Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-21-24

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

Bill rambles about Bakersfield, 'Heavy Metal Parking Lot', and touring with Dean Delray. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (31:10) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 11-21-16 Bill rambles about Top Gun, sting rays, and putting on weight. (01:42:43) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks Week 12

And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine. And since we had like three or four down days, we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there. The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was going to

look like. So yeah, I'm excited to do that, just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and some nature and a nice place, you know, that has all the amenities I want. But while I'm gone, you know, I was also like, well, I have my place just there. And it's always nice to have someone stay at your place. And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know, it's a nice, comfortable place.

I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And you know, obviously that way I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place sits empty so putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do. So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

Hey what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and yours truly is just checking in on you. I'm checking in to see how, how are you doing? You know, sometimes we get so used to just saying things. We don't even know what we're saying. They start meaning things like, gee, I don't know. Like I love you.

I love you becomes love you. Or, you know, somebody says love you and you go, yep. But what happened? What happens to, why do we do that? You know, Jesus once said, got into a big long debate about the Lord last night with a friend of mine. And, uh... Completely didn't see it the same way. But it didn't get into an argument. I was just like, no, I get how you see it.

I mean, I don't fucking see it that way. The old me would have been like, no, no, no, no. And I would have gotten into some big stupid fight. And it's just like, all right, you know, if you think he's a good shit, that's cool. I don't. I think he's got issues. I think God has issues. That's why he keeps fucking creating creating just keeps throwing himself into his work There's some sort of demon he doesn't want to deal with and I'm not talking about the actual devil Because I don't think there is a devil

I think God devil the whole fucking thing it's all one thing that just whatever if you want to say made this fucking thing, okay? But it doesn't give a fuck, just made it and it moved on to the next earth or Saturn or whatever the fuck it's working on. I mean, I've seen this behavior in human beings. And according to that book, he made us in his image. So he's just some fucking, he's some hurt kid. Who hurt God if God was like,

who made him? Who made who? I think ACDC. ACDC figured it out a long time ago. Who made who? He made them and they made you. Who made who? Anyway, I am working my way up the 99. I'm having a great time. Shout out to Mega Texas Barbecue. Once again, my second time going there. It's the best barbecue in the goddamn country. I mean, as far as I'm concerned. Last time I went there, they tried to kill me.

They gave me, Nate Craig, and Club Soda Kenny, they gave us all of this, you know, a whole sample. Like, my wife knows how to do the sample platter. I don't. I come from the, you clean your plate, or you're gonna get smacked in the back of the fucking head generation. So I'm just sitting, I shout. So this time I go, I'm just gonna get the pulled pork

and the ribs and two sides, I got the beans and I got some mac and cheese. And then they're like, well, you know, we got like this smoked turkey, I just want you to try it. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, it was so fucking good. And then what was amazing was the smoky aftertaste would come like three seconds later. And we're going like, all right, all right,

that's enough, that's, sasoufi, sasoufi, right? And then she fucking, she brought even more of it out and like desserts and all of that. And next thing you know, I'm leaning a little bit. Oh my God, it was so fucking good. And the Texas Twinkie. So I forgot when I described it. It's a stuffed jalapeno.

They got like cream cheese and brisket inside of it and other seasonings or whatever. And then it's like triple wrapped with bacon with a little bit of sauce on top. It's fucking bananas. You gotta go there. If you're anywhere near Fresno and you like barbecue, it's worth the trip.

It is worth the trip. They are, they are, they're artists down there. All right? And then last night, I got to play, I finally got to play the place I wanted. This is my third time here in Bakersfield. And the first time I forget where I played, and then I played a casino. But I wanted to play this old theater out here, the Warner Theater.

theater out here, the Warner Theater. And interestingly enough. I was going to say ACDC did a show here on the highway to Hale tour with Bon Scott. And when you go into the basement of that venue and you're looking at the floors and the sinks, it looks all original. You're like. and you're looking at the floors and the sinks, it looks all original. You're like, like, oh my God, did Bond Scott, Malcolm Young,

Phil Cliff and Angus walk around on these same floors? It just gave me the chills. So I went out there and the crowd was great. They were a little rowdy, but they were a lot of fun. And, you know, you gotta respect people that are rowdy on a fucking Wednesday, right? But anyway, had a lot of fun. And I don't know, just having fun,

like playing with both sides of a lot of different subjects and everything and then trying to get people to understand that there's not two sides in this country. It's like us against them, but they got us feeling like, you know, like it's a football field and we're playing each other. It's like, no, dude, we're on the same team and we keep tackling each other. And at this point, the fucking super rich are just sitting in the stands laughing at us.

So I saw this thing, Jim Jeffries did this bit. Was saying, he just put it on his Instagram, right? And he was saying how hate doesn't beat hate, it just creates more hate. The only thing that, I'm paraphrasing, love is the only thing that beats hate and you just love the other person and they can still hate you,

but eventually everyone's gonna look at them like they're the asshole. And then literally the first comment someone wrote, we just got signed up for four more years of this. Unfortunately, somebody wrote underneath it and you immediately missed the point. It's like, why would you write that? Like, people like so cannot get out

of this fucking political argument thing, unless it's a bot, you know? Just every fucking other goddamn thing you see on the Internet, somebody figures out how to politicize. We've literally politicized at this point. Four women sitting around talking. You know, those fucking shows like The View, they used to just sit around and shoot the shit and now that's politicized.

So now they're going to have a right wing view. That's the thing, too. Is so much of this shit that you don't like politically, it's like you create it by doing it on your side. Stop doing it. You want to have a talk show, have a fucking talk show. Don't make it a liberal talk show unless you want to see eventually a conservative one. And all that does is just fucking divide us.

It's fucking insane. It's fucking insane and people just keep doing it Jesus fucking Christ and that now look where the fuck look where the fuck we're at we're just fucking attacking each other so anyway that's sort of the challenge right now that I find, like going out on the road. It's like, I don't want to go out there and, you know, add to this.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. If very least I can come out here and try to make people to like, forget about them. I don't know, but people are so fucking sensitive at this point, even if you. I don't know. But people are so fucking sensitive at this point, even if you make fun of both sides. You know? In like a light-hearted way.

They- they- they still like, get so fucking upset. It's unbelievable. Um, it's literally- it's a fucking sickness at this point. Um, just especially as a comedian. Like your job, you just make fun of the standing president. It's a fucking sickness at this point. Just especially as a comedian, like your job, you just make fun of the standing president. That's what it is.

You know? Back in the day you did it way more respectful, but things have changed like that, but whoever was the president, I don't know, my whole career, you just fucking made fun of them, or whatever they were doing, or the weird way they talked or they couldn't remember where the fuck they were. You know, that was another one, you know, where they used to host a fucking

reality show. You know, that's what you did. People are like posting up now. I'll tell you, that's the two things that have changed the most since I've been an adult. As you look at like that company Tesla now, and the Tesla guy, can't even remember, Elon Musk, right? That fucking guy just politicized a fucking car company. If that is not the stupidest fucking thing you could ever do.

The stupidest, and not only that, I gotta watch out because Dean's doing a bit about this. It's just like, you kind of alienated most of, the majority of your fan base. I don't fucking get it. I don't get watching comedians do it or actors. I just don't fucking get it. Because it doesn't change anything. And all it does, it does the exact opposite. It all it does,

it does the exact opposite. It makes it worse, I think. Which is why back in the day, it's like you didn't say who the fuck you voted for. You didn't talk about politics or religion. But I really think the, how anonymous you can be online

and how back in the day, you know, if you wanted to talk shit to somebody, you had to fucking go over there. I guess you could call them on the phone, but you'd have to have their phone number, which means you're in their life, and they know who the fuck you are, so eventually you'd have to back up what you say,

but like the fucking Internet, you can be as rude as you want to be, as fucked up as tough as you want wanna be, all of that shit. It's really fucking crazy. So, anyway, I've been coming out here trying to keep it light and trying to fucking, I don't know,

walk that fucking, another one too is artist as brand is something that I don't understand. I'm just like, I get it, you know, because the whole business folded. So now it's like up to you, like artists have to be like, you know, managers at like agents in fucking like, the industry all at the same time, but like, I don't know, it's that added burden

that now it's like up to you that you have to get it going. They used to, all you used to have to do was just worry about becoming a good comedian or a good actor or something like that. I mean, you always had to play the game, but now it's like, you have to be like, all right, I gotta be a comedian, I gotta market myself, I gotta see what the trends are and blah blah.

Ha ha ha. Fuckin', I don't know. I'm probably just an old guy who's like just saying the world's changing and I don't understand it, which is I think the typical, it's the typical thing. If I could use any analogy, it's watching everybody stand still now when they play football and they kick the ball off.

When I look at that I'm just like That is not the game I wrecked I mean, it's a good thing. I don't want people to get their heads fucking knocked in but like I Don't know it's changed a lot anyway Getting back so I Was in Bakersfield after I did oh hi Shout out to cafe smitten gave me a great cup of cup of coffee and underrated Bakersfield

What a great fucking city that is You know what's great about it is like all of these corporate stupid fucking stores Haven't taken over the whole downtown area so There was so many like interesting places to look at in Businesses like there was an incredible fucking music store. It was unfortunate wasn't open before but just going in the window Literally had like some fucking mannequin holding a guitar, like one of those fucking places.

Like this, I don't know, incredible just mix. And then he had like some old vintage drums in there. It's right next to the Fox Theater in Bakersfield. We were like, you know, me and Dean had our fucking nose pressed up against the window, trying to see what was in there Unfortunately, it wasn't open next time I come up here. I got to check that out They had a little arena there that was the look like it was the minor league hockey team for the Edmonton Oilers Really cool architecture we went to that place, Smitten Coffee,

and there wasn't a whole lot of people like, you know, on the street in the morning. So the streets were kind of empty, and I kind of felt like I was in one of those cool early 70s movies that I love watching. But the crowd there was fantastic. And just like I said, like so far, Ojai, Bakersfield, and Fresno,

the people that are like, have been like ridiculously gracious and happy that, you know, me and Dean came out here. And that's something I've been saying. Like, you know, a lot of people, you know, once you get going, you start selling tickets, you just go to the big cities and then that's it. And then all these people who live, you know,

in these places, smaller places, smaller markets, whatever they call them, you know, they always have to fucking drive. And they get sick of it after a while. So if you actually come to them, they're like, oh my God, this is fucking unbelievable. Somebody finally came to me, are you serious? And now I get to be home 20 minutes after the show.

Oh, another thing about Fresno, shout out to the, I hope I say this right, Selland Arena, S-E-L-L-A-N-D, Arena. This place looks like every fucking place I saw a heavy metal show when I was growing. Looked like the Worcester Centrum. It looked like the Providence Civic Center. I'd love to play either one of those venues at some point. Never done it.

It'd be cool, especially, I think Providence. I always forget. Did I see Judas Priest at Providence or Worcester? It was my first concert. I can't remember. Uh, I think I saw him in Worcester and then my next concert was ACDC on the Who Made Who tour, speaking of which, um, with Loudness opening up, which was a Japanese heavy metal band.

And I think I saw them. But anyway, this arena, we drove by it, and Dean Del Ray freaks out. He's like, oh, fuck, man. He goes, I saw Van Halen in 81 on the Fair Warning tour. I go, no, you didn't. He goes, yeah. I go, did Eddie have the black and yellow guitar?

He's like, no, that was the Van Halen II tour. And then we're going like, I go, did Eddie have the black and yellow guitar? He's like, no, that was the Van Halen II tour. And then we're going like, you know, I think he buried that guitar with Dimebag and that and all. Just had that great thing. And he goes, yeah, and then I came back the next year. I saw Cheap Trick. I was like, dude, I would kill to go in there. And he goes, let me make a phone call

so he knows somebody up here. Dean knows, Dean Del Rey fucking knows everybody. So he fucking calls him up. And two seconds later, because we were in the hotel next door, we just fucking go. We just go in there. And the second I walked in there, I'm like, this literally looks like every fuck. This is like a Randy Rhoades place. You know, this is

all of those bands that I that I mean, I never saw Randy with the Quiet Ride or Ozzy. And for like, he was gone. By the time I was like 14 or 15. And I didn't start going to shows till I was 18, unfortunately, so I didn't get to see him. But anyway, I saw it was total like fucking heavy metal parking lot. If you've never seen that it's incredible Then they did a follow-up to it That I ended up saying and the follow-up was funny because

there's a guy in the first one that he's dressed in this animal print thing and he's just being how we all were back then and in this animal print thing. And he's just being how we all were back then. And they were asking about music and he's like, what are you, you know, he's just being a kid. And at one point they asked him, man, what are you thinking Madonna? He's like, ah man, fuck Madonna.

He goes, she's a dick. So years later, they tried to find the people that were in that documentary, which I gotta tell you, was a really important documentary, even though it's, yeah, fuck, am I catching a cold, or am I just allergic to something in this room? Oh, boy. Oh, Billy, run down.

Oh, Billy, run down. But anyways, they caught up with a kid that said Madonna was a dick, and you could see he was a dad at that point, he was a responsible adult, and he. But anyways, they caught up with a kid that said Madonna was a dick, and you could see he was a dad at that point. He was a responsible adult, and he was kinda like, he looked like he wasn't comfortable talking about it, which it was like, I get it, but then it's also like, dude, like, I'm not judging you.

Like, I would've wanted to be friends with you, like, back then. Like, you were like, you were the fucking man. I wish I could have pulled off that fucking animal prince spandex shit. I wanted to dress that way. I didn't have the fucking nerve. Old Billy fucking redhead coming down there just trying to fit in. I learned early on I wasn't the Fonz. I was Richie Cunningham. I was taught that by a sitcom. You are not the cool person. Over and over and over again with the fucking redhead.

I was taught that by a sitcom. I was taught that by a sitcom. You are not the cool person. Over and over and over again with the fucking redhead. The redhead thing. Um... I don't know how the fuck I ended up talking about that. But oh yeah, going into that venue. So...

You know, those guys were saying like, uh, you know... Why don't you play here next time? Why don't you come up here and play? Maybe I will, I don't know. It's a lot of fucking tickets, though. But there's, I still want to do the Cow Palace at some point, like, which is another place, which is funny. I never even knew about that place

because I lived on the East Coast and then I just heard that every single band in the 80s, if you were selling tickets, you eventually played that place and it just sounds cool as hell. And it's big and it's ugly and it's in the fucking giant parking lot around. It just, you know,

and it looks like what America looked like when I was growing up, like when I grew up. I think that's why I love those old movies. They were like, you know, it was an eyesore. It was just, it was the post, what was it? It was post Vietnam, World War II, Industrial Revolution, the whole fucking, all of that shit over the last 100 years, you know, had gone and then just dropped off.

And all these factories were fucking closing, and all of these buildings were old. There was just so much, so many old buildings and houses. There wasn't like a lot of new construction. Like that racket didn't start. Like I don't know when, like even like when I moved to New York in 95, I mean there was some new shit there, but like just the level of new shit that is,

that came around from like 95 to 2007 when I left, they were just knocking down one iconic thing or one cool old place after another. That's, oh, you know, yeah, they started the glass tower age. Everything just has to be this glass fucking thing. And then real estate agents stop looking like real estate agents. They started looking like they had their own TV show, and then they had TV shows. And now there's the weirdness of that, like, what do you think has more pressure to

be in shape and good looking now? Being a movie star, if that even exists anymore, or being a fucking real estate agent? I mean, even the fucking, you know, they're walking around with their tight ass clothes, like the guys with their tight ass, like fitted fucking suits. And you're just looking at them really like that real estate agent that fucking real estate agent is

in the gym every day and is eating like a microbiotic diet to go sell a split entry one of the great things about being a real estate agent is you have a fucking donut, a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette, you're Ford Fairmont before you went into the Garrison Colonial and tried to sell the shag rug piece of shit to somebody. Now you got to go in there. You got to look like Brad Pitt's fucking understudy. Really is incredible. I will say this, from around the world, you gotta get, if you see an American that's fucking shredded,

you know, you better give him or her their respect. Because our food supply is fucking poison. To become fucking shredded in Europe, oh my God. I'll never forget that fucking potato I had. The tomato I had in Italy and the fucking potato I had in Paris, there wasn't even there was just like a fucking afterthought. It was a plate filler. I'm like that's what a fucking potato tastes like?

