Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-16-25

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

Bill rambles about autographs, coffee cups, and music theory. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (34:52) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 1-16-25 Bill rambles about days off, Michael Strahan, and football playoffs. (01:36:09) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks - Divisional Playoffs

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in, checking in on you woo woo. Oh my God. Oh Billy fucking running his yap. I'm press boy this week promoting my stand-up special that's coming out on Hulu March 14th I Did Jimmy Kimmel last night I had a great time doing that got to do with Jessica Gunning from

baby reindeer and Then there was this killer band Neil. I'm spacing on his name, but they had like that Elton John vibe. Killer drummer, bass player was amazing too, and the guitar player, everybody was amazing. Jimmy Kimmel, of course, as always, lobbing it over the net, as every great talk show host does. I had a great time doing that. You know what's funny? Listen to this fucking shit. When you go out of there, when you leave the Kimmel show, which is a great hang, he's got a great green room and there's people hanging out. Sort of like a lounge vibe.

It's really cool and everybody at the show is like super nice but when you leave there's this little alleyway to the to the to the parking lot so the the you know the professional autograph people you know the ones who act like your biggest fan and they for some reason just happen to have 42 things for you to sign and they just throw it on the internet. They don't give a fuck. They throw it up on eBay and whatever, right? So I'm come walking out, right? Felt like the segment went really well. So, you know, they're fucking standing there

hanging over the fence. So it's like, all right, you know, let me go over and sign some of these things. So there's this fucking kid there. His voice hadn't even changed yet. He's like, Bill, Bill, could you sign this? Oh my God, I'm the biggest fan, Bill. And he fucking hands me this thing.

And all it is is just blank windows with nothing in there. Which is weird, they have you sign the plastic, then they stick like a card in there. I don't get it really. And he kept going, I'm the biggest fan, oh my God, I love the Mandalorian, Bill, Bill, just one more, Bill, just one more, I'm fucking signing this shit, I'm signing, and, oh my God, I love the Mandalorian. Bill, Bill, just one more, Bill, just one more. I'm fucking signing this shit, I'm signing,

and he keeps jumping over people, Bill, Bill, Bill, he's freaking the fuck out. And then, you know, I signed like, you know, a bunch of these fucking things, and then as I turn around, like the second I turned around, and that little kid knew I was walking away, he went from, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, then I hear the same voice He just goes

Hey, dude, that's my pen It was all an act Completely didn't give a fuck. Oh my god And then the second I walk away and then give me my pen back. All right guys see that let's wrap it up, right? so then second I walk away. Hey man, give me my pen back. Alright guys, see you later. Let's wrap it up, right? So then I'm driving out of the place. He's, he had run down to where you drive out and he's in the fucking fence. And I want to be like, dude, I already signed like 20 of your fucking things. And I also heard the way you said, can I have the pen back? You totally confirmed that you don't give a fuck about me, which fine and I get it it's a little business

thing you earned your money you came down here I signed you things go go whatever the fuck you think you're gonna get for them go do it right so I drive out of there to the left was a bunch of traffic so I go to the right and I fucking drive like three football fields I get to the stop sign I'm sitting behind a car and all of a sudden scared the shit out of me this same fucking kid knocks on my window dude I felt like it was in Halloween, like when fucking Mike Myers jumped up on the station wagon fucking window. I was like, what the fuck?

I was like, kid, kid, you're going to get hit by a car. Come on, man. I signed these things. Now you make, you know, because he's got that high pitched voice that's making you feel bad like you're leaving some orphan without his porridge or some shit so I make a left and I just drive I gotta get away from this fucking kid right so I drive and make a left and I look at my rear view mirror and he's running down the fucking street like those those paper boys in that that 80s movie two dollars two dollars so then I banged a right

another lie I was driving where I didn't even want to fucking go just to get away from this kid. But shout out to him, man. Fucking kid was dedicated. But dude, I'm not even doing it justice the way he switched and the way his voice dropped down like three octaves to just the fucking businessman he already was. Eleven years old. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. Hey, let me get my pen back. I got a good laugh. I definitely got free. When he knocked on the fucking window, holy shit, that scared the hell out of me.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm doing the press thing, this old Billy Press boy, you know, one week. Get out there, you fucking, you run your yap, you promote your shit, and then you fucking go away before they get sick of you. That's how the game's played. So I did, and I did a couple podcasts today that will be coming out, so I don't know

if you can announce them. Everything's all fucking weird now. You never know how to do these things but anyway, thank you for all the nice things you guys wrote about the The Kimmel thing Jimmy's the best, you know, you just go out there and you just feel like you're hanging out Reminded me when I used to do Conan show and all of that stuff like all the all the fucking great ones just you know you forget you're doing the show you know so and his band sounded fucking killer man so anyway yeah just running around doing all of that shit today and getting geared up the fuck was I gonna talk about?

Oh, I know, I know what I was gonna talk about. My daughter busted me because I agreed not to smoke cigars, right? So I wasn't smoking cigars. It's supposed to go another hundred days, which I actually like that she does that. But I found like a way around it. I was smoking a pipe and I was thinking,

all right, well, it's not a cigar. It's also not as bad. I also don't really like smoking a pipe, so I'll just kind of do that once a week. But I did it and then I came in, sighed, and she smelled it on me. She's like, dad, did you smoke? I said, I smoked a pipe. And she's just going, dad. I go, you said no cigars. She goes, no cigars she goes no cigars no pipes no smoking and I went all right all right so now I'm like off off I did the California sober thing with the with the with smoking rather than you know

people say I'm sober California sober means you still eat gummies and shit like that Which by the way, you know, I Don't know one of the things I kind of liked about doing Kimmel last night is I made sure I stayed like a political and People still they just politicize Everything it's fucking unbelievable. You could literally go on a morning talk show and show them how to fucking make blueberry pancakes. And so why'd you pick blueberries? Blue blue ties, but fucking liberal pancakes. Fuck this guy. This show you guys how to make strawberry shortcake red red tie

fucking Trump or piece of shit. It's just like, it's unbelievable. But fortunately, it's not most people. It's just these people that, like you know like the thing where like if you're in jail too long, you don't even know how to live outside. They say you're institutionalized.

I feel like when you either are on the internet long enough reading conspiracy theory, God knows I did that a good 12 years ago on this podcast, or you watch those 24-hour news networks, it just does something to your brain that isn't healthy. So I'm kind of hoping, you know, I know I think it would be a lot better. I don't watch the news and I got to tell you, I'm really happy, happier I should say. Let's not get crazy.

I'm way happier. I think of all the news that I watched in my lifetime, the amount of it that ever helped me. The only thing, the only news that ever really helps you is the weather channel. Like if they let you know where hurricanes coming or where the fires are or whatever, like that helps you out. But all of this other shit, what is it? All it does is just fucking it. I don't know about you, I watched the shit and I got my fucking head in the stove by the time I'm done. So anyway, it's really weird and how Um... So... Anyway...

It's really weird and and and how they got like states not liking other states. It's fucking bizarre. Like the amount of shit that people think that Los Angeles is or California is... You can just tell they've never been to California. It's like fucking, or they came out to California with their mind already made up. And I get out there and I see this chick with fake tits. I'm like, there you go. It's like there's fake tits everywhere now. Or like people out here that I listen to them talk about Florida and Texas, like their idea

of it. It's like you've never been to those places. Here's something, here's an exercise for you. Why don't you take a vacation to a state you hate and go there with an open mind and just go there and say I'm gonna have a good time and I guarantee you you're going to. I guarantee you you're gonna meet people that you like and I guarantee that you're gonna have a good fucking time. All right? But if you want to go there with your fucking nose in the air,

thinking you know everything and that your way of living or your political view or whatever, your religion, whatever, or your race is the be all fucking end all, you're not gonna have a good time anywhere you go. All right, that's one to grow on. That's one to grow on. Anyway, I'm in my new podcast studio.

The... I'm sitting in my car. This is what I do now. I sit in the fucking car. Whenever I do the... When the kids are home, I got to do it in the car. Because even if I'm in the garage, the way they fucking yell, screaming and yelling, running around, having a good time,

listening to ACDC or God knows what they're doing. It just sort of bleeds into the background. So anyway, anyway, so obviously, we're putting together a benefit and to try to do something and then I've had other people you know musicians that are doing their own benefits and stuff like that so as always performers you know are gonna fucking do what we do and raise some fucking money and all of that and you know people will still say we're assholes. But it's like any job you know what I mean? It's like okay let's let's let's pick a fucking red state we're gonna go with Arkansas. Billy Joe, what was that guy? Billy Ray Smith.

Arkansas Razorbacks, way back in the day. So like if they were gonna show Arkansas, they would find the two dumbest fucking guys they could find with Trump hats on and just let them talk and then they would be like, this is Arkansas, right? Which it isn't, but they would say that that's what it is, right? And that happens with everything. Like out here in LA, you know, you saw that transitioning firefighter, that became all LA Fire Department, right?

That's what, yep, that's exactly what it is. And you've never been here, so you know what it is, right? And then they do that with like the entertainment business the entertainment entertainers are defined by the most obnoxious douchebags speeches on award shows and they're like that's where that's what they are what show is that there was one of those talk shows a long time ago. Was it Jerry Springer? I just remember watching that show, one of those fucking shows, and I was just going, this show is so fucking bad for men and women relations, race relations, all relations,

because what they basically had the worst representation of every fucking it was actually it was so fucked up it was like fascinating um we're gonna have a white guy on well we can't just have a white guy let's get a guy in the clan did you watch that fucking documentary about that by the way and that arrogant ass that was like i I was like, no, this is great television. Like that guy where he just acted like he was around the corner and we were all trying to keep up with them. It's like, no, dude, you're just showing a fucking shit show. And he was trying to act like what he was doing was like deep.

And it's like, no, you are just, you have, you don't give a fuck about anybody, you don't give a shit about what you're putting out there, you just want to have ratings and make fucking money. That's all you want to do. Oh my god, the fucking ego on that guy. I had to like, shut it off after a while. It's like, I can't fucking sit there and watch this guy crawl any further up his own fucking asshole. can't fucking sit there and watch this guy crawl any further up his own fucking asshole. You would have thought he did citizen Kane.

The way he's sitting there talking about himself. Um, anyway, I mean, you know, that show just was not at the level of some of my shit jokes. All right, sorry, this is a fucked up podcast. I'm a little loopy right now. I've talked all day promoting a special that isn't coming out for another fucking 60 days. I'm a little confused on that. But I don't pretend to understand any things anymore. I'm getting into my I feel like

grandpa, grandpa, go over here and just sit down. What a shit flyer shit, you know. So anyway, what's coming up this weekend, we got more playoffs. Playoffs is always the weirdest thing. Oh, look at that nice couple. Nice couple going for a fucking walk. You know, you know, studies have shown people that hike together are 80% more likely to stay together than people who jog, sharing a treadmill. Because it's like they're both jogging but on at the same time, so there's a disconnect. There's a desensitization. There's always thoseensitization.

There's always those people out there. Just like anything that you're fucking into. You know, I'm down to a cup of coffee. Like that's literally my vice every fucking day. I don't even fuck with sugar anymore. Okay? I got nothing. Like coffee is all I have and now everybody is on the fucking internet talking about when you go to get a cup of coffee you now got to bring your own glass

cup because the paper cup is plastic lined and the heat of the coffee causes microplastics to get into your drink that for some reason you don't you don't pee or poop it out it goes to your brain which I don't understand is that because it's just completely foreign like trans fats like your body doesn't know what to do with it like trans fats your body like I don't know what to do with this so it just stores it in your belly? Like junk mail? Like why don't you just throw it out? I mean, I thought God was like,

this is my problem with God. He fucking makes things that make trans fats that then go into something that he made that it now doesn't know how to deal with it. And if this guy was all knowing, he would know that some of the people that he was making were sociopaths and they would poison the food supply to the point you can't even get a cup of coffee

without having plastic stuck to your fucking brain. Why would he make people like that? I'm asking, I'm seriously asking that question. I would love to have a debate here if you believe in a God that cares, a loving God. And do you subscribe to what religions say that we're all born good people and then bad people make the choice to be bad They they side with the devil You know what I mean

You have all of this science the enemy of religion Like Like, that shows how like some people are born and they're just sociopaths and they don't feel anything and they don't have any empathy or anything like that. They're like born that way. So you didn't choose the devil. So it's almost like a birth defect, right? They're like mentally ill or something. And God made that person. So before the devil could even talk to him,

they were in the fucking womb that was so polluted. They fucking came out as a baby sociopath. You just don't know because they're going goo goo gaga. You see what I'm saying? Like that's the part I don't get. You know what I mean? Or like, you know, like, like serial killers. They'll be like that man is the devil. And it's like no, that man was a baby. A God-created baby and then became a fucking serial killer. Like what?

Oh, dude, that's a good name for a special for a fat comic. You just have a giant bowl of corn flakes in front of you with a big wooden spoon and you're shoving it in your mouth in the name of your special serial killer. Is that bad? Sorry. Do you know one time I was hanging out with comics, what else would I be doing? And we were trying to come up with the most, I forget why, cuz somebody had a fucking stand up special.

