Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-23-12

Episode Date: July 24, 2012

Bill rambles about tragedies, pile on teams, and banging your friend's ex-girlfriend.

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July 23rd, 2012 Here's my little Sesame Street moment. Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit audiblepodcast.com slash bill for your free audio book download. You like that? Wasn't that just like Sesame Street? Today's show is brought to you by the letter L and the number 5. And they'd be playing that harmonica.

Remember that, the outro music? How the fuck did they use to know how that went? That's mash. I don't fucking know. Well, you should probably ask yourself at this point, what is audible.com? It's basically, it's for people who like to read books but don't like to read. You know, you ever get sick of your eye going from left to right, left to right, or your eyes if you're not wearing a patch.

You know, people do you want to read a book but like don't want to read it. Wouldn't it be nice if you know, if you had someone who could just read it for you. So audiblepodcast.com slash bill. And you can, any book you want. I'm a big Irvin Welsh fan, the asset house. I like that one. You know, you could read that one if you wanted or not really. And then you go to a party and say you read it.

You know, it's kind of like fake credentials except in like a book sense. Audiblepodcast.com slash bill for your free audio book download. Come on, when you're driving to work, just have them read all the classics to you and then you'll actually seem like you're well-read and you're not. It's perfect. You don't need to read a map anymore. You just have that broad in your car going, make a left in seven seconds. Right?

Now you can just have some guy reading the book. Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, they'll live these people, you fucking nerd. All right, this is the Monday morning podcast for you people. This was a brutal, brutal, brutal, not funny fucking week in the world. You know, as opposed to what Bill, all the happy, go lucky, you know, weeks in the world. You know what I'm talking about. Very tragic, tragic fucking week. And today I woke up to more tragedy or the ending of our tragedy.

Paul Verzi, V-I-R-Z-I for you people trying to find him on Twitter. Verzi, V-I-R-Z-I. Dude, I called it what I say. He called me up, he texted me. He goes, dude, you watching, you watching this? They're cleaning house, epic cleaning house. And I thought he was talking about the Red Sox. You know what I mean?

Which by the way, I'm in Boston right now and I don't understand why the fuck everybody's sewed down on the Red Sox. They're 48 and 48, they're 500. They're three and a half games out of second place. Who gives a fuck? You know, it's the ebb and flow of life. They want two world series now they're going through a low point. You know, why are you acting like in your own life?

In your own life, you make the playoffs every year. You hold up the championship, you know, and they ask you, you know, hey, what's it? You know, what's it like to be a championship? What do you got to say about finally winning a championship? And then you go, it's about that time. That might have been the worst just winning a championship quote ever LeBron James James your father was about to have time. Why didn't you just go?

You know, I just want to thank my teammates and the fans for being supportive. You know, it's just it's an unbelievable words. You can't put it into words. Just something like that. So it's about to have time. You know, I don't know. His stupid fucking agents probably going to try to trademark that and just start having him say that in every stupid commercial, you know, advertising toasters toast pops up.

It's about damn time. Cut LeBron, you know, when you're saying it's about damn time. It seems like you're saying that the toaster takes too long to toast the bread. You know, okay. No, I'm not saying that he has. I wasn't aware I couldn't talk to him. I'm sorry. Who are you?

White guy in a suit. Okay. All right. Okay. We'll fix it in the editing. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, it's just a brutal fucking brutal fucking day, brutal fucking week. Not a lot of funny shit.

Where the fuck is my phone buzzing right now? Hang on a second. Fuck that phone. Fuck that phone in its ass. You know what? Speaking of just brutal, you know, I had one of the worst nightmares I've had in forever. Last night. All right.

I'm laying in a hotel room here and right now you should be asking yourself, Bill, it's Monday. Are you really home or you're flying back from some God forsaken place? Why are you on the road? Why are you in Boston? You want vacation? Do it? What are you doing?

You taking a booze cruise? I am actually, I booked some acting work to be honest with you. I'm shooting a pilot out here. They are redoing the kids show zoom from back in the day. They're going to do a reboot and I booked the gig. You know, I'd like to think it was because of my acting ability, but I think it was because I remembered the jingle from way back in the day. Right?

Zoom Z double OM box three five oh Boston mass. Oh two one three four. Send it to zoom. And I pointed right at the cast director. Right. Casting director. Send it to zoom. And I on zoom I took it out.

Right. Like a fucking gun. And they were just like, wow, this kid's got the fire. We got to hire him. Get him in a striped shirt. Anybody used to watch that so zoom. I think it was a very like local Boston show where it was just these burnout fucking kids. You ever seen a kid like five years old and he already looks like he's got a coke problem.

That's what like zoom was. And they're doing a reboot. They're rebooting it up. You know, I had an idea to do a prequel to my, my, my, I have three standup specials. I got one more coming out in October. Right. So I got three. You know, so that would be my Star Wars empire strikes back and fucking return to the Jedi.

So now I should do like a prequel. Okay. I should fucking grow my hair out what's left of it and get like a fucking red wig to put on top. Have like a Gabe Kaplan afro and just go out there and do like topical humor from like, I don't know, 1982. You know, go out there. Well, doing some bad Ronald Reagan impression. And I figured, you know what? That'd be funny for about 20 seconds.

Then what do you do for the other fucking 59 minutes, 40 seconds? And there, there goes that thing. You know what? I should just do a trailer, a prequel. Ah, Jesus, who gives a fuck? Anyways, anyways, it's just, it's been a brutal week. So I turn on the TV to see what Verzi's talking about, what he was talking about. And it's, um, no, wait, let me get back to the Red Sox here before I get into that shit.

Uh, I'm all right with the Red Sox sucking. I actually like them more now that they're not doing well. You know, I'll listen. This is when this is when you see who the real fans are and who are the people. Dude, fuck the fucking Red Sox, dude. Those guys, bandwagon, bandwagon. You bought your first hat after game seven of 2004. Ah, maybe game five.

You know, you fucking break with your green monster tickets, your cunt. Sit down on the bleachers like the rest of us in those fucking awful blue seats. I remember I used to go to games, right? There'd be nobody fucking there. Just baseball fans before ESPN ruined it and just so inundated. Oh, maybe it's, we just like out fucked our stadiums. I don't know what it is. There's so many goddamn people now.

I remember back in the day, you'd go to a game, you know, just having a good fucking time and there'd always be some guy and he'd have, there'd be an empty seat on either side of them. And that's how we get that, you know, you know, let's go socks then going. He would just slam both chairs down, you know, the, the, the, because they're fold up chairs, right? Jesus, Bill, can you paint a better picture here? You're losing us.

