Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-21-23

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Bill rambles with Joe Bartnick about working at a driving range, touring together, and shooting Old Dads. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (47:08) -  Thursday Throwback 12-21-23 Bill rambles about dog shit, tape worms, and giving thanks. (01:41:25) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning Podcasts and I'm just checking in on you and I know Where is my skin and where does the Malibu sweatshirt sweatshirt begin? You know, I was trying to I was trying to be soft and cuddly today It just didn't buy sweaty God. It's not this light, but I'm looking at myself on the screen, I look fucking horrible. This looks like a hospital sheet. Anyway. That's a rich guy sweatshirt.

Is it? Yeah, that's like you never know who's working out and that's sweatshirt. That's... No. That you go by camera, you go by picture frames and that's sweatshirt. I'm sorry about this, Joe. I was out in Malibu.

I was out in Malibu, staying in a trailer, doing mushrooms and we went down and it's a touristy thing. But it's one of those things that if you go there, you gotta get it. And you know what, I'm not gonna lie to you. I fucking love this thing. I also love that it says Malibu and then people look at me and just think that I'm going to like Lou Lou Lemon and shit. There's just something funny about that to me.

You know, Joe, I figured it'd be a perfect balance with your George C. Scott, fucking old-school Lee Marvin vibes, you know? Say it's free actors, you know, I always bring up. Joe Bartonig is here because not only is he a great friend of mine, Joey B put out a killer special, and now got tour dates coming all of a sudden. Look at look who's selling tickets. Remember look who's talking now. Look who's talking to. Look who's talking now. It's a dog. I'm a dog talking. Yeah. So Joe Bartonick, all right, if

you like your comedy, the way you like your fucking sandwiches all read me fuck none of that beta lettuce on it you want to go see Joe Bartonick 29th and 31st New Year's Eve Boko Raton that's a rich person Oh yeah it's fantastic and I love Boko Boko Sandman Sadman Comedy Cafe Sadman yeah Sadman Comedy Cafe and bulk of the tone it's funny because he is a rub so he is a sad man all right but he's got sad man sad man alright you can be a little tango and cash down there

uh... january eleventh you can be at the funny bone and columbus uh... davis roop these are all the old so my old stomping grounds viny brands new brunswick stress factory on January 14th. And I don't know why this one is Ben Salem. The parks casino and outside of Philly right there. All right, outside of Philly. So you go, look at that. We got Florida. We got Ohio. We're all the creatures come from. You got, you got Vinny Brands, New Jersey new Jersey were all the fall of fucking Tony what's his name Terry cutlets yeah. Uh, that's not his name. What's the guy's name on the, uh, is it

the Mayo right? No, the Mayo is the natural hit. What's his first name? Is it Tony? It's can't be Tony. That's too on the nose. I think it is Tony. It is Tony DeVito, right? Oh Tony DeVito. All right. Tony. I think so. I don't know. I know you're talking about it. I don't know what I don't know what's going on. All right. I'm just trying to get the Steelers over. It was easy a month ago. They're going to get nine wins.

Now it's like, oh my God, thank God, I'm like, you got a scholarship in college. Well, what happened? They lost a two, two and 10 teams in five days. Us. Yeah. We can congratulations. I heard, you know what, dude?

We fucking own you guys the way the giants own the Patriots. We can't beat the fucking giants. I don't give a fuck if they're one in 15 or 15 and one. The preseason, the season, the super boy. We just don't beat them. That legit check is just a great coach. He's just a great coach. You know, I don't like his coaching tree. That's the latest thing. It's like Nick Sabin's in there. Nick Sabin's in the Belch of coaching tree. That's the latest thing. It's like Nick Saban's in there. Nick Saban's in the Belcher coaching tree. The fucking Cleveland Browns fired Bill Belichack with Nick Saban underneath them in like fucking 1995. Thank God.

That's what they did. Yeah, thank God. That's what they, you know, that's what Cleveland does. They just, they're the mistake by the lake and they want to stay that way. Although they're playing pretty good football this year, huh? They're all right, right? Uh, they beat us, I believe. Okay. Dems fight in words, so I didn't want to compliment Cleveland.

No, no, it's fine. I always have a good time in Cleveland. Yeah. I have a good time everywhere. John, let's be honest, you have a good time everywhere. I have a good time everywhere. I enjoy everywhere I go. Long as the bar is playing. It was a war, so... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Like I'm trying to drag me off the beach. We're literally looking, I talk about some of my acts

I'm gonna try to do. We're looking at beautiful women, look like wonder woman. They're awesome, they're beautiful. They can kill you, you wanna fuck them? Hey, you wanna go see some 3000 year old shit you're right about in Catholic school for a decade? Like no. No, I wanna smoke sticks and drink

and have a good time at the, I mean, they need to get rid of that. They need to get rid of all of that shit. They should just move it to Disney World. I'm surprised I'm which person hasn't just bought it. You know what they need to do? They need to make a whaling wall for fucking sports gamblers.

I feel like Sunday evening. Is that? You hit the fucking upright. And then you stuff your money that you owe the book and you into the fucking wall with the whaling wall is people complain I don't know No, it's you go I don't know what it is you go there and you start fucking crying and then you stick a piece of paper in there and everybody's praying to God But God likes your people more than he likes these other people, but he has made everybody and God loves her

None of it makes any sense. And you stick money in the wall. It's a bunch of... No, you stick like fucking like notes, like you're talking to some chicken class. You stick them in there, you stick them in. Please, please get two more wins, Pittsburgh. Yeah. Yeah, I can't do it.

You know, you got from the steel curtain to this. I mean, if you wanted to, you could bother him with that shit. But wouldn't that make life easier if like Jeff Bezos or someone just bought all the religious shit and moved it somewhere like wherever we can get to, easy direct flights? Have a spirit flight. What if it just went away like a fad? It was like a fucking 5,000 year fad and it just went away. Like the twist.

And that was yeah. Oh, that Christianity shit. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. fucking five thousand year fat and it just went away like the twist. Oh, that Christianity shit. Yeah, yeah, that's so bad. Yeah, that went away. What are we thinking? Yeah, what are we thinking? Dance of it? People moving their heads. I got walking on water. I'm silly. That's stupid. Yeah, you know, with a lot of people died. Stupid. Yeah, kids get raped. Yeah. What were we thinking? They said the guy like came back from the dead it was stupid. Kids got raped. What were we thinking? They said the guy came back from the dead. How stupid was that?

People believed it. People believed it, yeah. Enough people believed it. Dude, you know what's from it. At one time, I fucking worked with this guy. And the guy was burning the light. He was pissing me off. But his closing bit was fucking amazing.

He was doing Howard Cozsell doing the resurrection of Jesus Christ, which is basically. I almost remember that from... I probably told you about it. And he was doing the low thing here. We are standing out here. The Son of God is just blowing in there. And he says, wait a minute.

What is this? What is this? He's like, the rock is rolling back. And here comes Jesus Christ. Clearly, resin from the dead. Clearly, so I was, oh my God, this reporter has seen it all. I'm never gonna, it was fucking a man. Down goes Jesus, down goes Jesus.

It was fucking, it was my favorite thing because he did a dead on one, but he was like burning the light like you couldn't believe. So he got the like, then sort of the bit. No, like I told him, Hey man, you know, you're supposed to only do fucking 25. You did like 40. Oh, yeah, sorry.

Dude, the next 90 did 50. 50. And then he acting, oh, no, no, no, yeah. I was, this is like 30 years ago. One of my first headline dates working up in, I think I was in Vermont. It was a Roger Paul gig. I wouldn't even get it. Way, way back in the day.

It's like, there's nothing better than featuring. Nothing easier. You do your 20 minutes, you hang out, you have some drinks, you can drink it, you can get it in the middle. You set up your merch? Yeah. That's perfect. It wants to go long featuring.

Like you're a moron. You don't have to wait till the headline is done to fucking do the outro. Remember that shit? Oh yeah, the hosting is like, you sit there and sit there and sit there. When you're featuring, you're already down the street. Yeah, for you civilians out there, when you host, you go up, you warm up, you know, you get them going, you got to take the fucking beach, and then you bring up the fucking feature. Feature ends, you outro him, you do another couple minutes, then you bring up the headline, and then you had to sit there for 45 to an hour,

let that guy finish, and then you had to go up, all right, that's the one more time, that's it, that's the coming out, but, Bubba, you literally had to hang out for another fucking hour just to do that. When you're starting out, you know, you had like the day job and all of that, oh dude, it was cool.

And you knew his act by Thursday, but you had to institute four more times. I'll tell you what, kills me is how long 45 minutes seemed to me when I start it out. Now 45 minutes goes by in like a second, but just to have to sit there, I guess if I have to sit there and wait for someone else to do 45 minutes before I go on. I had a great education working the door at the punchline. When it was you.

Joe, I would never know that about you. I had the education out on the street. I got my education to the door at the punch line. There's two ways to work with that. One is when I can sit and listen to you and a tell when Louis CK and Chipel get to soak it all in. That was amazing. We talk about the education.

I get free colored sweatshirts and swag everywhere we go. I go, you're a made guy. So if I have any like whatever, I'll say Rhode Island, I'll say Syracuse, I'll say UCLA, whatever people like, ah, did you go there? When I wear Duke or Michigan, no one ever says, did you go there? Yeah. No, what year did you graduate, dude? No.

Yeah. Oh, you went to Ann Arbor? No, never. That's awesome. That would probably happen to me. Like, I remember when I used to do the road with like, Verzy, and we would go to Lyman, but one time we were somewhere in South Carolina,

there's just this fucking, I think it was Charleston, this picture-esque, like, it was just ridiculous. Like, at old school, like, like school TV show would be shot there or something. It was just the most beautiful place ever. And we were just walking around like sweatpants and Burzy has his Yankee hat on. People were just looking at us. We were like in the witness protection program.

Like going look at these two fucking meatheads. What are they doing here? I'm like that everywhere. It makes me smoke a star. It makes me get helped. Could it say any town I'm in people like at the CVS like do you need help sir? Cause like why is this guy here? Like I stand out every me and Verzy, especially stand that everywhere.

We'd be drinking in public like leaning up against the gazebo like smoke and sticks and people were walking by just looking at God. Like are those bookies? Like I mean, I you know what I really, it was really verzy, it wasn't me. Like, I just, I look like a cop, but when I hang out with verzy, then immediately, I look like a crooked cop.

Right. Right. I look like I'm making a drop. Well, yeah, you're giving, you're saying who's testifying against verzy. Yeah. You're like, hey, here's who I saw going to the courthouse. Yeah, Verzy looks like a rat or I look like a crook.

Speaking of Verzy, he's gonna be at the Grammacy Theater in New Year's Eve. I promise to him I will give a shout out for that. Oh, it's like, it's so happy for him. That's so Verzy love. Verzy love. I am. Look at both of you guys.

Here's my coach entry. Paul Verzy and fucking now Joe Bartonick going around the country selling out Some good seats recently. Hopefully keep keep thank you. Hope keeps going talking about it You just see that right there. This is what like truly funny people are like they're fucking humble They suck at the business now, you know, I know it's just going pretty good If you were a fucking hack you wouldn't be on the show. You would figure it out the matrix of, I have a deal in views on doing whatever.

Oh yeah, you'd have some little thing that you do, and then that's, I mean, I'm not, you know, saying that hack shouldn't sell tickets. No, everyone should sell tickets. Everyone should sell tickets. It rises with the more, I mean, this is like the boom, everyone's doing arenas now. Not everyone like you, it's not just you and like Rogan.

There's like 20 people, it's crazy. How many people are bi-ticks to see comedy? And is it because like everything else is just so muted and just like, oh, it's terrible that now comedy's risen up so high? I mean, literally, it's like booming. Yeah, I am, I don't know. I don't wanna jinx anything. But you can talk about it.

Well, I think it fits now where you can consume everything immediately. Like you can just watch a whole season. Ah, just fucking shotgun it. And I think by the nature of the fact that like jokes, you hear it once and then you're done with it, it just causes us. We're working at a pace that fits with the way people are

consuming media right now where it's just like, you know, they watch a movie, they're done with the movie, they watch a series, they're done with the series, they move on. You as a comedian though, you just keep coming up with new jokes and new jokes. As long as you keep making them laugh, who doesn't want to laugh?

And like, that's one of the main things I look at when I'm on my phone is I just look at shit that's going to either blow. And like, that's one of the main things I look at when I'm on my phone is I just look at shit that's gonna either blow my mind or make me laugh one of the others. So I watch a lot of sports and a lot of, I don't know, people just imitating people or so. My feet is like the rolling stones. Sports and it's always, yeah, it's just fun stuff.

Yeah, but you actually read a lot. You do read a lot. You're very quietly a big. You wouldn't know what, Joe, to look at you. I do, what I like to read. I owe you this book. I'm halfway through, but the beginning of the NFL, it's just great stuff. Yeah, I mean, I think.

Dude, I just set you up. I set you up like you're out here reading the classics, you know? But Joe's out here reading the physics or something. He just got, I just set you up. I set you up like you're out here reading the classics. You know, like Joe's out here reading the physics or something, he just got, I did read something. Hey, there's no pictures in that book. I've been meaning to bring it to you. It's about the beginning of the NFL. It is amazing.

Oh, is this what they talk about? Like half those guys were bookies again. Oh, yeah, absolutely. They're there, I'm meeting the back of gas stations and stuff like, yeah, you know, it's the good stuff. It's the NFL. They've kind of been fixing it since the beginning? Uh, well yes, yes.

