Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-3-25

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

Bill rambles about destroying sand castles, the years flying by, and having a dog. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (32:55) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 1-3-17 - Bill rambles about the Rose Bowl, having hope, and one thing leading to another. (01:40:29) - NFL Preview & Picks - Week 18 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. January 1 2025. You know, a lot of people say to me a lot of people buy it. I just mean like one person said to me, I'm just gonna say it's a lot because I'm doing a podcast and I need content because that's what the world has been about. We need content. We need content creators. We need to get these content creators under our creative umbrella and not pay them anything and then we'll get all the money.

Does that sound fair? And then we'll take our faces off of the fucking website. Someone was telling me that they were like, wow, I can't believe that we're already a quarter of the way through this century. What the fuck? And it's like, all right, but you know, of the way through this century, what the fuck? And it's like, all right, but you know, the year 2000, Bill Clinton was in office. It was the last year of his presidency. That seems like a long fucking time ago.

All right, you had the MTV, what was that show called? Where they did the top whatever, Total Request Live. That was happening. People were making music videos. People were buying CDs. That was a long fucking time ago. That seems like a long time ago to me. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not gonna be in one of these guys. Like 2012 seems like a long fucking time ago. 2015, all of that shit. Like the last decade has started to fade. Where I was just like, wow man, like 2018, 2019 didn't seem like, that's a long fucking time ago.

I think it is. Everybody else is like, Jake, where did it go? Where does it go? I just don't understand. Where does it go? Where does it go? It fucking goes down the toilet. That's where it goes. You go to fucking work every day. You get married. You have

kids. You're just trying to make it to eight o'clock at night every fucking night. That's what it is. That's what it is. You just want to fucking go to sleep and you're tired all the fucking time and yeah that's what happens once you have kids you're just tired. That's it. You're fucking tired. Shit you used to do. You don't want to do it anymore and you always have the same reason. Why don't you want to do it? I'm tired. What time's that start? Yeah I know I'm not gonna make it. What do you mean you're not gonna make it? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not gonna make it.

What do you mean you're not gonna make it? I'm not gonna make it. How do you know? It's three days through that. I know I'm gonna be tired. I hung out with my family all day today. It was awesome. And I didn't watch any of the college football,

which I'll get back into some of the shit that I saw. I watched a little bit on Saturday. I watched Penn State and Boise, which looked like it was gonna be a bloodbath, then it looked like it was gonna be a great game, and then Penn State took over. I always feel like Penn State always has some white kid wearing number 44 that is just, you know, he's a throwback.

You can't stop him. Like a Gino Capoletti from way back in the day. Anyway, I watched that game, had a good time. I just picked like one game and I don't really pick which game I'm gonna watch, it's which game I'm gonna be available for. So did not go to the Rose Bowl this year. You know, just been trying to, you know, like I said,

I'm gonna be doing this play in New York. So every second I have with my family is a precious thing to me. So anyway, I, we went to the beach today and it was funny. I had to teach both my kids a lesson. So my daughter's writing her name in the sand and she's getting down to the last letter.

So of course her little brother comes running over, starts writing his name. She's going, no, no, no, I want to write here. He completely doesn't give a shit, completely ignores her. Here's what she's saying, completely blows her off. So my daughter gets upset, she just wipes her nose. I go, why don't you write your name over there? She's like, no, she just wipes the whole thing away. So I see her, she's seething, and my son is making like a little sandcastle. And I

say to her, I go, you're still upset, right? She goes, yeah, because I want to go over there and knock, I want to kick his sandcastle down. And I go, well, why don't you? And she looks at me, I go, look, did he have any respect for you writing your name? The reason why he doesn't, there's no ramifications. So she goes, all right, Tipple, this is female brain here. She didn't just go out and do it. She goes, I'm gonna wait till he's done. And then she went over there and stood over him as he was finishing it going, I'm gonna knock that over. And he's going, no, she goes, I'm gonna knock it over.

He's going, no. And he's looking at me going, dad, dad, I got what you messed up her name So he goes I gotta wash my hands in the ocean don't touch my castle, so he's walking down there It's other weights He gets halfway there and can't do anything about it, and she knocked it over So of course he screams bloody murder, and he cries and everything like that And he's looking at me like you know know, like, what the fuck, dad?

And I just look at him. I said, buddy, you can't go around. You knew she was trying to write her name and look what you did. You trampled all over it. So if you do that, someone's gonna knock down your castle. He's going, no. I'm like, yeah, yeah. It's how that works.

So, you know, we had a little fit for a couple minutes, then it was over. And then I sat down next to my daughter afterward. I said, he won't step on your name anymore. You know, you can't like let people like literally walk all over you like that. Okay, he needs to learn that he can't do that. If he does that, someone's gonna, you know, hit him back or break his stuff or whatever. And it all worked out great. And halfway in my head, I'm like, is this like a bad thing to be doing?

And I was like, I don't think it is. I don't think it is. I think that was like the right thing to do. I mean, it was harmless, just a stupid sandcastle and somebody's naming the sand, but there was like a little thing there that if there's no ramifications, no one's gonna have respect for you.

And then also you can't just walk around, as I always use this reference, you can't walk around acting like the first guy Steven Seagal beats the shit out of in a movie. You know, remember that guy? Just to establish that he's like this tough guy, you know, like you don't already know that with all of his movies, right? That's what his character is going to be. He would always like walk into a bar and there would

just be some just random guy, you know, in the credits, guy number one, just for no reason at all. He'd be like, hey hey pussy, what's with your fucking ponytail? I don't like your fucking shirt. He'd just look at him, and he would just beat the shit out of him and all his friends. And all of his friends. So I have to teach my son that he just can't go around

doing whatever the hell he wants to do. Someone's gonna knock him down or knock down his sandcastle. So I don't know. I don't know what you guys think. I thought it was a nice easy way when the stakes were pretty low. Even in my son's world the sandcastle was a pretty big part of his life at that moment. But you know, he's young. So anyway, I had a great couple of days, man. Just had a great couple of days, man. Just had a great couple of days the last few days of the year. Chillin' out.

Fuckin' tired as shit here after the day. Been playing drums and guitar and just hanging out at the fucking house and just soaking it all in. Crushing the Gary Glen Ross lines like basically off book for the first section and I'm gonna tackle the next section tonight and I just want to be as prepared as I can be and then we get then I get six weeks of rehearsal so I mean I think I should you know I'm not saying I'm gonna do a good job but I'm not gonna forget words at

least I can do that so anyway but fortunately the cast is amazing so you know I can do the I can be a game manager, get myself a ring. Anyway, how about Ohio State? How about Ohio State losing to the Michigan Wolverines? Your season is a failure. Oh my God. I can't believe they have no quarterback. Everybody laughing, blah, blah, blah, blah, rubbing it in your face with maize and blue and now all of a sudden

You win a playoff game you go to the Rose Bowl facing the number one Oregon Ducks and You beat the shit out of them 41 to 21 I Mean it was like 14 and nothing 17 nothing I was out at some clamshack out there the fucking ocean on the beach and I checked the score and the first play I saw they deflected a pass and almost intercepted it then they cut to the score was either 14 nothing or 17 nothing I was like oh that's it that's it this is was what no what the fuck was going on with Oregon?

Like they, they were, they're in the big 10, right? Cause I'm almost gonna say like they were on the West Coast playing like, you know, some uptempo offensive against SC, but SC's in the big 10. I don't know what the fuck's going on. All I know is they were ranked number one. Ohio State was ranked eighth and they came in there and they fucking, they kicked the shit out of them. Kicked the shit out of them.

Big 10. How about the Michigan Wolverines beating Alabama? Big 10, football. Bang, zoom to the fucking head there. So I'm looking at the teams that are left. It's Penn State Texas winner of Georgia Notre Dame and

Ohio State Ohio State has a legit chance. They got to be two more teams. I think do they play Ohio Penn State? I think they play Penn State. So it's probably gonna be Or do they play Texas? I? So it's probably gonna be, or do they play Texas? I know Texas had a scare with that missed field goal in the end, but they ended up winning a double overtime. Thank God, thank God. That fucking job, dude, being a field goal kicker,

that is the nitroglycerin of sports. It's just like you're the hero or you're the goat. And I honestly think that more people remember your name if you missed than if you made it. You know? I would think that. Like I'm trying to think of the great field goal kickers. Everybody remembers Neil O'Donnell. Cuz not even that, it was like a 48 yard, it wasn't a gimme, it had plenty of leg, it just was a little to the right. Adam Vinatieri, nobody remembers, Yann Stenerud, Rolf Barnerska, nobody's remembering those fucking names unless they miss.

Vinatieri, Patriots fans will remember his name. But I think Colts fans too. I always wondered when Adam Vin Terry was watching the Colts in 2005, was he be sitting there going, what is it about this offense that looks so familiar? Anyway, yeah, fucking thankless job. So I got nothing to fucking talk about. What do you want from me? I've just been, yeah, basically just fucking woodshedding it.

There were a few people that I haven't mentioned, you know, that passed away, you know, when I've been traveling the world here. Well, obviously, Ricky Henderson, I think I brought him up. But someone who passed, and I didn't even realize it, I think it was because I was in France when he passed was the original Iron Maiden lead singer Paul Diano. I hope I said his name right. I never knew quite knew how to say his name.

But I loved all his stuff, you know, all of those albums that he did. And the vibe that he brought to the band. Like there's two like distinct eras. There's the era with Paul and Clive Burr in the band. And then there's, you know, Nico McBrain and Bruce Dickerson. Just really, you know, they still had that gallop sort of vibe with a lot of their riffs. But it was definitely like two different Errors, but I Was just on Instagram and I saw that he passed away I was like, oh my god He passed what he died today or yesterday that I just missed it. I saw that he died in

October Fucking brutal Clive Burr too man, but white was it the tom kit that he played. It's funny like so many of those bands, you know, because it was like, you know, obviously there was no fucking internet or anything to look shit up so you didn't know how to say you'd be looking on the back. Of the cover. Unless they had the name under the guy. Like you didn't know who the fuck was who for a lot of those bands. And then you didn't know how to pronounce the names.

This is all before like MTV and all of that shit. And so many of the bands that I listened to, like when I would go back, I didn't even know that they had another singer. Somebody got kicked out or somebody died. Like with ACDC, I remember like, first I heard of them was the Back in Black album. Then I heard For Those About to Rock,

and then they put out, they re-released Dirty Deeds, which was called something else in Australia. And I'm like, this fucking guy sounds different than the AC DC guy who the fuck is this guy and I listened to him for years before I finally figured out like oh they had a singer before them what was his name and then I would look at the highway to hell album and I'm like which one is bond like I knew who Angus was because he had the horns but I was like which one is bond I didn't I I thought it was I either thought it was Bond Scott or Cliff Williams.

I couldn't figure out who was who. I knew who Phil Rudd was and Malcolm looked like Angus. So I knew who they were. And it was the same thing with like Iron Maiden, like their first big album that I listened to was Peace of Mind. So Bruce Dickinson was on, that was his second album, then Nico McBrain took over for Clive Burr. And then like for years I listened to them and I was afraid to go back and buy their earlier stuff because I wasn't sure if I would like it or not. And records were

like $7.99, $8.99. It was a lot of fucking money. I had a paper route. I was making like fucking, you know, $9 a week. I'm going to blow a week's salary taking a shot on these albums. So I listened to them for like from 83 to 87, somewhere in time before I finally went back. One of my buddies was big on, like I was a greatest hits guy for the longest time. Like I bought Aerosmith's greatest hits. But my buddy was one of these people, he would

buy toys in the attic. And then I would listen to it, I would hear the hits. And then I would always hear another couple like, what one of those? What are those? Is that a good album? Yeah. And then like, I would sort of like, I'd let him drop the money. And then like I would sort of like I'd let him drop the money. And then if it was good, I would fucking go ahead and buy it. So anyway, I'm going to tomorrow, hopefully I'm going to go. Going to get back on the horse here. We're going to keep polishing up the script that we wrote and all of that. And going to do a director's pass on it Get the shots all lined up for what we want get

as far into Pre-production as I can before I get go ahead and do this Do this play but Anyway, you guys be proud of me. I went to the beach today and I was able to sit pretty far away from my kids and watch them sort of play in the surf a little bit and not get freaked. They both know how to swim. They're both really good swimmers. But I definitely kept thinking of orcas the way they fucking can come up to the beach,

sort of beach themselves and grab a seal and then sort of fucking do the worm to get back into the ocean. So I've only thought that maybe 30 times. But I did at one point when we sat down and we ate, I saw something jumping out of the water, which was cool. I think it was a dolphin. And I know that whale watch season, I think that's March you know it's funny all my years

of flying a helicopter I've only seen one whale I was flying up towards Santa Barbara and we were it was right near the surface but it didn't break and the Sun was glistening down on it and it looked like a fucking glow stick almost. It was really cool. But anyway I'm going to I'm just gonna hang with my kids as much as I can and then like we've already scheduled like I'm gonna have breakfast with my kids every morning when I'm away because that's like the big thing I make I make breakfast for them and stuff every morning so I'm gonna just be doing like a FaceTime so I'll have breakfast with them or maybe it'll work better with

dinner depending on what time but I'm just gonna spend one meal with them every single day and then one week you know we're gonna figure it out how they can come out see me and everything so anyway that is gonna and that's gonna be my fucking year that's gonna fly by and then hopefully we're gonna shoot this next movie in like a month a month's time we're gonna shoot it that's and that's gonna be my fucking year and I got a special coming out in March right when the play starts and all of that so I don't know it's gonna be a challenging year. So I think when I'm all alone in New York,

I'm just gonna do the play and go to the gym, study my French, and just go back to being who the fuck I was before I met my wife. Just I was just like this fucking loner. Ha used to just spend the whole fucking day by myself. I was a fucking psycho. I would just spend my, I'm just going to go into that mode and then accept what I'm doing the FaceTime with them or whatever. I don't know.

