Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-10-23

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Bill rambles about Philadelphia, Cheesesteaks, and the Suez Canal.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, July 10th, 2020. What's going on? How, why, yeah. How's it going? How's it going in your, your, your part of the woods? I'm supposed to tease something without saying what it is

because the show's gonna be announced on Tuesday, but I'm not supposed to tell you what it is, but I'm supposed to tease you. I'm supposed to tickly under your fucking chin with a little bit of information. All right, I am going to be doing a show in the tri-state area at a very well-known establishment.

I've done the establishment before. All right, I'm gonna be doing it in November, but I am not allowed to say the name of the venue. I don't understand this. This is like a certain streaming service that you're not allowed to say, you know, when you have a project coming out, it's like, you cannot say when it is coming out until halfway through next Thursday.

It's only Monday. Oh my God, what if you fucking say, what if you put that information out three and a half days earlier? Are people not going to go see it? Are they not going to go to the show? I don't understand it. But, you know, if I've learned anything in life, it's to keep my mouth shut and not think for myself. And let the sociopaths that effortlessly ascend the ladder of power because they have no fucking empathy whatsoever and just listen to them, they know what to do. Anyway, fucking flew back from Atlantic City via Philadelphia yesterday.

By the way, Philadelphia, exciting city to see. You come around the corner on the highway and there it is, that's a fuck, you know, there's a lot of, you know, I'm sick of every time this is sporting event. They have to go up to the biggest fucking mouth breather in Philadelphia. Just a dumb fucking day with my brother. He eye hit on 10 chicks and I have a little dick I don't give a fuck you seen that one. It's just like is it always that guy the guy with no self-esteem complete fucking moron

Those guys from always sunny are from Philadelphia, right? I worked at Denver first three the smartest guys I ever met. They're from Philadelphia. I talked to one of them. He watched the marks brothers growing up. That's what the smart kids did. The dummies like me watched the three studios. I refused to believe that everybody in Philly is that fucking stupid. I go there. They're not that stupid. You go to a sporting event. I just feel like it's just like, they feel like they have to do it. Like, you know, when a celebrity, like sort of builds, you know, like a Belushi or something, they build their life around Chris Farley,

like being that guy, then all of a sudden they get trapped. They feel like they have to be there. I feel like Philly sports fans are like that. It's like all the cameras on. I have to rep Philly. Let me go, let me fucking deep throw to cheese steak and then go puke on a cop, you know, or whatever the fuck it is they're doing. I don't know.

I still like the city, you know. Anyway, so we, yeah, we were driving down from Allen town, but yesterday, I got to give a shout out to American Airlines. We were leaving DePlaton, and I was really nervous that we were going to get stuck there because of the global warming that for whatever reason they're not talking about. Last week, I got stuck for eight hours because of these insane fucking storms with lightning and all of this shit.

And I'm getting calls from comedians around the country. I can't get out of Oklahoma. I can't get out of Vegas. And I've been doing the road long enough. This shit didn't happen. It didn't like on this level. I got three calls from different comics and different parts of the country

saying the weather was too fucked for them to get out of there. So I just have to hold onto the fact that they're gonna figure this out and somehow they're gonna fix it. But anyway, so last week I ended up with Dean Del Rey. Where we did Hershey, we did Newark and we did Bridgeport, Connecticut. We had a great time.

We go to Newark Airport, we say goodbye to Club soda Kenny, and thus began, you know, eight and a half hours of delays while they had to wait for the lightning and all this stuff to go away, right? So the whole time, you know, Saturday night, or whatever. I was thinking like, man, I just wish they had red eyes going the other way. You know, the only have red eyes going from West East. I wish they had one.

I would step off stage here in Atlantic City. I'd go fucking jumping a car, go right to the Philly airport, you know, and then go to sleep. But nope, I didn't. I had like a 10.49 AM flight. We get there, it's looking overcast, it's cool, doesn't seem like the temperature's high. I'm like, all right, here we go. We're gonna get out of here, we get on the fucking plane. We push away from the gate at 10.49.

This is all fucking good. We're out on the taxiway and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, the dude pulls over. And let me tell you something. When they pull over, they never get back on the taxiway to go to the runway. They always pull over and they say, we're just gonna shut it down here for a second. We got a little bit of weather out there. First of all, once that happens, then you have to wait to get clearance, as far as my

limited understand, you have to wait to get clearance again, and that involves resubmitting your IFR flight plan, and you have to get let back into the system. And the system is tracking all flights along your path to make sure that at no point are you going to fucking smash into somebody else. Um, or whatever. So long story short, the guy goes, all right, you know, actually it's looking up. They got to try to, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh just like, uh, I got some bad news here. Me and my coat pilot just timed out as we flew up here from Miami this morning. We got to take you back to the gate. Nah, we got to get you another flight crew. Unfortunately, I don't have any more information, which is the number one thing. The number one thing said in aviation other than sir, can you please take your seat is I don't, we don't have any more, I don't have any more information. Mammoths or any way you can turn down the intercom.

