Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast July 16, 2012

Episode Date: July 17, 2012

Bill interviews Dave "el Pres" Portnoy from barstoolsports.com

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This is not the official podcast at this point. I was on the road and I recorded the podcast on Thursday. I did it into my iPhone and my iPhone wasn't synced up to my computer. And I'm too much of a fucking moron to be able to figure out how to deal with that. So I had to fly back, give it to my tech guy. So I just, now it's fine. I just want to let you know that that's what it is. Because in five seconds you're going to hear me talking about,

hey, it's Thursday. Look at me doing it all fucking early. All right. So that's the reason for that before you send me your emails. All right, go. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, July 16th, 2012.

Recording it this week on my iPhone. I'm on the road. So I wasn't going to bring my mixer and all that other shit. Got a big week. I'm actually recording this on a Thursday before I do my show. So if something amazing happened, like if somebody very important died, or if that asteroid hit the fucking planet, that's because, and I'm not addressing it.

It's not like I'm doing some hipster thing trying to act like I don't notice. It's Thursday here. And I'm in Boston right now. The friendly confines. I've been behind enemy lines since 1995. So I'm back here in Boston. And I figured what better time to do a podcast with a fellow Boston sports fan. Dave Portnoy is my guest this week.

I feel like I have a real show here, by the way. He's the creator. Yeah, the creator of barstoolssports.com, which is so big now that I've heard it's now in New York, Philly, well, New York's version of Barstool. Obviously they're not talking Boston sports, but before we get into this, you know, his website is, you know, all things Boston, and then it just shoots off from there, from political stuff,

to the smoke show of the week, right? The hot chick. Pretty much anything that we feel like talking about. We have the Boston version, New York, Philly college version, but it's almost like a guy gossip site, if you want to put it that way. But geared towards sports. Well, let me ask you this, because, you know, everybody can get a bunch of hits and that type of shit on the internet, you know,

but like to actually make money off of the internet, that's what I wanted to do right out of the gate, was to congratulate you that you actually tried and, you know, there's like major movie studios trying to figure out how to fucking make money on the internet, because everybody like pirates their movies, and all that type of stuff. So congratulations, dude.

Welcome to the world of making money and not really technically having a job. Yeah, no, it's not a bad place to be. It's not a bad place to be. And it was a long grind, but we're here now. How long has it been since you started? Barstool's been around for like seven years. Started as a newspaper.

So, you know, you see the racks, the proper Bostonian, all that crap. We were just a free gambling rag. Four pages, black and white. Oh, so you started off giving people picks and stuff like that? Yeah, it was sort of like that. I mean, I was like a, I mean, I was a degenerate gambler, so I hated my job. Nice.

Tried to move to Vegas, get a job. How bad did the gambling get? Were you like one of those guys, like five hour energy on the way to Foxwoods? No, no, I was never a really big Foxwoods guy. Much more sports. You can't get in trouble so much at Foxwoods because you need the money in your hand.

You can get in trouble much more with sports because they'll give you credit. But, I mean, I used to gamble a lot. Hated my job. So, how far in did you get? Like, how much are you making a week, and how much did you owe? I mean, I, well, this will be all relative, but I mean, I've been down 30, 40 grand before.

That's a shit ton. 30, 40 grand. Yeah. Are they like knocking on your door at that point? Well, you know what? You have relationships. My guy who I've gone through, he'll love this part when you're talking about it,

but I've been going through him since college. So, and it gradually, like I did before. Well, fortunately, you don't go through him anymore, right? Just in case there's any problems. Right, no, I mean, I was still mutual acquaintances. But you see each other around the holidays. You get to be such a degenerate, and you get to be so lose. Like, I never win.

Never. I mean, I've gambled since I've been alive. I've probably collected two weeks and 30 years. So, it's like, you know, I'm always going to lose. So, if I lose, it's now to the point. If I lost, let's just throw a number. If I lost 20 units, I'll only have to pay 10. I get unbelievable discounts.

And it's never knock on your door. You always know what I'm going to pay, like most event work deals. So, it's never been like... Dude, I never had the hard for it. I had a long time ago in, like, the late 80s. The Patriots sucked. I forget what year, but they were supposed to be good.

I think it was 89. And I wasn't, you know, I'd spent all my money on season tickets. And they just kept losing. So, I was like, fuck this, I'm going to win some money back. So, they were losing to everybody. And the Buffalo Bills came to town. And this was 89. So, it was before they were the run and gun and everybody knew.

But this was the fucking team before they did. And like, the Bills always sucked between OJ and the run and gun. They just, you know, they had a couple decent years. So, you know, I buried them, which was 50 bucks in my life or something like that. I buried them in, I think, Miami. And they both, the Patriots of Miami, and they both didn't come through.

And I was down like 100 bucks. And I was making like 175 a week. And that was enough for me. I did it once. I think the greatest thing that ever happened to me is I didn't win the first week. Like, did you win the first week? And then you were chasing it.

No, most people generally do win. No, I just, you know, I just had the disease. It's like, I love doing it. And now, luckily for me, I haven't done it. And it's all probably actually, this is how I rationalize it in my brain. I don't think I would have done bar stool if I didn't have that, like, gene.

Because there's so much risk with what we do. Even now, like, concerts. Concerts are, it's like, stock market type shit. It's like, you know, that's how we make a lot of our money. We do these like, basically, rays for college kids. Yeah, those blackout parts. Exactly. So, we'll rent out buildings.

And, you know, we're basically betting on kids buying the tickets. Like, we're laying out tens of thousands of dollars before we do it, hoping. So, tell the listeners a little bit about that. Because I didn't know about those. I knew you did all the talking, the stuff about sports and all that type of stuff. So, you host these things, blackout parties?

Blackout parties. Everybody gives you shit, right? That they think. Yeah, we get shit from everybody. We're like, enemy number one of Boston and lately moving. I mean, somehow we've ended up, I mean, the calls from 2020. We were on Inside Edition with that thing. Who's the guy?

Who's the gay guy with the short blonde hair? Good looking guy. Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper. He, they called, I mean, it's all about the blackout parties. For, even though everyone's kind of doing similar stuff, but these are raves. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take-

I don't know if he's gay or not. I'm not trying to out that guy in the park. No, I think he's, no, I think he's- Is he? I don't know. No, he's outed. He outed himself. Oh, he did?

Yeah. Oh, okay. Say, you maybe use a Thursday excuse. No, he's, you may want to research it and taste your own album. No, that makes sense. He's got great hair. He's got great hair. It just always looks good.

Gay guys always have great hair. No, my wife thinks he's the hottest guy, but I'm 99% sure that he's said he's gay and if he has it- This is such a classic podcast moment. We don't even know. And I'm gonna go with it like it's fucking fact. Well, there's nothing, I got nothing you can sue me for. So, allegedly, who gives a fuck?

Either way- I put my reputation on it. Okay. No matter what, even if he hasn't said, I'm pretty sure he is, but I think you said it. But it's your podcast, not mine. So, I mean, whatever. But I think he is gay.

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Just go there and buy something. Makes me look good. All right. Have a nice week. I'm glad we got that cleared up. I don't even remember now I'm off track what I was talking about. Oh, so I was talking about...

To a blackout. So basically what we do with the blackouts, I'm going to guess, if you didn't know that Anderson Cooper wasn't gay, that you don't really know what EDM music is either. Do you? You meant... EDM?

Like, dance music. You know, only because it was on the cover of Rolling Stone. Recently? Just that danger mouse? Not danger mouse, the dead mouse. Dead mouse. Dead mouse. Dead mouse.

Now, I didn't know it was dead mouse 5. Dead mouse 5. Is it dead mouse 5? Because I was saying dead mouse 5 when my girl was going... I think it's dead mouse when they use the 5 as like an S. Where's the mouse head? I'm not going to pass judgment because two years ago I didn't know what it was, but now I'm in that scene.

That's what we do. So it's basically, as far as I can tell, it's house music. With lasers and lights and shit bouncing off kids' eyes. That's what it is. So it's old school like just, you know, kids are doing drugs fucked up out of their mind. And those are the parties we do. Now I'm not saying that, well, that's, if Mayor Monino heard me say that,

he'd be like, here knocking on my door. But so we do these parties, we don't supply any of this stuff, but the lasers, the lights, the hardcore music, and they're super fucked. It just brings that element. Well, it's a rave. I mean... Oh, it's a rave. It's a friggin' rave.

That's really what it is. But it's not just us. It's what college kids do now. No, I actually saw some of the video of some of the girls and stuff like that. If I was a younger man, that would be the place I would go, whether I like that music or not. And you actually had like some... Eventually we will get to sports on this, guys.

I know you had some fallout though. Like you did some... Like on your website, you had some sort of a... Some sort of a joke or whatever. And they, a rape joke. Yeah. And then you went on TV. I gotta tell you, dude, that took balls, man.

Like you sticking up for your joke like that. I would have stuck up for my joke, but I would have done it with a little more tact. I'll have a link to it on my... For podcast listeners. She was just... Lisa Guerrero. Yeah, man.

She came in... Lisa Guerrero, who was in... What was the joke? She's been in Playboy, by the way. Ann used to do the weather girl for the sports, for CBS Sports. That Lisa Guerrero. Oh, good for her. She's gorgeous.