I'll figure it out. As you can tell, I'm definitely stressing out about it. Like going like, why did I fucking think I could do this? This is fucking crazy, but I'll figure it out. Anyway, I haven't watched any Coen brother movies lately. I am up to, I obviously did No Country for Old Men and then a simple man So I think the next one I have to watch is

Burn after reading and then I have true grit and a couple more after that so I might pick that up You know this weekend because there's some movie I want to watch Fuck I forget the name of it me and me have been looking at the the billboards and it just looks funny. It's supposed to be good. It's like, bye bitch, or something like that. Something bitch, and it just makes us laugh every time we see it. So like, we should fucking watch that. Um... Oh, here's something I did that was fucking stupid.

Do you know I've never smoked weed out of a bong in my life, ever? I never did because, first of all, I never fucked with weed until I was like 37, 38. It was in my like 30s before I ever tried it. And even then, I was just always a booze guy. I just wasn't into it. So, I was at this place and they had like these bongs and they had like ice in them

and stuff so the smoke wouldn't fucking, wouldn't burn up your throat or whatever. So, you know, it's the Christmas break. I figured, alright, fuck I'm gonna go my whole life, never take a bong hit. Jesus Christ. That was life altering. For a week I had to sit there and stop myself from buying a bong and I was like don't do that. This is what the fuck you do. You do something, you get into it and then you bring it into your house and then you have an addiction. Just leave it out of the house and it

will go away. It's gonna fade away. But Jesus Christ. Now I know why. Everybody that I grew up with that did bong rips for a fucking sustained period of time was a fucking burnout. I don't even know if they were burnout as much as they were just high all the time. They were just walking around in a cloud. And I was like, that is not a smart way to live life. But now that I've stepped behind

the curtain and been on the other side, I'm not I'm not gonna lie to you. I understand it. I understand what all the fucking shit going on out there. What a nice break. Just do a fucking hit off a nice break. Just do a fucking hit off a bong and just be like a insane level of high. I mean, it was fucking ridiculous. And I was like, I like this. I like this a lot.

I need to never do this again. And that is to mature me because the old me used to be like, I like this. I like this a lot. I need to do this more. And then I would bring it into the house and then I was fucked. Right. That's what happened with cigars. That's what happened with booze. It's kind of like what happens with fucking everything with me. So I have no cigars in my house. I am now back on another 100 day fucking sabbatical.

Ain't happening, ain't happening. I actually didn't smoke the last couple of days. Well, the last day I didn't smoke, so I'm actually two days in. But and it sucks. I want one pretty bad right now, but I don't have one. So it's not bad. And then all it takes me is four to 10 days and I'm just like, ah, it gives a fuck.

It gives a fuck. This is a smarter way to go. Although the bong grip was fucking 10 days ago and I am still thinking about it vividly. Um, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Woo! That was exhilarating. That was like the first time I soloed a fucking helicopter, learning to ride a motorcycle, first time playing drums live with the band. I mean, the first time you take a hit off a bong, that's that is up there. That is fucking I'm not gonna lie to you

That that is definitely It's definitely up there. So anyway I Got a benefit coming up. Oh geez, I got a benefit January 7th this little theater down on Wilshire and Oh, sorry. I'm really excited about this and I'm gonna be gonna go do my, go run my hour somewhere before I do that. For all you young comics out there, you always gotta do that. You can't be rusty and just go do a fucking hour in front of people.

Go down to the club, take your lumps, shake off the dust. If people paid to see you, you gotta give them the you gotta give them the real show. You can't give them the bedhead, how do I do this again show? That's how you lose your following. You can't rip people off because you have to understand that your fans are your fans until you fuck them. And then that's it. Then you're done. Then you're done. And that's what the relationship is.

I am a fan of you as long as you deliver. The second you don't, I'm going to trash you online and tell you to go fuck yourself. But that's the game. You don't take it personal, that's how the fucking game is played. I was actually hanging out with a buddy of mine over his house and his dog was so cool, I am like sold on this breed.

He had a chocolate lab and we were drinking coffee and smoking a cigar, right? And his wife came home and the dog had gone on like a significant hike. And this fucking thing just comes walking in and just walks right by both of us and then just goes right into the pool. I'm looking at my buddy like, is that cool?

He goes, oh, you know, it does that. Sometimes it gets a little hot on the hikes. And then it comes out. It shook off. And it would not go back into the house, even if the door was open, until it was dry. It just knew better. And it was a total fucking love bug.

But it was a big dog, you know what I mean? So you could hug it and shit. I don't mind little dogs and everything, but like, you know, you lose track of them, you know, you bump into them. You know, they're just like, sort of like these squeaky toys that are alive. Um, I would definitely, without a doubt, I would definitely get one of those, so. Um, I don't know. Maybe talk to my wife about that. Without a doubt I would definitely get one of those so I Don't know maybe talk to my wife about that can be like, you know

Kids are old enough She's gonna see through me she's like you just want to get a dog like I do I do want to get it. Who doesn't want to have a fucking dog? Having a dog is like the reverse of watching 24-hour News Network. Instead of all bad news, you go to all good news, all happiness, good to see you. Psyched when you come through the goddamn door.

All right. And with that, there's no ad reads, no nothing. Oh, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. There is something that I got to tell you about. Hang on. Hang on. One of my favorites. One of my favorites. Bianca Cristobal is going to be in London everybody. Friday and Saturday, this week, whatever that is, is that the fucking fourth and the fifth. She is going to be at, where the hell is it? Where is it?

Hang in there, hang in there. You got to go see her. Her new hour is killer. There we go. She's going to be Friday the third, Saturday the fourth of January. The Soho Theater. The Soho Theater. Please go and see her. She's fantastic. She's doing the work. She's been opening for me for a number of years, and she's just a phenomenal, phenomenal comedian and person and all of that. I recently saw her run her new hour, and it's just fantastic material, nothing hacky,

total original, you gotta go see her. I'm Bill Burr, and I approve of this message. Soho Theater, London, England. Friday, January 3rd, Saturday, January 4th, go check her out. All right, that's it everybody. That is the podcast. Have a wonderful year this year.

Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll check in. Look at that coyote. Look at that coyote coming down for some. Oh, there's his buddy. And there's his other buddy. Oh, there's another one. Fuck. Five. I'm sorry, that guy. Double rainbow, man. Five fucking coyote. Oh, they're killing something tonight another reason you got to get a chocolate lab you got to get a big dog that's the thing about those coyotes they don't like a fair fight they don't like fighting in their weight class I'll tell you that's wild you ever see fucking

when coyotes go after raccoons? All of these white trash people that fucking have a raccoon sitting on your Davenport splitting a bag of Doritos if you ever saw those fucking things fight if you ever heard the fucking noise They think they have like a little mini fucking Growl in them They are fucking Eve. I fucking hate raccoons. I fucking I don't like those things. You know what I don't like about those things? They always see you before you see them. Have you ever seen a raccoon that wasn't already looking at you? Like fucking Glenn Close in the natural just standing up like what the fuck?

God damn it! Fucking raccoon! They're always staring at you. They're always above you. You know what I mean? Like some fucking guy that's going to suck at you at a football game. He's two rows above you. I love how that's like common knowledge now.

People already fucking realize you want high ground in a stadium fight. People underestimate though if you can grab the jersey all you got to do is fall back and that dude's coming with you. And the great thing is is the backs of the seats are gonna be mid shin so it's gonna be an awkward fall. If you play your cards right, his left ear or right ear in the side of his head is going to hit the road just behind you. If you play your cards right. That right there is upper deck jujitsu. I'm kidding.

I've never had a fight in a football stadium. I never would. There's no fucking way. There is no fucking I know it was never worth it. I'm not fighting some fucking drunk that looks like he bought half the fucking pro shop to fight this idiot because he doesn't like his dad. Yeah, whatever. Whatever the fuck you want to say. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Okay. That's right. I'm a bitch. got it fantastic all right you go live your fucking awful life, and I'm gonna get back to my great life All right there we go. Okay. That's it. That was a life lesson in there started with the beach ended in the upper deck You know hey you do the math. You know like when people can't explain their own opinion, so they just say that You know and if you can't figure that out, then I can't help you.

Yeah, bright lights. Why not? Why not bright lights? Yeah, have them on the whole fucking way, you dumb cunt. So what the fucking blue light in your dash is for? Anyway, alright, that is the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. And I'll see you on Monday. Hey what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, January 3rd, 2017. What's going on? How are you? How's it going?

Oh, Jesus. What to talk about first? No, I am not a father. That's not why this is fucking late. All right? I just lost all my female listeners. I was at the Rose Bowl yesterday. That's why I did not record.

Okay? I watched a bunch of shows. I watched a bunch of shows. I watched a bunch of shows. I watched a bunch of shows. I watched a bunch of shows. I watched a bunch of That's not why this is fucking late. All right, and I just lost all my female female listeners I was at the Rose Bowl yesterday. That's why I did not record. Okay. I watched a bunch of college football this weekend Right I watched a bunch of Bunch of college football got into this huge debate With Jason Lawhead before the Ohio State game going dude

I still don't get how the fuck you guys are in the playoff and Penn State isn't. You know? You guys lost to Penn State head to head and Penn State won your conference, championship. That would be like if the Yankees won the American League East and the Red Sox won the wild card and then the Red Sox got to compete in the playoffs to possibly win a World Series, and then the Yankees didn't. That makes no fucking sense whatsoever. And he starts going, well, I'll tell you right now,

we had three of the most impressive road wins of any team, but blah, blah, blah, just all of this shit. And I just kept going, you bleed scarlet and gray. If this was happening to your team, you would say it was bullshit. And he said, no, I wouldn't. I'd be asking why the Washington Huskies were in it like he would have no problem with the team that his team beat and won the fucking game give me a

fucking break right and then what happens what happens Ohio State goes out and plays Clemson and they go out and proceed to get their asses whacked by a bunch of goddamn nerds. Nerds! 31 to nothing. Clemson just fucking completely dominated them. And in the end, Lyehead sends me this fucking text. He said, I can see blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then I just sent him a picture of Joe Paterno shrugging and said, I didn't see nothing. Maybe that's what part of it is. Maybe that's why they still don't want Penn State to be in there, you know, because at the end of the fucking day, the end of the day, this guy kind of fucking, you know, there's a lot of shit going on in the shower there and the guy, he fucking didn't say nothing. It was so weird about being at the game because I was rooting for Penn State yesterday at the amazing, amazing fucking game by both teams, the quarterbacks, they both set like

tied or set a zillion fucking records. It was the highest scoring Rose Bowl in history. At one point, both quarterbacks had four touchdown passes, which I don't think, I think that tied a record or I can't remember. And then one, the redheaded kid there threw his fifth. I think he was, I don't know, I was fucking sitting way up there. He threw his fifth touchdown. So final score was, what was it?

52 to 49. The over under was 53 and a half. So Penn State scored 28 points in the third quarter. It was just a fucking amazing game. And two things bugged me when I watched when I was there though. Of course, there's always something that bugs me. Okay. Number one, the fucking at one point they were showing all like the coaches or one of the Rose Bowl whatever and Joe Paterno goes up there and this is he gets a bigger ovation than anybody else Bigger ovation than anybody else. How important are sports? How important is fucking winning a fucking game?

