Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-23-18

Episode Date: July 23, 2018

Bill rambles about Comic-Con, conflicting nutritional advice, and Russia.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, July 23rd. 2018. How's it going? How are you? What do you say there? Before I get going, I have something to promote. Old freckles. Old ringside red face is going to be at the next Rough and Rowdy event. August 1st in Youngstown, Ohio. Legendary. Legendary in the fight game. Youngstown, Ohio. It's Sunday, August 5th, 2018 at 7 p.m. Eastern Time. You can pre-order at RNR for pay-per-view stream. You go right to the website. RoughandRowdyBrawl.com. R-O-U-G-H. The letter N-R-O-W-D-Y-Brawl. Check it out. I was at the last one and it's one of the most favorite things I've ever done in show business. It's everything you want to see. It's conflicting groups of people duking it out with not a lot of skill.

You just get to sit there and enjoy it. I'm thinking there's going to be a lot of maniacs there as Youngstown is no joke. I can't wait to be there and not fight anybody like the coward that I am. Having said that, let me live my best life. Let me be a hero to myself. My goal for the second half of 2018 is to be my own personal hero. These fucking social media people, have you ever, like, there's nothing, I don't know, I don't know where to begin with this. If I see one more fucking fat, miserable loser wearing a t-shirt that has some sort of self-help advice to me, like, they've reached the mecca of peace and happiness. Is that fucking t-shirt for you or is it for me? You know, I just saw this fucking miserable looking person sitting down in the airport, you know, tens and tens and tens of fucking pounds overweight, eating shit food with a t-shirt that says love yourself.

You know what I mean? And all of this fucking crap now where you pat people on the back because they're fucking up their lives, and they still feel good about, you know what, I like who I am. I'm not saying you shouldn't like who you are, but I mean, you gotta look at yourself in the mirror at some point and just be like, dude, the fuck are we doing here? You know? Not saying I'm perfect, I'm not a perfect person. Right, but I'm not, you know, sitting around here, like, calling myself a hero, you know, based off of all my fucking shortcomings. Hollywood puts pressure and fucking divots and that is not a Hollywood. Hollywood gives people what they want. All right, you fucking cunts. So sick of everybody blaming this innocent town.

We here in Hollywood happen to be some of the most dependable, loyal, honest human beings you ever gonna meet. I couldn't even get through it without laughing. Whatever, fuck you. This time will give you whatever the fuck you buy, okay? And you've been looking at fucking abs and big tits since the second they had moving pictures, so I don't want to fucking hear it. These fucking assholes, you know? Then I like those other people, the fucking fat guys with the tough guy shit on their shirt, you know? Do I look like I give a shit? You know, that's, no, no, you don't. Yeah, I don't, I would believe that you don't give a shit about anything. All right, with your fucking fungus riddled toenails while wearing your little fucking flip-flops.

Oh my God, do you ever see people that their toenails, they look like fucking petrified wood and they're literally walking around just, you know? I guess living their best life and making you look at them. I swear to God, man. I saw somebody in the airport recently that had these flip-flops that also had like this toenail flap on it. Which I was really excited about. I hear stomping feet. That can only mean one thing. Oh! Hey, buddy. How you doing? Daddy's in here making a fool of himself. She literally just came running in here. Come on. Come on. Come on, you can't step. Look how big you're getting.

Come on. Uh-oh. Come on, buddy. Do what your mom says. Trust me, I've tried it the other way. It doesn't work. No, not by. Come on. All right. The Monday Morning Podcast has been briefly interrupted. Oh, somebody's tired. Bye-bye. Oh, you want to say hi? Let me give her a hug. Hang on. I gotta get a pause. All right, I'm back. Crisis averted. The fuck was I talking about? How great people are in Hollywood? How trustworthy we are?

You know, there's a couple of bad apples. I'm not going to lie to you. There's a few people out here, you know? You want to be one of those people? Who knows? You know? Um, anyways, what was I talking about? Doggone it? Ah, Jesus Christ. They're just interrupted. Christ, it fucked up my whole flow. I don't know what I was talking about. Who gives a shit, right? What do I, hit stop and go back and fucking try and listen to it? Um, anyways, I have no idea what I was talking about. Let me plow ahead here. As I always do, I swear to God, this fucking house, I swear to God, this fucking house. If it's not one thing, it's another. Every time I get something fixed, something else breaks.

You know what I mean? This can't be what owning a house is like. I just, I had to have bought out, there's got to be some sort of fucking lemon law. It's un-fucking, it's un-fucking believable. What are those people? They have a lawyer on retainer. That just means they're constantly getting in fucking trouble, so they're just constantly paying the fucking guy. I should have a plumber on retainer. I don't know what that means. What the fuck does that mean? It just sounds cool. I have a lawyer on retainer. Oh my God, oh my God, give me an idea what the fuck my dad does. That is God, I still cannot get over the fact that an adult said that to another adult.

Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad does? You know, it's like you're there, and the other guy's there. You guys are facing off with each other. And then the fucking other dude grabs him by the throat, throws him down to the ground, and then he stands up and all he has is, you're fucked. You're fucked, and evidently he walks away to go get his dad. The kid's in his 20s. Dad? What's the matter? Is that 35-year-old across the street picking on you again, son? Anyways, I went down to Comic-Con. Old Freckles, who's done nothing but make fun of Comic-Con forever.

I went down there on Thursday because Vince and all the guys at Better Call Saul were nice enough to ask me to mediate. Is that the word? Basically host the panel, the Better Call Saul to promote their season premiere, August 6th on AMC, season four premiere. And after that, the 10-year Breaking Bad reunion, 10 years since their first episode debuted, I would think, 2008. And I went down there and there was all these people dressed like superheroes. Most people are not dressed up, but there's enough people that dressed up that it was cool, and I went down there. And I gotta tell you, I really liked those fucking nerds, man. They were really cool people. I only teased them one time because I was saying something that was a spoiler, and I was like, hey, spoiler alert, everybody saw the last season of Better Call Saul? You saw what happened in the last episode?