No, there's nothing I can do. There's nothing, I don't have any more information. You mean to tell me somebody installed this intercom on 10 and it's you, that's the only option to have, sir, there's nothing I can do. I don't have it. They always do that shit so if we go back to the gate and we're getting off the fucking thing right at this point I just call Kenny I don't give a fuck I go dude I'm gonna blow all my gig money just give me a fuck

I'm not doing this again all right I want to go home I want to see my fucking kids just get me a fucking Joe it's gonna be all your gig money I don't get a fuck right so we're just sitting get me a fucking joke. It's gonna be all your gig money. I don't get my fuck, right? So we're just sitting there. I'm fucking eating a burrito. And I'm just standing there. You know, and it was funny. I didn't even talk to the gay agent. Everybody else did.

She's like, I'm sorry, I don't have any information. There's no information. If there's information, I don't have it, right? And she's just standing there. So me and fucking Dean get the burrito. And then Dean, eyes light up, he goes, dude, there's a pilot. There's another one.

I don't know where the fuck these guys were. We got off the plane and 20 minutes later, American Airlines had another flight crew to take us across. I've never had that happen when the flight crew times out, forget it. You might as well start looking for real estate. Yeah.

Yeah. You might as well start looking for real estate in that area because you are not gonna be fucking leaving until the next fucking day. I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. You have a voucher for this hotel. The hotel's sold out. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to figure it out.

I gotta figure it out. But American Airlines had a flight crew. We got back on, you know, it wasn't too bad. I was only like a two, three hour delay, but I was just going like, I am literally gonna get home at like, fuck it. One in the morning, my kids are gonna be asleep. And I already faced Tydom. I said I was gonna come home, ride bikes, play with them, and all of that stuff.

So I had a little moment. I said I was gonna come home, ride bikes, play with them and all of that stuff. So I had a little moment. I didn't believe in American Airlines and Goddamn it, they came through. We're American Airlines getting you a new flat crew. So anyway, I had a great, great trip back east in Allentown, live in here in Allentown. You know, I went there and I was expecting to see a rust belt city or the remnants of it. I was expecting to see the big factory or whatever and it wasn't there.

And I was kind of talking to people, you know, when you go into town, there is sort of this giant, looks like a church of Satan, you know, we could see at one point it was beautiful, but now that it's kind of run down, it's taken on this ominous vibe, it was still really cool. And then right after you went past that big building, there was all of these houses like next to each other, like when they used to run the end credits at the end of all in the family. And I was thinking like these were probably the workers' houses, you know, they got them all right. Next to each other, God forbid they get a little bit of fucking,

they get a yad to stretch their legs out on, right? And they built this whole thing up and people were like, yeah, no, that's not what it was. I didn't know what they were doing, you know, it was's not what it was. I didn't know what they were doing the show, so I couldn't quite hear what they were saying, but ended up looking up that song, Billy Joe. They've been here in Allen town. It was actually about Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and just, Allen town sounded better.

So that's what he did. And that's back before social media, Sonoma could go on the internet and trash Billy Joe and be like, oh, hey, fuck stick. There's actually no fucking rust belt shit here. I think you either talking about Bethlehem, fucking something else or something else. By the way, my latest addiction, my fucking cell phone.

I am really trying to just, I've gotten back into reading books. I was in a car the other day or something and this, this city bus went by and you know you got the big fucking windows and every single person they went by was just staring at their phone. Now I think that's great for public transportation. Okay, the more people are staring at their phones and not looking at each other, I feel like the less fights there are.

You know, like back in the day, it'd be like you could only look at like the advertisement and subway signage for so long before your eyes came down and they met somebody else's eyes, who was then just like, fuck you looking at it and then there was the thing. Now, everybody's just staring at their phones. and then there was the thing. Now everybody's just staring at their phones.

I swear to God, you could stab somebody in the neck like four times before anybody would even notice. Let's the person start kicking their legs like that police officer in the beginning of no country for old men and was leaving the black mocks on the floor. So anyway, and I also noticed like, I go on social media and the level of fucking,

like this, this sort of this new toxic self help out there. You know, first of all, everybody's given like this life advice and it's just like, what is your life? I got to see what your life is that you've applied this and that it works. Are you even a therapist? Like, who the fuck are you, right? And now it's become like this sort of aggressive self-help where they put this panic in you

like a used car salesman. I got another guy coming down and look at it in 20 minutes, right? Like the you know the in the last in the last 30 seconds you just aged 40 seconds thinking to think about that You know, but if you eat it, you know my liver I went to the doctor my liver. I'm 51 my liver is 65 But after taking this stuff my liver is now 37 and I 26, my dick works again, and I'm fuck, it's like, what is this shit? It was something about kids going like, 90% of the free time you have to play with your kids happens before they're nine years old.