Like I don't know, like how could you, there's so many fucking people involved and everybody looks like they're trying. Yeah, it's a little shave here and there. Like boxing, you could always tell like when someone threw a fight as a boxer because you can just see like the punch wasn't there or just, you know, they barely got hit

and they fall down, they miss. But like with football, with all the bullshit that goes on, I mean, maybe it's like the officiating. I will say one of my big conspiracy theories, one of my big ones, Joe. Like, you have several. What, like, what no, like when I go to give my talks in a conference, like, yeah, in a conference room

at a hotel, one of my big one is, I just don't understand how with all of this fucking technology, the fucking, they can never get a camera right on the goal line. It's always a little this way, or it's a little, by that angle, you can't quite tell. Put it on the fucking goal line.

Put one right above it. What is the fucking problem? Or first down, it's always this way. Well, you know, because it gives them the fucking leeway. Or how about a chip that just one that crosses that it goes off. That's it. You know what I mean? There's plenty of solutions, but I think it gives up. It gives up control. Yeah, they always want to have an out. Yes. They want to have the go. Well, here. I mean, to think. And we're going to complain about this. And what what are we gonna do next Sunday?

We're gonna sit right down and watch you know what though. I will say this I watched less and less and less because the products stinks unless you have one of the five or six great quarterbacks It's great. I've okay quarterbacks. It's just watching bad football. That's why I love college because in college You don't have to have Joe Montana You don't have to you know that you don college you don't have to have Joe Montana. You don't have to, you know, you don't have to have the best of the best because most teams run the ball and most teams can throw like 10 years down field. It's kind of like more like the football I grew up on. You know, we're like, you're a big college. I used to not be up.

I got the NFL's great college. Now it's like college is so much better to me, especially the SEC and like Michigan. That's why Bama. I mean, I got Michigan is gonna be sick. I got to tell you like that. I mean that that Thanksgiving weekend those games are just fucking incredible Oh, then that that Saturday was the best day of football all year. Yeah When I was watching thing that Pembax kids sick You got Alabama Auburn Ohio State Michigan. I mean, just every year you got Alabama, Auburn, Ohio State, Michigan. I wish, you know what, I wish the fucking West Coast, wish they had better game like USC and UCLA.

They don't play on Thanksgiving weekend, do they? They play the weekend before now. Why is that? Who knows? It just seems, you know, I honestly don't know. But like, you know, we don't want to have a night fight like fucking Thanksgiving weekend. Like after dark, yeah, like the bloods in the crypts probably because it's less. Well, dude, then the West Coast like that.

That's the one thing that learned when I was out here. It's like you fucking you can really get the shit kicked out of you at a baseball game out here. Oh, yeah, it's no joke. No, it isn't. It isn't. Like back home, it's like, you know, it's, you know, a two two rights on the left. Here's like someone has a knife.

Yeah. They play with the weapons out here. Yeah, you get stomped. You know, it hasn't happened in a the left. Here's like, someone has a knife. Yeah. They play with the weapons out here. Yeah, you get stomped. You know, it hasn't happened in a minute, but it's always, it's there. I went to a fucking angel's game one time I thought it was gonna get stabbed. And dad's was interesting,

because you know, other than like, yeah, other than Yankee's red socks, baseball's not like a blood sport. Like football or hockey is back home. Here, baseball, there's like way more violence than baseball out here. And baseball's gonna pass time. Yeah.

You have a hot dog, you know, bring your wife, she reads a newspaper. My wife loves Pac-Balt because she's reading the newspaper in the sun. Yeah. She enjoyed the hot dogs in the newspaper. Dude, I've been like fucking vice-free since Thanksgiving. I'm not even drinking coffee.

You got your coffee consumption? Yeah, dude, I was just getting heartburned. I was drinking like three caps a day. So I was just like, I'm gonna knock this shit off. Cold brew is no heartburn, I heard. Oh, is that what it is? I heard. Dr. Bartnik.

Oh, it is? For some people, not everybody. I read, though. You do read. I was reading about the history of ice coffee this pamphlet No, I got like a fucking I actually was amazed by the level of headache that I got and then how long It took and then I think I went to a little bit of a depression. I mean it was a fucking ride now I'm out of it Well, you should drink a lot of coffee. I know, but I never did I never did I see you know why you have kids

No old dads I never did. I see why you have kids. No old dads. Well, the old dads is what? No, no, no, the movie, the movie. We were doing the movie and we were shooting on one of the first days. Somebody had a fucking, you know, maybe I have COVID, maybe I don't test and, you know, he would, I forget. I think it was our cinematographer. I don't even fucking remember. And like the shit was just falling down. We were were gonna lose the day. And so it ended up getting stretched out and I was like yawning and yawning and yawning.

And then Shay, she goes, you want a coffee? And I was like, nah, hey, coffee. Doesn't taste good. She goes, I had to wake you up. So I had a cappuccino. And it was like, all right. And then the next night, I had another one. And then, somewhere during the editing of it,

it just, it just fucking, you know, workers will look at you. That's when I started drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes when I worked and I was like 13 years old. Because then only when you could stand around at work if you smoke or drink. Oh yeah, not get yelled at. Yeah, you can't just stand or what you're doing

while I would be smoking if I smoked. Yeah, you have to smoke. I'll take cancer when I'm 60. I just don't want to have to pick up anymore heavy shit. I'm 13. So what did you, what are some, the shit you can talk about? What did you know, jobs did you have? Well, I worked at it.

Cool Springs driving range in Pittsburgh. I, the first year I was picked up golf balls by hand. And we would have cages. We would, we were cages. No, you did. I swear on my grandmother. What did you have on your body? Cajewa come down and most of us didn't wear a cop because it was too constricting.

And people, it was date night that come and hit balls at us. Oh my God. Yeah, and it was like, it was like Lord of the Flies. It was like, our theme song was the who, like, ah, here in the field. I can't say, we fought for our meals. Yeah, and you were like, I most people stayed like 150 yard mark,

but you get all the money, because it would be ranked, how many buckets, you get per hour, you get bonuses. So if you could go up to like, you know, up to like within six, 75, 60 yards were like the late nights, the chicks are hitting the ball, you just rocked them in.

But then, I mean, there'd be fights on the tea. They're called the tea line. You know someone, you know, you know, you know, you know, people try to hit you. Yeah. Of course we know that. So they'd be like line brawl. Like three of us first like five of them. Yeah.

But we're wearing cages and sometimes put on the boots and go in the fake lake. Oh, yeah. I did that for one year. And then I kind of graduated that and they worked go in the fake lake. Oh yeah, I did that for one year. And then I kind of graduated that and they worked daytime in the maintenance, which was tough because we would work like be there like six or seven a.m. So you just be out partying to like three

or four in the morning and it's good to go work. I saw somebody this morning, I saw somebody this morning living that life. They were coming out and they had like the hoodie up in the fucking sunglasses on and then they just had their coffee just the way they were holding the coffee was in the fucking sunglasses on. And then they just had their coffee, just the way they were holding the coffee with the thing on it, they had it up here, right?

And then they had a little whatever nourishment that they had. And we just stayed to red light as I go, that dude is fucking hung over. That's impressive. All right, time for a read here. Look who it is, everybody. It's O helix. Helix, you know, the helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses,

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I don't know what he was looking at, but it was like, hold it down. Oh, in your car? No, me and my German Shepherd were walking and because we were just walking we were a lot faster. We were paying attention. Oh, was the guy hammered? No, it was like he was whatever he was doing. He might have been, but he was a worker, you know, he was in this work truck and he just like screamed out of this driveway and we're like, whoa. How the dogs getting along. Dogs are getting along great.

I said when we first got Rose, they had a rough patch. And like, Rose is a German shepherd and then the other one. Ruby is a 14 and a half year old mutt. Yeah. And now Rose is like an older lady. She's like three and a half now. She's like the whole neighbor.

Everyone leaves her alone and she's real calm and doesn't bother anybody. She would just grow up. But before when they were younger, they went out a little bit because Ruby is, you know, territorial and Ruby's just a and doesn't bother anybody. She would just grow up. But before when they were younger, they went out a little bit because Ruby is, you know, territorial and Ruby's just a bad ass, doesn't care. And we had Rocky's trainer.

We had Stallone's, Bucket's his trainer came out and he goes, I don't know, I don't know if it would be best friends, but they seem to be able to work, you know, I think they'll work it out. And I go, I told my wife, my wife's like, I don't want my dude, she's crying. I go, they're dogs.

It's like hockey. They'll figure it out on the ice. Right. Literally, they're best friends now. Oh, they are. Oh my God, they're best friends. Like literally, when I come home, because Ruby Soel just like half asleep,

Rose walked over, wakes her up like, hey daddy's home, get up. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. And they both tag team my wife because they both want to, they harass my wife constantly. So like if one's not pulling their weight for like,

hey, we bother mommy, like then they'll wake, they'll get each other. Like, hey, hurry up. Let's go. That's great. Hey, we're going to the Rose Bowl, dude. I know it's not coming out. It's a lot of fun.

I changed my flight from sad, man. I was supposed to come in the next day and relax and bokeh. It's like that as soon as I saw the skit, I'm like, there's no way after going there for like 15 years in a row. I'm gonna miss the one game. The only game I've wanted to see. Yeah, I want to see Michigan. I mean, we've seen that. I've only seen Alabama. They came through one time beat the shit out of Florida state or something. I was at Oregon. I can't remember. Oh, I don't even know. That was when James and Winston when they hit him and he fumbled the ball and the guy ran it back. I want to say that maybe that was Oregon.

We at Stanford. Let's say we've gone. Let's say we went like 13 years. I can clearly remember like six plays. I know. It's kind of ridiculous. And you know, I've been sober for the last five and I kept, we haven't gone in for a while. We finally realized what we finally realized was that continuing to tailgate while the game went on was even better than going to the game.

Once you bend to the game and let's just like your teams and like this year, I'm going not even because it's a playoff. It's because it's Michigan. Yes. And I've always wanted to see Michigan at the at the Rose Bowl. So I'm beckler. Yeah. I got again.

They say the fucking Rose is up by their shoulder pads. There's no coffee. I'm gonna fall asleep here and it's Alabama Nick Sabin who knows how long this guy's gonna do how much longer is he gonna do it? I mean Bill we went to we went there a little five eight years ago They already have a statue form there. He's only one like four more national championships I mean he's a legend. Yeah, people hate him. I love the man. I love the man. Because I've told you this story. Who's in it?

Who's in it this year? It's Bama and then Michigan. Texas and UW, University of Washington, Pembyx. I love that kid. All right. So we are just talking to the scalar brother. It's the favorite.

It's got to be Alabama. It's got to be. Well, I'll tell you what, Texas. I think Texas has a really good chance. Because I- Texas beat Alabama, right? Texas beat Alabama. Well, they got that.

At Alabama. Texas is the one team that can match up, you know, line for line. It has. I will tell you that it has the same amount of big boy dogs, you know. But if anybody beats fucking Nick Saban in Alabama twice in one year, is anybody ever done that?

There's a trivia question. Maybe Georgia did. Maybe. Maybe Georgia, okay, that's a good guess. Maybe Ellis, you did. No, we did. Not since I've been watching them. Okay, that's only two that you can think.

Cause old Miss never then went to the SEC. I might be wrong. Old Miss is like the only team has ever been in like two years in a row besides Georgia, I think. Something crazy. I just like the way he raises young men and I think he puts out a nice product of people into society.

And there's a well-documented story. Some kid when he was in Michigan state, he did something that wasn't heinous, heinous, but wasn't good. And they want to throw him off the team and he goes, no, we'll do it in-house. The guy now runs a fortune 500 company. His kids are like doing very well.

And it's like, he could've caught him from a team. They've been nothing. I just like, like, something is, I like, I like, Nick is a person. I don't know him, but he seems to raise good people. Guys at the NFL, the play for Alabama, is still a- Hey, Nick Saban thanked me. See this?

No, I'm joking. I'll never take you. When Bartnik went to go see fuck you remember that? When Bartnik went to go see Top Gun. And goes, you know what I liked about Top Gun? Tom Cruise thanked me for coming to the movie. I'm like, what are you talking about? He thanked you.

He was there and he said, no, they got this thing in the beginning. Where Tom just goes, hey, I want to the movie. I'm like, what are you talking about? He thanked you. He was there and he said, no, they got this thing in the beginning. Where Tom just goes, hey, I want to thank everybody for coming out of the movie. I thought it was. Joe is like, he fucking saved. He was talking of me. It was my favorite thing ever.

I think it was a nice touch. It is a nice touch. I still do. It is, but I just the way he is. I want to thank everyone for watching my comedy special and I'm going to thank everyone for watching old dads. Well, I always like to how you always, always go, like you had that line in your neck,

you know, and travel around and tell jokes to great people like you, you would always say that. I always thought that was a nice positive thing to say to the crowd, to set the tone, you know, that we were, that we were, I'm very appreciative. I feel bad sometimes when I leave the stage, I go, I say thank you enough, like thanks them for coming, like,

did I think I'm enough? Because hey, you got to go to leave your house, you got to go get a babysitter, you got to pay for parking, you got to deal with other people. It's not easy. Yeah, no. I... To come and listen to me, but please do. Yeah, please do. Dude, you got all kinds of stuff coming up, then you got dates and other people listening. We got in February.