And this dude down front was like, yeah, I didn't see it. And I was like, all right, well, stick a couple of lightsabers in your ear because I have to fucking read the show, something like that. And everybody laughed. Everybody had a good time with it. I wasn't sure, you know. The self-sabotage in me wanted to walk out and open with, are you doing you fucking nerds? But I just didn't want to bring them back to high school. I figured I was in their dojo. I'm gonna be polite, you know what I mean? As fun as it is to do what that fucking guy in Fox News did that one time when he went on that show with Barbara Walters. You know, remember that? And half the fucking crew of them walked off the stage. I can't remember anybody's fucking names anymore.

Anyways, I was down there, and I had a great time, and I flew with my instructor down there in an R-44. It's the first time I've flown. I hadn't flown since the end of May. You know, I was overseas, you know, doing gigs and celebrating my birthday, probably far too long admittedly. And then the last week of June, you know, in the beginning of July, I had to get caught up with all the work that I lost. I missed, I mean, sorry. And I flew, and I did all right, man. You know, a little rusty at first, and then it all fucking came back, and I had my best effin' landing. I've ever had, as far as, you know, not having to look at my instruments too much and just feeling, just feeling it. Being coming one with the fucking machine, man, was getting dark out.

We came back to Burbank, and we were listening to the ATIS, which is just the information that's updated every hour for the airport. You have to listen to it. It's some computer voice. So then you get on with Burbank Tower, you like Burbank Tower. Helicopter, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Helicopter at fucking Hollywood Reservoir, requesting full stop at Atlantic with information Yankee. So they know you got the latest information, then they tell you what to do. And there was a bunch of traffic coming in, so they told us to hold over Old Mako, which is this fucking hunk of shit Macy's, off the 170's that they're finally redoing, and you just fucking orbit over there till all the big boys go in,

and then they say, you know, helicopter, blah, blah, blah, cleared for landing, runway 8, west of Delta 8. So then you just say, all that shit back. So I said all that shit back, I come in, they got the fucking whatever, you know, those fucking, the power lines there, that chop your head off. I flew over the tower like you're supposed to, not over the wires, and then I was coming in at the right speed, because there was a jet behind me, but I was a little too high, so I just banked it really hard using my Gs to make the fucking helicopter heavier. Don't ask me how, physics, right? And then it fucking came down.

I was going, coming down like 600 feet per minute, which as long as I'm moving forward is fine, but as I slowed down, I got it down to 300 commercial fucking landing, right in the fucking glide path, right on the numbers, and fucking banged the left on Delta 8. And my instructor goes, that's the best landing you've ever done. You're becoming one with the helicopter. And I turned around, and my wife's in the back, and her headphones weren't working, and she didn't hear it. And you know what, I hate to say it, so it was like it never happened. And I was literally sitting there like a five-year-old talking to my mom, going, Nia, did you hear that?

Did you hear that? And she was like, what? No, I can't. I can't hear it. You know, there's a part of me that actually thinks she did hear it, you know, but to keep me in fucking line, to keep me keep chasing the fucking carrot she acted like she didn't hear it. So anyways, moving along, I want to thank everybody on the cast of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul for doing the heavy lifting and telling the stories and all that.

I mean, I was having like, you know, nightmares about hosting that and me turning into the real version of Chris Farley, you know, that character he would do. Hey, Paul McCartney, remember you and John Lennon, you guys wrote the white album? Yes, Chris, yes I do. That was awesome. Like, I was worried that I was going to be doing that. I'm not going to say there wasn't a couple moments of that, but you know, the whole time I was up there, I was like, why didn't they get Jimmy Kimmel to do this?

That was my first fucking thought because I remember he did, he did the, when they had the final episode and in LA, they did this thing at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and they showed the final episode. You could sit outside and fucking with all these other Breaking Bad fans. It was really a fucking awesome night and Kimmel hosted it and he did a great job. So I imagine the reason why he didn't do it was because he had to host his own show. And yeah, that makes sense, right? He had host his talk show tapes at five and that was going to be from three to 5.30 down in San Diego.

Oh, there we go. Hey, there you go. That's why old freckles got called up from the miners for a cup of coffee. Speaking of cutting called up from the miners and a cup of coffee and all that. I'm back into watching the Red Sox. Braley's paying attention, man. I'd started with me trying, like using listening to baseball as a way to not flip out in traffic and, you know, and just settling in to just not I just stopped fighting the city just like, yeah, man, there's going to be a lot of traffic.

There's going to be a lot of people doing things that I'm not going to like and I just need to just sit there and watch it happen. And just sort of inch along as I listen to five innings of a baseball game and go maybe three quarters of a mile. That's what I'm going to do. And that's what I've been doing. And I just listened to the Red Sox games and the Red Sox. I'll tell you, dude, they're on fire. I was worried that the All-Star break was going to slow them down. They'd won 10 out of 11.

I'm sorry. They won 11 out of 10. They won 11 out of 12. That's right. Because they went 10 and old and they lost one and then they won right before the All-Star game. I don't like the fucking Rain Man. Then we just took two out of three from the Tigers. So we won 13 out of the last 15.

And the Yankees just keep winning two. But I got to tell you, I watched a little bit of the Astros two of them watching those guys. I still think they're the team to beat. They have Verlander. They got a great pitch and staff and they got the bats. They got the whole fucking thing and they won it last year. And nobody's really talking about it. Everybody's all excited for fucking Yankees Red Sox.

And this is what I think. All right. Yankees bullpen sucks. That's going to come back and bite him in the ass. And Chris Sale is our guy. And, you know, as much as I love David Price, you know, he had a really rough outing against the Yankees in New York. And him cursing out Dennis Eckersley. I don't know.

I don't know. That was like, oh, that's a Hall of Famer, man. You don't curse out a fucking Hall of Famer. So I'm worried that that guy's a little, you know, what are you a little shaky between the years there? Little Odell Beckham there, right? You know, I don't know. I don't know. I hope he isn't.