40% of that happens before they're five. It's just like, what is this fucking, first of all, what is this? What is this? It's just, and I just get off there going like, oh my God, I'm a fat fuck who doesn't spend enough time with this kid whose fucking liver is beyond his age and blah, blah, blah. It's like, I want to go back. They should have like, you know, they have like, you know, a band's every, every three years somebody's bringing it back.

You know, Lenny Kravitz, he's bringing it back. Jet, they're bringing it back. There's always a rock band that's bringing it back. Lenny Kravitz came out and he was like, fuck that wireless shit. I'm using the old marshals with the coil thing. Fucking, I don't know. Like as far as rock music, there's been a band every fucking six years is bringing it back, right? They should do that with social media. Like I want

to go back to old school social media where it was just watching someone get kicked in the balls or watching somebody butcher slashes solo on sweet child of mine. Like just somebody getting shot with a BB gun in the middle of a river as he screams before his voice changes. Remember that one? That fat guy on the fucking dirt bike, he went to go over the jump. I think that's still on my MySpace page.

I just don't know how to get to it. It was just fun. It was, you know what I sound like, I sound like old rappers. You know when they talk about like the early days they had popped like, man, it was just fun. It was just a party, you know, book that, they used to say that when it then it became like gangster rap and there was like all of that, all of that fucking drama going on before now. Now, now what is, is that the drug doubt? I have no idea what's going on. I just know if you just say the drink in lean, you can kind of sustain yourself in the

conversation for about eight seconds before people know you have no idea what you're talking about. Anyway, but I think also that music and all of that stuff always gets defined. The same way Philly, the people of Philadelphia get defined by that upper deck fucking moron who's at least 18 beers in, you know, how they get defined by that. I think today's, like probably all straight cross music. Did this fucking great music out there? It's just everybody's focusing on the pop shit, which, you know, there's always sucked,

right? I love the nightlife. I got to a boy on a desk go right oh yeah it was always shit that's always been that shit and then there's been like real shit going on that a smaller segment. I don't know. I'm just watching and I was doing it for a while and I hope you guys have noticed I've stopped doing it. I was becoming the old guy that was saying everything, even though I'm saying I want to go back to social media that doesn't make me feel like I'm of that bad dad, you know. I just want to see somebody get hit in the nuts or attempt something.

You know, that's why that fail army shit, you know, for the most part is still just the easy listening of like, of the social media's, I think. Anyway, I just forgot what my fucking point was. I was talking about, oh yeah, how like, I love out anytime this you you post any clip of comedy from back in the day Like old people like me got to sit there going like you can never fucking do it today I mean people would be fucking fake on the sidewalk grabbing their fucking general neutral generals It's like people have always complained Comedians have always gotten in trouble.

I sat down, I thought about it, I'm like this, this, it's just, it's just easier to bitch and it's easier to see. Back in the day, if something came out, people didn't like the networks, telephones, systems, like broke with all of the people calling and upset about whatever, whatever episode of whatever show just came out or whoever hosted, you know, SNL or whatever happened on the tonight show. They would get a flood of calls, but we as regular people couldn't read the phone calls, couldn't hear them, couldn't see them. That's why it just seems like Lenny Brute as far as comedies Lenny Bruce got in trouble. He got arrested George calling got arrested. Fucking prior got in trouble. Kineson got in trouble. Dice clay got in trouble

all the way through. There's just been that's always happened. Like a comedian puts out the fucking special somebody doesn't like it. Somebody flips out blah blah blah blah. That that has always been happening. People have always been seeing Super Bowl halftime shows all the way back to fucking Janet Jackson. That was 20 years ago. People didn't like that. Mod doing the fucking abortion episode. I'm sure the people that made the Jefferson's got shit for having an interracial culture. What are you teaching our kids? Boba, Boba, Boba, Boba, all the way, fucking all the way back to when Nat King Cole got his own show. Why are you giving this black guy a show? It's always fucking happened. All right, so there we go. So,

I'm just gonna live in this auto-tuned world. Try to be a nice guy. So we did Alenton. Had such a fucking great time. It's a, it was actually the fly-us minor league hockey arena. So those things are always great. Always like the perfect like sort of size. They kind of look like probably the spectrum look back in the day with the fans were on top of the game. So I really felt like the crowd was like on top of me and you could just have a killer show. But then we went to Atlantic City.

And I just sat on the boardwalk for like two days. And I'm still post mushroom high. You know, so I'm just looking at everybody in like a positive way and everything and I had fucking empathy for these people is they're walking down the thing. But I, you know, not gonna lie to you. I was like making fun of them on stage or whatever, but like, you know, as much as these politicians just sit there and they walk around and they talk about, they still gas up this country about, you know, how great a country. And it is and everything like that. But I have to be honest with you, you know, there's a lot of talk about how we treat our

veterans and homeless people and drug addicts and all that type of shit. I'll be, I'll, I would throw just the average fucking person in there. If you just saw the lack of education walking up and down that boardwalk just in a nutritional sense like what people don't know about what you should eat and what you should not eat and then the amount of dads that did not stick around to raise their daughters to not walk down the fucking goddamn dude. They were like, I mean, I'm talking like it looked like Jerome Betis in a fucking bikini within like a fishnet thing over the top of it.