God, this is like 20 years ago. Oh what fucking, I wouldn't say it anyways, but it was a special that just had this funny fucking name to it, which got us all thinking like what's the most, you know, it was like one of these specials that like somebody named that was, it was like arrogant. So we were all like laughing at how arrogant that like arrogant so we were all like laughing how arrogant that was so we were all sitting around trying to think of the most arrogant name you could come up with for a stand-up special and the one that I remember that made me laugh the most was game over and it's just a picture you and you have like this fucking look on your face you you know Like yeah, I just did that shit and your hand is open. That's this is the poster and the mic is already dropping to the floor

game over Yo, he just ended the stand-up game as we know it Anyway All right, I'm much more fucking tired boy have I don't have any advertising, you know Anyway, all right. I'm much more fucking tired of what I have. I don't have any advertising. When you go on TV and you support someone who killed a CEO, the advertising starts to dip.

I still was a funny joke though. Anyway, I'm getting ready to head, I'm getting ready to go back each time to get ready to do this play. I'm excited, I'm fucking nervous, I'm fucking sad, but we're gonna, I don't know, I'm gonna figure all of this shit out. So anyway, I don't have, I don't even have any fucking sad. But we're gonna, I don't know, I'm gonna figure all of this shit out. So anyway, I don't have any fucking advertising. I still got nine more, eight and a half more fucking minutes to fill here. What am I gonna talk about? What do you talk about when you talk to yourself, you don't have a fucking guest and you already

talked for nine hours today on podcast? What do, what do you talk about? Um, I will tell you what I'm not excited about is going back to that fucking minus 20 degree fucking weather they're having in New York City. Not looking forward to that. But that's gonna be weird. Like living there. I have not lived there since 2007, which doesn't seem that long ago to me, but that's 18 fucking years ago. Like someone had a baby the day I

left in New York City and that baby is now legally an adult. Yes Bill, we know what 18 is. I left 16 and a half years ago, which means if somebody had a baby the day I left, they would be eligible to get their license to drive a vehicle. Thank you, Bill. Thank you. I forgot what age you do things in life. Thank God there's a podcast that's tackling these tough subjects. All right. I don't know. What am I going to talk? Playoff football here? Who's left?

Who the fuck is left? How about the fucking Vikings? Jesus Christ. How about those poor goddamn Vikings fans? I mean... How many times are they gonna go 15-1, 14-2, 15-2, now it's like 15-2 back in the day. 15-1, 14-2, now they go 15-2. They weren't even in that fucking game for a second. For a fucking second. Then everybody's making all, you know what the worst thing is now? Not only does your team fucking lose, you gotta deal with like the fucking Instagram. I gotta tell you man, like how, you know how fucking, like the level of funny that regular people are?

Like some of the comment sections. I even like announcing my, just my special on Twitter. Some of the shit people said that, you know, who didn't like me, like... It was fucking hilarious. Even like the the just a simple childish ones like hey man My new specials coming out March 14th on Hulu check it out if you got time and somebody just wrote all Z's And I showed it to Nia I go Nia I was cracking up I go look what somebody wrote and she fucking burst it out laughing. She goes that's funny I'm like yeah, it is. It's mean, it's childish, it's completely unnecessary, it's everything that makes something funny. So anyway, but that's what I always

do. I always do. I always like fucking I announce something or I put something out and I always read until I get to the first negative one and then I just sort of do the math and hopefully it balances out on the positive side and then you just you just fight you move forward. You just try to move forward, that's what you do. Anyway, I did, I've been playing a lot more guitar lately, but you know something? I did this guy's podcast today, because that's the thing I'm worried about. Like, man, I'm not even gonna be able to play drums when I'm in New York for five fucking,

I'll have a long, I'm gonna fucking be there. What am I gonna do? And there's this little thing that like Roland makes or something. And it has like, you know, I don't know how many different pads on it. You can get all these different sounds and you can just kind of play quietly.

It was really cool, but still get like, you know, not lose a lot of muscle memory or whatever. But it was just weird where everything was like set up, but it was also somebody else's set up, like where they had like the hi-hat and where they had the snare drum and that type of shit. So it's like they had the hi-hat to the right where you would have your ride cymbal. So then what was weird is if you wanted to play like 16th notes using two hands Because the snare was to the left you then had to lead with your left It's kind of bizarre to be honest with you

But it gave me hope I goes all right, you know Maybe that could be like my little drum outlet so I don't forget everything That that I learned but in the meantime, I think I'm just gonna play a Bunch of guitar I started like,, you know what's so fucked up about how your phone listens to you? I was talking to somebody, oh, Dave Kushner. Dave Kushner, who has his own master class. And I was like, Dave, do me a favor,

just show me a guitar lick. Give me something that sounds cool, that's easy. So show me this little three note thing, right? And I was talking to him, he was just talking about music theory, theory and stuff. And we were just sitting there talking about that shit. And next thing you know, next thing you know, what happens? I get all of this shit on my Instagram about music theory, which to me, nothing, nothing scares the shit out of me

as far as like, or no, I can't say scares the shit out of me. The ocean's the big one. The fucking, like just that whole idea of musical theory that there's these theories about music. And music to me has always felt like it's not on a piece of paper. That it just sorta like, I remember somebody describing Stevie Ray Vaughn's playing and was saying he was just like this open channel. He was just tapped in to something.

And it was like the music was, the ideas were coming from above him and just flowing through him. Like that's how I picture how people make music. I don't feel like it's like, well, if you just look at the guitar, you start viewing it as rather than six strings, it's two strings. And what you notice is that the same two notes on the E and the A are then going to be move up two frets to the D and the G. And then it's three frets for the bottom one.

And it's just like, oh my god. Oh my god, that's amazing. You just took all the fun out of this. No, but I do think it's like a good thing to try and understand the guitar like fretboard because it's just it's always been a fucking mystery to me and how these people can find notes, you know, it's always been amazing to me. But like, you know, I don't know, to me, like that immediately becomes like, you know, like when people like try to break down stand up comedy and then just go in like, well, see

what he's doing there is that's called a reversal. He's doing a reverse. He's doing this and then he reverses it on you and then the crowds like, oh, oh, where is he going with this? And then he says that. And that he's he's creating tension. He's building this tension that he's like a balloon. It's like a balloon that is like, what the fuck are we talking about here? How do we go from fucking two guys walking to a bar to you talking about a balloon

that's about to fucking burst. Yeah, like you're fucking explaining why people laugh. I don't know, to me that's like one of the most dangerous things ever. Like if I ever stop and think, I've done it. I've been on stage and I've started to think. Sometimes I just feel like I'm talking, right? But every once in a while, I get outside myself and I'm like, everybody's laughing right now.

This is kind of weird. I just feel like I'm just talking about what I think about this. Why are they laughing? The second I think that, the second I think that, the laughter starts trailing off. I don't know what I'm talking about. Christ, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Um, all right, so I got to get the cardio in when I'm not doing this fucking neighborhood

watch, guys. It's so fucking funny. What do neighborhood watch people, they just drive up and down the street in a van? I wonder what they think about. You know? God, it's gotta be boring. Just driving around the same fucking neighborhood. Then what happens if a house gets broken into? Do you get to yell at them?

The fuck are we paying you for? Um, they drive by it like fucking 20 miles an hour. So it's just like, what are you doing? You're just driving around? Maybe it's its presence, police presence. Is that what they're trying to do? I have no idea. Anyway, I'm hoping the wind dies down out here and

we can go back to a little more of a normal life. And then those of us who got lucky can help out those who didn't. And that we don't politicize the whole thing. We don't play the blame game or anything like that. I mean what the I mean, it's so stupid I Mean if you really want to get into this this whole fucking city shouldn't even be here Going back hundreds of years. Why are you gonna blame? People now for this inevitable thing that we all knew was gonna happen that we all knew by the way It's funny how certain people are like trying to take credit like, you know, I said that

was gonna happen. Oh, did you? You were the one who said it. Everybody is, I've been out, I've been coming out to LA since 1994 and since 1994 they said if the right fucking set of circumstances this fucking thing's gonna, you know, it's gonna happen. The big earthquake, you're gonna fall into the ocean like all of that shit They've been saying that since I've been out here, but somehow it gets you know Attributed to like one person Which is Which is amazing my favorite thing is is the cleaning up. Why didn't you clean up?

Why don't you pick up all the sticks, man? Had you just picked up all the sticks, then what? The trees wouldn't catch on fire? I don't understand. Trees are still flammable whether there's sticks around them or not. Embers are still gonna go miles and miles and miles in a hundred knot winds. I don't fucking get it. I mean, but I don't know shit about fires. Maybe I'm fucking wrong, but like, you know, I mean, the reality is another thing too, like maybe everybody out here, we should stop, you know, we should just start having like you'll see people out here they have like the they only have plants that are indigenous out here so their front yard looks like Roadrunner and coyote you know can cacti catch on fire I have no idea but I can guarantee you somebody who doesn't

live in a state with cacti knows the answer to that and is 100% sure of themselves. Whatever I don't want to get involved in that. I just really feel like when things like this happen, I just fucking hate how it always becomes the fucking rich people. All they fucking do, all these news channels do, all they ever fucking do is try to keep us fucking divided. It's unbelievable. It was a fucking fire.

People are homeless. They need help. The fuck are you talking about Democrats and Republicans? Sorry, had to get that out. All right. So I think we're putting together a benefit and that's gonna be happening the end of January right before I head out to New York and you know unlike what a lot of people who don't live here they don't realize there's a bunch of

great people out here in LA people that are from California people, people that moved out here, people in show business, people not in show business. They're fucking great people and they're your fellow countrymen. So don't let these fucking news channels make you hate your own fucking people. All right. That's it. Okay. Enjoy the music picked out by Andrew Themelis and we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend your cunts

Yeah, that's it Hey, what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday January 16th 2017 what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, January 16th 2017 what's going on? How are you everybody and happy Luther King Day to everybody You know Happy Martin Luther King Day, you know for for those you that means something something to you, for those of you who just, yeah, you know, it's another day off. It's just like when, uh, it's Georgie or, uh, Amy's birthday in February.

Do we get those days off? Huh? The two whiteys there? The two whiteys in February. I believe it's in February, right? During Black History Month. You've still got a shoehorn, George Washington Day and Lincoln's birthday in February, right? During Black History Month, you still got a shoe horn, George Washington Day and Lincoln's birthday in there,

correct? Then you got another whitey in, whitey! You got another whitey in, in March with St. Patrick, huh? You pasty-faced fucking son of a bitch, yeah? Right? Then in April, who do you got? Oh, here comes Peter cottontail

hopping down the bunny trail right with his old little white bunny ass right then what do you got you got in May who said is that Abe Fogota day I don't know I run out somewhere around there those are weird the dog days of the year it's like fucking you know flag day then I always get Memorial Day and Labor Day. Memorial Day is May, right? Memorial Day is in May. We recognize all the veterans, you know, that fought for your freedom so you can sit around and eat fucking dip and shit, right?

Changing all your fucking VCR tapes over to fucking DVDs and then to a little fucking stick. Whatever the fucking is you do that day, right? And you got July 4th, so everybody can go around and fucking, you know, trade stories about their uncle that blew his fucking fingers off because he never got married. He was trying to impress his nephews and nieces, right? You're so cool, Uncle Jimmy. Pfft, ha!

Right? See, you see that right there, son? You see that right there? That's why I told you, your Uncle Jimmy ain't no fucking good. All right, so I don't want him. Quit your crap. Or I don't want to hear it no more. We ain't going over Uncle Jimmy's, okay? He's over there with loose fucking women and he's playing with them firecrackers.

Alright, so that's July 4th. Then August, August is kind of like a month that's up for grabs. No Jewish holidays, no hey remember Jesus did this for you? What do you say to them Muslims? What do you got? You got something that month? How about you Buddhists? Buddhists don't give a shit, right?

They're like, hey man, like every day is for everybody. And it's just like, as long as we're sitting around and feeling the breeze, that's what I'm trying to be. You know, I'm trying to be that person. Today was going to be my 10th day in a row to meditate, but I didn't. I woke up late and I had to take my lady over to the doctors. And I just got up late. I had this fucking weird ass dream too. I had this weird dream where I went out my back porch

and I was watching these helicopters flying in formation and dive bombing my neighborhood. And I was like, what the fuck are they doing that for? And then one of them lost control. And I had this weird view from my house that I've never had before and it was just basically the cockpit, you know, and the engine, that part and the skids. No main rotor, no tail, no tail rotor, nothing else and for some reason it wasn't tipping over and falling to the ground like a fucking trash can or most likely inverting. It just fucking it just went straight and it

sort of landed and I ran down there. I was in my underwear because you're always in your underwear and then in your dreams right you never have your pants on. It's so fucking weird. There's always with mine there's always that level of humiliation no matter what's going on. I can't find my pants right. Anyway so the fucking thing lands so I run up and then I'm thinking like, wait a minute, do I want to see the carnage that is in there? And then all these people showed up with cell phone cameras and stuff and I was standing there in my underwear and I ran home.

