Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-19-24

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Bill rambles about the election, pump up music, and studio musicians. 00:00 - Thursday Afternoon Podcast 32:00 - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 1-19-24  01:34:35 - Anything Better NFL Divisional Playoffs Preview & Picks Bill rambles about Vancouver, Hail Mary's, and El Chapo.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burnett's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. What's going on? How's it going? Oh, Billy Freckles sitting on his pasty ass doing this fucking podcast on a Thursday. Much better mood than on Monday. Oh my God, Billy fucking blues traveler there. Fucking head in the oven. Jesus Christ, you know, facing the blender, something.

That's a big place to commit suicide, right? In the kitchen. If you had to do it like, like top five appliances to kill yourself with. We all know stov is number one, right? They're like the Yankees, most fucking championships, the most fucking deaths has got to be the stulf. Right? I would say, what's another way to do it? We could take the shelving out of your refrigerator,

close the door, suffocate and cold. I don't think that's a good way to do it. Blenders too messy, falling a mop, you know, messy. Fall on a mop. You know, I'm running on the handle. I don't know. It's fucking dark, man. Yeah.

Kitchen in the bathroom. That's what people do it. It's funny. That's the number one thing that sells a house. Kitchens and bathrooms. And then ironically enough, like that's the number one and number two place where you might end up killing yourself in your dream house.

Speaking of houses, congratulations on that corporation that snatched up 3500 homes in Las Vegas, bought up 3500 homes, just like that, just like that, just fucking bottom right up. You know, just when you thought the banks were going to take away the American dream of owning a fucking house, other banks just tapping out now and whatever the name of this fucking corporation is, you know, that's something you won't see either fucking uh... sleepy joe or crooked donald those two dumb fucks which evidently are gonna be our uh...

our um... choices this is what fucking but i don't i just don't get do you remember when donald trump got elected can you remember that far back? And all the liberals peed themselves and then all the fucking racist morons were like it's gonna be great again Man, right and nothing really happened I remember when he got elected there was people going going like, this was fucking white people going,

we're taking our country back because the last president was black. Now what I don't understand was like, but the country elected a black guy two times in a row. So where were all those angry white people that didn't want a black president? The same way I don't understand is if Biden beat Trump the last time, then they're like, oh, he's coming this time. He's going to win. It's like, well, where are all

those liberals that fucking voted against him? Where are they going to go? You know, and then the Trump people are like, well, he didn't win it. They fucking stole it. It's like, well, then why wouldn't they steal it again? Like, none of it makes as much sense as the fucking prevent defense to me. All of these theories on why people get elected or why they don't get elected or why they're coming back. None of that shit fucking makes sense to me.

You know, I was joking last night on that Epstein Island list. Everybody talking about this list that's coming out or it came out. It was just like, well, what was the fucking point of killing the guy? If there was going to be a lit, you kill somebody. So the information doesn't get out. Like, none of it fucking makes sense. Now there's a list. Oh, geez.

This is why I don't, I don't watch the news anymore. I'm a simple man. I am a simple man or maybe maybe just maybe I'm smart. And I realize that there is no fucking way you can have any sort of intelligent discourse about anything anymore. So at least not over social media. You know what I mean? Somebody sent me a clip of that UFC fighter and that fucking liberal reporter going back and forth. And everybody, you know, choosing up sides on that and it the whole fucking, it's just like,

what just happened to just the fights? Like why am I listening to political things why am I listening to somebody go who did you vote for? it's like it's not even a fucking business and that means you're fucking dead and what a wall it's like back in the day like there was an unbelievably private question not even fucking business and you didn't walk around saying who you voted for you didn't bring up politics.

You didn't bring up religion. There was a fight, mom and I would make up jokes and rhymes about how ugly the other guy was and that he wasn't gonna win. You know? You kept it racial. He made it very, very racial. Joe Frazier is an Uncle Tommy. He did all of that, shit, all of that. Now that's in the, you kept it at that.

And now it's all fucking changed. We gotta walk around like, I saw this fucking jerk off when I was up in the mountains there. It said, oh God, what did it say? First of all, he had a trump bumper sticker so you let you know who we voted for and then it was like california born and raised and it was just like this is like so fucking like

teenage girl you know like oh my god so i was born in california born and raised these are my favorite bands i mean all over this guy's fucking jeep it was like he was just letting everybody like he's so fucking enter the i don't give a fuck where you were born i don't give a fuck who you voted for all i give a fuck is that when the light turns green

you go and don't try to pass me on the right if you're on my bumper i'm not gonna break check you I'm gonna go over to the right and I'm gonna let you go by me. I've reached that level of maturity in my driving. It took 55 years, but I finally do it now. If somebody's on my fucking ass, I just go, you know what, they're in a fucking mood

and they're gonna cause an accident, but not with me. And I just, I go into go into victory formation. I just take a knee. I just go right over to the right. And you know what? You know what? It's a fucking liberating rather than getting into that huge fight. I saw that fight this morning. I was taking my wife out to coffee. This guy pulled out in front of me like a douche. I didn't be bad. I'm like, all right, there was a move. And then he went to the left lane. I was a two little two lane road and then, you know, cut off somebody else and that person just got on the horn. Where? It's like a quarter mile. So the guy starts break checking them, right? And what I loved it was like, that could have

been me. But I decided to not get involved and now this guy's involved and it's in a different lane so now I'm getting a free show this is fantastic so I got to give a shout out to the guy that that was break check in because he slowed down as the light was counting down I was going to watch watch he's gonna make this guy miss the light and it's exactly what he did he waited for it to turn red and then he punched it left the guy at the light like Axel Foley in the first Beverly Hills cop member oh shit why do I always try to drink a full can of fucking water laying on my back

stupid speaking of that I was out a restaurant with my children and I made the rookie dad mistake. My son had a full drink with no top on it and I moved it away from the edge and I made the mistake of not moving it all away where he couldn't touch it. And I looked away for like a second and a half. And then I just heard, meh! I looked over it was all over him. Oh, and then you got to go, you got to go outside, you got to go back up to the room, you got to change and all of that stuff. Fortunately, Neal was like, don't worry, I'll do it. And I was like, are you sure? She goes, yeah, this food sucks anyways. And it did, it did suck.

And mine wasn't good either, which was amazing, because I ordered avocado toast. It's kind of amazing when somebody can fuck up a meal where literally the name of the meal is also all the ingredients. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Minus some salt and pepper or whatever.

They put tomato on it. It just, it wasn't bad, it just wasn't good. But like, I don't know. It's just one of those fucking places. You know, you get excited if you're gonna go out to breakfast, but then when it's like mediocre or even worse, bad, you just feel wronged. It's like, you know, I'm gonna understand how it happened.

Like, what happened? I do have to tell you, it's, how do you fuck up breakfast? I mean, everything about breakfast is delicious. I mean, everything about breakfast is delicious. Bacon, eggs, potatoes, pancakes, waffles, French toast. I mean, coffee. It's fucking stupest meal of the day. Like, what, what could you possibly, how could you fuck these up? I mean, all of those things, salt and pepper or butter and syrup.

And it's done. It's seasoned at the very least. The worst, it's just going to be really good. But every once in a while, you just go to a place and somehow some way they're going to figure out a fucking way to fuck it up. Exorunny, toast is cold. I don't, they're gonna fucking try to get cute and put some weird ass spice in there.

So they can, they can, they can seem, I don't know what, interesting. Don't be interesting, just be good. Just be good, get the fucking job done. Four in the floor, just lay it down. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Oh, I went to the gym today through the fucking weights around a little bit. Had a good time, took my lovely lady out to breakfast after we dropped the kids off at school. My son is like a fucking AC DC maniac now. You know, you watch that clip of me. Jammin was some of the guys from

Skid Row, Scotty and Snake. You know, we played highway to hell, and my son's been walking around the house, singing highway to hell, but like doing it in like a little kid way, like he doesn't quite sing it right. And then both my kids are singing the AC DC song, walk all over you because I got to play that at Dean Del Rey's, uh, Bond Scott bash. And I'm not the lot of you. I watched that clip like fucking 200 times. I was so happy with my drumming.

Like that's the best. I've looked and sounded and I also saw a lot of room from improvement and shit. So it was very, anyway, but now it's really funny because like, you know, ACDC in the morning is, that's a lot. Now I can handle it because, you know, I grew up on that shit, but Nia, oh my God,

it's fucking hilarious. We'll be in the car. My son's like, Dad, I want ACDC. Listen, ACDC, Dad, my wife is not a morning person, so she's just looking over me. So I try to, you know, you try try to you know You try to go easy you try to go like

Bond Scott right on like one of the few ballots they ever did but we usually end up Like Brian Johnson is too much in the morning. You need to go Bond Scott Especially early Brian Johnson. Oh my god. I mean, he's just fucking has built me lunged out. Maybe he says that. Well, about getting in the studio, I looked up my shoulder, I felt like one shot was down in there, I was chatting to Lord, I just built me lunged out. Fuckin' love that guy.

So anyway, Ben doing a lot of that stuff. And also when I was at the gym, I was listening to Judas Priest. Here's a fucking, I know this sounds like really old guy shit, but all you young people, this is what you're gonna do. If you're lucky enough to live a long life, I don't give a fuck how much you pay attention to new music. When you go to the gym, you're going back to your teen years

You have to do it to get you to just get fucking pumped up to go to the gym. So underrated Judas Priest song I would say is turning circles That breakdown part was going Turned in circles Fucking Uh-huh, uh-huh. Um, turn and circus. Fucking, tutors, priests, rules. And if you saw old dad, old dads, you saw that we had the great Rob Halford made a cameo in that, can talk about that.

Now the movie's been out long enough. And I got to direct a scene via Zoom with him and see Thomas Howell, two heroes of mine from when I was a kid. And it was like, I got to work face to face with see Thomas Howell. He was just salt to the earth, fucking great dude. And then Rob Howell for dialing got to do that via zoom and he could not have been a cooler guy. It was just it was awesome. You know, they always say you don't want to meet your heroes. Most of the times they're fucking cool.

It's just when they're not. It's so devastating. It kind of fucking I think wipes out all the cool moments that you had, but I'm trying to think like I've only had a couple of times where I just had a bad interaction with someone. Kareem Abdul Jibar, but I kind of knew that was coming and I knew not to approach him, but my wife just wanted a picture so bad. I'm like, this guy does not like to take pictures with people. Oh, my God. Whenever I see his face, I just,

I just think, like, why did I go up to him? Anyway, however, that does not taint how I look at him as a basketball player at all. At all. I still think he's in the argument. Him or magic is the greatest lakers of all time. I stand by that. Anyway, that's my fucking two cents. And I'm sticking with it. I did some stand-up last night. I was playing with that Epstein Island idea and a couple of other things. It was just a really fun show down at the comedy store for him and Warsho where he just does like all fucking new jokes and stuff up in the belly room. And it was kind of the perfect thing because I just wanted to fuck around. And guys, I'm not kidding.

I haven't done another special. I already have like hour 20, 90 minutes. I've written like another new 20 minutes, and when I take my special this year, I don't give a fuck. Like 20 minutes of my act is going out the window and whatever. I'm just just gonna be all the good ones.

I'm a big believer in that, because I had a buddy of mine going, well now you're writing a new 20 minutes, like what are you gonna do with that other stuff? I was like, just fucking let it go. I don't, it'll pop up at some point on something. I don't know what, but like, I am a big believer in you do your best shit.