To these Penn State people. Evidently that's more important than if you look the other way is some poor kid in a fucking shop. I mean it's just fucking it's it's unspeakable. Alright I just fucking I'm stepping away from that fucking program. I've always liked them you know. I was still kind of rooting for them. I was like well you know these kids here in the field they didn't fucking do it. These other people are they're innocent of all of it. And then they show you know They show the Fuhrer up on the fucking day Just like I fucked these people right but then USC and their fans

You know USC fans of the classic, know all-day yolo douches you know what I mean it's just so fucking hard to root for despite the fact you know OJ Marcus Allen OJ pre-murderers like if they put OJ up on the screen you know I wouldn't have fucking well probably I would have just to be a cunt. All right, I'm a Penn State fan again. I don't want the, I don't, what are you doing in that situation? Anyways, so Penn State, USC, it looks looking like they're going to win the game, okay? And then Penn State comes roaring back in the third quarter, which by the way, took like an hour and like 10 minutes.

It was the longest quarter of my life. the TV timeouts were fucking ridiculous in that game I actually said to my buddy. I was just like dude. You know what this is the most boring exciting game I've ever been to in my life It was like it was like if you're watching goodfellas and every fucking three seconds somebody just hit pause on it For two minutes that felt like ten minutes Fucking referees standing around, they fucking reviewed everything. Everything but the fucking coin toss they reviewed. That game was like four hours, well over four hours long.

So anyways, Penn State comes roaring back, fucking USC fans, few of them left, most of them stayed. And anyways, long story short, they end up coming, you know, they were down by like, I can't even remember, it was like 27-14. The next thing it was 35-27. Then I think it was 35-35. It was 35-27, Penn State, then 35-35. Then 42, whatever, 35.

Then 49, 35. And. That's right then Penn State I mean USC came back and scored two touchdowns right and when they tied it the fucking us USC players just the way they they act their program is the fucking worst They're the that's they're like that the type of program I can't stand like do you remember the first game of the year when they played Alabama? And when they were coming out of the tunnel there's a bunch of them acting like they were these crazed dogs at the end of leashes And they were lunging forward, but uh somebody's pulling them back Oh you guys oh you wait to see what the fuck's gonna happen here, and then they go out there

And proceed to get their asses By a bunch of goddamn rednecks red fucking by a bunch of goddamn rednecks. Red fucking, Alabama kicked the shit. It was like 52 to go fuck yourself, whatever the final score was. And then after all that fucking shit, then they just go, hey, good game, good game. They just scurry off the fucking field, right?

And then yesterday, you see when they win, right? They win, like first of all when they they They tied the game up You know and I would say on some tiki-tack fucking pass interference calls, but like USC was getting fucking Screwed earlier. They had a couple bullshit It was just sort of we fucked you guys twice and then we'll fuck the other guys twice. Okay. Well balance it out here somehow A couple pass interference things. So when they scored the touchdown to tie it up with like a fucking minute left or something,

dude, all the scoring that Penn State did, I mean they jumped up and down, that was it. Dude, fucking USC, they scored in one end zone. This guy with no helmet on runs down the sideline to the entire other end zone like, ah, doing that 300 yell like he fucking scored even then I would have been like dude relax it's a fucking tie game all jumping up and down all up on the benches with their fucking jerseys spinning them

around over their fucking heads and it's a tie fucking game and then in the end right by the way Penn State totally played fucking Marty Schottenheimer ball Marty ball. I swear to God, every time they had a first down towards the end, the first play was running right up the middle, right near center's fucking ass for no yards. Well, we're burning out. We're taking time off the clock.

They were doing that shit. I'm actually convinced that the prevent defense, by the way, is actually a, it's a scam that was come up with by the heads of the leagues, that is executed by the coaches, to make sure every fuck, as many games as humanly possible can come down to the wire, so people will continue to watch. That fucking thing, once again, did not work. I can't even begin to tell you, they just, just you're just gonna give them the first Fucking 80 yards, then you're gonna play defense and hope that you hold them to a field goal That's a philosophy and they will just will take away the sidelines

In the middle of the field everybody knows how it fucking works And all it does is ensure that on the final fucking three four, the other team now has a chance to win. You've been playing defense, you've been shutting them down, you've been throwing the fucking ball, you've been kicking their ass, and then all of a sudden, hand up off the middle every fucking time. I don't know, drove me up the fucking wall.

So then when USC finally wins it, right, after letting up 49 fucking points, and then they score 52 the second they win it the entire team runs down the field not towards the field kick goal kicker to celebrate who by the way was doing that stupid DAP thing the entire fucking thing trying to get like a sneaker deal like what kind of kicker gets a sneaker deal they get like half a deal they just get it for their kicking foot then the other thing they give them like a fucking sandal

So they don't even go out and celebrate with the fucking kid who kicked the field goal they just run right down at Penn State's band and the whole fan section and just Screamed all in their faces and what's fucking hilarious is that game obviously could have gone either way and if they they didn't win, they would have been like, oh, hey, good game. Good game. Good game. Penn State wouldn't have done that. It was just a completely classless fucking move. But that's how they are. You know, that's it's one of those schools where I say, well, the coach just doesn't take any responsibility.

It's just like, well, the kids are this it's very emotional team and they like to express themselves. Yeah. Yeah. When they yeah, when they win. When they win, when they don't, they fucking scamper off the field. It's like that Richard Sherman guy. Whenever the Seattle wins, you mad, you mad, bro? You mad? And then all of a sudden he loses and he tries to be the mayor. Hey, good game, Tom Brady, good game.

Everybody's like, that showed class. No, it didn't. Anybody can be classy when you fucking lose. You can't talk shit. You lost The class act is when you win and you're not a cunt about it But anyways haven't said that it was a fucking amazing amazing game great comeback by USC and as much as It came down to the wire and there was all those points scored, I have to be honest with you, if I could have fast forwarded through the last 45 minutes of the

fucking, that's how long the fucking game was and how long these fucking TV timeouts were, I can't imagine how much fucking money they made. The game started at 1.15, it wasn't over until like, I want to say like 5.45, 5.40. It was just way too, it was over four hours long. over until like, I want to say like 545, 540. It was just way too, it was over four hours long. It was like a fucking baseball game. It's like, this is what happened in the national pastime. Bill, you know what was almost as long

as you bitching about the fucking game. Anyways, so we went to the tailgate and I brought that flat top grill that I got, the campfire one. This is not a paid advertisement. Dude fucking thing was unbelievable it was un fucking believable. Lawhead was Lawhead didn't want to go to the game he was having so much fun he cooked so much shit I make we had so much fucking food we had too much food and that's why I felt like I got hit by a truck. I ate so fucking much. And we made these hash browns. He made this crazy egg sandwich. Then we had

chicken wings. Then we had fucking steak and cheese. And we still had burgers and dogs that we were going to try to do at the end of the game, but I was just too fucking full. But Lawhead was fucking hilarious, man. He was so excited to cook, right? I'm backing the truck in, he's outside of it, and this guy comes walking by, you know when they sell those ticket holders? I always get one, right? And he goes, uh, hey, take it all, your ticket. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me get four. So these guys sort of walking up to the truck, and I'm not doing a good job backing it in, because the grill's blocking my view.

I'm trying to look around, I don't want to fuck this thing up, and, uh, so I had to, you know, make a couple attempts attempts and rather than blaming it on me, Jay starts yelling at the ticket guy, because, hey buddy, can you get out of the way, let the kid fucking park it. And then I just hear the guy going, hey bro, you got to relax and Jay just starts fucking jawing at him like he's fucking arguing on a call and I just yelled out, I just, automatically said, Jay, will you shut the fuck up? I go, dude, I'm sorry, sorry about that guy, you know?

He's a little wound up, right? So we fucking buy the ticket holding things, the guy leaves and then Jay's setting up his fucking, his little canopy thing and he's just fucking, he's just locked in, you know? Jay's a fucking athlete, so he just fucking gets, he's got that focus, right? And as he's setting the thing you know Jay's a fucking athlete so he just fucking gets he's got that focus right and as he's setting the thing up like these four people we've barely even established our space are just passing

through and then Jay immediately like like freaking the fuck out I said to him later I said Jesus Christ Jay go, you fucking dropped the gloves before the game even started. What the fuck was with you? And he's like, no, no, the guys, the guys walking right into your tires, walking into your tires, people coming through the whole fucking camp. And I just started laughing. I was like, Jay, you're excited to cook.

You're excited to cook. You got a little excited. And then he finally just fucking just relax and goes, all right, I got excited. I don't know. We had a great fucking time. And I don't know, I still nodded off a little bit in the first quarter. I can't get to sleep after all these years of doing stand up till like fucking 12 midnight and getting up four hours later. I'm an old, I really felt my age this year, man.

Speaking of which, there was someone at the tailgate, I'm not going to say who, who was fucking slumped over the truck because they had to go to the bathroom and couldn't. So we're like, dude, we got to take you to the hospital. We got to take you to the hospital. Nah, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Fucking ends up coming back like 20 minutes later.

Dude, I feel great. Because I think he passed a fucking kidney stone or something. I don't know what the fuck it was. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, so we almost had a fatality. Lai had almost got a gay misconduct. Oh, that was the bullshit one on USC that fucking targeting was that was that that was a guy jumps in the air he's aiming for his chest and somebody

else hits him then all of a sudden the guy gets knocked down where is his chest his head is now where his chest was and the guy was already in the air right does anybody give a fuck all right I will plow I will plow ahead here. I also watched the UFC! I know this is like an old story at this point, but... You know, like everybody else, I watched the Amanda Nunez and the Rowdy Ronda Rousey fight. And yeah, that was tough to watch. That was definitely tough to watch.

And it was even tougher to watch all the fucking shit talking assholes on like Twitter and all the memes and all. Oh, fucking, you know, I've taken naps longer than that. They went to get a drink and then it was fucking over. And it's just like, like all of these people have have fought and competed and won in the octagon and they have the right to talk shit like that. It's just, I don't know why people do stuff like that. You know, if that happens to every champion, if they stick around, eventually somebody younger you're the champ, everybody's breaking down what the fuck it is you do. Over and over and over and over again and then eventually you get run down.

It happens to everybody. If it could happen to Muhammad Ali sugar Ray Leonard Marvin Hagler all these fucking guys their last fight I saw him lose Roy Jones jr. Matt Hughes George St. Pierre right I think George St. Pierre might have won his last one but he was all beat up and everything but and said he didn't remember part of the fight so that's what happens to everybody So of course I text this to my buddy goes well not rocky or fucking Mayweather Meaning rocky Marciano and it's just like dude. All right, I'll rocky Marciano. Absolutely, but like Mayweather. I don't know

Mayweather owes me like 300 bucks in pay-per-view Think about that guy. All right. I'm really going out on a limb here because I don't watch that much boxing. I think one obviously one of the greatest fighters of all fucking time, but like he's just also understood that final third of his career. I feel better than anybody else. How do you still continue fighting and not take that big fucking knockdown? Part of it or a lot of part was his amazing defense

But the other is the fucking opponents that he picked you know what I mean that fucking Pacquiao fight should have happened at least eight Years before I was on his side where I was like yeah, maybe he's on drugs He probably I don't know maybe he is maybe fucking isn't but I Don't know all the I don't know, all the, I don't know, boxing isn't the way it was. Somewhere in the 80s it died. Like that Hagler, Hearns, Duran, Leonard, they all lost and they all fucking lost

to each other and shit. It's just like you had unbelievable fighters, four unbelievable fighters and they all fought each other. It's impossible to you had unbelievable fighters for unbelievable fighters, and they all fought each other It's impossible to stay undefeated, but um You know You fucking you know it'd be like if fucking Ali fought Joe finally fought Joe Frazier in like 1981 And like when Ali's last fight that they was against Larry Holmes who then was the fucking champ for like the next four years or whatever I think was against Larry Holmes who then was the fucking champ for like the next four years or whatever

His rule until I think Tyson came along or maybe there's one guy in between I can't remember it's been so long ago Hagler's last loss was to sugar Ray Leonard I mean these guys fought champions right up until he ended their career as opposed to you know fighting some guy from England with weight issues You know that one Ricky, Ricky Hatten. I saw that fight. I don't like talking shit about fighters either, because they can all beat the fuck out of me. I'm just saying that I think it's going to hurt Mayweather,

the level of guy that he fought in the final third of his career. Because I know for one, he'd watch his fucking fights, the other guy couldn't hit him, Mayweather couldn't knock him out, and he just kind of poop, poop, poop, poop, the whole fucking fight with his those white kitten gloves. I'm just like, this is

fucking boring as shit. Fighting not to lose, playing not, playing not to lose, like Penn State, like Penn State did in the fourth fucking quarter. Um, so that's, I don't know, that's my own dumb opinion. I don't know shit about fighting. But all I know is this, you're a fucking asshole if you go on Twitter and you start trashing somebody because they, uh, because they got knocked out.