That was that, there you go. There's your dream to interpret for the week. All right? Because I'm not going to therapy anymore because I spent enough fucking money, you know, with somebody daydreaming with a goddamn notebook, right? And none of them ever looked like that brought on the sopranos, let's be honest, right?

Yeah, so I start, I woke up late, alright? So I need to fucking relax, quiet my mind, make it more of a still pond. Whenever a rock falls into the pond, what happens? The waters ripple, yes. The waters ripple, and if too many rocks fall in, what happens? There starts to be a storm. And this is what I want you to pay attention to today during today's meditation. Is your brain a still pond or can you hear the screaming watery death of 1200 passengers going under the water of your mind sorry I lost it I don't

know what the fuck I was talking about anyways I have some apologies this week apology number one I owe an apology to Apology number one, I owe an apology to the fucking Atlanta Falcons. I owe an apology to the Houston Texans. I owe an apology to Meryl Streep, evidently, according to Twitter, according to one person. All right, let's start with the Seattle Seahawks, right? You know, I thought those were gonna be the dirty filthy stinking disease carrying birds that were gonna win that game. I

Said last week and I kind of quote You know who got off easy this weekend the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks because the Cowboys and the Packers are going to beat the fuck out of each other and the Steelers and the fucking Chiefs are going to beat the shit out of each other, right? And then all we got to do is play the winner. Assuming that these two teams were just going to waltz to the AFC and NFC Championship game as if that is a given.

Well let's start with the Atlanta Falcons. I picked the wrong Dirty Birds. Very impressive win and I know Seattle fans are gonna be like we had some major injuries which they did coming into the game and then they lost another guy. I understand that okay. I totally understand that Seattle fans you're 100% right. Christ I can hear you crying from here. your stadium is so loud. Oh my God, and those Seattle, see they're so fucking loud. I'm so sick of ESPN fucking like just ignoring that entire fact, they just don't, do you know what it is?

You know what it is? They can't, they have the ability to separate themselves from the truth. That's what I really respect from ESPN, is they can just separate themselves from the truth and just's what I really respect from ESPN is they can just separate themselves from truth and just go for the fucking money. They don't give a shit about what's right or none of them give a fuck. They're just saying shit to say shit. So idiots like me get upset

and yell at their fucking TV and keep watching. And then what do they do? They get some more haberdashery, right? They get a bigger fucking... whatever the fuck it is there after over there a new tie-tack I don't know. I don't know what motivates People that want to sit around in suits talking about sports. Why do they wear suits by the way can anybody explain that to me? Why are they all sitting there like they're on meet the press when they're taught? I just I don't fucking understand it. You know And it's contagious. Talking, standing in a fucking suit,

talking about sports is so fucking contagious. Ben Roethlisberger, Ben, Big Ben, I ain't wearing no fucking helmet when I ride a motorcycle, showed up dressed, dare I say, dressed to the fucking night. He looked like a million bucks from the fucking neck down. His suit was fucking sharp, he had a pocket square, the tie, the shirt, the whole fucking thing.

He was killing it, okay? O.J. would have got off a second time if he wore that fucking suit he had on Sunday. However, from the neck up, he'd just look at him going like, this guy crushes a 12-pack while eating all right of french fries. I know he does. OK?

Why, you know what he looked like? He looked like a guy, he looked like a convicted drunk driver trying to get his license back. Now, you promised me you're not going to do this again. Yes, your honor. Absolutely. I've seen the error of my ways. You know, still all puffy.

I'm fucking with you. I love Ben Roethlisberger. But seeing him in a suit, you know, still all puffy. I'm fucking with you, I love Ben Roethlisberger, but seeing him in a suit, you know, he was all grown up, I'm proud of him. Hoo hoo! So my apologies to the Atlanta Falcons, and I'm not gonna know anybody's fucking names, okay? I don't know anybody's names.

I know Julio Jones, and I know Sherman, you know, Julio Jones made look, he made him look, I would never say regular, because Sherman is the shit, he made him look a little bit. And I've never seen him do that, because that guy still shuts down his part of the fucking field. All right, and he made him look kind of, you know, this guy's pretty good.

He's got some pretty good footwork there. And also I thought he, when Cam Chancellor came up, where he usually just fuckin' lays the fuckin' lumber, Julio Jones dropped his shoulder, absorbed the shit, and dare I say, I'm not gonna say he put Cam on his back, but it was not an issue that Cam hit him, and that really surprised me. And I don't know, I don't know any of the any fucking names. I've say Atlanta's fucking running back. Whatever the fuck his name is

The one who doesn't pretend to eat cereal whenever he fucking gets a few yards. That's the Cowboys one He gets up, you know, you know, jeez you ever seen a guy campaign and harder to get a Lipton soup ab You know Is that guy who used to be on the Giants and then did the show at that little cutie pie in the morning And then for some reason left that show to be one of 19 With the guy who used to run fucking Clinton's campaign Isn't George Stephanopoulos on a morning show right now like that guy's got to be like what the fuck? What happened what I 25 fucking years ago I was dealing with the Russians

What happened? 25 fucking years ago, I was dealing with the Russians. I'm fucking sitting here on Pancake Wednesday acting like I'm excited about this shit, sitting on this fucking couch. You know what the worst parts of those shows are is the way they decorate the coffee table? You know? I can't imagine trudging in there every fucking day to do that show. What fucking monkey suit are they putting you in today? You know?

Girls have to have their sassy, I'm a morning person outfits. You know? The guys have to have that, you know, I'd show up and, you know, I'd turn the whole fucking paycheck over to you. Wouldn't pull some Angela's Ashes shit to you and go to the pub instead. They've got to have that fucking look. You know what I mean?

Why did Strahan leave that show? With that little cutie pie, what the fuck is her name? I saw her once in real life, she's fucking smoking, smoking hot, right? And it was just the two of them, they had a great time, right? She'd come out on his shoulder like a parakeet, he'd do the monologue, she'd giggle along,

and they had the whole fucking thing. It was just the two of them. Just the two of them. Making heaps of fucking cash. Just the two of them. And then for some reason, he leaves that show. Michael Strahan. Arguably one of the most successful people. You know, people look at Mark Cuban and they go, hey, I mean, he's a guy. You know, he didn't have any fucking money. He starts some some internet company makes a zillion dollars Then he buys an NBA team right He starts to go bald he gets the fucking hair plugs. He goes to Vegas. He's at a rave

You don't know where this guy's going. He's got his own fucking jet. Everybody thinks. This is the guy This is the next fucking Bill Gates guy. He's on Shark Tank This is the next fucking Bill Gates guy. He's on Shark Tank, okay? He's having people coming in who can barely afford the gas in their lawnmower, and he's listening to their ideas, and then owning them, and then taking them, and not giving it, you know, what guys like that do, right? I don't know why I'm picking on this guy,

he's just funny to me, right? I don't know where I'm going with this. Everybody thinks he's the next Bill Gates, and meanwhile, you got Michael Strahan, okay, who came up from the hard streets of somewhere. I don't know where he came from, but I know he's African American, so I know his streets weren't soft, right? When was the last time you saw an African American make it and they said that he did not come from hard streets, that he came from soft streets.

You never see that. You do not see that. There are no soft streets on that side of the fucking fence. So he came from the hard streets. Where are we going to put that guy? He doesn't seem like a New York guy. He seems like a Pennsylvania dude. I don't know where the fuck he came from. The hard streets of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Allentown. I don't know where the fuck he came from, whatever. He fucking makes it, okay? He becomes a fucking superstar, right? He deals with Tiki Barber and whatever the fuck he was trying to do, you know, throwing the ball all over the carpet, retires early, they get him out of the way, goes into the Super Bowl, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up, fucking gets the sack record, right?

You know? And his last one, of course, was the most impressive. Which, Brett Favre's run on that was the precursor to the butt fumble. It's the exact same body motion, except he didn't run into a giant offensive lineman's ass. He just came in and just sort of laid down, all right? Then, if I remember correctly,

where the fuck did they go? They went somewhere on the road in one, then they went into Green Bay in one and they went into Dallas in one I might Have those two flip-flopped and then they went to the Super Bowl played the 18 To England Patriots and they fucking kicked the shit out of them on the offensive line one on the last fucking play of the game, okay, and Windsor fucking Super Bowl, then you think that's it now and oh, he's a broadcaster too. He's fucking killing it. I mean, you know, a lot of guys done that.

Howie Long did it, Terry Bradshaw did it, fucking OJ Simpson did it. Everybody fucking did it, right? That's just what you do. If you can actually fucking talk about the game and you can put on a goddamn suit, then he does the unprecedented, okay? A visionary move that not even Mark Cuban could come up with.

He decides That you know what I am the I am the next logical choice to take over for fucking Regis Philbin Right, I mean I did a whole bit about Arnold Schwarzenegger one time about all of his accomplishments I would put I would put straight hand right there Okay, and then he fucking what does he do? What does he do? He gets everything's going great for fucking reason, he decides to join the Partridge family on some other fucking morning show. It's gonna be the same shit. Standing around watching somebody cook something, right? Talking about how some

fucking person just had their 105th birthday. Why would you want to be over there with all of those fucking assh? You know all of those different personalities, you know someone's gonna be a cunt right you could have just stayed at your other show Have you ever heard somebody waste more time talking about something that nobody gives a fuck about in your life I don't know what the hell that was that was ten minutes on Michael Strahan all right Um probably like six, but it felt like 50. So my apology to the Dirty Birds down in Atlanta. I apologize for disrespecting your team. I didn't realize how good you guys were. I wrote you guys off again at the beginning of the game when I heard you had the, you know, you scored the most points but were

the worst in the league in the red zone. I'm like, well, the game's over. The game's fucking over. So you run up a bunch of points during the regular season against 90% of the teams that are not gonna make the playoffs. So that's out the window. And then meanwhile, you couldn't stop 100% of these cunts in the red zone. Right there, that's a formula for disaster.

And what did they do? They went out, they beat Seattle so bad. There wasn't one point During that game. I think me on the first drive. I saw Pete Carroll one time went And that was it That was it. Oh, man. I Love Pete Carroll man. He's a fucking great coach. You know, he was fucking pissed when they lost Oh, he was fucking pissed. Can you imagine his family dog? He seems like he'd have a little one to just stand in there quivering in the corner Pete walking around with his ridiculously white brand-new socks

Walking across his carpeted floor. That's what he seems like to me, right? has on his fucking Docker PJs That dog just get a little too close you know I don't understand why we didn't shut up down on defense and fucking thing goes flying into the fireplace anyways he's probably a cat person who knows and my apology to the Texans the Houston Texans who without JJ fucking Hawatz and a rookie quarterback hung with the New England Patriots for three and a half fucking quarters.

Yeah, I was not impressed with us. I don't think any Patriot fan was. We'll see. We'll see. I hope that's not, I think, I'm just hoping our offensive line had a bad game. Everybody just had a bad fucking game. If you're going to have a bad game game you might as well do it against the team That's missing their best offensive player and has a brand new guy quarterback. So maybe we got away with one

I have no fucking idea All I know is we're playing Pittsburgh next week and I have no fucking confidence in that despite the fact Pittsburgh You know, I don't know what they did like they they they kick six field goals, which is essentially, you know, I don't know If you just went on field goals, you might as well you know, I don't know. If you just went on field goals, you might as well have somebody out there on like those figure skates, you know, dressed up like Yogi Bear or some shit. It was like some ice capade shits, but they did it. You know, they beat Kansas City.

I didn't see one second of the game. I watched the beginning of the Dallas Green Bay game and then my wife wanted to go to the movies. So I took her to the movies and I'm like, all right, I'm recording this game. Let's record it. The fucking Steelers Kansas City game. I saw a hidden fucking figures and then I came back, right? And I'm like, all right, you know, my wife's taking a bath.

Everything's fucking cool. I go to pop on the green Bay Dallas game and I didn't fucking record it. Let me say it again. I didn't fucking record it. It was, it sounded like an insane half. And fucking hats off to that fucking dude Crosby, who I'm telling you right now, that was some Adam Vinatieri shit. I never even seen Vinatieri hit that many 50 yarders in one fucking game. Forget about hitting one, getting iced, and then he's gotta kick it again. The guy kicked like 200 yards in field goals in like four attempts or some shit like that. That's the kind of guy, that's the kind of guy right there.

You give me a fucking little joke. That's the kind of guy who can win your championship right there. Cause all you got fucking Aaron Rodgers, all he's got now all he's gotta do is just get you close. An old Twinkle Toes comes running out with balls the size of the fucking stadium. It gives him the old right there Fred, right there in old Big D. Do you realize how much fucking ass he got after that game even in Dallas?