Well, that's actually insulting. Probably Jerome now. Now that he's not playing. Why am I what I have to suggest that he's fat? All right, I'm going to leave all of that. Refrigerate a parry. That's what it looked like. The white, black, and Latino version of that in like a thong bikini with a belly.

Actually, you don't even need the front of the bikini because the fucking, the belly is gonna hang down far enough to hide your bush. And then guys just waddling down the fuck. And here they are. They're down there to buy more of that food. Now, having said that, I got a gyro when I was down there. That was outstanding.

You guys suggested some places off the beaten path. I never ended up down there. That was outstanding. You guys suggested some places off the beaten path. I never ended up getting there. I just had, I had some, anything better to record with Paul Verzi. And then also I rented a drum kit and I got to jam on it the second day up on the stage in that empty, empty conference room that I was performing at in Atlantic City.

Oh, and Jim Florentine came down the first night. It was fucking awesome. Or was it the second night? Might have been the second night. First night, second night, I can't remember. No, first night, came down the first night. Anyway, so I went up there and I got, like they miked up the drums, they sounded

unfuckin' believable and I got me on so you guys, I thought I was fuckin' killing it. And I kept lookin' up at the sound guy, like he's probably thinkin' like, wow, man. I mean, I knew he was good at stand-up comedy, but God damn, this guy should play in a band and Kenny took some video of it and I was like oh I could post this shit and people did wow man That's fucking cool and I watched it and I was just like what the what am I hearing in my head versus what I'm seeing in this video

ah It was fuck it just fucking ruined didn't ruin it, but I mean I played better than I did, but I always think I'm fucking like, you know, fucking rocking out and slam on the drums. And then I look at myself and say, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, fucking, ugh, embarrassing. Shut it off. So anyway, I ended up finally getting home.

Oh, here's a, here's a travel tip for you. All right, I was flying out, when I was flying out from LA out to wherever the fuck I, Newark I think, they had those life flat bed seats and it's like, oh my God, the fuck, and fantastic, right? Here's the thing about that, after you have them life flat, before you bring them back up again, make sure you know where your wallet, your phone, and your keys are

because they fall out of your pockets and if they go underneath that fucking thing and you bring it back up like in a courtier, you're gonna have to spend 20 minutes trying to find it which is what happened to me. And this poor woman in front of me, I found my wallet before Dean Del Rey found it first. It's funny, you know, you think you're up in first class until you look under the seat. You're like, oh my God, Jesus, Jesus. And we helped that woman for like 10 minutes, 15 minutes, look for her phone

and we just could not fucking find it. Anyway, just a little travel tip there for you. So anyway, I'm still, I'm gonna still step with the drums. I brought my little jazz book out there, you know, played a little bit of that and they got me this killer Ludwig kit, you know, with some zilgin' case and sounded amazing. I had to crank this narrow up a little bit, but whoever tuned them up, they kind of put them right, everything was at the low end,

which I thought was really a great thing because then if I want, you know, it's so much easier to tune shit up and then to have to, for any way for me, to have to like drop it back down again. And I listened to some, you know, on the plane. I was, I listened to that Massey Hall concert with Max Roach, Charlie Parker, Art Blakey.

And I'm starting to understand like a little bit like these different errors of jazz. It's kind of like the same with like rock where like, you know, it goes through periods of speeding up, slowing down, being more paddable to the masses, being more underground, going away, people saying it's dead, somebody bringing it back.

You know, like, I didn't, I thought I knew, I didn't even understand what bebop was. I thought I knew what bebop was. I didn't. And I never understood birth to cool and all these different like periods of it. And now I'm just listening to it. And I'm actually beginning to be like, oh yeah, that's completely, that's way different. But I didn't realize, like I like to beat Bob Trump's, like that phrase and all that. And I didn't realize, like, dude, that's like fucking early days of speed metal, like trying to keep up with those tempos. It's like, I can't fucking,

I thought I was gonna sit there and play along to this shit. I can barely keep the ride simple going. So, but what I am happy with is my thing for the longest time, which really hampered my knowledge of it other than my lack of musical ability, was the fact that it wasn't in stereo was really hard for me to listen to. And now I'm kind of getting, I'm pushing through that. And I read this cool thing, John Riley wrote,

the drummer, not John C. Riley, the amazing actor, and musician. He was talking about the drummer's role. You're listening to the soloists and they're either building up to a solo building up to a, you know, to a solo or coming down from it or sort of just cruising and riding out and you have to understand, you have to listen to them and understand what that is. And then it just seems like, but if you feel like, you know, you want to bring it back up again, you can try to agam on and say some shit on the drums. It's like, you know, you want to bring it back up again, you can try to agamon and say some shit on the drums.