And I also, I always felt that way when, you know, if you were doing like a five minute thing on Conan or Letterman or Comedy Central, or even like, when I got to host SNL, it's like you go out with your best shit. Don't save it for your special. Fuck that. You'll write other shit just because you'll have to because you burned it. And then what I like is if you only did it on like an SNL or comedy central, it becomes like this B side bit for people to find years later when they thought they watched all your

specials like that Steve Jobs bit I did on I think I would channel that was on and I like that one because every once in a while like someone will just randomly find it and be like, that wasn't on any of your specials, man. That was a great fucking bent. Babbababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababab podcast and everything, everything you do has to be in that moment, the be highest quality you can, you can put out there because the competition is, is, is just, I don't know, there's just a zillion fucking people. So I, I don't think that you can kind of like, I remember back in the 80s, like, you catch comics doing TV spots overlapped in bits.

I actually repeat, I, you know, it's funny because I never watch my fucking specials I did a joke two specials in a row though And I didn't even know I did I couldn't remember I added it on to something else and some fan wrote Oh my god He said you did the same joke two specials in a row. I like cringed and I just laughed I was just like I hate well, well, you know, the world's an imperfect place. So, you know, as much as I'm doing that, like, I definitely, I definitely fuck up here or there, but, well, more than here or there. So, anyways, I'm sitting here

in my drum room, just staring at my drums as I'm talking to you guys. And I gotta be honest with you, like this was, I used to do this when I was a kid, when I thought I was gonna make it in a band or something. I used to go downstairs, I was so into playing. And it was like, cause I hadn't done standup yet. So this was sort of my only like outlet of light. What I liked about it, I just felt it

combined the art world in the sports world is what always appealed to me about drumming. And then just the whole primal thing about drums, especially the tombs, how they made you feel and all of that. And I used to, I used to go down my parents' unfinished basement, right? I used to sit on like the, like, they're just like raw wood stairs, right?

One of those types of houses. And I would eat dinner and I would just be sitting there staring at them. Like, how you would look at like a classic car or some shit. Anyway, you know what's funny? That's how I used to like judge of whether a family was rich, slash had their shit together because I knew my family, I knew we were crazy.

Not necessarily bad, but we were fucking nuts. And I used to judge it by whether or not you had a finished basement. Like if I went over your house and you had like a normal amount of shit that you could walk through a living room, like we just had a bunch of shit now. We had, you know, it was like,

you ever watch Sanford and Sun all that shit? Like we didn't have it outside. It was, and it was like, my parents were like into antiques and stuff. So like there was this, this hodgepodge of all different errors. Like, it looked like a furniture store. They just were into antique and they just did that shit and they were fucking buy this stuff and somehow find like room fort. Like in our kitchen we had a regular stove and then we had one of those old fashioned little rascal stoves that was like up on like legs. And then that just became something, you know, you

never used it, it just became something to stick books and all of this shit on like quarters They were like sort of high-end or I would say nostalgic quarters. I think it's the way to put it It wasn't like high-end, but it was like It was there was an interesting Expression of consumerism expression of consumerism. So anyway, that's why I fucking to this day I can't stand clutter because it was just over the years it just kept going and going and going and it just became like there's no place to even just lay on the floor and stretch before I go to the gym or something because this is so much fucking. And so anyway, I would go over other people's houses and I would be fascinated with

how they didn't have nearly as much shit. And then you would go downstairs and they would have like a finished basement. And I always think like, why don't we do that? You know that, because that's a big thing, you know, when you were a kid you'd go to other people's houses and they always look like they had this shit together. But my parents also didn't drink. And a lot of my friends' parents would go over their houses and they would like fucking, you know, they would still be getting blasted. And I thought that that was a cool thing when I was young. And then as I got older, I'm like, well, that's probably not the best example to show. Like I was

talking to one of my high school buddies, right? Like I still, you know, talk to so many people that I went to high school with like, I had a really, really cool graduating class. And I was talking to one of them. And he was saying like, how by the time he was in the fifth grade, he knew how to make a man hat and he could make a, dude, I can make a matini. I mean, what do you want? And it was just like, it was like one of the things like when you had a kid, you know, aside from like wanting to teach him how to throw a ball, it was also like you had a kid so you had a bartender, or a bartender.

And these to have like, I remember I would go over this kid's house and his parents would be watching the game and we would come in from playing like, you know, baseball or football outside back when kids played outside and shit, riding bikes and they would come in and they would be like, so and so,

go make me a fucking, you wouldn't say fucking, but go make me this or whatever. And he would go behind the bar and I would just be fascinated with that world like holy shit. Like his parents over here fucking drinking this is cool. And I don't know, it is still kind of cool, but it was a little too cool if you know what I mean.

You know, there's something about it. You know, it's good. You're socializing your kids young but also i don't know it didn't feel bad because alcohol was legal like if they was saying hey can you roll me a joint that would have seemed like holy fuck am i own like you know some narcos show because obviously it wasn't legal back then but i anyway i'm sitting here babbling let's do

let's do some reads here for the week. Oh, yeah, did I mention how I was listening to that Jackson Five song, Dancing Machine, and James Gadson plays the drums on it, and just what a masterpiece what he plays on that. And I've listened to that song a hundred times this week and each time I hear something just a little that I missed. And I don't know. I know there's been documentaries about it,

but that fucking time when they were those studio musicians just going around town, I still don't think that they know that they've done stuff about the wrecking crew. I always forget the names. It was the guys in Motown and then there was the guys out here, Hal Blaine and all of those guys and that woman that played the bass. I should know her name. She fucking played on all of these albums. My couple of drummers that I've gotten to know have told me about it. One of my flight instructors, also an incredible piano player.

He was involved in that scene, Randy Weldman. And he was talking about just going around town and how like there was so much work that he had like an open call to, like, some of these studios that did, like, commercial jingles. Like, if you can just go in from one session to another, if you can swing by, he could just go in and knock out, like, a fucking, you know, some sort of piano thing

for a Crest commercial, and he would make money doing that, too, was really just a really an amazing time. And now they, I think they just do it all in computers and whatever, but whatever. Times change. Not gonna get depressed. I'm gonna stay up, stayin' up. All right, look who it is, everybody.

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Those fucking assholes. I decided at the beginning of the year, I was like, I don't think the past is going to be that good. All right. I know I'm going to get my hat broken. I didn't see Bill Bellichek leaving at the end. I am so relieved that that is over. I'm glad that that happened swiftly.

And dare I say eloquently, you know, left on good terms. He had a nice press conference and then they immediately had someone fill the role. I thought the whole thing was done is they ripped the bandaid off, which I thought was great for everyone involved, including the fans. So I decided that I was going to cheer on the Buffalo Bills. You know, let's cheer these guys on. You know, they have one. Let's finally, Lino, get Buffalo a goddamn championship already, right? And then I experienced what it was like to be a Buffalo Bills fan. And it's like, I don't need this shit. So I kind of walked away from it in the

middle of the season. And yeah, I don't need to take this on. You know, I'm just like, you know, because as I said, like there's something, you know, when your team sucks, like the regular season sucks, but I will tell you that's the playoffs, playoffs are fantastic. Because I can just enjoy these games. I don't have to sit here and die a thousand deaths rooting for my team. My team is fucking long gone out of it since like mathematically probably since the second

week of fucking October it was over. So I can just sit here and enjoy this. So I'm an underdog guy. So bills have never won it, even though they sort of underperformed who gives a fuck it's the second season now and they're one and all so I'm rooting for them I like the Texans who else I can't root for the 49ers because they're the favorites I feel and Jesus Christ the fucking Eagles at least they put their fans out of their fucking misery. That was a rough one.

I'm glad that they're going to stick with Nick Ciriano. That made no fucking sense. If he were going to get rid of him, that was all these idiots. It was obviously, I mean, first of all, would you shoot more last year? Okay, great. And then he lost his offensive and defensive coordinator. Another reason why Bella Check was so fucking great. You win the Super Bowl, everybody gets jobs. Charlie Weiss, going to fucking,

what are you going, went to Notre Dame, fucking Matt Patricia, where you went to the Lions or whatever he gets head coaching jobs and the college and the pros and all of that. It's really hard to keep it going that long. So I was surprised the cowboys are sticking with what's his face. Michael McDonald. We're gonna win the Super Bowl next year. I don't remember anybody's names. All right, sorry for the bad impression.

Tony Roma couldn't get it down and neither could that crash guard. Maybe we should crave for some more. Jerry has about to auction his face. All right, this is getting stupid. Okay, that's it, everybody. That's the podcast. I mean, my fucking garage here. I gotta go back to the writers from the other side of my garage.

Into the office here. Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend, your cunts. And I'll talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on, it's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, January 18, 2016. How's it going? How are you?

I am recording this Sunday afternoon and in Vancouver, Canada doing two shows here tonight it's half time. Actually third quarter just started of the Bronco Steelers I missed Seattle and Carolina. I know that must have been a great fucking game it kills me you know you never know when you book the fucking gigs that a game like that is gonna be on but I imagine that that was as good as the score looked and of course I'm up here in Canada and I don't know they don't have they just went to Boomer and all those guys at halftime and all they did was interview Cam Newton they asked him one question you know he didn't you didn't answer you know he just talked didn't give an answer about anything they

were like what do you think you did the second half to, you know, blah blah blah. And he just goes, well, you know, our offense and our defense and of course the special teams, you know, everybody's got a job to do. And they get out there and they try to get done. And unfortunately, today we were able to get out there and execute some of the things that we've been working with all this week. And you know, next week, we got another person that we're going to be playing. I should set a team, not a person, we got a team we're going to play.

And we just hope that, you know, we're just going to try to keep it going because, you know, we're gonna play and we just hope that you know we're just gonna try to keep it going because you know we're trying to win a championship here and by then you just like I did what the fuck that I even ask you I wonder if you know because athletes anything they fuck and say they're gonna take it out of context so they just they get trained to just answer and not say anything just like a politician I wonder if you can fuck and turn that off you know if you stay in the league long enough, if you drive your wife nuts, you know. Honey, do you know where my shoes are? Well, you know, you own a lot of stuff

and sometimes that stuff gets misplaced that you can do is just try to fire on all cylinders and try to find the things that you can have. And if you can find them, you can find them. And if you can't, then you got to move on to the next thing. But you know, it was always always looking towards next week. And then nothing that's going to be lost. And if it's lost, we're definitely going to do everything we can to find it. The offense, defense and the special teams. You're not helping me.

Anyways, yeah, so I'm up here in Vancouver. God damn it. It's fucking beautiful up here Fucking gorgeous man, especially when you live in uh, you know, where the hell I live Which was not designed to have really anybody living there other than I guess maybe some indigenous people sending smoke signals You know probably sending smoke signals that you know, can you find any food because we can't I'm sick of eating snake and Do you want to get the fuck out of here? How about the fuck you do that with smoke signals? It must have been pretty goddamn simple, right?

The smoke signals if they even did it or is that just another Hollywood thing that they threw a Boy, I mean how do you even fucking do that? I guess you'd get it. Obviously you got to put the fire out, right? Oh, what do I how to fuck would you do that? You know, all right, one big pop of fucking, so you got to know what kind of wood to burn. What a pain in the ass. Jesus Christ, I'm going to get lost. And remember getting lost at the mall before a fucking cell phone. That was unbelievable.