You'd be slamming both of them down and everybody be hammered. And you know, there'd be maybe five people there who had like some sort of like Red Sox actual Jersey on other than that. You had a hat. You just fucking Jesus. They're counting down something out there. I'm near the water and near the water fucking coast guard. Um, yeah, like you'd have a Red Sox hat.

That was it. And you had the piece of shit one, the one size fits all. You didn't have like the same one that Clemens was wearing. And, you know, and now you go to the goddamn games. It's like people did their fucking wearing the whole damn thing. Everybody's walking around. They look like managers. You know, like bullpen, like there's like they should be in the bullpen.

So I like it. I like that they suck. I like that they're trailing off. I like that I'm starting to see some empty seats. It's bringing me back. You know, they could just stop singing that fucking song during the seventh inning stretch and if they could just get rid of that stupid fucking mascot.

All right. I understand while you're doing it for a marketing reason. I totally get that to try to get kids hooked into the game. Why don't you, you know, you know, I got into the game. I went to the game and I enjoyed fucking watching the game. That's it. I went there and I was sold the second I walked in there. I didn't need some big fucking muppet coming up to me in some creepy way.

And but it's like, you know, you cut its tongue out so it can't talk to me. I fucking hate that about mascots. I hate how they won't talk to you when you go, Hey, what's up, man? And then they do that real fucking hyper nod. It's like, I know there's a guy in there. You idiot. There's no fucking kids around. You can't give me a man.

What's going on? It's fucking hot as fucking here. All right, man. Oh, here comes some kids. I got to shut up, you know, can't do that. I mean, how much are they really paying you a game? All right. So anyways, Verzi was talking about, uh, he was talking about Penn State,

like all those sanctions against Penn State, dude, it's fucking brutal. Like, I don't, I don't think that the, the punishment is in the right area. I don't get it. Why are you punishing the players and the fans? You're acting like they looked the, why do the winds don't count from 2000, from 1998 to 2011? Why don't those games count? He won those fucking games.

You know what I mean? That would be like if, if fucking, I don't know if Mark Sanchez gets arrested for drinking and driving, right? Does his, you know, if they beat the dolphins the week before, does it not count what the fuck is drinking and driving have to do? With whether, you know, you beat the dolphins or not. I don't, I don't get that. Like, so now all these players that played for Penn State who now sit around,

probably get together every couple of years for a reunion. Remember that time we played Clemson, you know, sitting there with a cigar and scarred up knees. They want to tell war story. Oh yeah, that doesn't count anymore. Why? Because somebody fucked a kid. I didn't, you didn't.

Nobody played the game. Did nobody did. You know, like it happened during the game and they played the game around the crime. I mean, it's a fucking horrible crime, but I, I think what they're trying to do is just erase Joe Paterno's name off of any all time list. They don't want his name up there. You know what I mean? And I don't know.

I just don't think it's, it's, I don't think that that's right. I think that those victories should count. He fucking won those games. That doesn't make any sense. What the fuck is going out there on outside? You know what? Right out the window. They got a couple of Coast Guard things.

And it's probably some fucking idiots went out on a goddamn dingy. You ever hear some stupid fucking kids do that, right? And they had the stupid memorial. Little Stevie Sherepa and Mike Merkenwitz. You know, they always got to do that shit and just have some sort of like, whenever there's a tragedy, you got to have some sort of like metaphor. You know, water is, it's the liquid of life. When Stevie Sherepa and Mike Merkenwitz went out on their dingy,

they didn't realize that that life nectar could also be, I've really talked myself in the corner here, haven't I? They fucking drought and we found the raft. That would be the worst doing that. I don't know, dude, it's just been a brutal fucking week. I feel bad for Penn State players. I feel bad for their fans because I feel like they get punished too and they didn't do a fucking thing.

Okay, it's a great fucking football program and it's fucking, I can't even wrap my head around that Joe Paterno was involved in that. I mean, this is the biggest sports mind fuck since O.J. Simpson. You got to understand O.J. to me was, you know, was the juice 2,000 yards in a 14 game season, those Hertz rental car commercials, Monday night football. I even watched his bad movies. Like when he played that astronaut and didn't make it to the moon and then they tried to kill him.

You know, and the two white astronauts, of course, they killed O.J. because that's how it always worked back then. If you watch any Def Jam comedy, they'll let you know the black guy always died in those movies, right through the naked gun and then out of nowhere, he's on trial for a fucking double murder and he's got to look on his face like, yes, I did this shit. How do I get out of this? This is the biggest, I think, mind as far as like who you thought somebody was

and then what the fuck they were involved in. It's just brutal and there's nothing funny about it. So let's move on. Let's fucking move on. All right, let's continue with the sports. As of right now, Dwight Howard isn't a Laker, but if Dwight Howard goes to the Lakers, you know, and Kobe wins his sixth championship,

I am not going to engage in that argument that he's now equaled Michael Jordan. Anybody who comes up to me, as you come out of your mouth, I'm going to kick you right in the balls. Look, you know how there's this steroid error in baseball? There has to be the pile on error. You got to put that in there. Okay, Michael Jordan won six championships with Bill Cartwright and Luke Longley as his fucking centers.

How long do you think Kobe Bryant would tolerate that before he demanded a trade? Okay, this guy won three championships with Shaquille. He got Shaquille O'Neal and Phil Jackson. He got them brought to his team and I know what you're thinking. Well, Michael Jordan had Phil Jackson. Phil Jackson was nobody. He became a legend coaching Michael Jordan. Okay, and I'm not taking anything away from this guy,

but when the Bulls got him, it wasn't like, oh, they got Phil Jackson. This guy knows how to win. He was nobody. He was an ex-nick who won it in 73 as a player. That was it. He came in with his, hey, man, fucking Afro and mustache. That was it. Okay, and Chicago was rebuilding.

Oh, they had Scotty Pippen. He came from their system. All right, they signed Dennis Rodman. One fucking guy. Okay, they won with fucking Bill Cartwright, Luke Longley, B.J. Armstrong, that Mormon with the blonde hair. Okay, before Jordan came along, it was considered impossible to win without a fucking big name center.

You had to get a big name center. You had to. Okay, the guy totally changed the fucking game. And I'm so sick of these fucking bean counters who go, well, he has six championships and he has five. Therefore, if he gets one more championship, it is the same thing. It's like all these people who watched whoever the fuck it was, break Dan Marino's passing record.

And they don't even look at the fact of all the passing rules changes. I mean, they say that hitting a curveball is the toughest thing in sports. I think at this point, covering a receiver is because you've basically essentially made it illegal past five yards down the fucking field. Oh, Jesus, he's on his soapbox. He's on his soapbox. All right. Now, if Dwight Howard goes to the fucking Lakers, it's just like,

I don't get it. I tweeted about this. Like the amount of shit that the Miami Heat got for having a pile on championship. Kobe Bryant has been part of a pile on fucking team from about 1999 on. That's all I'm saying. Okay. And I know what you think. Well, Boston did it in 2008.