It's like, just listening to that. It's like, wow, these guys were drumming the way all the comics that I admired when I came up. They were like free. It's like they had their act, which was almost like a basic song structure. And they know where it was going, where they were starting,

and where they were gonna end up, but they didn't know how they were going to get there. And I remember the difference between opening for someone that did it the same way every single night as far as like start with this joke. I say this joke this way every night and then that leads to this joke and this is a segue and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they just did the whole thing as opposed to working with these other guys that would just go up there and every time they way and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah show they were like, well, what's going to happen? Because you didn't know what was going to happen, even the comic didn't know what was going to happen. And I kind of feel like that style of music is like that. And I don't know, I'm kind of excited to continue listening

to stuff like that. Hang on a second. What do we got here? Oh, look who it is! The lovely Nia looking even more lovely today. How are you? Very much. I'm good, thank you. I wanted to tell you a little housekeeping thing. So I don't know if you want to pause real quick. What is the housekeeping thing that I do something wrong? Yeah. And you're out of here.

That's what I'm saying. That's what the housekeeping is. I'm cleaning up house, starting with you. What happened? So pack your shit, get the fuck out. No, no, no, there's just some people here doing some work, so I just wanted to let you know. All right.

Yeah, and I have to go, I have a call at 10, so I gotta go. All right. But hi everybody on the board. OK. It's been a while. I need to come back on and answer some questions or something. Yeah. Don't you think?

All right. I think so. You want to answer a question right now? I can skip right to that. No, I have to go. I have Don't you think? All right. I think so. You want to answer a question right now? I can skip right to that. No, I have to go. I have a call. I just said that. The first thing says, cheese steak.

Oh, cheese steak. Nia loves a cheese steak. My favorite is that. Nia, favorite. I'll be done in an hour. Let's get coffee after. I'm going to the gym. Let's get coffee after.

The gym. We'll get coffee after. No, I'm going to the gym. All right, we'll get coffee to the gym copy after the gym will get cop now i'm going to the gym that's what i was waiting for you to say right she must be really fat people walking on that boardwalk in the land of city uh... alright all you know what i don't even have any reads this week oh jesus fucking probably All right, oh, you know what? I don't even have any reads this week. Oh Jesus

Fucking probably fucking pill. Oh, oh, was I oh Bill? Do you think you were too edgy? Shut up Bill. All right Yes, recor- Andrew's like where the fuck is the podcast? Yes, I'm texting right now recording now But abba abba bada bada bada bada bada bada pina pina pina pina. peanuts. All right. Here we go. I'm just gonna read these This might be a little short, but it isn't really short if you do the math All right, because every 30 minutes you listen to podcasts. It's actually 40 minutes. You can think about it Okay, but in 90% of your quality time with me was already in the first six minutes No, I'm not doing any advertising which usually takes me in I don't know good seven eight minutes depending on how many with me was already in the first six minutes.

No, I'm not doing any advertising, which usually takes me, I don't know, good seven, eight minutes, depending on how many, well, but I also, I'd like to think I joke my way through it. I like to think the whole thing is entertaining. Do you know what I mean? Cheesesteak. All right, so last week, I was saying how I was not gonna get a cheesesteak.

I finally gave in When I was in Atlantic City and I got it at White House All right, and I just said that so every single Fucking person in the Philadelphia area can go. Oh, what the fuck did you go there for you went to the wrong place? You fucked up blah blah blah blah blah. I just don't understand why can't, like this is something that's never happened in Philadelphia.

All right, I got a cheesesteak. Oh, where did you go? I went so and so. Oh yeah, oh, that's great. That never happens. What the fuck did you go there, thing? You never, you never go to the right place. I don't like that place. Yeah, you to the right place uh... i like that place

yeah you like that place i don't like that place alright so i was saying that i can't eat those things anymore because it's a poor quality it's a poor cut of meat and what not i eat all that stuff and i love it when i'm eating it and then afterwards i feel like i i had i literally have like a i ate a fucking rain boot so this person is defending and afterwards I feel like I literally have like a, I ate a fucking rain boot. So this person is defending,

this person actually has the audacity to defend the cut of meat that is in a cheese steak. He's actually, I've read it already, and this person is going to try to convince me that this is a high quality cut of meat, right? And a high quality cut of meat. Why would you keep that in a steakhouse and charge and charge premium dollar for it when you can fucking send it

through a paper shredder and put cheese whiz on it and charge fucking eight bucks for it. All right, but here we go. This is this guy's theory. I don't buy it. All right. I'm already trying to taint you with my point of view. Cheese steak. Cheese steak meat is shaved rib eye, you ginger cunt. They take the unportioned section of the rib eye. Comes from the, yeah, the unportioned, the shit that they don't, they're not going to serve it as steakhouse. Exactly. So it's, it's the shit section of the rib eye.