Because if he isn't, we got two beasts. He is a beast, but I'm just worried that when he went down in New York and all those people, let's go Yankee. Fuck you, you big fuck. He kind of imploded rather than being like, I'm going to ruin that fat, man-titted, singing fucking Jackass Yankee fan. Do they still do that roll call thing? It's like, Jesus Christ, I always feel like a musical is going to break out after that. Yeah, they don't have a lot of that. And then they do the YMCA thing.

I mean, it's just, you know, and every time you think that's the worst thing, then we sing sweet Caroline. It's just, I don't know what has happened to both of those franchises. It's so weird how so much shit just got nicer, but people are so much meaner in a way, you know? Like you go to New York City, like fucking Yankee, I went to a game in 1983 there. The whole family went down there and it was like taking your fucking, we went to a day game. And as you got to New York, there was literally cars just burned out on the side of the fucking highway. And I don't mean in the middle of nowhere on some side road, on the side of the highway, like burned to the fucking ground. I remember that was one of the things when Giuliani got in office.

It was one of the first things he did was he got those things off of the highway. It was such a bad fucking look for New York. Well, maybe it was a good look because it was warning terrorist tourists about what they were about to experience. But I don't know, everybody was getting Giuliani credit. Who was the head, the chief of police there that he fired along the way so he'd get all the credit? Oh, Bill, do you always have to be a cunt? Yeah, I do. Giuliani's chief of police fired.

Let's see who this guy is. Come on. Come on, slow internet. He's Bill Burry. He has the slowest internet in Los Angeles. It's still fucking going. And now, man, I don't even know. Like a sporting event there used to always be like an element of, hey, keep your head on a fucking swivel and Jesus Christ.

You have no idea what you're going to see. Like people acted like fucking animals. There was fights in the stands and all that type of shit. I'm not saying, obviously, that I wanted to go back to that, but somewhere along the line, like it just became like, it's like, it's just weird. It's like you go into a Chuck E. Cheese. It's still loading, by the way. Still loading. That's probably because I typed in Giuliani and something negative.

That's my guess. I'm going to go with the old conspiracy theory here. Yeah. Anyways, I don't know. You go to sporting events now. It's like every time there's a stop at your play, then something happens up on the fucking flat screen. Everybody just stares at it with their mouth hanging open. And I really think that that's like this thing.

So people, like, don't fight and behave themselves. You know, you get that camera on your flat screen TV and all those fucking nerds at the Best Buy sit there watching you jerking off to the fucking Charlie's Angels on me TV, whatever you're doing, right? But, you know, in between those times when they're waiting for you to fuck your wife or whatever those fucking nerd perverts are doing down there, that for some reason is not fucking enforced. You know what I mean? You got all this fucking me too shit happening. And meanwhile, these fucking nerds are watching you in your living room. I'm not making this shit up like they've gotten busted doing it.

I don't know why they admitted to it. They're like, are you doing that? They're like, oh, you know, we're not going to say we're not. I don't know. Anyways, yeah, and they just sit there fucking. I mean, if you're going to if you're going to go after the. The pervert. Okay, Giuliani renews ties with police chief.

He ousted. In 1995, William J. Bratton left the New York City, New York City police commissioner with Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, the two men. Yeah, that's the guy. And what I've heard, by granted, this might have been people that hated Giuliani, which God knows a lot of people do. This might be bullshit, but I don't know what was this coming from? This is the New York Times. All right, so they hate Giuliani. All right, the two men Rudolph Giuliani and his former police commissioner, William J. Bratton had not spoken to each other in 10 years.

This is from 10 years ago. This was written when they had crossed past the social gathering exchange, little more than icy nods. But time, tragedy and presidential campaign has started to change all of that. I don't know what the fuck is I think that was the guy that really turned it around that started on the road where it's now like it's weird. It's like a. My father-in-law said when he came down, he was standing in Brooklyn. He goes, gee, wow, this is like, it's like a theme park. You know, it's like people riding bicycles along the river and all this stuff.

It's sort of like a, it's sort of like if you have money, it's become this utopia or something. I don't know. When does the pendulum swing back? That's what I want to know. Jesus Christ. Because I imagine in the 70s when New York almost went bankrupt, there was a bunch of old people going, I remember when this place was a dream land. What was that, grandma? Back when whites were only allowed to play baseball.

Back when Hitler was walking the earth. Well, I suppose those things weren't right. You could leave your door unlocked. That is the thing, man. Anytime you say good old days, there's always some fucked up shit going on, right? Yeah, Bill, yeah, that really wasn't anything deep. I didn't say it was. All right, so what I've been doing lately besides not boozing.

I'll tell you right now, old fucking old freckles here. I haven't drank all this month. It's been great, man. It's really been great. I'm still fucking tired though. I haven't a kid. You're still tired. But I'm like, I remember one day waking up when I was on the road anticipating a hangover and not having one.

And I was like, wow, it's pretty awesome. I'm trying to eat well. I'm thinking of talking to a nutritionist. You know what I'm saying? I got to get the answers to the test here. Rather than listening to fucking every Tom, Dick and Harry. You know, Dean Del Rey knows what the fuck he's talking about, but I'm getting bored with the diet. I got to add other shit and want to add some vegan meals, you know?

You know, not because I want to go vegan, just because I know if you eat them, then, you know, your stomach is flatter. Just give my body a break from, you know, beef, bogey, skirt steaks and all that shit, you know? I saw this thing the other day. It's like, you just, you don't even know who to fuck to believe. Like one of the things, you know, when you look at vegetarians and you look at vegan people, you know, there's an astounding level of fleshy fat people that don't eat meat. You know what I mean? And they'll eat french fries because it's made from potatoes and they're a vegetarian, but it's fried. And they'll say, you know, potatoes aren't good for you.