Portland, Maine, Empire, Comedy Club. It should be nice and warm. That's the second, oh Portland, Maine's amazing in the winter time, to visit. From a plane. Yeah. Oh Portland, I got two good coffee spots there and a great place to get something to

Bridgeport Connecticut stress factory Vinnie brand again Brand Vinnie brand keep an eye on that guy. I like Vinnie Houston, Texas February 24th the riot comedy club Look at you never been there, but then we're doing punchline Philly We're doing Zany's Nashville Zanyany Chicago. We've got a big show in Denver. And we got San Francisco punchline back home. This is all in March. You got Pekipsi, Potsdown, Soul Jolls. Have you played Soul Jolls? No, but what is your web, what can people see these dates? JoeBartnik.com. My new website is coming this week. I got a guy

doing it. We're finishing touches. Nice. Oh my God, I had the, I was so zen about it feeling proud of myself. I went through, no, I really am. Hey, I thanked me. I went through like 1500 pictures on my computer. All these pictures of us at the Rose Bowl, us everywhere, four, a mass and square, all these great,

and then all these great pictures of us, like Louisville, Slugger, I put them all in these folders, send them my guy. I went and got like a chocolate milk. I came back 90% of them, or not there. Why? I don't know, my wife is like, you're an idiot, she's a rare. I don't know, they're not in my junk,

they're not in any folder. I have no idea where they went. I have none. Dude, I have no, you have no idea. You didn't throw anything? I didn't even speak, you know what? I literally, I went and took, I took Ruby for a little walk,

and it took Rose for a big walk. I'm like, hey, nothing you can, I can do, and there's nothing we could do about it. Well, let me ask you, is that how you handled it in the moment? Yes, it is. God, I wish I could do that. Because I can't even tell you how much I can relate to that.

Like, you know, my wife goes, hey, you know, I go, give me something to get you for Christmas, all right? I don't want to get you, right? So she sends me some ideas, all right? She sends me a bunch of stuff. She goes, it goes, it goes, anyone else.

No, no, no, no, no, no, but she's just like any one thing is cool. Right, yeah. Because I don't want to be like, get me this and I go, God, here it is. You know, it's gonna be some sort of surprise. Yes. So I don't want to be like, get me this and I got it. Here it is. You know, it's gonna be some sort of surprise. Yes. So I go to order the first fucking thing.

Dude, the shit I had the fucking go through, like three meltdowns, just trying to fucking order this shit. And I'm just like, why can't I just go to the fucking store and buy some sneakers? Oh, I know, because there's nothing there anymore. And then they're gonna say, well, you know, they're gonna steer me

to the fucking website. And it's like, I'm literally typing in my address and they're telling me that it doesn't qualify or whatever the fuck you're gonna say. And I'm just like, so now what do I do? Like, what am I supposed to fucking do? And I just, you know, I don't know. I, I, me just trying to order my wife a pair of sneakers,

which is all I was trying to do. By the end of that process, failing at that process, I'm literally screaming about how they're gonna microchip all of us, and take all of our fucking cars, and when will they feel like they have enough control? Like it's, it is a rabbit hole when something doesn't work on your computer.

It really is. I mean, like I was, No, but like you you just like I just lost all these photos and memories, hey, you know Yeah, I don't I mean I've lost some more memories just for my drinking How you been doing escape button what happened there? I don't Talk to mr. Daniels What happened there, Adam? Talk to Mr. Daniels, Jack. Dude, you gotta, I don't know how you still do it, dude. You gotta fucking iron stomach.

I have a good time. I really do. I laugh, you guys don't know why I'm laughing about that. For him to say that he has a good time. I mean, Joe, I mean, Jesus Christ. Dude, that fucking, did I tell you this? We must have told a story last time I was, you were on here.

When we were destroyed, when we were in Detroit. I think we did tell it somewhere. On Verzy's Park. I mean, I think- All right, real quickly, he's fucking, has some bourbons. He goes to bed naked, doesn't have his glasses on. We're in Detroit. He gets up to go to the fucking bathroom, fucking has some bourbons he goes to bed naked doesn't have his glasses on we're

in Detroit he goes and gets up to go to the fucking bathroom shuts the door behind him and he's outside of his hotel room completely fucking so much I want you to do is I yeah I said fucking covered my junk and because I figured it was three in the morning no one's gonna be there and I tell you that he gets all the way down there and the fucking right as he gets to the front he's peeking around the corner like ten people like a co-ed you know men and women come walking and they're like oh I see he's going like not I don't have my key and then somehow he's disarming they all start laughing and then the guy goes to go with you and some woman slapped you on your ass yeah yeah yeah the guy behind the

counterpanicked he comes and give me a sport coat. It's like, I don't think caring people cared about shoulders exposed. Yeah. That wasn't even Joe having a good time. That was just Joe trying to take a leak. Yeah. Oh, I've been making a lot of places.

Is it great? I told Near that story. She was fucking crying when I called up, because I couldn't even get it out. I go, you're in my way, Johnny. You're in my way, Johnny. She was already laughing before I couldn't even get it out. I go, you're in for a challenge. You're in for a challenge. She was already laughing before I even got to the teacher. We like to have a good fucking engine Joe. All fucking red sunburn coming down.

Fucking, big naked bear. What was funny about that though was like I literally like, because I forgot silverware. I ate a steak by hand, and I watched the pen game on my phone, like I really wasn't that, I really can't, you know how much I can't see, that's led to, oh yeah, I don't drive with you anymore. Oh, I don't want anybody to, I hate driving.

I say, I can't, I stop going down, I gotta leave my house only in one direction because the one street doesn't have any lights on it, I almost hit a park car like three times. I've almost hit like a guy walking his dog. You're Mr. McGo. Yeah, I am a Mr. McGo. I can't see anything.

What, you have glasses though. I know, and I wear them usually, but this is, you know, for camera. I wear them everywhere, but like on the stage. Oh, okay. Literally, I've been saying, I've needed them for 10 years. I'm finally gonna get them. Like I can't see distance and I can't see really like up close.

Like if I like to hold this thing, like yeah, right there. It's nice. Then you need mine. Then you need mine to go further ways on top and then close in the bottom. So you just walk around doing this all day and then it takes you like an, it takes like three weeks or so to get used to like looking

three weeks. I know. And it almost wrecks so bad. I brought him back the first time I had him. I go, I can't wear these because if you're driving, you see good, right? You're driving, you see good. Then I was saying you looked at the picture and you're coming in. You got like a fucking tree branch sticking out of your grill. You just come in. I did say fucking working for me. It was almost that. It was almost that. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. So, and then take you look down at the radio, then it's close.

So then your vision snaps into that. And then you look back up and you're a little bit dizzy for a second. I couldn't do it on a freeway. I'm like, I return you. But then like a couple of years later, I went through it and just train my eyes to do it. Now it's like perfect. You can wear it.

It takes three fucking weeks. I mean, it's a couple of days. Maybe a couple of days. It's said, I don't know, I do a lot of things. It's said like three weeks after one week. I'm like, I can't handle it. But you're the one that made me get glasses because I was really, you go,

Bartonick, I don't want to see you squinting into a menu anymore. Oh, it's also the, and then, you go, Bartonick, I don't want to see you squinting into a menu anymore. And then, and then, and then, and then, dude, you would, you would stop like two of the yards behind the car and front of us, thinking they were right in front of us. We would be like, Joe, what are you doing? And you just say, they go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, they gotta go to the closet. My wife says I ruined their brakes in the car because it's like, I slam one of the brakes and I'm always doing them there.

Like, I think I'm,'m, I have no depth perception. I'm like, oh, I got plays, I was like, oh, they're right there, I slam on the brakes. All right, last thing, let's talk hockey because I just, I just with the kids and trying to write a new movie and everything, I just don't, I know my Bruins are playing great. I checked in on your, every time I go,

you know, just to randomly check in on the center ice package, fucking penguins are always playing. I always miss the night when the Bruins are playing. Well, it's been mixed back with Pittsburgh penguins, you know. Everyone says, oh, they're two-old and they got Carlson and what are they doing? They're all in. You know, the Hall of Famers, Sid and Geno have, Sid's been amazing. Geno's played pretty good.

Cold off a little bit. And now the gold tending's been good, but the bottom six, and they've lost the, their power play was 0 for 33, didn't score in a month until last night. So if their power play was going in a decent clip, they've been in the playoffs, probably around the cost right now, they're like six points out. Plenty of, plenty of runaway to go.

I don't know. I said, beginning of the year, if they make it in the playoffs, I think they can make the playoffs. I said, plenty of runaway to go. I don't know. I didn't know. I said beginning of the year if they make it in the playoffs. I think they could make the playoffs. I said beginning of the year. But they and they could win around because they got Sinjino, but they're not winning four rounds of seven. Right. But you know, everyone's like, oh, turn over. I know I got three stand-up cups from Sinjino. I love those guys. I'd rather just be mediocre and watch them play three more years. Then all of a sudden see Gino as a San Jose shark.

How, how, you know, per se like Sid somewhere else, let them, let them go. I don't know how old is Sidney now. Sid's 37 I believe, Gino's 30. No, he is, he's 37. I'm almost positive. What did you play? They, they, they played. He came in the lead about 18 years old, but I thought he came in around.

Oh, wait, though. No, he came in the league about 18 years 18 but I thought he came in around oh wait though no he came in like oh six it came in oh five the lockout he came in I think oh five and then Gino came oh six Sydney Crosby's 37 years old oh yeah well you know him said Gino and Tanger are the longest in North American sports history teammates in a teammates period. I think what's amazing is they're longer than Jeter and Bernie Williams in the Oh, how long they've been playing together Rivera. Yeah, the longest ever in North American history of the big four I mean, there might be like three soccer players from the indoor soccer league that passed it but Possibly I used a love to endorse soccer. Oh

Yeah, you watched that shit. Oh, yeah, the Pittsburgh spirit. Yeah, cuz it's like, you know It was like watching gym class just European guys kicking the balls off the hockey boards that come back at them Nothing was in bounds. They're out of bounds. Yeah, we had like some sort of tea party team with a lobster As I can't remember what the fuck they called the revolution. Well that was regular. Yeah, I know it was. I mean, when there was like,

there used to be four channels in, you know, so yeah, soccer's on. I, the biggest bunch of crap I ever saw those was the Pittsburgh, the first year of the National Indoor LaCross League. Remember that indoor LaCross? Indoor LaCross, no. Well, the commercial made it look like it was the, you know,

like violence, it was like, you know, the 75 flyers. Flyers, and there was like maybe two hits, the whole game, and we're just sitting there watching these as ice cream kids, like, what is this? Yeah. We didn't have lacrosse. The flyers off the cup yet? No, that's in 2025. So Joe Barton, it hates the flyers off the cup yet. No, that's in 2025.

So Joe Barton, it hates the flyers. I'm trying to self-pick it, sir, Bill. Oh the fly cream circles. Yeah, you know like the fly But I like the I've always enjoyed Philly too. I don't know I don't know what they're so upset about They have a great city. They have great food the people. They were a funny. Yeah, I don't yeah food is kind of fucking You know, I would put that up against anything on the East Coast and I just don't understand like, like what is the problem? Do you think it, I think they almost feed into it,

like it's cool to be that way? That's what I think. I just think ESPN's been blowing, I think this is my conspiracy. Like they act like fillies, the worst behaved like fans, just because they don't wanna see the worst behave fans, which is, which, you know,

was out here back here. We had a guy get kicked in the fucking head in front of his kids and he that guy ended up dying. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Giant's, we have wore a San Francisco giant. Why is he was apparently died? I don't know. Years later, he did, but from the, from the injuries. So then it then it switched to like a murder a murder. When the kids guys kids were there, he's wearing a giant jersey and he got into a two dodge offense and he ends up being brain dead after that and then fucking dying. So like, I mean, that kind of beat,

I'm not trying to get Philly to try and top that, but it's just like, but you know what, but you know what, I don't, I, that's why I made penguins I go, kings, I don't even wear the, you know, I never wear like, I never wear my sweater anymore. Just like, I don't wanna be, I just don't wanna, I have the aggravation to be on the team.

But what's funny is I guess, I'll say this on air. So Andy, my podcast co-host, I guess some guy was trying to get at me, I guess he recognized me, and they were trying to get to me like, to mess with me, I wasn't paying attention, but they kept bothering Andy. Andy got two punches in on him. He played him up.

Andy in him. Yeah. I was like, I'm like, whoa! For Penguin fans, it's pretty crazy. And we won, right in overtime, when Rusty scored, we won. And he's like, oh, I was going nuts.

And I was like, a scuffle right next to me. I was like, what's going on, Brickett? And then they called the goal back. and then they rush scored like 10 seconds later So we got to celebrate twice And we we lost a bunch of games in a row at Staples Center. So it was nice to get a win But yeah, but he but then jet but I was we were wearing a penguin gear like I wasn't I mean I were I were like I think a penguin hat, but not like the jute I It's like I'm tired of being like uh

Uh the enemy in someone else's place. It's like, I just wanna watch the game. I do wanna watch the game. I do wanna say, once a year, for the summer, I'll go back to Boston, or maybe a different time of the year, whatever, we always try to, maybe if the kids have a school break, we'll go back then, and I always change this when we go back. But you just go to a game and be not an enemy territory. I mean, I've been an enemy territory sport as far as sports goes since 1995. It's like more than half of my

life at I think at this point. Yeah, more than half of my I was 27. I'm 55. Yeah. 28 years. I'm just sick of it. I would just like to go to a fucking Celtic game and cheer the Celtics, but I live in LA. I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna fucking go down there and just deal with that. Like, you know, 99% nothing's gonna happen. I don't need that shit. My family, they fuck you and all this crap that they're gonna say. Yeah, it's too much. That's why my daughter, she's a great penguin fan. She's like, she wants to go see Sid and Gino in Pittsburgh one time. We gotta do it next year. Yeah. Because she's put up with everything in the king, because she gets, my favorite I'm a penguin fan. She wants to go see Sid and Gino in Pittsburgh one time. We gotta do it next year.