The rib eye comes from i.e. the prime rib. Yeah, but prime rib isn't a rib eye. You're talking about that entire cut of fucking meat. And within all of that is all these cuts of meat. And certain parts of that steak are worth more than others, because it's a better quality of meat, better tasting more flavorful. And then the shit on the ends, they sent through a paper shitter and down your fucking throat with cheese whiz on it. All right, here we go. They take the unportioned section of the rib eye. Comes from i.e. the prime rib.

Stick in the freezer for 30 minutes to stiffen up, then slice it thinly using a deli slicer, or a paper shredder. You're not feeling sick because of a mystery meat. I wasn't saying it was a mystery meat. I'm saying it was a poor quality of meat. You're feeling sick because of the amount of fat and carbs you're eating from a fatty cut of meat. Synthetic cheat yet fatty cut of meat, buddy.

Exactly. Listen, you know what you're doing right now? Yeah, let's just say you got the cheese steak and they all robbed the bank. What's happening right now is the unportioned section of the rib eye is trying to cut a deal with the cops to say, Hey, I'm not, I want to get less of a sentence. I know people died during that smash and grab. I'm going to say who they are. I'm going to say I'm going to, I'm going to rat them all out.

All right. You want me to name names? I'll fucking name names. All right. The carbs, the, it, the cheese was synthetic cheese, it was the fried onions, and essentially the loaf of bread was the guy who put it together.

I was just driving the car. He says, anyway, anyways, best wishes to your diabetic ass and go fuck yourself. Sir, yeah, you kind of, you have not changed my thoughts whatsoever. You know, let's actually look this up as I used to look this up and I always found this fascinating. They just have like a picture where they would, they would diagram out all the different like cuts of a steak.

I mean, I don't know what to look up here though. Different cuts of steak where they come from. All right, here we go. But, that, that, that, that, that, that. All right, here we go. But, that, that, that, that, that, that. All right. Okay, here we go. All right, the top of the cow is sirloin. Mid, this is like right in the middle of its body.

Mid is thin flank, and then briskets at the bottom. Then you got shin, this is all in the bottom. This is also the whole expression of livingets at the bottom. Then you got shin, this is all in the bottom. This is also the whole expression of living high on the hog. So the higher up you were on like a pig or on like a steer, you're eating a better cut of meat. On the back end, you got the thick flank, the rump.

I want the diagram the whole steak. You notice that in all of this, you don't hear cheese steak. It doesn't even come up. Like, how far into the liner notes of the fucking thing do I have to go? Like, why do you have to argue with me on this one? I'm not looking this fucking shit up. Okay. We have in Boston. We have what's known as a steak and cheese. And if you're going to feel can sit there and try to suggest that that meat is the same fucking meat, I get it. A goddamn steakhouse in Boston. They just froze. They it's just the end of one and they froze it up. There is a reason why they do it. All right. It doesn't cook as well. It's too fatty, blah, blah, blah.

Whatever the fuck the chef reason is for it, they removed it. And then they're like, well, we're wasting money. We need to find a way to fucking dress this shit up and serve it to these people so we can still make money or sell it to people that have lesser restaurants, i.e. steak and shake fucking places. That's what the fuck they do. I'm not getting into this with you, buddy. Okay, you know what?

It's actually, I'm eating a frozen ribeye. That's, yeah, that's what it is. Oh my God. Listen, I'm not saying it tastes bad. I'm just saying I can't fucking eat it. And I was right. I want to say I was right. I just want to be right for once in my life.

For once in my life, I have a fucking opinion. I'd like someone to listen to. All right, farms and independent news. You're probably right, but you know what? I know like nothing starts a debate like bringing up food, you know, global warming people don't care. I mean, that's just the end of the world. Let's talk about what is on our sandwiches. I can tell you this right now, okay? If they had more steak houses serving actual ribbys on the boardwalk of Atlantic City, those fucking people would not be looking like that. Instead of feeding them more cheese dakes. Dude, it's not me, man.

Who's that dude with the six nine on his face? That's what the meat is in that sandwich. Just ratting everybody out so it can get out of fucking prison. All right, farms and independent news. Dear wicked Willie, I'd like to correct last week's listeners about the farmland confiscation uh... somebody works for buckingham palisus i'm sure that i don't know uh... it's happening in the netherlands not norway okay sorry it's blood boiling what's going on there

the news has tried to smear them as right wing their story is frustrating because there is literally no one but independent new outlets that will, oh, nobody but independent news outlets that will give their side of the story. Yeah, it's fucking evil. I wish more people realized how much mainstream news on the conservative side and the we do know no fucking wrong bleeding heart fucking asshole liberal side. The liberal side fucking infuriates me because I'm liberal and I'm watching these people acting like they give a fuck about people and they don't and it drives me up the fucking wall. Everybody on CNN can just all of that.