Anyways, as far as I know, I may have shouldn't even say that. I don't want to be all Oprah here and get people to stop eating potatoes and then the whole fucking potato farm, farming industry, sues me here at the Monday Morning Podcast. But there's just a lot, you know, they eat like fucking just all carbohydrates and shit. And they just stay away from meat. I think a lot of people love animals, but they hate reading is what I've sort of learned from looking at vegetarians and vegan people. You know, so they don't eat meat, but then they don't really know what the fuck it is they're doing. But the people that do take the time to do it right, like nobody who lived in this house for a hundred fucking years, evidently, took the time to do something right.

I didn't do that. And he's called it fucking friend effects. It didn't fuck it in a permit. Fuck it. Somebody licensed. Fuck all of that. What did they do? They just fucking lived here.

They had a problem. They asked a friend and I think a lot of vegans and vegetarians do that. They fucking talk to people rather than reading. And that's what I do because it's easier. It's easier than sitting down and actually doing the fucking work. So, you know, I see that, you know, like, can anybody, if Gandhi your fucking head, can anybody tell you whether having an egg is good for you or bad at this point? Eggs have been good, bad, good. And now they're starting to be bad again while people who are saying they're good are fucking, you know, they're duking.

It's like the rubber match, the rubber game, whatever the fuck it's called, right? So I'm going to talk to a nutritionist and I'm going to, you know, try to read up on it. But it's really dry. And if you actually look up shit on becoming a vegetarian or eating a little like that, like a vegan or something, I mean, it's just Hatfields and McCoy's between the fucking meat eaters, the carnivores and the vegetarian people. And there's a lot of money at stake. No pun intended. Sorry about that. So I think like the big farming cattle fucking people, you know, they're trying to have all this shit come up first.

And then all the tree hugging like, hey, man, like, you know, trees are alive, man. Those fucking people are trying to say that, you know, eating meat is like, like I saw this thing, right? Well, they were saying that this guy was trying to say that like animals get protein from eating plants. And when you eat an animal, it's an indirect protein because you should have just gone directly to the plant. And it's like, well, then explain tigers. And they're fucking, you know, Mr. Universe Physiques. As far as I know, which is I don't know shit. So I should shut up right now and Google what what did tigers eat?

What do tigers eat? Meat only. Oh, they're always in a bad mood. Can't even take a shit. Siberian, the species diet ordinary consists about 50% wild boar meat. Doesn't that sound delicious? If they cannot get their paws on some wild boar, they've been known to eat elk. Deer in lakes.

They're like, what the fuck are you fucking with me for, man? I didn't do nothing and sometimes even bears. Oh my God, what size? Jesus Christ. That's a big thing in Asia, huh? Putting like a bear and a tiger in a fucking cage and just filming it. If large sources of meat are not readily available, Siberian tigers will eat rabbits, fish and any rodents they can get to.

Let's see. Okay, well, there's no meat in that. And that's the first thing I saw. Do tigers eat plants? What do tigers eat? Siberian, the species diet consists of still this. Tigers diet. Tigers eat a variety of prey ranging in size from termites to elephant calves.

Oh, that would break my heart to see a baby elephant get killed. However, an integral component of the diet are large body prey weighing 45 pounds or larger, such as moose deer. What do we fucking mean moose and bear? Where the fuck are those things? I thought that moose were only over here. Deer species, pigs, cows, horses, buffaloes and goats. Yeah, well, they have a different digestive system evidently

because if you just fucking ate that, you're on the Atkins diet, right? You need as much fucking bacon as you want. Tigers looking at you like, yeah, I realize that. I realize that. So anyways, I'm going to try to fucking, I don't know, I'm going to talk to a nutritionist, somebody who read all this shit that I'm supposed to read and maybe try to get them to tell me some, oh, Bill,

are you really going to buy books on nutrition like you're going to fucking read them? Do they have a lot of pictures? Anyways, I should probably read some advertising. I don't feel like fucking doing that. Hey, I'm almost like halfway through this season six of 77, Sunset Strip. And evidently, as I said, season six, you got to watch it. It's on a 4 a.m. on me TV, just take the fucking thing.

I want to get more people to watch it because I'm worried, because I found out that they started broadcasting all the episodes back in November and I missed the first five seasons and we're getting towards the end here of season six because they didn't do a full season. They got canceled like three quarters of the way through. And I'd like to see the original ones because I'd like to see what LA looked back then. You know, hopefully they do some exteriors, although I know most of it was formed on the back lot, filmed on the back lot in Warner Brothers.

But I'm loving this season. So I'm worried that the other one's going to be a little hokey because I guess a lot of people didn't like season six. First of all, they fired the whole fucking cast. As I bet you. Sorry. But I also didn't realize that they made F from Zimbalist Junior's character a lot more surly.

But I'm loving them. So now I'm worried that I saw season six first. And if I go back and look at the others, I'm not going to like the show. The same with the other people because you just get used to how the guy behaves, you know. But some of the lines, man, some of the shit that people say on there. Here's something in like, you know, women are talking about how guys behave around them. You know, like in some of the shit that they say, it's like, Jesus Christ, I mean, I'm sure that guy's out there, but what the fuck, you know?

Seasons six of 77 Sunset Strip. It sounds like what some of these women are describing. Here's some of the shit I heard them say. Guys saying to women on that show pipe down. Shut up. Not to mention F from F from tries to bang his fucking secretary. Tried to look up her dress one episode. I'm just sitting there going, this guy would get me too.

So fucking fast and have his full head of hair spinning. Right. And then my favorite one ever, favorite one ever, as I mentioned on another podcast is when he sat down in this episode with the actor that ended up playing the professor like Gilligan's Island. Sorry, I'm talking through yawns right now. The actor that played the professor in Gilligan's Island. And the guy was three drinks in in. Ephraim's meeting him.

It's the middle of the day. And the guy orders his fourth drink. And Ephraim goes, you got a pretty active elbow for lunchtime. You want the sauce? That is the one thing also that I love about that show. It makes you feel better about drinking and smoking because Ephraim Zimbalist almost made 90. And there's barely a scene he's not smoking a cigarette and he's really smoking it too. And that's just on the take that they use.

So who knows. All right. With that, should I read a little bit of advertising? Yeah. Why don't I do that? 77 sunset strip. Oh, Jesus. Here we go.