Yeah. Well, she was. But anyways, the joke was... Dude, look at me. I'm no prize. No. Listen, I call it as you see. I mean, I know she won't look at me, but whatever.

Point is, there was a story in Europe, Australia, where a guy got accused of rape and was acquitted. And his defense was she was... The judge agreed with the defense. She was wearing skinny jeans, and there's no way he could have gotten the jeans off without her consent, because there were skinny jeans. So...

And that got him off? That got him off. So that was the story. Oh, my God. So our take on it, and it was the same take as we do with everything. I mean, we make fun of everybody, was... It came out in the story that she was a size six.

And so I said, who cares about the rape side of things? A size six should never be wearing skinny jeans. You got to be like... Oh, that's that big? Yeah. Well, for skinny jeans, yeah. Right. I think you got to be zero or two for skinny jeans.

And I don't like skinny jeans. So it's a fat girl, you're saying, in skinny jeans? That's what I was saying, the problem. So they were like, well, maybe that's why she couldn't get a month. Exactly. And that's how he got off. And then I took a step further and said,

who cares about that? You actually... If you're going to wear skinny jeans, you probably deserve to be raped anyway. Oh, so it was actually a fat joke. Yeah, that's exactly what... It's actually a fat joke. Yeah, that's exactly what it was.

Oh, I get it. So you go... So anyway, Dave goes on this show, you'll see in the clip, this girl goes right at you. It's just like, you know, you think rape jokes are funny. And you're something you were like...

Somehow she was saying, you think that joke is funny. And you're like, yes, I do. And then she tried to cook you. She tried to spin it and be like, oh, so you find rape funny. You're like, no, I don't. But she goes, well, then I don't think

you understand how offensive that joke is. And then you're like, well, evidently, I don't. And I totally got what you were saying. You was like, at least what I think you were saying. Well, you're basically saying like... Like, I would have equated to like, seeing an old lady fall down a flight of stairs in real life, not fucking funny, horrific, okay?

In a Will Farrell movie, hilarious. Right. Because it's so horrific. Right. All right. So you actually did like a roundabout, like sort of a fashion joke. You were sort of making like going like,

that's basically ladies, if you're a size six, don't try to slam your fat ass into a thing. But you, by no means were condoning. Condoning, right. And that's what everyone's twisted on us. But it was funny though, but you didn't even explain it to her. You just answered her questions

and didn't try to enlighten her at all. And like, that's when I watched the clip. I was just like, Jesus Christ. Because I would have been like, look, the joke was about this. And then I would have backed out saying, you know, it's not my problem if people don't get my jokes. That's the way I would have handled it. You just were like, you were like fucking Oliver North.

You were just sitting there answering. You know what? It came across, and here's the weird thing. A lot of people think that clip made me look like an asshole. And I have other people being like, fuck you. I would think that a bunch of people think that you're a piece of shit after that. Right, exactly.

Like, you know, my mother-in-law is sitting watching Channel 4, and it's like my fucking son-in-law, Chandone's rape. Like, what's going on? But the thing about it, what you just said, that they probably in Inside Edition showed 30 seconds of me talking. I was in there for an hour and a half.

And I mean, at one point, I thought we were gonna fight each other. Dude, I gotta tell you, when you're getting interviewed, the longer it goes, that's like the first 48, where at some point in the interview, you have to be like, am I being charged with anything? Because if not, I'm gonna leave,

or if I am, I want a lawyer. But the longer you talk, this is the same thing doing like stand-up specials. Like, I remember back in the day, the first time, I got a half hour on Comedy Central, they were like, you know, it's gonna be 22 minutes, because they have eight minutes of commercials in a half hour.

So they wanted us to, they were like, bare minimum, we need at least 28 minutes. So I did 28 minutes on the nose, other guys would go over. Because the way I looked at it is, I have no power over how they're gonna edit this. So I'm gonna give them as little extra footage as I can. And what ended up happening was they took a whole joke,

they just took a whole bit out. I loved the bit, but I only lost, there was only one thing to be upset about. So I think when you get into those interviews, like further down the line, you should just be like, you know, it takes them an hour and a half to ask you about a fucking rave and one joke.

And we're all over the map, and we're dumb idiots. I mean, they came to our office, this camera crew, and we're like, serving them tea and crumpets, being like, oh, we want to like crack a little joke thing, and we're buddies with these people. That's one of the first things you learn, those aren't your friends. No, no, but we were rolling out the red carpet,

like, droppings. I bet they were friendly as hell. Super nice. Oh yeah, it's so great what you're doing with your website, this really must be great. You know, we always like making young people who are doing things. And then, but the second that interview ended,

I knew, I knew this, she was gonna make, I mean, there was, and I met the camera guy who also did a 2020 thing that we just did. And even he says, like, it was one of the more contentious interviews, and they're built to be contentious, because it was that exchange, that type of tension, the whole time with this lady. Oh, the second you sat down, you felt she already had a nightmare.

Oh, it was already, I mean, we said stuff like she's, I mean, I forget the exchange we had. There were some exchanges where it was like, she's like, well, I'm a feminist. Like, well, I saw you naked and playboy. So I don't think the, you know, they think you're a feminist. And it was that type of exchange being a higher time.

And were they gonna release this on DVD, and I could see the live version? I would pay, I would pay five grand cash for the full interview. I actually think it would make me look great, because they cut up, like what you're talking about, she didn't have any of the back contents. I asked her a hundred times, like, did you read the blog?

You're just saying, I can donate. Do you even know what it's about? She couldn't answer it. You know, she asked me, do, I actually think at the end of the day, to use that overly used expression, that they love having a guest like you, because at the end, I'm gonna use it again. At the end of the day, they want people to watch,

and if they have an interview like you, yeah, I think there's that weird push-pull thing where they're acting like they're completely outraged, but they're totally psyched that you're being what they think is an asshole. Right, and I'm an easy target, and I'm probably somewhat like you, and... Dude, then you were sitting there on a tank top.

Well, that's my army gear. Like, if, granted, I'm wearing it now, but if I show up to a professional interview in a purple tank top similar to this, it's a little more outrageous than what I wear. That means I know you don't like me across. I'm gonna try to make a, not a mockery, but it's like my mental...

I know I'm about to be made into an asshole. So you like that? If you're gonna try and screw me, I'm not putting on a suit and talking. Right, exactly. I'm not gonna try. I already know you're gonna make me look like a jerk. That's actually fucking hilarious. That's the first time...

You dress, you know what they say as a comedian, you're supposed to dress to the level of the room. You know what I mean? Like, if you're gonna do some A-room, you don't come in there dressed like a bum, and then if you're doing some hellhole, you can dress it down. But I always feel like you at least wanna, in a hell room,

have some sort of moat between you and the animals. So if you have some sort of I'm-and-show business shiny shirt on, that can kind of help. But dude, I gotta tell you, I don't know the whole backstory of that, but all I know when I watched that, I was just like, you know,

that's a lot of comedian friends of mine. Opie and Anthony's show. I should send them that clip, like, if they haven't seen it. Like, I think that they would get a kick out of it. Not saying they could don't in one way or the other, because I'm not trying to get anybody to drag them on the ship, but just the way you did that, and there was no, like, you didn't...

Because I, like I said, I would have tried to explain the joke. I didn't blink. She did, and I just don't face them right back at her. It was, it was really, it was funny. So you can almost see my face, actually, and when I rewatch it, like, I almost grind my teeth. Like, I knew it was coming. It was like I was gearing up to,

all right, don't back down right here. Just go right back at her. Well, it's going to be interesting as you do more and more of those interviews. And I'll be looking now for the tank top. He's got an eyes on it. He kind of likes this guy, maybe the thing. So, well, now that we're,

can we even, like, we haven't even really even talked sports. I got to tell you, like, the most depressing thing that I've heard as a Boston sports fan is, like, I was excited that Dwight Howard was possibly going to go to Brooklyn. And my whole thing is anybody but the fucking Lakers. Like, because I just feel like they are better at the free agency game,

and they have the city that the dudes want to play in. All right, they got better weather. We got basically, we have humidity, we have the winter, and we have racists. L.A. has better weather, celebrity ass, and racists. You know, because they always try to act like all the racists are in Boston. Like, you know, all you got to do is just see

the LAPD's greatest hits, and you can kind of see a through line. But, I mean, out here, it really is, like, fucking. That's why it made me cringe, like, when I watched the Bruins lose that overtime goal, and those assholes wrote that meathead shit on Twitter. And I'm like, do you realize that's actually affecting the Celtics' ability,

probably, to sign people, could you keep it? That was a big story, yeah. It was brutal. I think, but honestly, with that shit, I think maybe your La La Land bilis, because I don't even care about the Lakers. I'm so, the heat right now are like the, just, my, I've said it before. So they're an expansion franchise with two titles.

I would have rather the heat. The Lakers, the Lakers win. Lakers heat in the finals this past year, I root 100% for the Lakers. Not even a question in my mind. That's how much I hate Miami. I think that's a general consensus around here. How old are you?