Yeah. She's put up with everything in the king, because my favorite one would ever is a father. At least you're not like blood rivals with like, it'd be like if you moved to Philly. I moved to New York and like that whole red socks and curses the babes shit. Oh my God.

That bull shit. And then right is that ends. I fucking move out here. And then that's of the Celtics Bot that that oh wait Oh, yeah, you know went out just no Leggers are on your hit list with the no cuz we were we were younger I went I was I was always younger but my dog was little we went so penguins played a great game

Like I think the last time we won until this time. I they played great genus squared Sins scored of the fight we won the fight right in front of us like free rows from the ice and they now it's like on Saturday the flyers come to town. My dog is can we come on Saturday and boo the flyers. I'm like I love you. He's got a big scholarship. I'm so proud of I still think I'm proud of that moment as a penguin fan. But she uh but yeah she was a kid you know she's a little kid so she must be in the jumbo tron she's a dancer. She's dance for years but she's more like a crossbe kid. She's a little kid. So she wants to be in the jumbo tron. She's a dancer. She's danced for years, but she's more like a cross-beater. She's either never gonna push her

on the jumbo tron. Right. And any kind of like thing that for kids is like anti, they never out there. You let her keep dancing. You don't want to crush her dreams. Yeah, no, you know what I'm saying? We're like Jersey with pride.

Yeah. You're a grandfather more than Jersey, you know, all right. Well, I have you on this, this podcast with pride. This guy's one of my favorite people in this business and one of the fucking best stand up comedians out there right now is, as far as like if you just weren't at the old school fucking no, no, uh, what was it like? The XFL. We had to go tackled the fucking each other for the football to start off rather than a coin flip. Uh, Joe Bartnik will be, um, touring all around the country.

All of these great, uh, working class towns, huh? Columbus, New Brunswick, uh, Portland, Bridgeport, Houston, Philly, Nashville, Chicago, San Francisco. I haven't said it's working class anymore. Denver, Pachypsky, Potstown. Um, go see this guy He's absolutely fucking hilarious so proud of you Joe. Thank you so much damn thing doing the damn thing I'm sorry new year's Eve both of our time cuz then I'm coming back Rose Bowl the legends

Yes, go run into us on the golf course see if you can hang with him Hopefully we'll have his clothes on all right. that's the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, your cunts! Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 21st, 2015. What's going on? How are you? Hey, it's almost the end of the year. Did I take time out to say thanks? Thank you for being you and for just, you know, bringing your vibe. Seriously, I want to thank everybody who's been watching. F is for family. All right. Now Netflix doesn't give out any ratings, you know, only they

keep them, they keep them to themselves, you know, like a fat kid with cookies. You know, they don't tell anybody what's going on. So I have no idea. All I can judge by is the feedback you guys have been giving me on Twitter, Facebook, and wherever the hell else you guys are at. And you guys seem to be liking it. So thank you so much for watching the God damn show. Please tell your friends about it. Very happy that people are enjoying it. We worked our asses off on it. So with that, let's get on with the podcast. As you know, it's really light today.

Later than it usually is, I just have family in town and I don't know, they're like regular people. So they sleep and you, so they sleep. And they sleep and they sleep and they sleep. And I don't get it. I mean, I go to bed after, I go to bed after regular people and I wake up before them. It's probably because they're like,

I don't know, more just at peace with themselves so they can just keep sleeping, but my brain keeps going on. I'm on the whole fucking night. So I mean, I can get about six hours. And then I gotta get up and start doing something or I go absolutely fucking and say it. So I wasn't able to record this morning

because everybody was still sleeping and I had to walk around and be on eggshells. So of course I'm on the phone with Virzy and we're yelling about sports and my wife came out and let me know. You know you got to stop walking around screaming at the top of your lungs into your phone of having sports arguments with people. You do it at all hours of the day. You have people on speaker and you're screaming about sports and it's really affecting the environment in the house. Now, if I was a mature adult, I'd be like, you know what, you're absolutely right. I should be considerate. I can only imagine if you were walking around screaming about all the shit you watch on Bravo TV that unbelievably

fucking, I don't just devoid of any sort of intellect on that fucking cont of a channel. It's what it got. If I knew somebody in the CIA, I bet it goes ISIS and then Bravo TV and then whoever's the fire, I don't know. I don't know, who would be the next person they could go after? It's just as far as like, you know, fucking up this country. ISIS, Bravo TV and I don't, Bravo TV, that's a broad brush that gets rid of a lot of people. But anyways, so if I was a mature adult, I would have just been like, you know what, you're absolutely right.

But instead, what did I say? I said, but, you know, you fucking sleep all day. You sleep till like, you know, all hours of the day and I got to walk around Tipeetown and she was just like, I'm not talking about that. It's like, yeah, well, I am. I'm talking about that. Why are you talking about it? Because I know you're right in the other area of the debate.

So I already have a New Year's resolution. No more screaming on my phone in the house about sports TV. And there you go. Once again, I'll work on myself as a human being and slowly stop being the bill that you know and love. And I'll become that thing they want you to be. And one day they wake up and they go, oh, it works done. I'm bored. I think I'll go blow somebody else. And you know what? That's, you know, that's the trajectory of most marriages. You know, everything they liked about you, they start to fucking hate, then they fix it, and then they do. You're somebody different than they walk down the street. Just give in handies. Who wants one want who gets your head jobs here Unappling married woman coming down the street Took my dog for a walk today all the way around the block and it didn't ship once

It's just you know it usually shits like two three times So I got all paranoid and I was looking around the house trying to find dog shit. I couldn't find it anywhere. Then I was thinking like, did it shit its brains out the day before so that it just got nothing left? I don't know. You know something, this might be one for a veterinarian. Maybe I should call them up rather than just talking out and the fucking the empty space of podcast them.

That's right podcast them. I did that fighter in the kid Brian Collins podcast. I did that earlier today So look for that You probably wonder what Jesus built why you so fucking with the arctic cuz you only get six hours sleep No, because me and a buddy of mine went to a burger place that somebody suggested Down in Watts LA is in the Watts riots. That's the reason why people, why people know about Watts, they got a hamburger place down there called Hawkins. And we went down there.

There was three of us. Why does fuck? Why does fuck a new show on Bravo? And we drove down there and we were all laughing just going, all right the widest people ever are gonna go down to watch you know are we gonna get mugged a second we get out of the car are they gonna think we're cops you know all the scared white guy things and then we showed up and we're staring at the fucking menu and this guy just goes hey is this your first time here and we go yeah and then they go first timers and they're in the kitchen y'all hey welcome

to our kids came looking after school special. It was a larry. And then as a white person, you're like, oh, it really isn't that bad. I get it now. Almost of my thoughts are just fear based, right? And then there's always that one dude's just got to fuck it up for everybody, right? This guy showed up, fucking weird, weird vibe. Had a US Air Force bag. He just sort of left it in the middle of the area where we're eating and then walked away from it, sat in the corner with sort of staring at us. And he was eating peanuts.

He wasn't eating burger. And then he walked outside and walked around to the open window area where we were at. And then he offered us peanuts. We were like, no, thank you. We don't want any of your peanuts. And then we sort of finished up and we went to leave. And he was staring at us and he wrote down our license plate number. That's awful. It's awful what going to war does to you. But I think he was super fucking paranoid already. I'm I'm I'm piecing it together. I certainly wasn't going to have a conversation with the guy was judging by the the the US Air Force bag and then you know the paranoid behavior. He had

something on his his fucking wrist like he get fucked up as wrist or something like that. I have no fucking idea. But all I can tell you is I'm going to go back there again because it was the best god damn burger. I think I might be the best burger I've ever had but Jesus fucking Christ it's the size of a football And you know if you're a goal oriented person you know you're gonna get about three bites in go and Holy fuck this is delicious you're gonna get halfway through and you're gonna be like do I win a T-shirt if I finish this thing and And then finally, just like, you know, I got to finish this thing.

Fries are delicious. I got the fat burger with egg and it was outstanding. It's called Hawkins. It's right off the South Central, I believe. And it was fucking delicious. And I was like, thank God, because I was bringing, you know, it was a recommendation from And I was like, thank God, because I was bringing, you know, it was a recommendation from a couple of people

I met when I did yet another failed pilot. And, you know, I love me, people that are actually from Los Angeles, because they love Los Angeles, and then they know all the cool places to go. So, most people who are transplants, like me, stay basically in the Hollywood Valley area. So I asked these guys, I'm gonna give me something. What do you got? What do you guys say?

You wanna fucking, you know? You wanna try, go down to Watts. We went down there, it was absolutely fucking delicious, but I'll tell you this right now, I am paying for it. There's no way you want, if you're smart, you go down there and you'll split one. But if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably not smart and you're going to order one yourself and you're going to do what I just did.

And but it's a wonderful experience until you get right to the end and your body keeps saying, stop it, stop it. What do you do? Stop it and you just can't, you just keep fucking shoveling it in your face and then you just lean in on something. You lean in on something. You're like, why did I just do that? I got, I got to be on the fucking elliptical for nine years. And then all of a sudden, a fucking Air Force veterans off in your peanuts and you want to stay and say, no, you want to stand up straight and look like you're somebody that can't be fucked with, know and you just can't do it you just lean in there and then

maybe it comes off as confidence and maybe that's why it leaves you alone I have no fucking idea but um oh my god my mouth is dry so much fucking salt in me right now you know Jesus Christ but you know what it was worth it I was actually psyched I I went down there. I watched this great documentary Which of course I can't remember the name of it, but forest did the The narration on it. It was all about History of Los Angeles and the gangs and all of that stuff and police violence and everything and

It actually broke down All those different areas. They always hear about it, you know? I mean, people saw straight out of Compton and actually know where Compton is. You know what I mean? It's ridiculous. It's one of the great groups of all fucking time.

You should know where it is. And for LA, it's just so fucking weird like that. They pave over their history. They don't fucking tell you where anything is. It's all about the highways. Take the 405 to the 10. You guys have watched that SNL sketch the cow of four onions, right? They'd be like, Devon, look at that. Like that sketch was so fucking accurate as far as like everybody's obsessed with like, where did you come from and where

do you live? And it's always, I took the 105 to the 110 to the 60 You know got off it fucking Mulholland It's all obsession about how to get it how you got somewhere because of this fucking holaceous traffic. So anyways, I am I I'm full of salt right now. I'm not gonna eat again until breakfast tomorrow. Fuck. Oh, but it was worth it. It was fucking worth it. I had like one bite of that and I'm like,

I'm bringing Nia here tomorrow. And then I got halfway through the burger and I was like, I am bringing Nia here in about a month. And then I finished it and I was just like like in six months when I'm not full, when I'm not full again. I'm so fucking full right now. I can't even finish my sentences. Oh, it's glorious. It's really a feeling that so few people in the world know. Most people are starving. You know, so I'm trying to feel privileged right now even though it's a big part of me wants to kill myself. Oh, it hurts to laugh. Jesus Christ, now it was Thanksgiving between two buns. It was

fucking, my buddy, one of my buddies had a pastrami sandwich. He said, I'm three bites in. I still haven't made it to the bun. He was smart enough to stop. Me and my other friend just, we just kept going. And he had to fucking drive. I wanted a little clump, I wanted a little climb to the seat, so fucking bad, but I was afraid that if I replied, it was all gonna come up. All right, Bill, enough.

You talked about dog shitting and overeating. Is this supposed to be exciting? Well, it's that time of year. It's that time of year when you can say, come on and eat a manhole-sized fucking burger It was incredible So anyways, what's why don't we what do we talk about some shit other than dog shitting and Me eating an oversized burger

I stupid pass where they can never reopen thing Still fucked it up. How about those New England Patriots, huh? Sort of limp and a lawn? I don't think we're gonna do any damage this year. I really, I just don't think it's our fucking year, man. We just got too many injuries and I watched the Giants Panthers. As I mentioned, when I was promoting the FF for Family last week, I got to do Rich Eyes and Show. I called in and I was talking about how I

thought the Giants Panthers game was going to be the game of the week. As far as either the Giants turned the fucking corner like they always seemed to in December and make one of those great playoff runs despite their record or the Panthers again and basically go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. That's what the fuck I was saying. Of course, who and what do I know, just a comedian, but I watched the game, it was a great game. And of course, everybody was freaking out about Odell Beckham and I was a guy Norman. I can't believe Beckham didn't get fucking injected. You know what I mean? I swear to God, that was fucking unbelievable. But however though, a lot of me, I really enjoyed it.

I love them getting in each other's face. I didn't like him launching him helmet to helmet, that type of hit, but I was talking to another friend of mine. I said, it reminded me of Mel Blunt and Golden Richards back in the day, except Golden Richards fought back. But it's interesting because Beckham kind of acted like a big fucking baby because he wasn't getting any catches just because he got roughed up a little bit and I kind of agree with what I hope I'm saying his name right Beckham was it not a Beckham I mean I'm Norman right? Ah back. I'm not a backup. I mean, I'm an Norman, right?