You know those Dallas women with their fucking Botox and the same amount of makeup as an 80 year old who can't admit that she's old. You know they all came running out, right? Took their hats off, take their boots off, you know they all dropped to the knees in their designer fucking Jord-ass jeans. You ever been to Dallas? This is so far behind in the styles you wouldn't even think that there's the internet anymore. They all dress like Dallas is still on TV, the TV show, you know? I'm not saying they don't really do that, but the through line of that is still on TV, the TV show. You know, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

I'm not saying they don't really do that, but the through line of that is still there. There's a lot of Larry Hagman in that city with a dash of dead JFK. That is Dallas, and there's a lot of shiny fucking four-door pickup trucks. I don't know who they're driven by, but I think you gotta get on the outskirts

to get to them ranchers That got them longhorns walking and stomping around in the back And my apologies to Meryl Streep evidently somebody had a hissy fit on the fucking Twitter telling me that I am a typical What did he say postmodern? Cynic where I just criticize and I offer no solutions, which is hilarious to me. It's like, okay, so In your world Meryl Streep and and I offer no solutions, which is hilarious to me. It's like, okay, so, in your world, Meryl Streep and myself should be coming up with problem solving things. I knew what to say.

I just tweeted the guy back. I was like, I just thought I was a comedian making fun of shit. I didn't know I was a postmodern cynic. Yeah. Some people, the level of credit that they give people who don't even watch the news is just fucking beyond me. I had to go to summer school every year of high school except sophomore year because my teacher hooked me up with a D-. And my senior year, I just didn't give a fuck and didn't go. You know, what are you gonna do? I'm done. It's over.

I'm a loser, alright? I am on my way to Applebee's to wash dishes. Thank you very much. All right, so, I know, way too much football. How about some hockey? Just one quick mention, all right? Did anybody see Adam McQuade's fight when they fucking, against Nashville? Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, I don't know the name of the guy he fought, but that guy's got fucking balls bigger than my giant head. Anybody's got the balls to drop the gloves. I'm not shitting on the guy. I just, Adam McQuig, that fucking guy can fight. He was like, what guys, what guys, what guys, and then the guy ducked down and he fucking didn't. I thought it was an uppercut. Then when I watched in slow motion, I think it might have been a hook. I don't know. It just reminded me in a very, very junior way

of when Clark Gillies fucking broke that guy's face. He was pounding this guy so bad, the guy just ducked down, and right as he ducked down, Gillies just went uppercut, and his fist was big enough to cover the guy's whole face, and it was like he punched a glass coffee table, and this guy just went, he like straight down, like when they pull a building, you know?

And the first time I noticed that that guy could fight was he beat the fuck out of Ralphie Torres when he was playing with Phoenix Coyotes. I'll have links to those fights, but that's our, I guess he is our enforcer now, and what's great is he's a fucking unbelievable defenseman too, so that's it. Celtics, what are we doing? We're doing what we always do, we beat the pretenders

and we can't beat the contenders. That's our deal, and enough sports. All right, let me, should I read a little bit of advertising for you? Huh? But I have a deal, and I guess you have to apologize to Meryl Stre Alright, let me, should I read a little bit of advertising for you? Huh? But I have a down there, I guess I have to apologize to Meryl Streep, you know, because I guess I preach also on my podcast,

which is the same as hijacking an award show, right? Ha ha ha ha ha. Did Meryl Streep once say, hey, I'm a fucking moron, what do I know? I don't think she did. Alright, oh, Billy Streep. Okay, here we go, let's read a little, oh, Jesus, I'm a fucking moron, what do I know? I don't think she did. All right, oh, Billy Streep. Okay, here we go, let's read a little, oh, Jesus, here we go, there's two more reads and I'm seeing double,

so I'm gonna take a fucking break here, all right? Okay, what do I wanna talk about here? Oh, you know, I was watching the, speaking of Cadillacs, oh yeah, Elvis Presley, I was watching the, speaking of Cadillacs, oh yeah, Elvis Presley. I was watching the Mecham Autumn, Autumn, autos, wait, I'm trying to open these fucking blinds. Jesus Christ, come on, for fuck's sakes. How hard does this have to be? There you go.

Shed a little light on the subject. I was watching one of those Mecham automobile auctions and I gotta tell you, I'm fucking over the muscle cars. I love muscle cars like any other red blood American. You know? Any red blood and fucking American. I like those fucking cars, but every fucking one's the same thing.

We got some Mopar power coming up, of course you do. Oh really, does it have a Hemi? Is that a Shelby? It's the same? And what it basically is, is that it's the same fucking... like 20 muscle cars. What are you gonna have? What are you gonna have? You know what you're gonna have. You're gonna have a Shelby Mustang. You're gonna have the tri-powered fucking Corvette.

Right? You're gonna have the fucking, you're gonna have a GTO. Ahhhh! You're gonna have a fucking, uh, all that Mopar fucking Hemi shit that I never got into. I was never a Chrysler Dodge guy, Plymouth guy. I don't like the Barracuda. Right? They're gonna have a fucking Challenger. They're gonna have a Charger. They're going to have a fucking Challenger, they're going to have a Charger,

they're going to have a Super B. They're going to have the fucking, whatever that Z28 was that they only made fucking 10 of them, they're going to have one of those. It's the same fucking cars over and over again. And meanwhile, here's my question. Where the fuck are all the trucks? Do you know?

Where the fuck are all the trucks? Occasionally, a truck will come across. Trucks are cool as shit. And where's all those great old man gangster cars? You know? Like the fucking, my favorite one of all time, the 1967 Cadillac Eldorado. That fucking car, just go fuck yourself. I love that fucking car

That's the kind of car. You know what I mean that you drive When you're either post divorce or you were smart enough never to get married Okay, and you're successful and you're just fucking driving around and you got you got you got you got a stable of bitches And you know, they don't give a fuck about you know they don't give a fuck about you, you don't give a fuck about them, yeah they're pay girlfriends. That's the fucking car you have. You know? And this is the thing, and rather than secretly being lonely and empty inside, you're actually fulfilled because you own that car. You are the closest thing to the most interesting man in the world. You know? That's Stay Thirsty, my friends.

You ever seen a woman in his life? You see women. Wim-men in his fucking life. You know what I mean? You never see him at a fucking dance recital with his fucking rugrats. Anyways, I fucking love that car. The most gangster fucking car, and then I also like the 65 Jesus Christ with the clamshell fucking open the headlights there. Buick Riviera Okay, and at some point That might be my next car. I drive the Jag into the ground. By the way, I sold my Prius today Had that fucker for nine years, man. Poo-hoo. It was great. I never did that before. I never sold it to just a person. I always traded

them in. And this time I actually sold it to a person, got the title, did the whole thing. Felt like Richard Rawlings, you know? What does he say when he says, wow, get yourself some of that, right? Except it was a Prius and I didn't build it other than that I was just like him speaking of which the debut of gas monkey garage is tonight and rumor has it that the bearded wonder Aaron is leaving the fucking show which is you know that's like Eddie Van Halen leaving Van Halen or David Lee Roth leaving I mean it's it's I you know, there's a lot of, I'm interested to see what they do with this one. How you gonna, how you gonna make up for that guy?

Jesus Christ. But I'll be tuning in, I'll be tuning in, cause that's, that's, of all the shows out there, that's the best one out there. And there's so many shows that ripped that fucking show off and try to capture that formula. That's the best one out there. there's so many shows that rip that fucking show off and try to capture that formula. That's the best one out there and I love the shit that they built. Speaking of trucks, last season they were saying, you know what, we're all truck guys.

We're all truck guys and I'm yelling at the TV. Well then fucking make some more trucks. I remember that they made that one for Casey. They can count it on one hand. They made the one for Casey. They made that, they made the Chevy. Especially if you get those ones that had the two-tone taint. Jesus Christ, two-tone paint.

I don't even know if I can finish this idea. Two-tone taint, you know what that is? That's your taint is your normal flesh color, and somebody tries to kick you in the balls from behind, and they miss, and you get a black and blue mark on That's your taint is the normal your normal flesh color and somebody tries to kick you in the balls From behind and they miss and you get a black and blue mark on part of your taint then what you have is A two-tone taint. All right two-tone paint They and they did last year what did they do they did a like a

1948 or 49 Chevrolet and they just went all out with the fucking thing and 48 or 49 Chevrolet and they just went all out with the fucking thing. And it was absolutely fucking, it was just amazing. It's amazing what they do in that show. And I wish I had the skills. Who knows, someday, maybe someday I'll fucking have the time to find a fucking 67 Cadillac Eldorado Drag that fucker out of somebody's backyard and have somebody like that build the thing for me I'm one of those guys too. I would drive it. I saw one on I hate people get those fucking cars

They don't drive them. I got one for you if you want to look this up right now All right, look up 1965 Cadillac Eldorado $45,000 This fucking guy. He's got the best-looking one. I think I've ever seen it has like somebody did a whole body-off restoration on it It has like fucking 33 miles. He got it when it had like seven miles on it And then now he's selling it with 33 and it's just like why would you do I would drive that fucking thing to 200,000 miles unbelievable fucking car But the only part I will warn you when you watch that video when he starts caressing the leather

Inside the car it gets a little creepy. I had to fast-forward to it. He's like look at that. It's fine Italian leather oh Yeah I had to fast forward to it. He's like look at that. That's the fine Italian leather. Oh Yeah He didn't get that bad, but it got pretty bad, but this fucking guy has got a bunch of them Super sport motors calm At least he did as of I guess Two years ago two and a half years ago whenever you put this fucking video out But if I was gonna buy one I would buy one off of this guy. Holy fucking shit.

He's got some beautiful cars. Beautiful Cadillacs. Anyways, let's plow ahead here. I think maybe it's time to... Maybe it's time to do a little... Oh, Trump gets sworn in this week, you know? He gets fucking sworn in. And I would feel so much better about that guy.

You know, it's not the racist people that he's putting in there. You know, as unsettling as that is, I mean, everybody's fucking racist. You know, well, that's not true. There's different degrees of it, but everybody has it. Even people who are victims of it, they have it. You look at another group of people, you everybody's done that. You look at a group of people, everybody's done that. You look at a group of people, you think something like, oh, it's like this, and then you go over that,

oh, it's actually like that. Wow, why did I think that? And it all was in your fucking head. I got to do a bit about this. I was driving down the street the other day, Ba-doo-ba-da-doo, right? Driving down the street, and I see this group of young kids, like school just let out, right? This is not a good sign right here. I'm driving by a school right when the school got out I'm caressing my leather no I'm driving on the street and these kids are all outside like it's right around the corner from where I'm playing drums here's my alibi I swear to God is playing drums around the corner and it's one of those stores that sells like you know all the fucking snacks and shit that you eat afterwards you get all

fucking wired so I'm driving by there and usually I get fucking annoyed because the kids are fucking walking across the street, they're not looking both ways and all that shit and then it takes me forever to make a fucking left or right hand turn. Well this day they were all up on the sidewalk and I saw this movement, I kind of glanced over and none of the kids were white and when I saw this action, I thought I was watching somebody getting the shit kicked out of them potentially getting beaten into a gang. That's what my brain told me I was watching. When I looked closer, there was like seven kids

standing around, one kid looking at a fucking smartphone and then some other kids just sort of fucking, you know, doing whatever, running around in the background. Then I was thinking, why the fuck did I just think that? You know? So before you fucking call all these assholes, all these racist assholes, you know, you've got to get that shit out of your head. I was thinking, why the fuck did I think that?

Part of that is from the shit that I see on TV, right? I think your brain just goes, once it gets stuff down, like how to make cereal, it just gets it down. Like, okay, just grab this fucking, put this in here, and there you go, fucking cereal. You know? It connects from one vision to this, this, this, and it's like a mode of survival, which works, but in that instant, that didn't work, did it? I went from that to a couple of fucking Ice Cube videos, whatever, gangster rap videos are in my head, shit that I saw in the news, right?

I can't say there was fear, there was no fear. I was just driving down the street and I looked and that's what I thought, you know? But I kind of do that all the time. You know, I read a kid's book to my unborn daughter last night, right? It's supposed to make him smarter, right? and I was reading this kids book and

Halfway through the book. I realized I didn't I'd had no fucking idea what it was about So maybe I'm just a moron. I have no idea but seeing how what a flawed fucking person I am. I can't judge. I Can only judge people so fucking harshly right honestly, I mean I can trash it Meryl Streep, I can go off into Donald Trump, but at the end of the day, I'm a fucking lunatic. I read a kid's book and I couldn't figure out what it was about. It was about this fucking caterpillar. And they were like, on day one, it ate an apple. On day two, it ate two pears.

On day three, it ate fucking three plumps. So right there, I'm like, all right, this is like reverse Christmas story rather than going like, seven swans are swimming, six geese are laying. It fucking starts with the fucking tree. The partridge in the pear tree, now it's moving up, and it seems to me like it's about eating healthy and food and counting, and then it gets up to like 12 or something and then the thing just completely abandons its fruit diet and instead it had a fucking couple slices of pizza and ice cream and all this shit and then it had a big stomach ache. So then I was like, alright, this is about childhood obesity.