35. Do you remember Lakers Celtics in the 80s? Yeah, no, I remember that. Did you let go of that? Yeah, no, I haven't let go of it. I haven't let go of it, because it was even there when we had the Lakers Celtics. 2009, the 2009 when they called fucking 12 files on us

and five on you in the fourth quarter. I know, listen, I was there, I know. But this whole Ray Allen thing now, too, it's LeBron. LeBron's my least favorite human on earth, and the heat are right now my least favorite team on earth. Oh, so you still hate LeBron? To spice him. Why?

I just, I hate everything about him. Just the fact they won. But, well, it- Well, I'm fascinated with people who- This is really fucking hard for me to talk about now, because he won. So it steals a lot of the shit that I had going. But before-

The shit that you're going to talk about? Well, no, it's all the reason I hated him more, like he's never won, but he's been called all his whole life. I hate how he charges fucking 20 grand to go to his birthday party. You know, I hate how he twits something on- Wait, did he send you like an invite and then-

No, I read about it, though. I'm up to speed on the internet, though. I keep up on the internet. All the shit he does. I mean, it just, everything about him drives me berserk. Now, granted, the fact that he used to choke in the clutch and all that shit. I mean, it's hard to talk about.

Look, look what I did- I know, you just, you literally, as you were telling me, that he was unwinding a fucking paperclip. Dude, I'm going to tell you something. You got to let that shit go. It's tough. Well, now, Ray Allen. Now, what about the Ray Allen?

An older, how old are you? I'm 44. All right, so you got me by a little bit. I got you by a lot, dude. You learn a lot in the next nine years, where, you know what it is? There's something about hitting 40 where you're coming down the back stretch

and you're like, dude, if I'm lucky, this is mid-life. You know, that's fucking 40, 40 is 80, right? 44 and 44 is 88. The way I drink, forget about it. It's over. So there's something where you just kind of get to a point of like, am I going to be this angry? I'm not saying you're angry, but like, am I going to be like this?

There's a certain point I won't let it go to. Well, but I've gone to that. I hate LeBron. Nobody has cornered me on LeBron. I haven't talked about him at all since he won. I used to talk about him every day. I just pretended it didn't exist after they won. But then you brought him up in the LA thing.

I'm saying if I lived in LA, I'm sure I would hate the Lakers more because you're from here and you're out with all those people. Oh, that might be some truth to that. But I think the general consensus right now for people living around here is the heat. And like I said, Ray Allen going there just makes it a million times worse.

Well, I look at Ray Allen like, look, we brought him here to do a job. He did it. Okay. The guy was total class act. And in the end, he saw the other shoe was going to drop. I felt and he didn't want to go out like that. And I don't know.

What? They offered him, you've been soft. You've been softened up, I think, by the LA sunshine. Nah. Other foot drop, how? I just look, I think it's one of those things where you feel like someone is slowly breaking up with you

and you just say, you know what, rather than go through another two years of this shit, I'm going to leave. I did my thing here. I just, you know what it is? The thing about athletes is you always see the shit that they do, but the owners for the most part and the shit that goes behind the scenes,

those guys are faceless. You don't, they're like the bankers. No, I- As mad as I am about the fucking bankers, I can't put one face on anybody of who the fuck did this to this economy. And I feel a lot of times that like guys, they're just, you know, you're out there hanging out to dry.

Ray Allen, was Ray Allen nothing but a class act in Boston? Right up till he left, yeah. Okay, yeah. So I look at it like there has to be a fucking reason why he did that. No, I, yeah. Mom comes to the game, wholesome guy, not a selfish guy. Have fun.

Well, no, I think he is a little bit of a selfish guy. I think that's what we're learning. Well, I think the reasons they're saying he didn't come back is he was insulted by how hard they went out to KG, but not him. He was insulted that they weren't building the offense a little bit more around him. I mean, selfish-

I don't think he said that. He didn't use those words insulted. He just said, I felt there was a feeling. Right now what it's going through is the Boston sports blender. And by the time it comes out the other fucking side, it's gonna be like, he said fuck Boston. All right, but no, he said in the thing like my heart's always in Boston.

I don't care what you fucking do. How many teams are in the NBA? 26? I don't know. No, that's 30. 30? Yeah. You picked the one that you can't go to.

You couldn't have just picked another one like that? Look, they're a fucking expansion franchise. I don't even dignify the heat as like, have you ever been to Miami, dude? Yeah, but I mean LeBron. The fact that he went down- I don't care about the fans. You think humidity is bad here,

and then you got fucking hurricanes, and then half the fucking city, you're gonna get into a goddamn fucking gunfight if you go to it, and then you go out to Miami Beach where all these rich guys are, and it's all these creepy fucking guys in 60, 60 years old dress,

head to toe in linen with like 18 year old chicks. Was that Braun in that show talking about that? I don't care about the fans. I don't think she was. I don't care about the fans. It's all LeBron. I fucking hate LeBron. I don't want him to win the fact he's going there.

I hate the big three. I hate Bostridge. I hate how they complain about everything, every other- Like the Pacers series. All they did was say the Pacers taking cheap shots versus them, and they were mugging the Pacers in the middle. Do we have any other topics to talk about?

No, no. Don't do it. I think the NBA is fixed. Oh, so do I. I thought for the longest time, I said they were fixed, and then they fucking came out. I sound like Paul Verzi right now.

Dude, I called it. The fucking- You know, they end up having like a mobbed up ref. Like, at the very least, the thing that I can say is like they- It is an unbelievably inconsistently officiated game. Like, you have a lot to go, like a baseball game,

and like the strike zone is like, what the fuck? Right. But it's what the fuck? The whole game. The whole game. Okay, so by the time you get up, second time, maybe third time, you kind of got-

Okay, this guy's calling him really fucking low, or he's calling that outside thing. I don't know if it's the way he's standing, but it's consistent. Like, when I became convinced that it was fixed, I went to the Celtics Utah game, the one where Garnett twisted his knee, messed up his knee for that season,

and I was watching the game, and I swear to God, watch that tape. There are moments where you can literally take somebody's head off, no call, and then like five minutes later, you even look at a guy,

there's a foul, and to that me, that's you pulling on the reins, letting it go opponent. Blue chips. That is totally, yeah, that's shaving points. Yeah, blue chips.

To me. Yeah, and I mean, obviously Celtics heat not to keep Harvard on, but the call they didn't call in Rondo, I mean, really changed the whole series at the end of game two. Oh, and then Wade went down, they called the foul.

Yeah, I mean, it- I mean, those were kind of- It was a dunk. Oh, was it dunk? I mean, it went from Celtics with 45 seconds, or it had been up two to down two with 45 seconds, set the defense, bad memories,

bad memories, the whole thing. Like I said, I really just walked it out of my mind. I just got it, look, I'm not worried about the Miami Heat in the two. I hope like,

I just don't want the Lakers, first of all, the Lakers kind of BAA championship as a championship. So you're worried about like the total franchise record? You know what, and you know what it really is, dude,

I sit in LA, and this is the sports show. It is the worst fucking sports show on TV, and it always comes on after the Lakers games. Like just when I was like in New York, I used to always watch the Yankees root against them, and I watched the Lakers, I root against the Lakers,

and at the end of the fucking Lakers game, this is show, it's Michael Cooper, what's his face? Reggie Miller's sister? Cheryl. And this Asian dude, and it is the worst fucking sports show.

They're trying to be like edgy, like when the Celtics got knocked out Michael Cooper came on, he had these giant silly sunglasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had these giant green ones on, and he's like, I'm wearing these,

and I'm taking them off to show that the Celtics season is over, and some stupid stuff like that. And like I would love to tell that guy one day, it's like, this is gonna break your heart, Michael, I know you think that you were part of the Celtics Lakers rivalry,

but no Boston fan has nightmares about Michael Cooper. They have nightmares about worthy magic, Kareem, those gave us nightmares in the 80s, but oh, and I think of Michael Cooper, I think of a guy, he didn't suck, but he was a guy. No, that sucks, sucks.

Who, who? It sucks. Oh, it sucks? That's all I think of Michael Cooper. I think of a guy who thought for half a second he could block Dr. J and that dunk. He was like, I can do it, oh no, I can't,

and he got dunked on. So I think, maybe that's what it is, that's why we're my hatred of the Yankees. You, you're so ridiculous, and then toned down, because. It's where you live.

Yeah, and I go into sports bars, and New York wasn't as bad, because they could actually talk the game after they gave you shit. LA is really bad, because it never gets beyond like, you know, Celtics are bitches. You guys suck,

go Lakers, MVP, like it never goes into actually talking the game, where like with Yankee fans, those guys can talk baseball, I'll give that up to them. They know the game, they can talk it,

and I just, it drives me fucking nuts. Yeah, you got, I'm supposed to be interviewing you without just saying your fucking authentic. You got Lakers, you got LA like in your, in your brain.

I don't think, I think if you pull people around here right now, nine out of 10 would say, if you could. That's really interesting. I actually believe it now. The way to ask the question I guess is, if the Heat played the Lakers in the finals

this past year, who would you root for? We put it on the block. It was almost universal Heat, I mean Lakers, people want the Lakers. You know why? Because Colby already had his titles.

These, there's nothing, when a guy wins his first, like when Peyton Manning won his first, it's like once you win one, you can't ever take it back. No, but you know, I guess you don't hate LeBron. No, I don't.