Ah, fuck, but why don't you look up shit before you fucking start talking about it? And you got to type with one index finger and that's not fun for anybody, right? Yeah, Josh Norman, he said he kind of cracked the code on him. You get under his skin a little bit. So I think more people are gonna try to fuck with Beckham because God knows if you just try to cover him, you can't, you can't do it. But once again, the football gods love the giants. They love them. How the fuck do you

get away? This guy ran like fucking 30 yards and just jumped in the air headfirst into another guy's fucking hell I guess because it was away from the play they didn't see it Three personal files I don't know you know what it really comes down to you as you know much as all you can so he's go the fucking Brady rule There really is the superstar rule if you're a fucking superstar we can throw that guy out of that game You know you couldn't do it. He's one of the superstars. They need to make their money first and then about 50 other things and

then they try to protect the players because even now that the fact that they're trying to protect players, why they protect and protect and they're wallets. Now that everybody there, what's that from? You know, you are looking at a man that doesn't judge another man by the size of his blood. Come on, what movie? Fucking Wall Street, do Charlie Shee doing that scene with his fucking father with Martin Sheen, right? Oh, Bud Fox. Anyways, but I was texting back and forth between Versa and Janice Popus. And, you know, they kept doing this.

You know, when the giants were coming back, this is New York. This is what New York does. And I was just writing Elias from Louisiana. You know, that state, that part of the country that all New Yorkers look down upon. You know? He's just a country boy from Louisiana. you know, that state, that part of the country that all New Yorkers look down upon. You know, he's he just comfortable, he's in it. That's who the fuck he is. All right. He's yet another non-New Yorker who came to New York and took over. Because when you look at the competition, come on man, you know, I'm just talking about white people here. Okay, am I talking about other fucking ethnicities? Because I don't know what you guys

are bringing to the table. I don't pretend to know every once in a while. Listen to your music. I tap my toes and that's about the extent of it. Oh, maybe I come down and eat your food. That's about it, but other than that, I'm pretty fucking white. So all I know is the white people in New York and generally speaking, you know,

it's not real deep, most of those cuts down Wall Street are not from New York. That jerk off finance majors from all around the country Go down there and start none on the bone and what does New York do about it? They don't do a fucking thing. They went from gangs in New York Where people just walk around with hatchets and shit to now it's just it's a fucking cake walk It's like when Pachino said this is like one big pussy way to go fuck. That's when New Yorkers

And then if you go there and you succeed go fuck. That's what New York is And then if you go there and you succeed then they say you're a New Yorker You know what I mean? padded New York is such P.E.D.s. It's fucking ridiculous now it is at least with white people I'm telling you know what I mean a lot of great rappers obviously In basketball stars and that type of shit have come from New York But other than that white people I generally shit have come from New York. But other than that, white people, I generally speaking, the average white in New York, I'm telling you, he's not bringing it.

He's standing outside of a tad stakes. You know, when his sweatpants got his little fucking Sony walk went on, listening to Alicia Keys, New York, copied something five of you, woo woo woo. You know, thinking you're a part of it, you're not a part of it. You just you just one of the ants running around Frank Sinatra's from a hope-okay, New Jersey. He's bridge and fucking tunnel and he came in and took over your fucking city All right Eli Manning breathes through his fucking mouth and he looks He looks like a five-year-old in a football uniform.

He just does. He's got no style. No, the man wears dockers for Christ's sake and he comes in there and look at him. He's lining up under center. Anyways, why am I shitting all over him? I actually fucking love the giants. I do have to tell you though, JPP, that fucking, you know, that rap that he now has on his hand, it looks like he's holding a fucking frying pan I swear to God if somebody on the Patriots deflected one pass with that fucking thing

It would be illegal and we would lose draft picks and I'm doing that every week from now on That's gonna be my new fucking thing. I'll tell you right now. We did it. We be fucked Did you see when he knocked down that pass with the fucking bulk of that that bandit? going to be my new fucking thing. I'll tell you right now, we did it, we be fucked. Did you see when he knocked down that pass with the fucking bulk of that bandage on his wrist? I'm telling you, that's his new move. Rather than second, the wasting is energy sacking the quarterback. You just hold up that giant fucking stop sign. It's an incredible, you know, obviously it's fucking tragic and I'm trying to make light of it because I honestly feel, you know, it's just a fucking horrible that

accident had to happen. But, you know, then all of a sudden the team you want to win throws a ball and he fucking puts his hand up, you know, all the sympathy goes out the window. You're like, what the fuck is that, that's legal. He's like holding up one of those giant light bulbs, you know, that he was in science experiments. Um, anyways, I mean, it's so much as big as my head. I'll tell you, if you could somehow wrap my head around your fucking hand, you know, and stuck it up, you wouldn't, you would lead the league in past defenses. Is that what they call them? I don't know what they call them.

All I know is I really enjoyed that war between Norman and Odell Beckham. And I love that Norman called them a bitch at the end of the game. And I don't think you should be fine. Obviously, Odell, you can't jump off your fucking feet like that. Doing a sailor's dive into the side

of somebody's fucking ear hole. What are you thinking? You know what I mean? But I swear to God, it remind me, doing a sailor's dive into the side of somebody's fucking ear hole. What are you thinking? You know what I mean? But I swear to God, it remind me of Mel Blunt and Golden Richards. Golden Richards had blonde hair, just like Odell Beckham. You know? No, you don't know that? Well, you know something I do. Something I like to think about.

Oh, fuck, I'm so god damn full. This is so stupid, Bill. Why did I do this? By the way, I always forget to do this. The podcast email, ladies and gentlemen, the podcast email is bill at themmpodcast.com. Bill at themmpodcast.com. Oh my God, I'm sorry, I guess I gotta keep

fucking drinking water. I'm so full of fucking salt right now. I'm just talking to a buddy, he thought he had a tapeworm. It's what it got. You know what, you know what, it's like fucking hotcakes right around this time of year. Tapeworms that were almost at the end of their lives. And if you could just somehow force it down, you know, and just during the holiday season, you eat like a fucking animal. And it eats 90% of the nutrition.

And then it just fucking kills over and dies like Marlon Brando when he's out in the garden with his son, you know, or his grandson. Wouldn't that be great? Then you can just eat and drink like a fucking maniac in this tapeworm. Just takes it all and then it dies. And then, you know, for the next couple of weeks, when you have to go to the potty, you just don't turn around and look. This is the most disgusting fucking podcast they've ever done.

I'm sorry. I started off with dog shit Now, man, where do I go? You can't make a comeback. You might as well borrow a little further into it, right? Is there anything worse when you go out to take your dog and a fucking hour and a half hike and you realize you only have one shit bag left? You know Then you got to make that decision. I'm either gonna leave some, I'm gonna leave some behind like, will him to fall in platoon?

Or I'm gonna have to get, try to get creative. And there's shit in the bag, and then you gotta drop the shit out under the new shit, and then you just fucking did. That's just, it's a fucking nightmare. Oh God. How gross can this become? I just, is there any women still listening?

This is disgusting. Are you like this guy? You think this guy is funny? Shut up, Margaret. Shut up. All right. Anybody woman right now, yelling your husband or boyfriend right now, you need to stand the fuck down.

Okay. You know what you're going to make them do this fucking holiday season. Let the man listen to a fucking podcast for Christ's sake Look at him. He's gonna die eight years before you can can you have a heart and be nice to him on average? He's gonna die eight years before you That's the unless you like dick fan diek 90 years old me still dancing still got the light in his eye man the fucking guy was sharp as hell I think that's the key to it is dancing

Is it I don't know Maybe figuratively Dancing in your heart Walking down the street just still hearing the birds chirp Sorry, oh my god. Oh, fuck I'm gonna take a moment. I may walk down to the comedy store tonight, and then I'm gonna get all the way down there.

But you wanna go on stage? I can't, I can't, I'm just gonna turn around and walk back. You know what, that's a great idea. What do I care? I don't have any fucking new ideas right now, do I? I don't think I did, I think I had that. I maybe I got a couple, two or three. I have no idea.

Hey, how about I reach a little bit of advertising for you guys, huh? You think I read bad when I fucking regular day? Forget about when I got a whole giant burger in me. Oh my god, it was good. Holy fucking shit, was it delicious? I can't wait to go back. You know? Isn't it all right to just be bulimic every once in a while? That would have been a great time to do it.

Oh my god, that was delicious. Oh! All right, fucking puke for a minute straight. Oh man, I gotta pay my fucking taxes. You sons of bitches. You know, be one thing if they actually fix the pothole on my fucking road. You know, be one thing if they did that.

I'm just not like an old man right now. Anyways, I did a, as I mentioned, oh fuck. This really is not a good feeling, man. It was delicious people, but you know, I just, I recommend not doing a podcast right after you fucking eat one of these goddamn things. Oh my God, so anyways, like I mentioned, I did, I did fighter in the kid podcast today.

And when Brian Callum wasn't talking about his amazing athletic physique, I was talking, trying to talk to professional fighter, Brendan Shobb. I hope I said his last name correctly. And I was just fascinated with the ability to slip a punch. And how they just stare at the center of your chest and look for some movement in your shoulders and they're able to somehow slip the fucking punch. It was amazing to me. We talked about cauliflower to ears. And at what point you're not.

You can't drain them anymore. Because I guess initially it's blood and then it turns all fucking had. I don't know, that's probably more interesting than anything that I fucking talked about, but anybody fights for a living man. I wanted to talk more about that. I hope I get to do the podcast again, because if there's just a way to get Brian Cowne to stop talking about himself, there's somehow a way to do that. I had a lot of interesting questions, but you know, Brian somehow gets himself in between you and the interesting thing that could actually happen, and he just,

you know, has to talk about his geometric shape, which I believe he described as an upside-down triangle, being screwed into something else. I don't know, manly, an old TV tube. I forgot why you described his lower portion of his body, but you know, there's just one description after another about his amazing physique. I'm fucking with you, obviously, I love Brian Kelly. So listen to that this week and with that, why don't I get into the fucking questions before I literally fall asleep? All right. Terry Reed, everybody. I don't know who that is. I know who Tara Reed is.

Terry Reed. Hey, there, Billy, Bill Bo Baggins. Just wondering if you ever heard of Terry Reed. He was offered by Jimmy Page to be the frontman to his new yardbirds. Yeah, birds, band, and said that he had a couple of guys that would be better for the job. Robert Plant and John Bonham. I love this story and I love Terry's music. If you hadn't heard his stuff, check out seed of memory to be treated right and dean are my favorites. I guess there's a documentary

super lungs is coming out soon. Anyways, I've never heard you mention him before and thought it'd be right up your alley. Oh, well that's amazing. You know, there's a bunch of those kinds of fucking stories. Like, somebody sent me one recently, I think I might have talked about it, about a guy who filled in for Ringo's star for like two weeks at the height of Bidle Mania. Ringo had like tonsilitis or something. And of course it was the early 60s so it was damn near fatal. You know what I mean? You know like fucking go to some witch doctor or some shit

to get cured. So they had this other guy sit in and he went from complete nobody to being totally famous in every chicken in the world that couldn't fuck Lenin McCartney or fucking Harrison was jumping on his dick. And then the whole fucking thing ended two weeks later and no one knew who he was. And he was just like, what the fuck was that? And I guess, you know, he didn't want to make a documentary out of it. But recently I was going through Twitter, and they showed a picture of him.

This great picture. It's great for me looking at it to get a sense of what it was like after he was in the Beatles, probably crushing for him. He was sitting in an airport waiting for a flight, and he was like the only guy there just sitting there by himself with his Beatles haircut They may not get a Beatles haircut and we're like a fucking Ringo style suit and Then he was just like what the fuck happened within two years. He was broke and out of the music business They just kind of lifted him up and gained the all right there Fred right back down They just kind of lifted him up and gave him the old right there Fred right back down Kind of incredible. So I always find that amazing when there was like people that were You know In bands in fact, I remember a long time ago. I was trying to develop this script

But of course I just I have too much ADD to try to get these fucking ideas off the ground. I had an idea for For a movie and then they ended up kind of doing the movie already with one of those guys from the office. But my idea was you know I used to watch those behind the music and there was always somebody, oh fuck it comes the Oh, that burger's taken me down. There's always that person early on. You know, they're like in AC DC and they decide to quit and go to school or they get married and then the band goes on to make it. And I always thought like, what ever happened to that fucking guy? Got to spend the rest of his life.

I'm going to give a shit what he does. He could be a fucking brain surgeon. People's still like, dude you quit AC DC. Oh my god. What a fucking loser. Well the rest of your life. So I had this idea for movies of who's basically it was about a guy that quit a band and went on to make it. And it was all about his life. I think I wrote it for Adam Sandler because it was the late 90s when I was writing this thing. And it just, it was a fucking mess. I was never able to land it.

And basically what happened was he ends up meeting the devil in a bar and he sells his soul to go back in time to not quit the band. So he stays in the band. He ends up not meeting the love of his life. And then he ends up discovering that the reason why the band made it was because he quit and the right person got into the band. So he lost his love of his life and the band did make it. He fucked them all up and he was going to go to hell. And interestingly enough, that's where my script went to hell.