Make sure you eat your vegetables. Vegetables taste like shit over here. Like, I love how they have YouTube videos on how to fucking wash the carcinogens off of the goddamn thing. I don't know, which I get it. I mean, you gotta feed 350 million people. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?

I guess... But you know they're going to... They gotta be going to genetically modifying things. The people that genetically modified our fucking food, like, they should have been... They should have been put in the belly of the beast. Like, they deserve that death. I mean, they are like terrorists, terrorists.

Anyway, I'm not gonna go down that depressing road again. Although I just did. Anyway, so I'm going to Modesto and then I go to Stockton and then Visalia. And Stockton was the one that I was really excited about because I was saying how I saw the beginning of that movie, Fat City, and I got the idea, or I learned how to like establish, you know,

a setting for a movie by watching the beginning of that incredible movie. And, um, but I sort of Google Earth the place because I'm so excited to see what does it look like now versus what it looked like 50 years ago. And in that movie, 50 years ago, you could see what it once was. And I'm happy to say I looked at it. It looks fucking nice. You know, once again, they built a bunch of glass shit there that nobody can afford, but, you know, it looks good when

you walk down the street. Hey, that has been the great thing about riding up the the 99 out here is in between these towns, some of the fucking cars, and trucks and shit that you're seeing. One of these car shows like Gas Monkey Garage would have a fucking field day. Some of the shit that you can pull out because like it's sitting here, it's in the sun or whatever,

but like it's not rusted out the way it does back east. I've yet to see, you know, sort of why I feel like the Holy Grail truck, the cab-over engine, the COE. I just fucking love those things. It's one of those things, like, for some dumb reason. You know, if you had all the money in the world, you'd buy it, and then you're like, two weeks later, like, why the fuck did I get this thing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Your wife's just shaking her head, and you just say, I know, it's stupid, it's fun, I'm having fun. Like, what do you want from me?

I don't know what I'm doing. I got a hole in me, I gotta fill it up every day. Well, don't I do that? You do it from the moment I met you on, but you can't fix the shit before it happened. Well, don't I do that? You do it from the moment I met you on, but you can't fix the shit before it happened. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha but the sinkhole's still there. Don't go near it. Anyway, so... This has been one of my favorite tours I've done. Like, these are just really, like...

I gotta be honest with you, at this point, how long I've been doing this, I'm coming up on 33 fucking years. I don't know where it went. It's very rare that I get to go start I go to places that I've never been to before. And on this run, oh hi, Vasalia, Modesto and Stockton I've never been I got six dates and I haven't never been to four of them. So, like I literally hit the hotel and I just fucking just start walking down the street

just to look at it. And, I was thinking that Johnny Cash song that I've been everywhere, man, I've been everywhere. And every time I listen to that song, there's a few more cities that I check off, but then by like the second verse, I'm like, Jesus Christ, this fucking guy. This guy did the, those guys did the fucking road. They did the fucking road. They literally went everywhere.

This fucking city's still in that song I've never even heard of. I have no idea where they are. But, I don't know. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know where even heard of I have no idea where they are but uh

I don't know. I should look those up one time. That's kind of fucking It's kind of bullshit. I have going on That's kind of demons I have in my head that I would actually look up all of those cities and then Chart them on a map just to occupy my fucking brain And then once I checked them off, you know, I'd have to fight sending it to my agent and be like, all right, this is the next thing that I'm gonna focus on so I can keep coming out here.

I'm gonna try to go to the rest of the cities in the Johnny Cash song. Because I already did like all the sports arenas. I still have a few left. Fucking hockey keeps adding teams. All I had left was Carolina in fucking Utah. And now I got, not Utah, sorry, Seattle. And now they added a team in Utah.

So I got that shit to do too. So anyway. Is that it? I think that shit to do too. So anyway, is that it? I think that's it. I think that's the podcast everybody. All right, so that shit I was babbling about, you know, God bless your political opinions and where you think this country should be going. But for the love of God, wherever you sit,

you are not helping this country going online and trying to upset people or trying to politicize everything or, you know, thinking that if you go out there and you just say your political opinion, all you're doing is you're dividing us. You're dividing the locker room, and whether you know it or not, those people you're trying is you're dividing us. You're dividing the locker room. And whether you know it or not, those people you're trying to piss off

or the people that you fucking hate or you wanna rub their nose in it because your color tie went over that one, you're making this place worse. And if you really love this country, you would stop doing that. And maybe, I don't know, you can focus on the

handful of people that are the reason why we're at each other's fucking throats all right I'm off my freckled tree stump okay all right enjoy the music and then we're gonna have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast don't be a cunt on the internet. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest.

And I'm with a couple buddies of mine. And since we had like three or four down days, we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there.

The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was gonna look like. So yeah I'm excited to do that just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and some nature and a nice place you know that has all the amenities I want. But while I'm gone you know I was also like well I have my place just there and it's always nice to have someone stay at your place. And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know, it's a nice, comfortable place.

I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And, you know, obviously that way, I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place sits empty. So putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do. So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, November 21st, 2016. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, I'm doing good, man.

I hope you guys are doing... Oh, it's a holiday weekend. Dooby dooby doo. And Scoot-A-Lit B bop you only have to work three days unless your boss is a fucking cunt. There's always other ones too. Or if you're fucking self-employed. Or if you're not happy with your home life,

you'll come up with a reason, right? To go back into work just to fucking avoid it. Yeah, you know what, this year, cause we've been getting the fucking kitchen done, we don't have time to cook or anything, so we're actually going to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, which is great, because they live in the same city as us, so we don't have to go to the fucking airport, right? All these fucking people waddling around, you know those people? Just oblivious of other, you know what's a great

fucking human being, just totally being all about yourself oblivious moment, is when fucking people, you know there's a whole herd of people just riding down an escalator, and people like the second they step off it, they don't keep walking and get the fuck out of the way, they're just all fucking oblivious. It's like you're just on the escalator.

There's 50 people in front of you, 100 people behind you, touchdown fucking Redskins! Sorry, I got the game on. What a fucking throw. What the fuck is going on with the Packers this year, man? I don't fucking get it. Anyway, sorry about the screaming there. You know, you got 50 people in front of you, you got 100 fucking people behind you, I don't fucking get it.

Anyway, sorry about the screaming there. You know, you got 50 people in front of you, you got 100 fucking people behind you, you know? And people are getting off, they're kind of meandering, and you're on the escalator thinking, go, go, get out of the way before we all fall down on each other, right? If you're any sort of a human being going like, oh, assessing the problem.

Well, in fucking eight seconds, when I become that person, I'm gonna get the fuck out of the way, so whoever the fuck is 20 people behind me will not be having this panic moment because of me. Gonna become part of the solution. Not the fucking problem, right? I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point. I can't even remember the point I was trying to make. But what, oh, I know what I'm talking about at this point. I can't even remember the point I was trying to make

But what I know what I'm saying. Yeah, but the kind of fucking people like, you know What was that time? So Thanksgiving? That's right, right? So we're gonna fucking be I have no idea what point is you know what I mean? I just said a bunch of shit I hope it was funny cuz God knows there was no point and I think that actually is the point of The Monday morning podcast for all you people out there You know who tend to take it unbelievably seriously those of you out there who think that I influenced the fucking election Isn't that hilarious? Seven billion dollars was spent

To get Trump and all these fucking people a chance to get elected But you know that all goes out the window the second some fuckhead who can't even read out loud Does a podcast all out the window I'll tell you if that's true. I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start charging more for my fucking advertising. You know what I mean? Maybe I'll use that as a selling point 2017 evidently I was I was the reason Trump got into fucking office. Oh Jesus hey, hey Trump supporters You like and what you're seeing so far, huh? You're liking these fucking you know, you thought Trump was old. Look at the fucking people he surrounded himself with

Jesus Christ if they're not in a Nazi fucking movie, they're like 450 fucking years old Rudy Giuliani This is like when some old hair metal band gets back together again thinking they're gonna put out a fucking relevant album. You're not. It's over. You had your time. It's fucking done. You know what I mean? These guys are gonna get the fucking band back together and start singing about what? Huh? Girls in a strip club and the devil. Maybe the PMRC or whatever the fuck people used to sing about back in the day. I don't pretend to know.

You know, we were fucked either way. All these fucking people. By the way, I gotta give a shout out to somebody. What's her name? From Cosmopolitan magazine, Laura Beck calling out SNL for the horseshit that was that opening, completely agreed when they were saying that the woman who plays Hillary Clinton played Alleluia. It was kind of confusing. Was this a tribute to fucking Leonard Cohen dying or was this a political fucking statement? She kind of called called him out going didn't you guys have Trump as a fucking host while he was running for president? And all of a sudden, you know, you help promote the guy didn't you?

I mean shit if I did by trashing both fucking people right she actually said it was bullshit. It was fucking hilarious it's a great read I'll give you guys a Link to it, but I mean it's a TV show. That what they do they did that to a buddy of mine they did that to fucking Dane Cook they had him fucking host it twice he made him a bunch of fucking money with high ratings then all of a sudden there's a little blip on the fucking internet you know tide turns a little bit and then they use them as a fucking cheap joke when he wasn't even he wasn't even on the show that's what they do over there.

That's what they do in this business. They're not your fucking friends. See, that's why, you know what you do? You stay where I stay, right in my little cave. You do a podcast by yourself and then no one can hurt you. Woo hoo! Um, anyways, so, every time I do a stand up special, Anyways, so every time I do a stand-up special,

you know, it ends up being a little bit too long, at least the last couple ones. So you start thinking, what if we take this out here? What if we do a little fucking thing here? And you end up fucking the whole thing up. What you really have to do is you just got to cut off a limb. You know, you got to remove a kidney. Basically, you just got to take out a chunk. And know, you got to remove a kidney. Basically, you just got to take out a chunk. And I figured out what chunk it was going to be,

or I had an idea that that's what I wanted. And then the director, Jay, had the same idea. We took it out, and it flows, and it went from a too long of a special, now it's like fucking perfect. And now we're going to, and all I've seen at this point is just the raw feet of it. So it's not even like an HD and it looks way over lit and in my fucking pasty

goddamn white head, I look like an asshole and it still looks like a good special. So I'm very excited. I got that done. Efforts for Family second season. We're starting to fucking tighten these things down for the final fucking edit. And then next month I'm gonna start the process of, which should be a quick edit, is editing the audio from when I did Madison Square Garden a year ago for the New York Comedy Festival. Sorry, hiccups.

New York Comedy Festival. I didn't almost get emotional there. New York Comedy Festival. And then once I get emotional there. New York Comedy Festival. And then once I get all that shit done, right, then I'm just like done. I'm done, I can just enjoy the rest of the fucking year. I got nothing to do really, right? And then it starts all over again in January.

You know? Be nice if I did cardio for the rest of the week and just, you know, tonight I can fucking throw down. That's another good thing about going to somebody's place for the holidays. They gotta clean up, you know? You don't leave with a bunch of fucking food. It's gonna be good.

I'm excited about it. And he wants me to make this fucking stuff. And I knew she wouldn't let me just go over there. It's like, why can't I just be the 12-pack guy? You know, that's the best guy. You put on a sweater, right? You go over there, you make people fucking laugh. You show up with like a 12, a fucking whatever.

Whatever the fuck you want. You know, I tried this IPA lately, and I'm really not an IPA guy. I go in and out of that shit. I usually just drink shit that's considered white trash beer. And, cause I just like getting fucked up, you know? I'm not into the taste I

Just won't get fucked up right and I know what you guys are saying well those IPA's have a fucking high alcohol content I don't give a shit. They're fucking they're heavy Fucking heavy as hell But I tried this one. It was called the green line, and I got it. I don't even because they only had a couple Beers at this place. It was this foofy fucking even, because they only had a couple beers at this place. It was this foofy fucking place, and I just wanted a beer, and that's one of the only ones they had.

I actually really liked it. Remind me of living in Boston, fucking going out to fucking Chestnut Hill and the Green Line, dude. Kenmore Square, go to the fucking Sox. Rich Gidmedew, he's an ex-Cotton Fisk. Gary Allenson. Oh Jesus, there's a couple of Red Sox names from way back in the day. Anyways, um,

I tried that shit. I actually really liked it and I don't even want to, you guys, I'm just fucking talking in circles because I haven't been home, haven't been to my house in like fucking two months and I've had it. Me and Nia have been living on top of each other and you know I don't know about her but I'm pretty sick of us being this close to one another so hopefully Tuesday we get back in the fucking place. Oh nice fucking throw Aaron Rogers over the top. DB complaining saying he fucking pushed off? Of course gonna say that that's what you say when a guy fucking What a tight end beach of that deep is a fucking corner. How the hell does that happen?

How do you let that happen? I asked you guys He pushed him within five yards. I Think that was all right Anyways, how about those Bruins huh? Handling Winnipeg. I was all nervous there the the top two scorers in the league, what do we do? We put fucking three of them, three goals in the second period. Right, who scored? Fucking Maschian, fucking Berge, Belsky, whatever the fuck his name is. And then, I don't know, the fucks, we actually went up four-nothing, won four to one.

That's another thing, when I get back back I got my Bruins and Celtics package I can start watching that shit so I can really start boring you guys with the sports talk You know I didn't see the Patriots game today because I've been running around I haven't been spending time with my wife, so I took her out someplace today She'll come on later. Tell you all about it and But all I know is it's the usual shit. All my fucking friends who are Pats fans are like, dude, why'd we trade Chandler Jones? Why'd we get rid of Jamie Collins?

Our fucking defense stinks, dude. So I think it was, you know, what should have been an easy game, I guess evidently wasn't. But I didn't see any of that. I watched the boxing though. Who the fuck, that Russian guy, that Igor Larionov, was that his fucking name? Was a real hacky Russian name. Was Sergey Kovalev. Which is like every Russian guy in the NHL.

He's either his first name is Sergey or his last name is Kovalev. That's really like the John Smith of Russian names. So he's fighting this American dude. So I got to go for the fucking American and I Got to tell you something The fucking first first fucking round. All right Eagle Ari Aronoff comes out and he fucking punches Andre Reed. Is that the guy's name?

Was that the guy in the bills? I can't fucking remember. I'm not a big boxing fan. I love the sport I love it, but it's been ruined. It's been ruined, because every three pounds is a new weight class that has yet another fucking champion, and then there's like 15 different fucking boxing federations. It's a shit show. Like, there's more boxing divisions than there are podcasts.

And I'll tell you that's saying something, because there's a lot of them out there! Um. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. You know what I mean? When I was a kid, it was like, it was like flyweight,

it was like flyweight, featherweight, middleweight, welterweight, heavyweight, something like that. I can't even remember. I can't even remember the fucking divisions. Now I have things like, there's like 15 offshoots of each one of them. It's, you know what,ots of each one of them. It's, you know, it's like those superhero movies.

Like back in the day, like Superman was in a Superman movie, Batman was in a Bat- they didn't fucking know each other. They weren't all hanging out at the same place. Maybe on the Super Friends they were. Super Friends they did at the Hall of Justice. But they only did that, they did that when they drew it, but they never had that in movies. You know what I mean? Superman was Christopher Reeves. That was his fucking shit. And uh...

See Batman, right? Who'd they have? They had Michael Keaton. Remember that? And he was all sweaty. In the locker room with just a towel around him wearing the bat mask and he got in the face of Val Kilmer and he was like, that's right, Iceman, I am dangerous. And then Val said, clicked his fucking teeth together and then they all played volleyball. You know, and then they were playing volleyball, Aquaman didn't come out of the ocean, did he? You know what I mean?

Looking at Batman being like, take my breath away. Do do do. You know, Kelly McGillis gets in her invisible jet. I can't believe the fucking names I remember from that movie. I saw that movie a bunch of times. That was one that I owned on VHS. When I get, take it, take it, walk, walk, walk, walk, right?

I was in high school and everybody went and wanted to get a fucking ninja motorcycle and fucking fly f-16s You know inverted we all thought we were gonna do that You know this every once in a while like a movie comes out and you're like, you know what? I'm gonna fucking do that right and then what happens, you know, what happens geometry Algebra 2 and trig all of that happens and then you're like, oh, oh wait a minute. Wait, I thought I was going to fly jets. Is that what I thought was going to happen? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going to be a salesman.

You know, I make people laugh. You know, I come into a room, I make people feel good. What, you got a product? I'll do it. Huh? Are you sick of cutting potatoes like this? What if you had that? I like the guy with the John Riggins fucking jersey in the crowd at the Redskins game, man. 44 was always a badass fucking number. That was always a fullback number when I was growing up. John Riggins, Robert Newhouse, you know? Chuck Foreman, I think he was a runback, was he 44? That was a badass fucking number. Reggie Jackson, you know?

