Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-15-11

Episode Date: August 15, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about The Baseball Kid, PG-13 Movies, and spraining his finger

Ikea, tip of the week. Do you like to get a gift? You can count on us. Because until April 15, Ikea family members get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. Last week, when I announced it on Opie and Anthony, this was the big goddamn secret for those of you out there who don't follow me on Twitter or Facebook or anything like that.

My big announcement was, believe it or not on November 11, 2011, I am going to be performing at Carnegie Hall. I'm going to be doing stand-up comedy in Carnegie Hall, New York City, the real one. Not that bullshit one out there in Pittsburgh, you know what I mean? Like when you say, I go to the University of North Carolina, Wilkesboro. I'm in one of the satellite campuses. No, I'm on the main one, bitches. All right, one where all the fancy people with their horns and their jazz musicianship

and their speeches, I'm going to be there. Thanks to Andrew Carnegie for feeling guilty at the end of his life after he had put his foot on the throat of poor people he decided, well, let's give him a building to go down and enjoy music in. And you know what? I'm going to name that building after me. I am going to be performing there. And I know I'm joking around about it, but I am absolutely blown away.

I can't believe it. And yeah, I don't know. It's been a long, it took me 20 years to get there. Just a little under 20 years. Okay, for you, you fantasy football stat douchebags out there. It was 19 years. It'll be 19 years. What's what's 12 minutes and eight months.

And in nine days, it took me to get there to go from fucking doing standup in the basement of spaghetti freddies. Right? Eat my goddamn balls one at a time. Nice and slow downstairs where they got all the extra pasta to get in the Carnegie Hall. So there you go youngsters. Young comedians out there beat that. Beat 19 years, eight months and fucking whatever.

How many days? Nine days. Nine days. All right. If you can beat that, you're a better comic than me unless you have a catchphrase. Then you can go fuck yourself because you cheated. You didn't cheat. All right.

But you gave them what they wanted. Didn't you? Oh, they liked when I said that. What if I say it again in the morons in the crowd? Keep doing it. It keeps getting funnier. If you fucking do that, if you just stand on there and you throw the raw meat at those goddamn morons and let them eat it up just the exact fucking way they want, then no.

You're standing in a different line. All right. There you go. I had a great fucking argument today talking about sports as always. And as I say that, I looked at my ring finger on my left hand. I sprained my finger yesterday playing catch, playing football. That's what I do at 43. I know what you guys do.

You go down. You probably have your kids take them down to the eye and ear doctor to make sure that they're going to be okay. Then you bring them home. You teach them math. You teach them right from wrong. I'm sure that that's what you're doing. You're probably 10 years younger than me and you're doing that.

Me? I'm out on a golf course playing catch with a football, trying to learn how to throw with my left hand. I don't know why. It's fun to me. So the fucking ball's coming in and I caught a couple one handed. And as I'm going to stick my hand out to catch it, something in my brain goes, don't do that. Don't do that.

And then my ego said, hey, fuck you brain. I'm running this shit. All right. If I wanted any logical thought out of you, I would have asked a fucking question. Stand down, sir. So of course I stick out my left hand and I didn't jam it. I got to be honest with you. If I had to choose between jamming and spraying, I'm taking the spraying all day long.

Wow. Look at that. It's purple all the way down to my... So anyways, my finger. Jesus Christ. This thing is disgusting. It looks like... You know when a body has been floating in a river?

And it's that odd shade of pasty in some areas, yet dark purple in others. That's what my finger looks like. It looks like a Kilbasa that's ready to be taken off the grill. And I did everything. I taped it up. I put ice on it. I did the whole rice thing. Rest, inoculation, cunt, and elevation.

Whatever it stands for. I did the whole thing and it still looks a little fucked up. You know what's great about this is if I were to get married tomorrow, it couldn't happen. Would that nullify the wedding if you couldn't put the ring on this finger? Huh? And that stupid goddamn ceremony. And do you fucking take this fucking broad to be your fucking goddamn fucking wife for the rest of your goddamn fucking life unless you want to leave?

At which point she'll take half your shit? I do! Power vested in me? No, no. Now you gotta take out the fucking gold, shiny fucking thing that they say is rare, which probably fucking isn't, but none of us are miners so we don't know any better. If you could please take that fucking... I don't think it would fit.

If it doesn't fit. Wait a minute. Is this some Johnny Cochran shit? If this thing don't fit, you get to keep your shit, right? Nah, that was corny. Sorry. Fuck you. It's only six minutes in.

I'll get to the funny. I'll get to the funny. So yeah, I fucked up my finger. Yeah, but trying to learn how to throw left-handed. You know? And it's so awkward it actually makes you laugh as you're doing it. I suggest tennis balls and you throw it at a lazy boy. Do you guys remember that?

Not Johnny Bench batter up. What was that other one? We just got the little backstop. Do you remember that? And they had the netting and you'd throw it and it would bounce right back to you and you could work on pitching and that type of thing. At least that's what they said but was really basically for the kid with no friends, for the only child.

I'm basically using my lazy boy for that. Wait a minute. You know what that reminds me of? Remember the baseball kid? They had this thing called the baseball kid. And the song was the baseball kid, the baseball kid. If baseball's what you want to do, the baseball kid will pitch to you. Right?

And it was this fucking cardboard cut out of what should have been your best friend pitching the ball to you. But you didn't have one. So then they just came up with this cardboard cut out of the friend that you don't have and the cell phone's the worst invention ever when you're in a relationship. Can they ever leave the house without calling you two minutes later? How are we doing on string beans? Do we have any string beans?

Honey, I know you don't know. Could you just go out in the kitchen and look? Well put it on pause. Why are you yelling? Right? Isn't that how it goes? That half of the conversation? Un-buff-fucking-leavable.

Stop calling. Remember when you first got a cell phone? It was exciting. Exciting and new. Pick it up. She's got nothing to say, but she'll still call you. Anyway, so they had this thing. They had this thing called the baseball kid.

And that was, you know, and I remember it came out when I was in junior high. And then everybody was joking. Why wouldn't you just have your friend pitch? And the commercial was hilarious because they'd have the baseball kid on the pitcher's mound. And then there'd be the kid up to bat. And then there'd be a bunch of kids out in the outfield. It's fucking stupid. You got like eight kids there that makes the baseball kid obsolete.

