward and back. And now he finally got it down. So I brought the fire engine out of the house and out into the driveway and, uh, he was pedaling around still goes back to his Fred Flintstone muscle memory.

And, um, and he's still big on the big wheel. He likes to go, you know, there's a little hill in the driveway. He likes to go down the fucking hill. It scares the shit out of me, but, um, I mean, that's what boys do. You know, your daughter fascinates you. Where you're just like, is she more mature than I am already at six? You know, and then your son, his job is just to scare the shit out of you. Just constantly, you know, his upper body strength is, is ridiculous.

He just goes around now and he just walks up to like the, uh, you know, what do you call it? The counter in the kitchen. And he just grabs onto it, pulls himself up, brings his knees up and just hangs there. And then he just looks over at me and just stares, gives me a cold stare and then sets himself down and then looks at me and then just gives me the thumbs up and turns around and walks away. That's like his thing, man.

But anyway, he's, uh, he's like all like a big boy now. He's very proud of him. He's almost potty trained, no more passy, none of that type of stuff. Uh, he still loves trucks. Um, I took him and my daughter for a little Easter ride in my old Ford truck and, uh, we had a great time, my old Ford truck, which is not leaking at all anywhere because of that genius mechanic right down the street. And, um, I actually, every time I go into my garage now, I look under the truck and break

into an ear to ear grin. I've owned that truck for almost 12 years and it's been leaking something the entire fucking time. You know, and I'm one of those, uh, clean garage guys, you know, like I believe cars and trucks belong in a garage where everybody else puts all their ex use it as like stuff storage, or they turn it into like some sort of, you know, well, I mean, mine's half a podcast studio, but what are you going to do here? Um, they turn into like a giant office or like a gym or something, which is, I, that's

not even bad. I don't mind that shit either. I just hate when, you know, you see a neighbor and he lifts up the garage door and all you just see is just boxes and just shit. Some fucking fish or price basketball hoop, you know, from 20 years ago, his kids are in his thirties and it's just like, I don't want to be that fucking guy. So, um, I'm one of those dudes, like I sweep it, then I shop vacate and then I, I, I wash the floor on like my hands and knees.

I just get it sparkling. Like I want to be able to like eat off in there. Like, you know, whenever you see, you know what it is, cause whenever you see like these car shows, these car collectors and you go in their garages, you know that they fixed it up. They fixed it up for the shoot, but still it inspires you like a refrigerator, the contents of a refrigerator back in the day on MTV Cribs. Remember that they would open it up and you'd be like, look at how, look at how organized

it is. And look at all those drinks and they're just, you know, and they always were just stocked. It wasn't like, uh, you know, you could help, you could hold eight cans of Coke in a row and there was only, you know, four there cause you drink Coke, there would always be eight and eight Fiji bottles of water and eight things of iced tea and it just fucking lined up, you know, like the Nazis at Zeppelin Stadium, this regimen, um, yeah, anyway, so like I get more inspired by, uh, the fucking, uh, people's garages and that type of shit. So, um, that's what I'm doing after this.

I'm cleaning up my little drum room and then I'm cleaning up the garage and that's it. Everything's just sort of wedged in there. My drum room slash podcast studio, um, slash whatever. So anyway, that's what's going on with me, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, let's do a little bit of, uh, let's do some reads here, dude. Um, oh, it's fume, everybody. All right. Be smart.

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Does not look like they're just selling the plant in there. Um, I feel like there's a lot of, uh, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to say that they're, they're really tamper with that stuff. Um, having said that, I'm not going to lie to you, uh, somebody gave me a joint one time and it was just like three puffs and I was, I was done. And, uh, I was thinking like, yeah, that's my kind of thing. You know what I mean? Like drinking, you just got to keep where, oh wait, I'm actually talking about smoking

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it. You know, and kids just make years fly by and it's been Jesus Christ. It's been almost fucking eight years and I went out there like Tim and Terry when I got on the ice. I was like, should I, it was like a public scape but I was like, should I fucking wear a helmet? Okay. I don't need to be cracking my old fucking egg here on the goddamn ice.

But no one was wearing a helmet, you know, except the little kids and peer pressure got the better of me. So I left it in the car and I went skating with my daughter. We had such a great time and a lot of muscle memory. I mean, I only play pickup hockey from 2010 to 2015 and I was like a pawn hockey skater before that I stunk. So I didn't have a lot to lose, but it was still there a little bit. It definitely made me want to play when my kids get a little bit bigger.