Forget about back then. If you get lost, you were fucked. Anybody see what the fuck was that guy's name? Oh fucking red face. Where do you go? Done. I mean, how long do you look? You can't really yell. You're gonna attract wild animals. Just walking around the woods. Hey, Eddie, Eddie. The fuck are you? This isn't funny, man. Anyways, but you come up here after leaving the desert. Whenever I see the desert, I always think of that great

Gerardo Rastasol joke where he just did that whole thing about how eloquent the words The words the notes were that soldiers wrote during the Civil War You know versus some of the letters from people coming back from Iraq What am I came about the fucking went it's really hard to be out here with your balls, stick into your leg out here in the desert. You know, I remember the difference between desert and desert, two S's for desert, more calories, right? There you go, that's how I do it.

And don't even ask me to spell restaurant because I won't even fucking remember. So anyways, I'm up here in Vancouver, so we go to fucking land and just, oh my God, all the lush greenery, all the lakes, although, everything we don't have down in LA, beautiful houses, I guess it's expensive as shit up here. And they were saying how a lot of Asian people,

you know, not indigenous foreigners, you know, they gotta get rid of their fucking money. They got to wash their money or I don't want the fuck it is their government is going to take it all. So they use this place up here like a Swiss bank and they buy like super expensive places for cash which drives the housing market up. It's fucking nuts man. Anytime you go to another country, you just hear the shit that they're fucking dealing

with. I just, you know, you always think like you come up here, Canada's gonna have no fucking problems. You know, you watch one Michael Moore documentary that just gives you a complete like misinterpretation of what the fuck is going on up here. So they, I guess they had to make some sort of law that you couldn't do something like that. I can't that i can't make him up the fucking personal and when all the way wallow it in the fucking supreme court it was like a group of people from aia that was so rich that they actually sued an entire country

for not letting them either come into the country buy a bunch of shit over here that drove the housing market stuff up or something like that are by their citizenship i can't even fucking remember but that's the housing market stuff up or something like that or buy their citizenship. I can't even fucking remember. But that's the charm of this podcast. You know, I get a little information. I barely remember half of it and I just fucking run with it. That's all.

So anyways, so it went all the way to the Supreme Court and then they were just finally like, yeah, you kind of have to be from this country for us to give a fuck about you. You know, to like win a lawsuit. So, uh, see you later. And that's in an end. I guess the lawyer for them knew the whole way going all the way up that it wasn't going to happen. You know, they weren't going to win it. He just took their money. He probably had to sit there and work on his,

uh, I'm disappointed we lost two face, you know, as he took all their fucking money. But anyways, so let's talk about NFL football. Wapapapapapu to gated it. Get it. The fucking patriots, they won. God damn it. Thank Christ. They won. Thank Christ. They won in Seattle lost thank Christ You know we're gonna keep advancing. I just didn't want Seattle get the revenge okay? Remember if I've already said this I just didn't want to see Seattle get the revenge on a banged up patriot team if we come in healthy And they kick our ass good on them, but You know congratulations to the Carolina Panthers

They got to be the favorites at this point come on the sixteen and fucking one right got that young defense then i'd scare the shit they just beat Seattle right who knows but uh... i don't know shit about football i've just been so fucking busy so i'm still gonna talk about it you guys keep trashy me that i don't know shit i don't give a fuck and by the way this is why i never record on a day that I flew

Because my brain is even more all over the place than it usually is especially when I got a fucking TV going on in the background but You know, I got I got a busy fucking date. I'm I fly back tomorrow. I got a busy fucking day So I apologize if this is all over the place Even more than usual. I as a first out all over the place even more than usual. I as a first out for the steel is it more than 25. I hope somebody else up here gives a shit about NFL football. I know they see a fell ends in like is it the end of November? They have the great cup, which is their Super Bowl?

Or is it December? I don't know. The people even give a shit. You ever see the fucking stadiums for their football teams up here? It's like you're sitting in the stands. You can see your car. You know, one of those deals where there's like a fucking, you watch them kick a field goal, and you're looking at traffic driving by on the street, like those old

school football stadiums. From like the 60s and 70s, you know, where they would have ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They just had people sitting on both sides, right? You had the home side and the visitor side, and that was it. And then as there's more and more people, population got bigger, the leagues got bigger, then they built end zone seats that connected both sides. And I think they just did it on one side first, then you had the horseshoe, right? Like the fucking Broncos played in, the buck guys, the buck guys still called their horses,

they still called a horseshoe, even though they fucking closed in. And then eventually there was people, people did so much fucking that they had to close, you know, and there's so much ESPN that got everybody fucking interested in it. That isn't even interested in it. Then all of a sudden Beyonce singing it fucking half time, you know, and there's a bunch of people in the crowd that are excited by it. You know, a fucking old ass Rod Stewart, who the fuck they dragging out? They always do go with somebody young, they just fucking drag somebody out who's on their last fucking legs. Like their last big payday, you know, they just fucking wheel them out there.

What are they gonna do this year? Uh, night ranger. Do you think they're gonna be like night ranger or a Drake? That's what I'm guessing. Oh wait, I think it is Beyonce. You know, I know because Nia wanted to go to the Super Bowl because Beyonce was there. I'm like, why don't you go see your concert? You're gonna make us go to the fucking Super Bowl and then we're gonna watch you to lip sync. One fucking song. How the fuck that Sean Penn interview that drug lord

How do you do something like that and the government isn't like hey, you know, we're trying to find that guy You know when you're sitting there palin around with them Probably bottom like fast times at rich Mont-Hydie V.D.s Right for his underground layer. Dude, I love Sean Penn as an actor, but how out of your fucking tree are you? That you're gonna go and interview that fucking guy. You know? I did, that's...

I'm trying to think how many fucking stand up specials I would have to put out before I could go I would go fucking interview somebody and like I, the, well I guess ISIS is actually fight but we're fucking with them too you know. I would just think I'm gonna walk in there with my microphone they're all gonna laugh at me and then they're gonna saw my fucking head off or even worse tie me to a chair Fucking torture me to death. That's insane. Hey good on him Also, I don't know is it El Chapo? That's his name. He sounds like such a gentleman huh? El Che is a good chap. El Chapo Um, I

Don't fucking get it man. What are you doing? Why did he go down there and interview that guy? And like how well does Sean Penn's movies do? That drug dealers on the run, he's on the run from our government, right? Isn't this a guy who escaped? I don't fucking know. You know what's going on?

It's my fucking internet won't let me sign on. So I can't fucking see anything. I can't see the fucking highlights. Nothing. You know all I'm up here is I fucking got one goddamn channel and a bunch of Tim Horton fucking commercials, which is a Dunkin' Donuts. See if I can sign on here. He's an L-chapo, the guy that like that we would that keeps

escaping from jail? Is that the guy? El Chapo. Come on man. Come on. Ah, this connection is untrusted. Yeah, Jesus Christ. There's probably some psycho from Alberta trying to hack in here. That seems like they're Texas to me when you're up here. It's all fucking oil men and ranchers and shit. And then you got Edmonton. Edmonton seems like it's nice. You know what I mean? Like that's there like business hub. You know, I'm totally judging these just by doing like driving through and doing a little bit of standup out here. Like when I did stand up in Calgary, great people, but fucking animals. Jesus, fucking Christ. They were animals. I don't know, it's because the place that we performed at, there was like no carpeting or nothing. They were fucking. I think

it was closer because it was bring your own beer. Fucking animals. I would never fuck with anybody from Calgary. I saw the way they behaved when they were in a good mood, excited for a show. Don't ever fuck with anybody from Calgary. I went to Edmonton. It was civilized Calgary. Jesus Christ. They had everything but a hooker swinging from a swing. You know, back in the old days with the saloons We had the horse, you know way overdressed once again. It might just be a fucking movie thing So much so much of my history is based on that by the way. I can't get on the fucking internet but for some reason I can fucking I can do it over the I can do it on my phone. Let me look up El Chapo here.

Like I said, he sounds like such a chap. I just think like that English thing. Hey, my chapo. Anyway, he's a Mexican chap. How Mexico secretly launched a crackdown after Penn met El Chapo. How El Chapo was finally captured again. That was one day ago. Will El Chapo rat out rival cartels corrupt officials? It's got to be a lot of stress being this El Chapo guy huh? Joaquin Guzman. You know I gotta say he looks like a Mexican Robert Blake like during the Beretta years. Now when he says yeah that's me who's also on the phone and it starts laughing. How

else this is when you know you lived a fucking crazy life. This is just the front page of this guy's, if you search this guy's name. How El Chapo was finally captured again. Will El Chapo, or I read those, El Chapo Guzman. Sean Penn talks about him. El Chapo had erectile dysfunction surgery while on the run. That's nice. Now we took a pit stop, you know?

Guy takes care of himself. How nervous was that doctor working on that maniacs dick? El Chapo speaks Rolling Stone. Sean Penn has terrible regret about meeting El Chapo. Well, what did he think he was gonna meet? He's gonna get some fucking Sherries Barys, the hunt for El Chapo Joaquin El Chapo Guzman the truth about the jailbreak. There's nothing here about

An older wiser El Chapo puts out a little singer songwriter Jesus fucking Christ Dude, you know realize how fucking finished we are Just as is as is are just as a race? That's a race as humanity some trying to say Just as people were fucking done You know Rolling Stone Rolling Stone this month has Sean Penn talking to El Chapo

And Leonardo DiCaprio's on the cut cover and they're billing him he has a plan to save the planet. What are we doing? What the fuck is our government not doing that A-list fucking actors have to talk to drug lores and try to save the planet. I mean there's got to be how many leaks are in the fucking dam at this point. I don't know about you guys. That does not make me feel comfortable. You know, I mean, boomer a sysin to figure out how to call a colonized Mars. That's the next thing that they're going to have in the Rolling Stone. you know, why the fuck do I want to hear that? Can I hear a scientist? You know, how about have a Navy SEAL interview? Well, Chapel.

I don't know, Bill, how would you shut the fuck up? All right, I will. I don't know. I get unsettled. I get unsettled. I have problems with digestion. I can't even remember what the fuck I was going to look up. What was I initially looking up before I got to El Chapo? Jesus Christ, some of the stories on that guy. You know, it's right up there with that fucking rod Stewart rumor from way back in the day. Remember that one?

I think it was, I can't even have a drop suit. I think yeah, they found like a gallon of jizz in his stomach. His stomach had to be pumped. You know, a gallon. He went to trade a Joe's and butts of a fucking all natural organic fuck. I'm sorry. He got a gallon of it, you know, no, you went to, uh, what's that place we have buy everything in bulk? Those fucking whales that pushing around those pallet jacks by in Cheerios. You got to get a membership to it because with a C, it's not a con T. What's the name of that?

I never go to the fucking place. Once I had to go in there and a membership They wanted on this fucking information Oh, Chris what the fuck is it called that coach check I'm never gonna remember it you know what I'm saying that just kills the jokes bill when you can't remember the fucking references It's just it absolutely kills it Costco It just it absolutely kills it Costco They went to Costco. He bought it one of those big fucking gallons of fucking giz

It on a dairy chugged it Anyway, so there's here's something on El Chapo El Chapo. They said I Can't remember like just fucking killed this person's whole family took their kids and something I this way I don't believe it like took his kids and then flew them to To Columbia and then threw them off a bridge it's like really that there's not any bridges in Mexico you never know what to believe but I got to tell you when you go south or the US you do not want to piss anybody off as far as I can tell that's some next- shit. And I can say that because I just read papers from the United States.