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and type in Burr. That's stamps.com, enter Burr, B-U-R-R. Hey, by the way, you know what? I got an email from Darren King, incredible drummer, one of the best drummers I've ever seen, to be honest with you. And I had no idea that he could sing and play guitar, but he did a cover of Richie... Oh my God, I'm a saber. Is it Richie Havens? Let me make sure I have this right.

Ah, fuck. Yes, I was correct. Richie Havens does a song called Freedom. And he did a cover version of that that then goes into something else that is fucking incredible. I tweeted out the video and we'll have a link to it on the MM podcast. Jesus Christ, you know. I like watching how talented that guy is. I don't even know what the fuck I'm even doing in this business, man.

Incredible, incredible monster talent. Check it out. And I heard he has a solo album coming up. People are alluding to it. I hope he does. If he does, we're going to promote it here and I hope you guys buy it because he is the real deal. All right, let's check out some... Am I going to read some stories?

You know what I'm actually going to do? I actually came across this fucking thing. It says, news is bad for you. Okay, this is from something, TheGuardian.com. It says, news is bad for you and giving up reading it will make you happier. All right, now I'll tell you right now. I didn't need this fucking article to tell me this. I just realized it.

I figured it out after I went down a rabbit hole of fucking conspiracy theory. You guys remember that? People listened to the podcast 10 years ago. I was fucking... I was Mr. Chemtrail guy. I was that guy saying, you got to shut down the Federal Reserve and I had no solution to do what you would do after that. I'm sure people that are well read on it had the solution, but I didn't. So I was just walking around freaking people out.

I was a cunt, basically. So anyways, it says, news is bad for you. So I just stopped watching the shit. All right? I'm just banking on the fact that there's going to be some smart people with a good heart that are going to lead us out of this fucking mess. Because I don't have any solutions, all right? I go on stage. I jump around like a monkey and I make you laugh.

Okay? That's my lane. And as the rock used to say, know your role and shut your mouth. So I'm staying over there. I try to watch the news. I try... I can't, you know... It's the weirdest thing.

Going from Obama to Trump. Going from Obama where all they did was lick his balls for eight years. And then they go to Trump and it's just like all they do is shit on the guy the entire fucking time. And they're both kind of doing, you know, with the foreign policy, the same fucking shit. Although Trump is like a fucking lunatic. You know what I mean? I heard... I was in the Howard Stern show and he went on this fucking rant about Russia.

It was just not talking about the fucking people. Just talking about, you know, of Lattie Daddy over there. He goes, I'm sick of people fucking talking about Russia. You know, like they're not that bad. He's like, they fucking, you know, they kill gay people. They kill reporters just for having a difference of opinion. And he's right. He's fucking right.

I don't know. I... Once that his fucking wife wore that coat when he was going to go visit those kids that... She was going to go visit those kids that they had stuck in cages and she wore a jacket that said, I don't really care to you when they try to... Oh, that has to do with fake news. It's just like, it's literally like listening to a toddler lie. And God bless you.

If you can still watch that and try and stay politically active because... I don't know. It's just too fucking depressing. I can't fucking deal with it. So I choose not to watch. And the last presidency, you know, I just... I couldn't fucking... You know, I had hope.

And then I was just like, oh, oh, this is going to be more of the same. Oh, bankers don't go to jail. Oh, yeah, yeah, insurance companies can do whatever they fucking want. And yeah, we're not going to constructively criticize our foreign policy. We're just going to stay the fucking course and shut down the government every fucking August for a week. And our solution is always going to be to say, well, what if we raise the debt? Right? You know, and then meanwhile, everything that his wife did was just considered like angelic.

And it's just... The whole fucking thing was annoying. That was like... When he was in office, it was like watching a fucking award show. Everybody's just walking around blowing each other, talking about how fucking brilliant they are. And then this... We went from an award show to a fucking train wreck. I honestly don't know how people have this stomach to pay attention.

Like, you're a whole other level tough mentally than I am. So anyways, here's this whole fucking article here. It says, news is bad for you and giving up reading it will make you happier. All right, in the past few decades, the fortunate among us have recognized the hazards of living with an overabundance of food, parentheses, obesity, and diabetes, and having started to change... and have started to change our diets. Most of us do not yet understand that news is to the mind what sugar is to the body. News is easy to digest.

The media feeds us small bites of trivial matter, tidbits that don't really concern our lives and don't require thinking. That's why we experience almost no saturation. Unlike reading a book or long magazine articles which require thinking, we can swallow limitless quantities of news flashes which are bright colored candies for the mind. Today we have reached the same point in relation to information that we faced 20 years ago in regard to food. We're beginning to recognize how toxic news can be. And I agree with all of this, but everybody can't stop paying attention or else, you know, somebody has to pay attention, right? Somebody's got to be like, you know, you just can't put it on cruise control.

So I don't know if 100% agree with this. I just know I'm not going to be the Gandhi that leads us out of this. You know, so as long as I know that, I mean, I will just be content to listen to Howard in the morning and then I listen to fucking baseball at night. That's what the fuck I do. I don't pretend to know things. All right, news misleads. Oh my God, what? Take the following event.

A car drives over a bridge and the bridge collapses. What is a news media focus on the car, the person in the car, where he came from, where he planned to go, how he was he transitioning? How they didn't say that how he experienced the crash parentheses if he survived, but that is all irrelevant. What's relevant? The structural stability of the bridge. That's the underlying risk that has been lurking and could lurk in other bridges. All they get to that. After they go painstakingly through the horror of the end of that man's life or life altering injuries, and then they get to his family and they're all crying and all of that shit.

You know, as much as a moron as I am, I always turn that shit off. You know, like out here, we had a hostage situation at a trader Joe's. And the people I was with were just watching it and watching and watching it. It's like, like just out of curiosity, what are you going to do if this guy just runs out and starts shooting people in the fucking head? Like you want to watch this? These people in the store are fucking terrified. This is the worst fucking moment of their life. All right.