Like they're a pussy, or you were overrated, or any of that type of shit. I mean, some of you probably say I just did that to Mayweather. I'm not I'm saying he's one of the greatest of all time I would never say that the guy's a pussy or anything like that I would have just liked to watch him fight a better caliber fighter I Don't know you know I mean I'd like that that Mayweather Pacquiao fight that should have fucking happened in what oh five oh six something like that Mayweather Pacquiao fight that should have fucking happened in what? 05 06 something like that Bill shut the fuck up. All right, I'll shut the fuck up. Anyways, um

You know what it really is is that Verzi fucking said that Mayweather would have fucking beat Hagler-Hernes Leonard Duran Like he would have fucking beat all of them. It's like he would have beat all of them All of them couldn't beat all of each other You know, I Don't know what he's I don't know what he's basing it on Like he would have beat all of them. All of them couldn't beat all of each other. You know? I don't know what he's basing it on. You know what he's basing it on? He's basing it on being born in the late 70s.

I'm just an old fucking crabby man. Speaking of which, you know, I've been working on my anger. I got in the car today to return the pickup truck and I, I fucking, I don't know, I made it down the street and around the block before I got into an argument with this fucking woman who just glided through her stop sign in her white Mercedes Benz. I gotta fucking, I gotta think,

anybody who's got a white Mercedes, a white, uh, people with white cars, man. High-end white cars are fucking entitled cunts. I don't like them, you know what I mean? They think the cars are classy. Right? I always give Verzi shit like, Verzi loves a white car. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know, they just think it's the classiest fucking thing ever. Mercedes and BMW, they've really fallen the fuck off. You know what I mean? They just went right down to the bottom feeders. Anybody with like, who can afford 60 bucks a month can lease one of those cars now.

I'm telling you, when I used to see a Mercedes drive down the street, it used to be some fucking guy like in his 50s who was wealthy or of a BMW even then that was like more like the yuppie guy like I'm not having fucking kids and I'll pour shit in the drinking water just to make another buck you know cook the fucking stock market banker psycho right we would just have a rough sex you know that fucking lunatic. Now it's shit. It's like fucking 21-year-old kids.

I think this podcast should just be like some sort of theme of like things aren't the way they used to be and I'm fucking upset about it. You know what it is? I didn't have a good breakfast today. And at my age, that's not a good thing. I woke up and we didn't have any fucking real food. The fucking, my frying pan was underneath all this dirty shit from the fucking rose bowl that's in the sink.

It's like, I'm not going to fry up a fucking egg. And Nia has one of those fucking little kid cereals in there. And I was just like, all right, I'll fucking eat this shit. And I already had the fucking sugar high, and now I'm starting to crash. So I'm being a little harsh on the millennials, you know? And Floyd Mayweather and people who drive white cars. I can admit that.

In 2017, I can admit that. This is the new me, the new Bill. I meditate now. And by saying I meditate means I tried it once last week. And I plan on doing it twice a day, but I've only done it once so far. But I've been thinking about doing it, you know? And people have been sending me shit about trying to get over my fucking anger issues. And yeah, that lady like glided through the stop sign

and I just stopped I said you got a stop sign right there and she goes you got one over there and I go that's not it it's the other one it's just like you're just a fucking another douche and a white Mercedes I swear to God do you think if they stopped making that car people would drive better there's something about people and they get a white Mercedes a white fucking car like you know that cost a certain amount of money. That's it. Look, I'm getting upset again. Just relax, Bill. Take a fucking breath. You know, go outside, look at the birds. Whatever the hell it is you're supposed to do. You know, somebody sent me this. I should play it now. Somebody sent me this fucking video on how to get over my anger.

And at the risk of sounding like a hack comedian, it actually didn't make me angry. It fucking upset me, though. It really did. Let me see this here. See if I can click on this fucking thing again. Oh, how not to be angry all the time. I wonder if I can play this and not get in fucking trouble

by some podcasting entity here. See if I can turn this fucking thing up here. So I look at this thing, right? It's a cartoon. So immediately, it's on my intellect level. Here it is. This is what they're trying to say to me. I'll try to play this here with my minimal fucking

abilities here. Oh, for god's sake. So you going to play it here or what? I hit play I refuse to get fucking angry during this point why won't this thing play? oh I know cuz I'm in this room I'm in this room so the fucking the internet doesn't work all there's a little spin wheel

it's gradually, it's spinning around. What's gonna happen? All I want to do is play this fucking all I want to do is room a zoom zoom zoom. I just want to play this fucking video. How does it know? How does the universe know when you're trying to fucking do something? All right, you know what fucking I'm not playing. Hey, look at that. I'm not angry anymore because I just gave in because that's basically what this fucking video told you to do It was talking about so-and-so This is this is the name of the video. It says how not to be angry all the time And I would love to read the fucking comments on this thing, right?

Says how not to be angry all the time and it shows this guy. It's like William or whatever I think guys actually name was Bill. I can't remember and it shows this guy, it's like William or whatever, I think the guy's actually name was Bill, I can't remember. You know, he likes to read the newspaper and he tells his wife not to interrupt him while he's doing that. And then it goes, his wife finds this very upsetting. So one time he's reading the newspaper

and she says, hey, when are you gonna, you know, set the table, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and William flips out. He gets angry. And it says William gets angry because he has hope. He was talking about how angry people, as much as they come off as their negative, they're actually really positive people. And was basically saying that they have hope.

So they present all these different scenarios. And then like at each one of these, oh, he goes to the airport and his plane is delayed he's one of the premier fucking flyers he gets mad he goes up he flips he screams at the fucking lady behind the counter because he is hopeful and it was basically saying that he needed to be a little more pessimistic oh here's the video here's the video is basically saying you needed to be a negative cunt. Here we go. Three people sound like gloomy types. We certainly don't usually think of them as optims.

Why is it so fucking quiet? The gruff surface, they truly are, much to their cost. You know what, I can't deal with this fucking guy's accent. I can't deal with it. Oh, I know, I had the fucking microphone turned around. There we go. Gloomy people, they actually are. All right, hold on one second.

Angry people sound like gloomy types. We certainly don't usually think of them as optimists. And yet, beneath their gruff surface, they truly are much to their- I can't fucking, oh my God, I can't fucking listen to it. Can he, why does he gotta fucking over annunciate everything? Annunciate everything. Cue me, people, they're actually positive people under there.

Yeah, so basically he goes through all of this fucking shit, right? And he says, to be more positive is what you have to do, is you have to accept the world, that the world is actually a very dark, gloomy place, and most things fail, and most, basically most dreams don't come true. And be more of like a realist, and like people who, you and like people who aren't angry people get upset when something happens but they get over it way quicker and they don't get nearly as mad. And it's basically because I guess they're walking around going like, oh yeah, why wouldn't

this person in this white Mercedes blow through the stop sign? Of course they do. I guess this part of me, I understand that. Like I flip out about the moron drivers out here and I literally say to myself out loud after I flip out in the car going like, yes Bill, you have established that people out here suck at driving, when are you gonna stop reacting to it?

And I don't think ever. I don't think it's because I'm like an optimist. I'm not hopeful that someone fucking, if they're going to make a left, that they'll get all the way over to the left instead of sitting in the middle of the lane and now I have to fucking wait where if you just were over by the double yellow line

I could have gone around you. You fucking cunt. I'm not like hopeful that they're gonna do that. I don't have like hope that they're gonna do it. I just can't understand why you wouldn't. Because I know that person has been sitting behind somebody doing that. It's like when you're in a long line at fucking whatever, and it's moving slow, and everybody's yammering with the person on the other side of the fucking desk.

It's like, just get up there, say what you want, and shut the fuck up. How hard is that? And there'll be a person in front of you looking at you, rolling their eyes like, I can't believe how long this takes. And then they get up there, what are they doing? I'll tell you, it's a great day out there, isn't it? They just fucking launch into all of this shit that has nothing to do with what you're doing.

And it just fucking adds time. So I'm not, I don't have any hope that people are gonna, maybe I do, I hope, you know, I guess I would hope you'd be a fucking not a moron and figure out why this seems to be taking way longer than it should. I don't know. I don't think it's because I have hope. I think the reason why I get fucking angry is because that is my default emotion I think that that's what it is. You know I came for one of those families like I

Right one of those things which you know if you're not allowed to express yourself You immediately feel like you're not gonna get what you want in life, and I think that that's what I think That's why I flip out You know I flip out because of that like you know if something starts to go away I don't want it to go no one's gonna listen to me and I don't have any fucking options other than to just sit there and fucking take it so I think that's what is I don't think it's cuz I'm hopeful I get maybe a little bit maybe I'm such an angry cunt I can't say that there's some truth in this video, but I don't think the solution is

Is to just walk around You know just accepting that people Are the way that they are You know, that'd be like if you know you're coaching a team and be like, yeah, you know, we're eight and eight Yeah, we're just eight and eight. Next year, you know, I will probably be eight and eight again because I've accepted that this is the way things are. I know a lot of positive driven people and they're not angry people. So I don't think being positive is part of that. I think it's just how my fucking wires, my mental wires have been soldered

together. I think I probably came into the world, I don't know, can you come into the world angry? I don't know. I don't think you can. I don't think you're born that fucking way. I have no fucking idea, but I don't know about this video where I got to now just, I just, the solution is just to be like, yeah, well, you know, people out here when they make laughs, that's how they're gonna do it. I mean, I guess if you just do that, then you don't get angry, cuz all these years of me getting angry has not made people stop doing that. It never made the person in front of me go like, I'm sorry, let me get over. They just sort of look at me weird as I as I drive by yelling at them looking at me like what the fuck is

Is he yelling at me? Am I doing something? I have no I have a white car possibly be in the wrong I don't know. I have no idea. I think I Don't know I don't know. I don't know what my deal is, but I plan on getting to the bottom, but at least understand it. But I don't think a three minute fucking YouTube video with some guy with his fucking, you know.

I think in the United States, we like getting like people with English accents to fucking narrate shit, cause then it just sounds like it's true or smart. You know what I mean? Which is why I think all these English guys and Scottish guys have done well. fucking narrate shit because then it just sounds like it's true or smart, you know what I mean? Which is why I think all these English guys and Scottish guys have done well. Maybe it's just women like fucking that accent or just like a different foreign accent.

I don't know. Like these talk show people. For some reason, that slot that used to be after David Letterman, you have to get an English or a Scottish guy. That's become like that time slot. Like an American accented guy cannot do well. And that is the Great Britain accent time slot. I don't know. But all I know is I can't listen to fucking, I can't listen to this again. He's often furious. He's been married to his wife. He's often furious. He sounds like he's in that fucking clockwork orange. But I am often furious. His name was Fred. I knew it was

one of my names, right? All right, what am I doing here? Let's let's let's read some fucking advertising here. 34 fucking into this podcast, and I don't think I'm I don't think I'm even remotely a better person. What about you guys? All right, oh it's our friends here No, wait, let's let's let's stay on this point here. Maybe maybe that's what I should do. I'm gonna try that today I'm gonna just try walking around and what I'm gonna do is have my eyebrows up a little bit I'm gonna do that thing that people do you know where they make their lips disappear their mouth looks like it's closed But their lips disappear, you know the car Just gonna do that walk around like oh, yeah

Of course this thing that should take 90 seconds of course now. It's gonna take six minutes Yep, okay Now it's going to take six minutes. Mm-hmm. Yep, okay. I'll take my car over to the dealership to get the brake light done. I mean, I know that I could change out a brake light, but of course you have the screws. They're inside the car behind a plastic thing, and I know when I go to take that thing off that the head on the screw is going to be something I've never seen before and requires a special screwdriver

that I could go down or maybe order on Amazon. You know, and of course they won't just sell me the one, I'll have to buy the whole set. And then I'll be like, well, I guess I can pay fucking $35 for a new set of screwdrivers and hope I don't get a ticket over the next few fucking days. Or I could just drive down to the fucking dealership set of screwdrivers and hope I don't get a ticket over the next few fucking days or I

could just drive down to the fucking dealership and just pay 180 bucks for a fucking like look at me getting mad again. I'm just going to go down to the dealership and just say yes. I have something that I could totally repair on my car if you guys hadn't put those alien screws in there? Excuse me, could I have the screwdriver that I need to undo those four screws? Could I have that please? And could I then find the corporate guy right as he's getting on his jet who came up with this idea? And could I please just, I don't know, just sort of stick it into the side of his neck?

I think that would be nice. How does that work if I say angry shit but I say it in a pleasant way? Ma'am, is there a reason why you're so not focused as you work this cash register? Is there a reason why you feel that you're above a job that you stink at? How does that work? Shouldn't you be so good at this job that I'm actually sitting there thinking to myself, why are you working here? You're way beyond this. Why are you standing here reinforcing that you're not even good enough to do this job

because you think you're better than another job. Is there any way you could open that cash register door and I could grab you by your ponytail, shove your head into the drawer, and then see how far I could close it with your head in it? Is there a way I could do that? Sorry, guys. I have to rehearse everything that I'm going to go through today. Oh, hello, Staples.