That's just next-level. Like, you know, you mad at somebody and then, you know, how you get your revenge is just some next- I read that killing Pablo one time. I had to put the book down like three times. Some of the shit they just said that the guy did. guy did I don't know if the fucking guy did the shit But I'm a one times hearing that the guy had a party

All right, and everybody's out there by the pool standing around you know and What's his face there? Pablo Escobar standing there, you know everybody's ignoring the weight that he's putting on as he sits there and his fucking haggar action slacks You know seem to like those he's putting on as he sits there and his fucking haggard action slacks, you know, he seemed to like those, he stretched. And, you know, still, talk to him in right at the waist, you know what I mean? Talked him right in the waist and pushed the pants down, didn't do the fucking shirt on, talked, he talked it right in. And they said that he allegedly filed one of his, one of the people, you know, one of his, not his, one of the maids, I don't know what allegedly was stealing. So they tied this guy's legs together and his arms behind the, his back and they threw him in the house pool and just watched him drown

as everyone was standing there at the party. You know, let's say there must have been a lot of ice shaking and drinks after that one. So is this Victorian house? Pablo, Mr. Eskobar. I don't want to go in the pool. Yeah, people getting their faces ripped off. Is it torture or death? They're like peeling their fucking faces back. This is not funny.

This is not what this podcast is about. Why is this fucking stealer Denver game so fucking boring? Is it because I have the sound down? I just don't give a fuck. The AFC is just the walking wounded. Well, at the Sparger's a fucking man. Look at the guy just getting bumped by Lyman. He stays in there. Okay, he has like fucking... He stays in the pocket like Steve Grogan used to stay in the pocket.

Did anybody remember that? He old Pat's fans out there. You'd fucking sit there. And this is back when you could literally, you could hammer a fucking quarterback. Drive your helmet right under his chin and then lift them off the ground and pile drive them into the fucking astroturf,

which is like it and tackled in a parking lot that's been painted green. And Steve drove him, he would go back for a pass. This back when he had that fucking neck brace, and he had such a long neck, he could still see like six inches of neck, right? Even with the neck brace. And there'd be some defensive lineman just run in full speed right at him, and he would just hang onto it, hang onto it, hang onto it, hang onto it,

and then he would throw the ball and the camera would follow the football and right as he let it go, you'd see just the beginning of that fucking line and drilling them and he'd go flying right out the right side of your screen or left side, the predator, which way he was going, down the field, the Stanley Morgan, you know, Russ Francis, one of those fucking guys, right? Harold Jackson. Who else did we have back then? I can't even fucking remember. Hasselbeck. Hasselbeck, whose son was the one who said, we want the ball when we're going to score. Don Hasselbeck, I think, was his dead. All right. Anyways, where the fuck uh... we want the ball and we're gonna score don't have so back and think it was his death alright anyways with the way the fuck am i

uh... yeah rotha spark is like that that guy stands in the pocket takes a fucking it and speak in which to uh... i know there's a lot of candy city fans will probably pissed off at the calls tom brady got in the lack of calls that out with smith got and uh... i'm a patriot's fan uh... you're right, but that is not Tom Brady's fault. Okay. And I'm hoping most of you guys in Kansas City can hear what I'm saying because

you're not as upset because you got to see your baseball team win the world series. All right. So you got that going for you. Half of your professional teams won championships this year. That's pretty fucking good. Right? Tom Brady earned those calls. Okay.

If you want Alex Smith to get those calls in the future, in the future, he has to make the NFL owners a lot more money than he is. And that's just a simple fact. And people call it the Tom Brady rules. It isn't. It's the superstar rules. You know, Jordan gets away with the push, right? One of the last time we Kobe Bryant, what does Kobe Bryant have to do to get, you know, well, he's not healthy anymore, but back in the day, you could be standing in the lane before the fucking game starts. And if he runs into you, they're going to call it

on you. He'd literally have to take, he'd have to fucking tie and act to the front of his knee and fucking jump into and cut your head off before, you know, there was a way to call offsetting they would have. It's just, it's just how it works. But I have to say as much as he earned the calls, that one word he was getting sacked and he switched it to his left hand and threw it and they still gave him the call was fucking ridiculous. I, even as a pageant's fan, I was at home going,

oh, what the fuck? Give me a break, but you know, I'll take it. Of course, I'll take it the same way you would have. But I don't know, Kansas City is a great team and they have, you know, Alksmith, I think is going to be a really fucking great quarterback. But you got to have it all, man. You got to have the coach and the ownership and all that bullshit and lucky enough that

we have that in New England. So there you go, that's me trying to not be a cunt. All right. And, oh, God, I can't wait to go home and watch that fucking carol out of Panther game, man. I think you're gonna see like... All these people that they were saying are the heir apparent to fucking Tom Brady in Peyton Manning. I think it's uh... I think it's what's his face there on the Panthers.

I can't remember his fucking name. What is wrong with me? He went to Auburn, right? He does the Superman thing. Cam Newton. There we go. Anyways, oh, I don't that'll let you guys know that I'm supposed to read this shit here, but of course I get a type of my fucking password, which takes forever. I'm on for fuck's sakes. I gotta have a fucking 20 letter password and numbers because God knows everybody wants to break it in my computer and read my dick jokes here. Oh, Andrew asked you guys, he said,

please ask the listeners to put relevant subject lines in their emails if they want them read. Putting hay doesn't help with a thousand, thousands a week trying not to miss any of the good ones. Thanks. I probably could have niceened that up a little bit. He sort any of the good ones thanks. I probably could have nice in that up a little bit. He sort of text me that really quickly. Yeah, so if you guys have a subject whatever, you know, anything, you know,

fuck Tom Brady, Tom Brady rules or something like that, you know, if you just do that instead of writing like, hey, dot, dot, dot, and then in the email, be like, what the fuck was with those calls? You know what I mean? Oh, Bill, we get it. Also, if you'd like to follow the Monday morning podcast on Twitter, it's at the MM podcast. All right. And with that, it's time for my attempts at reading out loud and Mercifully, that's the end of me reading out loud for this week Here's a stat I had to look up because Dom I rarer sent me a text I try to drop names here by the way. I'm on his podcast this past week Dom I rarer sent me a text this morning

He goes how many quarterbacks have you ever seen in the NFL have a Hail Mary Pass, throw a successful Hail Mary Pass once in their career, forget about twice in the same season. And I had to go look it up. I was like, I got to find this out, man, I got to find out, you know, if anybody's ever done it, because I was like, there's I got to find this out man. I got to find out You know if anybody's ever done it because I was like there's no way anybody's done it in my lifetime of watching The last 30 something years of watching football holy fuck. I've been watching football For 38 years. Oh my god. I'm old I Started watching it religiously in about 1978 Yeah about that 78 79

Jesus fucking Christ Put it this way the first Super Bowl I watched was Super Bowl 12 And they're at 50 so there you go. Wow. This is gonna be my What would that be my 50 not 50ifth-fifty first you fucking idiot my thirty-ninth super bowl fifty minus twelve plus i watch twelve yeah so that they take them is a lot of people right now actually think i'm wrong but it's true my thirty-ninth i'm going to be watching anyways let's plow ahead here

so i looked it up. Successful Hail Marries. Okay. There's only one guy that I saw since they started keeping the stat in 1975, Steve Bart Kowski. Steve Bart Kowski and there's no way to picture Steve Bart Kowski and not have the song this song go through your head. Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I never thought I could be so free Throwin' the ball two billion wide shoes Johnson and to another guy

Yeah, he looked like the greatest American hero. He did it 1978 against the Saints and then he did it again in 1983 against the 49ers in the NFC West which back then was only four teams. It was the Los Angeles Rams, the New Orleans Saints, the Atlanta Falcons, and the San Francisco 49ers. The quarterback is Steve Bart Kowski, 78th. Steve Bart Kowski, Archie Manning, and I think they had a quarterback controversy Pat Hayden-Vinds-Ferragamo back and forth

Four Vince-Kervarragamo. I tried to take the money and went to the fucking CFL. Oh, geez. I never saw him again and It would be Steve DeBurg or Jim Plunkett in 78. I did this with fucking Joe Bartnik one time. We tried to name all the starting quarterbacks in the NFL in 1978. We went around the league. I so I think it was AFC East was Bert Jones, Bob Greasey, Steve Grogon, Richard Todd and Joe Ferguson for the bills. Then it was Terry Bradshaw, Dan Pastoreini. Who the fuck was quarterback for the Browns? It was either Mike Fipps or Brian Scythe. And then the Bengals was Kenny Anderson. Kenny the candle. As Collins were sent, they call Anderson Kenny the candle as Collins were sent they call him Kenny the candle cuz one blow and he was out You ever see that one on NFL films and they cut the Kenny Anderson. He's like oh fuck Collins worth And let's see was Craig Morton. I'll just do the AFC because I know this is fucking driving everybody nuts But this is my I have to do it now because now it's in my head.

Craig Morton was with the orange crush Broncos. Ken Stable. Kenny Snake Stable for the the Raiders Dan Fouts. The great Dan Fouts, Air Corrielle with the Chages. Jim Zorn with Seattle. And then I, fuck, there's always one that gets me. Who the fuck was with the chiefs? Was before Black Lidge was after Len Dawson. Who the fuck was the quarterback?

There's a good one for you. There's some poor bastard in Kansas City right now screaming it. Who the fuck was it? I even know I think like the the Buccaneers had Gary Huff. Lynn Dickie was out in Green Bay. Jim Hart was in... How the fuck do I remember those? I remember Kansas City. Who the... Kansas City... I can look this up. Kansas City Chief quarterback., it's gonna get better guys. I played drums this week Out and I played with the Colin Hay from Men at work, alright? I'm gonna tell a story in a second. I just fucking deal with this here Kansas City Chiefs

QB 1978 why do I care? Why do I fucking care? List of Kansas City Chief Quarterbacks This is fucking made for me. Who's the last person who fucking went to this? Starting quarterbacks, season to season. Jesus, they've had some guys here, huh? Joe Montana, Warren Moon, Rich Ganon.

All right, here we go. Here we go. Back in it up. 1970, I'd never get this. All right, here we go. Here we go. Back in it up. Back in it up. 1970, I never get this. Mike Livingston and Tony Adams. This is the one that always fucking gets me. Lenny Dawson left in 1975 and then Mike Livingston took over. You know, there was a guy who played for the Bengals that Bill Walsh was talking about. He only played for one season.