The news eventually is going to tell you what happened. And they're going to give you an edited version so you don't have to see people's brains getting blown out. You know, and what, you know, they literally had like the employees were crying and a lot of shit. And then I found on the end, you know, some poor woman died. It was, it was fucking terrible. I'm just going to sit at home watching it for hours, ordering food, you know, going online. Are they tweeting from there? What's going on?

And then all these fucking assholes on YouTube on Twitter or these social media people are going to go on and say the obvious. Oh my God. This is so sad. I'm like freaking out right now. I love that. Oh, is that what you're doing? Are you freaking out in the safety of your own home? Why don't you make this about yourself, you fuck?

Oh, Jesus. Social media. I bet is people's a lot of shit that says that's depressing too. But you know what? Podcasts actually feed the soul. Believe I'm part of the problem. News misleads. Bill Burr misleads.

Anyways, plowing ahead. We are not rationally left to be exposed to the press. See, this guy's saying we're all dumb. Watching an airplane crash on television is going to change your attitude toward that risk, regardless of its real probability. If you think you can compensate with the strength of your own inner contemplation, you are wrong. I think the subtext of this is you dumb fuck. Bankers and economists who have powerful incentives to compensate for news-borne hazards have shown that they cannot. The only solution, cut yourself off from the news consumption entirely.

News is irrelevant. Out of the approximately 10,000 news stories you have read in the last 12 months, name one that because you consumed it allowed you to make a better decision about the serious matter affecting your life, your career, and your business. Well, I would say anything about the environment. You know? Jesus. This guy's chip off the old block here. Pain with a broad brush.

The point is, the consumption of news is irrelevant to you, but people find it very difficult to recognize what's relevant. It's much easier to recognize what's new. All right, I think we get the point here. News has no explanatory power. News items are bubbles popping on the surface of a deeper world. Ooh, that's deep. That sounds like a fucking progressive rock band, like a line in the song. In seven four, I imagine will accumulate facts that help you understand the world.

Sadly, no, the relationship is inverted. The important stories are non stories. I would agree with that slow powerful movement that develop below journalists radar, but have a transforming effect. The more news factoids you digest the less of the big picture you will understand. Maybe that's why everybody's yelling each other. News is toxic to your body. This I'll just read the headlines here. News increases cognitive errors.

News inhibits thinking. News works like a drug. News wastes time. News makes us passive. Well, that worked with me. News kills creativity. Well, there you go. Jesus Christ.

That's pretty fucking negative, huh? Let's get to some positive shit. I got a I got a fucking note from a possible visit to Dubrovnik, Dubrovnik, Croatia, my friend. While you're checking where the hell I'm contacting you from. Let me jump you with invitation invitation to my country slash city. I run brewery and we are in debt at the moment. So don't expect this is money interesting invitation. This is opportunity for you to check out crazy side of Balkans and getting hours and hours of future material.

By the way, you're funny. Well, thank you, sir. That read like a fucking ransom note from Eastern Europe. And I would be lying to you if I wasn't a little afraid to go to your bar. I need a couple of those in there, you know, while you're checking where you got the hell I'm contacting you from. Let me jump in with an invitation that we jump in with invitation. You fucking talk like Ivan Drago. Listen, buddy, I'm going to try to get as close to Dubrovnik as I possibly can.

I wish your bar was making more money. And I'd love to go in there and help you out with your fucking monthly rent by boozing my face off. But I don't I could tell you I don't think I'm going to make it there. Eastern European tour, Jesus Christ. This is all I'm getting. This is all East Eastern Europe where Eastern European tour. Dear Billy Baldberger. Oh, come on.

Now I was feeling I was feeling good about myself. I'm a huge fan of your comedy and efforts for family is my favorite thing on Netflix. Well, thank you very much. Therefore, I'm very excited that you're thinking of visiting Prague, Czech Republic. Comedy scene in Prague is pretty much non-existence. Oh, Jesus. So I'm sure you would kill with your knock, knock jokes. If you are interested, pint of beer costs between $1 to $2 and it's delicious.

You also have to try traditional alcohol drink. Slivovice. It's made from distilled plums and has about 51% of alcohol. Okay, I'm in. You could visit the Czech Hockey Hall of Fame or you could go to see Yarmier Yarger play some second division hockey. Oh, that would be cool shit. I'm probably going to be there for a night. I think this is going to be a bunch of one-nighters here.

A while back you mentioned you saw the movie Anthropoid about a Czechoslovakian paratroopers assassinating high-ranking German Nazi official. I love that movie. The movie ends with the final shootout in the church. You can actually go to the crypts of the church and see the bullet holes from the incident. I'm fucking doing that. I hope you decide to come and share your murrican wisdom with us savages. Thanks and go make love to your lovely wife. Oh, thank you. God bless you.

Go fuck your wife. You fucking redheaded prick. Eastern European tour. Hey, Bill. I just wanted to say that I know a lot of people waiting for you to come to Poland. Oh, great. I guess your agents already figured out that Warsaw seems the most logical place to do your show as it's the biggest city in the capital. It's located somewhat in the middle of the country.

So most of the people from outside Warsaw like me will be able to come and see you live. I'm 100% sure you'll sell out all of the tickets plus Warsaw is a great place to visit because of its history and of course all the cool stuff going on there. I guess people from the states think you'll see white bears and trams and horse drawn carts in the street, but that's not the case. I didn't think that. I just thought I'd see four people trying to screw in a light bulb. Ah, sorry. Just like everywhere else, we've got hipsters and Starbucks, moderately fat lazy fucks and shopping malls and generally people wasting their lives on social media. Yeah, that's a reoccurring thing.

Anyway, my friends and I can't wait for your show. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah, everybody's staring at their phones is a big thing and I do that all the time. Persistent cold. You may have walking pneumonia. Go see a doctor when you get back to LA. I need a doctor. Somebody give me a doctor!

Soft tires and Nazi symbolism. I love this guy. This guy's just, he's just doing the whole gamut, isn't he? Run in the gamut. Hey, let's look that up. Let's see what the fuck that means. How did that expression come about? All right, run the gamut origin, meaning the entire range.