But they couldn't show some lonely kid sitting there with his arm around a cardboard cutout that has a face on one side but on the other side it's just, I imagine, it's just cardboard. It's probably like, you know, when you take a tour at Universal Studios and you're like, wow, this is an old Western town. And then they turn the corner and you just see that it's just the facade. Is that what you call it? The front of the building and everything else is just a two by four behind it. Yeah.

So that's basically what they had back then. It was basically for only children. Or maybe you were the fat kid and you got sick of people laughing at your, they're not really mantits when you're still a kid, but whatever. We'll go with mantits. Mom, I'm sick of everybody at school always making fun of me. I don't want to play with them anymore, but I still want to play. Well, I have an idea.

What if we had a cardboard cutout of someone who could pitch to you? Is it going to be mean to me? No, Tubby. It's just going to throw you the ball. That sounds wonderful. The baseball kid, the baseball kid. You know what? I'm sure on YouTube that they actually have the commercial.

So I'll try and find that. If I don't remember it, please send it to themmpodcast.com and we'll get it up there for you. Or just search the baseball kid, but you don't want to do that. You want to go to themmpodcast.com, right? The official podcast page of the Monday morning podcast. And we'll have all the YouTube videos. I actually have one that somebody sent me on Twitter of this guy with a speech impediment,

this fat guy bitching how they fucked up his video game. And he doesn't have a lisp. I don't know why I just popped the P there. He doesn't have a lisp. Any vocal coaches out there can tell me what this is. It's that one when you don't have a lisp, but you go successful. Seriously, stop it. I'm serious.

I'm trying to be successful. That shit where you sort of push the wind out on the side of your tongue. What's that one called? The lisp is my horrible idea. That's Jesus Christ. What's going on here? That's a lisp. I know that.

That's a lisp. That's a fucking lisp. What is that one? I know vocal fry is when you don't push enough air through your vocal cords. And I've joked here on the podcast before, every girl who is a fucking writing major in college always talk like that. You know, Edith Wharton, the magnitude of her work cannot be magnetized. Did I say that too many times? I need to take another writing course.

They speak like that. So anyways, let's plow ahead here with the podcast. Oh, I have another special announcement. This has been sort of like special August, hasn't it? I have another special announcement here. Introducing. A lot of people out there have been like going, hey Bill, you know, you do the Monday morning podcast. I like it.

I like that you give me a free hour of comedy every week whilst whoring out whatever product it is you have to sell your cunt. I appreciate it. You know, it would be better than that. What if you did another hour? What if you did another hour of free entertainment and put it out on like a Thursday? And you know what I thought? I thought, go fuck yourself, you greedy prick. I'm only doing one.

All right, but because enough of you requested that I start doing two. Tell you what, every once in a while I'll do an extra one, but you gotta pay for it. All right. Oh fuck you, you whiny pieces of shit. Hear me out. Hear my sales pitch before you turn the channel. All right. Jesus Christ, you guys.

Is there any fucking loyalty? I'm introducing, I was trying to think what it was, what it, what I should call it. And it's basically going to be me interviewing random people in my life. They're going to be 99 cents. They're called, it's the Monday morning podcast select. What inspired this name? I'll tell you, you ever drink some shitty American beer, right? It's not shitty, but you grew up with it and remind you your dad, right?

You drink like Budweiser or whatever, whatever. The other one's light beer from Miller. You drink that shit. And what did they do with all these micro breweries coming up for some reason? All these blue collar beers had to have their fancy little fucking, you know, something select. It's basically why I'm calling it the Monday morning podcast select because they would always have like, you know, Budweiser select or Miller select. And it was supposed to be like, okay, we really tried to make it taste good on this one.

Right. So that's what I'm calling it. It's the Monday morning podcast select. And this first one is going to be out on Thursday. Okay. It's $0.99. And anybody wants to whine about it, go fuck yourself. You already got a free hour of entertainment here and you don't have to pay this.

You don't have to pay for this one. No one's twisting your arm. All right. You just wait for another free one every Monday. But if you want to a week, I'm not doing this every week, people, but when I find somebody that's interesting enough, because I think there's enough podcasts out there, comedians interviewing other comedians. So I would like to try to do something a little bit different.

So this Thursday, if you're a sports fan, I interviewed Ephraim Salam. He's a white guy who's a majored in accounting. If anybody out there knows a white guy named Ephraim, please send me the picture of him. I want to see it. All right. With his Babe Ruth nose. All right. Plowing ahead here.

A few people got that. All right. I interviewed Ephraim Salam. He played right tackle in the NFL. I shouldn't even say played because he's officially, he's not retired yet officially. He played with the Houston Texans last year. He played for 14 seasons, I believe, in the NFL. And I basically asked this guy every goddamn question I could think of that I ever wanted

to ask a football player. You know, what's the dirtiest thing you ever did to somebody? What's the dirtiest thing that was ever done to you? What do people say? You ever get mad at the level of pussy quarterbacks, get the real shit, all right? You want that phony shit? You want to watch your former heroes on ESPN, on that fake football field, getting down to do a three-point stance.

You want to watch that shit as they explain the cover to? What do you want to hear about steroids? You want to hear about gold digging whores? You want to hear the questions? You want to hear the answers to the questions that you fucking have? You know what's killing me? You know the one I forgot to ask him is what the fuck wants the deal with the prevent defense? I forgot to ask that one, but I asked as many as I could possibly ask.

And then in the end, we talk about that movie Planet of the Yates. It's 99 cents. You know, it's another great way to contribute to the podcast. It's a way for me to give you something extra. And as always, I always give you the option, right? I give you the fucking option. You don't have to. It's like the collection basket at church.

I just pass it around. If you put money in, I give you a little wink and I say a prayer for you. And if not, I stare at you and I wish that you go to hell, just like a priest, right? Isn't that what they do? Speaking of which, I saw Planet of the Yates this week and spoiler alert, all right? I'm going to talk about this movie now because at this point, if you haven't seen it, you're still my, I'm not going to tell you what happens, but I am going to tell you. I was, I thought it was awesome and I was disappointed all at the same time.

And it's, it's what I said from day fucking one. I knew the movie was going to be great, but I was upset that it was PG-13. So you know something? I'm not even going to talk about the movie. I can tell you this. I am done with PG-13. PG-13, it's like decide who you want to make this movie for, okay? Is it for the kids or is it for me?