Now this guy, Starks, he's got a, that's a fucking legendary number. I wonder how many fucking Hall of Famers wore 44? I have fucked that. How many fucking just like skirts were 44? Not a lot. Everybody ever wore 44 was a tough motherfucker, right? I like to think. John Riggins broke my heart, man, because I was a big-time Cowboys fan back then. Before, how about them Cowboys? When they kicked out Tom Landry and Tech Schramm.

That was just the worst. You know, I thought Tom Landry was gonna be there forever. You know, I was young, I didn't know. I didn't know people get old and it passes them by. It's fucked up, right? And I hated the fucking Redskins for beating the Cowboys so much that when they weren't in that Super Bowl, I actually rooted for the Dolphins. And I hated the fucking Dolphins because we could never beat them.

And when Riggins broke through the line and whoever the fuck that was on the Dolphins that came by and just grabbed him by the waist and slid down him like a greased fucking pole, and he just kept running at that, it killed me. Was it AJ Dewey? I don't fucking remember. Anyways, how much time have I done here?

Is it time for the fucking read yet? I don't think so. Hey Nia! You want to come in here and tell people about your day? I gotta tell you this shit, right? So I haven't been, you know, I've been fucking busting my ass. You know, I was getting ready to do the special and then editing all that bullshit I talked about earlier. So, you know, if you don't spend time with your wife, all of a sudden your wife gets all upset with you, like, oh, you don't spend time with me, and boo hoo hoo, I have fucking needs.

Hey, Nia. Who are you talking about? I'm just, I'm doing a character. What the fuck did I do with the mic? There's the microphone, there's the microphone. All right, hello. Talk to me. Hello.

Talk to me, goose. Hello. So anyways, yeah, I haven't been spending time with you so I figured today, you know what I gotta go I gotta do something I Gotta do something. So yeah, I Took my wife to go see Casablanca today while the Patriots were on I got to get credit for that. Okay so I Thought it was at this old theater, I was telling you

about these guys on, I think Thursday I was telling them about it, like there was there was all these old theaters out here that I'm obsessed with where they had the Oscars throughout the years. I just think of all the great, you know, comedians and actors and directors and everything that have been on. I love that sense of history, right? So you got the Pantages, you got the fucking Who's and What's out in Santa Monica, Kodak Theater, all these fucking places. So I just remember that one from the 80s that I always saw. I guess it was in downtown LA. Maybe that's the one down the other way. I

don't fucking know, but I just looked them up and I was like, you know what? I'd love to do maybe a show there or I might want to do, you know, just go to something. And I looked up that one downtown and it said, there was just a bunch just go to something. And I looked up that one downtown, and it said there was just a bunch of orchestras there, and then it said it was Casablanca. I'm like, I fucking love Humphrey Bogart. I'll take Nia to go see that shit. So we go down, and of course we show up

in the theater I want to go into. There's nobody there. They're like, oh yeah, yeah, it's not here. It's at the theater next door. This little old couple, so you go up and we're walking around the theater, it's completely deserted. I'm already starting to curse up a fucking storm.

Yeah, Bill's already getting hot. I'm going fuck that, I was on the fucking website, I looked it up twice. And I did, I looked it up twice. This little old couple who are walking with their little bonnets on because it was raining outside. Bill asked, is this where they're having the movie?

I was a little more frantic than that. Yeah. It's like, you guys coming from the movie? You're old. That was my energy. They said it was across the street at the concert hall. And you had a, you're one of your classic, you made the mistake and so you started having a little meltdown.

I didn't make a mistake. Because if you look the fucking theater up and you look at the calendar. Okay. And it says it was at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion? No, you click on calendar events and then it just it lists and it lists that But I think the same person owns the theater. It's very fucking you know, it's like buying a car Yeah, we got it this lot and all of a sudden you down the street. It's like you're in Goodfellas Yeah, a little further down. I don't know Jimmy. I think I'll pick it up tomorrow. That's what they did to me

Well, anyway, it was across the street at the Walt Disney Concert Theater. At the symphony looking thing that looked like a fucking exploded golf ball. It's designed by Frank Gehry. It's like one of the most impressive pieces of architecture. That's like the drummer from Extreme, isn't it? No, it's a very famous architect. If you don't like what you see here,

get the funk out. What? Get the funk out, get the funk out, get the funk out. What are you singing? We won't try to. It's one of the whitest trying to be funky songs ever. Get the funk out. That one and then there's the,

some big John is my name. Anyway, this building. Playing funky is my game, it's one of the worst songs ever. This building was one of the most impressive pieces of architecture in Los Angeles. It's a beautifully designed space. And Bill was just like, I couldn't help but laugh at you because you were just muttering and cursing and stomping around in the rain.

I don't want to go into this one. I want to go into this theater. I don't want to see this one. I hate that super modern shit. I've done shows in those stupid symphony fucking things. You feel like you're in front of the council in one of those Superman movies where you're down there all fucking up above you

and they're behind you. I fucking hate those things. So I was like, I don't want to fucking go into this thing. So I end up showing up, it's like I got to take it to this thing. It's fucking raining out. So Nia's all like, well we'll go to that theater another time

when it's a different event. Yeah, I'm trying to calm you down, because it's not, we're going to another building, no big deal, you know, we're going to go see, and then what happened? We go over. So we show up, and I go, hey, can I get, and I literally said to you, go,

now we're going to fucking go to this stupid ass fucking theater, right, it's probably in some small room, it's going to be you, you me and four other old people and the movies the movies almost ready to start right so we fucking show up and I go up to the booth and I go Yeah, I need two tickets to Casablanca and the person's like I don't know if there's any tickets left And the person's like, oh, I don't know if there's any tickets left. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

It's raining, it's Sunday, football's on, this fucking movie's like 80 years old. And then who's going to come see? They're like, I don't know, I got to check, right? And then she finally goes, well, you can't, there'll actually be found two. And I'm like, thank Christ. Trying to do something romantic here.

It's not at the right fucking theater, now they're going to be sold out. She goes, you got to go down two windows. So I say, fine. I kept my cool there. Right? But rain had rained enough on my steaming head that I walked over. That cooled you off a little bit.

Cooled me off a little bit. And I walk up and I go, let me get two. And they go, okay. And then the guy goes, okay, that's going to be $161. I go, $161? He goes, each. And we both were like, wait, that's going to be $161. I go, $161? He goes, each. And we both were like, wait, what are you talking about? So it turned out.

There's no way. So this is what it turned, it turns out, I think this is way too loud here, I got to turn this down here. It turns out that what was happening was the LA Philharmonic was going to be playing the film score while you watched the movie. It turns out this was a major LA cultural event that was basically sold out.

Bill thought it was just going to be a movie. A few old people in us. It turns out it's this major event. Everyone's got on like sport coats and fucking dresses and shit. Everyone's all dressed up. I'm sitting there in my wet hoodie, going $161, what the fuck? Is Humphrey Bogart in there? What the fuck's going on, right? We're going to view the body?

Aaron Eckhart introduces the fucking movie. Yeah, so you know when you just don't give a shit? I just said fuck it, so I light up the card and I go let's go in there. then and I start getting this feeling of like This might be mate. This might be fucking amazing. And then there's all these ushers walk around hitting these things that are going boom Boom like letting people know that you know that whole like you don't disturb rich white people that things are about ready to start Whatever that fucking instrument is called And they fucking go in there.

We go in there and it's like, holy shit. Like we're going to listen to the LA Philharmonic while we watch Casablanca. And how fucking great was it? It was amazing. It was such an awesome experience. So Bill kind of fumbled his way into a really amazing Sunday afternoon.

Romantic day. And I get no credit. I get no credit because I picked the wrong fucking theater. I just totally stumped. So I can't even be like, huh, you see that with the orchestra. I picked that out on purpose. I completely didn't. I feel like you definitely get points for seeing that you saw something cultural going on. You're like, oh, that sounds cool. Like, NeNe would like that. And we went and it turned out to be amazing.

So it was great. Yeah, Aaron Eckhart. It was a Hail Mary. It wasn't even a Hail Mary. It was just like- The actor came out and introduced the movie. Oh, not the oil man? Is there another famous Aaron Eckhart?

I don't know. Are you being sarcastic? I'm being a dick right now. Was he in No Country for Old Men? He was in that, get out of here bitch, in the Company of Men. Uh, yes. Was that him? And he was in Sully. Sully! Oh yeah, the mustache.

Yes, he was in that movie. He was in that movie. That was a movie. That was a movie. It was in that movie. Which, that was a movie. That was a movie. They made up, they made, evidently they made up all of this other shit. That movie was so fucking boring. Can I just say that?

You don't have to say it, I'll say it. Come on, it's Clint Eastwood, it was Rapaport's in it, Jerry's in it, there's a bunch of our buddies. Yes, we have friends that are in that movie, but that. Oh, aren't we a Hollywood Hollywood couple our friends are in it That movie was so boring Because you know why because nobody this is some sounds so terrible, but nobody died Nobody got no we nailed it like it was nailed it. He put it right where he's supposed to put it

Yeah, there's no hey both my engines went out at 1,500 feet. Should I try to land it in the water or fly back over the most densely populated area in the United States? So he put it in the water, everyone survived, the whole thing took in real life 24 minutes for everyone to get rescued. It's like, what is the movie about? Well they had to have the evil corporate guys going, you couldn't save the jet?

Yeah. Could you have pushed some people out on the way over? It just wasn't exciting. Tom Hanks is a wonderful actor. All the acting was great in it. I want to see him play a serial killer. I'm so sick of him always doing the right thing. That's not his brand.

That's not Tom Hanks' brand. He's not a serial killer. Did he die in Saving Private Ryan? Spoiler alert. Remember he was just sitting there firing at the tank? You never saw that? No. I'm not into those kind of, I'm not into war movies.

It's not a war movie. Saving Private Ryan is not about a war? No. And soldiers that die in it? Well, I mean, that's literally what it is it but it's more of a metaphor It is. Yeah Saving private Ryan is a metaphor. Yeah, what is it a metaphor for please? Don't even know what you're talking about It's an incredible fucking movie, all right, I believe you all right

We kind of just killed your credibility. To say Sully's boarding and then you're like yeah I'm not into war movies. Saving Private Ryan is one of the most unbelievable fucking movies I ever saw. Why does that kill my credibility just because I didn't like Sully? Because I said so. Oh I see. That's how it works. One thing has to do with the other. I don't know, you've been bugging me lately. Why? Yeah I don't know. I don't want to be a dick, but are you putting on weight? Excuse me? You're like putting on weight every fucking month.

You're getting bigger. And I keep telling you to fucking do something about it. I have a condition. You have a condition? What is that condition? And it makes me bigger and bigger every month. I'm having a baby. Laugh Factory fucking tweeted that out, so I guess we gotta announce it.

Yeah, I'm gonna be a fucking father. We're gonna be parents, everybody. Are you so excited for us? Do you know what it is? They don't give a shit. I'm actually. I think they do. People have been very,

people who have, you know who you are, who have already tweeted about it. Stay offline, stay offline. don't become that person. I feel like people care. Listen. Why, because it's going to bring out all the people who have nasty things to say about it? No, because people have lives.

But people have actually been very sweet. What, what, what? No, you know what it is? You're watching those ladies screaming at each other too much, and the ones where they sit around. You know one of the funny things I saw lately was when you had the fucking Kardashians on with the sound down?

So much of the footage of them just looking at each other with their fucking mouth kind of open like slack-jawed because someone else is talking over the top. Just going, I just feel like when Mandy said to Sandy that she you know she couldn't go during the nose job trip I felt that she was upset and as the person's talking they just cut to their faces and like doing it can't it's official they look like those little pouty cats okay okay I don't know what that has to do I don't know I just want you to turn this into a Kelly Ripper moment. Guys, and this is what we're,

just makes me feel like, you know, I'm starting to understand why Michael Strahan left that show. So anyways, yeah, it's official, it is confirmed, all right? No, it is, and I'm just, I just not going to be one of these fucking assholes. You're very, you're begrudgingly talking about it, and I understand why. No, because I fucking hate parents. You hate parents?

I hate, and like, the ones on, you know, this is the hardest fucking job, the most rewarding job, like blah, blah, blah, and then they all say it, they all fuck, even like Chuck Yeager would say some shit like that. It's like really dude, flying a fucking jet up into space, like trying to get a kid's fucking backpack on for first grade is more difficult than what the fuck you just went through up there. You know what I mean?

I think that they placate to fucking, is that the right word, to Joe Sixpack where they gotta be like, but the real heroes. Pander. Pander, the real people out, the real heroes out there, the people out there, they're making the tuna fish sandwiches, cutting it into four fucking pieces. You had sex and you didn't use protection. That's what you did.

And now here you are. All right. You're not Tom Hanks pretending to land a fucking plane into the Hudson River. Okay. You did. It's not exactly the plane into the Hudson River. You did. It's not exactly the miracle on the Hudson. No. So, old Billy Boo's bag's going to get a couple more rights and left in before the little

one comes and then I'm going to be, I got to be, I got to pick my spots then. Is that the idea? Is that what's been happening that you're just going to go on like a little bit of a bender? Yeah, I've been on a bender the whole fucking year. And then when the baby comes, you're going to just like cut yourself off? Yeah, I mean, what am I doing? I'm going to be fucking hungover and be that guy? No, I hope not.

Yeah, no, I'm not going to do that. No, it's over. It's done. But then I got all this great hooch back at the house, so I got to kill it. I got to kill it before it comes. That doesn't mean you have to drink all the alcohol before the baby comes. It's not like you're never going to have a drink again ever in your life. Well, I got to make space for fucking sippy cups and shit, don't I?

Wordle, wordle, wordle, sucking my bottles down. They're not going to go on the bar, so you don't have to worry about making space. You know what? I'll save some of my, uh, Pappy Van Winkles. You're the most spoiled kid ever. When the baby's teething, I'll rub Pappy Van Winkles on his fucking gums. Yeah. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't know. I don't know. Like that's an old school thing.

But I'm already going to do this shit. Like every time the kid cries, I'm not fucking going in there. I'm going to, there's this great book that I read on Norwegian parenting that says that when the kid starts crying you just kind of creep up to the bed and then you kind of look and you just go, hi, knock it off. And then that's it. You scare the shit out of it and it understands what's going on. You're making fun of what I told you was in the book that I'm reading by the way

It's 2924 fucking Washington Green Bay just scored. This is a great game This reminds me one of those old San Diego Chia G games Are you watching the football game while you're doing the podcast? I don't know I just that's a that's not a push in the back Get the fuck out of you Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh, you're having a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Only the biggest moment in our relationship ever.

You know, no big deal. Well, let's see what happens. Yes, we've been going to like fucking Lamaze classes and shit. Jesus fucking Christ. The classes have been great. The classes have been great. But this is how far the fucking progressive left has gone.

There's a fucking line for when she comes in, it says, Mom, will you sign up and me? I'm thinking finally. It says name of mother. Name of mother, and then I'm like, and then my call, I'm like, I'm finally going to be called a dad after almost living on this planet

for half a fucking century. And it just says, partner. Fucking ridiculous. And what kills me is everybody in there, heterosexual, all in a fucking relationship, everybody there was, there was. All straight couples. Straight couples and all the dads were there.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. And she keeps going coaches, coaches. She keeps calling them coaches. I swear to God, dude, I'm going to show up with a fucking whistle next week. The fucking Bill Belichick hoodie and shit. What the fuck are you talking about? She said dad's last class.

I get, I get. Yeah, she's probably going to get in trouble. She said dad's twice last class. I didn't hear it. Yeah, because you're too busy muttering under your breath about it. Every time she says coaches, I say fathers. Or fathers. I'm not trying to cut out gay people or people who got banged behind a fucking Carl's Jr.

You know what I mean? But what about us? That's the solution. I thought it's inclusive. You're supposed to include people. I'll take second and third billing behind alternative people. What did you think of that birthing video that we watched the last class? Oh, Paulie's placenta?

Yeah, that was tremendous. I don't even know why I'm there, Nia. It's all going to go out the fucking window. The doctors and nurses are going to tell you what to do. I'm just there for you to fucking yell at me. It's so fucking stupid. If I was going through gallbladder surgery or whatever, you would not be in there holding my fucking hand.