It's corporate fucking news. All right. Sorry. All right. You go to Fox News. You know that they only give a fuck about themselves. That's what I expect. All right. Also, I'd like to add a glimmer of hope to terrible world media, to terrible world of media we live in. Oh good, and the last few years independent journalists have been gaining a lot of traction. Yeah, they're gonna be our only hope, but they're gonna have to somehow try and unify people. You know what I mean?

Even when I just did there, but that's why I try to try to see it in and Fox. I'm not trying toify people. You know what I mean? Even when I just did there, but that's why I try to try to see an end and Fox. I'm not trying to divide people. I'm trying to get people out from underneath listening to them. You know what I mean? It's like you have a B with somebody and like they, I don't know, they just,

they have a bad manager, they have a fucked up parent. They just have somebody that they just turned over all of this, you know, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, then you're just trying to get them out of that zombified fucking state into my world of intelligence. Sorry, every once in a while, I get up on the stump and then I'm like, wait, what am I doing? I went to summer school. Anyway, let's continue reading here. Also, I'd like to add a glimmer of hope to terrible world media we live in.

The last few years, independent journals have been getting a lot of traction. The most interesting thing is that progressive leaning and conservative leaning independent journalists agree on a lot. Oh my God, is this a prank? That's what I'm hoping will happen. Check out Rising On The Hill Network.

They run daily shows on YouTube that cover the news in the same way. Yeah, I like Jimmy Doer. Agree with them or not. I like Jimmy Doer. Jimmy Doer seems to be holding everybody accountable, which is why I feel like he gets attacked all the time. Oh, trouble in the Suez. Billy Joel, I actually looked at up.

Uh, we didn't start the fire. Here's all my excuses to not be a good person. All right, trouble in the Suez. It's likely referring to the war that happened in the Suez Canal in Egypt in the 60s or something. There's been several historic events surrounding issues with it. Although most recently that cargo ship that got wedged in it trying to do a fucking U-turn

or some shit, that was fantastic. That was fantastic. I thought you were actually going to go into what happened. I actually looked it up and for what I can remember. It was, I think there was a transfer of power where Egypt had the audacity to want to control the canal. And then other people say, well, fucking Britain or America, whoever built it, but it's going to be like, well, who did they build it with?

Slave Labor, probably with Egyptians. And then there's all of these different stats on how many people died. Like 120,000 people is the height. And then somebody else is like, it's only like 3,000 people. Pfft. Imagine if you built,

well, a football stadium is an comparable thing because it's just a football stadium isn't a comparable thing because it's just a football stadium. They're actually was literally separating Africa, a continent from Asia, right? Used to be able to walk from Asia to fucking Africa, right? Yeah, so then there was this big fight. The Israelis came in and engaged, and then we had to come in and defend the Israelis, I think. I don't know what happened, but it just seems it's the usual stuff over there.

That was trouble in the Suez. Could you write a book? Hey, Billy Bob Thunder. Hey, Billy Bob Thunder thighs. I just pictured Phil Hartman when he was being Bill Clinton going for a jog and stop it at McDonald's that sketch. And I also remember when Bill Clinton used to go running in the war, those short shorts. And he had those giant like fucking milky thighs. I've listened to the podcast since high school and I'm a fan of your work. I know that you can't read all that great but I wondered if you'd ever write a book. I'm reading Matthew McConaughey's book Green Lads and I've been thinking how great it

would be to hear old Billy's memoir. I bet you've got some wisdom to share somewhere in that dented pumpkin head. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Good luck on your hundredth. I've been working out routine. We need you around for your shit jokes. Go fuck yourself. Hey, fuck you, man. Stop acting like you found out a workout plan and you stuck with it and didn't start and stop. All right, I don't need this shit. You heard what happened. I kept saying, how many times did I have to tell my wife I'm going to the gym? I'm going to the gym. I'm going to the gym. All right, because she wants to go on go get fucking coffee You know, because she's and she's she's living her best life

She got her revenge body for the fucking Christmas season or whatever the fuck you supposed to do. All right next Giants in the USA Giants in the USA. Giants in the USA. This looks interesting as hell. Hey, Bill, have you seen this? The book begins with this quote from Abraham Lincoln in 1848. Giants were clearly a real thing to him. Now, this is his quote.

The eyes of that species of extinct giants whose bones fill the mounds of America have gazed on Niagara as ours do now. Wow, what a slick way to just completely go around organized religion, not even addressed it, but dunk in their face by saying that. You know what, I bet that is just a big of reason that he got fucking assassinated. You have to organize religion or if you say, you know what, maybe we shouldn't oppress other people. Those are the two fucking biggest ways to get yourself whacked.

There have been hundreds of sites or not giving them a war. There's been hundreds of sites with giant bones buried in them discovered across the USA in the last 400 years. Why wouldn't we talk about that? That's fascinating. Why do people have a problem with the fact that we're not the only thing in the universe? It's not good for business. In the name of the father, the son, the Yamaka, the fuck and whatever else you fucking into.