He got fucking injured and Bill Walsh to this day still said he's the greatest quarterback that he ever coached, but he's probably still trying to motivate or he was, anyways, he passed away. Probably still trying to motivate fucking Montana or a young even after they retired. Get them to rake the leaves better that day or some shit. I can't remember the guy's fucking name but that's one to look up. Anyways so yeah this this week I did a great barren show at Largo and Rose Things 2. It's not quite like the god damn comedy jam this was one where they actually have people uh... for the most part its musicians

coming out and telling funny stories and this is something that Greg did a number of years ago and uh... he's brought the show back and uh... so anyways let me get the line up here so i'll fuck this up i did take a picture of it. I'm so fucking disorganized. I apologize. All right, so it was Colin Hay, Tom Morello, myself and Chris Fairbanks and other comedians. So it was two comedians and then

two musicians and I got to I got to play with the band, told some stories I got to play with the band, told some stories, and I got to play with the band, and then afterwards, I got to play with Colin Hay. And we played, who can it be now, which was just beyond a fucking thrill. He was the nicest fucking guy, so generous to let me play. And he had this really cool way. Then he wanted to bring me out. He goes, uh, he just went out to him, he was telling stories, he was fucking hilarious. And then he just randomly goes, you know, and I had the weirdest dream last night. I was dreaming. I was, you know, playing a show. And I was playing, you know, who could it be now in the crowd claps? Because it's such a huge hit. And he goes, the weirdest thing, you know, Bill Burr was on drums like, you know, and I just waited a second,

then I just walked out and sat down and everybody started laughing and then he told this great story. I'm not going to repeat the story just because it's his story. So I'm sure if he wants to tell it on a podcast, he can, but he tells this fucking hilarious story that ends with the word cunt and he told me after I say cunt basically you do the drum fill intro and then we'll go into the song and they're he played and he went off went off pretty good man and actually I don't know it's fucking unreal man I played like 20 years by myself in a rehearsal space Until it finally dawned on me them supposed to be out interacting with other fucking people so now Then I've kind of opened Pandora's box. I just I told you I made this rule that I'm not gonna ask

To sit in but if somebody asked me to play I'm gonna fucking play all right That includes if I come to your town and if I'm drinking in a bar, if I go out to a bar and your local band is playing, if you come up to me and ask me to sit in with your band, I'm gonna fucking do it. Alright? And this is a warning. It's a warning. I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna fuck up. So, you know, if you want a story, I'll fucking do it because it's fun as hell to me and it's weird. I don't feel any pressure whatsoever because I'm a comedian. What's the pressure? He's gonna sit down and play drums. He's gonna stink. Of course he is. Everybody already knows it. So it's fine. Plus,

everybody just looks at the singer anyways, but it's a lot of fun. And I've been getting psycho back into lessons. And I told you, I've been taking some lessons. Do you remember a long time ago when I watched that Mars Volta video? And I was talking about their drummer, who was David Elyt at the time. I was going, holy fuck, look at this guy's fucking unbelievable blah blah blah. Well, from doing that,

he must have heard the clip. He reached out to me on Twitter and low and behold, he lives in LA and every once in a while I go by and I take a lesson with the guy and he's a fucking unbelievable teacher and he's been teaching me techniques. So my, you know, I'm one of those guys. I grabbed the drumsticks the same way like a toddler would would just my fit meaty fucking fist just right over both of them. And it was causing my arms to be doing all the work and my forearm. If any, drummers are listening to this, if you have like that fucking, you know, that pain in your forearms and all that, you know, that's,

I was kind of going through that shit and he is teaching me this technique where you let me stick through the work and it's holding it in this particular way that does not seem fucking natural at all. And it has been a motherfucker, but, you know, incrementally, I've been gradually working its way into my playing and it's been, it's totally been worth it. And we've been going through this jazz book and like most students, like I work on something for three seconds and then want to go on to the next thing so I can have that sense of accomplishment and just get through a whole fucking page and

And I was moving ahead and every time I'd go to the lesson, I would still not have the first thing down and I've been taking lessons, you know, on and off since the summer. I mean, I get busy and I can't go for like a month or something but I'm still on that first page and it finally dawned on me in the past week to be like dude just work on this one fucking thing and fuck everything else and I just sort of sat down 50 minutes a day just working on this thing you know making a little bit of an improvement and then being fuck I'm gonna start over blah blah blah blah and all that shit and I actually had a great lesson this week where I think he actually was saying that I was just I was finally

starting to improve which made my fucking week so anyways I even know the fuck I'm going with this I'm rambling all over the place. What are we up to here? 45 minutes Jesus Christ Bill Can we fucking get on with this here? Oh, by the way somebody told me to watch the show top boy T.O.P. Boy on Netflix and I want to Netflix for the life I can I can figure out how to search when I'm on the internet I can't fucking do it when I'm on the TV. I don't how do you search when you're on the TV if anybody knows? I would really appreciate it, but anyways, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be playing out again this week.

I'm doing that Bonzo Bash thing. I'm hosting the Bonzo Bash co-hosting. And I don't even know who I'm co-hosting with. It's gonna be an Anaheim this Friday night. And Brian Tishy's wonderful event, where all these drummers that I grew up watching sit down and play Led Zeppelin songs, which is gonna be the shit.

I'm gonna get to host it. And with somebody else, it's gonna be fucking awesome. So, and I will be sitting in for one song. Once again, risking total humiliation. But, you know, I'll probably make it ask myself, who gives a fuck, right? But anyways, I know what I wanted to talk about. Fucking the Arizona Cardinals Packers game.

I started to talk about it and you know you would think last week after watching that dude on the Bengals intercept the ball and then fucking walk into the locker room like well, I guess that's that right You think That these these damn kids today they'd learned something Patrick Peterson who I fucking love LSU kid right Incomplete forth down that ought to fucking do it two and a half minutes left This guy's walking down the sideline, waving to the crowd, doing damn near blowing kisses to the crowd like it's over

when he's playing the packers in Aaron fucking roaches. Fucking hilarious. Two and a half minutes of football left and he's walking around doing that and what happened? Two minutes and 25 football seconds later. He gets beat on a jump ball in the fucking end zone on a hail Mary to send it into overtime. Fucking unbelievable. How many times does somebody gonna fucking do that? How many times are you gonna run down the field? You got the football. You're not past the goal line, you already start holding it out, and don't baby, slap it out of your hand, or you're fucking, you know, you spike it over,

you know, over your back, you know, that one, we throw it down over your shoulder, and you get big toes across the end zone, but the ball isn't, how many fucking times you're gonna see people do that? I just don't understand why I don't get it so anyways let's plow ahead here all right here's the questions or the letters for this week all right pasta bill if you want to get good at making pasta of course I do

begin with a generic contaldos videos on food tube All right, I don't know if I said I'm probably gonna say right G-E-N-A-R-R-O and then the last name is C-O-N-T-A-L-D-O-S No, D-O apostrophe S Contaldos The guy taught me so much. I even wish to my happy birthday also pay attention to sorts of flour you're using. Gears to you in your Mondays. Yeah, what's going on? Some people use flour, some people use that semolina, some people use a mixture of both. I like doing it.

I think it goes back to when I was a kid. I was one of those kids playing in mud puddles. You know what I mean? So it was, there's just something about that. I think that's why I like making like pie crust and shit like that. It's just a big gooey fucking mess. It's fun. Um, but I'll definitely, uh, I'll check that out if I can get online here. All right, cooking Asian food. All right, Bill. How are you you freckled cunt Jesus? Jesus no happy new year

Huge fan from Belgium here nice bedlam and Belgium AC DC flick of the switch album How many fucking balls are you gonna drop on Peyton here? This could be his last game ever. What are you doing? Jesus Christ and when it did shoulder pads get so small? Have you ever seen shoulder pads on people in the fucking... The shoulder pads were so big, they shirt didn't even cover your belly. You used to run around with half shirts on. By the way, can Grunk pull his pants up

or get a longer fucking jersey? He started to look like a waitress at Hooters. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, huge fan from Belgium here. He started to look like a waitress at Hooters All right huge fan from Belgium here I'm sure it's any show in his midriff. That's probably the run Wrong reference who knows you know the little ass country that people know About because of Austin powers Oh, I thought I knew them from I thought that's not Brussels. The muscles from Brussels that was the guy who used to who the guys do the splits. Now fuck is the guy's name.

He wasn't I must break you. He wasn't Steven Segal. He was the other guy from blood. Wow, it gives a fuck Belgium Yeah, Luxembourg and Belgium right Right there tucked in there right there battle the bulge right there in France and not Germany my nuts In between a Amsterdam and Fucking Denmark there Copenhagen. Yeah, you're tucked right there staring at the fucking bad teeth of the English, aren't you? Looking across the channel Maybe not maybe if I had a map I could find it. You know, all right love defter's efforts for family Please come to our our freckle of a country

Dude, I'm definitely gonna go there I'm definitely gonna go there without a fucking doubt. I'm We're waiting here about the second season after-school family the pitch went fucking great Went out of there. We were all excited. I got a great feeling about it And I'm gonna let you guys know as soon as I find out Like but I got a good feeling about it So and I'm definitely gonna do a European tour. I did Australia and Asia last year so this time It's time to head the other way. I'm definitely going to do a European tour. I did Australia and Asia last year. So this time, it's time to head the other way. I'm going to do Europe this time.

And I want to hit all the countries I've been to. I'd like to add a few more. And I also want to do a little bit of Eastern Europe. But if we do get a second season, I don't know how many episodes that would be. I think it'd be at least 10. And then, you know, we got to sit down and write them. And if we want to make it as good as the first season, you know, and even better, which of course we do, it's going to take a lot of time. So I got to kind of figure out, you know, once they give us the yay or nay on that, but like I said, I got a really, really, really positive vibes, a lot of laughs in the room.

And which is always good. So anyways, he said, the guy says, anyway, I've heard you talking about cooking more Asian food. Oh wait, this is different. Oh, it's the same guy, sorry. And this is the same guy from Belgium because anyways, I've heard you talking about wanting to cook more Asian food in your podcast. Since I love cooking as well, please allow me to recommend you some.

Korean cuisine has a lot of spicy food. Oh yeah, kimchi and all that stuff Yeah, I've been to that was Korean barbecue and all that stuff. I love all of that stuff But it's just so different from the stuff here. I'm really intimidated About cooking it Which is so stupid, you know. I'm afraid of it, I should just sit down and be like, okay, let's start with something easy. How do you make the sticky rice?

If you could just make sticky rice alone, that's the shit, right? That's the best fucking rice there is. I don't hear anybody tell me it's not fucking healthy. I don't give a fuck, you know. It's fucking delicious. Korean cuisine don't give a fuck. You know, it's fucking delicious. Korean cuisine has a lot of spicy food which is great for losing weight. Since you tend to be full more quickly and drink more water, plus a lot of other health

benefits. If you are interested, please check out, it's M-A-A-N-G-C-H-I on YouTube. Oh, I got to do this. I got to guess. I go. I guess this is a lady. She's a Korean housewife who is funny as hell and learns, teaches you. You said learns you how to cook. It's teaches. Teachers you how to cook great traditional and overall easy recipes. Now you got to teach. It's teachers. Teachers, you how to cook great traditional and overall easy recipes. Now you got to teach me some Belgian words. I gave you one there, huh? Recommendations are Belgian words.

Belgianium. Recommendations are spicy pork stir fry, jingsing chicken. I don't know how to say this. It's J-A-J-A- M.E.O.N.G. Ja Ja Myeong. That sounds like an annoying character in fucking Star Wars, which is black bean sauce, noodles, some other shit that I can't say. Korean barbecue, which I bet you've had before. Yeah, I have. What is that? The hacky American thing? I've had Korean food.