Make up your fucking mind. Stop being such a pussy and just sitting there on the fence and literally come for everybody. It isn't. It's too fucking scary for kids and it's not quite violent enough for me. Who's getting who? It's not even close to violent enough for me. I'm done with it. PG-13 is the movie version of when a fucking receiver goes over the middle and he could

reach out and catch the ball, but he's worried about the fucking cornerback. So he pulls it in and the fucking ball skids down off the turf. That is the movie version of that play in NFL football is PG-13. Fuck PG-13. Fuck it in its movie ass. I am done with it. I'm done. Okay?

Apes taking over the world should either be the cutest fucking movie ever or I should be having nightmares. Fucking driving right down the center of the road. Don't want to commit. It went all Al Gore on me. Still an awesome movie. Still recommend it. You're still going to enjoy it, but I wanted someone to get their face ripped off.

There. I said it. Okay? And it's not like that is an obscure thought. We all saw that woman. She got a fucking face ripped off by a goddamn chimpanzee and there is this lingering thought about chimpanzees that they're nice, that they are incapable of unbelievable levels of fucking violence because they've been stereotyped in the studio system out here in Hollywood.

Day fucking one. They had Tarzan, right? King of the jungle. King of the jungle, right? This fucking white dude with no sunblocks swinging from fucking vine to vine like that was believable. I thought that that was the most unbelievable, oh and the fact that he could also have a white chick girlfriend in the middle of fucking Africa.

How the fuck did that happen? You know? Tra-la-la. She's just walking around. I don't remember the backstory. Let me just finish this thought. All right, I thought that that was the most unbelievable part of it, okay? No bug spray, no sunblock, no fucking shoes, and there's always another vine to swing to.

You know, I get Spider-Man. He shoots him out of his wrist. This fucking guy's just conveniently hanging all over the place. Anyways, let me plow ahead, what the fuck am I trying to say here? But evidently the most unbelievable thing about that was that little fucking monkey cheetah. First of all, they didn't have it on a goddamn leash, they didn't have it in a cage, and it's in a jungle. Why is it hanging out with you guys?

Eventually it's just gonna take off, but if you don't let it take off, it's gonna rip your face off. If you guys watch these things on the Discovery Channel about these chimpanzees going to eat other monkeys and the way they got a whole ambush, they flush them out and they got other monkeys down the street and the other fucking trees, and then when they catch these monkeys, they eat them alive. They could kill them, they could twist their little fucking heads and they don't. They just stand on them as they pull them apart and as the little monkey's got screaming

it's fucking brains out. Then after they do it, they get all excited. Fucking talking shit. Yo, you see what the fuck I did, fuck you, that was my move. That's what they're doing. They're assholes. Stop making them fucking cute. Ugh.

I swear to God. If I ran a fucking studio and I made Planet of the Apes, it would have been fucking NC 17. Alright? Oh, that movie. What that movie could have been. It's still fucking great. Definitely go see it.

But I'm telling you, what that movie could have fucking been. If they weren't trying to fucking market the damn thing and get the, you know, did you like the movie Cars? Well, maybe you'll like Apes taking over the world too. Jesus Christ. You know, it's just like sports. That's why there's so many goddamn mascots out there. It used to be for drunks.

It used to be for people who weren't happy in their fucking marriages. Sports fans. That's who it used to be for. Now they got all these fucking goddamn mascots out there and they're trying to make it a good time for the kids. Going to a live sporting event is not a good time for kids. Alright? Like a daytime strip club.

That's what you take them to minus the whores. But the same fucking drunks who were in a titty bar the night before are sitting next to your kids doing what it is that they do and now they have to tone down their shit because they got a big furry fucking mascot walking around. I'll tell you, I've had it with these goddamn kids. Alright? They, they like the new fucking women. You know, women had to come into every place that a guy was at and put up curtains and

fucking ruin it. Right? What about us? Where? We want to join your men's club. They want to join the country club. They had to fucking be able to vote. You know?

Jesus Christ. I don't even know what I'm talking about. It's fucking hard as hell in this goddamn room. Um, whatever. Let's plow ahead here. So fuck PG-13. I'm not doing that anymore. It's either rated R, rated NC-17, or I want to go see Toy Story.

Alright? I don't want to see it. I don't want to see any PG-13. That's like you, you fucking shot a three-pointer and you hit the back of the rim and you, you want credit. It almost went in. Ah, sorry. I'm sorry.

I just like carnage. Um, what else? What else did I want to talk about here? Um, do-do-doods, main finger, went to that. Oh, I weighed myself this morning, people, and I am down to 172 pounds. I was up to 188, 189, and it was all booze, cakes, and pizza. And all I've done is I've cut out the booze in my life, and I've been able to gradually over the last 10 months drop 17 fucking pounds of bloated facial weight and man-tittery.

It's phenomenal. And all I just go on hikes with my dog, I do pull-ups, and I do push-ups, and I've actually figured something else out that I learned through the P90X system. P90X got something called muscle confusion, right? Which is basically, you know, you have your workout, and after two weeks of doing it, your body starts to get used to it, so you stop getting results, and can actually, I believe, start to put on weight just because your body is used to it, if you're eating like shit.

So then they switch up the workout, so your muscles are like, oh, what the fuck? All right? So using that as a, uh, an inspiration, I have actually come up with intestinal, intestine confusion. This is what I do, I eat perfect for three days, and right as my body gets used to just eating tremendously well, I just out of nowhere, I sucker punch it with burgers, fries, and a shake, and as it rolls down the hill going, what the fuck, what the fuck, then the next day I start with my oatmeal again, and I go back turkey slices, and I eat well, and it's

great. All I gotta do is eat well for like, it's been working for me anyways. Intestine confusion, you heard it here first, that's what I do, because I think if you eat well all the time, your intestines, they start becoming like the spoiled rich kid, you know, who got the car when he was 16, you know, you just start taking shit for granted, you don't give a fuck. I think your body does that, when you just eat well all the goddamn time, it just starts going, you know, it's just how it is, and you stop dropping pounds.