And many documented in newspaper articles from the 19th century which are shown in the book. In the last 150 years, the bones have tended to get to? You know what I mean? Where you live forever, you see the giant bones, you know, you're talking to aliens, they take you up on the spaceships, right? Maybe that's what happens. Maybe the illuminati-level rich people, maybe they don't die, they just fake their death and they get on a flying saucer and then they go to a new, maybe that's why they're not worried about global warming because they can get to another planet. They're like, I have a way of this. There's hundreds of millions of earths.

If you got the transportation. Dude, that's a great sci-fi movie. All right, Mel Gibson drives a cab, hear me out. He's driving a cab and his conspiracy is that the super rich are keep going around from earth to earth around around the universe or the solar system gamma ray whatever the fuck you call it uh...

and they uh... they just keep using up countries i mean at planets and destroying the planets leaving all these people behind but why would that be bad? Then they're kind of keeping the human race going. That'd be fucking hilarious if they actually do that. And then when this country's going under, they're like a human, like, maybe that's the thing that they left off of Noah's Ark. Maybe Noah's Ark wasn't actually an Ark, it was a fucking flying saucer.

And not only did he grab two fucking animals from each species, which really doesn't work out because they would all be intra-bred fucking Dalmatians, right? Maybe they did, they do that with people to white people, to black people, to Asians, to Latina, through the whole fucking thing, you'd have to get more than that. That never works. Then math never works out on that. And as much as, as much as organized religion comes down on people fucking around, it's the swingers that probably got us out of the in bread, the in breadness of Adam and Eve.

You know what I mean? Like at some point somebody had to like fucking, you know, I don't know, stretch it out a little bit. Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. Am I a banker, cunt? Dear Billy Bankbuster, I'm a former police officer in current anti-money laundering analysts. That's got to be a fascinating job. Catching these people doing this shit. I work for a private contractor that provides money laundering fraud and general financial crime investigation services to large and small banks worldwide. I was curious

to get your opinion on my line of work. Wait, you do this for what? Large and small banks, small banks are cool, right? For the most part. Part of the contract that provides money money for the investigation. Okay. Well, you're just sort of working for the bank. I don't know, but I mean, I wouldn't say you're a banker, because it's also like them not paying taxes on it, causes them to charge regular people, I.e. people like me who don't know how to laundromoney. Before I act like I'm a good person,

I'd laundromoney if I knew how to do it. If it wasn't so difficult, I got to have a fucking side business. I don't want to do all that. I got to go through the canary islands. Just take what you're going to take. I don't give a fuck. Anyway, I was curious to get your opinion on my line of work.

As you always take the banks to task and call them out in their bullshit, all of which I agree with. Ultimately, the reason my job exists and the reason banks hire my services is to cover their own ass and avoid sanctions and monetary terry loss. At the same time, though, I feel the work I do is genuinely helpful to people. I would agree with that.

And also, if they start losing money, they don't lose money. They pass it on to the jerk offs that work all week and put their money in there. So you're helping to prevent a bank from failing. And when a bank fails, the people running the bank keep all their money. We all get fucked. Anyways, examples of some of the things I investigate include human trafficking. I mean, that's one of the greatest things you could ever try and stop. Terrorist financing?

Fantastic. An elder financial abuse. All right, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I feel like you're acting like you don't know what, you know. I don't, am I a good guy? I feel like you're reaching out for compliments here. You're trying to stop fucking pedophiles, pimps, terrorists,

and people that take advantage of old people. Am I as bad as your bankers? I know what you're doing. I know when somebody's fucking searching for a, oh, you mother-fucker. I'll never get those five minutes back that it took me to read those four sentences. I'll never get those five minutes back that it took me to read those four sentences. I mean, I'm helping old people across the street. Does that make me bad too? You know, maybe this isn't you, maybe this is the cheese steak, you know, but it's not that it's cheese steak. It's the fried onions and all of the other fucking bullshit on there.

You know what's funny is I actually bonded with Joe Bartonick, who was an amazing special out. We're just putting the clips out and his whole special is gonna drop all things comedy. Look for those clips. His special is just like, you watch it, you like, it feels like it was shot now and also it could have been any time before that. It's just timeless.

It's just fantastic. I'm so proud to have my any time before that. It's just timeless. It's just fantastic. I'm so proud to have my name on that special. Anyway, I just completely fucking, I just went down that fucking road. I completely forgot what I was gonna, what was I talking about? Cheese Stakes. I was talking about human trafficking.

I was talking about laundering money. I was talking about human trafficking. I was talking about laundering money. I was talking about giant people, flying saucers, Mel Gibson. Yeah, it's gone. Just like that. And just like that, it's gone. You know what else is gone? My time to do this podcast because I have to go to the gym. I'm on the green shirt diet, Billy Green shirt.

All right. My wife bought me this beautiful, you know, British Ration Green button down shirt, and I've never been able to get into it because she got it right as the pandemic was kicking in. And I've been walking around this fucking weight and it's fucking it's now. All right, I'm going to the gym.

Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. on Thursday.