I went to Korean barbecue. I literally just said that Japanese cuisine is mostly salty, sweet, and umami. What does umami mean? Is that umami burger? Better than flavors. Lots of vegetables, no butter, soy sauce, which is amazing for you and rich taste. Yeah, I got to tell you, man, people, what I went over to age, man, they were fucking in shape. People are just in shape over there, you know? I bet if you're fat in Asia, they'd just mean look at that rich mother

fucker. He must be traveling. He's got enough money to get to an apple beast. I'm fucking too tired. I didn't want to say apple beast. Apple beast is not a fattening place, is it? What's a good, uh, uh, uh, too tired. I didn't want to say Applebee's. Applebee's not a fattening place. Is it? What's a good, uh, Jesus, I'll just wrap up the podcast. Okay. If I'm going to be this off right now,

what the fuck's going to happen when I go to do my shows tonight? All right. Now Chinese food, I don't know a lot about, uh, cool to know is that Chinese food in the states and Europe is not actual Chinese food. No, it isn't. That's their surreptitious way of trying to fucking kill us. That's what they're trying to do. They know we have the bomb, right? They're Chinese attacking us on two levels right now. Giving us food that's going to give us a heart attack and they're going to fuck with our economy somehow. Somehow we're tied in with them and they're going to pull the fucking

rug out. Anyways, he said it's modified for our taste buds, but I'm guessing they have amazing stuff too. Yeah, I would think so. No fuck, am I getting the hiccups here? Tie in Vietnamese food is mostly spring rolls. Jesus Christ, you go on through the whole continent here. Let me get some water. Ah, fuck, completely Mr. Glass. Fucking

bad angle here. Lastly, okay, no tie, Vietnamese, mostly spring rolls, spicy curry. I love how a guy from fucking Belgium is telling me about Asian food. Are you at least Asian? Lots of coriander, which I personally detest because it tasted of dishwasher product. Lastly, if you really want to go hardcore, try out North Korean food. It's basically starving yourself. You'll be able to see your ginger pubed ding dong without a mirror again in no time. Pretty edgy, huh? Yes, you're making fun of the fact that they're under a dictator that doesn't feed them. Very edgy. pretty edgy, huh? Yes, you're making fun of the fact that they're under a dictator that doesn't feed them very edgy very edgy Hope this helped to go fuck yourself lots of love for Nea and oh Cleodio

Oh shit, I guess I'll give that you know, I love how Asia stops with people that we can you know, it doesn't go into India That's also Asia, right? Isn't the Middle East, isn't that also Asia? Russia? You know, anyway, I signed that guy in fucking forest gump. All right, hey, Billy Bean, uh, been a fan of the podcast for a while. Now, yeah, I need some advice or just a fresh perspective on what to do. I'm 23. Ah, you're the primary life. Dropped out of high school like a dipshit at 17, got my GED when I was 19. Ah, you're back in the game! You're back in the game! And it decided to start becoming a productive member of society. Everything was going good, paycheck meant, the dating pool opened up, tried a few jobs, etc. But now I'm 23. I quit my job to go to school for advertising slash art at an arts

E. College. You should probably mention the only thing I'm truly good at is art mainly pen and ink stuff. Well, dude, that's a great thing. And you can make a ton of fucking money doing that. It's just that schools generally speaking are not geared towards that. It's just that schools generally speaking are not geared towards that. So yeah, you were fucking bored and then you took shit that you weren't good at, made you feel like an asshole, you fucking drop out, you party for a few years, right? Banged a couple of who is and now you coming back dude, you're fine, you're 23 dude, you're fine. That was eight months ago. I missed a sign. I missed the sign update and just lacked the general knowledge slash support on going about it. I spent six months grinding the living shit out of drawing, trying to achieve something. I might be able to take some pride in didn't work. I was just going to say you're being too hard on yourself. Your next line is I'm hard on myself to the point where I'm thinking I'll never be handed a medal as

the greatest that ever fucking lives. So why bother? Oh Jesus, dude. Well listen Richard Pryor is the greatest of all time and I'll never come closer to that guy that does not going to stop me. You just try to see how close you can come. Some people you can't pass. And that's all right. You know, you just try to come as close to them. Try to just like try to go as high up the all-time ladder as you possibly can. And who knows if you keep pushing yourself, listen, you don't know what your limits are until you keep fucking throwing yourself out there, especially if you're hard on yourself.

You're probably being way better than you think you are. You're going to be fine, all right? You're depressing me here. Anyway, I've sensed quit drawing and now do nothing but troll around dating sites all day and hooking up with semi-decent looking women as a way to stay positive and cure boredom. I'm not lazy. I've done primarily manual labor jobs and know I have the back for it, but Jesus Christ, I can't force myself to pull the trigger on anything because I can't be the top of the crop or the very goddamn best. I won't be fulfilled. I've been standing at

a crossroad my dick in my hand for nearly a year And he's sort of vice be fucking amazing. Don't hold back if you think I need to be ripped a new one I can handle it. Thanks go fuck yourself. Yeah, dude You've got yourself into a completely paralyzed state here because it's like you got it You just bought a guitar and because you're not Jimmy Hendrix Within the first two weeks you're gonna fucking quit All right, if Jimmy Hendrix did that he wouldn't be Jimmy Hendrix. All right All right, look just

If you whatever you like to do in life just go out and do it all right and enjoy it and don't put that level of pressure on yourself like What was your dad like the great Santini or something? I'm trying to figure out why you like this, but like, the reason why you can't pull the trigger on anything else in life is because you actually have a strong, I think you have a strong sense on what makes you happy and what you want to do. All right, and you know that despite the fact that you're being totally negative about your drawing you know that that's what you want to do and You have such a passion for it that you're that hard on yourself and then also it's preventing you from getting a job at the Fucking Costco or wherever the goddamn place you're gonna end up fucking working at

I would I don't know if I was you I would would continue drawing, I'd get into computers and all that. There's all kinds of stuff I've seen people do drawings on computers and they turn that into building websites, which helps to pay for their studio and the shit that they really want to do. There's tons of money to make in the arts. Don't let anybody ever fucking tell you that there isn't. Just helping people make it in show business. All right, this people who get headshots, give acting classes and all that, just doing that shit. People make a small fucking fortune. So if you're actually a talented artist, you can actually, you're gonna be fine. You just have to stop beating the shit out of yourself. All right?

So just pay attention to that voice in your head when it tells you you can't do something. Just tell it to shut the fuck up. Basically, even if you have to say it out loud, you don't just make sure you're not looking at somebody you care about as they're telling you a story when you think of those thoughts, just maybe say it in your brain first.

All right? Okay. Advice, no one to relate to Jesus. He's a fucking gloomy this week. All right. Advice, no one to relate to, causing loneliness. All right. Hey, Billy Bats, love the podcast.

You stand up, efforts for family. They all put a smile on my face. Well, that's great. Okay. I'm sensing that all of a sudden now the smile's gonna go away.. I hope you read this because you have it. My problem is I have no one to relate to and I fear I might as well read this here. I hope you read this because I've been doing everything positive but I just can't seem to get my life where I want it to be. It's a bit of a long road so please bear with me. Oh fuck, is this a long email? Dude, you know I can't read out loud.

All right, my problem is I have no one to relate to and I fear I might be caught. This might be causing me to be lonely in life. I fear that if I continue the way I'm going, I may never get over. I'm in my last semester of college and an engineering program and I've made almost no friends throughout my entire stay at college. I'm at the top of my classes and I'm lining up jobs at big tech companies. Now you're probably imagining some point lectures with the pocketer, pocket protector and all that. Actually, I was. That's exactly. That was the picture you were painting, sir. Quite the opposite, actually. I've been working out for a few years now, and I am one of the jacked people in my classes. All right, so now I'm pictured as that dude in American Psycho. Highly achieving, totally shredded cannot relate to human beings. I dress well, eat healthy. Please tell me you don't listen to Huey Huey Lewis in the news.

Um, and always make sure to keep myself clean. I feel like I might alienate my classmates from interacting with me. They probably think I'm just a jocke in their class where it's quite the opposite. I'm into gaming, chess and all of that. Dude, you're like a fucking renaissance man here. So I figure I might try to interact with the opposite crowd, the and all of that. Dude, you like a fucking Renaissance man here. So I figure I might try to interact with the opposite crowd, the non-Geeky people. I know a way to meet people is to get out there and do something I like doing,

playing some sport, a joining a club of volunteering. The problem is with my program and my work, I have little time to be doing much else. The only free time I have is Friday or Saturday nights that I spend by myself playing video games or playing guitar because I have nothing else to do. Well, you could go out those nights. All right, it wasn't always this way. It was like a movie.

When I was in high school, my life was completely the opposite. I didn't work out, eat healthy, work hard, or nothing. But I always find ways to make new friends, make people laugh and start conversations. Now that I'm doing everything right, it seems my only problem is social, oh, Jesus Christ dude. So you know what you're doing? You're just too busy. I fear once I graduate college, things will only get worse.

I lost all of my family apart from my older brother who is in another country. So once I graduate college, I'll truly be alone. No one to grab a beer with, no one to help me move or anything, help me move or anything. Despite all this, I try to be positive and thankful for what I have and what I have accomplished. Sorry for the long email and go fuck yourself. Yeah, dude, you just, look, you already know how to make friends. I would, you need to make time to do it. Playing video games by yourself is very anti-social.

Playing guitar is always cool. That's fun. Why don't you play guitar with somebody else find somebody plays drums or play bass Get together do some covers you know jam Fuck around you know drink some beers Invite some ladies over you do every week. You just add some more shit, right?

You know start taking bets open your own fucking not draft kinks, maybe start selling coke. Just keep expanding your ring of social interaction. I'm obviously fucking with you, but no, there's a bunch of people that are in the video games. Why don't you find somebody that you can play against? Can you do that anymore? Do kids do that or do you have to go online to do it? You know? Is that like corny now? There's two people not sitting next to each other with an Atari with the joystick and

the one red button. Are we past that? I don't fucking know, but it seems like you know how to do that stuff. You just got busy. And with all your achievement, you know, sometimes, you know, when you go after a goal, some things suffer. All right, I've talked about this numerous times, when I was on, you know, when I was 36 years old,

I was fucking living alone in a studio apartment that they called the one bedroom, sleeping on a futon. I remember days just going by, I go, what the fuck have I done? The only thing I've worked on is trying to become a comedian. Everything else is at the starting line. And over the next 10 years, I've worked on is trying to become a comedian everything else is at the starting line and

Over the next 10 years. I just worked on some shit like that. So That's all you need to do all right Jesus Christ. I'm starting to feel like Dr. Phil here All right What do we got here third and goal Broncos have the ball with three minutes left? I'm doing a fucking podcast touchdown Broncos with three minutes left. I'm doing a fucking podcast. Touchdown Broncos! Alright, alright, Broncos. Now here you go. Celebrate, and act like a bunch of fucking idiots when Ben Rathlisberger has three minutes left. This one is not over. Alright, so what does this do? This puts them up by five. Hey, people in the crowd holding up two fingers, like the crowd's going to look at them. Oh yeah, yeah, we should go for two. Shouldn't we?

We shouldn't just be up by six. Thank you. Thank you. You and the fucking mezzanine level. Ah, fuck. Are we going to have to go to Denver? Is this going to be one more? One more.

Bray, either way, this is going to be great. Either you get to see Brady versus Peyton Manning one more bra, either way, this is gonna be great. Either you get to see Brady versus Peyton Manning one more time. I'm assuming he's retiring, which is stupid. Or you get to see another Patriots Steelers matchup with fucking big bent, big bend, not afraid of anything, big bend, both great teams. All right, that's the podcast for this week.