Maybe I'll start doing the pickup hockey again, but we used to play was like 1130 to one in the morning. Get this fucking unbelievable sweat, but then you came home and you were just like fucking wired. I'd be laying there till like three in the morning, like wide awake. But it was still great. We still like once a week. I might get back to that, man.

It was fun. Definitely fun. It's one of those great old man sports where even if you're not going fast, you still feel like you can run because you're Jersey's still going to flap in the breeze a little bit, right? Oh, Jesus. Bill, I look like a bald Lanny McDonald out there. All right.

Oh, here we go. We got, we got the reads here for all of the wonderful listeners writing in at close range. Hi Bill. Thanks for the shout out to Eddie Pepitone last year. I didn't know him and have been loving his latest album. Oh, that guy's a fucking genius. Eddie Pepitone is a fucking beast. He's one of the best comics out there, you know, and this business is how this business

is, you know, and Eddie just isn't the, you know, the ingenue he used to be. So now he's got to make it, you know, back in the day, Eddie made it on his looks. Now he has to do the work. No kidding. Eddie is just, he's a comics comic. I will, anytime I see him, I will stop. I go, I got to watch this guy and I love watching him because nothing he talks about is anything that I would ever think about.

He's just in his own lane and is just awesome to watch. So definitely check him out if you get a chance. Eddie Pepitone. All right. On Thursday, you mentioned seeing at close range. Yes. Sean Penn tell a great story about Christopher Walken that I thought you might enjoy. Oh, that's, that's okay.

Before we get into that, I actually watched a movie that I think was Christopher Walken's first movie because the credits said introducing Christopher Walken. It's called The Anderson Tapes and it's directed by Sidney Lumet, who did everything from 12 angry men to the verdict, one of the great directors of all time. And the story behind this, this one, The Anderson Tapes, it stars Sean Connery and it's evidently the movie that helped him break out of being typecast of playing James Bond. So it was really a significant movie. It's a strange movie.

I will tell you that. There's definitely some questions I don't quite understand, didn't quite get answered. But there's a lot of character actors in there. Conrad, is it Bane? The guy who played Mr. Drummond on different strokes. Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some man is born. But some will never leave my head.

That's the first time I saw Janet Jackson first on Good Times. But on different strokes, yeah. That's when I just went macho man. On different strokes, yeah. That's the first time I've ever seen her going, God damn, she's fucking gorgeous. Oh, little baby. Watching the show. Guys, Conrad Bane, I think his name, he is in that movie too.

And last night I had this fucking random dream. I was at a party and Conrad Bane, even though he's dead, was at the party and he was sitting there looking the age he looked like when he was in the Anderson tapes. And I walked up to him in the dream and in my head going like, that can't be the guy from different strokes, that guy's dead. And I walked up, I said, hey man, how are you? And he said, hey, what's going on? Because everybody talks like me in my dreams.

What's going on? How are you? And I said, hey, Conrad, what do you say to your fucking doctor? So I said, hey, I saw one of your first movies. He's like, oh, is that right? I said, yeah, I saw the Anderson tape and he just laughed and goes, I wasn't in that. And I was like, oh my God, that wasn't Conrad Bane, obviously, because he's dead. I wonder who that guy is that looked just like him and that was the end of the dream.

But anyway, Christopher Walken is in the introducing. Christopher Walken is in that movie, all shot in New York, all these great old taxi cabs and police cabs and all police cabs, police cars, all that shit that I fucking loved from back in the day. So anyway, check that one. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's weird, has a weird soundtrack, there's some weird jumping forward and coming back. Like Sidney LaMette, I think it was kind of getting out of, you tell stories more in like

a linear way. I felt up until that, I think he was trying to do like some different shit, but it's still definitely a cool movie. Watched it on YouTube. All right, so anyways, at close range, Christopher Walken story that Sean Penn told, anyway, Walken has an intense phobia of guns. Welcome to the club. I fucking love guns.

And when I go into a gun store, like I look as I want to buy every fucking thing in there, especially if it looks like any gun that I've seen in a movie, I just don't have any training and I respect them. So I'm like afraid that I'm gonna do something, you know, I'm not afraid to look, but if I anytime I'm going to like a gun range, there's always that thing like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Just keep your finger off the trigger unless you're gonna pull it and don't have your finger on the trigger unless you're pointing at what the fuck you want to shoot at and know what

the fuck's behind it, but we're at a gun range, all of that's okay. But I always get worried even like a gun range that there's gonna be some guy, you know, the guy who sets up like the paper cutouts is just gonna come walking out and I didn't hear the ceasefire, you know, like some kid in an old school bowling lane who's got to come out and set up the fucking pins. But I do love it, man. But I love the revolvers, man, the fucking like the old cop looking guns, the dirty Harry. But everyone, everyone that I know that have a shot like a 44 Magnum was like, dude, after

the first shot, I didn't want to shoot it anymore, it like hurt my fucking arm. So if I ever went to a gun range and shot one of those, which I'm probably gonna do just to fucking do it, I'm only gonna put one bullet in because I mean, it's bad enough if it came up and smashed me my big dumb head, but I just don't want to be that guy where it flies out of my hand, lands on the ground and then fucking blow somebody's leg off or whatever the hell that gun could do, I just don't want to be that guy. Anyway, Bill, can we get to fucking Christopher walking, you know, instead of you talk? All right.