And I actually lied in that. It never dawned on me that it was about counting. And I finished the book. The thing turned into a butterfly. And I said, the end. And I looked at Nia and I said, I have no idea what that fucking book was about. She laughed. She goes, it's about counting.

I go, it's not about not eating junk food? Because it ate all that fruit and everything was fine. And then it ate all that other shit. And then it got sick. And she was like crying laughing at me. I don't know what that has to do with Trump but I really wish that idiot would get off of fucking Twitter. Now he's a fucking mess.

He said about China, it's time to take the gloves off. He's doing that George Bush thing where you talk about other countries like you're trying to psych somebody out before a bar fight and Nothing gets people more excited. You know, okay, that gets morons excited like Right if fucking idiots He's like trash and SNL cuz they're doing sketches about him. It's just like I don't I don't I don't and all because they're doing sketches about him. It's just like I don't I don't I don't

he cannot be running his Twitter account. There's no way he's this fucking sensitive or has the time to do this. Shouldn't he be addressing it? My worst fear is that he's going to become president and just deregulate everything so he can build a golf course wherever the fuck he wants to. Like that's really, that's his idea of making it great again. I hope I'm fucking wrong. I have no idea. Having said all that, still, as much as he's a nightmare, unbelievably, unbelievable joy watching Hilary Luce. Oh, I love seeing, yeah, pack your bags, okay?

Pack your bags, they are fucking, yeah, I'm not, okay? Pack your bags, they are fucking, yeah, I'm not gonna say it. All right, let's continue on. All right, let's, I'm off the fucking rails here. All right, 42 minutes in. Can we read these last two advertisements and then I'll do your questions for the week?

All right, Helix, Helix? Hey, by the way, why don't you guys send those in? Send in your, I looked at this, thought it was this way, and then it was another way, but nobody heard me say it, so everybody thinks I'm a great guy. And that goes for non-whities too, because I know you're looking at us or some other group of people, Koreans or some shit or whatever. I know you're thinking something. All right.

Helix? Helix? All right, you're unique. And I actually, as much as I'm not really joking around about this shit, but I think that people have to be able to say that they have those fucking thoughts. I mean, this fucking progressive left thing where you have to act like you're just walking around going,

I don't see color. I don't care if you're black, white, green, or purple. And it's all of that fucking sing-songy horse shit. Even those people, even those people, like you get them in the wrong situation and the fear comes up, they're going to think something fucked up, they're going to. All right, so if you have any of those stories,

I want to hear them, I want to hear them. And then I'll try to guess why you think that way, okay? So I'm guessing with mine, it's the news and all the gangster rap videos that I used to watch. And I'm old, so that was back when you could actually have a gun in the video. And then also, I think I've watched too many of those Life on the Inside prison things, you know what I mean? All of those things where you just look at it and go, and like, I would last 15 seconds

in there. I've watched all those ones about gangs. I've watched the ones about motorcycle gangs. It's probably my intake of television and YouTube videos. I watch videos of people sucker punching people, bully fails. I watch a lot of violence. Yeah, that's it. Maybe that's what it is. All right. All right, that is it. All right, let's read some of the questions here for the weekend that I can get the fork

at. All right, team relocating. Dear Billy Brady Balls, my NFL team I've rooted for over 20 years is moving to LA. Parentheses, Chargers. What team should I root for? Patriots are out of the question. Thanks and fuck the Spanos family. First of all, my condolences. I remember, Jesus, almost 25 years ago when Robert Kraft

first bought the team, and he was threatened at some point, maybe it was in the year 2000, somewhere around then, he was fucking threatening to move the team to Hartford if he didn't get his own stadium and shit. That really is one of the biggest fuckovers by all of these sports leagues that they get the cities that we have to pay for their fucking stadium? That's a time when you need a union. If you could just have a, somehow have a union of all sports fans, it'd be like, no, you fucking pay for it.

You fucking pay for a new stadium, you cunt. You know what I mean? I go to the ice cream store, I have to buy a new fucking store. When they want a new store, they pay for a new stadium, you cunt. You know what I mean? I go to the ice cream store, I have to buy a new fucking store. When they want a new store, they pay for it, but the money they made off of ice cream. Like, how much money do you have to make? Do you know when I was in fucking Indianapolis, those poor bastards that live out there, I don't know if this is still the case, but when I went out there, when they were putting that Lucas Oilfield deal together, when they were already paying for that,

they still had not paid off the RCA Dome, or the Hoosier Dome, whatever the fuck they called it. They were still paying for that other one. And this fucking cunt made him buy another one. Having said that, I guess I can't get mad at the Spanos family if everybody else is getting a new stadium, and he wasn't able to blackmail San Diego. You know what good for you, San Diego

Fuck him you want a new stadium once you pack your bags up and get the fuck out of here But you guys also kind of fucked up the way Cleveland did you can't buy one team a stadium and then tell the other guys to Go fuck themselves. That's like in Cleveland when they the Jake got built and then Whatever his fucking name was, the fuck was that guy's name? Everybody in Cleveland's screaming it right now. Who sounded exactly like George C. Scott. Exact same voice. Yeah, he wanted to stay.

And they were like, yeah, fuck you. You can stay in that absolute fucking shithole. And he left. See ya. It's not personal. It's just business. Why can't I keep thinking Goodell? I'm not a Patriots fan.

That's all I think when I think of a fucking asshole. I just think Roger Goodell. Yeah, that sucks, man. So who should you vote for? You know what I'd do? I would say fuck the NFL. If the Patriots ever left, I would just say fuck the NFL. I would be done with it and I would just pick a college team.

College football is the shit. Even though the athletes, college sports are great, but the athletes get fucked over that they don't get paid. The fact that they sell at a $100,000 stadium and then fucking idiots, and it's always non-athletic people who say this, go, oh, they get a free education. Oh, do they? They have time to fucking go to class. You're majoring in football.

There's too much money at stake. All the nerds that don't like the jocks at the college level, it's like if it wasn't for that football program, you would be going to science class in a fucking tent. 100,000 people are not going to show up to watch you look through a microscope. Don't ever forget that, all right? So why don't you fucking put on your lab coat and go figure out how to make a better football cleat.

Oh, Jesus, Bill. There was no reason to go that hard, was there? Can't we have respect for all of the arts? Meryl Streep doesn't. She doesn't respect mixed martial arts. Hey, Meryl, why don't you tell us what the arts are? Jesus Christ, because there's not a symphony behind it. You never listen to watch NFL film?

That's art. The music they put behind it. Wernick, wernick, wernit, wernit, wernit. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da guy's videos on YouTube. He makes food from different famous movies. Oh that's pretty cool. In this one he makes the big Kahuna burger from Pulp Fiction which is pretty basic but in others he does some cool shit from Chef, one of my favorite movies in the last few years, and atcha the cartoon. I highly recommend checking a few of them out. He makes a couple of sandwiches that would give your grill top some great use.

Ah, dude, that's awesome. Thank you. Look at that. No question. Just great information. I guess I never tell you guys you can also do that. That's fucking cool as hell. I will definitely check that out. I have been cooking up a fucking storm. You know, because we can't really go anywhere. Every once in a while, I take Nia out to the movies, which this weekend, this past week, I saw Moonlight and I saw Hidden Figures. And I really liked both for different, Hidden Figures, big Hollywood movie, you know, totally

did the job, was great. And then I saw Moonlight, which was also great, and my favorite part of that fucking movie. No, I'm not ruining it. No spoiler alert unless you're into cars. What was annoying was there's this one part where they're showing the main character and they're not showing his fucking car. But you can tell it's a nice car.

I wanted to see the car, and then they finally showed it. That was, I believe it was an 83 to 87 Oldsmobile Cutlass. And those were those great two doors that they had in the fucking 80s. There was, you know, the Oldsmobile Cutlass, the fucking Chevy Monte Carlo and the Buick Regal. Those fucking cars are the shit. And I know a lot of those Southern guys redo them and they put the big tires on them

I don't like the big tires on them, but that's another one That's sort of the poor man's fucking Eldorado, but I love those and some of the funniest like Guys I knew when I was growing up had those fucking cars just anybody Who had a car like that was a fucking, was a good shit, as they say in Massachusetts. You know, and slash a little bit shady. Probably dealing a little bit of weed, maybe had a fight last night.

Those are all those guys, they go into a bar, and within 10 minutes, they eyeballing somebody, and then they gotta take their chain off because they're gonna get into a fight. Remember that in the 80s? Dude, take your fucking chain off. We're dogging tonight. I think the chain's coming back. I think it's making a comeback. Anyways, really enjoyed both of those movies.

Moonlight, I really fucking... that was a classic just independent movie where it was like it didn't fucking lead you around to the... by the nose like and here's the next one and here's the next point it is the next plot point really good movie all right Putin Russian hacking all right this guy's writing about Russian hacking and he start look Look is how we start. This guy started his fucking, he just started his fucking, his email to me with Look. He's already wagging his finger at me. Jesus Christ, dude, relax. He says, look, international politics between two countries with enough nukes to destroy the earth 10 times over is no laughing matter.

Oh, am I not supposed to joke about it? to destroy the earth ten times over is no laughing matter. Oh, am I not supposed to joke about it? How come you aren't all over this orange clown? All right, I don't understand what this, you want jokes about it? Sure, Clinton was no prize, but you're willing to give Putin an out and out gangster a pass? Oh, I don't remember him running

for President of the United States. What are you talking about? What kind of world is going to be there for your new child? Oh, shut the fuck up. I fucking hate when people, what kind of world is going to be there for your kid? The same world that was there when I was a kid, progressively getting worse.

Like, what is your fucking solution? There's no solution to this shit. You got seven billion people all running in fucking 200 million different directions. It's a shit show, all right? The second we weren't one tribe, it was over. It's over. Second there was two tribes, it was fucking

over. Whenever we started out, right? Let's just say, I don't subscribe that there was a fucking, an Adam and an Eve. I think there was a pond and there was a bunch of us that came out of something. According to Neil deGrasse Tyson, it was the fucking trees. Other people say it was the fucking ocean. Whatever the fuck it was, there was a bunch of it. You can't have a man and a woman banging and then their kids fucking without having major problems.

All right, well maybe that's why cavemen look like they did. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I have no idea. But whenever we all weren't sort of cohabitating together, but you know what happened is then as we came along there was no language. It was just, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, and all that shit. Of course there was going to be fucking arguments, everybody grunting and groaning.

You know? I have no idea. Like we were fucked. This thing was fucked from day one. Okay? Like we were fucked this thing was fucked from day one. Okay, and I've gone down the rabbit hole of trying to fucking give a shit and trying to you know, I Don't get people to listen to my opinion Which probably has point one percent of one percent of the information that I need to actually make an even remotely informed opinion

You know, I mean look at all those guys on TV who do it for a fucking living. From Bill Maher to Bill O'Reilly. Okay? Even those guys, as much as they pay attention, are severely handicapped by the fact that they cannot look at top secret documents. To kind of, you know, connect the dots. All you can do is watch the fucking news Read newspapers and try to figure out which one seems to be Sort of making sense with what the fuck you're thinking. That's the best you can do sir So I don't know what you want for me, but I'll continue reading this

This isn't like telling jokes to a few millenials in a strip mall It's not funny that Trump and his swamp full of white racist rich men are robbing us blind. I agree with that. But you realize that Hillary Clinton in 2008 after the banks went under went and gave them a speech and said don't worry. I got you guys. Aren't those the same rich, racist, white people? You know, isn't that the same upper 1% that you're talking about here? Just saying they are, you know,

by the way, the upper 1%, no matter who wins, they win. You understand that, right? The job pays 500 grand a year, it takes 100 million to get. Okay, and then they owe these cunts favors that got them in office. They push shit through, they deregulate stuff, they look the other way, they grant them government contracts, all of that shit. And then once they're done being president, you watch with Obama, he's going to make a

fuckload of money going around, air quote, giving speeches 200, 300 grand a night to the exact same fucking people that put them in office. That's just them washing their bribe money. People with blue ties, red ties, red panties, blue panties, they all fucking do it, except for Jimmy Carter, as far as I can tell. He stopped being president and started going around building houses for poor people.

Everybody else sits around waiting for their fucking library to be built. Oh, I'm on my soapbox, give me a Golden Globe. All right, just saying they are both bad is really dropping the ball. No, it isn't You have your head in the fucking sand That's what it is You just have your head in the fucking sand I'm from New Jersey and know several small contractors who were shorted by Trump and couldn't afford to sue.

Right, and I worked Atlantic City and he had a couple casinos go under and they got paid dimes on the dollar. I know how that works. He's a real asshole that doesn't give a shit about the little guy. He's got the track record. Okay, okay, and you're saying Hillary Clinton

gives a shit about the little guy? Hillary Clinton, who only swings by the little guy whenever she needs votes and spends the rest of the time on fucking Martha's Vineyard in her zillion dollar fucking house that she can somehow afford when her husband has only made fucking, at the most, 500 grand a year.