Yes, they did. That was a pile on championship team. I don't look at that team like that's like the 86 Celtics or the 84 team. I don't. Okay. I, I wasn't a fan of what went, what happened there either, you know, but doing it once versus doing it every year for 15 fucking years. You know, you're making a pile on team when like the NBA steps in and blocks a fucking

trade, you know, when even they're sitting there going like, all right guys, this is getting a little fucking ridiculous. Don't you think you know what I mean? I'll get a ton of shit for that too. All right. Let's just, let's just get it. Let's just read Christ. I'm all over the goddamn map here.

Let's just read something. Advice here. Advice, uh, 37 and at the end of the love road. Jesus Christ. I thought we were going to pull out of the fucking dirt here. Hey Bill, I'm 37 years old and I've never had sex with a woman I've been in love with. Oh, I thought you were saying you never had sex. I was just going to be like, all right, dude, well that's a wrap.

That dream is over. I'll just go out and get yourself a hooker. All right. And like the thickest fucking condom ever. Um, anyways, I'm 37 years old and I've never had sex with the woman. Don't you hate on these fucking max when just some application just keeps, why is it just keep bouncing up and down? I see you.

It's like the fucking nerd in the back of the class. Oh, I know the answer. I know the answer. Um, I'm 37 years old and I've never had sex with a woman I've been in love with or liked strongly. I've fallen in love with many beautiful young women over my long run, but my deduction is that I become a total social retard with those chemicals when those chemicals are coursing through me by chase a girl.

If I chase a girl, she's turned off when I'm indifferent. I do. All right. That basically means you're coming on too strong, dude. It's like a burner turned down the gas a little. You know, are you showing up with like fucking flowers and candy with your hair parted down the middle the first fucking day? Yeah, you're going to freak her out.

Um, anyways, when I'm indifferent, I do. All right. I've kicked a number of women out of my bed and life after they've made the smallest infraction. One girl had the greatest sense of humor and had a perfect athletic body. I threw, I threw her out one night because she was eating chicken wings in my bed only because I didn't have that. What?

Only because I didn't have that emotion that made me want to chase her down or keep her. Otherwise, I think she was great. You broke up with a girl because you're eating chicken wings in bed. That was your locked the door test. Um, of course, now I get that love feeling less and less frequently as I get older and my failure to grow mature with the woman over the years has given me an Anthony kumia complex. I only want young fit chicks. But now after years of living with a void in my social life and being daily devoted to

girls of the internet, I finally fell for another real girl, a young professional personal trainer who joined my beach volleyball team. Oh, fuck you with your hot ass. Oh, Jesus. Look at this fucking guy. He probably looks like a fucking James Bond. The other chick on our team tried to convince me that this new girl was interested in me. Oh, yeah.

All these chicks trying to help you out. What if she was blowing you? Uh, the new girl was showing signs of flirtation, but when I made a move, she fell silent. I am an old man. My question to you is since handguns are illegal and very hard to find outside of the urban areas of my country of Canada, should I get a slingshot and shoot myself over and over in the head with acorns until I'm dead or at least until I am particularly, I am less particular about what kind of vagina falls onto my cock.

Yeah, dude, you gotta make a pick here. You're 37 years old. You're drafting in the later rounds. You're still trying to pick up a blue chip. It ain't there. I don't know what to tell you. You can take a risk on one, but I think you got to look at the douchey qualities of yourself and realize that they're putting up with you and whatever the fuck it is that you do.

You know, you're only 37 years old. Fortunately, that's still young. Back in the day, you know, Ben Franklin's day, you'd look like you were 106 and it would be over and you'd have fucking tuberculosis, you know, wheezing that you never fucking found love. So you're fine. You're playing volleyball. You just sound like an in shape guy who keeps banging all these hotties, but woe is me. You can't find love.

You know, I go fuck yourself in your awesome life. Huh? You can't find love and you're all fucking. Oh, I just keep fucking one personal 22 year old personal trainer after another. This is a problem. Look, if you want to find love, I would, uh, I would stay single until you found it. You know, I think you like women just being infatuated with you and playing with your hair and telling you how amazing you are as you're going, no, no, no, no, and then

he keeps saying, yeah, look at you. You're not that old. You still have four abs. Right. I think you like all of that. I think you like that fucking attention. I saw a guy like that this weekend, right? He's hanging out with the lovely Nia.

We went to this Mexican restaurant and this guy shows up, right? Dressed like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And when he lost a little bit of weight and he was promoting Terminator two on Arsenio Hall and he came out in that leather ensemble. Uh, that's how the guy was dressed and he comes in with this absolutely fucking smoking. I don't know. The Brazilian Armenian, Iranian. I don't know what the fuck she was fucking smoking hot chick with like this lime green.

I don't even know what I'm going to know what the fuck she was wearing. It like, you know, showed like her fucking flat stomach, her fucking round ass. Yeah, I was checking. I mean, it's one of those girls you can check out right in front of your girlfriend and she doesn't give a shit. You know, she's like checking around too. Like, God damn that bitch is hot. Um, so the bartender cards the guy, which he absolutely loves because he thinks it means

that he thinks that he's fucking 21. You know, the guy looked like he was 50 and he just goes, he's like my friend. He goes, how old do you think I am? He has this big, cheesy date rape smile with his awful fucking beard. And he's just like, how old do you think I am? And the guy goes, I don't know, 35, right? And then Nia goes like fucking like, you know, like goes makes this gesture of like way higher way and I fucking burst it out laughing.

But I don't think the guy saw it because he was so full of him. Like he actually didn't realize that this kid was just working for his tip. It's like, dude, you look like you're 50 and he goes, I'm, he's like, I'm 48. You seem like one of those guys. Like you're out there hooking up with them. I would say stop being such a self-involved douchebag and realize that you have faults yourself. Get over yourself. All right.

You're actually starting to, cause you're really, cause you're starting to slip into those. I'm not, you know, you're in your David Hasselhoff years. Who's kidding who? But you know, if you're going to be in those years and you haven't found love, you're doing it the best way ever, banging personal trainers and volleyball players. And anyways, that's, that's the picture that you, you painted yourself. You could be a tub of shit because you are playing volleyball in Canada. I mean, I don't know how many weeks a year you can do that up there.