It's so dumb. This is just classic you guys. You know, you got the shit end of the stick on this thing and somehow you figured out a way to drag us in there. I'll tell you right now, I'm staying north of that fucking sheet. And when that guy comes in and goes, hey, you want to hook up your own cable?

No, I don't. That's what the fuck I'm paying you for. I don't want you to be below the blanket. Below deck? You don't need to be below deck. So I'm going to have performance problems for the next three months because I keep picturing my kid's head coming out of your twat? No, I'm not doing that. I shouldn't be in there. Am I fucking in MASH? You said after you... No, but you said after you watched the movie, you leaned over to me and you said, I understand

now why the guy is in there. You did say that. Yeah, to get yelled at. No, that's not what it was. It was to provide comfort. You're killing my fucking image here. Okay, stop showing. Oh, fuck your image.

You're a dad now. Get over it. Fuck your image. No, I'm going to be, yeah, I'm going to be a sober dad, get over it. Fuck your image. No, so I'm going to be, yeah, I'm going to be a sober dad, but on the road all the time, ripping it up, you know? Yeah. Oh, just like every other comic out there, you fucking hack.

I told you my last podcast, I was going for a Boston accent word, and realized that I was gonna get in trouble if I Said it so that I had to switch to cunts. I was like, I'll talk to you lady Fucking Ben Bailey looks at me. He's like one sounds like yeah, it's a new day. I'm gonna get in trouble if I say you Mean, I don't mean anything bite so I'm gonna get in trouble if I say it. I don't mean anything by it So Yeah, don't don't end up like Kanye and have everybody be mad at you. Oh, he's gonna be fine He knows what the fuck he's doing

He was yelling. I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't understand those shows. Anyways, there's no band Everybody's standing with their cell phones on and there's somebody and everybody's standing with their cell phones on and there's somebody rapping and then they're just sticking them. It's for young kids, they love it, and I'm not going to go there like, yeah, yeah, you think this is music? I'm not going to be that guy.

I stay away from them. I'm going to go see Casablanca in the rain with a bunch of old people. By the way, Nia, did you see during the break those old people trying to walk? Holy fucking shit. I cannot stress stretching and getting a massage if you can afford to do it once a month.

That was brutal. Jeez, and that was a little- A lot of hunched over people. Yeah, a lot of people roughly my fucking age too, having limps and shit. What the fuck did you guys do? Look, some of them probably fought in the fucking war. Who's kidding who?

But I'm just saying, generally speaking, you know what I mean? I know, maybe we should give them a break. Dude, they didn't all fight in the fucking war. You know what I mean? They weren't all on the front lines, is what I'm saying. A lot of those people were peeling potatoes and they're still fucking limping. That makes no sense. All right, let me read a little bit of advertising here.

Peeling potatoes and they're still limping. Peeling potatoes there. All right, you want to answer a few questions before we get the fuck out of here? Sure. Before we get the fuck out of here. What's the score to the game there? I didn't buy myself that watch that I have, by the way.

I didn't say you did. You just taking the bait, and I'm just breaking your fucking ovaries over there. What is the score to the fucking game? I was just showing the highlights. All right. Hey there, Billy Clairvoyant. You probably didn't notice this because I doubt you listen back to your own podcast,

but there have been throwback parallels. I actually listen to my podcast as I upload them. I'm just listening to them. I don't know why I do. He loves the sound of his own voice. That's not true. I've learned to love it. When first hear your own voice. You don't like it now. I can't live without it Work around with headphones in my house just listening to my own podcast When Andrew cuts together the clips he uses the same date from eight years ago last Thursday was from November 17th 2008

Oh, he told me he does that, that's cool. He said in that episode, you made a reference to Cash Cab, which was hosted by your guest this week, Ben Bailey. Also a couple weeks ago when you first mentioned watching Westworld, the throwback clip had you mention the original Westworld, once again, eight years ago to the day. Yeah, back then that's when I wanted to buy the rights to it. Until I realized it was zillions of dollars,

and I was like, oh, forget it. Bye bye, everybody. I had my whole representation all excited, like is he going to do something like this? Are we going to get a piece of this? And I was like, oh, that's too much money. He said, I'll be on the lookout for more of these in hopes to exploit your magic.

Love you, love Nia. Well, that's all- Love you too, boo. That's all due to, what's his face? Andrew. Andrew, I think he tries to find the parallel. So that's his homework, not mine. All right, Thanksgiving recipe.

Hey there, Billy White Meat. I like that. Billy White Meat. Bill Bur that. Billy White Meat. Bill Burr, the other white meat. The other white meat. Hey there, Billy White Meat. What are you going to teach us to cook this year? If I don't get another cooking video like the pie crust masterpiece, I'm boycotting the season. I'm the single one of my siblings and last year I showed up with the pie and waited until everyone was done to let them know I made it then I

Showed them your video and we had some full fully belly laughs full I think full belly laughs is what you want to say don't let me make don't let me make let my family down Don't let me let my family down by letting me down. Okay. God. Thanks for all the free laughs Hearing you get through that sentence. I know My eyes are always ten words ahead of what I can fucking remember. I think that's what happened. So maybe I'm just dumb It's gonna be sad when our kids a better reader than me fucking six months in Baby's gonna teach you how to read Read you some book and oh, yeah

Our baby's going to teach you how to read. He's going to read you a book at night. Whenever I've read to my nieces and nephews, there's a point when they stop looking at the book and they just turn around and look at me. And then it's more pressure. And I'm literally reading like, the rabbit goes hop, hop, hop, hop. It doesn't go hop.

It hops. A cow goes moo. Maybe that helps you out there, fucking old and bald. Um, well, I feel like last year, like, making a pie crust was like a real fucking skill that I had. Like, I don't know what else to show you guys how to make. Um, you know, if Nia lets me get this fucking griddle that I want to get.

Oh my God, this griddle. Oh my God, this fucking griddle. It's like you love when I cook, but you don't want to, you know what I mean? It's like you like your freedom, but you don't want to see how it happens. You're the same way with food, you know? Touchdown fucking redskins, god damn it. Because I don't, what are you trying to do here? You're trying to get like every fucking invention that has to do with cooking or grilling or

smoking or frying, you want to buy it. And it's just like, where are we going to put all this shit? Okay, list all the shit that I've bought. I'm not saying that you've bought it all, I'm saying that you want to buy it all. And why I do want to buy it all, and why haven't I bought it all? Because there's no room for it.

And who determined that? I mean. Oh, another missed extra point! Who determined that, Nia? You decided that. I thought it was a mutual. It wasn't. I had a buddy of mine who was going to hook me up with a

Smoker! You said no. Well, because he tried to act like he told me it was the size of a typewriter. He was throwing me a solid. Then when he actually showed it to me, he was like, come here, let me show you, let me show you what it looks like. And then I looked at it and I'm like,

in what universe is this the size of a typewriter? It was the size of a small fridge. I said, it's like a sewing machine. He goes, oh yeah, yeah, it's more like a sewing machine. I'm like, a sewing machine is not a typewriter. Can I tell you something, Nia? That's why guys are great. That's why I love that dude forever.

Because, you know, we do that for each other. I don't know if women do, I won't speak for you guys, but guys do that for each other. It's the size of a wallet. We need a kitchen the size of his kitchen in order to do all the things that you want to do. Nia, it's a portable thing. It's on fucking wheels. It's in portable thing, it's on fucking wheels.

It's in the back. But we got like three fucking tables in the backyard and I can't get rid of any of those. Those tables for the fucking potato salad. Every piece of furniture I put in the backyard has a function and we have used it in that function. That doesn't make any sense, but you know what I mean. No, what you're doing is you've become the dictator

of the fucking backyard. You're the woman, I own the backyard, I own the fucking garage. If we had a basement, that's my shit. You can have the rest of the fucking house, all right? So what are you saying? I'm saying I'm getting that griddle. Okay.

All right? Mm-hmm. Jesus Christ. The griddle. Okay. Alright? Mm-hmm. Ugh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, you're going to say that until I fucking make you a nice fucking steak and cheese, or make some hash browns, or make you a Grand Slam breakfast. You've been making all of those things without the griddle. You've been making all those things without the griddle.

It's because I'm a talented guy. Right, so, exactly. So what do you need all this other stuff for, if you're so talented? Because just imagine how good it would taste things without the griddle. You may need- It's because I'm a talented guy. Right. Exactly. So what do you need all this other stuff for if you're so talented? Because just imagine how good it would taste if I actually had a fucking griddle. Even those fucking stoves that have a griddle, the thing sucks because it's one heat source. So you can't have difference. You can't move it around.

You can't play with your heat. It sucks. It's like this is the temperature. It's a pain in the fucking ass. It's one thing if you got a pot or a pan, you can take it on the heat, take it off. When you're on your fucking griddle, you know, you want one on, one off,

or maybe one a little bit on. Why don't you just get one of those little electric griddles? What am I, a freshman in college? What you can put on your counter. Well, when you divorce me, oh, that's too sad to say. If you ever do that. Why would you say that?

You ever do that, and I'll let you. Why If you ever do that. Why would you say that? If you ever do that. Why would you ever say that? Because you're asking me as a grown fucking man to buy divorcee kitchen products. What the fuck are you talking about? Divorcee. Yeah, I'll go to McDonald's and grab some extra packets of ketchup for in the future when I need more ketchup.

I've done all that, Nia. I've used chairs for tables. I ate pasta all fucking day and pancakes. I've done all that. I'm done I've used chairs for tables. I ate pasta all fucking day and pancakes. I've done all that. I'm done. Yes, yes, we know. Yeah, yeah, you're sick of my self-made man shit? It annoys you, doesn't it?

I would eat spaghetti with the prego and the bread because it would fill me up and it would last me all night so I could do all my spots and I would eat pancakes because it kept me the most full when I was on the road. Fill me up like cement. And you know what I'm doing that for? The fucking people out there, women included, who want to fucking make something happen.

And food's a big thing because you got to fucking have it every day. So you got to have that shit that fills you up, all right? Listen, don't let this little ray of sunshine fucking rain on your parade, okay? I'm here for all you guys. I'm the positive guy. I'm the motivational speaker. Hey, speaking of motivational, what the fuck's going on with the P90X guy?

Did he become a vegan or something? Well first of all, he's not doing P90X anymore. He's got a different thing late night. Yeah, yeah, but now Tony Horton, he's looking a little like he's not doing his pull-ups anymore. He's getting older. He's looking like, um, I don't know. He's looking all veggie. Anyways, so I don't know what I'm going to make this year. I told you. Oh, you mean for the people along? For this guy here, yeah, you want me to,

I'm not showing my secret family fucking recipe of the best stuffing you're ever going to have. Admit it, most people's stuffing fucking sucks. This stuffing that Bill makes, oh my god, it's so delicious. And I've never had good, that's the only stuffing I've ever had that I even like. Me too, I don't ever like stuffing.

It's gross. It's too wet. Or it has that bad aftertaste. Yeah, this is nice and crispy and like buttery, oh it's so good. Yeah, like when you got that fucking barbecue the other night, you didn't like the cornbread, they put that weird ingredient in there

Fumble you so and so read another question damn it When the fuck that I become such a Packers fan, this is certain old NFL teams I like actually like the Giants. Can you fucking believe that after what they did to my Patriots twice? One flew over the cuckoo's nest. All right. Hey there old Billy Bibbitt Who's bibbitt? It was a character and one flew over the cuckoo's nest. Oh shit What's his face downstairs there an old friend of mine Oh, yeah has gone so far down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories that he really can't even function in society anymore. Oh, that's relatable. Tell him to start telling jokes.

He is unable to hold a conversation for two minutes without going off on some rambling horse shit about chemtrails, Freemasons, aliens, and all of that crap. Completely oblivious to the fact that none of us are interested in hearing about all that nonsense he reads on the internet. It used to be funny. We were driving out west a few years back and he pointed out at some lights moving up in the sky and said, those are the aliens that follow me around.

Oh, this sounds like a mental issue, dude. I said, what does that sign on the right said? He said airport next exit. And I said, yeah, those are airplanes, you jackass. And he said, well, maybe some of them. Wow. He goes, okay, it's been over a decade of that kind of shit. And it's gotten way, way worse because of this obsession and the resulting paranoia. He can't even hold down a menial job and all of his friends have abandoned ship. He's become addicted to painkillers. I think he already had a mental issue. Yeah, yeah, of course. Has been in and out of rehab

centers and hospitals because of bizarre health problems and is now bordering on full blown schizophrenia. That sucks. Well, you don't get that from reading conspiracy theories. Yeah, you really kind of did a fucking bait and switch here with this question. That whole thing in the beginning was just like a red herring. It turns out he's got like serious mental problems. What's a red herring? It's just a distraction? Exactly.

It's something that you think is the cause of, you know, I'm not going to explain it right because I'm tired. Oh, I got gotta use that excuse sometimes when I use an expression like oh Jesus my brain is mush how many points does fucking Aaron Rodgers got to put up you know it's like Tom Brady same thing how many fucking points you got to score yes yeah you know defense I want to respect his right to believe what he wants to believe, but in the end, it has only caused him to lead an increasingly miserable and lonely life that will end in a tragedy

and a sparsely attended funeral unless something changes soon. So how the fuck do you bring someone back from so far over the edge? Okay, well, he might be exaggerating a little bit with the, maybe he's using schizophrenia as like a fucking filler word there. Like you know, this guy's a narcissist, this guy's a sociopath. No, but this sounds like paranoid schizophrenia. This is exactly what it is. Oh, Dr. Hill, are you going to diagnose that on this fucking, wonderfully written fucking

email? Well, considering that I had, unfortunately, a member of my family who went through this exact thing, I do feel that I recognize it a little bit. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Okay, but do you feel like that you can make that diagnosis as someone who is not a doctor? No, of course not. Is not a comedian? Is not even a podcaster?

That you can, on a podcast, done by a comedian, as not a doctor, diagnose this person that you've never met based on this four paragraph email? You asked me to come in here, so I'm giving my opinion. I thought you were going gonna start a song you asked me to come here are you annoyed that that lady singing about all the ingredients you get annoyed when black shit goes fucking mainstream and then white people ruin it well I got peas greens tomatoes Peas, greens, tomatoes, potatoes, that's you name it. Yeah, that thing. You name it. I swear to God, if that's what my church- You had a nice little week long run before everyone else.

If that's what my church was like, I would go every week if it was only a half hour long. I just can't get into the fucking... I like the singing part in black churches, but even when the priest, regardless of race, when they get up there and they start saying that this invisible guy gives a shit about me, I just, I tap out. I just can't listen to it. Anyway, he wants you to have, he, Jesus, Jesus, won't you have that, that second flat screen downstairs? Your friend needs professional help.

You're not going to be able, I like Joel Osteen. He's a very positive guy. Well, you know something, he's been out there long enough that you'd think if there was a scandal, it would come out by now, right? Your friend needs professional help. This is beyond your pay grade. Jesus, don't shit on the guy. He might've just been being funny just because.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not shitting on him. I'm saying that his friend needs help and this is not anything that he is qualified to do. So, cause he's. That's a not much nicer way of saying it's beyond your pay grade. Hey buddy, go pick up your broom and keep sweeping up.

This is the job of people with lab coats. Hold on a second. But what is he, he said like, This is the job of people with lab coats. Hold on a second. But what is he said? I respect his right to believe what he wants to believe, but in the end, da da da da da. I don't even think he necessarily maybe even believes it. He's become addicted to pain killers, has been in and out of rehab centers and hospitals because of bizarre health problems. He's now bordering on full-blown schizophrenia. Yeah, I think you just got to be there for him,

but maybe just check in on him and say, hey, are you taking your meds? Are you going to see your doctor? That type of thing. But I don't think you're going to be able to help him with this. This is beyond you. Is that what I just sounded like?

You know what's fucking cool is shit? The Redskins still have a band and they actually have a team song. I think that's fucking cool. At the professional level, for some reason that all went away. I hope our baby doesn't get your ADD. Why? It's worked great for me. Has it?

Yeah. Yeah, it has. You name it! I play drums, fly helicopters, tell people to come to my house. I play drums, fly helicopters, tell people to come to my house. I play drums, fly helicopters, tell people to come to my house. I play drums, fly helicopters, tell people to come to my house. I play drums, fly helicopters, tell people to come to my house. I play drums, fly helicopters, tell people to come to my house. Yeah. Yeah, it has. You name it! I play drums, fly helicopters, tell jokes. You name it! Laughter

ADD is a fucking great thing to have. It sucks with some shit, but it sucks when you're in school and you're going to do poorly in school and everyone's going to say you're fucking dumb. But when you get out in the world, man, it's fucking tremendous. It's tremendous. I know. I run around all day long.