I apologize that my head was kind of all over the place. I don't know what flying and going to the fucking airport does to me. But it makes me even more fucking scatterbrains. So anyways, go fuck yourselves and I will talk to you on Thursday, okay? All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. and unfortunately, Paul Verzi has morning sickness. So from all those years of the next fucking him, no, Paul Verzi is sick this week, whatever, I don't know what, if he had what I had it a few weeks ago, about a month ago, this stomach flu that was just, it was epic anyway, but he's not gonna be here this week,

so you're gonna have to deal with me. I'll try to talk to the other people as much as possible, so you're not annoyed. Anyways, let's talk about Bet-MGM, with the best betting lines in the business. Bet five to alless, you get a hundred 58 bucks instantly. There's a fucking algorithm, one at a hundred 55 or 160,

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Thamelis. Alright, here we go. Before we get started, dude, I just had the dumbest fucking argument with my beautiful wife. Dude, I swear to God, she knows every single restaurant, every coffee shop, she knows every fucking, it's literally there's no way to surprise her. She goes online, oh, I went online and I looked at the menu. Like, there's always something I looked at the menu. There's always something of I've already been here. So for fucking 20 years, I've been trying to surprise her. All right, so I find this fucking coffee shop, right? Super like Q place where you can bring your wife, your girlfriend. You know, they got keys, and all those stupid little fucking muffins and a bunch of different drinks. It's a nice place, it's a little upstairs thing, right?

So I tell her, you know, drop the kids off at school, I tell her, okay, I'm gonna take you to this coffee shop. And the whole way over, she's like, you going here, are we going to this place? And it's just like, well, you just, we just stop it. Just let me fucking do this. So we pull into the place and I just like, will you just stop it? Just let me fucking do this. So we pull into the place and I'm like, wincing, knowing somehow she's already been here

with the girlfriend or they had a mommy meeting there or something and I pull in, she's like, what is this place? I didn't know about this place and I'm like, yes, fucking did it. Okay, first thing we do, we get out of the car and they have like a front door, but you can't go in it, you gotta go in the side door. And the first thing we walk through on her, she's like, honey, honey, I think we do, we get out of the car and they have like a front door, but you can't go in it.

You gotta go in the side door. And the first thing we walked on, she's like, honey, I think we're supposed to. I think what she's already telling me how to go into the fucking place that I've already been to. And I'm like, no, you gotta go around the side. I just shoot her a look and she starts laughing. She starts laughing because this is what she does.

So we go in there and she's like, oh my God, like exactly what I wanted. This place is so cute and all of this shit. And then you know what, you know what, Jay Kanandru, she finds out the name of the place. You know, McGillicutdies or whatever. She's like McGillicutdies, McGillicutdies, McGillicutdies, wait a minute is this a me kill a cutie and I'm gonna fuck and then she

goes up there and has to ask him and then she comes back it is it is it is they just moved I was so fucking like just heartbroken. You're gonna need a little help. All right, so you haven't been here, but you've been here. And she just, and then all of a sudden, I was being a dick. She said, what, I'm just curious, I'm just curious.

No, it's just, dude, 20 years, any gift I gave her? I knew it just is, I knew it just is. Can you imagine if I did that? It's a cigar holder. They were fucking cry. You're gonna need to like sketch that. She does it to me every, it's literally Charlie Brown trying to kick the fucking football. And I just sent to it today.

I go, I am fucking done. I'm taking you to McDonald's from here on out. You want to go to a fucking place. You pick the place where you already know you've already been there You already know the fucking menu. I am done. I am done. And then you know the whole rest of me is he's there Like I'm the dick From scratch like start a business from scratch. So it's like one of those like you know shows where they surprised And they would film it and she would somehow see it

Yeah, you know what the greatest part about all of this at the end of all of this I'm gonna have to apologize I'm sorry. I didn't realize you know everything. I should have realized that. Oh my God. It's amazing how they know everything, but you know, it's just like, can you apply that to picking these fucking playoff games for this fucking week? I would love it. Although I think I think we did pretty good last week. Yeah. Hit the Monday night special. Yeah. we hit the Monday night special. Paul Berzy from beyond the day. It's very excited for all of you guys. We did. We hit the, we hit the Monday night special. It's our second one this year, even with all the new,

you know, restrictions. I'm not going to keep using that as an excuse. Let's just talk about last week's playoffs. I don't know, I didn't see anything. The Texans just beating the shit out of the Browns. I don't know what to do with that game. Jake, what do I do with that? Do I just sit there and say the Browns were just not up for the fucking challenge? Or am I really, you know, cause this the trap game I feel like this week is the way the Texans played last week. And for some reason

are nine and a half point underdogs. They're just dangling that carrot. Come on, man. Jump on the line. And I'm supposed to be like, dude, they fucking totally dominated the Cleveland Browns. And now they're getting nine and a half dude. It's a fucking lock. I don't like that I completely agree and also the flag I think flag out and kind of just like the clock ran out he threw two pick sixes and the second half back to back and the game I just got out of hand But you know stride is um stride is super impressive as well, so that's like about Houston Stroud is, Stroud is super impressive as well. So that's what I like about Houston.

Did they cover 9.5 though? It's a big number. They could easily backdoor cover it. Like it's telling Andrew, but I haven't had a backdoor cover this whole fucking year. If I take the underdog, they just lose. If I take the favorite, you know, sometimes I win, but that backdoor cover, I mean, I don't know, maybe I, you know, sometimes I win, but that back to our cover. I mean, I don't know,

maybe I, you know, haven't been paying attention, but I get bit a lot by that. But let's talk about all these games here before we pick the fucking Eagles. What, yeah, what do you think of Dallas getting blown out as well? Did they, they kind of got blown out in the first half and then played with them for the rest of the game And I feel like that's what nobody's talking about first much as they got blown out They let up 400 yards passing and everybody's trying to tell me that was garbage time I don't think the third quarter the end of the second quarter into the third quarter was garbage time I'll give you some of the fourth quarter where they probably started pulling some people out

But like at the end of the day they were up up 27 and nothing. They only won by 16. They let up 400 fucking yards. You know, I am a big fan of Jordan Love, big fan of their offense and all of that type of stuff, but that secondary I was, I wasn't too impressed with. Did they just like decide to stop trying? We're up 27. We can chill. Like, so I don't find that victory over Dallas

as impressive. Like I don't look at them like, you know, they're gonna go in and be these world beaters and they get nine and a half against the 49ers. I fucking hate this week. And then he had the Eagles, dude. Marcifully ripping the band off, bandaid off and just getting out of the playoffs.

Then I love how they like Nick Sori, Sireon, he's on the fucking hot seat. It's like they took his offensive and defensive coordinator. This is what happens when you go to a Super Bowl. I still believe in that guy. And he's a fun guy to have just Just emotionally volatile and it's just like, oh my God, people are having a ball with him. Say you're all that dumb shit you're doing.

And then people have the meme, like am I getting fired this week and they had the, that stupid nod that he did. When he does that nod, what I don't like about the nod is he looks dumb. That's so good. But I know it isn't. not what I don't like about the not is he looks dumb. It's so good. But I know it isn't. I don't think it's, I mean, what do you think happened down there?

Somebody must have gotten hurt. I don't know. Somebody's trying to say, oh, you played, they lost to somebody and they tried to say that they exposed him. I love when they say that. They exposed what we, my team figured you out, like the 49ers or something. I love when they say that they expose what we my team figured you out like the 49ers or something. I don't know, but I don't I don't think that they're

going to get rid of that guy. Although I will say next year he does need to win early and often. And I almost think he needs to win two playoff games next year. How brutal a job is that? Right. That's what I was going to say. I mean, it's not as hard as trying to surprise my wife with a new fucking restaurant, but I mean, it's definitely up there. I mean, you made the Super Bowl and he's still won 11 games this year.

It's not like they didn't have a decent season until the end there, but they still beat the chiefs and the dolphins and the cowboys. They, you know, all right. So, they did, but then they just, something happened. I think Jalen Hertz was hurt. They didn't have the number one receiver. I think like, there was something beyond that. And then everybody just looks at, I just love how every, like, Cereani was on inside the

NFL. And they were just talking about him like, dude him like dude like you know you're the new fucking genius like what are you doing here? And then like a month later It's like Nicky's on the hot So quick to fire these guys crazy. I can't imagine how well what do you think about the Cowboys? Are gonna stick with Mike McCat? That's crazy. That's crazy.

That's crazy. That's crazy. Um, I don't think Jerry Jones is a good owner. I just think he's an owner with a lot of money. He's got a lot of money and he built this big, you know, he treats the Dallas Cowboy fans like his side piece. Like how the, those French kings back in the day, they'd have like a side piece

and they'd literally build a castle for just to shut her up. I feel like that's what he did with that stadium. Like, look how big it is. This is the biggest goddamn bathroom and old football. We got the biggest fucking TV. We got the biggest dome, this fucking place is big, bigger than anybody, shit. And then meanwhile the Cowboys don't win anything. But they can be proud of their stadium or something like I don't think, I remember I took a

tour of it and they said how Jerry had an express elevator from his suite to get down to the field as soon as possible because he wants to be like all up in it when they win. He has like that Steinbrenner thing. Like I just I never liked owners like that. Well, like when the team's losing like they they they publicly have to make issue with statement. Like what did Jerry say after that loss that was informative? That disappointing loss he had to go on camera

and form all of us that he was indeed upset with that disappointed. It's like, thanks, Jerry. I didn't think you were fucking doing cartwheels. I don't know. I look at like trash and coaches like trashing other comedians publicly. It's just not something I would do. You know what I mean? So it's a brutal job. It's a tough fucking job. I don't know. I mean, when you lose,

when you're down 27 to nothing, all right, and some of the sloppy tackling and shit like that. It's like, is Mike McCarthy supposed to put a fucking helmet on too? Like, I don't know. I don't know. I was surprised. I thought that they were going to, you know, make a move. So I would have loved to have been in Dallas when they said that they were keeping him and just put on sports talk radio. I just stay here all these people. I mean, what the fuck are we doing? I mean, they spent a lot of time hating him as the coach of the packers, not that they were like, you know, I mean, first stretch, obviously, they were winning most of the games, but, but yeah, like, I mean,

then, then they're like, I find we'll get them. Maybe here's where it'll work. And then they're like, Oh right, fine, we'll get them. Maybe he hears where it'll work. And then they're like, oh, look, he's doing what he did with the Packers. So that's why there's very, probably, very quick. Did he coach one with Aaron and get one? Did he get one? The one, yeah.

But that was a line. How many people get that? No, I know, I know, that was my only one Oscar. I know. We let's over here. Yeah. Yeah, I was. I know. We'll be able to go over here. Yeah. Um, uh, yeah, I was surprised at that. I wasn't surprised that the Eagles are sticking with Cereani. That would have been stupid to fire him. I agree. Um, but you're on. I don't know what I really feel like that the offseason chatter

is going to be all of these coaches. Um, yeah. That was a big deal. All the people. That was what it would have been great for the Cowboys on paper. They have a good defense and stuff like that. I mean, obviously, it never worked. Jerry Jones. But like, if you took that out of the equation, that would have been the perfect place for him. But, you know, I think Jerry Jones wants to coach. He can control to your point. Yeah. And when is he going to let go with that? Yeah. He fucking got, he fucked it up with Jimmy Johnson. And it Al Davis get rid of that you die right Well Al Davis, I don't I don't think he was overly yeah, but he was another guy. He was different

Yeah, he had well he was like the flyers He had this formula and it worked and then he just never wavered from it even when it wasn't. Philadelphia Flyers, we beat the fuck out of the whole league in one, two, and a row. Let's keep doing that for like 40 years and like, all right, maybe it's time to switch it up. Let's try to get some gold scorers in here. Maybe try to do a little finesting. Oh my God, I got scouts. Text message for my wife.