Because the way I got out of it was then he didn't give a shit, he was going to hell. He fucking went out of his way to find the fucking guy who should have been in the band. So then the band makes it. And because he did that selfless thing, there was a loophole in selling your soul, real Disney fucking ending, and he gets, he doesn't have to sell his soul, he gets back with his wife. And then they go to the concert in the end. Oh this is how I should have done and he's like you know what man I would trade being with you sweetie for all the fucking free

pussy in the world. The end right and they kind of made a movie like that or enough of it either way I don't give a fuck right so anyways getting back to this terry reed guy was i say that sounds very interesting i'm actually you know i'm gonna fucking put this guy in right now to look him up terry reed man that sounds like a country guy was that jerry reed i eastbound down loaded up and fucking uh... wife you know we said that one night when he was just sick of

singing that song in front of those fucking church going racing racist fucking country music fans oh god they love talking about family I'll tell you right now if I wasn't white I would not hang around with any white people that talked about the family values the second white people start talking about that shit you just know it's you know what's underneath that good family values. The second white people start talking about that shit. You just know it's, you know, what's underneath that? Good family values, you know Founding fathers All right, let's let's let's not get too political here Bill. All right, wife's brother found picture. I posted online

My wife's brother found a picture. I posted online Okay, obviously it's not going to be too good. First off, go fuck yourself. All right, thank you. Very nice to see you too. Oh, wait, I forgot to read with this person wrote at the end. Just binge drinking, watching, Eiffah's for family right now. So far, I love it.

It mirrors the anger I have inside, but can't let out in a modern day society. Thanks for all the free content and as always go fuck yourself. All right, another guy watching Eiffah's family. Woo! All right, another guy watching after his family. Woo! All right, this next guy, my wife's brother, found a picture I posted online.

All right, first off, go fuck yourself. Hey, stop being me. Oh, by the way, did anybody see Will Farrell on Jimmy Fallon tonight show this week doing that? I gotta give you a link to this even It already has 12 million fucking views Will Farrell is the new Santa Claus and he's like a like a Santa bro I can't do it justice. I can't do. He's kind of got a high pitch

Hey Jimmy. He's got this fucking blonde wig on with the soul patch I've watched that it's like a fucking 10 minute video. I've already watched it like four times I hate to say this I was actually watching it while driving the other day just laughing you know fucking traffic out here You know, but you got to see it It's the fact that it's just a one-off character and then he came out and crushed that hard with it The fact that it's just a one-off character and then he came out and crushed that hard with it. The guy's an absolute genius. And by the way, he has a movie coming out called Daddy's Home, starring Mark Wahlberg, Boston's own Mark Wahlberg, and yours truly has a quick scene in there. I got a quick scene. Don't blinkle, you'll miss me, but that comes out on Christmas Day.

So if you already saw Star Wars, which is hilarious, I heard it's fucking awesome. And now I want to go see it. After me, trashing it. Versi was fucking defending it was trying to say Star Wars is not a nerd movie, which is like me saying the New York Yankees aren't a baseball team. Yankees aren't a baseball team. Like, it's not only a nerd movie, it's like a nerd's nerd movie. You know what I mean? That's like saying, good fellow is not a gangster movie. It's more about interpersonal relationships. Yeah, it's the total fucking nerd movie, but it's fine.

It's okay to be in the, he's defending it going like, talking about what a great jump shot he has and how he can throw a football like an animal. I love Virzy. He's always talking trash. Man is always talking trash. So of course I gotta be a cunt. I wrote him back on Facebook. I'm going Paul not for nothing But when there's there's full grown adults dressing like the characters in the movies that you got to expect You're gonna get a little bit of shit, right? You're trying to do something like that. You're going to be sure you're going to be capable. You should have a good time here. I think it's the fact that the first four, like three out

of four were either mediocre or absolutely horrific and people would rather line up and watch that shit and there's all truly amazing movies, truly amazing cinema out there. All right, a white brother font pic that I posted online. First off, I'll cut to the chase. Be nice if I did. I've started this letter like three times. I'm 22 and married married. Jeez. With two children.

One is biological. Did I know that word always reminds me of Shaq's rap? Because his biological didn't bother. Remember that? He was bobbing his head. Of course, they got him a convertible because he's like nine feet tall. I got a little too shit face the other night and I shared skimpy pictures of my wife's awesome ass on, I can't tell where. You got a little shit faced, you got a little too

shit faced. Long story short my wife's brother was also on there and came across these pictures. My wife was passed out drunk and I drew a monster eating a hot dog coming out of her ass before taking the pictures. Dude, this isn't real. I don't want this to be real. So then you posted it on a porn site and it turned out your brother-in-law was on there. Your girlfriend's brother was on there. What the fuck is going on? A brother-in-law. This is actually a happy ending that the circle of you three ended right there. And you do, I just swirl around

in an eddy of that fucking nonsense. Thank God that didn't go out into humanity like a virus. He goes, my wife was passed out. Let me read this again. My wife was passed out drunk and I drew a monster eating a hot dog coming out of her ass before taking the pictures. Her brother is coming to town for the holidays

and I'm curious what you would do in this situation. Why the fuck do you know it was his sister's ass? He was scrolling through, look at that ass.com and then I was saying, we're just like carrot Or do you have your own name on this pornocyte? Or would you do it on Facebook? This is really weird. You know what this is this might be one of the few Law and Order episodes that were never made Don't don't don't don't don't then he shows up. He like hey, that was just a joke and then he fucking did he did he kill you?

Did the wife kill you? Who knows? All right, her brother's coming to into town for the holidays. I'm curious what you would do in this situation You mean I don't know but aside from kill myself. I don't know Her brother already doesn't care for me, and I'm expecting an ass beating. If he starts hitting me, can I hit him back or just become a punching bag for the evening? How old are you?

You got kids, 22. Wait, you're, sorry, you've made a series of bad decisions in life and it's ended with this. And I think it's great that the year is ending that you're in this situation. And I would try to do something to get out of it. The first thing I do, I'd stop drawing pictures on my wife's ass and putting them on the internet. Secondly, I would take some self-defense classes and put my wife's brother in his place, but he's going to be right on this one. The only way he knows that your wife's ass is if somehow your name is connected to that

account. So I'm guessing you went on Facebook for friends and family and your fucking wife's ass with the hot dog coming out of it. That's really weird. It probably looked like fucking shit, didn't it? You were drawing a fucking turd coming out of her ass? Yeah, if anybody starts hitting, you can always hit back.

I just try to tie him up. Just get him in a bear hug and just get your mouth in his ear, go, I'm sorry, dude, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Joe, I'm sorry, just keep doing that. Maybe that'll work. I have no idea, that's a hell of a predicament. Anyways, he goes, thank you for having us for family. It's the only show that is funnier than South Park.

Day easy, easy, no, it isn't. South Park's the king. I love the podcast and of course, the advice, go fuck yourself as much as I fucked myself. Well, good luck with that one. Final. Dear William Claus, I'm buying a couple of friends slash relatives some vinyl this year for Christmas. Need some help.

I want to get a couple of classic rock and jazz albums. Do you are near or the dude who does your podcast? Or even your mailman have any suggestions? Well, I think Bill Burr live at Andrews house is a hell of a record to own. Personally speaking, I think it's phenomenal. If I do say so myself, what kind of jazz you want to listen to? I mean, you can go with the classics if you just come out, you know, you have the ones that everybody gets who try, even the people who try to pretend like they're into jazz, like me, you know, like, what are those miles, Davis, one birth, the cool, the one with

my funny Valentine on it might be that one. Right. John Colm train a love supreme. That's fucking. It sounds like a baby plane that fucking saxophone to me if it actually knew what it was doing, but didn't understand how to make sentences yet. I always like Miles Davis in a silent way. Classic Rock Alms, come on man, I was Zeppelin II. ACDC back in black, I don't know, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. I got a giant burger sitting in me and it's slowly, you know, I feel like I feel like this. I'm gonna start hallucinating and I might wake up dead in some other place, or I might just die right here right now.

I saw something so, I can't even talk about it. I guess I saw something so fucked up the other day. I was watching one of those animal clips. I ate animals that don't have a decent sea to kill another animal before they start eating it. Reptiles are big on that. So reptile one time, you know, reptiles are big on that So reptile one time you know is giant bulls that fucking routinely kill lions This commoto dragon fucking bitten and leg and it's got such

Bacteria in its teeth in its mouth that it knows it's gonna get into the bulls fucking blood system And it's just gonna collapse, but it takes like three days So this lizard just keeps following this thing around waiting for it to collapse, not die collapse and then it comes up and just starts eating its guts. It's the fucking cow's school. Yeah it's just horrific. I don't know why I'm bringing that up. You know what? I brought that up. Let's see if I can make you laugh after that fucking immature. All right TV show, TV show recommendations. Number one, a Billy Bob Red Fuck,

a Billy Bob Red Fuck, how's it going? That's actually a good one, I fucked it up. I have a show you need to watch, it's called Ray Dunnevin, starring Leaves Shriver. It's about a Boston family that moves to LA, and why are you acting like this is an a massive fucking, a massive hit, plays a fixer for celebrities and high-profile people in the city.

It's fucking amazing. I know you'd like it. Scott Boosin, Bang and Tits and Death, the four components of this six show. Take a watch. You won't be disappointed. Thanks for all the podcasts. Always gets me through the day.

Go fuck yourself. Actually, I'm going to start watching that show because a good friend of mine, Mike Biden, who directed Black or White, who's become one of my really good friends. And he's actually signed on to start writing on that show and I was talking to me other day says he wakes up early Excited to go to work. He's loving working on the show and he was telling me how sick some of the shows are that they're making right now So I'm definitely I'm gonna try to get caught up on that one So thank you for the recommendation. Do you have any more? I'll look at that recommendation number two two two All right recommendation number two two two all right uh...

dear billy slought the two thousand nine bbc sure luck homes tv show starring benedict cumber batch is awesome the acting is great great and shot well there are only four seasons four episodes per season very well done it's on netflix and there are a couple of season you know i'm gonna give that a shot Sherlock Holmes was always really dry because he's so fucking cerebral I like those cops that you know they

smack people around you know what I mean and then drink and shit they solve shit the way you know the way people want smart do you know they get themselves licked up and they use violence. I like watching that shit. So I'll sit with that. You know, I always feel like Sherlock Holmes is like Europe's doctor who, but if there's only force episodes per season, I think I can do that. Hey, number three.

Oh, this burger. This burger's taking me down. I don't know if I'm going to make it guys. This might be my last Monday morning podcast. I want to thank all you guys for listening over the last decade. Hey, Bill, speech is slowly going to become slurred. My vision is beginning to double. I'll be able to go on with the others.

This is how it ends. All right. Hey, Bill, not sure if you've seen the Nick yet, but it's a great show. Clive Owen is great. He's a heroin slash coke addict doctor who does experimental surgeries in 1901. Jesus Christ, I'm on board. Every time my wife and I watch it, we always say, Jesus Christ.

Oh, Jesus Christ, the way you do because of the crazy shit that goes down. Give it a watch and allow yourself to say the same thing. Thanks for the laughs. All right, I'll try that. Number four, Dear Bill, have you heard of this new show? Affis for family. Why no, I have not wink wink. Let me read, let me read the description. It's voiced by the red head, the red head from I love the 80 strikes back. Bruce Dern's daughter does a voice too.

It's an accurate portrayal of life in the 70s filled with all types of humor. The language is a bit salty, so make sure not to watch it on Sundays. I heard they signed for four and a half more seasons, so don't expect to see the red head on VH1 anytime soon. Love you, man. Thanks for the laughs. Ah, wasn't that sweet. That was a nice little gift there wasn't it. All right, winding down here. You know, I told myself the other day I was going to wrap the Christmas gifts and just fucking just put this whole Christmas thing to bed, you know, because the next few nights I'm going to a bunch of Christmas parties. And you know, I mean, oh God, why did I do that burger today and then I go

these Christmas parties you know I you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna fucking the second I'm done with this shit I'm I upload this podcast I'm shoving my giant head under some water and I'm waking the fuck up and I'm gonna go to the gym I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna go to the gym every day It's just become pop me like fat if you don't want a big faith Where you go to the gym every day you're cut? All right dilemma Here is a dilemma for you dear bill dear billium

My girlfriend said no gifts for Christmas She looked me dead in the eye and said, please no gifts this year. Wow, that's great. To give you the backstory we got engaged a month ago and are also going to London in February. She's not the type of girl to bullshit about this or test me like some psycho.

She really meant it. Oh, this is a tough one. I was thinking about making her a card or something lame slash awesome like that. What can I do that doesn't count as a gift but still says I needed to give you something. All your listeners are probably going to suggest giving her the dick. There you go. I think that's a great idea. This is what you do. You go out and you buy a little thread that you can tie into a bow, you wrap it, you tie it around, you're fucking dick. And then you put on some Christmas music. Go away, come Santa Claus, you come Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus Lane and you just run in

like high kicking with your junk just flapping in the wind with the bow around it. All right. If you do that, I bet you'll never have to buy or anything else for Christmas again because you'll probably leave you. And then you go, all your problems will be solved. I don't know. Do you think she really means it? You know, don't buy me anything for Christmas. Oh, God. Do they ever say what they mean? It's always a game. It's always a test.

They're higher thinkers. They're a higher level being. They speak in metaphors, wrapped up in an enigma with a riddle and something else from fucking JFK strikes back with the empire. Whatever it is, um, what, what could you get her? Why don't you just make a breakfast? We're in a Santa hat. Something simple like that.