I've actually found, twice this week I did it, I almost ate a whole large cheese pizza by myself, and I was sitting there on the couch in like the fetal position, like I can do four slices all day long, can't do it all day long, run out to the mailbox and come back, and I don't have a problem, but when I go for that fifth one, forget it, so of course I go for the fifth one, I'm an American, right, it's all about gluttony, you know, we're not wearing skinny jeans over here like those goddamn people over there in Europe, actually we are, dude how annoying are the skinny jeans, yet they're still hanging off somebody's ass, I swear to God, if I had martial arts training to the point I was a black belt in

like four different styles, and I had a pistol, no a stun gun, I would run around pulling up people's pants, not worrying, and I would actually give them a bit of a wedgie, just not worrying about, you know, and the only reason why I don't do it is because I know I'm going to get the living shit kicked out of me, but I just want to run up behind these fucking kids, oh and those goddamn, and if you have on the skinny ones, you just fucking just yank them down and just boot them, you know what, I shouldn't even say this because this is going to cause people to do this shit, like bullies, they're going to take it seriously, wouldn't you just love to do it once, just fucking just yank them up, I mean it's gotten

to the fucking point, they're so low, some guys they're almost like, did I already talk, I feel like I already talked about this shit, it's like your whole ass is hanging out of the back, you're in your underwear, there's kids around, you know what's the worst too is when they reach back to fucking pull them up and you're like, they're going to pull them up and then they only yank them up, that's like one of the oldest stand up bits ever, but they only yank them up like a fucking eighth of an inch, it's like having somebody give you a fucking scratch your back who can't find the itch drives me crazy, you know what people, I have to turn the fan on because it's getting hot as hell in here, hang on

one second, alright with the magic of the pause button I am back, the fan still isn't really going, hey I bought a new toy, there's a new fucking toy in my life, I evidently, I didn't realize that the flip cameras are out now and there's this new thing out there called the Q3 HD zoom thing, it's just basically like a flip cam but it's HD quality, I bought this the other day, I went into the store, I was looking at some drum shit and I was talking about, I wanted to start making like drum covers, just give you guys something to laugh at and just see how bad I am at drums, but I didn't want to go through all the bullshit of miking up drums and all that crap, so this guy showed me this thing and it's fucking

insane, HD quality it has, and if you buy the 32, I don't know what the fuck it's called, 32 gig megahertz fucking cunt face, whatever, I don't know anything about it, it can actually go up seven hours, seven fucking hours that I can record with in HD quality, so I'm like you know what, I'm going to get one of these sons of bitches and I'm going to take it out on the fucking road with me, I could actually film this podcast right now if I wanted to, it's got that much memory in it, it would be HD quality, but there's two reasons why I'm not going to do it because this is fucking radio, and radio is great, radio is great because right now you're listening to me while doing other shit, alright, the second I make

it video, A it's boring to watch someone sit here and talk, B I don't want you seeing what my fucking apartment looks like, there's shambles that it is, and then you also can't fucking clean your house, go to the gym and get through a flight, you're going to sit there watching me talking into a microphone, what the fuck is wrong with you, why did I say that like you guys suggested, it's been people who suggest you should start filming them, and then what, where do I go from there, you should paint, you should have somebody come in and paint you while you do it, and test in confusion, try it out, eat perfectly for like three fucking days, alright, and then on the fourth day, I mean I'm not saying go

nuts the whole goddamn day, but just one day, just go up, just fucking tear down a fucking pizza place, right, or just get a burger and fries, just eat until you can't fucking eat anymore, and then don't eat anything for the rest of the goddamn day, wake up the next day or you're back on the oatmeal, back on the fucking, you're back on the oatmeal, you go for a goddamn hike, you're all set, I'll tell you what I'm fascinated with, I want to do the, I want to buy one of those peg board things, you know, if you guys seen those things, and I don't mean the thing, you know, what exactly do you use a real, I'm not talking about the one you get at Staples, I'm talking like one when you're trying to become like

a ninja warrior, so you can climb up the side of fucking some bullet-ridden hideout and fucking, oh Jesus, he just ran out of references, did ya, just trying to think of a Middle Eastern city in Beirut back in the day, anyways, they got these, this thing called, I think it's just called a peg board, and it's got these two sticks that hang out of it, they look like the same things that are on the end of like nunchucks, or like those stupid things that the percussion instrument, you know, anybody can play those, can also play the triangle, and should also go fuck themselves, but as far as the peg board goes, it's basically, you guys probably already know what this shit is, some people might not know it, so you

got those two things sticking out, and you can pull them out, and you basically climb your way up the peg board, sticking it in a hole, pulling it out, this is very phallic, fucking another hole, pulling it out, you're not the one, bang, is this my wife, fuck you, I'm fucking you, and then you go all the way up the top, and then you go over to the side, and you come back down again, and then go back over to the side again, and that's one cycle, and if you have badass, like that fucking maniac on P90X, he does a fucking goddamn chin-up after he does it, um, he's the first guy I saw doing it, and I'm like, I'm gonna get one of those, and drill it to the inside wall of my one bedroom apartment,

you think I'd get my deposit back? I wonder, um, let's do YouTube videos of the week before I get into, uh, advice here, we got some great ones this week, um, I already mentioned the fat guy flipping out with the speech impediment, that they, uh, screwed up his goddamn game, and part of me thought it was fake, but then I realized, like, no, he really talks that way, he really is upset, but he's also hamming it up, because he thinks it's gonna, people are gonna be laughing with him, rather than at him, that's what I feel it is, um, alright, there's another one somebody sent me last week, it's called How to Whistle, this is one of the most disgusting, creepy fucking videos I've ever seen in my life, this guy

keeps, just for people who have a weak stomach, this guy, for some reason, keeps emphasizing how important it is to have spittle on your lips, and he takes it off his lips with his fingers, and he plays with it, and it's really fucking gross, or hilarious, depending on your level of tolerance, um, here's one I was watching, I was watching some drum videos, and I came across this one, and, uh, this dude playing drums here is why I became a comedian, because back in the day when I used to try and play drums, and thought for half a second that maybe I could play in a band, I would see guys like this play, and I realized that it was just going to be a hobby, this guy is insane, uh, warning to people who have sensitive

ears, this guy is playing to a Bobby McFerrin song, but what he's playing is fucking incredible, the dude's name is Jonathan Newman, and I gathered from his video that he goes to the Berkeley School of Music, and he's got a bunch of other videos up there, him just playing or playing with other beasts at Berkeley School of Music, um, drummers out there, just someone who can actually appreciate someone killing it on an instrument, this fucking guy is amazing, and then the last one, metal filings in your freaking cereal, uh, this one is so creepy, I think I'm going to send it out over my Twitter, before we even post it up, because I just think everybody ought to know this, this guy does an experiment with what looks like a