You don't have it severely though. You are able to focus on it. You even got the lab glasses on tonight. Just fucking diagnosing everything. How do you know what I have at the lab glasses on tonight, don't you? Just fucking diagnosing everything. How do you know what I have at S? Remember when we tried to do that ADD questionnaire and you couldn't even pay attention long enough

to answer the question? Yeah, but part of that was because I was annoyed with it. You want to revisit that real quick? No. Do an oldie but goodie? All right, Bill, my kid is 14 years old and he wants a drone for Christmas. The drone market is huge with kids these days. When I was a kid, we wanted to fly something for the sake of flying it.

Now they all have cameras attached to them and they hover in a real creepy way. He's not a punk, so he won't flip out if he doesn't get one. His friends have them, so it's not like he he'd never use one if I did get him one He's not the type of kid to fly it up to someone's window. So that's not the concern I'm coming from a place like if I didn't want him to get an earring More of don't be that kid. I might be overreacting, but that's just something but there's just something about drones. What do you think? Congrats on the condition Thank you.

I would say I agree with you. No drones. No drones with the cameras, that's too much. The shit I would have fucking done, I would have the hottest chick in the neighborhood, I would have had it out there, hovering near a bathroom. To be pervy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, flying out there. Of course you would. If he's not, then his friends are going to. His friends are going to be perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, flying out there. Of course you would. If he's not, then his friends are going to. His friends are going to be like, let's just take it over here and just see. And this is the thing, you know that the person watching is jerking off if it immediately crashes. So, kids are really using drones?

Like, are they, is that the hot gift this Christmas, is a drone for a teenager? I mean, it's an amazing fucking thing. It really is. I mean, I can't imagine, like, just flying over a neighborhood to see what your neighborhood looks like from the air or your house. All of that would be cool.

But the possibilities, the shit that you could do with those things in a things with a juvenile brain, I don't know, I would be nervous. One of the best things my parents did was they never let us play video games. They never let us play it, they just, you're not getting that, it's going to fuck with your schoolwork, you know what's funny

is I still fucked up in school. But the great thing is, is I'm not a fucking 48 year old gamer. You know? Like I just think that's really like, I kind of judge that shit after a while. Like what are you doing? You know what I mean? Don't you want to go outside? Like the amount of time that people spend,

you could learn a language, you could learn how to play an instrument. I'm literally doing whatever your adult says. You can go out and do the things that I find interesting the fuck if you're in the video games go ahead and play but I'm glad that I didn't because I waste enough time watching fucking sports I can't imagine because I told you I've always said I tapped out after Grand Theft Auto 3 it literally took over my life I'm so sick of this fucking commercial where they show the Ford F-150 with the aluminum bed and it has it doesn't have any bed liner

and they drop the fucking toolbox into it and then they show the Chevy with the steel one. This is such bullshit advertising. What it really is, is I bet the Ford gets better gas mileage because it has a lighter bed. And then all you do is just put that, the same rubber guard that comes in all pickup trucks. What kind of a fucking asshole buys a pickup truck

and you don't have the bed liner? Get the fuck out of here. Fuck Chevy. Even though I like the Silverado. All right, Thanksgiving debacle. Old Billy Turkey legs. Don't get your kid a drone if you don't want them to have the drone.

You're the parent. All right, was that another ADD moment? Did I leave it there? I'm in a little debacle with my lady about Thanksgiving. I want my girl to come to my Thanksgiving, but it starts like only an hour before hers I'm in a little bit of a debacle my lady about Thanksgiving I want my girl to come to my Thanksgiving, but it starts only an hour before hers But they are in the same town, mind you.

Mine's at my aunt's house and hers is at her parents'. Mine starts at 12, hers starts at 1.30. I want her to come to mine for a little bit before hers, but she's not having it because she's got to help her mom cook. Well, this is easy. So you just say you'll be over there at fucking 1.30 and you're just going to make an appearance. What, are you going to make a nutsy of your family on Thanksgiving? He said on one hand, I'm super salty and want to be a huge, and want to make a huge deal

about this because I really want her there and I think she's being selfish. But on the other hand, I understand she's got to help her mom cook and stuff. At least that's her excuse. I know she loves her family, but it really pisses me off because she's never been to my family's shit, but I've gone to plenty of hers. Her defense is that she's never made me miss any of my family gatherings to go to hers, but my family is a bunch of nut jobs,

and you get the point. Oh, Billy Burntick, I could use some words of wisdom. I'm a huge fan, thanks, and go fuck yourself, Happy Holidays, huge fan. Well, I mean, this is all you're doing so you can undo all of this, all right? You know, you just gotta put your foot down and just say, listen, I respect,

I understand you gotta help your mother cook, but you know, I wanna see my aunt and my family on Thanksgiving, so I will go over there, I'll be there over for an hour, all right? And then I'll be over here at 1 30 and time to eat. And if she has a problem with that, just ask her why do you have a problem with that? This is perfect. I'll, you don't have to come,

you don't have to come to my family of nut jobs, as you say. to my family of nut jobs, as you say. Yeah, is she trying to get out of going to your families is what I'm wondering. Because most people I feel like in this situation you just split it up. So if she's got to go help her family cook, you could go over there with her while they're doing that, talk to the dad or the brothers, whatever.

I don't know if they're going to be cooking or whatever. Spend that time. Have the meal. And then the two of you then go to your family's house for dessert and like coffee and a movie or game night or whatever. You know? No, but his starts early. His starts at 12.

Their starts at 1.30. So I'm saying, I tell, listen, you go over to your mom's house, you cook, I'm going over to my aunt's from 12 to 1, I'll be back at 1.30. You show up like, and then you show up at like 1.40. You know what I mean? You can't spend like an hour though, that's nothing. Because the food isn't going on the table right at 12. Everyone's going to saunter in around 12.30, 12.45,

sit down, then eat. I would take it. He's going to going to be this just two or three. This is what I would do I would say this is a deal. I'm going in there for an hour. Then I'm gonna go over to 130 right 130 I'll be at your place, but next year. We're going to my family's This isn't even like I'm not gonna like never see my family on Thanksgiving again, right? I would never do that to you Are you saying I can't see my family anymore on Thanksgiving? You just do that. Yeah, go to his family's and just say hey Text me when you guys are about to like sit down because she's gonna cook and do all this other stuff So it's like text me when you guys are about to sit down

I'll let you know where I'm at with my dinner and then I'll just come over there and then what you need to do is Say it totally calmly do Do not trash her. Do not say anything insulting about her family. Do not let her... And then when you stay calm, if she does that thing where she then tries to bait you into a fight, do not take the bait. Just ask her why she's reacting that way or just stay calm. Stay on target.

Star Wars, right? You just make your points and that's it. Yeah, that sounds reasonable. Well, there you go. So you like, how great a movie was Casablanca? It was really nice. I finally understood the fucking movie. I always got confused.

I understood the love story, but I didn't quite understand unoccupied France and the talk and Nazi Germany and shit.occupied France and they're talking to like Nazi Germany and shit. It's just like they're taking over your country and it's just like, I guess they hadn't, their power hadn't gotten to that point because it was like Italian soldiers there. There was German soldiers and there was fucking these German Nazi guys. I don't know.

I'll have to watch it again. I'd maybe read a little bit of fucking history, but I actually understood the love story this time. It don't know. I'll have to watch it again. I'd maybe read a little bit of fucking history, but I actually understood the love story this time. It was fucking great. How beautiful is that woman too, huh? Yeah, she's beautiful. Yeah. She was like modern day beautiful too. A lot of them back then are back then beautiful. You know what I mean? Like, Hey, what do you say there fucking Ellis Island? Yeah, no, she's a classic.

Ah, there she goes. Classic beauty. There you go. Sleeping like a damn dog lately. Oh my god, yes. Because of your condition. Because of my condition. Makes me very tired. I think you're being a jerk about it, personally. I think you're being a jerk about it. I'm not. Why is my fucking leg hurt?

Oh my god, I'm going to end with those fucking people in the orchestra pit. Just fucking... You see that one guy was like 55, just sitting there. He looked like he just fell off a motorcycle. Anyways, well I'm glad you had a good time. I hope you enjoyed it because I'm watching all the rest of the Football Sundays.

From here on out, as I empty the liquor cabinet. So is that our last Sunday out? Is that what you're saying? Until... No, I would like to do that. I've been actually, and I've been looking up museums and shit on the down low trying to understand art. Really?

Because I never understood it. I find that I like, I forget what period it is. It's the Van Gogh and the period after Van Gogh. I like that shit. Okay, that's cool. I like that. The abstract, I'm starting to understand that.

Well, you don't need lines, you have colors to suggest moods. It's like, all right. Look at you. Kind of looks like a five year old. It's always going to look like a five year old, didn't it? Do you like modern art, do you think? Or do you like the more old classic stuff? Ah.

Like the Van Gogh versus the Jeff Koons. I don't know who Jeff Koons is. Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol was the original hipster and is brutally, brutally fucking overrated. Ooh, hot take. And was not a nice person. What about Basquiat?

Did you like Basquiat? I like Basquiat. It's not the dude who looks like Savion Glover, but he painted. Savion Glover, but he painted... Savion Glover. Wow. Oh my God. Haven't heard that name in a while. Yes.

He's sort of like the weekend before he cut his hair, he was doing like an homage to Basquiat. Yes. Oh, it was. That's Jean-Michel Basquiat. That's the most modern person I listen to. Yeah. The weekend. To the point I pre-ordered his next album.

I know. I love it. And I got his, I got the first two songs. I want to hear it. We should listen to it after this. Absolutely. I like it. As I fall asleep because of my condition.

How far are we talking about my condition? Not that much, right? What do you mean? Like we're not going to get into all like all specifics. No, we're not. What I'm doing. Something's got and all that. Yeah what it is. Yeah pictures. No, none of that shit Okay, it's just like the kitchen. You just gonna know it got redone Share enough there's too many fucking weirdos on the fucking internet I don't I do not understand people that post pictures of their children

You know because you get excited with your fucking home address right above your fucking head for them for the family photo Because they're so cute. You just want to like show off, you know But I definitely understand why we will not be doing that All right. This is probably a conversation that should have happened off of the podcast. Alright, you fucking coo-unt. Bill! What the fuck did I do to my leg? I just laid down and I feel like I hyper extended my knee. I can't stop my leg!

Who is that? That comedian. I can't stop my leg! What's his name? You always bring him up. Richard Con- no. Oh, Robert Klein. Robert Klein.

Robert Klein. I can't stop my leg. Very good. Look at you. See, I went saving Glover, then you hit me back white style. Little Robert Klein. Alright, that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will be checking in on you on Thanksgiving. No, you will not. Yes, I will. No, you will not. Listen, we're going to eat at 1 30.

I'm going to do a podcast at 12 at my parents' house. You can take Thanksgiving off. People will understand. Yeah. I believe your people said money never sleeps. Right? 24 7. What is some of that stupid shit? People will understand. Well, maybe you'll do it the day before Thanksgiving. That's a big pet peeve of mine when performers talk about how fucking hard they work. They take those pictures of them where they've got their head down like they're fucking exhausted. And then they just have these fucking self-imposed compliments.

A lot of people would stop. I feel like I'm just beginning. But that's essentially what you're doing if you're going to be working on Thanksgiving. No, I'm not. No, that was a really weak way to try to manipulate it back and yeah, I'm going to do it. So if you just, you want to have the argument now? Cause I'm going to do it.

No, I'm too tired. There you go. Go to sleep. Seriously, you're putting on a lot of weight and Oh my God. I'm not attracted to you right now. I just don't understand what it is. That's not true.

Don't say that. Yeah. You just told me I look beautiful. You do look beautiful. You still look great. You're all fucking baby. I'm all belly. You're all belly.

So anyways, all right, I'm, I don't know, I'm going to figure out how to make a fucking pan into a griddle and make myself something. Because I'm an adult and I can't fucking have a griddle. I'm sure you'll figure it out. No, I'm getting that griddle. I'm getting rid of those fucking tables out there. There's too many fucking tables. Huh?

What are we having the last supper? Huh? Is Jesus coming back right in our back fucking yard? That long-winded douche is going to sit there and tell her, I fucking did this for you, I did that. Are you trashing Jesus? Nobody asked you to. Are you trashing Jesus? No, Yeezy.

Yeezys. Is that what Kanye goes by? Yes. Yeezy. Hey, radio, fuck you. Fuck you, man. I want to get that big. I'm just yelling at a fucking, what would you call that?

What is radio? Form of communication? Yeah, just yell at a form of communication and then cancel a show at the fucking Magic Johnson's house. Hey internet, fuck you internet. Fuck you. Fuck you internet. Hey tin can on a string, fuck you.

Fuck you ham internet. Eight tin can on a string, fuck you. Fuck you, ham radio. Yeah. Yeah. We get it, Kevin Hart's funny, but so's... Oh, who's that kid I saw in fucking the new Def Jam? First of all, Tony Rock crushing it as a host. Tony Rock's a fucking star, by the way. I remember years ago when he had a sketch show,

man, that guy fucking pops. He pops on TV. Robert Robert I forget his last name you tweeter not Tony not Tony Roberts Tony Roberts I know the name of the name of the comic that you liked you tweeted about him but his name is Robert something oh yeah he was fucking hilarious fucking hilarious and didn't give a shit if the crowd liked him he had that the fucking Luther Vandross joke oh my god yeah I don't want to ruin it. But yeah, just definitely check that out. Because if that's how funny that shows is that that show

is back in a big way. And it was great to see Tony Rock getting that gig, you know, definitely deserving ending on a positive note. That's right. Go fuck yourselves. I will talk to you on Thanksgiving and that stomping you hear in the background will be near Unapprovingly it's supposed to be making stuffing. All right, go fuck yourselves. Have a great week great short week All right And oh dude Wednesday night the greatest fucking night ever if you're a young man, right you go back to your hometown What's his face the thrill ride the thrill ride did a great rant on that who the thrill ride the one the one man fucking? Oh, yeah that guy.. I mean that guy. That guy should be in the WWE.

He's one of the best people on the fucking mic. I forgot about him. Yeah, he fucking said that that's the night you go back and all the women you went to high school with that you weren't afraid to talk to, now you come back, you got your little man mustache, you make something happen. The night before Thanksgiving?

Night before Thanksgiving. That's what you make it happen? That's right. Okay. I love Thanksgiving, you know The night before Thanksgiving. That's right. I love Thanksgiving. You know what I love about Thanksgiving? We just rub it in the fucking England's face. You know? Take that.

Right? There's a lot of people in this country that think it has to do something with our independence with England. Yeah, I was going to say it has nothing to do with that. Well, that's one of my favorite things to do, is I say that to fucking Londoners and shit. Oh fuck, you know what I forgot to bring up? There's a, I got to do another benefit, speaking of that.

A buddy of mine who did stand up when I started out and then moved on to writing, Pete Cummings, such a great guy, unfortunately, passed away. Oh God, a couple weeks ago, was an absolute shock. He's like a fucking year older than me, was in great health and just had a heart attack, unfortunately, so we're going to be doing a benefit at the Laugh Factory on December 6th.

Tickets will be going on sale soon. I should probably know by Thanksgiving. But he's got two beautiful twin boys, only 10 years old. And the great thing is gonna be, you know what was so great was Jamie Masada put his name up on the marquee. I'll never forget that he did that.