He didn't say, ooh, maybe I'm going to come to Boston. He didn't. The guy, look, I think the guy like, he had something that he had to get over. He had to get over taking the shot

at the end of the game. And I felt during the Celtic series, he took that shot at the end of regulation in like game five or six. I think game six, he destroyed us in game five. I forget what game was. He took it,

and he missed. And my body goes, see, he fucking... He missed by a mile, yeah. Yeah, whatever. I thought he climbed it off the rim. But my thing is, he had the balls

to test like a breakthrough. You got, and you know, he didn't go in, but he did it. And then for the rest of that, you know, that championship run,

the guy didn't, uh... I can't believe there's a LeBron podcast. But I mean, that's... Dude, you tell me, he didn't put his team on the back, on his back, game five, game five. To say he had the balls

to take the last shot when people are saying, he's the best player in like the history of basketball. I'm not saying that. A lot of people say that. I mean, they compare him to Jordan. You didn't say it,

but you said he had the balls to take the last shot. Oh, okay. Well, when I watch ESPN, I don't listen to what they say. Like, their deal is... All that. Their deal is to sell the game.

Yeah. So they're all gonna go skip Bayless and just say... Three-time MVP. Say whatever. Yeah, I'm not saying he's not one of the greats... All that shit ball to me.

Three-time MVP before he won anything. But now he won anything. Dude, he wasn't on Cleveland. What do they win? I mean, he... What did they win with Cleveland? He took the fucking Cavaliers.

What did they win with Cleveland? They went to the finals, dude. Who cares? They got the Cavaliers. Do you think a Cleveland fan... You can't even give him credit for going to the fucking finals. I'd like to walk into Cleveland

and any fan say, would you... Are you glad LeBron James ever played for you? Fuck no. None of them won. That's because he... Yeah, because he left on his hometown

and treated him like dirt. He's the anti-Christ, though. No, he isn't. He's... I don't... Look, I think he got really bad advice. Some idiot agent goes,

you know what'd be a great idea is if you make cities beg for you and then sit and talk about it for a fucking... Like, not even a half hour. An hour. Or whoever. I think it was that guy who interviewed him.

It was like his idea. Whoever the fuck was around him should have got fired. There's so many stories out there. They didn't see that. With him being just an ass. Well, until... I got to hang out with somebody

and see them being assed before I sign off on that. But... Yes. All right, let me ask you this. Going around is another thing. The Patriots with Bob Kraft. That's our video.

With that... That was your video? We broke that video. You broke that video. Correct. Yeah, that was sent to us... Well, I haven't revealed how that was sent to us.

A lot of people have asked, but the person who sent it asked not. Anyways, yeah, we got that video. We got that... We broke it the night before on the morning. So... Like, I was actually... Now, do you feel...

Now, are you guys big enough at this point where people like sports places and stuff are coming to your sites? Like, looking at your videos and stuff like that? Yeah, well, you know what, in our world, in blogging world, there's maybe like... There's a handful of sites that are kind of all in our range.

So if something gets posted on one of ours, it will go everywhere. Oh, nice. Because of the round. Yeah, because enough of the bigger sites will end up with it. And then it'll... I mean, Channel 7 interviewed me about it

yesterday. They came over and we got credit. You know, just like anything. I'm sure with jokes even. You know, it comes to free for all for people trying to keep... How long did it take you to go from that... This is how I interviewed too.

I go all over the fucking place. So let's go back to that newspaper. You said you were handing out that was a newspaper. Yes. How long did it take you... And how long did it take you to go from that to actually seeing like some sort of like movement like this could actually start going?

Yeah, you know, it was one of those things. We did the newspaper for about three years before the website. Then the website came and it was... You won't be seeing the podcast, but it's like a slight slope. I always looked at it like it was... You know, there are times where it's like

very close to making not, you know, having to shut it down. I even took a job because it was a full-time job, but I took another one. After making no money, yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's the internet. Yeah, but I had to take another one.

I lasted like one day because I just couldn't do it. But it was always a slow... It was a rape joke. You were tanked up. Yeah, exactly. That didn't go over. They're like, who is this fucking guy? So it was always a slight growth.

And then just in my heart, it was like it always felt like it was growing. And then I don't know what happened. People asked me that all the time. Like, when did you realize you kind of were over the hump? And I think the number one thing that happened that I started realizing is the more I'd go out in Boston, people would be like, hey, Prez, what's going on?

You know, that's my nickname on the thing. And that's when I was like, huh, maybe, you know, let's start a work. And it just kind of continued. And we've always... In terms of making money on the internet, I mean, we've always been good at... We're so small, it's not just advertising.

I'll try fucking anything. Like, and we'll be aggressive and risk to go different areas. So like the concert thing isn't really an internet thing. Is that the riskiest thing you'd say that you've done? Yeah, probably. Other than starting it, like we invested a decent amount to start it just to buy like those news racks that you put in the street

and to pay for the printing of the paper. But, you know, I had a sales background, so I called up all the casinos and offshore. So like you ever heard of like Party Poker? It's one of the big online poker places. Like when you see it on ESPN, all the guys are wearing either Party Poker or Poker Stars. Like we met with those guys in Vegas.

I met a couple Indian guys. They just built like a freaking computer program for it. So we were in with them in the beginning and we had enough money to last like a year or two. And then I just kind of... People were all like, I like the quirky shit. Like I never intended to be a writer or a character on the blog. It just kind of developed.

Which I think when people ask me, I think that's why it's kind of successful because there was no plan to it necessarily. It was like my podcast. I had no plan. I just started doing them. And then all of a sudden it just sort of you find your way with it. But I at least I had like stand up to fall back on.

So during those two years, the ups and downs of it, where you having like those nights where like your thoughts are waking you up, like what the fuck am I doing? I still have those thoughts. I mean, I still have those thoughts. We did a tour last year with this guy, Mike Posner, who he's writing like Bieber songs now.

So he's doing well. But I fucking hate him like poison. I mean, no one was coming to see his shows. We invested so much in it. I thought we were gonna... Well, not many promoters are saying that about me. It read in and fucking me down and sold two tickets and fucking him. That's how the promoter fucking feels.

That's how I felt. And it's like, I want to fuck you. Well, I always make it right. Kill this guy. I always try and I always make it forever. I'm doing good right now. You know, it took me 20 fucking years. But back in the day, you know, I always,

if I ever had any sort of guarantee, you remember like Michael Jackson did with the Sullivan family when that bullshit went down? Yeah, that's the reason they lost the Patriots. Yeah. Blimey, it was really the city of Foxboro worried that this little fucking 80 pound man was gonna somehow come there and scare everybody.

So the Foxboro canceled the concert. And then Michael Jackson was like, well, you're supposed to pay me whether I perform or not. And then the Sullivan family, who owned the Patriots back in the 80s, had to end up selling it. And they sold it to that Norelco razor guy.

Yeah, yeah. Well, they sponsored the whole fucking tour, not just here. They had the whole Michael Jackson tour, which is a debacle. Like I remember reading the finance. One of our writers, Jerry Thornton, wrote his best Patriot writer in the city.

He's awesome. And he wrote a great piece on that whole thing. But yeah, the promoter thing, promoters, I mean, that's a tough racket. The thing that we switched with our blackout is we used to have to pay the talent. And now we don't. Like we just use kind of our name,

the bar stool. And these kids are just ready to party. So that takes a huge risk. But dealing, not only that, dealing with some of these guys? I don't have to name any names. No, name any names. But give me a bad story. Some artist comes in.

I mean, this guy, well, I already named names. But you know, we'll... Yeah, you don't seem to have a problem. Like fucking name a name. I usually try to... I don't have a problem naming names. I don't. I feel like we're pretty straight with everybody,

and people will fucking trash us if they want to. But I won't trash anybody who doesn't deserve to be trashed. The only reason I said him, he does it... Well, we have this... Why did he do this? Okay, so he goes off since... It's not like he's not trying to sell tickets. He must have gone above and beyond.

No, he wasn't tweeting about the concerts, helping to promote it. Oh yeah, well then yeah, go fuck yourself. And then you show up and it's like, we're losing, you know, close to six figures. And you're telling me in the green room, you want like fucking prime rib and shit. It's like, I'm losing my shirt.

You want a hundred green towels. It's like, you know what? Fucking... Yeah, go buy some. Yeah, have a slice of pizza and call it a day. I'm getting murdered here. So it's shit like that. But...

You know, as a performer, you know... You know, like back in the day, you know going in, whether you sold tickets, because I used to try and shield... I did this fucking... It was early days of Myspace, and they would just slam and tour us together because of like the Dane Cooke thing.

Everyone was watching going, oh my god, he blew up on Myspace. And they just thought it was a... What do you think of him? Can you not say that on your... Do you think he's funny? Yeah, he's fucking great. And he really...

He takes a beating. Yeah, he took an unnecessary fucking beating. But it's just... It's just... It's part of... Unfortunately, going into the public eye, everybody at some point is gonna get beat down. You know, it all just depends.

You could just take fucking, you know, one shot a month to the jaw for your entire career. It's still a shot to the... I mean, it happens all the fucking time. People send me... I try not to read emails, but I have to read them because I gotta keep up on this stuff.