I can't tell if this is like the picture that you painted is who you really are. Or if you're in even bigger psycho and you actually don't look like that, but that's how you picture yourself. Yeah. My advice would be get over yourself and realize that, you know, I'm talking myself into circles. I have no fucking idea. Oh, do you know I ruined a woman's day at the mall? I just remember that this woman in a wheelchair, I ruined a woman,

an old woman in a wheelchair's day at the mall and it's been killing me for like the last two days. This is what happened. Me and Nia, we were leaving the mall, the mall. Okay. And we wait for the elevator to open. The elevator opens and all you see is this beautiful baby. This is the first thing you see when the door is open is this baby laying in a stroller, looking up big blue eyes.

One of those Gerber looking babies, right? And me and Nia both go, oh, the second we see it, we're like, how are you doing? You know, talking like baby talk to it and saying to mother how good looking the kid is and all that type of shit. And with Goo Goo Gaga and about the fucking baby. And she gets off the doors open. When the doors open, the first thing we see is this old lady in a wheelchair being pushed by some lady. And, you know, they back up and the woman with the baby gets off the elevator. And then the woman starts pushing the old lady in to the elevator.

She goes, just going up. Is it going up? I'm going, it's going down. And it's one of those things that's like tension because the doors are starting to close. And you know, I keep saying it's going down. The lady's not hearing me because all she's focusing on is the door. She says, it's going out. It's going up.

It's going down. And I finally go, it's going down. Like I yelled over the fucking old lady's head. So the old lady looks up. She just goes, oh, okay. Thank you. And I totally knew in that moment that she was just like, you were talking to her like I wasn't even here. You didn't even acknowledge that I was here.

I realized it in that moment. And I don't know why. I think it was because I was talking to a baby. I was still, I, and she was like fragile too. My brain went back to talking to the baby. And I just looked at her and I went, as the doors were closing, I was going, okay, bye, bye. I said it just like that. And I waved to her like she was a baby.

I don't know why I did it. And then the doors closed and I immediately, immediately looked down at the floor in shame. And Nia was one of the hardest I ever heard her laugh. She just turned around and faced the back of the elevator and was laughing to the point. She couldn't even like get the words out to ask me why I just did that. She kept just going like, like she just kept getting out the Y part and I just kept going. I don't know. I don't know why I just did that.

I stuck my hand out right in her face. You know, you waved to a baby. I did that. I went, okay, bye, bye. The doors closed. And I know she was probably thinking either I was mocking her or that I felt that she wasn't mentally there anymore. And I knew that she wasn't. I just feel like shit.

And the reality is, is I could have ridden the elevator back up and tried to explain myself, but I didn't. I just walked in shame to my Prius. Yeah, it was just a fucking weird week. The whole fucking week was just weird. I had one of the worst nightmares. I've ever had in my life last night, I was, I'm laying in bed. It's one of those dreams where like there's something trying to get me, but it's like, it's like sort of, it's like a force is trying to get me. I know it's going to get me and I can't fight it or get away from it.

I'm just like, even like the dream, I'm like laying in bed and I can't fucking move. And then in the end, all of a sudden, this fucking woman appears like just kind of like, like a goat. But it looks like a person, right? And I have my hands clasped together. And she's like, she had like fucking like reddish hair, but like, you know, when hot chicks die their hair red, they're not real red heads like that. Like almost like a fucking, I don't know, like a page boy kind of haircut. She was like a rocker chick. She had tattoos and like this tank top on nice titties. And I'm sitting there and I have my hands clasped and she clasped her hands around my hands and she looked me right in the eye and goes, you're going to kill yourself one day.

And then she just disappeared and it fucking freaked me out. Obviously she goes, you're going to kill yourself one day with this look on her face like either she knew or she definitely knew and that she had killed herself and I was going to join her wherever the fuck she is in the afterlife. And I was so fucking scared it actually woke me up and I wouldn't open my eyes because I was afraid that she was going to be standing there waiting to class my fucking hands again. How freaky is that? Now let me ask you this because, you know, I think about killing myself, but I do it in a very mainstream fucking way. Like, you know, okay, bye bye. When the door is closed, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted the elevator to land on me, but I don't really want to kill myself.

So what the fuck does that dream mean? Anybody wants to deal with one of the girls? And I don't believe in ghosts either. I think the reason why I had that dream was because last night I turned out all the lights and I got a little freaked out because my room right is right near the water. And it was this really weird reflection and I had some weird shadows and stuff. So what I always do when I get freaked out like that is this is the stupidest thing ever is I give the finger to the shadow. That's what I do. It's something I learned when I was a kid because if it is a monster, it's not going to put up with that, right?

It's immediately going to come over and do something to me. So if I give it the finger and it doesn't do anything that when I was a kid, it just let me know that it wasn't a monster or that it was a fucking pussy. And it didn't have that killer instinct. It was just going to stay over there in the corner, which I was fine with. You can spend the night just don't come over and kill me. That was basically it. So I did that. I still do it to this day and I do it.

It kind of is a joke and it makes me laugh. For some reason I was thinking about that chick in the ring just with their fucking hair popping up and doing something to me. You ever do that? You just mind fuck yourself. And I was like, all right, I have 10 seconds to get into the bed or that chick from the ring is going to appear and fucking kill me. You know, so I got myself in this anxious state. I think before I went to sleep and then I ended up having this goddamn nightmare and she fucking class both my hands and goes, you can you're going to kill yourself one day. And I just sat there laying there.

I'm not going to kill myself. Don't open your eyes that freak you out. Well, what gives a fuck? It's been a weird fucking week. You know, that awful tragedy out there in Colorado, you know, I was driving in my truck. All I have is fucking AM radio. And so all I could, you know, and that's all they were talking about on talk radio. And I'm one of those guys.

Once I see it, it's fucking horrific. I know I don't want to hear about it anymore. I don't want to know the kid's name and know what his face looks like just in case he's trying to get famous. I just, you know, it's just fucking awful, right? But all I could listen to on the radio, that's all they were talking about and these fucking people calling in every goddamn one of them. It's just saying the same fucking thing over and over again. It's like, who doesn't know that it's terrible? Who doesn't know that it's not a tragedy?

Who isn't going to send prayers out to the fucking family? Why do they got to keep calling up this fucking guy calling up? You know, I believe in a habit. I believe in a hell. And this guy, he's, he's, you know, if I, if I was running things, he would definitely shot that we got it. The fuck you calling up for? I don't know. It just fucking, it became annoying after a while.

And, and then the talk show host just wanting to keep it going. There was like no other way to say it was a tragedy and he just kept piling us up. It's bad for families. It's bad for, it's bad for the nation and the freedoms that we, we give people. Then the NRA always has to immediately pile on after somebody uses a gun. Like this doesn't mean the gun did it. Gun didn't do it. Person did it.