He has an intense phobia of guns to feel safe. He makes a habit of triple and quadruple checking the dummy loads in any guns that will be in a scene he's performing in. Wow, how the fuck did he get through the deer hunter knowing this pen walked out of view as the filming of the climactic final scene began and says, give me that other gun. Oh my God, loud enough that walking would hear came back into view and started the scene. The fear on walking's face in the movie looks very real because he's really fucking terrified. Oh my God, Penn was only 17.

What? He had the balls to do that. That's fucking incredible. The fact that he knew how to elevate the performance of a legend and that the balls to do it is fucking amazing. Yeah, I couldn't say it any better than you just said it. I love those fucking stories. Those fucking stories, that's amazing.

I would now, I would just be going, just make sure you know your lines so Mr. Walken doesn't get mad. This guy's like, I'm going to fuck with him. Now I have to go back and watch that scene. Anyway, I've been big into like, I don't recommend this to anybody. Like if you grew up in like the 90s or something like that, if you're born in the 90s, go watch a bunch of movies from the 90s just to look at the cars and all of that and all these cool memories.

It's not even about the movie. Like you'll hear a song and it just puts me back in a station wagon, you know, riding home from my dad's job because we had like one car so we would all get in the car, drive my dad to work if my mom needed the car and came home, you know, and we would, you know, whatever, like Carly Simon, all of that shit just, I'm immediately back into this, we had this Buick station wagon, like Navy blue, I want to say with black interior. And it was, I want to say it was like almost like a mid-sized, did they make a mid-sized station wagon back then?

I can't remember. We were sort of like a Buick family. Like before that, we had like this 73 Buick Regal that had like these fucking doors that were like, you know, as thick as a safe, I don't know. I love doing that shit. All right. Liberal gun owner and former banker cunt. All right, hearing from the gun owners, I love it, Guillermo, Spanish for William.

On your March 30th podcast, you asked for gun owners to write in with solutions to curb mass shootings. Yeah, who would know better, via better regulations of purchasing of a firearm. Yeah, just something that, that lets regular people get the guns they want and how do we prevent fucking idiots from getting them, doing horrible things and then fucking it up for the law by law abiding gun owner. It's basically that seems to be the question, right? And this is what I'm asking, having no knowledge of guns or legislation whatsoever.

So for some reason we're going to bounce it off of me. This doesn't say you're listening to a podcast right now. I don't know what does. I am a former banker cunt who spent eight years working with insurance benefits and a current gun owner. Can you please write back in and let me know why you stopped banking? Did it get to you? Could you not do it anymore or did you find something else to do?

I don't know. This is relevant because I have some credibility to, to speak on this and in my time there. Okay. So what is relevant here is a former banker cunt eight years working with insurance benefits and current gun are okay. I heard some experts familiar with the industry insurance specifically propose a solution that I think would actually have a solid chance of making a meaningful difference. A solution could be to require gun owners to carry insurance.

This is going to stop a nut from doing something crazy. He's going to worry about his pre is his fucking premium going up. Gee, I'd really love to shoot up that food court, but God damn it. My monthly payment would go through the fucking roof. All right. I'm going to be open minded here. Now I know that communist ginger, that communist ginger hair of yours is standing up on the back of your neck.

When did I become a commie? I'm doing great in capitalism. I just feel like this should be like, you know, like, like in, um, like in baseball, some sort of luxury tax. That's all a revenue sharing is revenue sharing communists. And if it is, then doesn't communism work within the NFL, we just open it up all kinds of cans of worms here. Anyway, uh, now that I don't, now I know that a communist ginger hair of yours is standing

up on the back of your neck, just reading that sentence, but hear me out and buckle up because this is going to be a tad lengthy. All right. Well, I didn't stand up because of any communist socialists or, I don't know, capitalist thought. I just was like, I don't think a crazy person gives a fuck about insurance or maybe they can't get insurance. I'll just shut up. You don't have to get insurance to own a car, right?