But like people... You know, if you're in the wrong mood and you don't have your defenses up, they can trash you. But he had a whole other fucking level. Yeah, dude, I'm like... I mean, you have strong Boston Street credibility. Like, our readers are vicious.

In this moment, though. Dude, after this, they'll probably be like, they're fucking douche. Support and LeBron, fuck him. I'll never go to another one of his shows. It's like, it's not something that you can really control. So...

But like back in the day, when I would go to do like those... So they try to put together this MySpace tour. And then this is the whole tour. It was just like, well, you got 10,000 friends. He has 15 and you got eight. So together, that's like 30 something.

We can go play 2,000-seat theaters. Like, that was the thought process. And there was no link between the... No through line. Like, you know, when they try to package you, it's like you put like a fucking bluegrass guy with a death metal band. There was no through line.

So we would show up some of the venues we did okay and the ones that we didn't. We would walk in. Nobody would say hello to us. They'd be like one fucking bottle of Snapple in the back. And you'd look out and there'd be a bunch of people out there and they're like, this is paper. They papered the room,

which to people outside the business, that means they gave it away. They just... They gave away free tickets to try to get people to come in there and drink so they can make some of their money back. And those are the nights you don't even meet the fucking promoter.

If you do, it's for like two seconds. So we had a story. All right, we did a concert. And again, this is the same tour. We're getting fucking a bloodbath. And one of the acts didn't show up. And we're in the back room and the guy who's the tour manager comes in and says,

they said the main guy wouldn't go on stage unless I gave him four grand cash on the spot. On the fucking spot. So, you know, why would you do that? Exactly. That's the stuff that... I actually made a video coming home from that because I was so mad.

Like, I just took the flip cam still. And this guy hadn't... Wasn't even selling tickets? No, that's the thing. We were... Let me ask you this. What if he was selling... What if he sold the place out,

you'd make an abortion? I'll suck you that. I would do... If you're selling out, I will treat you... And I'll still treat you good, even if you aren't. But I expect some concession on the other end. At what point do you know... Like, we'll just say...

Let's say a 2,000-seater. How far before the gig do you know you're taking a bath? Do you like this, this motherfucker? Some people have a lot of walk-up traffic. Like, last second... Yeah, we don't. We don't... We haven't typically...

Occasionally we do. You know, we've done now enough of these where we've been to the same places. So, if we've been at House of Blues Boston and we do a show, how it sells there is pretty indicated of how it will do across. So, it's like if we fucked up and didn't sell anything at Lupo's,

which is 1900 in provenance, then I know we're dead. Well, let me ask you, what do managers say? When you call up their client, hasn't sold any tickets yet, the client still wants the money. What do they say to you? Do they ever go,

I know he's out of his fucking mind, but did they ever tap out? They don't. No, not to me they haven't. And agents. See, we got into dealing with stuff that we never dealt with. And you know, almost like the interview,

I talked to agents like, oh yeah, how much? Like, we don't negotiate. I trust you, you trust me. And they would just take me with a big club, like that old game point for whatever that system was, and it bashed me over the head with it. So, you know, I'm jaded.

I'm tough to deal with now for those people, because it's like I'm so... I'm so on edge and just ready to snap on people. So, I almost need a buffer zone. I almost need a buffer zone. I don't know that we could ever have talent anymore, because it's... It just, it was...

It drove me nuts. And being an agent sucks too. You got to like just constantly be, you know, kissing ass. So right now, the scope of... You have your website, and you have this blackout tour that you're doing. I don't even know, we even like talk to people about BarstoolSports.com,

and it's just... It's like, what? No, I said we haven't talked about it. That's funny. You did? No. We haven't. What did they say?

I was gonna... No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying on this podcast, we haven't talked about it at all. And just for, you know, people who are new to this, because it seems to me that, you know, the fact that you're in Boston, then New York, then Philly,

and now soon to be in Chicago, that eventually you're gonna have one in all... Yeah, we'd like to. You know, our hardest thing, which I underestimated when I started this thing, it's really hard for us to find the people, the people I like, the writing. It's like, we've been lucky.

I shouldn't say lucky. Well, can people send you stuff? Yes, we always want. We're always looking for writers. Where is that? Because I know, like, I talk sports a lot, so I have a lot of sports fans. And I gotta tell you, man,

people send me some stuff, and I get some funny emails, and like, people send me questions and shit, and like, there's some really funny people out there. That's what we're looking for. So if they send it to, like, tips at BarstoolSports.com, just that they want to write all we ask it for samples.

Tips, T-I-P-S? Yep. Like, I'm not gonna sit there. A lot of people, we get a lot of this, like, hire me, I'm great. Like, I'm not even gonna reply to that. But if you are serious, just send, like, look at our site for a minute,

be like, this is how they write, and send us a sample of what you think would work. If it's good, I will 100% get back to you. We're always looking for writers, always looking for new cities. I mean, I was looking for Chicago for three years before we finally found a guy who thought could do it.

And it's just one guy? You start with, like, a half dozen? No, we start with a half dozen, I wish. We, uh, as one guy basically runs per city. So their job requirements really to post a new blog, which is, like, I don't know, paragraph or two current events type thing, every, from nine o'clock in the morning

to basically five at night. I mean, it's a grind, beats a real job, but it's a lot of writing. Oh, you have to come up with a paragraph of funny shit? It's basically, I mean, we're like current events. So it's where you scour the internet looking for weird shit, whether it be sports or just, you know,

I'm trying to think of a weird... What's one of your favorite weird stories that you guys kind of wrote? I mean, we have so many weird ones, like... What's the latest one that you guys... I mean, today, even in Rentham, I don't, like, they banned American flags in Rentham because somebody complained

that there were too many American flags on the 4th of July. So they banned them totally? They banned them from that. Can you do that in America? I guess, I guess so. I mean, that's a pretty weird story. All right, so what now,

what if I have a Taliban flag? There's nothing in there so we can have a bunch of those fucking hanging around? Commenters were saying that. It was the, I should clarify, it was the Weymouth Housing Authority. So it was, like, in, I guess, the subsidized housing. But, I mean, I could go look at this thing.

There's so many. I mean, I know there was a story about the chick with the biggest tits in the history of the world. They were just huge black ones, these saggy tits to the ground. I mean, there's literally, that's... The beauty of the internet is whenever you think you've run out of weird stuff,

there's always more weird stuff. There's always going to be something else. Well, I'll give you an example of, I answer questions every week. People actually, for some fucking reason, like ask me advice. I don't know why. I like, I can't, I'm not good at reading out loud.

I'm a moron, but for some reason they ask me stories. So this says, girl with interesting past. All right, so I'm going to need your expert advice on something. I'm an expert evidently because I have a podcast. I really should start doing like some sort of disclaimer before I do these, before somebody tries and sue me. Okay, recently I moved back home after college

and started seeing a girl who went to my high school but who I never really talked to. Things were going great. She's really funny for a broad. Pretty cute, not to mention, has a heightened... See, mentioned has as heightened of a sex drive as I do. Well, maybe that's where the problem lies. So I was telling my high school buddies

how I started seeing this girl and thought she was the bee's knees. He just lost a rain job. That's when one of my pals said, wait, you know me and Steve and another childhood friend of mine smoked a bull and Eiffel Tower towered her in the back of a minivan a couple years ago.

This is like one of these dirty Sanchez things. Eiffel Tower? I don't know what an Eiffel Tower... Do you know what it is? Oh, come on. Yeah, of course. No, let me try to guess. Let's see, the Eiffel Tower.

It's when you build an Eiffel Tower with an erector set and you stick it in her ass while you wear a beret. I don't fucking know. It's like you make two dudes making the Eiffel Tower this way. She's in the middle. Oh, okay. That's right.

I think I heard that one. Isn't that more like the London Bridge? It may be that... The Eiffel Tower. Okay. Anyway, so now I have an issue. So basically these two guys, they smoked a joint, a bull, and they fucking two on wonder.

Thank God you were here. Because he said that like I fucking knew. You get an urban dictionary whenever, when in doubt. I'm one of those guys, the internet scares me. So now I have an issue. The girl's great, but knowing two of my close childhood friends once penetrated here at the same time kind of puts a damper on things.

He says pretty gay, which I kind of have to go along with. I never understood the two guys with one girl. Oh, well, yeah, no. I've talked about this at length. That's sort of like a... I wouldn't like if you cross swords, I think, then you become gay. I don't think you can become gay, but I think that you're easing in to being gay.

Yeah, no, I... I think you are. No, you're not gay. But you know what I'm saying? That's what I look like. Okay. I'm going to hook up with the girl. The only thing that could enhance that

is either another girl or like, I don't know, fucking good fellas playing in the background. Pick something. No, I agree. Even then, I don't want to hear Joe Pesci's voices. I'm fucking. So to add another... All you did was add another dick.

You know what I think? It's either gay or it's like you're just... It doesn't make you gay. You're so heterosexual that you could just fucking high-five. No, I'm firmly... I've said that. I'm not a believer that two on one... I don't want to see my buddies come face to face.

You know what I mean? I really don't. I don't want a two-on-one guy. But this guy's question is this question whether he's going to dump this girl? Obviously, the answer is yes. I think that's what we're going here. What should I do?