You know, just in case you thought an inanimate object could somehow do shit on its own, you know, and then they always come up with the brilliant. What if everybody had it was allowed to have a gun, then that wouldn't have happened. Yeah, I think that that guy would have killed less people, but I think a lot more other people would have got killed getting shot in the back of the fucking head as people tried to shoot that person. Right. I'm not against guns, by the way, but like, you know, look, everybody can have a driver's license. How many people really are good at driving? You know what I mean? How many people are good at sports?

How many people have good hand-eye coordination? Do you want these fucking people with guns? And all of a sudden somebody starts squeezing off some rounds and those motherfuckers are between you and the guy shooting at you and you're not organized at all. You know, when, when like 10 cops go in and storm a house, they know where the fuck they're at for a reason so they don't shoot each other in the back. If you got a bunch of people in a goddamn movie with fucking glocks and somebody comes in and starts shooting, I mean, it's going to be a fucking, it's going to be even worse. I think what they should do is there's got to be two, two, two levels you have to pass to get a gun. Okay. Aside from not being a psycho, you should, when you get a gun, you should then have to become a fucking marksman.

All right. And if you're not a marksman, then it affects the caliber of gun that you get. This actually makes a lot of sense. All right. It's like taking the driver's test. You can't go there blind as a bat and they just give you a fucking goddamn car. Like, dude, go fuck yourself. Go down to Pearl Vision and get your game together.

They should do the same thing with guns. Okay. I want to get a gun license. Well, God bless America. You can have one. Go over to the gun range and go shoot at that silhouette over there, right? You know, if you only hit it once, you get a BB gun or maybe one of those little toy guns that shoots the plastic things. You could still put somebody's eye out though with it, you know, but if you actually go down there and you're a fucking goddamn maniac, right?

Psycho fucking, you know, just everything's a headshot or center mass. Then you get the Glock, right? Does that make sense? And you just have a safe word. Just something the guy yells when it would shit like that and everybody hits the fucking deck and this guy gets up and just puts two right in the fucking psychos head and it's over as opposed to just letting everybody just start fucking shooting. Would that make sense? Oh, if everybody just thought the way I did, the world would be just as fucked up. All right.

Anyways, but what kind of people have to fucking call up during a tragedy and you just have to call up and you just have to reiterate that it was a fucking tragedy? You have to call up and say that I think this guy's going to hell. Like, who doesn't think that? You know, fucking idiots. Watching this fucking politicians stammering. You know, family is the wealth, but yes, we got it. It's fucking horrible. Just get on with punishing this guy.

Go hang that guy by his fucking toes. They won't. They're going to go through some big nine fucking year of trial with this guy. And then they try to like, they try to blame guns. So they try to blame the fucking movie. And it's just like, he's out of his fucking guarantee before you waste all this money doing all of these studies. This guy is out of his fucking mind. Who the fuck are going to do something like that?

No, no, I'm doing. See what I'm doing right now. I'm doing what these collars are doing. All right, let's plow ahead here. How the fuck is it 38 minutes in? This is the tragic Monday morning. We're just going to talk about tragedies one after another. I'll try to somehow find something.

Mildly amusing and all of this shit. All right. Advertisement number two. Gamefly.com everybody. Gamefly offers over 8000 video games. You can send the discs in the mail to you and you can send it back when you're done playing the games. Do you like video games? Wouldn't it be nice to have 8000 of them?

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Amazon.com. You guys know the deal. All right. If you go to Amazon.com, just stop by my podcast page first. Click on the Amazon banner. You don't have to do anything after that. If you buy something, they kick a percentage back to me. It doesn't cost anything extra to you.

And then I kick 10% to the Wounded Warriors project. I've actually just been kind of kicking 10% of what I'm making on the podcast to it. And it's been great. Even though now I'm on some fucking, you know, junk email list, I think, you know, the second you give any money to anything, then all of a sudden they're just like, we got a lab one. Next thing you know, you're getting shit in the mail about penguins. Do you care about this too? Anybody?

All right. So plowing ahead, plowing ahead. Next, uh, advice. Buddy's ex. What's up, Billy boy? I need a little unlicensed of that unlicensed advice that you've been doling out. I like that this guy said that this is my unlicensed advice that you should not listen to because I do not have a degree in anything. All right.

I am about two shades below Dr. Dr. Phil. That's how bad I am at this. Okay. That wasn't pumping me up. That was dragging him down. My friend recently broke up with a girl. He's been dating for a while and wouldn't, wouldn't you know it?

This girl is the tits. I've been friendly with this guy for almost a year and his girls was always with us when we hung out. Jesus. All right. I can tell you right now, just go ahead and banger and say goodbye to your friendship from the moment I met her, I've liked her and wanted to banger. Wait, but you just want to fuck her. Dude, this is dirty. This is dirty.

She's the kind of girl I imagine when I think of a girl I would want to have a relationship with. Go fuck yourself. You said you wanted to banger first. Are you like some sadistic guy who just wants to fuck this girl and fuck her better than your friend? So you can just be behind her going, yeah, you like that bitch? You like that? You one of those guys? He's trying to paint a good picture here, but I'm not buying it.

Classy, attractive, funny, the whole shebang. Dude, right off the bat. The first thing you said was you wanted to banger. I don't know. You're trying to be funny. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Let's plow ahead. I've even developed feelings.

Feelings? Question mark. I know that's gay. Fuck you for her. See how guys, we just can't, we just, we're not allowed. I actually like this girl. I actually feel like I could spend, I can't even say that without having that. Ah, oh my God.

Fucking tone in my voice. Let me see if I can just say it how I say it. I really like this girl. I think I could spend my life with her. Okay. That just sounded like a bad read. There's no way to say it without being like, I don't just feel like I just really connect with her.

Ah, go fuck yourselves. I've even developed feelings for her quickly. I liked hanging out with her whenever she tagged along. I never flirted with her or anything like that, but I did rubber muff under the table. Come on dude, you're leaving some shit out. He didn't say that last part, but come on. But we did get along pretty well. I would and still do think about her all the time.

Some real grade school crush type shit. Now they've broken up and she's single and ready presumably to do some revenge banging. Yeah dude, you're a piece of shit, but God bless you. She was hot enough. I'd probably do it. No, I wouldn't. My younger days, I would. I wouldn't.

Maybe I would. I don't know. I'm not going to judge you. Anyways, see where I'm going with this? Yeah. I saw where you were going with it from the second I started reading it. Anyway, unlike most guys, I don't want to just bang this broad. I want, I want to be with her.

Do the whole boyfriend thing. But I know doing so would break one of the most important rules of male friendship. Never fuck your friend's girl. However, the power of pussy has me thinking that's crazy and that the best and that's the best thing for me to do. However, the power of pussy has me thinking that's crazy and that the best thing for me to do is wait four to six months until things settle down and see if she feels the same way that I do. I'm not sure if she will, but I'm willing to try and find out despite the ramifications. What do I do, Bill? Should I go after this awesome, awesome girl risking my friendship?