cereal that I've eaten a zillion times, and you know those cereals that claim that they have a, uh, a daily amount of iron in the cereal, well this guy was claiming that there was actual, the iron is actual metal flakes, in the cereal, so to prove it, he dumped some of these flakes in a bowl of water, and then he takes a magnet, and these flakes start following the magnet around the pool of water like a goddamn junkie running after a bag of meth, it's really fucking creepy, and uh, and fucking hilarious, and it's just scary, I was up at the Montreal Comedy Festival a few weeks ago, and somebody mentioned how somebody had gotten cancer, and this guy said, Jesus Christ, if one more person gets cancer,

right, and who knows, I don't know if this is all tied together, I have no idea what, just watch this video, it is, it is really fucked up, and I saw this and I'm like that's it, we're shopping at the health food store, but no one, no one how the shit works, the big guys they probably own the health food store too, but the bright side is I think if you get enough of this flaked cereal, and you somehow are able to get the iron shavings out of it, you know, when the economy melts down, and you could make maybe a spearhead out of it, or some sort of a shield, I actually, you know what I was thinking the other day, have you ever seen those videos on YouTube where they talk about how they built those

FEMA camps all over this country, just in case another New Orleans thing happens, and when you look at, and it's for our own safety, yet there's a fence with barbed wire around the entire facility, it's a fucking prison, I don't know who it's for, or what it's for, and every time I picture going into one of those, I always picture that red dawn, you know, Avenge me, whatever the name of that movie was, and I'm just like you just go in there and you fucking die, right, but I actually have found a silver lining, and that silver lining is the now deceased actor Jack Sue, he played one of the detectives on Barney Miller, and when he was a kid, he was a Japanese American, and the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor, and they rounded up all the

Japanese Americans that they could find, and they sent them to these, I guess they're considered concentration camps, there was sort of a debate about that, because there was no torture going on, but it's, I guess the definition now, according to Wikipedia, is that when a select, a minority group of people is all rounded up, and they haven't done a goddamn thing, and they are stuck in a camp, and not allowed to leave, that that is a concentration camp, and then of course, there's all different levels from you just have to stay here, and play cards with each other until we kick your country's ass in war, all the way to the absolute fucking horror that happened in Germany, so anyways, but Jack Sue was in one of those, the Topaz relocation center when he was a

kid, and you know what, he got out, and 40 years later, or whatever, 30 years later, he was on Barney Miller, so there you go, the economy collapses, and you end up in a FEMA camp, do not give up hope, you could one day, 30 years in the future, become a star of a sitcom, and then die of cancer of the esophagus a little bit later, okay, let's plow ahead here, um, Janie Lane died, shout out to Janie Lane, I don't even know what the fuck, I'm really bad at this shit when people die, uh, you know, as I mentioned last week, hair metal was my shit, heavy metal, you know, we didn't get too much into the speed metal, I liked all that shit, I was of the perfect fucking age, it's not dumb to me, I don't give a fuck, go fuck yourselves,

and uh, this guy, I don't know, just another guy, died way too fucking young, so, he's got kids, so download some of his music, hopefully it will somehow get to them, um, alright, that's all depressing shit, let's, let's fucking, let's plow ahead here, alright, advice, advice, Bill, I am a 32 year old born again virgin, and an 8 by choice, Jesus Christ, once again, I haven't read these, so I'm discovering this shit right along with you, um, I haven't been laid in years, and don't know why, well it sounds like you got a sense of humor, so already sir, something positive, you got a good sense of humor, he goes, I'm not the ugliest guy in the neighborhood, um, but that ain't enough, the closest I came was a BJ by a thick chick

last summer, but even a guy as desperate as me wouldn't, wouldn't fuck her, alright, I have no problem flirting with cute bartenders, but just can't seem to seal the deal, maybe I'm too picky, but I have no interest in screwing a brood, I'm not attracted to, please help a fellow sunburnt fuck like yourself get back on the wagon, love the podcast, even more, when Nia is on, she helps balance out your insanity, please help another horny, oh Jesus Christ, I can't even read some of the shit people write, um, alright, alright dude, I'm gonna compare this, you being a born again virgin, as I'm gonna compare this to a stand-up comedian who just shot an hour-long special, and now needs to write a brand new hour of material, okay, you're in a desperate situation,

you shot the fucking thing, it went great, you're excited, you celebrated that night, and then the next day the clock's ticking, your special's gonna come out and anywhere from three to six months, and so you basically, it's probably gonna come out probably like four or five months, so you basically have four or five months to come up with a new hour of material, you know what the quickest way to do that is sir, not be picky, when I write a new hour of material, all rules of hack are thrown in the garbage, I don't give a fuck, I'll do a Monica Lewinsky joke, anything to just be saying something fucking different, to get me talking about new shit so I can leave the past behind and fucking plow forward, even that hacky shit will lead

to the gold, all right, so let's get to you, all of a sudden you know I don't want to bang this girl because she's thick, you didn't even say fat, she was thick, sturdy, could take a pounding, she's right there, waiting for it to go down, you don't give it to her, you know, you're fucking, you're trying to drink Johnny Walker Blue right now, okay, and you got two bucks in your pocket, all right, it's time to go with a little natty light in a pussy sense, do you understand me sir, now I'm not saying that you go out there and go bang some fucking scabies ridden prostitute, I'm not saying that, all right, go out there, find yourself a girl, looks clean, wear a fucking condom, and you know as long as it's consensual here, consensual sex, you fuck the

shit out of her, all right, you'll get your little swagger back, you know, when I'm putting together my new hour, I fucking hate myself on stage, and shit that would be a little funnier isn't because I don't feel strong, and that's what you're doing, you don't feel strong right now, all right, because your dick's been twisting in the wind for God knows how long, so that's what I would do, stop being so goddamn, so goddamn picky, did my girl just call me, what did you say? Maybe that was a neighbor yelling, I have no idea, so that's what I would do sir, just stop being so goddamn picky, but don't lower your standals to the point where you're risking, you know, fucking an STD or impregnating some toothless whore, you understand me,

you know what you gotta do, all right, here we go, plowing it, you like somebody who doesn't have a job and then the job opens up, wouldn't it be in sales, all right, question number two, hey Bill, I'm a regular listener and first-time writer, I need your advice on something, 26 years old and I was together with a lady for close to a year and a half, before dating her I was pretty much a dog, you know, your typical manhore type, no I know nothing about that, I'd basically bang anything with the skirt on it, well don't ever go to Scotland, thank you, I'll be here all week, but this thing, but this girl was different, I knew her for a while before we started dating and we were amazing friends, anyways I won't blab on too much, but dating her was great,