She got paid as a center, what does that make, 175 grand a year? They're making less money than some of the fucking top comedians in the fucking world, yet they're worth 200 million dollars. How do you do that? How do you do that legally, sir? Tell me. Tell me how you do that.

Because you're fucking crooked. All right? So there you go. And here's the thing about Russia spying on us. Fucking relax. We're doing it to them too. Jesus Christ, they've shot our planes out of the sky, us spying on them. We spy on each other.

Absurd fucking lutely. You know? That's what we do. Every fucking thing that they're doing, we're doing. They're fucking with elections, we fuck with elections. They're fucking with people in power, putting people in power that shouldn't be in power, we do that.

They invade countries, we invade countries. They think they're right, we think we're right. At the end of the day, there's you and me sitting in fucking Russia, regular fucking people. All right, that's it. It's just the people up top that get you all fucking stirred up, you know? I'm telling you, they get you all fucking,

they're gonna get you, they're gonna do this, they can't fucking do that. I don't listen to any of it, I don't. I just sit and I drink scotch and I drink myself into a stupor and I stare at the wall, you know? And I try to figure out why I looked at three non-white kids looking at an iPhone and felt that someone was getting beaten into a gang.

When I solve that first, then I'm going to move on to trying to solve the world problems. When I solve the problems in the fucking globe that is my giant fucking head, I'll move on to that. And you, sir, if you're really looking for somebody to solve the world problems, you should probably look beyond a comedian doing a podcast where he says, cunt every other word, and also says how uninformed he is.

OK? So there you go. Agree to disagree. But if you want Meryl Streep and fucking Billy Freckled Hands to solve the world's problems, I think you're in trouble. Anybody can give the lip service and be like, I think that's absolutely deplorable.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't vote for the fucking guy. Stop wagging your finger at me. All right, all right. Plants in the house. Hey there, Billy Ficus. I want to know how you feel about having plants in the house.

Growing up, we always had plants and cacti in our house. I think they bring a lot of life and color to a room and it's fun to water and take care of them. I know some people who would never have any plants saying that they bring dirt and bugs in the house. I tell them that it's because they don't take care and maintain them. You could say the same thing about a dog saying they shit and bring fleas into the house, but obviously that's due to neglecting and taking care of the dog.

So do you have any plants in your home? Do you have any in your home now? Oh, do you like having plants in your home? Do you have any home plants in your home now? P.S. is a total NFL bandwagon fan. I'm calling Green Bay to win it all. All right. No, I don't like plants in the house.

I had a plant in my house one time, a long time ago, when I was a complete loner and my apartment looked like I was in the witness protection program. I was seeing this woman and she got me a plant. And immediately I was just like, whoa, hey, this relationship is moving too fast. What she was trying to do was to get me to open up. And I remember she got me this plant and then I had to fucking water it. And I kind of liked it, but then I'd go on the road and I would come back and it would be near death. Just like, you know, hanging down, you know, staring at its fucking toes. And then I would nurse it back to fucking health and I would end up having anxiety. Just like, you know, hanging down, you know, staring at its fucking toes.

And then I would nurse it back to fucking health and I would end up having anxiety. And then one day it finally died and I felt this just ridiculous failure. And it was a metaphor for the whole fact you're on the road so much, you can't sustain relationships, you can't even keep a plant alive, how are you going to keep a relationship or a kid alive? It was a horrible fucking experience. I don't mind having it in my house if they're growing basil or fucking rosemary or some shit. Something I can eat. I'm selfish when it comes to plants.

We've got a bunch of plants around the house. I don't give a fuck about them. I'm like, Nia, why don't we dig these up and put in some fucking avocado trees, some oranges, you know? Something that we can eat slash throw at zombies someday. What do you say? Plus, having trees that grow fruit in your yard is a great way to figure out who's your friend and who isn't your friend. Especially during the apocalypse when people come over your fence and try to steal your food, they'll go to the food like moths to a light and then you can be on your roof and you can pick them off with your fucking

uh, with whatever fucking weapon you have, right? I'd go with a bow and arrow. It's nice and quiet. Right to the neck. That was the water. That was the water. I mean the blood gushing out of their fucking, whatever you call it, the fucking it. The fucking artery there. All right. Plants in the house. I already read that one. Here's the last one. Hey Billy, bitch tits. Jesus. I'm a lady and I listen to your podcast religiously. I'm 29 years old and I've had roommates since I moved out of my parents' house when I was 18. I have a history of anxiety and depression and I found that in addition to taking medicine, living with people really keeps me in check In two weeks, I'm going to be moving into my own apartment and living by myself with my dog. Oh, it's fucking awesome

That's the best. I love living alone to bite a dog too. That would have been tremendous Of course would have died like the fucking plant right now I live with two guys the three of us are super close But we've lived together for three years and it's time for us to move out of the frat house and into our own places. I'm nervous about living by myself because I'm scared that I'm going to isolate myself and fall back into a cycle of depression again. I live in Indy so the weather is shit right now which doesn't help. In the spring and summer I play intramural sports, football and volleyball.

I'm very much a guys girl and I don't have very many girlfriends. I don't ever have a ladies night. I'd rather sit at a bar with a beer and watch football or college basketball. I hate dating. I am straight though. Do gay people hate dating? I don't know. I would love to get your advice for a lady like me moving in her own apartment for the

very first time. What would you suggest I do to stay social and not sit at home alone watching the Indiana Hoosiers and downing Coors Light? P.S. Tell Nia I said hi and best of luck to you and Nia on the new baby. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Oh boy you're asking a fucking loner. I love when I finally didn't have to have roommates and I lived alone, I fucking loved it. I loved it. I talked to myself, I talked to the TV,

I had a great fucking time. And I guess I had a level of depression there that I wasn't really aware of. Well, don't you get enough sort of interaction when in the springtime you play intramural sports, football, and volleyball? Okay, so it's the winter time. I don't know, you want to go sledding?

I'm trying to think what the fuck you can do. Is there an adult league snowball fight thing you can get involved in? There's got to be something that you could do. Well, if you're into sports, why don't you just join a fantasy league with some of your friends? But I think what you are is, I think you're a sweetheart and you're a relationship person. You're just afraid to do it. So, uh... That's why you like having roommates. You don't like being alone. I'm totally guessing here, by the way. I don't fucking know you, but I think, uh...

I think it's time to give Dayton a try. You know? I would do that. Maybe you're afraid of doing that. I think this seems like you need to face a fear. And look at this living alone as an opportunity thing and that this is the next logical step to finding the person you want to be with in life, if that's what you're looking for.

So I would embrace living alone, and how fucking awesome that is, and decorate your apartment. Don't do what I did, you know? Have some color in there and all that type of shit, something upbeat. And I would become social. I would have people over to your place.

I don't know if you cook. There's a zillion things you can do. You just have to make the effort. I don't know why you don't have many girlfriends, but it sounds like you do have some girlfriends. So you only need a couple of friends. I would open up to your friends rather than some psycho on a podcast.

Not saying this was a bad move, but it's a nice step. I would open up to them, just say, listen, I'm prone to depression, so I'm worried that when I live alone, that I'm going to become depressed. You know? If you'd like to swing by and watch a game with me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I would do that.

I would be open and honest, and maybe go talk to somebody about your depression, so you don't go down that fucking rabbit hole. But it's great that you know that you're depressed, and that you need to do something about it so that you're way ahead of the game as opposed to where I was where I didn't know I was depressed and I fucking, I don't know, made a lot of stupid fucking moves for a long time. Alright, that's the podcast for this week.

Thank you so much for listening and I'll post that video of that Cadillac El Dorado. It's fucking beautiful. Alright, go fuck yourselves and I'll post that video of that Cadillac El Dorado. It's fucking beautiful. All right, go fuck yourselves and I'll talk to you on Thursday. What's up everybody? Welcome back to the Anything Better Podcast Show with your host Paul Burzy. Bill Burr. we got the Greek Freak out there in Beverly Hills and of course we have Jake the Snake our injury report guy. Of course I'm getting a phone call which I got a decline I don't know

where everybody's calling me so early for. They want your picks Paul they want your picks. They want my picks. Wild card weekend started off bad for me 0 and 2 then we picked it up but uh. Whoa whoa whoa, and to then we picked it up. But, uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, going to cover against the Eagles. So, but I'm just saying my ego was, was, I thought I was Nostradamus after that first fucking game. Then the wheels fell off. I was, dude, the Texans surprised me. Um, I'll tell you what though, I will tell you what Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills look like world beaters and you know where I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. on an exercise bike, it takes a rough, unnecessary roughness call, they're gonna get, they're gonna fuck themselves. That happened, I gotta get credit Paul, because I sucked this year.

I gotta, I gotta, I gotta toot my freckled horn here. And then the Bills, I said that they were gonna, that's just gonna be Josh Allen running around taking his helmet off, smiling like fucking Brett Farvin that first Super Bowl. You did. You called it. You did. All right, as long as you ignore all my other picks Paul I mean I had a hell of a Sunday. All right. Well before we get into these games we got to shout out bet MGM it's the best sports

book best lines out there. Bet MGM guys. If you want to sign up all you got to do is use our code download the bet MGM app on your phone download our code download the bet MGM app on your phone download our code our code Burr burr and put in $10 minimum of $10 in the account and for your first bet if your first bet loses you'll get $1500 in bonus bets if the bet loses and also the first touchdown deal that they got going still. You pick any, it's a prop bet, any player in any NFL game

to get the first touchdown. If you don't get the first touchdown, but in fact get the second touchdown, you will get your cash back. It is that easy. We are going into division weekend here. And dude, we gotta start with the doozy. This is going-

Wait, wait, can we just for half a second, can you fucking explain to me what happened to the Vikings? Oh, dude, that was hey, that's a rough one, you know, dude, I don't know. Is it Sam Donald? Some people are saying the coach can't win a big one. I don't know. Well, here's what I the best one that I saw was that they didn't spend

a bunch of money on Sam Donald and they're not like locked up like you guys were with Daniel Jones or like the Cowboys are with what's his face. Yeah, and that they have all excited going, they got like 70 million bucks to go fix all of these problems. But um, what the fuck is my car doing? All of a sudden it was like some ghost was stepping on the accelerator. Paul, I'm sitting in my car because fucking everybody's sleeping in the house. Um, I know that was like interesting to me, but like just fucking every year, dude. I mean, they get all the, they get their fans all fucking excited, it seems. They make the playoffs almost every year

and then they just shit the bed. Am I nuts or maybe they don't? No, no, they do. And they were saying that their coach, even two years ago, his first playoff game, when they won 13 games with Kirk Cousins, he fucking they had a horrible game against the Giants and we beat them in Minnesota. And then Sam Donald goes 14 and two or whatever. And then he had a big game against the Lions last

week and didn't do the game wasn't good. And then they said this game wasn't good. So somebody, I heard somebody say, quarterback NFL quarterback goes dude That's not as he goes Sam. Donald was the fourth problem in that game. He goes Yeah, that's I mean and he didn't win 14 games the team won 14 right? So I Don't know but I did think whoever was doing that take on it that they had 70 million dollars to play with Because it's gonna get better the winds are coming and I know that's hard to hear on it that they had 70 million dollars to play with because it's going to get better. The winds are coming and I know

that's hard to hear and dadada but it's also like just because you got 70 million bucks Paul doesn't mean you know what to do with it. No. 100%. Yeah, you can get 100 million with the talent with that 70 million. You can make

70 million dollars with the **** mistakes. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's the Herschel Walker trade, Paul. I think there's still some leftover from that. Sorry. All right. I'm not going to derail this anymore. Dude, Lamar Jackson is insane.

The Ravens are insane, and so are the Bills and they are facing off With a with the line is one as I always say bill. What do I say? It's a pick them It's one it's one. I believe I believe I don't even know who's minus one Andrew. Is it the bills minus one? I Think it's the bills minus one either way. Yeah, it's the bills minus bills Ravens Ravens my bills plus one. All right, Jake the snake. What do we got injury report buddy? Hey, um, injury report wise, it's not too bad. You know, everyone likes to play for the playoffs. So, um, the one to look out for is Zay Flowers. He missed last week.

The Ravens' number one receiver. Hopefully he comes back this week. And then AJ Brown didn't practice. It was kind of the same thing. Last week he didn't practice all week and then he played. And then on the commanders, their best defensive player Bobby Wagner didn't practice yesterday. So those are kind of the ones to look out for. But it's playoffs.

A lot of people are playing, you know. All right. Hey, Paul, am I crazy? The Bills and the Ravens are kind of the same team to me. Where they've kind of underachieved. Like neither one of them seems to be able to get past one another or the Chiefs or whatever. So I think that that's why this game is a pick them because sometimes the Bills look like world beaters and then other times they look like they can't get out of their own way.

And I know the Ravens had had, you know, issues with that during the Lamar Jackson era. If I can just use some fucking sports speak there. But historically speaking, I mean, I got to go with the Ravens. If I can just use some fucking sports speak there. But historically speaking, I mean, I got to go with the Ravens. Historically because they still have the same head coach. And I feel like it, you know, the end of the day, gun to your head. I got to go Ravens because I just feel that, you know, with Harbaugh, he's been there. He's won a Super Bowl.