You know why? You know why I don't buy this because it's never enough. Even if you go on, you get him some shit. It's not gonna be enough that. It's always something. We something needs to be worked on something needs to happen What are we doing here? Oh fuck that was me sitting up. I just made that noise. You know, somebody sent me a fucking video of this drummer I never heard of and I'm gonna fucking send you his name's Charles something or other he's a jazz drummer and he is an absolute fucking monster and he's really fun to watch for any drummers who listen to this I don't think

drummers listen to this for anybody happens to be a drummer but you fucking listen to this let me see if I can get the fucking name here. What is the name of this motherfucker? What is the name of this motherfucker? You guys name is Charlie Antillini Charlie Antillini I actually got this I got it this morning Somebody sent it to me might or might not been. I want to drop a name here

But he may or may not be the drummer from Truth and salvage company. He sent it to me And he was like check this fucking guy out and he's a monster So I'm gonna have this clip up on the podcast to get you little drummer shit going on But I'm gonna dunk my fucking giant head Underneath the fucking The water right now that this is this is it guys. I can't I'm trying to my fucking giant head underneath the fucking the water right now. This is it guys. I'm trying to get to an hour. I got another fucking three minutes.

I mean technically I work for myself so I can take off early, right? It's the fucking holidays. I've been sticking with that Mike Johnston based on workout workout. And by sticking with it, I mean, I've done it two days in a row. He recommends at least five days a week for three months, for 15 minutes, you do his

base drum fucking workout. And then you too will have a faster base drum foot than anyone in your neighborhood. No, no, I don't know. What's they're doing the workout too? So I really want to stick with it. And I feel like if I don't go today, I'm gonna fuck the whole thing up. I gotta do it, I have to do it. And that's what I'm gonna go to. As always, if you would like to support this podcast and really not do anything,

while you're doing your Christmas shop in this year, if you go to Amazon.com, a way to donate to this podcast, it doesn't cost you a damn set. It's too fake. I'm faking. It's too, go to my website, billbird.com, and you click on the merch page, not the merch page, the podcast page.

We have an Amazon link. You click on that fucking thing. It takes you to Amazon. I get credit for driving traffic to Amazon dot com You go out your buy something they kicked me a little. Thank you. Thank you And then it's all good. It's all good And then you know, I always you know every once in a while I take some of that money. I throw it something Like Saint Jude hospital and the next you know every fucking charity in the world because goes, oh, we got a live one, we got a live one. And they say, you know, I get a bunch of

fucking junk mail and I have to say the whole fucking plan and I'm saying, they go, well, why did I do that? I just helped out some kid with cancer and then they fucking chopped down 50 trees selling me more shit here. So that kid's going to get cured. He's not going to have a fucking treat of hang his swing on. You know what I mean? It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. You know, I had a fucked up conversation with somebody today about, you know, I was watching one of those space, you know, I was fucking scientists guys, they were talking about how there's like 30,000 earths out there in space, you know, in habitable places like this with water and all that shit, but you know, they just don't have an Epcot center. So you know, it's not earth, right? And everybody always thinks, well,

maybe there's a bunch of human beings running around there. And I was thinking, well, maybe there's some dinosaurs up there. Maybe the asteroid never hurt, you know, never hit. And maybe human beings, you know, crawled out of the fucking, out of the trees, mud, whatever the fuck they did. And they get eaten, you know, by the turn of source, Rex's. Right? And then they're up there fucking eating all the fucking trees and shit. You ever think stuff like that? Well, you know something I do. Fuck 20 more seconds, 19 more seconds, 18 more seconds. All right.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, even if you're not Christian. I hope you had a happy Hanukkah or Kwanzaa and if you're Muslim, I don't know what it is you celebrate. Alright, that's it. I'm in an hour. There you go. Oh, Billy Food Bag here. I'm done. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday. All right. See you. It's the R and everybody. It's the bed MGM sports book. The best live lines out there guys And how does it work? Very easy. You download the bed MGM sports book app You sign up and

you use our code, bonus code, bird. That's B-U-R-R and you deposit at least $10 into your Bed MGM account. Place your first wager and receive up to 1500 back in bonus bets if the bet loses. If the bet does lose, your bonus bet will be available once your initial wager is settled. So all you got to do put ten bucks in, have a little fun, bet responsibly. And here we go into week 16, which will be my first pick. Oh, Paulie had his first, I had my first losing week bill in seven weeks I lost. And it was because of the fucking eagles, I put, I thought the eagles were gonna write the ship in sneaky peets building and it did not happen. Oh, I thought you took sneaky peep.

I left a message on your phone saying that was a great pick. No, I didn't take not my thing. Okay. All right. All right. No. So anyway, week You had a winning week our producer them was crushed at this week and I had another tie. All right. Here we go Going into week 16 my pick this, you know what man? Well, Verzy picking football. Let's talk about last week How about the charges the way they just quit on their coach? They were playing like flag football That transcended sports Paul That made me ashamed Dude, it was 59 to seven when I looked up after kickoff dude. I'd never seen I mean that was

They just quit They just quit I had the Raiders so I mean it that was they just quit. They just quit. I had the Raiders. So I mean, it was an easy day for me, easy night for me. But I mean, to send you a coach out like that. I would say he lost the locker room. But dude, there's no way that to fucking Raiders are beating them 63 to 21, whatever the fuck they did. That was just like, yeah, they quit. That was, yeah. Dude, you saw the guys eyes.

And now they're coming back, Paul, you gotta think this week, you know, now they gotta save their jobs. They got what they wanted, they got rid of their coach. And how about the Buffalo bills? Did they expose the Cowboys, Paul? Is it time to hit the panic button? Down there, in Dallas, Texas. You know, it was good for the bills.

When I saw Stefan Diggs go up to Josh Allen And they gave each other up because there was a little thing there It's what I don't want to hear from the bills players. What's that? You know all you guys all you guys counted us out, you know You guys and I all had us all written off and it's like yeah, because you were playing terrible football I fucking hate when that happens. Yeah, cuz you sucked terrible football. I fucking hate when that happens. Yeah, because you sucked. Yeah, because you lost like seven out of eight fucking games you shouldn't have lost because you were so favored. Yeah, we were we were judging it on how you were

playing. Yeah. Are you not entertained? If I see one more fucking athlete doing that. Like he's in their fight and lions. It's the stupidest shit ever That's gonna be the most arrogant fucking thing You could ever yell to a crowd unless they killed your whole family and you have to fight to the death with people You know are the gladiators then you can say are you not entertained you bloodthirsty pieces of shit But I don't want to watch you fucking throwing a ball around Yeah, that turn around like like what do I have to do? Yeah, like my life is that fucking boring I'll watch the NFL I watched it before you were in the league and I'll watch it after and guess what I won't miss you won't miss you

The only time an athlete said are you not entertained that I thought it was worthy of doing so was when Michael Chandler in the UFC was bloody down to this and it was the thing where they both let their guards down and they were just smashing each other in the face and not fight it like not trying to hide it and he was just pile with blood and the crowds going nuts and he just goes, are you not entertain. I was like, I kind of am entertained. I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't have a problem with that one. Yeah. Yeah. You sit in the other than air conditioned bench or a heated seat, you know, oh, you not entertained. All right. Let's fucking. Yeah, you hit a three in the first corner.

You know, this is things I can do without in sports. Here's another thing too, dunking on nobody. And then there's nobody under the rim. You're the first corner. This is like I can do without in sports. Here's another thing too, dunking on nobody, and then there's nobody under the rim, and you dunk, and then you gotta go, oh!

Yeah. I don't like what somebody did. Like you're a fucking marine. Yeah. I don't like what somebody hit the three, and they go like this after they hit it three they go They catch like it's so fucking cringe worthy My favorite thing are the DJs when people make fun of the DJs

Then they just take what you just said they turn into the song proving their point that it's for a cyclable garbage music It's like dude. I said that shit yesterday. You already have it. You, it's the same fucking, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, here it fucking comes. The bass drop. Oh shit. Yo, shit. I was thinking about you last night

because my nicks were playing the night. So I don't like people that DJ at a basketball game and act like they're at the height of their fucking field. Well, that's right. You're like fucking two bad songs away from going back to the gap. Yeah, that's why that was my next point. I'm watching the nicks play the nets. And I remember you and I there.

And I swear to God, Bill, I'm not exaggerating. You can watch it. As soon as they tip the ball and the nets won the tip, by the way, the nicks blew them out by 20. As soon as the nets tip the ball, the nets get won the tip by the way the nicks blew them out by 20 As soon as the net's tip the ball the nets get the they win the tip. I swear to God you just heard rooogled and the whole place is chanting it and dude there were so many nick fans up by the time We were up 20 the net fans were upset with how many nick fans were in there. They were complaining about it's the best Uh, all those traders all those rats That's a bunch of were complaining about it's the best. All those traders, all those rats.

That's a bunch of Henry Hills. That's the Henry Hill fan base. Oh, it's a fucking rat trap in there. All right. What else? Any other good story lines, dude? I just hate seeing all these quarterbacks hurt, man. This is the first year the NFL said this many backups,

but your boy Brown and Paul, I had a stomach flu fucking two weeks ago and not one quarterbacks starting or backup called up to see if I was okay. So I mean, that's a part of the game. Let's go. Who do you got? All right, Paulie. All right. Well, I am going to take with my first pick. It's a lot of fucking, you're killing time here Paul. What's going on? Come on Paul, you got the swagger. You're killing the book.

I'm gonna take sneaky peat in the Seahawks minus two and a half against Tennessee. Oh, all right. Okay. I like that. Okay. Okay. Um, I don't know why I'm gonna do this, but I'm just gonna do this. This is a stupid fucking bet. Uh, I'm gonna take the bills. I think the bills need to keep this momentum going. They to and I just think the chargers as much as they're gonna try to save their fucking jobs unless they all just agreed to quit last week so they could get rid of their coach even though it's in Los Angeles I still don't feel like that's their home I'm gonna take the bills laying 12 on the road, Paul, coming out like a total jackass

this week. I'm already down 12, nothing, Paul. The game isn't even for four fucking days. All right. Well, no, I mean, you're going against a team that's completely in shambles against a team that is flying right now. So I like that pick. I wouldn't say the bills are flying They're back I think they kind of doing what they should have been doing everybody's are about the bills They're all excited that they're finally doing something you should have been doing that all year Yeah, that Dalvin cooks brother kids nice that kid James cook. He was running What no good ball, good ball player.

Good ball player. Oh, you're using some sort of like lingo on me there? Yeah, he's a nice fresh. What I'm from, nice meets you're a nice guy. He's a nice fresh, dope, mint kid. Remember mint? Oh, for a car. Oh, it's fucking mint.

I'm gonna take the Jacksonville Jaguars off of a loss. They lost on prime time. They are playing the Buccaneers who are playing well, but the Jags are the better team. The Jags need the win. I'm going to take Jacksonville getting one point in Tampa off of a bad loss on prime time. You said, Jags one more time. I was going to become a drinking game. All right. I am going to go against my Ravens this week and I'm gonna take the 49ers at home minus four and a half. You know why Paul? Because I'm a believer. I bet against these fucking guys enough times. That Christian McCaffrey, what, let me guess, let me guess. Jake the snake, is he hurt this week? Is that what it is? No.

Nope. He gives me a no. Yeah, he's not hurt. But Lawrence has hurt. Just gonna throw that out there for you, Paul. All right. Well, Joey Lawrence, I don't think he plays football. So I'm gonna go with the 49ers, minus 4 1 1 2 half.

Minus 4 1 1 2, Paul. I'm laying 16 1 1 1 1 half after two picks. Oh Shit Trevor Lawrence is hurt. He's not playing He might play about concussion, so it's this unclear, but yeah, he probably won He's showing his toughness this year Trevor Lawrence that guy is that guy's the real deal Yeah, he's great. He really is. We're all Brock Purdy getting all that love finally this week.

All these assholes like me saying that he was just driving a Ferrari. And they start breaking down the... Hey, darn it, Bob! It's funny even made the break. The level of skill that takes and the trust in your receiver. I was like, all right. All right, people who know it more than I do said that. So I believe in it. I hate this week, dude. This is my least favorite week. Oh, don't say that.

I hate it. Don't be like that. You're already wearing your shit brown hoodie for seven. I've never seen you wear white. You know, wear brown. I like brown, man. You do? Yeah. I never seen. Paul, come on, Paul, Paul, you're fucking Italian. You dress the color of the angels. You do? Yeah. I never seen Paul come on Paul Paul you're if you fucking tell you Did you dress the color of the angels? He gets you in a white on white linen. I mean I'm supposed to cross that rope Doesn't spill a drop of the red wine man. It's a fucking thing to see the Seven and seven saints are playing the seven and seven Rams tonight. I'm going to the game. Oh

Well, you know what then? I'm gonna do it. Just you maybe you got me excited. You know what? I'm not doing anything tonight. Paulie was under the weather I'm gonna watch the game. I'm gonna take the Rams minus four unless you were gonna do that because you're at the game Then I'll give that to you. I Know I just don't the Rams. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck they are. And the Saints too, the Saints like every once in a while, they just fucking kick the shit out of somebody. They're both a radical, they're crazy chicks. Were you gonna take the game crazy bitch? Fuck, where you gonna take the game?

Because you're going? No. Okay. I'm gonna take the ramp. It's so courteous. I mean, I'm gonna take the ramp. I'm gonna take the ramp. There you go. Matthew Stafford, prime time, Rams first game, prime time, I think. Let's go.