her relationship with her dad was good, so you know she didn't have any issues and shit, but like in the middle of the relationship I noticed her coworker would be extra flirty with her and stuff, oh Jesus, if this was a TV show they would introduce that and then they would go to commercial and you'd be like oh but I want to see what's gonna happen, well here we go, we're back from commercial, I always told her how it made me uncomfortable and that and shit that the dude always tried to get with her and stuff, wait I thought this was a woman oh I immediately assumed it was a woman, I wanted this to be a, oh this is a guy, oh that's extra oh Jesus, ah Jesus Christ, these goddamn fucking women, what did she do to you sir,

do I really gotta read this, do I even need to read this, you're totally loving her, you complete fucking friends with her and then she's flirting with this guy, flirting with her too much and all of a sudden now you're not going out with her, oh god these goddamn motherfuckers, all right let's plow ahead, I just needed to regroup, so anyway I told her how it made me uncomfortable and shit that the dude was always trying to get with her and stuff but she always assured me that she didn't like the dude and she doesn't respect guys like that who hit on girls even though they are taken, is she telling the guy to leave her alone, ah Jesus Christ, a couple of months passed and then an incident happened,

she was at an office party and according to her the dude got super drunk and kissed her, anyways this happened on a weekend and came clean about it the next day, her excuse was that he got drunk and kissed her so it wasn't her fault and that she didn't kiss him back so it means there's nothing there, of course I didn't listen to that bullshit and I dumped her within 10 minutes of being told of that, time out a second I'm gonna give you some applause, there you go exactly, exactly, I don't buy into that crap that she didn't kiss him back because in my head it's like she's saying oh he had his dick in me but I didn't fuck him back so it's okay, thank you sir, I don't even need to answer this, you got your head right where you need

to be, when has a guy ever said oh honey don't worry I didn't kiss her back and gotten away scot-free, if a guy said that he would have had the shit kicked out of her out of him by his girl, I remember the old uninformed episode where you and Joe were talking about Michael Richard to some PR guy and Joe said the problem with the whole situation is that Michael Richard squirmed when he was apologizing and didn't just own up to his fault, that's why he wasn't forgiven and that's the logic I use here, that if she just owned up to it that the dude kissed her, I could deal with it better than her saying she didn't kiss him back because back so I should be okay with it, okay and he goes oh my god I'm basing my relationship decision

on what Joe DeRosa says, I think I've hit a new low, anyway not to make this email too long but three months since we broke up and I'm not really sure if it was the right decision, my gut said I did the right thing but I'm questioning it, dude you're questioning it because you love this girl on some level and because you're lonely and you're going through this shit but dude fuck that, all right no offense but that bitch was disrespecting you from day one when that bullshit was happening this guy's drunk, how did your lips do it, what did he fucking run across the room like a Superman punch but with his lips sticking out and she was talking to somebody else and came over and he was drunk, what dude what led up to the kiss, what the fuck were they talking about

they were talking about shit that leads up to a kiss and your fucking goddamn whore of an ex-girlfriend sat there in that fucking moment letting your pussy get a little bit wet but not really fucking doing it, fuck her dude, I'm telling you right now that was the tip of the goddamn iceberg that's to lock the door test to the tenth fucking power if you ever saw a bronx tail that's it right there, you 100% made the right fucking decision, you're still a young guy there's a better one coming your way who won't be fucking flirting with some dick at work and accidentally getting kissed and you think that that's the only thing that happened that he accidentally just kissed her and that's where the fuck it stopped, he didn't accidentally brush against

one of her titties, fuck that dude you did the right thing, football season's coming, all that money you would have spent on her, go get yourself a dish and get the fucking NFL package, you deserve it, all right, go on YouTube learn how to cook a perfect steak on a hibachi and enjoy your fucking team for 16 games, I'm telling you let her fade the fuck away and get yourself a decent woman, good for you sir, I applaud you, I applaud you for the fucking decision you just made there, that that was like, it was like in gymnastics when you just stick the fucking landing 10.0 it's over, give him the gold medal, you did the right thing, fuck her, all right, that's just the loneliness, you'll find another golden, good ones are hard to find so it's gonna take longer than

three months, okay, but the last thing you want to do, it's over, the trust is gone, it's fucking over, all right, if you ever think of going back to or relisten to this part of the fucking podcast, it ends at 49 minutes 53 seconds, so fast forward to that and rewind to whatever, fucking two minutes, ah Jesus Christ, he didn't kiss him back, yeah he didn't kick him in the balls either or yell rape, how the fuck did he kiss you, ah that's fucking great, you dumped her, good, I hope she learns a lesson, she probably won't, dude she definitely has fucking issues and I'm telling you right now, why don't I keep overselling this, all right let's move on, all right the next one, number three here, okay, that's it, that's the length of, I could speak three languages

if you if you want to count to three, other than that you're on your own, I would like to get your great sage advice on a certain lady, we'll call her Melly, that I can't get off my fucking mind and if Nia is around I wouldn't mind some womanly advice too, you know what, she's in the kitchen where she fucking belongs making me a goddamn dinner, and you know what I'm not even lying that is that is where she is and that is where she belongs, you hear that Nia, I said you're out in the kitchen where you belong making me a dinner, I said, watch this, you're out in the kitchen where you belong making me a dinner, I don't hear her feet, are you just gonna take that, what's the world coming to, hey somebody wants your advice in here, hey, ah fuck you, here we go, let's go here, here we

go, well she's not around evidently, she's probably watching one of those shows where people dance with no shirts on, dancing like a two-year relationship, they seem to always be dancing some sort of relationship, okay in this in this dance like he loves her but he can't be with her because the king said don't do it and oh really that's what you're doing there, I thought you guys would just spin it around on tables, I swear to god that fucking goddamn dance show, America has talent, I don't know what it is but it's longer than the NHL fucking playoffs, I've come home she like she tapes like five of them and then she'll watch them all at once and it's it's like March Madness for douchebags, every time I come home the fucking show is on, the only thing I will give