Should I cut off cold turkey? Should I bring it up? Should I be the better person? Say, I have fucking who cares. I'm no Puritan. Thanks, Bill. Love your podcast. All right, first of all,

this girl must be fucking the shit out of this guy that he's even asking this question. Or he's brutally ugly. Something. Something going on. I like... Okay, I think you already answered the question. Do you...

Should you break up with this girl? Look, the honest thing is, is if you don't give a fuck and you actually like this girl and then I stay with her personally, just every time I would go to kiss her, I'd just picture, you know, fucking two of my friends high-fiving over

or doing like the old Jose Cancenco fucking Mark McGuire. Ask brothers, yeah. The forearm smash? Yeah. There's no fucking way. No, that's one of the all-time no-brainers in the history of Earth.

That would be a deal breaker. I had a guy wrote in a few weeks ago said he he met some girl, perfect thing, you know, gorgeous, great personality, funny and all that fucking shit. And then in the end, he found out that she did a little bit of porn and he broke up with her

and he felt fucking bad about it. But it's just one of those things. That would bother me a heck of a lot less than the Eiffel Tower scenario that this guy just laid out. So what are you saying? It's your buddies. It's your buddies.

You want to go and fucking watch a football game? It's, you know that? Yeah, every time the team scores a high five, high five, you think that they're mocking. It's much worse when you know the people, I think. I mean, porn is a job, whatever. But I won't want porn either. I mean, I'm not saying,

I would prefer not, if you had to choose one of the other. My life's a virgin before I met her. So it's like, but if I had to choose one or the other, no brainer, give me the porn. Give me the porn? Your buddy's Eiffel Towering a girl? Yeah, but you know something?

Those porn star chicks after a while, they're just so fucking like, I don't know, dude, the lights out in their eye. You know what I mean? Like, just something happens to them. I'm not going to sit here and say. You just can't. Yeah, no.

What if you actually really loved her and you just moved away and broke up with your buddies? Yeah, no, that's one of those things you get rid of them. But how can you love? You can't. That's a deal, bro. I mean, for me, I could not. I could not do it.

That would haunt me for the rest of my life. I gotta tell you, though, he has great friends that the fact that they told him before he got too emotionally involved. I don't know. He says he's coming out to the place down the yacht club this weekend. I'm doing this gig at the. I'd like to know what he looks like when you meet him.

How does he introduce himself on the guy with the girlfriend who got Eiffel Towered? Well, because he won't. I've already heard this podcast, so he won't know. I don't know. I don't know if he will. Oh, hey, send me a picture. We're going to judge you.

If you're ugly, you won't. Or even if he doesn't know. I mean, he may know you got the email. Like I sent you an email about my girlfriend getting Eiffel Towered. Like that would be the intro. Yeah, I've actually, I've had people do that. It gets, it can get weird.

It can get weird with these things. All right, we got time for another one here. All right, all right. Did the right thing. Basically, you haven't seen my girl in a week. Oh, asking if I did, if he did the right thing. All right, I mean, you're a fucking champ for putting up with my poor reading out loud skills here.

All right, Bill, did I do the right thing? Basically, haven't seen my girl in a week. There's this massive outdoor party slash celebration going on in my city, Calgary, where over a million people come and basically just drink, fuck, and party that faces off for a week. Sounds like when you're black out there.

And say, and the saying is like the one in Vegas. What happens in Calgary, Stampese stays during the Stampese. All right, here's the story. I'm trying to hang out with my girl all day, but she's busy. No problem. She finally tells me her and her friends left her

and she's alone. I'm watching the UFC fight, but I decide to get into a taxi and go find her and pick her up. Then she says, while I'm en route, that she's actually at this bar with this guy she met earlier on. He lost his friends too.

How convenient, I thought. She said that it was the polite thing to do to help him. Oh, Jesus. Help him out, which I never understood. Basically, they were out getting trashed together at this bar. I pulled up in a taxi. She was on the patio with this out-of-town random guy

at a table and saw me and kind of drunkenly stumbled over to the taxi, whereby I locked the door and just told her, have fun and rolled up the window and told the taxi to leave. Went back to the UFC fight, had a great night. Granted, we aren't married, but we have been dating seriously for the past year or so.

What should I do? First of all, do you think he did the right thing at that moment to roll the window up and drive away? That one lost me. That was a long story. They're all long. Yeah. This is actually somebody I was going to compliment

in the house to think they put this. So he started at this, how do you get from the Stampede thing to the UFC? You know what? My awful reading, he probably zoned out for half a second and that's not your fault. It's the Calgary Stampede thing.

It's the big thing where everybody whores it up, fucks each other. He's watching UFC fight at home. His girl tells him to come down and fucking meet him. And then she says, oh, my friends left me. And then he goes, oh, I'm with this guy. You know, I don't even fucking remember at this point. His fucking friends left him.

The thing I got from it is once she ended up in the cab with two groups of friends who left. No, no, she was still at the bar with the guy. She basically was at a bar. But she never left. Yes, she was at a bar. She didn't get leave by her friends. She was with her friends.

She met some hot guy and they're like, hey, what happens in Stampede? You know, have fun. They fucking take off. She hangs with this fucking guy. His friends are gone. Yeah. And she goes, oh, my friends left me here.

Come and get me. Damsel in distress. He stops watching the pay-per-view fight, goes down to get this brought on the way over. She drops the bomb that she met some other guy who conveniently got left by his friends. And why the fuck did she say that? Because I don't know, that's what the fuck's going on.

So anyway, so she fucking comes down, he sees it, says have a nice night, rolls up the fucking window. He saw them just sitting there? Yeah. Jesus Christ, do I got to read it again? Well, there's so many things. Then why did, yeah, no, then he did not do the right thing. Just fucking let her in the car.

They're at the same bar. This girl was at the bar when she called and picked me up. He drove to the bar. She's still at the bar, sitting at the bar. But with that guy? You say about guy, I'm going to totally fucking obey this fucking story. No, I get it.

But who fucking cares? The guy was at the bar. You say who cares? All right, this is good. This is point, counterpoint here. I say he did the right fucking thing. Why? Because I wasn't born yesterday.

And I'm not saying you were, I'm not trying to insult you, but I'm just like, I know what the fuck can go down in a bar, okay? But why the fuck would? Especially during Stampede week. You know what that means? The very least, he was robbing a pussy

over a fucking slacks. You have weird readers. If this Stampede thing is such a big deal and such an awesome party, why are you sitting home and alone watching UFC in the middle of fucking Stampede week? You're asking for this girl to do whatever, to get fingered or whatever you just said under the bar.

Like it's Stampede week. Go fucking party. Don't sit home and watch UFC. Oh, so he's saying it's this guy's fault that he was sitting there. Like don't, they put a chastity belt on her and let her go out if that's what she's gonna do. Listen, no, not even that.

I'm putting this in my shoes. If I have a girlfriend, and she goes out for a Stampede week with her friends at a bar, says it, you know, whatever she said, come pick me up. Like I'm not gonna be pissed if there's a dude sitting with her at the table.

Like it's a fucking bar. If she wanted to hook up with them, she wanted to call them. I don't have that much faith in women. I just know what I've done. And she's just a dumbie. I just don't, I don't, I know what I've done. I know what I've done with women in bars.

In that situation when they call my boyfriend, come pick me up. I think every guy after a while, you've rounded third in a bar. Yeah, that's just a weird, then why call your boyfriend? Well, I mean, look, it ain't about her. It's about this guy.

Look, that's what I'm gonna say. He did the, that was a strong move. He said, have a nice night. Go fuck yourself. Cause at the very least you gotta just say, it's not fucking cool for you to be doing that shit. And you're gonna, and it's not my fucking fault. It's whore week and you decided to be a whore.

That means if I go to Vegas on a business trip, that's your fault. If you let me fucking go down there. Honestly, if I go to Vegas and I stay in my room to watch UFC when she goes out. He's a Calgary. It's Calgary Stampede Week. Stampede Week.

So there's a bunch of guys coming in. What happened that can't smell. Smelling like fucking oxen coming to town. No dude, why can't he go out? He can't go out, but this is my thing. Okay, my thing is, is if you, if it's, I will agree with that in a little bit, but I'll tell you this.

If it's fucking whore week, all right, and you're, if your girl can't survive whore week, you don't have a fucking relationship anymore. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I, hey. Could, could, could your lovely wife go down in New Orleans, walk down Bourbon Street, and still be a faithful woman.

She could, right? Yeah, I hope so. Well, there you go. But let me put this way, I'm still not, if, if I see a crew that she's going with, that's like six single girls. She's like, Hey, we're going to fucking New Orleans or Vegas for the week.

And like, I'm not happy about that. Oh, not at all. Not at all. So this guy sitting home, this, this is the image of my head. I get it. I get what you're saying. UFC.

He's a fucking idiot. Saying our own. All right. And then he's like, fuck you. I'm going to go home and watch more at UFC. Fine. By the time he fuck pulled out of the parking lot, she was probably getting railed for real this time.

Like you showed, you showed her. I'm going to go home and I'm going to continue to watch. Oh, you know what? I think you might convince me. I at least, I like his self-esteem. And he's also, he's in a relationship. Fuck you. I want you to fight.