And it's well, yeah, I mean, in theory, it doesn't stop people from drying down the street without it. Um, and as long as you're not an asshole, it's really not that expensive. And if you are a good driver, it is in fact, is very inexpensive. It is also very easy to get insurance with plenty of small and large firms across the US. You can also get most policies that same day, like buying a car. So that addresses the concern of responsible gun owners not being impeded to purchase and

continue owning a gun while also requiring something that is not excessive. Anyone that tells you that this is an undue burden on your second amendment rights is not a serious person. See, now, why couldn't you just say that without insulting? Because now they're going to get all fucking upset. Um, now why, why would it help? Here are some things to consider. No one is better at assessing risks than insurance companies.

Uh, yeah, but now, now don't they have to get into like psychological shit? Uh, there is a huge incentive to ensure companies are not ensuring anyone that might be mentally unstable, had domestic violence issues or other behaviors slash factors that might indicate they are more likely to use lethal force. Okay, such as payouts to victims, families from the perpetrators insurance policy. No parents should have to ever suffer the financial burden of burying their child. Uh, okay, the government is not involved for all the cunts that think they won't get droned by the nerds.

Uh, it would create jobs, lots of gun owners to ensure it adds a step that may give any ill intended time to rethink their actions and get help instead. I don't know about that. I think if you're nuts, you're nuts. It will ensure maybe it's somebody who's just pissed off. It will ensure at least some people who should not have firearms do not get them. All right. Yeah, this does go on.

Okay, we got two more long paragraphs. Bear with me, everybody. Now, why do, now why do we need this? Oh, I love when people ask the question for me. Now, why do we need this? I didn't ask. Obviously, this was prompted by shootings, but my own experience purchasing a firearm is case in point.

To keep it brief, several years ago, my wife and I moved from our home state of New Mexico to a state where we did not know anyone. This is part of the reason I decided to purchase a shotgun and a handgun. At the time we were living with friends as we just sold our house and did not have a permanent address. When I went to buy the gun, I did not have the necessary documents such as a bank statement with the current address that matched my documents. I was almost not able to purchase the guns, but thankfully I had a very helpful salesman.

We will call him Frank. Now, Frank knew that I didn't have the necessary documents, but he prided himself in being a patriotic American and wanted to help me out. Frank told me to go to the other end of the store where they also sold fishing licenses and asked to purchase a temporary one day fishing license. And that would be enough for me to walk out with both guns. Yeah, well, you can see the potential problem there. When I walked to the other end of the store to purchase these licenses, a stout and keen

gentleman assisted me in purchasing this license. It was about 4 p.m. that day. And when I asked for the one day fishing license, he asked if I was sure because of how late in the day it was and the pass expired at 8 p.m. I told him I was sure and that it was not an issue. He squinted slightly and asked if I was sure again. I assured him it was fine. He then proceeded to ask me, sir, are you purchasing the license to obtain a firearm

today? I'm not going to lie, Bill. I almost cracked but was able to muster a solid nope. I like how the fishing guy is doing more shit than the guy actually selling the gun. I'll get that done for you right away. He says, okay, I'll get that done for you right away. In under eight minutes, I had my one day fishing license and I was back with Freedom Frank himself finishing up my background check and he finally handed me my guns with a firm

handshake and a smile. Knocked out a proud gun owner that same day or at least you're a good guy. All right, so you're saying, I don't know if I'm smart enough for this, so you're saying if they get insurance, if you had to have insurance, you're saying the insurance companies would do way more of a background check than this fish and game place that you went into. All right, so they would do more than that but you think that they, and evidently you think that they would do enough that that wing nut down there in Tennessee would not have been able to get a gun.

Now couldn't that person been like, you know, you're doing this because I'm transitioning and then when they get scared, wouldn't their corporate lawyers get scared of that? I don't know. All right, well, there's one solution. A gun solution. Hey, Billy, bullet time. I think I'm going to go with bullet head. I've got two small kids.

I'm a gun owner and like you, I've been trying to figure out the solution to these school shootings. Well, I honestly do. I think so much of it is if they wouldn't fucking give these assholes that do it, you know, more media coverage than the quarterback that won the Super Bowl. I think that it would, you know, stop the psycho monkey see monkey do type of thing out there. I mean, why am I getting into a fucking ice bath? Who the fuck would ever get into a bath with ice in it?

No one. No one ever until you see it. People go, oh, this is good. And then all right, I'll do it. That's how psychos look at school shootings where you look at it like it's horrifying. They're like, oh, that's what I could do with my weekend. All right, anyway, we can implement nationwide gun laws, background checks, waiting periods, limited capacity magazines and banned certain types of guns like we've done here in California.