I'll give her credit for is she fast-forward through that that chick that looks like a fucking toad who goes all the time, if like what was what the fuck was Frank Gifford's wife, Kelly Grifford whatever fuck her name is, is she ever fucked a frog, if she had sex with a frog that's what it would look like that goddamn flat-faced fucking weirdo, then that other guy with his goddamn pointy nose, he just got a facelift, oh Jesus, you still look like you're in your 50s, anyways let's plow ahead here, I'm 24 and she was my first long-term girlfriend, we were together on and off for a year with two breaks both initiated by me, it was a real up and down thing and I don't just mean in the bedroom, she has a kid from a previous dude, uh dude, open the passenger side door and roll out

I'm kidding, it's not not wrong, she has a kid but you know you're just adding a degree of difficulty that doesn't need to happen, kind of like when the Rams played the Patriots in the Super Bowl, there was no reason not to use martial fuck but for some reason they didn't add it a degree of difficulty and what happened, the kick is up and it's good, all right plowing ahead here, so anyway she had a kid from a previous dude and I got along well with the kid and I guess it's really matured me to play stepdad for a year, she had a lot of mental issues, medication, she left a scar on my upper arm when she bit me, lots of suicide threats, my mom hates her, my friends hate her, dude are you a fucking moron, do I really need to answer this, hey,

hey Nia, how are you, you look a little angry, come here, they need your advice here, I'm in here because I needed you to come in here, you couldn't have just said come in here, you had to insult me, I have to make it funny, it wasn't funny, it's fucking hilarious and all my podcast listeners are laughing, it's comedy, somebody's got to get hurt and it was your turn, so quit your crying, am I going to read this because we only have one microphone, you're going to shut your face when I'm done, when I'm done, I didn't think you were going to be on this one, just shut up because I don't have you mic'd, sweetie, sweetheart, love of my life, shut your face, and let me read the rest of this, all right here we go, all right, let me plow through this here because the listeners

already heard this, all right, he's 24 years old, he had a long-term girlfriend, they were on and off for two years, she has a kid from a previous relationship, he did mind playing stepdad, she has a lot of mental issues, she's on medication, she left a scar on his upper arm where she bit him, lots of suicide threats, you should see the face she's making right now, sir, my mom hates her, my friends hate her, for some reason this guy needs advice, when she was normal this girl was fucking perfect, we had the same sense of humor, got along great, it seemed like every time we were together it would just get worse and worse until I couldn't take it anymore, I told the fuck off, the first two times she would call or message me in a couple of months and then I'd end up

meeting her and we'd talk, next thing I know I'm back in the relationship, it's good and getting worse and then I tell her to fuck off again, I've tried seeing other girls in between, nice girls, normal girls, etc, just can't get the same connection as I had with Melly, what do I do, does it just take more fucking time, should I call her again, blah blah blah, dude, I already know what's going on, this girl is a fucking beast in the bedroom, she's an absolute beast in the bedroom and he's running back to the best pussy you ever had because other than that there's no fucking, come here, there's no reason, yeah crazy women are insane in bed, yeah yeah no she's she's she's probably really good in bed because she's crazy

but um my friend this girl needs help that you can't provide, she needs to be on medication and therapy, she's a mess and your self-esteem is clearly pretty low because you keep going back to this basket case, tell them to rub one out and when you're done rubbing one out what is, and then think about getting back into the relationship with her and there's your first rub one out first and then like once his his sexual desires from her, rub one out and the second you're done cleaning up the fucking mess you created, think about going back into her, yes yes it is, yes I don't do this on stage, I don't do it on television, this is my outlet to be an absolute pig, I love this fucking podcast, it keeps me saying stop

ruining my fun, for what, the only way to come back to bite me in the ass is if I have a part on a sitcom or I'm running for president and I can live without either one of those, all right I'm happy, I'm happy with who I got, so let me finish, so rub one out and afterwards think about being in a relationship with her, okay and there's your fucking answer, that's it, what you have is your codependent, look up that word if you don't know what it means, but I just meant that he should look into it because it's like, it just means that you need this girl because you feel like you're fulfilling some sort of role, you know, like it makes you feel important to sort of help her or be there for her but it's all based in insecurity and that's why you keep going back

to her, you deserve better than this, this is a ridiculous cycle that you're putting yourself in, it's completely unnecessary, so you need to tell her to fuck off and you need to keep walking in the other direction and don't let her seduce you with her fucking manic depressive pussy, me hell everybody, god bless you, now get out there and plate my food woman, don't, don't, I have to finish this, don't, all right, that wasn't, that wasn't, you know what, you're capable of hitting harder, all right, overrated, underrated for this week, underrated, spreading jelly with a spoon instead of a butter knife, Jesus Christ, I never thought of doing that, that actually sounds like it could work, you can scoop the jelly with the spoon and spread

it with the back of it, the back of the spoon is smooth, is smooth and round so it won't shred the bread like a knife does and one less thing you have to wash, that's fucking genius, overrated, home ownership, don't get me wrong, it's nice having a house where you don't have to deal with neighbors coming home drunk at two in the morning blasting shitty Katy Perry music or have to deal with some asshole landlord anytime the heat stops working but the thing with owning a house is that you become the shitty landlord and have to deal with all the problems yourself, on top of that you never really own the place free and clear, let's just, let's say somehow, somehow you manage to pay off the fucking mortgage, you still have to deal with the taxes

in the monthly utility bills, so it's not like you can pay the fucker off and the next day retire and sit at home and stroke it to three's company, dude, that's a fucking lily, that's, it's the worst, it's the worst, that you know what it is, they won't let you sit out and just go, I worked for 30 years, I want to chill, they won't let you do it, that's why it takes 30 years to pay off a fucking house because they want you to get it at 30 and then by the time you fucking 60, your goddamn pancreas is failing, your health insurance fucking cancels you and then you got to sell the house to pay for your medical bills and then they move another 30 year old in there and they fucking financially bang him in the ass for the next 30 years, so sir this is the secret, the secret is

is you buy a house that you can afford and I don't, by affording it, I don't mean the monthly payment, that's the slavery part of it, all right, the running off the plantation part is knocking down the principal, so what you do is you buy a house where you can easily afford the monthly payment and then you just kick the shit out of the mortgage, all right, and then you still have the property tax and all, but that's just how the game is played, but at some point it is, you do want to live in a house like me, I still live in a one bedroom apartment and one of the main reasons why I'm not filming this is if you saw my one bedroom apartment, you would not believe that I was playing a fucking funny bone, forget about that, I can't even say the gig