That was such a great thing that he did that, because Pete hasn't done standup in a Number of years. It was great that Jamie remembered him. He's a great guy Jamie Masada. He remembered him. He put his name up there And so there's a bunch of Boston guys. I haven't seen we're all gonna be on the same fucking show And I'm trying to think like the last time we all worked together like that was probably the fucking Kowloon About 20 years ago, so it's gonna be a good reunion. We're only telling great stories about Pete Cummins, so Yeah, it's gonna be December 6 and I'll get you guys that link as soon as I get it if you're in town

You'd like to have a laugh. It's a great cause. All right, that's it there fuckos. Have a nice Thanksgiving What's up everybody welcome back to the anything better podcast show NFL edition going into us. What is it? Week number 12 with your host Paul Verzi over here. Bill Burr over there. Of course we have Jake the snake from his undisclosed or his undisclosed place with his injury reports and we got the Greek freak the Beverly Hills kid Andrew themless. We are all here for week 12 guys. but before we get into this week's show,

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but in fact score the second touchdown, um, you'll get your stack back in cash. There you go. Dude, I gotta start the show by talking about my New York football giants and Daniel Jones. Daniel Jones was emotional yesterday because all of the major teammates backed him and said that this was a weak move by the Giants. They think maybe the Giants are trying to get the traffic. And then Daniel Jones walked into John Marra's office 20 minutes ago. This is hot off the press. And he said, guys, they made him not the second string, they made them the third string. And then yesterday, they had him playing safety as like a dummy, like just

being a safety. And he walked in today and he said guys do me a favor and please release me and and apparently he's released me let me go and he walked in with a gun to his head and says guys it's you or me now I don't want to play for the Giants anymore. So uh and I believe they obliged. I believe the Marys and then wished him well and said goodbye. So Daniel Jones is done. And Paul what did I say? I gotta give you credit. I meant to do that today. You called it. I was wrong. I held on to it because of that good season he had and then he fucking had happy feet because whatever it was dude you were right so yeah i didn't say that you know he shouldn't be a quarterback i just said that's an awful lot

of money in an awful long time who the fuck's gonna pick up that contract and to not give seqon barkley money but to give him money and now watch seqon barkley be an mvb candidate with the philadelphia let's give a slow white guy from du Duke a whole bunch of money and let's give a fucking Jack Black dude no money. Come on Paul, what's that looking like? If we did that in Boston Paul, what would the story be? What would the story be? Oh, it hurts.

Oh, it hurts. It's like watching your girlfriend go down on somebody. Just like, oh, and they still they hold your girlfriend go down on somebody. Just like, oh. And they hold your head to watch it. Wait, what? Jesus. You went big air on that one. He's still alive.

He's still breathing, Frankie. He's still breathing. He's still, oh. That's the worst. I will say this, to this day, to this day, is there a more uncomfortable scene in any movie than when he- I didn't watch Casino. I saw Casino on movie theaters,

I didn't watch it again for 10 years because of that scene. One of the most disturbing scenes I've ever seen, he's still breathing, Frankie, Frank, oh, anyway. Oh, by the way, Paul, what about last week? The Lions, laying 14 and a half, won like 55, this, yeah. Old school Paul Verzy would have put a text to be bloodbath over like 58 times during that game. I got one for you. Yeah. Two fucking things. I'm

fucking over right now. Beautiful women and nerds opposite ends of the spectrum. You're done with both of them. Done with both of them. I hate the classic fucking beautiful woman in the front row. Nothing you can say to her as long as she's getting the attention. Every fucking thing I was saying, she, you know, just like, I go, you know, like those straight women that love the gays. I love the gays. I love the gays. Oh, no, but I love the gays. I do love the gays. I love the gays. And then yeah, I go, will you shut up and be like, Oh oh I hate that shit doing the cutesy fucking thing. It's just like, you know And it's like you used to be pretty Now you're just annoying. That's the thing about beautiful women when they're young. They're beautiful when they get older. They just get annoying

Because all of us men put up with that fucking behavior because they're gonna keep it happy Maybe it'll fuck me and then Take we raised them Yeah, okay men raised beautiful women to be fucking annoying assholes at comedy shows You know, it's a good one just goes nerd fall nerds I got to get the nerd they're gonna get the nerd thing I'm bad guy that nerds are ruined in the world. All these years they said it was gonna be the frat boy date rapist. It wasn't.

All right, they individually ruined lives. Nerds ruined the fucking world. All right, let's go. That's my theory. All right, I got my glasses on, Paul. I got my glasses so I can see my dad's face. You know what you say to that girl? You know what you say to that woman?

Sweetie, sweetie, you're an alcoholic. You can't hold your liquor. You're an alcoholic. You need help. He loves it. You're talking to her. The whole show stops and you're talking to her. Then you look at the guy and go,

how do you fuck this annoying thing? Then it's a whole different thing. Then he has to do something. No, I ended up shaking his hand. I said, don't fucking blame him for this on the ride home. This was you and me. This was you and me. Oh, so fucking awful. I did this great gig in Modesto, California. on the ride home. This was you and me. This was you and me.

Fucking awful. I did this great gig in Modesto, California. Paul I'm going to the people on this one. I like all right. Oh, hi Bakersfield, Modesto. Where am I stopped in? And then the one that begins with V I can't remember this a Leo or whatever the fuck it is doing all these Fox and Warner theaters on the way up here. And by the way, Paul, Mega Texas Barbecue in Fresno, California. If you don't fucking go there and get yourself a Texas Twinkie

and some fucking pulled pork and brisket, I swear to God, it's gonna affect our friendship. That's how good it is. But what's a Texas Twinkie, a burrito? Dude, it's a Texas Twinkie burrito dude it's a stuffed jalapeno they put they put brisket what he's in there and then they triple wrap it with this bacon and put their fucking sauce on top sweet you got the heat it's just like you want to go outside and tell somebody about it

after each bite dude I gotta tell you. I think I told you this. Last year is the first year that I discovered bagel and lox because I never did that. I like raw sushi. Yeah, it's just with the juice. I get it, Paul. No, but nobody ever said, you know. How the fuck do you live in New York? you never tried bagels and locks. It's amazing No, because you know what it is I tried smoked salmon once and didn't like it and I like the sushi great of it and then all of a sudden dude I got one and the capers and everything was so delicious and I'm going what did you just say sushi great?

Like sushi type of salmon and don't get listen don't don't get fucking self-conscious here. I said she's great Oh, you have elevated yourself. Yeah Are you becoming refined The way that just rolled up your tongue, yeah The way that just rolled off your tongue. Paul, I've known you almost 20 years. If I was on a game show and it had a bunch of shit that you could have possibly said, sushi grade? Never would have thought that.

That's fucking amazing. Oh, thank you. I tip my cap to you, my kind sir. I love that you're sitting there in a hoodie talking about the Giants and then you bust out sushi-grade salmon. Yeah. So anyway, but what I don't like sometimes is the bagel is really filling, right? So I'm in Austin, Texas, and this guy goes, dude, one of my favorite places is around the corner. It's called Cafe Crepe. And he goes, they got great crepes, but they also have great breakfast. And I'm like, perfect. I'll go to there before I go to the podcast before I go to the airport.

And I go to this crepe place that I'm looking, and I see a picture on the menu of this crepe with all the smoked salmon, a little layer of cream cheese and capers. So I called the lady over and she goes, Oh, that's our number one seller. So I go, I love it. So get it, dude. It was it. I bid I was alone and I go, I looked around. I got kept. I was by myself. I can't believe it. I just, I said, I can't believe it out loud. And the lady goes, it's good, right? I go, this is incredible, man. And it was less filling than the bagel. And it was amazing, dude.

It was amazing. You just got the locks. You didn't get you didn't get a cream cheese bagel even get big on locks. You just got the locks. No, no, no, it was a crepe with cream cheese. Oh, great. Oh my god. It was a crepe with the cream cheese layer on it capers and the locks. So it was

everything that you get bagel and locks but just on a crepe, dude. That sounds amazing. That's it. Oh, Paul Bursey. Over. Over. That sounds amazing. It was it was fucking fantastic, man. And then I Yeah, then I got home and yeah, off to I don't even know what happened. Well, Well, I gotta give another shout out, Paul. Yeah. Let's turn it into a couple of fucking foodies out here. I went to this breakfast place.

I gotta get it here. I got it in my places to go app, Paul. Not app, but what? Oh my God, I don't know if I'm gonna say. L-I-B-E-L-U-L-A, Libba Lula for breakfast, right next to the Crest Theater in Fresno. Got fucking three fried eggs on some kimchi,

and like one of those tortilla shells with fucking avocado on top, dude. It was fucking insane. Had the whole, the the yolk and then they had the heat thing going there Paul. I'm telling you these mom and pop places it's the way to go. All of these fucking fat fucks with their mantids going to the chain restaurants. Listen here's the thing you want to change America okay you don't do it in the voter booth you go to mom and pop stores. We got to we got to get on the same page here we got to support

don't do it in the voter booth. You go to mom and pop stores. We got to get on the same page here. We got to support each other because they're not doing it for us. I'm telling Paul, going up to 99 here out in the Central Valley of California is one of the most depressing things I've ever done. Great people. The cities are great. But in between, you look at the farms and these corporate farms and you look at how these people are fucking living, I'm telling you, they're straight up fucking evil, dude. They're straight up fucking evil. These fucking cunts at the top taking all the money and not paying anybody and not wanting to pay anybody and keep coming up with these excuses

and blaming immigrants and all of this shit. It's like, no, it's you. It's you fucking nerds with your pen and pencils. All right, Paul, let's talk football. I got a question for you though, real quick. Before we get into this, where do you stand with avocado? Like where would you where do I stand with it? Yeah, I got my fucking arm around it saying what did you fucking say to this avocado? Oh, you love him You got an avocado's back Bob. Well, I will I will I eat one fucking plane. It's a great horse

it's a great source of What they call it that that fat that you need the The fat that you need, it's fucking fantastic. The trans fat? Not the trans fat, that's the shit in McDonald's. You're just a city kid, you hear trans, transportation, you just fucking think this is a good thing. There's a lot of transgender. Transmission, there's a lot out there. Not the trans that makes you lose your career. The other trends.

No, I heard I do like avocado on some things, but I don't like it near my eggs. That's it. I don't like my eggs got to be, you know, kind of separate, I feel like. But I get that. It's two mushy things. You don't want them together. Yeah, it's a different taste. But no, an avocado. Paul, you don't like mushy shit. You don't like avocado, you don't like corn, you don't like peas, you don't like that shit. Corn and peas, I don't know why they're on earth. I don't know why they're on earth.

Oh, dude, corn and the cob in August with fucking butter, salt and pepper on it. If you don't like that, Paul, I'll finish the corn and cob and I'll stab you with the fucking stock. Hey, what a way to go, okay? that Paul I fuck it I'll finish the corn and carb and I'll stab you with the fucking stock hey what a way to go okay oh he's still breathing I got he's still breathing that thing over here uh oh I gotta tell you something yeah I gotta find you get me a fucking whatever some sort of meat and I got mashed potatoes with peas right next to them.

My Scottish, Irish, English blood goes through the fucking roof. It's delicious. It's amazing, Paul, how I can cross the street into your Italian neighborhood. Well, I mean, it's Italian food. That's not a fair comparison. I was going to say, I enjoy your cuisine. It's like, well, you know, it's the fucking best on earth. Would you say this? The Japanese are the Italians of Asia?

The I would say this Japanese is is second of all time of food. I say Italian Japanese cuisines one and two. Japanese are also the white people of Asia. If you've read your history. Is that right? Let's just say they have a high sense of self and I'll leave it at that. I'm better than you. Ever see that? Ever see that on the Simpsons?

That little kid singing the song about his rich dad? That's great. He's singing this whole song about how much money his dad has. He goes, my dad can buy and sell. Yeah, I'm better than you. Andrew, Andrew, can you send me the lines again to my text, please, because I can't find them. I believe I go first this week.

Paul, I think you should go first every week, the fucking display you're putting on. Why ruin what it is that you're doing? Let's, uh, why put the number nine hitter in front of the guy back and clean up? That's what I say. Oh, here's one that I'm going to give for the show. By the way, I got a lot of, thank you, Andrew. I got a lot of people reaching out saying,

this is by far the best sports show because we mix humor with it. And they were like, we, uh, a lot of people saying, I don't watch football and you guys made me watch it and understand it. I also heard a guy saying, you're making me money, but I got to put this out there on the show. I had a guy tell me, you know, we watched this show and he came out of the closet. I mean, we're just doing all kinds of things here. Dude, you know what?

Anything better. I use a different bathroom. Okay. Um, no, I was going to say, I said something on Twitter yesterday. I will say it on here since we are a sports leaning show, uh, Juan Soto will not go to the Yankees. I'm going to say that my prediction is the reason why Juan Soto won't go to the Yankees, even if the Yankees match a $700 million thing, like the Mets are

going to try to do or the Dodgers can to do. The reason why Juan Soto, and this is just a prediction, will not go, will not stay with the Yankees is because I don't believe Juan Soto wants to be a place where Aaron Judge is really the man and the captain and it's his team. I think Juan- Speaking for everybody who isn't a Yankee fan, who the fuck is Juan Soto?

What do you mean? I'm just saying, he's fucking acting like he's the lead singer on that team. He's not right You're the regular guitarist and he wants Aaron judge. Yeah, that's right. It's fucking Cecil Cooper. It's Bob Watson Sorry Interrupted as always no no no I think that Aaron Judge being the captain and the Yankee guy, Juan Soto wants to be that somewhere else. I don't think he liked playing second fiddle to him.

And that's my prediction. Even if the Yankees match the price, you heard it here on Anything Better. Let's go. Where's my question, Paul? How fucking, if that's true, how dumb a mindset is that? I mean, I could be wrong, but I think it's dumb.

I think we got to win. We got to win. Dude, him and Judge could win. First of all, who the fuck can't play second fiddle to Paul Bunyan? The guy's nine feet tall, massive muscle. He's like a Mickey Mantle stacked on top of Mickey Mantle. I'm not saying what the stats. Relax, he's like, he's like a Mickey mantle stacked on top of Mickey mantle. I'm not saying what the stats relax old school Yankee fans. I'm just saying it's, it's his fucking team. Yeah. Uh, I do like how he fucking she stares at the pitcher. No, he's a great

batter, but he's an average fielder. And he's the way, the way he takes the picture out of his game. It is great because he makes you mad. He goes like, all you want to do is throw the fucking ball right here and that's, and that's going to put them on base. It's fucking genius. I don't know why more guys don't do that. Do you realize how amazing baseball would be if every hitter went up there and just had absolutely no fear of getting beat in the head and just tried to fucking troll the picture. I was fucking watching the playoffs. Like I was getting upset watching them. I'm always like, I'm like, this pitch is not afraid of you, you fucking asshole. And then I realized, oh my God, this is why he does this. This is amazing.

And then I immediately became a huge fan of his. Dude, here's how good the Dodgers were. Otani was like two for 18, did nothing because he was injured and they fucking still beat us. That's how good that team is. Well, Paul, you know, when you spent over $300 million, I mean, but you guys were up there too. I can't, I haven't looked at team salaries in a long time. Like I remember if you had a 200 million, that was a, oh, fucking yeah, 200 million dollar team. It's like, you guys are, you don't even get littered with free agents and you're over 300.

How much fucking money are these guys making? Dude, the Dodgers spent a billion on two guys. The two Japanese guys, they spent a billion. One was 700, one was 500, right Jake? Is that right? All right, let's get into this. Yeah, over the course of their career, they're going to play them a billion dollars. Yeah, it's over their career.

A billion dollars over their career, but still that's two fucking guys. All right, let's over there. A billion dollars over their career. But still, that's two fucking guys. All right, let's I mean, I could pay for a week in Iraq, Paul. I mean, this is fucking crazy. What are we doing? All right. All right. Uh, week number 12. My first pick. Is it my first pick? Did Bill go first last week? Oh, what do we got? injury report wise? Jake to snake? The biggest ones are coming from San Francisco, Nick Bosa. He got hurt last week. He came out of

the game. He's been fucking held. He's been held for two years. It finally caught up with him. He's got neck burn from his jersey getting yanked like this. So he might not play but they're getting George Kittle back and Brock Purdy is also questionable but sounds like he's going to be out there. My buddy who drives me to the airport, he's a big Niners fan dude. It's over for them. I hate to say it, but they're tired. What they went three Super Bowls in the last four or five years and they're breaking down

McCaffrey's hurt. I heard one analyst go, dude, the Niners are just exhausted and they are. I hate to say it, but they're finished for a while, I think. Hey Paul, guess what? I'm tired too, you know, but I'm showing up for the podcast. Yeah, you don't fucking stop.

You don't stop. I have a wife. You don't think I'm being held back? Huh? Nothing. Thank you, Jack. That guy? No, that guy.. I know that. There's always that guy. Yeah, he said I got kids to I fucking tired.

Comparing doing a podcast to playing professional football. Well, guess what? He's got a job, you know, you think I want to get up every morning and put my pants on one leg at a time. I fought for this country so guys like you can play football. They're going, yeah, everybody's going to win. You fought for this country. You didn't serve.