All right, I'm taking the New York football giants on the road getting 12. I know the Eagles have been rumbling, bumbling and stumbling and shit. I think, uh, oh, fucking uh, Tony Red Goo goes down there. What is it? Tommy Cutlet's goes down here. I think he keeps him in there. Maybe sake on Paul can do something for me. Not fumble the ball or anything. Twelve points.

I don't know. I'm starting to think the Eagles are hurt as something. Like there's got to be something going on with their offensive lines. Something's going on. That's what Kelsey was saying to his brother on the podcast are hurt as something like there. There's got to be something going on with their offensive lines. Something's going on. That's what Kelsey was saying to his brother on the podcast and he's the center. He goes, yeah, something's off with us. I couldn't believe he was saying that. Yeah, but that's good that he says that he's addressing it. He's not afraid.

He's not walking away. I like that. I like that a lot for my fourth and final pick. I like it. You're saying this like it's a trick. And for my fourth and final pick. I need a volunteer from the island again. Kyle Dunnigan goes to go like this. They always go like this. All right. You see? I haven't seen it. You just think about that against one of the funniest human beings ever. I'm going to take the Chicago Bears at home minus four. They almost pulled that miracle Hail Mary on the row. I think, yeah, it's at bears against the Cardinals who've shown nothing.

I'm going to take Chicago to out, to win that game. All right. You all, I don't like any of this. You know what Paul, why the fuck are the packers only four and a half over the Panthers? Cause they won last week. I have so many of them. You know what, I hear Whispering.

I heard you just heard some Whispering. Somebody's talking, I guess I'm doing a bad job here. You know what? I'm gonna go, was that you Paul? Yeah. Paul, you're out there whispering. This time of year. Paul, you love Christmas. He's sitting there talking to himself. I can't believe it. All right. I like the Packers. I like the Accorda back. And I just think professional sports in the state of Carolina are cursed. I just don't think that, you know, Kobe was drafted by the fucking, what are they called, the crickets? What the hell were they?

The Hornets? And he's just like, yeah, I'm not playing forickets? What the hell were they, the hornets? And he's just like, yeah, I'm not playing for you guys. The NBA was like, all right, so right there, they just said to all the fans of the hornets, which then became the fucking, whatever's down there in New Orleans, and then they got the bobcats. They're basically saying, you guys are never gonna be good. That's the NBA product.

So they got that going on, and then the Panthers, I mean both of them just play in these shit stadiums. I think it's just effects. Yeah. Well, I need to I may haveuars in that game. So when did you become such a fucking Karen? Can we can we find out can we find out you you use some young person slang earlier. So I wanted to do it too. I like that guy. That guy's nice. Oh, Jermita.

No, I mean, he's a good player. Oh. If we could find out if Trevor Lawrence is playing, I'd like to know that. If not, I'm going to change. Why don't you text them Paul you're selling out clubs? It says he's still a big shot over there. I'm sure What is what is concussion? Concussion protocol. What does concussion protocol even mean they don't know now I love with that saying this year. It's they're saying this year. It's the most lenient

Concussion protocol in the past few years. Like look at your eyes. Look at your eyes. He's good. He's fine. That's go. You got your shoes on. I'm sad. It's happening. I mean, what, what, what, what is that even me? He puffs up a little, Paul. You got a little bigger, you know, you, you're trying to get, you're trying to get some fucking answers. I'll keep the Jags. I'll keep the Jags. You know what? I don't let me talk you into a Paul. I am fucking poison this year. No, I don't know I don't know. I don't like any other game. What are you gonna take? I don't you though, but don't you know? I mean the commanders and jets I'd rather like that game. I like that game. I like that game. Why? Because anything can happen

Falcons cults. I mean what? I mean this week might be the worst. No Falcons and coats. Falcon's cults. I mean, what? I mean, this week might be the worst. No, Falcons and Coats, that's fucking... if anybody can pick that game, I just, you know, I don't want to see your personal life. If Trevor Lawrence isn't playing, I'll take the Cowboys. So I need to know. I need to know.

It just says he's because you make me way. Why can't we just let fucking Paul like just let him wait and then if he's fucking playing. He's a deal. If the guy's playing he has the fucking jaguars. If he's not then he's got the cowboys, right? You know what? I'll change it. Oh, dude, do I like the dolphins? Nah. You know what?

I'm keeping the Jaguars plus one. Whether it's Trevor Lawrence or not, I'm gonna take the better, I'm gonna take the Jaguars. Keep my pick. No changes. Okay. I saw it.

I liked it. And then I kicked myself. I fit one at the other way. Let's just keep it. Hey, Paul, you can sleep with your picks. Hey, maybe not that one. Okay. Wow, man. All right. So there you go. Now, Bill, you know, oh, Bill, it's time for your Monday night special. And it's the Ravens and 49ers and you had already picked the 49ers. I like the 49ers because the 49ers are going to say, fuck them. They think

they're going to the Super Bowl against us. We'll show them what we'll do to them in the Super Bowl. I say we pile on the. So vengeance game. The Ravens beat the 49ers in the Super Bowl about 10 or 11 years ago. Yep. Well, Christian McCaffrey for a touchdown. I called that by the way. You can go on my Twitter. The the morning of the Super Bowl. I said, take the Ravens. So last time I called the game correctly, Paul. It's been an 11 year fucking drought. All right. Well, Christian McCaffrey to get one. No, I mean, that's a done deal. Yeah, Jesus loves him. That kid gets a touch on every Christian.

Yeah. You know, he just says that Utah energy, right? Like, chlorox white. He just, yeah, he really doesn't want to keep with the people like America. You should have went to BYU with the way he looks. Yeah, it's just like. Like he's a copella group white.

Oh my God, dude. I was in the dental office the other day. And this acapella fucking version of Rudolph the Red Nose Ranger came on. It was so bad I had to shazam it and start sending it to people. Like are they mocking? Oh man, it's funny.

Are they mocking acapella groups? Like the arrangement dude, the arrangement was like from 1958. Rude off the red, you know, I said that reindeer. He's coming. Down the chimney. Tonight. I was sitting there, this is fucking real.

Oh, shit. All right, so we've got the 49ers. McCaffrey, you pick the you picked the last one. Oh, 49ers McCaffrey and what's what's what's the over under so we can lose. What is it? What's the under the low? My guess is oh Look at that look at that Paul 47 Yeah, but dude you got your mom. What's his name? Jamar Jackson Lamar Jackson You can tease you can tease that up till like if you want to take the energy to tease it up to 52 53 if you want still get You know odds so whatever you want to do with that number. I would tease that up

Tease it up take the under Okay, phone a friend tease it. Can you tease it to what though Andrew? We want to He just said it Paul whatever. Yeah, we're just your odds go down Paul Well, no, you go down and say over whatever you want. I don't know what I'm talking about the most you could tease this six You can't just tease whatever why no, I know but I mean, you know what I'm talking about. The most you could tease is six. You can't just tease whatever. Why, no, I know. But I mean, you know, I'm saying, you're not gonna go to 53, you know,

or the holiday. So let's not fight, okay. All right. So let's go to 53 and take it down. Hey Paul, whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. We make the rules. We make the rules.

No, Paul, I'm doing a little holiday sarcasm. Passed aggressiveness. No, hey, you know, whatever makes you happy. No, listen, whatever you want to eat, I'll get, you tell me, you know, those people, not, I'll go to the store, whatever you want. You know, it'd be great to punch somebody in the face through a wreath, you know, so you add like a holiday flair to it, like just some relative you've always wanted to punch in the face.

What you do is you go, can you be fair? You just hold that up like that. And they just give him a fucking straight, right? And then through the reef, you do what's his face? From Casino. Hey, smart. No, then he just fucking walk away. Oh, I thought you were going to say the guy.

I'd convince it. That's just like Atlanta who had his gonna say the guy. I convinced it. I was the guy in Atlanta who had his head in the box. He went, boom. Oh my God, dude. That guy was amazing. No, he didn't close it. He went like, he went like that and it slammed shut in his face.

Yeah, I'm talking about, you know, I'm talking about these people. You know, people drive me crazy that they go, I'm gonna do this, I'm bit about this where they go. I'm angry. I'm sorry. I'm talking about, you know, I'm talking about these people, you know, people drive me crazy that they go I'm gonna do this. I'm bit about this where they go. I'm hangry. I'm sorry. I'm hangry. I'm just hungry And it's like, you know, who else is hungry? I'm hungry too. I don't know. I'm not gonna take it out on you. Fucking eat a snack. There's all, there's all kinds of excuses out there, Paul. Yeah, my blood sugar. I'm sorry. Fuck go eat a fucking apple. Eat something. I'm hungry too. And you know what it is, is Paul that's always been that way

oh Paul how about fucking Nick Sabin? how about Nick Sabin you know he's going up against those cheat and Michigan Wolverines who are stealing signs you know what this fucking guy did? what? the e-hired one their x linebacker coach in 21 and 22 for one month preparation to play Michigan and that's that's all that's fine. It's not nothing in the rule book against that. Sky knows their whole fucking playbook. Wow. Yeah. But stealing signs Paul. I mean, you could go up in front of the fucking senate if they catch you trying to figure out what's going on? Unreal. Yeah.

Unreal. Yeah, it's so ridiculous how people like, I can't root for them anymore. Look what happened with them. Look what happened with them. I know. And I'm gonna say something. I know.

And then all these big time coaches that are always talking about integrity and raising men and fucking doing it right. And they're doing the same shit shit any fucking corporation would be doing Sabin's been giving recruits for our ease from his car dealership for decades too and nobody cares. Oh Jake the snake He has a Ferrari dealership. All right. Now I like him. Yeah, I like it. I'm not gonna be honest with you. I'll play for Alabama. I'll take this it takes I'm not going to be honest with Chris Pauley's car. I'll take this.

It takes a lot of balls to be the head coach of Alabama and sell foreign cars in that fucking state. I'll tell you right now Ferrari ain't nothing but a fucking souped up Toyota. God damn Ferrari's get that Japanese shit out of my stick. It's a tell you. There's any difference. They're both disgusting. Um, they're both less than me on the Jesus ladder. All right. There you go. I gotta go. I'm starting. I'm starting not you. You're on the bench because I'm Hawaii. I'm starting not you. You're on the bench because I'm Hawaii. I

Like that southern accent down there when they they had the H They put out the H and white What gold genuine? What gold? Dude one of my favorite guys from Alabama is the sound guy at Brad Garrett's The sound guy at Brad Garrett's. The sound guy at Brad Garrett's Andre. He's the best dude. He would gamble and he would, uh, he was the guy I said, he was, he said, he was the guy

who would make a point and then agree with himself. He go, I'll tell you why, man. He goes, I'll tell you why because he goes, they don't have a defense and they run a game with suspect. Oh, that's right. I'm not even arguing with you, Andre. That's my favorite guy from Alabama. That's like subliminal man.

Oh, dude. You and me. Met's tickets. Met's tickets. All right, Paul, let's wrap this up. Yes. There you go, everybody. Those are our picks.

That's the Monday night special. Let's get under 53. Let's get McCaffrey in the end zone. Let's get under 53. Let's get McCaffrey in the end zone. Let's get 49ers to win the game by five. Let's get the fuck out of here. $10 in your bet. MGM account. Use our code bonus code. Burb you are put in $10. And if the bet loses, you will get up to $1,500 in bonus bets bet Bet responsibly everybody, we will see you next week, week 17. Now he's like the Yankees.

So let's look on her face, brand new Yankee hat. It's like your husband's been in office for eight years. They've won four world series and I've never seen you at any of the celebrations. No, never. I agree. I enjoyed her campaign failing as much as I've enjoyed the Eagles

losing three weeks in a row. I don't even hate the Eagles. I just love that coach, and I know he's emotional. So I either want them to be like winning a bunch, or losing a bunch. I wanna see the guy on the fucking opposite end of this either just like talking shit or freaking out. Nick Saryon has been quiet the last three weeks, that's for sure.

Oh, he's been looking up at that scoreboard a lot and way too awesome. He's listening to dark side of the moon. He's slipping into madness. They need to fucking win this week. How funny is it when an NFL coach is losing and they just do the clock look? Oh, dude, looking up at the clock. It's one of the worst jobs ever. It is. I mean, it's right up there with standup when you have it a bad day at the office. You just everybody sitting there just watching you. You this up. You got the you suck. Oh, dude, they get divorced. The dolphins coaches like, yeah, I'm trying to spend time my daughter You know, I try to balance it through during there like 17 hours a day and then yeah, you're not balancing anything if you're if you're a coach

No, and I don't have the temperament to have a reporter talk shit about me. I'm Sicilian bill if I see that I'm in the press conference. I'd be like who who really you said that I don't know why they don't do that more often Oh, that would be great. Hold them responsible. And then just fat shame them. That's what I would do. I would just go fucking school yard. You just, you just see an NFL head coach fight in South

Palantoneo in the park. Well, if our offensive line weight as much as your fucking man tits, we could get the running game going. What's your question? I'll take the fine. Yeah, I love a negative salary. All right, let's I got to get on with my day here, Paulie. All right, buddy. I love you, Paul. Good luck with your Thursday night bet tonight. Oh, oh, have fun at the game. Oh, I will. I'll bring my ear plugs.

I'll see you there. I mean, I'll see you later. Bye. Bye.