He knows how to get what he needs to get. And I feel like the Bills have yet to figure that out. It's funny you say that because I actually like Josh Allen in this game to get over the hump by one. But it really is. Let's go up against each other. I like the Ravens. All right. I like the I like the Bills and I think anything can happen in this game. I think this is why this game is so intriguing to me. These are the only two teams that when one team scores a touchdown, the other ones coming right back with a touchdown. This is going to be, I love the over in this game, but this is going to be a great game. I think it's going to be the best game of the week.

Bill's got the Ravens getting one. Can I tell you something, Paul? Somebody's scoring a touchdown and then somebody else going down, scoring a touchdown and another guy going down, that's not fucking football. That's marketing. That fucking Bill's Cheats playoff game from a few years ago was one of the worst football games I've ever watched. That looked like I was watching like Tom Cruise, all the right moves. It wasn't football. It wasn't any tackling. There was no fucking defense. Paul, when was the last

time a defense had a nickname. Legion of boom. And that was all steroids. Legion of boom, it should have said fucking logo should have been Dwayne Reed. Just have for the defensive players standing in line with old ladies at a fucking CVS pharmacy.

Pharmacy? All right, so Bill has the Ravens. I have the Bills minus one. Here's something that I don't know if you guys are seeing, but as much as Philadelphia is doing great, the fact that they don't't like and this is a fact. Oh, I found out from some good sources. But also he kind of says it according to my sources. Paul Bursie, AJ Brown. Well, AJ Brown said it at his locker every week. AJ Brown can't stand Jalen hurts. They don't talk. They don't like each other. They asked AJ Brown, what's

the problem this week and AJ Brown looked and said the passing game then when they bring up Jalen Hurts he says no comment and Your boy Paulie has a little source that knows that there's a little that there's a little broken relationship there I don't like that going into Detroit right. I mean they got to play Detroit. Is that they play the Rams? Oh they play in the Rams I don't know how much money they have to fucking pay you that you can get along with your fucking teammate Exactly. Great one exactly Jesus fucking crazy. He's not giving me the ball enough exactly

and in wide receivers Let me ask you a question When is the last time? You've heard of a riff or a broken relationship in a team and that team went on to win it all? 78 Yankees. Exactly. Exactly. The first thing I thought of. Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson. Okay that's the year I was born. Exactly. I don't know how Kobe and Shaq didn't like each other. Yeah Kobe and Shaq. Kobe and Shaq didn't like each other.

There's a few. There's always an example Paul. There's an exception. Hey Paul, it's better than exceptional. You know look, the Eagles at home against the Rams, that's a tough one. You know what? Like who the fuck are the Rams, by the way? They looked like dog shit earlier in the year and now all of a sudden they're looking like

when they made their Super Bowl run. Dude, the last four weeks and dude, Matt Stafford looked amazing, looked amazing. Yeah, they've been a victim to the injuries every week, kind of up and down, middle of the year, they had like nobody. Sorry, yeah, wide receiver, I guess that's what it was. All right, so we're going backwards.

We're going from the bottom game to the top game. Bill's got the Ravens, I got the Bills. I'm gonna take the Rams, I'm gonna take the Rams getting six points in Philadelphia. I'm not saying Philly doesn't win this game by a field goal, but I think Matt Stafford keeps it close and I like the six points with the Rams in a divisional playoff game. All right. I hate this game and I hate this spread. It is a bitchy spread. Eagles are at home. So you got me thinking about Stafford now.

The old grizzled vet coming in there. Yeah. Want a Super Bowl. I don't. Whose coach do you believe in more Bill? Whose coach do you believe in more? I don't know. I don't know. good at what I do and then also fucking think it's all gonna go away. I stopped short of nodding at the camera when a joke lands though, I will tell you that. You know what? I'm gonna go with the fucking Eagles. I'm gonna go with the Eagles even, I'm happy it's on the road with all this fucking shit that's going on out here for the Rams.

But I read that this game, I feel like that game out of everything that I'm looking at this week, I feel like that one's going to be, I think it's going to be, that's going to be a close game. So why the fuck am I giving away six points then? That doesn't make any sense. But you know what? I don't make any sense. I'm gonna go with the Eagles. Fuck it. Alright.

That's way too many points to give fucking Stafford. That's a stupid pick. Fuck this Bill. You've been dumb all year. I'm changing it to the Rams. Yes. I'm on board. Come on down. Smash cut to me on Sunday.

Why did I change it? I fucking. All right. Me and Bill believe in Matthew Stafford to keep that game close. All right, Bill. Moving to a unbelievably intriguing line. This is a very interesting line.

Nine and a half points. Everybody in the world thinks the Lions are gonna shit on them. the I'm taking the points and I'm putting my freckled feet up. I think that that uh That quarterback the commanders have is legit He's also one of those fucking assholes that even if you cover the receiver held on run 12 yards for first down You stand up and do this Fucking drives you up the wall and also who's that number 17 on the commanders that guy's a nightmare Oh scary Oh, scary Terry, Terry McLaurin. Jesus Christ. What a game he had last week. He did. He did.

Oh my god, dude. I was just thinking commanders, but then I'm going, the Lions had a week off and they're ready for a Super Bowl run. What to do here, man? You're going to take the and a half with Bill. I was gonna say, dude, you've been riding the commanders all year, man. But somewhere in November, you got on the commander's train, even though they're in your fucking division, you set aside your difference. You know, they haven't done shit to you guys in fucking 30 years.

So I think you were able to see them for what they are. All right, here we go. What else we got here? All right, we're taking the points and oh, oh, here we go. What else we got here? Alright, we're taking the points and uh oh oh the darling, the darling. Oh my god, the prom queen. Look at her. Get the eight and a half

points. I think we have a quarterback as good as Patrick Mahomes and you're allowed to hold on every **** play. I gotta take the chiefs laying eight and a half to cover that no fucking problem. Yeah. Oh man. Eight and a half is such a perfect

number but I'm not I would fucking I would put a lot of I just the Chiefs in the fucking playoffs. It's the only storyline. They they got the Lions and they're going to mainly fucking do it. No one cares if the bills are gonna finally do it at this point You know that's like Sam and Diane on fucking cheers

We all know how this series continues on so I think the only storyline they have is can they free Pete? If he three peaks does that need he's better than Montana That's that's all they have and they need to ride that for the rest of the year, which means they're gonna be getting calls as they always fucking do. Now you take all of that and you have a great quarterback in my homes. Travis Kelsey, you got one of the best tight ends in the league and he's also in love Paul, I don't know if you know that. That's what I love, Paul. I don't know if you know that.

That's what I love about a chief game. I get to watch football and keep up with their personal relationships. Cause that's what I'm looking for. Oh, that's another thing. Taylor Swift. She sells out those stadiums. They got to keep them there. I know. I know.

Look, there's no doubt in my mind the Chiefs win the game. There's no doubt in my mind that she's when the game I'm just saying is that eight and a half points because the only two times once what's that? I said Paulie two times. Um,

there's no doubt in my mind the Chiefs win that game. There is no doubt. Um, dude, I'm gonna take the Texans with the points. God damn it. I like that. I thought I was talking. I like the Texas with the points because the chiefs have

been the chiefs got bailed out by a bad snap with the Raiders they they win these these these fucking by a hair the fucking you can't explain it Paul. It's almost like something's going on. Like a dude. Good. Like I said, the officials have been incredible all year except for the darling. That's where they saved it for. I love that you just said look at the money. look at her. Look at her, look at her dress. The money's pretty split.

The money's pretty split on this game? 57% on the tax. I kind of feel like somebody's going 4-0 this week. Somebody's going 4-0 this week, Paul. I feel it. That'd be great. that'd be great. That'd be great. Hey, it ain't going to be me, all right?

I don't know. Somebody's going 4-0 and somebody's going 2-2. That's my prediction. The Texans line is so perfect. These guys are amazing. We got to get one of these guys on. Just be like, dude, what do you guys do? I actually, I was on Artie Lang's podcast and he had the guy from the win on and

I go when do you guys know the line and he goes, dude, as soon as the one game is over and we know who's playing, we know within 15 minutes what the line is. I'm just like, that's so nice. It is nuts, Paul. Yeah, it's kind of nice, isn't it? it's not. It is nuts, Paul. wrestling did. It just tells you it isn't real. Are you gonna be all right with it? No, no.

Sports entertainment, are you gonna start crying like that fat guy in his sweatpants? Don't, stop saying that. These guys wouldn't risk their lives. I don't think it's fake. What the fuck are you talking about? They wouldn't risk their lives. Dude, these guys get paralyzed, man.

Paul, people in the mafia got whacked. They still did it so they could have a nice car and a Cadillac. That's a good point. Yeah. Well, the second there's money involved. That's actually a funny point.

Yeah. What can money involve? They're going to do it. I don't know. I just think it's, it's massaged. I think it's all massage. You want to hear something that? Yes, I do.

You want to hear something that doesn't make much sense here? So I'm looking at the money line beds versus the spread beds for all the games. And obviously if the teams getting points, then the spread beds for all the games and obviously if the teams get points then the spread seems to increase their percentage except with the ravens in the bills the money line has fifty two percent of the people betting on the bills they can they're just going to win outright forget the plus one but forty two percent are taking the one point. So less people who are voting, who are betting on

the bills are taking the money line, the spread than the money line. Does that make any sense? Less people are taking the spread, more people are betting the money line? Is that what you're saying? More people are taking the spread, more people are going... I thought you said only 42%... Yeah, more people are taking the money line than the spread more people are going I thought you said only people are taking the money line in the spread which doesn't make sense for yeah for a one line sorry I said wrong let me let me share this screen let me share this screen here very interesting what do you think this means what do you think this means. Jake, I love how you dress down for the podcast. I seen your weekend outfits when

you're taking your ladies out. You know, could you be more humble than Jake? No, no. So humble. This kid's taken 10s out to steak houses and then he comes on here and so humble, just throws a t shirt on. I know everybody's into Trump. I'm building a wall and Mexico's going to pay for it. That's nothing. Jake the snake. I'm taking a 10 out to a steak house and she's paying. And it happens. Um

that's my Mastro sweetheart. Bring your credit card. Oh, all right, here we go. What do we got here? See, see what I'm saying? All right, spread 42%. the the the

the the the the the the It's only plus 100. Wow, but you know what 58% of people 58% of people are betting on the Ravens. None of this shit means anything to me. No, I'm looking at this right now thinking I'm not passing this class. God, I wish this was a class dude. Oh god, if these were classes in high school, or college,

it'd be the only math class I passed for sure. Paul, that's like low key. One of the funniest things you said. Dude, I mean, I didn't do well in high school. But I mean, it's like sports gambling was a class. Dude, imagine I, I didn't do well in high school, but I mean, it's like sports gambling was a class. Dude, imagine.

Paul, you would have given the speech, you would have been the valedictorian. I was just gonna say that. I was just gonna say, imagine I'm the valedictorian giving the speech and I'm like, I used to take the favorites just like you, but then I realized. That's not how life works.

Paul's coming back after he graduated. No and Paul's final line is and in and in the game of life it's a pick them. Thank you everybody. But if you have the right game plan he says it again if you have the right game plan He says it again, if you have the right game plan, you can set the odds in your favor. Hey guys, I'll leave you with this. If a good team loses on the road and they're coming home next week, 80%. Ladies and gentlemen, gun to your head. Which one of your kids do you love the best gun to your head?

Oh, God. All right. So Bill's got the chiefs. I got the Texans. Me and Bill both have the commanders. Bill has the I got the Texans. Me and Bill both have the Commanders. Bill has the Ravens. I have the Bills. And we both have the Rams. And we both have the Rams. Matthew Stafford.

There you go. So those are our picks for the division weekend. It's gonna be great. I think the game of the week, hands down. I think the classic comes down. I'm going to say this. Can I make a prediction? I'm going to say Bill's Ravens comes down. I'm going to say Bill's Ravens comes down to literally the last play of the game. The last play the last second will decide that game. That's my prediction of that game. I think it's going to be a doozy. I think it's be a classic. I think the Bills are gonna be in control of that game and Then there's gonna be a streaker full frontal It's gonna run across the field. It's gonna take them out of that game Dude if that happened

Dude that's one of the things that's at that's another thing that 9-eleven took away from this country Aside from a lot of freedoms was streaking. Nah, it was already over. Dude, did you ever go, I went to a fucking Boston University game and this guy fucking ran across the field. I remember he's this tan dude and then like his fucking ass was like fucking

as white as my head running across the thing, dude. And I was there with me, all my siblings, my godfather took me to the game and we were fucking dying laughing. and I didn't like that weirdo guy. The guy was at Wimbledon. Yeah. There was something, like, what I liked about the streaker I saw was he didn't want to get caught. Oh, OK. I thought that English guy was a creep. He kind of liked being manhandled by the cops with no clothes on.