The word gamut traces its origins to the Middle Ages in a system for designating musical notes around the turn of the second millennium. The fuck you mean the second millennium? I thought this was the second millennium. 2000, right? Isn't a millennium a thousand years? A medieval monk developed a system. Jesus. You know, just gets to the point.

I try to be informed. The second you're going to bring up a fucking monk around the turn of the second millennium, Guido of Ararizzo, a medieval monk, developed a system of solmization, i.e. designating musical notes by syllable names. While today we are familiar with the song syllables do re mi fa sol la ti do. Back in Guido's time, he died in 1050. They had a hextonic scale, sixth note.

And he used the symbol do re mi fa sol la ti do. The ut represented the lowest note. Do re mi fa sol la ti do. That's why I play drums and tell jokes. Ut represents the lowest tone recognized in music theory at that time. The second G below middle C. What the fuck? I don't give a fuck about ways.

What is the gamut the range of notes? Okay, building on this. Denotation detonation. I don't know gamut eventually came to mean the whole musical scale. Oh, so you're running the whole fucking scale. Okay. Jesus Christ. All right.

Hey, Bill. Soft tires and Nazi symbolism, by the way. Hey, Bill, I think I can answer both of your questions from Thursday's podcast. I'm in law school in a motorsport fanatic. So the questions, these questions are right in my wheelhouse. All right. What if you're in law school? What so you know about Nazi symbolism?

Do you prosecute hate crimes? I hope number one, why the soft tires and MotoGP principally you're right. I know the tires to grade towards the end of the race. It makes sense to use harder ones to get consistent performance, especially now that slightly sliding the bike is the quickest way around the track. How the fuck you learn how to do that is crazy. I mean, I've seen people do that in cars, you know, drifting. But you know, you're on four wheels, like the level of balance and scale,

the ability to become one with the machine. It's a worker of art. In Germany, Lorenzo used a soft front tire while Marcus took the hard one. For the rears Lorenzo was on a medium tire and Marquez on the soft. Marquez is a special driver and tends to get a better feeling for the bike with a hard tire. The sidewalls simply don't wobble around too much. Lorenzo's bet was to use the superior pace of the soft tire, more grip to build enough of an advantage to win.

This is fascinating. Marquez, meanwhile, expected a tight field and wanted to nurse his tires while keeping with the pack, thus having enough tire left for the last lap and a final attack for a win, which is exactly what he did. Simply put, the drivers have to decide between an early pace advantage and therefore superior track position with soft tires and the consistency of the hards. Add changing conditions, different riding styles and bikes to that, and you'll see how hard it is to pick up a winning package.

Well, my thing is, is there a way for him to know what Marquez is going to be running, considering he's the best rider out there as far as I can tell? No disrespect to Jorge Lorenzo. I know he's won it a couple of times, but the championship, I believe, he's won two of them. No matter what tire you're going to have, you're not going to open up this insurmountable lead. So I just think, eventually, that soft tire is going to fucking wear out, and then Marquez is behind, he's going to overtake you, and then he can ride hard for the first time in the race.

He beat the shit out of those tires, but by the time they get fucked up, the race is going to be over before that happens. I don't know. But thank you for that. That is fascinating, because everybody says, you watch races, there's a bunch of people driving around the track, driving around in circles, there's a stock car race, you only need to know, go turn left. Yeah, that's all you need to know.

Band Nazi symbolism. I'm enrolled in one of the best schools. I love how people are too dumb to understand racing, and then they sit there and they shit on it. I'm enrolled in one of the best law schools in Germany. Over here, displaying Nazi symbolism is punishable with up to five years in prison. In the context of the whole legal system, it's quite an unusual article of the law. Usually, this is amazing, because you're a lawyer in Germany. Usually, the political background of an opinion is irrelevant to the criminal repercussions.

To avoid discrimination, usually objective factors are used instead of political ones. It was discussed whether banning and punishing Nazi sympathetic displays is constitutional. It is an infringement on the freedom of speech. Yes, it is. And it also lets you know who the Nazis are. The one argument that won in court was the historic significance in Germany. By the way, I'm loving all these letters from around the world. This is fucking incredible.

If I could just get some women to write in. I know I'm off-putting, ladies, but that kind of gives you an opportunity to put me in my place, which is one of my favorite things. You hear where my wife's on here? She shits all over me. I love it. Giggling like a schoolgirl. The Constitution was put into place in 1949, while most cities still look like downtown Baghdad,

circa 2004, and when the ovens of Auschwitz had just cooled down, Jesus. The content of the Constitution is an answer to all the shit that went down between 1933 and 1945. Yeah, because most of those lunatics died or were put to death. And then some more rational people were like, hey, let's try to prevent that happening again. Look at the city. It's amazing. You can see all the way to the other city because there's no cities left. Anyways, so the Constitution is the answer to...

That's really... You don't see a lot about Germany other than 1933 to 1945. Or they'll show shit about World War I. But they don't show about the steps that they took afterwards to ensure that this wasn't going to happen again. I'm sure there's a nice book on it that I could sit down and read if I wasn't such a moron. Anyways, denying support of that regime is part of the Constitution's inherent character. I agree with that. The problem, it doesn't change anything.

It's symbolism. We can now point at our laws and tell other countries, see we learned. And what do the neo-Nazis do? They use fucking code, which is not forbidden, such as 88, I guess that means Heil Hitler, or HKN, KRZ shirts, which in German is recognized, is saying Hakenkruz, which equals swastika. I swear to God, those fuckers parody the Run DMC logo with HKN space, KRZ shirts. I had no idea. Wow.

Thanks for the podcast. They keep me laughing during exams, looking forward to your German-European tour, you freckled cunt. You know, that's gotta be the most fascinating shit I've heard about Germany since, you know, the same shit that they show a zillion times on the History Channel. I mean, obviously you gotta show that. So, you know, hopefully that never happens again. But they should probably shine a light on this to know that that is going down. I don't know.