I was in the Cubs counts. Look, a uniform is a uniform. I take that discipline with me to work every day. His wife's complaining, my wife's complaining. You think I don't know my wife's fucking the neighbor? Because I do. I'm going to toughen out this holiday season and not bring it up till after New Year's. Oh shit, dude. I'm crying.

The guy that compares is one of my, it's one of the funny he's got kids. Are you I don't got kids You know that guy. I don't got kids I'll tell you a story. I'll tell you story guy working for the Brooklyn Fire Department goes up a ladder There's a cat in a tree All right, I think Indignant whatever the fuck that is. Why is my face so fucking red? No, you look good, you look healthy.

I look fucking pale. I don't know what's going on with this fucking light. Oh dude, you know what we're doing? Paul, you look like the Muzeral. We're gonna knock a wall down over here. I'm gonna make a bigger office. Alright, let's get into this. Paul, why don't you just get, fucking have a yard sale.

You know that guy too? Paul, have a yard sale. Don't knock down the wall and you're fucking't you just get fucking have a yard sale? You know that guy to that guy have a yard sale don't knock down the wall in your fucking how we're gonna have a wall down No, no just a closet wall Right here is a closet that we don't use. Well, they're just gonna make it shoes Yeah, we're not a guy probably probably where you put your shoes. You don't have a closet You know, I got it every mob movie Paul wait wait, let's about this. Well, what if you got your whole future ahead of you? You take that closet away, you can push your shoes. We think about your mother. What is this going to do to your mother?

You take out the closet. Come on, sit down, have a cut. Sit down, have a cut with me. Paulie, Paulie, you break in my heart as you walk away. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart.

You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart.

You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. You break in my heart. Come on, sit down, have a cut. Sit down, have a cut with me. Paulie, Paulie, you're breaking my heart as you walk away. You're breaking my heart. You know what? I like, I like the guy that points to shit in his house that he did. Yeah. You see up there?

No, no, we were going to, we, we, we lowered it. You know, he goes like this. He goes, no, we lowered it. We're going to keep, I'm telling you for the ventilation. Right in the middle of a bike. And then he knows that he's losing it. So he puts that hand on your shoulder. Oh, come on. That's guiding you around this fucking house. Oh, you know, you meet Billy yet?

You meet Bill. You meet Bill yet? You meet Bill yet? You fuck. The point that he did shit, guys, my favorite. You could give a fuck. You could give a fuck. No, the ventilation wasn't coming through over there. There was like a little air and then you're like, yeah, all right, man, it's great. You changed some shit. I would have notice. It looks original to the house. Okay. Here we go. We can number two. I'm crying. This is a great one. All right, here we go. My first pick this week. I have not really looked at these guys, but, um, oh my God,

that's a big line for the commanders, dude. Why are the commanders? 10 and a half over the Cowboys that's a big one my third cousin under center uh if it's on the back of his jersey it says who the fuck is that no wait a minute is it is that that kid from the long horse jake the snake who's who's under center for the uh nobody's on the center they're all in shotgun who's taking a long look at the center's ass the center for the, nobody's on the center, they're all in shotgun. Who's taking a long look at the center's ass this week for the cowboys? They got this guy Cooper Rush back there. Cooper Rush.

Yeah, he's a- I like that. Michael. It's a cool name. All right, my first pick guys, I'm going to go with the theme I said. I love, by the way, the 49ers. I met a bunch of them, the great people. I think it's kind of coming to an end for a little bit I'm gonna take the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field minus three I think that they're they're a great team and I think they're playing a team that's a little

beaten up and tired I like that it's only three and I like that the Packers are at home Jordan love everybody over there seems healthy Packers minus three at home against the reeling San Francisco 49ers. All right, I'm gonna take the Arizona Cardinals minus one going into Seattle because Seattle keeps winning and who the fuck do they think they are Paul? Who do they think they are? They think they're just gonna win out the rest of the year. They think you're gonna play a division rivalry.

Kyler Murray running around like a fucking water bug. I don't think so. I think he goes in there, he bangs some white chick in the rain and then he goes and he beats the Seahawks. That's what I'm saying. Did you see Kyler Murray at Joe's Pizza by the Comedy Cellar the other day in that video?

Oh dude, what is our bet? What's our bet? We have a Kyler Murray bet. We do? We do. What is it? Well I can't say it because he's going to see this and then get inspired. Oh yes, oh yeah, no you're right.

You're 100% yeah. Alright we just got to say it because who gives a fuck. No yeah. I said at some point he's going to have a weight issue. Yeah, I agree. have a weight issue. Yeah, I agree. Something about his face. He was eating the pizza and he looked- It just looks like he goes to Daily Donuts to me.

I don't know why, but he's still in shape, but it's something about his face. It just says in the future. He's gonna have a happy off season. He does, he's got- But I will say this, I thought Carmelo Anthony was too. And Carmelo Anthony is like five, six years removed from the NBA and he's fucking nice and thin still.

So he works out. He's holding it together good. Ladies man, Paul, you know, he knows what he's doing. He smokes cigars. I think smoking the cigars, you know, curbs the appetite. Yes. Yeah. No, Kyler Murray was at Joe's Pizza,

and it says this guy doesn't know that he's standing next to Kyler Murray. And Kyler Murray's got just a hat on and a jean jacket. Totally looked like a civilian, and he's eating pizza. And there's a guy next to him, and he goes, what's your name, man? And the guy says, oh, I'm Sharana, or whatever. The guy was from Sweden.

And he goes, what's your name? And he goes, I'm Kyler. And he's like, what kind of pizza did you get? They're just eating it, hammering it and stuff. And dude, he's little, he's like five. He sees regular people's size. Dude, he's like Drew Brees. Drew Brees was five 10.

He's like, dude, Drew Brees was like your size bill. And he's an MVP Superbowl champion. Well, I know. Kyler Murray has a clothing line at the Gap. Gap kids. Okay. That's what did you pick, Bill? You picked the fucking Cardinals, Paul. Okay.

You know why, Paul? Because I realized it's my life, you know, and I'm not going to be silent anymore. That's that's the woman version of the guy going. You know, I put my pants on every day. I got I'm going to take the Kansas City Chiefs. I realized the gap and that last thing just bombed. Go ahead. I'm not that delusional. Yeah, but nope. I'm looking at lines. Nobody's Jake goes. That was funny. No, I'm looking at line didn't buy. I'm gonna take the Chiefs.

Minus 11. After a loss. Hey, Paul, why don't you take everything that I want? You know, you selfish bastard. I didn't know. What are you trying to... Dude, that was the classic kid from Divorce. Like, it's such a ridiculous thing to accuse you of.

You still apologize. I didn't know. Because of my dad. Because of my dad. Because of my dad, man. Yeah, look, they're playing the Panthers and they're coming off a loss. I mean, 11's a lot though, but we'll see. Hey, I'm going to take the New England Patriots plus seven and a half with Drew Locke. I don't know.

Is that the name of our quarter? Drake May. Sorry. Drew Locke. What the fuck name of our quarter? Drake May. Sorry. Drew Locke. Where the fuck did I take that? Drake May. Oh, Billy, no sleep. I'll take the Patriots, seven and a half, going down to Miami.

You know? Maybe somebody scores an eight ball, they get a little more amped up on fucking defense and they take it to attack a Tatuva DD but Daba and we fucking cover. Should I do it to be a little fun? I'm going to do it to be a little fun. I'm going to take the New York football Giants, Tommy DeVito. Getting six at home against the Buccaneers. Let's see what happens That's I'm not gonna fucking say anything but I swear to God if I got a fucking deal with with the with the fucking Oh my god, a third string quarterback is in the Giants. Let's make this a national fucking story

Because anything that happens in New York is so guy Fucking he likes cutlets. He likes them this way, he likes them now. Look at his fucking uncle dressed like he's in The Godfather. Yeah, yep. Oh, my God. Yep. Anyway, uh, yeah, whatever, whatever. Uh, I'm gonna go... I'm gonna take the Ravens.

Mine is three Monday night, because who the fuck do the Chargers think they are, Paul? They think he gets to go around slapping around the Bengals? And then next week, the Ravens. Mine is three Monday night because who the fuck do the Chargers think they are Paul? They think you're just gonna go around slapping around the Bengals and then next week the Ravens aren't gonna come in and bring you back down to earth and remind you you only get one of two things perfect weather or a good football team. Yeah I like it. Paul you're fucking killing me this week because you haven't looked at the lines. I'm doing jokes. You're not fucking doing, you're not, you're giving me nothing. Oh, I'm sorry, dude.

You know what I feel like right now? I feel like a coach that lost the team. That's what I feel like. I lost a lot. I'm talking, they're looking down there, they're reading shit that's not paying attention. They lost the team. Dude, speaking of which, I haven't watched a second of hockey, but my Bruins have been playing so bad we already got rid of our coach before Thanksgiving, Paul.

It's pretty early. Whoa. Well, I mean, Paul, they haven't even put the Christmas lights up yet, okay? I mean, it's a, what is it, a month old season? Not even? Well, the ice was still slushy. Oh my God. And this guy got fired.

Nobody's even caught a cold yet, Paul. And this guy got fired. No, he did something cold yet, Paul. And this guy got fired. No, he did something to somebody. He said something rude to somebody's wife. He lost the locker room. That quickly? That quick, it happened very quickly. That's a tough one.

Hey Paul, it's gonna be, you know, they're gonna be playing silent night on Thanksgiving day, all right? I gotta... It's going to be, you know, they're going to be playing silent night on Thanksgiving there. All right. I got a, um, I'm sorry. I'm just in a stupid mood. Dude, Angelo Lazado, rest his soul. Me and him were on a podcast years ago and we were talking about how the Knicks fired their coach and we were crying laughing going,

you're looking for them in the bathroom and he goes, yo Mike, he goes, yeah, they're asking for you. Who's asking? Yo, who's asking? Dude, we were crying. You know what the worst thing about getting fired at that level is the amount of people that know it before you do. You sense it and then people just start acting weird in the halls as you walk. But it's got to be it's just got to be. But I don't know.

But, you know, going back to the Jets, nobody did it. Can I say goodbye to the team? You get your shit. That was you just took the words out of my mouth. Not letting you address your guys is I mean, they walked into the car, they said. Yeah, like holding his fucking arm guys I know we didn't make the playoffs it wasn't that bad we sold a lot of merch we sold a lot of merch oh shit this isn't my car let me to Aaron. Let me just talk to Aaron. Aaron Rodgers.

You tell that thin-faced cunt he's the reason why I'm out here right now. I hope he has a good holiday. I took the vaccine. I took the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine.

I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine.

I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I got the vaccine. I took the vaccine. I got it twice. I got it twice. I got the booster. I got the booster. Oh shit. My wife made a move on me. It didn't react. I blame Monsanto. I blame Monsanto.

All right, sorry. Ah, ah. Oh, God. If this isn't what I- He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do.

He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. He doesn't have to take it, but I do. All right. The window, he's trying to lower the window,

yelling as he's leaving. Oh shit. You're gonna suck after. Joe Namath was a fluke. It was a conspiracy to merge the leagues. Oh God, Bill. All right. Oh my God.

All right. With my fourth. Oh, my students hurts. My fourth and final pick. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill.

I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go with Bill. I'm going to go, Bill. Oh my god. All right, with my fourth, oh my, dude this hurts. My fourth and final pick. I'm gonna do, I got it.

I'm gonna do something, what? That's gonna be your third. I've only picked two teams. I got the Cardinals and the Ribbons. I'm the Patriots, you're right, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Oh, Jesus, Andrew, do you have to do that to me? Don't you just flash, you're wrong. All right, I got it, all right have to do that to me? But you just flashed, you're wrong.

All right, I got it. All right. What do you got? I'm going to take, as much as I hate to do this, dude, they're flying, no pun intended. I'm going to take the Eagles minus three against the Rams. Saquon Barkley, watching what he's doing. What can I say? The Eagles minus three.

All right, real quick, real quick, real quick. Jake, the snake, is any of their receivers back for the Rams? I know they had a bunch of anybody. Yeah, they're back. And then Devontae Smith hasn't been practicing this week for the Eagles. So that's the other injury I was going to mention. But so we'll see on Friday. We'll tell us if he's playing or not. All right. Look at me. Look at me looking out for you. I'm taking, I'm taking the Eagles right. There you go, Paul. Look at me. Look at me looking out for you.

I'm taking the Eagles still. Thank you though, Bill. You know, Paul, when I come in one and three, you know, I feel I got to spread that around, you know, just let people know. People know what's going on. I'm just, I'm fucking Billy favorites this week. You know, do I need to take a dog, Paul? You got the Patriots in there.

Oh, I do. I'm just really confused. I don't even know what Patriots So please don't say my picks again out loud. I'm just gonna make me cry on the road. I'm just going to mine. I got Giants, Chiefs, Eagles and Packers. I'm done. So you got the last one. Paul, I realize you're done. You got four, and you're still running your yap.

I didn't remember. Paul, listen, I'm just giving you shit because I don't know what I'm... All right, here we go. Let's take out the magic glasses. Let's see if we can find a fucking winner here. Jesus Christ. Now the Buccaneers, Paul, who do they play for?

Is that New Jersey? I think I'm going to take the Lions. Mine is seven and a half because I'm a fucking idiot. Because they had a big game last week. I know that Richardson kid is back. Seven and a half. Why do they got to go seven and a half? Don't you dare write that yet, Andrew.

Don't you? You keep your fucking guitar playing fingers away from that? All right fucking I'm going lines I'll go on lines, you know what I want to be called this Yeah, I want to be the relatable gambler the guy who can't fucking throw it in the ocean. That's what I got Oh Jesus Paul. Look at that All right, you know, I don't know my picks look like this week You ever see somebody's been married five times and you see their first four wives, like what the fuck was he doing?

Then he finally gets it right. I like those picks. I like all our picks. We're going to go eight and O with these picks. And that's the difference. That's the difference, Paul. New York and Boston. Yeah.

No, and I'll put Boston on me. It's Paul and me That's right. Okay, let's let's let's stop with the New York winter fucking things Jets Mets guy. That's just Mets guys They dragged Drag it down those Jersey Jets Mets guys with their shoulders and slumped over that off-track betting thing. I'm telling you Frank Sinatra song does not take away Jets, Mets fans. Oh, and then choose the Knicks or the Rangers. You're still fucked. You're still fucked. But if you go Yankees, Giants, what you get is what you look in there right

there, Paul Bursey. Look at that. Look at the light. Look at the light in his eye. No, I mean, look. Come on, Paul. Paul, Paul, you've seen a lot. Five World Series. Yeah. Four Super Bowls. Look at you. I'm nothing with the Knicks though. Hey, Paul, don't be a cunt. Alright, it's not how

life works. You don't get everything. I want one. I want one. I need one. You like that side piece that thinks the guy's going to leave his wife. It's not happening. I would take- The Knicks are done for. No, they're not. God doesn't like them. You see how serious I took it? No, they're not there. All right.

Every fucking year Paul breaks my heart. You just you made me sound like Dice Clay. Don't you wish you played for the Knicks? Yeah, no, no, I know. the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the fucking Knicks win. Oh, I'm gonna be so happy for you. I'm not gonna be happy for James Talon Harris. I'm not gonna be that guy. That guy, that, oh my God, the level of shit that that guy talks, you'd think that they were winning. I gotta be honest with you, if they win,

my son Lucas is going to, my son Lucas makes me look like I'm not even a Knicks fan. The level he gives a fuck, going to his room, slamming things, happy, hugging when they he gives a fuck going to his room slamming things, happy hugging when they went. He's going to break down. And I'll be right there with you. You feel guilty that you did that to him? Dude, I only took him to games. I didn't go that nuts. He went hard.

They're not that far away, Paul. Listen, I just gave him a little taste. I didn't know. I took the kid to the garden. I wet his beak. You want to know what's funny? Lucas is now 510 and lanky and I still hug him and kiss him and tell him I love him like I always did. But now it looks like I'm his son because he just puts his huge arms around. I'm just picking you on your tiptoes and your air max. He's kissing the top of your head giving you a lunchbox. All right son, I gotta go gamble. Okay dad. You know what he said to me the other day? He goes, dad, cause dude, he's like so smart, my kid, right?

And he goes, he goes, dad, can I think it's time? He makes like high honor roll. He's like, you know, on varsity in basketball young. He's just a great, well-rounded kid. He goes, dad, I think it's time you and mom get me a gambling account. And he goes, cause I know my, I go, buddy, you're not getting a gambling account.