No, you cannot have my phone number. I mean, I'll give you a phone number and I will give you an alternate phone number. Yes, I will. None of these will be true. Oh, I'll give you a... You know my fake email addresses that I give? It's youknowit at aol.com. You got to have a fake one. Youknowit at aol.com. That's my fake one. And that is a reference to Will Ferrell in old school,

Frank the Tank, when they're going, Frank the Tank. Frank is going, you know it! you know it. The fake phone number I give out is a series of area codes followed by the number of five. They'll be like, what's your phone number? It's like three, two, three, two, one, two, eight, one, eight, five, that's what I do. Well, they start to look at you after two area codes. 8185. That's what I do.

Well, they start to look at you after two area codes. You know, when you go like 310, 212, you get that little puppy look, the little cock in the head. And then rather than saying 818, because they're going to know, I go 8185. So I still get it in there. Fake name I go with all the time, Russell. Russell, whenever I just need a first name. What's your name? Hey, what's your name? Russell. Russell, what can I do for you today?

Well, you can start by not asking me personal questions. All right? That's what you can do. And you can get some don't know what to tell you. Oh, by the way, I got some video, my old buddy Cleo, and she seems happy as hell, and this is unprecedented. This person that I gave my dog to is a dog trainer at the fucking dog whisperer level, which is what my dog needed. He sent me video of something I've never seen before. My dog came in and wanted to play with another dog, which my dog never did.

My dog tried to kill other dogs. My dog tried to kill another dog when my dog was with the trainer that now has it. He slowly been working with this fucking thing and it was amazing. The trainer said, within a week to 10 days, they will probably be just like best of friends sleeping together in the sun. That made me feel good because I think she's actually happier um in that environment than she was with me even though you know I miss her to death or what but that made me feel good. So there you go. There you go. I'll tell you that fucking dog has had an amazing life. An amazing life like uh literally it should have been over like three different times and it always survives and its life has gotten progressively better.

So that made me feel good as much as I missed the thing. That's cool. It's got a friend. And I got nobody. Woo hoo. All right. Oh, here we go. Let's read a little advertising here.

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stamps.com, never go to the goddamn fucking post office again. All right, let's do the reads for this week and then I'll get the fuck outta here. All right, I already read the anger one. Goodwill. Hey Bill. Bill loved the podcast, can't wait for F is for Family season 2. Thank you very much. Last week on the Thursday podcast you talked about goodwill

I worked at goodwill for a little over a year and you wouldn't believe The shit that was donated there. Oh my god. This fascinates the hell out of me I imagine they give you basically everything short of a body You are totally right they just throw all this shit in trucks, but they, but instead of throwing shit in the oceans Wait a second But they instead of throwing shit in the oceans put the trucks in warehouses and let them set for at least three to ten years So the shit can get a lovely scent of mold over them When they get loaded they literally throw this shit on the truck nine times out of ten,

breaking whatever you are donating. No way. You know what the shit thing is about donating to goodwill? You can bring shit with mold, piss, shit, or anything else disgusting there, and they have to take it. Well, then what are they supposed to do with it? I'd put it on a truck too. Nine times out of 10, they will take anything, but that one time out of 10,

if you bitch and threaten to call corporate and complain, they will take no matter, they'll take it no matter what. Oh God, somebody's gotta do a documentary on goodwill. When I was there, people would donate trash they didn't want to pay to get rid of. Couches torn to shit with piss stains all over it, mattresses with literal shit on them, and a laundry list of long, gross shit. Dude, this is like an expose and I'm taking this all as

fact. I have no idea if this is true or not. They will literally sell anything. I got to the point that when people would donate things that were really nice, I would tell them they should keep it or give it to someone because it would just be thrown away. But of course, the mouth breathing assholes that would donate trash that they that they have to what? But of course, the mouth breathing assholes that would donate trash that they have to take. Dude, you're a bit of a mouth breather here. You're not speaking in full sentences. These people are hoarders that you can't even open their car door without shit falling all over the fucking place.

Fucking disgusting. The grossest thing that I ever saw get sold was either a mattress with shit and piss stains on it or an antique dildo that had white hair all over it? Ah, ah, come on, come on, come on people. I can't believe this. This is, am I getting trolled here? Is this a millennial?

Is he giving me the business? He says, I know this is going to sound like I am making myself in this situa- what? I know this is going to sound like I am making myself in this situation the good guy Is this a voice text? But I seriously would look at them and be like why the fuck are we selling this? This is really wrong. They will respond with we have to sell everything to try and make bonus The sad thing was we never made bonus I got to the point where I wouldn't price shit because it was garbage on my last day

I felt like grabbing a trash bag from the office Go around the building picking up trash then tying it tie it up slap a dollar on it and write on the bag Mystery bag or some shit like that and see if anybody would buy it, but I didn't do this is all that was all one sentence would buy it but I didn't. Dude, this is all, that was all one sentence. On my last day I felt like grabbing a trash bag from the office, go around the building, picking up trash, then tie it up, slap a dollar on it, and write on the bag, mystery bag or some shit like that and see if someone would buy it but I didn't. All one sentence.

Thanks, Bill, for the laughs and good luck to you and Neil with the new baby. Yeah, I kind of get it. But people just use goodwill because they want to feel like they're being environmentally conscious. You know? I'm not throwing this out. It's going to end up in a landfill or in the ocean. And then you just bring it down there. And they just throw it out.

It didn't take a genius to come down there. There's a giant fucking 18-wheeler empty just parked there. Not like it's dropping off or picking up shit. It's there on its legs. There's no tractor trailer there. And you know they just come over there like once a day and just drive that thing away.

Where's it going? All right, Drama Queen Dad. Dear Billy Red Nose, first off, I'd like to say thanks, thank you, thank you. I'm a lady, oh my God, I Billy Red Nose, first off I'd like to say thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm a lady, oh my god, I have a female fan, in high school and lately I've been listening to your podcast whenever I'm stressed out or just looking for something to laugh at. Okay, now on to the story.

My father is a middle-aged man with bipolar disorder and likes to blame everything on his mental illness as he calls it. I like that you're already taking him to task here. He's going to blame everything on his mental illness. Yeah, that's no reason to not do your dishes. All right? All right there, loopy.

He's very dramatic and claims that his bipolar is the reason he hasn't been able to hold a job lately, even though he kept the same career for about 10 years and is now working for a new company. My parents are divorced, so whenever my father can't have us over to visit, he claims it's because of his illness." Ah, man, that's the greatest. There's nothing like a fucking built-in excuse. That's going to be great when I have a kid here in a few fucking days, minutes, weeks,

whatever. Ah, you know, I'd love to, but my kid, my kid's, yeah, I can't, I got a kid. I don't want to tell him that bipolar disorder is not a mental illness because he'd go ape shit on me. Is bipolar, I don't know. I thought anytime your brain was fucked up you had a mental illness. I have a mental illness with my anger. Okay, bipolar... I have a mental illness with my anger. Okay, bipolar... Bipolar, is it a... disease?

Well, let's see here. Oh, just give me the fucking answer! Oh, Jesus! Oh, fuck you, I'm not reading all this shit. This is the internet. I don't want to expound it all, just give me the yes or no. Is there a yes or no dot com? Can you just do that? Just answer a few.

Ask a fucking, it's like, I don't want to know why. Is this blah blah blah yes or no? Then you have your answers. And then when you go to the bar and somebody says something you're like, no it isn't! Or yes it is! Yar it is! Do you know that bipolar disorder develops during a person's late teens, early adult years? Do you know I didn't ask that question? Never trust a fucking doctor with a goatee. Who the fuck is, uh, you is, oh my God, Jesus Christ. Look at these fucking eggheads.

They all got nice full heads of hair though. I gotta give them that. All right. Anyways. I don't want to tell him bipolar disorder is not a mental illness because he'll go ape shit on me. For some reason he seems to enjoy making me and my sister feel like shit

and makes mountains out of molehills whenever we correct him or stand up for ourselves when he bullies us. Yeah, don't take any shit from me. He sounds like an asshole. What's even worse about this is that his bullying always works. He's very manipulative and I'm scared to see him

because of the things he said and done to me in the past. Every time I'm informed, I'll have to spend the weekend with him, I nearly piss myself with anxiety. My question to you is, how the fuck do you deal with someone like this? I know my dad is ridiculous and uses underhanded tactics to make me feel like shit.

But for some reason, I'm not able to just get over it. None of my friends seem to relate to being so terrified of one person like I am of my father. And I would like to hear your take on things. Thanks for reading this and go fuck yourself. All right, how would I get past this? Well, this is the hardest thing to do. You have to stop giving a shit about the guy to a certain level. At some point, you know, when if you have a parent like this you have to look at them and remove mentally that they're a relative And you have to just say to yourself like if this person was a complete stranger Would I be friends with this person?

Would I interact with this person would I waste another minute my fucking life? dealing with this person You know and when you got asked those questions usually it's like absolutely not the minute my fucking life dealing with this person. You know? And when you got asked those questions, usually it's like, absolutely not. This would have been a fucking one and done situation. But the thing is, it is your dad, so you can't write him off. But you have to kind of, that's the toughest thing, when you got to write off a parent

but still interact with them. You just got to be like, I don't know, you kind kinda have to find the humor in it, I think. That's a tough one, especially at your age. I don't know, I would just, I don't know, I would probably do some passive aggressive shit where I would just say, oh yeah, is that how it is? Okay, I'll get right on that, you know, shit like that. I don't know what to tell you.

I would just basically, I would still, like, what is he gonna do other than get mad? He doesn't sound like he hits you or anything. So he just mad and he flips out or whatever and just, who gives a fuck that's what he's gonna do. The guy's out of his fucking mind, right? Maybe he's got bipolar, maybe he doesn't,

maybe it's a disease, maybe it isn't. All you know, just... Oh man, this is tough. This is a fucking rough one, because it's your dad. And the last thing you want to do is then go out in the world and start dating somebody who then treats you like that,

the exact fucking thing you don't want, and then you end up with that, and then you have that same nervousness in a fucking relationship that's all I can say you know you got it you're not gonna be able to fix this guy you got to deal with them because he is your dad but the big thing that you can do is in your life is you create a life that does not involve this all? You need to go out and go marry a fucking sweetheart, right? And then your fucking house is great and it's peaceful and it's what you want and then every once in a while this fucking tornado blows

through and you deal with it and then it leaves and then you go back to your peaceful life. That's all you can do. You really, as As a kid you really can't do anything about your parents. You can't pick them. You just get the ones that you get. But the thing that you can do is create a life that does not involve that. And then you don't do that shit to your kids and then you break the cycle. Then that's it. But the weird fucking thing

is that they're still always going to be in your life. So that lunatic will then be around your kids, and it's a motherfucker. It really is. But fortunately, they, for the most part, die before we do. And then you don't have to deal with them anymore.

So I guess try to find the fucking humor in it while you're dealing with it. And then think of how exciting your life is going to be by not having that in it. You know? You might want to just Skype with them for a while. Ha ha ha ha. Get yourself in a situation where you're like, what, I think the screen froze, hello?

And you just click. But that's really, that's disappointing to hear that an adult would manipulate a teenager. Forget about his own fucking daughter. That sucks. So, I don't know, try that. But just know that you can go out in the world and have any life that you want to have simply by, you know, he's showing you what you don't want.

All right? There you go. Oh man, that's brutal. You fuck up so bad as a parent that your daughter goes out going, I want to marry a man who's the exact opposite of my own dad. Woof. That's game set match.

You fucked up as a father. All right, sister's girlfriend. Dear Bill the red bitch Burr, my twin sister is a lesbian and she's dating a lady who was bisexual. She was bisexual and then what? Then what? Became totally homosexual and went back to heterosexuality or is she asexual? At first we didn't, we weren't close or anything, but we did get along.

With your twin sister, not the bisexual woman, right? Then about a year ago we ran into each other at a club and... Oh, no, you're talking about the bisexual woman right then about a year ago. We ran into each other at a club and then oh, I know you're talking about The bisexual lady my sister is a lesbian and she was dating a lady who was bisexual first We weren't close or anything, but but we got along I'm assuming you're talking about the bisexual lady then about a year ago. We ran into each other and a downtown club We we had a few draw Jesus. We have a few drinks, just start talking about random stuff. Ah, she came back, she's gonna try to fucking, she's gonna try to finger bang the whole family here?

Until a friend of mine invited us to a party at some guy's house. We went and had a lot more to drink and then one thing led to another. Does anything good ever come after? And then, you know, one thing led to another. That's when you're fast-forwarding through a piece of shit thing you did or something you're embarrassed of.