It's hard, man. I really look like the Nazis. They're kind of like a fucking, I think I used to do a bit on this. They're kind of like a band that had a bunch of hits like fucking 40 years ago. And now they're coming back and it's just, you know, there's no original members. They don't have the magic anymore. It's just, it's over. It's over.

It's a, you know, it's like, you know, some bands, it's just their name becomes toxic after a while, you know, although sometimes they're so bad that they come back and people love them again. I don't know. It's probably a bad analogy, but that's pretty frightening that that shit's going down. People still like, you know, I don't know. I've never really been to a Holocaust museum. It's just, I don't think I could handle it, you know, knowing that people are capable

of that level of fucking evil. Just literally separating, you know, that shit in slavery, the shit at the border to separate parents from their children to sit there and fucking do that. I don't, I don't give anybody a pass. Even the fucking kid down there, like, this is my job. Quit your fucking job. I'm not fucking doing this. Like, when do you, when is that kid screaming, crying voice going to leave your fucking

head for the rest of your life? Oh my God, especially now having a kid and knowing like how much they need. Like my daughter just came in. She was like, why didn't all that for whatever reason? She wanted to hug me. You know, I don't know why, but they, they need just to take that away from a kid. It's just, it's fucking, you know, over some, I don't know. This got, you know, this got to be another way.

Right. Anyways, you sent my brother to the hospital. What the fuck are you talking about? Can I legally read this without getting, all right. Hey, Billy Brokiller, my brother and I went to your show early, your early show in Minneapolis a couple of weeks ago and as we were leaving, he was complaining about his back and shoulder hurting. Being the douche I am, I assumed he was whining about the uncomfortable seat.

So the next few days he started coughing and hearing a rattle in his chest. Yeah. Okay. We'll go to the doctor. He went to the doc and as precaution, it turns out at some point during your set, his right lung made like the Falcons and Super Bowl 51 collapsed. Well, that's not from laughing. That was like, you know, you went there.

Yeah. It's probably everything he did up until that point. He spent, I would love to take credit for any joke being funny enough to make somebody's lung collapse, but I think you're, yeah, you're looking at the ass end of the problem there, buddy. He spent the next six days in the hospital and had to get a tube stuck through his rib cage like Carl Weathers death scene in Predator. Then they hooked that shit up to a dust buster sucked out the air that was outside of his

lung and sold the whole shot. That's fascinating. He finally got out of the hospital and is doing fine. But I just thought you'd appreciate knowing you're at the level where your comedy caused someone's organ to explode like the goddamn Death Star. Keep this up and you'll be well on your way to fixing the overpopulation problem. Anyways, can't wait for you to come back to Minnesota so you can finish the job and get his left lung.

Hope all is well with the family. Thanks. I'm glad you guys came out and I'm glad your brother's doing all right. All right. I think that's the, I think that's the podcast here for this week. All right. I think there was a Formula One race today. I'm taping this Sunday night.

I got to sit down and watch that, but I got so much shit to do. Is that it? Do I have anything? Again, I'm going to be with Nate Craig in Houston. All right. Houston, Texas in July as a bald redheaded male. And then I'm going to be in Dallas. I don't know how many shows I'm fucking doing here.

Let me check it out here. All right. So here's the deal. Thursday, I got a show at Revention Music Center in Texas. Friday, I have a show at Revention Music Center in Houston, Texas. There's still tickets to Thursday, Friday sold out. And then I got two shows in the Pavilion up in Dallas at the Toyota Music Factory. Also, I added a show right before the rough and rowdy in Rochester, New York, right outside

of Buffalo, which I haven't been to in a zillion years. Rochester, former home of the Rochester Royals that then became the Cincinnati Royals, then the Kansas City slash Omaha Kings, then the Kansas City Kings, and then the Sacramento Kings. Hey, Bill, why were they Kansas City and Omaha Kings? Well, because they used to split their home games between both those cities. Seeing which town gave a fuck more. Kansas City didn't have any college football.

Omaha did. Well, I guess it's Lincoln, Nebraska, right? Where is University of Nebraska? I only went to a fucking game out there. I always forget where it is at. Then they became the Sacramento Kings. I'm into that shit. I'm into past histories.

You want to hear a couple of cool ones? All right. Here's a good one. Kansas City scouts, NHL team, moved to Colorado, became the Colorado Rockies, and then moved to New Jersey and became the New Jersey Devils. Okay. I can't do all your homework for you, but I can do some of it. All right.

The original Washington Senators, 1901 to 1960, they left and became the Minnesota Twins, and then the Senators came back briefly in Washington, almost like they retained the name like the Cleveland Browns. There was a second incarnation of the fucking Washington Senators, and they also failed, and then they moved to Texas and became the Texas Rangers. All right. You want to hear some more? What else do I got?

All right. The New York Yankees. Who were they originally? The Baltimore Orioles, 1901 to 1902. Then they became the New York Highlanders, 1903 to 1912. Then they became the New York Yankees, 1913 to present. Now, the Baltimore Orioles, I knew they were the old St. Louis Browns, but I didn't realize that at first they were the Milwaukee Brewers in 1901.

Then they were the St. Louis Browns, 1902 to 1953, and from 1954 until now they became the Orioles. All right. That's it. Okay. I don't want to talk to you guys anymore about this. What, the Oakland A's? Is that what you were asking about?

Well, they were the Philadelphia Athletics from 1901 to 1954. Then the Kansas City Athletics to 1955 to 1967, and then they became the Oakland A's, 1968 to 1986, and then the Oakland Athletics, 1987 to present. I don't know what that means. As far as I'm concerned, they've been the Oakland A's or the Athletics in 68, but that's what this fucking thing said to me. You know, I learned about all of this shit. A lot of teams have passed through Kansas City, started there, gone through there, and then

they just fucking, you know, Kansas City Scouts, Kansas City Kings, Kansas City Athletics. They've had a lot of people come and go, you know, and there's only one solution that I can think of. There's a lot of guns in Kansas City. All right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday. What?