But does that work? It didn't work with that 72 year old Asian dude who shot up the dance hall in Monterey Park. He circumvented all of those laws with a banned gun similar to an Uzi with high capacity magazines. We can't rely on armed guards or the police to handle every situation. That disaster in Uvaldi taught us that. So what do we do? We harness artificial intelligence.

Is that all we have to do? Just harness artificial intelligence like you're going to say how to do that? Video cameras and security doors. We put a comprehensive system of cameras in and around the schools. We hook them up to AI and teach it to recognize handguns and rifles as that fucktard with the gun approaches the school, AI spots it and puts the school in lockdown. If the gun is hidden, the minute it comes out of the bag inside or outside of the school, the school is put into lockdown.

That's my solution. Thanks and go fuck yourself. You and all buck Rogers on it. All right. I'll do the whatever, who's going to pay for that bulletproof windows? I mean, so you're basically, you want to go Terminator. You want to have like robots outside the school. You know, when somebody approaches, are you a sad icon or are you a school shooter?

They'll come over and just take them out. I mean, that would be ideal, but I mean, I know how much my computer fucks up. What happens when the Terminator robot, that's the one thing that is missing in the Terminator is a defect in the Terminator. He never seems to need to reboot. He always seems to kill the people he wants to kill. It's very odd. One of the genius things of that is when they brought Arnold back and they're like, yeah,

he's still playing the Terminator, but now he's a good Terminator. I mean, I want to say they ripped off Hulk Hogan with like the, you know, if he has the blonde mustache, he's the good guy. If he adds the black pine tar beard, then he's a bad guy. Anyway, everything goes back to, everything goes back to blues, jazz or wrestling. A lot of people say Shakespeare, I'm giving Vince McMahon and those guys a little more credit. All right.

Down 200 pounds, what? Get the fuck out of here. You lost 200 pounds. I'm sitting there trying to lose my fucking 20 pounds of COVID weight. Well, good for you, sir or ma'am, or they, um, Bill, you're the first person in the world who ever made me feel gross for being fat. Okay. I'll take that as a compliment.

A few years back, I took your shaming to the heart and lost 200 pounds. I put back on 100 and fell off the wagon hard. Oh fuck. Bill, I can't keep away from fried food. Anyway, I'm backing down, I'm back down to a healthy weight again and maintaining it. Shout out to everyone actually trying to do anything. Absolutely. That's amazing.

The fact that you put 100 back on and we're able to stop, um, you have the willpower, dude. I believe in you and, uh, you know what? Why don't you try the thing that I'm failing at this month, which is taking the first 10 months off, 10 months, the first 10 days of every month off, I shut down everything. Uh, well, I guess you, you need to permanently shut down those things. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna stop, dude. Because that's, that's a life threatening thing that you're dealing with and it's above my pay grade.

I was going to be like, why don't you learn to play a musical instrument? Every time you want some buffalo wings, get a breakout that ukulele, get some fume, you know, light one of those fuckers up, see what happens. Um, I don't know. Hey, I got to tell you something, um, that little fucking, I didn't even do an ice bath. It was just cold water. It has affected my mood. Like I am in a, uh, I'm in a better mood.

I'm in a sillier mood. I like to think a lighter mood, um, letting shit roll off my back. That's how I want to be. That's how I want to live the rest of my life here. Um, anyways, that is the podcast. Uh, is there anything that I forgot as far as sports? I know this is a crazy time with sports, with everything, everything's coming up. NBA, NHL playoffs, MotoGP.

I haven't been watching formula one. I'm sure it's great. Uh, I'm just psyched and thank you to everybody in college station that's coming out to the show next week. I cannot fucking wait, um, to go to that, that, uh, MotoGP race. This is something that's been a long time coming and, um, I swear to God when I see those motorcycles, I hope Marquez is racing next week. I mean, I remember when I went to a formula one event, when I, when I saw like, um, Lewis

Hamilton's Mercedes, back when they had like the green and silver, the silver arrow there, like, like the car alone was like seeing a celebrity. Um, just one of those moments, you know, when you just see something for a long time and then all of a sudden you're there, you're like, how the fuck am I at the same place? This shit is happening. It's still one of my goals though is I want to go to Mexico city for that formula one that goes through the old baseball stadium. I think that's the coolest thing ever and I want to sit in those fucking bleaches and

watch them all come through the chicane. Um, all right. That is it. That is the podcast. Uh, go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on thursday and now I'm never ready to shut it off and there we go.