Or do I go bros before hoes? Forget her and wait for the next horde du jour? Or am I just bad shit crazy? Ah, Jesus dude. Like I can't figure you out. You're sitting here talking like your Goo Goo Gaga and then you're also just saying like you just kind of want to bang her. Alright, this is what I'm going to tell you. Okay, rather than just telling you it, I'm going to tell you that this is what I'm going to tell you before telling you that.

Thus eating up more time in this horrific podcast. This is the sad thing about getting older. Okay, when your friends get older and they get married and they have kids, you barely see them anymore. It sucks. Okay, and if they have some, if they married some fucking douchebag who, you know, and they just gave their balls away in the relationship, you're never going to see them again. But if they actually have a cool wife who lets them go out and hang out with the fellas, you're still only going to see each other once in a while.

You've got to raise kids. So in the long run, if you feel like this girl might be the one, you've got to do it. You can't, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. But if this is just some sadistic shit where it was, you just wanted to bang her because she was around, you know, and you saw like, it's just like, dude, I got to tell you, if you bang that girl and afterwards you're not feeling anything, dude, it's like now she's got something on you. And if she's a psycho and if they had a bad breakup, you could better fucking believe. Like that's like, that's chick's ways of getting back at guys, like they'll go out and fuck their friends.

I mean, just like hell hath no fury, as they say, like a woman scorned. And if it's a bad breakup, like women, they want to throw all your shit out in the front lawn, light it on fire. Okay, and that's not enough to fucking go after your material things. Okay, that's what they want to do. They want to leave you with, and then they want to go out and go bang all your fucking friends and then let you know about it. So then you lose all your friends, you lose your entire wardrobe, you stand there like a flood victim. Just tearing up as it starts to rain as you stand on the fucking front porch with some dilapidated fucking three family house. That's how they want to leave you. They're fucking nuts. Some of them.

Okay, so you know the deal, dude, you're stepping in shit. You're looking at a field, you know, it's a minefield and you want to walk across in any ways, because there's a woman at the other side of it, which this is a classic Shakespearean tale about ready to unfold. So, and I can say that having never read Shakespeare, I tried to read it. It's more complicated than the Bible. I, you know, I don't know, dude, I don't, you have to, you got to figure out where the fuck you're at with this shit. All right, do you really like this girl? Do you really think she's the one? Or was she just around long enough that you just were thinking about her and you, you know, looking at a tan fucking thighs or a fucking titties or a goddamn mouth or something. You just like, I'd be wondering what it would be like, you know, and you just sat there doing that the whole fucking time.

There always is that excitement that all your guy friends have when you break up with a hot girl because they're all like, oh God, I always wanted to fuck that girl. Jesus Christ. Right. And you guys have that conversation with each other. And that's how you fucking talk like a bunch of pirates. You sit there. Hey, do you hear Mike and Joanne broke up? Can you believe that? Yeah, that's fucking crazy. And then you guys sit there and then there's that half second pause and you both just start laughing because, you know, like, dude, we can't, we can't. Oh, geez, I would love to. I would love to. Yeah, I won't say anything. You don't fucking say anything. It's just, it's fucking brutal. It's brutal. And then the guys all insecure because this is the bottom line is if, you know, that's why you don't bring your girl around. You don't bring your girl around because you do it enough. Your guy friends are going to want to fuck her, you know, and then she kind of gets to know them. And then did you already do that stupid fucking phone call when you call? Hey, you know, just calling up just to say I'm sorry.

You guys broke up. I thought you guys look great together, blah, blah, blah, blah, and try to catch her in that weak fucking moment. Did you do that? You predator? Ah, we all have. That is a shit storm, sir. There's no, there's no way out of that. And there's no way you're going to wait six to eight months because if the girl's hot enough in six to eight months, she's already going to have somebody else. And if you come back around again, it's going to be like her going backwards. So there, see what I did? I just let a candle under your ass to go fucking do it. Ah, it gives a shit. Let me know how it works out. Uh, advice, friends, girlfriend is a bitch. Haven't I already given advice over this thing? I've given this advice a zillion fucking times.

I'm a high school senior and in three weeks with me, in three weeks, me and my friends are going backpacking through Australia for a month and a half. We've been planning this trip since middle school and I have saved for the past five years because I am paying for my share of the trip myself. We're both psyched to graduate from high school and for this trip. Dude, I hope you have the most. The only way I would backpack through Australia is if they made thigh high hooker fucking snake boots. They got like some of the deadliest snakes on the planet. They got that tie pan where the fuck it is. They got the, uh, nothing got black mambas out there. Those ones you get bit like in the second it registered that the pain of getting bit you like collapse.

Yeah, fuck all that. All right, dude, we'll have fun with that. This sounds like one of those trips where somebody ends up dying and then somebody goes on trial for possibly murdering the other person and then they get off and then, but there's always that wonderment of what really happened. Whenever Americans go to Australia, somebody dies. Remember that guy was on the honeymoon and he went scuba diving and his wife got eaten by a shark. Yeah, remember that one or something weird or they went deep sea fucking snorkeling. I tell you right now, if you're a fucking woman and if you're a lady and you're on it and you're going on a honeymoon, if it involves fucking scuba diving. So any, any sort of going out to the ocean. That's it. It's over. Call off the wedding. All right, call it off. Nothing good comes from that.

He's either going to get drunk and fall overboard or he's going to shut the air valve off. Don't go on a cruise. You know, and if you do, you do not go up on deck unless there's plenty of witnesses around. Fuck that moonlight kissing. Fuck all that. That's when you go off the back of the boat. She was just, she wanted to reach down and touch the water. I don't know what happened. No body, no nothing. Fuck that.

Hey, Bill, I'm a high school. All right, so anyways, they're going to Australia. My friend and I have known each other since we were three and our families are very close. He's like a brother to me and we've often confided in each other and asked each other for relationship advice. However, recently my friend has started dating this girl who has put a huge rift in our relationship. Congratulations. He's met his first psycho. You guys are only high school age. I don't think this is going to be that big a deal. The girl my friend is dating is a total whore.

She's ignorant and jealous and generally has an unattractive personality. They've only been dating for two months, but she feels like she owns him. She found out that my friend and I were going on this trip and has been rude to me ever since. Yeah, she's insecure. She's young and she's fucking a lot of guys. It started with just snipping remarks, elevated over time, blah, blah, blah. This is just going to be the usual shit. The other night we were all at a party. She got hammered.