Hey, you know, one thing led to another. No one ever talks about fucking, hey, how did you hit that winning game shot? Well, they inbounded the ball and one thing led to another. And you know, I hit the shot to win the championship. You will tell every fucking detail. I was running down the court With every step I can feel my heartbeat I knew somebody had to step up and I knew that someone was gonna be me right That's how you tell it when you fucking when you did some good shit

He did some bad shit. Yeah, one thing led to another and The guy was on the ground and he wasn't breathing. So I don't know what happened. Okay, one thing led to another. We ended up having sex. The next day we came to and both felt horrible about what happened. You both came to? I just pictured that fucking, you know,

take my picture, smack my bitch up. Remember that? Madonna was in the background going, oh, she was singing like the fucking opening to Star Trek. The next day we came to and both felt horribly about what happened. She then told my sister that she slept with a man but didn't tell her it was me.

Oh wait, you're a guy. I thought this're a guy. I thought this was a lady. Oh, okay, okay. I'm bisexual, I don't know. Alright, wait a minute, wait a minute. Alright, your twin sister is a lesbian. She's dating a lady, he's bisexual. Yeah, yeah.

First we weren't close or anything, but we got along. Okay, and then you ran into her and you fucked, you fucked your fucking sister's girlfriend. No wonder you went with one thing led to another. Then we came to, like you were both drugged. These are classic. You feel horrible about this, sir. Or you don't, but you want to get away with it so you're blowing through the details. This is very underwritten for what the fuck has just gone down here.

Jesus Christ. She then told my sister that she slept with a man but didn't tell her it was me. Dude, this chick is a psycho. For the past year I've been torn up about it. I need your unbiased style of advice. Should I tell my sister that was me or not? Thanks. P.S. come to blah blah blah. I would love to see you again. Um, dude, no. Don't say a f- you die with that secret. Die with that secret and hope that woman fades away. And then if it- if it ever comes back around, she said it was you! And just be like, it was!

The fire, one at a time, we had a couple with drinks, oh what they led to another! I wouldn't say a fucking word. Don't say a fucking word, okay? The fly in the ointment here is this bisexual lady, okay? She's jumping all over the fence. She's fucking sisters, she's fucking brothers, and she's fucking white people. No, I'm kidding. She's fucking two people, and she's...

She's the fly in the fucking ointment, okay? She said the shit. I don't know why she's doing that. This is like, she's like Glenn. I don't know why she's doing that. This is like this is she's like Glenn Close In in in fatal attraction if she fucked both Michael Douglas and the hottie who was married to and the rabbit Okay, just fuck this lady. Just you know you just sit tight Okay, this is like you're in a sub and you cut the engines and you're just hoping that they're not gonna start dropping death charges You just hope you get through it. Sometimes in life you just shut the fuck up.

I, this was one, I wouldn't say anything. Okay? And if she brings it up, yeah, you slept with her, I would just, I mean, what are you going to do? This is the thing, you just, this lady's out of her fucking mind. There's no way your sister's gonna end up with her, okay? There's no way she's gonna end up with her. All right, this woman's out of her fucking mind. So she's eventually gonna fade away. All you have to do is just hope that when it comes time for the breakup, that the crazy bitch is breaking up

with your sister, because if your sister goes to break up with her in that highly emotional moment, might drop the bond okay and then you would just you just got to play it like she said what no I never have she's just you just breaking up dad she said that's why she was saying it because you broke and then she walks to the room you You're like alright. I did it Because what they let do another All right called my pants down a Billy blue lungs I Don't know what that means. I'm 24 years old and I'm dating a woman that is 34 years old Alright, see fucking an older lady. You're not dating come on. What do you do?

Well, what are you gonna have your first kid with her when she's like 96? We've been dating for close to three years now and I couldn't be happier. We recently bought a house so Jesus You're 24 you're dating a 34 year old you bought a house with her Recently bought a house. I would be nervous if this was flipped and the guy was 34. It was a 24 year old He's still a wild horse, man. You got to run out on the range. Um, we recently bought a house and it finally came time to put down the down payment on the house and all that extra stuff. I'm going to be honest. I had ego issues on the down payment. She knows my financial status and she was cool

with it, but I just wanted to provide more because she does so much for me. So I dropped my car insurance without her knowing to give her the extra money even though she said I didn't need to. I felt like what sort of man would I be if I didn't contribute my part. So my luck has it I got into a car accident literally two weeks after I dropped my car insurance. I'm between a rock and a hard place now. We want to start a family, but I'm guessing my license would be suspended for a year. A lot of burden will be put upon her now that

I'm assuming my license will be suspended for some time. Bill and Nia, if you could do me a solid on this one, that would be great. PS, long time listener, first time emailer. Oh, jeez. What are you asking me? Like, yeah, you're fucked. You are fucked, I agree with that. Well, in life sometimes you learn a hard lesson, sir, and you're learning one right now. I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you. With this woman, I mean,

what you learned is the solution is not doing what you did. You don't expose yourself to that type of a liability. You didn't really ask me a question. All right, so you love this person, you wanna start a family, that's all good. And you fucked up. I would, I guess if you haven't told her, I would come clean, tell her what you did, why you did it, say you're sorry, and I don't know what.

But if you're 24 and you want to be able to provide, she's 34 and you're going to get married and you're going to start a family. I don't know how you're going to be able to provide. You got to get your career going, I would think. So that would be my biggest concern. Once I find out what the judgment against me is going to be. But here's the deal, dude. She's 34, you're 24, she should be making more money than you.

She should have more money than you, her life should be further down there. You know, you can't try to catch up to a 34-year-old. Alright? Because the only way for you to do it is to do what you just did, and you end up fucking yourself over. And in the long run, you fuck her over too. So you have to respect the fact that you're the age you're at. And I would try to figure out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life, and I would try to get that career going. And I would hope that there would be a bus close by that I could take to figure out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life and I would try to get that career going and I would hope that there would be a bus close by that I

could take to get me to that because I think you're going to get fucked here. Sorry to say that but yeah, my advice would be to stop trying to measure up to a 34 year old. Just be 24. All right? I hope that helped you out. But that's all I got. Sorry. Okay. All right, I hope that helped you out. But that's all I got. Sorry.

Okay. All right. That's the podcast for this week. All right. That's it. That's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Congratulations to USC.

Congratulations to Clemson, Alabama. Oh, and we're going to see who's going to fucking win that one. And NFL playoffs., playoffs are coming. Bruins had a nice two game win streak over the Sabres. And then we fucking lost yesterday. I missed that game. Got fucking smoked three to nothing. But what do we play?

Played fucking the Carolina Hurricanes. That's it. Hey everybody, the holidays are over. It's a brand new fucking year. Don't deal with bipolar people, all right? If you're going to make a left, get over towards the double line. Don't liquidate your fucking insurance so you can try to fucking bang a 40-year-old. And I think that's it.

Yeah, and if you bang your lesbian sister's girlfriend, keep your fucking mouth shut. All right. Talk to you on Thursday. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL edition. I can't believe I'm saying this for week 18. Oh my God, it's over. The regular season is over. It flew by, but we got one more week to go. Before we get into the show, we have to shout out to sponsors, BetMGM, everybody. You guys know BetMGM.

You still got time because playoffs are coming. BetMGM is offering $1,500 in free bets to get your season going. Here's how it works. Four easy steps. You download the sports book, the BetMGM sports book app. Use our code, the code for anything better, which is Burr. You sign up with at least $10, place your first wager and receive up to $1,500 back in bonus bets. If the bet loses, if the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once your initial wager is settled and the first touchdown offer still

available. You simply place a prop bet of any player in any game to get the first touchdown. If your player doesn't score the first, but instead score second, you'll get your stack back in cash. Guys, not gonna lie to you. I'm usually humble when I go 4-0, but the one pick that I liked, Bill, and it killed our draft pick was,

I took the Giants getting seven and a half and I said, I think they're going to lose but cover and they fucking outright one and lost the first round. Yeah, but I gotta tell you, dude, the first round pick though, historically. It's true. You know what I mean? It seems like it's two, three guys a decade that come through. the best case scenario is RG3, best case scenario is Elway or Eli being like, I'm not playing for these guys. So I don't know dude, like there's been a bunch of guys. I think that'd be an interesting stat.

Are there more people in the first round in the teens that ended up being Hall of Famers or those first guys? Because there's a lot of busted quarterback, which I don't know, obviously I'm not always putting on the quarterback as a team you go to. There's a lot of bust. What about like the third round pick? They pick a left tackle.

You know, we gotta get somebody in here to protect our guy. Like those guys, or a defensive end. I've seen a lot of those guys not pan out. So I don't think, you know, this whole idea that if you get the number one pick in the draft, you know, you got a Super Bowl coming in the next four or five years, it's a little overrated. It's just exciting for the fans because you get to pick whoever you want. Yeah, and historically you're right because the last like sure shot was Andrew Luck.

And like think about how long ago that was. They were like, this guy is like ready. And they were right, he was great. But then like that doesn't happen a lot. So you're right about that. Then he was too smart to keep playing football. He was like, I'm done. Yeah, I got my money, I'm out.

I can go do computer programming I think he was just a smart guy and he went to some of these old NFL events and he just saw what he was gonna Be walking like and talking like I mean, it's fucking brutal Yeah, he's like an engineer or a scientist like he's like ridiculously. So this is brutal by the way last week I brought up the name Virgil Livers. I had never even heard of that. Said he had the Joe Theismann of testicle injuries. And it's not even close. Like Joe Theismann, anybody in the world would take what happened to Joe Theismann

versus Virgil Livers. He wasn't wearing a cup and some guy landed on one of his balls with his knee and it exploded. Like what kind of pain is that? Dude, I did this show. I shot that show. I just think you just go. And then no noise comes out.

You're just like I can't even I can't wait in the hospital. No, no, no, dude. That's. Um, there's. Excuse me. There's this, um, this famous story of this rugby player. He's like one of the toughest rugby players in the world. And it was for the show that we shot.

And he was so tough that he was like getting beaten up the whole game. And he's like wincing in pain in the locker room. And his teammate looked at him and realized, his teammate goes, dude, what's wrong? His scrotum was shredded and the ball was hanging out of the scrotum, hanging down and there was like fatty tissue and blood and he just goes like, oh, and then just got it sewn,

put it back in and sewn back in and just like kept on. Like it was the toughest shit I ever heard. I was like, dude, God. I would say that's the the toughest shit I ever heard. I was like, dude, God. I would say that's the dumbest shit I ever heard. You can have that fucking thing sewn up. I mean, you could literally affect whether you can have kids or not, and then you're gonna go run around the grass, dirt, and mud.

No, that's like, I would say, I mean, dude, if your family's life is on the line, you can do some Rambo shit like that. But if you're just playing a fucking game and you do that, that is the reason why men do not outlive women. It's all of that dumb shit of like, how much pain can I take? How dumb can I?

Because obviously I shouldn't play right now and I should go to the hospital. But if I want some man points, I'll do the exact opposite. By the way, what's a cup doing? How did that guy get his balls exploded? Like what happened with his cup? He wasn't wearing a cup. I don't know, 250, 270 guy, you know, fucking off, my God. Oh my God. Well, let's get into football picks.

Okay, we've got two fucking ball backstories. Oh my God, dude. Oh my god. Well, let's get into football picks. Okay, we've got two fucking ball backstories. Oh my god, dude. Oh my god. When you said exploded, it just ruined my fucking afternoon. I mean, dude, I'm literally like, oh, Paul, you hate to hear it. You hate to see about it. You just hate the whole thing. Oh, all right. Um, I guess this is week 18. I got see this is a tricky week because not everybody's playing for something. So you got a lot of spoilers, but then then you got some good ones. Paul, you're not playing for something either. Paul Paul's had his bench in picking games for the last three weeks and then he goes for no again.. Yep. Dude, I swear to God if I actually was watching football and had time to look at this I would help the podcast out but I gotta be honest with you.