He goes, why? Just give me one reason why. I go, you're 15 years old, you're not gambling. Okay. And he goes, it would just be little. I said, you're not. And then I go, fine, fine. You want to know that you don't have money. And he goes, I know that's why I need to gamble. I got to get them. Oh, no. He was, he was half joking, but I just burst it out laughing. He goes, I know that's why I need some money. All right, we got the Monday night special

and it is the, I'm with Bill. I like the Ravens minus three. Sorry, Jake the snake. I think- I'll be there. You'll be there? I do, when I make that joke about perfect weather, I still think they're in San Diego.

I'm never gonna get past that. LA is close enough. Tell that to people in San Diego that grew up with Dan Foulkes and all those San Diego superchargers. All right. What's the under over on Lamar Jackson rushing yards, Andrew? Let's do that, dude. Lamar's going to run. Andrew Thimless is... oh there he is. Yeah, they'll probably run all over us. Andrew was on the phone with this stockbroker, trying to move around his trust fund money.

His total yards is 51. Right or no? No. Uh, I can't click it. Lamar Jackson. Rushing yards. 42. 42. Lamar Jackson rushing yards 42 42 Oh, Paul, under they just I listen to I don't want to fuck I bet you don't want to do that one. All right. I don't like that one. Okay. Ravens Moneyline to start you want to do do, we could do, what's it called?

We could do Herbert to throw one and Lamar to throw one? Herbert throw one, Herbert throw one definitely. I like the Lamar one too. You could go Derek Henry to run one. Oh, let's do that. Let's do Herbert to throw one, Derek Henry to run one. Derek Henry is the superhero. He really is. And then we'll take the Ravens. It's like if Iron Man was playing football. we Derrick Henry to run one. Derrick Henry is the superhero.

And then we'll take the Ravens. It's like if Iron Man was playing football. He's amazing. Or the Hulk. Yeah, the fact that a man that size that looks like a middle linebacker runs like that is unbelievable, man. Yeah, I'm amazed limbs don't come off

when that guy goes through the fucking line. And I believe candidate for MVP again, man. King Henry. Yeah, him and Lamar. Was almost out of the NFL. Was almost out of the NFL after year one or two. And then somebody was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? I think it was Eddie George. If my memory is correct. Eddie George went up to him and goes, dude, what the fuck are you doing, man? You could own this fucking league. You need to start playing with some heart. And then fucking, he just changed.

Wow. I mean, I thought it was an inspiring story, but I don't think this podcast got quiet. No, you know what I was thinking of? Did you ever see that Barstool sports thing when that kid was gambling? No. The dude's rooting for him. He's one card away. He's like, Eddie, you're like a 97 percent chance of winning.

And the one fucking country card, I don't understand poker flips it over. He goes, and you lost. Yeah. And then he don't understand poker. Flips it over and he goes, and you lost. And then he didn't want to. But he fucking rolled over and just started laughing going, I'm sorry. He goes, my favorite thing was, he goes, that shouldn't have happened. That's the greatest thing ever. Like it was this fucking tragedy. That never should have. No, Bill, what about him with the- Dave Portnoy.

Dave Portnoy. What about him with the- no, his other guy, his buddy Jerry. He's going, come on, sweetie. Come on, get him, sweetie. Get him, sweetie. He goes, she lost. And then he goes, no, she won. She won. She lost.

Oh, God. What about that dude? Come on, you six. Come on. He's doing that. He's got the muffin top. He's standing there in his jeans with his fucking belly hanging over.

And before that, he's walking around going, you're so stupid. You don't bet the ponies. You always lose. You always lose. Come on, you six. Come on. He's doing like,, we're so stupid, you don't bet the ponies, you always lose, you always lose. Come on, you sick, come on. He's doing like, what the fuck is like? I love when the guy slaps his own ass

with the betting magnet. Yeah, that guy. Oh God, he's riding the horse. That's fucking amazing. A classic. That's just complete failure as apparent. Bill, that snap of the finger is amazing. Oh, that's what happens when you're not there to teach a kid how to ride a bike. I'm telling you that's what it ends up.

By the way, shout out to Andrew Samos who just made this look like a professional sports show. That was amazing with your graphics there Andrew. Oh wonderful. You had the line up, you had the prop bets, you had us in little boxes. ESPN got nothing on you. Alright, guys, so there you have it. We're gonna take the Monday night special is going to be the Ravens minus three. King Henry.

He goes either side. I like the jump. I love the un I like the jump. I love the unathletic jump. Like when he goes, he goes like this, he goes. I got, watch the jump, Paul. Watch his leg and his arm. Well, it's like there's a string on it together.

Oh, I'm sorry, I went the wrong way. It's like this. Oh, this is great. I love how he goes to riding it too. Oh, so good. Hey, Andrew, Andrew, you're on point today, kid. We should also point out. I don't know if you guys watched the game last night, but Russell Wilson in a Steelers uniform marching down the field in the snow in Cleveland on Thursday night. It's like, this is why the NFL is the best product. Like, I don't, I mean, that was, that would, what a great game.

And he was starting to look like a old school Russell Joe. I think he just didn't like the altitude in the Broncos. And in my life, I mean the, the snow, I mean, how much, how fun was that game? I mean, well, you know, it was great. It was the weather channel was going like, Oh my God, these storms are Cleveland. Cause they had an arm for some great was the weather channel was going like, oh my God, these storms are Cleveland. Because they had an arm for some reason, the weather channel. And then they cut to the game and it's still Cleveland.

And it's just like snow flurries. It's like, wait a minute, I thought the fucking world was ending. Jamis Winston, I just have to say this. Jamis Winston is going to be a crazy old man because now every time he talks, it's getting to a level like he they just go and listen and I love the guy but he goes they go what do you think about this weather and he just goes I just have to thank God in this football weather in the snow in Cleveland, Ohio. Tonight, this thing started and it's like, oh dude, he's gonna be, he's a few years away.

Yeah. The first question she asked, he was just like, you know, just going to thank God blah, blah, blah. And she's like, okay. She's like, so that's great. That's why you think we're here. Okay. So what about the weather? And he goes, God again. It was just like, you just go to that every time. Cleveland, Ohio. It was just like, all right. Yeah.

Funny, all his teammates said, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard a teammate say about a quarterback. They go, every time he kneels down in the huddle to give the play, it sounds like he's whispering a surprise. Like, all right. He was like, hey, $300 million. Was it right, $300 million? Yeah, keep bad people away from that guy.

I'm rooting for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody's going to come in and fucking try to get him to invest in a steakhouse or something. Just watch out for that. Anybody who's handling his money. All right. What we got? We got the Ravens. We got the Ravens.

We got Iron Man to do what? Score one, run one? Henry to run one and Herbert to throw one. And that's it everybody for week number 12. Holy shit dude, it's over. It's over, season's over. Did you see Michigan got the number one quarterback in the country yesterday? They flipped him from LSU. Did they? Yeah,

or no, I apparently paid $10 million for this guy. That's how I heard you guys bring up Barstool. So I was like, that's the game's well. Wait a second. Wait, Portnoy paid? Apparently Barstool offered the kid $10 million. That's the rumor. But um, but yeah, he decommitted from LSU. He's going to Michigan. Can I ask you a question? What the fuck is happening to this country?

That's got to be legal. At least he's getting some money, not the fucking boosters. That's true, but I'm just saying, dude, it's like this used to be backroom shit, dude. Right? I'm not shitting on Barstool. What they did, fucking God bless them. That's always been done. But you did it in the woods.

You did it behind an IHOP. That's how it fucking went down on the hood of a fucking gold Trans Am. That's how you fucking did it. That's how Dion did it. A politician's openly saying we can insider trade. The Supreme Court going, you can fucking bribe a politician now. It's called a gratuity poll. These are fucking,

this is crazy, what did we get rid of the mob for, Paul? So all of these white collar guys could do it legally? Right when the mob left, everything went to hell. Just saying. It was all smooth before that. No, no, but yeah, I bet it, but this, this, listen, this is the thing. The mob was the best guy around regulated. The mob was regulated because what they were doing was fucking illegal.

Bill, corporations, corporations, what murder? Bill, he was the best guy around. What about all the people he murdered? What murders? Bill, he was the best guy around. What about all the people he murdered? What murders? There you go. He was the best guy around. What about all the murders? What murders?

Like, what was he trying to do? He was just trying to make noise. All right, guys, well, listen. I was the best husband around. What about all the side horse wide hole It works Paul it works for any any subject. Oh, no I got the best diet around. What about all that McDonald's what make It's got all the empty containers in the back.

All right. All right. Hey, I got to tell you, Paul, this fucking tour's been one of my favorite tours I've ever done. I started in Ojai. I did a three in the afternoon show at a little fucking amphitheater, and the whole fucking town showed up. That's awesome. And I literally go, I did some joke. the There's no corporate shit up there. You walk down the street, there's all these cool like guitar stores and fucking auto bodies and just fucking regular people with their own businesses that's, you know, some pep

boys didn't come in and take away. Did Modesto last night. Nice. Tonight I'm in Stockton, home of the Diaz brothers and who's that musician? I will always love you. I'm not going to try to hit that high note. Uh, not Whitney Houston. No, Whitney Houston.

Whitney Houston, New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know, but I will always love you. Dolly Parton wrote it. No, no, no, no, I will never, no, no, I will never fall. Oh my God. I know.

Chris, Chris Isaac. I yelled so much on stage this week. I can't even, Chris Isaac. I think he's. Yeah, that's who it is. I know. Dude, I yelled so much on stage this week. I can't even. Chris Isaac! I think he's right. Yeah, that's who it is. All right. I sound like I ruptured my spleen halfway through there. No, this has been one of the funniest anything betters. This is the best. This is the best.

And guess what? You people got the best team. You got the best injury report guy. You got the best producer. You got the best host. What more do you want? The best sports show around. What about all those losses? What losses? I was just thinking of that. What about the times they went 0-4? What 0-4, never. Daniel Jones, he's the best quarterback around. They just put a Tommy Cutlass, what Cutlass? Paul, what about your Mark Sanchez prediction? What prediction? You said this guy's special. No, I said he's a star. He's a star.

And then who did you have? I had, mine was Sanchez. You had Sam, who was Sam? He went to Oklahoma. Oh, Bradford. Sam Bradford. Bradford. I believe in Sam Bradford. And Paul, you and I will never walk away from those. It's just, it's gonna follow us. I knew Sam Bradford wasn't when he was in street clothes. They were like Pete Carroll khakis and he was in his 20s. I was like, oh, this is- Come on, that's Eli wear.

Maybe that was it. It was residual from losing to the Giants. I thought this guy dresses like Eli. I believe in him. What khakis? Oh, by the way, by the way, if Eli should be first first fucking ballot Hall of Famer. Why'd you have to do that? Don't do that now. Did it already come and go?

No, no, it didn't come and go. But if he doesn't, it's going to be your dude. Just clear your text. Hey, clear your text if he doesn't. Well, if he doesn't get in, it's because of the New York sports media that never fucking appreciated him. They didn't like him because he was a southerner. That's what the fuck it was. And then also they're fucking lazy in New York to sports writers. They want you to come in with a fur crow, just like Joe name it, then going out in the town. So it's fucking the article writes itself. That's what it is. And that fucking guy, dude, I'm telling you, the bigger the game, the better he he fucking played and those fat cunts in the sports

For it's all they ever did dude. Did I hit two rings on his finger and they were still coming after So coming after him. I was at a Monday night football game Where at the Giants place with a guy but next to me Giants fan they're playing the Rams and he just goes I Don't know if he's the guy after the fucking Super Bowl. I mean, it's, it's After the fucking Super Bowl. You hopped out of your chair on that one. How about this? How about, Skip Bayless saying it was luck.

How about this? He's more clutch than his brother ever was. How about that? He's more clutch than Peyton. He just, Peyton. 100% he was. 100% is the Patriots fan. I don't want to see Eli.

I want to see Peyton getting all upset with the team. We have protection issues. Dude, this is how good Eli is. When I did that fucking show, all Peyton kept doing was bringing up was the shit that Eli did to us. Yeah. And cause he had nothing.

And I'm not trying to be a dick cause I never want to highlight somebody's negative shit, but he threw a pick to lose a Super Bowl man. Eli went to two and played but Cuz I love paint cuz you know what that fucking guy showed up on Tom Brady day and everybody gave him a fucking stand-in ovation And he was funny as fucking hell and he was self-deprecating about that guy's cool as shit I would never however when I did that show The only way he could try to get to me was bringing up what his little brother did.

So maybe he's just a proud older brother, Paul. There you go. It's the holiday season. Let's spin it in a positive way. I love, uh, I love Peyton, man. I love when you used to sing that, Bill, when you used to go dooby-dooby-doo. What was that? The holiday season.

Oh, it's the holiday season. Dooby-dooby-doo, it's on fitness.. Doobie doobie doo. It's fucking dis. All right, guys, listen. And avoiding your dad as you go in the back door. Cause he's a fucking lunatic who bangs your mom. Sorry. What about when you didn't show up on the holidays?

What holidays? I gave you the best toys around. All right, we're killing that. Let's go. Let's get out of here. All right, we're killing that. Let's go. Let's get out of here. All right, here we go guys. Thank you. Those are our picks.

Go to download the bet MGM app on your device and use our code burr, B-U-R-R. You put a minimum of $10 in there. And if the bet loses, you'll get you get 1,500 in bonus bets back Also, the first touchdown offer guys is you do a prop bet you pick anybody on any NFL team to score the first touchdown of any game and If they do you win if they don't but their second you'll still get your cash back. So that's a good deal Bet responsibly we always say just bet to have fun, and we will see you next week.

Oh guys, if you're watching this tonight, this comes out today, right? Andrew? Yes. I will be at the new, the newly renovated Providence Comedy Connection. I'll be there tonight for two, and I'm hearing that shows are selling out, starting to sell out tomorrow too. So check that out. Go to PaulRosie.com. Hey, send me a out tomorrow too. So check that out, go to paulbrosie.com. Hey, send me a video.

I came up in that room, dude. I wanna see what they did to it. Oh, I will, yeah, yeah, I will. And we'll- I saw Bill there in 2000. I saw Bill, I saw you there in 2008. There you go. I was there in 2008.

And the guys, dude, the guys bought it. You know what? We had tickets. My ex had a. And the guys, dude, the guys bought it. You know what? We had tickets. My ex had a death in the family, and I'm like, yeah, we're gonna still go. It's like the next day, it'll cheer you up. Dude, we went. Let's just say we went.

Okay. And I died the whole time. And then I got home, I'm like repeating jokes. It's like still this somber atmosphere oh Jesus no the worst fucking sound for like ten years and then they finally fixed it in the room became magic no they bought it they bought it from the guy that owned it and now they they bought it from what's his name they bought it from him and it was great. They fixed a lot. I'm trying to get you down on that Providence book. I'll blow it out.

And now it's amazing. And then they just bought the Apollo Theater that's in Providence. So these guys are making moves. It's a great room. I'll see you there this weekend. And shout out to Bill Blumenreich, man. He's one of my favorite promoters in the country. Bill, you can stay at my house. You can drive my car. I don't give a fuck. I just wanna get you my room. Good impression. Remember he gave me his keys to his car. He goes, oh, you like F5, S5 50s go go.

And I just drove it. And he's like, yeah, go take it for a spin. Yeah, no, he's a fucking old school gangster. I remember the fucking Aspen Comedy Festival, he showed up with a cowboy hat and a fur length, a floor length, full length, whatever you say, fur coat, it was just standing there. He was a club owner, it was hilarious. That's awesome. Most club owners try to act like they don't have any money, you know, so when they fuck you

at the end of the week, it makes sense. But bill always, that's what I love about bill. It takes you forever to impress them. But when you do that guy fucking pays you pays you handsomely. Nothing but good things to say about him. All right. That's it. Let's jump off here. All right. We'll see you guys next week.

Those are the picks. Enjoy the Monday night special and we'll see you next week for week 13. Until next time, we are out. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine and since we had like three or four down days,

we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there. The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was gonna look like So yeah, I'm excited to do that

Just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and some nature and a nice place You know that has all the amenities I want but while I'm gone, you know, I was also like well I have my place just there and it's always nice to have someone stay at your place and I'm like Well, my place could probably be an Airbnb, you know, it's a nice comfortable place and I'm like well my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know it's a nice comfortable place. I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And you know obviously that way I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place sits empty so putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb

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