I got creep vibes from him. Yeah, he liked it. And he, like, would smile as they were dragging him out with his, like, flopping around. Yeah. Naked men can't be smi- you like would smile as they were dragging him out with his like flopping around. Yeah. Naked men can't be smart. You can't smile as a naked man. You really got to be running full speed or have a look on your face like, yes, sweetheart,

I'm about to put it on you. But you cannot be sitting there smiling like you're welcoming them to Thanksgiving dinner. Paul, we're so happy you came. All right, man. Look, it's getting sad. We only got two more weeks of this shit and I can't believe how fast this went. But I hope people reached out said dude, they made some money. So as always, guys, we don't have a special this week, right? There's no special, right?

Is there a late game? No, it's just the. Well, let's talk college. Who do you like, Ohio State or Notre Dame? I can't say I saw enough in Notre Dame, but what I did saw and see of Notre Dame was their defensive line was great. but I did watch Ohio State's last three or four games. And if the quarterback plays the way he did the last three games, I think that from what I saw, Ohio State looks unbeatable.

Yeah, they're going through people like fucking hot butter. I think, I think Ohio State's going to win because of the streak they're on. And it seems like after they lost to Michigan, they changed. So I don't- More insufferable fan base, Ohio State or Notre Dame. Oh, wow.

I think- I think it's so wow. Impossible choice. I know, I think it's Notre Dame. The fact that they bring religion into it and they think Jesus gives a fuck more that they win the dumb game than Ohio State. We know Ohio State is just a product

of their public school system. You know what I mean? It's a state school. There's not a lot of bright people in Ohio, but like, you know. Andra, what's the line on that game? What's the Ohio State's getting what I've given what? I'll get pulled up.

Sorry, not prep for college here. Let's see what second. I see your house. They might say now. Yeah, I heard it was eight. Okay. Yeah. Oh wow. Ohio State's given eight. Yeah. I remember the analyst said the analyst said after the game, he goes, I got a feeling Ohio State's going to be a significant favorite. So but eight eight and a half is a big number. Well, I mean what they've been killing people. I mean look it it doesn't look like

they've been beating people like it's still September. Dude how the fuck did they lose to Michigan. Yeah yeah that was because the quarterback was doing nothing which was so weird I was like Ohio State doesn't have a quarterback. Michigan Michigan had no quarterback the whole fucking year and they still love I don't know Paul I Don't want to I don't be captain paranoid who do you like Bill? Who do you like you like Notre Dame getting the points?

No, I don't I Think I know I believe the spread and I think they're right. I mean, I think Ohio State looks fucking amazing. They do fucking amazing. They are as amazing as their fan base is horrific. I, uh, yeah, I say I say. I'm going to say this Notre Dame. I I'm gonna take Notre Dame with the points. Ohio State wins the game by a touchdown.

Oh, Paulie, you just covered all your bases there, didn't you? I wonder here, I'm taking Notre Dame and they're gonna win the fucking game. Nah, ever since I started doing this show, I like points. Change. I don't know. We'll see. I just hope it's a good fucking game. Dude, remember that time we went to that that? Did you came with this when it rained? We went to

so five for that? Oh, yeah, we bet that we bet TCU getting the points. How did that work out? Oh, my god, I was like 35 to nothing at halftime. I was soaking I don't even remember who bet TCU getting the points. How did that work out? Oh my God, it was like 35 to nothing at halftime. I was soaking wet. I don't even remember who won TCU got beaten so bad. Oh, I remember it was TCU that smoked. Who the fuck were they playing?

I don't even remember. They played Georgia. Jesus Christ. And I remember TCU got one special teams touchdown and we go do one more touchdown and and this is a game again and then Georgia it was like 35 to 7 and me and Bartnik just went to go get a tequila. It's over and it was pouring on my Jordan threes. Oh yeah yeah because they have that they have the I'm not sure if that's what you're talking about. Um alright well there you have it guys and

I'm out. You know I just did a podcast. I just did a podcast that was a sneaker head **** thing and we went we ended up going into that store on Fairfax where you went in remember that place. Oh yeah. With all of that stuff. I swear to god man. I was like I was reading a foreign language, looking at all those sneakers, too.

They're fucking insane looking now. Yeah, some of them are ridiculous. But no, come on, dude. Paul, you don't have to back down. You love sneakers. Yeah, but I like classics. Look, this is what I got on right now. That's a classic sneaker.

It's a nurse shoe, Paul. No, it's a dunk. Paul, nobody's dunking in a fucking half. dunked in a sneaker like that. That's a nice shoe, Paul. But no, I don't like to say something. Nike has like one shoe when they painted it five million different fucking colors.

You guys are like, Oh my God, the mac and cheese Jordan fours, the tiramisu ones with a fucking Poco B wears sweatshirt. Oh, the same fucking sneaker. Dude, did you get the lasagna? The lasagna sixes, it's like dripping, the Nike sushi is dripping. Dude, if you look at the fucking Kanye West sneakers, that guy, he literally lives in a different reality.

Those are horrible. I don't know, but I feel like some of the great artists of all time would be like, and I see this guy, this guy's doing something different. Those fucking like see-through dinosaur like slippers. Yeah. I'm feeling like people buy these. He's like, oh yeah, oh yeah.

Lot of money. Yeah. A lot of money. It's stupid. It's really stupid. They. Yeah. It's stupid. It's really stupid. They collect them. Nobody's wearing that **** Somebody wearing those **** moon boots

down the street. I would say that the the the thing that foreshadowed that the guy and the history of of basketball who had the weirdest looking shoe? Oh man. That's a good question. I know James Harden had a weird pair. And oh, you know what?

I didn't like those Kobe Adidas ones, rest is gone. That's what I was gonna say. His first one, they were square. They were like a rectangle. That's that, yep. The Kobe Adidas that were like square on the on the toe and they were rubbery. Those were terrible. I Don't know but I look at those now and I go like that that was sort of foreshadowing all that easy shit Yeah

slippers Not the other ones that he basically took an afghan and put a soul on it the other ones that he basically took an Afghan and put a soul on it. Then there's some sort of barcode. Those things are creepy. My wife had a pair of those. Yeah. Um remember the magic Johnson,

Larry Bird Converse. Those were awesome Converse weapons. I didn't like how small the the Converse logo was on it. The doctor J's were the cleanest ones. The Bob Lanier's. The Dr. J's were sick. Paul, Paul, let's not forget about the Bob

Cruzey. PF Flyer **** Chuck Taylor. He had his own sneaker. A lot of people don't know that. Paul, the sun has come the the the the the

the the the fighters out here doing a hell of a job. God bless everybody in California fighting that shit. I hope everybody's okay. Yeah, and fuck everybody out there who turns this into a political, turns everything into a political issue and tries to divide us. Well, during crisis, what does the leader do?

Brings people together. You don't divide people. No, everybody just needs to help. I do have to say that is the funny thing about Trump. That is his go-to. Fire in California, that's Gavin Newsom's problem. And then he's like, Gulf of Mexico, we're going to call it Gulf of America.

And then he's like, yeah, I'm fucking it. And then he walks away. That's his move. His move is he gets everybody in the room yelling at each other and then he walks out the side door. Now, I'm the only one who thinks that. No, that's exactly it. It's like some mean girl **** Hey, Paul, do you hear what Andrew said about you, man? He said that **** he

doesn't like your red sweatshirt and then you're like, what the **** you say in my questions and I just walk out. It's so funny. Nobody brought up Paul that this city shouldn't even be here. You know in managing this thing Paul you have to manage this city that shouldn't be here. You have to manage and this city has been in a drought for 50 fucking years. And even when it does rain a lot one year, you still use up all the fucking water.

They fucked at public transportation because the politicians sold out back then. Woodrow Wilson, I mean, wait, what do you find the race relations out here? Where the fuck do you start? You start right now. the they were able to build stuff there, but like it's finite. Nature wins. Nature, gravity, gravity wins. You're never going to the gym every day, but gravity every morning is pulling you down to earth. Pulling that face down, Paul. Jesus. You look like a fucking basset hound.

Oh my God, dude. Look at my shoulders. It's really weird how aging affects your face, but your body can look fine for a long time. I think that's nature's way of preventing you from procreating. It's like, all right, dude, you can do your bow flex as much as you fucking want, but your face...

There's no machine for your face at the fucking gym. Remember those idiots were fucking biting down on things trying to get their jobs. Dude, we are still in the very early stages of the face nautilus equipment. I have to think that bring you a bit down on, remember when people were fat and they put that, that cummerbund, that electric cummerbund around their belly and they would just turn it on and it would just jiggle your fucking titties.

And people would sit there, they'd stand there, they're not even moving. They thought that that was gonna make their belly go away. The thing it just rubbed, right? Yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Uh. Like, I'm sorry, Paul. Like, Einstein would have already lived.

He came up with the theory of relativity, talk about the speed of light and all that. Dude, that was the original Billy Mays. Not Billy Mays, he's a hunk of shit to fucking put on your fat stomach. Did you see that guy, that documentary? There's a documentary out right now about the guy that doesn't want to, he wants to live forever. So he like, everything is down to a science, what he takes and he's like older and he's like in this ripped shape. Like his regiment is so exhausting that what he does by noon, it's like his cabinets just are all of these supplements and he's shredded and he's ripped and he does these

exercises and cardio and eats like dude and he was just he's just trying to like like not die. And it's how old is he? I want to say he's in his 50 early 50s. And like his raise your thing to distress. Yeah. I'm not gonna say he's in his you hear people when they get like some really bad cancer diagnosis? Yeah, this is the guy. I don't like so much your attitude, like so much of your attitude, like when you hear these people who are fighting cancer and everything, like so much of it is your mental, um, your attitude towards it. Who am I looking at?

I'm seeing 5,000 people here. That's a guy. That's the same guy. That's a guy. This guy. That's a guy. That's the same guy. That's a guy. This guy. That was a robot. Yeah, that's the yeah, this this guy and that he just like yeah, it's exhausting what he does. Who's the guy behind him? I don't know. Oh, his son. I feel like the stress of all this would just weigh on you. And that's how that's how you go. Yeah, what he eats, the supplements he takes, the exercises he does. And by the way, he has to have so much money because his whole day is is that Paul.

How about this? The fun he's not having. Oh, no cigars. Guys, they're not gonna smoke this. The party. What do you think about Mike and... No, not Mike. He ain't gonna... His son's a nice kid. Yeah, but dude, he's not coming. Listen, if the party's after 2 30 in the afternoon. I mean, he'll swim for an hour. They just leave.

I would actually watch that because I would think I find it fascinating in that as much as people are laughing at dude, like the level of like plastic surgery and the shit that people are doing, like, you know, it's fucking people putting, I don't even, I don't even know what this shit is, but they put filler in their face. Yeah. Yeah. Like you just putting that, I mean, I guess we'll put in trans fats in. I don't know what the **** is but they put filler in their face. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you just put in that, I mean, I

guess we'll put in trans fats in. So, who gives a **** but like to put like uh Bondo. Yeah. Under your skin. It's not they say that Botox **** goes right to your brain. Yes, it goes to your brain and **** your memory memory up and shit. I don't know if that's true, but.

Paul, I'm going to say it probably is. I would say if you're injecting chemicals into your face, your brain is in your head. How about you just enjoy your life in moderation and love your family? How about that? Yeah. And dude, the level of banging that's happened at old folks homes. I mean, they have like STDs are going all around. You can still get laid your whole life. Dude, that's incredible, man. That's incredible. And I'll be honest with you. I'm embracing like I'm embracing being in a home, not because of that. But like I was talking to somebody about this dude playing poker at four o'clock eating jello watching your show lights out at eight. You had me until you said jello.

It was all sounding good until the jello. Ah dude a nurse a nice nurse comes in gives you a little jello puts. Oh no no no dude there's no nice nurses at those fucking places those fucking people that take care of old people are evil. I got a friend of mine, I was talking to her the other day, and she was telling me some of the shit that they were saying to her. We're in the third fucking nurse. She has arthritis, going, don't put me in this position,

it hurts me. And the woman said, I don't have time for this, and walked out. Oh, Jesus. Guys, I just realized I gotta get to the airport. We're gonna end on that sad story. Watch out for your grandparents. All right, guys, enjoy the games. Those are our picks for the week, division series. Follow us, me and Bill are on a few together

and download our app. Go to BetMGM, download the app, use our code burb. You are are it's that easy you put $10 in Your first bet if you lose your first bet you'll get 1,500 and bonus bets and the first touchdown deal is you put any player to get the first touchdown in any NFL game? And if they do that You win if they don't and they come in second, you will get your cash back. We'll see you next week going into, oh, going into championship week. Next week, only two games. And there you go. Have a good one. We will see. Here's my prediction on that guy who wants to live forever. Yeah. A Jesus freak comes to his door and he converts

him because you don't need to be afraid to die. Just surrender to Jesus. Yeah. Paul, you can have that cheeseburger. You can have that cheeseburger. God, I live in his way and make you pay to paradise. I hope he gets that freedom. It is sad. All right. All right, guys. Take care. All right. Bye.

Bye.