I'll smooth that over guys. I will smooth that over until she sees this podcast, whatever. Just frustration. Okay, here we go. Let's get into these games, gentlemen. Texans. This is so weird without Paul Verzi. Let's get into these games, gentlemen. Texans, this is so weird without Paul Verzi. This is like, you know, starting quarterback is like down and I'm coming in off the bench. Texans plus nine and a half at the Ravens minus nine and a half.

The obvious pick here is the way that the Texans absolutely dominated last week. And the way that they've played all year is to take nine and a half points. But I just feel like I don't know, it's like does Vegas know something or is just this just a way to get money on both sides of the ball because everyone's going to take the Ravens. I think I just see a point. Ravens, oh, sorry, go ahead, Jake. This just the point. I think Ravens. Oh, sorry, go ahead, Jake. This is a point. I just think everyone can take

the text and actually to your point, you talked about it earlier. Everyone's going to be all excited about stride and how they blew out Cleveland. And they think, oh, this will be a good game.

But, you know, I think, yeah, I just feel like that. I think they still too young or whatever is just going to happen with experience. Everybody's healthy on the Ravens. Yeah, everybody's healthy. They thought they're going to get somebody back, but he's not coming back, but they haven't

had him all year. But the most part, all the teams are healthy. The only team with injury concerns we'll talk about later is the bills. All right. Then I'm going to take the Ravens. I'm not, that feels like a sucker bet to take the Texans plus nine and a half. And I also feel stupid to be laying nine and a half in the fucking playoffs, but I'm gonna take the Ravens.

I'm on with the Ravens on that. And we have Paul Verzi's picks, right? Who did Paul take? Paul took the Texans. He did. All right. And you know, look, who's better at picking games? Paul with me. We both need Paul. All right. and you know, look who's better picking games? Paul or me? We both go either way

Packers Plus nine and a half at the 49ers minus nine and a half Jesus Christ nine and a half um I Just feel like this is gonna be big boy football. They're not ready for it yet. 49ers have too many weapons. I know last week was an impressive win, but I just feel like the

Dallas Cowboys, you know, their problem is ownership. And the level of control that he wants and then what he does to whoever whoever is trying to coach his team. So I think the 49ers covered 9 1 1 2 1 2 Jesus Christ. I'm laying 19 points at the two games. What adversity take. He took the Packers. He said that he really believes in these people, huh? I don't know what the difference, like if it was Packers seven and a half, like, would, I mean, people still would take, I don't know. Yeah, it's a weird number. I don't know what they're trying to do if they're trying to get people off the Packers or on the Packers. So this is what's happening. Paul is basically believing what he saw last week. And I am not because what I saw last week, I didn't see anybody that I thought was going to make it like without a doubt that going to the Super Bowl. Granted, I didn't watch that stupid.

How funny was the way they sold that pay-per-view playoff? This is my favorite thing. Become part of history. I was joking on Monday, Monday, and Paul. I'll never forget where I was. And I ordered that playoff game that was always free. Dude, they're gonna work their way to a pay-per-view Super Bowl. That's what they want. The advertising money or the licensing and then they want

everyone at home. What if everyone? It's like they all bought tickets. at home. What if everyone, it's like they all bought tickets. We'll charge five bucks, six bucks, a billion people watch, even if there's four people per household, we're still gonna clear an extra billion dollars and then imagine how big our yards and hordes and cocaine could be. It's so fucking gross. I will slowly back away. You know what I'll do? If they do that, I'm just going to wait 10, 14 days. And I'll watch the Super Bowl for free on the fucking NFL network. They'll end up puking it back out the other side. They won't care. All right. Baker Mayfield, just a good old boy.

Layon, oh, getting six and a half at the Lions minus six and a half. I'm telling you, I'm Billy favorites. I'm Billy favorites this week. I'm leaning towards the Lions. Somebody, somebody knocked me off this. You're going away from your guy Baker. I don't think so. Close. I know.

I know. You know what? Yeah, fuck that. You're right. Where's my sense of adventure? I feel like I'm going to be only three with this pick, but I'm going to go No, I was saying before we started. I was like, well, an underdog is going to win. I mean, maybe likely, right? And it's like, all right, well, who's, who's it going to be? And that's why I got a call. That's a great call. Somebody's got somebody. It's not going to be all favorites, most likely. And I don't look at the chiefs and bills, even at two and a half, like that, that's a pick. I'm going to, yeah, that's a good point. Oh, I can be swayed in two days. I got a win bill. Somebody's got a six and a half. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll take some points. The buck and ears. They could cover that number, I think.

You know how they say the Eagles got exposed? I feel like I'm getting exposed without having Paul Versey here. Who did Paul take? Listen, Paul's not seeing that the way you're seeing it, he took the line. This is amazing. Oh my God, dude, right now we're both,

well, I can't say three-0-0-3. They're, yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever we have, the exact opposite, two one and two, two and one, however this is gonna work out. All right, then the final one, the Monday night game,

the chiefs versus the bills in Buffalo, the Buffalo bills for the love of fucking God. Are they finally? the Buffalo bills for the love of fucking God. They finally, because I was rooting for him this year and then once they started shitting the bed, I was just like, oh, this is what it feels like to be a bills fan. I've been here before back in the day. This is the way it used to be being a Patriots fan

while kinda just now again. I don't need this shit. So I kinda like backed backed off like it was just and they were just playing annoying football. Um. Jake, who do you have? You know what? You know what? You know what? I love the bills and I want them to win. But this is about money. Okay. and until the fucking bills prove their entire history wrong, I mean, I have to go with the chiefs. I have to go with Patrick Mahomes.

I'm going to sit on Vray Reed and Andy Reed and Kelsey and those guys, I just listen, who gives a fuck? This is the deal. My money, I'm going to bet the chiefs, my hat, I'm rooting for the bills. So I'm going with the chiefs plus two and a half. Paul Verzi. Paul Verzi, what do you take? What's Verzi got? Uh, Verzi actually picks the bills. He did. Wow. Head to head on every game. Is that ever happened before?

I don't think so. Yeah. And this is good. Replacing Paul Verzi. This is gonna be like a definitive. Unless you know what sucks that we both go two and two. I want, this is what I want. I want a four no or oh and four.

That's what I want. Yeah. Like when you fill out those surveys, they want that strongly disagree, strongly agree. You're looking for a very clear. This is a, this is gonna be, this is literally like blue state, red state. How much differently they think.

Okay. The leaflet one guys. It's crazy. Good. No, no, I'm good. So let's do, okay, the leafy little guys. It's crazy. Good. No, no, I'm good. So let's, let's do. Okay, the Monday night special. I need Paul Verzi on this one, because I feel like, you know, last week we won because of him.

He didn't, uh, offer up anything on, on that just, oh, he did weekly picks. Yeah. So he offered up his inside since he was puking through all of this. You know, when he told me he goes, guys, I can't podcast of the puking all night and I wrote but I wrote to him I killed or you watched the next last night and even in the mist This is how diehardy is even in the midst of being that sick. He's still at the energy to text They've won seven of the last ten When I read the text I didn't even know he was puking it because if that was just Nick's

talk, I had to scroll up to realize he even said he puked. Yeah. No. Listen, if you don't like Paul Verzi, you don't like America or Sicily or Greece. The man is just simply an ambassador of positivity and support. It's why this show works. There's the balance. I'm the curmudgeon.

All right, so let's do chase bills. Well, I don't like this because he picked the bills, so I don't know what he would think about the special, but we're gonna have to go with this. I like, he often goes against his weekly pick for the money next special if he feels like it's a good overall play. So, and you can easily hear that in twiek.

Mahomes and Alan are both gonna throw one. What's the over under? 45 and a half. I like the under, because last time they played, they had that circus of a game. And I just think everybody's. I'm sorry, I just supposed to be cold there. I just supposed to be cold and Buffalo It's supposed to be cold and Buffalo that's all so that helps

Global warming my rights Thank you Probably still shoveling to Ah, and I kind of sucks. They didn't play the game And yeah, just just running the ball the whole time. Remember those games when they would just play him and they would throw the ball and it would just get like like a train came by and hit it. All right. So I got I got Josh Allen, Patrick Mahomes to throw one and I got the I got the under. Is that good enough for a special? Yeah, that works. All right, here's my prediction. I go all

in four, but I hit the Monday night special. I redeem myself at the last second. I love it. What happened? Oh, Billy Favreets. I used to always take pull. I used to beat Paul, of course, when we didn't televised this. I beat him every year because Paul just would, he didn't give a fuck what the line was. He just, this is going to be a bloodbath. And I used to always take the underdogs and they would cover, you know, I mean, I didn't beat him by a bunch of games, but I would beat him.

And he goes, oh, he's fucking get me with this. And I just finally told him, I was like, Paul, you got to stop jumping on these giant lines. This is how not, this is how much he's honed his game. He used to go hard the first week of college football. You lost all those seniors. You had no idea who anybody was. But I think he's proven over the years. Paul Verzi is Mr. October.

The book he does not want to pick up the phone when Paul Verzi's number shows up in October. That guy, what was his record in October, dude? It was fucking insane. It was like 14 and 2, 13 and 3 or something. You don't have to look at the stat up. He crushed it. We all know we crushed it. All right, well that has been The special not the special this has been the the anything better podcast for the first time ever Lou Garrix sits out a game. I could say to myself myself the luckiest gambler in the world. Thank you so much for

for watching. And how about how about Jake the snakes play off beard? I mean, he looks like that guy that gamer that comes in off the bench. Who is this guy? Changing the play at the line, stomping his foot like fucking what's his face there? What's a Peyton Manning going up top? I'm gonna be, we added a show, quick promotion here in Phoenix on February 28th. We added another show. I'm gonna have a great time out there. Maybe go golfin'.

I got a Skins gang coming up, guys. Me and Paul Versi versus Vinny Mark. Vinny Mark, the fucking pool shark with a golf club in his hand. He's going to try to take us for a bunch of money. So what I'm going to try to do is get a high handicap and then take lessons between now and May. Try not to put past the hole and fucking five putt. Anyways, I am, dude, I hit the clubs all this week.

All right. And I got this whole new like 20 fucking minutes and it has been absolutely murdering. I've been talking about the Epstein list and all of that and I am so excited to get out there and I'm literally usually when a break is coming to an end, I get sad that I have to go out and a road again and I'm not. I feel like I took some roads, you know, like you want to go run through a fucking wall.

See how real this is, right? Capture it one last time. No, my only guy out there. All right. And then Paul verse, he's going to be in point pleasant new jersey on January 26th. Yep. He's going to have a fucking stomach too with all this puke, man. He's gonna be ready for

the red cap it. All right, Paul the puke will be on next week. We went exact opposite exact opposite. So there should be a bunch of people out there either saying, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. And Versi does a vice versa. That's it. Everybody

appreciate you sticking with us without the man, the star of the show, the man who beats the book because he can sleep with his picks, Paul Versi. That's it everybody. Enjoy the playoff football. I got to go apologize to my wife. All right guys, I'll see you. my wife. Alright guys, I'll see you.