You, Andrew, and Jake the Snake well above 500. Just spanking Bet MGM. Got them over your knee, Paul. Well here's the deal. If I go, if I can manage to go three and one or better it'll be the best I've in it. I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm in it. I He's just doing it out in Seattle. So, you know, ESPN doesn't pay attention. You know, he was picking these games in New York like they'd have a fucking billboard of them Times Square. Listen, he's listening. He's the Beverly Hills kid. Quiet Assassin. We got to bring We don't know if his dad has connections with Vegas though, you know, he does come from money. That's true. I saw some of those characters at his wedding. He's got some connections. They all got good footage of hair. We got to bring in Jake the Snake here here Jake the snake on the last regular season regular season week eighteen we

gotta ask you a who's playing for the most stuff we gotta ask you be who's hurt. What do we got Jake. Well TN's playing for the most is on Saturday. Cincinnati Bengals. If they lose, their season is over. If they win, they still need some luck. But um, so that's kind of the big game that's like the dominoes will start falling

because if the Bengals win, then Denver has to win if they want to make the playoffs. And also Miami Dolphins, right? Yeah, and they would need the Dolphins to lose as well. So the Dolphins would get in if Denver lost and they won. So that's the other team that could make the playoffs. And then the Sunday night game is for the one seed in the NFC. The winner between Detroit or Minnesota will be the one seed. Oh, that's going to be good. Yeah. So that's kind of the big game. And then in terms of resting, the most controversial one is

probably their Eagles because they're resting Saquon Barkley, who has a chance to break Eric Dickerson's all-time rushing record. He probably won't get that chance again. And Eric Dickerson himself came out this week and he act good for him. He goes, I don't want him to break it. He actually said he doesn't want his record to be broken. He was honest about it. Good for Eric Dickerson. Is anybody going to mention that you get in two extra games?

Yeah, well, that is true too. mention that you get in two extra games? Yeah well that is true too so. But Eric got two extra games from OJ. OJ did it and I don't mean the murders. OJ did two homicides. Killing on and off the field okay. He killed one person for every thousand yards he rushed for. He was shredding people and defenses and what was it, 73? He did it in 14 games. Yeah, that's unbelievable. 14 games. Jake the Snake, how many yards do you have to average to get 2000 yards in 14 games?

Come on man. Somebody break out. Come on Andrew somebody. I'm terrible at math but. I like 170 180. I like that. 170 180 per game which is nuts. Dude they got 2000 yards for 18 games. 111. For 14. No for 14 games. Oh for 14 games. Somebody's got a calculator. 142. 142. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game.

The game. The game. The game. stop this shit. They're going to go to 18 pretty soon, which is a lot. Season's long. We're going to go to President's Day weekend, you know? Yeah, it's like, yeah, concussions was a big deal. I would say that what will probably happen was regular season, regular season records will obviously start falling left and right if they get 18 games to do what people used to do and 14 16 games 12 games depending on

how old the record is and then I would I would think unless they keep making adjustments to how they play the game careers will be shorter but it's weird because you'll be playing more games. So like, you know, in like nine years, you'll have played an extra season, or eight years, an extra season than what somebody else did. So that's going to take its toll plus the playoffs. But they got to front load it, right? I mean, you can't go any deeper into, I mean, I guess you can, I don't know. I mean, it's you don't want to be playing and it's just green. It's too hot That's all it is. It's green. I bet they go to two by weeks to And then every 19 weeks, they'll just keep stretching it out and stretching it out and by weeks

What's the great thing about the by weeks is it adds an extra week to the season already? We're already up to like What is it seven 18 weeks a regular season, I think with the bye, right? Yeah, you only have one bye. I'm not complaining as far as being a football fan, but these players, the owners don't give a shit. They're gonna start wearing those hot air balloon helmets. Playing for like 25 fucking weeks.

I can't believe they still play on artificial turf. It's basically concrete. I thought they got rid of, they got the fake tires that are giving people cancer. Cancer, yeah. All the goalies in Europe, especially goalies that handle the ball. Yeah. Yeah.

They're all hitting like cancer. But then what Europe does is they actually, when they're not causing world wars, they look out for their people. and the Paulie all right. You guys want the screen up? Put the screen up and let's start fucking picking away. Billy Housewife trying to get 30 wins this year. All right. I uh, Dude, I don't think is Aaron Rodgers gonna is Aaron Rodgers gonna spoil the Dolphins season? I don't think so cause the Jets are that bad. I'm going to take the Dolphins playing for their playoff lives

minus one What week of the season do you start saying that you just love you love gun to your head and playing for your playoff life I do you know what you love the drama of that I do. You know what? You love the drama of that. I do. Another one I say is summertime blockbuster. Another one I say is he's running for his life. What's that? Another one I say is he's running for his life. Oh, running for his life.

I usually use that one when I'm defending a quarterback that has no offensive line. All right, I would say right out of the gate, I mean, 20 and a half points. I mean, what is this? College football is fucking ridiculous. I mean, you're starting to get- I'm sorry, sorry. My daughter just heard me swear. 20 and a half, I'll take the Browns, man.

Going downtown with the Browns! Well, you're starting with 20- Dude, I'm almost up by three touchdowns. I mean, how do I walk away from that? We've been doing this show for a few years. I've never seen that line. Have you ever seen that? I've never seen that line either. 20 and a half. Hey, shout out to these speaking of Ohio, the Ohio State Buckeyes. Everyone laughed when they lost to Michigan.

All of a sudden, they're two games away, knocked off number one, Oregon, like they were nothing. Yeah. I'll tell you what, too. That defensive line of the Notre Dame fighting Irish man, that D line looked real good against Georgia. I can't believe they won. I was sitting there going like maybe Georgia, Ohio State in the finals. Show you what I know, Paul. I know Jack Squat. I've been riding this train.

Hold on, where is this? Where is this game? What's this line? Where are they? There they are. I've been riding this train. Where are they? There they are. I've been riding this train for four weeks or three weeks, whatever. And I'm going to I'm staying on everybody. I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals playing for their playoff. Playoff live

minus two in Pittsburgh. Uh you know, I don't think the weather is going to affect either team because both playing cold weather. I'm going to take Joey Burrow to do his part in getting his team there. Minus two Cincinnati. I'm taking him. You know, Paul, since you like the playoff live so much,

the nickname of the team you would have loved the best growing up, if you were old enough, would have been the Cleveland Browns with Brian Syp. They were called the Cardiac Kids. That's a great one. Cuz they would look like they would be losing and then the last second they would win the game, you know, like in overtime, make your heart stop. Back when having a heart issue was still kind of funny. You could actually say, now you have to say unalive. Oh, yeah. That is a dumbish, that is like, I would love to get to the head of liberals and be like all of these years of changing the words

But not dealing with the problem It's so dumb People are still killing themselves. They're still committing suicide, but oh, we're all staying on alive Yeah, he on a live to himself. He on a livealived. Yeah, he unalived himself. He unalived himself. Yeah. What are we fucking children, Paul? Is that what liberals want us to treat us like children, right?

And then conservatives that want to fucking bring back the feudal system? Isn't there a middle ground, Paul? You know what the middle ground I think is Paul is taking the Rams, getting six and a half and home against the Seahawks. I think his Paul's taking the Rams getting six and a half at home Rams are resting everybody by the way because they have nothing to play for but So wait a minute does the Seahawks have something to play for no, what do you mean the people are playing for next year's contract? They're playing to stay on

Yeah, in Hollywood Tinseltown where they put on a show playing for next year's contract. They're playing to stay on. Well, not. Yeah. Yeah. They're in Hollywood. Tinseltown. Boy, they put on a show. I'm going with the Rams because the game's going to be on TV. I can actually watch that game with my old man cable. Paul, I'm not clicking on a bunch of fucking apps and getting passwords and all of this shit. I'm not doing this anymore to try to fucking... Dude, you know what my son said this morning?

What? He got upset at me and told me he was going to call Kojak. That's awesome. Yeah, he loves that show, man. Oh, dude, that's so awesome. We have dad and son black leather jackets. Showed up at a Christmas party, man. Oh, dude, that's so awesome. We have dad and son black leather jackets showed up at a Christmas party, dude. That's awesome, dude. Yeah. Oh, God. That's awesome. Yeah. All right. What do you got here? I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to

do it because they're going to ruin it again. They're gonna ruin the fourth pick. They already ruined the one. They're gonna ruin the fourth pick. The Eagles are sitting everybody. I'm gonna take my New York football giants to bury us in the draft even more plus three. I like that. Eagles are playing for nothing. The Giants are playing for pride. Take the Giants. want to take the Washington commanders okay that's a good one lay in six going into Jerry world and I'm hoping at some point those Dallas Cowboy fans stop complaining about GM's and coaches and players and they get to the real problem. On the 50 yard line Paul. Looking like he's going through a wind tunnel. You

know what another one I like Bill? Another one I like? They're on life support but they're still in it. I love the lifespan. You know the one I like. They're hanging around! That's the one I like. They're letting them hang around. Paul! They should have put him away, but they're letting him hang around! Not dead yet. Showing signs of life! The Giants were the only underdog that won last week. All favorites were 14 and 1.

That's why I went 1 and 3 last week. All right, Jake the Snake, what is going on with your chargers? Are your chargers in it still? Yeah, they've clinched the playoff spot. The only thing they have to play for is if the Steelers lose to the Bengals, then they could, then if they beat the Raiders, they would move up a spot. So they'd play at Houston instead of at Baltimore, which would be much more ideal because Baltimore is going to blow us out. Houston, we can beat Baltimore, we

cannot. So it would just depend on Saturday. I mean, Jesus, Jake, why don't you just make the fucking pick for him? How much information are you going to give him? That was incredible. You did everything but break down the scores per quarter. I'd love it if the Raiders won. Just so they could fall out of the top ten. Every time I see Jake's window, I just picture a girl getting up. Imagine she's like, Jake, you're never that thoughtful with me. He just throws a shoe at his head.

Jake, why can't I quit you? I come over here, you just treat me like a hooah. You care about your football show more than me. It's been three months. I've never been outside with you Just wiping off his glasses. That's how it is, sweetheart Jay it's week 18. That's why Fucking stealth stud

People have no idea what to do. You know, yeah everybody out there You're lucky the Playboy Network still isn't around Jake would have a fucking Block of time we got wild card weekend next week, sweetheart football season's over Where do you think that money comes from? All right, all right, don't cry. Okay. Here we go. Here's a little bit of gas go out go get yourself something calm down I'll take you out for a coffee later on today He's every woman in my life

All right, who do you who's picking next who's picking next? Look, we established the threesome early in the relationship. You can't take that away now. The charges are road dogs, honey. They're road dogs. If they don't cover that trip to Cabo, you can forget about it! That's the kind of pressure I need you to understand that I under every week. I don't get to live in your fantasy land of having another adult take care of you. Look at me, I'm still in my robe. I gotta be on the air. the the

the the the the the the the the the I think I got to just end it with the team. I think that's going to win the Super Bowl.

And I think I'm going to take the Lions at home with something to prove against the Vikings. I think Jared Goff is the best and I'm going to take them to beat the Vikings. I got the Lions at home laying three. All right, Paul, I'm going to tell you why I'm going to take the Vikings. Oh, you know why? Because you've been you've gone you've gone big on all of these playing for their playoff lives. Yeah, playing for their playoff lives two times.

And then you said something else that they're running for their lives. All right. But then when you pick the lines, you go, you know, I think they got something to prove. You know, and it sounded like you were talking about a first time female director. I wasn't impressed. I wasn't impressed. So what would it like to be behind the camera?

Legs up off the floor and on the couch. It's so empowering. It's so empowering. It's so empowering. It's such a great message. It's a story that needs to be told. And we were like one on set. We were just like one. It just everything was happening.

Oh my God, you're gonna make me cry. You're gonna make me cry. I'm gonna take the Vikings. Oh, head to head. Remind the Lions who both these teams are. They neither have a Super Bowl. Both of these teams, I swear to God, if they played each other in the Super Bowl,

it would somehow, the dome would collapse and the game would have to be played later. Something would happen, but I'm gonna take the Vikings. I don't even know why, just because I wanna watch the game would have to be played later. Something would happen, but I'm going to take the Vikings. I don't even know why, just because I want to watch the game and... That way Jake, the Vikings beat them already, right? This year? I think the Lions won the first game.

Okay. Ooh, ooh, Paul. Okay. Oh, Paul, yeah, okay. So wait a minute. You didn't like that answer, Paul. So wait a minute, whoever wins this game gets the first seed the first week by and home field? the game. Yeah, Paul. Yeah, okay. So, wait a minute. I didn't like that answer, Paul.

So, wait a minute. Whoever wins this game gets the first seed the first week by and home field. Yep. Oh, it's a big game. Huge game. Yeah. That's why the and it's our Monday night or it's the Sunday night. There's no

Monday night game. So, that's the last game of the regular season. Hey, Paul Hey Paul did that MGM call you like, you know Like when you lose an election and you call and you congratulate the other candidate have they called you yet? They have years in a row. They made the phone call that MGM like when are you just gonna man up and realize? You know your guys in Vegas. They're just not gonna be Paul Bursey I just don't understand why they don't just call me in to Vegas and have a meeting with me. You know what I did? You know why Paul? Because you're Italian. Yeah.

The prejudice against Italians. You believe this? This day and age. The prejudice against Italians. Three years in a row, you believe it? What if they called you up and said, Paul, we would bring you in, but we spent 40 years trying to get you people out of these casinos. If you were a little more WASPpy, we'd get you in there. I'd be like, I get it. I get it. I get it.