I guess, I guess the lesson here is on, on hornet, you have to protect your pussy. Yeah. You do. Yeah. What happened? Keep it at home. Right in what this guy said,

what happens in stampede week or whatever he said, stays in stampede week. All right. Get your ass out of the living room. He's saying, what should I do? I think at the, I totally, Dave, I told you to see your point. But I think, you know, you made the mistake of trusting your girl. And when you can't trust someone,

which you now realize you can't, it's over. As Michael Corleone says, over. It's over. Godfather part two. So I would get out of that. So before we wrap this up, man, I had a great time learning about your website and all that type of stuff.

Fun. And I'm always psyched when I see somebody who got out of the fucking matrix. Right? You had the balls. Yeah, do it. Yeah, that people, I get it. I get it.

I people reading all the time, man, can I do this? Can I do that? Like it just takes the balls to go do it. You just do a little bit every fucking day and you somehow get there. So before we get out of it, I got to talk Red Sox because I am elated that they are tied for last place right now.

Because all I ever wanted to do was see them win it once. They won it fucking twice. And now it's seeing everyone. See Evan, Evan flow. You know, the old guard is gone. Now we got to build up the new team. And I'm starting to see empty seats at the games. And I'm loving that because I wanted to go back to

not singing that douchey song during the seventh inning. No more pink Red Sox hats. And I want to be able to just walk up and go to a fucking game. Yeah, I don't, I'm not mad that they're in last. I mean, I still root for them. But I, not for the same reasons you, I don't, I mean, they left just a sour taste in my mouth after last year of the collapse.

Hate Beckett, hate him like poison. I don't even know that I can really root for him as hard as I used as long as he's on the team. I loved when he said it was my day off. You liked that. I loved it. Oh, I hated that. It's my day off.

Go fuck yourself. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. I loved it. But he was saying, fuck you to you. No, he wasn't. Yeah, he was. He wasn't. He was saying to the fans.

He was. He was, I don't, like, I don't know that guy. He was saying, fuck you to the fucking press. Stop sneaking around. Follow me. You bunch of fucking bitches. Sneaking around. No, he was, he was, he got scratched because it was hurt.

And he played golf and he makes $20 million a year. And he didn't even. And he won a World Series for us. Who fucking cares? He won a World Series. I do. I do. No.

No, just be old. I do. I do. All I wanted to do was see him win it once. They won it fucking twice. And they hung a big- So you don't- Biggest choke in professional sports history on the-

No one will ever top that. No one will ever top it. You can lose four games in a row, but you won't be a $215 million team with four First Ballot Hall of Famers. You're not just not going to be. It's not going to happen again. The only person who could do it again is the fucking Yankees

because they're the only ones who spent $200 million. Who was the pitching staff on that? It was obviously- Which one? The Yankees and the Red Sox. No, the Red Sox. When we won, it was Schilling- Bronson Arroyo, Pedro Martinez.

Lowe. Derek Lowe and Wakefield. Yes. No, no. Yeah, Wakefield. Was Beckett on that team? No. He was on 07.

Oh, so then who fucking cares? Because you already had your one. You don't care about your second one. Yeah, but then they went two. You don't care if a guy's just a little- Everybody says he's an asshole. Universal. From media to fans to everybody.

You don't care. A thousand bucks. Rooting for somebody who's an asshole doesn't bother you in the least. I like beer and chicken, too. Yeah, but- And if I could do it in between podcasts? Probably can.

Look, you know what I think? I think they fucked up last year. I think that one of the fucking problems is is when shit goes bad, people don't accept the fact that shit goes bad. Okay? And it's one of those deals where it's not always gonna be roses.

And sometimes when it goes bad, it doesn't mean you gotta fucking dismantle everybody. Like, I think what the Red Sox did after last year. Granted, you gotta get rid of some people who aren't fucking playing and not earning their paychecks. I definitely understand that. But to fucking get rid of everybody,

it's like now, you know, everybody is not as good. Epstein going to the Cubs is not in a better situation. Tito, I understand. He was sick of the media. He fucking leaves, but everybody- I don't know if it was the media. It was the team. Well, I think everybody lost by the end.

By the end, everybody goes their separate ways. It's like watching- You know what it was like? It was like watching a great band break up. It was like watching David Lee Roth leave fucking Van Halen. And then I'm watching Sammy Hagar. Who's all right?

But he's not David Lee. And then David Lee Roth, when he's in Van Halen, he's a fucking rock star. He gets out of that thing. He became a fucking lounge singer. And I'm telling you, I really believe that that's what's gonna-

I think Tito's gonna be fine. But I just think- I don't disagree with anything you said. But here's my point with the Red Sox. I think these guys make so much money. Millions upon millions upon millions of dollars. And then it bothers me when they bitch about them. I get the media.

But guess what? The media is what gives the information to the fans. The fans is why you make so much money. So just to blow it off, like with- It's just a diss- Your talent is why you make so much money. But listen, you could be talented at picking up trash. And those guys don't make the money.

The baseball, like, that's a unique, weird talent. Like if I could fucking- That's those stadiums. Yes, correct. But it's no different than necessarily another talent that doesn't make that. It just happens. You found something that the American public is-

I honestly think- I remember reading this thing where Ringo Starr, drummer for the Beatles, just in case, you know- No, I got him. Okay. He's fucking- He decided when he was like 70, 71,

he goes, I'm not signing any more autographs. I'm done. And I remember reading- Somebody wrote like- This guy's been signing autographs for 50 fucking years. Somebody said- He goes, that's fucking bullshit. Because the fans, we're the ones that made him famous.

Like the fans all got together and had a meeting and went, okay, which band are we gonna make famous? It's like, isn't it more that the Beatles made music that was so fucking compelling, you couldn't ignore it? It's like, I think that, like- That whole fucking philosophy that they're the ones- They're the reasons why you make a zillion dollars. They're not.

Okay, because I don't have the power to make Michael Jordan not make a zillion dollars. That guy is so fucking unbelievable. That you were gonna watch him. You're gonna watch Kobe. You're gonna watch LeBron. Those guys have like- Like you're talking one, one millionth of the fucking population,

level talent. And they, the amount of hours and the sacrifice and all the shit that they go through and all the guys they got a fucking beat out to climb to the top of that mountain. And then the reward is orgies and money. Correct. Absolutely.

But at no point do I sit there and I go, now LeBron, you can make it. I have decided- No, but it is. No, it's not whether you make it. It's the collective interest. It's without the interest in baseball, which is really irregardless of them.

Like people love baseball. People love sports. People love music. But without that demand, they're gonna make nothing. And their talent is unique to what they do, but I get- But fans have threatened to walk away. We have threatened to walk away. We love it.

We have nothing better to do. Right. Like I would love to fucking turn my back and different times to have turned my back on a bunch of different sports. And in the end of it, I'm just alone with my thoughts and I have to come back. Listen, if it was up to me,

I would have boy called to college football till they got a real fucking playoff system. That's like the thing that bothered me the most. It's never gonna happen. I agree with you. It's ingrained. It's never gonna go away. But that doesn't mean like-

And you take a different way. I look at it as like they're my client. No way. Like they're being paid to entertain me. Like the press and part of it. Well, let me ask you this. So now this guy is entertaining you. Who?

Okay, the player. Yeah. Now what responsibility do you have? Because I don't think that fans feel like- I go buy a ticket and that gives me a right to dump something in Ron Artes' face. Where I would now- No one would throw a drink in Ron Artes' face in a bar.

Right. No, I don't- All of a sudden he has on a jersey. You feel like you can do that. You can feel like you can yell shit about something. I do. This guy's this guy's- I think you can say whatever you want.

You feel like you can say whatever you want? I don't think you can dump it. I don't- no contact nothing, but you can be as mean as you humanly would be. Completely disagree with that. Oh, I think you'd be mean. But it was okay. Well, I think if you think that you-

that you can go like to the point of like when somebody has a kid that was born with some sort of, you know, medical problem- I mean, I wouldn't do that. That's a real asshole move. But that's like the type- that's the type of shit that that comes with that big bag of fucking money.

And my thing is what I see is that media and the fans all want to hold the athletes accountable, but we don't- we don't like- but we feel like, oh, well, well, then you shouldn't have got famous. You shouldn't have become a baseball player. And I- and I should be able to take out

my miserable fucking childhood on you, and you shouldn't turn around and tell me to go- I think you should be able to- go fuck myself. I think you should be able to take out your miserable fucking nine to five as Keith Folk said, Burger King job on him,

who's making 20 million to play kids. And you know what? I like that he said Burger King job, because he treated whoever fucking said whatever to him with the same amount of respect. But- but that's- that to me, we look at different ways. Like, I have no- you know what?

Take that, Keith Folk. You can say, if someone wants to pay me 20 million dollars, I will stand up there. You can fucking throw rocks at me. I don't fucking care. Yeah, you're talking a good game, dude. No, no.

You're talking a good game. Go out and do it. Do it day after fucking day. And here's another thing. And here's the thing. You're gonna have to have people- like, you remember how you felt in that fucking interview when that girl was-

Yes. was- and you felt like you were gonna fucking chew your job? Yeah. Fucking day. I- I- I- Every fucking- But it comes with it.