She came up to me, started shoving me and told me that my ghetto pussy wasn't going to seduce her boyfriend. What? This comment probably had something to do with the fact that I'm black and her boyfriend is white. Though I was seeing red, I tried not to sucker punch that bitch in the face. Yeah, dude, dude, don't ever do that. I've boxed and kick boxed for the past three years and I'm pretty sure I could have stomped the yard all over. Yeah, dude, what the fuck? Where did that come from? I think the fact that you're a guy, you could pretty much beat up most women, which is why you don't do it. It's like running up the score in a college game.

I told her to calm down. I have never done anything with my friend and have no desire or intentions of anything happen in Aussie land. She kept yelling and screaming and making a scene. She's basically calling you gay in front of all your friends at a party and you're at a high school level. Yeah, that's a situation. Eventually I just gave up trying to reason with the drunk broad and I left. Naturally I told my friend what she said. He agreed it was absolutely unacceptable and had a talk with her that turned into a fight. My friend's girl gave him an ultimatum, me or her, and forbade him from going to Australia.

This is absolutely hilarious to me, which it should be. Since their fight, my friend hasn't called or texted me back. What should I do? You know what? Fuck him. Fuck him. Let him learn the lesson. You know what you do? You go down there with your fucking American accent and you're going to get more fucking pussy than you could ever shake a goddamn walking stick at to keep it in a hiking sense here. Fuck him and then you come back and just let him be with that whore. Wash your fucking hands of it. You go and invest a lot of time, effort and money into this trip.

I'm not going to have the beginning of my senior year destroyed by some skank-faced control freak lush, which you shouldn't, but I also don't want to hurt my friend and have him be miserable when we're going to be stuck living, sleeping, traveling together for six weeks. Hey, fuck him. This is the deal. Fuck him. Fuck him. Okay? He wants to be with that whore. Let him be with that whore. Get on with your fucking life. He wants to go with you to Australia. Let him. If he doesn't, if he wants to stay back there with that psycho, let him. He has to learn this lesson. The same way you got to let a toddler fucking slam his head off the goddamn coffee table to understand gravity or at least putting his little fat baby arms out. You know, you got to let this dude fall right on his fucking face.

All right? Let's hope he's wearing a condom, but he's old enough to know how people get pregnant. So, you know, give me a fucking break. Fuck this shit. All right? That's it. Fuck him. Wash your hands of it. It's over. All right? You go out. You enjoy your senior year. You go to Australia. He comes. He doesn't. You don't give a fuck. All right? That's on him. He wants to sit there and invest all his life in some stupid, drunk, skank-faced control freak lush, as you call her. Let him. What the fuck do you care? Okay? She fucking embarrassed you. I mean, you don't do that. You don't do that. I remember one time I was dating this fucking girl and she was so fucking rude to one of my friends. And that night, I was like, I was beside myself and I was asking her how she could do something like that.

And she's just like, she was just like, I'm sorry. I didn't like him. And that was the first time I was just like, is that the most arrogant fucking thing ever? And I'm not going to lie to you. It took me like another week or two. But from that second on, I just fucking pulled back and I was just like, you know what? Go fuck yourself. Because that's the life you're going to have. You're going to have all your friends are going to be gone. So fuck her. All right? Did I say it enough time? Yeah. Fuck her. Dilemma. All right. Number one, at their physical peak, would you rather box Leila Ali or Will Smith? Will Smith, there's no winning with Leila Ali. I either lose to a chick or beat one up. That was easy.

I'll fight Will Smith. Worst I can do is lose to an actor. But he used to rap. But he was mainstream rap, right? What was the ones that he had? What the fuck was that? I know people always talk about that summertime one. I don't remember how that one went. I was too busy listening to metal. What the fuck did he have back then? Parents just don't understand. That's when like mainstream white people were finally discovering rap. That's what we did. Parents just don't understand. Can't touch this. The worst of the worst. But go fuck yourself, African Americans. All right? I bet the first white music you listened to was awful with your holland oats.

Anyways, if you were a parent of a boy and a girl, would you rather see your son on to catch a predator? Jesus, being nationally exposed as a pedophile or be driving down the street and see your daughter out on the corner or whoring yourself out as a prostitute. Prostitute. Prostitute. Yeah, prostitute. There's nothing worse than fucking a kid. I don't think it's changed the outcome of who won a football game. But that's just me. Overrated, underrated. Underrated. Scabies is underrated. A great reason to launder. I don't even know what the fuck that means. I don't know what scabies. Launder what? Money? Your clothes? I don't know what you're saying there. Number two, pointing out, did I even pronounce that correctly?

Two, pointing out details about a steamy sex story that make it uncomfortable and unsexy. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this creep? For example, hey baby, remember the other day when I bent you over the dining room chair and we raw dogged it and you finished me off on your knees between the cat food dishes in the litter box? Your girlfriend expression will change from sexy to horrified in zero to 60. If you're the woman who's dating that guy, please break up with that fucking reptilian psycho. Is that the podcast for this week? We're coming up on it. We are coming up on it. Oh, you know what? I forgot. I forgot to do the classic stamps.com read. Hey everybody. Oh, wait, what am I thinking? I got to do this other one. Legal Zoom.

I forgot about this one. This is a new advertiser. They're going to be pissed. Fifty-eight minutes into the podcast. Is there any way you could read it a little earlier? Fifty-eight minutes in. All right. Legal Zoom, everybody. You probably heard about LegalZoom.com. I've probably seen it out there on a bunch of YouTube videos. But now I'm telling you about them, so you got to check them out. These guys are great. All right. Because I've actually done half the shit that they do here and I paid a fucking lawyer to do it. It cost me a zillion dollars. All right. If you basically, are you sitting in a cubicle right now? Are you wondering why you're making somebody else's dream come true? Why you're working towards that when you actually have an idea for a business?

Well, and you're sitting there going, well, I'd love to get myself incorporated to start my business, but it's going to cost a fortune. Well, at LegalZoom.com, if you've been waiting for the perfect time to start your dream business, right now is the time to do it. You can incorporate your business or form an LLC at LegalZoom.com starting at just 99 bucks. It cost me like 1500, something like that, 700, 1500. I can't remember. It was a lot of money. They'll do it for 99 bucks. And if you have a family and you need to make sure that they're protected, LegalZoom also will help you make out your last will and testament for just 69 bucks. That's something that I have to do. All right. I have to make out my last will and testament, which is really a scary thing for me to do, you know, because you're actually dealing with your own mortality

and considering I just had a dream like I did last night, it freaks me out. But I got to tell you, if I'm going to do it, I'm doing it for 69 bucks. In the past 12 years, over 2 million Americans have used LegalZoom for LLCs, wills, trusts, trademarks, and more. This is basically, look, if you're trying to start a business or if you need a will to protect your assets, this is the place to go. You're going to save hundreds, even thousands of dollars versus going the traditional route. And I know what you're thinking, well, what if I get bogged down? What if I can't figure it out? They even have an attorney to help you if you need help. Basically, they have attorneys that you can call in that type of stuff. All right.