Some of my kids messed up. What do you want? Dude, I was talking about that kid last night, Luigi on stage. I go, this guy's a hero. We should be down there trying to bust him out of the jail. I go, this country never in the history of it has ever gotten a Luigi out of jail. I go, this country never in the history of it has ever gotten a Luigi out of jail. All the way back to Saco and Vanzetti, Paul. They've let you guys twist in the wind. I lived in a neighborhood with two or three Luigi's, okay, growing up. They were Cavaricci,

Z Cavaricci with the black feelers and the feelers had the strap. I thought you were saying that was their last name, Louis Z Cavaricci. I was like, oh my god, that's got to be in a movie. No, you remember the Z Cavaricci's, right? No, I remember them. I wore them. I didn't even have Z Cavs. I had big puffy pants that were tan, tan like Carol if he was backing up MC hammer And then they had this lime like labels like right above your dick To let everybody and then and then they tapered in like like a little thing around your ankle

Oh, dude, and they were their hair was perfect and they literally did this shit with the comb They had cologne they had chains over the turtleneck. And when they would pull up in the Camaro, you would just hear, -♪ You're my dream boy. -♪ I don't even know that song. You know that song, right? Is it a... No.

Come on, sing it. Sing it. I want to hear it. -♪ You're my dream boy. How does it go? You don't... Oh, shit shit hold on. I gotta get it Come on, we're gonna get knocked off YouTube. Don't don't play it. Okay, really dinged All right, oh to be Was that by banana Rama wasn't that like I don't know you remember you remember Stevie B You remember Stevie B's through spring love you remember, right?

Hey Paul, if you're in a group called remember Stevie B. Spring love you remember right? Hey Paul if you're in a group called banana Rama like how much are you saving your money when you're on tour? I don't see this going longer than three summers. Yeah, but dude they had cruel summer for karate kid big one I know they did but their name was banana Rama. Yeah It's true. That's a tough one. That's a tough one. Yeah. That's like what was the other we get knocked down. We get up again. What was the name of them? Chumbawumba. Chumbawumba. Fucking Banana Rama. I mean, you're just all going to end up on the same cruise ship. Dude, did you hear Dave Grohl talk about Foo Fighters? He goes, dude, he

goes, we didn't even know. He goes, we thought it was the dumbest name. And we thought like, oh, if it gets serious, we'll change it. Like they actually did Foo Fighters as a goof. Like he thought it was so stupid. Oh, yeah. Stupid all the way to the 02 arena. Oh, hey. All right. So here we go.

We got the last game of the year. We hit, I think we tied the record for Monday night specials this year. So we got Viking. Post in the open era when they made it more difficult in the modern era. Yeah. Not now with the wooden racket. How we did it the first. All right. What are we going to do? Cause Bill likes the vikes. Hey, I'm doing a podcast here. Let's try to keep it down. All their friends are over.

Who? Oh, the kids? The kids are we gonna wrap it up. That's the best when the kids are over, though, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. They because I'm the cool one because I'm the cool one and they fucking know it. And I, you know, lets my wife know.

Sometimes it's good to remind it. It's good to fucking remind them who the fucking easy one is. You know. You know, because I'm fucking because that Scandinavians are old. They're fucking they got that Viking in them. They're fucking cold. I'm warm. I'm fucking warm. I hug her fucking family, dude We you go in and it's like it takes forever to even greet My family it's a hug it's a how are you? Oh my god, get in here fuck. God bless you over there. It's like

What slips a sandwich in the pocket as you hug? I'm a go Doesn't take much to be warm, does it? How do the Vikings hug Paul? They don't. They don't hug. Hey, how you doing? Hey, Merry Christmas. It's like you just tell me. Good. Things are good. You know, work kids. Scandinavians have this thing where like when you first get into the house, it's not like the way like if I see you get in here, they have like a, hey, how's everything? Does it go? No, it just looks good. And then like then two drinks in there happy. You know, what it is, you know, it's just sadness, Paul. I mean, they don't, they don't get as much sun. What is it? What is it? My cross to bear? What is it? What are you? How do you say that?

What is it? My cross? That's you got it right. Play week 18. I crossed the bear. What are you going to do? My cross to bear. Well, yeah, Paul, you knew what you were walking into opposite to track. Sophia, my daughter, Sophia goes, my friends love you. They say Oh, Sophia's dad so nice and I just look over it stays. Now my wife listen, my wife is great. She's a sweetheart just a little colder. You're excited to have the

friends over to now I just use as a bragging tool for my life. They know well in, in your marriage, you got to any good review that you get, you know. It's so funny. Your wife pretends like they don't hear it. Do you look at him? You look at him like, see? Dude, I saw a wife.

You know what I am, Paul? You know what? Oh, now you got me going. You know what I am, Paul? I am who I am as the person is the sum of all my faults Oh, that's how they do it. That's how the math works I can't get anything in the positive side of the ledger never never Never Paul never did never never did it's it's it's set in stone

The other day I heard the other day I heard a wife go like this Somebody went gave her husband credit. She goes don't give credit. Don't do that. Don't give him the credit. No, it's like logical fucking warfare. That is don't care. Dude, I was smoking a cigar with a buddy of mine. Yeah, he did one that fucking was the West Coast version of never did. I was going like I was going off and then she did it. Then she says that. So I that so I blah blah blah and then I do that they still I'm fucking I'm getting all fucking amped up and he's just sitting with a cigar and just goes That's how it is My favorite thing ever he didn't even debate it

He didn't debate it. There's no solutions. It's just that that's how it is. Dude, I had how it is. It actually made me feel better. It's like I'm yelling about something that just is. I had a friend back in the day. We lost a little touch or whatever, but his dad was so incredible. Like his dad was just you want to talk about filter off And his dad would say things that were so abrasive and you would even be like, Whoa. And like one time we're in the kitchen and was like, yeah, she doesn't care. And he just goes, Oh, like it was so, no, of course not. No, no, they don't. They don't.

They don't. They don't, man. They don't. I was joking with my wife going, this is how you compliment me or say something nice. You go, I do love you. I do respect you. Like it doesn't. I do respect you. Like it doesn't. I do. And it all like it all has to be like, you know,

give a fuck. Yes, I do. It's like, well, why don't you just fucking say it every once in a while? No. Whatever. Paul, let's get to what we're good at the Monday night special. Because they because anything positive for them, This is because anything, anything positive for us they take as like it's a it's a slight on them like they don't it's on it's sick. No, they're worried that you're gonna feel good about yourself, which will make you attractive to another female and then they will lose you. They don't even know they're doing it. So they psychologically got to keep you down the whole time you're in

it. It's fucking unbelievable then meanwhile oh Christ I spilt another glass of water this day's gonna suck I know and then you gotta sit there and fucking constantly tell them that they look good and whatever dumb **** they just bought. I mean, it's it's not. How awkward a question is that? What do you think of this? Do you think this looks? Oh, dude, the other day, I'm not gonna lie. The other day, Stacey had one boot on her left foot and a different one on her right and I go both of those are bad. And she goes to your right. She goes to your right and she put

on nice ones But she does it to me you you are dressed like a guy who gets traded for a player to be named later Oh, that's a lot of water, all right, all right, let's let's go to the Monday Night Special so I can clean up this mess over here. All right. So Bill likes the Vikes. I like the Lions. It's minus three. Let's do this. Let's do. Run it.

Do what you want to do. Don't listen to me. I'm the housewife on the show. No, let's do Donald. Let's do Donald to throw on for the Vikes. Let's do Goff to throw one for the Lions. It's gonna be a shootout. What's the under over?

48, 47, 46. I think it was, 56. Whoa. Is it really? That's insane. What? Dude, is this not the modern NFL? I think they're expecting the Vikes to put up points? Well, Bill, you just called it.

You just said shoot out. And then both of these teams are Super Bowl favorites and they can't fucking keep the number collectively, the two of them under 56. Although, having said that, one of the great Super Bowls of all time, the Cowboys the second time versus the Steelers, that was like a 35-33 affair or whatever. I mean they went over 60 points so. Like usual Paul, I don't really know what I'm talking about. Alright so I like both stock quarterbacks.

I like the under. So throw a touchdown and Paul likes the under. Which I never like. You like the under usually. I don't know about the under. You like the over. Alright let's go over over you want to root for points I don't want I fuck 56 I don't want to I don't want to look at that

number I hate that number that's each team's foreign 56 is each team scoring 28 points yeah dude that's eight touchdowns total dude ain't doing that all right hey Paul you got the magic touch you got that's eight touchdowns total, He beat the book. He's having fun. He's the winner. And then we got Wild Card weekend next week. You guys cool with that? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. All right. So our final special will be golf to throw one Sam Darnold to throw one and under 56 points for the game. Last game of the regular season to be top in the NFC. It's gonna be a great one.

Thank you guys so much for watching week 18. We'll be back next week with Wild Card Weekend. Download the app, use our code. B-U-R-R, that's Burr. You put $10 in, you get, if the bet loses, you get $1,500 in bonus bets. First touchdown is a player prop bet. If the player gets the first touchdown,

you'll win any game. If you don't and they get the second, you'll get your cash back. There you go. We'll be back next. But they coddle this generation anymore. You get your money back, Paul. When the fuck was that back in the day back for the book?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until that's Al Capone. If you get two-point conversion, you get your money back. You get a do-over. You got the touch. Imagine you went to Al Capone in Chicago back in the day. No, Al, they said they were going to give you my money back. He would be like that guy in the Richard Pryor bit.

You know what he said? He wants the money back. What, he pulled the gun out? He's going to get it. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's a stick up. What a great fit. All right, everybody. There you go. Week 18 regular season is over. We did it again. We'll talk to you guys next week. Paul did it again. Oops, he did it again. So did Andrew. The show collectively made money. Come on, guys, I'm the weak

link in the show. I don't like this angle. Look, we have man boobs. Oh, now I'm dreaming. You got to hold it up. Right? There you go. The fucking was that stupid fucking yoga place they shop lulu lemon. Yeah, let's go to

get some coffees and go to lulu lemon. Talk about keeping our the us. Oh, shots fired from Athens, Greece. Dude, them asking for the same amount of money with zero ratings in half filled stadiums is got to be the epitome of female behavior. Did you see Kaylin Clark got named female of the year times female athlete of the year and one of the owners goes, the whole league should got named female of the year, times female athlete of the year, and one of the owners goes, the whole league should have been female of the year or something, like how were they hating on her like that?

It's ridiculous. Are there also Jews in her to try to promote the whole league? I don't look, I don't mind the WNBA. Just fight a badge. Fight a badge, I would be watching, but you know, I don't, so, you know. Dude, just lower the rim. They can't do it. It's just, they can't do it. No, they're gonna be watching, but you know, I don't. So, you know. Dude, just lower the rim. They can't do it.

It's just, they can't do it. No, they're gonna be fine, Paul. They're gonna be good. Look at, look at the UFC. Some of the best fights over the last 12 years have been the women. And I remember when they first came in, I was like, I don't wanna watch this shit.

And then I saw it, like, oh my God, they're amazing. They're gonna get better at it, Paul. They just haven't been hooping. They've been fucking basketball players. Dude, now they're playing hoop. You gotta to get a chance to catch up, but the women got to go out and support them and they're not going to do it, Paul, because they don't want to build something. They want to wait till we build it and then they show how we can get through us. That's what it is. Here's what I think they do. You have a WNBA All-Star

Weekend Women's Dunk Contest. You lower the hoop to eight feet and you just have these ponytail chicks cocking back, yoking it on people, they'd be nuts. But if the dunks aren't good, Paul. Yeah. I would definitely see what they can do first. That's true, that's true. In seventh grade in gym class, I had a crush on this girl

and I remember I started to do a class, I had a crush on this girl and I remember I started to do a layup and I thought it looked awkward and I was just like, man, not anymore. Yeah, because subconsciously you're like, I don't want to put my seed in that because I want my

kid to run like that. I was all about procreation in the seventh grade. Like, yeah. Oh, by the way, did you guys see Kenny Pickett? Did you guys see Kenny Pickett do the things where he held the football and it looked like it weighed him and he just fell forward so I said I go I go this is the white like I go I go only a white guy can manage to do this and somebody goes hey Paul why not like stop with the racist stuff with white athletes and

everything and I'm going dude the one white guy who dunked and he held it on and his body flipped over, Daniel Jones tripping over his own feet. Can he pick a cocky pick a fawn? You know what the black guy version of that is fake intercepting the ball, faking out everybody on the field and then dropping it at the half yard line. That's the only time black athletes act like white guys. That's perfect. All right. All right. That's it, dude. I got to go to the, I got to go to the gym. See you guys after man. Enjoy football. I'll talk to you

guys soon. All right. Congratulations again on a great season to all of you. Thank you for letting me hang around with you guys. All right. I'll see you.