If you're in the public eye, that comes with it. Like, even- That's a fucking little bit- We take it different. Like, obviously it's not face-to-face, but I mean, I get brutalized- I think it's really easy from where we're sitting to be like,

dude, you know what I would do if I had that kind- Dude, I wouldn't give a fuck. The thing about it is, is once you make past a certain amount of money, it doesn't fucking matter, like, how much more you have, and like, you know,

buying a bunch of shiny shit at the end of the day is not gonna make you- There's a few key things. That are gonna make you happy in life. And one of them is, is peace, inner peace, and silence, which you- When you get to that level of fame,

okay? You- You don't- You don't really have that anymore. It's been certain fucking- But you didn't have it. Like, I mean, there's guys who aren't assholes. Beckett, going back to the example, like, no one fucking-

Like, Derek Jeter doesn't get treated like Beckett does. Beckett, in- In going back to that example of the you like when he said- Okay, fair enough. Like, I- I was not looking at that, that there was-

There are athletes that are assholes. Okay, all right. I was kind of playing devil's advocate there. I mean, I don't think people- I mean, you look at- And Ortiz is kind of yapping a lot this year. But I mean, he- He's people loving.

There's beloved athletes, but then there's asshole athletes. And- And all I'm saying, going to like the Beckett when he was- Like, coming off what happened last year, and all the fried chicken, and all the hoopla, and all the media, he missed it.

He missed a start because it was hurt. And then he went golfing. To me, that's just- I don't give a fuck about anybody. That's all he said. I don't- I don't think the beer or anything last year had anything to do with him stinking.

I think everyone drinks. I just look at it like, you know this is going to be a story. Like, you're- He probably didn't know he was going to get caught. He- You know what he got caught? He got caught like, like a fucking cell phone's going.

It's like, you know, when somebody fakes a back injury, I'm going to say to a guy, like they were showing these insurance fraud things. Fucking hilarious. This guy faked a back injury. He was suing this insurance company. And then he goes out and goes golfing.

And the warm-up exercise he was doing, he was on the- It was so fucking hilarious. Is- I got to visually- I got to explain this to people. It was he had the club, you know, behind his neck,

on his shoulders with his hands hanging over. And he was doing those- The psycho-like taekwondo twists. And it- And they also showed him lifting something heavy out of his trunk. Like, yeah, I think he had like, you know, charcoal to barbecue.

Like the guy was just living the fucking life. That was hilarious. Look, I'm not saying- You like how he answered that. I just think he- I loved it. I think he owes the real answer. I loved it.

The same reason why I like- I think a lot of people cower in front of the press. I'm not saying whether the guy was right or whether he was wrong. I loved it. I loved he just kept going, dude, it's my day off. I'll do whatever the fuck I want to.

Like that taps into my, yeah, go fuck yourself. I don't like having a boss. Now, I know, yeah, he shouldn't have done that. He got caught. He should have owned up to it. He should have probably handled it better.

But just as a comedian, watching somebody to tell a crowd to go fuck themselves, there's always something about that that does make me laugh. But this is my thing, like- Would you tell your paying customers to go fuck them in an angry way?

Like the people who buy a ticket to a bill- This is what I would say. I used to always go, you know what I love about Mom and Pops? Places, you know, the customer's always right. And I talked to a guy who owned a place and he goes, no, he goes,

right is right. And I was like, you know what? You are right. And I think that if fans- I'm generalizing here. That's fair. No, that's fair. But fans should have more right is right.

Okay? Don't expect this guy- We made this- To not- Okay, he can't eat chicken and drink beer before fucking start, but you can make fun of his kid who has fucking autism.

I mean, give me a fucking break. And well, I paid for a ticket that's your fault for making it as a baseball player. And I can sit here with no fucking responsibility, what's so fucking ever, and act like a total cunt

and throw a drink in your face and not expect the guy to come in the stands and punch me in the fucking face. Like, I- Like, we're talking about different things. Because I agree with you. I agree that- We probably are.

I do that a lot, my goodness. If someone says something like that, no problem with the player going and beating the guy. If a guy won't answer a question on why he fucking golfed when he was hurt, that's a different thing for me.

But I would- I mean, yeah, you shouldn't- There is a line that's just normal, and this is almost with like- goes full circle. I guess I think like rationally, like- But don't- A non-rational person,

like, you're not normal if you go to that extreme like, hey, your fucking kid has autism. That's like a fucking idiot. Like, that's just a fucking lunatic idiot that nobody should say that. Now those racist after the Bruins games? Yeah, exactly.

Right, right, yeah, exactly. So that's- We're 100% on the same page there. I'm talking more like sometimes guys get mad when they get booed and shit. It's like, really? No, no, no. That-

No, then you're being a pussy. And I'm not saying- The reason why I'm going so hard, defendant athletes on this is just because I feel like- Like, this side isn't present- There's never any sort of like a fan has any sort of responsibility like-

What about like walking up for an autograph when he's eating dinner? I think eating dinner is a sacred thing. You don't do it. I think if they're- If they're walking down the fucking street, that's part of the game. But if they're sitting there at dinner,

like, I think people- Even people know that. You know when I was in San Francisco, I fucking was in a restaurant and Joe Montana was two tables away. He was fucking unreal. And somebody asked me, did you ask him for an autograph?

And I jokingly said, I wouldn't ask Screech for an autograph if he was fucking eating. I'm not messing with- I wouldn't- I wouldn't fuck with the- Like, I mean, what do I do? I'm gonna sign my napkin

and then lose it. I meant more on the thing. I wouldn't ask either. Ruin his appetizer on a napkin. I'm gonna lose. I wouldn't ask either, but I hope if I ever became that famous, which I obviously won't,

but if you did or somebody did, I hope I would never get mad either. It's like that- Absolutely do get- There's always how you would hope, but like, I think that like, the only way to truly understand what it's like, because you know,

dude, I mean, nobody fucking bums me when I- And I'm gonna fucking- Like, I have like a cult following in comedy clubs. And other than that, nobody knows who the fuck I am. So I have this great- I'm in the perfect place in this business. I'm known enough where I can sell tickets

and make a good living, but I walk around and nobody fucks with me. But I've been around, you know, at certain events where I've done stand-up with super fucking famous people. And dude, it doesn't look like fun. It looks like they never look comfortable and they just want to get the fuck out of there.

And it's one of those things where people go, well, then why the fuck did you become a musician? Why did you do that? And my answer to that would be like, when you start out what you think being famous is, and then what it really is, is for the most part, miles and miles apart. And then when you see like-

Like just from when I started, when I started to- I mean, I guess it was the fucking internet, but I started in 92. There's cell phones with as big as this fucking chair. There was none of these cameras and like filming stuff. And like, it's like everybody's become like these spies. And like, I mean, like that hasn't affected my world.

But like, when I look, I've seen guys who are like, it's just everywhere they fucking go. People see and they'll just come walking up to you, like filming you. Yeah, yeah. They say what's up to my friend. And I think after a while, like it's just like anything.

It just fucks with you. It's like, look, dude, I get it. Right. I totally appreciate you. I just want to fucking chill here and have something to eat. And it's one of those things that, but for the, on the fan side, it's like,

dude, I've been rooting for you. You know, I'm spending money on your jersey. I put money in your fucking pocket. This is my five second window where I'm going to see you, you know, make this five seconds of my life. And I think people are human. And they don't let,

they don't let those guys be human wherever you once in a while. Yeah, I mean, I would never go up for an autograph. I'm going to get so much shit from your fucking people on the website. No, no. I mean, I think you're doing, you're straddling a fence both ways.

So I don't think you will get shit. I mean, I just, and we are in that world. I mean, we're on internet, so that's our living with people taking these pictures. Look, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, and you should be treated like one. But I think sometimes, you know, on either way, you know,

fans booing you, you're not fucking hitting. And that, that comes with it. And if you cry about that, you're a cunt. But like, if you go to a game and you're yelling that type of shit, you know, about people's families, or, you know, other things like, you know, they see them,

they find out like psycho fans, find out like what, you know, they know what their wives look like and they start harassing them in the same way. Yeah, no, it's all over. There's extremes in both sides. I mean, and then you have athletes, guys like Charles Barkley,

uniformly everyone says is awesome. Like if you- I saw him in Daisy Buchanan's year ago, years ago, when he was, who was he playing for at that point? It might even have been the Silla 76ers. And he was just hanging out, and he was cool as hell.

You know what's funny, he didn't make a big deal out of the fact that he was Charles Barkley. So- He's the robber. So nobody rushed him. And I think when you come in, you know, with like felt ropes around you,

I think you actually build up that too. We're going to go like on for an hour and 16 here. Um, all right, wrapping it up here. Dave, so fucking nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Thanks for letting me swing by here. Barstoolssports.com. And if people out there are insane about sports

and you want to start, you want to get out of your miserable life and that fucking cubicle and actually write about something or you always wanted to write or whatever, you think you can do it, where should they send it to? Tips at Barstoolssports.com.

T-I-P-S at Barstoolssports.com. That's the Monday Morning Podcast. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. And that's it. Let me shut this thing off here.