Mandatory close. Sorry, I was supposed to write the worst. There's the mandatory close, everybody, to this ad. Start your business and protect your family today at LegalZoom.com. You can also get a special discount from listening to this podcast. Make sure you enter Burr, B-U-R-R in the referral box and check out, at checkout for more savings. LegalZoom is not a law firm and self-help services are provided at your direction. All right. So that's the deal. There it is. You want to start your business. You want to be incorporated. That is the cheapest, most efficient way to do it.

I wish they were around back when I got incorporated. I could have saved myself hundreds of dollars. So there you go. LegalZoom. What else? Is there anything else I wanted to talk about? I don't think there was. Stamps.com? Stamps.com, you got that one down by now, huh? If you don't want to go to the post office anymore and you want to be able to weigh packages and print your own legal stamps off your computer and printer in your own damn apartment at any hour of the day, go to stamps.com. Click on the microphone in the corner and you get a $105 bonus offer, free shipping and all that type of stuff, free stamps.

You're all over it. Look at me. Just saving your money. I got you a way to start your own damn business. Make your last will and testament. Bring the post office into your apartment. 8,000 video games in there and help out the wounded warriors. What more do you need? What more do we need, Bill? We'd like one more funny fucking story from you to end the podcast. All right. Let's see what I got. It wasn't enough that I said bye-bye to somebody in a wheelchair. Jesus Christ. If I went to church, how many fucking Hail Marys is that?

You know, it's not that I should go to confession and just tell that story just to see what the guy says, you know, because I think they just make that stuff up. To our fathers for Hail Marys. Back there drinking out of a chalice. Who did that first? Those rappers in Atlanta or priests? Well, I guess hip-hop's only been around since what? Did I just say hip-hop? I think I did since when? When did that actually come about? Was it in the early 70s? Is that what it was? Remember when Run DMC actually said that Walk This Way was the first rap? Remember that?

Why did they say that? You know, did they run out of leather jacket shelters? Was that fun running low when they actually said that? That wasn't the first rap. Why would they say that? Did black people get mad at them when they said that shit? Nah, it gets a fuck. You know what, people? I don't think I have anything left. I was actually hoping that the Red Sox were going to be in town tonight because I wanted to head down there even though I'm not drinking. I really want to drink. I ain't got a lot of people I really want to drink. I do. I haven't drank in a couple of weeks drying myself out, you know, while I get through the kid show that I'm going to be doing here. You got to be knowing at this point that I'm not doing a fucking kid show

as I'm sitting here talking about pedophiles saying bye-bye to somebody in a wheelchair and saying that Joe Paterno's wins should still count. In case you're detective work, you were still questioning whether or not I'm actually going to be hosting some sort of revamp of a kid show. It ain't happening. I actually got another acting gig. I'm doing alright. I'm doing alright on the old acting gig things. This is what, this is perfect. It's the exact fucking reason why I moved out to LA. I just wanted to start getting some parts and some shit, you know? That's all I wanted to do. I don't need to be a star. I just want to be in them.

Just let me shoot a gun, get shot, just something. You know, I told you guys my acting, these are my acting goals. I want to do that scene where you run down the alley and you're getting chased by a cop and you get to the chain link fence and you get like three fucking crawls up it and they drag you back down. I want to do that. I want to get interrogated. I want to get shot. I want to get blown away. I want to get killed by a monster. At some point I want to be getting eaten or something and just be going,

No! That's all I want to do. Alright. I don't want to do gorillas in the mist. What the fuck are they counting down out there? I think these are like Coast Guard people learning how to be Coast Guard people outside. Hang on. What am I doing? Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. I think it's some sort of Coast Guard training thing out there. 10, 9, 8. You know he's knowing your boss and in Boston when they get down to 4. 6, 5,

Foa. I actually heard somebody say, but ate his day. I got breakfast. You want some potatoes with that? No, I don't. Trying to cut down on the cobs. Alright, that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. Don't take any shit and you know, I obviously wasn't, you know, who gives a fuck. I'm not going to sit there and even try. What am I doing? I just said I wasn't going to apologize for anything. Fucking Penn State's wins should count. Alright, those fucking players played the goddamn games. They blew

out their knees. They risked fucking injury. They won the goddamn games. Alright, just because some old fuck was doing some shit that he should be burned in the street for, he shouldn't punish those fucking kids. I hope Penn State sells out all their fucking games. You know? Learn from SMU. Alright, everybody just walk the fuck away. Show up in force. That'd be the greatest fucking thing. You know how unbelievable? If you want to somehow turn this fucking thing around, Penn State fans, is if every game over the next four

years sells out. Even if you lose every fucking game. Okay? There's no other program out there could ever question your loyalty. That would be the greatest example of fan support. Unlike some of these fucking Red Sox fans out here. 48 and 48. They're fucking walking away. You know? See, that's the deal with most fans. They're not real fans. You know, you're like a marriage in sickness, added health, good times and bad. It doesn't

work that way with fans. Fans basically say, I love you until you suck. And then I'm walking away. I'm going to leave you when you need me most. Just like that Kenny Rogers song. Four hungry children cropping a field. I've had some bad times. We won 48 games and lost 48 games. And now you're leaving, you cunts. You know, I'd get the fuck out.

God bless John Lester. I know he doesn't want to lose. I love him Padroia when we're fucking down like that and he's fucking pounding him on the leg trying to get him psyched up. I love that shit. I love that as much as watching him win. Alright? And if you're walking away now, you're a cunt. And as Tom Cruz said in fucking taps, take off that beret. Right? Poor Tom Cruz. This fucking lady left him. I like how everybody like comes down on Scientology. You know what I mean? What's the fucking problem with it? Until

they have like an inquisition. I really don't think they're anywhere as bad as my fucking religion. You know what I mean? We had like 58 Sandusky's running around doing that shit. Did they, was the Catholic Church not allowed to go to a bowl game? Did they take away some of Jesus's miracles? They didn't. Those fucking games count. Now I'm screaming in a hotel room. Those fucking games count. Those kids won those games. Those games count. I did stand up for the Penn State Nittany Lions when they came out

and they were playing USC in the Rose Bowl. I did stand up for them. And they were fucking, it was like performing for the troops. High and tight. Everybody listening. I didn't have a great set. Nobody heckled me. They were great. Great bunch of guys. You gonna punish them? Go fuck yourself. Alright? This is what I say. If you take away Penn State's victories, then you have to take away Jesus's miracles. Jesus's miracles didn't count if Penn State's victories don't count. That's what I'm saying. That's my statement. I'm sticking to it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week.

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