that I'm playing, it's so fucking unreal to me, anyways here we go, continuing with underrated, overrated, I believe this is under, underrated, New York, what I really mean is Manhattan, but if you talk to any of those fuck, oh I guess this is overrated, New York's overrated and what I really mean is Manhattan, but if you talk to any of those fuckwads who live there, they call it New York, equating Manhattan with all of New York, as if the rest of it, the state is lucky to be associated with the prestige that those condescending pricks think they have, they'll let you know that you're not really a New Yorker because your phone number doesn't start with 212 or that your city's not a real city because it doesn't have the culture

that New York has to offer, as if having the good slice of pizza, only having a good slice of pizza in America, a few good steak joints in a theater district, makes it the pinnacle of society in the center of the world, per square foot, more assholes than any other city, hands down, it's the home of bankers, lawyers, and advertising agencies, Jesus, I can't argue with any of that and I live there and I love that place, but yeah it's true, New York City I would say is the easiest place to just go and have a good time and to appreciate, but if you go to other places, they're fucking amazing, like I'm going to Nashville this week to work Zanies in Nashville, gonna be there Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or Friday, Saturday, yeah, Thursday, Friday,

Saturday, Sunday, no Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Jesus Christ, then I fly out and what was I gonna say, yeah when you're down there there's, this is what I learned, this is how I'm able, this is why I love New York and LA, when I'm in New York I do New York shit, when I'm in LA I do LA shit, when I go to Tennessee I do Tennessee shit, I get barbecue, slap my woman, no sorry, I'll go to an SEC football game, I'll check out some music, I do Nashville shit, I got a couple of buddies out there that own a spread and I'll go out and check out how they're living, it's a fucking great time, enjoy the peacefulness of nature, speaking of which, I went and I watched my first meteor shower or is it meteorite, meteor makes it to the earth, meteorite burns up in the

atmosphere right, we actually drove up into the mountains and one of Nia's friends was like let's go watch a meteorite shower, so I was like all right yeah let's fucking do it, so I go up there and uh it was absolutely amazing but uh there's too many brats, I liked all the women who were there but Jesus Christ, you know the peace and the tranquility that you get when you're out, you know that that uh what the fuck is that guy's name, the guy wrote about the pond, Walden whatever the fuck his name is, Henry Thoreau, you know what they talk about there, basically one of the great things about going out in nature is the peace of it, if you can just block out getting mauled by a wild animal, it's so quiet and it's really great for you as a human being and getting that

peace and tranquility when there's four or five brats in the area it is impossible, it is fucking impossible, their ability to conversate, non fucking stop, while watching a meteorite shower, whatever the fuck you call it, they would just be like oh my god did you see Glee last week, why is so and so like this, oh my god she's such a bitch and as they're talking one would fly across the sky and they would just react to it and then go right back to it, oh my god and it has it, so anyways I like season two better than season three, I just don't know why they took her care, that's all they were doing and it drove me fucking insane, drove me fucking insane, hey look who's back, because Nia when you're in nature it's nice when it's quiet every once in a while,

you guys were talking about the box set of six feet under while watching this shit, it was you know, we were having conversations, we were out just because one person wants it to be quiet, doesn't mean everyone else has to be quiet, we were enjoying ourselves, we were laughing together, we're having a good time, I know, I know, I know, I know, but I felt like I was in an airport terminal surrounded by five strangers on their cell phone, well I mean you guys really weren't talking about shit, you guys were talking about a play, look I don't want to argue with you two weeks in a row on the podcast, you made me dinner, okay, you earned your keep today, I appreciate that, I'm just fucking with you, you can swear to god what, all right gorgeous, I'll see you in a minute,

all right, I don't know if this is overrated or underrated, I have to figure this out as I read it, early retirement, sure if you love your job retiring isn't a big deal and probably means you're left with finding things to do, but the fact that 99.9% of the people hate their jobs and are working for that dangling retirement carrot, which keeps getting pushed out farther and farther, used to be 65 but now the way the country is going and with 401k is getting raped, you're more likely to retire in your 70s if not later, oh so you're saying the dream of retiring early, yeah but you know something, you can do it if you're willing to live with less, you can retire early, you don't have to have one of those MTV cribs fucking

life, you don't have to have it, I mean you could end up like me 43, one bedroom apartment, but you know there's something to be said about not being buried in fucking debt, I still have to work, tax man still bugs me, but uh you know I can go see a movie whenever I want to, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying, do you know I saw Sean Penn bought this giant plot of land and just put a fucking trailer on it and I was like that's genius, lives in the middle of nowhere, what do you really need, ah fuck that I would go crazy in that, maybe get it double wide, but there there are options, you don't, oh did we talk about this last week, have you seen those tiny houses that that are that are allegedly all the rage, they're tiny houses, they're like the size,

they're like the size of a fucking studio apartment, maybe, they look like giant doll houses for rich kids to go play in, they're like tree forts and they're like 15 grand and you basically uh yeah it's like it's like paying off a uh what's a good car, a Honda Civic with no options, not even that, I don't even know, what the fuck can you get a car for 15 grand, maybe one of those smart cars, um there's no fucking way, there's no way, if I buy a house, if it went to buy a house, I want to buy something where it's cozy but it's big enough where I can get the fuck away from anybody else who's living in it and I don't mean that in a bad way, I just think it's really important to be by yourself for a certain amount of time every single day, you know,

at some point you have to go fuck off, go for a walk, you know, do something, I don't know, I don't know what happened to this podcast to everybody but listen, remember, if you want to listen to another, if you want to listen to a great hour uh I interview E from Salam, it's the Monday morning podcast select, it will be up and available for download on the MMPodcast.com, the MMPodcast.com fan page, the official fan page of the Monday morning podcast, we'll have a link, you pay 99 cents and I got to tell you, E from was a ridiculously awesome guest and I even said to him at one point, I go why don't you do radio or TV and he says because I say fuck and shit too much which god knows I can relate to that so

we hit it off, everything was great and uh and listen in if you like and if not don't all right so that's it so that's your option you can listen if you want you don't have to so I don't hear any of you cunts crying and me like why wasn't that free life isn't free people of this generation I know you get your music and your movies and everything else for fucking free this isn't free this cost 99 cents go fuck yourselves that's the podcast for this week don't take any shit and uh it's almost football season and I'm excited about that talk to you next week with the metaverse firefighters will one day be able to use augmented reality to navigate

burning buildings saving them crucial seconds when lives are on the line the metaverse may be virtual but the impact will be real learn more at meta.com slash metaverse impact